Season Five Consolation Round (Builder's Scare)

Round 3: Home Depot or Lowe's
15 points
Prize:  Chainsaw

Two quick things before we get to the match ups.

1) There will be a special "King of the Consolation Match" for the two teams that have gone undefeated in the Consolation rounds this year. In addition to winning a chainsaw, the team crowned "King of Consolation" will also receive a sledgehammer and a crowbar

2) As of right now, we don't know whether it will be Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches or Team Sleeping Sleeping Pussy taking part in this round. I'd like to ask both of these teams to submit a roster, that way when we know who will be be joining us I can get the info to the Watcher in charge of that match and get it up ASAP.

The matches:

King of the Consolation Match: Xavier's Annihiliation Squad vs Layander's Super Orange Kitties (Seeney)
Universe Bowl rematch: Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Seeney)
Better Than All of You vs TEAM
Tijuana Taco Benders vs Transfoamers (Goof)
The Horsemen vs Logical Genocide
Griffin vs The Murderflies (Fizz)
George Washington's Slaves vs Team SP or Backyardigans (Nick)

Rosters will be due Monday June 25, by 11:30 pm

Thank you, and good luck.

Consolation Round Confusion

Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Robin (Jason Todd) (w/ a blue lightsaber), Marvin the Martian, and Looney Tunes Gremlin #1

Logical Genocide is Jason Todd (w/ Cannon Gun)


Robin and Jason Todd awaken in the same cell... “You're me, aren't you” asks Robin. “It looks like it kid, I think this is some sick joke that Prof. Strange is playing on us,by throwing the two of us in the same cell”. Says Jason in reply. “We aren't supposed to fight each other though, right? I mean you are on Logical Genocide, and I am supposed to be fighting The Transfoamers”. Says Robin. “Well, lucky for you kid, because me vs. you wouldn't be much of a fight. I don't even need a crowbar. Although I've got to tell you I am pretty sure there are going to be some people trying to put you in here someday. Now let's go and get to the bottom of this”. Robin follows Jason Todd, as they pick the lock on their cell door with ease. They discuss how they know that they are not supposed to engage anyone from another team, which means they shouldn't even help each other in their respective fights; but neither of them is clear as to what is going on.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are Denver: The Last Dinosaur, Quint (from Jaws), and Ewok #22.

The Transfoamers are Odd Job.


They find one empty cell with what appears to be a broken shark tooth laying in front of the open door. “Who the hell picks a lock with a shark tooth”? Says Jason. “Maybe Quint, he's on The Murderflies. And isn't that who you are fighting this week” replies Robin. Jason shrugs his shoulders and retorts sarcastically: “Jesus, kid do you think I know every roster by heart? I mean, who am I Ryan”? The not quite dynamic duo then come across another cell that has a broken door, but it appears that the cell door is cracked from the outside; possibly by something thrown from the inside. They see two more empty cells as well. One that looks like it was busted down by a dinosaur and the other looks like the door was just simply opened up. “It looks to me like whoever busted opened this cell, then freed his teammate next to him as well”. They follow the tracks on the dusty Arkham floor to see that Quint, Denver the Last Dinosaur, and Ewok #22 are all sitting Indian Style on the floor while Quint is telling old shark hunting stories. The Ewok starts bouncing and clapping while Denver says: “I think that means that we are now a part of the tribe”. “It looks like those guys are who I am supposed to kill in this match, that shouldn't be a problem”. Says Jason. But Robin guilts his older self in to first helping him find his own teammates and perhaps his opponent as well. Sure enough, as they move further down the dingy hallway, passing by cells full of people who are strange but not that strange to them. They pass a cell with frost covering the cell bars, and then one with vegetation growing out of the bars right next to it. They then here some maniacal laughing coming from two of them, and then unfortunately pass by one that reeks of rotten and raw fish. They finally after a bit of searching come across the two cells that contain Marvin the Martian and Looney Tunes Gremlin #1. “Well, you've got your teammates kid, now you are on your own. We've both got matches to win. Mine should be easy, good luck with yours”. Says Jason. “Why are you so confident” asks Robin. Jason answers: “Come on, this league is pretty easy to read. Why don't you use some of those detective skills that I am sure Batman is trying to shove down your throat everyday? I mean, I have to go up against an ewok, which are nothing but cannon fodder in this league, and in case you haven't noticed I have a cannon holstered at my side. And Denver the Last Dinosaur... Come on, like any watcher is going to do Denver the Last Dinosaur research before a consolation match. Those lazy bastards will just have me kill him with some swift maneuvers as soon as we are in a room together. That will just leave one old man, who I am sure the Watchers will give a little love too. But at the end of the day, it will come down to a closed-quarters fight, which will give me the edge”. Marvin the Martian nudges Robin and then whispers something to him, which causes Todd to give the whole Xavier's trio a dirty look. Robin says sheepishly: “Sorry, it's just that they think it is cool that you keep breaking the fourth wall”. “Oh... Well, they are right. It is”. Says Jason. At this point, the four pseudo-teammates have walked back towards the area where the Murderflies have gathered. Robin and his team watch as Jason Todd jumps in to attack. Jason fires his cannon gun and the first bullet instantly catches Ewok #22 in the face. The former Batman Sidekick then launches a grappling hook around the neck of Denver the Last Dinosaur and uses his own strength against him to break it with a swift tug. Jason then pulls out his cannon gun once more and takes aim at Quint. The old Navy Man, manages to knock the gun out of Jason's hand; but Jason attacks viciously with some hand to hand skills. Jason delivers a palm to the bridge of Quint's nose that sends the bone directly in to Quint's brain to kill him.
LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!

Robin is impressed as he sees this transpire but is immediately taken off guard when a spinning projectile hits The Looney Tunes Gremlin in the head and kills him. Robin takes evasive action, as the thrown hat returns to the hands of Odd Job. Odd Job throws the hat once again and kills Marvin the Martian by hitting him in the neck; but Robin uses his Birdarang to send the hat off course and stick in to the hard cement wall. Odd Job then moves swiftly towards Robin, but the sidekick moves even swifter. He ducks under the attack of Odd Job and then in one swift motion ignites his lightsaber and catches Odd Job from behind, and right through the chest.
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!

George Lucas Conference Finals: Miley Cyrus & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs George Washington's Slaves

Miley Cyrus & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos are: Head Coach Barack Obama w/General Grievous blue and green lightsabers, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Winston Churchill w/Albus Dumbledore’s Wand all in the ID4 Spaceship a.k.a. “Commando-1, Kingdom Come Superman, Earth Two Superman, Buffy Summers w/blue lightsaber, Angel w/S.P.I.N. Tech, (Formerly Black Lantern) Optimus Prime w/Autobot Matrix of Leadership, Black Lantern Set, Zombie Polaris, Leon w/Yellow Lantern ring, Katniss Everdeen w/Green Lantern ring. Zombie Maxima, Xerxes, Dante, Luminara Unduli w/Blue Lantern ring, Baress Offee, Madame Blanc w/Yellow Lantern ring, Miss Tanner w/Red Lantern ring, Helena Markos w/Red Lantern ring, Suspiria Witch Coven #1 w/Indigo Lantern ring, Suspiria Witch Coven #2-5, Dr. Fate, Norma Cenva w/Green Lantern ring, Atrocitus, Zombie Wonder Girl, Maestro, Heimdall, Black Lantern Neo, White Lantern Deadman, Taylor Swift w/Sith Lanvarok, Carslie Cullen w/Star Sapphire Ring, The Sucker Punch Crew; Babydoll, Sweet Pea, Rocket, Blondie & Amber in her Bunny Mech Ship, Dozer #13, and Life Model Decoys 1-3.



George Washington’s Slaves are: Head Coach George Washington w/green lightsaber, Assistant Coach Robert E. Lee w/red lightsaber, Assistant Coach William Wallace, General Manager Bill Clinton w/green lightsaber, Defensive Coordinator Stonewall Jackson, Yoda w/Green Lantern ring, Kybuk, Sauron w/the One Ring, Non, Amazo, Cassandra Nova w/Demon Rod, Black Lantern Harry Potter, (Formerly Zombie) Rodimus Prime w/Autobot Matrix of Leadership, Cosmos, Roadbuster, Windcharger, Solomon Grundy, Skaar – Son of Hulk w/Red Lantern ring, Ymir, Runner, B’dg, Crash Bandicoot, Captain Crunch w/trident, Cave Dump, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Mr. Miracle w/S.P.I.N. Tech, Black Lantern Han Solo, Jaws the Shark, The Hydra, Sandworms #18-20, and Life Model Decoy #1.

