Week 5 Democracy: Scarlett Johansson and Bill Cosby's Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas vs David Byrne's Meat Suits

Diddlers:  Gandalf The White, Aquaman, Emperor Palpatine, Star Lord, Gamora, Drax, Groot, Rocket The Racoon, Nebula, Mantis, Hawkeye, War Machine, Darth Bane, Syndicate Maul, Vision, Kirby, Amon, Naruto, T-1000, Hot Rod, Pakku, Shaak-Ti, The Wampa, Voltron, Black Hand, Apollo, Artemis, Honey Nut Cheerios Bee, and Mickey Mouse

Meat Suits: Galactus and his Herald, David Byrne w/ Gloom Sword, Hal Jordan, Deadpool, Atrocitus, Avatar Korra, The Leader in a Chinese Spy Balloon, Vladimir Harkonen, Omnius, Pounce and Wingspan, Denethor, The USS Enterprise manned by Captain Kirk, Enterprise Commander, Enterprise Lieutenants #1-2, and Enterprise Crew members #1-5, One Punch Man, Black Beetle, Optimus Primal, Sentinel Prime, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, Joe Biden in a Goomba Sock, Power Ring, Pre Visla, The Last Autobot, The Noid in the Mario 2 Spaceship, Rocky Balboa, The Comedian, Nite Owl, Silk Spectre w/ Purple Lightsaber, Ozymandias, and Rorsach w/ Orange Lightsaber, Serena and Manion Butler (6)

Dolla 49 McRib Vs. TEAM

 Dolla 49 McRib is Bizarro Superman, Dr. FAte, Saturn, The Sentry, The Spectre, Dr. Midnight, Hourman, Starman, Mr. Terrific, Ultraman (w/ a blue lantern ring), The Living Tribunal, Anti-Monitor, Blue Beetle, Fortress Maximus, Hermes, Zeus, Doomsday, Omega, 10 White Martians, & 10 Green Martians.

TEAM is Conner Weidman, John Wayne GAcey, Unicron, Primus, Ego, God Emperor Leto II, Thor, Mon El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid,Star Boy, Lightning Lad, Tom Bombadil, Tripticon, Kefka, Vah Ruta, Vah Medoh, Vah Rudania, Vah Naboris, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Moby Dick, Mados, VAire, & The Michelin Man.

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The National Alcohol and Zyn Administration

 The Horsemen are Supergirl, Agent Smith, Red Robin, Superboy, Miss Martian, Wonder Girl, Poseidon, Juggernaut, Shazam, Apocalypse, Red Hood, Arsenal, Starfire, He-Man, Battle Cat, Ultron, Granny Goodness, Bloody Mary, Stompa, Mad Harriet, Lashina, Kalibak, Desaad, & Orion.

NAZA is Avatar Kyoshi, Mr. Mxyzpltk, Mento, Negative Man, Elastic Girl, Robot Man, Changeling, Amanda Waller, Harley Quinn, Killer Frost, King Shark, Alan Scott, Bloodsport, Deadman, Vegeta, Haggrid (w/ Star Sapphire), Leatherface (w/ OG Yellow Ring), The Balrog of Moria, The Zynister 12:  Carnage, Green Goblin, Venom, Doctor Octupus, Rhino, Sandman, Electro, Mysterio, Hobgoblin, Kraven, Vulture, & Beetle, Yondu, Charlie 27, Vance Astro, Starhawk, Martinex, Nikki, Aleta, Ghost Rider, Red Hulk, Annihilus, Hyperion, & Ajax Minor.

S15 W4: Meat Suits vs Madhouse

 David Byrne’s Meat Suits are: Galactus and his herald, David Byrne, Hal Jordan, Optimus Primal, Sentinel Prime, Terrax, Trin Kronos, Bumi, King Bumi, Reverse Flash, Shao Khan w/ scythe and personal Holzman shield, Omnius, Stormtroopers #1-20, Junkeons #1-10, Captain Caveman, Sagat, The Comedian, Nite Owl, Silk Spectre, Ozymandias, Rorschach, The Last Autobot, Finster

The Doctor's Madhouse is: Kurt Houslander (w/ Power Glove), Darth Vader, Padme Amidala in Naboo Starfighter, Stilgar, Jamis, Harah, Shadeout Mapes, Brainiac in Brainiac's Skull Ship, Abeloth, Ursa, Silver Surfer, Captain Marvel, She-Hulk, Albus Dumbledore, Voldemort w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Scarecrow w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Pyro, Predator #1-3

All combatants are scattered across nearby dunes under the dual sun heat of Tatooine. The fremen feel close to home fighting on the sand. With Kurt Houslander leading the charge and Pyro and the Predators by their side, the battle starts with close combat action. Shadot Mapes gets the first kill on Finster with a quick slash of her crysknife while the predators charge after the small garrison of stormtroopers. The predators do more damage but the stormtroopers are able to outnumber them and the remaining try their hardest to land at least one blaster shot at the fremen who are in fierce battle with Sagat, Shao Khan and Captain Caveman. They are able to take out Mapes and Harah who wasn’t fighting but was looking for her kids. She had forgotten Jamis hired a babysitter and they are safe back on Arrakis. Jamis who had just dispatched Capt Caveman, dies at the hands of Shao Khan who has a longer reach with his scythe. Sagat releases an energy blast at Stilgar but Kurt jumps in front of the blast like a bodyguard giving the leader of Sietch Tabr enough time to take the water of the street fighter. Khan attempts to finish off Stilgar but Pyro burns him to a crisp (toasty!!)

