The Syracuse Valley vs Xavier's Annihliation Squad

The Syracuse Valley is Omega Red, Darth Rave, Darth Techno, Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Baby Nightcrawler, Bossk, Sub-Zero, Jedi Guardian #3 w/ Jedi Padawan #37, Wald, Wingnut & Screwloose, Leebo, Mr. Game & Watch, Sonic the Hedgehog, Knuckles, Raiden w/ Kid Thunder, Rob Bartlett, Little Goomba #3-8, Dash Rendar in a Tie Bomber, Splinter, Doogle, Sockpin, Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, & Kree Soldier #1.

Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Ursa, The White Witch, The Eradicator, Geo-Force, Avalanche, The Terrorcons, Metroplex, Darth Voltress & Darth Ocron.

The Syracuse Valley is teleported to the frozen tundra known as the Hoth System. They are forced to leave their Movie Transformers back in the locker room due to their weakness to the extreme cold. Which is most unfortunate, since they just caught a glimpse of Xavier’s Annihilation Squad’s defense, The Terrorcons and Metroplex. The White Witch sends the duo of Geo-Force and Avalanche out as the first wave of their attack. They use their powers to open up the ground beneath their opponents, which swallows Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Little Goombas #3-8, Rob Bartlett, Doogle, Sockpin, Leebo, and Wald. Omega Red then leaps into action, knowing that this very well could be his final match. He wraps his carbonadium tentacles around Avalanche and Geo-Force, draining their life force, leaving them as empty husks and him stronger than before. The Terrorcons do not instantly merge and form Abominus as normal, but instead they transform into their monster modes and attack the Valley’s troops. They rip into and kill Bossk, Wingnut, Screwloose, Mr. Game & Watch, and Jedi Padawan #37. They then finally merge into Abominus, which is exactly what Sub-Zero was hoping for. He unleashes his full power at Abominus and seals him in a massive mountain of ice. Dash Rendar then flies in piloting a Tie Bomber, and blows up the Terrorcons with some bombs. In retaliation, Metroplex swats Dash out of the air as if he were a mosquito. The team of Ursa and Eradicator swoop in and are hot on the tails of Sonic the Hedgehog and Knuckles. No matter how fast they run, Sonic and Knuckles aren’t able to shake their aggressors. Ursa and Eradicator finally use their heat vision to end this race, as they blast the two speedy members of The Syracuse Valley in the backs of their heads. Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron then face off against Raiden and Kid Thunder. The two Sith Lords try to end the battle quickly by firing Sith Lightning at them, but this only fuels Raiden and Kid Thunder. They rechannel the lightning right back at them, which kills both Voltress and Ocron. The White Witch pulls her wand out and turns Jedi Guardian #3 and Kree Soldier #1 into stone. Darth Rave along with his apprentice, Darth Techno, then dodges the White Witch’s magic, and together they slice her into multiple pieces with their four lightsabers. Eradicator flies in extremely fast and rips Sub-Zero’s head and spine out of his body as Ursa tears Baby Nightcrawler in half before he can teleports away. Splinter finally comes out of his meditation and looks over the battlefield. He sees that though his team out-numbers the Annihilation Squad, they are extremely out-matched. Splinter turns to Nightcrawler and Nocturne and reluctantly orders a retreat. The two mutants teleport their teams out of the fight, which saves Omega Red and Darth Rave from their final deaths.

XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!

Better Than All of You Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade

Better Than All of You is Gandalf the White, Grey Hulk, Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini, Green Lantern, Thanos, Mephisto, Snake Eyes, Doc Holiday, Lex Luthor, Ghost Rider, & David Dunn.

Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Obi Wan Kenobi, Even Piell & Jedi Master #31 in a Snow Speeder, Gandalf the Gray, Wonder Woman, Alan Scott, Amazon (Princess Ororo), Power Girl, Coleman Trebor, Jedi Master #32 & 33, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Arwen Evenstar, & Pterri.


