s6w8- Red Army vs Rabblerousers

Real Man's Rabblerousers are: Max Mercury,Vehicle Voltron Land Team: Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin & Hutch, Optimus Primal, Rhoinox, Cheetor, Rattrap, Dinobot, Tigatron, Airazor, Silverbolt, Savage/Noble, Nightscream, Depth Charge, Scuba, Big Horn, Big Convoy, Blackarachnia

President Barack Obama and Taylor Swift's Red Army are:  Judah Ben Hur w/White Lantern Ring, Ardeth Bey w/Blue Lightsaber and Mandalorian Armor, Azeem w/Qui Gon Jinn's Green Lightsaber, Jen Linley w/Jetpack and Green Lightsaber, Duke w/Green Lantern Ring, Friedrich Nietzsche w/Mind Infinity Gem, Worm-Becks, Assistant Coach: Hermione Granger w/Magic Lamp and Ferengi Energy Whip, Heimdall, Original Human Torch, Raven, The Atom, Warpath, Paul Atreides Ghola, Erasmus, Ginny Weasley w/Harry Potter's Wand, Carslie Cullen w/Star Sapphire Ring, Esme Cullen, Alice Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Jasper Hale and Rosalie Hale

SHKABOOM!

An explosion rips through the Jundland Wastes as the Voltron Vehicle team begin the match with a horrific car accident. The team meets this surprising fate due to a number of factors: Nietzsche calling upon the power of the Mind Infinity Gem to control the mind of Commander Cliff and Modok and turn them against their partners. The bright, sparkly skin of the Cullens as they entered the sunlight blinded Cinda as she was operating her vehicle. Marvin and Hutch found themselves magically transported to the epic center of the crash due to the talents of Raven, Hemidall and Ginny Potter.

"Brilliant!" exclaims Assistant Coach Hermione "That play couldn't have gone and better! Now-"

"Diss ish shum BUULLLSSSHHH*****TTTT" slurs Jen Linley as she drunkenly stumbles up to the young wizard "I thought dees was s'psod to beeee summm RREEAALL *burp* MEN, but dere's no mens, just a Grampa and robbits??!! HOW IS AM SPOSSED TO F**K A ROBBIT!"

"First off, it's ROBOT or technically a Transformer." says Granger "And secondly..."

"HEY! HEY!Hey. hey. I'm a CHAMPION!" Jen says "I got a championship ring so I'm a champion. And as a champion I don't wanna be banging no robbit no more. Now, where's the Real Men?" Jen then takes a long pull on her bottle of Tomahawk vodka.

"Lovely." grimiches Hermoine

"I GOT FISTS FOR YOU, BUDDY!!"  screeches Jen to the air "I gonna give you ELBOWS!!" as she staggers off.

As Hermoine plots the Red Army's next manuver, the Rabblerousers start to have a bit of luck. Max Mercury uses his superspeed to whip up as sandstorm, and begins picking off Red Army soldiers left and right. Paul Atreides and Ghola find their years living among the dunes of...Dune could have never prepared them for the Zen Master of superspeed. All the Twilight characters sparkly skin provide the perfect homing beacon for Mercury in the blinding sand as he eliminates them. The look on Carslie Cullen's face was one of pure shock as first his star sapphire ring vanished, then he found himself stabbed in the heart in less than a heartbeat as Max Mercury runs wild across the Wasteland. Even Warpath is unable to stand up to the elderly speedster.

Max stops to catch his breath, and looks over at his Transformers brethren. Max's sandstorm play was beneficial, but came with an unforeseen consequence.   The sand has gotten into the gears and mechanics of the giant robots and slowed them down almost to the point of immobility. Duke's green lantern ring easily smashes the head of Optimus Primal. The Atom shrinks down to get in the head Rhoinox and destroys his internal workings

"Looks like I may be on my own" starts Max when he notices an odd sight. He sees Bryan Beckerman doing the worm across the wastelands, inching toward the battle. 

"Easy victim is easy" smirks Max.

"DID SUMMBUDDY SHAY EASY??!!" screams a drunken voice Max turns to see a jetpack rushing right toward him. Max is fast, but not fast enough to get out of the way as the device smashes into him and explodes. Killing him. 

"NOOOO!!" screams Jen as she stumbles to her feet. "I killed the only man??" I wuz tryin ta get nekkid so we could f**k, but I hit da wrong button!!" 

"Who'd have thought being a stupid, drunken whore would be an advantage?" Hermoine cattily says as she appears besides Jen. "Now to finish this." Hermoine points her wand at the worming lawyer and says "Transformitio SANDWORM BECKS!!!"

Beckerman starts to twitch, then suddenly grows to the gigantic propotions of a Sandwom. The remaining Rabblerousers are either consumed by the giant montser, or crushed beneath his body and he continues to do the dance move, exploding out of the sand, then crashing back down. Shaking the area.

"Well, that's that" smiles Hermoine

"B-b-b-ut. what is I s'posed to do?" pouts Jen. Then Ben Hur approaches her.

"Linley. Perhaps you can help let my semen flow!" he says in a horrible, HORRIBLE pick-up line.

Jen smiles "Schweet. Maybe you won't be the only one who's covered in white" she purrs "F**k you robbits" she says, as she stumbles off with white lantern.

Spoiler Sport: Week 7

Hello everyone, Cotton McKnight here. Welcome to Spoiler Sport. Here on The Ocho! The pristine city of Detroit circa 1928 got a glimpse of its future in this destructive first week of divisional play!

In the Spielberg Division of the Lucas conference, the play-off picture became less foggy, as The Grindhouse beats the Midgets. Congratulations to the Grindhouse for securing the first, but certainly not last, playoff spot! Meanwhile, The Horsemen edge out The Shit-Kickers, but both teams remain alive for the coveted wildcard.

In the Clarke Division, The Empire beats the Dickens out of the Rabblerousers, but the shock of the year is The Red Army losing to George Washington's Slaves. This means that the Universe Bowl Champions will not have a chance to defend their crown as they are officially eliminated from the playoffs!

Over in the Stan Lee Conference, dreams of the post-season were dashed in the Tolkien Division. The Dope Fiends reserved The Murderflies off-season tee time, and the ever dangerous TEAM eliminates the inexperienced Nut-Busters. We here at Spoiler Sport wish Griswold and the gang the best of luck with his young career as an FFL owner!

Finally, in the Herbert Division, it's still anybody's game! The Royal Highness smokes The Kennelz, and this year's annual catfight belongs to the Pussys, who outlast the Kitties.

We now check in with the ever popular graveyard resurrection points correspondent, Pepper Brooks. Pepper!

Muh muh, muhmuh muh muhhmuh muh. Muhmuh muh, muh muh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muhmuh muh, muh muhmuh muhmuh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh.
Muh, muh muh muh muh, muhmuh muhmuh. Muh muh muhmuh muhhmuh, muh muhmuh muh muhmuh.

Thanks as always to the ever insightful Pepper Brooks! You hang in there kid!

The playoff race is sure to heat up this week on the desert planet Tatooine, where winners could catch the fire they need, while losers could be wasted in Jundland!

For The Ocho, I'm Cotton McKnight. Stay tuned for the semi final round of The Inuit Ear Pull. Thank you, and good night.

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Sandworm of Saturn #1-6, Fremen #29, Allia Atreides, Barbarrossa, Ajax, Duncan Idaho Ghola #8, Shazam (Freddie Freeman), Black Lantern Bizarro Superman, and Brandon Inge (w/ green lantern ring and green lightsaber).

Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are White Lantern Batman and Red X (Dick Grayson) in a Land Speeder, (Kingdom Come) Wonder Woman, (Kingdom Come) Donna Troy, (Kingdom Come) Robot Man, (Kingdom Come) Red Arrow, (Kingdom Come) Red Robin, Mother Mae Eye (w/ a red lightsaber), Eustace the Dragon and The Mouse, Kyle Houslander, Zachary Houslander, Purple Dragon #23, Bronze Dragon #7, Copper Dragon #9, Aunt May, Iron Monger, The Flying Graysons: John Grayson and Mary Grayson, Thunder and Lightning, and Smurfette.


