Season Five Regular Season MVP: Kingdom Come Superman

In a Season riddled with controversy, no one had been at “the eye of the storm” as much as this man. But regardless of these obstacles, Kingdom Come Superman showed everyone exactly why he was the obvious Number One Draft Pick in last year’s Draft. Finally being allowed to break out this year, “KFC Superman” as he was “affectionately” called, ended up helping not one but TWO teams reach the Playoffs.

He started out as a member of Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers, but after constant turmoil between Kal-El and Team Owner Griffin Poteracki, the decision was made to part ways and he was traded to Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos. This trade proved to be exact what all parties involved was looking for. The tension within the Dope Fiends’ locker room was lifted and they ended up going 3-0 within their Division as the Commandos continued their near undefeated season and are currently representing the George Lucas Conference in Universe Bowl V.

No matter what team Kingdom Come Superman was on this year, he proved to be the dominant force whenever he stepped foot on the battlefield.

Consolation Week 3: Transfoamers vs the Tijuana Taco benders

 The Tijuana Taco Benderz are:

• Catarine Towani – Pokeball
• Jeremitt Towani – Laser Sword
• Mace Towani – Laser Gun
• Cindel Towani – Star Wand
• Mon Mothma
  

The Transfoamers are: 

• Hammer Brother #19
• Hammer Brother #20
• Hammer Brother #21

The aisles of the Home Depot are silent.   

“Man this place is creepy after it closes.” said Hammer Brother #19.
“You said it 19... i think it’s how everything echoes off the hard cement floor” replied 21.
“20? what’s your... uh... 20... I guess...” said 19.  
“Uh... the hand tools, I think... I can’t find dick in this store...” responded 20.

The other hammer brothers made their way through the dark aisles towards cash registers and joined their friend.   

“Ok 20, so why are we just milling around  the hand tools?” said 19.

“Well” Responded 20, “First... it’s right near the entrance and I don’t see any employees to help us find our way around the store.  Second... We’re the Hammer Bros right?.. I figure surrounded by hammers is our best shot here...”  

“That’s actually pretty genius...” said 21.  
“Also, Look at the prices on this thing?! Dead-On Framing Hammer, Titanium, $79.00!” said 19.
“Haha check this out!” shouted 20 in the echoing store. “Estwing 12lb dead blow hammer, $199.99”  

While the hammer brothers were marveling at the tremendous variety at the Home Depot,  the Towani family struck.     

Utilizing tricks learned from the ewoks, giant contraptions made of lumber and plumbing parts spring into action.  A large pallet swung down from the ceiling, knocking Bro #19 to the ground.  
The other hammer brothers started flinging anything they can put their hands on.  

“AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” screamed hammer brother 21 as he chucked hammers of all types into the darkened aisles.  Framing hammers, mallets, ball peen, all were sent flying at incredible rates of speed.   

Mon Mothma ducked a small claw hammer and laughed at the seemingly ineffectual skills of the 21st hammer bro.    She was in mid cackle when the sharpened blade of a drywall hammer split her skull neatly down the middle.  

The Towani traps continued to trigger as the hammers thrown by #21 bounced down the aisles.   Saw blades and flat head screwdrivers were flung into the hand tools section.

Jeremitt Towani was cut down by an errant blade from one of the Towani’s own traps while ducking under a rawhide mallet.   The flat head screwdrivers and whizzing hacksaw blades sliced impaled brother 20 and 19.

Bro 21 enraged by the loss of his comrades went deeper into his hammer throwing frenzy.   A circular saw blade struck his left shoulder, sticking fast and disabling his left arm.   His right arm keept throwing...  he ignored the pain.  A 20 pound sledge hammer turned Cindel’s ribcage to mush.

At this point, Mace Towani saw that something must be done. A neat, smoking hole appeared in the forehead of hammer brother 21.  

Mace blew the smoke from the barrel of his laser gun.  “Cleanup on Aisle 7...”  he said.  

Catarine marched up to Mace and smacked him in the back of the head. “Your father and sister were just brutaly murdered by giant hammer throwing turtles, and ‘cleanup on aisle 7’ is what you come up with?....  you’re grounded until next Beldunday.”