TEAM Vs. Logical Genocide

TEAM is Ultraman, Mon El, Voltron, Galactiac, The Beyonder, Neo-Cymek #1-12, Guardian #1-4, & The Power Dasher Jet

Logical Genocide is Ion, Necron, Red Lantern #2, Neo-Cymek #18, Adam Strange, Starman, V (w/ Yellow Power Ring), Cybertronian Guardian #9 (Cuddles), Titan Force 5, Man hunter #1 & 2, Xenomorph #52, Magmar, Jedi Master #28, Moonstone, Iron Patriot, The Ray, Chris Seeney & Cannon Fodder Smurf (actually Smurf #10) in The Lex-Soar 7, Warwolf #7 & 9 (Sgt. Stabbins & Fumbles), Predator #48, Prometheus & Brett Favre in Superman’s Truck, Terminator #40, Triceraton #1, & Ewok #74


“You ready for this see-eff”! Chris Seeney says to Cannon Fodder Smurf who is sitting on the cutest little easy chair you have ever seen on the arm rest inside The Lex-Soar 7. The Smurf replies with: "You know I hate it when you call me that, and why are you so excited about fighting TEAM, they are probably going to waste us, you know that they have only lost a hand full of times right"? "They have lost more times than we have” Seeney says. “………….Wow, well I must hand it to you. That is an amazingly optimistic may to look at the situation we are about to fly in to, but you do realize that A: They have never lost in space. 2: They are former Universe Bowl Champions. and D: Last time I checked, they have won n a few more times than we have as well". The snide little smurf says. Seeney comes back with: "But Duuude, come on! That's not the right attitude. You've got to get psyched. This is TEAM we're talking about. We're gonna get to fight Superman & Unicorn, this is gonna rule"! His smurf companion says: "Okay, for the trillionth time, it's Unicron, not Unicorn, and plus, you're probably wrong, because I hear that Supes is riding the pine all year". An overly excited Seeney retorts: "Sheah right! Your Mom is ridin the pine. No way TEAM is gonna dog us like that. With the space power we're perpetrating in this mug, we're gonna see all the stars. Personally I can't wait to see how the Thor Corps looks after we use our Logical Genocide to reconstruct their Asgardian faces". As the 2 teams approach one another, Seeney presses the com button and says to the Logical Genocide troops: "Okay everybody, lets set 2-7-1. This is the real deal, everybody follow on my mark. Let's go with attack pattern Delta, I see 3 marks at 2-10. I'm already on my way out. This is Commodore Seeney saying good luck and FOR SPARTA"! Cannon Fodder thinks to himself "thank God Coach Geoff Johns turned off the comlink in The Lex-Soar 7, so we will at least get blown up by the opposing team instead of our own". The smurf is able to keep this to himself, but he has to say something: "Way to just commission yourself a military rank there "Commodore"". "That's what us officers do See-eff, when you are a take charge kind of guy like I am, you do what needs to be done. At times like this there is no thinking involved, the training kicks in and instinct takes over". says Chris. "Well, I agree with the no thinking part anyway". says Cannon. Cannon Fodder Smurf begins to say something of actual relevance, but Seeney interrupts him with: "OH HELLS YEAH! There he is: Unicorn"! Seeney then presses the comlink again and says: "I have Unicorn in my sights. I'm going in, this punk is about to go down like a prom date! Commodore Seeney out". Cannon says: "Uhhhh Chris, that isn't Unicron, it's Voltron and you're going the WRONG WAY"! Chris replies: "Give me a break See-eff, I hit the wrong button. Jeez! Cry me a river why don't ya. I'm turning back around just hold your horses; or caterpillars or whatever it is you Smurfs ride on............ Hah, ridin caterpillars, that funny". Cannon Fodder Smurf says: "You're an idiot..... And while we're on the subject, who the hell taught you how to fly this thing anyway? Papa Smurf"? While The Lex-Soar 7 and it's riveting conversationalists turn around they witness Voltron put his massive hands together and form its sword. Voltron is swarmed by enemies, but the Far Universe combatant is right at home with his surroundings, and has no problem wiping out Red Lantern #2, Adam Strange, & the charge's leader Iron Patriot before locking in battle with Titan Maximum. The Power Dasher Jet and Magmar are about to begin battling, but before they do, they banter about who is the more useful character......... They both then die of boredom. The Neo-Cymek’s are programmed to attack as a unit when possible, which is why Neo-Cymek #18 is pretty easily overwhelmed and destroyed by his former TEAMmates. The Neo-Cymeks then go on to destroy both Warwolves with their overwhelming firepower. The 2 Manhunters manage to take out Neo-Cymeks #1 & 8 but they eventually succumb to the power of the human-brain powered machines as well. Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian on the other hand does a little bit better against his own kind. The Guardian is able to take out Cybertronian Guardian #3 with a double fisted blow to the back of the neck before the other 3 guardians overwhelm him. Once Cannon Fodder finally convinces Chris that Voltron is not Unicron Seeney spins the Lex-Soar 7 around and continues his search for the best of the best that TEAM has to offer, so he can go “put a hurtin on em” as he so eloquently put it. They fly up to a battle that is already in progress and he shouts: “See, See-eff there he is, The Universe Bowl MVP himself: Superman. And we’re just in time to help out Necron & Ion in their fight against him”. Cannon Fodder replies: “Come on Seeney, that is not Superman, that is Ultra Man, don’t act like a nerd of your caliber can’t tell the difference”. “NO WAY, that is...... Oh wait, you’re right, that is Ultra Man. Well, in that case, I am sure Ion & Necron can handle him. Let’s go find Unicorn”. “Ya know, for once I agree, that Necron guy kinda gives me the creeps anyway”. Says Cannon. Prometheus comes over the Lex-Soar 7’s comlink (it is only deactivated for outgoing messages) and says: “Hey Seeney, quit screwin around and get behind us. We need a wing man for our attack run”. “Uh oh, he’s in trouble, he forgot to call you Commodore”. Cannon says sarcastically. Prometheus & Brett Favre (w/ Ewok #74 riding slingshot) race thru the Richey Mays with Terminator #40, Predator #48, & Triceraton #1 all chillin in the bed of Superman’s truck. The 2 space-worthy kids toys approach Galactiac, who has already defeated Moonstone and The Ray with his amazing intellect and cosmic powers. As the 2 vehicles get close enough to attack. Seeney turns to Cannon and says: “Alright baby, the moment we have all been waiting for: Unicorn”. “This is Galactiac, “Commodore sir“. Not Unicron. Now maybe we could focus on the fight before we get annihilated”. Says Cannon. Prometheus comes back over the com: “Alright Seeney, let’s do this. On my mark open fire. I’m gonna go low and you“..... (Signal is lost). “Whoa! Holy crap, Unicorn just wasted Superman’s truck”. Says Seeney. “It’s not Uni....“. the smurf starts, but is interrupted by Seeney: “Yeah yeah, I know, Galactiwack or whatever his name is. Brett Favre and the rest of the guys in the cab of the truck are granted an early retirement, while the 3 from the bed of the truck jump out and attack Galactiac. Galactiac throws the Triceraton at the Lex-Soar 7 which sends it off course, but the ship rights itself while Galactiac is finishing off The Predator and The Terminator. Seeney turns to Cannon and says: “That was to close” in his best Billie D. Williams voice and then adds: “I’m glad we made it out of that alive. Now let’s go find Unicorn for real”. Mon El lands on very small asteroid, that is being inhabited by Jedi Master #28 & Xenomorph #52. Mon El rips the Xenomorph’s head off which not only kills the alien but also sprays acid all over the Jedi, destroying his space suit and killing him in the process. V and Starman show up to lend a hand against Ultraman, creating quite a motley crew of color spectrums, but they manage to put aside their differences to combine against their common enemy. Ultraman heat visions Starman to death, but Necron, Ion, & V all combine their powers against the earth 3 Superman. Ultraman uses his super-strength (maybe I should say ultra strength) to viciously rip the head off of Necron, but not before he has already expelled his power which combines with Ion and V’s power rings to overwhelm Ultraman and cause him to completely implode. Ion and V are now preparing a final offensive when they radio Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder and tell them to rendezvous for a final attack on Galactiac. While they are doing this, Voltron uses his massive sword to finally finish off Titan Maximum. The cosmic power that the Far Universe Voltron sends thru Titan Maximum is enough to destroy all 5 members of The Titan Force. Ion and V go racing thru the solar system, and each take out a Cybertronian Guardian with a massive blast of energy before they approach Galactiac. Seeney and Fodder fly around and witness both Ion and V empty their powers into Galactiac. The massive Galactus/Brainiac Amalgam swings his powerful fist at V which breaks thru his yellow energy barrier to kill him, but Ion keeps blasting Galactiac with green energy until the being is completely destroyed. The Beyonder finally makes his first appearance in the match, which prompts Cannon to say to Seeney: “Okay, before you say something ingenious again, that isn’t Unicron either”. “I know that, I’ve read enough comics to know that that is The Stranger, or is the In-betweener. It definitely isn’t Ego, but it might be The Champion of the Universe. Actually, I admit it, I’m a comic geek and all these cosmic beings just run together in my mind”. Says Seeney. The Beyonder waves his finger (or whatever he does) and sends the Lex-Soar 7 completely off course. Seeney loses whatever control of the vehicle he may have had and the ship spins away into the distance. Ion, the Season 3 #1 overall pick has put on quite a show today, but once he is surrounded by The Beyonder, Mon El, & Voltron he then notices that the remaining Neo-Cymeks are approaching as well. Ion knows that he cannot take on what remains of TEAM and uses the rest of his power to go out with a bang and sacrifice himself against The Beyonder, so he can take the cosmic powered being out with him. As Seeney and Cannon Fodder go spinning into the distance they realize that they are on a collision course with the last remaining Cybertronian Guardian. Cannon looks at Chris and says: “Well at least we are actually going to be credited for a kill in this match”. Right before the collision Seeney shoots a puzzled glance at the smurf and says “ya know See-eff, I don’t think Unicorn was even in this match”.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!

The Transfoamers vs. Haley's Comets

"Life, for ever dying to be born afresh, for ever young and eager, will presently stand upon this earth as upon a footstool, and stretch out its realm amidst the stars."
―H.G. Wells

I look at the teams to do battle in the Rischey Mays during this Week 4 Match. They are as follows:

The Transfoamers: Transformers #1-8, Major William Lennox, Chief Master Sgt. Robert Epps, ACWO Jorge Figueroa, First Sgt. Donnelly, (movie) Mudflap, (movie) Skids, (movie) Sideswipe, (movie) Iron Hide, Autobots #1-5, Metallica: James Hetfield (w/ Darth Bane's old lightsaber), Lars Ulrich (w/ a Halberd), Kirk Hammet (w/ an Atlas), Jason Newsted (w/ a Heat Axe), Ghosts #1 and 2, Darth Rage (w/ a yellow power ring) and Sith Lord #16.