S'up Rabbits?!!? The Pogester is comin at cha early this week LIVE on Location at The Jundland Wastes; which is a place you should never travel lightly (I'm surprised you didn't know that). These Saturn Sandworms are teensie compared to the Dune Sandworms; but they are still pretty dang big!! And their tempermant isn't nearly as nasty which makes it easy-peasy-lemon-squeezey for Steve (that's Fremen #29), Allia, and even Duncan Idaho to ride them. Even Brandon Inge is up on top of Saturn Sandworm #4; after a crash course on Sandworm riding from good Ol' St. Allia of the Knife in her grown-up kick-butt form. Black Lantern Bizarro and Shazam have taken flight and are circling around the sandworms with a tad bit of arrogance about them, fresh off of what they thought was going to be their last match against The Royal Highness. Ajax and Barbarossa have both taken on ginormously huge mech-tank forms and stand at the ready with their wide array of weaponry locked and loaded and ready to Go-dead. In other words, aside from rockin a whole crew of Shai-Halud Makers Murderfly Style, sands teams don't get a whole lot better than this one. The Kitties on the other hand didn't exactly bring a crew of chumps either, as Batman and Wonder Woman split up the team into two squads and mount an offensive of their own. It is obvious that somebody's dad let the owners of this team stay up too late watching the Hobbit last weekend and that they kinda had dragons on the brain when they put this squad together. Eustace the Dragon leads the multi-colored team of dragons in to attack the Sandworms head on; but not before Eustace drops his swashbuckling mouse buddy on top of Sandworm #3 which is being ridden by Duncan Idaho. Atop the Beetlejuice Baddie, the two draw swords and begin to do battle. The Mouse parries his attacks well and gives the leader of The Atreides guard quite a run for his money; but in the end, the future Kwisatz Haderach uses his skills learned at the Swordsmen School of Ginaz to overcome the smaller foe and slice him in two. The Dragons circle back and prepare to unleash fire upon the worms when the worms take full advantage of this week's setting. They leap out of the sand in unison and each grab one of the four dragons out of mid-air. The injured dragons fight back; but once the other two worms come in to lend a hand, the grounded dragons simply can't match the sheer strength and size of the sandworms. Worm #5 perishes in the fight; but the other ones keep on wormin.

It is very hot out and Aunt May is getting very dehydrated. I don't think she brought enough water. It looks like she traveled the Jundland Wastes lightly... Bummer.

Things are not looking to great for the Kitties at this point; so a small contingent of them rush off to divert the attention of the two Cymek Titans. Batman approves of this daring plan, knowing that his squad can't possibly take on the Titans and The Sandworms all at once. But maybe if they are seperated he can overpower them one group at a time. White Lantern Batman and Red X jump out of the Land Speeder and give the keys or whatever it is that starts those things over to Kyle and Zack. Smurfette jumps inbetween them and John and Mary Grayson hang off the back. Iron Monger flies above the speeder while Kyle guns it. They daringly pass right between Ajax and Barbarossa and then keep speeding as far away as possible. Kyle gets the speeder all the way to Mos Espa before the Cymeks actually catch up. Jawas and those blue dudes who hang out on Tatooine, among other crazy lookin aliens scatter all over the place at the sight of the massive Titan Cymeks. Kyle and crew and Iron Monger find themselves stuck in a corner when Kyle screams: “Well, Obadiah, it's do or die!! No more running, let's do this”!! Iron Monger raises his guns towards the largest of all the Cymeks Ajax but he soon finds that he is significantly under-powered compared to the super-advanced former human. While he is being crushed within his system-destroyed suit, he looks over to see a Barbarossa discarding a crushed ball that was once a Land Speeder... But at least The Cymeks have a long road to travel back to the fight; which may just buy the rest of The Super Orange Kitties the time they need...

In front of the five remaining sandworms, the charge is led from the air by Black Lantern Bizarro and the former Capt. Marvel Jr.: Shazam. Shazam shows Thunder and Lightning the true meaning of controlling the elements when he overloads Thunder and Lightning with their own namesake; while Black Lantern Bizarro uses his heat breath to melt Robot Man in to all manner of things that can be turned in to cash money at Haggerty Metals: Give em a call today for all your scrap metal and recycling needs at (734) 459-0960 and find out today's prices for your scrap. Despite some great acrobatic attacks at the onset of the skirmish, two Dick Grayson die with in seconds of each other as Shazam and BL Bizarro bash the heads in of both Red Robin and Red X. Red Arrow begins unloading arrows at Shazam, who is at this point just toying with Roy as he slowly walks toward Green Arrow's former apprentice. But what Shazam doesn't realize is that it is all a diversion for Wonder Woman and Donna Troy to attack him from both sides. The two of them level Capt. Marvel's buddy with punches that bring him to the ground; but it is a concrete-floor shattering boot to the face from Wonder Woman that eventually finishes him off. White Lantern Batman then lands a drop kick on Black Lantern Bizarro that open him up to a major blast of White Life Energy which destroys Bizarro's Black Lantern Ring and restores him to a corpse.

With The Kennelz two biggest threats out of the way, The few remaining Kitties are now faced with not only the five remaining sandworms; but also the four Bad Newz Memberz on top of them. The Kitties see them coming; and duck into a small rock outcropping that the worms are much to large to get inside of. Wonder Woman looks at Batman and states the obvious: “We can't hide in here forever, we are going to have to go out there and fight”! “It would be more like go out there and die Diana. Our only chance is to outsmart them” Batman says in reply. Outside the cave, the sandworms circle while on the horizon Barbarossa and Ajax can be seen approaching to rejoin the battle. “My Lady, if we wait out here, who knows how long this could take. It is up to you to decide if we head inside or not”. Swordmaster Idaho says to Allia. Allia retorts: “We shall make a small journey into the outcropping and attempt to draw them out. I believe our enemies underestimate their own disadvantage against myself and Steve in the setting of a desert cave. It is where we were raised Lord Swordmaster”. Allia, Duncan, Steve, and Brandon all slide down the side of their worms and enter the small cavern. When they walk in they see a nicely set table with four pies on it. “SWEET PIE”!! Brandon exclaims. “Wait, it could be a trap” says seasoned war veteran Duncan Idaho. “Yeah... Right... A trap of awesomeness for our taste buds maybe”. Says Brandon Inge who begins eating the pie as if he had a hole in his neck. Steve the Fremen grew up in a culture that says you never turn down free food, so he goes to town as well. This is when the peer pressure sets in... Idaho and Allia know that eating the pie might be the worst idea since cancelling Captain Power; but it's hard to against the crowd, so they grab a pie as well. The four of them then fall fast asleep on the cavern floor......

Outside the cave, the Sandworms are getting really annoying and anybody who has ever met Ajax knows that he is not the most patient guy around. So he blows one of them (#2) up with a huge concussion blast which basically makes his and Barbarossa's millennium, I mean what is funnier than a exploding sandworm... Classic.

Mother Mae Eye explains to Batman, Wonder Woman, and the gang that when their enemies wake up after consuming her magical pies that they will all be under her command. She can then send them out to attack the Cymeks and Sandworms and then they can go out and kill whoever is left after The Kennelz are done fighting amongst themselves. They all agree that this is the best plan that they have to go with so they wait patiently next to the sleeping bodies of Allia, Steve, Brandon, and Duncan. The four of them wake up and Mother Mae Eye tells them that she loves them and that she will always be there for them. That's why she bakes her pies with the secret ingredient of love. Allia looks at her team and says: “Well, you heard Mother, now let's go kill some Sandworms”. With these words Inge and Steve both launch their lightsaber and Crysknife into the eyes of Wonder Woman, taking out the biggest threat in the room, while Duncan Idaho moves with amazing quickness to take out Donna Troy with a sword thrust to the chest. Red Arrow acts fast and hits Fremen #29 with an arrow to the heart; but Allia catches Mother Mae Eye with a cryknife up under her chin (the traditional Fremen killing method). Red Arrow knocks Inge to the ground rendering him unconscious with a swift drop kick; but Idaho finishes off Red Arrow before he can do any permanent damage to Inge. Batman now finds himself surrounded by Idaho and Allia when he asks simply: “How did you do it”. Allia answers: “Internally converting poison inside my body was a trick I learned in the womb Batman. You should have seen that coming. I transmuted every bit of it mid-meal for all of us. Did you think a trick such as that could be played on a telepath as strong as I”? Batman nods knowing that he was defeated; and then attacks them both. Batman may be able to take out either one of these two enemies on their own but Allia and Idaho have been training together for many years and together they are forced to be reckoned with. Batman parries their every attack but is still on the defensive. He sees an opening and takes it. He jams his Batarang into the throat of Duncan Idaho but in doing so gives Allia the opening she needed as well. Duncan Idaho once again dies for the cause and the life of an Atreides noble as Allia sticks her crysknife into a kink in Batman's protective suit. Batman falls to the ground, as Allia stands over her opponent thinking that it will be an honor to drink the blood of the bat...

