The Tijuana Taco Benders are: The Blob, Sith Lord #19 & 20, Dementor #6, The Revanchist, Jedi Master #4, and Kid Dead Pool
The Syracuse Valley are: Soundwave & Soundblaster w/ Laserbeak, Black Lantern Squawk Talk, Black Lantern Beast Box, Zombie Overkill, Decepticon #3, Decepticon Decoy #2, & Go-Bot #1, The Toxic Avenger, The Toxic Crusaders: Toxie, No-Zone, Junkyard, Headbanger, & Major Disaster, Cosmic Spider-Man, Hamato Yoshi, Splinter, and Venus Demilo
"What's this a*****e doing here" sneers Sith Lord #19 pointing at Jedi Master #4 "We don't need him and his side of the Force f******g us up in battle."
"Yeah, that guys a total dick" agrees Sith Lord #20
"That may be, but I know the dagobah system better than either of you two, and you're going to need all the help you can. I've seen what you two bring to battles and to say you're awful is an understatement." says the Jedi Master, not backing down from the two Sith Lords
"All of you, shut up" roars The Revanchist "I sense a being of massive cosmic power in the area, we need to be on the same page if we hope to overcome our opponents."
"Fine" spits Sith Lord #19 "But if this homo doesn't pull his weight, I'll kill him myself"
"Bring it" replies Jedi Master #4
The four different masters of the Force head off to join the fracas that has already begun. So far the Blob has been able to smother Hamato Yoshi, Splinter and Venus Demilo in it's form, but the Toxic Crusader was able to absorb the Blob and put an end to him. But the effort has swelled him to enormous sizes. He's no where near fast enoguh to save the Toxic Crusaders, and has to watch as they were all slain by Dementor #6 and Kid Deadpool. Toxie doesn't ahve to suffer long, though. The Revanchist joins the Dementor and Kid Deadpool and puts an end to Toxie's suffering, leaving him a steaming pile of waste that oozes into the Dagobah swamp and begins polluting a large area of the battlefield.
"Wow, looks like our team doesn't suck as much as our record suggests" says Kid Deadpool "Maybe Krisatu won't have to job us out again, I hear he's getting sick of doing that"
Before anyone is able to question Kid Deadpool's fourth wall bending, his chest explodes courtesy of Black Lantern Squawk Talk.
"Oh, dammit" says Sith Lord #20 "How the f*** are we supposed to beat the damn black lanterns? These a******s get us all the time!"
"I have an idea" #19 replies as he fires up his red lightsaber "Hey, Jedi. What color lightsaber do you have?"
"Green" says the Jedi igniting his weapon as well "Why?"
"Let's try something" and the Sith Lord and the Jedi both rush BL Squawk Talk and plunge their sabers into the demon, and are able to slay him
"Awesome!" exclaims the Jedi "It looks like our lightsaber frequencies are close enough to those of power rings that we're able to destroy the"
"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the exposition. Here comes another one" says #19 as Black Lantern Beat Box arrives on the scene. He's not there for long, as once again the combined green and red lightsabers are able to completely destroy the black lantern.
"Excellent" says the Revanchist as he destroys the Decepticon Decoy while Sith Lord #20 fries Soundblaster with force lightning "I think we might have a sh..."
his hopeful statement is cut short by a blast from Cosmic Spider-Man who eradicates the Revanchist.
"F***." says Lord #19 as he cuts off Laserbeaks head "#20 let's get him. and with that, the two dark masters of the Force begin to try and slay the cosmic wall crawler.
As they battle, the Jedi Master is doing pretty well for himself. His lightsaber skills brought about the death of the common Decepticon, and he was able to Force push the Gobot into the rotting, toxic corpse of the Toxic Crusader, eroding all the metal of the Gobot. Suddenly he's knocked off of his feet by zombie Overkill, who circles around to finish the job.
"Let's see if this works again" thinks the Jedi as he postions himself in front of the pile of toxic sludge that killed the GoBot. As the overly killed Overkill charges, the Jedi leaps, but not high enough. He and zombie Overkill hit the deadly mess and both begin to slowly dissolve.
As he's dying, the Jedi sees Soudwave destroyed as he tries to battle the Dementor but is struck by an errant blast of Force lightning from the Sith/Spidey fight. He uses his last bit of strength to hurl his lightsaber at cosmic Spider-Man just as Spidey kills Sith Lord #20. The saber glances off of Spider-Man and gives him a slight cut on the arm. Causing him to lose focus.
This is just the opportunity that Sith Lord #19 needs and he launches himself at Cosmic Spider-Man, plunging his lightsaber deep into Spidey's back.This last ditch effort is able to kill his opponent, but the Sith Lord is incinerated by the blast of cosmic power that is no longer being controlled by the friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man.
Everything in the general vicinity of the battle is eradicated, except for Dementor #6, who had no physical form to be burned up by the discharge.
The Tijuana Taco Benders: Dementor #6 survives
The Syracuse Valley: All Dead.
THE TIJUANA TACO BENDERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Season 4, Week 9: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs. George Washington's Slaves
“Do or do not. . . there is no try.”
-Yoda
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 9 Match located in Dagobah. They are as follows:
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress (w/ a Sith lavarouk), Aurra Sing, X-23, Psylocke, Salacious B. Crumb, Baby Wolverine, Zombie Ewok #4 and Kermit the Frog.
George Washington’s Slaves: Yoda (w/ a green lantern ring) and Kybuck, Sifo Dyas, Hound (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership) (AKA: Houndimus Prime), Black Lantern Darkseid and Savage Opress (w/ a red lantern ring).
Let the battle begin. . .
Yoda rides his Kybuck toward the opening battle. He rises from the steed through the use of his green lantern ring. Yoda gently lands on his home world’s ground. He notices an enemy at the edge of the swamp’s waters.
Kermit: Hi, ho! Kermit the Frog here!
Yoda: Come to my house do you?
Kermit the Frog: Time’s fun when you’re having flies.
Yoda: Believe you are stronger than I do you?
Kermit: It’s not easy being green.
Yoda (ears slightly drooping): Ugh. About it do tell.
Kermit has distracted Yoda with his musings. Baby Wolverine jumps from a branch above. Yoda’s Force senses kick in immediately and before Baby Wolverine can react in time, he is sliced in two. Salacious B. Crumb can be heard laughing at the scene.
Kermit: G-d d*amn! You mother f*ckin’ lizard piece of sh*t! Baby Wolverine was on your own team!!! Why the f*ck are you laughing, you f*ck?!?!
Salacious B. Crumb attempts to comprehend the words of Kermit, but fails. Kermit’s words are lost on him and he begins to cackle again. Yoda uses the Force to carry Crumb over to Kermit. Yoda does a barrel flip and bounds over to the duo. In a matter of seconds, both Kermit and Crumb are killed by the diminutive Jedi.
As Yoda’s Kybuck races through the foliage, he is struck by a spear that pierces into the beast’s side. The Kybuck crashes to the ground. Zombie Ewok #4 walks out of the bushes and rips into the mortally wounded Kybuck. Zombie Ewok #4 feasts on the dead Kybuck’s entrails.
Ewok: Nyubray hooga chobak! [Translation: Tastes like chicken!]
Sifo Dyas sees Count Dooku.
Sifo Dyas: We meet again Count Dooku.
Count Dooku: Unfortunately for you, the same conclusion will follow.
History repeats itself and after a protracted battle of lightsabers Dyas is killed by Dooku.
Aurra Sing is located on a large branch with Savage Opress in her sights. She fires and Opress manages to deflect the sniper fire at the last second. As Opress is about to fight Sing, Houndimus Prime steps into the fray and blasts Sing. Her scorched body falls to the ground below.
Opress: She was mine. . .
Opress storms off, embittered that he was unable to destroy his prey. He is not allowed to brew long though as he spots Dooku joined by Asajj Ventress. Dooku smiles at the sight of Opress.
Asajj: I am your apprentice, master, not this Zabrak scum!
Asajj jumps at Opress and lightsabers flash as the two Dooku apprentices tussle. The red lantern ring of Opress manages to outduel the Sith lavarouk of Ventress. In the end, Opress manages to impale Ventress. As a mortally wounded Ventress crawls toward Dooku, Opress finishes the job and kills her. Dooku then smiles, once again.
Dooku: You have defeated a mere apprentice. Let’s see how you fare against your superior.
Opress does not fair well as Dooku slices him in half. Opress shares the fate of that other “notable” Zabrak.
X-23 and Psylocke fight Black Lantern Darkseid. BL Darkseid’s black lantern constructs and psionic energy combines into a force too powerful for X-23. X-23 perishes. Psylocke manages to use her psycho-blast to rip into BL Darkseid. The black lantern’s body begins to re-assemble itself. Psylocke manages to blast him again. Then, in a miraculous feat of fighting ability (and a whole lot of luck), Psylocke manages to use her psychic kitana sword to destroy the ring. Thus, BL Darkseid becomes inert. Houndimus Prime cannot believe this mere mutant could defeat such a powerful entity. The Transformer unleashes his entire arsenal upon Psylocke, who is decimated by the weaponry.
Yoda faces Count Dooku and Zombie Ewok #4. The crazed ewok runs at Yoda, who easily spins away and slices off its head.
Yoda: For Kybuck that was.
Dooku: I've been waiting for you, Yoda. We meet again at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master.
Yoda: Stolen that line you have. Better the first time it was.
Yoda and Dooku enter into a pitched battle. In the end, Yoda’s fighting ability and green lantern ring are too powerful for the older statesman. Yoda is victorious. Houndimus Prime joins the Jedi.
Yoda: A formidable force did we face in the Midgets. Kudos to them do they deserve. Victory though is ours!
The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants: All dead.
George Washington’s Slaves: Yoda and Hound survive.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Yoda
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 9 Match located in Dagobah. They are as follows:
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress (w/ a Sith lavarouk), Aurra Sing, X-23, Psylocke, Salacious B. Crumb, Baby Wolverine, Zombie Ewok #4 and Kermit the Frog.
George Washington’s Slaves: Yoda (w/ a green lantern ring) and Kybuck, Sifo Dyas, Hound (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership) (AKA: Houndimus Prime), Black Lantern Darkseid and Savage Opress (w/ a red lantern ring).
Let the battle begin. . .
Yoda rides his Kybuck toward the opening battle. He rises from the steed through the use of his green lantern ring. Yoda gently lands on his home world’s ground. He notices an enemy at the edge of the swamp’s waters.
Kermit: Hi, ho! Kermit the Frog here!
Yoda: Come to my house do you?
Kermit the Frog: Time’s fun when you’re having flies.
Yoda: Believe you are stronger than I do you?
Kermit: It’s not easy being green.
Yoda (ears slightly drooping): Ugh. About it do tell.
Kermit has distracted Yoda with his musings. Baby Wolverine jumps from a branch above. Yoda’s Force senses kick in immediately and before Baby Wolverine can react in time, he is sliced in two. Salacious B. Crumb can be heard laughing at the scene.
Kermit: G-d d*amn! You mother f*ckin’ lizard piece of sh*t! Baby Wolverine was on your own team!!! Why the f*ck are you laughing, you f*ck?!?!
Salacious B. Crumb attempts to comprehend the words of Kermit, but fails. Kermit’s words are lost on him and he begins to cackle again. Yoda uses the Force to carry Crumb over to Kermit. Yoda does a barrel flip and bounds over to the duo. In a matter of seconds, both Kermit and Crumb are killed by the diminutive Jedi.
As Yoda’s Kybuck races through the foliage, he is struck by a spear that pierces into the beast’s side. The Kybuck crashes to the ground. Zombie Ewok #4 walks out of the bushes and rips into the mortally wounded Kybuck. Zombie Ewok #4 feasts on the dead Kybuck’s entrails.
Ewok: Nyubray hooga chobak! [Translation: Tastes like chicken!]
Sifo Dyas sees Count Dooku.
Sifo Dyas: We meet again Count Dooku.
Count Dooku: Unfortunately for you, the same conclusion will follow.