The entire starting line-up of the Commandos, with the exception of Black Lantern Set, is aboard Commando-1 high up in space, awaiting a few words from their Head Coach. President Barack Obama makes his way to the podium that has been set up on a platform. He is joined by his War Cabinet; President Thomas Jefferson, President John Adams and Prime Minister Winston Churchill. Obama takes a moment to look over his team as they wait for him to speak. He clears his throat and then begins…

“There has never been a team that I am more proud to lead into battle than the one that stands before me right now,” Obama starts. “You are the finest soldiers I have ever had the honor to command. All of you have bled for this organization. You have all laid your very lives on the line week in and week out this season in our quest for the Championship. We have lost many this year. I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge all they sacrificed so that we may be in this position once again. Teammates like Willow Rosenberg and Ellen Ripley.”

He turns and points to the enormous banner that hangs behind him, a banner that has their team logo emblazoned across it. Even our Assistant Coach, Dr. Doom, laid his life down so that we could defeat the nefarious Horsemen of Apokolips. We were fortunate enough when we lost Orion Pax against the vile TEAM, for our Black Lantern Optimus Prime to be resurrected by the wondrous powers of the Matrix. Prime, I hope there’s still a little magic left in that trinket.”

Barack shoots Optimus a wink, to which Prime nods back as to sooth Obama’s concerns.

The President and Head Coach continues, “And then there was Dora.” Obama pauses for a moment as he is caught off guard by a wave of emotion. “Our locker room has had a void in it ever since the Slaves took her from us. It’s known as “The House That Dora Built.” Are we going to let them take from us what all of our friends gave their lives for?! The Slaves have made a career out of keeping us from our goals. I say, enough is enough. Dora gave me a note before the final week of the season. She asked that if she did indeed fall that week, that I would read it to you if we met the Slaves in the Conference Finals.”

He pulls out a piece of paper from his jacket pocket. “It simply says… Send Yoda to me.”

Buffy Summers interjects, “But Mr. President, Yoda survived against the Horsemen. He doesn’t have 9 deaths.”

Barack listens to the Slayer and responds to her apprehensions, “Well then Ms. Summers. We’ll have to kill him twice.”

These are the Commandos’ Head Coach’s final words before teleporting his team to the Playoff Planet.

Meanwhile, George Washington stands in the middle of the Slaves’ locker room. He is surrounded by his starting line-up.

“My brave fellows, you have done all I asked you to do, and more than can be reasonably expected; but our quest for a championship is at stake. You have worn yourselves out with fatigues and hardships, but we know not how to spare you. If you consent to fight one match longer, you with render that service to the cause of a championship, and to your team, which you probably can never do under any other circumstances. Now join me in doing what we do best…. Let’s beat the Commandos.”

As the team begins to leave, Washington stops Yoda. “Master Yoda, how are you feeling, considering?”

Yoda turns slowly as one who is almost 900 years old would, “A day over 400 I barely feel sir.”

These two teams have a storied and epic rivalry between each other. They have fought countless times throughout the history of the Fantasy Fantasy League. This is the third time these teams each have made it to a Conference Finals and the second time they have faced off against each other for the right to represent their Conference in the illustrious Universe Bowl. Neither team has, nevertheless, reached the top of the mountain. This year, however, could be a different. George Washington’s Slaves have already defeated the very team they lost to in the 2009 Universe Bowl and the Commandos put on a dominating performance during this year’s regular season. However, only time will tell, as they first have to survive this confrontation.

Yoda, still missing an ear and his right arm, uses his Green Lantern ring to create an energy construct of his missing limb. He draws a line in the dirt with his lightsaber as the Commandos approach. The two teams, with the exception of a few members, are heading for a full on collision. Yoda flies through the air, lightsaber drawn, and attacks one of the Commandos’ biggest weapons. He flies around Maestro at incredibly high speeds, tagging him with multiple shots from his ring. The elder version of the Incredible Hulk is becoming more and more enraged. He claps his hands together and appears to squash the Jedi Master. But a bright green glow begins to poke out from between the jade giant’s fingers. The tip of Yoda’s green lightsaber then pierces through Maestro’s hand, which causes him to scream in pain and release his grip. Yoda survived the attack, and flies right into Maestro’s mouth. He then proceeds to explode his head from the inside out with a Force/green energy combo burst. Even with one real arm, Yoda takes out one of the Commandos’ heaviest hitters.

Not to be outdone, the Superman duo focuses in on Non quickly. The three Kryptonians battle it out fiercely. The brutish Non grabs a hold of Earth Two Superman’s cape and hurls him far off into the distance. Kingdom Come Superman retaliates and suplexes Non into the hard ground, driving him deep into the earth. E2 Supes rockets back in a flash just as Non burst out from the rock. Non’s eyes burn red hot as he lets loose a beam of heat vision, but the Superman pair fire back with their own. They overpower the former Phantom Zone prisoner and use a combination of their freeze breath and then double uppercuts to shatter the brute.

As the brunt of both teams continue to battle, Madame Blanc leads the Witch Coven to engage the monsters that dwell in the nearby waters. The Witches, who several have had their powers augmented due to their acquisition of various Lantern rings, are not clear as to what they are about to face, only that they were charged with the task of destroying the Slaves’ water forces. Blanc, Markos, and Tanner survey the scene as they send their coven in closer to investigate. Susperia Witch #1 (SWC #1) uses her Indigo Lantern ring to tap into Madame Blanc’s Yellow Lantern ring and create a construct that spread across the water, allowing them to walk over it.

“There is nothing here, but death dear sisters,” remarks Susperia Witch #3 as she conjures a spell vision spell that allows her to view what was, what is and what will be.

“Of course,” Madame Blanc quickly snaps back. “That is exactly what we are here to do. Create death. Pain. And most importantly FEAR.”

The yellow construct begins to quake and crack as something from the water below attacks it. There is then a big eruption of water as the Hydra monster bursts from the water and destroys the witches’ construct. Several of the witches are tossed from their feet and splash into the water. The ring wielding witches fly high above the water as the Hydra attacks. The monster, however, is not alone. A grey fin peaks out of the water and is coming fast at SW #4. The witch tries to use her magic, but it’s too late. Jaws pulls her underwater, never to been seen again. The area where SW #4 once was is now dyed a dark red from her blood.

“Sisters! Help us!” Susperia Witch #5 yells to her teammates as SW #3 is eaten alive by Jaws.

Helena Markos and Miss Tanner are preoccupied with fending off the several heads of the Hydra to hear their sister’s pleas for help. Madame Blanc, however, hears them just find and uses them to power her Yellow Lantern ring. SW #5 attempts to curse Jaws in hopes to turn it against the Hydra, but to no avail. The great white shark bears down on the witch and swallows her whole.

“Sisters, would you please do away with this nuisance,” Madame Blanc asks of the remaining members of her Coven.

The Red and Indigo Lantern ring wielding witches swoop down towards the water as Madame Blanc slings a large yellow energy cage around the Hydra. Jaws is finishing off SW #2 as the shark is hit by a spray of red plasma that is coupled with several evil spells cast by SW #1. Jaws begins to burn and melt away as it thrashes in the water. Miss Tanner, Helen Markos and SW #1 continue their attack on the shark, but Jaws will not go down. It leaps out of the water and rips Miss Tanner’s legs off before Markos finishes it off. The hideously ancient looking witch uses her mastery of the dark arts and channels it into her red plasma to finally dispel Jaws for the final time.

“Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!” screams SW #1 as the Hydra monster breaks free of the yellow energy cage and uses three of its heads to rips her limb from limb.

The three main members of the Susperia Witch Coven focus their powers towards the beast and manage to destroy four of its nine heads. But eight more heads rapidly re-grow in their place. The new heads then unleash their poisonous breath on Miss Tanner, which break through her red energy and burn the skin from the witch’s face and body. Her smoldering skeleton drops from the air and into the water. Madame Blanc and the revolting looking Helen Markos continue their efforts but are overwhelmed by the sheer amount of heads that the serpent monster has. The Hydra shrieks into the air, the sound of which is heard miles away where many other battles are taking place. Though in the swamp near by another battle is forming.

