Week 5: Empire vs Red Garter Guardians

Empire- Polaris, Supergirl, Scarlet Witch, Capt. Marvel, Spider-Man, Black Widow, Black Flash, Ocean Master, Aqualad, Dark Supergirl, The Ancient One, Abeloth, Dracula, John Constantine, Prof. Minerva McGonagall, The Grand Inquisitor, Adam Strange, The Leprechaun, Chucky, Bride of Chucky, & Leatherface

Red Garter Guardians- The Q Continuum: Q, Q2, Lady Q, Colonel Q, q, & Quinn, The Guardians of the Galaxy: Starlord, Rocket, Groot, Drax the Destroyer, and Gamora in a CEC YT-2400, The Stunticons: Motor Master, Breakdown, Wildrider, Drag Strip, & Dead End, George the Albino Ape, Lizzie the Lizard, Ralph the Wolf, Raiden, Daenerys Targaryen & her Dragon, Storm Trooper #1-43, Kyle Brovloski, Eric Cartmen, Kenny McCormick, & Stan Marsh (SP kids all have Glocks), Dinobot, 4-Lom in a TIE Bomber, Zuckuss in a TIE Bomber, Snow Trooper #1-8, & Kyle & Conner in The Gekko Mobile

Welcome to the midseason Playoff Planet match. The budget this season appears to have been directed elsewhere, so unfortunately we were left with Qatar and the Chinese to assemble the arenas this time and the slave labor they were using was behind schedule. This led to the most of the battlefields not being finished and polished in time for the battle. 

The couldn’t get enough water to finish filling all the oceans in time so they decided to slap a beach together and since there were so few water characters played, it kind of worked out. 

The Empire had Ocean Master, Aqualad, and Adam Strange, while the Guardians sent the Rampage Monsters and the Guardians of the Galaxy. Aqualad pulled the Rampage Monsters out into the water and began drowning them. The Guardians had Adam Strange flying around and were trying to shot him out of the sky. Lizzie slurped up Ocean Master, who exited her stomach through the side, Aqualad shocked the hell out George, frying the big monke, and Ralph escaped the water and ran away. The Guardians managed to hit Adam with the laser cannons and he fell back to the ground. 4-Lom and Zuckuss flew a bombing run on the beach and blew Adam to smithereens before flying off. Knowing there was little they could do against Ocean Master and Aqualad here near the water, the Guardians of the Galaxy followed them out. 

The Arctic was blistering that day. The AC was cranked and the snow machines were on full blast, making blizzard like conditions. 

The Guardians sent Dinobot, the South Park Gang and Snowtroopers in to get a foothold. Dracula, Prof. McGonagall and the Ancient One were sent to dispatch them. The Planet was put together so hastily though, that this area was actually right next to the beach. Empire was approaching the entrenched position when they began receiving fire. Dracula was killed in the opening volley. The Ancient One pushed into the encampment and started pushing down the trenches, killing the Snow Troopers in her way. Dinobot jumped into the fight, blocking her path. Flying over the battle was Zuckuss, 4-Lom, and the Guardians of the Galaxy. McGonagall damaged 4-Lom’s TIE Bomber and it crashed into the Zuckuss, sending both ships to the ground. Both were killed on impact and their ships landed right on the Ancient One and the South Park kids shot her body 37 times just to be sure she was dead. 

The Prof received backed up by Ocean Master and Aqualad. Dinobot and the South Park kids stood against them with air support from the Guardians. Dinobot led a charge with the kids providing him suppressing fire. The Guardians hit Ocean Master with their laser cannons and then there was nothing left. Aqualad hit the ship with a water lightning special disabling its weapons and engine and the ship began gliding to the surface. McGonagall killed Kenny accidentally, I mean she literally wasn’t even aiming for him but he still died. Kyle and Stan said the line and they shredded her. Aqualad and Dinobot were in the heat of battle where they both delivered killing blows to each other simultaneously, it was truly glorious.  Ralph picked up the kids and took them into the city.

The forest had solid ground, but the trees were sparse and they were those weak zoomer trees that are all the rage these days.

