Points: 12
Setting: The very top of The Power Tower at Cedar Point.
Prize: XJ-6 Airspeeder
Squad due date: Friday June 3rd.
Matchups:
-Flop Pooperstar Miley Virus and Barry Soetoro's "Best of Both Turds" Farewell Touring Battalion of Not Much Left Vs. Charles Barkley's I really should write down his new Turrible Name Before he Makes a New Decision (Fizz).
-Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Maybe Someday Make the Playoffs Again Vs. The Fakest Man on Erf (John).
-tEAM Vs. The Moist Mafia/ AKA The Grossest Team Name Ever (Nick).
-Brock Sampson's Murdered Flies Vs. The President Obamatrons (Josh).
-Hayley's Tijuana Empire Vs. John and Vader's First Round Choke Artists (Ugh, too soon...... Ooh Sick Burn, GET WRECKED) (Becks)
-Beckerman's Bench-playing Butthurters Vs. Team Resting Vagina (Josh).
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Season9 Conference Finals
Setting: The Playoff Planet
Points: 1000
Prize: 4 First Order Tie Fighters
Matchups:
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets (Nick)
-The Royal Highness Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters (Becks)
-Please turn in squads by 2:00 pm on this coming Saturday June 4th.
-The matches should be posted by the following Sunday evening/Monday morning (June 12th).
Good luck to those of you who are still in the hunt; and special thanks to the Watchers. Last rounds matches were all excellent; and I am sure we have more greatness to come in Round 2!!
Points: 1000
Prize: 4 First Order Tie Fighters
Matchups:
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets (Nick)
-The Royal Highness Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters (Becks)
-Please turn in squads by 2:00 pm on this coming Saturday June 4th.
-The matches should be posted by the following Sunday evening/Monday morning (June 12th).
Good luck to those of you who are still in the hunt; and special thanks to the Watchers. Last rounds matches were all excellent; and I am sure we have more greatness to come in Round 2!!
S9 Playoffs Week 1 - Nut Busters vs Sith AIDS
John and Vader’s House of Sith AIDS is: Thanos, Aron the Rogue Watcher, Zombie Abomination, Kyle Rayner: Parallax, Movie Galvatron, Nova Prime (w/ Autobot Matrix of leadership), Dreadwing, Jhiaxus, Waspinator, Ultra Magnus, Gandalf, Vampire Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker (in a Tie Interceptor), Sub-Zero, Indominus Rex, Darth Bane, Darth Maul, Black Lantern Black Adam, The Brain, Monsieur Mallah, General Immortus, Garguax, Madam Rouge, Killer Croc, Vegeta (on a Speeder Bike), Frieza, Compsognathus #33, and Baxter the Dog.
Griswold's Nut-Busters are: Primus, Galactus, Onslaught, Doomsday, Gambit (w/ magnoguard electrostaff), Slym and Redd Dayspring (w/ Green Lantern rings), AoA Nightcrawler (w/ green lightsaber), AoA Blob, Evan Sabahnur, Fantomex and Cluster (in Fiat CR.42 fighter planes), Weapon XIII (in a Cierva W.9), Talon (in a Bell X-2), Batwing (in a Grumman X-29), Scarlet Witch, Emma Frost, Green Lantern Hal Jordan (in an Arwing), Gotenks (w/ Green Lantern Ring), Raccoon Tail Luigi, Super Shredder, Riddick, Kalder, Anak Sanamun, The Witch King of Angmar (atop his Fell Beast of Mordor), Skrull #1 in in a Vought-Sikorsky VS-300.
Galactus, Primus, and Onslaught loomed over the planet, facing into the city. In the skies below them, their swarm of aircrafts darted around each other, some in combat and some simply avoiding being shot down by Anakin. “Stand down, Aron;” Galactus bellowed, “today, the Nut-Busters join the ranks of FFL elite. Your power cannot best me, Watcher.” In the city below, Aron faced Galactus in a fierce pose, showing no fear. Facing the threat with him were his most powerful allies: Thanos, Parallax Rayner, even Vampire Darth Vader stood among others. Defiantly he called back, “The power of a Watcher is greater than anywhere else in this League, Galactus. I wouldn't underestimate me and my team if I were you.” He scowled at Aron, a glint of fear betraying him through his giant eyes. In the sky between them, Anakin Blasted Batwing and Weapon XIII from the sky while Frieza crumpled Skrull #1 in his helicopter. “I'll hear no more of this! My team is scouring this meager planet for your stray allies as we speak. But our time to speak is over, begone!” A ray of the Power Cosmic emanated from Galactus, intended to wipe Aron from existence, but the all-powerful Watcher redirected the energy to Onslaught, erasing him instantly. “No… impossible! Come to your senses, Watcher, it's not your place to interfere! Have mercy on us, Great One!” Aron smirked and pointed a finger up to Galactus. “There will be no mercy today, Nut-Busters! The almighty Aron bows to no one! Not the Watchers, not Galactus, not even-” Daveatu! When… when did you get here?
“Just now. What's going on here? Aron, you can't be watching the match and participating. It's unethical or something. Besides, you're a bad Watcher. Bad Aron.”
I'm being perfectly fair! I'm 80 points, I've got this. And if you're so great, where have you been all this time?
“I was meticulously building and populating an organized Tier list for the match, so I could determine the winner in-between work and constant PS4 play to, uh... keep my mind stimulated. For the watching.”
Meticulous tier list. That's cute. Baxter the Dog flies through the air and kamikaze attacks Galactus’s smug face, killing both instantly. Your tier list predict that?
“What?! I’m warning you, Aron, stand down.”
Primus ran to hide on the other side of the planet, fearful of Aron’s omnipotence. Anakin, meanwhile, shot down Talon and Cluster, who- Wait, no! PLEASE!
Aron had to be removed. I'm not interfering with the match, I was within my rights. Stand your ground laws, Han shot first, et cetera. Besides, what was with the stuffy narration? He was just writing a fan-fiction to tug himself off. He's not even that powerful, didn't the Fantastic Four kick his ass once or something? 80 points my ass…
Anyway, zeroing in on Anakin as the primary airborne threat, Hal Jordan shot his TIE fighter down with a blast from the Arwing. On the ground, the main melee of the match was breaking out. Gandalf and Scarlet Witch dueled with magic, with Gandalf gracefully deflecting hex-bolts before the Witch-King of Angmar swooped in on his Fell Beast to pick the old wizard off. Gotenks faced off against Vegeta and Freiza, but only Vegeta walked away. Vampire Vader sliced through the approaching Emma Frost, then turned to throw his saber through the Witch King, pulling it back through the Fell Beast’s skull. He lifted Scarlet Witch off the ground, and as he choked her, she shot a hex at Vader’s suit. His breathing apparatus malfunctioned, his grip tightening unbearably, then finally going limp and dropping Scarlet Witch. As her senses recovered from the near-fatal choking, her vision returned to the sight of Thanos bringing a foot down hard on her face. Fantomex and Hal Jordan began to fire on the Sith AIDS ground troops, striking out Killer Croc and Sub-Zero. In response, Parallax Kyle Rayner takes to the air and blasts projectiles in all directions, destroying both aircrafts. While Fantomex died, Hal Jordan was able to withstand the blast largely unharmed. On the ground, Evan Sabahnur and the Daysprings had only managed to take out Raccoon Luigi and the Brotherhood of Evil before Thanos caught up and crushed the Daysprings like plastic cups. Evan and Green Lantern were alone now, surrounded by foes, and had no choice but to flee in search of their teammates. Through the technology of Jordan’s ring, Primus made contact and beckoned them to the desert. Thanos, Parallax, Black Adam and Vegeta followed closely.
In the jungle, far from the commotion in the city or the desert, a handful of Nut-Busters were nearing the end of a long hunt for the Indominus Rex. Riddick, Kalder, and Anak Sanamun were inevitable casualties in the hunting party, but Nightcrawler and Super Shredder had a plan to end it. Shredder wounded Compsognathus #33, and Nightcrawler teleported it to a clearing near where they had tracked the Indominus. It cried out and struggled to move, and the Indominus’s predatory instinct took over. As it ate the crippled compy, Super Shredder jumped from a tree onto the back of the Indominus and attempted to injure it through it's hide. The Indominus bucked Shredder into the air and caught him with a hungry bite. Nightcrawler teleported himself more voluntarily into the Rex’s throat and activated his lightsaber, opening an exit for himself and do finishing the job in the process. He BAMF’d out if the jungle to find his teammates. When the city was barren and battle scarred, he tried the desert. On arrival he found a heated battle between the remnants of both teams. When Primus first arrived in the desert at the whim of Aron, he had found Doomsday locked in battle with the Sith AIDS’ many Transformers, Gambit and Blob blasted into the ground around them. Primus had no trouble with the Transformers, rendering them all inert with unparalleled processing speed.It wasn't long before Hal and Evan arrived, bringing the last of the enemy threat with them. As soon as they arrive, Parallax begins demolishing Primus with Black Adam. Doomsday quickly tackles Black Adam and begins to pummel his Black Lantern corpse into unbendable pulp, leading Parallax to return his attack. Doomsday feels little fear, however, and Parallax struggles to hold his ground. Meanwhile Vegeta arrived on his wicked awesome speeder bike and began to bust through Evan Sabahnur’s head with some serious Saiyan strength. Green Lantern was impressed with Vegeta's strength, but not very impressed as he trapped Vegeta in a projected bubble with a projected missile to finish him off. As Doomsday became frenzied, the desperately injured Parallax Rayner weighed him down with tons upon tons of yellow shackles and weights. Thanos charged in and seized Doomsday by the head, directing a beam of cosmic power through his face, disintegrating his skull in moments. Unaware of Nightcrawler's arrival, however, he received a new hole in the skull himself as Nightcrawler teleported his saber directly into Thanos’ forehead. Behind them, Rayner looked up to see Hal Jordan looking down on him, cracking his knuckles. “Sorry, about this, kid.”