History repeats itself and after a protracted battle of lightsabers Dyas is killed by Dooku.
Aurra Sing is located on a large branch with Savage Opress in her sights. She fires and Opress manages to deflect the sniper fire at the last second. As Opress is about to fight Sing, Houndimus Prime steps into the fray and blasts Sing. Her scorched body falls to the ground below.
Opress: She was mine. . .
Opress storms off, embittered that he was unable to destroy his prey. He is not allowed to brew long though as he spots Dooku joined by Asajj Ventress. Dooku smiles at the sight of Opress.
Asajj: I am your apprentice, master, not this Zabrak scum!
Asajj jumps at Opress and lightsabers flash as the two Dooku apprentices tussle. The red lantern ring of Opress manages to outduel the Sith lavarouk of Ventress. In the end, Opress manages to impale Ventress. As a mortally wounded Ventress crawls toward Dooku, Opress finishes the job and kills her. Dooku then smiles, once again.
Dooku: You have defeated a mere apprentice. Let’s see how you fare against your superior.
Opress does not fair well as Dooku slices him in half. Opress shares the fate of that other “notable” Zabrak.
X-23 and Psylocke fight Black Lantern Darkseid. BL Darkseid’s black lantern constructs and psionic energy combines into a force too powerful for X-23. X-23 perishes. Psylocke manages to use her psycho-blast to rip into BL Darkseid. The black lantern’s body begins to re-assemble itself. Psylocke manages to blast him again. Then, in a miraculous feat of fighting ability (and a whole lot of luck), Psylocke manages to use her psychic kitana sword to destroy the ring. Thus, BL Darkseid becomes inert. Houndimus Prime cannot believe this mere mutant could defeat such a powerful entity. The Transformer unleashes his entire arsenal upon Psylocke, who is decimated by the weaponry.
Yoda faces Count Dooku and Zombie Ewok #4. The crazed ewok runs at Yoda, who easily spins away and slices off its head.
Yoda: For Kybuck that was.
Dooku: I've been waiting for you, Yoda. We meet again at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master.
Yoda: Stolen that line you have. Better the first time it was.
Yoda and Dooku enter into a pitched battle. In the end, Yoda’s fighting ability and green lantern ring are too powerful for the older statesman. Yoda is victorious. Houndimus Prime joins the Jedi.
Yoda: A formidable force did we face in the Midgets. Kudos to them do they deserve. Victory though is ours!
The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants: All dead.
George Washington’s Slaves: Yoda and Hound survive.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Season 4, Week 9: Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad
“You have a strong heart. No fear. But stupid! Ignorant like a child!”
-Neytiri
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 9 Match located in Dagobah. They are as follows:
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Dark Supergirl, Predator #47, Monarch, The Black Racer, Freddy Krueger (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Neytiri, Mr. Mint (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Doozer #7.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad: The Blob, Perfuma, Dr. Octopus, Goliath, Mighty Joe Young and Gorilla Grodd.
Let the battle begin. . .
Doozer #7 shuffles through the muck. A crashing is heard as a large bush parts displaying an enraged Mighty Joe Young. The ape lifts Doozer #7 off the ground and rips him apart. Mighty Joe Young screams in triumph and then in pain as a blast hits his shoulder. Predator #47’s mounted, shoulder cannon is smoking. The great ape rushes at Predator #47 who impales the ape with a giant spear-like weapon. Mighty Joe Young cringes and holds his stomach in agony. Mr. Mint takes advantage of the ape’s wounds and frantically lashes out at Mighty Joe Young with his blue lightsaber. The combined Predator #47 and Mr. Mint duo manage to kill Mighty Joe Young.
Neytiri searches for prey from the treetops. The blue alien locates Gorilla Grodd. She pulls her bowstring back and lets an arrow fly. The pointed projectile strikes Grodd in the side. Grodd bellows in pain. The hyper-intelligent ape then uses his psionic powers and knocks Neytiri off of the trunk which she stands. Neytiri grasps onto the branch below and hisses. In response, Grodd hisses back. Grodd then uses his psionic powers, once again, to pull Neytiri next to him. His super strength tears the alien in half. Dark Supergirl flies at Grodd in response to the ape killing her teammate. Perfuma also comes to the scene and uses her ecomancer powers. Strands of vines and foliage encase Grodd. Before Grodd is able to use his psionic abilities and strength to break out of the green gauntlets, Dark Supergirl uses her super speed to become a weapon herself. She crushes Grodd’s skull and flies off. A successful Perfuma walks away from Grodd’s dead body. As she takes another step, Monarch teleports next to her. Monarch then blasts Perfuma to cinders.
Dr. Octopus notices Predator #47 scanning for additional prey. His tentacles embrace Predator #47 and crush him to death. Freddy Krueger uses his yellow lantern ring to create his own tentacle construct. Krueger beats and kills Dr. Octopus at his own game. A laughing Krueger flies away. . . straight into the Blob. Although Krueger attempts to escape, the dream warrior cannot escape and is sucked into the gelatinous creature.
The Blob shambles through the swamp’s foliage. Mr. Mint runs away and is pounced upon by Goliath. The gargoyle waits for the Blob to come near them. When his teammate is close, Goliath drop kicks Mr. Mint into the Blob. Mr. Mint is engulfed and dies. One can almost hear the minty belch that escapes from the Blob. The Black Racer skis his way to the fray and uses his cosmic powers to rip the Blob apart. Monarch and Dark Supergirl kill Goliath.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Dark Supergirl, Monarch and Black Racer survive.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad: All dead.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Neytiri
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 9 Match located in Dagobah. They are as follows:
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Dark Supergirl, Predator #47, Monarch, The Black Racer, Freddy Krueger (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Neytiri, Mr. Mint (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Doozer #7.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad: The Blob, Perfuma, Dr. Octopus, Goliath, Mighty Joe Young and Gorilla Grodd.
Let the battle begin. . .
Doozer #7 shuffles through the muck. A crashing is heard as a large bush parts displaying an enraged Mighty Joe Young. The ape lifts Doozer #7 off the ground and rips him apart. Mighty Joe Young screams in triumph and then in pain as a blast hits his shoulder. Predator #47’s mounted, shoulder cannon is smoking. The great ape rushes at Predator #47 who impales the ape with a giant spear-like weapon. Mighty Joe Young cringes and holds his stomach in agony. Mr. Mint takes advantage of the ape’s wounds and frantically lashes out at Mighty Joe Young with his blue lightsaber. The combined Predator #47 and Mr. Mint duo manage to kill Mighty Joe Young.
Neytiri searches for prey from the treetops. The blue alien locates Gorilla Grodd. She pulls her bowstring back and lets an arrow fly. The pointed projectile strikes Grodd in the side. Grodd bellows in pain. The hyper-intelligent ape then uses his psionic powers and knocks Neytiri off of the trunk which she stands. Neytiri grasps onto the branch below and hisses. In response, Grodd hisses back. Grodd then uses his psionic powers, once again, to pull Neytiri next to him. His super strength tears the alien in half. Dark Supergirl flies at Grodd in response to the ape killing her teammate. Perfuma also comes to the scene and uses her ecomancer powers. Strands of vines and foliage encase Grodd. Before Grodd is able to use his psionic abilities and strength to break out of the green gauntlets, Dark Supergirl uses her super speed to become a weapon herself. She crushes Grodd’s skull and flies off. A successful Perfuma walks away from Grodd’s dead body. As she takes another step, Monarch teleports next to her. Monarch then blasts Perfuma to cinders.
Dr. Octopus notices Predator #47 scanning for additional prey. His tentacles embrace Predator #47 and crush him to death. Freddy Krueger uses his yellow lantern ring to create his own tentacle construct. Krueger beats and kills Dr. Octopus at his own game. A laughing Krueger flies away. . . straight into the Blob. Although Krueger attempts to escape, the dream warrior cannot escape and is sucked into the gelatinous creature.
The Blob shambles through the swamp’s foliage. Mr. Mint runs away and is pounced upon by Goliath. The gargoyle waits for the Blob to come near them. When his teammate is close, Goliath drop kicks Mr. Mint into the Blob. Mr. Mint is engulfed and dies. One can almost hear the minty belch that escapes from the Blob. The Black Racer skis his way to the fray and uses his cosmic powers to rip the Blob apart. Monarch and Dark Supergirl kill Goliath.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Dark Supergirl, Monarch and Black Racer survive.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad: All dead.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Season 4 week 8 Team SP vs The Kennelz of Lurve
Team SP is: The Watchmen: Rorschach, Dr. Manhattan, Comedian, Ozymandias, Nite Owl II, Captain Metropolis and Silk Spectre II; The Minutemen: Nite Owl I, Silk Spectre I, Dollar Bill, Mothman, Silhouette, Young Comedian, Young Captain Metropolis and Hooded Justice; Bubastis, Planetary: Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, Ambrose Chase and The Drummer; Dirty Harry Callahan, Snake Plissken, Paul Kersey, Black Cat and the Smoking Man.
The Kennelz are: Galactus, Terrax, Fin Fang Foom, Dr. Doomsday, Green Lantern #2, Oa Guardians #1-4, Daniel LaRusso w/Green Lantern Ring, Olivia Munn.
Some places in the universe are what I like to call "event magnets." Important things just happen there, all the time. Gotham City, Bayside High, the surprisingly roomy back seat of Josh's Jeep Wrangler… you get the idea.
Our battle begins in one such place: The top of the Giant globe on the Daily Planet.
"WHAT?!!!" shouts Snake to Elijah.
"I SAID, IT'S REALLY WINDY SO IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO COMMUNICATE UP HERE, WE SHOULD MOVE!" he responded.
"NO I DON'T THINK THE BEST DISNEY MOVIE WAS EMPERORS NEW GROOVE! WHY IS THAT RELEVANT?" snake said.
At this moment a looming shadow fell across the land and the wind suddenly died down.
"ah crap… well you know what old Snake Plissken says when the wind is howling and the demons are bangin at the gates…" snake began to ramble.
"None of those things are happening Snake, besides that's not even your shtick.." replied Elijah.
The ground roared at this moment and the daily planet globe became unhinged from its anchors and plummeted toward the Metropolis street below landing with a deafening crash on the head of Olivia Munn.
"HOLY CRAP! DID YOU SEE THAT! Crushed her like a bug!" shouted the green lanternified karate kid.
"Yeah.. heh, I don't care how pretty you are, gravity always seems to ruin it." says Green Lantern #2
What they were unaware of, was what caused the quake that shook the globe loose from the building.
Galactus had sunk his gigantic fingers into the sides of the planet (not "The Planet" like Jimmy refers to his workplace as… I mean the planet… like Earth)
His giant mouth was bearing down on metropolis to try and end the fight once and for all when every single flight control system on earth sent all of their planes into high orbit at that location, all the missile defense systems around the globe simultaneously launched their payloads in the giant's direction. The resulting explosion of planes caused the giant to hesitate, long enough for the missiles to land and leave his smoldering purple hat the only thing that remained to cover the bleeding stump between his shoulders.
Dr. Doomsday immediately stepped up to face the attack he felt was inevitable during the chaos… but none came…
At least not right away: the Fing Fang Foom was making its way down the street towards his teammates who had gathered at the impact site of the globe when it happened.
"Was that a train whistle?" said Oa Guardian #1…
"Impossible," replied Guardian #2 "the nearest train track is miles away from here…"
"WOOOOH WOOOOOOOOOH" the train's PA system emits an almost human whistle as it slams into the back of the giant three headed dragon/lizard/dinosaur/whateverthehell sending Fing Fang Foom flying through the streets, his tail and wings slamming into cars and parking meters.
The giant green monster comes to a dead stop as he slams into the globe digging it further into the ground and obliterating Green Lantern #2 who was standing a little too close.
"Who is doing this?! It's like the city itself is attacking us!" Shouted Danny through the clouds of dust.
"CHHHKK attention, May I have your attention Please CChhhkkk" a disembodied voice came from the nearest emergency broadcast system antenna.