As the 2 teams are teleported to the ice world of Hoth, Gandalf the Gray gets the attention of Wonder Woman and says “remember Diana, I know that you feel you have a lot to prove after what happened last year against this team, but we shouldn’t act on those emotions”. Wonder Woman replies with “Listen Gandalf, do you have any idea, how much crap I have gotten over the last year, just from retreating from a match that I knew we couldn’t compete in. It took me almost an hour to convince Coach Bonaparte that I should even get the start this week. So thanks for the help Gandalf, I know you are trying to help, but I plan on going into this match and ripping this entire team apart by myself. If the rest of you want to come along, then that’s fine”. Power Girl walks up to where this private conversation takes place and says: “What’s up Gandalf? What are you doing, trying to talk Wonder Woman out of retreating again”? A fired up Wonder Woman looks at Power Girl and says “Listen up Power Girl, you weren’t even there last year, so don’t pretend like you know what you’re talking about. I saved a lot of lives that day, which is the opposite of what I’m going to do today. So don’t make me start with you”. “Alright, alright. We have a battle to fight, so lets stay focused” Aragorn says to quell the tension. On the other side of the battlefield, a similar situation is taking place. Green Lantern turns to Gandalf the White and says “you don’t think there is any chance, that they are going to retreat again, do you”? “I doubt it” Gandalf replies. “I know about what happened last year, but the brigade went on to the Universe Bowl after that, so I don’t think they have done much retreating since then AHHHHHHHHHH”. Oderus Urungus states as plainly as he can. Mephisto then says “besides, we all heard what they did to The Murderflies this year, after that monstrous display I don’t know how anyone can have anything but respect for this team”. Lex Luthor calls his troops to order as he sees the Brigade approaching: “Whatever you all think doesn’t matter. We’ll find out what they have in store for us soon enough, because here they come. Aragorn leads the ground assault with the team’s fliers flanking them from above. The 2 Gandalfs square off with each other almost instantly. Gandalf the Gray at first believes that he is about to fight Sarumon, but soon finds out that despite this person being the wielder of the white magic, it is in fact a different version of himself that he is fighting. Lex Luthor takes to the air in his heavily armored suit and begins shooting at the Even Piell flown Snow Speeder. Piell evades the larger blasts but is hit by some of Luthor’s fire. Piell’s gunner Jedi Master #31 attempts to target Luthor but is unable to. Luthor then hits the Speeder with a blast that causes a malfunction in the small ship. Jedi Master #31 tries to use the weaponry but the gun blows up in his face (I hear they have a tendency to do that). Even Piell crash lands the Snow Speeder and than hops out with his lightsaber ignited. Luthor makes a pass over Piell’s head to attempt a strafing run but Master Piell force leaps into the air and slices Lex Luthor in half. The little Lannik warrior lands on the ground when Johnny Blaze, the Ghost Rider comes racing in towards him. Ghost Rider tries to take the Jedi Master off guard but Piell is just to fast. Even Piell makes a quick parry and swings his lightsaber at Ghost Rider. The flaming motorcycle continues to blaze thru the snowy landscape past the Jedi even though Ghost Rider no longer has a head. Oderus Urungus grabs his giant mystical lag bolt, or whatever that thing is he used to carry around the comic con and leads Gwar into battle. They grab Pterri out of the air and rip him apart. They then pass the little pterodactyl around, taking turns taking bites out of his body. Wonder Woman wastes no time as she rushes in like a woman possessed. She instantly rips in half both Slymenstra Hymen and the Sexecutioner, before she kicks Sleazy P. Martini’s head off. The great Amazon warrior is energized by her anger, both from the verbal abuse she has taken over her retreat last year, and from the loss of Wonder Girl which is still so fresh in her mind. With a massive punch, she breaks off Balsac’s jaw of death, and then flattens Flattus Maximus. She is about to finish off the rest of Gwar when she sees that several of her teammates are in trouble. Mephisto is battling with Amazon, but the Amalgam universe heroine is not fairing to well against the demon. Amazon attempt to conjure up some massive winds to bring the snow against Mephisto, but Mephisto pushes thru it and then uses his raw physical strength to rip Amazon apart, bringing a huge smile to his face. Gandalf the White and Gandalf the Gray’s battle is obviously closely matched, but in the end Gandalf the White uses his superior powers and better understanding of the situation (having lived thru the change) to destroy his former self. While the 2 Gandalfs were fighting on the ground the 2 Green Lanterns were busy fighting each other in the air. The golden age and silver age lanterns shoot at each other with similar (but not exactly the same) blasts of green energy. Hal Jordan then proves that you don’t have to be the original to be the best as he shoots a saw blade of green energy at Alan Scott that cuts thru his head. Wonder Woman rushes in to help Power Girl in her battle with Thanos. Thanos blasts cosmic energy at the 2 feuding femmes to keep them at