Polaris did that thing that people who control magnetic fields do to transformers and crushed the Stunticons into each other. It was easy for the Q’s to take out the slower members of The Empire before anyone else could make a move, this left Black Widow, The Grand Inquisitor, and Polaris dead. Kyle and Conner put the Geckko Mobile into overdrive and ran over Captain Marvel. Then together, and it was like super, super, sexual, they shifted it into reverse and backed over her again, and they repeated this process for the rest of the battle, it was pretty hot. Spiderman was swinging and swangin, but as he was doing this he was taking with him tree branches, so he began throwing them at the Qs. Q and Q2 were fighting Supergirl and Dark Supergirl, though it seemed that neither side was gaining anything on the other. Scarlet Witch was having none of this Q nonsense, she trapped Quinn and Lady Q in some other dimension and then collapsed it on them. Quinn was able to jump out in time. Colonel Q removed the tree Spiderman was swinging on and he went crashing down and was impaled on a tree. 

The fact Quinn escaped Scarlet Witch really offended her, like where does he get off wanting to live. She became hyper focused on him and disconnected him from the Continuum. This left Quinn powerless as he was fleeing. Little q hit Scarlet Witch from the side saving Quinn for the moment. Black Flash was mixing up Colonel Q, but was surprised that his touch alone wasn’t killing him. Black Flash dug his claws into his Colonel Q physical form and took him into the speed force and they were both lost to time in a never ending battle. Q and Q2 hatched a plan to kill the two supergirls, but it was dangerous. Q fell down like he was out of gas and both Supergirls lined up to hit him with the laser beams. At the last second Q2 pushed Q out of the way and along with himself, the Supergirls killed each other with friendly fire. Scarlet Witch picked up Kyle and Conner’s Gekko Mobile and through it at Quinn, crushing him. Q and q then went for the wombo combo on Scarlet Witch, who decided to die and take q with her.

The desert started as an island in the ocean, but Xi Jinping forget to tell his men to stop pouring sand and before they knew it they had built the desert.

Here is where Daenerys on her Dragon, Stormtroopers 1-43, and Raiden faced off against John Constantine, Chucky and his bride, the Leprechaun, Leatherface, and Abeloth. Chucky, his bride, and the Leprechaun ambushed a column Stormtroopers. There was blood everywhere as the little demons were jumping around slashing between their armor plates. Eventually 20 of the troopers laid injured or dead, while the battered remains of the dolls and the mush that was the little green man were found nearby. Leatherface and Raiden were sizing each other up. Leatherface was on the offensive, swinging and slashing that chainsaw through the air as Raiden dodged every attack. Then he shot lightning into his chainsaw, disabling it before driving his staff through his body. Constantine finished off the rest of the Stormtroopers with ease. Daenerys flew by on her Dragon and tried to fry him, but he protected himself. Abeloth easily dispatched Raiden and turned her sight to the Dragon. Just like my hopes for Season 8, my hopes for Daenerys were too high and Abeloth and Constantine made easy work of both her and her dragon.

Moving to the city, it was time for the final showdown. The city appeared complete, but upon further inspection all of the buildings were empty and made out of styrofoam with concrete plastered on. It appears that Chinese contractors were used, so it wouldn’t be long before they started falling down. 

The CEC YT-2400 had crashed into the city and fire started to spread. The Guardians emerged from the wreckage and met up with Ralph, Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Q. All that stood for Empire was Constantine and Abeloth, luckily they had been preparing. Constantine made the fire in the city swell bigger and bigger until it felt like everyone was standing in Hell. Ralph couldn’t take the heat and was engulfed in the flames. Abeloth jumped the Guardians and killed everyone except for Rocket, who was small enough to escape into the wreckage with ease. Constantine had been making projections of himself to throw off the other team, while he was really preparing a spell to kill Q. Rocket got revenge for his team when he rigged what was left of the ship they crashed to explode by overloading the engines, killing Abeloth and himself. Q found Constantine preparing his spell and began to speak with him, confident that he could win the fight. Knowing luck was with him, Constantine sprang his other trap that Q happened to be standing on. Holding Q in place, he finished his other spell and banished Q to some other dimension. But Cartman,, Stan and Kyle had been sneaking around while all this was going on. They all opened fire on Constantine at once from different directions and there was no way he could block everything all at once.