"is he making the chhkk noises with his mouth?" terrax asked nobody in particular…
"CCHHHKKK uuhh shut up Terrax. Now, sweep the leg Johnny… chhkkk" said the voice.
At this point Rorschach emerged from the haze and kicked the side of Daniel's knee so hard that he instantly crumpled. A wild blast from his ring struck Ozymandias in the head killing him instantly. The rest of team SP then moved in for the kill.
Gunfire rips through the street striking a distracted Daniel Laruso and mortally wounding him. The willful boy is able to channel his focus through his ring and lash out at his nearest enemies he kills Black Cat and the Smoking Man before succumbing to his fatal injuries.
A man emerges from the dust. And Squares off with Dr. Doomsday.
"Man you're ugly" he says.
"I thought you'd be taller." Replies Dr. Doomsday. Who then moves in to attack the figure.
"I get that a lot!" Snake responds as he dodges the Dr.'s double axe handle swing and rolls out of the way of a kick that would have shattered his spine.
"Mr. Smarmy's got backup son…" says Dirty Harry as he unloads his revolver into the chest of the armored behemoth. The .357 magnum rounds punch easily through the steel plated armor of Dr. Doomsday and he collapses.
The Oan Guardians form a protective circle around Terrax . Terrax uses his powers to haul giant boulders out of the shattered street and hurls them at Plissken. The boulders crush Snake and Dirty Harry both.
"CHHHKkkkk:" The loud speaker grinds again. "Now you're asking yourself… did I throw 430 planes at Galactus or 429?"
Terrax responds "Please, another plane? I think we can manage" Terrax then pulls the earth and huge chunks of concrete around himself and the guardians creating an insulated cocoon protecting them from any impact.
"Who are you anyway!?"
The names Drummer…. And I'm not really limited to hitting you from above.
Drummer then taps into the city's utilities server and creates a vacuum at the water filtration plants, he uses the Vaccuum to route boiling water from every building in the city to the section of pipes underneath Terrax and the Guardians, boiling them alive like shellfish in a dutch oven.
Team SP is Victorious!
Dirty Harry, Snake Plissken, Black Cat, The Smoking Man, and Ozymandias have fallen.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad Vs The Transfoamers
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is….
Supergirl, Supreme and Radar, Suprema w/blue lantern ring, Spider Woman, Bonecrusher, Barricade, Brainstrom and Arcana, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker
The Transfoamers are…
Transformers #1-10, Major William Lennox, Chief Master Sergeant Robert Epps, ACWO Forge Figueroa, First Sergeant Donnelly, (zombies) Soundwave and Frenzy, Jedi Masters #9, 29
Supergirl waits with her team on main street in the heart of metropolis.
Supergirl: Were are these p****’s, I don’t have all day.
Just as Supergirl is finishing her sentence, 10 rough looking cars roll up in a v formation. They accelerate and then transform, propelling themselves through the air. Supergirl catches #5 by the ankle and slams him into the street shattering the robot. She grabs for another but then hears one behind her and turns for face it. To Supergirl’s surprise this Transformer to bypasses her as if she is not a threat and goes right for the opposing cybertronians. This sends her into a blind rage.
Supergirl: MOTHER F****ER!!!!
As the Transformers are fighting amongst each other, Supergirl fly’s up and begins indiscriminately crushing and smashing. Transformer 3 and 7 are used a bludgeoning weapons. Barricade is fatally wounded when Supergirl winds up and hits him in the head, She then performs a spin move a takes out numbers 8,9,and 6. Transformers 3 and 7 are now so badly damaged that they are not a threat, but they are also no longer useful weapons, so Supergirl hurls them into space.
Now that she has clamed down she focuses and rounds up the remaining enemy robots. Just as she is about to kill them all she is hit with a saber round that knocks her down. Chief Master Sergeant Robert Epps, ACWO Forge Figueroa, and First Sergeant Donnelly rush the downed kryptonian. They kick her around for a bit , shoot her a few more times to make sure she doesn’t get up, and then Sergeant Epps reaches down and begins cutting off her uniform.
First Sergeant Donnelly: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MAN?!!!
Chief Master Sergeant Robert Epps: Don’t you judge me, this is war and alls fair in love and war, and its not everyday that a black man gets to see a white girls t*****‘s!
Before their teammate is sexually assaulted, Suprema, Spider Woman, Supreme and Radar rip the flesh off the humans bodies. Now they turn their attention to the transformers but fortunately for them Zombie Frenzy and Soundwave have already eaten the remaining cybertronians. Thinking they have won they begin to regroup and congratulate each other. That’s when the Jedi strike, Jedi master # 29 cuts radar into 3 pieces. Jedi Master # 9 goes up against Suprema and is quickly killed with and energy blast. Now angry that they have been ambushed the remaining members of the Annihilation squad disarm Jedi Master # 29 and begin ripping small chunks of flesh from his body until he is a clean skeleton.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is victorious!
Transfoamers:All Dead
Xavier's Annihilation squad:Supreme, Suprema w/blue lantern ring, Spider Woman, Bonecrusher, Barricade, Brainstrom and Arcana, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker
Supergirl, Supreme and Radar, Suprema w/blue lantern ring, Spider Woman, Bonecrusher, Barricade, Brainstrom and Arcana, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker
The Transfoamers are…
Transformers #1-10, Major William Lennox, Chief Master Sergeant Robert Epps, ACWO Forge Figueroa, First Sergeant Donnelly, (zombies) Soundwave and Frenzy, Jedi Masters #9, 29
Supergirl waits with her team on main street in the heart of metropolis.
Supergirl: Were are these p****’s, I don’t have all day.
Just as Supergirl is finishing her sentence, 10 rough looking cars roll up in a v formation. They accelerate and then transform, propelling themselves through the air. Supergirl catches #5 by the ankle and slams him into the street shattering the robot. She grabs for another but then hears one behind her and turns for face it. To Supergirl’s surprise this Transformer to bypasses her as if she is not a threat and goes right for the opposing cybertronians. This sends her into a blind rage.
Supergirl: MOTHER F****ER!!!!
As the Transformers are fighting amongst each other, Supergirl fly’s up and begins indiscriminately crushing and smashing. Transformer 3 and 7 are used a bludgeoning weapons. Barricade is fatally wounded when Supergirl winds up and hits him in the head, She then performs a spin move a takes out numbers 8,9,and 6. Transformers 3 and 7 are now so badly damaged that they are not a threat, but they are also no longer useful weapons, so Supergirl hurls them into space.
Now that she has clamed down she focuses and rounds up the remaining enemy robots. Just as she is about to kill them all she is hit with a saber round that knocks her down. Chief Master Sergeant Robert Epps, ACWO Forge Figueroa, and First Sergeant Donnelly rush the downed kryptonian. They kick her around for a bit , shoot her a few more times to make sure she doesn’t get up, and then Sergeant Epps reaches down and begins cutting off her uniform.
First Sergeant Donnelly: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MAN?!!!
Chief Master Sergeant Robert Epps: Don’t you judge me, this is war and alls fair in love and war, and its not everyday that a black man gets to see a white girls t*****‘s!
Before their teammate is sexually assaulted, Suprema, Spider Woman, Supreme and Radar rip the flesh off the humans bodies. Now they turn their attention to the transformers but fortunately for them Zombie Frenzy and Soundwave have already eaten the remaining cybertronians. Thinking they have won they begin to regroup and congratulate each other. That’s when the Jedi strike, Jedi master # 29 cuts radar into 3 pieces. Jedi Master # 9 goes up against Suprema and is quickly killed with and energy blast. Now angry that they have been ambushed the remaining members of the Annihilation squad disarm Jedi Master # 29 and begin ripping small chunks of flesh from his body until he is a clean skeleton.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is victorious!
Transfoamers:All Dead
Xavier's Annihilation squad:Supreme, Suprema w/blue lantern ring, Spider Woman, Bonecrusher, Barricade, Brainstrom and Arcana, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker
"America needs a break from me" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & "WE GOT THE MOTHER F#%@ER!!!" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's vs George Washington's Slaves
"America needs a break from me" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & "WE GOT THE MOTHER F#%@ER!!!" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's are Dex-Starr, Karu-Sil, Fatality, Taa, Black Lantern Optimus Prime, Batzarro, Captain Latin America, Cannon Man, The Bottomless Stomach & Kid-Nee, Ginny Weasly, Luna Lovegood, Spider-Man, Claire Danes, David Hasselhoff, Lady Gaga, and Black Lantern Dozer #1.
George Washington’s Slaves are Yoda (w/Green Lantern Ring) on Kybuck, Houndimus Prime, Agen Kolar, Sifo-Dyas, Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, Cade Skywalker, Amazo, Black Lantern Darkseid, Jedi Master #2, Jedi Knights #1B-6B, and Savage Opress (w/Red Lantern Ring).
Shortly before the Commandos departed for Metropolis Lady Gaga, Claire Danes and David Hasselhoff are called into the offices of their Head Coach, President Barack Obama. “Guys, take a seat, will you?” says the President. Nervously, the three Commandos sit down in front of Obama’s desk. “In lieu of what has just transpired this evening, I’m…well…how should I put this… feeling a little frosty. So. I have decided. That you three. Will not be getting the start this week. Instead. I’m going to lead the Commandos into victory. Against. George Washington’s Slaves. Thank you. Good night. God bless. And God Bless the Commandos. The President stands up, takes his normal navy suit coat off and straps on a tactical vest that is fully loaded with weapons and ammunition. “Wow. I haven’t seen the Prez this fired up before,” says David Hasselhoff. “Yeah no kidding. Did you see the glimmer in his eye? He looked like he was ready to take on the entire American League by himself,” Claire replies.
Back in the locker room of the Slaves, Head Coach George Washington and Yoda are meditating in President Washington’s chambers. “Hmmm, a line up change the Commandos have made,” Yoda says. “Yes, I feel it as well. President Obama is going to lead his team into battle,” Washington responds. “It’s an honorable move. One that I will oblige. However, Kybuck will need to remain her in the locker room, Master Yoda.” “Understand do I. Depart let us,” Yoda replies. President Washington then grabs his green lightsaber and orders his team to prepare for battle.
The hour is late, and the Slaves are the first ones to arrive. The Jedi squad all pile out of the back of Houndimus Prime as he pulls to a stop right in front of the statues of Superman and Superboy in Centennial Park. Amazo and Savage Opress (courtesy of his Red Lantern ring) fly over head providing cover for the Slaves. There are then several flashes of different colored lights that zip through the air towards them as the Commandos arrive on the scene. Dex-Starr, Karu-Sil, Fatality, and Taa all fly through the air and attack Amazo at once. The android quickly begins to adapt itself and uses the Lanterns’ own powers against them. Taa is melted by a bath of red energy that Amazo spews at him. Savage Opress ignites his double-bladed lightsaber as he attacks Karu-Sil. The Yellow Lantern sicks her yellow energy attack dogs on the Nightbrother, but he slices through them with his lightsaber. He then flies up to her and coats her with red rage energy as he cuts her head clean off. Fatality tries to battle Amazo, but the android is way too powerful for a mere Star Sapphire and succumbs to his might. Dex-Starr finds himself being attacked by a Green Lantern ring wielding Yoda, who quickly overpowers the cat with his mastery of the Force and his ring. Savage Opress is then hit hard by a cannonball that was fired out of Cannon Man’s mouth. The Nightbrother falls to the ground and lands right in front of President Obama. He pulls out a KA-BAR and drives it into the base of Opress’s skull.
The duo of Ginny Weasly and Luna Lovegood find themselves being attacked by a Zombie Ki Adi Mundi. The two try and blast him with several magical spells, but he blocks them with a corrupted version of the Force. They then hear several small beeping noises coming from behind the half-dead Jedi master. Ki Adi’s head then soon explodes, thanks to a couple small explosives President Obama had stuck to him. “Thanks Mr. President,” the girls say in unison. “His death does not mark the end of our effort. So on your feet girls,” says the President. They follow the President who also has Batzarro with him when they are attacked by Cade Skywalker, Agen Kolar and Sifo-Dyas. Batzarro sacrifices himself by leaping in front of Skywalker’s lightsaber that was meant for the President. Obama then unloads his M-45 MEUSOC into the chest of Skywalker. Ginny and Luna hit Masters Kolar and Dyas with dual magical spells, knocking them to the ground. The President then uses his Milkor MGL to fire several grenades at the Jedi’s, thus blowing them to pieces. Obama then kneels down and picks up Cade Skywalker’s lightsaber. “Never know. We may need this,” he says to the girls.