Hayley's Comets: Terminator #38, Xenomorph #54, Hordak (w/ a yellow power ring), The Justice Force: The Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle and Boomerang, Ash (w/ Mandalorian Armor), Grotle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Charmeleon, Mew, Mewtwo, Blastois, Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Diglet, Drago, The Defenders of the Earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin and Zuffy, Neo-Cymek #19, Predator #50, Cybertronian Guardian #8, 8-Ball, 6-Ball, 9-Ball and 11-Ball in 8-Ball's ship, Cable in a B-Wing, Junkeons #15 and 16, Dementors #6 and 9, Halk Kar, Omac, Trigon, Zombie Arisia, Ewok #76 and Doozer #3.

Let the battle begin. . .

8-Ball, 6-Ball, 9-Ball and 11-Ball wear specialized spacesuits designed by the evil genius. They utilize 8-Ball's hovercraft which has also been equipped with an additional element to propel space’s airless environment. As they travel, they see space-suited Major William Lennox, Chief Master Sgt. Robert Epps, ACWO Jorge Figueroa and First Sgt. Donnelly approaching. The 8-Ball crew use their amplified cue sticks to blow the Transformer military members off course. Lennox, Epps, Figueroa and Donnelly miss their opportunity to board the hovercraft and twist away. The 8-Ball crew smile at their success of repelling the elite military force; it is short lived. Darth Rage uses his yellow power ring to snatch his teammates and shoot them back at the 8-Ball team. The 8-Ball crew is taken off guard as the Transfoamers board the craft. Lennox uses his advanced weaponry to kill 8-Ball; Epps kills 6-Ball; Figueroa kills 9-Ball and Donnelly kills 11-Ball. The Transfoamer members fly away with the 8-Ball hovercraft.

Hordak watches the scene and launches his teammates (who he has carried with his yellow ring) at the stolen 8-Ball hovercraft. Terminator #38, Xenomorph #54, Predator #50, Ewok #76 and Doozer #3 land on the craft. The Terminator is immediately riddled with Lennox’s bullets. Although its skin is falling off its metallic body, it is more than a match for Lennox who is eventually killed by a well placed bullet between the trooper’s eyes. Xenomorph #54 jumps on Epps. Acid drips from its mouth and burns Epps face. Epps’ screams are short lived as the Xenomorph’s double jaw strikes and kills the soldier. Across the hovercraft, Predator #50 shoots Figueroa in the chest with his shoulder cannon. The Predator pounces upon Figueroa and rips his skull and spine from his body. Donnelly is faring a little better as he fights Ewok #76 and Doozer #3. Donnelly manages to kill both furry foes. Seeing that he is outnumbered by the other team on the craft, he jumps into open space. He is met by the laser fire of Cable in his B-Wing. The B-Wing screams by, leaving Donnelly’s body a burnt husk. As Cable turns his ship he is met by Transformers #3-5. The Transformers unload their weapons upon the ship and Cable and his B-Wing explode.

Above the fighting, Hordak flies in a circle, pondering his next action. He is struck from behind by a yellow projectile and is knocked about, spinning through space. It is Darth Rage, who is using his own yellow power ring, as a weapon. At the same time, the ring is providing a protective aura for both himself and Sith Lord #16. With Hordak out of the way, Darth Rage and Sith Lord #16 land on the hovercraft. Although it takes some effort, the darksiders manage to stab, skewer, slice, batter and kill Terminator #38, Xenomorph #54 and Predator #50.

The Defenders of the Earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin and Zuffy are traveling on a piece of floating space jetsam toward the battle. Ghosts #1 and 2 take advantage of the fact that they do not need air. They attack the Defenders. Ghost #1 manages to throw both Rick Gordon and Kshin off the jetsam piece. Ghost #2 pushes Jedda Walker off. The Ghosts then come together and rip the gear off the heroes. Rick Gordon, Kshin and Jedda Walker suffocate in the airless vacuum. Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar and Zuffy are about to combine forces and attack the Ghosts. Before they get the chance, Dementors #6 and 9 rip their spectral brethren apart. Ghost #1 and 2 fade away. The Defenders and Dementors see (movie) Mudflap, (movie) Skids, (movie) Sideswipe and (movie) Iron Hide come crashing down on the jetsam. The Dementors are unable to affect the giant robots. Although the Defenders manage to destroy Skids, the remaining Transformers mutilate the Comet members, leaving only carnage behind.

Zombie Arisia uses her green power ring to carry Ash (with his newly adorned Mandalorian armor), along with all of his Pokemon (and Pokemon rip-off) friends. Approximately three leagues away, Arisia sees Autobots #1-5. Except for Autobot #2, each Autobot carries a member of Metallica (wearing protective space gear). James Hetfield (w/ Darth Bane's old lightsaber) rides on Autobot #1; Lars Ulrich (w/ a Halberd) on Autobot #3, Kirk Hammet (w/ an Atlas) on Autobot #4 and Jason Newsted (w/ a Heat Axe) on Autobot #5. Arisia releases the Pokemon characters from their protective shield and Grotle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Charmeleon, Mew, Mewtwo, Blastois, Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Diglett and Drago engulf the Autobots and their riders. Before the full blown battle ensues, Metallica can be heard-

Hetfield: End of passion play, crumbling away

Ulrich: I’m your source of self-destruction

Hammet: Veins that pump with fear, sucking dark is clear

Newsted: Leading on your deaths’ construction. . .

The slow and gentle Grotle is killed by Newsted’s Heat Axe, as is Piplup. Empoleon and Prinplup gang up on Newsted, but Newsted is saved by Hetfield’s lightsaber, which slices both in half. Hammet with his Atlas manages to take out Jiggly Puff and Wiggly Tuff. Ulrich with the Halbeard destroys Diglett and Blastois. While the Metallica band mates destroy the Pokemon characters, their Autobots assist them in their task of total Pokemon annihilation. Autobot #2 destroys Palkia and Pokemon rip-off Drago. Autobot #1 kills Regirock. Autobot #3 kills Rayquazza. Autobot #4 kills Charmeleon. Autobot #5 kills Infernape. Just before the team can destroy the remaining characters, Ash soars in with his Mandalorian armor and shoots a missile which explodes and kills Newsted. The remaining Metallica-mates look at Ash, Wartortle, Dialga, Mew and Mewtwo.

Hetfield: Shouting gun.

Ulrich: On they run.

Hammet: Through the endless grey

They combine forces with the Autobots and destroy Ash, Wartortle, Dialga, Mew and Mewtwo.

The yellow ring bearers are in a bitter fight, once again. The two are evenly matched. Darth Rage uses his lightsaber to deflect the blasts from Hordak’s hands. Darth Rage eventually manages to get the upper hand and mortally wounds Hordak with a slash across Hordak’s chest. Sith Lord #16 rushes at Hordak and slices him in two. The two Sith Lords focus on the Dementors which are flying in the area. Together, they use their dark side abilities and force lightning to destroy Dementors #6 and 9.

Metallica has jumped on a small asteroid. They see the Justice Force flying their way.

Hetfield: So be it

Ulrich: Threaten no more

Hammet: To secure peace is to prepare for war

The Justice Force meets Metallica. Although Metallica is ripped apart from all sides, they actually manage to kill Boomerang and Nobody. The remaining Justice Force searches for their next fight. They are met by Darth Rage and Sith Lord #16. Sith Lord #16 manages to slice apart Nano. Chrysalis attempts to send a ray from her forehead, but it is easily blocked by Sith Lord #16. Darth Rage takes advantage of this fact and slices through Chrysalis. The Silver Sentry flies away, attempting to obtain help against the Sith. The two Transfoamer force wielders manage to kill Ananda, Metal Head, Tsunami, Raptarr and the Green Mantle, but the fight has taken its toll on the darksiders. As they are utilizing the force to replenish their energy, they are struck from behind by Silver Sentry and Zombie Arisia. Already in a weakened state, they are no match for the two and eventually Sentry and Arisia get the better of the fighters. Sith Lord #16 and Darth Rage are killed.

Cybertronian Guardian #8, Neo-Cymek #19, Junkeons #15 and 16 come to the scene to face Autobots #1-5 now that their Metallica-mates are no longer alive. The battle between the immense robots is spectacular. In the end, pieces and scraps litter the space way. Standing is Neo-Cymek #19 and a battle scarred Cybertronian Guardian #8. All Autobots #1-5, as well as Junkeons #15 and 16, are destroyed. Tranformers #1-8, as well as (movie) Mudflap, (movie) Sideswipe and (movie) Iron Hide enter the robotic fray. Transformer #3 and 6 are lost immediately. But the remaining Transfoamer members destroy both Neo-Cymek #19 and Cybertronian Guardian #8.

Halk Kar, Omac and Trigon face off against the remaining robots. They are soon joined by teammates Silver Sentry and Zombie Arisia. Halk Kar destroys Mudflap and Sideswipe. Silver Sentry destroys Iron Hide. The remaining Transformers #1-2, 4-5, 7-8 are picked apart and destroyed by the remaining Comet crew. Notwithstanding, winning has its price as the Comets lost Omac, Silver Sentry and Zombie Arisia in the final battle.

The Transfoamers: All dead.

Haley’s Comets: Halk Kar and Trigon survive.

HALEY’S COMETS IS VICTORIOUS!!!

The Right Wing vs. The Syracuse Valley

“Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the drug store, but that’s just peanuts to space.”
-Douglas Adams

I look at the teams to do battle in the Rischey Mays during this Week 4 Match. They are as follows:

The Right Wing: Silver Surfer, Zeus, The Incredible Hulk, Batwoman in a Tie Bomber, Droid Fighter Ships #1-4, Gold Dragons #1-3, Red Sonja and The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Prometheus, Ulysses I and Ulysses II in Gen. Grievous' Ship, Darth Malak and Miss Martian in a Snow Speeder, Superwoman, Prometheus, Jool Nooret, Blue Lantern #2, and Lyra.

The Syracuse Valley: Bucky O'Hare, Deadeye Duck, Bruiser, Willy Duwitt, Pilot Jenny and AFC Blinkie in The Righteous Indignation, Young Anakin Skywalker (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Kister in Ody Mandrell's Podracer, Star Fox (w/ Darth Maul's lightsaber) in an Arwing, James McLeod in an Arwing, Peppy Hare in an Arwing, Darth Techno in an Arwing, Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, Dash Rendar in a Tie Bomber, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, Soundblaster with Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy (w/ a Red Lightsaber), (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk, Beast Box, Fast Forward, (movie) Wheely, Decepticon Spy Bug, Decepticons #1-2, Scooter, Go-Bots #1-3, (movie) Jazz, Rayden and Kid Thunder, Knuckles (w/ a red lightsaber), Shadow the Hedgehog, Robocop, Critters #1-12, Crasher, Billy Mays, Autobots #6-9, Kree Soldiers #1-18, Xenomorphs #94-95, Little Goombas #6-7 and Treasure Troll (un-identified due to the failure of Commissioner).