Week 5: House Elves VS. Turrible Decisions

 George Washington’s House Elves: Dr. Octopus, Musterio, Green Goblin, Sandman, Electro, Vulture, Gandlaf the Grey, Iron Man, Harry Potter, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Luke Skywalker, Cicada, Red She Hulk, Firelord Sozin, Ron Weasely, Shredder, Sand Worm #6-10, Nazgul #3 on Mordor Horse, Omnius, Ajax, Ginny Weasely, Hagrid, Sirius Black, Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, M. Bison, Sagat, Vega, Balrog & Zangief

Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions: The Wither, Omniman, Battle Beast, Recoome, Burter, Jeice, Guldo, Captain Ginyu, Deadpool, Lady Demetrescu, Guy Gardner, The Anti-Monitor, Usagi Yojimbo w/ Green Lightsaber, Ganthet, Says, Ant Man, Wasp, Agatha Harkness, Tom Bombadil, Ki Adi Mundi, Space Ghost, Galvatron, Black Goku, Robo-Barkley, Yellow Lantern Scarecrow, Darth Nihilus, Sergeant Slaughter, Red Dog, Taurus, Mercer, Booster Gold, & Hanukkah Harry in Kobe’s Private Helicopter.

In the Forest

House Elves: Gandalf the Grey, Harry Potter, Ron Weasely, Ginny Weasely, Hagrid, Sirius Black, Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, M. Bison, Sagat, Vega, Balrog, & Zangief 

Turrible Decisions: The Wither, Usagi Yojimbo w/ Green Lightsaber, Agatha Harkness, Tom Bombadil, Sergeant Slaughter, Red Dog, Taurus, Mercer, & Hanukkah Harry in Kobe’s Private Helicopter

This battle on the Playoff Planet will first start in the Forest where the House Elves have already set up a defensive position in the forest while Barkley’s will be the offensive in this area of the planet.

Barkley’s Terrible Decisions are entering the forest on foot while Hannukah Harry is in Kobe’s Private Helo up above when all of a sudden the Helo starts malfunctioning and takes a nose dive towards the ground crashing causing a huge explosion also killing some of his own teammates in the Wither, Red Dog, & Taurus.

The House Elves see the explosion and decide to go investigate it. Eventually the House Elves and Turrible Decisions run into each other and go into full on battle. Sergeant Slaughter, Mercer and Usage team up while Tom Bombadil is in the corner dancing and singing. Usagi uses his exceptional skills with a blade to make quick work of the Weasley Siblings and the Street Fighter Characters.. Usagi then goes to put in work against the Father and Son duo of Lucius and Draco Malfoy. Hagrid and Harry Potter team up to take on Sergeant Slaughter and Mercer. The GI Joe characters stood no chance against the wizards and were struck down with quite ease. Usagi then strikes Draco through his chest, killing him easily. Lucius retaliates to avenge his fallen son with the Avada Kedavra Curse, killing the Rabbit Ronin instantaneously.

The House Elves surround Agatha Harkness and thus there was a huge wizardy battle where in the end Gandalf and Harry Potter were left standing.

All that’s left of the Turrible Decisions is Tom Bombadil who is still singing and dancing. Gandalf goes up to Tom to try and strike a deal as Tom is a friend of Gandlaf’s respects his power. After a long winded talk between Gandalf and Tom, Tom snaps his fingers and disappears but also brings Harry Potter with him, thus removing them from this battle. This move leaves Gandalf the Grey alone in the Forest. He will meet up with the rest of the House Elves in the City.

In the Desert

House Elves: Sandman, Firelord Sozin, Sandworm #6-10, Omnius

Turrible Decisions: Recoome, Burter, Jerce, Guido, Captain Ginyu, Galvatron, and Black Goku

The two teams have met each other in the desert. 

The Ginyu Force begins to put in work into the Artificial Intelligent entity Omnius, while Firelord Sozin and Black Goku fight, and Sandman and the Sandworms fight Galvatron. 

Galvatron has trouble fighting against the two sand dominant forces of Sandman and the Sand Worms. Galvatron keeps shooting blasts from his gauntlet into Sandman but they either keep missing or don’t do enough damage to affect Sandman. After a while of this, two Sand Worms come up from the ground and swallow Galvatron from the bottom but the swallowing of all this metal does kill the two sand worms.

