Week 9 Of This Season - Gentle Boiz vs. Strident Gum: The Sitcom

The Gentlemens is Superboy with a Blue Lantern Ring.

The Striddlers are Morg with a Red Lantern Ring, and John Wick with a Yellow Lantern Ring.

There is no cold open; the jaunty melodica intro music plays immediately, setting the campy and light-hearted tone of the match early so you don't get caught off guard.

Superboy is hunched over a desk at his day job. His awkward haircut, nerd glasses, and mustard-color shirt are the trademarks of his secret identity, Small Clark Kent. As he tries to work, a bullet bounces off of him, a mild but startling annoyance. He looks around... where did it come from? He warily turns back to his work. Moments pass, then again, p'ting, a bullet is crushed against his back and it clinks to the floor. Again he searches, no gunman in sight... until he uses his x-ray vision! Ah ha! A giggling John Wick crouches behind the secretary's desk. "I've got you, John, this was your FINAL. PRANK." He shoots a quick and efficient burst of laser beam from his eyes to John's snickering skull. The others in The Office shoot uneasy looks in the direction of the conflict before remembering how little they get paid to be making things like this their problem. The elevator open and Morg from the Warehouse enters. His jaw drops when he sees John's smoking neck-hole where his head one was. "Hoooly SH**, John?!" he looks to the very poorly disguised Superboy and the situation dawns on him. "Small Clark, what the hell man?! I know John was messing with you but that doesn't mean you can melt his head! We were about to go to Jamba Juice and split a free smoothie from his reward card. I don't know his account number! Now I gotta pay for my own damn smoothie!" Superboy glowers and walks up to Morg's face, invading his personal bubble without social awareness. "Morg, he brought a gun to the workplace. Do you know how many ways you can kill a man with a gun?" Morg's face twists with puzzlement. "Like, one? Shoot him?" Superboy quickly raises all but his thumb and pinky. "Three. One, shoot him. Two, hit him over the head. Three, put the barrel in his throat and his gag reflex activates, pulling the gun further in and choking him to death." Superboy cocks his head with a smug smile before turning to return to his desk. "Now if you'll excuse me, some of us are trying to get some work done. This is a workplace, Morg, or do you and your homies in the warehouse not do work down there?" Morg is bewildered. "Dude, what? Aw hell no." Ah he approaches with violent intent, Superboy fumbles around his desk "Where's my stapler?" He rummages through the top drawer, nothing. He opens the bottom drawer... his filing folders have been removed. Jell-O. He pulls the jiggling dessert mold from the drawer to find his stapler encased within. A note sits on the platter. "Your favorite - green kryptonite Jell-O.  -XOXO JOHN ;)" A withering Superboy turns to the camera and does the face.

Consortium Week 9: Popeyes vs TEAM

Popeyes: Darth Vader w/ Yellow Lantern Ring

TEAM: Neo (final death) 

Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins Vs. Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fighitn Fun Down Tight

 Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins are Dwight, Pam, Jim, Toby, Ethan Hunt (w/ Indigo lantern ring), & Magnum P.I.   ITEMS:  Dwight's Weapon Stash, 4 Glocks, & a 4 Lokos.

Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are Atrocitus (w/ a flamethrower) & Gilleus Thunderhead (w/ blue lantern ring & Personal Holtzman Shield).

Welcome to Dunder Mifflin.  Today, for the first time ever, something entertaining is actually going to happen at this place.  Entertaining for absolute psychopaths who love blood, guts, death, and destruction that is.  

