Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Ursa, Mary Embry, Geo-Force, Col. John Matrix, and Gomez Addams.
The Syracuse Valley is Master Chief, Movie Megatron, Darth Maul, Darth Rave, Soundwave, Frenzy, Buzzsaw, Overkill, Slugfest, Squalktalk, Beastbox, Movie Frenzy, Fire Brother #1, and Little Gomba #2.
The Syracuse Valley’s field leader Master Chief leads his team of Transformers and Mario Bros. Villains through the jungle. He has Soundwave eject his tapes to scatter and scan the area. Movie Megatron transforms into his Cybertronian Jet form and flies ahead, due to his refusal to take orders from what he referred to as a “pathetic meat sack.” “Objectives located. Tapes return to me,” says Soundwave with a synthesized monotone voice. The newly named Xavier’s Annihilation Squad stand firm about fifty yards in front of them. Fire Brother #1 rips a fireball right at them, engulfing Gomez Addams in flames, killing the patriarch of the Addams family. “I guess Gomez needed a light,” states Col. John Matrix. Master Chief orders his team to charge the Annihilation Squad, but Geo-Force hinders their advance. He forms part of the ground into a hand and grabs Overkill and Beastbox, crushing them. Soundwave punches through the fist shaped earth and continues on. Darth Maul and his apprentice, Darth Rave, flip and move through the jungle so in sync and gracefully you would think that they are competing on America’s Best Dance Crew. They both simply cut down any tree that is in their way with their lightsabers. Geo-Force then kills Movie Frenzy and Slugfest with his lava blasts. Darth Rave then fires his lightsabers into Geo-Force’s shoulders and Darth Maul flips in to finish the job. Ursa and Mary Embry both take to the sky to battle Movie Megatron who has been doing strafing runs over the battlefield. However this leaves Col. John Matrix outnumbered, ten to one. “Heh, ten to one? I almost feel bad for this guy,” jokes Frenzy. “I like you Frenzy. You’re a funny guy. That’s why I’m going to kill you last,” responds Matrix. He then fires two rockets from his M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher, exploding Buzzsaw and Squalktalk. “Looks like hunting season opened early,” says Matrix. Then he presses a button on a remote control and detonated a bunch of M18A1 Claymore mines that he had strapped to the trees earlier. “I’ll be back Valley,” shouts Matrix as he disappears into the jungle. High up in the air, Movie Megatron has his hands full with the gal-pals of Ursa and Mary Embry. He hits Mary with some powerful laser blasts as he evades Ursa’s heat vision. Mary falls from the sky, bouncing off several trees on her way down, where she finally splashes into the pond below. (Yeah that’s right… now her clothes are all wet… Hot.) Frenzy runs over to the edge of the waterfall to see who fell out of the sky, when Matrix sneaks up behind him and knocks him down. Col. Matrix then picks up Frenzy by the neck and says, “Remember Frenzy, when I said I’d kill you last?” Frenzy frantically responds with “Yeah, yeah Matrix. You did.” Matrix then shoves a grenade into Frenzy’s mouth and says, “I lied.” He kicks the Transformer off the edge of the waterfall just before his head explodes. Movie Megatron then transforms and lands with a mighty thud. Mary Embry flies up out of the water and right at the Decepticon. Ursa comes flying in from the opposite side and both women blow through Movie Megatron’s torso, extinguishing his spark. John then picks up one of the trees the Sith Lords cut down and hurls it through Soundwave. “I’m glad we could get to the root of the problem Soundwave,” quips Matrix. The Transformer falls and crushes Little Goomba #2. “That’s too bad, he was a fun guy,” laments Matrix as he cuts Fire Brother #1’s arm off. “Here let me give you a hand,” he says. Master Chief then shoots at Matrix, but only manages to graze his arm. Col. Matrix moves behind a tree for some cover. “Come on Chief, you don’t want to use a gun. You want to use a knife, so you can look me in the eye as you turn it,” says Matrix trying to taunt Master Chief. But there’s not response. John looks around the tree to see two tiny holes smoking from Master Chief’s helmet, who then drops to the ground to reveal Ursa who had fired her heat vision into the back of Master Chief’s head. “Well I guess he has a Halo now,” jokes Matrix. (get it?) Darth Maul and Darth Rave then surround the Kryptonian. Darth Rave starts circling her and swinging his two lightsabers around on their chains, which is producing a “really cool light show.” He then whips them at Ursa, but Mary Embry flies in and grabs a hold of the chains. She uses her super strength and speed to twirl the Sith Lord around her head and smashes him into a large boulder. Ursa then uses her freeze breath to encase Darth Maul in a solid block of ice. And before his lightsabers can melt him free, Mary Embry uses one of Darth Rave’s lightsabers to slice Darth Maul up into a million pieces. (It was like she used a Ronco Chop-O-Matic.) (Oh crap, I probably own Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies some royalties for that reference.)