The Ginyu Force prove to be too powerful for the Omnius Artificial Intelligence entity and blow up its mortal form. The two other Sand Worms retaliate by swallowing up the Ginyu Force. All that’s left of the Turrible Decisions is Black Goku, but he is not going to go down easy. He is proving to be an overmatch for Firelord Sozin but the powerful emperor is able to stay alive long enough for the rest of his team to come help him out. The two remaining Sand Worms go to swallow Black Golu, but Black Goku is too strong and destroys the Sand Worms with ease. Sandman then goes and creates a tornado of sand around Goku causing him to not be able to do anything. Sandman and Black Goku realize the only way they might be able to take out Goku is by Firelord Sozin to surround the Sand Tornado with Fire cutting off all oxygen to Goku. The House Elves do this and are able to successfully kill Black Goku, but this also kills Sandman as well.

Firelord Sozin will team up with the rest of his teammates in the city. 

In the City

House Elves: Dr. Octopus, Mysterio, Green Goblin, Sandman, Electro, Vulture, Gandalf the Grey, Iron Man, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Luke Skywalker, Cicada, Red She Hulk, Firelord Sozin, Shredder, Nazgul #3 on his Mordor Horse, & Ajax

Turrible Decisions: Omniman Battle Beast, Deadpool, Lady Demetrescu, Guy Gardner, The Anti-Monitor, Ganthet, Says, Antman, Wasp, Ki Adi Mundi, Space Ghost, Robo Barkley, Yellow Lantern Scarecrow, Darth Nihilus and Booster Gold

Sorry guys, I fell asleep watching this match in the city and missed a lot of it. From what I see now, it is just Gandalf the Grey left for the House Elves and Omni-Man and Booster Gold is left for the Turrible Decisions. Omni-Man and Booster Gold go in and put in work against the Wizard from Middle Earth. Gandalf is blocking blows left and right from the two super powered beings. After a while Gandalf is definitely gassed so he calls to wield the Flame of Anor and his sword becomes blazen in flame. This gives him rejuvenated energy and begins to put an offensive against the Turrible Decisions. Gandlaf is throwing multiple combos using his staff and sword. Omni-Man and Booster Gold are struggling to put any sort of offensive against the Wizard and eventually Gandlaf is able to cut the head off of Omni-Man. Unfortunately Booster Gold is able to immediately retaliate with an energy projection blast through the chest of Gandlaf. 

Week 5 Consortium: Misunderstood Little People vs Crack Danks

Midgets: Vampire Wolverine, Magneto, Vampire Sinestro, X-23, Tyrion Lannister (w/ Dwarf Ring), Gabby Kinney, Asajj Ventress, Nightsister Acolyte, Vlad the Impaler, Mandalore the Great, Quicksilver, Lando Calrissean, Lobot, Nien Numb, Big Benito, James Madison, Zack, and Spence in Bico's Y-1300 Light Freighter, Orange Lantern Lex Luthor, Indigo Lantern Ray Palmer (Atom), Super Duper Man, Super Mouse, Even Piel in a Jedi V-Wing, Mimic, Captain America, Mighty Mouse, Sarumon, Dumbledore, Harambe (w/ big bottle rocket)., Depa Billaba & R.O.B. the Robot in a Naboo Starfighter, Jared Nomack, Blue Toad, Yellow Toad, and Fire Bender #5.

Crack Danks: Godzilla w/ Red Lantern Ring, The Eradicator, Juggernaut, Zeus, Toph Beifong, Grey Worm w/ Indigo Lantern Ring (-4), Chuck Norris, Mace Windu w/blue lantern ring, Onslaught w/Star Sapphire Ring (-4), Ares, Prometheus, Sky Lynx, Colossus , Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michaelangelo (TMNT), Freddy Krueger, Falcon Coon and Friends, The Coon, Human Kite, Fast Pass, Mosquito, Super Craig, and captain diabetes, 3 Musketeers d’Artagnan, Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and Flying Monkeys 6-9

Be Gentle It's My First Time Vs. TEAM

 Be Gentle It's My Third Time is Darkseid, Zilla, Superboy, Gamera, Kratos, The Hero Of Typhon, Darth Gaen, Darth Vitate, Whis, Elaine Belloc, Kratos & Atreus, Evil Wolf #1-5, Dark Trooper #1-5, Beerus:  god of Destruction, Elf #1-8, & The Z-Fighters:  Krillin,Tien, Shinhan, Yamcha, Chiaotzu, Yajirobe, & Bulma.

