What a Fantasy Fantasy League match we have here this afternoon! As we have the 2025 Universe Bowl between Darkseid’s Horsemen of Apokolypse & the Cowboy Killers.
This Universe Bowl will start in the Water.
Water
Darkseid’s Horsemen of Apokolypse: Poseidon, Qwsp, King Sidon, & Final Death Sea Worm
Cowboy Killers: Namorita, Dorma, & Namor
Though both teams didn’t play a lot of water characters. They both played some heavy hitters.
We start this battle with the Cowboy Killers swimming in the Ocean near Playoff Planet City about 100m off the coast. Namor is leading the pack searching for the water Horsemen while Namorita & Namor are covering their left and right respectively. While swimming the waters, the Killers are hit with a strong rip current and knocked off their balance. Then attacked from behind by Poseidon, Qwsp and King Sidon. Poseidon is almost immediately outnumbered as Namor kills King Sidon by stabbing the Zelda character through its chest with his Trident and Namorita & Dorma kill Qwsp by ripping his limbs from his small body.
Poseidon, though outnumbered, is not worried as he still is a god in his prime habitat. Namor throws his trident at the god, Poseidon catches his Trident with ease to use as his own. Namorita and Dorma swim towards him to attack. Poseidon parries these attacks with ease and cuts the head of Namorita off. Dorma keeps attacking but can’t even come close to hitting Poseidon with a strike as the god’s speed is just too match to handle. Namor then swims to Poseidon and attacks with a fury as he is filled with rage from the death of his cousin. He is able to land some strikes on Poseidon but they don’t do much damage to the god.
Their battle continues on for quite a while, Dorma and Namor have not done much damage to the god but he is becoming visibly tired by the duo. Poseidon is able to finally take out Dorma by slicing across her chest with Namor’s trident. Poseidon can now focus his attacks solely on Namor. Namor does hold his own for a while but his fate is inevitable. Just as it seems like Namor is going to lose the fight, a strong current can be felt in the water and just as soon as it seems like Poseidon is going to defeat the Sub-Mariner, they are both swallowed by a Sea Worm.
Namor is melted to death by the stomach acid of the Sea Worm while Poseidon, being a god, is not affected by the stomach acid of the beast and cuts himself out. Killing the Sea Worm.
The survivors of this battle will join their teammates in the Playoff Planet City.
Forest
Darkseid’s Horsemen of Apokolypse: Granny Goodness, Bloody Mary, Stompa, Mad Harriet, Lashina Vandal Savage, King Leonidas, and Indiana Jones w/ Personal Holtzman Shield & Beatrix Kiddo on T-Rex (Diesel)
Cowboy Killers: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Professor McGonagal, Beatrix Lestrange, Galadriel, Boromir, Arathorn, Cal Kestis & BD-1, Gorilla Grodd, Sabertooth, Thunderbird, Vulcan, Darwin, Hope Summers & Surtur
To set the scene, the Cowboy Killers are walking in the Playoff Planet forest to try and find the Horsemen. Galadriel instructs Sabertooth to use his enhanced senses and tracking skills to find the Horsemen.
Sabertooth has picked up the scent of Granny Goodness and her gang and starts walking with intent to the north of the forest. After a few miles of walking, the Cowboy Killers find the Horsemen as they have set up camp with a fire and tents.
Galadriel tells the Cowboy Killers to surround the Horsemen’s camp and attack once she gives the signal. They get in place and Galadriel gives the nod to Boromir, he blows his horn of Gondor and the Killers attack.
Vulcan shoots energy blasts from his hands & eyes to take out Indiana Jones, Beatrix Kiddo, and T-Rex (Diesel).
Sabertooth jumps on King Leonidas from behind and uses his claws to swipe across his face and throat.
Though the Horsemen were caught off guard, Granny Goodness and her Gang got into battle mode quickly and began fighting the Wizards and Witches from the Harry Potterverse. Bloody Mary bites into the neck of Beatrix Lestrange and takes control of her will.
