UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XVIII: BREAKING BAD BEARS

            The pimpmobile races down the road toward the Playoff Planet’s city region.  The enhanced radio installed by the Care Bears continues to play their favorite music group.

I wanna rock right now,
I wanna, I wanna rock right now;
I wanna, I wanna rock right now, now, now,
Rock right now.

I wanna, I wanna rock right now;
I wanna, I wanna rock right now;
I wanna, I wanna rock right now.

            Friend Bear thrashes her head up and down.  She notices four figures in red and black robes floating above the road approximately two hundred yards in front of the vehicle.

            “What the f#ck is that?!?” asks Friend Bear.

            “They aren’t motherf#ckin’ squirrels this time,” answers Bedtime Bear.

            “Wish, stop the ride!” orders Friend Bear.

            Wish Bear presses the brake pedal to the floor and the car screeches to a halt.  Wish saunters up the car seat next to her teammates.  The three bears stare at the beings and slowly reach under the seat and into the glove compartment, looking for the stashed weapons. 

***

            The Q Continuum, being q, Q2, True Q and Lady Q, inspect the bears. 

            “It defies all logic,” starts True Q, “that these creatures survive.”

            “The odds are against such an event from occurring,” states Lady Q.

            “Yet the event has occurred,” states q.

***

            “Hey,” says Wish Bear, now armed with a glock, “let’s take these punk a$$ b%&ches out!”

***

            The Anti-Monitor slows and looks to his companions, Phoenix, Hope Summers and Exodus.

            “It is time,” the Anti-Monitor says.  In the blink of an eye, the entity has vanished.

***

            The Anti-Monitor arrives, sandwiched between the Q Continuum and Care Bears. 

            “Yeah, b%&ches,” shouts Wish Bear.  “Now you’re gonna die!”

            The Q Continuum turns their focus from the bears to the Anti-Monitor, who floats directly before them.

            “This point has been foretold,” states q.

            “There is no other viable conclusion,” expresses Lady Q.

            “Your foretold conclusion is the only matter of substance at this time,” says the Anti-Monitor.  “You may ponder your existences as nearly omnipotent and immortal, but you lack the recognition that I am the one who has destroyed the infinite universes.  I have ripped apart thousands of worlds and killed millions of beings.  Four more deaths mean nothing to me.”

            The Q Continuum and Anti-Monitor refuse to hold back an ounce of their abilities.  Teleportation, time travel and various intergalactic powers reign over the match.  The Continuum, in a single act together, combines their instantaneous matter transformation powers in an attempt to overwhelm the Anti-Monitor.  In response, the Anti-Monitor absorbs the energies surging through the Continuum.  A bright light emits from the combatants and in a solitary instant, both sides disappear in a flash. 

            “Holy sh@t,” starts Wish Bear.

            “The Anti-Monitor is. . . gone,” finishes Bedtime Bear.

            “But so are those goofy motherf#ckers,” says Friend Bear.  “His sacrifice will be remembered by all on the Horsemen team. . . . . . . okay, enough of that sh#t, let’s party!!!”

            Bedtime Bear pushes the stereo system’s button.

Let me see your body rock,
Shakin' from the bottom to the top;
Freak to what the DJ drop,
We be the ones to make it hot.
(To make it hot).

Electric shock, energy like a billion watts,
Space be boomin', the speakers pop;
Galactic comb, we missed a spot,
We bumpin' your parkin’ lot.

***

            “I’m back my friend,” hollers BL Albus Dumbledore from the air.  “I wanted to get you before the final battle commences so we can stand alongside one another.”

            The wizard lantern looks down and notices the devastated body of the green lizard splattered against the roadway.

            “Oh, Yoshi. . .” 

            Dumbledore inspects the body and uses a spell to see the replay of his companion’s death. 

***

            “That was dope!” shouts Bedtime Bear.

            “Time to roll,” says Friend Bear.

            The bears turn the radio up and start the car. They only drive a short distance before they see a lone figure in the road. . . with a submarine being levitated above him.

            “What the f#ck is that?!?” asks Friend Bear.

            “Not a squirrel!!!” answers Bedtime Bear. “It’s Joseph. . . with a f#ckin’ submarine.”

            The bears drive up beside the mutant.

            “Alright, Joseph!” shouts Friend Bear.  “Bring your a$$ to this fight!”

            Joseph smiles at the admiration of his teammates.

            “Drive ahead,” instructs Joseph.  “I will follow behind with this.”

            “Yes!!!!!” screams Wish Bear.

            The bears slowly drive about one half mile ahead of the mutant.

***

Rock that body, come on, come on,
Rock that body, rock that body;
Rock that body, come on, come on,
Rock that body.

            The bears listen to their radio and fail to notice that a desiccated husk has flown to their location.

            “Expelliarmus,” whispers BL Dumbledore.

            Joseph loses his magnetic link with the submarine.  The maritime vessel rocks and begins to fall directly on top of the pimpmobile.  The bears look up and in a rhythmic, slow motion dance begin to scream.

            “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--” says Friend.

            “UUUUUUUUUUUUU--” says Bedtime.

            “CCCCCCCCCCCCCC--” says Wish.

            The submarine crashes on the pimpmobile leaving a gruesome wreckage of vintage automobile parts, submarine machinery and bear stuffing.         Joseph’s mouth gapes at the carnage.