TEAM is Galactus w/ Nova, Morg, Superboy, Unicron, Primus, Thor, Thanos (w/ The Power, Soul, Space, & Reality stones), Ultra Magnus, Black Lantern Magneto, Brightburn, Nekron, Bashar Miles Teg, Wolverine, Muhamed Ali, Hammer Bros. #6-9, Mandalorian Clan Leader Adam Hernandez w/ Mandalorian Kate, Mandalorian Foundling Jackson, & Mandalorian Eric Gilson, Josh (w/ a green lantern ring), Alex (w/ an air bending staff), Chris (w/ Loki's Sceptre), Kyle (w/ air bending staff), Zack (w/ air bending staff), Dave (w/ Wii mote), Frank (w/ red lantern ring), Ethan (w/ Force saber), Conner (w/ Speed Ring), Ed (w/ mandalorian armor), Laya (w/ blue lantern ring), & Spence.  

What a mess.....  I can't believe how torn apart everything seems when it comes to the members of TEAM.  And I am not referring to anything to do with what the members of Be Gentle are doing to them, nor do I mean the fact that they have several world destroyers on the squad which are just as big a danger to The Play-Off Planet itself as they are to their opponent.  I'm referring to the disaster caused by Hammer Bros. #6.  You see, ever since Hammer Bros. #6 broke up with his boyfriend Ed and started dating Conner instead the whole TEAM dynamic has been totally off.  TEAMmembers feeling like they must take a side in this love triangle are having difficulty focusing on the match itself because of the ever permeating gay-love drama.  Ed has been seen with his Mandalorian helmet off, chugging vodka and tonics murmuring "this is not the way" over and over again, while Conner and Hammer Bros. #6 go for long walks on The Play-Off Planet beach by the ocean shore, just like Ed used to back when that was his man.  Despite this unending romantic issue, we will do our best to move forward and witness how this match unfolds.

Both teams played a Superboy, so before we get this started we are just going to go ahead and cancel those two out.  Both Dead.  

Elaine Belloc really wanted some soup for lunch; but she is stilled banned from her favorite soup location by its Nazi owner, so instead she has just finished up her big salad and yada-yada-yada is ready for the match.  Elaine Belloc is the chick from Seinfeld right??  Crap.  Okay, well internet says that is actually Elaine Benes.  Hmm.  Must be a typo or something.  Either way, Elaine grabs her cell phone to call up Kramer, when Wolverine stabs her through the chest with his adamantium claws.  

So many heavy hitters are in this match, that we will lay out who is boxin with whom and where the boxin is going down.  Pitched battles abound as Darkseid and Thanos throw down in the desert.  The Z-Fighters make their way into space in an attempt to take out the not yet transformed Primus.  Thor has teamed up with Galactus' Herald Nova in the forest where Kratos, Atreus, & Beerus do be scufflin with em.  The other Kratos used Spence as weapon to take out HerMando family, who made quite a mess with their blasters and flame units before they went down in the valiant fight.  The eight elves thought they were fast; but Bashar Miles Teg showed them all what fast really was as he quickly discovered their hidden woodland locations and dispatched them with relative ease.  The Hero of Typhon gets rowdy with the lightsaber, whilst dodging hammers to take out Hammer Bros. 7, 8, & 9; but before he can take out Hammer Bros. #6, his former lover Ed flies in with his Mandalorian Jetpack and rescues the Hammer Bros. he just can't quit.  Perhaps he jumped into the arms of his younger man Conner with too much haste the Hammer Bros. thinks to himself as he is held so tightly by Ed and whisked away to safety.  Very few beings in this entire universe can be the first word in a sentence that ends:  "One-shotted Zilla"; but when that being is Galactus, the sentence do happen.  Gamera bit the head off of Morg in the jungle, while Nekron and Black Lantern Magneto were taken out by Darths Vitate and Gaen, right before the metal carcass of Ultra Magnus was dropped on them from above by the now double dead Magneto.  Brightburn is flying around being quite the immature jerk, when he sees Whis standing in a rock-outcropping questioning he/him's gender.  Brightburn takes a wiz on whis from above him and then uses his Superman powers to rip him apart without ever saying that he does indeed have Superman powers so the movie makers don't get sued.   With the help of Laya's blue ring, Josh used his katana blade made of green lantern energy to mow through the five Dark Troopers Luke-hallway-scene style (word).  Frank, Ethan, & Conner are suffering bad after their battle with the five evil wolves, not because they lost; but because they ate all five of the wolves after the fight, they do be livin that food life tho and might order a Big Benito later.  

