The rosters were picked apart and appropriately analyzed by the consortium with both teams getting a fair shake.
In the end, a 5-0 vote determined that...
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
S9W5 - Turrible Decisions vs Royal Highness
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions is: Siryn, Quills, Gatecrasher, Kaine, Zombie Absorbing Man, Kimura, Cannonball, Rasslor, Citizen Steel, Uncle Sam w/ Green Lantern Ring, Jesse Quick, Cheetah, Book Worm, Red Star, Flash (Jay Garrick), Battle Pope w/ Chaingun, One-Punch Man, Deathblow, Witchblade, Avengelyne w/ blue Lightsaber, Punch/Counterpunch, Cliffjumper, Mindwipe and Vorath, Squeezeplay and Locos, Brawn w/ Green Lantern Ring, Broadside, Curtis Manning w/ Iron Man Armor, Battletoads Rash, Pimple, and Zitz, Renee Walker w/ Fremkit, Faith Lehane w/ Blue Lightsaber, The Master, Glory, Roadblock, Helios, Themis, Shriekers #1-6, Junkeons #2-10, Nightsister Sith Witches #8-14, Jedi Masters #1D-10D, Ents #1-10, Fremen #1-17.
The Royal Highness is: Q2 (9 deaths), The Astronomer, The Contemplator, The Gardener, The Possessor(9 deaths for Possessor) - (Marvel Elders of the Universe), Pretender Monsters: Birdbrain, Bristleback, Icepick, Scowl, Slog, and Wildfly (Transformers) (Merge to form Monstructor), Richard Nixon, Emperor Palpatine, Kylo Ren, Steel Doomsday (9 deaths), Fantastic Four: Reed Richards (9 deaths) w/Ultimate Nullifier, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and The Thing(all in The Anti-Galactus Suit), Sunstreaker and Sideswipe (9 deaths), The Black Flash(DC), Agent Smith (Matrix), Sleep and Death (Greek Gods), Batman Beyond in Batwing, Broly (DBZ), Morgan le Fey (Mythology) w/Voldemort's Wand, Sandman (Marvel), Booker Dewitt and Elizabeth (Bioshock), Sonny the Robot, Agent 47 (Hitman), John Wick, King Richard the Lionhearted -12 on Mordor Horse #1, Finn (Star Wars) w/Yellow Lightsaber, Randy Couture -17 w/Iron Man Suit, The Rifleman: Lucas McCain, Hugh Glass, DC Spider-Man, Dave Thomas, Founder of Wendy's, Signal Men(DC) -#1-4, Upgraded Matrix Agent #1, Queen Xenomorph - #1, 2, 3, 7, 9, Wookie Soldier #2 (9 deaths), 3 (9 deaths), #7-25, Ancient Sith Lord #1, 2, 3, 7, 15, Sandworm #1A, Antriedes Soldier #14 (9 deaths), 16, 17, 18, Uruk Hai #57 (LOTR), Minotaur #1-5, Looney Tunes Gremlins #1-6, Allosaur #21-25, Dilophosaur #21-25, White Dragon #9
“I told you goons to keep him ALIVE!” screamed Agent Smith to Steel Doomsday and The Thing. The two of them were doing a number on Red Star who they had bound to a cement pillar in an abandoned warehouse. “When Batman finally locates that cowardly little nerd, I will need him.”
“Couldn’t Q2 just blink the planet into another dimension or some crap?” asked annoyed Reed Richards. “If the Marvel Elders couldn’t find him…”
“The Elders were busy getting their ass kicked by Helios and Themis, remember?” Smith responds. “Sure Q2 could probably do that but then we all die too. We have time. We can wait him out. Batman will find him soon.”
Smith looked out of broken window in the abandoned warehouse at the scorched planet that lay in waste. “Where are you hiding?” he whispered.
-------------------------
The playoff planet had fallen into an eternal darkness. The absurd sizes of the teams that fought in that midseason battle waged a war that lasted years and the smoke from the flames and dust from the earth blacked out the sky. Well…I suppose time is relative really. What could last decades down here, happens in the blink of an eye to the watchers back on Earth. Some watch matches for weeks while some, let's be honest, some keep cranking out the turds at the deadline. (*cough* Fizzatu *cough*) I should know. I am probably the only person who has read every match. Then again, I am always reading something. Maybe it was all that reading that has kept me alive this long.
I never was much of a fighter, I would rather read a good war story than be asked to fight in one. I suppose I have always been watching from the sidelines. Even in the days when they called me a “villain” of Batman. Honestly, how would a Bookworm fare in a fight against Batman? No, I’m no fighter. But I do know what it takes to survive these matches. And it isn’t braun or super powers. I never understood those first few minutes of a fantasy match. So much activity, the instant fighting. And It’s always the grunts too, the commons, those “Garys” who are the first to die. Swords and lightsabers up, screaming like they were really fighting for something important. Like they have a purpose… And, as expected, this match was no different.
I remember the chaos of that first wave. Jedi Masters cutting the heads off of dinosaurs. John Wick, Agent 47 and Randy Couture had an epic fight with One-Punch Man, Deathblow and Punch/Counterpunch. That fight was great! It lasted hours. Or was it One-Blow Man? No, that was something different. I think that is Bryatu’s favorite internet star. Dave Thomas even deep fried the Battle Pope’s face, hat and all. Ha! Not even sure how he got one of those in here or where he plugged it in.
King Richard rode up at one point and cut the legs off all the Battletoads and Dave fried those up too. I was able to sneak into their camp that night after they had fallen asleep and steal one of Rash’s hind legs. That fed me for days. It tasted heavenly… Must have been after he killed the Pope.
The fremen did a good job of reclaiming everyone’s water so I was able to fill a couple canteens. They even hijacked the Sandworm from the Royal Highness and turned it against them. It was great watching it eat up Sleep and Death. But that Sandworm joyride was short lived as it and all the Fremen perished when Morgan Le Fay used Voldemort’s wand to blow it up from the inside. Also Kylo Ren threw a lot of temper tantrums and cried a whole bunch. That was a little embarassing.
Yeah, it was kind of neat being a firsthand spectator, apart from the constant running for my life, But now the days have turned into weeks which have turned into years. And I now know this “Week” five battle will end my life. It has become apparent that I will not die “honorably” on the field of battle as every other member of my team but you can chalk my death up to Father Time. For since the moment the match began I have been in hiding and my stores of food and water are now exhausted. Believe it or not, the early days were the easy ones. Back then, I just needed to run from the explosions and hide from the bolts of energy and at night, sneak out and collect supplies. I always read how the winning team is teleported back at the end of the match; but the fighting ended years ago. That is why I have kept this journal of my experience here in hopes that one day it is read by someone who will remember me. A low level unique that survived longer in one match than anyone before.
But perhaps I am not alone and this match is still going on somehow. I now realize that the best case scenario for me is that I was simply forgotten by the watcher and left here to die. That would be a nice ending to this story. A victory wouldn’t be so Turrible even if at the cost of my own life. My gut is telling me a different story though. One with a not so happy ending.
I fear that I am still being hunted.
----------------------------------
Back in the abandoned warehouse, Red Star had been working at his restraints since they tied him up and finally had them loose enough where he knew he could escape quickly. Feigning unconsciousness, he was trying to think of a plan. It was a deathmatch week and he surely couldn’t take them all on. Not in the same room. As he was contemplating his options, he could hear the remaining members of the Highness talking in hushed whispers.
“Batman found him with the thermal scanning on his Batwing”
“Where is he?”
“Here in the City. Two clicks south”
“Which building?”
“Four story office building, second or third floor. We leave in 30 minutes.”
With all of their backs to him. Red Star removed himself from his bindings and slipped out an open service door only 20 feet away. “Ha!” he thought to himself. With his new found knowledge, he was making a break for his last remaining teammate. “It was almost too easy.” he snickered.
Agent Smith turned to the empty pillar where Red Star once stood and then to the open door behind him. “It was almost too easy” he said with a grin.
---------------------------------
The door to the room kicked in and Bookworm dropped his pen and book and covered his face. “This is it!” he thought to himself briefly before being shaken to.
“Snap out of it!” Red Star said firmly but quiet. “They are coming and we need to leave here now! Now get UP!” he said pulling his fraile teammate to his feet.
“I got a place we can go!” Bookworm said leading the way out into the hallway. “It’s not far but it connects us to other buildings with a series of tunnels underground.” He stopped short when he heard a distinct buzzing sound behind him.
“I’ve been looking for you… Mr. Kingor” said Agent Smith.
The Bookworm didn’t have a retort. He just watched as the Agent leaped inside him.
------------------------------------
The door to the Abandoned warehouse slid open and the remaining Highness members strolled out leaving only beaten and burned corpse of the Red Star behind.
Monday, April 18, 2016
The Empire vs Real Man's Rabble Rousers
Real Man’s Rabble Rousers:
Black Lantern Sunstorm (8
deaths), Snapdragon and Krunck (8 deaths), Runabout and Runamuck, Slugslinger
and Caliburst(7 deaths), Fly Wheels, Trigger Happy and Blowpipe (7 deaths), Doublecross,
Movie Dreads: Crankcase, Crowbar (7 deaths), & Hatchet (7 deaths), Movie
Sideways (8 deaths), Gears(7deaths), Topspin (7 deaths) and Twin Twist (9
deaths), Quick Switch (7 deaths), Hardhead (7 deahts) and Duros(7 deaths),
Junkeon 13 (7 deaths), and Junkeon 14 (7 deaths).