Atrocitus mucks way through the swamp. The first thing that strikes him is the smell, stagnant water and rotting vegetation. The next thing that hits him is a massive fist.

"BORN ON A MONDAY!!!!!" screams Solomon Grundy as Atrocitus staggers back from the mighty blow. Atrocitus feels the rage start to rise and bubble within him, but forces himself not to give into it, for if he were to give in and unleash the burning, red power of the rage it would light Grundy up like kindling and he has further use for the beast. The leader of the red lanterns gets back up to his feet.

"Have it your way," he smirks and charges the massive monster.

The two exchange a few blows, rocking each other back and forth. Grundy gains the advantage and is about to stomp Atrocitus when suddenly and pink crystal explodes out of Grundy's midsection. Before anyone can process what's just happened. Carslie Cullen jumps onto Grundy's back and begins to feed on the creature, finishing him off.

"Stop!" screams Atrocitus "Don't completely drain him"

"I…can't drink much more anyway" says the vampire. "The blood....is tainted..... I'm...poi-" and with that Cullen falls to the ground, completely dead.

Atrocitus shakes his head and grunts in recognition of the sacrifice his teammate has made for him. He removes the oddly glowing crystal, then stands over the massive body of Solomon Grundy and begins his arcane ritual he recites the red lantern oath as he smears the rotting blood of his foe on the ground to divine the future.

"This…makes no sense. The blood...so much black. What can…"

Suddenly a blast hits the red lantern in the shoulder knocking him to the ground and interrupting him before he makes sense of what he's seen. He looks up and sees black lantern Han Solo smirking at him.

"Hiya beautiful. Let's dance," says the undead smuggler.

Atrocitus roars and unleashes the burning red plasma he'd been fighting to contain. Solo is instantly vaporized, and then his ring begins to reform him.

"Remember me?" he says and whips out his blaster and fires. This time Solo's shots miss and he dives out of the way of Atrocitus' return volley.

"You may as well give up," says Solo "I can do this way more than you can"

The red lantern knows he's correct. He looks around for anything that could aid him, when he notices the corpse of Solomon Grundy and the bright pink crystal. The crystal continues to be flickering between pink and a faint green. Atrocitus fires off another blast from his ring to keep Solo at bay as he investigates. He smiles as he gets a closer look at what helped to fall Solomon Grundy.

"Come, smuggler," bellows Atrocitus. "I yearn to break your pretty face with my fists."

"Whatever, gruesome," says the black lantern "Hell, first shots on the house."

"All I need is one," smiles Atrocitus as he slams the crystal right into Solo's chest.

"YeeeeoWWW'. What ever will I do no-" begins Han then looks down and sees what Atrocitus' weapon was. The smile dies on his face. For contained inside the crystal is B'dg-and his Green Lantern ring.

"Looks like you can't go as long as I can," smiles Atrocitus as he fires at the crystal causing it, and the rodent sized green lantern contained within to explode and unleashing just enough green energy to help the red power finally but Han Solo down for good.

"Oh, Slaves," snarls Atrocitus "The rest of you shall burn just as these fools did. The blood never lies!" and he takes off to find more victims to unleash his burning hatred upon.

A trio of zombified super-heroines stammer their way down a deserted road as the street lights flicker in the night sky. The once glorious and elegant city of the Playoff Planet is now a husk of itself. Windows are shattered. The pavement is torn up from years of confrontations. The faint smell of blood stales the air. Zombie Polaris grunts as she raises her decaying arms into the air. She moans as the abandoned cars that litter the street fly out of their way. Zombie Maxima haphazardly flies through the air, when she spots a lone member of the Slaves close by.

“Hhhnnnnnn, bbbrrrrrraaaaaiiinnnnsss,” growls Zombie Maxima as she flies towards Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez.

The Immortal draws his katana blade as Zombie Maxima bears down on him. With one swipe, he takes her left arm off. This attack sends her careening into a nearby building. The walking dead continue their three to one gang up on Ramirez, Zombie Wonder Girl claws at his face and head, but he kicks her down. Zombie Polaris uses her powers of magnetism to pull his sword from his hand. It however flies out of control through the air and decapitates the decaying daughter of Magneto. Zombie Maxima craws out from the building that she crashed into earlier, now also missing a leg from the impact and flies back into the fight. The two rotting women knock Ramirez down to the ground and begin to feast on his body. They rip open his chest and pull his lungs, stomach, and other various organs out of his body. The truly unfortunate thing is that since they did not start with his head, Ramirez is alive when they begin to eat him. He tries to fight them off, but the pain is too excruciating. Finally Zombie Maxima pushes her decomposed thumbs into his eye sockets and uses what’s left of her super strength to tear his head clean off.

A powerful release of energy shoots out of Ramirez’s headless corpse as the Quickening burst forth from his body. The energy is too much for Zombie Wonder Girl to contain and explodes from the power. Zombie Maxima is blown back down the street, but survives. Windcharger peels down the street and sees the expulsion of the Quickening from the street ahead.

“Aww man, Cave Dump! I think Ramirez just bought the farm,” exclaims the Autobot.

His passenger, Cave Dump replies by defecating on his seat and smearing it on the inside of the Pontiac Trans Am.

“Seriously!?! Did you seriously just do that?!?!” yells Windcharger as he squeals his tires and slams into Zombie Maxima.

Cave Dump jumps out of the Autobot, spear in hand and jams it into the zombified Almerac princess’s chest. She however pulls it deeper in, so to bring Cave Dump within her reach. She grabs a hold of his stringy white hair and black bear pelt and pulls him in closer. She chomps down on his shoulder as Windcharger transforms. The Cro-Magnon screams out in agony as the zombie continues to make him dinner.

“Sorry, buddy, but I gotta,” Windcharger says reluctantly as he stomps on both Zombie Maxima and Cave Dump. “Plus, you smeared crap on my interior.” The Autobot then radios Head Coach Washington who is currently aboard Cosmos, and heading for Commano-1. “Sir, we lost Ramirez and Cave Dump, but managed to take down their trio of zombies.”

High above the planet, Head Coach Washington responds to the update, “Ok, thank you for the update Windcharger, rendezvous with Roadbuster and continue your assault.” He turns to his coaching staff and erupts. “Damn it!! How do we lose a goddamn Immortal?? They’re immortal for Christ’s sake!”

“My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men,” says Lee.

“It matters not. We came here with no peaceful intent,” begins William Wallace, “but for battle, determined to avenge our wrongs and obtain our team a chance at the championship.”

“I agree with Wallace,” responds Washington. “We have already put an end to the Commandos’ perfect season. It’s time to end their season completely.”

“Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow,” replies Clinton.

Washington snaps around and barks, “Quiet Clinton!”

“The time for war has not yet come, but it will come, and that soon; and when it does come, my advice is to draw the sword and throw away the scabbard,” says Stonewall Jackson.

“Alright Cosmos, let’s kick in the afterburners,” Washington says as his cabinet prepares for war.

The green flying saucer accelerates through the blackness of space towards Commando-1 as the conflict wages on down on the planet below.

The Commandos know that the Slaves will have sent their Sandworms into battle and have decided it’s better to fight them now rather than the possibilities of their ranks being too dwindled later. Obama sends Norma Cenva along with his two mighty Cymeks into the arid wastelands of the Playoff Planet. The daughter of the Supreme Sorceress of Rossak argued with her Head Coach over this decision, as it was Xerxes himself that brutally tortured her in the past. But the President was persistent, and assured her that she did not have to lead them, but rather simply unleash them on the Sandworms. Cenva reluctantly agreed. She uses her Green Lantern ring to fire several shots into the sand as the massive mechanized Xerxes flies overhead, casting a large shadow over the hot sand. The ground begins to move like a rolling current as the Sandworms awaken. The strong scent of cinnamon fills the dry air. Lightning comes out of nowhere as there are no storm clouds in the air. Sandworm #18 bursts out of the sand and consumes the Cymek known as Dante whole before it can ever even get a single shot off. Xerxes swoops in and unloads its missiles down upon the Sandworm. The payload explodes and rips through Sandworm #18’s body. This attack causes the other two Sandworms to erupt from the desert, only this time to reach high into the air and clip the wings of Xerxes. The Cymek spins out of control, but Norma Cenva casts a green energy aura around Xerxes and directs it right towards the gaping maw of Sandworm #20. Right before the Sandworm closes its mouth and slams back into the earth, Cenva fires a sniper-accurate shot from her Green Lantern ring that detonates Xerxes’ fuel cell and explodes the Cymek within the Sandworm, killing both of them in the process. Norma smirks slightly at the sight of Xerxes’ demise. She then flies high into the sky to evade the final Sandworm. She then sees down in the sand a streak of red energy swiftly jet across. Atrocitus’s prophecy has led him here to the barren dunes against this monstrous being.