Phew....  Well, that's how the first round of this turd played out.  Let's see what those who survived did next.  

Brightburn flies in fast to help out Thanos against Darkseid; but gets hit with omega beams before he can get a hit in.  The two mad titans battle it out fiercely; but even with the Infinity Gauntlet with only a few open spots left, Thanos is still unable to take out the DC character he is a direct copy of.  Darkseid is victorious; but even in his infinite wisdom does not realize that the soul stone would take his life along with the conquered Thanos.  

Muhammed Ali is on the mic holding a press conference ripping apart his TEAMmates Conner, Ed, and Hammer Bros. #6 with a hellacious supply of gay jokes.  This is of course not in any way considered intolerant of him at all, because he is Muslim.  Wise old Dave decided to console the young Ali by letting him play with his Wii Mote and getting him sandwich without pork in it.   

Beerus destroys Nova with a mix of martial arts and cosmic power.  

The god of thunder uses some thunder to destroy the god of destruction; but Beerus wasn't Thor's only problem to face.  Thor and Kratos start wailing on each other with building leveling punches, until Thor uses his hammer to knock the god's head clean off.  Thor spins around after his victory; but is quickly avenged by the son of his victim who puts his best arrow directly through the remaining good eye and out the back of the head of the son of Odin.  

Chris, Alex, Kyle, and Zack left the party as usual to go get some Taco Bell; but they were out of product so they decided to fight the other Kratos instead of listening to the Taco Chick scream about it.  They text Julie in the group chat before using their staffs to put that smack down.  Kratos do be legit, but you already know his arms ain't long enough to box with The T.B. Crew.  They finish off Kratos and although they are tired put on Extended Edition Return of the King in Chris's basement.  

The Z-Fighters make their way into space and are doing everything they can to battle the massive Primus, who has now transformed into a truly enormous robot.  The Z-Fighters combine forces and manage to get inside the Transformer god by busting a hole in his nearly impenetrable metal side.  Once inside they combine their powers and are able to overcome the power of Primus' spark and end the life of the age old Transformer.  Now trapped inside the cavernous metal corpse of Primus their victory is short-lived as Krillin, Tien, Shinhan, Yamcha, Chiatzu, Yajirobe, & Bulma are consumed as Unicron seeks both revenge and power as he crushes the now dead Cybertronian Metal body of his brother consuming it and The Z-Fighters inside.  

The Hero of Typhon has a vision of the future and realizes how dire it truly is.  He puts himself in a Force trance knowing that his squad's only chance of victory is to awaken the power of The Play-Off Planet itself; so as to poison Galactus when he inevitably attempts to consume it taking out every person, plant, and thing on it, including both of these teams.  The Jedi is not quite sure how this will be done; but he does know in his heart that the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of The Force.  And if The Force wills it, then it will be done.  

Strangely enough, when the Hero of Typhon Jedi has this vision and makes this decision.  The nearly omnipotent Galactus has not even yet decided to consume the planet.  He instead is doing battle with Gamera who manages to damage Galactus with his fire breath; but Galactus becomes enraged by this very rare bit of physical pain triggered by the giant turtle and friend to all children.  Galactus absorbs the next blast of fire breath and then destroys Gamera.  Galactus then loses control and at this moment decides that he must possess all the power the Play-Off Planet contains, beginning the process of eating the Planet, just as The Hero of Typhon had seen in his vision.   