Beatrix starts attacking her fellow Wizards and Witches. She shouts Expelliarmus and points her wand at Ron to disarm him. Stompa then punches her fist through Ron’s chest. Hermione, heart broken, starts launching spells at Stompa and the rest of the Granny Goodness gang. McGonagall and Harry Potter join Hermione, but unfortunately for the Cowboy Killers. These spells don’t work very well against these New Gods. They were able to take out Mad Harriet, Lashina and Beatrix Lestrange, but that was it. The rest of the Granny Goodness Gang took out Harry Potter, Hermione and McGonagall.
While that was happening, Sabertooth had attacked Vandal Savage, who even when he is set up for camp, is always prepared for battle. Vandal is able to dodge a couple of strikes from Sabertooth and even parries the mutant and strikes him across the chest with his knife. Sabertooth immediately regenerates the slash through his chest and smiles back at Savage. Vandal quickly realizes what he’s fighting against as Sabertooth then attacks with another flurry of attacks. Vandal is able to defend himself but after a while, the mutant was just too much. Sabertooth slashed across Vandal’s neck and then ripped his head clean off.
Once the Granny Goodness Gang took out the wizards and witches, they switched their attention to the beings of Middle Earth. Galadriel tries to use her ring and powers of magic to protect Boromir and Arathorn from the New Gods but in the end was just too much. Granny Goodness takes out Boromir while Stompa takes out Arathorn. Then Granny, Stompa and Bloody Mary worked together to take out Galadriel.
The Goodness Gang then moved on to Gorilla Grodd and Surtur as this gang put up an MVG (Most Valuable Gang) performance in this Universe Bowl. Though Gorilla Grodd and Surtur are formidable opponents, they meet the same fate as their other teammates who faced the gang.
Now all that’s left of the Cowboy Killers is Cal Kestis, Sabertooth, Thunderbird, Vulcan, Darwin & Hope Summers as they stand in front of what’s left of the Granny Goodness Gang. Hope Summers uses her powers of Mutant Mimicry to mimic the powers of Vulcan & Darwin and attacks Granny Goodness with Vulcan & Darwin. Stompa attacks Thunderbird while Bloody Mary attacks Sabertooth.
Stompa and Bloody Mary were both successful in their attacks as Stompa took out Thunderbird and then teamed up with Bloody Mary to take out Sabertooth.
Granny Goodness is defending herself against Hope Summers, Vulcan & Darwin but is not able to get any offense out. Once Stompa and Bloody Mary finish their fights, they join Granny Goodness and the Horsemen go on the offensive. This offensive begins to become too much for the Cowboy Killers. The mutants were becoming visibly tired and weaker as time went on. Just as it seemed like the Goodness Gang were going to be too much, Granny Goodness is sliced down the middle from top to bottom with a blue lightsaber as Cal Kestis was sitting up in the trees waiting for the perfect opportunity. Stompa immediately retaliates and takes out Cal but too little was done too late as the rest of the mutants were able to take out the rest of the Granny Goodness Gang.
The survivors from the Cowboy Killers in the Forest will join their teammates in the Playoff Planet City.
Desert
Darkseid’s Horsemen of Apokolypse: Megatron, Decepticons#1-5, Optimus Prime w/ the Matrix of Leadership, Roller, Combat Deck, Mongul w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Ganon, Technodrome containing Ness, Paula, Jeff & Poo, Ra’s Al Guhl w/ 2 White Lightsabers & Talia Al Guhl, Eric Cartman in the Hulk Buster Suit, Kyle Broflowski w/ Crysknife, Stan Marsh w/ Crysknife, & Kenny McCormick w/ Jet Pack
Cowboy Killers: 6 Sandworms & Darth Malgus
In the desert of the Playoff Planet we have what appears to be a one sided battle between the Horsemen and the Cowboy Killers.