Empire:
Prometheus, Eros, Balder
the Brave, Meggan, War Bird, Kid Gladiator,
Archanne, Scarlett Spider, Hannibal King, The Pet Avengers (Throg, Red
Wing, Hair Ball, Ms. Lion), Thunderbolts (Song Bird w/ 7 deaths and a
Laser Sword, Radioactive Man w/ 9 deaths and a Laser Gun, Swordsman w/ 7
deaths, Mister X w/ 8 deaths and a Blue Light Saber, Headsman w/ 7
deaths and a Green Lantern Ring, Ghost), Technet (Body Bag, China Doll,
Elmo, Ferro, Ferro 2, Joy Boy, Numbers, Ring Toss, Scatterbrain, Thug,
Wax Works, Yarr, Hard Boiled), Reavers (Lady Death Strike, Donald
Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bone Breaker, Skull Buster, Cole, Macon, Reece),
Collossus, Set, Stingray, Night Hawk, Sabertooth, Earth 2 Batman, Earth
2 Catwoman, The Orphan, Dick Grayson, Vixen, OMAC, Sand, Kyle Rayner,
Movie Brawl, Brass Dragon #10 w/ 9 deaths, Copper Dragon #2 w/ 9 death, and a Tie Interceptor
Archanne, Scarlett Spider, Hannibal King, The Pet Avengers (Throg, Red
Wing, Hair Ball, Ms. Lion), Thunderbolts (Song Bird w/ 7 deaths and a
Laser Sword, Radioactive Man w/ 9 deaths and a Laser Gun, Swordsman w/ 7
deaths, Mister X w/ 8 deaths and a Blue Light Saber, Headsman w/ 7
deaths and a Green Lantern Ring, Ghost), Technet (Body Bag, China Doll,
Elmo, Ferro, Ferro 2, Joy Boy, Numbers, Ring Toss, Scatterbrain, Thug,
Wax Works, Yarr, Hard Boiled), Reavers (Lady Death Strike, Donald
Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bone Breaker, Skull Buster, Cole, Macon, Reece),
Collossus, Set, Stingray, Night Hawk, Sabertooth, Earth 2 Batman, Earth
2 Catwoman, The Orphan, Dick Grayson, Vixen, OMAC, Sand, Kyle Rayner,
Movie Brawl, Brass Dragon #10 w/ 9 deaths, Copper Dragon #2 w/ 9 death, and a Tie Interceptor
The playoff planet is
huge. So huge that the two teams have spent the last two weeks trying to find
each other. No action and the match deadline is growing near. The watchers are
growing angry. Just as they were contemplating another emergency consortium, the
two teams were within view of each other.
The Rabble Rousers had no
issue with the long trek around the planet as they consist completely of
transformers that are well stocked on energon. The Empire, however, was a
little winded after not only fighting two matches last week but mostly
travelling around the planet by foot.
The Rabble Rousers waste
no time clearing the sky as BL Sunstorm shoots down Brass Dragon #10 and Copper
Dragon #2. Quick Switch follows him up by blasting Kid Gladiator and Meggan.
Eros, Nighthawk, and a Tie interceptor piloted by Earth 2 Batman locked on to
BL Sunstorm but the jet portion of Fly Wheels along with Topspin and Twin Twist
incinerate them with laser blasts.
The Rabble Rousers then
land and regroup. As the Empire quickly approaches, they see that despite their
quick start to the match they are still vastly outnumbered. They resort to their
new secret weapon, which is that they have newfound gestalt abilities. The Movie
Dreads and Junkeons quickly transform into a gestalt and charge at Prometheus.
The Titan defended himself well, until he was held from behind by a second
gestalt. They dismembered the Titan and threw his limbs at the Empire, who were
reeling in shock at the seemingly unstoppable rampage.
The Rabble Rousers were
now brimming with confidence. They felt it was time to unveil the super secret
weapon, the ultimate gestalt, THE REAL REAL MAN. All of the transformers
combined into a massively giant robot. It was the slowest gestalt forming that
has ever occurred, as there was a huge argument as to who got to be the “REAL
MAN” portion. Eventually they agreed that Quick Switch might give the wrong
impression, so Blowpipe got the part.
The massive robot towered
over the other combatants. In a loud booming voice he spoke “I AM REAL MAN”. Many
members of the Empire began firing their weapons, which did little but irritate
the giant. He stepped forward and in one stomp crushed most of Technet.
Now the problem with gestalts
is that they have to function cohesively as a team. The only thing that they
could agree upon was that they were the coolest looking robot ever, so instead
of fighting they just stood there like a giant statue.
China Doll, who was just
inches from being crushed, gets up to see the giant above her. She puts her hand
on the gestalt, shrinking him down from the largest gestalt to the smallest
toy. The rabble rousers immediately disconnect and begin scurrying away like
rats. Before they get far Sabertooth and Colossus stomp out all of the rabble
rousers.
Season 9 Week 5: Slaves Vs. Commandos
The Slaves are: Darth Shemalyah
Nik Landsoh
Brek Nyram
Loki
Superman
Green Arrow (Connor Hawk)
Speedy (Mia Deardon)
Solomon Grundy (w/ Red Lantern Ring)
Cole
G'nark
Wildebeest
Piecemeal
Madison "Box" Jefferies
Dormammu
Kid Omega
Xorn (Kuan-Yin)
S.U.R.F SharkSkin, S.U.R.F Eel, S.U.R.F. Undertow
James Potter, Lilly Potter, Edgar Bones, Remus Lupin, Caradoc Dearborn, Elphias Doge, Alice Longbottom, Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon, Emmeline Vance, Mad Eye Moony
Crocodile Dundee (w/Darth Nihilus's Lightsaber)
Jaws 2
Frankenstein's Monster
Horatio Caine
Aladdin, Abu, Jasmine, Genie (all on the Magic Carpet)
Clifford the Big Red Dog w/ Emily Elizabeth
Bender B. Rodriguez (w/ Flamethrower)
Medusa
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Spongebob Squarepants.
Slaves Commons: "Gary" #1-60.
Miley and Barack's Commandos are:
-Iorek Byrnison (From the Golden Compass
-Lyra Belacqua w/Pantalamion
-Will Perry w/Kirjava
-Olivia Moore
-Clairy Fray
-Dora, Boots, Backpack, The Map
-Katy Perry
-Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus
-The Mikaelson Family: Mikael (Vampire), Ester (Witch), Freya (Witch), Finn (Vampire), Elijah (Vampire), Niklaus (Vampire), Kol (Vampire & Witch), Henrik (Vampire), Rebekah (Vampire), Hope (Baby
-Martian Manhunter
-Faora
-Human Bomb
-Dark Phoenix
-Zombie Nichol Valdez
-Ewok Child #9
-Thanos
-Sin Eater
-Foolkiller
-Equinox
-Grimlock Rex Prime (With Matrix of Leadership)
-Scotty Bowman, Kris Draper, Henrik Zetterburg, Domink Hassek, Jiri Fischer, Jiri Slagr, Darren McCarty, Brendan Shanahan, Chris Chelios, Kirk Maltby, Niklas Lidstrom, Pavel Datsyuk, Brett Hull, Igor Larionov, Luc Robataille, Mathieu Dandenault, Sean Avery, Tomas Holmstrom & Sergei Federov.
-Boil Over Becks
-Doozer #9
-Droid Fighter Ship #7-12
-Space Jockey
-Allosaurus #1-6
-Bronze Dragon #1-6
-Dilaphosaur #26-30
-Queen Xenomorph #9 & 10
Hello everyone, and welcome to Spoiler Sport: Mid-Season Play-off Planet Edition! On The Ocho! I'm recently rehired anchor Cotton McKnight, and we'll touch bases around the Fantasy Fantasy League before delving into tonight's featured match: George Washington's Slaves versus Barack and Miley's Commandos!
First, we'll get you prepped for the fight by looking into the combatants' placement around the planet, and each team's likely strategies in the unique environments.
We start in The Play-off Planet's graveyard, where Dormammu, Red Lantern Solomon Grundy, Frankenstein's monster, Medusa, and the Potter Wizard crew represent The Slaves. The Commandos respond with Clary Fray, Liv Moore, Zombie Nichol Valdez, and the assorted vampires, witches and werewolves from the Original family. The Slaves and Commandos members are both very experienced in this setting, so this one could be a toss up!
Next, we head to space, where an overwhelming amount of Commandos wait to face a lone Slave. Commandos Dark Phoenix, Thanos, Space Jockey, Droid Fighter Ships #7-12, and Queen Xenomorphs #9-10 stand by for an approaching Xorn. I think The Slaves mean to use Xorn as a suicide bomber, with the star in his head as the weapon. That's a bold strategy, but it seems unlikely to work completely. We'll probably see a few Commandos survive the blast.
Now, we look upon a few areas that have been occupied solely by one team or another, but neither of the opposing teams dare enter. The Slaves' Aladdin and his crew fly freely in the desert sands of The Play-off Planet unopposed. They are probably singing showtunes as we speak. The Commandos have locked down the icy mountain section, with Lorek Bryrimison, Lyra, Will Perry, Equinox, and the 2002 Red Wings standing guard. The oceans belong to Slaves S.U.R.F. squad, Jaws 2, and Spongebob. Will anything ever happen in these locations, or will all the combatants inevitably have to relocate just in time for some kind of "grand finale"? Stay tuned!
We go to the dense forrest area, which has The Slaves' sniper team of Green Arrow and Speedy covering the ground forces of Clifford the Big Red Dog w/Emily Elizabeth, Gnark, and Bender with his ever trusty flamethrower. The Commandos' Katy Perry looks to ride Grimlock Rex Prime into battle, and leads Dora, Boots, Backpack, Map, Boil Over Becks, Ewok Child #9, Allosaurs #1-6, Dilophosaurs #26-30, and Bronze Dragons #1-6. We here at Spoiler Sport question the decision to place Boil Over Becks anywhere near Katy Perry, but The Commandos large unit should cover any of B.O. Becks' wacky antics. It seems that if The Slaves' snipers don't rack up kills quickly, they could suffer a huge defeat on this battlefront.