Season Six Week Seven Standings

S6W7 - Kennelz vs Highness

The Royal Highness is:  Yoda, Doomslayer, Cyborg Doomsday, Superboy Doomsday, Steel Doomsday, Black Lantern Loki, Jack Hawksmoor (Authority), Goliath the Gargoyle, Punisher w/jetpack and Microchip, Robocop & Agent 47 in a Ferrari 308 , Midnighter & Hollywood Hulk Hogan in a Ferrari GTO.

The Kennelz are:  Phoenix Force: Cyclops, Collossus, Emma Frost, Magik & Namor, Kratos, Jack Bauer, (Green Lantern) Ryan Poteracki, Mandalorian Justin Oblak, Brandon Inge, Matt Oblak, Dr. Teresa Oblak, Dexter The Dog, Dark Jedi Pete Sosa, Black Widow, Super-girl (Ariella Kent), Shazam (Freddie Freeman)(9 Deaths), Black Lantern Bizarro Superman (9 Deaths), Bizarro Supergirl, Steel Superman.

“I heard you were flirting with my man.” Says Midnighter as he and Hollywood Hulk Hogan travel the streets in a Ferrari GTO.

“Naw, Brotha… It was all him.  Sitting on my lap and talking about manjobs.” Replies Hogan defensively.

“Well you just make sure that the only shirts you tear off better be your own.”  Midnighter says accusingly.

As the two Highness teammates travel the streets of Detroit, they are getting very odd looks since the car they are driving is very out of place for 1928.  Closely behind them in a Ferrari 308 is Agent 47 and Robocop.  The ground suddenly opens up and swallows the GTO with Hogan and Midnighter.  After the two fall into the pit, Shazam rips the side off a building and drops it on top of the car as the two struggled to free themselves.  Many of the Kennelz team members begin to walk out from in between buildings and surround the 308.  Robocop steps out and scans the crowd. 

“You are all under arrest!” Robocop exclaims.

Matt Oblak laughs and charges at Murphy.  Robocop and Agent 47 begin to fire upon the Kennelz but as Oblak charges at them, he is able to deflect many of the bullets with his Mandalorian armor and two lightsabers.  Robocop’s shift is over as Oblak manages to plunge his green saber into Robocop’s main CPU, shutting him down for good.  As Oblak turns, he is horrified that the barrage of gunfire has not only taken the life of his dog Dexter, but of his wife Teresa.  Oblak is filled with rage that can only be equaled by a Michigan football loss or by his hatred of Jim Leyland.  He takes the light disc from the back of his wife’s Tron suit and fires it down a nearby alley.  The Highness members have now gathered at the scene as well and Justin Oblak is desperately trying to get his brother to leave his wife’s side and run to safety.

“C’mon asshole, she’ll be back in the locker room next week!” He screams.

Justin and Brandon Inge each grab an arm and pull him around a corner.  Agent 47 has now been joined by Punisher and Microchip who is trying unsucessfully to rewire Robocop.  Goliath the Gargoyle also shows up to help out too and he lands on top of Black Widow and Dark Jedi Pete Sosa and flies off with them.  He then drops them in the Detroit River.  Pete struggles to stay afloat and they both perish as Sosa drags the Black Widow down in his panic.

Goliath soars back to the fight to find that the Phoenix Force crew has decided to show up for the Kennelz.  They have begun to fight with Yoda and the 3 Doomsdays  (Three?!?)  Yoda bests Namor with his lightsaber and Superboy Doomsday is trading blows with Colossus.  Agent 47 shoots Colossus in the eye which causes him to wince long enough for SB Doomsday to land the fatal blow to his skull.  Cyclops uses his heat vision to ignite the remaining Ferrari that several of the Highness members are still hiding behind.  Punisher is able to fly to safety with his jetpack but his buddy Microchip is deleted and Agent 47’s game is over as the car blows up Hollywood style into a massive mushroom cloud.  Steel Doomsday grows tired of his antics and punches the mask off Cyclops and Yoda follows with a saber to the grill.  Emma Frost and Magik use their power of telepathy to get Steel Doomsday to turn on the Jedi master but he is much too quick and he sensed a disturbance in the force.  Yoda easily retreats and the two female Phoenix Force members then get Steel Doomsday to pick up Cyborg Doomsday and throw him into Canada.  Goliath grabs a hold of Magik, breaking her concentration and Yoda seizes the opportunity to get a very rare Phoenix Force Hat Trick.  Steel Doomsday, realizing what has happened, releases his anger by smashing the skull of Emma Frost, who is still groggy from telepathy, and then by charging at Steel Superman.  Doomsday picks him up, and begins to run him through building after building.  They end up exchanging blows inside the old (well, it looks new in 1928) Hudson building and after they have successfully broken enough supporting columns inside, the building falls, crushing the two of them in the rubble.

Kratos has seen enough of this Gargoyle and takes him by his talons and swings him into the side of the building where the Oblaks were hiding.  The falling debris crushes the skull of Matt, reuniting him with his family, and the impact also kills Goliath.  Punisher then flies in behind the Demi-God and fills the back of his skull with bullets.  And then turns his gunfire on Inge and Oblak.  The Punisher gives up as Inge deflects the bullets with a wall of green energy from his ring and flies around to the front side of the building where Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki is crouched on the ground, his back turned to the fight.  It is hard to see what he is doing but he is looking for something inside the suit of his recently deceased sister in law.  He keeps looking.  What is he doing inside her shirt for this—oh wait… I know what he is doing.  Molesting.  He was molesting a corpse.  Punisher wastes no time and shoots Poteracki in the back of the skull and he lands face first on Teresa’s bare chest.   Jack Bauer just shows up and shoots the tank on the back of Punisher’s jetpack and it explodes.  Why? Because 90% of FFL Jetpack deaths are performed this way.

Black Lantern Loki and Jack Hawksmoor take on the two Supergirls for the Kennelz and BL Loki rips telephone pole out of the ground and takes out Supergirl (Ariella Kent).  Jack Bauer goes dark for good as Loki discards the telephone pole on top of him.

The remaining Highness members retreat to Tiger Stadium: Yoda, Doomslayer, Superboy Doomsday, Black Lantern Loki, and Jack Hawksmoor.  The Kennels land on top of the stadium in left field, where Cecil used to drop home runs on the regular, and gaze down at the Highness members below.

“Let’s fight another day.  I don’t want to go to the graveyard yet, do you?” BL Bizarro Superman asks Shazam.

“Are we actually talking about a retreat?” Inge asks.  “Did I gave up during the Home Run derby in 2009 even though I didn’t actually hit one home run?”

“I don’t care what you think” Snaps Shazam. “You are not the one going to the graveyard if you die.”

The team looks down on the field and sees Cyborg Doomsday waiving a Canadian flag.

“Shit.” Says Bizarro Supergirl  “He didn’t die.  We might put up a good fight but I don’t know if we could win this.  Even with 2 nine deathers.”

The Kennelz agree to yield and save the lives of their all star players to fight another day.  All the league shakes their head as Fizzatu comes up short of mediocrity in this weeks battle.

TEAM Vs. Griswold's Nut-Busters

TEAM is (Red Sun) Superman, Sif and The Warriors Three, Zombie Ultron, Thorion the Celestial, The Combaticons, Long Haul, Voltron Red Lion, Gladiator Voltron, Yareal Poof, Melkor, Cock Sneak Goomba #10.

Griswold's Nut-Busters are Gambit (w/ Magnoguard Staff), Slym and Red Dayspring, Pepper Potts (w/ Rescue Armor), Jarvis, Fizzle, Pipes, Zimm, Capt. Wacky, Predator X #1-5, Matrix Agents #1 & 2, Velociraptor #8-12.


The Mighty Joshatu and The Neon Master Pogo work through the halls of The Great Watcher Tower in the sanctity of the Watcher Homeworld of Helosium. The Neon Master begins the conversation with: “So it looks like we have three matches to watch this week, huh”? “Correct” responds Joshatu the Great. Pogo then asks: “So, I suppose that means that I will only watch one of them, and that you'll watch the other two”? “Naturally” Joshatu the Admirable says in reply.