As Atrocitus and Gilleus burst into The Office, Dwight instantly ducks down and begins the contingency plan he has had set in place for some time; as he has been anticipating something like this happening for quite a while.  Atrocitus has no idea how to use the earth made flamethrower he is holding and is curious why he was handed it by his teammates before the match began.  He throws the heavy weapon directly at Pam's face and takes her head clean off.  He then unloads a batch of red lava vomit from his mouth and burns Jim and Toby to a crisp.  Ethan Hunt gets into a pitched battle with Gilleus Thunderhead, who similarly has no clue how to work his blue lantern ring, though it is offering some protection all on its own.  His Personal Holtzman Shield on the other hand is activated and working perfectly as it deflects every Indigo energy laced 9mm round that Ethan's Beretta 92 can throw at him.  Gilleus is fairly impervious to his attacks, and also cannot seem to get close enough to the fast moving Hunt to do any damage with his axe.  Gilleus instead casts Level 4 of his Lightning magic and takes the Impossible Mission Force Squad Leader out with that.  Gilleus was smart enough to deactivate his shield for a moment before he cast the spell (he didn't want ot risk a nuclear blast).  But Magnum took advantage of the few seconds the shield was down and put two 9mm rounds in the forehead of the Dwarf from his Semi-Auto Smith and Wesson.  Atrocitus quickly avenges his dimiuitive ally and crushes Magnum with his massive bare hands.  Atrocitus believes that the match might be over, but continues to look around for another member of the AAA Squad after he is not teleported away in victory.  Dwight is whom he casually seeks but this mere human is perhaps more difficult to defeat than the leader of the red lantern corps has anticipated.  Dwight has reached his hiding spot and has uncovered his weapon stash.  Dwight sheathes his sword along with holstering the 4 Glocks.  The Model 40 10mm he puts in a shoulder holster, the near matching Models 23 & 32 in .40 S & W and .357 Sig he has at his sides and the illegal in the United States Model 28 in .380 ACP is concealed at his back just for good measure.  Knives and other melee weapons abound; but more things are in the stash of weapons than others even know about.  Dwight pulls out his Hunter Seeker that was made from the exact specs of Ginaz Swordmasters that he had found on the deep web.  Filled with poisons and toxins known to be illegal in the imperium, this weapon would have easily penetrated Gilleus Thunderhead's Personal Shield slowly and then killed him all while Dwight operated it remotely from his hidden bunker.  Too bad his deceased teamate Magnum took away his fun and already took out the Golden Axe Dwarf.  "Oh well, won't be needing that".  Says Dwight as he tosses the hunter-seeker aside.  Dwight continues to dig into his stash and pulls out a Skemix tool, plus both a green lantern ring and a blue lantern ring that he had stashed here just in case a Red Lantern attacked Dunder Mifflin like he knew one eventually would.  Dwight has of course done his research and knows that all he must do is remove the ring of the Red Lantern, which functions as the Corps Member's heart to make the wearer's ciruclatory system completely shut down.  Dwight, now fully armed comes running out into the main lobby where Atrocitus is a sitting duck.  Dwight throws a flash bang to distract the alien then hurls his sword with the green and blue rings duct-taped to it.  This disables the ring temporarily and gives Dwight more than enough time to rush in and place the Skemix tool on Atrocitus' finger cutting it off and in the process killing Atrocitus.  Almost too easy......  

Empire Vs. House Elves

 Empire: John Constantine and Michael Myers 

House Elves:  Shaak Ti (final death) and The Wampa 

The Dunder Mifflin office has been taken over by a rampaging Michael Myers and needs to be stopped.  Myers has killed all members of the office and nothing is left but him.  Even Bob Vance has been killed.  Shaak Ti and The Wampa are closing in to fix this mess. 

Shaak Ti enters the building that has pools of blood and guts.  It was unlike anything she has seen before.  Worse than them kids dying to Anakin.  She makes her way to the Michael Scotts office where he laid in a pool of blood holding his "Worlds Greatest Boss" mug.  

The Michael Myers music starts to play and Shaak Ti has no clue what is happening.  That's until Michael appeared from accounting.  She instantly draws her light saber in anticipation of an attack.  Michael begins to walk towards Shaak Ti and tries to slash her with a knife but that was to weak for a Jedi master.  She was able to dodge the attack and slash across the chest of Myers.  He goes down but instantly gets back up and tries to attack Shaak Ti again.  She again dodges but this time was able to take the arm of Myers.  She goes to finish off Myers but everything all the sudden turned still.

John Constantine makes his presence known.  He was able to stop time and Shaak Ti was unable to move.  Constantine began to get Michael back to his feet to finish off Shaak Ti.  Just as she was about to be killed she was able to move.