S9 Playoffs Round 1 - Royal Highness vs Team SP
The Royal HIghness is: Q2 (9 deaths), Cyborg Doomsday (9 deaths), Superboy Doomsday, Yoda, Fantastic Four ( Reed Richards w/Ultimate Nullifier, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and The Thing) in The Anti-Galactus Suit., (Non symbiote) Black Suit Spider-man, Old Man Logan, The Flash (Barry Allen), Apollo (Authority) (9 death), Midnighter, Agent Smith, Sandworm #1A , Emperor Palpatine, The Sinister Six (minus 2) (Doctor Octopus, Electro, Hobgoblin, and Vulture) , Sandman, Chameleon, Vampire Jean Grey (9 death), Gladiator (Shi'ar Imperial Guard) (9 death), Maleficient, Mike Greenwell w/Green Lightsaber on Green Yoshi, Good Luck Bear (Care Bears) (9 death). The Members not already on the surface are above in an Alliance Medical Frigate.
Team Sleeping Pussy is: Bizarro Superman, Jonah Hex (9 death w/ Yellow Lantern Ring), Wildcat (9 death), Psycho Pirate, Catman, Brother Blood (9 death w/ Sirius Black’s wand), Swamp Thing, Gay Alan Scott (9 death), Ultron (9 death), Bullseye (w/Red Lightsaber), The Vanisher (9 death), Nightshade, Sunfire, Miracle Dog, Vampirella, S.D. Bob "Snake" Plissken (w/ Green Lantern Ring), Duncan McLeod (w/ Green LIghtsaber), Miho, Expendables: The Lone Wolf (9 death),Savage Dragon, Prof Snape, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Movie Rachet, Mt Dew Transformer, Smokescreen, Scourge, The Monster Squad: Pete the Dog
Sandworm 1A soars from the the sand and crashes down, barely missing the Transformers from Team SP who started in the desert region. Rachet does a quick roll and immediately retaliates with some quick shots that glance off the protective scales of the giant beast. Meanwhile, Scourge, Smokescreen and the Mt. Dew Transformer immediately need to go on the defensive from Sandman, Old Man Logan, Chameleon and Mike Greenwell who is riding in on his trusty steed Green Yoshi. The Mt. Dew transformer starts shooting cans of its delicious but highly caffeinated beverages at Greenie who easily explodes the on coming cans with his lightsaber. Yoshi assists by eating several cans in a row and is able to send a fireball back at the transformer. This causes him to stumble long enough for Old Man Logan to leap onto his back and sink his claws into the neck and head of the modified vending machine.
“Looks like you’re out of order.” Logan growls
Maybe less time with the one liners were in order because Scourge quickly avenges his buddy by blasting both Logan as well as Greenie and Yoshi. Scourge then turns his blasts at Sandman who stands stoic, unflinching at the blasts. As Scourge barrels down faster, Sandman suddenly erects a wall of sand that stops Scourge so suddenly that he explodes in an epic fireball. Sandman then manipulates the sand like waves in the ocean knocking Smokescreen and Rachet down on to the sand. Rachet is able to right himself and take out Chameleon but soon finds himself the smaller fish in this sea of sand as he is gobbled up by Sandworm 1A who leaps skyward. Smokescreen watches his teammate disappear and soon realizes that his fate will soon mirror the death of Rachet as gravity sends the sandworm back down to the ground. Smokescreen ignites every one of his weapons just as the Sandworm is upon him and the resulting explosion kills them both.
Sandman calms the desert once again and walks over to the sparking wreckage of the Mt Dew transformer and reaches inside his torso. He pulls out a few cans decides to enjoy a cool beverage as the lone desert survivor before wandering off to find his other teammates.
In the city… The Lone Wolf, Vanisher, Jonah Hex and Brother Blood are on a 9 death killing mission. These four are not going out quietly or in some dumb explosion. They are out for blood. They lead a large rag tag team of Pussies that are no longer sleeping, they are awake and ready to kill. Lone Wolf leads his pack as he kicks open the doors to an old warehouse. They are met with a bolt of sith lightning from Palpatine which splits the Pussies into two squads. Along with Palpatine, Black Suit Spiderman and The Flash rush after Jonah Hex and Brother Blood. Brother Blood holds his own against Palpatine’s lightning with the help of Sirius Black’s wand. He is able to keep him at bay long enough for The Vanisher who, very unselfishly, gets behind the Sith Lord and teleports them both out existence and himself to the graveyard.
Black suit spiderman shoots some black web or whatever he has into the face of Brother Blood and starts kicking and punching him as he is blinded. Jonah Hex and Lone Wolf are a couple of sure shots and the are able to headshoot the knock-off spidey. They can’t quite get a good shot at the Flash and he is able to sneak up and kill Brother Blood before he can remove the web from his eye. It isn’t until Bizarro Superman flies in and hits The Flash with freeze vision long enough for Jonah Hex to get the final killing shot.
The west wall blows in sending cement and steel shrapnel into the room. Miho is killed by half a cinder block that obliterates his skull. In through the new hole in the wall walk Cyborg Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday. The fearless Jonah Hex takes his final run at Cyborg Doomsday along with Bizarro Superman. While his courage is admirable, this is the end of the line for Hex. A simple, well placed punch to the chest is enough to crush his entire ribcage and stop every internal organ sending this long time Pussy to the graveyard. Bizarro Superman flies in and lands in front of the two Doomsday iterations of the monster that killed his bizarro self twenty plus years ago. He stares the two of them down when Ultron comes up and stands next to Bizarro Supes and readies himself for this epic fight that’s about to go down.
Lone Wolf has regrouped and rallies a team to take on a rush of the Highness members who have charged into the room. Within a few minutes, Snape and Savage Dragon fall to Gladiator. Gladiator is then dropped by Gay Alan Scott. Apollo puts on a clinic as he disposes of Sunfire and Nightshade. Bullseye doesn’t miss as he then runs his red lightsaber into Apollo’s skull. Vampire Jean Grey uses mind control to send Wildcat into frenzy against his own team. Wildcat shreds his feline kinfolk, Catman, and gets a couple good slashes in on Bullseye before Gay Alan Scott shoots out a window above Grey, exposing her to direct sunlight and burning the Vampire version of this powerful superhero for good.
Bullseye tends to his wounds a bit sees Agent Smith charging at him. His shots, although expertly placed, are easily dodged by this master of the matrix. The Agent is able to quickly end him with a hundred punches in a matter of seconds. This leaves Agent Smith in a three-against-one matchup. He holds his own well but is only able to finish off Gay Alan Scott for his final death before being double teamed by Lone Wolf and Wildcat.
Don’t worry, I’ll come back to that Doomsdays/Supes & Ultron fight.
Meanwhile, in the space above, Q2 and Bowman are locked in an eternal battle of wits. Their minds fight an infinite number of times every second. They both have the power to destroy the other while sacrificing themselves, but with nine deaths, Q2 is keeping this as a last resort.
The last regimen of Team SP are making their way through the rainforest as they are met suddenly with opposing gunfire from The Midnighter and the Fantastic Four who are assembled in an Anti Galactus suit. Snake Plissken uses his Green Lantern ring to construct a shield while Psycho Pirate attempts to control the mind of the much stronger Reed Richards while the Swamp thing manipulates the trees around the fantastic four. This buys Vampirella, Duncan McLeod, Pete the Dog and Miracle Dog time to attack the 4 members of the Sinister six. The two dogs grab Vulture by the neck and tear out his throat. McLeod happily relieves Hobgoblin of his head and using his lightsaber cuts the arms off Doctor Octopus. Vampirella is able to move in to finish off Doc Ock and also Electro who just finished frying Miracle dog and Pete the Dog to a delicious crisp. Midnighter and Maleficient move in and Vampirella is able to dispatch of Maleficient but before she can finish drinking the blood of the evil witch, the Midnighter is quick to avenge her death by snapping the neck of the scantily clad Drakulon. Duncan McLeod proves to be too much for the Midnighter to handle as the ancient highlander has grown very fond of his lightsaber.
The Swamp Thing and Psycho Pirate are losing their hold on the Fantastic Four. Swamp thing calls to his teammates to leave him here and regroup with Bizarro Superman in the city. They briefly protest but then agree it is the right move. Plissken, McLeod, and Psycho Pirate escape quickly to join the fight in the city leaving the Swamp Thing behind to eventually fall to the Fantastic Four.
Back in the city, The Highness look outnumbered. The two Doomsdays have started their fight with Bizarro Superman and Ultron. Not only that but now the Pussies have help. Superboy Doomsday has started to brawl with Bizarro Superman. Superboy Doomsday punches Bizarro across the room but then quickly needs to get Wildcat who has now jumped on his back and is clawing at his head. He jumps up as high as he can and smashes himself into the ceiling crushing the DC superhero and using up the rest of his nine lives. The Lone Wolf helps Bizarro Superman to his feet.
“Hey! I have pajamas with your face on them!” says Bizarro Superman to Lone Wolf
Lone Wolf takes shots at Superboy Doomsday as he is falling back to the floor. The Wolf doesn’t flinch as the giant beast rights himself and bears down on him and easily dispatches of the pesky human.
The two metallic powerhouses exchange blows with each other. Cyborg Doomsday is hit several times by Ultron’s energy blasts which briefly stun him. He retaliates with an uppercut that sends the Avengers foe back on his ass. Reinforcements have arrived from the forest and Duncan McLeod charges at Cyborg Doomsday as Plissken attempts to hold him with his ring. Plissken is not an experienced lantern and his construct is not strong enough to hold. Cyborg Doomsday is able to break free of it and grabs McLeod before he is able to land an attack. He then uses McLeod as a baseball bat and tees up Plissken’s head killing both of them instantly. Ultron picks up the lightsaber dropped by McLeod and before Cyborg Doomsday can turn around, Ultron buries the lightsaber down the back of his neck and it comes out the front of his chest dropping the Highness juggernaut for the last time.