The conversation continues:

{Pogo}: Well, I was thinking that maybe we could watch the match together, ya know that way we could hang out and well maybe get to know each other a little better.

{Joshatu the Amazing}: That sounds like the worst idea ever.

{Pogo}: C'mon, can't we at least go catch a Tiger game or something and talk about it... My treat. We could even use Fizzatu's T-Rons-Porter 3000 to go catch a game from earth's past or something cool like that. I already cleared it with the Fizzinator before I came down here. I mean I already had to give him a box of .45 ACPs and a year supply of Snus just for him to let me use it for the weekend.

{Joshatu the Annoyed}: I think I'm busy.

{Pogo}: C'mon bud, you heard me say my treat right??

{Joshatu the Cheap}: Okay, fine.


-July 26, 1928...

Welcome, welcome, welcome sports fans to Briggs Stadium, where our own Detroit Tigers are going to take on the famous Yankees from the city of New York.

{Joshatu the Whiny}: Ya know, announcers back in the day were really pretty lame.

{Pogo}: Yeah, not that it matters, I mean I don't really even know who that guy was talking to, other than that dude who was buying peanuts from him.

{Pogo... again}: Dude.... This is gonna be great. We just get to sit back and watch the Tigers kick some butt while we drink .25 cent beers and eat .10 cent hot dogs. God I love the Roaring 20's.

(Joshatu the Condescending Prick}: Yeah, roaring. I just heard some poor bastard tell his son that his life was going to be great because him and his generation made the world safe. Evidently, he already fought the war to end all wars. Then he told the guy next to him to “calm down, Herbert Hoover is way up in the polls and he is an economic wizard... A WIZARD I TELL YOU!! Let's not bother to look up if that kid lives through D-Day, I honestly don't want to know”.

{Pogo}: But none of that matters to us gnarly watchers, right brah. We can just sit back and enjoy the game...

9 Innings later...

{Joshatu the Snide}: Wow, Pogo. You could have taken us anywhere in human history and you deliver us to a 12-1 Tiger loss to The Yankees?? I think my favorite part was seeing Bob Meusel's third Triple-double as a Yankee, The Pinky Hargrove home run was fun too.

{Pogo}: Yeah, I guess I could been like a Jif Mom and been a little choosier huh?? I just hit random on the Ol' Ronco Machine and it brought us here.

{Joshatu the Annoyed}: You're an idiot.

{Pogo}: Hey, at least we got to see a game at the Old Stadium, right??

{Joshatu the Sanctimonious}: I've been to the “Old Stadium” about a hundred times Peon Master-Bater. But I must say as a life long Tiger fan I have always been dying to see a Vic Sorrell loss. And Waite Hoyt sure put on a pitching clinic for The Yanks today... I'm pretty sure you could have hit some of those pitches... Well, I take that back. At least I could of anyway.

-The Neon Master than bumps into some guy on the street in a trench coat; which brushes back the clothes covering his face to reveal that it is actually Red Sun Superman.

Pogo begins screaming like a girl...

{Pogo}: IT'S A RED. IT'S A RED!! SOMEBODY CALL THE F.B.I.!!, CALL THE ARMY!!, CALL JOE McCARTHY!!

{Joshatu the Scholarly}: Hey Genius... The Red Scare hasn't even happened yet. Nobody knows what you are talking about. Russia is still our ally in the 20's. So uh, try and talk in terms people will understand.

{Pogo}: Oh, my bad. “YO, SUP. DUDES HOMEBOY IS 5-0. SOMEBODY CAP DIS FOOL”!!

{Joshatu the Streetwise}: This is Detroit in the 1920's you moron nobody talks like that yet. And beside Red Sun Superman being here means that this match must be starting soon, so let's take to the air and start watching...

{Pogo}: Dang... It looks like both these squads are mounting up quick. And what the eff is goin on over there??

{Joshatu the Terrific}: It looks like TEAM isn't wasting any time. The Combaticons are are already merging to form Bruticus while Long Haul provides them some cover; and it looks like The Red Lion from The Voltron of The Far Universe is doing the same for Vehicle Voltron; which could take a little while.

{Pogo}: Yeah, I don't know about all that. The Lion Voltron is the shizz, that vehicle one seems kinda hit.

{Joshatu the Turrific (that's the Charles Barkley version)}: It is not your place to judge Neon Master. Actually The Vehicle version is significantly larger; and you must respect the play choice of such in a city match.

{Pogo}: Check that out dawg!! You gotta respect The Nut-Busters gumption they are coming right at em!! And look at the way they are utilizing their Transformers with Pepper Potts leading the charge in her armor. I mean, they got Slym and Red hanging off of the side of Fizzle with Capt. Wacky and Jarvis chillin inside Pipes. That is a pretty commanding presence.

{Joshatu the Agreeable}: I concur, Pogo.

{Pogo}: Oh Shee-it. Those Raptors are goin nuts on that Red Voltron Lion

{Joshatu the Ecologist}: For certain Pogo. It appears that the velociraptors cannot tell that The Red Lion is made of metal and not flesh. Curious that they would still seek to destroy the most animalistic creature amongst TEAM. It seems as though The 5 Predator Xs are coming to lend a hand as well. Hmm, it seems that the attack seems to have worked. The Red Lion is no longer functioning, even though it did take out three of the raptors as well as three of the predator Xs.

{Pogo}: And check that out. Those two Matrix Agents are in a “Becks Style” Pitched Battle with Yareal Poof. The Poofster just straight up blocked all of their bullets with his lightsaber and then they went into the kung fu crap. DANG!! Look at how Poof switches his saber into all four of his arms while he fights. OH!! Down goes Agent #1; but Agent #2 got some quick vengence. The Poofinater is down with a wicked hand chop to the neck. And The Combaticons in the form of.... Uh, what did you say his name was again??

{Joshatu the Omnipotent}: Bruticus.

{Pogo}: Yeah, Bruticus just BRUTILIZED Pipes. Capt. Wacky barely got out in time. I guess Jarvis catching a ride with him wasn't such a good idea after all. Oh, dang and Capt. Wacky's Wacky Ray isn't doing crap against that combiner-dude.

{Joshatu the All-Knowing (yeah, I know that is the same thing as Omnipotent... I'm running out of adjectives)}: They are known as Decepticon Gestalts, not combiner-dudes. I would appreciate the use of proper terms while in my presence Pogo.

{Pogo} OH, here we go. Zimm is gonna try and stand toe to toe with some Asgardians. BOOM!! He just straight up jacked Volstagg while, Sif just sat and watched. It looks like Thorion the Celestial is going to stand for that though. Zimm is down for the count now!! At least I would think so after taking that hammer to his head. Capt. Wacky just shot The Cock Sneak Goomba with his Wacky Ray. I didn't think those dudes could get any wackier. It looks like the wacky overload may have killed him. Melkor is over there cleaning up what is left of the Predator X contingent and of the raptors. That dude looks scary as eff, huh Joshatu the Wicked Bad A**??

{Joshatu the Wicked Bad A**}: Correct Pogo. Melkor contains within him an intense evil that is even beyond our understanding.

{Pogo}: Dang dude. Red Dayspring just went all Phoenix Force on Fandral and Hogun. But I think she pissed off Sif. WHAT!! OH Crap, I didn't think I was gonna see Jean Grey, I mean Red Dayspring get curb-stomped by an Asgardian chick when I woke up this morning. And speaking of pissed did you just see Slym unleash that wicked amount of eye blast on Sif... CHICK IS DOWN YO!!

{Joshatu the Noble}: Of course I noticed it Neon Master. It is my job to witness all.

{Pogo}: Slym just unleashed that S&^t on Bruticus too. Straight blew him apart. Looks like only Swindle and Blast-Off are still alive. And Agent #2 jumped into the middle of Long Haul and totally short-circuited his Cybertronian A**. Looks like Zombie Ultron didn't like that though. He just absorbed the agents software and took him out. Pepper Potts then flew in and wasted Ultron with what looked like weaponry specifically designed to take him out... Prolly was. Gambit is jumping in to lead what is left of The Nut-Busters; but his powers are no match for Melkor. His staff and playing cards aren't even denting that armor. And Red Sun Superman just swooped in and took out Slym Dayspring and Pepper Potts by smashing them into each other. And now, The Nut-Busters are really in trouble because Vehicle Voltron is finally ready for battle.

