Better Than All of You Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade

Better Than All of You is Gandalf the White, Grey Hulk, Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini, Green Lantern, Thanos, Mephisto, Snake Eyes, Doc Holiday, Lex Luthor, Ghost Rider, & David Dunn.

Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Obi Wan Kenobi, Even Piell & Jedi Master #31 in a Snow Speeder, Gandalf the Gray, Wonder Woman, Alan Scott, Amazon (Princess Ororo), Power Girl, Coleman Trebor, Jedi Master #32 & 33, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Arwen Evenstar, & Pterri.


As the 2 teams are teleported to the ice world of Hoth, Gandalf the Gray gets the attention of Wonder Woman and says “remember Diana, I know that you feel you have a lot to prove after what happened last year against this team, but we shouldn’t act on those emotions”. Wonder Woman replies with “Listen Gandalf, do you have any idea, how much crap I have gotten over the last year, just from retreating from a match that I knew we couldn’t compete in. It took me almost an hour to convince Coach Bonaparte that I should even get the start this week. So thanks for the help Gandalf, I know you are trying to help, but I plan on going into this match and ripping this entire team apart by myself. If the rest of you want to come along, then that’s fine”. Power Girl walks up to where this private conversation takes place and says: “What’s up Gandalf? What are you doing, trying to talk Wonder Woman out of retreating again”? A fired up Wonder Woman looks at Power Girl and says “Listen up Power Girl, you weren’t even there last year, so don’t pretend like you know what you’re talking about. I saved a lot of lives that day, which is the opposite of what I’m going to do today. So don’t make me start with you”. “Alright, alright. We have a battle to fight, so lets stay focused” Aragorn says to quell the tension. On the other side of the battlefield, a similar situation is taking place. Green Lantern turns to Gandalf the White and says “you don’t think there is any chance, that they are going to retreat again, do you”? “I doubt it” Gandalf replies. “I know about what happened last year, but the brigade went on to the Universe Bowl after that, so I don’t think they have done much retreating since then AHHHHHHHHHH”. Oderus Urungus states as plainly as he can. Mephisto then says “besides, we all heard what they did to The Murderflies this year, after that monstrous display I don’t know how anyone can have anything but respect for this team”. Lex Luthor calls his troops to order as he sees the Brigade approaching: “Whatever you all think doesn’t matter. We’ll find out what they have in store for us soon enough, because here they come. Aragorn leads the ground assault with the team’s fliers flanking them from above. The 2 Gandalfs square off with each other almost instantly. Gandalf the Gray at first believes that he is about to fight Sarumon, but soon finds out that despite this person being the wielder of the white magic, it is in fact a different version of himself that he is fighting. Lex Luthor takes to the air in his heavily armored suit and begins shooting at the Even Piell flown Snow Speeder. Piell evades the larger blasts but is hit by some of Luthor’s fire. Piell’s gunner Jedi Master #31 attempts to target Luthor but is unable to. Luthor then hits the Speeder with a blast that causes a malfunction in the small ship. Jedi Master #31 tries to use the weaponry but the gun blows up in his face (I hear they have a tendency to do that). Even Piell crash lands the Snow Speeder and than hops out with his lightsaber ignited. Luthor makes a pass over Piell’s head to attempt a strafing run but Master Piell force leaps into the air and slices Lex Luthor in half. The little Lannik warrior lands on the ground when Johnny Blaze, the Ghost Rider comes racing in towards him. Ghost Rider tries to take the Jedi Master off guard but Piell is just to fast. Even Piell makes a quick parry and swings his lightsaber at Ghost Rider. The flaming motorcycle continues to blaze thru the snowy landscape past the Jedi even though Ghost Rider no longer has a head. Oderus Urungus grabs his giant mystical lag bolt, or whatever that thing is he used to carry around the comic con and leads Gwar into battle. They grab Pterri out of the air and rip him apart. They then pass the little pterodactyl around, taking turns taking bites out of his body. Wonder Woman wastes no time as she rushes in like a woman possessed. She instantly rips in half both Slymenstra Hymen and the Sexecutioner, before she kicks Sleazy P. Martini’s head off. The great Amazon warrior is energized by her anger, both from the verbal abuse she has taken over her retreat last year, and from the loss of Wonder Girl which is still so fresh in her mind. With a massive punch, she breaks off Balsac’s jaw of death, and then flattens Flattus Maximus. She is about to finish off the rest of Gwar when she sees that several of her teammates are in trouble. Mephisto is battling with Amazon, but the Amalgam universe heroine is not fairing to well against the demon. Amazon attempt to conjure up some massive winds to bring the snow against Mephisto, but Mephisto pushes thru it and then uses his raw physical strength to rip Amazon apart, bringing a huge smile to his face. Gandalf the White and Gandalf the Gray’s battle is obviously closely matched, but in the end Gandalf the White uses his superior powers and better understanding of the situation (having lived thru the change) to destroy his former self. While the 2 Gandalfs were fighting on the ground the 2 Green Lanterns were busy fighting each other in the air. The golden age and silver age lanterns shoot at each other with similar (but not exactly the same) blasts of green