Black Lantern Optimus Prime then searches out Houndimus Prime. “Ahh, Hound. If you could. I’d like MY Matrix back,” says the Black Lantern. “You’re not really Optimus. The REAL Optimus Prime would never make such a request,” retorts Houndimus. “Fine then. How about I just take it!!” screams Black Lantern Optimus as he lunges at Houndimus and tries to rip the Matrix of Leadership out of Houndimus’s chest. The former Autobot scout kicks the manifestation of his former leader off of him and blasts him with his laser rifle. He blows Black Lantern Optimus’s head clean off. But it reforms moments later. Black Lantern Prime flies back at Houndimus and begins to tear at his chest. He is then blasted back by and incoming Yoda. “The Matrix, powerful weapon it is,” the Jedi Master says to his teammate. Yoda then continues his attack and with the combination of the Force and his Green Lantern ring is able to eradicate Black Lantern Optimus Prime.
Meanwhile in front of LexCorp Towers, Captain Latin America, The Bottomless Stomach, Kid-Nee and Cannon Man are surrounded by Jedi Master #2, and Jedi Knights #1B - 6B. Captain Latin America launches his shield into the air and knocks Jedi Knight #6B down. Jedi Knight #3B leaps into the air to attack, but the Bottomless Stomach opens his mouth and swallows him whole. Cannon Man is firing multiple cannonballs at the Jedi Knights, forcing them to take cover. This allows Black Lantern Dozer #1 to fly and in shoot right through the chest cavity of Jedi Knight #1B. Then Jedi Master #2 and Jedi Knight #5B double team Black Lantern Dozer #1 to take him out. Black Lantern Darkseid then arrives and crushes Kid-Nee. The Bottomless Stomach lunges towards the Black Lantern with his mouth wide open, but receives a blast of Omega Beams right down the gullet, and frying him from the inside out. Captain Latin America finishes of Jedi Knight #6B just in time to witness Black Lantern Darkseid ripping the heart out of Cannon Man. Captain Latin America goes to attack, but is scooped up by Spider-Man, who swings by on his webbing. “What are you doin’ esse??” asks Captain Latin America. “Dude, come on, that guy would have annihilated you!” replies Spider-Man. “Besides, we’ve got to regroup with the President.”
Spider-Man and Captain Latin America finally meet up with President Obama, Ginny Weasly and Luna Lovegood. They quickly find themselves outnumbered against the Slaves with Black Lantern Darkseid leading the pack. He fires his Omega Beams straight at President Obama, but the beams jut around him and incinerate Ginny and Luna. Captain Latin America and Spider-Man rush into action as President Obama finds himself face to face with Black Lantern Darkseid. “What powers could you possibly have to defeat someone like me?” bellows BL Darkseid. A calm and collected President replies, “Powers? Powers you ask, huh? How about the power of the whole free world at my disposal.” Black Lantern Darkseid begins to laugh at such a preposterous statement. Obama takes advantage of this moment and drives Cade Skywalker’s lightsaber deep into BL Darkseid’s chest and slaps chunk of C4 to Darkseid’s torso. He then ducks out of the way of an oncoming Amazo attack. The android crashes into his own teammate and causes an explosion that kills both of them. Captain Latin America is overwhelmed by Jedi Master #2 and Jedi Knight #4B and is defeated. Spider-Man, however, is able to take out Jedi Knight #5B and Jedi Knight #2B before being knocked back by Yoda’s Green Lantern ring. George Washington then slowly, but purposefully makes his way right towards President Obama. “I heard what you’ve done this week, and I wanted to come and personally congratulate you,” Washington says to Obama. “Thank you very much Mr. President, but our match isn’t over with yet,” replies Obama. “You misunderstand me,” Washington says back. “I heard you finally eliminated Osama Bin Laden. Good work. But you will not win this battle. You have fought valiantly. This battle, however, has been won by the Slaves. I am sorry.” “Come on, Mr. President he’s right, let’s go,” Spider-Man says to his Head Coach. Washington extends his hand out to Obama, who receives the handshake as the battle concludes. As Spider-Man and the President leave Metropolis, Spidey turns to him and says “Dude you realize you took out Black Lantern Darkseid and Bin Laden in the same week??”
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
George Washington’s Slaves are Yoda (w/Green Lantern Ring) on Kybuck, Houndimus Prime, Agen Kolar, Sifo-Dyas, Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, Cade Skywalker, Amazo, Black Lantern Darkseid, Jedi Master #2, Jedi Knights #1B-6B, and Savage Opress (w/Red Lantern Ring).
Shortly before the Commandos departed for Metropolis Lady Gaga, Claire Danes and David Hasselhoff are called into the offices of their Head Coach, President Barack Obama. “Guys, take a seat, will you?” says the President. Nervously, the three Commandos sit down in front of Obama’s desk. “In lieu of what has just transpired this evening, I’m…well…how should I put this… feeling a little frosty. So. I have decided. That you three. Will not be getting the start this week. Instead. I’m going to lead the Commandos into victory. Against. George Washington’s Slaves. Thank you. Good night. God bless. And God Bless the Commandos. The President stands up, takes his normal navy suit coat off and straps on a tactical vest that is fully loaded with weapons and ammunition. “Wow. I haven’t seen the Prez this fired up before,” says David Hasselhoff. “Yeah no kidding. Did you see the glimmer in his eye? He looked like he was ready to take on the entire American League by himself,” Claire replies.
Back in the locker room of the Slaves, Head Coach George Washington and Yoda are meditating in President Washington’s chambers. “Hmmm, a line up change the Commandos have made,” Yoda says. “Yes, I feel it as well. President Obama is going to lead his team into battle,” Washington responds. “It’s an honorable move. One that I will oblige. However, Kybuck will need to remain her in the locker room, Master Yoda.” “Understand do I. Depart let us,” Yoda replies. President Washington then grabs his green lightsaber and orders his team to prepare for battle.
The hour is late, and the Slaves are the first ones to arrive. The Jedi squad all pile out of the back of Houndimus Prime as he pulls to a stop right in front of the statues of Superman and Superboy in Centennial Park. Amazo and Savage Opress (courtesy of his Red Lantern ring) fly over head providing cover for the Slaves. There are then several flashes of different colored lights that zip through the air towards them as the Commandos arrive on the scene. Dex-Starr, Karu-Sil, Fatality, and Taa all fly through the air and attack Amazo at once. The android quickly begins to adapt itself and uses the Lanterns’ own powers against them. Taa is melted by a bath of red energy that Amazo spews at him. Savage Opress ignites his double-bladed lightsaber as he attacks Karu-Sil. The Yellow Lantern sicks her yellow energy attack dogs on the Nightbrother, but he slices through them with his lightsaber. He then flies up to her and coats her with red rage energy as he cuts her head clean off. Fatality tries to battle Amazo, but the android is way too powerful for a mere Star Sapphire and succumbs to his might. Dex-Starr finds himself being attacked by a Green Lantern ring wielding Yoda, who quickly overpowers the cat with his mastery of the Force and his ring. Savage Opress is then hit hard by a cannonball that was fired out of Cannon Man’s mouth. The Nightbrother falls to the ground and lands right in front of President Obama. He pulls out a KA-BAR and drives it into the base of Opress’s skull.
The duo of Ginny Weasly and Luna Lovegood find themselves being attacked by a Zombie Ki Adi Mundi. The two try and blast him with several magical spells, but he blocks them with a corrupted version of the Force. They then hear several small beeping noises coming from behind the half-dead Jedi master. Ki Adi’s head then soon explodes, thanks to a couple small explosives President Obama had stuck to him. “Thanks Mr. President,” the girls say in unison. “His death does not mark the end of our effort. So on your feet girls,” says the President. They follow the President who also has Batzarro with him when they are attacked by Cade Skywalker, Agen Kolar and Sifo-Dyas. Batzarro sacrifices himself by leaping in front of Skywalker’s lightsaber that was meant for the President. Obama then unloads his M-45 MEUSOC into the chest of Skywalker. Ginny and Luna hit Masters Kolar and Dyas with dual magical spells, knocking them to the ground. The President then uses his Milkor MGL to fire several grenades at the Jedi’s, thus blowing them to pieces. Obama then kneels down and picks up Cade Skywalker’s lightsaber. “Never know. We may need this,” he says to the girls.
Black Lantern Optimus Prime then searches out Houndimus Prime. “Ahh, Hound. If you could. I’d like MY Matrix back,” says the Black Lantern. “You’re not really Optimus. The REAL Optimus Prime would never make such a request,” retorts Houndimus. “Fine then. How about I just take it!!” screams Black Lantern Optimus as he lunges at Houndimus and tries to rip the Matrix of Leadership out of Houndimus’s chest. The former Autobot scout kicks the manifestation of his former leader off of him and blasts him with his laser rifle. He blows Black Lantern Optimus’s head clean off. But it reforms moments later. Black Lantern Prime flies back at Houndimus and begins to tear at his chest. He is then blasted back by and incoming Yoda. “The Matrix, powerful weapon it is,” the Jedi Master says to his teammate. Yoda then continues his attack and with the combination of the Force and his Green Lantern ring is able to eradicate Black Lantern Optimus Prime.
Meanwhile in front of LexCorp Towers, Captain Latin America, The Bottomless Stomach, Kid-Nee and Cannon Man are surrounded by Jedi Master #2, and Jedi Knights #1B - 6B. Captain Latin America launches his shield into the air and knocks Jedi Knight #6B down. Jedi Knight #3B leaps into the air to attack, but the Bottomless Stomach opens his mouth and swallows him whole. Cannon Man is firing multiple cannonballs at the Jedi Knights, forcing them to take cover. This allows Black Lantern Dozer #1 to fly and in shoot right through the chest cavity of Jedi Knight #1B. Then Jedi Master #2 and Jedi Knight #5B double team Black Lantern Dozer #1 to take him out. Black Lantern Darkseid then arrives and crushes Kid-Nee. The Bottomless Stomach lunges towards the Black Lantern with his mouth wide open, but receives a blast of Omega Beams right down the gullet, and frying him from the inside out. Captain Latin America finishes of Jedi Knight #6B just in time to witness Black Lantern Darkseid ripping the heart out of Cannon Man. Captain Latin America goes to attack, but is scooped up by Spider-Man, who swings by on his webbing. “What are you doin’ esse??” asks Captain Latin America. “Dude, come on, that guy would have annihilated you!” replies Spider-Man. “Besides, we’ve got to regroup with the President.”
Spider-Man and Captain Latin America finally meet up with President Obama, Ginny Weasly and Luna Lovegood. They quickly find themselves outnumbered against the Slaves with Black Lantern Darkseid leading the pack. He fires his Omega Beams straight at President Obama, but the beams jut around him and incinerate Ginny and Luna. Captain Latin America and Spider-Man rush into action as President Obama finds himself face to face with Black Lantern Darkseid. “What powers could you possibly have to defeat someone like me?” bellows BL Darkseid. A calm and collected President replies, “Powers? Powers you ask, huh? How about the power of the whole free world at my disposal.” Black Lantern Darkseid begins to laugh at such a preposterous statement. Obama takes advantage of this moment and drives Cade Skywalker’s lightsaber deep into BL Darkseid’s chest and slaps chunk of C4 to Darkseid’s torso. He then ducks out of the way of an oncoming Amazo attack. The android crashes into his own teammate and causes an explosion that kills both of them. Captain Latin America is overwhelmed by Jedi Master #2 and Jedi Knight #4B and is defeated. Spider-Man, however, is able to take out Jedi Knight #5B and Jedi Knight #2B before being knocked back by Yoda’s Green Lantern ring. George Washington then slowly, but purposefully makes his way right towards President Obama. “I heard what you’ve done this week, and I wanted to come and personally congratulate you,” Washington says to Obama. “Thank you very much Mr. President, but our match isn’t over with yet,” replies Obama. “You misunderstand me,” Washington says back. “I heard you finally eliminated Osama Bin Laden. Good work. But you will not win this battle. You have fought valiantly. This battle, however, has been won by the Slaves. I am sorry.” “Come on, Mr. President he’s right, let’s go,” Spider-Man says to his Head Coach. Washington extends his hand out to Obama, who receives the handshake as the battle concludes. As Spider-Man and the President leave Metropolis, Spidey turns to him and says “Dude you realize you took out Black Lantern Darkseid and Bin Laden in the same week??”