{Joshatu the Finalizer}: Good observations Pogo. It looks like Fizzle has transformed back into his dune buggy form and that Gambit and Capt. Wacky are jumping in. They have signaled the retreat. I do believe we can call this match.

{Pogo}: Wow dude. That was a ton of fun. Totally co-oping that match with you rocked brah.

{Joshatu the Awesome}: I agree Pogo. You did great.

{Pogo}: Really??

{Joshatu the Really Awesome}: Yes, all of the watchers do a great job. We don't get the benefit of choosing the teams, we just simply have to call it like we see it. We all have our methods, we all have our great matches and our not-so great matches; but we all work hard. And that is what matters. We don't all have to be arrogant jerks like me, we just need to love to tell a story, and tell it the way we see it. The End...

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Shemalabama's Shit-Kickers

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Superman, Colossus/Juggernaut, Vulcan, Michael Myers (w/ a red lightsaber), Dracula, Gozar the Gozarian, Zuul, Vince Clortho, The Stunticons: Motor Master (w/ a red lantern ring), Black Lantern Yoda, Legolas (w/ a green lantern ring), White Suit Anakin Skywalker and John Mclane in Attack Trak, Josh Houslander Jedi Master w/ Laya Houslander: Jedi Padawan w/ Piplup, Alex Houslander (w/ a mithril vest), and Fry Guy #1 in The Millennium Bucko.

Shemalabama's Shit-Kickers are Real Man, Oblivion, Superior Spider-Man, Blackfire, Metallo, Revan, Nightwing, Flamebird, Quasar, The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis, Predi-Alien (w/ red lantern ring), Fafnir, Red Lantern Hal Jordan, and Battle Droid #7.


...An unknown number of months or possibly years ago in the dark, deep, and secret chambers of Apokolips: Headquarters of The Horsemen: Bane of The FFL...

There sits Vandal Savage and Hannibal Lectur, the two true leaders of The Horsemen discussing plans within plans that the majority of the team has no idea are in existence. They speak to one another...

{Savage}: We must deal with this issue of Capt. Iven Carl Kincheloe Jr.

{Lectur}: Again, you come back to that??

{Savage}: It was his past actions that kept Darkseid and I's ultimate plan from coming to fruition. All of Darkseid's initial projections have led to the destruction of this seemingly meaningless pilot disallowing our team from Universe Wide Domination. Our team's future depends greatly on what has come to be in the past.

{Lectur}: You speak of our team's future; yet we litter our team with “good guys” throughout the past seasons of late. They cannot be privy to what we plan to do.

{Savage}: Good guys win battles my friend. It is people of our like-mindedness that bring about successful plans of logical forethought. Even when they know not what strings are being pulled, good guys win battles; good guys like Capt. Kincheloe.

{Lectur}: So, if our future rests upon his death; than how would you go about bringing his death about. In our time he is long dead as it is, and his deeds long accomplished.

{Savage}: You speak of time as if it is not to be manipulated by the powerful; and you speak of Capt. Kincheloe's deeds as if his most famous accomplishments were what hindered our success. His later test flights for which he is most famous, have no bearing on our master plan. But as an ace in The Korean War he shot down many planes. One of those planes held the plans for nuclear power that was just recently perfected in North Korea; but those plans were going to be secretly intercepted by forces under the direction of Darkseid and myself. They would have brought the world to our knees and would have brought us control of this universe before these petty watchers ever felt the need to create this worthless league. No other pilot would have shot down the hand-picked Korean pilot that we selected to bring us these plans. Destroy Capt. Kincheloe, and true victory will be ours.

{Lectur}: And how do you suggest we kill a man that is already dead?

{Savage}: Capt. Kincheloe was born on July 2nd 1928; in Detroit, Michigan. We shall kill him before he ever has the chance to find out what an airplane is...

Leap forward to: Season 6 Week 7: The Horsemen of Apokolips have grander plans than winning a divisional match...

...Just moments before the match...

{Laya Houslander: Jedi Padawan}: What is wrong father?

{Josh Houslander: Jedi Master}: I feel a disturbance in the force.

{Laya}: Are you certain that you are not simply feeling the weight of responsibility after being appointed Senior Jedi of The Horsemen Council?

{Josh}: No, my appointment was one of convenience more than anything else. Ever since the death of Luke last year, the Jedi contingent amongst The Horsemen have yearned for a Force-laden voice. I was simply the easy choice that they knew would cause little controversy. Besides they know as I do that my time in this league is short. I was never meant to be an aged Jedi, just a pawn for a greater good. A powerful pawn I may have become; but a pawn nonetheless.

{Laya}: Well, what does this have to do with the disturbance you are feeling?

{Josh}: Nothing. The disturbance is something very different. There are many intertwined universes within our world. And one of them, perhaps not this one; but one of them is in grave danger from an outside force. Yet, I feel that this force has penetrated our reality and wishes to destroy it from the inside out. It is not me that is in danger, it is a Josh Houslander from a different reality. There is a reality where this one is considered fake. Where a different version of myself is under fire. The two are becoming combined in a way that the force will not allow me to see. All I know is that our “fake” reality is being threatened by a “Real” Man...


...Now, finally for the match...

In a small hospital in downtown Detroit the staff find themselves under attack. The Horsemen move with perfect grace taking out the security forces. When The Shit-Kickers are teleported into the match they have no plan in place to protect the future of the league. They just simply wish to win the match the way they always strive to do. The Superior Spider-Man leaps up to the second story of the hospital and then quickly scales the wall; but his heroics are dashed quickly as Michael Myers grabs a hold of the web-slinger and jams a lightsaber through his gut. Metallo stands at the ready with his kryptonite; but before he can use it on The Horsemen's star player, Joseph smashes the Metallo together with Battle Droid #7 and then sends the metal clump into the lower atmosphere. Blackfire crushes Joseph with her Tamaranian strength; but Joesph's damage has already been done. Superman, along with several other members of The horsemen squad have not been informed of the ultimate plan to kill a newborn baby. They simply believe that they are here to win a match. For the Horsemen that do know, they are happy to see Supeman engage both Nightwing and Flamebird high above the hospital. Not only does this create a scenario where The Man of Steel won't notice what they are doing but he also is drawing two of The Shit-Kickers most powerful members away from the battle proper. Vulcan tries to vulcanize Oblivion; but Oblivion obliterates Vulcan. Gozar the Gozarian then sends Oblivion back to his void. Gozar then is joined by his allies Zuul and Vince Clortho. They begin to do battle with The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis. The Mortis Trio make short work of Babylonian gods by unleashing force powers that are typically untapped by Jedi Masters or Sith Lords. The Stunticons merge to form Menacer. Menacer with an enormous red lantern ring that is. Once merged, the gestalt shows The Predi-Alien the true meaning of rage as they smash the hybrid into concentrated acid mush. Fafnir dwarfs Colossus and stops the Juggernaut all in one fell swoop; but Menacer puts a stop to Fafnir as well. The Gestalt grabs a hold of the Mythological Beast and crushes it with sheer Cybertronian force. Josh swerves out of the way of all this “giant combat” and crashes The Millennium Bucko into the hospital entrance, Fry Guy #1 flies from the vehicle and splatters all over a lampost. Legolas, aided by the green lantern ring that once belonged to Sinestro flies up to lend a hand to Superman; but he finds it hard to get in the middle of a battle of Kryptonians. Superman grabs a hold of Nightwing with a headlock and turns to avoid an intense blast of heat vision from Flamebird while he simultaneously breaks Nightwing's neck. Now a one on one fight, Superman drives Flamebird down hard into the ground, bringing his fellow Kryptonian down to the salt mines beneath Detroit's streets. Dracula has not been seen by any person on either team, as it is his personal mission to find the child and kill him without being seen.

Battle Conclusion...

