UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XIX: SECRETS AND SUBTERFUGE

            A stunned Joseph looks toward BL Dumbledore.  Dumbledore smiles and flies away.  Joseph realizes he has no time to ponder what transpired and begins to work so that he may reach the final battle in time.

***

            The two teams begin to converge upon the city through the use of the teleportation circles.  The Horsemen reach the eastern part of the landscape, while the Highness crew reaches the western section. 

            “Where is Joseph?” asks Exodus.

            “Find him I will,” states BL Yoda.  “Sense his presence close do I.”  The deadened Jedi Master rises above the crowd and soars away. 

            “When will the others be here?” asks Hope Summers.

            “Your family will arrive shortly,” states Exodus.

            BL Thanos, Annihilus, Phoenix, the Witch King of Angmar, Hope Summers and Exodus surround the teleportation circle.  A beam of light emits from the round plate. Vulcan and Madelyn Pryor appear.

            “Our ruse seems to have worked,” states BL Thanos.  “There is no way that they expect your presence at this juncture of the match, especially when four of their group will report otherwise.”

            “A perfect use of Life Model Decoys 1 and 2,” states Pryor.  “The enhancements and super-human modifications created by the Anti-Monitor worked perfectly.  Too bad I lost the wand although something had to be sacrificed to assure our goal.”

            “I can’t wait to see the faces on the Royal Highness team when they realize what has transpired,” states Vulcan.  “. . . and at your survival too,” states Gabriel Summers, looking at BL Thanos.

            The Witch King of Angmar holds up his sword and screeches.

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XVIII: BREAKING BAD BEARS

            The pimpmobile races down the road toward the Playoff Planet’s city region.  The enhanced radio installed by the Care Bears continues to play their favorite music group.

I wanna rock right now,
I wanna, I wanna rock right now;
I wanna, I wanna rock right now, now, now,
Rock right now.

I wanna, I wanna rock right now;
I wanna, I wanna rock right now;
I wanna, I wanna rock right now.

            Friend Bear thrashes her head up and down.  She notices four figures in red and black robes floating above the road approximately two hundred yards in front of the vehicle.

            “What the f#ck is that?!?” asks Friend Bear.

            “They aren’t motherf#ckin’ squirrels this time,” answers Bedtime Bear.

            “Wish, stop the ride!” orders Friend Bear.

            Wish Bear presses the brake pedal to the floor and the car screeches to a halt.  Wish saunters up the car seat next to her teammates.  The three bears stare at the beings and slowly reach under the seat and into the glove compartment, looking for the stashed weapons. 

***

            The Q Continuum, being q, Q2, True Q and Lady Q, inspect the bears. 

            “It defies all logic,” starts True Q, “that these creatures survive.”

            “The odds are against such an event from occurring,” states Lady Q.

            “Yet the event has occurred,” states q.

***

            “Hey,” says Wish Bear, now armed with a glock, “let’s take these punk a$$ b%&ches out!”

***

            The Anti-Monitor slows and looks to his companions, Phoenix, Hope Summers and Exodus.

            “It is time,” the Anti-Monitor says.  In the blink of an eye, the entity has vanished.

***

            The Anti-Monitor arrives, sandwiched between the Q Continuum and Care Bears. 

            “Yeah, b%&ches,” shouts Wish Bear.  “Now you’re gonna die!”

            The Q Continuum turns their focus from the bears to the Anti-Monitor, who floats directly before them.

            “This point has been foretold,” states q.

            “There is no other viable conclusion,” expresses Lady Q.

            “Your foretold conclusion is the only matter of substance at this time,” says the Anti-Monitor.  “You may ponder your existences as nearly omnipotent and immortal, but you lack the recognition that I am the one who has destroyed the infinite universes.  I have ripped apart thousands of worlds and killed millions of beings.  Four more deaths mean nothing to me.”

            The Q Continuum and Anti-Monitor refuse to hold back an ounce of their abilities.  Teleportation, time travel and various intergalactic powers reign over the match.  The Continuum, in a single act together, combines their instantaneous matter transformation powers in an attempt to overwhelm the Anti-Monitor.  In response, the Anti-Monitor absorbs the energies surging through the Continuum.  A bright light emits from the combatants and in a solitary instant, both sides disappear in a flash. 

