Week 6: Crack Danks vs Empire of Evil Midgets

Empire- Supergirl, Polaris, Capt. Marvel, Blink, The Ancient One, Azula w/ Fire Flower, Mystique, Abeloth, Killer Frost, Black Canary, Athena, Wendy the Good Witch, Argent, Starfire, Lara Croft, Princess Leia, Iris West

Crack Danks- Taka (Sasuke, Jugo, Suigetsu, Karin), Juggernaut w/ Red Lantern Ring, Nathan Algren, Batwing, Arkham Knight, The Joker, Harley Quinn*, Chuck Norris w/ Green Lantern Ring, Venom*, Qui-Gon Jinn, Prometheus, Witch King of Angmar, Beast Boy, Death Stroke*

As the blood moon rose above Bludhaven the teams began their fight. The Empire fielded an all woman squad, which was worth 97 percent of an all man squad if you listen to the liberal media.

Juggernaut was barreling through buildings trying to force anyone and everyone out. Azula, Lara Croft, Princess Leia and Iris West pulled up in the all white Jeep Wrangler and took him on a chase where even more of the city was destroyed. Every time Azula would run some civilian over she would say something to the affect of “Oh my god, I’m so quirky” or “I’m such a gemini.” The whole way they were turning around shooting at him, but he absorbed most of the hits with ease and became angrier. Eventually he caught up with them and sent the Jeep rolling, where everyone inside was living, laughing, and loving, until it smashed into a telephone pole at 50. From above Captain Marvel came down and punched Juggernaut, who took it like a champ. Once he got her near the ground, the road crumbled and Jugo’s hand extended and dragged her down into the sewers where the rest of Taka was waiting.

Captain Marvel reacted quickly and did a sweet kick onto Karin who was sent into the wall before sliding down. Suigetsu, who was dissatisfied for having to be in the sewer water, moved towards her and surrounded her in the poop water, she will definitely have pink eye back in the locker room. Captain Marvel punched her way out of the enclosure but Sasuke caught her with the sword and cut off her head. Back up top Supergirl and Polaris had arrived to take out Juggernaut once and for all. Supergirl began absolutely mixing up Juggernaut, and whenever he would get pushed away Polaris would pull him straight back in. The only thing keeping him alive was the ring and that wouldn’t last long if this kept up. Juggernaut was getting really sick of the loop he was trapped in, so when he was thrown into a building he pushed off as Polaris pulled him, sending him at like mach 3 straight into her. Juggernaut was by now, sufficiently gassed though and Supergirl finished him off.

Venom, Qui-Gon Jinn, Nathan Algren, Joker, and Harley Quinn were coming to help Juggernaut, but were cut off by The Ancient One, Mystique, and Starfire. Mystique made quick work of Nathan, but Harley smacked her on the head with her big hamma. Joker was throwing traps and gags out all over the place and they began to explode as he laughed manically. He hit Venom with some friendly fire though and as he was burning, the Ancient One observed his distress and increased the power of the flames. Starfire was reigning hell on Qui-Gon as he remained in cover. Deathstroke had heard the battle and come to help. He back flipped off a building and shot Starfire in the head. The Ancient One wasn’t going to go out without a fight and killed Joker and Qui-Gon as revenge. Just as Deathstroke was about to kill her, Blink made her a portal to escape.

Jugo and Sasuke leapt out of the sewer and told Suigetsu to wait for the signal. Right when the got onto the road, Killer Frost and Black Canary pulled up in the Dry Bones Cart. Killer Frost tried to freeze Sasuke, but Jugo’s arm extended and froze. Black Canary cried out, shattering Jugo’s flesh and sending both Sasuke and Jugo flying. Suigetsu jumped the gun and sprung from the sewers early, so it was no surprise when he was frozen and killed. Chuck Norris arrived to help his friends and round house kicked Black Canary before she could open her mouth again, snapping her neck. He then threw the Cart at Killer Frost and crushed her.

Wendy the Good Witch on a Harley Davidson was easily the most badass thing I seen all night. As she was driving, the Witch King was chasing her down and the two were in a heated magic battle. Beast Boy jumped out in front of her as a rhino and she turned him into a frog and he made a vivid gushing sound when she ran him over. The Witch King used this time and shot out her wheel sending her over the handle bars of the bike into his grip where he squeezed her little neck. Athena watched on in horror as her allies neck was snapped and rushed forward and began a sword battle with the Witch King. Since no man could kill him, and Athena was a woman (and a skilled one at that), she was able to defeat him much like in the movie. 