bay, but even in his arrogance, he secretly knows that he is somewhat outmatched by the double team. Thanos perches himself atop a large ice drift when Jedi Master Coleman Trebor sees an opening to take him out. In a daring move, Trebor ignites his lightsaber and jumps onto the elevated ice berg. Thanos is caught off guard, but before Master Trebor can attack, Doc Holiday pops out from behind Thanos and shoots Coleman Trebor so fast that the Jedi is unable to block the bullets. Thanos personally thanks Holiday and then takes to the air. At first he is unable to see where his opponents have flown off to, but they then come flying in toward him from opposite directions. Both Wonder Woman and Power Girl fly in as fast as they can toward Thanos. Despite Thanos’ incredible durability the 2 women use their strength and momentum to overpower it. Wonder Woman grabs a hold of Thanos’ head while Power Girl bear hugs his body as they fly by from opposite directions, resulting in the rough decapitation of The Mad Titan. Obi Wan leads Jedi Masters #32 & 33 against Grey Hulk. The rampaging Hulk jumps into action and crashes into the ground creating a small shockwave. Hulk smashes Tim (Jedi Master #32) into mush while Jedi Master #33 unsuccessfully attempts a force push towards the Hulk. Jedi Master #33 swings his lightsaber, grazing the Hulk but it just works to get him even madder. Hulk then grabs the Jedi by the head and squeezes it until it explodes. Obi Wan dodges the Hulk’s attacks and lands a few good hits with his lightsaber but he finds that although the saber damages the Hulk, he can’t seem to put it deep enough to do any permanent damage, due to the fact that the saber wants to get stuck in the Hulk’s hardened and leathery skin whenever he lands a hit (and the last thing Master Kenobi wants is to be stuck in close quarters with the Hulk, sans lightsaber). Hulk kicks up some snow with so much force that it knocks Kenobi to the ground. Hulk walks toward Kenobi to finish him off, but Obi Wan focuses his force powers on the 2 lightsabers of his fallen Jedi comrades. With as much force power as he can conjure, Kenobi uses the force to ignite the 2 lightsabers and stick them into the back of Hulk. Hulk lets out a scream from this attack which gives Obi Wan just enough time to jump up out of the snow and use his own lightsaber to cut off Hulk’s head. Arwen slices off the head of Jizmack da Gusha on her way to aid Aragorn against Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes’ ninja sword clashes with the 2 Middle Earth lovebirds, but he does not like the odds now that he is outnumbered. Snake Eyes ducks out of the way of Aragorn’s sword and sticks his into the chest of Arwen to even the odds. An enraged Aragorn rushes at Snake Eyes with Isilidor’s sword in one hand and his Elven knife in the other. Strider uses the sword that was broken and then forged again to knock Snake Eyes’ ninja sword out of his hand and then slits the throat of the G.I. Joe with his Elven Blade. Power Girl flies in to attack Mephisto while Wonder Woman lands to battle with David Dunn. Despite their exhaustion on both sides and Aragorn’s initial unwillingness to do so Aragorn, Obi Wan, & Even Piell all rush in to attack Gandalf the White. Wonder Woman and David Dunn begin pounding on one another with Wonder Woman landing more hits. Despite Wonder Woman’s superior Amazon fighting abilities she is still unable to do any real damage to David Dunn. As their fight continues, they tumble onto the ground causing their body heat to melt the ice around them. David Dunn continues to take the beating being dished out to him by Wonder Woman until she notices how much he is ill-affected by the small puddles being formed around them. As the ice cracks underneath them Wonder Woman sticks Dunn’s head into the freezing cold water drowning him and revealing his weakness. As Wonder Women gets up she can not help but notice how much David Dunn has reminded her of one of her favorite teammates which prompts her to say to David Dunn’s dead body: “Damn, you take a beating as well as John Mclaine”. Power Girl flies in toward Mephisto and attempts to blast him with her heat vision. Mephisto simply shrugs off this attack and then conjures an amazing amount of evil energy to reign hellfire down on Power Girl and completely vaporize her. Wonder Woman sees this and rushes in, still determined to even the score with Better Than All of You. She wraps the Lasso of Truth around the neck of Mephisto, but Mephisto grabs a hold of it and pulls her in closer. Mephisto then uses his immense strength and magical powers to actually rip the lasso and free himself. Mephisto then swings at Wonder Woman but she ducks out of the way and comes up with an uppercut to knock him to the ground. From the ground Mephisto says to her “this may be my last match, would you like me to say anything to Wonder Girl”? Wonder Woman yells: “Death, you shall have Mephisto, but you aren’t going to the same place as Wonder Girl”. After this comment Wonder Woman jumps into the air and pulls out her Hephaestus forged sword, driving it into the head of Mephisto. Gandalf the White initially holds steady against Aragorn and the 2 Jedi; but eventually, despite his immense power, he is overcome by the combined force of Kenobi, Piell, & Aragorn. Green Lantern flies down to aid his team, but once he sees that only Doc Holiday and 2 Gwar members remain he orders the retreat.
LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!