Let the battle begin. . .

In space, Gold Dragons #1-3 are unable to use their fire breath due to the lack of oxygen. Star Fox notices the apparent flaw of the Dragons and signals his squad to attack. Star Fox, James McLeod and Peppy Hare fire at the metallic-colored beasts. Gold Dragons #1-3 are riddled with lasers and die. Droid Fighter Ships #1-4 fly to the action and meet the Arwing squad. Before the Droid Fighter Ships can take advantage of their slightly better maneuverability, they are met by Megatron, Starscream and Decepticons #1 and #2. The Decepticons destroy all Droid Fighters Ships #1-4 is a matter of minutes.

Red Sonja and The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Prometheus, Ulysses I, & Ulysses II are focused on the space battle occurring outside of their ship. While the entire crew is on the bridge, they do not hear the Billy Mays’ blow torch used by the space-suited spokesman. Mays cuts through a section of the airlock, which does not decompress, or activate any alert signals, because of Billy Mays’ stealth scanner. Along with Billy Mays, Shadow the Hedgehog, Robocop, Decepticon Spybug, Xenomorphs #94-95, Little Goombas #6-7 and unidentified Treasure Troll enter Grievous’ ship undetected. The Decepticon Spybug skittles toward the ship’s bridge and sees the Pantheon, focused on the bridge’s view screen. The Spybug reports back to its team. The Valley team follows the Spybug to the command center. Little do the Valleyites know, The Pantheon are now lying in wait. Delphi and Andromeda sensed the presence of the intruders earlier and told their fellow members to feign ignorance to their presence. Atlanta has his energy bow drawn and two energy arrows skewer Little Goombas #6-7. Perseus uses his energy spear to skewer Shadow the Hedgehog. Hector uses his energy flail to rip apart unidentified Treasure Troll. Jason has weapons in each hand, but is unable to deflect the bullets of Robocop; Jason is killed. Both Ulysses I and Ulysses II have their swords and shields drawn. The two manage to kill Xenomorphs #94-95. After Robocop kills Jason, he focuses on Paris. Paris’ body is shredded by the staccato fire of Robocop’s futuristic guns. Agamemnon sees both Paris and Jason down. He uses a specialized disrupter created by the technologically advanced group to destroy Robocop. He grabs the Decepticon Bug before it can skitter away and screams in it.

Agamemnon: Mays!!! Where are you Mays!!! You have made me lose two of my own!! You shall pay.

Agamemnon crushes the Decepticon Spybug.

Meanwhile, Mays is seen in a near-comatose state, lying on the floor of the medical/supply compartment of the ship. It turns out that Mays did not follow his teammates to the command center, but instead stayed behind, searching for “substances.” Mays located the drugs he was looking for and took them. He sings to himself “All the Single Ladies” with a smile on his face.

Although clearly not a space-faring ship, Anakin Skywalker and Kister zoom through space in Ody Mandrell's Podracer. They are chased by Darth Malak and Miss Martian in a Snow Speeder, which like its prey, is not a true space-faring ship. Nonetheless, Malak triggers the Snow Speeder’s grappling hooks at the podracer. The hook encircles the podracer’s fuel injected cells and the vehicle shoots out of control.

Anakin: This is tense. . . .

Kister: Ani. I know you can get us out of this. I’m your biggest fan!

Batwoman (hearing Kister over the designated comm. channel): Support this!

Batwoman fires the laser cannons of her Tie Bomber and takes out the podracer. Anakin jettisons out; Kister is not so lucky. Anakin sees a large form floating his way. He looks down and pulls out his lightsaber. Before Young Anakin Skywalker is able to ignite the blue blade, Lyra comes upon the slave boy and crushes his skull. Go-Bots #1-3 come to the skirmish. Lyra uses all of her immense strength to defeat Go-Bot #1. She is utterly exhausted as Go-Bots #2-3 surround her. Go-Bots #2-3 pummel Lyra; she is about to lose consciousness when an enraged Hulk and Blue Lantern #2 save her. The Incredible Hulk destroys Go-Bot #2 while Blue Lantern #2 uses his ring to create a solid projection that smashes Go-Bot #3.

Batwoman has left the podracer duel area and decides to face off against Dash Rendar in his Tie Bomber. The two pilots are closely matched and it appears that neither will obtain the upper hand over the other. Batwoman actually manages to maneuver her Bomber behind Rendar’s ship. As she is about to fire her weapons, Darth Techno storms into the duel in his Arwing and fires his weapons. Batwoman and her Tie Bomber are blown to bits.

Bucky O'Hare, Deadeye Duck, Bruiser, Willy Duwitt, Pilot Jenny and AFC Blinkie fly in The Righteous Indignation. They feel their ship shudder as it is held in place by Superwoman. Superwoman then punches a hole in the ship. As the air is escaping from the Righteous Indignation, the Toad Wars team rush to slip on their spacesuits. As the team members evacuate the vehicle, Silver Surfer comes upon the scene and uses his cosmic powers to blow each of them apart. The entire Righteous Indignation ship follows its crew to their graves as it implodes.

Darth Malak and Miss Martian remain in their Snow Speeder as they are surrounded by Kree Soldiers #1-18 (all with artificial life-breathing devices). The Kree swarm over the ship. The Snow Speeder is eventually destroyed and Malak and Miss Martian escape. Malak in a flight suit uses his lightsaber and kills Kree #2, 8 and 18. Miss Martian uses her optic force blasts to kill Kree #5, 7, 11 and 13. The remaining Kree eventually gain the upper hand over the two due to sheer numbers alone. As Malak and Miss Martian are surrounded, they are joined by teammates Zeus and Prometheus. Together, the God and Titan destroy the remaining Kree, with the assistance of both Malak and Martian.

All Arwings fly together since they are a formidable fighting squad. Star Fox, James McLeod, Peppy Hare and Darth Techno in their Arwings race to the next battle site. They focus on Blue Lantern #2, who is currently flying alone. Although Blue Lantern #2 manages to defend himself with regard to some of the salvos, he is not able to escape the constant laser barrage. Blue Lantern #2 is killed. Silver Surfer has had enough of the Arwing squadron. The Surfer flies at the Arwings and releases the full force of his power cosmic, destroying all of the vehicles. Star Fox and Darth Techno manage to jettison out of their ships; McLeod and Hare or not so lucky and are killed with their ships.

Darth Techno and Star Fox escape from the melee and float to Grievous’ ship. The duo locate the spot previously opened by Mays and enter the ship. As they pass the medical section of the ship, they spot Billy Mays.

Mays: Hey, I’ve signaled the other with the Billy Mays’ Communicator. They should be here any minute. . . Want something to tide you over until they come?

Techno and Fox refuse the “battle favors” that Mays offers them. They wait and see Decepticons #1 and #2 transformed into aerial vehicles, coming their way. The Decepticons transport Rayden and Kid Thunder, Knuckles and Critters #1-12 to Grievous’ ship. The new Valley team storms the ship’s command center. Red Sonja, who did not battle in the first melee, is immediately attacked by Critters #1-12. Although she manages to stab Critters #3, 5 and 8 to death, the remaining monsters rip her apart and eat her alive. Sensing his team is facing a more enigmatic foe this time around, Zeus decides to transports Darth Malak, Miss Martian, Prometheus and Jool Nooret to the ship. The legendary sword master Nooret, along with Prometheus, manage to destroy the remaining Critters. Knuckles enters the fray and with his lightsaber slashes through Ulysses I. Ulysses II avenges his Pantheon brother. Ulysses II slices Knuckles’ hand off that was holding the lightsaber. As Knuckles reaches for the saber with his other hand, he is stabbed and killed by Ulysses II. Rayden and Kid Thunder combine their Mortal Kombat abilities to kill the Pantheon’s Prometheus. The real Prometheus takes vengeance on the murderers of his namesake and kills both Kid Thunder and Rayden. Star Fox manages to skirt behind Delphi and uses the twin-bladed saber of Darth Maul to kill the Pantheon member. Darth Techno sees his lightsabered brethren victorious in his skirmish and one-ups him by killing both Cassiopeia and Achilles. Darth Malak comes before the two lightsaber-wielding opponents and enters a battle ready stance. The lightsaber duel is furious between the combatants, but in the end, Malak bests both Darth Techno and Star Fox.

The Valleyites determine that the only way to win this battle is to destroy Grievous’ ship. Billy Mays hears his teammates squawking at one another, makes sure his pressure suit is sealed with Billy Mays’ adhesive tape and flies out of the ship toward the Snow Speeder which is now unmanned.

Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo in their Y-Wing Bomber along with Dash Rendar in his Tie Bomber barrage the ship with their proton torpedoes and bombs. The ship explodes and in the explosion, die Atlanta and Andromeda. Members of both sides are floating in pressure suits amongst the flotillas of wreckage. Superwoman tightens her body into a projectile that rips through both ships. Rendar is killed with his Tie Bomber, while Leebo and Jedi Padawan #37 die in the Y-Wing’s explosion. The remaining Pantheon members- Agamemnon, Ajax, Hector, and Ulysses II locate Jedi Guardian #3. A fight ensues. Although the Jedi Guardian #3 manages to kill Agamemnon and Ulysses II, he eventually succumbs to the combined forces of Ajax, Hector and Darth Malak, who joins the fray. Autobots #6-9 see Ajax, Hector and Malak. It is only a matter of time before Autobots #6-9 destroy both Hector and Ajax. Darth Malak manages to take out Autobot #7 with his force lightning and lightsaber skills. Malak is wearied, but faces the remaining Autobots. The Titan Prometheus and Zeus come to the aid of Malak and destroy the remaining Autobots #6, 8 and 9.

A somewhat bloodied Darth Malak joins Jool Nooret in a battle against Decepticons #1-2. Although Decepticon #1 is damaged, the giant robots are too much for the sword masters. Darth Malak and Jool Nooret are killed. Superwoman, along with Hulk and Lyra come to face the Decepticons. After a pitched battle, Superwoman destroys Decepticon #2 and #1 is destroyed by the father-daughter combo of Hulk and Lyra.