Optimus Prime and the Horsemen standing in one large group standing about 100m from Darth Malgus. Megatron chuckles and says “This is all the Horsemen have sent? One force sensitive being with a lightsaber to fight all of us?! They must be throwing in the towel.” Optimus Prime whispers to his enemy turned teammate “Mind your haste Megatron”, he then yells to the Sith “Surrender Malgus, there’s no point in this battle. Surrender and we will keep you as a prisoner.” Before Malgus can respond Cartman says to his South Park buddies “Man it's hot as balls in this suit.” Kyle responds “maybe if you weren’t so fat, you wouldn’t be so hot”. Cartman yells “Hey, don’t call me fat. I’m not fat, I’m big boned you fucking...” just as Cartman is about to call Kyle a slur, Sandworms swallow many of the Horsemen from below. The Sandworms all of a sudden make this a battle where the Cowboy Killers have the advantage.
After all the dust has settled, it is found that the Sandworms took out the South Park boys, everyone in the Technodrome, Ganon & Mongul.
Optimus Prime yells to his team “Move in unrecognizable patterns, if you feel the sand getting soft below you, move quickly. Attack Malgus.” The Transformers attack Malgus. Malgus, knowing he’s outnumbered, attacks the weaker Transformers first. He uses his Lightsaber and his darkside powers of the force in a quick & deadly manner that hasn’t been seen by me since Mace Windu against all those battle droids in the original non canon Clone Wars Cartoon. Malgus uses his lightning as a way to temporarily faze the Decepticons and then finishes them off with his lightsaber. He then moves on and does the same to Roller and Combat Deck.
At this point Optimus & Megatron had seen enough and took out Malgus by grabbing him by his limbs and then ripping him in half.
The sand beneath the remaining Transformers gets soft and Optimus yells “SANDWORM!!” Megatron & Optimus jump and dodge out of the way. As the Sandworm jumps out of the sand, Optimus slashes the worm's body with his sword and takes the worm out. Optimus yells to Megatron “Bait the worms out of the sand, once they jump out of the sand, slash them with their sword. It takes a while but eventually Megatron and Optimus take out all of the Sandworms.
The Horsemen have one the desert but not yet the war. Megatron & Optimus will join their teammates in the Playoff Planet City.
City
Darkseid’s Horsemen of Apokolypse: Black Lantern Darkseid, Orion, Kalibak, Dessad, he-Man (Final Death) w/ The Infinity Gauntlet including Power & Time Stones & Green Lantern Ring, Battle-Cat, The Flash (Final Death), Megatron (Final Death), The Eradicator, Optimus Prime w/ The Matrix of Leadership, Zombie Superboy (Final Death), Nekron, Black Lantern Supergirl, Black Lantern Agent Smith (Final Death), Vampire Juggernaut, Shazam, Mary Marvel, Pedro Pena, Eugene Choi, Captain Marvel jr., Darla Dudley, Red Hood, Arsenal, Starfire (Final Death), Poseidon, Biggs Darklighter (Final Death) in B-Wing, Quark in Next Generation Enterprise Shuttle, Travel Bus w/ Owen, Grady, Katow Joe, Wicket, Snickers, Cozy, Snoopy & Woodstock, Diddy & Dixie Kong on a motorcycle, Chris’s Dodge Charger w/ Rick Dalton, Cliff Booth & his dog, and Kamek & Earth Bender #2A in chinese spy balloon
Cowboy Killers: Superman, Martian Manhunter, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Parallax, Magneto w/ Red Lantern Ring, Master Mold, Ghost Rider (Danny Ketch), Black Bolt, Lockjaw, Triton, Medusa, Karnak, Maximus, Mephisto, King Ghidorah, Commander Ahsoka Tano (Final Death) in A-Wing, Lando in a TIE Defender, Homelander (Final Death), T-X, Splinter w/ Double blue lightsaber, Batman Beyond, Storm, Vulcan, Darwin, & Hope Summers
All that’s left is the battle in the Playoff Planet, whoever wins this is the winner of the 2025 Universe Bowl. The Horsemen won the battles in the Water & the Desert while the Cowboy Killers won the battle in the Forest.