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
Oblivio Vs Team
Oblivio is
Space Godzilla, Jet Jaguar, Nightsister Sith Witch, and Golden Army #37-42
Team is…
Justice Legion Alpha: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Hourman, Starman, The Atom, and Resurrection Man ,Lor Zod, and Mr. Awesome
Its 12:20 on Sunday and I am just getting to metropolis, not five minutes after leaving hertz my car is smashed by a flying fire hydrant.
Griffin Poteracki: SON OF A B****! Dude come on I don’t even have an insurance agent anymore, he was shish ka bobbed the other day.
Jet Jaguar is being surrounded and rushed one at a time by the JLA, Batman is floored by a front kick, Resurrection Man is kicked clean in half, the Flash is snatched up as if he were sitting still and choked unconscious, and wonder woman is thrown over two buildings. Hourman, Starman, and The Atom all pounce on Jaguar and manage to hold him long enough for their team to regroup. But things didn’t end they way they had hoped, Nightsister Sith Witch #19 hit’s the JLA with a force blast she had been conjuring since the very start of the battle. As the Mightiest heroes of the 853rd century are stunned, the Golden army soldiers move in, hold them all down, and systematically begin to decapitate each one of them.
Its Beginning to look like a blow out …..until…suddenly a car pulls up. You can’t see inside because of all the smoke. Then the two occupant get out. Its none other than Lor Zod and Mr. Awesome, who have been clam baking in the car they just stole for about the pat twenty minutes.
Lor Zod: Dude they already killed our who F***in team.?
Mr. Awesome: Weak.
Lor Zod: Should we retreat?
Mr. Awesome; F*** that, we got this.
The Duo goes on the offensive. Lor zod fly’s over to the Sith Witch and squares up with her. The Sith switches on her light saber.
Lor Zod: hey, that’s a pretty cool d***o you got their, But I bet its not got at a distance.
Before she can ever think of charging, Zod melts her head with a short blast from his eyes.
Mr. Awesome sets his sight’s on space Godzilla. He runs full speed toward the lizard, dodging fire blasts the whole time. After reaching the gigantic monsters feet he runs even faster propelling himself vertically towards the monster kings head. Once our hero reaches Godzilla’s neck line he plunges himself into the monsters eye and then burst’s out the other eye holding a toddler size chunk of brain. As the Beast’s corpse falls Lor Zod grabs a hold and throws it at Jet Jaguar, trapping him underneath. The Two Team Teammates rush over and begin to stomp on jets head, after puncturing a hole, Mr. Awesome urinates into the hole and finally short circuit’s the robot.
The golden army is all that is left.
The duo begin to smash all 7 golden robots to bits, but they just keep putting themselves back together.
Mr. Awesome: I’ve got and idea. I will smash them up and you take the pieces as fast as you can to different pawn shops all around the city. They can’t put themselves back together if they are miles apart.
It took about 13 hours but they got the job done and are $38,000 richer for it.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
OBLIVIO: ALL DEAD!
TEAM: Lor Zod and Mr. Awesome Survive.
Space Godzilla, Jet Jaguar, Nightsister Sith Witch, and Golden Army #37-42
Team is…
Justice Legion Alpha: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Hourman, Starman, The Atom, and Resurrection Man ,Lor Zod, and Mr. Awesome
Its 12:20 on Sunday and I am just getting to metropolis, not five minutes after leaving hertz my car is smashed by a flying fire hydrant.
Griffin Poteracki: SON OF A B****! Dude come on I don’t even have an insurance agent anymore, he was shish ka bobbed the other day.
Jet Jaguar is being surrounded and rushed one at a time by the JLA, Batman is floored by a front kick, Resurrection Man is kicked clean in half, the Flash is snatched up as if he were sitting still and choked unconscious, and wonder woman is thrown over two buildings. Hourman, Starman, and The Atom all pounce on Jaguar and manage to hold him long enough for their team to regroup. But things didn’t end they way they had hoped, Nightsister Sith Witch #19 hit’s the JLA with a force blast she had been conjuring since the very start of the battle. As the Mightiest heroes of the 853rd century are stunned, the Golden army soldiers move in, hold them all down, and systematically begin to decapitate each one of them.
Its Beginning to look like a blow out …..until…suddenly a car pulls up. You can’t see inside because of all the smoke. Then the two occupant get out. Its none other than Lor Zod and Mr. Awesome, who have been clam baking in the car they just stole for about the pat twenty minutes.
Lor Zod: Dude they already killed our who F***in team.?
Mr. Awesome: Weak.
Lor Zod: Should we retreat?
Mr. Awesome; F*** that, we got this.
The Duo goes on the offensive. Lor zod fly’s over to the Sith Witch and squares up with her. The Sith switches on her light saber.
Lor Zod: hey, that’s a pretty cool d***o you got their, But I bet its not got at a distance.
Before she can ever think of charging, Zod melts her head with a short blast from his eyes.
Mr. Awesome sets his sight’s on space Godzilla. He runs full speed toward the lizard, dodging fire blasts the whole time. After reaching the gigantic monsters feet he runs even faster propelling himself vertically towards the monster kings head. Once our hero reaches Godzilla’s neck line he plunges himself into the monsters eye and then burst’s out the other eye holding a toddler size chunk of brain. As the Beast’s corpse falls Lor Zod grabs a hold and throws it at Jet Jaguar, trapping him underneath. The Two Team Teammates rush over and begin to stomp on jets head, after puncturing a hole, Mr. Awesome urinates into the hole and finally short circuit’s the robot.
The golden army is all that is left.
The duo begin to smash all 7 golden robots to bits, but they just keep putting themselves back together.
Mr. Awesome: I’ve got and idea. I will smash them up and you take the pieces as fast as you can to different pawn shops all around the city. They can’t put themselves back together if they are miles apart.
It took about 13 hours but they got the job done and are $38,000 richer for it.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
OBLIVIO: ALL DEAD!
TEAM: Lor Zod and Mr. Awesome Survive.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The Abomitrons Vs. The Untouchables
The Abomitrons are The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis, Odin, Black Lantern Sunstorm, Cerberus, Ultra Boy, Yaddle, & Immell #2 (Batteldae) w/ Immell #3 (Rob Murray) in The (Golden Age) Batmobile.
The Untouchables are Bizarro Supergirl, Kryptonian Army Soldiers #15-20, She-Ra on Bat-girl's Motorcycle, & The Constructicons: Hook, Scrapper, Long Haul, Bonecrusher, Mixmaster, & Scavenger.
I hope the fans forgive the tardiness if this Watcher, for as I arrive at this match, Metropolis is already ablaze and near-annihilated from these two teams. I find it ironic that they refer to The Constructicons as such, when it is not constructing that they are known for, but destructing... At least the title of Devastator is appropriate. Speaking of Devastator, the gestalt has already been formed and is being double-teamed by both Cerberus and Black Lantern Sunstorm. The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis have each taken position far from each other creating a triangle of power around the city and around the seven Kryptonians sent to do battle for The Untouchables. The Mortis Trio are joined by the skills of Odin and Ultra Boy, While The Immells engage She-Ra in a high speed chase throughout the city with their classic Batman vehicles. Ultra Boy catches up with Kryptonian Soldier #17 and then switches powers to super-strength. Once the power switch is made, he can no longer keep up with The Kryptonian Soldier’s speed, but he grabs on to the soldier and holds on tight long enough to crack The Kryptonian’s neck with his superior strength. Bizarro Supergirl flies in after the attack as she becomes enraged at the first death of the match. Bizarro Supergirl stuns the falling Ultra Boy with her freeze vision and then rushes in to smash the face of Ultra Boy in a well-placed double-fist punch to the neck. Bizarro Supergirl spins around to return to the crux of the battle, when she is met by the unlikely team-up of Odin and The Father of Mortis. Odin and The Father both hold up their arms and unleash a whirlwind of power toward The Bizarro Kryptonian which completely rips her apart. The five remaining Kryptonian Army Soldiers band together and focus their attacks on The Father of Mortis. The Father, who very well may be the most powerful force user of all time cannot stop the attacks of the well-trained and powerful Kryptonians. The Father of Mortis directs a force push that is strong enough to actually send Kryptonian # 16 through three Metropolis buildings and break his neck; but as he is doing this; the four remaining soldiers manage to pound The Father into oblivion. The four Kryptonians are victorious, but they instantly find themselves under attack. Odin brings down an “Asgard-load” of power down on Kryptonian #20’s face to take him out, while The Daughter and Son of Mortis manage to catch up to The Kryptonians by transforming themselves into large-winged animals. The two force-users both gain the high ground over top of Kryptonian Soldiers #15 & 19 and then use the positioning to force push them both down through the ground hundreds of yards below them. Kryptonian Army Soldier #18 then finds himself confronted with the trio of Odin and The Son and Daughter of Mortis and is quickly dispatched by their skills. Batteldae manages to run Bat-Girl’s motorcycle into a Star Labs Billboard; but She-Ra jumps off of the bike and lands on the trunk of The Batmobile. She then uses her sword to cut off the heads of Batteldae and Rob Murray with one quick and powerful swipe. Sunstorm attempts to emulate his classic Horsemen attempt by crashing head first into Devastator, but the enormous gestalt grabs a hold of Sunstorm and launches him into the nearest building. Devastator then brings a massive foot down of the black lantern transformer while She-Ra launches her sword into the mix. When the smoke clears, Sunstorm is dead. My thought is that the power of She-Ra’s sword mixed with the nuclear reaction of Sunstorm’s own spark to create a “perfect storm” strong enough to kill a Black Lantern (but on the other hand, maybe there is just something magical about a powerful character’s 10th death). Cerberus, the being who is taxed with the duty of keeping souls out of hell, is reminded by the actions of Devastator that they are already in Hell as The massive Decepticon crushes Cerberus into the pile of Metropolitan Debris that they are fighting on, to kill all three heads (not to mention the body) of the Hades Beast. Devastator stands defiant and victorious, when he is finally met by the remainder of The Abomitron Squad. The Son of Mortis lands, and transforms back into his humanoid form. He then focuses what energy he can and then blasts an enormous firestorm of Force Lightning into the chest of Devastator. This massive burst of power knocks the gestalt apart and kills Hook, Scrapper, and Long Haul in the process. Odin brings Asgardian power down from the skies to fry Mix Master, but Bone Crusher and Scavenger manage to dent each other’s fists as they crush Odin between their mutual thumbs. The Daughter of Mortis transforms back into her humanoid form and then meticulously takes Bonecrusher apart with the force as her ally. Yaddle then quickly runs up the side of Mix Master and shoves a perfectly placed lightsaber into the spark of the Decepticon which ends him for good. While this is going on, the swordless She-Ra knows that she can’t take on this whole team without her prized possession. The spark of Scavenger is dead, but she manages o hotwire Scavenger’s deceased metal body and drive it back to The Untouchables home base.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Untouchables are Bizarro Supergirl, Kryptonian Army Soldiers #15-20, She-Ra on Bat-girl's Motorcycle, & The Constructicons: Hook, Scrapper, Long Haul, Bonecrusher, Mixmaster, & Scavenger.