Psycho Pirate has moved in to help Bizarro Superman with Superboy Doomsday. The Pirate moves in a little too close and allows Doomsday to use the Pirate as a shield against Bizarro Superman’s heat breath burning him to death. Ultron moves in and kicks out the last Doomsday’s leg sideways dropping him to a knee. From a crippled stance, he fights valiantly against the two Pussies Powerhouses. He is able to rip the right arm off Ultron and beat him back with his own appendage. Bizarro Superman then gets him in a strangle hold and Superboy Doomsday uses the same trick he did on Wildcat. He rams Bizarro Supes multiple times into the ceiling and walls and crashes out into the street. The Man of Steel is proving to be just that. Both are exhausted. Superboy Doomsday is nearly choked to death and Bizarro is losing his grip. Ultron is manages to get up and starts heading over to help finish the job.
A rocket blasts from the sky and Ultron is able to jump away at the last second. The resulting explosion kills both Bizarro Supes and Superboy Doomsday. Ultron looks at the ship that circles above the smoke and flames as it lands in the street in front of him. He sees Good Luck Bear piloting the craft and doing a poor job of setting the ship down. Ultron approaches as the door opens and a small hooded creature walks out.
“Forgot about me, you have? Hmm... The graveyard, your destination will be”
Although he is one armed, Ultron ignites the lightsaber he still possesses and no longer feels the exhaustion he felt a minute ago. Yoda removes his robe and unclips his lightsaber...
In space, Dave Bowman feels the tides turning in this match. Here he is holding his own with Q2 but now he can feel the much more threatening presence of the Fantastic Four who have headed off the planet and are now on their way to meet him here in space. What is worse, Reed Richards still possesses the Ultimate Nullifier. He knows he is down to two options and both do not fare well for his team. He takes his gamble and teleports Q2 to the center of a dying star. As he feared and expected, Q2’s mental grip on him was too strong and he has come along for the ride. Oh well, not sure if he would have held up against the Nullifier anyway. The star reaches Supernova and both Q2 and The Starchild are sucked into the resulting black hole.
The Alliance Medical Frigate is flying away from the city which lay in ruin. Yoda is admiring his new souvenir, a shiny silver metallic mask. Good Luck Bear sees a man walking below coming toward them and moves his furry digitless paw toward the button to fire a rocket.
“Shoot you will not!” says Yoda abruptly. “Enemy this man is not.”
The ship lowers and they open the door to let in Sandman. “Thanks for the lift!” He says holding up two cans of Mountain Dew. “You fellas thirsty?”
Monday, May 30, 2016
Play-offs Week 1: Midgets Vs. The Empire
The Midgets are: Emperor Joker
-Katma Tui
-Blue Lantern #1 (w/ 9 deaths)
-Scar
-Supergirl (Ariella Kent)
-Magneto
-Vampire X-23
-Psylcoke
-(Age of Apocalypse) Weapon X
-(Age of Apocalypse) Cyclops (w/ Bleez's Red Lantern Ring)
-Deadpool
-Azazel (w/ Count Dooku's red lightsaber)
-Venom (Flash Thompson)
-He-Man
-Omega Supreme
-Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Enemy, Wingthing, Flip Sides, Sundor, Garboid, Howlback, Glit, Decepticon Cassette #1-3, Ravage Clone #1-3, Nightstalker, Playback, Rosanna, Stripes, Autoscout #1-2, Autobot Cassette #1-3, and Decepticon #7.
-Luminara Unduli (w/ White Lantern Ring)
-Nazgul #9 (w/ an indigo lantern ring) and Nazgul #9's Fell Beast
-Ken (from Street Fighter) (w/ Guy Gardner's yellow lantern ring)
-Ron Popeil and R.O.B. the Robot in a Jedi V-Wing.
-Allia Atreides (w/ Asajj Ventress' 2 red lightsabers)
-Princess Irulan (w/ a star sapphire ring)
-Space Usagi Yojimbo (w/ a double red lightsaber (Universe Bowl Prize)
-Jotaro (Usagi's son)
-Star Wolf (w/ a laser sword, laser gun, and pokeball) in a Tie Interceptor
-The Wicked Witch of the East (w/ Larfleeze's Orange Lantern Ring)
-Black Lantern Chris Seeney
-Pete Clemenza
The Empire is: Silver Surfer
Black Lantern Dark Phoenix
Black Lantern Colossus
Set
Colossus
Darkseid
Earth 2 Batman
Earth 2 Catwoman
White Lantern Swamp Thing
Indigo Lantern Sinestro
Steel Superman
Red She Hulk
Sabertooth
Black Zarak
Victory Saber (Victory Leo and Star Saber)
Batman Jr.
Superman Jr.
Trigon
Captain Britain w/ Green Lantern Ring
Princess Zelda w/ Blue Lightsaber
It is a calm day with a slight breeze on the Play-off Planet. The birds are chirping, and the sun occasionally peeks out from behind the clouds. This is an unusual break from the normal chaos this time of year on the Planet, which worries some of it's denizens, although most simply take the peace for what it is and enjoy the day. In the city's cental park, a large humanoid sits at one of the many chessboards, waiting for his opponent. Finally, Emperor Joker appears before the challenger.
"You're late." chides Darkseid with his gravely voice.
"Oh no, I almost missed your precious chess game! I'm not even sure why I agreed to this boring competition. I mean, I see a few Batmen on your roster. I would much rather be torturing them than indulging y..." says Emperor Joker before he is cut off.
"Sit, clown." interrupts an already annoyed Darkseid.
Emperor Joker obliges the request. He looks at the game board and sees that Darkseid has already placed a good amount of his forces in their positions. The Emperor snaps his finger, and a bag containing the likenesses of his teammates engraved on chess pieces appears.
"So how does this work? Are there any particular places for these, or is it all willy-nilly?" asks the Emperor.
"Your strategy is none of my concern." says Darkseid.
"Thanks for the help, big guy." states Joker sourly. "Willy-nilly it is!" he exclaims as he dumps some pieces from his bag onto the board. The playing pieces scatter across the surface, slamming into Darkseid's pieces, and making most of both player's figures fall to the ground.
"Well that was fun." laughs Emperor Joker. "I assume that means a good amount of our teammates just died. I'm better at this than I thought!" exclaims E. Joker.
The Midgets' Deadpool, Psylocke, Weapon X, Vampire X-23, Star Wolf in TIE Interceptor, Ron Popeil and R.O.B. in Jedi V-Wing,Ariella Kent, Space Usagi and son, He-Man, Venom, Pete Clemenza, and Alia Atriedes are eliminated. The Empire's Earth 2 Batman, E-2 Catwoman, Steel Superman, Red She-Hulk, Sabretooth, Batman Jr., Superman Jr., Princess Zelda, and Colossus disappear from reality.
Darkseid clenches his fist and begins to arrange some of his remaining players. White Lantern Swamp Thing, Indigo Sinestro, Black Lantern Dark Phoenix, Black Lantern Colossus, and Green Lantern Captain Britain are moved to the forefront.
"Lanterns, eh?" I think I have a few of those too! Hold on a sec!" explains Emperor Joker as he fumbles through the bag. "We got Katma Tui, Scar, a Blue Lantern... oh he's rare... a nine deather! Let's see... White Lantern Luminara Unduli, Star Sapphire Princess, Irulan, Yellow Lantern Ken, Indigo Lantern Nazgul w/Fell Beast, Orange Lantern Wicked Witch of the East, Red Lantern AoA Cyclops, and good ol Black Lantern Chris Seeney! Whew, that's a lot of Lantern power! Looks like you're a little outgunned there Darky. How's about throwing another figure or two in to make myself feel better about everything." offers Emperor Joker.
A miniture statue of Set is thrown into the pile by Darkseid before he angrily slaps all the pieces off of the board. Both teams' Lanterns as well as Set cease to exist.
"Now Darkseid, old buddy, surely your not getting aggrevated! I mean, YOU'RE the one that chose this stupid idea to begin with!" antagonizes Emperor Joker. The Emperor reaches into his bag with two hands and strugges to get the massive Omega Supreme figure out of it's place. "Little help?" asks Emperor Joker. Darkseid does not oblige.
Omega Supreme is finally placed atop the board, as Darkseid counters with his own Transformers: Black Zarak and Victory Saber.
"I almost break my back lifting this bucket of bolts, and you still happen to neutralize it? Lame." complains Emperor Joker as he kicks all the Transformers to the grass below. The robots vanish. "I apperciate the quick kills as much as the next guy, but this doesn't have any of your usual flair!!! I expected more from the scourge of Apokolips!!!" mocks Emperor Joker. "Just kidding, I know you're booooooorrrring." adds EJ.
"You're disappointed?" questions Darkseid. "Allow me to liven things up." he says with a smirk as The Silver Surfer's likeness is placed in play.
"OOOOOOOO!!! That's a good one!!! I better bring my A-game!" says an impressed Joker before dumping most of his bags contents onto the table. "I present to you...... Soundwave and a metric f*ck ton of his tapes! Seriously, there's like 30 or 40 of these son's a b*tches! That's gotta count for something!" offers Joker.
Darkseid grins as he shakes his head negatively. "Not good enough, harlequinn." states Darkseid.
"Fine, fine. I was hoping to hang on to this, but if you insist." explains Joker as he adds Magneto to the pile.
Darkseid weighs the opposing forces' worth, and agrees to the assured annihilation.
"It seems we're both running out of toys, Darky old chap! At least that means this farce is almost over." says a relieved Emperor Joker. He places Azazel on the chessboard.
"Checkmate." smiles Darkseid as he counters with Trigon.
"Whaaaaat? No way. They're both demon-type guys, it's totally a draw!" claims Emperor Joker as he throws both figures to the ground. "Well, that was pointless. Y'know, the next time you want to waste my life, at least bring some tea or scones or something. Your manners as a host leave A LOT to be desired!" scolds Emperor Joker as he begins to walk away.
"STOP." orders Darkseid. "You piece was not equal to mine. You lose." commands the leader of Apokolips.
"I'm through playing this ill conceived notion of a match. When you come up with something better, feel free to call me. Toodles!!!" laughs Emperor Joker. He continues to walk away until a heat wave of Hellfire cuts a burning swath though the air.