In a shocking turn of events, The Slaves' commons have set up a picnic of sorts in the tranquil grasslands of the planet. They have set up games of horseshoes, vollyball, and it looks like a sack race may be in the works as well. I'm not sure who's cooking, but man, I can smell that delicious barbeque from here! Unfortunately, none of them seem willing or able to fight anybody! We contacted the Slaves to find an answer to this unusual behavior, but the best we could do is a statement from a common who would only be identified as "Gary".
"It's the rules of Mutual Common Combat, baby!!! Aw crap! I shouldn't have said that out loud! Sorry, I'm a little tipsy... oh, man, the other "Garys" are going to kill me for spilling the beans on live television!" "Gary" then stumbled back to one of the many cook outs that were occuring.
This leaves The Slaves' Superman, Kole, Madison Jefferies, Horatio Caine, Kid Omega, and Mr. and Mrs. Smith to hold down the planet's city section against Commandos Martian Manhunter, Faora, Sin Eater, Fool Killer, Human Bomb, and the captain, Miley Cyrus herself. This is normally where the final battle is held, so it seems that any surviving teammates will end up rendezvousing here to bolster their respective ranks.
That about wraps up our in depth preview of this match, so we will take a look around the League to catch up on some other matches that are already in progress. We send it over to th newest member of the Spoiler Sport team: Virtual Pepper Brooks! That's right ladies and gentlemen, prior to Pepper's off camera, unverified, in which no body was found "death", our technical producers uploaded what was left of Pepper's conciousness into the mainframe! So for now and ever, let Pepper's insight educate us on the subtile nuances of the great Fantasy fantasy League! Take it away, V. Pep!
"MUHMUHMUH MUH MUH MUHMUH MUHMUH MUH MUH MUHMUH. MUHMUHMUHMUH MUH MUH MUHMUH MUH MUHMUH MUHMUH!!!! MUH! MUH MUH MUH MUHMUHMUH MUH MUHMUH MUHMUHMUH MUH MUH MUH MUHMUHMUH! MUHMUH MUHMUH MUH MUHMUHMUH MUHMUH MUH MUH! MUH MUH MUH MUH MUHMUHMUHMUH!!!!"
Thanks Virtual Pepper! We're glad to have you back, no matter capacity it may be in! Since we are all caught up on the rest of The League's activities, it's time to send you to tonight's main event: George Washington's Slaves versus Barack and Miley's Commandos! Wait...WHAT?!? Did I hear that right? We have breaking News? We seem to have a strange turn of events unfolding on the surface of The Play-off Planet! We now send it to our ace reporter on the ground, Chip Wedoor! Chip! What is happening down there?!?
"Cotton, this is Chip Wedoor reporting from inside the city limits of The Play-off Planet! A large temple has emerged in the center of the city, seemingly from nothing! We also have multiple confirmed reports of The Commandos vanishing into thin air!"
"Chip, Cotton here. Do you believe that the sudden appearance of this mysterious temple has anything to do with The Commandos vanishing act?"
"Well, Cotton, that is purely speculation, but it's hard to believe that it's merely a coincidence! Wait... The temple gates appear to be opening, and i see... Oh my, it seems to be Darth Shemaleya and her consort Loki, along with her disciples Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram! It looks like Shemaleya is speaking! Let's listen in!!!"
"Nik, have The Commandos been dispatched per my request?" asks Shemaleya.
"Yes, my Lord. As you forsaw, my uncanny resemblance to The Commandos' owner worked in our favor. I posed as him, and made sure their roster was sent in far too late to be considered." says Nik Landsoh.
"Excellent work, my young apprentice! Now, let us join in the chant that has brought us to this point, and will continue to work in our favor." advises Shemaleya.
The quartet bows their heads and chants the most holy of all passages in the Sith religion.
"Tuesdays Forever. Tuesdays Forever. Tuesdays Forever. Tuesdays Forever..."
Well it doesn't look like those wacky Sith are going to stop chanting anytime soon, so I suppose it's time to wrap up this special edition of Spoiler Sport: Mid Season Play-off Planet Edition! It's hard to say when we'll be back, but hopefully it's sooner than later! I definately missed reporting on The League, and sharing information with all of you fine viewers out there! Stay tuned for Ultimate Tazer Ball, coming up next!!! For The Ocho, I'm Cotton McKnight! Thank you, and goodnight!
Nik Landsoh
Brek Nyram
Loki
Superman
Green Arrow (Connor Hawk)
Speedy (Mia Deardon)
Solomon Grundy (w/ Red Lantern Ring)
Cole
G'nark
Wildebeest
Piecemeal
Madison "Box" Jefferies
Dormammu
Kid Omega
Xorn (Kuan-Yin)
S.U.R.F SharkSkin, S.U.R.F Eel, S.U.R.F. Undertow
James Potter, Lilly Potter, Edgar Bones, Remus Lupin, Caradoc Dearborn, Elphias Doge, Alice Longbottom, Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon, Emmeline Vance, Mad Eye Moony
Crocodile Dundee (w/Darth Nihilus's Lightsaber)
Jaws 2
Frankenstein's Monster
Horatio Caine
Aladdin, Abu, Jasmine, Genie (all on the Magic Carpet)
Clifford the Big Red Dog w/ Emily Elizabeth
Bender B. Rodriguez (w/ Flamethrower)
Medusa
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Spongebob Squarepants.
Slaves Commons: "Gary" #1-60.
Miley and Barack's Commandos are:
-Iorek Byrnison (From the Golden Compass
-Lyra Belacqua w/Pantalamion
-Will Perry w/Kirjava
-Olivia Moore
-Clairy Fray
-Dora, Boots, Backpack, The Map
-Katy Perry
-Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus
-The Mikaelson Family: Mikael (Vampire), Ester (Witch), Freya (Witch), Finn (Vampire), Elijah (Vampire), Niklaus (Vampire), Kol (Vampire & Witch), Henrik (Vampire), Rebekah (Vampire), Hope (Baby
-Martian Manhunter
-Faora
-Human Bomb
-Dark Phoenix
-Zombie Nichol Valdez
-Ewok Child #9
-Thanos
-Sin Eater
-Foolkiller
-Equinox
-Grimlock Rex Prime (With Matrix of Leadership)
-Scotty Bowman, Kris Draper, Henrik Zetterburg, Domink Hassek, Jiri Fischer, Jiri Slagr, Darren McCarty, Brendan Shanahan, Chris Chelios, Kirk Maltby, Niklas Lidstrom, Pavel Datsyuk, Brett Hull, Igor Larionov, Luc Robataille, Mathieu Dandenault, Sean Avery, Tomas Holmstrom & Sergei Federov.
-Boil Over Becks
-Doozer #9
-Droid Fighter Ship #7-12
-Space Jockey
-Allosaurus #1-6
-Bronze Dragon #1-6
-Dilaphosaur #26-30
-Queen Xenomorph #9 & 10
Hello everyone, and welcome to Spoiler Sport: Mid-Season Play-off Planet Edition! On The Ocho! I'm recently rehired anchor Cotton McKnight, and we'll touch bases around the Fantasy Fantasy League before delving into tonight's featured match: George Washington's Slaves versus Barack and Miley's Commandos!
First, we'll get you prepped for the fight by looking into the combatants' placement around the planet, and each team's likely strategies in the unique environments.
We start in The Play-off Planet's graveyard, where Dormammu, Red Lantern Solomon Grundy, Frankenstein's monster, Medusa, and the Potter Wizard crew represent The Slaves. The Commandos respond with Clary Fray, Liv Moore, Zombie Nichol Valdez, and the assorted vampires, witches and werewolves from the Original family. The Slaves and Commandos members are both very experienced in this setting, so this one could be a toss up!
Next, we head to space, where an overwhelming amount of Commandos wait to face a lone Slave. Commandos Dark Phoenix, Thanos, Space Jockey, Droid Fighter Ships #7-12, and Queen Xenomorphs #9-10 stand by for an approaching Xorn. I think The Slaves mean to use Xorn as a suicide bomber, with the star in his head as the weapon. That's a bold strategy, but it seems unlikely to work completely. We'll probably see a few Commandos survive the blast.
Now, we look upon a few areas that have been occupied solely by one team or another, but neither of the opposing teams dare enter. The Slaves' Aladdin and his crew fly freely in the desert sands of The Play-off Planet unopposed. They are probably singing showtunes as we speak. The Commandos have locked down the icy mountain section, with Lorek Bryrimison, Lyra, Will Perry, Equinox, and the 2002 Red Wings standing guard. The oceans belong to Slaves S.U.R.F. squad, Jaws 2, and Spongebob. Will anything ever happen in these locations, or will all the combatants inevitably have to relocate just in time for some kind of "grand finale"? Stay tuned!
We go to the dense forrest area, which has The Slaves' sniper team of Green Arrow and Speedy covering the ground forces of Clifford the Big Red Dog w/Emily Elizabeth, Gnark, and Bender with his ever trusty flamethrower. The Commandos' Katy Perry looks to ride Grimlock Rex Prime into battle, and leads Dora, Boots, Backpack, Map, Boil Over Becks, Ewok Child #9, Allosaurs #1-6, Dilophosaurs #26-30, and Bronze Dragons #1-6. We here at Spoiler Sport question the decision to place Boil Over Becks anywhere near Katy Perry, but The Commandos large unit should cover any of B.O. Becks' wacky antics. It seems that if The Slaves' snipers don't rack up kills quickly, they could suffer a huge defeat on this battlefront.