We’ll start this battle in the sky above the skyscrapers.
Biggs in his B-Wing and Quark in his Next Gen Enterprise Shuttle in a dog fight with Ahsoka Tano in an A-Wing & Lando in a TIE Defender.
Ahsoka and Lando focus on the Enterprise shuttle and take it out with ease because Star Wars>Star Trek.
Though Ahsoka and Lando were able to take out Quark and his Enterprise Shuttle with ease, Biggs is a challenge for them. Biggs is a legend among rebel ranks as his flying skills are known to be among the best, almost rivaling Luke Skywalkers.
Biggs, knowing he’s outnumbered, flies his B-Wing low to the ground among the sky scrapers to make it a more fair fight. Lando isn’t able to keep up and clips his wing on a sky scraper and crashes into a nearby building. Ahsoka is still able to keep up to Biggs at this point, but eventually Biggs is able to make a tight turn at the last second to lose her. Ahsoka calls into her team to ask if anyone has seen the rebel pilot. Just as she finishes her sentence her ship is blown up. Biggs was able to get behind her while she was searching for him. Biggs is victorious in the dog fight but the feeling of victory is fleeting as his B-Wing is hit by a laser beam from Homelander’s eyes.
As that was happening, Optimus had started an attack on the mutants, Splinter & Batman Beyond of the Cowboy Killers. Optimus was able to defend himself but was not able to do anything offensively as the battle was beginning to become a bit of a mute point. When all of a sudden a sky scraper falls on top of the Cowboy Killers. Megatron had been destroying all the supports on the sky scraper while Optimus was distracting the mutants.
When the dust settled, Magneto was the only one left alive as he was able to shield himself at the very last second using his Red Lantern Ring. But the rest of the Mutants (Storm, Vulcan, Darwin & Hope Summers) had perished. Magneto sees this and loses his temper. “You’ve killed my brethren!!" Magneto says with an alarming level of anger.
Magneto then uses his mutant powers to dismantle Optimus into a million pieces. While Magneto is doing this, Megatron tries to stop Magneto and attack him but Magneto is using his Red Lantern Ring to shield himself. Magneto uses the pieces of Optimus as a weapon to kill other Horsemen members. He stabs Nekron through the chest with Optimus’s sword, he hits Orion, Kalibak & Dessad with so many shards of metal that they are left as merely a mush of flesh and blood on the street, & then used the rest of the remaining bits of Optimus to take out Arsenal & Red Hood.
Magneto then focuses his will onto Megatron where he does the same to him as what was done to Optimus. Magneto tears apart Megatron piece by piece to use as weapons against the rest of the Horsemen. Magneto takes out Battle Cat with a metal rod through the eye. This action gets the attention of He-Man. He-Man uses the Power Stone on his Infinity Gauntlet to shoot an energy blast at Magneto. Magneto uses his Red Lantern Ring to shield himself and then sends the millions of shards of Megatron through the back of He-Man, instantly killing him. Magneto takes out one more Horsemen, Juggernaut, before the rest of the Horsemen have seen enough. Starfire and Agent Smith flew through Magneto’s Red Lantern Shield and snapped his neck.
During Magneto’s deadly run King Ghidorah had bit into the Playoff Planet’s power plant and absorbed the entire city's energy. It then flew towards the battle and used its wings to momentarily cause hurricane force winds towards the Chinese Spy Balloon, the balloon crashed into a skyscraper and exploded. It then shot Gravity Beams at the Horsemen’s Travel Bus, Diddy & Dixie Kong on a motorcycle & Chris’s Dodge Charger, burning them to a crisp. Then the King of Titans shot a lighting blast from its wings at Poseidon and killed the Greek god.