"Darkseid was right. Your "Azazel" was not up to the task. Surrender, or face our combined might." warns an appearing Trigon.
"Blah blah blah. You're almost more boring than old Darky himself!!! Almost. Fine, you want it you got it!!! put em up!!!" challenger Emperor Joker as he mockingly throws up his fists, Queensbury style.
"Fool." proclaims Darkseid.
Darkseid's eyes glow as The Omega Beams charge up, and Trigon begins to summon the fires of Hell. Emperor Joker is imitating the footwork of Muhammed Ali as the vast amount of energy is unleashed toward him. With a wave of both hands, Emperor Joker redirects the energy, sending The Omega Beams to Trigon, and the Hellfire to Darkseid. Both are reduced to ash.
Emperor Joker picks up a pile of ashy remains in his hand and speaks to it.
"C'mon Darkseid, you know what they say about playing a pigeon in chess. Win or lose, the bird is just going to crap on the board and strut around as if it won regardless of what happens!!!!" laughs Emperor Joker before he begins strutting about in a pigeon-like manner. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!"
-Katma Tui
-Blue Lantern #1 (w/ 9 deaths)
-Scar
-Supergirl (Ariella Kent)
-Magneto
-Vampire X-23
-Psylcoke
-(Age of Apocalypse) Weapon X
-(Age of Apocalypse) Cyclops (w/ Bleez's Red Lantern Ring)
-Deadpool
-Azazel (w/ Count Dooku's red lightsaber)
-Venom (Flash Thompson)
-He-Man
-Omega Supreme
-Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Enemy, Wingthing, Flip Sides, Sundor, Garboid, Howlback, Glit, Decepticon Cassette #1-3, Ravage Clone #1-3, Nightstalker, Playback, Rosanna, Stripes, Autoscout #1-2, Autobot Cassette #1-3, and Decepticon #7.
-Luminara Unduli (w/ White Lantern Ring)
-Nazgul #9 (w/ an indigo lantern ring) and Nazgul #9's Fell Beast
-Ken (from Street Fighter) (w/ Guy Gardner's yellow lantern ring)
-Ron Popeil and R.O.B. the Robot in a Jedi V-Wing.
-Allia Atreides (w/ Asajj Ventress' 2 red lightsabers)
-Princess Irulan (w/ a star sapphire ring)
-Space Usagi Yojimbo (w/ a double red lightsaber (Universe Bowl Prize)
-Jotaro (Usagi's son)
-Star Wolf (w/ a laser sword, laser gun, and pokeball) in a Tie Interceptor
-The Wicked Witch of the East (w/ Larfleeze's Orange Lantern Ring)
-Black Lantern Chris Seeney
-Pete Clemenza
The Empire is: Silver Surfer
Black Lantern Dark Phoenix
Black Lantern Colossus
Set
Colossus
Darkseid
Earth 2 Batman
Earth 2 Catwoman
White Lantern Swamp Thing
Indigo Lantern Sinestro
Steel Superman
Red She Hulk
Sabertooth
Black Zarak
Victory Saber (Victory Leo and Star Saber)
Batman Jr.
Superman Jr.
Trigon
Captain Britain w/ Green Lantern Ring
Princess Zelda w/ Blue Lightsaber
It is a calm day with a slight breeze on the Play-off Planet. The birds are chirping, and the sun occasionally peeks out from behind the clouds. This is an unusual break from the normal chaos this time of year on the Planet, which worries some of it's denizens, although most simply take the peace for what it is and enjoy the day. In the city's cental park, a large humanoid sits at one of the many chessboards, waiting for his opponent. Finally, Emperor Joker appears before the challenger.
"You're late." chides Darkseid with his gravely voice.
"Oh no, I almost missed your precious chess game! I'm not even sure why I agreed to this boring competition. I mean, I see a few Batmen on your roster. I would much rather be torturing them than indulging y..." says Emperor Joker before he is cut off.
"Sit, clown." interrupts an already annoyed Darkseid.
Emperor Joker obliges the request. He looks at the game board and sees that Darkseid has already placed a good amount of his forces in their positions. The Emperor snaps his finger, and a bag containing the likenesses of his teammates engraved on chess pieces appears.
"So how does this work? Are there any particular places for these, or is it all willy-nilly?" asks the Emperor.
"Your strategy is none of my concern." says Darkseid.
"Thanks for the help, big guy." states Joker sourly. "Willy-nilly it is!" he exclaims as he dumps some pieces from his bag onto the board. The playing pieces scatter across the surface, slamming into Darkseid's pieces, and making most of both player's figures fall to the ground.
"Well that was fun." laughs Emperor Joker. "I assume that means a good amount of our teammates just died. I'm better at this than I thought!" exclaims E. Joker.
The Midgets' Deadpool, Psylocke, Weapon X, Vampire X-23, Star Wolf in TIE Interceptor, Ron Popeil and R.O.B. in Jedi V-Wing,Ariella Kent, Space Usagi and son, He-Man, Venom, Pete Clemenza, and Alia Atriedes are eliminated. The Empire's Earth 2 Batman, E-2 Catwoman, Steel Superman, Red She-Hulk, Sabretooth, Batman Jr., Superman Jr., Princess Zelda, and Colossus disappear from reality.
Darkseid clenches his fist and begins to arrange some of his remaining players. White Lantern Swamp Thing, Indigo Sinestro, Black Lantern Dark Phoenix, Black Lantern Colossus, and Green Lantern Captain Britain are moved to the forefront.
"Lanterns, eh?" I think I have a few of those too! Hold on a sec!" explains Emperor Joker as he fumbles through the bag. "We got Katma Tui, Scar, a Blue Lantern... oh he's rare... a nine deather! Let's see... White Lantern Luminara Unduli, Star Sapphire Princess, Irulan, Yellow Lantern Ken, Indigo Lantern Nazgul w/Fell Beast, Orange Lantern Wicked Witch of the East, Red Lantern AoA Cyclops, and good ol Black Lantern Chris Seeney! Whew, that's a lot of Lantern power! Looks like you're a little outgunned there Darky. How's about throwing another figure or two in to make myself feel better about everything." offers Emperor Joker.
A miniture statue of Set is thrown into the pile by Darkseid before he angrily slaps all the pieces off of the board. Both teams' Lanterns as well as Set cease to exist.
"Now Darkseid, old buddy, surely your not getting aggrevated! I mean, YOU'RE the one that chose this stupid idea to begin with!" antagonizes Emperor Joker. The Emperor reaches into his bag with two hands and strugges to get the massive Omega Supreme figure out of it's place. "Little help?" asks Emperor Joker. Darkseid does not oblige.
Omega Supreme is finally placed atop the board, as Darkseid counters with his own Transformers: Black Zarak and Victory Saber.
"I almost break my back lifting this bucket of bolts, and you still happen to neutralize it? Lame." complains Emperor Joker as he kicks all the Transformers to the grass below. The robots vanish. "I apperciate the quick kills as much as the next guy, but this doesn't have any of your usual flair!!! I expected more from the scourge of Apokolips!!!" mocks Emperor Joker. "Just kidding, I know you're booooooorrrring." adds EJ.
"You're disappointed?" questions Darkseid. "Allow me to liven things up." he says with a smirk as The Silver Surfer's likeness is placed in play.
"OOOOOOOO!!! That's a good one!!! I better bring my A-game!" says an impressed Joker before dumping most of his bags contents onto the table. "I present to you...... Soundwave and a metric f*ck ton of his tapes! Seriously, there's like 30 or 40 of these son's a b*tches! That's gotta count for something!" offers Joker.
Darkseid grins as he shakes his head negatively. "Not good enough, harlequinn." states Darkseid.
"Fine, fine. I was hoping to hang on to this, but if you insist." explains Joker as he adds Magneto to the pile.
Darkseid weighs the opposing forces' worth, and agrees to the assured annihilation.
"It seems we're both running out of toys, Darky old chap! At least that means this farce is almost over." says a relieved Emperor Joker. He places Azazel on the chessboard.
"Checkmate." smiles Darkseid as he counters with Trigon.
"Whaaaaat? No way. They're both demon-type guys, it's totally a draw!" claims Emperor Joker as he throws both figures to the ground. "Well, that was pointless. Y'know, the next time you want to waste my life, at least bring some tea or scones or something. Your manners as a host leave A LOT to be desired!" scolds Emperor Joker as he begins to walk away.
"STOP." orders Darkseid. "You piece was not equal to mine. You lose." commands the leader of Apokolips.
"I'm through playing this ill conceived notion of a match. When you come up with something better, feel free to call me. Toodles!!!" laughs Emperor Joker. He continues to walk away until a heat wave of Hellfire cuts a burning swath though the air.
"Darkseid was right. Your "Azazel" was not up to the task. Surrender, or face our combined might." warns an appearing Trigon.
"Blah blah blah. You're almost more boring than old Darky himself!!! Almost. Fine, you want it you got it!!! put em up!!!" challenger Emperor Joker as he mockingly throws up his fists, Queensbury style.
"Fool." proclaims Darkseid.
Darkseid's eyes glow as The Omega Beams charge up, and Trigon begins to summon the fires of Hell. Emperor Joker is imitating the footwork of Muhammed Ali as the vast amount of energy is unleashed toward him. With a wave of both hands, Emperor Joker redirects the energy, sending The Omega Beams to Trigon, and the Hellfire to Darkseid. Both are reduced to ash.
Emperor Joker picks up a pile of ashy remains in his hand and speaks to it.
"C'mon Darkseid, you know what they say about playing a pigeon in chess. Win or lose, the bird is just going to crap on the board and strut around as if it won regardless of what happens!!!!" laughs Emperor Joker before he begins strutting about in a pigeon-like manner. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!"