In a shocking turn of events, The Slaves' commons have set up a picnic of sorts in the tranquil grasslands of the planet. They have set up games of horseshoes, vollyball, and it looks like a sack race may be in the works as well. I'm not sure who's cooking, but man, I can smell that delicious barbeque from here! Unfortunately, none of them seem willing or able to fight anybody! We contacted the Slaves to find an answer to this unusual behavior, but the best we could do is a statement from a common who would only be identified as "Gary".
"It's the rules of Mutual Common Combat, baby!!! Aw crap! I shouldn't have said that out loud! Sorry, I'm a little tipsy... oh, man, the other "Garys" are going to kill me for spilling the beans on live television!" "Gary" then stumbled back to one of the many cook outs that were occuring.
This leaves The Slaves' Superman, Kole, Madison Jefferies, Horatio Caine, Kid Omega, and Mr. and Mrs. Smith to hold down the planet's city section against Commandos Martian Manhunter, Faora, Sin Eater, Fool Killer, Human Bomb, and the captain, Miley Cyrus herself. This is normally where the final battle is held, so it seems that any surviving teammates will end up rendezvousing here to bolster their respective ranks.
That about wraps up our in depth preview of this match, so we will take a look around the League to catch up on some other matches that are already in progress. We send it over to th newest member of the Spoiler Sport team: Virtual Pepper Brooks! That's right ladies and gentlemen, prior to Pepper's off camera, unverified, in which no body was found "death", our technical producers uploaded what was left of Pepper's conciousness into the mainframe! So for now and ever, let Pepper's insight educate us on the subtile nuances of the great Fantasy fantasy League! Take it away, V. Pep!
"MUHMUHMUH MUH MUH MUHMUH MUHMUH MUH MUH MUHMUH. MUHMUHMUHMUH MUH MUH MUHMUH MUH MUHMUH MUHMUH!!!! MUH! MUH MUH MUH MUHMUHMUH MUH MUHMUH MUHMUHMUH MUH MUH MUH MUHMUHMUH! MUHMUH MUHMUH MUH MUHMUHMUH MUHMUH MUH MUH! MUH MUH MUH MUH MUHMUHMUHMUH!!!!"
Thanks Virtual Pepper! We're glad to have you back, no matter capacity it may be in! Since we are all caught up on the rest of The League's activities, it's time to send you to tonight's main event: George Washington's Slaves versus Barack and Miley's Commandos! Wait...WHAT?!? Did I hear that right? We have breaking News? We seem to have a strange turn of events unfolding on the surface of The Play-off Planet! We now send it to our ace reporter on the ground, Chip Wedoor! Chip! What is happening down there?!?
"Cotton, this is Chip Wedoor reporting from inside the city limits of The Play-off Planet! A large temple has emerged in the center of the city, seemingly from nothing! We also have multiple confirmed reports of The Commandos vanishing into thin air!"
"Chip, Cotton here. Do you believe that the sudden appearance of this mysterious temple has anything to do with The Commandos vanishing act?"
"Well, Cotton, that is purely speculation, but it's hard to believe that it's merely a coincidence! Wait... The temple gates appear to be opening, and i see... Oh my, it seems to be Darth Shemaleya and her consort Loki, along with her disciples Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram! It looks like Shemaleya is speaking! Let's listen in!!!"
"Nik, have The Commandos been dispatched per my request?" asks Shemaleya.
"Yes, my Lord. As you forsaw, my uncanny resemblance to The Commandos' owner worked in our favor. I posed as him, and made sure their roster was sent in far too late to be considered." says Nik Landsoh.
"Excellent work, my young apprentice! Now, let us join in the chant that has brought us to this point, and will continue to work in our favor." advises Shemaleya.
The quartet bows their heads and chants the most holy of all passages in the Sith religion.
"Tuesdays Forever. Tuesdays Forever. Tuesdays Forever. Tuesdays Forever..."
Well it doesn't look like those wacky Sith are going to stop chanting anytime soon, so I suppose it's time to wrap up this special edition of Spoiler Sport: Mid Season Play-off Planet Edition! It's hard to say when we'll be back, but hopefully it's sooner than later! I definately missed reporting on The League, and sharing information with all of you fine viewers out there! Stay tuned for Ultimate Tazer Ball, coming up next!!! For The Ocho, I'm Cotton McKnight! Thank you, and goodnight!
Season 9, Week 5 Match: Team Sleeping Pusy vs. Layanderlettson's Super Orange Kitties
“Soy
un perdedor
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?”
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?”
“Loser,”
Beck
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 9, Week 5
Match located on the Playoff Planet.
They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy: Bizarro Superman,
Psycho Pirate, Swamp Thing, Gay Alan Scott, Ultron, Korvac, Professor X, Dr.
Manhattan, Johnny Bates, Miracle Dog, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Dolphin,
Aquagirl, Namor, Aspen, Jonah Hex, Western Ghost Rider, Captain Metropolis,
Hooded Justice, Dollar Bill, The Mothman, The Silhouette, Miracle Dog,
Bullseye, Electra, Stick, The Vanisher, Zombie Bryan Beckerman, Peacemaker, Nightshade,
Dark Beast, Andrew Bennett, Xenomorphs #9-25, 35-47 and Skrulls #37-44.
Layanderlettson’s
Super Orange Kitties: Supergirl, Powergirl, Starfire, Red X, Red X (Dick
Grayson), Batgirl (Stephanie Brown), Robin (Stephanie Brown), Catgirl, Batgirl
(Betty Kane), Harlequin, Wonder Girl, Terra, Kid Flash, Speedy, Mas y Menos, Zoom,
Vandal Savage, Damien Darhk, Robin (Tim Drake), Robin (Damien Wayne), Red Hulk,
Warpath, Vision, Thor, Abomination, Venom, Nightcrawler, Lego Hulk, Feral (Star
Wars), Warmaster Tsavong Lah, Talia, Mala, R2-KT, Godzilla, Aerial Clone
Trooper Captain, Aerial Clone Trooper #1-6, Old Daka, Ewok #52-57, Arianna
Dumbledore, Abenforth Dumbledore, Nexu #3, Fremen #64-69, Uruk Hai #1-2, 6-8, Sharkticon
#27-30, Decepticon #6, Dark Side Adept #14, Astro-Droid #13, Jedi Master #50A, Super
Battle Droid #1-2, Twisted Mentat #2, Ginaz Swordmaster #13, Bene Gesserit
Reverend Mother #2, Avian #3, Little Goomba #64, Ice Bros. #9, Black Dragon #12,
Purple Dragon #23, Bronze Dragon #7, Silver Dragon #16, Griffin #23, Pony #3, Vampire
Cat #1 and Treasure Troll #17.
Let
the battle begin. . .
Team SP’s locker room is vibrant
with activity. Gay Alan Scott is looking
in the mirror and feeling good with how well he looks and feels, especially with
the musculature of Bullseye’s glistening body (walking from the shower) next to
him. Dr. Manhattan stands on the bench
in the middle of the room and Scott’s eyes move toward the blue member of the
team. The team stands in awe of Dr.
Manhattan’s and are aroused into a frenzied mess of mayhem waiting to storm the
Playoff Planet’s field.
Meanwhile, the Kittie’s locker
room is filled with estrogenic electricity as the female warriors are ready to
lead the charge onto the battlefield.
WEEEEOOOOH! WEEEEOOOH! WEEEOOOH!
A claxon call is heard and both teams slowly wade from their locker rooms. They are unfamiliar with the sound. They have never faced one before at this
stage of the match. A muffled whimper is
heard. R2-KT beeps and whistles. Godzilla roars. Savage and Zoom point to the sky. On the other end of the Planet, Ultron and
Korvac look to one another. Soon, a
realization reaches each member of their respective squad.
THIS MATCH IS NO LONGER CONTROLLED BY BRYATU, BUT BY THE
CONSORTIUM!!!!! THE SNIVELING WAS BEING
EMITTED FROM BRYATU’S TREMBLING LIPS!!!
HE HAS LOST CONTROL OF HIS BOWELS AND IS UNABLE TO WATCH!!!
Professor X: All hail, the
Consortium!
Damien Dahrk: All hail, the Consortium!
Soon both sides’ members enter the chanting. The members of the Consortium smile at one
another. They shall control the
destinies of the teams fighting this match during a Playoff Planet round. None believe it has happened before; most
believe it will happen again.
Dave Bowman: Let us commence. . . .
The combatants are transported to their realms of battle. In the end there are only three members of
the winning team standing.
THE CONSORTIUM HAS RULED: 4-2
John and Vader's House of Sith Aids Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
The Sith Aids are Aron the Rogue Watcher, Gandalf, Arathorn, Galadriel, Isildor, Gramling, Thengal, Eoman, Thedred, Arachorn, Blue Wizard #2, Dust, The Balrog of Moria, Smaug, Poseidon, Triton, Gaia, Eeth Koth, Zett Jukassa, Boba Fett, Ima GunDi, Riik #3, Darth Bane, Darth Maul, Vegeta, Trunks, Piccollo, King Cold, Frieza, Cooler, Nexu #4, Super Sayan #1-3, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #5, King Laufey, Dementor #7, Cybertronian Guardian #10, Eugene “Butch” Aaron Griswold: Super Sayan, Eagle #1-7, Frost Giant #2-6, Parademon #6-10, Navy Sailor #57, Sharkticon #16-20, Opee Sea Killer #9-10, Compsagnothid #30-36, Snow Trooper #26-31, Gondor Soldier #1-6, Green Dragon #22, 24-25, and Griffin #1-6.