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurv is Mace Windu, Black Bolt, Medusa, Gorgon, Karnak, Peter Petrelli, and Marv.
The Abomitrons are Hancock, Blade, Iron Monger, Commander Cody, Captain Rex, Elite Clone Troopers #21-24, Diddy Kong, Ewok #49 and Treasure Troll #27.
Both teams are teleported to the deepest, darkest part of the jungle of Val Verde. Commander Cody and Captain Rex take the Elite Clonetroopers to fortify their position. Diddy Kong leaps into the trees, where he’s more comfortable. Kennelz veterans Mace Windu and Marv lead their rookie squad of the Inhumans and Peter Petrelli down a hillside to battle The Abomitrons. They are forced to scatter by the Elite Clonetroopers’s gun blasts. But Gorgon stamps his cloven hoof on the ground and creates a small earthquake. The ground splits open from his mighty stomp and swallows Elite Clonetrooper #23, Ewok #49, and Treasure Troll #27. Marv rushes in and attacks all of the clones by himself. He kicks Cody in the chest, knocking him into Elite Clonetrooper #22 and then uppercuts Rex. Elite Clonetrooper #21 and 24 try and double-team Marv, but both receive a couple slugs in the chest courtesy of Gladys (which is what Marv calls his gun). Elite Clonetrooper #22 charges at Marv, but ends up having his neck broken. The valiant Elite Clonetrooper, known as “Double Deuce,” didn’t die in vain though, because while Marv was busy with him, it allowed Rex and Cody to blast him into next week. Hancock flies into the battle and immediately goes after Mace Windu. He’s about to lay the Jedi Master out, when he is smacked down to the ground by Medusa’s hair. “Oh you DID NOT just hit me with you hair?!?” yells Hancock. He is then ensnared with her powerful mane and is whipped into a tree. “Lady you are really PISSING ME OFF!” says and increasingly angry Hancock. He grabs a hold of Medusa’s hair and spins her around, launching her over a waterfall to her death. After seeing his wife killed, Black Bolt unleashes a sonic scream that annihilates the trees in his path, as well as sending Hancock a few hundred feet back. Blade back flips out of the trees and dropkicks Karnak to the ground. The Inhuman quickly jumps back up and engages Blade in a fierce bout of martial arts. They are extremely well matched, with block after block, counter after counter, leaving the two almost at a stand still. Hancock flies back into battle, now after Black Bolt. He’s interrupted again, but this time by Gorgon kicking him as hard as he can, square in the face. Gorgon stomps the ground again, but this doesn’t do much to Hancock, who has already taken flight again. He swoops in fast and hard, grabbing Gorgon and carrying him high up into the air. “Let’s see you stomp something now,” quips Hancock as he throws Gorgon back down. The Inhuman causes another earthquake, but this time it’s due to his body slamming into the ground. Peter Petrelli during this battle has been focusing on Hancock and has adapted his powers. Peter takes off towards Hancock at an incredible rate. But he has yet to gain control of these new powers and Hancock is able to easily evade him on his way back down to the battle. Mace Windu leaps out of the way from Iron Monger’s machine guns, then races straight at him. He uses his lightsaber to cut off the guns. Iron Monger knocks the Jedi Master down and tries to stomp on him. Mace barrel rolls out of the way and damages one of Iron Monger’s foot rockets. He then runs at him again. Obadiah Stane tries to activate the feet rockets on his giant armored robot suit to evade the charging Jed, but they malfunction and Master Windu leaps onto Iron Monger’s chest. He drives his lightsaber right through his Arc Reactor and Stane’s own chest. Peter Petrelli flies back down into battle, but still hasn’t quite mastered it yet. Hancock seizes this advantage and punches Peter through several trees, inadvertently killing Diddy Kong in the process. Cody and Rex have been keeping their guns focused on Mace Windu, who is blocking every blast with his lightsaber. Karnak and Blade have still been locked in an awesome hand-to-hand battle (seriously it’s cooler than the montage scene at the end of Karate Kid). Karnak spin kicks Blade’s glave out of his hand, but then has his legs swept out from beneath him by the Daywalker. Blade then pulls out his kitana, but Karnak finds the weak point in it at karate chops it right in half. He knocks Blade down and leaps into the air to deliver the kill blow. Karnak is surprised when he feels a silver spike driven into his side, right underneath his rib cage. Karnak folds to the ground as Blade gets up and leaves his worthy adversary. Mace Windu works his way closer to the clones and first cuts their guns in half and then cuts down the two Clonetroopers. (Don’t you feel like he should have said something like “Order 66 that mutha^#@!