George Washington's Slaves Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches
George Washington's Slaves are: George Washington (w/ an Iron Man suit and green lightsaber), Darth Shemalya, Nik Landsoh, Brek Nyram, Superman, Jor-El, Amazo, Green Arrow (Conner Hawk), Speedy (Mia Deardon), Loki, Wolverine, Kid Omega, Korg, Xorn (Kuan-Yin), S.U.R.F.: Sharkskin, Eel, and Undertow, The Protectobots (form Defensor/Protectimus Prime): Hot Spot (w. Autobot Matrix of Leadership), First Aid, Grooves, Blades, and Streetwise, Medusa, Crocodile Dundee (w/ Darth Nihilus' Red Lightsaber), Air Bud, Peter Griffin (in an Iron Man Suit), Stewie Griffin (w/ a green lantern ring), Lois Griffin (w/ throwing knives), Meg Griffin, Chris Griffin, Gigantor, Aladdin, Abu, Jasmine, Magic Carpet, and The Genie, Frog Suit Luigie, Ki Adi Mundi, Wedge Antilles in an Arwing, Poe Dameron and BB-8 in a Super Star Destroyer, Jedi Master Dooku, and Padawan Qui Gon Jinn.
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are: Mr. Mind, Vampire Kilawog, Aya, Razor, Superior Spiderman, Scarlet Spider, Baron Zemo, Angel Salvador, Albert w/ Elsie Dee, Grey Hulk, Mr. Sinister, Mazinger Z w/ Koubyi Kabuto, Darth Marr, Darth Voaran, The Eye of Sauron, Huffer, Man-E-Faces, Fisto, Clawful, Sagat, Noob Saibot, Bio Dreads #4 & 5, Phazeron, and Ninja Pirate #4
As the B-3 Squad lies in wait, having taken control of the forest and most of the city; The Star Destroyer Devastator breaks through the atmosphere with nearly all of the Slaves on board. Except for a few sleeper agents who have been inserted into key geographic locations, most members of George Washington's crew prepare for a ground assault and await his orders from the bridge of the Star Destroyer.
Washington stands, ever dignified with his perfectly shined Stark armor, sans helmet which rests in his arm, right above the polished green lightsaber which hangs from his belt. Most would assume that the general would never see combat, due to his position on the team, and the condition of his protective gear; but his teammates know better. They know that he can use the shiny weapons in his array as well as any other soldier on his roster. No big speech is given before the battle as individual orders are handed out; but Green Arrow, along with his trusty sidekick Speedy approach the general on the bridge with a stack full of papers, brimming with notes from the assessment General Washington has ordered.
“Captain Hawk, REPORT”. Washington bellows.
“Well sir, although casualties are always a regrettable function of this type of postseason league play, we have carefully analyzed their attack patterns, troop placement, and overall squad power; and we should run in to little difficulty winning the day”. Says the son of the original Green Arrow.
“Unacceptable soldier, we give nothing less than 200% here. The Backyardigans have been a FFL powerhouse for years. We can't afford to hold back one iota”. Says Washington.
“Sir, with all due respect. Our men are prepared to give their all and then some. I have not shared this conclusion with anybody else on the active squad. I am just giving the report based on the discovery you ordered. My analysis may be wrong, but sir: Lest we forget that you chose me for a reason. My analysis' have rarely been wrong in the past, and I used only the most accurate methodology”. Says Hawk with confidence.
“Very well, Captain”. Washington says in a calmer tone.
Hawk continues: “Shall Speedy and I take position in the woods”.
“No, captain. An attack on this Star Destroyer is imminent, we will need several troops on board to defend against it when the time comes. And I could use a man of your particular skills here on the bridge”. Says the former president.
As suspected by Washington, the Ninja Pirate, along with Baron Zemo, Darth Marr, his apprentice Darth Voaran, and Noob Saibot whose stealth and teleportation powers are necessary for the plan prepare to sneak on to the inside of the Star Destroyer, take out Washington himself, turn the weapons systems on the unsuspecting Slaves, and then inevitably crash the vessel on the planet's surface. Washington, may suspect this threat; but he does not know that the five troops have already made their way on to the surface of the ship and have begun sneaking through the immense cargo hold. Wedge patrols the air in his Arwing and catches a glimpse of something near this area, and reports the anomaly back to Poe; but he cannot confirm anything for sure.
As the battle starts to look like it is about to start, the first real action comes is brought to Wedge. A Season 1 veteran of The Slaves, Wedge has yet to fly an Arwing in battle and is regretting never having the experience prior. The maneuverability seems more like something from a childhood simulator toy back on Alderan than it does an actual ship, but Wedge of course is a natural. Aya and Rayzor fly up quick on either side of Wedge and attempt to double flank him; but Wedge breaks hard into a spin maneuver. He targets Aya, locks on, and blasts her with a missile. Rayzor becomes infuriated at the death of his robot girlfriend and breaks in to a rage, with his red lantern ring finding new power with every maddening thought. Rayzor stops in mid-air to put up a huge red wall and send forth a massive blast of plasma; but Wedge loops backwards in the craft and comes up from underneath the red lantern turncoat to laser blast him from underneath. Although Wedge is not quite out of the woods yet, as the two Bio-Dreads are quickly on his tail. Wedge deploys counter-measures and then double taps down and hits the yellow left arrow button on his control stick to blast ahead, whip around, and head right back towards his opponents. Both flying Bio-Dreads are then targeted and taken out of the sky with perfectly aimed laser blasts.
The great, fiery, lidless Eye of Sauron stands at the top of its tower, placed at the end of the forest as the last line of defense for The B-3 Squad. The Backyardigans remain confident that despite their opponents power that they have no clear answer for Sauron's all powerful Eye. Nearly their entire squad stands firm in the outskirts of the city and the perimeter of the forest and awaits the imminent attack of The Slaves.
An attack that is about to take place:
Mr. Mind and Kid Omega are instantly drawn to one another as a test of the brain power becomes an instant obsession of them both. Mr. Mind goes in for the attack first as the two simply stand a few feet away from each other having the entire battle take place within their heads. Mr. Mind attempts to disrupt the cortex of the younger Kid Omega, but the student of Xavier is able to redirect the thought process and implant a biological shutdown order in to the brain of Mr. Mind. Mr. Mind falls over dead; but Kid Omega, so entrenched in his own entrancement does not even notice the looming foot of Grey Hulk which smashes in the young mutant's face like an ant.
Amazo duplicates the green lantern ring of Vampire Kilowag, and instantly finds himself to be evenly matched with the muscle bound alien; but Kilowag bypasses his Oan-given powers for a moment and relies simply on his vampire fangs and bloodlust to bite the neck of the advanced android and rip out his metal spine. Kilowag's fangs crack as he spits metal from his mouth but he gives a triumphant scream and reignites his own green aura on his way to his next battle. But Kilowag becomes confused by his own triumph as five more Amazos pop up around him. Then ten more, then twenty more. Kilowag exhausts the power of his ring blasting through the seemingly easy targets; but they just keep coming. He eventually falls from the sky from both physical exhaustion and a lack of green energy, while Loki walks up casually and says: “Holograms, I believe is the best way to describe my Amazo clan, silly alien”.... Loki then reveals sharpened wood at the bottom of his staff which he harshly delivers through the chest of the vampire green lantern.
The S.U.R.F. Trio are extremely happy to have a fourth with Frog Suit Luigie, because now they can play underwater Euchre instead of their normal three man poker games. They are equally pleased to see that B-3 played no water characters at all and that the ocean is theirs. They await orders to leave their water post while Luigi and Sharkskin upset the normally unbeatable duo of Eel and Undertow after a Luigi loner hand.
Man-E-Faces gets separated from his team and begins wandering through the forest when he hears something in the distance. He draws the sword that his toy came with; but that I never saw him use in the cartoon and then goes in to full monster mode. The noise he hears soon after develops into Crocodile Dundee who says: “You call that a sword.... THIS IS A SWORD, as he ignites his lightsaber and stabs it through one of Man-E-Faces many faces.
Mr. Sinister easily walks through the alien-tech laser blasts of Jor-El and casually hands him his lungs; but Xorn takes the gun, breaks it in half with his powers and sends the gun shards violently into the body of Mr. Sinister. Grey Hulk then gets his second act of vengeance in for the day as he hand claps the ears of Xorn turning his covered face into a pinkish oatmeal-like substance. Korg attempts to tussle with the grey version of his old friend but finds that he is still no match for the grey version of his planet's former champion either. Korg gets in some very damaging, house leveling blows; but Hulk lifts the alien up over his head and then brings down the rock covered Korg in a back-breaker that busts him into little more than a pile of rocks. Superman sees this from across the battle and comes to the realization that this is a job for him. He also decides that it has come time in this match for him to make his run. Superman flies in significantly faster than a speeding bullet could and easily sends Hulk thirty feet out. Hulk regains his composure and leaps towards Superman, pulling him to the ground. The two trade punches for several minutes, but this smaller, and not quite as strong version of the Hulk just simply does not have what it takes to stand toe to toe with the Man of Steel. Superman delivers an upper cut which puts Banner airborne and then swiftly delivers another series of punches to break the Hulk's neck. Superman gains a sadness as he looks over to see the dead body of his Kryptonian birth father and shoots off into the distance. Despite their powerset, Supes makes short work of The Otto Octavius and Felicity Hardy Spider duo and then takes out Angel Salvador with a quick blast of heat vision as well.
Albert and Elsie-Dee may be significantly smarter than Wolverine, as well as being former allies of the mutant; but this is war, and Wolverine does not even consider hesitating against a clawed android whose actual fighting prowess is somewhat lacking. “Sorry Bub, you're pretty good lookin for a robot”, Wolvie says as he rips apart Abert with his claws; and then finishes up with: “And you may look cute; but I know you ain't no real little girl” as he does the same to Elsie Dee.