The Murderflies Amatsu Mikaboshi: The Chaos King, Ego, The Vampire Lestat, Dr. Doomsday, Tresspasser, Onibaba, Yomarishi, Knifehead, Mutavore, Leatherback, Othachi, Raiju, Scunner, Slattern, Jack Reacher, Brain Damaged Beowolf, Kevin Flynn, Sam Flynn, Tron, Quora, Alitair Ibn-La-Ahad, Ezio Auditore de Firenze, Black Lantern He-Man (w/ a red lantern ring), Jareth the Goblin King (w/ green lantern ring), Spike, Quinn, Jackson “Jax” Teller, Jury, Happy, Harry “Opie” Winston, Kozyck, Andre the Giant (w/ NES Zapper), Nitro and Adm. Starship w/ their Laser Cats, Adain McCallin, Josh Levison, Sally Malik, Asgardian Matt Oblak, Dementor Teresa Oblak, Brony Becks, Captain Caveman, Rancor #2, and Mars Attack Martian #1.
Hey, how y'all doin?? It's everybody's favorite watcher, The Neon Master Pogo here. It's kind of weird dudes, but I feel like I am not really fully in control of this match. And I don't think it is just the six pack of Angry Orchards and all that leftover Easter candy I consumed either. I think the real reason is this:........................................
Mike Geney, known to many as Goofjuice; also known on many worlds as one of the original five mighty Watchers of the FFL. Along with duties as a Watcher, Goofjuice also once solely controlled the mighty team known as Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies. Now, after going rogue and taking on the new mantle of Aron (the Rogue Watcher), Goofjuice has taken over control of The Sith Aids squad this day in order to exact his revenge on the team that ousted him. His plan, to not allow the match to be watched in its traditional sense but to instead thrust all the combatants into one massive battle where The Murderflies would be greatly disadvantaged was cut short when Amatsu-Mikaboshi, The Chaos King himself attacked his former master with his demonic abilities and sent him in to a twilight realm. Goofjuice/Aron the Rogue Watcher used his own incredible cosmic abilities to latch on to Mikaboshi and drag the former god squad member into the abyss with him, removing both of these characters from this plain of existence.
Although, despite the ill intentions of the mighty Goofjuice, his initial plan in a sense will be the only way this match will seemingly take place at all, as Ego the Living Planet swiftly approaches The Playoff Planet with the intention of consuming every last bit of energy that sustains it.
In the forest region of the planet:
Gandalf and Galadriel wander upon the fallen corpse of Arathorn, who is being sucked of his life's blood by the Vampire Lestat. The vampire drops his meal, and attacks with all the sexiness and edgy, emotional intensity of an Ann Rice novel character, mixed with the boyish good looks of Maverick from Top Gun. The vampire moves with amazing speed, but is still sent reeling back by a blast from Galadriel. This gives Gandalf enough time to use Glamdring to relieve the vampire of his head.
Jareth the Goblin King, then randomly begins doing battle with Cybertronian Guardian #10, who has mindlessly wandered into the forest. And by doing battle, I of course mean that Jareth is whymsically singing and dancing while the Cybertronian Guardian decides, like Josh usually does that there is no way he is going to get through watching The Goblin King without falling asleep. So he does seemingly fall asleep. At least he looks asleep, but for all intents and purposes of this match we'll just call him dead... Yeah, definitely dead.
Andre the Giant is very large, but he is also very slow. This makes it difficult for him to maneuver through the forest, especially when being chased by a M-1 Abrams tank that is being piloted by a snow trooper, with the help of a few soldiers of Gondor. The snow trooper is so happy to be out of that hot suit and in a decent climate for once, in fact he is just riding in the tank in his underwear. The Gondor soldiers are pretty clueless as to how to work this “demented bit of wizardry”; but they do think shooting the cannons is the funnest thing they've done since that crazy weekend they spent with those elf chicks in Lothlorien. I won't say anything else though, cuz you know what they say: “What happens in Lothlorien, stays in Lothlorien. But I digress..... Andre the Giant turns and holds his ground, wildly firing his zapper at the tank, while simultaneously drinking forty cans of Labatt Blue and eating seven steaks; but his shots prove useless as he is run over by what the snow trooper and his two Gondor buddies are now referring to as “the party tank”.
Deep in the forest, Asgardian Matt and Dementor Teresa argue over where they left their kid and how they ever met when one of them was from Asgard and the other the evil magic dimension; but it is cut short when they are blasted by the AT-ST being driven by Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #5 and Gondor Soldier #6.
Deep in the ocean region:
As the Kaiju of the Murderflies attempt to reach the surface of the Playoff Planet in order to reek havoc on their opponents, Poseidon and Triton from within the sea, with the help of Gaia from within the earth itself are working tirelessly to keep them underwater. Poseidon and Triton take control of every beast of the sea they can, not to mention the five Sharkticons and 2 Big Goober fish and send them in against the 10 mighty Kaiju. This battle rages on so intensely that we will have to return to it in a little while.....
In a happening part of the city:
A fairly large joint team mixer is taking place in a cute little watering hole with a great craft beer selection and a lengthy menu consisting of all of the trendiest craft cocktails. They have small plates on special, great cheese boards, and really cute, yet very sexually ambiguous young waiters and waitresses there to take everybody's high maintenance orders. Quite a few members of both teams have shown up, such as: Kevin and Sam Flynn, Tron, and Quorra are enjoying some crab cakes and choclate martinis along with Abitair Ibn-La-Ahad and Ezio Auditore de Firenze. Spike, Quinn, Jax, Jury, Happy, Oppie, and Kozyk all pull up on their motorcycles despite many frightened glares from sissy millennials wandering through the area; but they too come in for some Stella Artois and pulled pork sliders. Even Jareth the Goblin King showed up after his forest tryst. Josh Levison, along with his buddies Aidan and Sally are leading the forum as they get up to do some poetry they had written about the trials and tribulations of being a werewolf, vampire, and ghost all while trying to live normal lives as the team members that nobody pays attention to. It is met with great appreciation, even by the members of The Sith Aids who showed like: Isildor, Gramling, Thengal, Eoman, Theodred, Arachorn, and Dust. After the poetry, they all sit down together and discuss how they just think it just isn't right that they, as members of the team should get equal time when it comes to these matches. They talk about how it is a vicious cycle that they only get played in the really big weeks when the owners are trying to fill extra points, and then they get largely ignored by watchers who are all like: “I ain't researching this crap when I've got two dozen other characters to write”. They then all decide that the system is rigged and that they need to plan a revolution. And by plan a revolution they of course mean that they are going to vote for Bernie Sanders and still spend most of their time playing on their smart phones. But just then, when it all started to get really interesting, some parademons show up and eat everybody. The parademons then kill themselves after all the rich food and emotionally inherited stress triggers an acute gout flare up.
Tragedy abounds........
In the arctic region:
All hell breaks loose as both teams fight to keep warm in the fifteen degree temps and icy conditions. Dr. Doomsday tries to get all smart and strong and crap; but Blue Wizard #2 gets all magicky and kills him. Jack Reacher one by one punches all of the Griffins to death, while everybody ignores that he is supposed to be huge; but instead looks very similar to that midget vampire Lestat. Still there is no doubting his ridiculous toughness, even after he gets toasted by Smaug. Brain Damaged Beowolf may be dumb as a bag of hammers; but he still does have some wicked awesome cymek tech at his disposal. He rips apart Smaug with his lasguns, and then blows up Ima Gun Di, Riik #3, and the remaining snow troopers and Gondor Soldiers who were all driving in the AT-AT (I guess his blasters were strong enough for its armor (good thing, because I don't think cymeks are equipped with harpoons and tow cables)). It isn't until Boba Fett flies up with his jet pack and lands on the back of Beowolf that he gets into real trouble. Fett shoots his rope around the metal tentacle of Beowolf to hold on, and then blasts a small hole in the brain canister of the huge flying human-brained machine. Fett, then throws three thermal detonators in the hold and blasts back off to watch the cymek implode. Nitro and Admiral Starship use their laser cats to take out all five of the frost giants in a way that doesn't seem possible. I mean literally, that is impossible. I'm not even going to try to make up the scenario, you'll just have to take my word for it. Brony Becks tries to say something nice and befriend Green Dragon #22, right before it sprayed him and the Mars Attack Martian with poison, but he was then avenged by Capt. Caveman and the Rancor who took out #22, along with the other two green dragons. Capt. Caveman then killed all of the compys with his club, before being stomped on by King Laufey, who shortly afterwards was sliced in half by Black Lantern He-Man, right after the zombified-dead-lantern ate the soul of Dementor #7. The rancor enjoyed eating King Cold, Frieza, and Cooler; but was then killed by Aaron Griswold, the only sayan who still has his tail. Butch the Super Sayan turned into a giant monkey thing and beat the rancor to death; and then did the same to Nexu #4. Although Butch was then mowed down by the laser cats of Nitro and Adm. Starship. The laser cat guys then team up with Black Lantern He-Man to make a final stand against Blue Wizard #2, Eeth Koth, Zett Jukassa, Boba Fett, Darth Bane, and Darth Maul. Vegeta, Trunks, Piccollo, and the Super Sayans choose to fly over to the sea battle to lend a hand to Poseidon and company against the Kaiju. Zett blocks the cat laser blasts from Nitro and Starship, while Eeth Koth and Boba Fett finish them off. Black Lantern He-Man makes fairly short work of Blue Wizard #2, but when the two Sith combine their powers and attack from both sides, BL He-Man has much more difficulty. Although, it isn't until Koth, Jukassa, and Fett rush in to lend a hand that He-Man is officially defeated. The light and dark side of the force combined, plus the lightsaber prowess of Maul and Bane are enough to defeat He-Man and destroy the black lantern ring on his finger. Eeth Koth looks to his remaining allies and says: “Come quick!!! We must help the others against the Kaiju”!! They all go to follow, accept for Darth Bane, who quietly pulls aside his new apprentice Darth Maul and whispers: “Lord Maul, my friend. I feel a great disturbance in the force. We must leave this planet immediately”. “Yes, my Master” answers Maul.