I hope the fans forgive the tardiness if this Watcher, for as I arrive at this match, Metropolis is already ablaze and near-annihilated from these two teams. I find it ironic that they refer to The Constructicons as such, when it is not constructing that they are known for, but destructing... At least the title of Devastator is appropriate. Speaking of Devastator, the gestalt has already been formed and is being double-teamed by both Cerberus and Black Lantern Sunstorm. The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis have each taken position far from each other creating a triangle of power around the city and around the seven Kryptonians sent to do battle for The Untouchables. The Mortis Trio are joined by the skills of Odin and Ultra Boy, While The Immells engage She-Ra in a high speed chase throughout the city with their classic Batman vehicles. Ultra Boy catches up with Kryptonian Soldier #17 and then switches powers to super-strength. Once the power switch is made, he can no longer keep up with The Kryptonian Soldier’s speed, but he grabs on to the soldier and holds on tight long enough to crack The Kryptonian’s neck with his superior strength. Bizarro Supergirl flies in after the attack as she becomes enraged at the first death of the match. Bizarro Supergirl stuns the falling Ultra Boy with her freeze vision and then rushes in to smash the face of Ultra Boy in a well-placed double-fist punch to the neck. Bizarro Supergirl spins around to return to the crux of the battle, when she is met by the unlikely team-up of Odin and The Father of Mortis. Odin and The Father both hold up their arms and unleash a whirlwind of power toward The Bizarro Kryptonian which completely rips her apart. The five remaining Kryptonian Army Soldiers band together and focus their attacks on The Father of Mortis. The Father, who very well may be the most powerful force user of all time cannot stop the attacks of the well-trained and powerful Kryptonians. The Father of Mortis directs a force push that is strong enough to actually send Kryptonian # 16 through three Metropolis buildings and break his neck; but as he is doing this; the four remaining soldiers manage to pound The Father into oblivion. The four Kryptonians are victorious, but they instantly find themselves under attack. Odin brings down an “Asgard-load” of power down on Kryptonian #20’s face to take him out, while The Daughter and Son of Mortis manage to catch up to The Kryptonians by transforming themselves into large-winged animals. The two force-users both gain the high ground over top of Kryptonian Soldiers #15 & 19 and then use the positioning to force push them both down through the ground hundreds of yards below them. Kryptonian Army Soldier #18 then finds himself confronted with the trio of Odin and The Son and Daughter of Mortis and is quickly dispatched by their skills. Batteldae manages to run Bat-Girl’s motorcycle into a Star Labs Billboard; but She-Ra jumps off of the bike and lands on the trunk of The Batmobile. She then uses her sword to cut off the heads of Batteldae and Rob Murray with one quick and powerful swipe. Sunstorm attempts to emulate his classic Horsemen attempt by crashing head first into Devastator, but the enormous gestalt grabs a hold of Sunstorm and launches him into the nearest building. Devastator then brings a massive foot down of the black lantern transformer while She-Ra launches her sword into the mix. When the smoke clears, Sunstorm is dead. My thought is that the power of She-Ra’s sword mixed with the nuclear reaction of Sunstorm’s own spark to create a “perfect storm” strong enough to kill a Black Lantern (but on the other hand, maybe there is just something magical about a powerful character’s 10th death). Cerberus, the being who is taxed with the duty of keeping souls out of hell, is reminded by the actions of Devastator that they are already in Hell as The massive Decepticon crushes Cerberus into the pile of Metropolitan Debris that they are fighting on, to kill all three heads (not to mention the body) of the Hades Beast. Devastator stands defiant and victorious, when he is finally met by the remainder of The Abomitron Squad. The Son of Mortis lands, and transforms back into his humanoid form. He then focuses what energy he can and then blasts an enormous firestorm of Force Lightning into the chest of Devastator. This massive burst of power knocks the gestalt apart and kills Hook, Scrapper, and Long Haul in the process. Odin brings Asgardian power down from the skies to fry Mix Master, but Bone Crusher and Scavenger manage to dent each other’s fists as they crush Odin between their mutual thumbs. The Daughter of Mortis transforms back into her humanoid form and then meticulously takes Bonecrusher apart with the force as her ally. Yaddle then quickly runs up the side of Mix Master and shoves a perfectly placed lightsaber into the spark of the Decepticon which ends him for good. While this is going on, the swordless She-Ra knows that she can’t take on this whole team without her prized possession. The spark of Scavenger is dead, but she manages o hotwire Scavenger’s deceased metal body and drive it back to The Untouchables home base.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Logical Genocide Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches
Logical Genocide is The Champion of The Universe, Az-rel & Nadira, Nekron, Ion, Black Lantern Sinestro, Titan Maximum, & Smurf #10 (w/ a blue lantern ring (AKA: Roster-Filler Smurf)).
Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches are The Living Tribunal, Lord Chaos, Black Lantern Apocalypse, Black Lantern Parallax, Boba Fett, Pre Viszla, Zombie Omega Red, Tenderheart Bear, & Skrull #17.
The sky over Metropolis is black as can be as the looming forces of both The Backyardigans and Logical Genocide take their places amongst the valley of skyscrapers. The dark forces from these two teams must be blocking out any semblance of light that could potentially illuminate the night sky... Oh wait a second, never mind... Night Sky, oh yeah. That's why it is dark out, because it is night time. I've really got to stop waiting until the last minute to write these matches. The Champion of The Universe has positioned himself on top of The Daily Planet awaiting any challengers, while Nekron is high above the Metropolis Skyscrapers looking the cosmic entity known as Lord Chaos in the face. Conversation is not necessary for two such powerful beings as they bide their time before the inevitable cosmic brawl. Ion takes Az-rel and Nadira with him to the very top of the Metropolis Stratosphere (AKA: Just barely within the "out of bounds" area for the match) to attempt to steal a victory from the all-powerful Living Tribunal (get it... steal a victory, cause they are The Kryptonian Bonnie and Clyde and they steal S**t). As these two battles commence, the only thing that Titan Maximum is battling is the urge to not act like the token "huge guy" in the battle and destroy buildings Godzilla style as he walks through the city streets. This is a battle that he is of course losing as he leaves a trail of building debris long enough that this Detroit Native begins to mistake it for Newburgh Road North of 8 Mile (have you ever driven that stretch? It feels like you are riding across Tartarus on a Unicycle). The Black Lantern versions of Apocalypse and Parallax hang back around the skyline of The Metropolis Outskirts, while Boba Fett leads the small of crew of conventional fighting Backyardigans (consisting of Pre-Viszla, the chained up Zombified Omega Red, and Tenderllax (Oh yeah, he's back)). It of course goes without saying, that The (pride and joy of The Logical Genocide Crew) Roster Filler Smurf has charged Ion's ring up to 200%, but what he has also done is to charge up Black Lantern Sinestro as well. The blue ring of course lends no help to the black lantern ring, but a lantern wielder as powerful as Sinestro has still managed to maintain some semblance of his former lantern powers. With this being said, Sinestro has a minimal level of both green and yellow energy residing within his cosmic corpse; so with a little added blue energy his potential green energy becomes a low-level kinetic power to be tapped for future use. After R-Eff Smurf is done doing his charging duties, he flies up to the top of The Daily Planet and strikes up a super-deep conversation with The Champion of The Universe. Smurf #10 begins with: "So, uh Champ... So you were are first round draft pick huh? I mean, we could of went Phoenix, Darth Vader, Cosmic Spider-Man,... well, you get the point; but we uh went with you. So what,... you are like a cosmic pro-wrestler or something... Right"? The Champ comes back with a vengeance: "I'm the best of the best little man, I don't know about those other chumps, but I bet if you line em up, I'll show you what the Champ can do"! "Yeah, I bet... I'm really excited about it too". The Smurf retorts. "I'm picking up on your sarcasm little blue" The Champion says. "Wow... Really, maybe they should call you the Champion of Obvious Dialogue. Don't get me wrong homie. I'm not blaming you personally, alls I'm saying is that our general managing on this team is about as thought out as your costume". Black Lantern Sinestro decides that he needs to make his presence known, and takes flight towards his team's two opposing Black Lanterns. On the way to the battle, Sinestro is joined by Az-rel, Nadira, Ion, and Roster Filler Smurf, who are all on their way to separate parts of the battlefield but decide to pick up on some of that cosmic drafting and killer conversation that Sinestro is spewing. Sinestro doesn’t even break stride when he blasts Tenderllax from the air, just because he saw him in the distance and had a clean shot. “Oh!! Hells yeah”! Az-rel shouts. He continues: “You just took out Tenderllax! Way to bring the rain Sinestro”! “Hell yeah. Baby steps dawg”. Ion adds. Sinestro begins to fly faster to get away, and actually accomplish something and says under his breath: “It was a friggin care bear... God being on an expansion team sucks”. Down on the ground, Zombie Omega Red begins to rip apart the dying Skrull #17, who The Flying L-Gers thought was Tenderllax (both Tenderheart Bear and Black Lantern Parallax are still alive at this point in the match). Boba and Viszla let him feast for a while, but then they pull his leash and get back to their mission. When Sinestro comes upon Apocalypse and Parallax, neither of the Backyardigan Black Lanterns think that they have the upper hand do to strength in numbers. Black Lantern Parallax knows that he can not control his own power nearly as well as Sinestro can, so he therefore concentrates enough to separate himself. He gives his remaining Black Lantern Powers to Apocalypse which strengthens him significantly, and then pulls Tenderheart Bear out of his back pocket and reforms The True Tenderllax with his yellow entity powers. This is a trying expedition of powers, and not the right time to exercise tem, which is why, both Apocalypse and Tenderllax evade the battle for the time being. Nekron and Lord Chaos finally decide to get all Nekro-Chaotic on each other show everybody first hand why comics starring characters like Wolverine and The Punisher sell so well; because there is no way to make a fight between two characters like this interesting. The whir of lights and power that ensued might have been very interesting to someone on a lesser plain of existence than I; but all I know is that when I woke up... They were both dead. The Living Tribunal held his own considerably well against the Deadly Tribunal of Az-rel, Nadira, and Ion. Ion hung back from the fight at first, while the two Kryptonian criminals went head first into the fight. The two petty thieves from Superman’s home planet pounded on The Living Tribunal with all of their might, while Ion sat back waiting for the right moment. The Living Tribunal made it look like nothing when he grabbed a hold of Az-rel and tore him in two, but the cosmic being was much more weakened by the attacks than he let on. And it showed once Ion let loose the full power of his Blue Ring enhanced, entity powered green ring into The Living Tribunal to kill him. Nadira is hit by part of this blast as well, and falls to the ground injured but very much alive. Titan Maximum is ready to brawl when he is confronted by the much smaller Black Lantern Apocalypse. Apocalypse begins to grow considerably up to his full size potential, but he is still dwarfed by Titan Maximum. Dwarfed by size, that is; but not dwarfed by power, which is proven when Apocalypse punches through the chest of Titan Maximum and then rips off his chest, worse than they ripped off Voltron. Black Lantern Apocalypse becomes drunk on power and hubris when he is confronted by Black Lantern Sinestro. Apocalypse firmly believes that he can not be killed by his incoming opponent, but once Sinestro channels his former lantern powers from his past life along with his black lantern powers, he is able to destroy Black Lantern Apocalypse with one well-aimed blast of energy. Sinestro pauses for a second with the same arrogance that his defeated opponent recently possessed, when he is caught and pulled to the ground by the tentacle of Zombie Omega Red. Boba Fett directs his crew with Mandalorian-gloved hand signals as Zombie Omega Red holds Sinestro down. Pre Viszla then jumps over top of Sinestro and uses his mastery of both the dark and light arts (the lightsaber in the chest may have helped as well) to destroy Black Lantern Sinestro. Boba Fett gets ready to finish off what is left of Logical Genocide by preparing his team for the final attack. A weakened Ion and scared Roster-Filler Smurf stand ready against Boba Fett and his crew, when The Champion of The Universe jumps down from the skyscraper above. Ion looks energized by the “Hogan-Style” entrance and a shaken Nadira wakes up from the crater she was resting in. At this same time, Tenderllax comes flying in at top speed to put an end to the match. The Champion of The Universe grabs a hold of Omega Red by the tentacle and uses the Russian Mutant as a mace to blast Tenderllax out of the sky. Knocking the entity out of Tenderllax and the undeadness out of Omega Red. Pre Viszla then rushes at The Champion but is met by a cosmic steel chair to the face which knocks the “Sith” right out of him. Boba Fett shoots a blaster bolt at The Champion but it bounces off of his chest. Boba Fett ignites his jet-pack and grabs the powerless Tenderheart Bear by the back of his neck as he starts to fly away. “You’re no good to me dead Tenderheart” Boba Fett says. The confused and shaken Tenderheart doesn’t quite realize that he no longer has the Parallax powers (for now at least) in him any more and says: “What’s up Boba, let me at em... I got this”. Boba shakes his helmet and says: “No Tenderheart, actually you don’t. You just got schooled, and even so... You ain’t no Beckerlax”. Tenderheart retorts: “Well... I’m at least better for dude on dude cuddling with than Beckerman is”. Boba Fett flies back to base with the fur ball in his hands while he says under his breath: “That’s not what I heard“. The Champion of The Universe is down on the ground waving his arms around screaming the following: “WHAT’S UP PEEEEEEEOPLE!! FIRST TEAM NOW THE BACKYARDIGANS. WHO’S TOP DOGG NOW!! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT SMURF”! The Champion says to Roster Filler Smurf. The team is fully expecting Smurf #10 to come back with a sarcastic remark when Roster Filler Smurf uses his ring to make a translucent blue energy mega-phone in front of his face. The Smurf then says into the megaphone: “AND THE WINNER OF THIS BOUT... AND STILL CHAMPION OF THE UN IVERSE... THE CHAMPION OF THE UNIVERSE!!
LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!
Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches are The Living Tribunal, Lord Chaos, Black Lantern Apocalypse, Black Lantern Parallax, Boba Fett, Pre Viszla, Zombie Omega Red, Tenderheart Bear, & Skrull #17.
The sky over Metropolis is black as can be as the looming forces of both The Backyardigans and Logical Genocide take their places amongst the valley of skyscrapers. The dark forces from these two teams must be blocking out any semblance of light that could potentially illuminate the night sky... Oh wait a second, never mind... Night Sky, oh yeah. That's why it is dark out, because it is night time. I've really got to stop waiting until the last minute to write these matches. The Champion of The Universe has positioned himself on top of The Daily Planet awaiting any challengers, while Nekron is high above the Metropolis Skyscrapers looking the cosmic entity known as Lord Chaos in the face. Conversation is not necessary for two such powerful beings as they bide their time before the inevitable cosmic brawl. Ion takes Az-rel and Nadira with him to the very top of the Metropolis Stratosphere (AKA: Just barely within the "out of bounds" area for the match) to attempt to steal a victory from the all-powerful Living Tribunal (get it... steal a victory, cause they are The Kryptonian Bonnie and Clyde and they steal S**t). As these two battles commence, the only thing that Titan Maximum is battling is the urge to not act like the token "huge guy" in the battle and destroy buildings Godzilla style as he walks through the city streets. This is a battle that he is of course losing as he leaves a trail of building debris long enough that this Detroit Native begins to mistake it for Newburgh Road North of 8 Mile (have you ever driven that stretch? It feels like you are riding across Tartarus on a Unicycle). The Black Lantern versions of Apocalypse and Parallax hang back around the skyline of The Metropolis Outskirts, while Boba Fett leads the small of crew of conventional fighting Backyardigans (consisting of Pre-Viszla, the chained up Zombified Omega Red, and Tenderllax (Oh yeah, he's back)). It of course goes without saying, that The (pride and joy of The Logical Genocide Crew) Roster Filler Smurf has charged Ion's ring up to 200%, but what he has also done is to charge up Black Lantern Sinestro as well. The blue ring of course lends no help to the black lantern ring, but a lantern wielder as powerful as Sinestro has still managed to maintain some semblance of his former lantern powers. With this being said, Sinestro has a minimal level of both green and yellow energy residing within his cosmic corpse; so with a little added blue energy his potential green energy becomes a low-level kinetic power to be tapped for future use. After R-Eff Smurf is done doing his charging duties, he flies up to the top of The Daily Planet and strikes up a super-deep conversation with The Champion of The Universe. Smurf #10 begins with: "So, uh Champ... So you were are first round draft pick huh? I mean, we could of went Phoenix, Darth Vader, Cosmic Spider-Man,... well, you get the point; but we uh went with you. So what,... you are like a cosmic pro-wrestler or something... Right"? The Champ comes back with a vengeance: "I'm the best of the best little man, I don't know about those other chumps, but I bet if you line em up, I'll show you what the Champ can do"! "Yeah, I bet... I'm really excited about it too". The Smurf retorts. "I'm picking up on your sarcasm little blue" The Champion says. "Wow... Really, maybe they should call you the Champion of Obvious Dialogue. Don't get me wrong homie. I'm not blaming you personally, alls I'm saying is that our general managing on this team is about as thought out as your costume". Black Lantern Sinestro decides that he needs to make his presence known, and takes flight towards his team's two opposing Black Lanterns. On the way to the battle, Sinestro is joined by Az-rel, Nadira, Ion, and Roster Filler Smurf, who are all on their way to separate parts of the battlefield but decide to pick up on some of that cosmic drafting and killer conversation that Sinestro is spewing. Sinestro doesn’t even break stride when he blasts Tenderllax from the air, just because he saw him in the distance and had a clean shot. “Oh!! Hells yeah”! Az-rel shouts. He continues: “You just took out Tenderllax! Way to bring the rain Sinestro”! “Hell yeah. Baby steps dawg”. Ion adds. Sinestro begins to fly faster to get away, and actually accomplish something and says under his breath: “It was a friggin care bear... God being on an expansion team sucks”. Down on the ground, Zombie Omega Red begins to rip apart the dying Skrull #17, who The Flying L-Gers thought was Tenderllax (both Tenderheart Bear and Black Lantern Parallax are still alive at this point in the match). Boba and Viszla let him feast for a while, but then they pull his leash and get back to their mission. When Sinestro comes upon Apocalypse and Parallax, neither of the Backyardigan Black Lanterns think that they have the upper hand do to strength in numbers. Black Lantern Parallax knows that he can not control his own power nearly as well as Sinestro can, so he therefore concentrates enough to separate himself. He gives his remaining Black Lantern Powers to Apocalypse which strengthens him significantly, and then pulls Tenderheart Bear out of his back pocket and reforms The True Tenderllax with his yellow entity powers. This is a trying expedition of powers, and not the right time to exercise tem, which is why, both Apocalypse and Tenderllax evade the battle for the time being. Nekron and Lord Chaos finally decide to get all Nekro-Chaotic on each other show everybody first hand why comics starring characters like Wolverine and The Punisher sell so well; because there is no way to make a fight between two characters like this interesting. The whir of lights and power that ensued might have been very interesting to someone on a lesser plain of existence than I; but all I know is that when I woke up... They were both dead. The Living Tribunal held his own considerably well against the Deadly Tribunal of Az-rel, Nadira, and Ion. Ion hung back from the fight at first, while the two Kryptonian criminals went head first into the fight. The two petty thieves from Superman’s home planet pounded on The Living Tribunal with all of their might, while Ion sat back waiting for the right moment. The Living Tribunal made it look like nothing when he grabbed a hold of Az-rel and tore him in two, but the cosmic being was much more weakened by the attacks than he let on. And it showed once Ion let loose the full power of his Blue Ring enhanced, entity powered green ring into The Living Tribunal to kill him. Nadira is hit by part of this blast as well, and falls to the ground injured but very much alive. Titan Maximum is ready to brawl when he is confronted by the much smaller Black Lantern Apocalypse. Apocalypse begins to grow considerably up to his full size potential, but he is still dwarfed by Titan Maximum. Dwarfed by size, that is; but not dwarfed by power, which is proven when Apocalypse punches through the chest of Titan Maximum and then rips off his chest, worse than they ripped off Voltron. Black Lantern Apocalypse becomes drunk on power and hubris when he is confronted by Black Lantern Sinestro. Apocalypse firmly believes that he can not be killed by his incoming opponent, but once Sinestro channels his former lantern powers from his past life along with his black lantern powers, he is able to destroy Black Lantern Apocalypse with one well-aimed blast of energy. Sinestro pauses for a second with the same arrogance that his defeated opponent recently possessed, when he is caught and pulled to the ground by the tentacle of Zombie Omega Red. Boba Fett directs his crew with Mandalorian-gloved hand signals as Zombie Omega Red holds Sinestro down. Pre Viszla then jumps over top of Sinestro and uses his mastery of both the dark and light arts (the lightsaber in the chest may have helped as well) to destroy Black Lantern Sinestro. Boba Fett gets ready to finish off what is left of Logical Genocide by preparing his team for the final attack. A weakened Ion and scared Roster-Filler Smurf stand ready against Boba Fett and his crew, when The Champion of The Universe jumps down from the skyscraper above. Ion looks energized by the “Hogan-Style” entrance and a shaken Nadira wakes up from the crater she was resting in. At this same time, Tenderllax comes flying in at top speed to put an end to the match. The Champion of The Universe grabs a hold of Omega Red by the tentacle and uses the Russian Mutant as a mace to blast Tenderllax out of the sky. Knocking the entity out of Tenderllax and the undeadness out of Omega Red. Pre Viszla then rushes at The Champion but is met by a cosmic steel chair to the face which knocks the “Sith” right out of him. Boba Fett shoots a blaster bolt at The Champion but it bounces off of his chest. Boba Fett ignites his jet-pack and grabs the powerless Tenderheart Bear by the back of his neck as he starts to fly away. “You’re no good to me dead Tenderheart” Boba Fett says. The confused and shaken Tenderheart doesn’t quite realize that he no longer has the Parallax powers (for now at least) in him any more and says: “What’s up Boba, let me at em... I got this”. Boba shakes his helmet and says: “No Tenderheart, actually you don’t. You just got schooled, and even so... You ain’t no Beckerlax”. Tenderheart retorts: “Well... I’m at least better for dude on dude cuddling with than Beckerman is”. Boba Fett flies back to base with the fur ball in his hands while he says under his breath: “That’s not what I heard“. The Champion of The Universe is down on the ground waving his arms around screaming the following: “WHAT’S UP PEEEEEEEOPLE!! FIRST TEAM NOW THE BACKYARDIGANS. WHO’S TOP DOGG NOW!! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT SMURF”! The Champion says to Roster Filler Smurf. The team is fully expecting Smurf #10 to come back with a sarcastic remark when Roster Filler Smurf uses his ring to make a translucent blue energy mega-phone in front of his face. The Smurf then says into the megaphone: “AND THE WINNER OF THIS BOUT... AND STILL CHAMPION OF THE UN IVERSE... THE CHAMPION OF THE UNIVERSE!!
LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!
Le' Napoleon's Brigade vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Le' Napoleon Brigade is (pre-suit) Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, Red Lantern #3, The Wonder Pets: Linny, Tuck, Ming Ming, & Ollie, Guy Gardner (w/Sinestro’s old ring, a red lantern ring & Alan Scott's green lantern ring), Zombie King Kong, Black Lantern Scarlet Witch, Black Lantern Trinity, Power Girl, Maverick and Goose in an F-14, and Phil Day (w/ a Sith Lavarouk).
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Superboy, Beppo the Super-Monkey, Spider Ham, Nightwing & Red Robin in The Modern Age Batmobile (The Tumbler), Blue Devil, Ganthet (w/ a Green Lantern Ring), Sayd, X-23, Omega Supreme, Mighty Mousette (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring), and Paploo on a Scooter.
“Ok guys! This is our chance. Beating the original National League Champions would be huge for Playoff hopes! Let’s go out there and make one hell of a statement,” Superboy shouts to rile up his team as they charge into the streets of downtown Metropolis. Ganthet and Mighty Mousette fly in and instantly double team Black Lantern Trinity and use their combined powers from their rings to utterly destroy her. Spider-Ham flings his webs through the air as he swings from building to building. He is then snatched from mid air and gobbled up by Zombie King Kong, who is currently climbing the Daily Planet. Maverick and Goose are hot on Sayd’s tail in their F-14, when she all of a sudden spins around and blasts the fighter jet with her immense Guardian powers, reducing them to smoldering ash floating in the wind.