The Untouchables vs. George Washington's Slaves

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 9 Match: The Untouchables vs. George Washington's Slaves.

I look in the locker room of The Untouchables. The Untouchables are Onslaught, Deadpool, Megatron, Sinestro (green ring), Tomar Tu, The Constructicons, She-Ra with Swiftwind, Madam Razz with Broom, She-Hulk, Captain Cold and Xio Jade.

Megatron: We need to hand the Slaves another loss. It will knock them off their self-righteous perch and allow us to climb in the standings and one step closer to the playoffs!

Xio Jade: I serve at the will of the Untouchables’ owner. I will not disappoint during the final weeks of our league’s second year.

Madam Razz: I just want to make a little nice with Santa!

I look into the locker room of George Washington’s Slaves. The Slaves are Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in a Snow Speeder, Agen Kolar, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas with Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen, Ki Adi Mundi, Yoda with Kybuck, Neo, Shaak Ti, Sifo Dyas and Jedi Master #1.

Yoda: Today are we assured of another victory if together we work!

Dallas: Nothing is going to stand in the way of Santa and me kicking some Untouchable butt!!!

I transport the teams to the icy battlefield of Hoth. . .

Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas ride on Santa’s sleigh, carried in the air by Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. Madam Razz sees the two in their sleigh and pulls up alongside on her broom.

Claus: Look at that piece of a@@ Corbin!

Dallas: You’re a happily married man Santa. Don’t even think about it!

Claus: Remember what mama says: Look, but don’t touch.

Dallas: Remember what Dallas says: Avoid the temptation.

With that comment, Dallas pulls a gun on Razz. Razz reacts just in time and places a spell on the weapon before it is fired. Instead of a bullet being fired from the gun, a bouquet of flowers pops out of the barrel.

Razz (taking the flowers): Why thank you young man!

Razz flies away and Dallas is left fuming. Dallas and Claus focus on another target. They fly the sleigh down toward She-Ra riding Swiftwind. She-Ra sees the sleigh storming at her and fails to react in time. Although she draws her sword, Santa uses his sleigh’s skis to slice She-Ra’s sword arm off. Santa comes around again and although She-Ra avoids the skis, she cannot avoid the reindeers’ hooves as they trample her head and crush her skull. She-Ra’s dead body falls off the horse. Dallas jumps off the sled and onto Swiftwind. He rides Swiftwind right into Yoda and his Kybuck. Yoda, holding on the Kybuck with one arm, uses his other arm to slice Swiftwind’s stomach. The horse’s intestines fall out and Swiftwind dies. Dallas manages to escape any injury as the horse dies.

Onslaught looks to the sky and sees Santa’s sleigh. He uses his powers of magnetism to crumple the sleigh together like a tin can. Santa is trapped in the sleigh and is crushed inside the vehicle. As the sleigh plummets to the tundra below, Megatron and the Constructicons (as Devastator) take pot shots at the reindeer. Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen are blasted to bits by the Transformers.

Madam Razz flies by the Snow Speeder which holds Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar. The Star Wars duo decides that due to the “temptation” caused by Razz aimed at their beloved Santa, they are going to get back at her. Thus, they fly at Razz. As they chase the witch on her broom, they are followed by flying lanterns, Tomar Tu and Sinestro.

Antilles: She’s going to be in my sights in a minute.

Tomar Tu and Sinestro begin to use their rings. They create projectiles which pummel the Speeder.

Antilles: We’re taking some hits!

Ackbar: Stay on target!

Sinestro strikes the strut of the Snow Speeder, causing the vehicle to shake.

Antilles: We can’t take another hit like that!