A jedi master on her last leg was able to use the force to stop the spell that was cast.  This destroyed the spell and The Wampa begins to go on a rampage forcing his way up to the office to help the jedi master.  Constantine instantly makes a move to kill the wampa.  Although he killed The Wampa it was too late for him and Meyers.  Shaak Ti made quick work of the cursed Myers and was waiting for the return of Constantine.  

Constantine knew his fate and accepted a warriors death.  Shaak Ti instantly removed the head of Constantine.  

As she began to walk away Shaak Ti was grabbed from behind and unable to react quickly enough had her throat slit and dropped to the floor.  It was none other than Michael Myers.  He has risen from many different traps and brutality and was never able to be killed.  This day was no different than the others.  Michael continues on with his rampage. 

FFL Week 9: Barkley's Turrible Decisions vs. Misunderstood Little People

Barkley’s Turrible Decisions: Nick Fury w/ Red Lantern Ring and Original Iron Man Suit (4 death), Shield Agent #6-10, Borg Queen w/ Yellow Lantern Ring and Personal Holtzman Shield, and Borg #1-10.

Misunderstood Little People: Stilgar, Asajj Ventress (4 death), Big Benito (has super duper long arms) and Fire Bender #2.

This match takes place in The Office.

We start with the Little People held up in The Office waiting for Barkley’s Turrible Decisions to arrive. Nick Fury in the Mark I barges through the front entrance into the Office and the rest of his teammates come in behind him. 

Right off the bat, the Borg Queen orders her Borg to attack Big Benito, Big Benito uses its boxing prowess to defend itself, but after not much time the Borg overtake the pizza beast and begin to eat the Big Benito as they’ve never had such good pizza before. The Borg Queen orders her Borg to stop eating the pizza, but even from the grave, the Big Benitos arms are too long for even the Borg Queen to box with such an italian-american delicacy. The Borg Queen is so focused on trying to get her Borg to focus on the battle that this allows Stilgar to sneak up behind her and slit her throat through her Personal Holtzman shield as he is very familiar with how they work. The death of the Borg Queen causes a mass confusion between the ten Borg, this allows Fire Bender #2 and Stilgar to kill all ten Borg with ease.

While this was happening Asajj Ventress was engaging in battle with Mark I Nick Fury and his shield agents. Asajj’s force abilities make it quite easy for her to dodge attacks from Nick Fury and his agents but she doesn’t have enough time in between attacks to make an offensive approach to this battle. 

After defeating the Borg and their queen Stilgar and the Fire Bender go to help Asajj. The Fire Bender burns two agents to a crisp but Nick Fury retaliates by grabbing the Bender and rips him in half using the strength of the suit. Stilgar is able to sneak behind the other two agents and take them out with ease but Nick Fury hits Stilgar with a blast of his flamethrower, killing the Fremen Leader with ease. 

Now all that’s left is Nick Fury for Barkley’s Turrible Decisions and Asajj Ventress for the Little People. Asajj  goes to do a lightsaber strike against Nick Fury but he uses his Red Lantern Ring as a shield to block the lightsaber strike. Fury then hits Asajj with his arm and knocks her into the nearby wall, then immediately shoots a missile at her. A huge cloud of smoke is beginning to dissipate but Fury is not able to see the Nightsister. Then all of a sudden Fury’s left leg has been cutoff and is knocked to the ground as Asajj used her force powers to deflect the missile into the wall next to her and then used the smoke as a way of getting behind Fury.Fury then gets creative with his Lantern Ring and uses it as a leg for the Mark I suit. 

Fury shoots a blast of flamethrower at Asajj but she uses her force powers to block the flamethrower. She then throws one of her lightsabers at Fury and cuts off the arm of the Mark I suit that has the flamethrower on it. Fury shoots another missle at her with his other arm but she dodges it with ease. Fury is now out of missiles and he does not have a flamethrower to use anymore so Asajj uses her force powers to squeeze the head of the Mark I suit until Nick Fury’s head is smashed into a pancake shape. 

Asajj then says “The darkside is strong in me, for I am Sith”.