            “Holy sh@t,” starts Wish Bear.

            “The Anti-Monitor is. . . gone,” finishes Bedtime Bear.

            “But so are those goofy motherf#ckers,” says Friend Bear.  “His sacrifice will be remembered by all on the Horsemen team. . . . . . . okay, enough of that sh#t, let’s party!!!”

            Bedtime Bear pushes the stereo system’s button.

Let me see your body rock,
Shakin' from the bottom to the top;
Freak to what the DJ drop,
We be the ones to make it hot.
(To make it hot).

Electric shock, energy like a billion watts,
Space be boomin', the speakers pop;
Galactic comb, we missed a spot,
We bumpin' your parkin’ lot.

***

            “I’m back my friend,” hollers BL Albus Dumbledore from the air.  “I wanted to get you before the final battle commences so we can stand alongside one another.”

            The wizard lantern looks down and notices the devastated body of the green lizard splattered against the roadway.

            “Oh, Yoshi. . .” 

            Dumbledore inspects the body and uses a spell to see the replay of his companion’s death. 

***

            “That was dope!” shouts Bedtime Bear.

            “Time to roll,” says Friend Bear.

            The bears turn the radio up and start the car. They only drive a short distance before they see a lone figure in the road. . . with a submarine being levitated above him.

            “What the f#ck is that?!?” asks Friend Bear.

            “Not a squirrel!!!” answers Bedtime Bear. “It’s Joseph. . . with a f#ckin’ submarine.”

            The bears drive up beside the mutant.

            “Alright, Joseph!” shouts Friend Bear.  “Bring your a$$ to this fight!”

            Joseph smiles at the admiration of his teammates.

            “Drive ahead,” instructs Joseph.  “I will follow behind with this.”

            “Yes!!!!!” screams Wish Bear.

            The bears slowly drive about one half mile ahead of the mutant.

***

Rock that body, come on, come on,
Rock that body, rock that body;
Rock that body, come on, come on,
Rock that body.

            The bears listen to their radio and fail to notice that a desiccated husk has flown to their location.

            “Expelliarmus,” whispers BL Dumbledore.

            Joseph loses his magnetic link with the submarine.  The maritime vessel rocks and begins to fall directly on top of the pimpmobile.  The bears look up and in a rhythmic, slow motion dance begin to scream.

            “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--” says Friend.

            “UUUUUUUUUUUUU--” says Bedtime.

            “CCCCCCCCCCCCCC--” says Wish.

            The submarine crashes on the pimpmobile leaving a gruesome wreckage of vintage automobile parts, submarine machinery and bear stuffing.         Joseph’s mouth gapes at the carnage.

      

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XVII: DELIRIOUS DOGFIGHT

            The U.S.S. Enterprise shuttle lurches across the sky as the Quinjet repeatedly knocks into the vessel.  Both Vampire Jean Grey and Professor X reject the attempts of White Suit Anakin Skywalker to crash their ship.

            Skywalker manages to gain the upper hand and juts into the shuttle, causing the craft to spin out of control.  The telekinetic skills of both Grey and Xavier save the ship from crashing into the ground below.  The shuttle skims the surface of the land while the Quinjet keeps pace directly on top of the liner.  

            Skywalker takes advantage of the congruous positions of the ships.  The Jedi punches the automatic controls of the skiff, steps to the edge of the Quinjet and falls toward the shuttle below, completing a perfect acrobatic flip before landing on top of the skiff. 

            “Jean!” exclaims Professor X.

            “On it Charles,” says Grey in immediate response.

            Grey instantaneously unlatches her safety belt and rushes to the shuttle door.  As Skywalker ignites his lightsaber and begins to cut a hole in the vessel’s top, Grey floats from the shuttle door and lands on its’ top.  The undead woman then immediately uses her telekinetic ability to throw Skywalker off the shuttle.    Miraculously, Skywalker twists and lands back on his Quinjet without missing a beat. 

            Grey follows Skywalker to the Quinjet and sets down perfectly on the ship’s deck.

            “You may still be a fantastic pilot,” smirks Grey, “but you are a fraud nonetheless; unless the suit is black, who gives a frak.”