“So much rage and anger,” Norma Cenva comments to herself as she reads the mind of her furious and determined ally. “Let’s see if we can put it to some use.”

She focuses her powers and overtakes Atrocitus’ mind for a moment. She uses her Green Lantern ring to swoop down beside him as they wait for the Sandworm to erupt back out of the desert. The great Shai-Hulud emerges from beneath them and consumes the pair. Deep within the belly of the beast, Norma Cenva then releases Atrocitus from her control, which only sends him into a berserker rage. She protects herself from the eruption of red plasma coming out of Atrocitus. They both then use their rings to rip open the final Sandworm from the inside out. The duo climb out of the Sandworm carcass as Cenva looks upon the devastation she has wrought in what very well could be her final outing. The sky above them all of a sudden becomes increasingly dark.

Atrocitus stammers backwards, “No…. the black. It is coming. Just like the prophecy. Prepare yourself woman!”

Cenva then feels something strange in the back of her head. Norma screams out in agony, dropping to her knees as she grasps her forehead in pain.

“You think you’re the only telepath in this battle, child?” asks Cassandra Nova as she invades Cenva’s mind. The mutant never physically attacks her as she is standing on a far off dune.

The two battle within Cenva’s mind as Atrocitus is confronted by another who wields a ring….The One Ring. Sauron. Norma lets out a scream that penetrates the dark sky as blood drips from her eyes and nose. She drops to the ground motionless and defeated. Atrocitus unleashes a powerful roar as he spews bright red plasma at the Lord of Mordor. Sauron slightly leans back and extends his arms out as the plasma washes over his black armor. He then turns slightly and levels Atrocitus with a hard back hand swing of his mace. The leader of the Red Lantern Corps sails backwards, crashing into the sand. Sauron stalks his prey and steps on Atrocitus’ forearm, pinning it to the ground. He then raises his mace and brings it down, crushing both Atrocitus’ hand and ring. He then finishes off Atrocitus once and for all, showing him exactly who the true ring master is.

High above the planet, Sweet Pea and the other girls from the Lennox house for the Mentally Insane prepare for their part of this war. Rocket presses play on their stereo system as Babydoll steps forward. She begins to sway back and forth and then starts into the most erotic dance you will never see. All five girls are then teleported down to the planet via Babydoll’s dancing. Amber climbs up into her Bunny Mech Unit as the rest of them check their weapons. They creep through the deserted rocky highlands of the Planet. Off in the distance, beyond the mountains, you can see flashes multi-hued energy beams streaking across the sky as the battle wages on.

“Ok, I’ll cover you girls from the air, now let’s take care of some business!” radios Amber as the thrusters of her Mech Unit thunders her up into the sky. Rocket carefully surveys the area with her scope.

“Looks like we’re all clear,” comments Rocket with a smirk.

“Girls, think again… we’ve got company!” Amber radios down after locking on to Roadbuster and Windcharger who are driving down the hillside at top speeds. Windcharger is quite a bit ahead of the more heavily armored Roadbuster, who is kicking up a large plume of debris in his wake. The four Sucker Punch girls take cover behind various boulders and broken fencing that jut out from the countryside. Windcharger arrives on the scene first. The Pontiac Trans Am fires into the air, barrel rolls into his robot transformation. He takes aim with his arms and targets Amber. He uses his magnetic abilities to wreak havoc on her navigation control and begins to pull the rivets right out from their securing’s.

The magnetic pull, yanks on the Mech Unit and causes Amber to drop the lollipop out of her mouth, which only enrages the pilot.

“Oh you son of a…” she grumbles to herself as she frantically, but with 100% focus, presses the buttons and flips numerous switches on her control panel.

“Amber!” shouts Blondie, who leaps over the wooden fencing and opens fire on Windcharger. Rocket backs her up as Babydoll and Sweet Pea draw their swords. The duo rushes in, narrowly evade the incoming barrage of missiles courtesy of Roadbuster who is still barreling down the road. They race under the Autobot and slice Windcharger’s hydraulic tubing near his ankle joints. The Autobot drops to his knees as Amber uses her thrusters to blast down and stomp on Windcharger’s head, killing the transformer.

“Heh, make me drop my lollipop, will ya,” quips Amber as she is about to blast back off into the air. Her Bunny Mech Unit, however, explodes into a ball of fire as Roadbuster connects with one of his heat-seekers.

The girls scatter as Roadbuster transformers and sprays the area with a stream of laser blasts. Rocket ambitiously runs right for Roadbuster and scales up his back. She targets where his shoulders and neck meet and unloads her gun. However the Autobot is heavily reinforced and it does not take him down. His shoulder mounted rocket launcher swings around and “launches Rocket” off of him. She sails through the air and slams into the rocky wall that stretches high into the air next to the road. The other three girls spin, jump and flip through the air in an effort to evade Roadbuster’s assault. Blondie is clipped in the leg by a laser blast and crashes to the road. The Slaves’ heavy artillery soldier overtly finishes her off by shooting a grenade that leaves a giant crater in the area of the road where Blondie once was.

“Babydoll, we’ve got to put an end to this guy, or we’re finished,” Sweet Pea says to Babydoll as they retreat behind a large boulder.

“Ok, you go that way and I’ll draw his attention,” replies Babydoll as she runs out into the middle of the street.

“Wait! Babydoll!” yells Sweet Pea. She then looks up to see a quick blink of red far away in the sky. But focuses back on Babydoll.

Rocket finally regains consciousness and looks up to see Babydoll slowly beginning to walk towards the towering transformer as he reloads his weapons. She looks over to see her sister coming around from the other side. Roadbuster begins firing right at Babydoll, but is somehow missing her with every shot. Babydoll’s katana blade glistens in the sunlight, still wet with hydraulic fluid from Windcharger. She then begins to run right at Roadbuster. She ducks, dodges and weaves through all the firepower Roadbuster is letting loose at her. Rocket gets back to her feet and lays down some covering fire for Babydoll. This distract Roadbuster for a moment. Sweet Pea then flanks Roadbuster and races towards him as well. The three girls converge on him and begin to back him up. He drops down to a knee as Rocket closes in on the Autobot and climbs up onto him again.

Sweet Pea then sees that same blink of red light in the air, only this time, it’s rapidly approaching.

“Rocket! Look out!!” yells Sweet Pea.

Rocket turns around just in time to see Amazo’s fist about an eighth of an inch away from her face, which is the last things she sees. Amazo then uses his heat vision to rip through the road, sending rubble shooting into the air, knocking Sweet Pea down. Babydoll, however is unfazed by this additional attack. She runs in and jams her katana blade right up under Roadbuster’s chin. The Autobot drops to the ground next to Babydoll. She looks up to see Sweet Pea desperately trying to defend herself from Professor Ivo’s android. But he is not only too strong and durable for her, but too quick as well. Amazo moves a the speed of The Flash and snatches the beautiful blonde up off of her feet. He swings her around just as Babydoll fires a shot from her pistol. The bullet strikes Sweet Pea in the chest as she it flung through the air. Amazo then uses his heat vision to fully lobotomize the teenager. The android then flies off to continue his part in this confrontation.

The shriek of Black Lantern Set can be heard across the entire planet as the rest of the combatants continue their battle. Professor Ivo’s android has already returned to the forces of the Slaves after just moments earlier dispatching the remainder of the Sucker Punch Crew. Amazo flies right for the Black Lantern Set and pays dearly for his arrogance. The undead cosmic being unleashes blackened cosmic fire that fully consumes Amazo, returning him to nothing but cinder. Black Lantern Set then continues his utter annihilation of any and everything that comes before him. Crash Bandicoot and Captain Crunch are destroyed in almost an afterthought from what comes next. The green aura from the energy constructed arm of Yoda glows bright as the shadow of the mighty serpent covers all. His focus is locked on bringing down the unholy being. But there is something standing at the top of one of serpent’s heads. Something small.