“OH DARN!!” Kurt yells in his charred face. Stilgar and Pyro look confused until Kurt explains how he punched in the Konami code on his power glove before the match started. 

The ground rumbles as the trio look to see Sentinel Prime, The Last Autobot and the Junkeons charging at them. Kurt and Stilgar roll down the dune but Pyro attempts to hold his own. As he lets out a blast of flames, Prime sprays him with oil and he ends up burning himself. The bots don’t even slow down and move on to engage Ursa and Captain Marvel who just witnessed a sweet ape battle as their teammate She-Hulk was taken out by Optimus Primal who has transformed into Gorilla mode. The two look a little outmatched but they receive some air support from Padme and Brainiac in the sky. The battle ends with the the dunes scattered with car parts and the remains of the bots but also the corpses of Ursa and Captain Marvel. During the battle, Ominus is able to jump into Padme’s ship and take control of it in a kamikaze mission blowing up Brainiac in his Skull Ship. 

A few hundred meters away (Tatooine uses the metric system), Vader, Abeloth and Scarecrow are working their way through the Watchmen crew who is being aided by Trin Kronos and Reverse Flash. Scarecrow uses his Yellow Lantern Ring as force field while the two Star Wars villains shock and slash their way through the Meat Suits. Bumi and King Bumi move the dune sand to avenge their teammates but Scarecrow’s ring runs out of power and Vader, Abeloth and Scarecrow are consumed by the sand. Silver surfer slides in and relieves both earthbenders of their heads before flying off. 

The final battle has just begun and Stilgar and Kurt rush in, one more notably winded than the other. Terrax takes out Stilgar just as Dumbledore shoots him with a paralyzing spell. A couple quick taps on the power glove and Kurt punches a hole in the torso of Terrax. “OH DARN!!” The excitement is short lived as Hal Jordan concentrates an energy blast towards the duo vaporizing them both. He tries a second shot at the Silver surfer who redirects it back at him with the bottom of his surf board killing him. 

The surfer is trying to steady himself from the blast and is getting attacked by Galactus. On the ground, Voldemort (who has just finished applying sunscreen to his translucent skin), tries to aim his killing curse at the mighty Galactus but keeps missing. Suddenly a small burst of light flashes next to him and Kurt materializes again with another free life. A screech of pain bellows across the barren landscape as they watch the Silver Surfer fall lifeless to the sand. With Galactus bearing down on them, Voldy thinks of a plan. He picks up Dumbledore’s wand and hands it to Kurt and wraps him up in a bear hug (straight men doin’ straight things). Voldy uses his Yellow Lantern ring to teleport the duo to the skull of the Mighty Galactus. In unison they both yell out - “Avada Kedavra!!” with the two wands pointed directly in his temples. 

David Byrne, who was singing the fighting on this whole time from the front chest pocket of Galactus, tried his hardest to run run run run run run run away but was crushed under his mighty weight.

FFL 2024 Week 4: Horsemen VS. The Trash Pandas

Darkseid’s Horsemen of Apokolips: Apocalypse, Supergirl, Agent Smith w/ Two White Lightsabers, Red Hood and the Outlaws: Red Hood, Arsenal and Starfire, The Eradicator, Juggernaut, He-Man, Battle-Cat, Nekron and Black Lantern #3-5, Wedge Antilles in a Y-Wing, Biggs Darklighter in a B-Wing, Erasmus, Dante, Alexander, Joel Noret, Indiana Jones w/ a Personal Holtzman Shield, Eric Carmen in the Hulk Booster Iron-Man Suit, Neo-Cymeks #3-10

The Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas: Gandalf The White, Emperor Palpatine, Star Lord, Gamora, Drax, Groot, Rocket the Racoon, Nebula, Mantis, Paul Maud’Dib, Darth Bane, Ghazan, John Wick, Naruto, T-1000, Scorpion, Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, Crosshair, Echo, Omega (Bad Batch are in the Marauder), Alia Atreides, Count Glossu Rabban, Duke Leto Atreides, Peregrin Took, Maximus Meridius, Tlaloc, Carrot Eater, Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #1-2. (Rocket Racoon and John Wick are in a Land Speeder)

This battle takes place in the barren desert of the two sunned planet known as Tatooine…

We start out this battle with each team standing in lines facing each other ready to charge. On the Trash Panda side, the Atreides family and the Two Reverend Mothers are game planning their attack. Paul and Alia use their powers of foresight to try and come up with a path on how to beat the Horsemen. The Reverend Mothers argue with  Paul and say “There is no way we can defeat this powerful Horsemen Team, the best we can do is surrender and hope that they spare us.” Paul silences them and says “I see a Golden Path that can bring success to the Trash Pandas, but it is of the smallest probability of happening…charging this fight head on is what we must do.” Duke Leto Heeds his son’s plan and calls for the Trash Pandas to charge via bagpipes playing the Atreides Anthem. 