energy. Hal Jordan then proves that you don’t have to be the original to be the best as he shoots a saw blade of green energy at Alan Scott that cuts thru his head. Wonder Woman rushes in to help Power Girl in her battle with Thanos. Thanos blasts cosmic energy at the 2 feuding femmes to keep them at bay, but even in his arrogance, he secretly knows that he is somewhat outmatched by the double team. Thanos perches himself atop a large ice drift when Jedi Master Coleman Trebor sees an opening to take him out. In a daring move, Trebor ignites his lightsaber and jumps onto the elevated ice berg. Thanos is caught off guard, but before Master Trebor can attack, Doc Holiday pops out from behind Thanos and shoots Coleman Trebor so fast that the Jedi is unable to block the bullets. Thanos personally thanks Holiday and then takes to the air. At first he is unable to see where his opponents have flown off to, but they then come flying in toward him from opposite directions. Both Wonder Woman and Power Girl fly in as fast as they can toward Thanos. Despite Thanos’ incredible durability the 2 women use their strength and momentum to overpower it. Wonder Woman grabs a hold of Thanos’ head while Power Girl bear hugs his body as they fly by from opposite directions, resulting in the rough decapitation of The Mad Titan. Obi Wan leads Jedi Masters #32 & 33 against Grey Hulk. The rampaging Hulk jumps into action and crashes into the ground creating a small shockwave. Hulk smashes Tim (Jedi Master #32) into mush while Jedi Master #33 unsuccessfully attempts a force push towards the Hulk. Jedi Master #33 swings his lightsaber, grazing the Hulk but it just works to get him even madder. Hulk then grabs the Jedi by the head and squeezes it until it explodes. Obi Wan dodges the Hulk’s attacks and lands a few good hits with his lightsaber but he finds that although the saber damages the Hulk, he can’t seem to put it deep enough to do any permanent damage, due to the fact that the saber wants to get stuck in the Hulk’s hardened and leathery skin whenever he lands a hit (and the last thing Master Kenobi wants is to be stuck in close quarters with the Hulk, sans lightsaber). Hulk kicks up some snow with so much force that it knocks Kenobi to the ground. Hulk walks toward Kenobi to finish him off, but Obi Wan focuses his force powers on the 2 lightsabers of his fallen Jedi comrades. With as much force power as he can conjure, Kenobi uses the force to ignite the 2 lightsabers and stick them into the back of Hulk. Hulk lets out a scream from this attack which gives Obi Wan just enough time to jump up out of the snow and use his own lightsaber to cut off Hulk’s head. Arwen slices off the head of Jizmack da Gusha on her way to aid Aragorn against Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes’ ninja sword clashes with the 2 Middle Earth lovebirds, but he does not like the odds now that he is outnumbered. Snake Eyes ducks out of the way of Aragorn’s sword and sticks his into the chest of Arwen to even the odds. An enraged Aragorn rushes at Snake Eyes with Isilidor’s sword in one hand and his Elven knife in the other. Strider uses the sword that was broken and then forged again to knock Snake Eyes’ ninja sword out of his hand and then slits the throat of the G.I. Joe with his Elven Blade. Power Girl flies in to attack Mephisto while Wonder Woman lands to battle with David Dunn. Despite their exhaustion on both sides and Aragorn’s initial unwillingness to do so Aragorn, Obi Wan, & Even Piell all rush in to attack Gandalf the White. Wonder Woman and David Dunn begin pounding on one another with Wonder Woman landing more hits. Despite Wonder Woman’s superior Amazon fighting abilities she is still unable to do any real damage to David Dunn. As their fight continues, they tumble onto the ground causing their body heat to melt the ice around them. David Dunn continues to take the beating being dished out to him by Wonder Woman until she notices how much he is ill-affected by the small puddles being formed around them. As the ice cracks underneath them Wonder Woman sticks Dunn’s head into the freezing cold water drowning him and revealing his weakness. As Wonder Women gets up she can not help but notice how much David Dunn has reminded her of one of her favorite teammates which prompts her to say to David Dunn’s dead body: “Damn, you take a beating as well as John Mclaine”. Power Girl flies in toward Mephisto and attempts to blast him with her heat vision. Mephisto simply shrugs off this attack and then conjures an amazing amount of evil energy to reign hellfire down on Power Girl and completely vaporize her. Wonder Woman sees this and rushes in, still determined to even the score with Better Than All of You. She wraps the Lasso of Truth around the neck of Mephisto, but Mephisto grabs a hold of it and pulls her in closer. Mephisto then uses his immense strength and magical powers to actually rip the lasso and free himself. Mephisto then swings at Wonder Woman but she ducks out of the way and comes up with an uppercut to knock him to the ground. From the ground Mephisto says to her “this may be my last match, would you like me to say anything to Wonder Girl”? Wonder Woman yells: “Death, you shall have Mephisto, but you aren’t going to the same place as Wonder Girl”. After this comment Wonder Woman jumps into the air and pulls out her Hephaestus forged sword, driving it into the head of Mephisto. Gandalf the White initially holds steady against Aragorn and the 2 Jedi; but eventually, despite his immense power, he is overcome by the combined force of Kenobi, Piell, & Aragorn. Green Lantern flies down to aid his team, but once he sees that only Doc Holiday and 2 Gwar members remain he orders the retreat.
LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!