The Father of Mortis with the help of his children and Red lantern Hal Jordan have focused their energy on pulling apart Menacer. They succeed; but The Stunticons go right back to attacking their enemies. Blackfire uses her eye bolts to destroy the spark of Drag Strip, while the Son of Mortis methodically takes apart Dead End bolt by bolt with his mastery of the force. The remaining members of The Stunticons doom would be imminent if Anakin and Mclane didn't fire a missile from Attack Trak to make a mess of the whole situation. Mclane stays in Attack Trak to man the system operations while white suit Anakin leaps out to do battle with the son of Mortis. The Son's Father rushes over to help; but Black Lantern Yoda comes to the aid of his fellow Horsemen. Jedi Josh is racing up the stairs with his kids behind him, when he is met by Revan. Laya follows orders from her dad and leads Alex and Piplup towards the root of his force disturbance while Josh stays behind to face Revan alone. Revan and Josh become locked in the pitched battle to end all pitched battles. I mean, this battle is so pitched that Justin Verlander watched it and said... “Damn, what a pitch”. It is so pitched that a 90 degree angle tried to sit on it, and it fell off. I mean, trust me. It's pitched. Revan secretly taps into the dark side lessons he has learned while he lunges at Josh; but Josh leaps out of the way using his Form 4 style of fighting. Lightsabers clash; but Revan backflips out of the melee to start over. Revan then rushes towards Josh; but the smaller Houslander ducks out of the way and then lets Revan pass by. Josh then catches Revan with a lightsaber to the chest to finish him off. Red Hal Jordan breaks Breakdown with his green ring, and then clashes with Motor Master . The two of them lean back to punch and blow each other apart when their red lantern punches both land in unison. The Father of Mortis uses every bit of force power he can muster for a force push, but Black Lantern Yoda just keeps on running his way. Yoda spins toward the old man of Mortis and delivers a black lantern aided lightsaber through his neck. The Daughter of Mortis follows a disturbance that she is feeling in the force up several floors in the hospital; but The Son of Mortis stays back to do battle with White Suit Anakin (this one is pretty darn pitched too). The Son tries to overpower Anakin by force choking him;p but Anakin is well versed in both sides of the force as well (even if he only chooses to use one of them now). The Son is shocked to see his invisible attacks fail; which makes Anakin find his lack of faith disturbing. Anakin manages to force pull the Son in close and then slice his neck with his lightsaber. Blackfire flies in fast towards Anakin to catch him off guard after an exhausting battle with an extremely powerful force user; but before she can land the killing blow John Mclane decides to unload 15 plus 1 in the hole from his Beretta into the Tamaranian. So, in case you were wondering if 9 mm's could kill Tamaranians, they can.

Josh catches up to Laya, Alex, and Piplup in the hospital that is now on fire and falling apart around itself. Laya turns to her dad and says: “The disturbance you feel is growing stronger, I can tell”. It is then that Josh sees Real Man out of the corner of his eye. He rushes toward the dorky looking moron and force pushes him to the ground. Real Man starts uncontrollably peeing himself at the sight of Josh's bulging muscles and knows that his otherworldly self has committed many sins and deserves the fate that this Jedi Master is about to hand out. Real Man struggles to find his courage; but the struggle continues as he looks up at the blue lightsaber pointing down at him. “Don't do it father, it's not the Jedi way”. Laya says to her Dad. “He's not worth it, you were the one to teach us this”. Alex adds. “Pipppppplup” Piplup adds further, to really help out the story. “An otherworldly version of myself is threatened by this man. He's too dangerous to be left alive. I must do this, I must kill this fool Eric if I am to destroy the Troll known as Real Man forever”. Josh says as he inches the lightsaber closer and closer to Eric's neck. “It is never wrong to do the right thing”. Laya says calmly to her dad. She continues: “We cannot explain why we must do the right thing; but circumstances could arise where even somebody as worthless as Real Man could be needed for good”. Josh hears the sense in his eldest daughter's words and turns his lightsaber off. The Jedi Master speaks: “Your team is signaling the retreat, I will spare you this day Real Man. I suggest you get out of here before this building comes down around us all”.

...But Real Man is driven by a need to do something else...

Quasar comes bursting out of a nearby room where he was battling Dracula; but heard the call for retreat from The Daughter of Mortis and decided to bug out and call it even. Dracula seemed more interested in some other mission anyway and this match was seemingly lost for The Shit-Kickers; but Quasar is met by Josh, Laya and Alex who jump out with their lightsabers drawn. Quasar only means to escape and unleashes a full blast of cosmic energy from his quantum bands towards Josh to blast out the side of the building. Quasar flies by, and Josh lay on the ground with a huge chunk taken out of his side. Laya, Alex, and Piplup rush to the side of Josh, who says: “I knew I was not long for this world; but I feel as though you all helped me accomplish something that needed to be done today. Thank You”. Josh begins to fade but he grabs his lightsaber and ignites it one last time. He plans to make his greatest wish come true with his dying breath. He holds the lightsaber blade between Laya and Alex and says: “By the right of the council... By the will of the force... Dub you I do... Jedi... Knights... of … The... Rep...ublic”. He swings his lightsaber one last time to cut off the padawan braids of his kids and then falls dead with his last breath. Alex picks up his lightsaber, while Piplup grabs the two braids and Laya leads them all out of the burning building.

The hospital is nearly evacuated, when Real Man is searching around the burning building for he knows not what. He stumbles upon a room and walks in it despite the sound of The Daughter of Mortis saying: “Eric, this is your last chance to fly out with me. The retreat has been called”. Despite this, The Daughter and Quasar wait an extra ninety seconds for their rookie teammate who comes bursting out of the 11th story window with Dracula hot on his trail. The Daughter of Mortis catches Eric and the they begin to fly back to Shit-kicker Headquarters. Quasar asks the question of Eric: “Wait a second, is that a baby in your hands”? “I was just drawn to the baby's room, I can't explain it”. Eric says. “Who is the child”? The daughter of Mortis asks. Real Man answers: “The chart said Iven Carl Kincheloe Jr.

George Washington's Slaves Vs. Barack and Taylor Swift's Red Army

George Washington's Slaves are Zombie Rodimus Prime (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership (AKA Rodimus Prime), (movie) Bumblebee, Prowl, Blurr, Roadbuster, Bill Reiser and Lance Bean, Red Dog, Mercer, and Taurus, Ninja #1-6, Gen Kidd, Matt Trakker in Thunderhawk, Bebop, Rocksteady, Fernus, Green Arrow (Connor Hawk), Speedy (Mia Deardon), Batgirl (Cassandra Cain) (w/ darksaber), Runner, Simon Phoenix (w/ M202A1 Flash Rocket Launcher), Kol Skywalker (w/ green lantern ring), Shado Vao, and Gizmo.

Barack and Taylor Swift's Red Army is Whizzy the Super-Cat, Batzarro, Raven, The Atom, Human Bomb, Echo, Foolkiller, Jared Nomak (w/ yellow lantern ring), Reaper #1 and 2, Aleta One (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership (AKA Aletimus Prime)), Tracks, Warpath, (movie) Blackout, Octane, Black Lantern Neo, The DVAS: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishi, Vernita Green, and Elle Driver, Dora the Explorer (w/ Orange Time Infinity Gem), w/ Boots, Backpack, The Map, Benny, Isa, and Tico, and Sporty Spice.


“Ahhh... Finally a setting I can look forward to being transported to”. Says Dora the Explorer to Boots, as she picks up a paintbrush and joins the dozens of Mexican workers gathered on the streets of Detroit, Michigan to paint murals in dedication to the blood, sweat, and tears of the Mexican Proletariat Workers of the area and all they have accomplished for the greater good of their rich culture. Dora feels so at home being part of something as special as this; and Boots, Benny, Isa, and Tico are so excited to see that huge smile back on their fearless leader's face. Dora is a lover of her own culture who had a knack for exploration at a very young age. Her curiosity guided her in the direction of exploration with very little effort, as opposed to her ability to end the lives of her enemies... That one took a bit more training. But now Dora views all of these things together. They are all part of the greater whole that makes up her lives... Her many, many unending lives. But Dora's smile is sent racing from her face as she sees Diego Rivera himself, leader of The Mexican Mural Movement running with a mob of Mexican workers, families, and artisans. Then Dora knows what is about to happen next... Happy moments are always short-lived; and a match is about to start. One with her old nemesis George Washington's s Slaves. A team that pokes fun at the plight of minorities, the team that ended The Commandos perfect season, … The team that sent her to The Graveyard...