“Hey! Yoda, vieja bastardo. Pense que estaba muerto, no? Tengo todavia inconcluso. Y used tiene un billete para el cementerio. Uno que tengo intencion de punetazos,” says the shadow figure as she steps out into the light.

It’s Dora the Explorer. She jumps off of the head and slides down the serpent as she ignites her two lightsabers and lunges at the Jedi Master. Yoda fires several shots from his Green Lantern ring, but the determined Dora blocks them with her lightsabers. The two small combatants square off as everyone around them almost stop their own battles after seeing Dora’s return to the battlefield. If they weren’t at a stand still before, they are now. Dora spins around Yoda’s lightsaber thrust and drives her own lightsabers into the Jedi’s back.

She then whispers into the one remaining ear Yoda has, “No eres el unico que busco.”

Sparks fly out of the lightsaber wounds as the green construct arm flickers out. The Green Lantern ring then leaves Yoda’s hand and flies through the air. As a mysterious voice speaks out from what seems to be thin air.

“Not who say you are either, little one,” the voice says.

Black Lantern Harry Potter flies overhead and remarks, “Well I guess we don’t need this spell anymore.”

All of a sudden, Yoda, fully restored to peak health, perched upon his loyal Kybuck appears as Black Lantern Harry Potter’s Invisibility Spell is lifted. Yoda has been patiently controlling his Green Lantern ring from a distance in an effort of misdirection.

Prior to this Conference Finals, Head Coach President Washington confers with his war cabinet over their battle strategies. They diligently look over the map of the Playoff Planet they have laid out across their conference table.

“From what we know of the Commandos, we have the upper hand in several of the terrains on the planet,” Washington says to his staff. He moves around the map. “We have the water well in hand with our additions of the Hydra and Jaws from this year, as well as our continuing dominance in the desert courtesy of our Sandworms. Ymir should prove useful if the battle ends up in the Artic…”

Washington is then interrupted by the entrance of one of his closest and oldest confidants. Yoda, still badly injured from the Slaves’ battle against the Horsemen of Apokolips, slowly makes his way into the war room.

“Moment of your time, hrmmph, I request Mr. President,” asks the Jedi Master.

“Of course Master Yoda,” replies Washington. He then motions to his staff, “We’ll pick this up later. Please if you will.”

His cabinet leaves the room and closes the door. Washington kneels to one knee so he can speak closer to his old friend, considering he is currently missing an ear.

“What is it dear friend?” he asks.

Yoda lets out a deep sigh. “A heavy heart, I have,” he begins. “Failed you I have.”

“Nonsense! You defeated the Commandos in the final week of the Regular Season and bested the Horsemen in the First Round of the Playoffs. How could you say something like that?” a shocked Washington responds.

“That victory, too great was the price,” Yoda replies. “Wounded I am. Enough to defeat two Supermans… I am not.”

“I know what you are about to ask me, and I beg you, do not ask it,” pleads Washington. “I will not sacrifice you. I….. can’t.”

“Your decision…it… is not,” Yoda tells his Head Coach. “Become one with the Force, I must. Worry you must not. Return I will.”

And with those comments, Master Yoda seems to simply disappear as his cane drops from where his one remaining arm was holding it. His robe slowly floats to the ground. Washington’s head drops as he watches Yoda dissipate from existence. He picks up Yoda’s lightsaber that had also dropped to the ground and shouts for his Cabinet to return for further planning. Lee, Wallace, Clinton and Jackson all appear confused and slightly shocked at the absence of Master Yoda. George Washington grips Yoda’s lightsaber tighter and ignites the green blade. Determination with a hint of anger washes over his face.

“Alright…Listen up. We have a new plan.”

Back into the present time, Yoda leaps off of Kybuck and uses his Green Lantern ring to obliterate the Life Model Decoy that is impersonating Dora the Explorer. He then flies into the air, leaving a comet tail of green energy in his wake. Yoda zips up the long body of one of Black Lantern Set’s heads, wrapping it in green energy, which constricts around the serpent and explodes it. The other six heads screech out as they feel the pain from the dying head. Together they violently blast their dark cosmic energy into the sky, trying to eliminate the unwavering Jedi Master, but to no avail. Yoda then bursts straight up into the air and comes rocketing back down in between the remaining heads of Black Lantern Set. He drives into the very heart of the monster, causing an eruption of black cosmic energy that shoots high enough to break through the atmosphere and out into the abyss of space.

Kybuck valiantly leaps into the massive cavern where Black Lantern Set once stood. Moments later, it leaps back out carrying Yoda on its back.

“Slaves, now. The time is,” Yoda sternly states to his teammates as he takes his proper place in charge of the field forces of the Slaves.

As the battle wages on, with Yoda at the helm, George Washington leads his war cabinet towards their own objective in about the Planet.

“I’ve just received word that Master Yoda has revealed himself to the Commandos and has full control of the battle down on the Planet. We, however, are going to have to take out The Commando's leaders, and to do that we are going to have to board that ship,” says Gen. Washington to his crew. He finishes, by saying: “Cosmos, we are going to need you to get as close as you can to that craft, without being noticed. Gen. Lee, Gen. Jackson, Gen. Wallace, Draft-Dodger Clinton. Be ready for a quick exit. Cosmos, do you think you can navigate the trench below the troop-release hatch, without being noticed in order to get us inside?”

Cosmos answers: “I'm not sure Coach? That is going to take some serious flying.”

Washington responds with: “If my men and I could navigate the Delaware on Christmas Day, to win The Battle of Trenton, than you can get us through that trench Cosmos. You have been a valuable asset to this team since day 1, don't let us down now.”

Cosmos navigates swiftly, but secretly through the open-air troop trench inside The Commando 1, when he sees an exit to his left and an oxygen-rich area to his right.

“This must be the Commandos main base of operations,” says Gen. Lee to the rest of the crew.

Cosmos sets himself down carefully while Gen. Washington and his troops move with perfect precision out of Cosmos' main hatch.

“Now get out of here Autobot, and leave this to us. The rest of the team needs you out there,” Washington orders.

“Yes, sir; and thank you sir. It has been a pleasure to serve under you for these past five great seasons. There is no better; or other captain, coach, or President I could ever serve,” says Cosmos.

Washington retorts with a smile, “Don't mention it soldier. I'll see you back at the base. I'll have the energon chilled and ready for you.”

“Somehow I doubt that sir,” says Cosmos to himself as he flies back out of the ID4 ship and returns to the battle.

The five Army Chief of Staffs, sneak up upon the control room and peer into the door window. Inside they see: Pres. Barack Obama, Pres. Thomas Jefferson, Pres. John Adams, Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and Pres. Benjamin Harrison; all sitting down at a table. The table is covered in blue prints and game plans for this Conference Finals Match-up; but that doesn't seem to be what they are discussing.

Stonewall Jackson says, “How the hell did Benjamin Harrison get a seat with these guys. I don't ever remember The Commandos wasting a draft pick on him?”

“Maybe they just picked him up on waivers,” says Gen. Jackson.

“Maybe this is a costume party with a “lesser-known Presidents theme”?” adds Pres. Clinton as he snickers to himself, and nudges Stonewall, who can't help but chuckle a bit.

“Maybe they met up with him at the gay bar, while they were looking for your FATHER”!! says William Wallace in his typical enraged tone.

Robert E. Lee then adds, “Great theories guys, I'm thinking he is probably an L.M.D. Either way, we need to take him out with the rest of these rebels.”

“Hey Rob, watch that “Rebel” S**t. If people hear you talking like that while I'm hanging around, than I'm gonna lose my mantle as the first black president,” fires Clinton.

Inside the room, and equally amazing conversation is taking place between The Commando's leadership.

Adams slams the rest of his hard cider and says: “Well, the only reason I wasn't elected twice, is because the people were afraid I would become KING AND MY SONS WOULD TAKE OVER!!”

“Settle down John,” says Jefferson as he sips his cabernet. “I heard all of this while I was your vice-president, now do you guys think that Washington will bring any of his young lady slaves with him, during this battle.”

Benjamin Harrison seems a bit outclassed but he takes a sip of Dewars and chases it with some Honest Tea. “Well, my Granddad was only president for thirty days, and I'm the only guy who was president both before and after Grover Cleveland.”