Athena and Prometheus knew each other well which made them both reluctant to fight. Prometheus had already seen how this was to end though and began the fight to get it over with. Batwing and Arkham Knight were there to reinforce Prometheus, while Argent and Abeloth were coming to support Athena, but both sides respected the fight. Batwing and the Arkham Knight did their best to mitigate Argent’s attacks and together they were able to mix her up. Unfortunately they didn’t have any answers to Abeloth, who was able to kill them easily with her knowledge and power. The goddess and the titan were well matched, but through the power of foresight, Prometheus took advantage of every mistake. Eventually he struck her down and felt some grief about it for a moment, before Abeloth finished him off.

Chuck, Sasuke, Jugo, and Harley met Abeloth, Supergirl, Blink, and the Ancient One for a final confrontation. Sasuke was moving just as fast as Blink could teleport and eventually he caught her coming out of one her portals, cutting off any hope of a retreat for the Empire. Supergirl and Chuck Norris were trading blows and the Texas Ranger was holding his own. Supergirl stepped it up a notch though and Chuck was on the back foot. As she broke his protective barrier she fried him with heat vision while he tried to recover. Deathstroke had come prepared and he lined up his shot, hitting Supergirl in the head with a kryptonite bullet. This gave away his position though and the Ancient One trapped him in another dimension. They spoke for a moment and sensing a chance he pulled his sidearm shooting what he thought was his enemy and only glass shattered. He attempted to escape but was cut off in every direction. The Ancient One pierced him in every direction with spears and left him. Abeloth had made a move at Sasuke and when Jugo tried to save him, she cut right through his flesh with her lightsaber killing Sasuke. Harley and Jugo were unable to get close enough to Abeloth or the Ancient One to do any real damage which enraged both of them. As they began fighting harder, they were also becoming even more sloppy and it wasn’t long until both of them made a fatal mistake.

The Revolt Against Old Man Dumbledore

 Week 6 @ Bludhaven: House Elves vs. Midgets

House Elves: Gandalf the Grey, Iron Man (4 death), Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker, Cicada, Red She Hulk, Firelord Sozin, Ginny Weasely, (4 death), Haggred, Sirius Black, Draco Malfoy, Batgirl (Cassandra Cain), The Wampa

Midgets: Magneto (4 death), Batgirl w/ 2 white light sabers (4 death), The Huntress w/ Purple Light saber, White Lantern Kenobi, Capt. America, Dumbledore, Serci, Vampire Wolverine, X-23, Gabby Kinney, Orange Lantern Lex Luthor, Indigo Lantern Ray Palmer, Mighty Mousette (final death), Hermes, Earth Benders 3-6

This story takes place after the events of them Harry Potter books that Floyd Mayweather can't read.  Dumbledore has fallen down a rat hole and now runs a drug ring in the slums of Bludhaven and the only chance to stop him are Harry Potter and the fellow house elves.

The House Elves begin to explore the ruins of Bludhaven together.  Harry Potter and his side piece Ginny were together asking questions that could lead them to Dumbledore.  While the rest of the team is split up.  Little did they know that they are being watched.  

In the shadows is Gabby Kinney watching all of their moves along side Hermes who is relaying the messages back to their HQ.  Dumbledore alarmed by the presence of Harry sends out some troops to try and take them out.  The Huntress, Batgirl, and Kenobi all team together as Kenobi has taken the two under his wing teaching them to use a light saber in case someone doesn't want to pay for their drugs.  Little did they know they wouldn't be running into Harry and Ginny.

As they are moving quick to take position they see someone else.  Not just someone but also something.  It's Luke Skywalker and Cassandra Cain riding atop The Wampa.  Kenobi stunned that his old student is also here.  He feels like it can't be true.  He understands that he must defeat his former student in order to protect this operation.  He feels no one else has the power to stop Luke, not even Dumbledore.  

Batgirl and The Huntress take the offense and go to attack.  Kenobi dumbfounded didn't understand what they were doing and had to quickly follow them before they meet their death.  Luke quickly takes a hand from The Huntress.  Luke laughs and says "You now have my disability and you're a woman.  You stand no chance"

Before Luke can execute her he is stopped by Kenobi's light saber.  Although it was to late and The huntress is crushed by The Wampa.  The wampa then begins to go on a Godzilla style rampage on bludhaven.  

Kenobi then cuts the Wampa down with his lightsaber and then puts an all out attack into Luke.  Luke was confused on the strength of the Old Kenobi.  He finally noticed he holds the power of a white latern ring but it was too late and Luke was slaughtered by his master.

All while this is happening Iron Man, She Hulk and Siruis Black are met by Magneto and Wolverine.  Magneto quickly tries to take the offense and attacks Iron Man.  Magneto be dumb as hell tho because Iron Man suit isn't made of any magnetic materials but from a gold titanium alloy.  Iron man quickly slaughters the dumbass magneto (I hate this character).  