Back on the ship, Baron Zemo leads the Sith Lords, Mortal Kombatter, and Ninja Pirate into the cockpit where they quickly murder Poe Dameron by shooting him in the back of the head. BB-8 is able to right the ship; but they are pretty much nothing more than a floating vessel at the moment without a skilled pilot at the helm. The Backyardigan Invaders begin moving towards BB-8, when Washington himself comes rushing in along with Green Arrow, Speedy, Air Bud, and The Aladdin crew. Appalled by the fact that they were able to get through his defenses and take out his pilot, despite him knowing that they were going to attempt a move this bold enrages the patriot, who yells: “TAKE NO PRISONERS”, as his skeleton crew of troops defend the cockpit. The mastermind behind the sneak attack, the stealthy Ninja Pirate, pulls out his fabric-wrapped cutlass and takes the head of Jasmine at the onset, which sends Aladdin into a rage yelling: “ONLY A WOMAN'S HUSBAND CAN CUT HER HEAD OFF WHERE I COME FROM”. He and Abu then fly in on the Magic Carpet and beat the Ninja Pirate into The Graveyard while The Genie manically chuckles in the background. Darth Marr begins taunting General Washington with some very Politically Incorrect, anti-American rhetoric, and going on about liberalism and how bad religion is. He appears to be giving this speech in the form of a stand up comic, but nothing he says is very funny. Maher, I mean Marr then rushes towards the general with his college student-like apprentice following close behind him; but Speedy backs up Washington and sends an arrow through the eye of Lord Voaron to even the fight back up for her General. Washington powers up his Iron Man suit and ignites his lightsaber to begin dueling with the Sith Lord, whom he eventually disarms after demonstrating superior strength thanks to his suit and then sends a glaring red rocket into the chest of the anti-American Sith Lord (Happy Memorial Day Beeyatch). Meanwhile, Conner Hawk and Noob Saibot are in the midst of a pitched battle, while Air Bud is gnawing on the nuts and butthole of his victim Baron Zemo because it is the best place to start to be able to eat the good stuff (what, it's what dogs do (don't blame me)). Noob is keeping Green Arrow at bay with his multiple teleport attacks, but Conner eventually gains the upper hand and leg sweeps Saibot down to the ground before quickly putting a pair of arrows into his chest at point blank range.
Back on the ground: the 2 battles that you all have been waiting for are shaping up: While the Griffin family sizes up Clawful and Sagat which is still in the long-pre-fight-conversation part of the battle. Darth Shemalya and her minions prepare to do battle with The Mighty Phazeron........
“We are connected you and I”. Phazeron says to Shemalya.
“Yes, the very existential nature of our creator, gives us common bond”. Shemalya agrees.
“My internal bio-sensors read that you have grown quite powerful Shemalya. You should thank our maker for such gifts; but lest you forget he created me at the draft of the Universe itself. And he created me to be the most powerful character of all”. Taunts Phazeron.
“Ha character you say” jibes Shemalya. She continues: “I am more powerful than any character. Any team. Any Maker. And any Watcher. I am the Dark Lord of the Dark Lords. The Dark Queen of The Force. The only question I have is: Who is more powerful?? The second most powerful creation of The Maker; or the henchman of the most powerful being in The Universe?? Now..... SICK HIM MY DOGS” Shemalya yells to her apprentices.
Brek and Nik both ignite Crimson lightsabers and rush towards Phazeron; but Phazeron takes flight and evades their initial attacks. Phazeron gracefully flies down and knocks the lightsaber from Nyram before delivering a powerful cosmic uppercut to the apprentice which takes his head clean off. Landsoh attempts to avenge his partner; but Phazeron blasts himself backwards and then lets loose a concentrated blast of energy towards Nik which burns him to a crisp. Phazeron glares over at Shemalya and then arrogantly flies into the air and leaves a flaming trail behind him in the shape of a P which matches the P on his chest and is visible for miles of the Playoff Planet. Shemalya simply laughs at such a parlor trick and uses the Force to pull out her own lightsaber. The lightsaber ignites in mid-air and then Shemalya uses her powers to shape it into an S. She then sends the S-shaped tool of lesser force users into the chest of Phazeron. Branding him as a slave of Shemalya and giving way for the absorption of his very life force. Shemalya, after making everyone witness her vast array of power, learns of the nearby enemy named Fisto. She knows nothing of this character other than that his name sounds like a great time. She moves towards the Eternian in an attempt to possibly molest the large hand of the muscle bound fighter before she rips out his literal heart. Fisto, who had just looked over at Medusa and survived, unfortunately looked into the eyes of his would be lover and turned to stone.
Back at the other “SUPER-IMPORTANT” battle, Clawful has already broken the spines of both Meg and Chris with his massive claw hand; but Peter and Stewie combine their Stark tech and green energy to blow the Skeletor henchman to pieces. Lois on the other hand had her throwing knives dodged by Sagat, who delivered a crescent kick to her head that broke her neck. Sagat is already debilitated, going into this battle, not from their power set; but from the very smell of Peter Griffin. You see, it was everything the team could do to get Peter into that Iron Man Suit, and now that they got him in it several months ago, he is totally stuck inside. The smell is nearly unbearable. Peter and Stewie barrage Sagat with energy blasts and jokes about what his name rhymes with, scarring him up even further; but Sagat is able to send his brown-parentheses power, or whatever it is that you call that thing into both of them to win the day. Unfortunately for Sagat though, Dooku and the young Qui Gon make rather short work of him in his weakened state afterwards.
Washington radios down to Superman and the rest of the squad to put together their final push and attempt to take out the Eye of Sauron. Superman says that he will volunteer to lead the way, when Protectimus Prime, the Autobot formerly known as Hot Spot chimes in. He says: “Superman, General Washington, the rest of you, I need you to listen to me. I have traveled deep into the Matrix. I have spoken with and learned from Optimus Prime, Rodimus Prime, Alpha Trion, and many more. The Matrix is the only way we can stop the mighty deceiver known as Sauron. You must allow me to make the ultimate sacrifice. It is the only way to achieve victory for our team”.
Most stand silent, when Ki Adi Mundi speaks saying: “Yes, this has worked for us before as I recall”.
“It's true. I saw it firsthand” says Wedge over the Arwing comlink for all to hear. (**See The Slaves Season 2 Playoff Match Vs. The Commandos for more backstory and to know what Wedge and Master Mundi are talking about).
Protectimus Prime then pulls Superman aside and says: “I have a favor to ask you Supes. If this plan works, my fellow Protectobots and I will not make it out alive; but the Matrix of Leadership should survive. If it does, I ask that you please deliver the Matrix to Thunderclash. The Matrix desires to be back with a semi-truck form. He may not be Optimus Prime yet; but he has the potential”.
Supes nods in agreement and Protectimus Prime turns his attention back to his troops and the battle.
The team agrees and Protectimus Prime gives the order for his Protectobots to merge to form Prime Defensor. The combiner known as Defensor was a mid-level combiner; but now with the Matrix of leadership at its core Defensor Prime is the most powerful Gestalt ever formed by the Autobots or Decepticons. The massive Transformer begins running at break neck speed as he mows through the last line of Sauron's defenses. Defensor Prime busts Mazinger Z (although Ki Adi Mundi cleaed up the leftovers and took out Kabuyi Kabuto), breaking the fellow orignal Anime character to pieces and he does not hesitate to do the same to his old friend Huffer. Defensor Prime then sees The Eye of Sauron in the distance and increases his running speed even more. The Eye remains still, waiting, not thinking there could possibly be enough good to overtake the evil of Sauron; but Defensor Prime leaps directly into the eye of Sauron and when he does both Defensor Prime and the Great Eye simply vanish without a trace. Less than a second later, nothing more than The Autobot Matrix of Leadership simply falls out of the air where the Eye once rested.
Back on The Star Destroyer Devastator, General George Washington gives his order to have his troops return to the ship, when Captain Conner Hawk approaches.
“What is it Captain” asks Washington.
Green Arrow unprofessionally smiles at his commander and says: “General Washington: Permission to say I told you so”??
Washington looks over at Hawk with the beginnings of the look that every member of the team fears; but the look turns into a smirk when Washington says: “Permission granted”..........
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are: Mr. Mind, Vampire Kilawog, Aya, Razor, Superior Spiderman, Scarlet Spider, Baron Zemo, Angel Salvador, Albert w/ Elsie Dee, Grey Hulk, Mr. Sinister, Mazinger Z w/ Koubyi Kabuto, Darth Marr, Darth Voaran, The Eye of Sauron, Huffer, Man-E-Faces, Fisto, Clawful, Sagat, Noob Saibot, Bio Dreads #4 & 5, Phazeron, and Ninja Pirate #4
As the B-3 Squad lies in wait, having taken control of the forest and most of the city; The Star Destroyer Devastator breaks through the atmosphere with nearly all of the Slaves on board. Except for a few sleeper agents who have been inserted into key geographic locations, most members of George Washington's crew prepare for a ground assault and await his orders from the bridge of the Star Destroyer.
Washington stands, ever dignified with his perfectly shined Stark armor, sans helmet which rests in his arm, right above the polished green lightsaber which hangs from his belt. Most would assume that the general would never see combat, due to his position on the team, and the condition of his protective gear; but his teammates know better. They know that he can use the shiny weapons in his array as well as any other soldier on his roster. No big speech is given before the battle as individual orders are handed out; but Green Arrow, along with his trusty sidekick Speedy approach the general on the bridge with a stack full of papers, brimming with notes from the assessment General Washington has ordered.
“Captain Hawk, REPORT”. Washington bellows.
“Well sir, although casualties are always a regrettable function of this type of postseason league play, we have carefully analyzed their attack patterns, troop placement, and overall squad power; and we should run in to little difficulty winning the day”. Says the son of the original Green Arrow.
“Unacceptable soldier, we give nothing less than 200% here. The Backyardigans have been a FFL powerhouse for years. We can't afford to hold back one iota”. Says Washington.
“Sir, with all due respect. Our men are prepared to give their all and then some. I have not shared this conclusion with anybody else on the active squad. I am just giving the report based on the discovery you ordered. My analysis may be wrong, but sir: Lest we forget that you chose me for a reason. My analysis' have rarely been wrong in the past, and I used only the most accurate methodology”. Says Hawk with confidence.
“Very well, Captain”. Washington says in a calmer tone.
Hawk continues: “Shall Speedy and I take position in the woods”.
“No, captain. An attack on this Star Destroyer is imminent, we will need several troops on board to defend against it when the time comes. And I could use a man of your particular skills here on the bridge”. Says the former president.