The remaining robots come together to make their stand. Scooter and Crasher, along with (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, Soundblaster with Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy (w/ a Red Lightsaber), (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk, Beast Box and Fast Forward and (movie) Wheely float in various stages of transforming in a debris field which was once Grievous’ ship. The robots scan the debris and see a battle-ready Silver Surfer, Zeus, Hulk, Miss Martian, Superwoman, Prometheus and Lyra. The final battle between the combatants takes place in a rapid-fire, fevered pitch. One after another bodies fly and robot parts are destroyed. Squawk Talk and Beast Box are devastated by Miss Martian. Soundblaster with Zombie Rumble are defeated by the Hulk. Ravage is destroyed by Lyra. Miss Martian is killed by Starscream, who is then decimated by Superwoman. For killing his major domo, Megatron kills Superwoman in vengeance. Slugfest is killed by Prometheus. As Prometheus turns, he sees Laserbeak. The Transformer’s form reminds him of his prior fate - his regenerating liver being eaten for eternity by an eagle. Overkill, Frenzy, Jazz, and Laserbeak take advantage of Prometheus’ ponderings and kill him. Zeus uses all of his godlike powers to destroy Fast Forward, Jazz and Scooter. Crasher and Wheely are taken out by the Hulk; Lyra destroys Zombie Laserbeak. As Lyra turns to smile at her victory and bask in same with her father, she is killed by Megatron and Frenzy. Hulk is blinded by fury and destroys both Overkill and Frenzy. He is wounded by Frenzy’s lightsaber and succumbs to the malicious Megatron. Zeus and Silver Surfer combine their god and cosmic powers together to destroy Megatron.

Zeus and Silver Surfer look for the remaining member of the opposing side who was last seen in the Snow Speeder. As they approach the Speeder, they slowly see that it is simply drifting. They look into the cockpit and discover Billy Mays, spittle around his mouth and his eyes wide open. Mays has suffered from a heart attack – at the fury of the battle – nothing to do with the amount of drugs ingested.

The Right Wing: Silver Surfer and Zeus survive.

The Syracuse Valley: All dead.

THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!!!

The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. Built (Bill) Ford Tough

“Space by itself, and time by itself, are doomed to fade away into mere shadows, and only a kind union of the two will preserve an independent reality.”
-Albert Einstein

I try to locate the battlefield in the Rischey Mays. The deafening sounds nearly shatter my eardrums. The intermittent stuttering of light nearly blinds my eyes. I experience sensory overload. The cosmic forces swirl through space, creating a fury that disjoins reality. Through the haze I see the Phoenix screaming through space.

Jason: What’s happening?!?!

Princess: We don’t have time to figure it out now!

Tiny: Get us out of here!!!

Sheer horror is draped on the G-Force crew’s faces at the carnage surrounding them. The lifeless bodies of Hargon the Measurer, Tefral the Surveyor, Nazzar the Calculator, Gammenon the Gatherer, Arishem the Judge, Jeremiah the Analyzor, Eson the Searcher, Oneg the Prober and Ziran the Tester drift through space.

Through the obscurity I see various members of the Built (Bill) Ford Tough Team shouting in victory. A large explosion occurs and I am unable to watch further. . .

Week Three Standings

Week 4: Death Match

Points: 800
Setting: The Rischey Mayes (space)
Prize: 2 green lightsabers

-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Built Ford Tough (Bryan)
-TEAM Vs. Logical Genocide (Josh)
-Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. The Abomitrons (Nick)
-Team S.P. Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Josh)
-Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Bruce's Bodacious Bullies (Mike)
-The Untouchables Vs. Oblivio (Josh)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Hayley's Comets (Bryan)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. P.M.S. (Ryan)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Brock Sampsons Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. Better Than All of You (Ryan)
-The Right Wing Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Bryan)

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Right Wing

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Hal Jordan Parallax, Destroyer, Annihilus, Exitar the Exterminator, Juggernaut, Dakken, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master, Ce Ce Denowi, Aron the Rogue Watcher, & Havok.

The Right Wing is Superwoman, The Volturi: Aro, Marcus, & Caius, Jool Nooret, Victoria (with a red lightsaber), Red Sonja, Silver Surfer, The Incredible Hulk w/ The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta,Cassiopiea, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Prometheus, Perseus, Ulysses I, & Ulysses II, Blue Lantern #2, Lyra the She-Hulk, Droid Fighter Ship #1 & 2, & Ninja #1.


Possibly the most anticipated interleague match of the year, will begin with The Right Wing’s Head Coach Mike Huckabee addressing his team. Governor Huckabee says: “I realize that we are about to go up against the 2 and 0 Universe Bowl Champion Horsemen of Apokolips. Possibly the most feared team in all of Fantasy Fantasy. A team that has never lost an interleague match, and hasn’t lost a match at all since way back last season some time. But I am here to tell you, that I’ve been an underdog before. When I took on the Clinton machine down in Arkansas, no one thought it could be done, but I did it. I became governor with nowhere near as much money or backing as my opponents. When I ran for president in 2008 they claimed that I had no chance of victory” “And victory is exactly what you did not achieve” Agamemnon says to rudely interrupt their head coach. The Huckster keeps going with: “That may be so Agamemnon, I didn’t win the presidency, but they said I would never make it out of Iowa, many thought I wouldn’t even be able to afford to continue making it to the debates; but I continued on and took my candidacy all the way to the convention. Now I think we can win this fight. I think we have it in us, but if taking it all the way to the convention is the best we can do, than all I ask is that you all give it your best until the very end; and if it doesn’t look like victory is even a possibility, then just keep on trying as if nothing has changed from this very minute. Now, lets go out there and try and bring apocalypse to the Horsemen”. The Right Wing splits into 2 factions, one led by Agamemnon and one by Aro. They know that although the Horsemen have some major power, that will be extremely difficult to contend with, that they have them outnumbered, and that if they can surround the Horsemen in the center of Coruscant that they may have a chance. Luke Skywalker takes command of The Horsemen, even though many of their squad are not exactly people that take orders or follow a plan laid out by someone else (individuals with limitless cosmic power, don’t typically care for meetings or team plans). But the “fighters” on the Horsemen do form up behind Season 2’s #1 overall pick. As Agamemnon and his squad rush up the left flank Luke and the boys are more than ready for them. The beautiful Ce Ce Denowi ducks under a sword attack from Red Sonja and then removes her of her head, while The Incredible Hulk jumps into the air and takes a page out of his red counter-part’s playbook when he punches Aron in the face. Aron the Rogue Watcher is phased by this attack but not so much that it affects him to negatively. Aron uses his cosmic power to knock the Hulk down, but what Aron obviously does not realize is that what he is doing is merely making the Hulk angry, and as we all know, the angrier Hulk get, the stronger Hulk get. With this being said The Hulk jumps up to punch Aron in the face once again, but this time Aron hits the Coruscant ground very hard. Aron attempts to defend himself, but Hulk manages to get on top of The Watcher and pound him into a cosmic pulp. Havok blasts Ninja #1 to bits before he can do anything to ninja-ey, but he is then met by the Hulk’s old buddies The Pantheon and his daughter Lyra. Havok takes out Cassiopiea & Atalanta, but his attention is averted by Achilles and Hector while his face is inverted by Lyra and her fist. Dakken pops out his claws and begins moving his way into the fight, but he is soon met by Jool Nooret. The 2 of them match up fairly well and move against one another with much grace. Dakken goes in for the kill against Nooret, but the son of the best at what he does is no match for the greatest Ginaz Swordsmen in history. Nooret is just to fast for Dakken, and although it takes several stabs from Jool’s knives for Nooret to realize that this mutant is not going to die until his head is separated from his body, it is that that Jool Nooret does next as he uses his Ginaz sword to slice thru the neck of Dakken. If Dave Attell was writing this match it would go something like this: Hal Jordan Parallax………… Let’s talk about him. Possibly the most controversial character ever drafted in FFL history, Hal Jordan Parallax, for the record was a Commissioner approved pick. The jokes and criticisms of this character have yet to cease or slow down, and there are many who will never be convinced that this is not total bullcrap (although it is far from unprecedented that a character have more than one incarnation of him/herself in this league i.e. Anakin Skywalker, Superboy, Gandalf, etc….). Hal Jordan Parallax is after all an extremely powerful character, who would be a value to any team, much like Superman, or in this case the Mr. Mxyzlpltk created female counterpart of Superman: Superwoman who blasts thru Hal Jordan Parallax completely ripping him apart. Silver Surfer is being flanked by Blue Lantern #2, who is not at her full power without a Green Lantern around, but does have more than just her base abilities due to the fact that she was within a decent proximity of Hal Jordan and his green lantern rings, even if they were being corrupted by the Parallax power. Although, it is the Blue Lantern’s powers of hope that tip the scales for Silver Surfer and make his victory over Annihilus much easier that it should have been. Annihilus’ want for destruction was tamed by the hope of the Blue Ring. Annihilus was then driven by his basic need to destroy this hope, which he did by ripping thru the protective aura of The Blue Lantern with his Cosmic Control Rod to kill the Lantern, but then the Surfer was able to simply use the power cosmic to destroy Annihilus after he had used up so much energy in his battle against The Blue Lantern. Destroyer’s body is just barely moving without a host, but that is shortly fixed after he takes control of Paris from The Pantheon. Once the armor is on Paris (who is nowhere near strong-willed enough to control it). Then Destroyer is at his full capacity to inflict damage; which he does to both Delphi and Jason whom he easily takes out. Aro touches the dying body of Annihilus in order to gain access to every thought he has ever had. With this knowledge Aro can share The Horsemen’s game plan with his fellow Volturi, as well as the rest of his team. But Exitar the Exterminator has no desire to allow such a travesty to happen to his team. Exitar flies down from high above the Coruscant skyline and takes out both Droid Fighter Ships with his massive hands. The warrior Celestial then comes down and eliminates the threat of the Volturi and their powers when he destroys all 3 members. Ce Ce Denowi takes out Perseus, Andromeda, & the wise leader of The Pantheon Agamemnon with her lightsaber, before she is met by the Silver Surfer and taken out by the power cosmic, which she is unable to block with her force powers, even when aided by her lightsaber. Silver Surfer is done with his strafing run, when he meets up with Superwoman, high above the Republic Senate building. As the only 2 remaining flyers on the team, they briefly discuss what must be done, before they begin their attack on Exitar. Meanwhile down below Luke Skywalker is met by a small army led by Victoria, who has just ignited her red lightsaber. Victoria moves against the Grand Jedi Master along with Jool Nooret, both Ulysses, Achilles, and Lyra. Luke easily bests Victoria with his mastery of lightsaber techniques as he stabs her in the chest and then removes Jool Nooret of his head before he can make one of his amazingly quick moves. Ulysses I and Ulysses II both manage to parry Luke’s lightsaber with there own energy swords, but the lightning fast, force-fueled speed of Master Skywalker’s is just to fast for them to counteract. It isn’t until Achilles jumps in front of Luke to basically sacrifice himself that Ajax and Lyra can corner The Grand Jedi Master to overwhelm him with sheer brute force. Even then their victory over Luke is so short lived as the spice-addicted Juggernaut comes in with his own display of brute force and runs right over Ajax and Lyra, killing both of them where they stand. Destroyer and Juggernaut easily wipe out the last 2 members of Hulk’s Pantheon crew Hector and Prometheus on their way to double-team the green goliath, while miles away in the air, Superwoman and Silver Surfer zip around the massive frame of Exitar. Exitar receives a massive punch from the daughter of Jor-El, that could have leveled an entire city, but he then grabs a hold of the last daughter of Krypton and begins to squeeze. Superwoman attempts to break free of Exitar’s grip but shockingly enough cannot do it. She uses the last bit of her strength to look up and focus as much Heat Vision as she can muster at the neck of Exitar before he squeezes the life out of the female version of Superman. Silver Surfer sees what his new teammate has done, and focuses his own cosmic blasts in the exact same spot as he flies in at his top speed. While Superwoman’s lifeless body falls to the Metropolitan ground below, Silver Surfer at the last second before impact stops his heavy stream of cosmic energy and jumps off of his board, grabbing it with his hands and then swinging it with all of his might into the weakened spot of Exitar’s neck to knock the Celestial’s head off of his body. The dizzied surfer is caught by his mentally controlled surfboard even though he is having trouble even knowing which way is up after the brutal collision with the Celestial of Death; but he knows that when he last looked his sole remaining teammate the Hulk was being double-teamed by 2 heavyweights. The Silver Surfer does his best to pull himself together and then races back to the original battle site at light speed. When he arrives, he is shocked at what he sees. And who wouldn’t be at the sight of Hulk pounding on the already dead bodies of Destroyer and Juggernaut while he shouts: HULK SMASH HORSEMEN!! In a more earthly than normal fashion Silver Surfer replies with “you’re damn right we did”
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!