%$”?) Hancock and Blade regroup to formulate a battle plan. But before they can mount an offensive the remaining three members of the Bad Newz Kennelz attack them. Peter Petrelli flies in right at Hancock laying massive rights and lefts on his surly opponent. Blade fires several bullets at Mace Windu but the Jedi dodges them and stakes Blade in the heart with his purple lightsaber. Hancock gets the upper hand on Petrelli and puts him in a rear naked choke. “Black Bolt just do it!” shouts Peter. “Awww hell no,” says Hancock as he snaps Peter’s neck. Mace Windu looks at Hancock, points his lightsaber at him and says “Hancock this battle is…” Black Bolt interrupts Mace and screams “OVER!” as loud as he can. Hancock digs his feet into the ground and starts trying to advance on them. His nose, ears, and even eyes start bleeding from Black Bolt’s hypersonic voice. He slowly moves closer, but the sound is starting to be too much for him to handle. He drops to one knee, but gets back up, determined to get his team to 2 and 0. Hancock falls again, this time on both knees, right in front of them. Master Windu tells Black Bolt to stop. Hancock spits blood out of his mouth. He then looks up at them and says “Gotcha.” Hancock snaps his arm up and grabs Black Bolt by the throat, he starts to squeeze, preventing the King of the Inhumans from uttering even a whisper. Mace then plunges his lightsaber into Hancock’s chest, finally ending this fierce battle. “You ok?” asks an exhausted Mace. Black Bolt simply nods “yes” as they leave Val Verde.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURV ARE VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You is Mephisto, Predator #1 & 2, John Rambo, Jedi Guardian #1, and Army Soldiers #1-5.
The Right Wing is Silver Surfer, Quinlan Vos, Red Sonja, Donkey Kong Jr., Jack Shephard, The Pantheon: Hulk, Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta, Cassiopea, Delphi, Hector, Paris, Jason, Perseus, Prometheus, Ulysses I and Ulysses II.
The Right Wing is teleported to an open clearing in the middle of Val Verde’s jungle, when without warning, Paris, Hector, Jason, Cassiopea, and Prometheus are all killed with a variation of bullets, arrows and strange energy blasts. Then the trees in front of them catch fire. Hulk claps his hands together and puts the fire out, but the trees are quickly engulfed in flames once again. Delphi is yanked high up into the trees by some mysterious force. The Right Wing hears Delphi scream in agony for a moment, before there is complete silence. The Right Wing race into the trees, since they are obviously sitting ducks out in the open. Silver Surfer takes to the skies to get a better vantage point of the battlefield. The smoke from the burning trees is making it increasingly harder to see, let alone breathe. Silver Surfer flies in at mach speeds, which puts the fire out and sucks the smoke away with his sheer velocity. By doing this, he also reveals Better Than All of You’s position. “Attack!” yells Agamemnon, just before he yells “Arrrrggg!” due to an arrow that was shot into his chest courtesy of John Rambo. Donkey Kong Jr. leaps from tree to tree and catapults himself off a branch onto the Army Soldiers below him. Donkey Kong Jr. smashes a barrel over Army Soldier #3’s head, breaking his neck. (Don’t ask me where he got a barrel from, that damn dirty ape always has one.) He attacks the four remaining Soldiers, and manages to maul the face off of Army Soldier #1 before the other three pump enough bullets into him to take him down. The team of Red Sonja and Quinlan Vos jump in and finish off the three Soldiers. Sonja tosses Jack Shephard one of the Army Soldier’s guns. Achilles, Andromeda, Ajax, Perseus, and Atalanta all form up and trek through the thick foliage. A net that was fired from what seems like nowhere takes down Achilles. It wraps around her, constricting until it cuts through Achilles, killing him. Perseus, in shock, leans up against a tree for a moment, but has her throat cut open by Rambo, who was hiding behind it. Atalanta and Ajax double team Rambo and knock him to the ground. They hear faintly at first, but getting louder and closer “hhhuULLKK SMASH!!” as Hulk comes crashing down, stomping Rambo into the ground. Hulk leaps away looking for more enemies. Ulysses I and Ulysses II join Ajax, Andromeda and Atalanta but are shot at by something in the trees. Atalanta fires one of her pure energy arrows back into the tree. Her shot is true; it strikes Predator #2, damaging his invisibility cloak and knocking it out of the tree. The Predator is impaled on a broken tree after he falls. The Pantheon members go to finish the Predator off, but when they get there, they hear him mimic Hulk and says, “Hulk smash,” as he’s coughing up neon green blood. Predator #2’s arm gauntlet starts beeping like a countdown and before any of them can react, it sets of a self destruct bomb that destroys everything in its radius. Mephisto teleports behind Master Vos, Red Sonja and Jack Shephard and uses his demonic magic to vaporize Jack. Silver Surfer swoops in and fires his cosmic energy at Mephisto, but he teleports away before it hits him. Jedi Guardian #1 leaps out of the trees and attacks Quinlan Vos. This match up of lightsabers isn’t much of one at all, as Master Vos makes quick work of the Guardian. They hear something else jump out of the trees, but don’t see anything. Predator #1 turns off his invisibility cloak to reveal himself. Red Sonja attacks him with her sword, but Predator #1 blocks it with his retractable claws. They engage in a ridiculously bloody duel. The trees are splattered everywhere with both bright red and neon green blood. When the dust and leaves settle, it’s hard to see whom actually has the upper had. Both combatants are injured badly. But Hulk comes in and decides to just end it himself, by grabbing Predator #1, ripping him in half. This makes no difference to Red Sonja, who has just simply lost too much blood at this point. Mephisto reappears and blasts Hulk with some magic, which turns him back into Bruce Banner. He tries to blast him again, but Quinlan Vos blocks it with his lightsaber. Silver Surfer flies in and hits Mephisto in the back with a powerful blast of cosmic energy. Then Master Vos does this sweet spin move and decapitates Mephisto with his lightsaber.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan, X-23, Mighty Mouse, Usagi Yojimbo, Nightwing on a 4-wheeler, Gwildor, Wicket, & Paploo on a AT-ST, Carlos Chiappe and Smurf #2
Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Black Adam, Bizarro, Parallax, Cloverfield Monster, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Gungan #10 on a 4-wheeler
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is teleported into the thick jungle of Val Verde, where Count Dooku quickly orders X-23 and Nightwing to go and scout the area. Nightwing drives off on his 4-wheeler as X-23 goes off in the opposite direction. Gwildor, Wicket and Paploo climb aboard their AT-ST and stand guard of the Sith Lord and his new Apprentice. Several thousand birds flee the treetops due to a loud and horrendous roar from the distance. Paploo and Wicket freak out in the AT-ST causing Gwildor to lose control of it for a moment and steps on Smurf #2. The trees start shaking in the air and the Brotherhood gets a glimpse of their opponents. The Cloverfield Monster is leveling the Jungle with ever step it takes closer to them. “Follow me, I am an expert in this area!” shouts Carlos Chiappe to his team. They race through the jungle to form a battle plan against the huge creature. X-23 meanwhile, has located the rest of the Commandos. Gungan #10 is patrolling the perimeter on a 4-wheeler. X-23 silently back flips off a tree and sticks her foot claw right under the Gungan’s jaw. She kicks him off of the ATV and takes off back to her team. Once she tracks and locates them, she informs the rest of the Brotherhood that their battle will be harder than originally thought. “They brought their heavy hitters with them. I spotted Black Adam, Bizarro, and Parallax on their team,” stated X-23. “Lucky for us, Parallax is a fear entity and the Sith do not fear anything,” replies a confident Count Dooku. “Good, I thought for a second that I was going to have to kill that team all by myself,” says X-23. She then turns to Mighty Mouse, “can you fly me up to Cloverfield’s head?” Mighty Mouse doesn’t even take the time to respond. He grabs X-23 by the hand and takes off. They fly straight at Cloverfield, but before they manage to attack, it swallows them whole. The rest of the Commandos then blast through the jungle, attacking the Brotherhood. Carlos Chiappe surprisingly is the first to hit the Commandos back. He grabs a tree branch and viciously beats Mrs. Doubtfire to death. Bizarro then slaps the Peruvian maniac hard against a tree, shattering his bones, but before he dies, Carlos mumbles “my…body…nooo.” Bizarro had taken to Mrs. Doubtfire in the locker room because she would read him bedtime stories. Darth Yardigan and Usagi Yojimbo have disappeared amongst the trees, using their stealth to their advantage. They both quickly and secretly kill several of the parasites that have fallen off of Cloverfield. Bizarro begins to wildly knock down the trees in an attempt to flush out the Brotherhood. Count Dooku and Black Adam draw each other’s attention from across the battlefield. Dooku fires some Sith lightning at him and at the same time Black Adam yells “SHAZAM!” thus bringing down a massive lightning bolt upon the Sith Lord. They both are sent sailing. Parallax comes flying