Iron man is quickly jumped by Wolverine but is saved by Sirius black pulling out dat wizard shits and casting a spell.  But Wolverine didn't just dodge the spell but jumped to attack the she hulk and tears her apart.  Iron Man then blasts him and his dead comrade away leaving nothing but the dust of wolverine and she hulk.

Now back to the other fight.  We got Bat on Bat action.  The two versions of Batgirl be throwin haymakers back and forth but the OG came out on top with her two light sabers and cut the head off of the Cassandra Cain batgirl.  She then kept the head on her light saber and called it Hat for Bat. 

Everyone has now caught up to each other besides Dumbledore who is watching from a distance.  Chaos then ensues.  We got spells and shits flying everywhere.  But Ray Palmer and Lex Luthor with the power of their lantern rings are able to dodge and defend most of the attacks.  They quickly take out Fire Lord Sozin who just kept setting stuff on fire and Malfoy's useless ass.  

All the sudden there was a shift in the fight

Gandalf being the most badass kind of wizard there is starts to merc some lantern ring ass. 

All that was left on the side of dumbledore because of the spells flying everywhere was Kenobi, Batgirl, Capt. America, and X- 23 

Iron Man and Capt. America have another hand to hand combat fight but they were both so powerful they killed each other at the same time with a final blow to the head. 

Hagred was used as bait by Sirius Black and was able to take out X-23.  Kenobi and Batgirl run to the offense and slayed Hagred and Sirius Black.  

This left Ginney, Harry, and Gandalf to beat Kenobi and Batgirl.  But the badass wizard shit was enough to take out batgirl who couldn't use the force to defend herself.  While using the force to defend himself Kenobi is able to kill Ginney.  This was a bad idea Harry Pooner got enraged and killed Kenobi.  (Yeah I let Harry Potter kill Kenobi. Deal with it).

Leaving the best wizarding duo the universe has ever seen to take out Dumbledore.  Being cooler and just overall more badass they are able to take down the dirty old Wizard and his drug ring.  

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions Vs. The Famous Red Garter Guardians of the Galaxy

 Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are Galvatron, Booster Gold, Lex Luthor, Skeletor, Darth Nihilus, Black Goku, Lady Dimetrescu, Robin in the Modern Age Batmobile, Recoome, Burtur, Jeice, Guldo, & Capt. Ginyu, The Vampire Lestat, Nick Fury (w/ a red lantern ring), The Beast & Belle in the Pimpmobile, Uhura, Data, Scotty, Odo, & Nog in Cannon-Man's Tank-icopter, Zombie Red Lantern, Vampire Red Lantern, & Black Lantern Red Lantern.

The Famous Red Garter Guardians are:  The Guardians of the Galaxy:  Star Lord in a TIE Interceptor, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, Rocket in a TIE Interceptor, & Groot, The Stunticons:  Motor Master, Wildrider, Dead End, Drag Strip, & Breakdown, The Q Continuum:  Q, Q2, Lady Q, q, & Quinn, Firelord Ozai, Fire Bros. #6, & Mr Poopy Butthole.

Phew....  I got lucky on this one.  I mean, let's face it we have all run out of ways to write The Q Continuum; but this time they are going up against some other Star Trek characters that have dealt with them before.  This should be quick and painless.  Basically, Data got the mad think skills and can run with the Q Continuum pretty solid, plus Scotty's tech skills is mad sick.  So, with Uhura flying the Tank-icopter they perfectly rig up a power beam to blast at them that can take out their omnipotent forms.  This was of course a suicide mission as it would simply be terrible if a Watcher of my caliber did not hand out some sort of point based retribution for the huge amount of talent lost to the guardians in this opening match sequence.  So, not only do the Star Trek dorks die in this massive cosmic blast that has made the already jacked up Bludhaven look like Detroit; but also destroyed in the explosion was........  Well, let's see here, who else don't I feel like writing today....??.....  Let's go with ............  Lex Luthor, Zombie Red Lantern, and Nick Fury, even though I will give Old Man Parks some mad props for assigning a red lantern ring to someone based solely on nomenclature.  

The Guardians of the Red Garter Galaxy know that they just lost some serious fire power; so Starlord takes charge and comes over the team com from his TIE Interceptor saying:  "Alright turds, it's time to win one for the Quiller.  Now Stunticons, MERGE TO FORM MENASOR"!!

But Menasor responds:  "Uhhhhhh..  We already did that boss".

"They already did that Quill, pay attention you idiot".  Rocket yells over the com.

Gamora sighs saying:  "PETER they already merged.  That was basically the first thing they did when the match started.  They already broke a bunch of buildings and stuff".

"I cannot believe anyone still did not know that the Stunticons had merged to form Menasor.  It was a very eventful moment".  Says Drax dryly.

"I am Groot".