On the surface and within the ocean:
As Poseidon and Triton lead the attack against The Kaiju, the battle between what is left of the teams rages on. Poseidon and Gaia decide that only if they sacrifice themselves and become one with this new planet can they contain the Kaiju for all eternity. But right at this moment, it becomes clear that they possess an enemy of even more power. Ego: The Living Planet has finally begun the process of devouring the Playoff Planet, and it is clear that Poseidon even in his godly wisdom does not have the power to save his new home. Ego violently begins to swallow the entire planet, when Poseidon decides that vengeance is his only available option. Poseidon harnesses the power of the mighty beings on both squads as said power is being released by Ego and causes a massive earthquake (yes, Poseidon is the god of earthquakes too. Look it up). The earthquake sends shockwaves throughout the entire planet and into Ego causing both planets to explode and wipe away every bit of life on both of them in a matter of seconds.
Deep in space:
Inside the barely space-worthy and broken hull of what was once Beowolf's cymek body, Darth Maul speaks: “Master Bane, you are truly wise. The Force is certainly with us that we were able to refurbish this ship in just enough time to escape”. “Yes, Lord Maul, the force is strong with us both”. “Should we be concerned with the bounty hunter hanging off the bottom of the ship”. Bane replies: “The one called Boba Fett means us no harm. The Sith live, and that is all that matters”.....
The Murderflies Amatsu Mikaboshi: The Chaos King, Ego, The Vampire Lestat, Dr. Doomsday, Tresspasser, Onibaba, Yomarishi, Knifehead, Mutavore, Leatherback, Othachi, Raiju, Scunner, Slattern, Jack Reacher, Brain Damaged Beowolf, Kevin Flynn, Sam Flynn, Tron, Quora, Alitair Ibn-La-Ahad, Ezio Auditore de Firenze, Black Lantern He-Man (w/ a red lantern ring), Jareth the Goblin King (w/ green lantern ring), Spike, Quinn, Jackson “Jax” Teller, Jury, Happy, Harry “Opie” Winston, Kozyck, Andre the Giant (w/ NES Zapper), Nitro and Adm. Starship w/ their Laser Cats, Adain McCallin, Josh Levison, Sally Malik, Asgardian Matt Oblak, Dementor Teresa Oblak, Brony Becks, Captain Caveman, Rancor #2, and Mars Attack Martian #1.
Hey, how y'all doin?? It's everybody's favorite watcher, The Neon Master Pogo here. It's kind of weird dudes, but I feel like I am not really fully in control of this match. And I don't think it is just the six pack of Angry Orchards and all that leftover Easter candy I consumed either. I think the real reason is this:........................................
Mike Geney, known to many as Goofjuice; also known on many worlds as one of the original five mighty Watchers of the FFL. Along with duties as a Watcher, Goofjuice also once solely controlled the mighty team known as Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies. Now, after going rogue and taking on the new mantle of Aron (the Rogue Watcher), Goofjuice has taken over control of The Sith Aids squad this day in order to exact his revenge on the team that ousted him. His plan, to not allow the match to be watched in its traditional sense but to instead thrust all the combatants into one massive battle where The Murderflies would be greatly disadvantaged was cut short when Amatsu-Mikaboshi, The Chaos King himself attacked his former master with his demonic abilities and sent him in to a twilight realm. Goofjuice/Aron the Rogue Watcher used his own incredible cosmic abilities to latch on to Mikaboshi and drag the former god squad member into the abyss with him, removing both of these characters from this plain of existence.
Although, despite the ill intentions of the mighty Goofjuice, his initial plan in a sense will be the only way this match will seemingly take place at all, as Ego the Living Planet swiftly approaches The Playoff Planet with the intention of consuming every last bit of energy that sustains it.
In the forest region of the planet:
Gandalf and Galadriel wander upon the fallen corpse of Arathorn, who is being sucked of his life's blood by the Vampire Lestat. The vampire drops his meal, and attacks with all the sexiness and edgy, emotional intensity of an Ann Rice novel character, mixed with the boyish good looks of Maverick from Top Gun. The vampire moves with amazing speed, but is still sent reeling back by a blast from Galadriel. This gives Gandalf enough time to use Glamdring to relieve the vampire of his head.
Jareth the Goblin King, then randomly begins doing battle with Cybertronian Guardian #10, who has mindlessly wandered into the forest. And by doing battle, I of course mean that Jareth is whymsically singing and dancing while the Cybertronian Guardian decides, like Josh usually does that there is no way he is going to get through watching The Goblin King without falling asleep. So he does seemingly fall asleep. At least he looks asleep, but for all intents and purposes of this match we'll just call him dead... Yeah, definitely dead.
Andre the Giant is very large, but he is also very slow. This makes it difficult for him to maneuver through the forest, especially when being chased by a M-1 Abrams tank that is being piloted by a snow trooper, with the help of a few soldiers of Gondor. The snow trooper is so happy to be out of that hot suit and in a decent climate for once, in fact he is just riding in the tank in his underwear. The Gondor soldiers are pretty clueless as to how to work this “demented bit of wizardry”; but they do think shooting the cannons is the funnest thing they've done since that crazy weekend they spent with those elf chicks in Lothlorien. I won't say anything else though, cuz you know what they say: “What happens in Lothlorien, stays in Lothlorien. But I digress..... Andre the Giant turns and holds his ground, wildly firing his zapper at the tank, while simultaneously drinking forty cans of Labatt Blue and eating seven steaks; but his shots prove useless as he is run over by what the snow trooper and his two Gondor buddies are now referring to as “the party tank”.
Deep in the forest, Asgardian Matt and Dementor Teresa argue over where they left their kid and how they ever met when one of them was from Asgard and the other the evil magic dimension; but it is cut short when they are blasted by the AT-ST being driven by Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #5 and Gondor Soldier #6.
Deep in the ocean region:
As the Kaiju of the Murderflies attempt to reach the surface of the Playoff Planet in order to reek havoc on their opponents, Poseidon and Triton from within the sea, with the help of Gaia from within the earth itself are working tirelessly to keep them underwater. Poseidon and Triton take control of every beast of the sea they can, not to mention the five Sharkticons and 2 Big Goober fish and send them in against the 10 mighty Kaiju. This battle rages on so intensely that we will have to return to it in a little while.....
In a happening part of the city:
A fairly large joint team mixer is taking place in a cute little watering hole with a great craft beer selection and a lengthy menu consisting of all of the trendiest craft cocktails. They have small plates on special, great cheese boards, and really cute, yet very sexually ambiguous young waiters and waitresses there to take everybody's high maintenance orders. Quite a few members of both teams have shown up, such as: Kevin and Sam Flynn, Tron, and Quorra are enjoying some crab cakes and choclate martinis along with Abitair Ibn-La-Ahad and Ezio Auditore de Firenze. Spike, Quinn, Jax, Jury, Happy, Oppie, and Kozyk all pull up on their motorcycles despite many frightened glares from sissy millennials wandering through the area; but they too come in for some Stella Artois and pulled pork sliders. Even Jareth the Goblin King showed up after his forest tryst. Josh Levison, along with his buddies Aidan and Sally are leading the forum as they get up to do some poetry they had written about the trials and tribulations of being a werewolf, vampire, and ghost all while trying to live normal lives as the team members that nobody pays attention to. It is met with great appreciation, even by the members of The Sith Aids who showed like: Isildor, Gramling, Thengal, Eoman, Theodred, Arachorn, and Dust. After the poetry, they all sit down together and discuss how they just think it just isn't right that they, as members of the team should get equal time when it comes to these matches. They talk about how it is a vicious cycle that they only get played in the really big weeks when the owners are trying to fill extra points, and then they get largely ignored by watchers who are all like: “I ain't researching this crap when I've got two dozen other characters to write”. They then all decide that the system is rigged and that they need to plan a revolution. And by plan a revolution they of course mean that they are going to vote for Bernie Sanders and still spend most of their time playing on their smart phones. But just then, when it all started to get really interesting, some parademons show up and eat everybody. The parademons then kill themselves after all the rich food and emotionally inherited stress triggers an acute gout flare up.
Tragedy abounds........
In the arctic region:
All hell breaks loose as both teams fight to keep warm in the fifteen degree temps and icy conditions. Dr. Doomsday tries to get all smart and strong and crap; but Blue Wizard #2 gets all magicky and kills him. Jack Reacher one by one punches all of the Griffins to death, while everybody ignores that he is supposed to be huge; but instead looks very similar to that midget vampire Lestat. Still there is no doubting his ridiculous toughness, even after he gets toasted by Smaug. Brain Damaged Beowolf may be dumb as a bag of hammers; but he still does have some wicked awesome cymek tech at his disposal. He rips apart Smaug with his lasguns, and then blows up Ima Gun Di, Riik #3, and the remaining snow troopers and Gondor Soldiers who were all driving in the AT-AT (I guess his blasters were strong enough for its armor (good thing, because I don't think cymeks are equipped with harpoons and tow cables)). It isn't until Boba Fett flies up with his jet pack and lands on the back of Beowolf that he gets into real trouble. Fett shoots his rope around the metal tentacle of Beowolf to hold on, and then blasts a small hole in the brain canister of the huge flying human-brained machine. Fett, then throws three thermal detonators in the hold and blasts back off to watch the cymek implode. Nitro and Admiral Starship use their laser cats to take out all five of the frost giants in a way that doesn't seem possible. I mean literally, that is impossible. I'm not even going to try to make up the scenario, you'll just have to take my word for it. Brony Becks tries to say something nice and befriend Green Dragon #22, right before it sprayed him and the Mars Attack Martian with poison, but he was then avenged by Capt. Caveman and the Rancor who took out #22, along with the other two green dragons. Capt. Caveman then killed all of the compys with his club, before being stomped on by King Laufey, who shortly afterwards was sliced in half by Black Lantern He-Man, right after the zombified-dead-lantern ate the soul of Dementor #7. The rancor enjoyed eating King Cold, Frieza, and Cooler; but was then killed by Aaron Griswold, the only sayan who still has his tail. Butch the Super Sayan turned into a giant monkey thing and beat the rancor to death; and then did the same to Nexu #4. Although Butch was then mowed down by the laser cats of Nitro and Adm. Starship. The laser cat guys then team up with Black Lantern He-Man to make a final stand against Blue Wizard #2, Eeth Koth, Zett Jukassa, Boba Fett, Darth Bane, and Darth Maul. Vegeta, Trunks, Piccollo, and the Super Sayans choose to fly over to the sea battle to lend a hand to Poseidon and company against the Kaiju. Zett blocks the cat laser blasts from Nitro and Starship, while Eeth Koth and Boba Fett finish them off. Black Lantern He-Man makes fairly short work of Blue Wizard #2, but when the two Sith combine their powers and attack from both sides, BL He-Man has much more difficulty. Although, it isn't until Koth, Jukassa, and Fett rush in to lend a hand that He-Man is officially defeated. The light and dark side of the force combined, plus the lightsaber prowess of Maul and Bane are enough to defeat He-Man and destroy the black lantern ring on his finger. Eeth Koth looks to his remaining allies and says: “Come quick!!! We must help the others against the Kaiju”!! They all go to follow, accept for Darth Bane, who quietly pulls aside his new apprentice Darth Maul and whispers: “Lord Maul, my friend. I feel a great disturbance in the force. We must leave this planet immediately”. “Yes, my Master” answers Maul.