in, sensing great fear from inside the AT-ST. Gwildor tries to shoot Parallax down, but misses completely. He then grabs the cosmic key and frantically starts pressing keys on it. A portal opens up right in from of the AT-ST causing Parallax to fly right into it. But before it closes, Parallax grabs the AT-ST into the portal with him. The portal opens up and they all land in… Val Verde. Or at least the Hollywood back lot that is made to look like Val Verde for the upcoming movie, Commando 2: Jenny’s Revenge. (“Somewhere, somehow, someone’s going to pay…again.”) Parallax rips open the AT-ST and eats Paploo and Wicket. Gwildor tries to make a run for it, but not only is he killed, but when his body is thrown into Alyssa Milano it activates the cosmic key. Parallax leaps back into the portal and disappears. Anyways, back in the real (yep. REAL) Val Verde, Usagi Yojimbo has climbed up on top of Cloverfield and starts hacking away at it with his katana. Bizarro swoops up and attacks the ronin rabbit. Usagi breaks his sword against Bizarro’s chest and then is frozen by Bizarro’s freeze vision. Bizarro then in one swift punch, shatters Usagi. Cloverfield then lets out a painful howl and stumbles to the ground. Its head literally explodes and out comes, covered in blood and slime is Mighty Mouse. Cloverfield’s stomach is then ripped open from the inside out by X-23. Darth Yardigan joins Count Dooku in his attack against Black Adam, but is having trouble with him, due to their inability to fly. Dooku then comes up with a plan to remedy this problem. He focuses intensely on Yardigan and uses the Force to levitate his apprentice into the air. He gives Yardigan a huge force push, sending him rocketing towards Black Adam, lightsaber drawn. Teth-Adam just floats there arrogantly, and at the last second yells “SHAZAM” again firing an even bigger bolt of lightning into Darth Yardigan, killing the Sith Lord. Count Dooku foresaw this possible outcome, so he launches X-23 right behind Yardigan with the Force. Black Adam did not expect this second wave. He certainly didn’t expect the lightsaber that is now plunged deep into his chest. Dooku had given X-23 his lightsaber before he sent her up. As Black Adam and X-23 fall from the sky, Adam grabs a hold of X-23 and uses the last bit of strength to increase their rate of decent and sends them crashing into the ground. X-23 is badly injured by the fall and Dooku uses the Force to retrieve his lightsaber. Mighty Mouse is zipping around Bizarro, landing several quick hits to the backwards Superman. Normally these would be devastating blows, but Mighty Mouse is simply outmatched. Bizarro finally has had enough and with a powerful clap, he crushes Mighty Mouse. Nightwing finally enters the battle. He rides in on his 4-wheeler and launches it into the air at Bizarro by using a fallen tree as a ramp. Bizarro blows his fire breath at the gas tank, causing it to explode. Luckily Nightwing flipped off of it in time. Though her healing factor is working in overdrive, X-23 is still not 100 percent, but is determined to keep fighting. Count Dooku joins Nightwing and the injured clone of Wolverine to finish off Bizarro. Just then, the cosmic key portal appears and Parallax returns to the battle. Parallax fires a massive blast of yellow energy at the Brotherhood but Count Dooku Force pushes his team out of harm’s way. He retaliates with some Sith lightning right at the sentient embodiment of fear. The blast stuns Parallax as Nightwing and X-23 try to defeat Bizarro. The two Brotherhood members confuse and disorientate Bizarro with all of their flipping and acrobatics around him. But their kicks and punches are having little effect. X-23 claws aren’t able to penetrate Bizarro’s skin and Nightwing’s batarangs are simple bouncing off him. Nightwing does a back flip over him, grabbing his cape and pulls it around his head. But Bizarro just uses his fire breath to burn through the cape. He uses his super speed and grabs X-23 by the neck and legs and bends her right in half with his super strength. Bizarro then flies at Nightwing and uses X-23’s body as a spear, impaling Dick Grayson into a tree, like they were camp counselors. Count Dooku now is left in a two on one against Parallax and Bizarro. He has been able to keep Parallax at bay with Sith lightning, but Bizarro comes flying in fast, right at the Sith Lord. Dooku senses this attack and pulls his lightsaber out allowing Bizarro’s momentum to do most of the work. The now two halves of Bizarro go sailing out of control into some trees. This distraction however is exactly the opening Parallax needed. He lunges at Dooku, biting his head off. The headless body of the Sith Lord crumples to the ground as Parallax shrieks in victory.
POP SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Posts
All Comments