Adams and Jefferson both look over at Harrison in a condescending fashion, when Obama takes a drag off of his Marlboro Red and says, “Don't feel bad guys, at least you were dead before he was president and have an excuse for not knowing who the hell he is.”

Churchill slams another shot of Johnnie Walker Red Label and says, “I do believe that you people are drunker on your own history than I am off of this scotch.”

At this exact moment, Winston falls off of his chair and drops his wand, that he was using as a cigar-holder as William Wallace, with the rest of the gang bust through the door.

“I hope that's the best thing from Scotland you've ever swallowed, cause here comes the WORST!!” says Wallace as he takes off Churchill's head with his broadsword.

John Adams begins screaming at the Slave's Squad to vacate the premises, while Thomas Jefferson throws a book at them and Barack Obama tosses Grievous' old blaster to Adams and ignites two lightsabers for himself. Benjamin Harrison's head begins to spark as he catches a saber to the face from Stonewall Jackson, while William Wallace starts screaming about freedom while bloodying his knuckles on every piece of machinery in the room. Obama uses his green lightsaber to cut off slick Willy's hand, before he locks in a fierce lightsaber dual with Gen. Washington. Adams begins unloading Grievous' old blaster at Robert E. Lee, who holds up his lightsaber to defend himself. Lightsabers light up the control room and the controls, while blaster fire does even more damage.

The one-handed Bill looks over at our current president and says, “Hey Barry, I know that neither of us are computer experts; but as the only two guys here born in the 20th Century, don't you think that it is bad that all of these controls are smoking and that the ship seems to be losing control?”

Washington, who has momentarily stopped dueling with Illinois' former Senator says, “We are all about to go down with this ship aren't we?”

The flash of light happens next, but before the boom they all hear Bill say, “Ha, it looks like it Mr. Presidents, I think we are all fuh.........”

The cataclysmic explosion of Commando-1 is so large and blinding, it was seen on the battlefield as the Commandos and Slaves continue to vie for the Conference Title. Runner is streaking across the plains at the speed of light as Heimdall stands silent and steadfast. The Asgardian spins around and takes one swipe with his sword. The Elder of the Universe doesn’t even see the attack coming and runs right into the path of the blade. Runner’s two halves tumble out of control as Heimdall takes a moment to look up into the sky, knowing that his Head Coach sacrificed himself for the greater good. Then, without warning, Heimdall is blasted back by red plasma.

“Who dares?!” bellows Heimdall.

The answer he is given is one of rage. Skaar slams into the Asgardian and tackles him to the ground. Heimdall shakes the stars from his vision as he regains his footing only to be leveled by a vicious roundhouse from the Son of Hulk. Heimdall shakes his head, in an effort to refocus himself. As he regains his footing he looks up to see Skaar spewing red plasma all over Baaress Offee, killing the Jedi.

The yellow in Heimdall’s eyes now burn with anger. “You there!” he bellows with his smooth baritone voice. “I have seen what your father can do to us Asgardians, and let me assure you,” Heimdall then winds up and lands a double fisted uppercut to the chin of Skaar. “You…are NOT your father.”

The Asgardian wields his sword as he charges Skaar, who has now been forced into a defensive position. He spews red plasma at the sprinting demi-god, but Heimdall deflects the attack with his sword. Skaar enraged as well, charges towards Heimdall. The sheer impact caused from the collision of the two powerhouses, sends a stream of red plasma and magic laced shockwave radiating through out the surrounding battlefield. As the dust settles, there is a glint of gold that can be seen. It is Heimdall’s golden armor that can be seen emerging from the clearing smoke. His face bloodied, his armor scratched and tarnished, but Heimdall is still upright and on his feet. Skaar, however, is not to be seen. Heimdall then takes several steps forward before dropping to his knees and falling dead. Skaar climbs out of the rubble they have caused, victorious. The Son of Hulk unleashes a dominant roar into the sky as he beats his chest. There is then a flash of bright yellow light in the form of what appears to be an ankh.

“You toy with matters you couldn’t possibly imagine,” speaks an ominous voice to Skaar. The individual who claims ownership of this voice appears above Skaar, floating in the air. It is Dr. Fate. The Son of Hulk doesn’t hesitate to attack and leaps towards the wearer of the Helm of Nabu. Dr. Fate conjures up a potent bolt of magic and fires it at the oncoming beast. The magic proves to be too much for even the Son of Hulk, who’s smoldering husk plummets to the ground below.

The Superman duo knows that they have to start bottle necking their opponents and closing off any possible terrain advantages the Slaves still hold. They split up with Kingdom Come Superman flying towards the swamp where the, now 13 headed, Hydra still holds dominance over.

The elder Kal-El swoops in and uses his freeze breath to solidify the lake where the Hydra resides. The shriek of the monster is deafening. It sprays its poisonous breath towards the Kryptonian, but he is unaffected. He then uses his heat vision to cut several heads from the chthonic creature. Due to the extreme temperature from Kingdom Come Superman’s heat vision, he cauterized the stumps, preventing new heads from growing it its place. Kal-El then continued his attack with lightning fast speed to finally defeat the water beast.

“Kal, the Hydra has been defeated,” Kingdom Come Superman says into his comlink. “How are you faring over in the Arctic? Kal?? Can you hear me?”

There is no answer.

“Optimus! Get our team to the Arctic!! Kal-L is in trouble!” he shouts into his comlink.

Kingdom Come Superman rockets towards the other side of the planet, where the Slaves have re-grouped for a final push. Once he arrives he sees Earth-Two Superman valiantly defending against an overwhelming attack from the lot of George Washington’s Slaves.

There is then a mysterious sound coming from what seems like all around them.

“Standing on the border, looking out into the great unknown, I can feel my heart beating faster as I step out on my own, there's a new horizon and the promise of favorable wind, I'm heading out tonight, traveling light…

A blinding white flash that burst out of the center of the frozen tundra follows the strange music. As the snow clears, you can see that White Lantern Deadman has teleported the remainder of the Commandos to the icy warzone.

Taylor Swift leaps out first and fires a volley of deadly metal disc that spray out from her Sith Lanvarok. They are heading directly for the Slaves when Cosmos comes flying in, transforms and lands in front of his teammates. The metal discs bounce harmlessly off of his Cybertronian hull. The Autobot then blasts back off, and attacks Black Lantern Neo, who has been feasting on the heart of Mr. Miracle.

Black Lantern Harry Potter then flies in and notices a difference in Ms. Swift’s weaponry. “Hey, shouldn’t you be wielding some sort of staff??”

The country star quickly retorts, “Nope, you’re thinking of the mysterious Sith Lavarouk. This is a Sith Lanvarok. Here allow me to show you the diff….”

“Boooorrrinng,” yawns the decaying wizard as he blast Swift to smithereens with his dark magic. “I always preferred how Lady Gaga spun that disco stick for me anyways.”

Black Lantern Harry Potter is then clocked in the back of the head with a football as Tim Tebow triumphantly rushes out on to the battlefield. The Black Lantern spins around to see the quarterback kneel to one knee and bow his head beside several pieces that were once Taylor Swift.

“Ugh you gotta be kidding me?!” exclaims Potter. “Could they have at least sent Beckham after me? At least he’s a REAL football player!”

The Jesus-loving, Jockey-wearing, New York Jet launches another football at the wizard, but it’s blasted out of the air. The Black Lantern then uses his magical powers to lift Tebow up off of the ground and literally bend him in half backwards. Smoke pours out of Tim’s mouth and ears as sparks shoot violently from his eyes.

“Stupid L.M.D.s,” the Black Lantern grumbles to himself. He goes to toss the crunched body of the LMD Tebow aside when he sees a white light out from the corner of his eye. “Ah, crap.” He says to himself as the blast from White Lantern Deadman obliterates him.

High up in the air, Cosmos is dealing with an old friend and former teammate. Black Lantern Neo died as a Slave in Universe Bowl II, but the Commandos forced his resurrection this year. He is now a twisted visage of his former glory.

The Black Lantern Chosen One feeds off of the compassion just emanating out of Cosmos. “Come on Cosmos. Just die with dignity so I can set the record for being the first person to ever appear in three Universe Bowls.”

“HA! Even if the Commandos do prove to be victorious today, you will set no such record,” Cosmos replies. “You are not Neo. You are a grotesque abomination of his image. One that I shall eliminate shortly.”

The stocky Autobot rockets down at Neo, slamming into him as the two nose-dive towards the ground below.