The Stunticons and The Ginyu Force are in a pitched battle (shout out Becks); but even though they do be boxin (shout out Phrunk); we'll come back to that later.

Galvatron has managed to blast Rocket out of the sky; while Robin with the top mounted cannon on the Batmobile has done the same to Starlord; but both Guardians have ejected and used their jetpacks to make it back down to the city where the battle is really heating up.  

Mr. Poopy Butthole hitched a ride with The Beast and Belle in their classic, cherry 1989 Chevy Cavalier with almost no rust and perfectly good brakes, but he got poop all over the Beast causing a grotesque infection; so Belle tried to eat the poop out of his fur to show her love; but it was hella gross and then they all died of dysentary.

Ozai bends some serious fire at Booster Gold turning him into Booster Brown (probably could have used that joke with Mr. Poopy Butthole too, but he is already dead).  Lestat and Lady Dimetrescu and Lestat are now the hottest couple in the hip world of vampires.  They are kind of a strange looking pair because of the height difference; but honestly not much worse than when Tom Cruise was married to Nicole Kidman.  Ozai continues his crazed fire bending and is putting up a great fight against both of them, especially with his ride or die Homie Fire Bros. #6 backing him up.  Ozai sends out a huge burst and burns Lestat to a crisp, infuriating Dimetrescu, who takes off her 38ZZZ sized bra and strangles Ozai with it.  Fire Bros. #6, focuses the rest at the one who just killed his beloved Firelord and takes out the large beauty but can not sustain the power and burns up with her.  

Black Goku didn't make it to the fight as he was pulled over by police on the way there.  After it was discovered there was an issue with his license plate.  He tried to explain that his life mattered and that he was no different than regular Goku; but the police were not having it and continued the search.  Black Goku then reportedly was reaching for the Officer's taser when he was gunned down.  

The Guardians of the Galaxy regroup and combine their powers to defeat the Vampire and Black Lantern Red Lanterns; but are soon met by Galvatron, Skeletor, Darth Nihilus, & Robin.  Drax and Groot are able to team up and overpower Skeletor with brute force; but Drax does not survive the encounter after he is sliced in two by the dark half of the Power Sword.  Gamora is able to outmaneuver Lord Nihilus and narrowly escape his insta-kill.  She catches him with a laser blast/sword combo to the back of the neck to take him out; but Robin comes from behind with a similar move and finishes off the daughter of Thanos with his birdarangs.  Robin is then attacked by the infuriated Star Lord; but his moves fall short of the Batman sidekick as well.  Rocket and Groot attempt to formulate a plan to end this before they lose more people; but once Galvatron turns into his cannon form it is too late for the duo.  They are vaporized by the energon cannon of the Decepticon Leader.

This brings us to the pitched battle we left earlier.  The Ginyu Force has suffered casualties; but have managed to break apart the massive Gestalt known as Menasor.  Only Capt. Ginyu, Recoome, and Guldo survived the battle; but once the heavily damaged Stunticons were broke back apart the three remaining Ginyu Force Members were able to defeat them.  

Week 6 Consortium: Popeyes vs Gentle

Popeyes: Kid Flash, Mr. Mxyztplk, Steppenwolf, Fastback, Dr. Light, Cheetah, Penguin, Forest Gump w/Green Lantern Ring, The Centurions (Ace McCloud, Jake Rockwell, Max Ray, John Thunder, Rex Charger), Original Nite Owl, Moloch, Mothman, Hooded Justice, and Red Team (Sarge, Simmons, Frif, Donut, Lopez)

Gentle: Zilla, Gamera, Surtur, The Punisher w/ Vibranium Suit (last life), Hero of Typhon, Ancalaug The Black, Darth Sion w/ a Red Lantern Ring, Atreus and Kratos, Ares, and 6 Elves

Week 6 Democracy: TEAM vs Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassins

AAA is Dick Grayson (Batman) w/ Green Lantern Ring, Damien Wayne, Earth 2 Batman, Earth 2 Catwoman, Batzarro, Kingdom Come Superman (last life), John Stewart w/ Green and Blue Lantern Rings (last life), Indigo 1 and Monk, Salam, Rams Al’ Ghul, DC Thor, Etruscan The Demon, Kyle Houslander Young Jedi Knight (last life) Zach Houslander Younger Jedi Knight, Dunadan Ranger Kyle Houslander, Stan Lee, and Orcs #30-34 (all last life) 

Team is White Lantern Kyle Raynor (last life), Red Sun Superman, Superboy Prime, Nekron, Zombie Cyborg Superman, Omega Supreme, Hutch Mansell, Duke Leto Atreites, Seraph, Captain Nintendo, Kid Icarus, Duke, Simon Belmont, Mega Man, Rush, The Princess of Video Games, and Game Boy