Unicron begins sends out a booming message across space to let his TEAMmates know they must return to him as he foresees that even he cannot control Galactus in his mission to destroy all.  As they attempt to regroup Atreus shows up and puts an arrow into the chest of Miles Teg, but is then relieved of his head by Wolverine.  Wolvie and Muhammed Ali meet up, but are clueless as to how to get off planet.  Several of the TEAMmates are still not accounted for.  The destruction of this planet can be felt as Ed and his ex-boyfriend Hammer Bros. #6 show up at the exact same time as Conner (how awkward).  The last few seconds of the planet's existence begin to count away.  Ed and Conner meet with a gaze as they reach out and hold hands, all while both grasping a hand of Hammer Bros. #6. Conner uses his Speed Ring to cast the Egress Spell and safely vanishes the five of them off The dying Play-Off Planet.

Wolverine looks over at the hand-holding trio, then looks over to Ali saying:  "That sure was a queer match".

Ali responds:  "You ain't tellin me nuthin.  They sure are some":

-F-antastically

-A-wesome

-G-uys

-S-on

Week 5: Popeye's vs Dinomites

Its current year, and both of these fantasy teams recognize the strong, independent nature of women. It is quiet on the playoff planet, both teams appear to be late to the battle. While the men lag behind, the vagina having members have scurried to the front lines where they can flex their empowerment on each other.

Bastila Shan, She-Ra, Swift Wind, The Sorceress, and Teela square off against Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, Mary Marvel, Darla Dudley, Pedro Peña(transitioning), Jessica Jones, Bib, Beb, Elasti Girl, Hermione Granger, Urbosa, Mipha, and Ahsoka Tano w/ a Star Saphirre Ring in an A-Wing.

I'll spare you the details but it is just as horrible as it sounds, lots of hair pulling, broken nails, crying, and ultimately nothing getting done. After several hours not a single death. There were a couple of false rape allegations until they realized there were no men around to blame.

Just when it seemed like nothing of note would ever happen someone resembling the Night King wearing a pink dress enters the scene and begins indiscriminately eliminating all of the females. Several members of the Dinomites cry out "That isn't fair!" but no one really cares or misses them.

Olive Oyl Slappin' Popeyes vs White Knight Dinomites

Popeyes:

Gandalf the White w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Mr. Mxyztplk, Revan Reborn, Jolee Bindu, Darth Vader w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, The Sando Aqua Monster, The Night King and two White Walkers (all 4 Deaths), Viserion, T-2 and T-1000 in German U-Boat, King Hiss, Beast Man, Blade, Man at Arms, Zodack, The Centurions (Ace McLeod, Jake Rockwell, Max Ray, John Thunder, Rex Charger), Nolan Peterson in a T-16 Skyhopper and Austin Perrison in a F-18: Sith Bros (both 4 Death)

Dinomites:

The Incredible Hulk, Agent Smith, Dr. Strange and Wong, Anakin Skywalker w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring in a B-Wing, Kingdom Come Aquaman, The Shazam Family Leftovers: Captain Marvel Jr. Eugene Choi,and C.C Batson , Nightwing, Kingdom Come Red Arrow, Power Man, Iron Fist, Bub, Bob, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Air Raid, Skydive, Fireflight, and Slingshot, The Doom Patrol: Mento, Robot Man, Negative Man, and Lil Beast Boy, Atrocitus, Daruk, Rivali, Link w/ a Green Lantern Ring, Master Sword, and Hylian Shield, Sandtrooper #10 on Dewback #10 

The Dinomites arrive to save their female companions but they are too late. Dr. Strange looks at all of the dead female bodies and considers what the ideal timeline was. After a few moments, he says “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. They were supposed to die during childbirth”. But he doesn’t have long to mourn the piles of roast beef before he and Wong are confronted by Mr. Mxyztplk & Gandalf. The four of them begin mumbling gibberish and waving their hands but not much is happening. After some time they all cast a spell at the same time and all four of them disappear to some other dimension.

King Hiss, Beast Man, Zodack and Blade surround The Incredible Hulk. As the four converge on him they feel a tickling on their backs. They turn to see two dragons spitting out bubbles on them. Blade slices the two dragons in half though this distraction proves deadly as the Hulk rips each of his attackers apart. He then jumps off to battle elsewhere.