On the surface and within the ocean:
As Poseidon and Triton lead the attack against The Kaiju, the battle between what is left of the teams rages on. Poseidon and Gaia decide that only if they sacrifice themselves and become one with this new planet can they contain the Kaiju for all eternity. But right at this moment, it becomes clear that they possess an enemy of even more power. Ego: The Living Planet has finally begun the process of devouring the Playoff Planet, and it is clear that Poseidon even in his godly wisdom does not have the power to save his new home. Ego violently begins to swallow the entire planet, when Poseidon decides that vengeance is his only available option. Poseidon harnesses the power of the mighty beings on both squads as said power is being released by Ego and causes a massive earthquake (yes, Poseidon is the god of earthquakes too. Look it up). The earthquake sends shockwaves throughout the entire planet and into Ego causing both planets to explode and wipe away every bit of life on both of them in a matter of seconds.
Deep in space:
Inside the barely space-worthy and broken hull of what was once Beowolf's cymek body, Darth Maul speaks: “Master Bane, you are truly wise. The Force is certainly with us that we were able to refurbish this ship in just enough time to escape”. “Yes, Lord Maul, the force is strong with us both”. “Should we be concerned with the bounty hunter hanging off the bottom of the ship”. Bane replies: “The one called Boba Fett means us no harm. The Sith live, and that is all that matters”.....
TEAM Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters
TEAM is Bella Cullen, Leah, Seth, Jane, Felix, The Incredibles: Mr. Incredible, Elati-girl, Violet, Dash, and Jack-Jack, Indigo Lantern #2, Yellow Lantern #3-4, Afterlife Alice, Alice, Alice Clone #1-3, Krang, Bloodwynd, Red Devil, Refelctor: Viewfinder, Spyglass, and Spectro, Mirage, Chromedome, Styler, Duncan Idaho Ghola #3, Duke Leto Atreides, Chronos, Battletrap, Apeface & Spasma, Billy Lee, Nova Corps Nathan Storey, Failed Jedi Bran, Tomoe Gozen, King Hiss, and Carlos Chiappe-Soto.
Griswold's Nut-busters are Onslaught, Ziran the Tester, Primus, Doomsday, Hal Jordan, Galactus, The Witch King of Angmar on his Fell Beast, Imhotep, Gotenks, Scarlet Witch, Anak Sanamun, Kanye West, Riddick, Duncan Idaho Ghola #9, Kalder, Major Hawk Masterson, Sgt. Scout Baker, HK-47, Marcus Brunette, Mike Lowry, Ecthelion of the Fountain, Star Sapphire #3, Fantomex, Cluster, Weapon XIII, Gambit, Slym and Red Dayspring, Dazzler, Droid Fighter Ship #15-20, Queen Xenomorph #4-6, Velociraptor #8-15, Green Dragon #6-18, Black Dragon #3-7, 9, 13-14, White Dragon #1-12, and Brass Dragon #1-4.
As Primus and Galactus float high above the Playoff Planet, they converse as if they were old friends. “Have we decided that this league is once again worthy of our interference this day”? Asks Primus.
“Perhaps we should wait to see what transpires at the onset. And then make our decision”. Says Galactus in retort.
The two immortal beings, in an act of uncharacteristic impatience teleport every member of the two squads to the open desert wasteland below them, so they can compete in open battle for them to truly see if this battle is worthy of their interference.
The battle begins with a vengeance:
Bella Cullen rushes at Onslaught with her blood lust raging and Leah, Seth, Felix, and Jane all follow. Though the demented Prof. X makes short work of them with a mix of mental and physical attacks to crush them all.
Mr. Incredible and Elsati-girl, in an attempt to protect their children try and take on Doomsday alone but Elasti-girl is ripped apart and Mr. Incredible crushed within a matters of seconds.
Hal Jordan then uses a massive anvil form of green energy to crush the heartbroken Violet, Dash, and Jack-Jack.
Indigo Lantern #2, in a mid-air battle attempts to bring empathy into the lifeforce of The Witch King; but he instead thrusts his Morgul blade into the alien while his fell beast bites his mid-section.
The pair of yellow lanterns from TEAM manage to take out Gotenks, before he can go all super sayan, but Imhotep in the meantime stirs up a massive sandstorm to take them both out.
Alice kills Kanye West by telepathically telling him about how the National Enquirer article was true and that he is not North's real father, while Scarlet Witch does something all mystical to kill regular Alice. Although the more powerful Afterlife version of Alice takes out the mutant with a telepathic powered mega kick to the face.
Riddick and Duncan Idaho jump in to a pitched battle with the three Alice clones (haven't had a Becks shout out since week 1). They each take out one of the clones, before Clone #2 finishes Riddick with about a dozen .40 caliber bullets to the face. Duncan Idaho #9 then catches her with a swift sword thrust from behind.
Krang is easily ripped apart by Kalder and Anak Sanamun, who are naturally having an affair behind Imhotep's back.
Major Hawk Masterson flies in from above and takes aim at Bloodwynd with a significant amount of firepower. Though Bloodwynd is able to easily evade the attacks and then punch his head off with little to no effort.
Red Devil manages to break the neck of Sgt. Scout, after he made the mistake of getting too close and letting the fight turn to a melee one; but HK-47 avenges him with a tossed thermal detonator.
Marcus Brunette and Marcus Brody manage to hilariously swear at each other in an intense fashion while quickly driving a commondeered vehicle, but Reflector, at the end of the day is a trio of giant robots. The decepticon sub-team manages to prove that they can do more than take pictures as they crush the cop buddies new Camaro with them inside.
Ecthelion of the Fountain bravely rushes towards Cromedome with his sword drawn, but he is blasted to goo by Mirage before he gets there.
Star Sapphire #3 gets too close to Styler and ends up joining him in death once the spark implodes from her attack, while right next to them Duncan Idaho Ghola #3 and Fantomex engage in a fast-paced melee scuffle. Fantomex takes aim with double pistols; but the bullets bounce off of Idaho's invisible Holtsman shield. Idaho then goes in for the kill with his hand me down Atreides blade.
Duke Leto Atreides fights bravely with his ceremonial, familial broadsword in hand; but he is outmatched by the likes of a triple team from Cluster, Weapon XIII, and Gambit.
Red Dayspring gains mental control over the Titan Chronos and manages to overload his powerful mind, while Slym provides the cover and protection she requires for the meditation by blasting Battletrap apart.
Apeface and Spasma do everybody a favor by crushing the annoying Dazzler to death; and then manage to take out all six of the Nut-buster droid fighter ships, with only Spasma dying in the battle.
Billy Lee kicks Queen Xenomorph #4 to death and even manages to fight through the pain of the acid blood getting all over him to take out #5 as well; but eventually the Double Dragoner meets his demise at the hands of QX #6.
Nova Corps Nate Storey feels very bad about killing Raptor #8-15, and making them extinct again;but even liberals have to go to war sometimes. Failed Jedi Bran on the other hand only manages to put his old youngling mini-lightsaber through the neck of one of the green dragons after sloppily force leaping onto the back of it. Green Dragon #12 ends up coating Bran in plenty of poison, leaving his old buddy Nate to clean up the mess with standard Nova Corps lasers.
Tomoe Gozen most certainly made the shinto spirits proud as she took out 3 of the acid firing black dragons, but she naturally could not take out everyone of them with nothing more than her katana.
King Hiss goes all snake man on the group of white dragons who are moving awfully slow in the desert climate, and manages to actually strangle all twelve of the smaller-sized dragons with his powerful tentacles.
Carlos: The Peruvian madman pulls out a bazooka and screams “I love my body”!!!! Whilst he takes out two brass dragons with one shot. He is then viciously ripped apart by the other two.
Bloodwynd then calls for his TEAMmates to rally together and make a final push against the Nut busters who now far outnumber them. Only Bloodwynd, Reflector, Mirage, Chromedome, Duncan Idaho #3, Apeface, Nova Corps Nate, and King Hiss remain. They make a big initial push against the dragons and take out several of them, all while Imhotep is killing Kalder and his old lady for their infidelities. Ziran the Tester then decides to make an appearance so Bloodwynd calls his TEAM to form up and take out the Celestial. They potentially could have done it to if Galactus and Primus didn't decide to finally show up right then and blast Bloodwynd and his remaining crew to dust in one combined shot of energy.