S'up Peeps. Y'all ready for this. I can't believe I get to write the rematch between these two storied FFL Franchises. What an awesome rivalry they have had. Oh, I almost forgot, this is The Neon Master Pogo comin at yizzle with a mizzle for your brizzle that is sure to sizzle. We got The Slaves and The Commandos, or Red Army for those of you Commies who probably call Pine Knob DTE Energy Music Theatre. And we are here in the pristine, bustling city of Detroit, Michigan in the year 1928 B.C. This division hasn't been exactly rockin The FFL this season but The Slaves only need another couple of wins and they can snatch up the coveted division and wind up backing in to the 2nd seed. Lookin over the rosters, these two teams played some real scrappers; which is exactly what I like to watch. If I wanted to see a bunch of amazingly powered cosmic things do stuff I didn't understand, then I would watch Joshatu eat bacon while taking a dump... Talk about gross; but how else is he gonna work those pesky gerbils out.

Now... Who's down for a flashback...??...

Setting: Slaves Locker Room, right after Zombie Rodimus Prime is reborn as himself with the help of The Autobot Matrix of Leadership.

{Rodimus}: “Prowl, my friend. I find it important to keep a chain of command amongst us Autobots. I realize that this team we fight for is not only comprised of us Cybertronians; and I am sure you pledge loyalty to President Washington as I do. But you are a tried and true Autobot. You fought side by side with the great Optimus Prime, long before I did and he trusted you then as I do now. You are a great and loyal Transformer and I want you to know that I recognize you to be my second in command.

{Prowl}: I appreciate that greatly Prime. But I wish for you to know that I am merely a soldier. I fight for the cause. I would ask that you please look me over should you ever need to pass the matrix on to somebody else. Like you said, I am a loyal Autobot, but it is for the young soldiers like you to make the transformation into a Prime. Orion Pax was a young man, and so was Hot Rod when they took on the mantle of Prime. I assure you, it has passed me by. Just allow me to do what I was intended for.

{Rodimus}: I will keep that in mind my old friend; but sometimes it is not the Prime that chooses the next leader; but The Matrix itself...

...Present Day. Back in The “D”...

Nighttime has fallen on the Proletariat movement's activities for the day... Battle is upon us...

Batzarro the world's worst detective is searching around the scene. He stumbles upon a pamphlet that says: “Help pay homage to the Mexican workers with our mural”. Batzarro speaks: “It appears that people were painting pictures of Mexican workers”. Foolkiller, his own teammate then walks up behind him and shoots him in the back of the head. “DUDE!! He was on our team”!! Yells Octane the Decepticon Triple-Changer. Foolkiller responds: “C'mon, my name is Foolkiller and you put me on a team with this dude. What am I supposed to do?? I mean, that can't even be considered my fault right”?? Raven chimes in: “Whatever, I don't think we were going to win the match because of that idiot, now let's just get on with it”.

Rodimus Prime leads the charge right down Woodward Ave. He is followed by Bumblebee, Prowl, Blurr, Roadbuster, and Thunderhawk (w/ Matt Trakker behind the controls). Matt Trakker has Simon Phoenix riding shotgun in his red camaro with the rocket launcher hanging out the window. While Bill Reiser and Lance Bean are riding in the yellow camaro version of Bumblebee with their guns blazing out their windows as well. The Renegades are all hanging off Rodimus in one huge “9 death farewll”, while Bebop and Rocksteady are bebopping and rocking steady in Roadbuster's race car form. Prowl has Green Arrow and Speedy hanging out of him; while the other members of The Slaves are taking more stealth-like approaches elsewhere.

Gen. Kidd wasn't kidding when he assembled the team of six ninjas, as well as Batgirl to sneak around the opposition’s headquarters. While Kol Skywalker, Shado Vao, Fernus, and the highly trained Gizmo hold up the rear as The Slaves resident power squad.

The Commandos have decided to let the party come to them. They are hold up in an abandoned warehouse... Wait a tick... This is Detroit in the 1920's, not now. The Warehouses aren't abandoned yet. It must just be closed for the evening. Black Lantern Neo is the one exception to the sit and wait plan of The Red Army. He decides to take off at top speed and single-handedly take on The Slaves most powerful character. Runner does not even get a chance to use the power primordial before Black Lantern Neo, former member The Slaves in life and 2 time Universe Bowl appearer rips the heart out of Runner and enjoys a bountiful cosmic snack. Kol Skywalker and Shado Vao attempt to attack BL Neo but before they can Neo flies off to find his next victim. Kol, Shado, and Gizmo then decide to join the rest of their team in the full frontal attack now that their most powerful member of the rear force was so easily destroyed.

Matt Trakker fires several missiles from Thunderhawk into the warehouse and as it is blowing to pieces the Autobots transform with their inhabitants leaping out in battle ready formation just as President Washington had directed them to do in his carefully laid out plan . Mel C, Isa, and Foolkiller all die in the blast, but the rest of The Red Army roll into the battle ready for action. Rodimus Prime leads not just with his wisdom but by his direction. In other words, cuz I am starting to sound an awful lot like Joshatu right now... Rodimus starts to kick a butt load of a**!! Rodimus pays no heed to Blackout's Red Lantern Ring when he puts a Cybertronian metal fist right through his face. Blackout did more than just blackout after that punch... In fact, he straight up died. He then bent Octane over and pumped him full of... Well, never mind let's not get too childish with this stuff. Either way, Octane died too. Gen. Kidd and his mini-squad jump out of nowhere; flanking The Red Army from behind which brings all members of both teams together in one enclosed area. In other words, “IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG”!! Tracks runs over Matt Trakker and leaves tire tracks on his face; while Rodimus tracks down Tracks and returns the favor by trekking some tracks over his and keeping track of how many tracks it takes for him to do so. Gen. Kidd and his ninjas take out both the Reapers by removing their heads with their straight edge swords with only suffering two casualties in their ranks. Jared Nomak rips the faces off of two more ninjas; but Gen Kidd personally uses his knife and trained swiftness to take Nomack's head clean off. Bill Reiser and Lance Bean's six pack abs do not move an inch while they are running into battle; but their heads do move as O Ren ishi and Bill use their katanas to remove them from their bodies. Black Lantern Neo chooses Simon Phoenix as his next target; but he has a bit more trouble when faced with Fernus. Fernus combines powers that are not yet developed by most of the universe's cosmic beings to wipe out Black Lantern Neo and send him back to the graveyard. Whizzy the Supercat uses Bebop as his own personal litter box, while Kol Skywalker uses the force to crush The Atom into, well,,, atoms. Green Arrow's father, the original green arrow fought side by side with a sword wielder known as Slade Wilson and then later fought along side a green ring wielder by the name of Hal Jordan. He passed this knowledge on to his son who now feels right at home fighting alongside Kol Skywalker. Their apprentices Speedy and Shado Vao are getting along nicely too. Together they manage to take out Raven with a series of force pushes and arrows. They then use their fighting prowess and fast moves to overpower Echo. Rocksteady dies of aids because he was a gang leader back in the early 90's when the disease still existed. Bill and his DVA Squad form up with Dora and friends for a melee battle with the regular size members of The Washingon Crew. But in the meantime, a more epic one on one battle is brewing. All the other Transformers stand aside as Rodimus Prime and Aletamus Prime square off. The two of them begin battling fiercely even though they know that the other stands for the powers of good as they do. Rodimus knocks her to the ground and attempts to come down on her with a double punch; but Aletamus moves out of the way. She pops up and comes up behind Rodimus, grabbing him by the neck. She whispers in his ear: “Optimus Prime may have passed the matrix to you; but he actually trained me”. With those words floating in the air, Aletamus breaks the neck of Rodimus and then throws him down on the ground. She then unleashes her blaster into his neck and chest just to be sure. Rodimus lie on the ground in agony as Aletamus takes aim at his spark. Bumblebee, Blurr, Roadbuster, and Prowl are rushing to the aid of their friend and leader; but it is Fernus that flies in fast and flies through the head of Aletamus Prime before she can finish what she started. Rodimus speaks to his fellow Autobots: “Bumblebee: you, like me have thrown caution to the wind and have fought valiantly in a fast-paced way. I give you the matrix of leadership, and ask that give up your impetuous ways and lead our fellow Autobots in the direction that they must go”. Bumblebee reaches out his hands to take and says: “This is a an honor that I have always wanted; but I fear that I am not the right Autobot for the job”. No sooner does Bumbelbee grab the matrix and put it in his chest does Warpath fire his chest-mounted tank gun right between the eyes of Roadbuster from atop the tallest building in the world: The Hudson's Building. Bumblebee transforms into his Camaro form and races to the bottom of the building and begins to climb up the side King Kong style. Warpath continues to fire laser blasts into the crowd from atop the Hudson's Building, where he is joined by his teammate The Human Bomb. Bumblebee reaches the top of the building and begins battling with Warpath, a fellow Autobot; but FFL enemy. “You don't deserve such an honor Bumblebee”!! Warpath screams as they pound each other with metal fists. Warpath is driven nearly insane by seeing these actions transpire on an enemy team of his, especially one that he dislikes as much as The Slaves. Bumblebee on the other hand fights with a new found level of hubris now that he carries the matrix within his chest. Warpath is losing the hand to hand battle when he says “I would rather the matrix be destroyed than it carried by the likes of you”!! With these words, Warpath picks up his own teammate The Human Bomb and shoves him into the mouth of Bumblebee while cracking up the chest of the yellow Autobot with his fists. The Human Bomb explodes killing Bumblebee and sending the matrix free-falling in mid-air. Prowl and Blurr see these acts transpire and handle the shock in their own way. Blurr screams “NOOOOOO” as Prowl transforms into his car form and begins racing in that direction. As the matrix is falling to the ground Prowl's RPMs are climbing. Prowl transforms from his police car form back into a robot and leaps through the air in the direction of the matrix. Prowl catches the matrix in his hands and rolls safely with the grab. While Warpath is climbing down The Hudson's Building as quickly as he can, and transforms into tank form once he gets back to the street. Prowl stand up with the matrix as he hears the voice of Alpha Trion speak to him: “Rise Prowlimus Prime”. Prowl is shocked to hear this; but he instinctively opens up his chest cavity and puts it safely inside for protection. Prowl transforms into what he expects to be his police car form; but is as surprised as anyone to see that his vehicle form is now that of a larger police tech SUV complete with tactical trailer. He races towards Warpath and crashes into the side of the tank, flipping the attack vehicle on its side. The damages Warpath transforms back into robot form; and is about to attack when Prowl pulls his laser rifle out and says: “I am sorry old friend; but you have lost your way”. He pulls the trigger and ends the life of the last Red Army Transformer. Blurr pulls up alongside Prowlimus Prime and says (quickly of course): “Well Prime, I look forward to fighting by your side. It seems as if it is not the Autobot leader that chooses his successor; but the matrix itself. Congratulations”.