The Centurions come flying in full force firing their weapons. Nightwing and Red Arrow are blown up by missiles before they can do anything. Iron Fist begins shooting up at the Centurians. He connects shots on Max Ray who is being carried by Ace McLeod. The two come crashing down near Power Man which causes their weapons to explode killing all three. The remaining Centurions converge on Iron Fist who isn’t able to withstand massive assault from their weapons. They then land to see if there is anything they can do for their fallen friends. The suddenly find themselves unable to move and see a man in the distance with a black suit and cape. Vader then uses the force to aim their weapons at each other and fires, creating a small crater where they once were.

Meanwhile, Nolan and Austin realize they are on borrowed time and decide to make maximum impact. With maneuvering that defies the laws of physics Nolan flies his T-16 straight into Superion. Superion is ok but stunned. Those in the surrounding area couldn't tell what happened. Was that a bomb? Then it became apparent what had happened as Austin flies his F-18 into Superion. While in no way should that be able to destroy Superion the jet fuel managed to melt his inner steel beams. Suddenly he implodes into the ground. That is a sight that I will never forget. Also, Sandtrooper #10 & Dewback #10, who were standing nearby also fall to the ground dead for some reason that is never explained.

Kingdom Come Aquaman was swimming around in the ocean when he was grabbed by the Sando Aqua Monster. Aquaman quickly took control of the creature before being eaten. Nearby T-1000 and T-2 observed this in their German U-Boat. Not wanting to take any chances they launch all of their torpedos taking out both Aquaman and the Sando Aqua Monster.

T2 & T-1000 dock their U-Boat on the shore and begin heading towards the other combatants. They are intercepted by Agent Smith who immediately shapeshifts into T2 in order to cause confusion. T-1000 also shapeshifts and the three T2s begin slugging it out. When the dust settles there is only one surviving T2 and two dead next to him. But which one survived? We’ll never know as he is blown away by several concussion missiles launched from Anakin’s B-wing.

Darth Vader senses the powerful Jedi and seeks him out. Anakin jumps out of his B-Wing and the two begin a lightsaber battle. What you might think would be a close battle is actually very one sided and pre-determined. As Obi-wan has said, Darth Vader kills Luke’s father and 1977 Star Wars Canon is restored.

Vader joins up with Revan and Jolee Bindu as they engage the Shazam Family and Doom Patrol. Vader exhibits mastery of the dark side as he simultaneously force chokes all of the members while the others cut through them with their lightsabers. As Revan finishes off that last one the Incredible Hulk lands on top of him crushing him into the ground. The Hulk turns and grabs Jolee Bindu who flails his lightsaber but is not able to do much before being crushed by the Hulk's fists. Vader, having sensed the Hulk moments before positioned himself behind him as the Hulk killed the others, putting him in position to drive his lightsaber through the Hulk's skull.

Link and Atrocitus arrive just in time to see their companion fall to the ground. Vader turns to smaller statured Link and moves to take him out quickly. As he swings his saber at Link he is caught off guard when it is blocked by the master sword. Link then swings the fully charged master sword and knocks Vader onto his back. Atrocitus jumps on him but Vader immediately puts his lightsaber through the chest of Atrocitus. That moment was all Link needed as he uses the master sword to decapitate Vader. Vader’s head rolls out of the helmet and looks nothing like Luke Skywalker since they aren’t related.

Link regroups with Daruk and Rivali. They approach the Night King who is standing over a battlefield of corpses he is raising from the dead. The mob of wights approaches the Hylian and his companions before they can get to the Night King. Link swings away but they are surrounded and greatly outnumbered. Rivali uses his gale to raise link over the the wights and next to the Night King while the wights devour Revali and Deruke.

Link squares off with the Night King and Viserion. Link quickly kills Viserion, I mean he is like the first boss ever that Link faced, pretty easy stuff. He then turns to the white walkers. He displays expert swordsmanship as he slices through them both. The Night King doesn't waste time and engages Link immediately. The Night Kings is quick and dodges the master sword quite easily. He catches Link off guard and knocks the Hylian shield out of Link’s hand. Link swings again and misses leaving him vulnerable for just a moment. The Night King picks up his spear and hurls it through the chest of the Hylian, who falls to the ground lifeless.