Ackbar: Stay on target!

Tomar Tu and Sinestro combine their ring powers and smash the right wing, causing the Speeder to rock violently.

Antilles: We need to pull away!

Ackbar: Stay on target!

Tomar Tu and Sinestro combine their ring powers again to smash the left wing.

Antilles: We’re going to crash!

Ackbar: Stay on target!

Antilles manages to fire his proton torpedoes. They torpedoes find their mark and disintegrate Madam Razz on her broom. As Antilles and Ackbar celebrate their victory over the witch, their Speeder explodes into a ball of fire. The lanterns fly away toward another skirmish.

Corbin Dallas is walking on the snowy ground and meets Deadpool. The two draw their weapons and repeatedly fire at one another. Each mercenary jumps behind a giant snowdrift. The two stick their heads and guns out, sporadically firing at their enemy. Deadpool decides that enough time has been wasted already, and uses his skills to fire through the snowdrift that Dallas is hiding behind. The bullet smashes through Dallas’ skull. Dallas crumples to the floor, blood pumping out of his skull.

Xio Jade meets Jedi Master #1. The two battle and their lightsabers spark off one another. Jade eventually uses her dark abilities and fighting skills to best Jedi Master #1. As Jedi Master #1 dies, Jade is confronted by Agen Kolar, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti and Sifo Dyas. Jade cannot take on all of the Jedi at one time. The Jedi come together and with their combined force abilities and training, kill Jade. She-Hulk and Captain Cold come to the scene. Captain Cold uses his cold blasters to freeze the legs of Ben Skywalker. She-Hulk then pounds on the young Jedi until he dies. Captain Cold then fires at Cade Skywalker, but is not so lucky as Cade uses his mastery of both the light and dark sides of the force to deflect the blast back at Cold. Captain Cold is nearly frozen when Ki Adi Mundi puts him out of his misery and slices him in half. She-Hulk manages to avoid the saber of Sifo Dyas and kills him. She-Hulk then falls victim to the combined Jedi: Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Agen Kolar and Shaak Ti.

Neo sees Deadpool walking away from his fresh Dallas kill. Neo uses his Matrix abilities to escape the barrage of fire from Deadpool’s guns and kills the marksman. Megatron comes to the scene in robot mode and blows Neo away. Megatron is then joined by Devastator (Constructicons’ gestalt) and both focus on the Jedi across the battlefield.

Yoda joins his other Jedi brethren. Together they sense the battle nearing an end. They come together in an attack-circle formation, ready to face their enemy. Yoda sends his Kybuck away. The beast does not make it far as Megatron fires at the steed and blows the beast to pieces.

Devastator and Megatron are joined by Onslaught, Sinestro and Tomar Tu. They face the Jedi: Agen Kolar, Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Yoda and Shaak Ti. The Jedi focus their abilities on the lanterns Sinestro and Tomar Tu. The lanterns use their rings to throw a barrage of ring projectiles at the Jedi. The Jedi manage to deflect a majority of them back at the lanterns and at the Transformers. Sinestro and Tomar Tu fall to their own powers, injured, but not dead. Yoda spectacularly spins and twirls in the air and in an acrobatic instant kills Tomar Tu. Before Yoda can kill Sinestro, Sinestro escapes behind Devastator. Devastator and Megatron focus their weaponry on Yoda, but Yoda manages to avoid the fire and reaches his teammates.


The Jedi, all of their lightsabers ignited, face the Untouchables, ready for the final onslaught. Speaking of Onslaught, the mutant uses his abilities to rip all of the Jedi’s lightsabers away from their hands. Megatron and Devastator unleash their weaponry on the Jedi. Shaak Ti and Agen Kolar are killed.

Yoda (looking at his remaining Jedi teammates): Know we must when to retreat. Fight another day, we shall.

Cade Skywalker: We can do this Master Yoda!

Yoda: But at what cost, young Skywalker? At what cost?

Skywalker grudgingly shrugs. The remaining Slaves: Yoda, Cade Skywalker and Ki Adi Mundi, retreat.

Slaves: Yoda, Cade Skywalker and Ki Adi Mundi alive.

Untouchables: Onslaught, Megatron, Sinestro (green ring) and Constructicons alive.

THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Alice's Wonder Team

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 9 Match: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Alice's Wonder Team.