            The two combatants tussle.  Skywalker momentarily impales Grey in the stomach with his lightsaber.  The results of this action are fruitless since she is not human.  She laughs and races toward Skywalker.  Skywalker uses the force to pinpoint the precise location necessary to turn his opponent into dust.  Grey uses her telepathy to read Skywalker’s intended move and at the last second, flips, pushing down on his shoulders while coming around and ripping off his helmet with all of her vampire-enhanced strength.

            Skywalker crumbles to the deck of the Quinjet, wheezing for breath.   

            “It’s all in the suit,” smiles Grey as she rips into Skywalker’s throat, sucking the life’s essence from his jugular.  Grey wipes the blood from her mouth, leaps and enters the shuttle bay door into the ship. 

            “Well done, Jean,” beams Professor X.

            “Thank you, Charles,” replies Grey, finding a speck of blood on her cheek and then licking it from her finger. 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XVI: THE MYSTERIOUS MODULE

            The remaining members of the Sinister Six emerge from the teleportation circle’s cylinder of light.

            “These make it a whole lot easier to move from the different regions now that the new Watcher has placed the circles around the planet,” says Electro.

            “Agreed,” says Doctor Octopus.  “I. . .”

            Before the tentacled villain is able to finish his sentence, a Technodrome transport module crashes into the building just to the south of where the five Highness combatants are located.

             “Let’s play!” the Hobgoblin cackles as he rides his glider toward the site.  Electro, Doctor Octopus, Mysterio and Sandman race behind. 

            The five quickly reach the area of the crash.  They enter the building and notice the gigantic holes on the floors both above and below, ending with the decimated module in the basement.  After an initial inspection, the building appears to be a multi-faceted laboratory with no shuttle survivors in existence.

            “No one could have lived through this,” states Mysterio.

           “Yes, they could,” says Doctor Octopus.  “Remember this is the Universe Bowl.  Anything can happen.   Explore the area and make sure that either no one was on the vessel, or that no one survived,” orders Ock.

            Each of the Sinister members explores a different floor of the complex.  Mysterio moves through the basement; Sandman walks the first level;   Electro scopes the third; Doctor Octopus inspects the fourth and Hobgoblin flies over the top of the building. 

***

            “I sense the coming storm,” states Annihilus.  “You reach the Technodrome’s module.  I will stay.”

            John McClane jumps into the Attack Trak and drives toward the impact site.  As he reaches the location, he notices the Hobgoblin flying above the roof.  McClane rushes to the vehicle’s turret and fires at the mercenary.  A spattering of projectiles strikes the Hobgoblin’s glider.  The villain looks down and begins to throw bombs at McClane and his vehicle.  Electro surges out of the third floor in order to assist his teammate.  In unison, Electro electrocutes the vehicle while Hobgoblin barrages it with his bombs.  The Attack Trak blows up, throwing McClane across the lot.  McClane escapes the wreckage and although armed, rushes into the laboratory in an attempt to flee his enemies. 

     
            “The cowboy cop is in the building!” screams Electro. 

             “Who?” asks Sandman. 

            “What?” requests Mysterio.

            The Hobgoblin shouts through the windows, “McClane!!!”

            Mysterio begins to cautiously walk up the steps to the first floor when he suddenly notices foot prints across the stairs leading into the basement.  He turns around as he believes to hear a sound across the room toward a partially obstructed area. 

            McClane used his skills to create a false path toward the basement.  He crouches behind a table, focused on the liquid nitrogen cylinder next to Sandman on the first level.

            “Yippee Ki Yay,” hollers McClane as he repeatedly fires his gun at the liquid nitrogen.  The cylinder is methodically struck, causing bursts to strike Sandman.  The tank eventually explodes due to the outgoing pressure and Sandman becomes solidified granules.  McClane fires again at his enemy and Sandman explodes into hundreds of pieces which cannot reform due to their frozen state.

            Mysterio rushes up the stairs and sees a permanently dispersed Sandman 

            McClane looks to Mysterio and turns around, failing to escape the Hobgoblin’s pumpkin bomb.   McClane is gripped by the arms of Doctor Octopus. 

            “Time to die,” states Doc Ock.

            Electro touches a finger to McClane’s face and sends a controlled electrical charge throughout the policeman’s body, frying McClane in place. 