The Horsemen heavy hitters then work together to take out King Ghidorah. Darkseid, Superboy, Supergirl, Agent Smith & Starfire all attack the King of the Titans by removing each head from the monster one by one until it no longer stands. Though the Horsemen were successful, Starfire was lost during the battle.
Next in the battle of the Playoff Planet City, there was a fight between the two superhero groups Shazam and his family from the Horsemen faced off against the Inhumans from the Cowboy Killers. Though the battle was close, Shazam was the last one standing from the fight, though visibly injured.
Once Ghidorah was taken down, Darkseid, Agent Smith, Superboy, & Supergirl worked together to take care of some of the weaker members of the Cowboy Killers before focusing on their elite warriors. Darkseid kills Black Canary & Green Arrow with his Omega Beams, Supergirl & Superboy use their laser beam eyes to light Martian Manhunter on fire, Agent Smith picks up Maximus, flies 100m in the air and then drops him to his death. Supergirl & Superboy hit T-X with their freeze breath and then Supergirl punched the Terminator with all of her might.
Ghost Rider appears on his motorcycle, embroidered in flame and calls out Darkseid “I am summoned when innocent blood is shed and you have shed far too much in your time.” Ghost Rider then shoots flames from his eyes into Darkseid’s eyes and says “Feel the pain of a billion extinguished souls. Experience the pain of eternal guilt.” Darkseid screams out as he feels the guilt of all the innocent lives he’s ended and falls to his knees before eventually losing consciousness.
Supergirl & Superboy immediately retaliate as they bring Ghost Rider to his death in the same method they did to T-X.
Superman and his tv show rip off (Homelander), and Mephisto work together to take out Superman’s family members and Agent Smith. Homelander & Superman take out Agent Smith with ease by both hitting him with his Heat Vision and melting him to a pile of flesh and blood. Supergirl & Superboy put their focus on Homelander and beat him by just being physically stronger and faster than Homelander. They hit him with a flurry punches and throws and then are eventually able to snap Homelanders neck. Supergirl & Superboy then put that same level of focus onto Mephisto and kill him in basically the same fashion. They then attack Superman with all their might but in the end, Superman is the superior Kryptonian. Superman punches Supergirl through 4 skyscrapers and then works on Superboy. He hits him with a combo akin to one seen in a Mortal Kombat game. Heat vision to the face, right hook to the gut, kick to the knee, upper cut to the chin, grabs him, throws him through a building, and finally rips his head off. Once Supergirl recovers from her punch to the chest she flies back to Superman and hits him with a punch to the chin. Superman immediately counters with heat vision to her chest to create space, punches her chin, flies into her, grabs her and flies them both down to the street while punching her on the way. Once they crash into the street, Superman gets behind Supergirl and snaps her neck.
While those battles between the Kryptonians were happening The Flash and The Eradicator worked together and took out Parallax and Master Mold. The Flash is able to use his speed to generate an electrical charge and hit Master Mold with it. It temporarily dazes the robot and allows the Eradicator to kill Master Mold. The Flash and The Eradicator then went to work on Parallax, but they do struggle as Parallax uses his Fear manipulation to scare the Flash and incapacitate him. He scares The Flash by making him think that his dad dies in prison and then hits the Flash with his Energy beam and kills him. Before Parallax can do the same to The Eradicator, the Kryptonian weapon attacks Parallax punches Yellow Lantern Sentient being until it dies.
Now all that’s left standing is The Eradicator for the Horsemen and Superman for the Cowboy Killers.
Yet again, Superman is just the superior Kryptonian. They have a close fight and Superman even does get beaten up a little bit but in the end Superman wins the fight and snaps The Eradicators neck, General Zod in Man of Steel style. Superman, exhausted and hurt, takes a breathe thinking he just won the Universe Bowl. He gets up and just as he’s about to fly away in victory, he is shot in the back by Darkseid’s Omega Beams and falls to his death.
Darkseid had just woken up from Ghost Riders Penance Stare and took advantage of the opportunity presented to him.
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