I look into the locker room of The Kennelz and see Mace Windu, Jade, Green Lanterns #1, 2, 4 and 5, Dexter the Dog, Justin Oblak, Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano, The Inhumans: Black Bolt, Medusa, Triton and Karnak, Brandon Inge and Dark Jedi Masters #31-33.

Mace Windu: We need this win. Let the Force guide us to victory!

Anakin Skywalker: I concur Master Windu.

Dexter the Dog barks an encouraging wuff.

I then look into the locker room of Alice's Wonder Team. I see Vampires #1-19.

Vampire #4: Is our owner really serious?!?

Vampire #11: He sure is! We did okay the last time out!

Vampire #7: We can do it again!

I transport the teams to the icy wastelands of Hoth. . .

Ahsoka Tano: Is the Wonder Team’s owner serious?!?!

Across the battlefield, Vampire #4 can be heard: Hey, I said that too.

Skywalker: I heard about throwing a match for draft position, but this is ridiculous!

Windu: Ridiculous or not, we still have to win.

Windu ignites his lightsaber and leads the Kennelz squad into battle. The Star Wars entourage creates a triangular formation. Windu is the tip, followed by Skywalker and Tano, followed by Dark Jedi Masters #31-33. Windu meets the first of the Vampires and decapitates Vampires #3 and 12. Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano follow Windu and destroy Vampires #1, 10, 14 and 18. In the rear, Dark Jedi Masters #31-33 kill Vampires # 2, 5, 8, 11 and 19.

Immediately after the Jedi rip through the vampires, Green Lanterns #1, 2, 4 and 4 use their rings to lift Vampires # 4, 9 and 13 into the air. The Lanterns drop them in the midst of Justin Oblak, Dexter the Dog and Brandon Inge. Inge breaks his bat in two over his knee and throw Oblak one half of the Louisville Slugger. Oblak and Inge use the sharpened ends to pierce the hearts and destroy Vampires #4 and 9. Dexter the Dog rips the head off of Vampire # 13.
Jade joins with the Inhumans in the Kennelz last skirmish with the Vampires. Jade and Karnak use their combined fighting abilities to destroy Vampire # 6. Triton skewers Vampire #7 and Medusa uses her hair to rip off the head of Vampire # 15. Black Bolt then unleashes his voice which shreds apart Vampires # 16 and 17.

Wonder Team: All dead.

Kennelz: All survive.

MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE IS VICTORIOUS!!!

Horsemen of Apokolips vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 9 Match: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

I look into the locker room of The Horsemen of Apokolips. The Horsemen are Darkseid, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master, Sinestro, Madeline Pryor, Emma Frost, Phoenix (Rachel Summers), Bellatrix Lestrange, Parasite and Larry Reamer.

Bellatrix: I cannot wait to use Avada Kedavra! It has been awhile since I have last spoken those words. . .

Darkseid: Your killing curse will assist us in our victory, but it is the raw power of this team that will crush all those who stand in our way!

Reamer (looking at Emma Frost): If you play your cards right and we win this match Emma, I’ll show you my raw power!

Sinestro: Remember what our owner said! No retreat! This is a death match!

I then look into the locker room of the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. The Midgets are Magneto, Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan, Asajj Ventress, Omega Supreme, X-23, Superboy, Wonder Man, Rogue, Nightwing in the (Modern Age) Batmobile, Wicket W. Warrick, Ewok #41 and Bill Kelly.

Magneto: We face a formidable team, but a team that we are able to beat!

Bill Kelly: With my skills I will beat them all off!!!!

Dooku: Remember. Our master does not tolerate a “retreat” by any member of his squad!

I transport the teams to the icy wastelands of the planet Hoth. . .

Parasite tunnels through the frozen tundra. Parasite springs from the frosty ground right next to Bill Kelly. Parasite touches Kelly and realizes that he has no super powers to absorb. Parasite throws Kelly across the ground in frustration. Kelly is shaken, but unharmed. Parasite sees Superboy across the battleground and burrows again. He rises from the snowy ground and realizes that he has mistakenly calculated where the Kryptonian actually is. Instead of rising next to Superboy, he rises next to Omega Supreme. Omega sees Parasite, who is unable to absorb any energy or super powers from the Transformer. Omega unloads all of his weapons into Parasite and kills him.