            “Now we are two down!” shouts Doctor Octopus.  “Where the hell were you?” he directs toward Mysterio.

            “I thought I heard something,” the illusionist answers.

            “Clean off that dome so you can hear before I rip it off!” mutters Doctor Octopus.

            Mysterio shrugs at the insult and joins his teammates, looking forward to the next battle.

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XV: AGONIZING ANTICIPATION

            The Anti-Monitor, Phoenix, Hope Summers and Exodus float outside of the Playoff Planet’s metropolis section. 

            “I fail to understand why while we have been instructed to sit aside,” opens Exodus, “while our team is annihilated.”

            “One-Above-All, Dracula, Rayner,” says Phoenix, “. . . gone.”

            “Others have survived,” responds Summers.  “Yoda, Thanos, Joseph, Skywalker. . . all still formidable assets.”

            “Do not forget,” the Anti-Monitor begins before a loud explosion interrupts his speech. 

            The four look to the city and see a Technodrome transport module crash into a building.

            “It is time,” states the Anti-Monitor.

 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XIV: REPTILE ROADKILL

            “Hit the replay b%&ch!” orders Wish Bear.  

What you gon' do with all that junk?

                                                       All that junk inside your trunk?
                                                      I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
                                                      Get you love drunk off my hump.

                                                                           ***

            “The team calls little one,” starts BL Albus Dumbledore looking down at Yoshi.  “I believe it best if I speed ahead and allow you to reach the match in your own time.”

            Yoshi squeaks in response.  BL Dumbledore scratches the lizard’s head and smiles.  The lantern then rises above the ground and soars ahead.

            Yoshi’s tail wags at his master and he begins to merrily hop along the middle of the road.

***

            The pimpmobile races along the street; its radio continues to blare.  

What you gon' do with all that a$$?
All that a$$ inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream,
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

            “Hey, what the f#ck is that in the road up ahead?” asks Friend Bear.

            “It’s a motherf#ckin’ squirrel is what that is!” says Bedtime Bear.

            “A squirrel ain’t that large you dumbf#ck!” exclaims Friend. “. . . and a squirrel ain’t green!”

            “Road kill nonetheless,” states Wish Bear, slamming the gas pedal to the floor.

“Hit that f#cker!!!” screams an excited Bedtime Bear.

Yoshi is distracted and fails to notice the careening vehicle as he uses his prehensile tongue to capture a large insect.  He is unable to react in time with a flutter jump. The lizard’s body tumbles underneath the tires and is brutally shattered, leaving a blood infested skid mark along the road beneath.

            “Damn b%&ch!  That was bada$$!!!” exclaims Friend Bear.

            “Just shut the f#ck up and turn up the tunes! Autoplay b%&ches!!!” says Wish Bear.

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that a$$?
All that a$$ inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XIII: PANDEMONIUM IN THE PLAINS

            A 1989 Chevy Cavalier driven by a trio of bears speeds across the asphalt in the middle of a grassy area.  They all fail to notice that their vehicle almost struck Destroyer, who is walking across the road.  As the sight of the car fades into the distant hills, the Asgardian weapon finishes crossing the street.  

            As the construct reaches the earthy ground on the other side of the road, a projection of scorching lava blasts Destroyer’s leg.  As a result of the attack, Destroyer notices the singed and somewhat melted appendage.  He looks up at the cause and recognizes Geo-Force.  Brion Markov stands on a knoll approximately twenty yards from Destroyer; the man grins at his achievement. 

            In response to one of its legs being damaged by Geo-Force, Destroyer’s visor slowly opens and emits a disintegration beam.  Geo-Force dodges the projection and manipulates the air surrounding the giant to create a “plus gravity” atmosphere.  Destroyer cannot move without severe difficulty.

            “I have a question for you,” quips Geo-Force.  “Why did Destroyer cross the road?”

            Geo-Force is met without a response.

            “To be demolished on the other side!”

            Geo Force unleashes a barrage of lava blasts which melt the weapon.  The founding hero of the Outsiders turns around since his task is accomplished.   He suddenly lurches and gasps.  Geo-Force’s head lulls down only to find his body being impaled by a glistening sword handled by the Witch King of Angmar.  The Black Captain twists the sword around, disemboweling Markov. 