Meanwhile, back down on the streets below, Phil Day has become quite accustomed to his newly acquired Sith Lavarouk and picks a fight with Blue Devil. He swings it with great determination and poise, but Blue Devil flips out of the way and blasts the video-gamer in the back with his magical trident. As Phil falls, he sees the words “Game Over” floating in the air. But this is just a delusion he is having as Blue Devil drives his trident into him, finishing Mr. Day off. “Keep pouring it on guys!” shouts Superboy as he flies over head and attacks Red Lantern #3. The rage filled lantern spews her red energy all over Conner Kent, but he uses his freeze breath to encase Red Lantern #3 in a block of ice, which falls from the sky and shatters into a million piece on the street below.
The Wonder Pets, who have been hiding in a nearby alley, are startled when a quick pink flash lights up the otherwise dark back lot. “Sorry guys, nothing personal,” Mighty Mousette says as she blasts all four tiny animals with her Star Sapphire ring. Guy Gardner then swoops in and stomps on the powerful little mouse. He, however, is picked up by his foot and thrown up against the wall by Mighty Mousette. This enrages Guy and he blasts her with all three of his rings, which is way too much power for Mighty Mousette to handle. “Now where’s that little Super-Snot?” Guy says to himself as he flies away in search of Superboy.
Nightwing and Red Robin are pancaking cars that are parked on the street as they drive down through downtown Metropolis in the Batmobile/Tumbler, when they are put to a dead halt by (pre-suit) Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine who have both shorted the circuitry of the vehicle with dual blast of Sith Lightning. Nightwing and Red Robin leap out of the Tumbler to engage the Sith Lords. Their attack however is very short lived as both Anakin and Palpatine leap towards them as well, and slice both Nightwing and Red Robin in half with their lightsabers. Vader then looks at his master and says “All too easy.” Zombie King Kong then leaps down in front of them and begins to devour the bodies of Nightwing and Red Robin. Paploo makes a fatal wrong turn on his scooter and drives right in front of the zombified giant gorilla, who then smashes him with his colossal fist. There is then a massive shadow then overwhelms the area as Omega Supreme lands and crushes Zombie King Kong. Power Girl then flies in and lands an incredible uppercut right to Omega’s jaw. This causes the Autobot to stumble backwards. She then flies up to the top of the Daily Planet, rips off the huge golden globe and fastballs it right at Omega Supreme. He blasts it with is cannon, causing it to sail out of sight. But this was just a distraction from Power Girl, who is now flying as fast as she can right for the Transformer. She rockets directly though his head, killing him instantly. She is then attacked by Beppo, the Super Monkey, who is flailing his arms wildly on her back. Power Girl grabs a hold of Beppo and bear hugs him. The Super Monkey’s face is buried deep within her heaving bosom as she finally ends him, by breaking his neck.
Guy Gardner now has his sights set right on Superboy and flies directly for him. Blue Devil sees this and shouts from the street below “Connor, look out!” as Guy tries to blind side Superboy. Connor spins around and just caves Guy Gardner’s skull with a single punch. “Ha! One punch! Did you see that Laura?! One punch!” laughs Blue Devil. X-23 isn’t quite as amused as she has gotten the scent of Palpatine and Vader. Blue Devil follows after X-23 as she attacks (pre-suit) Darth Vader. Blue Devil tries to help her, but is attacked himself by Palpatine. He blocks a blast of Sith Lightning with his trident, but quickly ends up falling to his red lightsaber. X-23 spins and flips in the air, viciously attacking Vader. He tries to cut her down with his lightsaber, but she blocks it with her adamantium claws. Vader is shocked by this counter, and is then even more shocked, when she extends her foot claw and does a back flip, sticking it right underneath is chin. Palpatine, who has been carefully watching this battle, then blasts the female clone of Wolverine with and incredible blast of Sith Lightning.
High above the buildings, Black Lantern Scarlet Witch is trying to uses her Chaos Magic on Ganthet and Sayd, but their cosmic powers are too much for her to overcome and is blown away by the Oan couple. Ganthet and Sayd then regroup with Superboy to try and finish this battle. Power Girl is standing her ground, next to Emperor Palpatine, who has his red lightsaber drawn and ignited. Ganthet and Sayd double team the Sith Lord as Superboy is attacked by Power Girl. Palpatine lashes out with a thunderous bolt of Sith Lightning and uses the Force to fling cars, mailboxes, stop signs and whatever else he can at the two Guardians of the Universe. They block his attacks with their cosmic powers and blast him off of his feet. Palpatine begins to cower and beg for mercy. The Guardians softly land on the street and begin to look inside themselves, shocked at their own aggressiveness. Palpatine then uses the Force to fling his lightsaber into the throat of Sayd. She drops to the ground as Ganthet loses control and blasts and cackling Palpatine with his cosmic powers. The Sith Lord is turned into a stain on the streets of Metropolis.
Power Girl and Superboy are battling in a well pitched match (shout out Becks) as Connor begins to gain the upper hand. Ganthet flies in and stops Superboy from landing then killer punch. “No, enough. Allow her to retreat,” Ganthet says to his teammate. Power Girl stands up, not wanting to back down, but knows that she cannot defeat both of them. She flies away as Superboy and Ganthet hear a faint coughing coming from behind them. “Ganthet, do you smell that? It smells like barbequed dog hair,” Connor says. They turn around to see a crispy and smoldering X-23 limping towards them. “I heard that flyboy,” she replies.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!!
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Superboy, Beppo the Super-Monkey, Spider Ham, Nightwing & Red Robin in The Modern Age Batmobile (The Tumbler), Blue Devil, Ganthet (w/ a Green Lantern Ring), Sayd, X-23, Omega Supreme, Mighty Mousette (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring), and Paploo on a Scooter.
“Ok guys! This is our chance. Beating the original National League Champions would be huge for Playoff hopes! Let’s go out there and make one hell of a statement,” Superboy shouts to rile up his team as they charge into the streets of downtown Metropolis. Ganthet and Mighty Mousette fly in and instantly double team Black Lantern Trinity and use their combined powers from their rings to utterly destroy her. Spider-Ham flings his webs through the air as he swings from building to building. He is then snatched from mid air and gobbled up by Zombie King Kong, who is currently climbing the Daily Planet. Maverick and Goose are hot on Sayd’s tail in their F-14, when she all of a sudden spins around and blasts the fighter jet with her immense Guardian powers, reducing them to smoldering ash floating in the wind.
Meanwhile, back down on the streets below, Phil Day has become quite accustomed to his newly acquired Sith Lavarouk and picks a fight with Blue Devil. He swings it with great determination and poise, but Blue Devil flips out of the way and blasts the video-gamer in the back with his magical trident. As Phil falls, he sees the words “Game Over” floating in the air. But this is just a delusion he is having as Blue Devil drives his trident into him, finishing Mr. Day off. “Keep pouring it on guys!” shouts Superboy as he flies over head and attacks Red Lantern #3. The rage filled lantern spews her red energy all over Conner Kent, but he uses his freeze breath to encase Red Lantern #3 in a block of ice, which falls from the sky and shatters into a million piece on the street below.
The Wonder Pets, who have been hiding in a nearby alley, are startled when a quick pink flash lights up the otherwise dark back lot. “Sorry guys, nothing personal,” Mighty Mousette says as she blasts all four tiny animals with her Star Sapphire ring. Guy Gardner then swoops in and stomps on the powerful little mouse. He, however, is picked up by his foot and thrown up against the wall by Mighty Mousette. This enrages Guy and he blasts her with all three of his rings, which is way too much power for Mighty Mousette to handle. “Now where’s that little Super-Snot?” Guy says to himself as he flies away in search of Superboy.
Nightwing and Red Robin are pancaking cars that are parked on the street as they drive down through downtown Metropolis in the Batmobile/Tumbler, when they are put to a dead halt by (pre-suit) Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine who have both shorted the circuitry of the vehicle with dual blast of Sith Lightning. Nightwing and Red Robin leap out of the Tumbler to engage the Sith Lords. Their attack however is very short lived as both Anakin and Palpatine leap towards them as well, and slice both Nightwing and Red Robin in half with their lightsabers. Vader then looks at his master and says “All too easy.” Zombie King Kong then leaps down in front of them and begins to devour the bodies of Nightwing and Red Robin. Paploo makes a fatal wrong turn on his scooter and drives right in front of the zombified giant gorilla, who then smashes him with his colossal fist. There is then a massive shadow then overwhelms the area as Omega Supreme lands and crushes Zombie King Kong. Power Girl then flies in and lands an incredible uppercut right to Omega’s jaw. This causes the Autobot to stumble backwards. She then flies up to the top of the Daily Planet, rips off the huge golden globe and fastballs it right at Omega Supreme. He blasts it with is cannon, causing it to sail out of sight. But this was just a distraction from Power Girl, who is now flying as fast as she can right for the Transformer. She rockets directly though his head, killing him instantly. She is then attacked by Beppo, the Super Monkey, who is flailing his arms wildly on her back. Power Girl grabs a hold of Beppo and bear hugs him. The Super Monkey’s face is buried deep within her heaving bosom as she finally ends him, by breaking his neck.
Guy Gardner now has his sights set right on Superboy and flies directly for him. Blue Devil sees this and shouts from the street below “Connor, look out!” as Guy tries to blind side Superboy. Connor spins around and just caves Guy Gardner’s skull with a single punch. “Ha! One punch! Did you see that Laura?! One punch!” laughs Blue Devil. X-23 isn’t quite as amused as she has gotten the scent of Palpatine and Vader. Blue Devil follows after X-23 as she attacks (pre-suit) Darth Vader. Blue Devil tries to help her, but is attacked himself by Palpatine. He blocks a blast of Sith Lightning with his trident, but quickly ends up falling to his red lightsaber. X-23 spins and flips in the air, viciously attacking Vader. He tries to cut her down with his lightsaber, but she blocks it with her adamantium claws. Vader is shocked by this counter, and is then even more shocked, when she extends her foot claw and does a back flip, sticking it right underneath is chin. Palpatine, who has been carefully watching this battle, then blasts the female clone of Wolverine with and incredible blast of Sith Lightning.
High above the buildings, Black Lantern Scarlet Witch is trying to uses her Chaos Magic on Ganthet and Sayd, but their cosmic powers are too much for her to overcome and is blown away by the Oan couple. Ganthet and Sayd then regroup with Superboy to try and finish this battle. Power Girl is standing her ground, next to Emperor Palpatine, who has his red lightsaber drawn and ignited. Ganthet and Sayd double team the Sith Lord as Superboy is attacked by Power Girl. Palpatine lashes out with a thunderous bolt of Sith Lightning and uses the Force to fling cars, mailboxes, stop signs and whatever else he can at the two Guardians of the Universe. They block his attacks with their cosmic powers and blast him off of his feet. Palpatine begins to cower and beg for mercy. The Guardians softly land on the street and begin to look inside themselves, shocked at their own aggressiveness. Palpatine then uses the Force to fling his lightsaber into the throat of Sayd. She drops to the ground as Ganthet loses control and blasts and cackling Palpatine with his cosmic powers. The Sith Lord is turned into a stain on the streets of Metropolis.
Power Girl and Superboy are battling in a well pitched match (shout out Becks) as Connor begins to gain the upper hand. Ganthet flies in and stops Superboy from landing then killer punch. “No, enough. Allow her to retreat,” Ganthet says to his teammate. Power Girl stands up, not wanting to back down, but knows that she cannot defeat both of them. She flies away as Superboy and Ganthet hear a faint coughing coming from behind them. “Ganthet, do you smell that? It smells like barbequed dog hair,” Connor says. They turn around to see a crispy and smoldering X-23 limping towards them. “I heard that flyboy,” she replies.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!!
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