As suspected by Washington, the Ninja Pirate, along with Baron Zemo, Darth Marr, his apprentice Darth Voaran, and Noob Saibot whose stealth and teleportation powers are necessary for the plan prepare to sneak on to the inside of the Star Destroyer, take out Washington himself, turn the weapons systems on the unsuspecting Slaves, and then inevitably crash the vessel on the planet's surface. Washington, may suspect this threat; but he does not know that the five troops have already made their way on to the surface of the ship and have begun sneaking through the immense cargo hold. Wedge patrols the air in his Arwing and catches a glimpse of something near this area, and reports the anomaly back to Poe; but he cannot confirm anything for sure.
As the battle starts to look like it is about to start, the first real action comes is brought to Wedge. A Season 1 veteran of The Slaves, Wedge has yet to fly an Arwing in battle and is regretting never having the experience prior. The maneuverability seems more like something from a childhood simulator toy back on Alderan than it does an actual ship, but Wedge of course is a natural. Aya and Rayzor fly up quick on either side of Wedge and attempt to double flank him; but Wedge breaks hard into a spin maneuver. He targets Aya, locks on, and blasts her with a missile. Rayzor becomes infuriated at the death of his robot girlfriend and breaks in to a rage, with his red lantern ring finding new power with every maddening thought. Rayzor stops in mid-air to put up a huge red wall and send forth a massive blast of plasma; but Wedge loops backwards in the craft and comes up from underneath the red lantern turncoat to laser blast him from underneath. Although Wedge is not quite out of the woods yet, as the two Bio-Dreads are quickly on his tail. Wedge deploys counter-measures and then double taps down and hits the yellow left arrow button on his control stick to blast ahead, whip around, and head right back towards his opponents. Both flying Bio-Dreads are then targeted and taken out of the sky with perfectly aimed laser blasts.
The great, fiery, lidless Eye of Sauron stands at the top of its tower, placed at the end of the forest as the last line of defense for The B-3 Squad. The Backyardigans remain confident that despite their opponents power that they have no clear answer for Sauron's all powerful Eye. Nearly their entire squad stands firm in the outskirts of the city and the perimeter of the forest and awaits the imminent attack of The Slaves.
An attack that is about to take place:
Mr. Mind and Kid Omega are instantly drawn to one another as a test of the brain power becomes an instant obsession of them both. Mr. Mind goes in for the attack first as the two simply stand a few feet away from each other having the entire battle take place within their heads. Mr. Mind attempts to disrupt the cortex of the younger Kid Omega, but the student of Xavier is able to redirect the thought process and implant a biological shutdown order in to the brain of Mr. Mind. Mr. Mind falls over dead; but Kid Omega, so entrenched in his own entrancement does not even notice the looming foot of Grey Hulk which smashes in the young mutant's face like an ant.
Amazo duplicates the green lantern ring of Vampire Kilowag, and instantly finds himself to be evenly matched with the muscle bound alien; but Kilowag bypasses his Oan-given powers for a moment and relies simply on his vampire fangs and bloodlust to bite the neck of the advanced android and rip out his metal spine. Kilowag's fangs crack as he spits metal from his mouth but he gives a triumphant scream and reignites his own green aura on his way to his next battle. But Kilowag becomes confused by his own triumph as five more Amazos pop up around him. Then ten more, then twenty more. Kilowag exhausts the power of his ring blasting through the seemingly easy targets; but they just keep coming. He eventually falls from the sky from both physical exhaustion and a lack of green energy, while Loki walks up casually and says: “Holograms, I believe is the best way to describe my Amazo clan, silly alien”.... Loki then reveals sharpened wood at the bottom of his staff which he harshly delivers through the chest of the vampire green lantern.
The S.U.R.F. Trio are extremely happy to have a fourth with Frog Suit Luigie, because now they can play underwater Euchre instead of their normal three man poker games. They are equally pleased to see that B-3 played no water characters at all and that the ocean is theirs. They await orders to leave their water post while Luigi and Sharkskin upset the normally unbeatable duo of Eel and Undertow after a Luigi loner hand.
Man-E-Faces gets separated from his team and begins wandering through the forest when he hears something in the distance. He draws the sword that his toy came with; but that I never saw him use in the cartoon and then goes in to full monster mode. The noise he hears soon after develops into Crocodile Dundee who says: “You call that a sword.... THIS IS A SWORD, as he ignites his lightsaber and stabs it through one of Man-E-Faces many faces.
Mr. Sinister easily walks through the alien-tech laser blasts of Jor-El and casually hands him his lungs; but Xorn takes the gun, breaks it in half with his powers and sends the gun shards violently into the body of Mr. Sinister. Grey Hulk then gets his second act of vengeance in for the day as he hand claps the ears of Xorn turning his covered face into a pinkish oatmeal-like substance. Korg attempts to tussle with the grey version of his old friend but finds that he is still no match for the grey version of his planet's former champion either. Korg gets in some very damaging, house leveling blows; but Hulk lifts the alien up over his head and then brings down the rock covered Korg in a back-breaker that busts him into little more than a pile of rocks. Superman sees this from across the battle and comes to the realization that this is a job for him. He also decides that it has come time in this match for him to make his run. Superman flies in significantly faster than a speeding bullet could and easily sends Hulk thirty feet out. Hulk regains his composure and leaps towards Superman, pulling him to the ground. The two trade punches for several minutes, but this smaller, and not quite as strong version of the Hulk just simply does not have what it takes to stand toe to toe with the Man of Steel. Superman delivers an upper cut which puts Banner airborne and then swiftly delivers another series of punches to break the Hulk's neck. Superman gains a sadness as he looks over to see the dead body of his Kryptonian birth father and shoots off into the distance. Despite their powerset, Supes makes short work of The Otto Octavius and Felicity Hardy Spider duo and then takes out Angel Salvador with a quick blast of heat vision as well.
Albert and Elsie-Dee may be significantly smarter than Wolverine, as well as being former allies of the mutant; but this is war, and Wolverine does not even consider hesitating against a clawed android whose actual fighting prowess is somewhat lacking. “Sorry Bub, you're pretty good lookin for a robot”, Wolvie says as he rips apart Abert with his claws; and then finishes up with: “And you may look cute; but I know you ain't no real little girl” as he does the same to Elsie Dee.
Back on the ship, Baron Zemo leads the Sith Lords, Mortal Kombatter, and Ninja Pirate into the cockpit where they quickly murder Poe Dameron by shooting him in the back of the head. BB-8 is able to right the ship; but they are pretty much nothing more than a floating vessel at the moment without a skilled pilot at the helm. The Backyardigan Invaders begin moving towards BB-8, when Washington himself comes rushing in along with Green Arrow, Speedy, Air Bud, and The Aladdin crew. Appalled by the fact that they were able to get through his defenses and take out his pilot, despite him knowing that they were going to attempt a move this bold enrages the patriot, who yells: “TAKE NO PRISONERS”, as his skeleton crew of troops defend the cockpit. The mastermind behind the sneak attack, the stealthy Ninja Pirate, pulls out his fabric-wrapped cutlass and takes the head of Jasmine at the onset, which sends Aladdin into a rage yelling: “ONLY A WOMAN'S HUSBAND CAN CUT HER HEAD OFF WHERE I COME FROM”. He and Abu then fly in on the Magic Carpet and beat the Ninja Pirate into The Graveyard while The Genie manically chuckles in the background. Darth Marr begins taunting General Washington with some very Politically Incorrect, anti-American rhetoric, and going on about liberalism and how bad religion is. He appears to be giving this speech in the form of a stand up comic, but nothing he says is very funny. Maher, I mean Marr then rushes towards the general with his college student-like apprentice following close behind him; but Speedy backs up Washington and sends an arrow through the eye of Lord Voaron to even the fight back up for her General. Washington powers up his Iron Man suit and ignites his lightsaber to begin dueling with the Sith Lord, whom he eventually disarms after demonstrating superior strength thanks to his suit and then sends a glaring red rocket into the chest of the anti-American Sith Lord (Happy Memorial Day Beeyatch). Meanwhile, Conner Hawk and Noob Saibot are in the midst of a pitched battle, while Air Bud is gnawing on the nuts and butthole of his victim Baron Zemo because it is the best place to start to be able to eat the good stuff (what, it's what dogs do (don't blame me)). Noob is keeping Green Arrow at bay with his multiple teleport attacks, but Conner eventually gains the upper hand and leg sweeps Saibot down to the ground before quickly putting a pair of arrows into his chest at point blank range.
Back on the ground: the 2 battles that you all have been waiting for are shaping up: While the Griffin family sizes up Clawful and Sagat which is still in the long-pre-fight-conversation part of the battle. Darth Shemalya and her minions prepare to do battle with The Mighty Phazeron........
“We are connected you and I”. Phazeron says to Shemalya.
“Yes, the very existential nature of our creator, gives us common bond”. Shemalya agrees.
“My internal bio-sensors read that you have grown quite powerful Shemalya. You should thank our maker for such gifts; but lest you forget he created me at the draft of the Universe itself. And he created me to be the most powerful character of all”. Taunts Phazeron.
“Ha character you say” jibes Shemalya. She continues: “I am more powerful than any character. Any team. Any Maker. And any Watcher. I am the Dark Lord of the Dark Lords. The Dark Queen of The Force. The only question I have is: Who is more powerful?? The second most powerful creation of The Maker; or the henchman of the most powerful being in The Universe?? Now..... SICK HIM MY DOGS” Shemalya yells to her apprentices.