Season Three: Week 3: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade

The Kennelz are Mace Windu, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Galactus, Nova, Terrax, Firelord, Kratos, 4 Oa Guardians, Saint Walker, Brandon Inge, & Justin Oblak in Mandalorian Armor.

The Brigade is Golden Age Wonder Woman in her Invisible Jet, Jetfire & Jetstorm, Grape Ape, Jack the Giant Killer, Spider Girl, Red Lantern #1, Kingdom Come Flash, Leia Organa-Solo (Jedi), Jaina Solo, Guy Gardner (with Yellow Ring), Padme Amidala, Obi Wan Kenobi, Stass Allie in a Tie Bomber, Anakin Solo, Coleman Trebor, Batgirl, Alia Atreides Ghola, & Jedi Master #31.

“To say it was a nightmare is not doing it justice,” a still shaken Leia Organa-Solo said to her assistant coach, Bo Schembechler. “It was as if none of us were fighting in the same match. I mean, we were all there together, but at the same time, no one could agree on what was happening”.

Bo looked back at her, wearing a face that was less then convinced with her story.

“Have I ever given a reason not to believe me?” Leia was now angry and slammed her hand on her coaches’ desk while she spoke to him. Bo looked at her with a concerned, yet hesitant look on his face and said, “Look Leia, I’m just trying to find out exactly what happened. It’s always important to get all the information together as quickly as possible so we can analyze the match thoroughly. You understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?”

Leia’s anger has subsided for the moment while she took a moment to respond to the legendary leader. “Yes, I understand all of that. Which is why I have told you everything I know about the match.”

Bo: “That’s the problem though Leia, I’m not understanding what you are saying. The story you keep telling me does not describe a clear enough picture of what happened”.

Leia: “That’s as clear as it’s going to get. None of this makes sense to me either, but I don’t know what else you want from me.”

Bo: “I just want to understand exactly what happened out there. Try explaining it one more time to me then. Maybe there is something that you forgot…” Leia starts to interrupt the coach but he stops her immediately and continues to talk over her. “Tell me one more time what happened and I promise I won’t ask you anymore questions. I trust you the most out of anyone who was there. Just try and remember it one more time and I promise you can go.”

Leia looked at Schembechler with distain but obviously still had a great deal of respect for hall of fame head coach, which is why she agreed to the deal. He poured her another cup of coffee and once again began to explain the details of her Coruscantian nightmare.

We started out, well I started out in this shady bar in the lower end of town. It was obvious to me that we had not all started out in the same place. This place is enormous like I said to you earlier. I mean it’ s nothing but a never-ending city. I’ve been there before but I am never quite sure of where I am. It’s almost like nothing is ever familiar, but at the same time everything looks the same. I know that doesn’t make sense but you have to go there to understand what I am talking about.

“I understand all of this Leia, just skip to the fighting. I want to know what happened, not get another Frommer’s guide to Coruscant from you” an already irritated Bo said to her.

Leia with a sly smile on her face that spoke to that fact that she was purposely going into unimportant detail, cut to the chase of what happened.

Like I said, the place is nuts and placing a fight there is all the more crazy. So many innocent people everywhere, I can’t even imagine how many people were killed. The fighting though, well, there was plenty of that. Like I mentioned before, I was in this shady bar with Jack, Spider Girl, Bat Girl, Obi Wan, 31, Alia, my mom and two of my children. We were all pleased to have some semblance of a team, as we figured this place was going to be rough enough even without an opponent.

We were only there for maybe five or ten minutes before our first skirmish began. It was actually strange to see our opponents at first, because it did not seem like we should be fighting them at all. Mace, my father and his Padawan walked into the bar obviously looking for us. It took me a second to notice the other two guys that were with them were even our opponents. That was of course until they started coming at us. Normally non-powers let the powers get the first strike in, but these two guys were different. One of them was wearing a shirt with no sleeves on it carrying a bat and the other had a large suit of armor on. I thought he might be a bounty hunter of some kind, but I just didn’t know. Either way I knew what little calm we may have had was over with.

Obi Wan and I immediately took out our light sabers and began to attack Mace and my dad. My kids jumped at the chance to attack Ahsoka, to which they handled very well. I couldn’t pay too much attention to their fight, but before I was even gaining the upper hand, Jaina had her light saber in the back of the young Padawan. My father was an excellent fighter and I knew that I could not handle him on my own. His speed and control of the force was quite impressive, I totally understood what my mom had always said about him. He wasn’t evil yet; in fact I felt an overwhelming amount of good in him. It was something that I never expected to feel, not on this level at least.

Given, all of this thought and emotion was instantly off set by the fact that he was trying to kill me at the time, but I know this is just a game and I wasn’t going to take it personally. Our fight continued for a while, but not before 31 and my kids joined in. Anakin knew he was out-numbered in this fight and along with Mace, ran out of the bar. We quickly began to follow after them, but not before my mother and father caught a quick glance of each other. It was a strange moment, as if they wanted to embrace but knew that they would be violating some sort of truce in the league.
Regardless, this quick glance was all the time they had, as it was my mothers last moment in the match. Just as Padme looked over at Anakin, Brandon Inge knocked her down to the ground with his bat and the suited guy, whose name is the Golden Boy or something like that, shot her three times in the chest, killing her. I don’t know who was more enraged, my father or myself. I honestly thought Anakin was going to kill his teammates right on the spot, but as it turns out he did not need to.

Immediately Bat Girl and Spider Girl took control of the situation and before either one of the cocky humans could even fight back, they were subdued. Spider Girl grabbed both of them with her webbing, while Bat Girl repeatedly wailed on them. Then Alia slit the throat of Brandon with her Crystknife and Jack stabbed the Golden Boy right through the face with his sword. Mace and Anakin were well on their way outside when out of nowhere, a good friend of mine stopped them in their tracks.

The shear size of Grape Ape is always a shock the first couple of times you see him. There was no exception to this rule this time either, as both my father and Mace stopped immediately and began to find another route to move in. This sudden stoppage in movement gave the rest of us time to corner the Jedi warriors. I rushed my father, while Obi Wan once again took up his fight with master Windu. It was a strange thing fighting my father that day, not because of the fact that he was my father, but because I knew I was going to win.

Given, it was a team effort, but it only took a couple of minutes for me to finish off my father and for Obi-Wan and my Anakin to finish off master Windu. With my team basically intact after this initial fight, I was feeling good about everything. That is when it a turn for the surreal. Wally had been in a state of constant movement, as that is the only state he is able to function in these days. This makes him not so useful in the fighting arena, but it does make him useful in other areas.

During his thousands of trips around the planet already, he had already witnessed many things during this battle that we could have not known about. He had first tried to convey messages to us by crude means, which did not work. Then through the force I was able to understand what he was trying to tell us. It still doesn’t quite make any sense to me what he was trying to say, but now I can at least translate the emotion behind it.

He started telling me to run, but then changed his mind and said to hide. He kept going back in forth on this, which was making it very hard to take what he was saying seriously. After hearing this constant change of mind a dozen or so times he then stopped communicating. Then he said one last thing. It took me a couple of times to understand what it was he was trying to get across to me, because all he said was, “You’re not where you think you are, do what you can to leave.”

That was the last thing he said to me. Then everything changed for good.

After this coach is where it goes all-existential. I will try and tell you what I remember, but I still don’t think you are going to get what you want.
Bo looked directly at here with not an ounce of levity in his face and said, “That’s fine Leia, just tell me it again.”

I was standing outside of the platform with everyone I had been fighting with when all of a sudden I was standing next to my father on Alderaan. He wasn’t speaking to me but I could feel that we were having a conversation. Then out of nowhere I saw a light as bright as a star coming towards the both of us. I pulled him down to the ground to avoid the collision, but when I looked down at him, it was actually Jaina who I was laying on top of. We were on the floor of the Jedi Library, no longer on Alderaan.

Nobody else was around me, but I could tell that nothing was right. It looked and even smelled real, but something about it felt off. I could tell that Jaina was actually there with me, but despite the fact that we seemed to be alone, I knew we were not. We immediately stood up and began to run towards the exit. We ran for only a minute before we were met by another change of scenery, this one involving the death of my daughter. In an instant, we were standing on an air platform in the middle of Coruscant skyline. I was looking down at the cityscape and before I could even regain my balance, something has pierced a staff made of flames through the chest of my daughter.

I screamed out and jumped off the platform in an attempt to chase down her killer, but it was of no use. I was falling for mere seconds when I realized I was back where I began. I looked around me and nearly everyone I had been fighting with was dead. I was naturally in shock of it all and without the help of Guy Gardner, I would not be able to even understand it a little of what happened. I saw Guy coming towards me and though I knew it looked like him, I still feared that it might not be what I thought it was.

Gardner came up to me and said that we did not have much time. He told me that there were only a couple of us left. He said that the 4 Oa Guardians along with Saint Walker had killed everyone I had been fighting with, including Obi Wan and my son. He told me that they were very close and that they were not who we should be truly afraid of. I told him of the bright light and the figure with the flaming staff, but he did not seem to care to listen.