Wicket W. Warrick and Ewok #41 rush at who they believe is the easiest prey on the Horsemen – Larry Reamer. They surround Reamer and begin to jab at him with their spears. Ewok #41 manages to graze Reamer’s knee. Reamer reaches into his tool belt and pulls out a hatchet and claw hammer. With the skills of an experienced roofer, he throws his weapons at the Ewoks. Although both Ewok #41 and Wicket are struck by the tools, they are only injured. Sensing that Reamer cannot pull his nail gun out in time to kill them both, the Ewoks charge. Madeline Pryor and Rachel Summers spring into action. Pryor uses her psionic energy to crush Ewok #41. Summers uses her phoenix force to destroy Wicket.

Reamer: Thanks for the assistance ladies. Maybe I could help the both of you later.

Pryor: In your dreams Reamer.

Bellatrix Lestrange sees Bill Kelly walking on the battlefield.

Lestrange: Perfect! Avada Kedavra!

Lestrange unleashes the killing curse at an unsuspecting Kelly. As the curse is about to strike Kelly, Nightwing drives up in the Batmobile. The Batmobile deflects the spell. The female Death Eater is infuriated and screams the spell at the two men. The two men jump behind the Batmobile and the spell dissipates again. Lestrange runs at the men, knowing that she will be able to take one of them out before the battle is done. She does not see Magneto who is watching the entire event transpire. Magneto uses his powers to raise the Batmobile and then have it then fall on Lestrange. Lestrange is crushed by the vehicle.

Grayson: Thanks Mags!

Magneto (magnetically tinkering with the vehicle in order to fix any defects caused by Lestrange’s crushing): Anytime young Grayson and Kelly.

Grayson and Kelly jump into the Batmobile and ride at Luke Skywalker. Grayson pulls no stops as he unleashes his weapons at the Grand Jedi Master. As the Batmobile is about to plow Skywalker down, the Jedi, at the last instant, jumps away and uses his lightsaber to slice the left front and back wheels. The Batmobile careens out of control and Grayson and Kelly are thrown from the vehicle. The Batmobile crashes and goes up in flames. Grayson and Kelly face Skywalker.

Skywalker: Retreat and you will survive today.

Grayson: Not an option friend!

Skywalker: Very well. I promise to make this painless on you both.

As Skywalker approaches the two, he is met by Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan and Asajj Ventress who have rushed to the scene.

Skywalker: You should have stayed on your team of origin Yardigan.
Yardigan: I’m sure you’ve heard Skywalker, the mighty Beckerman team has fallen without me. Look at the standings yourself. 4-4. A disgrace!

Skywalker: Your pomposity never ceases to amaze me.

Yardigan rushes at Skywalker. Skywalker avoids the Sith’s lightsaber and slices him in half.

Skywalker (looking at the halved Yardigan): And neither does your lack of skill Yardigan.

Dooku and Ventress both attack Skywalker at the same time. Skywalker manages to block and parry the blows of the Sith Lord and his apprentice. As Dooku comes in for a death blow, Skywalker dodges and decapitates Dooku. While Skywalker is focused on Dooku for a second, Ventress manages to slice Luke’s mechanical hand off. Luke switches his lightsaber to his other hand and finishes Ventress off. The Grand Jedi Master is still more than enough for a mere Sith acolyte. Wounded, but not bleeding, Skywalker walks to the other combatants and is met by Superboy. Superboy uses his strength to strike Luke. Luke is propelled by the force into the sky; he also loses his lightsaber in the process. As Skywalker sails away, he uses the force to reach out to his lightsaber. The lightsaber flies to Skywalker, but Skywalker is like a clay pigeon in the air. His lightsaber reaches him too late as Omega Supreme blasts him in the sky. As Skywalker reaches the ground, X-23 uses her claws to slice Skywalker apart. The Grand Jedi Master dies.

As Superboy is flying, he is met by Supergirl, Superboy Prime and Sinestro. Outmatched, Superboy is thinking of what to do when he is luckily joined by his teammates, Wonder Man and Rogue. Superboy fights Superboy Prime. The two are evenly matched and one Kryptonian does not get the better of the other. It is not until Supergirl enters the fray when Superboy loses ground and is pummeled by the two. Superboy Prime and Supergirl manage to kill Superboy. Rogue flies to Supergirl and holds her in a vice-like grip. Rogue manages to touch Supergirl on the skin and absorbs her powers. Supergirl, at the contact, falls to the ground in a daze. Bill Kelly walks over to Supergirl. He admires how beautiful she is and thinks that it is a shame he must kill her. Before he takes his nail gun out, X-23 jumps in front of Kelly and takes advantage of the weakened Supergirl. X-23 finishes Supergirl off.