“I thought we would not interfere” says Primus to Galactus.
“I felt they earned our help” Galactus replies.
Griswold's Nut-busters are Onslaught, Ziran the Tester, Primus, Doomsday, Hal Jordan, Galactus, The Witch King of Angmar on his Fell Beast, Imhotep, Gotenks, Scarlet Witch, Anak Sanamun, Kanye West, Riddick, Duncan Idaho Ghola #9, Kalder, Major Hawk Masterson, Sgt. Scout Baker, HK-47, Marcus Brunette, Mike Lowry, Ecthelion of the Fountain, Star Sapphire #3, Fantomex, Cluster, Weapon XIII, Gambit, Slym and Red Dayspring, Dazzler, Droid Fighter Ship #15-20, Queen Xenomorph #4-6, Velociraptor #8-15, Green Dragon #6-18, Black Dragon #3-7, 9, 13-14, White Dragon #1-12, and Brass Dragon #1-4.
As Primus and Galactus float high above the Playoff Planet, they converse as if they were old friends. “Have we decided that this league is once again worthy of our interference this day”? Asks Primus.
“Perhaps we should wait to see what transpires at the onset. And then make our decision”. Says Galactus in retort.
The two immortal beings, in an act of uncharacteristic impatience teleport every member of the two squads to the open desert wasteland below them, so they can compete in open battle for them to truly see if this battle is worthy of their interference.
The battle begins with a vengeance:
Bella Cullen rushes at Onslaught with her blood lust raging and Leah, Seth, Felix, and Jane all follow. Though the demented Prof. X makes short work of them with a mix of mental and physical attacks to crush them all.
Mr. Incredible and Elsati-girl, in an attempt to protect their children try and take on Doomsday alone but Elasti-girl is ripped apart and Mr. Incredible crushed within a matters of seconds.
Hal Jordan then uses a massive anvil form of green energy to crush the heartbroken Violet, Dash, and Jack-Jack.
Indigo Lantern #2, in a mid-air battle attempts to bring empathy into the lifeforce of The Witch King; but he instead thrusts his Morgul blade into the alien while his fell beast bites his mid-section.
The pair of yellow lanterns from TEAM manage to take out Gotenks, before he can go all super sayan, but Imhotep in the meantime stirs up a massive sandstorm to take them both out.
Alice kills Kanye West by telepathically telling him about how the National Enquirer article was true and that he is not North's real father, while Scarlet Witch does something all mystical to kill regular Alice. Although the more powerful Afterlife version of Alice takes out the mutant with a telepathic powered mega kick to the face.
Riddick and Duncan Idaho jump in to a pitched battle with the three Alice clones (haven't had a Becks shout out since week 1). They each take out one of the clones, before Clone #2 finishes Riddick with about a dozen .40 caliber bullets to the face. Duncan Idaho #9 then catches her with a swift sword thrust from behind.
Krang is easily ripped apart by Kalder and Anak Sanamun, who are naturally having an affair behind Imhotep's back.
Major Hawk Masterson flies in from above and takes aim at Bloodwynd with a significant amount of firepower. Though Bloodwynd is able to easily evade the attacks and then punch his head off with little to no effort.
Red Devil manages to break the neck of Sgt. Scout, after he made the mistake of getting too close and letting the fight turn to a melee one; but HK-47 avenges him with a tossed thermal detonator.
Marcus Brunette and Marcus Brody manage to hilariously swear at each other in an intense fashion while quickly driving a commondeered vehicle, but Reflector, at the end of the day is a trio of giant robots. The decepticon sub-team manages to prove that they can do more than take pictures as they crush the cop buddies new Camaro with them inside.
Ecthelion of the Fountain bravely rushes towards Cromedome with his sword drawn, but he is blasted to goo by Mirage before he gets there.
Star Sapphire #3 gets too close to Styler and ends up joining him in death once the spark implodes from her attack, while right next to them Duncan Idaho Ghola #3 and Fantomex engage in a fast-paced melee scuffle. Fantomex takes aim with double pistols; but the bullets bounce off of Idaho's invisible Holtsman shield. Idaho then goes in for the kill with his hand me down Atreides blade.
Duke Leto Atreides fights bravely with his ceremonial, familial broadsword in hand; but he is outmatched by the likes of a triple team from Cluster, Weapon XIII, and Gambit.
Red Dayspring gains mental control over the Titan Chronos and manages to overload his powerful mind, while Slym provides the cover and protection she requires for the meditation by blasting Battletrap apart.
Apeface and Spasma do everybody a favor by crushing the annoying Dazzler to death; and then manage to take out all six of the Nut-buster droid fighter ships, with only Spasma dying in the battle.
Billy Lee kicks Queen Xenomorph #4 to death and even manages to fight through the pain of the acid blood getting all over him to take out #5 as well; but eventually the Double Dragoner meets his demise at the hands of QX #6.
Nova Corps Nate Storey feels very bad about killing Raptor #8-15, and making them extinct again;but even liberals have to go to war sometimes. Failed Jedi Bran on the other hand only manages to put his old youngling mini-lightsaber through the neck of one of the green dragons after sloppily force leaping onto the back of it. Green Dragon #12 ends up coating Bran in plenty of poison, leaving his old buddy Nate to clean up the mess with standard Nova Corps lasers.
Tomoe Gozen most certainly made the shinto spirits proud as she took out 3 of the acid firing black dragons, but she naturally could not take out everyone of them with nothing more than her katana.
King Hiss goes all snake man on the group of white dragons who are moving awfully slow in the desert climate, and manages to actually strangle all twelve of the smaller-sized dragons with his powerful tentacles.
Carlos: The Peruvian madman pulls out a bazooka and screams “I love my body”!!!! Whilst he takes out two brass dragons with one shot. He is then viciously ripped apart by the other two.
Bloodwynd then calls for his TEAMmates to rally together and make a final push against the Nut busters who now far outnumber them. Only Bloodwynd, Reflector, Mirage, Chromedome, Duncan Idaho #3, Apeface, Nova Corps Nate, and King Hiss remain. They make a big initial push against the dragons and take out several of them, all while Imhotep is killing Kalder and his old lady for their infidelities. Ziran the Tester then decides to make an appearance so Bloodwynd calls his TEAM to form up and take out the Celestial. They potentially could have done it to if Galactus and Primus didn't decide to finally show up right then and blast Bloodwynd and his remaining crew to dust in one combined shot of energy.
“I thought we would not interfere” says Primus to Galactus.
“I felt they earned our help” Galactus replies.
Season 9, Week 5: The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets vs. The Moist Mafia
The Midgets are: Mr. Mizpitelik (Earth-3), Kama Tui, Salack, Ch’P, Dr. U’Bx, Scar, Supergirl (Ariella Kent), Magneto, Charybdis, Blue Devil, Deadshot, X-23, Vampire X-23, Age of Apocalypse Weapon X, Age of Apocalypse Cyclops, Longshot, Psylocke, Azazel, Venom (Flash Thompson), Deadpool, Omega Supreme, Soundwave (w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbak, Ratbat, Buzzsaw, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Enemy, Wingthing, Flip Sides, Sundor, Garboid, Howlback, Glit, Decepticon Cassette #1-3, Ravage Clone #1-3, Nightstalker, Playback, Rosanna, Stripes, Autoscout #1-2, Autobot Cassette #1-3, and Decepticon #7), Capt. Power, Nazgul #9 w/ Fell Beast, Nazgul #9’s horse, Lolo, Ryachu, Princess Toadstool (w/ Arwen’s sword), Blue Toad, Capt. N (w/ Duke), Pit (Kid Icarus), Mouser, Liu Kang, Ryu, Sharkticons #33-40, Jedi Guardian #4, Jedi Masters #33A-35A, Jedi Masters #17B-20B, Nightsisters #2 and 7, Nightbrothers #1 and 2, Nightbrothers #4-6, Dark Side Adepts #1-3, Ewoks #41-45, Hammer Bros #11-16, Gold Dragons #3-7, Ice Bros #2 and 3, Samurai #20, Ponies #1 and 2, Dragon #1, Griffin #11, and Troll #1.
The Moist Mafia is: ...wait, Moist Mafia? Double-M?! Where are they? What could have happened to them on this, the biggest of non-playoff weeks? Midgets, have you seen The Mafia?
No?! Not even in the Spam box? That was such an easy fix last time! My god, what if they've been kidnapped? Call Fox 2 News, the CrimeStoppers can surely help us gather anonymous tips! Ahg, damn it all, there's no time! We need to be proactive! With my infinite Watcher powers and your combined skills, we can cover the most area possible when putting up these “Lost Squad” posters I printed up at Kinko's©. They've got these tear-off strips with my email address so anybody with information about this missing squad can easily contact... what’s with the dirty looks? You're really not gonna help with the posters? I'm asking so little.
Okay, new plan… Oh! Mitzlepittlek- Mixelpixel? Right, Mizpitelik. Had to scroll up to be sure. Couldn't you just take us to a universe where The Mafia is present? Yeah? Perfect! Let's do that.
Alright, and here we- Oh god, this is horrific! Why are they all inside-out?! What? Everyone in this universe is inside-out? Ugh, no, this is bad. Another one, Mazeltovnik, find another one.
Okay, everyone looks alright on this planet. Let me go talk to them and see if they're competent to… Wait, do you smell that? Why do I recognize… Oh no! It's AIDS! IT’S AN AIDS UNIVERSE! Get us out of here before we’re all shitting our very souls out on out deathbeds!
Where are we now? Hey, wait, I see some Mafiosos over there! Hey, you guys, you here for a deathmatch? Guys…? Oh, come on! They're wooden cutouts! This won't work either.
...or will it?
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