Brek and Nik both ignite Crimson lightsabers and rush towards Phazeron; but Phazeron takes flight and evades their initial attacks. Phazeron gracefully flies down and knocks the lightsaber from Nyram before delivering a powerful cosmic uppercut to the apprentice which takes his head clean off. Landsoh attempts to avenge his partner; but Phazeron blasts himself backwards and then lets loose a concentrated blast of energy towards Nik which burns him to a crisp. Phazeron glares over at Shemalya and then arrogantly flies into the air and leaves a flaming trail behind him in the shape of a P which matches the P on his chest and is visible for miles of the Playoff Planet. Shemalya simply laughs at such a parlor trick and uses the Force to pull out her own lightsaber. The lightsaber ignites in mid-air and then Shemalya uses her powers to shape it into an S. She then sends the S-shaped tool of lesser force users into the chest of Phazeron. Branding him as a slave of Shemalya and giving way for the absorption of his very life force. Shemalya, after making everyone witness her vast array of power, learns of the nearby enemy named Fisto. She knows nothing of this character other than that his name sounds like a great time. She moves towards the Eternian in an attempt to possibly molest the large hand of the muscle bound fighter before she rips out his literal heart. Fisto, who had just looked over at Medusa and survived, unfortunately looked into the eyes of his would be lover and turned to stone.
Back at the other “SUPER-IMPORTANT” battle, Clawful has already broken the spines of both Meg and Chris with his massive claw hand; but Peter and Stewie combine their Stark tech and green energy to blow the Skeletor henchman to pieces. Lois on the other hand had her throwing knives dodged by Sagat, who delivered a crescent kick to her head that broke her neck. Sagat is already debilitated, going into this battle, not from their power set; but from the very smell of Peter Griffin. You see, it was everything the team could do to get Peter into that Iron Man Suit, and now that they got him in it several months ago, he is totally stuck inside. The smell is nearly unbearable. Peter and Stewie barrage Sagat with energy blasts and jokes about what his name rhymes with, scarring him up even further; but Sagat is able to send his brown-parentheses power, or whatever it is that you call that thing into both of them to win the day. Unfortunately for Sagat though, Dooku and the young Qui Gon make rather short work of him in his weakened state afterwards.
Washington radios down to Superman and the rest of the squad to put together their final push and attempt to take out the Eye of Sauron. Superman says that he will volunteer to lead the way, when Protectimus Prime, the Autobot formerly known as Hot Spot chimes in. He says: “Superman, General Washington, the rest of you, I need you to listen to me. I have traveled deep into the Matrix. I have spoken with and learned from Optimus Prime, Rodimus Prime, Alpha Trion, and many more. The Matrix is the only way we can stop the mighty deceiver known as Sauron. You must allow me to make the ultimate sacrifice. It is the only way to achieve victory for our team”.
Most stand silent, when Ki Adi Mundi speaks saying: “Yes, this has worked for us before as I recall”.
“It's true. I saw it firsthand” says Wedge over the Arwing comlink for all to hear. (**See The Slaves Season 2 Playoff Match Vs. The Commandos for more backstory and to know what Wedge and Master Mundi are talking about).
Protectimus Prime then pulls Superman aside and says: “I have a favor to ask you Supes. If this plan works, my fellow Protectobots and I will not make it out alive; but the Matrix of Leadership should survive. If it does, I ask that you please deliver the Matrix to Thunderclash. The Matrix desires to be back with a semi-truck form. He may not be Optimus Prime yet; but he has the potential”.
Supes nods in agreement and Protectimus Prime turns his attention back to his troops and the battle.
The team agrees and Protectimus Prime gives the order for his Protectobots to merge to form Prime Defensor. The combiner known as Defensor was a mid-level combiner; but now with the Matrix of leadership at its core Defensor Prime is the most powerful Gestalt ever formed by the Autobots or Decepticons. The massive Transformer begins running at break neck speed as he mows through the last line of Sauron's defenses. Defensor Prime busts Mazinger Z (although Ki Adi Mundi cleaed up the leftovers and took out Kabuyi Kabuto), breaking the fellow orignal Anime character to pieces and he does not hesitate to do the same to his old friend Huffer. Defensor Prime then sees The Eye of Sauron in the distance and increases his running speed even more. The Eye remains still, waiting, not thinking there could possibly be enough good to overtake the evil of Sauron; but Defensor Prime leaps directly into the eye of Sauron and when he does both Defensor Prime and the Great Eye simply vanish without a trace. Less than a second later, nothing more than The Autobot Matrix of Leadership simply falls out of the air where the Eye once rested.
Back on The Star Destroyer Devastator, General George Washington gives his order to have his troops return to the ship, when Captain Conner Hawk approaches.
“What is it Captain” asks Washington.
Green Arrow unprofessionally smiles at his commander and says: “General Washington: Permission to say I told you so”??
Washington looks over at Hawk with the beginnings of the look that every member of the team fears; but the look turns into a smirk when Washington says: “Permission granted”..........
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Pop-Superstar Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. TEAM
Pop-Superstar Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama's: Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos is Xavier Harkonen in a NASA X-43 Hyper-X
TEAM is Hamblor: god of Hamburgers and his dog.
I am Xavier Harkonen, and this very well may be my last transmission.
After my many years of battling the machine hordes, who would have ever thought that there could be a foe even more dangerous, even more deadly, and even more disastrous than the vast army of Omnius and the Cymek army of the Titan Agamemnon combined. Hamblor, with his delicious hamburgers as his secret weapon has nearly laid waste to this universe, and it appears that I may be the only man left who can stop him. We knew that his grip over the appetites of all living creatures was tight; but it was not until he fed his hamburgers to the unicorns that we realized what a truly deadly combination it could be. So, here I sit, sending this transmission from within my ship, flying through the dense pink smoke of an evil-hamburger-induced-unicorn-fart. Bright pink of course being the most deadly form of fart gas, plus mixed with the magical tendencies and passed through the unnatural intestines of an unicorn has made this my most dangerous mission yet. If only I can find Hamblor before the gas permeates the hull of my NASA craft will I be able to save the galaxy from being consumed by more and more unicorn farts. Damn you Hamblor, for bringing the universe to its knees in such a way. We all trusted you with making our dinner; but instead......... You made our deaths.
THREE HOURS LATER.......
I don't have much time left, I can barely stand the smell of the pink gas which has begun to make its way into my ship. I feel my body begin to fail from the well-documented debilitating powers derived from unicorn-cow-meat-farts. But alas, I have one last chance. I see Hamblor, down in front of his palace. Soaking up the smell and eating his own populace-dominating hamburgers by the dozen. He remains a small target, I don't know how he keeps such a great figure after consuming so much red meat and carbs from those thick toasted buns. I just hope my aim is true as I fire my last remaining rocket at the god of ground meat patties. I push the fire button, but less than a second after I do, the ship's controls begin to finally fail from the over-powering smokey-fart-residue. I hit the eject button, but as I parachute down, I see my rocket hit its mark, I see the god of Hamburgers die, and provide hope for the survival of humanity. But my mission is not over, I must turn off the hamburger conveyor machine that is still on automatic, pumping out the delicious evil created to enslave us all.
I wander into the hamburger palace and am about to shut down the machine when I am viciously attacked by the most fearsome foe I have ever encountered: Hamblor's Dog. The violent and bloodthirsty beast leaps onto me and knocks me to the ground. In my fart-hazed-weakened-state I can barely muster enough strength to throw the hound off of me; but I accomplish the goal, I regain my footing, and I reach for my ceremonial Harkonen blade. This beast will now die by my family's forged steal, or I by his razor sharp tooth filled maw. The mutt leaps at me and I throw my left arm up in defense. It bites down hard on my arm; but I fight through the pain and jam my blade into the jugular vein of the evil canine; and perhaps clear the path for the ultimate survival of humanity.
THE END
TEAM is Hamblor: god of Hamburgers and his dog.
I am Xavier Harkonen, and this very well may be my last transmission.
After my many years of battling the machine hordes, who would have ever thought that there could be a foe even more dangerous, even more deadly, and even more disastrous than the vast army of Omnius and the Cymek army of the Titan Agamemnon combined. Hamblor, with his delicious hamburgers as his secret weapon has nearly laid waste to this universe, and it appears that I may be the only man left who can stop him. We knew that his grip over the appetites of all living creatures was tight; but it was not until he fed his hamburgers to the unicorns that we realized what a truly deadly combination it could be. So, here I sit, sending this transmission from within my ship, flying through the dense pink smoke of an evil-hamburger-induced-unicorn-fart. Bright pink of course being the most deadly form of fart gas, plus mixed with the magical tendencies and passed through the unnatural intestines of an unicorn has made this my most dangerous mission yet. If only I can find Hamblor before the gas permeates the hull of my NASA craft will I be able to save the galaxy from being consumed by more and more unicorn farts. Damn you Hamblor, for bringing the universe to its knees in such a way. We all trusted you with making our dinner; but instead......... You made our deaths.
THREE HOURS LATER.......
I don't have much time left, I can barely stand the smell of the pink gas which has begun to make its way into my ship. I feel my body begin to fail from the well-documented debilitating powers derived from unicorn-cow-meat-farts. But alas, I have one last chance. I see Hamblor, down in front of his palace. Soaking up the smell and eating his own populace-dominating hamburgers by the dozen. He remains a small target, I don't know how he keeps such a great figure after consuming so much red meat and carbs from those thick toasted buns. I just hope my aim is true as I fire my last remaining rocket at the god of ground meat patties. I push the fire button, but less than a second after I do, the ship's controls begin to finally fail from the over-powering smokey-fart-residue. I hit the eject button, but as I parachute down, I see my rocket hit its mark, I see the god of Hamburgers die, and provide hope for the survival of humanity. But my mission is not over, I must turn off the hamburger conveyor machine that is still on automatic, pumping out the delicious evil created to enslave us all.
I wander into the hamburger palace and am about to shut down the machine when I am viciously attacked by the most fearsome foe I have ever encountered: Hamblor's Dog. The violent and bloodthirsty beast leaps onto me and knocks me to the ground. In my fart-hazed-weakened-state I can barely muster enough strength to throw the hound off of me; but I accomplish the goal, I regain my footing, and I reach for my ceremonial Harkonen blade. This beast will now die by my family's forged steal, or I by his razor sharp tooth filled maw. The mutt leaps at me and I throw my left arm up in defense. It bites down hard on my arm; but I fight through the pain and jam my blade into the jugular vein of the evil canine; and perhaps clear the path for the ultimate survival of humanity.
THE END
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