Sinestro sees Wonder Man and uses his ring to form a huge projected fist. The fist comes at Wonder Man, full force.

Wonder Man: Not the face!

Too late - as the fist smashes Wonder Man. Wonder Man hits the snowy ground and slowly gets up. He is met by Darkseid who uses the Omega Force and his psionic powers to kill Wonder Man. Sinestro smiles at the demise of Wonder Man when he feels a force tug on his ring finger. Sinestro whirls to the ground, carried by his ring. It is Magneto, using his powers to capture the ring and force Sinestro down. As Sinestro crashes to the ground, the ring is ripped off his finger. Sinestro screams at the agony of losing his finger and the humiliation of losing his ring. His screaming is short lived as Omega Supreme blasts and kills him.

Meanwhile Nightwing meets Emma Frost. He fires one of his bat-weapons at her. She transforms her body into its diamond form. The bat-weapon is deflected back at Nightwing, who is injured. As Emma Frost walks up to Nightwing, she is joined by Larry Reamer.

Reamer: I guess the commercials are true. A diamond is a girl’s best friend.

Frost: Give it a rest.

Frost, still in diamond form, uses her hand to pierces through Nightwing’s heart; he is instantly killed. Emma Frost morphs out of her diamond form, into flesh. This is a mistake as Magneto uses X-23’s adamantium laced skeleton to his advantage and “throws” X-23 (using her metal-covered skeleton as a means) at Frost. X-23 mortally wounds Frost and she dies. X-23 approaches Reamer when she in confronted by Madeline Pryor and Rachel Summers. Although X-23 has the regenerative healing factor, the Goblin Queen and Phoenix are too much for her and she succumbs to their combined abilities.

Reamer: Thanks again ladies.

Pryor: Don’t mention it.

Summers: Let’s finish this!

Rogue, with the abilities of Supergirl, confronts both Pryor and Summers. She is nearly impervious to the psionic and phoenix blasts of the women and manages to kill Pryor. Superboy Prime comes to the scene. Since Rogue was only able to hold Supergirl for a short period of time, her Supergirl powers lapse and it is now Rogue against Superboy Prime. Superboy Prime does not allow Rogue to touch him before he kills her.

Omega Supreme comes to the scene and uses all of his weapons against Phoenix. He manages to destroy Summers. Nonetheless, he succumbs to the brute force and powers of Superboy Prime. As in a match before, Magneto uses the pieces of Omega Supreme as a cornucopia of mechanized weaponry. Magneto sends the pieces of Omega at the Horsemen. The Transformer pieces shred Superboy Prime and Darkseid, mortally wounding each. Although at death’s door, Darkseid does not meet his doom before using his final psionic blast to kill Magneto.

Bill Kelly and Larry Reamer are the last men standing on the Hoth battlefield.

Reamer: I’ve been waiting for this Kelly.

Kelly: Actions are louder than words Reamer!

Kelly throws a hatchet which lops off Reamer’s right hand. Reamer screams in pain and shrugs it off.

Reamer: Just a flesh wound!

Reamer responds by throwing a claw hammer, which rips into Kelly’s left shoulder. Kelly’s arm is hanging by a mere sinewy muscle. He screams and shrugs off the pain.

Kelly: Still have my right one!

Kelly, with his right hand, fires his nail gun repeatedly. The nails rip into both of Reamer’s legs. Reamer falls to the ground.

Reamer: Still have my torso and left hand!

Reamer, with his left hand, throws a hatchet, which manages to strike Kelly’s right arm, causing it to go limp. Reamer, miraculously, then takes a roofer’s crowbar out of his tool belt and chucks it at Kelly’s legs, crushing both kneecaps. Kelly falls to the ground, screams and lures himself out of the haze that is overtaking him.

Kelly and Reamer (in unison): I’m going to kill you!!!!

The two men roll on their torsos at one another. As they meet, Kelly manages to use his teeth to rip off Reamer’s left ear. Reamer though, uses his mouth to latch onto Kelly’s neck and rips into his flesh. He severs the carotid artery. Kelly bleeds out and dies.

Horsemen: Larry Reamer alive.

Midgets: All dead.

THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!!