“Now!!!” exclaims Cosmos as he closes his eyes and burns his thrusters.

Rodimus Prime with Yoda up on his shoulder reluctantly take aim and fire at their fellow teammate.

“NO!!” shouts Black Lantern Neo who starts punching and clawing his way through Cosmos’s chest, sending him to the Graveyard in an effort to evade this attack. But Yoda and Rodimus’s aim is true and together they vaporize Black Lantern Neo.

I did not want him to make that sacrifice, Master Yoda,” Rodimus Prime says to his teammate as Yoda leaps off of his shoulder and back onto his trust Kybuck.

“Sacrifices, too many there are this day,” Yoda mournfully comments. “More to come, fear I do,” he continues as he rides off.

Dozer #13 patiently waits on a nearby pine tree as he sets his target quite possibly just a tad too high. The tiny creature leaps off of the branch towards the approaching Yoda, but Kybuck sees this and snatches him out of mid air, chomping him to bits.

“Ok, Angel. Let’s send that little green muppet to the Graveyard,” remarks Buffy Summers as she ignites her blue lightsaber.

Buffy takes flight and flies right towards the Jedi Master as Angel races behind her on foot. Buffy swoops down and uses her lightsaber to send Kybuck into the afterlife. Yoda springs off of his steed and fires a shot from his Green Lantern ring at the Vampire Slayer. She’s knocked back, which sends her tumbling through the air. Angel takes aim and fires his S.P.I.N. Tech at Yoda, hoping that it will have some sort of affect on the Jedi and his mastery of the Force. This hope is unrealized as Yoda spins around and uses the Force to block the projectiles and send them back at Angel. The adamantium-tipped darts pierce the vampire’s skin. The nanobites work aggressively against the vampirism that flows through Angel’s body. They actually revert him back to a mortal, but due to his longevity, Angel deteriorates rapidly into nothing but dust.

“Angel!!!!!!!” screams Buffy as the Vampire Slayer watches Angel dissipate in the wind. A single tear falls from his eye as he is blown away.

She soars through the air, heading on a collision course with Yoda. Her anger clouds her vision, as Yoda calmly blocks her lightsaber swipe, flips up and over, landing on her back and drives his green lightsaber into the back of her neck. The Vampire Slayer drops from the sky as Yoda continues to control the pace of this conflict.

The 1,000 foot tall ice creature of destruction, known as Ymir, swings his mighty ice club towards the former Black Lantern version of Optimus Prime, but the Autobot leader narrowly evades the attack. Prime begins to scale a glacier, in a effort to gain the high ground (if there is a such thing against a 1,000 foot tall monster), but he is attack from the side by Rodimus Prime. The two wielders of the Matrix tumble from the glacier as White Lantern Deadman attempts to engage Ymir. The Frost Giant, however, is vastly stronger than the White Lantern and uses his ice powers to freeze Boston Brand solid, only to be shattered by a mighty swing of Ymir’s ice club.

“Rodimus, this isn’t a fight you want son,” says Optimus.

“Ohh trust me, I know Optimus. But that doesn’t matter, because I swore to Yoda that I would stop you since he knew this fight was something he could not bear,” replies Rodimus.

(The ironic thing about this confrontation, is that prior to his Black Lantern re-incarnations, Optimus Prime was a member of the Slaves, and Rodimus Prime was a Commando before joining the Slaves. They have both since also been healed of these manifestations, courtesy of the Autobot Matrix of Leadership.)

Optimus Prime spears Rodimus to the snow and breaks his rotator. Rodimus lets out a painful scream as Optimus finishes the job. “Sorry son, but I’m going to need this as well.” Optimus then opens up Rodimus’s chest and takes his version of the Matrix. He takes off back up the glacier as the massive head of Ymir faces the Autobot leader. Ymir’s face dwarfs the large transformer, but he is unfazed by the size. He then opens Rodimus’ Matrix up and uses its power to eradicate the Frost Giant. The reverb from the power of the Matrix and its close proximity of Optimus’s own version, causes great pain to him, dropping him to a knee.

He then feels a dark shadow loom near him. When Optimus looks up, he is met with a colossal blow from Sauron’s mace. The hit shatters Prime’s protective face plate. Sauron then uses the powers of the One Ring to destroy Optimus’ Matrix as well as his very spark. With use of his vast magical abilities, Sauron flings Prime’s lifeless body across the icy battleground and at the Superman duo’s feet. They are about to engage Sauron, when they are both nailed by a green energy brick wall.

“Your fight, with me it is,” states Yoda as his ring glows bright and his grip on his lightsaber tightens.

The two Supermen do not take this confrontation lightly as they have already seen Yoda take down the brunt of the Commandos’ A-team today. Kingdom Come Superman fires first with his heat vision, but Yoda blocks it. The Jedi Master shoots up into the sky, courtesy of his Green Lantern Ring and takes a swipe at Earth Two Superman. The lightsaber sparks across Kal-L’s chest, tearing the “S” on his costumer wide open. The swipe also injures him slightly.

“Agggh,” Earth Two Superman winces. He uses his powerful breath to blow Yoda back,, but the Jedi Master is relentless. He fires a volley of green energy blasts at Kingdom Come Superman, thus keeping him at bay and preventing him in aiding his partner.

“Kryptonite, my lightsaber crystal is,” says Yoda as Earth Two Superman notices the woozy sensation his cut is causing him. The diminutive Jedi grunts as he flies as fast as he can at the elderly Clark Kent and drives his lightsaber deep into his chest. Earth Two Superman shoots his heat vision high into the sky upon being impaled by the green blade.

Kingdom Come Superman blasts off towards Yoda but, the Jedi snaps around and is catches him in mid air with a powerful Force hold. He tries to use his heat vision as he is trapped by the constricting Force, but Yoda blocks it with his lightsaber. Kal-El then closes his eyes and focuses all his strength. With a mighty yell he uses all of his might and breaks free from Yoda’s grasp.

“Dora sends her regards,” Kingdom Come Superman says as he flies right at Yoda.

The impact sends a sonic boom blasting through the air as KC Superman connects with a devastating right cross. But it did not connect fully with the Jedi Master. Yoda was able to power up his green energy force field just in time.

Yoda spits some blood out from his mouth, “Strong you are, hmmm, but not that strong.”

The Jedi Master then uses his Green Lantern ring to supercharge his green lightsaber. Yoda zips through the air towards Kingdom Come Superman. He flies around him nearly at the speed of light, criss-crossing the Kryptonian a hundred times over. Yoda then spins up in front of Kal-El and swings his lightsaber as hard as he can, slicing right through him.

Yoda pants as this took everything he had out of him. The Jedi Master floats slowly down to the snowy ground below, but before he gets there, he is confronted by yet another member of the Commandos.

“Your fate has been sealed great Jedi Master,” the ominous Dr. Fate states. “Your time in the league has come to an end. I bid you farewell.”

“Hmmpph….so…. sure are we,” Yoda says as he reignites his lightsaber.

The Jedi leaps at Dr. Fate, but his is dematerialized by Fate, thus ending one of the single greatest Fantasy Fantasy careers of all time. However, the fate of this Conference Finals has yet to be decided.

The ring slinging trio of Leon, Katniss Everdeen and Luminara Unduli are currently attacking the Dark Lord of Mordor. Katniss’s Green Lantern ring has received a power boost from Master Unduli’s Blue Lantern Ring. The two of them keep Sauron on the defensive as Leon uses the fear that Sauron imposes on the universe to fuel his Yellow Lantern ring. Sauron then once again shows the Commandos who the real “Wielder of the Ring” is. He obliterates Unduli with but a flick of his hand. Sauron then wails Katniss with his mace, sending her careening across the landscape. He grabs Leon by the throat and pulls him in close. This however, is exactly what the assassin was hoping for.

“For….. Dora,” the Italian whispers. He then unlashes the full power of his Yellow Lantern ring, causing a massive explosion that destroys both Sauron and himself.

Cassandra Nova, who has not been seen since the desert, sneaks through the icy battlefield knowing that this contest is coming to a close. She sees Dr. Fate and blasts him with her Demon Rod. The sorcerer drops out of the sky, his cape smoldering. She jams the rod into his back and yanks the Helm of Nabu off of his head. The mutant places the helmet upon her own head, but is overwhelmed by the spirit of Nabu. She shriek’s out in pain and is unable to see the single green energy arrow that flies through the air. The arrow’s path is true and plunges right through an eye opening of the helmet, killing Cassandra Nova instantly.