I could see Wonder Woman coming towards us very quickly at this time, but before she was able to make contact, I was once again taken away. At first I was under water, then I was back at the beginning of the match. This time I was watching from an observer’s perspective. I was sitting there watching myself fight my father in the bar, something I remembered doing not that long ago. Then I was in space and soon enough after that, I was watching the rest of my team do battle. I could see Jetfire fly around, killing both Oa Guardian #2 and 3. Red Lantern #1 was doing battle with Saint Walker and Wonder Woman was flying around chasing the creature that killed my daughter.

Red Lantern #1 was eventually able to kill Saint Walker, but was quickly over taken by the two remaining Oa Guardians. Jetfire was now chasing Jaina’s killer (Firelord) along with Wonder Woman and with their combined efforts, were able to destroy the terrible creature. Before I was even able to gather my thoughts, I noticed Stass Allie flying below me in a Tie Bomber. She was chasing something around, but before I could watch the outcome, I was lying underneath a pile of rubble, near nothing that looked familiar.

I could hear faint sounds in the distance and could sense that mass destruction was or had taken place. I looked far off from where I was and could see something massive on the other end of the skyline. Right before I could get a clear look at what it was I thought I was seeing, Gardner and Wonder Woman were upon me again.

Leia: “What the hell is going on”

Gardner: “No time Leia, figured a way for you”.

Leia: “A way for what? What is…”

Wonder Woman: “No time for this. Coleman, Stass and the machines are dead”.

Leia: “But I just saw them…”

Wonder Woman: “It’s who we thought it was. We can’t beat him, but that doesn’t mean…”

Gardner: “Diana, no more time. Just do it.”

Leia: “But I don’t understand, can’t you just explain”.

Gardner: “Is he ready?”

Wonder Woman: “Do it”.

“Then I remember flashes of light for a second and out of the blue, I was back here. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if anything I saw was true and I have no idea how I died. Now is that enough for you? Did you get anything new from the same story the third time around?” Bo just looked back at her with the same blank face he had been wearing for the last ten minutes.

“Look coach, I don’t know what happened in the match past that. I understand that you are upset about the start of this season, but there was nothing else I could have done in that match. I’m sorry that I lost track of my position and I am sorry I was killed”.

Bo then looked at Leia and the blank look on his face turned into a slight smirk.

Bo: “It’s even more impressive then I originally thought”.

Leia: “Yeah and I what would that be?”

Bo: “The fact that you actually think you died.”

Leia looked at Bo with a look of bewilderment that had pretty much been the makeup of her entire day.

Bo: “I didn’t want to know what happened from a final outcome perspective Leia. I already know what happened in the match. I was more interested in seeing if you had any idea of what happened to you. Wally and Gardner are even better then I ever imagined.”

Leia: “What do you mean I didn’t die? How was I brought back here? I don’t remember a thing. Who won the match?”

Bo: “The outcome was unfortunate for us Leia. Your moments of insanity were the result of coming into contact with Galactus. Your daughter was killed by a herald named Firelord.”

Leia: “If we lost, then why am I still alive?”

Bo: “Because Guy, Diana and Wally found a way for you to live. They knew at a certain point that the match was doomed and that you finding safe haven the old fashioned way was going to be impossible.”

Leia: “Then how did they get me out?"

Bo: “Guy figured out that he could keep you safe in a protective sphere for a short amount of time, hence the reason you were able to watch moments of the match without Galactus’ reality warping effects. Guy knew that if he could protect you in a sphere long enough to get you to Wally, that he might be able to teleport you back to our base. The plan was originally supposed to get you and Wally back safely, but as it turns out, it only was able to save you in the end.”

Leia: “What happened to Guy, Diana and Wally then?”

Bo: “Though they were able to kill Kratos and the remaining Oa Guardians, Galactus and his two remaining heralds were just too much for them to overcome. They sacrificed themselves to keep you alive.”

Leia: “I don’t understand why they would work through all of this just to get me to safety. All of them are so much more powerful then I am. Why not put all of their energy into trying to kill Galactus?”

Bo: “Because you are a born leader, just as I am Leia. Everybody sees it in you. They trust and respect you. You ask me why they spent that much time and energy on saving you, it’s because you have what it takes to lead this team. One day I see you leading this team to victory. You can learn to become a great fighter, but true leadership is something you are born with. So even though we lost today, we still managed to get a small victory in the end.”

Leia looked humbled by his words, but was not going to let him get away with it completely.

Leia: “I never figured you as the sentimental type coach.”

Bo: “Yeah well, don’t expect to see it again anytime soon. I can’t imagine Napoleon finding it as an endearing quality, especially after another loss.”

Leia: “Don’t worry about it coach, your secret is safe with me.


Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Galactus, Nova and Terrax survived.

Le’ Napoleon Brigade: Leia Organa-Solo survived.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Victorious!

Logical Genocide Vs. The Syracuse Valley

Logical Genocide is Ion, Dr. Deathbrain & The Living Killing Roller Coaster, Cybertronian Guardian #9 (AKA Cuddles), V (with a Yellow Power Ring), Shatterstar, Chris Seeney in Lex Soar 7, Warwolf #7 (AKA Sgt. Stabbins), Warwolf #9 (AKA Fumbles), Prometheus, Jason Todd, The Hood, Iron Patriot, Magmar, Bronze Tiger, Terminator #40 (AKA clanks), Moonstone, & Adam Strange.

The Syracuse Valley is Soundblaster w/ Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy, (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk, Beast Box, & Fast Forward, (movie) Wheelie, The Decepticon Spy Bug, Decepticon #1 & 2, Young Anakin Skywalker in Odee Mandrell’s Pod, Sonic the Hedgehog (with a blue lightsaber), Knuckles (with a red lightsaber), Star Fox, Dash Rendar, & Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, (movie) Jazz, Go-bot #1, Rob Bartlett (with a halberd), Xenomorph #92 & 93, Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Baby Nightcrawler, Rayden & Kid Thunder, Wingnut & Screwloose, Scooter, The Toxic Avenger, Darth Rave, Splinter, & Little Goomba #5.


Logical Genocide: The most talked about 0 and 2 team in FFL history squares off against the Kings of the Graveyard Syracuse Valley. Logical Genocide has not yet had much success this season but they are definitely becoming a fan favorite with their zany press conferences and off-the-wall comments. The Syracuse Valley on the other hand is a fan favorite just because you can’t help but feel sorry for their massive graveyard send-offs last year. Ion and the yellow-powered V patrol the 2 opposite sides of the sky while Chris Seeney flies in the Lex-Soar 7 attempting to figure out the controls. Chris Seeney may have no piloting skills whatsoever, but luckily the Lex-Soar 7’s controls and advanced autopilot capabilities are easy enough for even the less than novice-level pilot (either that or the Commissioner is getting soft and he’ll approve anything these days). Darth Rave lights up the Coruscant sky and begins dancing around his opponents for what could be the last time as he uses his unconventional lightsabers to actually best Shatterstar in a one on one fight. The Darth Maul trained Sith Lord and FFL veteran than uses a burst of Sith Lightning to kill Magmar before he can move toward the Sith. Darth Rave stands victorious, until The Lex-Soar 7 comes crashing down, directly on top pf Darth Rave. Lord Rave did indeed sense this oncoming danger thru his mastery of the force, but he did not have enough time to react. Later on, Chris Seeney will tell everyone that he totally crashed this jet on Darth Rave on purpose. I mean after all it was well worth it to take out this powerful Sith Lord before he made his last stand even more impressive but as the guy that witnessed it…. I’m not so sure. The brave Chris Seeney rolls away from the wreckage of the Lex-Soar 7, proud of what will be his first mention in The FFL Graveyard. Seeney is attempting to muster up enough strength to get to his feet and continue fighting for his team when the might Baby Nightcrawler approaches. Seeney sneers at the face of this luminous threat and doesn’t back down for a second even when Baby Nightcrawler pulls his own white finger to create the fart that he expels in Seeney’s face before he kills Chris with a piece of Lex-Soar 7 shrapnel. Xenomorphs #92 & 93 attack The Hood and begin ripping at his flesh. The Hood uses his twin Glocks to blow away Xenomorph #92, but at this point the proximity to the aliens is to close and The Hood dies as well from the spray of the Xenomorph’s acid blood. Prometheus then hurls a parked speeder down on top of Xenomorph #93 from atop a nearby building to finish him off. Unfortunately for Little Goomba #5, his 10th death is just as insignificant as most of his other one’s were as he is jumped on by the evil and treacherous Dr. Death Brain. Prometheus then steals the idea from his teammate Dr. Death Brain and jumps off the building he was standing on and lands directly on top of Go-bot #1 as if he were a mere little goomba as well. Anakin races in his pod around the moving tracks of the Living Killing Roller Coaster. The Living Killing Roller Coaster, which if you are not familiar with the Capt. Latin America and The Pretenders comic series is a living roller coaster that likes to kill things. It primarily kills things that are living (I’m surprised you didn’t know that). Anakin flies around the roller coaster quickly and beats the roller coaster to it’s own finish gate (for the sake of the story, we’re going to act like that matters for some reason). As little Skywalker’s pod is sitting in the end gate of the roller coaster tracks, the Living Killing Roller Coaster viciously slams into the back of Odee Mandrell’s old pod. This knocks the Young Anakin out of the pod, but what the Living Killing Roller Coaster does not realize in it’s twisted metal-geared mind is that Anakin already cracked the seal on the pod-thrusters to ignite the pod’s power source. So once the Living Killing Roller Coaster slammed into the back of the pod it caused a totally wizard explosion which turned The Living Killing Roller Coaster into the Dead Harmless Roller Coaster. Anakin lay on the ground totally unconscious when Dr. Death Brain comes running up with his magical cattle prod and electric face destroyer when Sonic the Hedgehog comes running up out of nowhere (he’s fast ya know). Sonic pulls out his blue lightsaber and uses it to remove the head of Dr. Death Brain before the evil scientist could see him coming in his prism-powered monocular (his other eye was of course destroyed many years ago in a fight with Capt. Latin America (see the origin of Dr. Death Brain in The Pretenders Annual #4 (This is also eluded to in The Bottomless Stomach mini-series issue #3))). It is also Strange that Adam did not see Sonic coming as the blue hedgehog makes the most of what is destined to be his last FFL appearance. Sonic spin attacks Adam Strange with his lightsaber out to take out the space man before Ion comes down and shows the league why he was the first overall pick this year. Ion not only deals a graveyard blast to Sonic but also takes out Sonic’s buddy Knuckles, Nocturne, and Decepticon #1 with his initial green energy blasts. V swoops down from the opposite end of the battle to take out Nightcrawler before he can bamf out of the way, as well as Wingnut and Screwloose with a pair of yellow energy knives thrown from his new ring. Rob Bartlett tries to use his new Halberd on Jason Todd, but the angst filled young Todd delivers a kick to the face and an imitation batarang to the chest of the Bartster to take him out. Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian steps on Jazz to allow the Auto bot to do what he does best (ya know, die). The death of this particular Autobot is no metal shavings off the nose of Megatron and Starscream, but the 2 Decepticons do avenge Jazz by using their Cybertronian weaponry to blow the Guardian to pieces from the air. The Iron Patriot has basically made Clanks the Terminator his personal bodyguard and sidekick which is why they attack the attack Rayden & Kid Thunder together, after the 2 of them use their artillery to blast Scooter to pieces. Although the Norman Osborne and his lackey are slightly stunned and slowed down by both the electrical blasts of Rayden and the cuteness of Kid Thunder, they do manage to take out the Mortal Kombat characters with their advanced weaponry. Their victory is in fact short-lived though as they are blown apart from the air from the bombs shot by Star Fox and his co-pilot Dash Rendar. Dash, who is an exceptional pilot in his own right, was initially bothered by the fact that he was chosen to be second fiddle to anyone, but once he got in the back seat, and saw Star Fox’s skills he was quite alright with the job. The 2 of them are flying thru the air making the Y-Wing Bomber look like a much more graceful vehicle than it should or normally would if it were controlled by lesser pilots. Splinter and Bronze Tiger square off in a hand to hand combat match that is one for the ages (it is almost as good as the fight between Nick and Mike at the end of There’s Something About Dribble). Bronze Tiger gets in some great hits, but in the end it is experience that wins out over strength as Splinter delivers a killing blow to Bronze Tiger’s throat. Moonstone moves against Soundblaster, but the Decepticon then ejects all of his tapes. Moonstone hits Zombie Laserbeak with a hefty of photon blast and then gets both Wheelie and the spy bug with some aftershocks that are more than enough to wipe out the likes of them. The 2 Warwolves rush in to help out Moonstone and they manage to double team both Ravage and then Overkill, before they are taken out by the familiar yet not so familiar team-up of Zombie Rumble and movie Frenzy against Sgt. Stabbins and Soundblaster and Slugfest against Fumbles. Moonstone is having trouble catching the speedy little Autobot turned pseudo-Decepticon tape known as Fast Forward, but she does eventually cut him off by manipulating the gravity around him and then destroys him with her super-strength by crushing in his metal head. She is then taken off guard when the mini-gestalt known as Squawkbox uses his laser gun to blast her apart (it took a lot of shots, but eventually they were able to finish her off). Ion begins chasing after the Fox/Rendar piloted Y Wing, but despite Ion’s amazing speed, he is still having trouble catching up to the vehicle. V with his yellow power ring steps up to take on Sounblaster and his remaining tapes, but Decepticon #2 & Megatron fly in to help Soundblaster out. Prometheus rushes to the aid of V and punches a hole thru the head of Decepticon #2, but when Jason Todd runs in to help he is blasted by an aerial pot shot from Starscream, who is on the way to lend a hand to Star Fox. Anakin, Baby Nightcrawler, Splinter, and The Toxic Avenger rush in to join the fight as well. V and Prometheus manage to combine their powers to take out Soundblaster, who inadvertently falls on top of Baby Nightcrawler; but they know that they are going to need help from Ion if they are going to finish off what is left of The Valley. Ion realizes that his few remaining teammates, though powerful are heavily outnumbered, so he kicks his speed up even faster. He manages the amazing feat of actually and finally shooting Star Fox’s Y-Wing out of the air. Leebo, who had to be partially taken apart to get into the ship’s droid slot was killed in the initial blast, but Star Fox and Dash Rendar did eject in time. Ion sees Dash Rendar parachuting down above him, and although he doesn’t like doing it blasts the Rendar like the sitting duck that he is. Ion has now dive bombed down to look for Star Fox so he can blast him from below, but what he doesn’t realize is that McLeod is crazy. Crazy like a Star Fox that is. Star Fox has ignited Darth Maul’s old lightsaber and has cut his own parachute. The free-falling Star Fox then surprise attacks Ion by falling on top of him and from mid-air puts the double bladed lightsaber into Raynor’s chest. Star Fox is more than content knowing that he gave his life to take out Ion when Starscream flies underneath him to catch the Syracuse Valley’s prize pilot in mid-air. V sees this transpire, and although yellow lanterns and gods are not known for retreating, that is exactly what he and Prometheus do against these overwhelming odds.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!