            A fierce, triumphant screech is emitted from the Lord of the Nazgul as a dead Geo-Force falls upon his own intestines.  

 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XII: THE FIERY FIRMAMENT

            “I am exhausted,” claims Charles Xavier.  “I can no longer maintain the functionality of the entire ship with only you and I.”

            “What does that mean?” asks Vampire Jean Grey.

            “It means that the next phase of our plan must commence immediately,” says Professor X.  “Jean, make your way to the hangar bay before I implement the self destruct sequence and collision course setting with the Technodrome.”

            “Don’t spout your male bravado at me Charles,” scoffs Grey.  “The Captain doesn’t have to go down with the ship.  Not on my watch, that is.”

            After a few minutes of knob pulling and button pushing, a metallic voice sounds overhead.

            “Self destruct sequence initiated.  T-Minus ten minutes. . .”

***

            BL Thanos stares at the U.S.S. Enterprise in his view screen.  He notices that the starship is on a collision course with his Technodrome.

            “Evasive action!” shouts BL Thanos.

            The Enterprise smashes into the Technodrome. 

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screams BL Thanos aboard the devastated Horsemen ship.

Before the two vessels explode in a fiery apocalypse, a small shuttle shoots from the hangar bay of the Enterprise.  The pair of Professor X and Vampire Jean Grey looks at the destruction caused by the crash and smile.   

***

Outside of the annihilation, Ursa and Rayner fight a violent battle against one another.  Parallax-Rayner lashes out at Ursa with a heavy curtain of yellow constructs.  Ursa is repeatedly assaulted, but manages to successfully land a few of her own strokes on Rayner.  Rayner eventually gains an upper hand on the Phantom Zone villain.  He manages to wound Ursa, who cringes at the sight of actually being harmed by her foe.  As Rayner attempts to deal a death blow to Ursa, the skirmish is joined by Eradicator.  Eradicator’s computer enhanced analytical capabilities focus on the weak points of the Rayner-Parallax hybrid.  Eradicator manipulates the “fear” energy surrounding the Rayner-Parallax combination.  The Kryptonian being then converts and releases a refocused, albeit opposite energy form which engulfs Rayner-Parallax.  The being is imbibed with opposing energies, which, in turn, rips him apart.  An explosion of white light occurs, destroying both the entity and its host. 

“Thanks,” a weakened Ursa says to Eradicator.

Eradicator acknowledges the appreciation and flies onward.  As Ursa is about to join her teammate, she is confronted by both Scar and Krona.  The combined psionic abilities of the pair are too much for a diminished Ursa.  The former Guardians release a barrage of blasts which holds the Kryptonian in place, while destroying her at the same time.  Ursa cannot escape her fate.  Her last sight is that of the Doomsday trio approaching to assist her.  They are too late as Ursa dies at the hands of the Oans.   

Immediately after the death of Ursa, Doomslayer, Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday unleash an animalistic fury upon both Scar and Krona.  A battered Krona still manages to blast a psionic pulse that surges through Superboy Doomsday.  Superboy Doomsday attempts to clear his head and is unable to do so before Krona uses his enhanced telekinetic ability to focus his own fist to smash through Superboy Doomsday’s face.  Superboy Doomsday crumples and falls.  In response to their brethren’s death, Steel Doomsday and Doomslayer combine their brute strength and powers to decimate Krona. 

While focused on Krona, the Doomsday duo fails to notice Scar fly away from the fracas and toward Flamebird.  The two women discuss a strategy to destroy the Doomsdays.  After a hurried conversation, the women soar toward the Doomsdays.   Eradicator blockades the duo and immediately kills Scar.  Flamebird ricochets from the area and strikes Steel Doomsday.  After a pitched fight, Flamebird manages to destroy the incarnation of the alien beast, using all of her Kryptonian abilities.  As she begins to fly away, she is met by both Doomslayer and Eradicator.   Flamebird’s screams shatter the clouds as she is ravaged by the duo.

As Flamebird’s body plummets, Eradicator and Doomslayer fly together and meet the shuttle carrying both Professor X and Vampire Jean Grey.  The four glide away and fail to notice the ground below.  Beneath the rubble of the Technodrome a gauntlet reaches toward the sky.