Katniss Everdeen, bloodied and battered from this epic battle, slides down a snow covered hill. She puts her hands on her knees, exhausted. She looks around ands see the devastation that today’s conflict has wrought and thinks to herself if a Championship is worth this high of a price.

Consolation Match: Round Two: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs TEAM

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Michael Vick w/M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher, Dexter the Dog, Toto the Dog, Dexter the Dog, Phil Day w/Sith Lavarouk and Treasure Troll #25.

TEAM is Tomoe Gozen

Phil Day: Hey mate, you must feel at home here.

Phil begins laughing to himself as he is talking to the Eagles quarterback.

Vick: You too you Aussie F#$%! Dis where my dogz at!

As he says this both Dexter and Toto come up on each side of him.

Phil Day: I thought you were put in here because you killed dogs.

Vick: See that's some bullshit that got out of hand in the media. The media was painting me as some dog killa when its was the other ways around.

Phil Day looks perplexed at this statement as he is not quite sure what he is talking about.

Phil Day: So let me get this straight, were the dogs keeping you in cages and making you fight other American Football players?

Vick: No man, that aint it. You f#$^ing ignorant or something?

Phil Day: You said the media was painting you as a dog killer and in fact it was quite the opposite. That would mean that instead of you keeping dogs in cages and forcing them to fight to the death against each other that the dogs themselves were keeping you and other people in cages and forcing you guys to fight each other.

Vick: Hell no man, that aint it at all. Where'd you learn how to read anyways?

Phil Day: Read?

Vick: Look man, this is how it was. We was keeping the dogs in cages to protect them. It dangerous out there, lots of people trying to kill em.

Phil Day: There are people out there just trying to kill dogs?

Vick: Man shut the f#$# up and let me tell my tale.

Phil looks on in pure wonder and finally just gives the man the floor.

Vick: Look, we was protecting the dogs from danger and then one night some of them got out and ran into the electric fence we had around the place. They was trying to get food because they was hungry and shit. Two of them got hurt real bad and then the other dogs started to fight each other because they was confused and shit. Then some of my boys accidently dropped some money on the ground and I tolds them that they had to pay up for busting my errfly possessions. Then they took the electric dogs and dunked them in some water to cool them off because they be smokin like cray.

Phil Day just stares on in amazement at the story.

Vick: Then we called the fire department because of the smokin dogs and we didn't want that shit to get out of hand but instead they sent the cops and then they was racist and shut all that shit down and then they sent us all to jail.

Phil takes a second before he chooses what he is going to say as he isn't even quite sure what he has just heard.

Phil Day: So let me get this straight, you were keeping these dogs safe from all of these people who were for some reason trying to kill them. Then one night the dogs somehow escaped from their safe haven and ran into an electric fence that just so happened to be surrounding them.

Vick: Yeah man...

Phil Day: Hold on mate, I'm not finished yet. Then after two of the dogs ran into the fence and you stopped them from fighting each other a couple of your friends dunked them in water and helped "cool them down" because they were smoking, which I am assuming that is because they were obviously dead at this point. Then they for some reason dropped money on the floor, which for the record I honestly can't make heads or tails of at this point and then you called the fire department so that the dogs who were smoking wouldn't set the other dogs on fire, despite the fact that you had already dunked them in water, therefore taking away the danger that their smoky fur some how put everyone else in.

Vick: Exactly man. I told the cops the same thing and they just called the newspapers and put me in jail.

Phil Day: Wait a second, did you say the cops called the newspaper and that "they" put you in jail?

Vick: Hell yeah man, I wish you was a cop, I wouldn't have ever had to leave the Falcons and shit.

Phil Day: Wait, the Falcons? You had birds in there as well?

Vick: No man, that was my team.

Phil Day: Your team?

Vick: My football team man. Damn Australians don't know shit man.

Phil Day: (Laughing quite hard now) Oh okay, I was picturing you having the dogs fight the falcons.

Vick: Oh shit man, that aint even a fair fight. Them birds would win that shit.

Phil Day: So you've seen this?

Vick: Hell yeah man, that shit was everywhere when I was a kid. It's all about the velocity man. The velocity always wins.

Phil knows for a fact that this statement makes literally no sense but decides not to push it.

Phil Day: All right mate, good to know. Just one more question though. Why did you name your place the Bad News Kennelz?

Vick looks at Phil like he is the stupidest man on the planet.

Vick: Bad News Bears Mother F#$#er!

Phil Day: Wait, there was Bears?

Vick: F#@$ man, know your shit! Bad News Bears man, Walter Matthau and shit. It's what we would say to all them people who was trying to kill our dogs.

Phil just gives a look of bewilderment.

Vick: Bad News to dem Mother F#@$ers if they tried to F@#$ with us!

Phil: Ah, got ya.

After Phil and Michael finished their very long conversation they looked around at their surroundings and realized they were standing right in the middle of the mess hall of the asylum. They also realized that without them even noticing it, they were the only ones in the room.

Vick: Hey, where's my boys?

Phil: Boys?

Vick: The dogs man, come on.

Phil: Sorry, I never really quite understand what you are saying.

Vick: We need to find them, who are we fighting anyways?

Phil: Beats me, I don't have a clue.

Vick: Why is I not surprised.

Phil: Your grammar is quite terrible you know that don't you?

Vick just shoots him a dirty look and starts to walk towards the door leading into one of the hallways. As the two Kennelz members reach the hallway they see the dead body of Treasure Troll #25 lying on the floor with its neck snapped. They examine this for only a second when they both see something in the distance. Phil is very tenative towards his approach but as Vick is fearless he keeps on moving down the hallway.

Vick: Dexter, Toto, that you up there?

A few moments pass before the screams of both dogs are heard and then are quickly silenced. It happened so fast that it honestly looked as if the dogs necks were broken by the air itself.

Phil: Something is up there Mick.

Vick: It's Mike mother f#$@er and yeah no shit something is up there. Now get your Sith staff carrying ass up here and fight like a man.

They both continue down the hall when all of a sudden they see something walk out into the middle of the far hallway, still standing in the shadows.

Phil: Who is that up there? Hey you, who are you?

Vick: You fucking dumb man? Don’t talk to them, fight like you aint got a pussy.

As Vick says this to Phil, the shadowy figure brings the Australian down to the ground. Phil lands on hard on the ground, making him drop his Lavarouk. He regains his composure quite quickly and picks his weapon up just in time to defend himself against his foe. He uses it in defense of their attack and then tries to make a strike against the still unknown adversary. He uses the Lavarouk several times but it doesn't do a thing. He is then struck in the head several times in a row and is once again dropped to the ground. This time he is unable to reach his weapon and before he can even react, he is struck in the throat with a well placed ridge hand, crushing his esophogus and therefore killing him.

Vick who is still unclear to who is doing this has finally lost his patience in the secretive warrior.

Vick: Show yourself mother f#$#er! You a pu$$y or something? Can't show your face and shit? Fighitng like a Real Bitch!

Silence falls over the hallway for several moments until his opponent finally reveals himself. What he sees is a shadowy figure in full samauri garb.

Vick: I said show yourself!!!

With that the samauri undoes his face cloth only to reveal a face that Vick was not expecting.

Vick: Well no shit, you is a bitch! Explains a lot.

Tomoe Gozen: You speak like a fool and use weapons that can't possibly hurt me. For I am of an order that somebody of your position could not possibly understand. So use your weapons on me if you must, but I will warn you that they will not work.

Vick slings something from his back and sets it up on his left shoulder.

Vick: Well all of that shit might have been true in your day honey but you can tell your order that there are a couple new weapons around here that might be considered game changers.

Tomoe Gozen: Like I said before, use your weapons if you must, but they will not work.

Vick: I've only got one thing to say to that.

Tomoe Gozen: And what will that be?

Vick: Bad Newz for you Mother F#$@er!

Vick then shoots a missle from his M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher at the female Samauri.

Tomoe Gozen: Huh, what is this?

The missile strikes Gozen before she realizes she should react to it, destroying her in one hell of a fiery explosion.

Vick then slings the missile launcher back behind himself and starts to walk back towards the mess hall. As he continues on his journey I can hear him utter "arrogant bitch" under his breathe.