Week Three: Alice's Wonder Team vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

Alice's Wonder Team is The Q Continuum: Q, Q2, True Q, Q Representative, Lady Q, q, and Quinn, Hyperion, SSJ4 Gogeta, Ewok #47 and Treasure Troll #17.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Mr. Mxyztlplk, Dr. Impossible, Rogue, Omega Supreme, Larfleeze, Ganthet & Sayd, Thrasher & Bill Kelly (with a blue lightsaber) in The Thunder Machine, Queen Aga'po, Nightwing & Carlos Chiappe-Soto (with a green lightsaber) in the Modern Age Batmobile (AKA the Tumbler), Wicket & Paploo on a scooter, Ttanus, Peppermint Patti, Marci, Mas y Menos, Gobo, Zombie Parasite, Treasure Troll #1, & Ewok Baby #1 & 2.

“Star Trek Mr. Mxyztlplk, my ass!” shouts Mr. Mxyztlplk. “I’ll show Ryatu!” The Fifth Dimension Imp uses his powers to wipe Q Representative off the this plane of existence. He then disappears himself, before any of the Q’s can retaliate. Omega Supreme has fortified himself at the foot of the Senate building on Coruscant. Rogue is flanked by Larfleeze, Queen Aga’po, Ganthet and Sayd. They quickly find themselves face to face with Hyperion on SSJ4 Gogeta. Queen Aga’po surprisingly is the first to react and takes a shot at the Dragonball super being. Gogeta dodges it with ease and proceeds to light the Star Sapphire up like a Christmas tree with several punches and then hits her with a Stardust Breaker. Hyperion immediately attacks Larfleeze who is now consumed with trying to steal SSJ4 Gogeta’s powers. The Superman rip off then smashes Larfleeze’s Orange Power Battery as well as his skull. Ganthet and Sayd then use their powers to launch Zombie Parasite right at Hyperion. Zombie Parasite clamps down and begins to drain Hyperion’s powers. Rogue flies in and helps her half dead teammate to finish him off. Hyperion’s lifeless husk falls to the ground as Zombie Parasite flies off after q. Once he latches on he finds that q’s powers are too much for him to absorb, but due to his unrelenting appetite, Zombie Parasite doesn’t relinquish his hold and kills both himself and q. SSJ4 Gogeta battles Ganthet, Sayd and a partial power-boosted Rogue. Gogeta musters all of his power up and unleashes the 100x Big Bang Kamehameha at Rogue, Ganthet and Sayd, vaporizing all of them. Omega Supreme sees this massive flash of light and takes the opportunity to eliminate the exhausted SSJ4 Gogeta. Q, Q2 and True Q feel that their presence needs to be realized and respected. They simply walk down towards the Senate and with a wave of their hands, they dematerialize Mas y Menos, Gobo, Peppermint Patti, Marci, and Dr. Impossible and in the most impressive move, they even destroy Titanus. Mr. Mxyztlplk then appears again and says “Hey! I liked those Mas y Menos guys!” He then quickly eliminates True Q and disappears just as easy. “Ok this Imp is beginning to annoy me,” Q says to Q2. Wicket and Paploo race down the street on their scooter along with Thrasher and Bill Kelly who are inside the Thunder Machine and Nightwing and Carlos Chiappe-Soto who are in the Modern Batmobile (“the Tumbler”). The three vehicles swerve through all the debris that has already be caused by the earlier matches. The remaining members of the Q Continuum pay no attention to these powerless beings and focus more on the job at hand, destroying Omega Supreme and finding Mr. Mxyztlplk. Wicket ramps up the scooter and jumps it off a turned over air speeder. The little Ewok holds his spear true and guides it into the back of the head of Quinn, killing him. Q is simply amazed by this feat. He then gives Wicket his tenth and final death. Paploo was able to successfully tuck and roll off of the scooter. He rolls to a stop and is quickly attacked by Ewok #47 and Treasure Troll #17, who both stab him several times. Thrasher then runs the two tiny creatures over with the Thunder Machine. Unfortunately, he did not see Treasure Troll #1 and Ewok Babies #1 and 2 who were close to the mix. Bill Kelly jumps out of the Thunder Machine and Carlos Chiappe-Soto follows suit out of the Modern Batmobile. The two roofers ignite their lightsabers and attack Q2. But the omnipotent being disappears and reappears extremely quickly to evade their oncoming attacks. Q2 then removes both roofers from this existence. Lady Q then mentally takes over the controls of The Thunder Machine and drives it directly into the side of the Modern Batmobile. Thrasher is killed by this crash, but Nightwing is able to survive. Nightwing then races over to Omega Supreme. “We’re getting killed out here!” shouts Nightwing. “Victory, unlikely. Death, eminent,” Omega coldly states. “The hell with that! Get us out of here!” yells Nightwing. Omega Supreme then transforms into his rocket ship mode and takes off with Nightwing. “This match isn’t over with. Mr. Mxyztlplk is around here somewhere,” says Q. “You’re right, you ugly doofus!” says the Imp. He then destroys Lady Q with his magic. Mxyztlplk then grabs Q and Q2’s hands and teleports all three of them to the Fifth Dimension. Even my Watcher powers only go so far as I do not have access to the Fifth Dimension and do not know what happened after that.

ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!

Week Three: Bruce's Bodacious Bullies vs The Transfoamers

Bruce's Bodacious Bullies are Ultra Magnus, Elrond, Elros, Elladan, xio Jade, Starkiller, Eeth Koth, The Leader, Doctor Voodoo, Cybertronian Guardian #10, The Stranger, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #3-4, and Force Adepts #1-4.

The Transfoamers are Hardhead w/Duros, Highbrow w/Gort, Nightbeat w/Muzzle, Junkeon #13-14, Runabout, Runamuck, Zombie Soundwave, Zombie Frenzy, Zombie Extinction Alice, Zombie Apocalypse Alice, Darko Milicic, Jedi Masters #9, 16, 29, 34, 35, & 50A, and Nazgul #7-8 w/horses.

Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies are starving for a victory here outside the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. The Stranger, yet again, simply hovers above the battleground, watching, waiting. The Leader, however, is supremely confident in his team and the results they will achieve. The Transfoamers roll in, read for battle as well. Runabout and Runamuck squeal their tires down the street and leap into their robot form. No sooner do they do that, does Ultra Magnus blast both of them right out of the air. Junkeons #13 then hops onto Junkeon #14, who is in his motorcycle form, and they both head right for B3. (Man, this has to urk Beckerman.) The four Force Adepts fire up their red lightsabers as the strange team of Xio Jade, Eeth Koth and Starkiller all lead them in the to fray. They all attack the six Jedi Masters on The Transfoamers. Jedi Master #16 knows that this very well could be his final battle, but if that is true, he feels it’s his duty to go out in such a way that the Jedi Order will remember his name for generations. He quickly spins and flips his way into the middle of all four Force Adepts and takes them all out with his lightsaber. He then turns his attention to Xio Jade and takes her out quickly as well. Starkiller and Eeth Koth then both work together to finally end Jedi Master #16’s life. Master Koth is the one who reluctantly does the honor. The two Jedi Lightsaber Scientists then leap into the mix to aid Eeth Koth and Starkiller. Jedi Master #50A, who has just recently achieved the mantle of Master is out numbered by the two Lightsaber Scientists, but he does manage to take Jedi L.S. #4 down with him before he himself perishes. Starkiller impresses Eeth Koth by striking down Jedi Masters #29, 34 and 35 with ease. He then causes Master Koth to have great concern as the former Galen Marek unleashes a powerful bolt of Force Lightning to kill Jedi Master #9. They then hear liquid dripping and what seems to be rusty metal scraping against each other. A large shadow then covers them. Once they turn around, they see Zombie Soundwave and Zombie Frenzy. Zombie Extinction Alice and Zombie Apocalypse Alice have come out of the shadows as well. The two Zombie Alice’s leap onto Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #3 and rip out his innards. Starkiller uses his Force Lightning against Zombie Frenzy, but it in all honest, just fuels the half dead robot. Zombie Soundwave reaches for Eeth Koth, but finds himself on the business end of Cybertronian Guardian #10’s massive foot. Zombie Frenzy is then crushed by him soon after. Doctor Voodoo runs over and casts a spell on the Zombie Alice’s that finally kill them for real. “Man, it’s a good thing we’ve got a voodoo priest on our side when we are fighting zombies,” quips Starkiller as they run off to aid their team in the rest of the battle. They see that The Transfoamers have cornered their teammates up against the Jedi Temple. Elrond, Elros and Elladan are fending off Nazgul #7 and #8, who are both upon their horses. Elros and Elladan team up to take on Nazgul #7 as Elrond kills Nazgul #8’s which sends the Nazgul to the ground. Nazgul #7 it too powerful for the Elven warriors to manage and they both perish by his evil blade. Elrond, however, is vastly knowledged on the Nazgul and defeats Nazgul #8. Doctor Voodoo and Eeth Koth come over and lend a hand to Elrond as they take out Nazgul #7. Darko Milicic jumps up onto Nazgul #7’s horse and tries to take off in it, but he just becomes collateral damage as Cybertronian Guardian #10 steps on him without ever knowing it. The Stranger continues to look down upon the battle waiting to see if it’s even worth while for him to enter the match. The Leader is heavily protected deep within the Jedi Temple and uses his telepathy to view the battle. The Headmasters and Targetmaster from The Transfoamers realize they are up against Ultra Magnus and a Cybertronian Guardian, but their valor does not waiver. Hardhead transforms into his tank mode as Duros is in the cockpit. Nightbeat along with his Targetmaster partner, Muzzle, don’t plan on retreating or losing this match. Night beat sees Ultra Magnus kill Junkeon #14. He then leaps up onto Junkeon #13 and takes off towards the Cybertronian Guardian. The massive Transformer sees him heading right for him and begins blasting at the Autobot detective. He hits the Junkeon, which sends Nightbeat flying into the air. It’s at this point when The Stranger surveys the scene and decides to teleport the remaining members of the Transfoamers out of the fight, thus ending the conflict.

BRUCE’S BODACIOUS BULLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!

Week Three: The Untouchables vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies

The Untouchables are Horatio Caine, Granny Goodness, The Female Furies: Lashina, Gilotina, Stompa, Bernadeth, & Mad Harriet, Onslaught, Sodam Yat, Red Lantern Guy Gardner, She-Ra with Swiftwind, Madam Razz with Broom, Maestro, Romat Ru, Cad Bane, Pikachu, and The Wild C.A.T.S.: Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter, Zealot, Maul, Warblade and Lord Emp.

Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Scooby Doo in the Mystery Machine, John Moses Browning in the Punisher Van, Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane, Teddy Roosevelt, Vincent, The Great Lakes Avengers: Mr. Immortal, Squirrel Girl, Big Birtha, & Flatman, Brain Damaged Beowulf, Squirrels #1-11, Agent X, Hellboy, Booster Gold, Kyle Rayner, Speedy Gonzalez, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Jason, Trini, Billy, Zach & Kimberly, and the Techobots: Scattershot, Lightspeed, Strafe, Nosecone & Afterburner.

Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies have been on the roll of their lives in the opening weeks of this season. The whole locker room has been extremely optimistic and excited that the possibilities that this season could have in store for them. The Untouchables, however, have been, well just average. They lost a very close battle against Xavier’s Annihilation Squad in the Arctic Ocean last week, and they are anxious to get that bad taste out of their mouth. Though he did not start Deadpool or Megatron, Head Coach Commission Gordon has sent a virtual kill squad to Coruscant. Granny Goodness leads her Female Furies into battle first, as she is always thirsty for blood. She has them attack the Mystery Machine. The van cuts hard and tries to get away from the Furies. Lashina uses her steel whips to explode the Mystery Machine’s rear tires, which sends it flipping several times, finally slamming into Dex’s Diner. Mad Harriet leaps on top of the upended van and tears the side open with her razor sharp claws. Mad Harriet notices that the paint on the Mystery Machine is chipping off quite easily and they its all black underneath, but still she’s cackling all the while. Once she rips it open, Mad Harriet is met with a bullet right between her eyes, courtesy of John Moses Browning. Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane and Vincent all jump out of what is now revealed to be The Punisher’s Van with a quick paint job. John Moses Browning takes aim with a rocket launcher and blows Bernadeth away. Michael, Fiona, and Vincent all start shooting at the Female Furies who have now, taken cover behind a couple air speeders that they have destroyed. “Ok, well that, actually, worked,” Weston says to Browning. “Yeah, go figure,” replies Browning. “Now we just have to hope the second phase works just as well.” It’s at this point that the real Mystery Machine comes screeching around the corner with Teddy Roosevelt and Hellboy hanging on the sides. They are quickly followed by the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in their Power Zords. Granny Goodness begins to laugh manically. “You really thing that just because you killed a couple of my Furies, that you have the advantage?? They are mere pawns in this battle” cackles the evil hag. Stompa slams her foot down and causes the road to split in half. Everyone is able to avoid the opening that Stompa has caused, all except for the overturned Punisher Van, which falls into the crack. The remaining Female Furies viciously attack the real Mystery Machine and rip into it. Gilotina slices Velma’s head off with a quick karate chop as Lashina fries Fred and Daphne with her electrically charged whips. “Ruh ro, Shraggy,” says Scooby. “Like zoinks, Scoobs, let’s get out of here,” replies Shaggy. The duo scamper out of the blood filled van, only to run right into Granny Goodness. “Oh, my dear, dear boys, it’s not going to be that easy for you,” she says as she uses her brute force to crush their heads together. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane use their grenades that they acquired from the Punisher Van before it was destroyed to kill both Gilotina and Lashina. Hellboy leaps over the Mystery Machine and uses his trusty sidearm, the Good Samaritan to kill Stompa. He then uses the Right Hand of Doom to punch through Granny Goodness’s head. Hellboy takes a moment to light his cigar before running off to find more foes. The Power Rangers then attempt to form the Megazord, but for some reason it will not form. That’s because Onslaught is using his magnetic powers to not only keeping them apart, but he then uses them to crush the Power Rangers. “Crap, I was kind of counting on those guys to do some damage,” Weston says. Teddy Roosevelt and John Moses Browning now find themselves fending off Romat Ru and Cad Bane. Teddy draws his sword as John Moses Browning unzips a large duffle bag he was able to grab out of the Punisher Van. “Oh yeah that’s right, you were awarded Mandalorian Armor!” exclaims the former President. The Mormon gun creator suites up and takes off with his rocket pack. Teddy then rushes towards Romat Ru who has made a yellow energy sword. The two clash as Cad Bane attacks Browning. Teddy gains an upper hand on the Sinestro Corp member for a while until Romat Ru uses his ring to create several energy copies of himself, which overwhelm Roosevelt. John Moses Browning flies overhead with his rocket pack, trading shots back and forth with Cad Bane. In the end, it’s experience that wins the duel, as Bane target’s the jet pack and causes it to explode. The ground begins to shake as Brain-Damaged Beowulf makes his way into the fray. The Untouchables waste no time attacking this behemoth as Maestro, Maul Onslaught all simultaneously leaps up onto it. Brain Damaged Beowulf is no match for the sheer brute force by Maul and Maestro, not to mention the combined attack of magnetism and psychic attack courtesy of Onslaught. Kyle Rayner then flies in but finds himself double teamed by two close friends of his, Sodam Yat and (Red Lantern) Guy Gardner. The Technobots form Computron and quickly calculate that Kyle has a 7.112009% chance of surviving this fight and the combiner attempts aid his teammate. The Transformer Gestalt, unfortunately, meets the same fate as the rest of his robotic companions and is ripped apart by Onslaught. The evil mutant then uses the shrapnel that was the Technobots to skewer Big Birtha and Flatman. Onslaught then finds himself being swarmed by almost a dozen squirrels and one Mexican rat. Squirrel Girl is controlling the rodents to attack the incredibly strong being, but she quickly finds herself without a head, due to She-Ra flying by and cutting it off. The squirrel are, however able to attack and kill both Madam Razz and Broom. Pikachu then garners the rodents attention and gets them all close enough for him to roast all of them with a lightning bolt. Agent X sneaks in and is able to put a couple caps into Spartan, Voodoo, and Lord Emp’s head before any of them even realize it. “Damn it! Deadpool’s going to be pissed he missed this match,” exclaims Grifter as he spin kicks Agent X to the ground. Warblade then leaps on top of Mr. Immortal and really puts his name to the test. Grifter and Zealot then team up on Agent X and put him down. Vincent is hiding in one of the back alleys, but as he turns the corner, he finds himself staring down the barrel of Horatio Caine’s gun. Vincent tries to squeeze a round off, but the C.S.I. Lead Detective is too… well… awesome for him and takes Vincent out. He then finds Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane. “I know that you’ve done both a lot of good and a lot of bad in your past, I will give you one chance to take your team and leave this battle. If you don’t, there will be nothing I can do to hold my men back from utterly destroying all of you,” Horatio says to Weston. The former spy is too smart to continue this futile battle. Sodam Yat and Red Lantern Guy Gardner are giving Kyle Rayner the beating of a lifetime up in the air, as Booster Gold flies in to give him some much needed aid. Booster grabs a beaten Kyle as the rest of their team retreats. “We are the Untouchables, and we never close,” Horatio says as he puts his sunglasses back on and looks up to the sky.


THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!