Bill and Bud take out Ninja #1 and 2, while O Ren Ishi battles fiercely with General Kidd. Fernus takes flight and begins chasing after Whizzy the Supercat; but has trouble catching up with the pet. After the death of the ninjas Red Dog and Mercer begin battling with Bill and Bud in a fierce melee skirmish. Taurus uses his Saracen sword to slice up Vernita Green quicker than expected while Batgirl uses her darksaber to dispatch Elle Driver even quicker. Boots and Gizmo have are locked in a fierce battle of cuteness that has no end in sight. Green Arrow and Speedy each put an arrow into the chest of Benny and Tico. Dora then pulls out the orange Infinity Gem out of Backpack and attempts to put it to use. “Why couldn't they have just given me a lightsaber, I actually know how to use one of those” Dora says to Backpack and The Map as she holds the infinity gem in her hand.

Dora looks into the past and sees that she has the chance to turn back time should she so desire. She sees a time just moments ago when Benny and Tico were still alive. She sees a time before she was ever killed the first time, before Boots was ever killed the first time, and before she was ever drafted into the FFL. She sees the days when she was just a young carefree explorer whose most dangerous enemy was Swiper the Fox. Back home in Mexico under the warmth of the sun. But then she sees what undoing what has transpired would cause. Sure, her own life would be happier; but there would be no championship for The Commandos last year. No All-Star Game Victory. The hope of her leader, President Obama would not have come to fruition without her direct intervention. Dora holds back a tear and places the gem back in Backpack for now. Wishing once again that she was gifted with a lightsaber of some sort instead of this strange gem; but maybe one day she will know how to use it. Dora's dreams are then cut short by the Saracen sword of Taurus. Dora ducks out of the way in the nick of time; but the razor sharp blade rips Backpack and The Map in half off of her back. Dora dodges two more swings when O Ren Ishi yells “Dora... Think fast”. Ishi kicks the blade of Vernita Green into the air and directly into Dora's hands. Now this is something Dora can handle. It has been a while for Dora; but the training once again takes over and she moves fluidly. “This is no lightsaber, but it will do”. Dora says out loud as she battles with Taurus. She can't deny the superior strength and size of her opponent; but she does her best to compensate. Taurus swings twice as hard but she swings twice as often with her smaller and sleeker katana blade. Taurus comes down hard; but Dora spins out of the way. Dora swings her katana down on top of the already grounded Saracen sword driving it further into the ground, and causing it to get stuck for about half a second... Half a second... May as well be an hour... As this is more than enough time for Dora to plunge her katana into the chest of Taurus. Red Dog and Mercer are furious at the sight of their fellow renegade going down. And scream shouts of revenge as they swing their own weapons fiercely to finish off Bill and Bud. O Red Ishi holds off Red Dog and Taurus for a moment, while Fernus lands in front of Dora. “Something tells me that I need to take revenge on you young one.” Fernus says to Dora. Dora backs up slowly and is now very happy about the decision that she has already made.

Whizzy the Super-cat whizzes in at super-speed taking off Red Dog's head just after he broke the neck of O Ren Ishi. Dora leaps into the air and yells: “BOOTS: VAMANOS”!! Dora then grabs the foot of Whizzy and swings back to grab Boots by the tail as the three of them retreat from the battle. “C'mon Dora, I was about to finish off Gizmo”. Says Boots. “We left a lot unfinished in that one Boots... A lot”...

pussies vs Kitties

Flashpoint (Thomas Wayne) Batman and Red X in a Ferrari GTO, White Lantern Batman and Red X (Dick Grayson version) in a Ferrari 360 Modena, Mystery Inc.:  Fred, Velma, Daphne (w/ a star wand), Shaggy, and Scooby-Doo, w/ Scooby Dumb and Aunt May in a firetruck.,Kid Flash, Blue Beetle (Jamie Reyes), Mother Mae Eye, Man-Bat, Cinderblock, Mr. Majestic, Mr. Freeze, John and Mary Grayson (The Flying Graysons) w/ Smurf #7 in a Mail Jeep, (Kingdom Come) Hawkman, (Kingdom Come) Donna Troy, (Kingdom Come) Red Arrow, (Kingdom Come) Red Robin in a Go-Cart,The car from the movie Christine,(Kingdom Come) Robot Man, Iron Monger, M.O.D.O.T. on a Scooter, Judge Dredd, Wheeljack, M. Bison, The Mouse (from the Narnia movies)

Team sleeping pussy 

Rorschach wi Green Lantern Ring, The Vanisher, Lizard, Paul Kersey, Duncan McLeod wi Green Lightsaber, La Femme Nikita, Cloak & Dagger, S.D. Bob "Snake" Plissken wi Green Lantern Ring,Dirty Harry, Wildcat, Capt Boomerang, Bullseye wi Red Light Saber, Roy Batty wi Green Lightsaber, Mandalorion Armor,Travis Bickle wi shotgun, Blockbuster,Quicksilver, Flash "Jay Garrick", Unus the Untouchable,S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent #s 3-6,Bob the Goon

The two teams have talked it over and rather than risk damaging the space time continuum and cause more damage to the wonderful city of Detroit,  they will each choose their best warrior to fight to the death and the rest will try them from damaging their surroundings. The pussies choose Rorschach and the kitties choose M. Bison. The two men begin circling for a moment until Bison stops and expresses his displeasure with being matched up with Rorschach.

M. Bison: This is all your pitiful team has to offer the mighty BISON! I could tak you a…

Rorschach shuts Mr. Bison up with a left high kick to the mouth and then follows it up with a thudding overhand right that wobbles Bison. Rorschach shoots in for a takedown but is caught with a double knee press. Bison then grabs him by the waist, lifts him into the air, and then power bombs him to the ground. Bison goes in for a flow up shot but Rorschach kicks him away and leaps to his feet. Rorschach slips a punch and fires a series of punches to the mid section then slips another 3 punch combo only to move back in and land a 3 piece of his own. Bison grabs Rorschach in a bear hug and begins to crush the life out of him. Rorschach uses the power from his ring to form spikes all around his body. Bison quickly releases him but is so enraged that he tries his signature Psycho Crusher. Bad move Rorschach steps to the side, forms an axe with his ring, and then chops Bison in half. 

Aunt May: AWWW HORSES**T!