The Horsemen of Apokolips react to the Trash Pandas' call to charge and do a charge of their own. Humans, Mutants, Kryptonians, Titans, and Aliens alike all running, flying, and piloting as fast as they can into each other to likely face death shows their dedication to their managers and this league alike. 

Wedge and Biggs in their Y-Wing and B-Wing respectively get into a dog fight with the Bad Batch in their Marauder. They fight valiantly and beautifully in the air as they’re maneuvers look like paint brush strokes across a canvas. Mightily impressive flight skills in ships not known for their agility. Eventually the Bad Batch were able to clip one of the horizontal wings of Bigg’s B-Wing, causing him to lose control and crash into the desert. His death was not for naught though as he did crash into some of the soldiers fighting on the ground. This killed Peregrin Took, Carrot Eater, The Reverend Mothers, and Count Glasso Rabban on the Trash Pandas and Neo Cymek #5-10 on the Horsemen. Wedge is able to avenge his fallen friend though as he was able to strike the Marauder with his Y-Wing’s laser cannon. The Marauder crashed into the side of a hill and killed all occupants of the ship.

Rocket Racoon is piloting a land speeder while John Wick rides shotgun. Rocket yells “Take out that Y-Wing!” and throws Mr.Wick a Rocket Launcher he had built with lock on capabilities in preparation for this battle. Wick takes a shot but misses. Wick yells “Keep the ship steady!” Rocket tries his best to keep the speeder steady and Wick takes out Wedge with his second attempt. Rocket laughs and says “Star Lord was giving me crap for spending time and resources before the battle making that rocket launcher, saying that there wouldn’t be anyone on ships in this battle . I can’t wait to see him after this battle so I can laugh in his face.” John Wick pulls out  a rifle and proceeds to take shots at the Horsemen while riding the speeder. He’s able to take out Red Hood, He-Man, Battle-Cat and Joel Noret. 

While Rocket and John Wick were PUTTING IN WORK SON (as late, great Christopher “Big Black Boykin would say). The rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy worked to take out Nekron and the Black Lanterns. The Black Lanterns take out Mantis immediately with blasts from their lantern rings while Nebula tries to retaliate; they are still too powerful and kill her as well. Drax runs to Nekron and starts stabbing him with his dual knives but does no damage to Nekron as he really isn’t alive. Nekron strikes him with Dark Lightning and kills Drax. Nekron then does the same to Star Lord and Gamora. Groot, outraged, uses his limbs to grab the Black Lanterns and suck them into his body and begins to strangle them. Nekron can feel the Black Lanterns begin to lose life as they are his link to this world out of the Land of the Unliving. Nekron strikes Groot with Dark Lightning out of desperation. A cloud of dark smoke is all that can be seen where the lightning struck. The smoke blows away in the wind and Groot is fired to a crisp and dead but so are the Black Lanterns. Nekron's body begins to phase out and he is sent back to the Land of the Unliving. 

Rocket sees what has happened to the Guardians of the Galaxy. He drives the Land Speeder towards them, parks it and jumps out. He breaks out into a cry as his only family has died right in front of him. John Wick jumps out to console Rocket. As he jumps out Indiana Jones shoots Rocket with his revolver. John Wick immediately draws his .45 and shoots Indiana, but Doctor Jones' Holtzman shield blocks the bullet and he shoots John Wick in the chest with his revolver. John Wick winces in pain from the bullet but he is not dead as he is wearing his bullet proof suit. Indy drops his revolver and pulls out his whip. John pulls the belt out of his waistband and uses it as a weapon. Mr. Wick is able to block a snap of the whip with his belt and pulls Dr. Jones close to him with the whip. John then uses the belt to choke out Indiana Jones, John is visibly exhausted after this fight. Starfire sees an opportunity and takes it as she hits John Wick with her Ultraviolet Energy Projection Blast. 

Eric Cartmen can be heard whining about the heat in the desert, like a little bitch. T-1000 hears this, walks up behind Cartmen and turns his arm into a blade to stab Eric through his hulk buster suit. 

While that was happening, the heavy hitters on the Horsemen put in work on the Trash Pandas. Supergirl, Agent Smith, and the Eradicator took out Maximus, Tlaloc, Darth Bane and Ghazan.

T-1000, Scorpion and Naruto worked together to fight the Titans (Erasmus, Dante, and Alexander) and Neo Cymeks #3-4. Scorpion is able to take out the Neo Cymeks with his Tail. Erasmus retaliates by ripping Scorpion’s tail off and then squishing his head. T-1000 cuts off the leg of Erasmus with his bladed hand and then stabs Erasmus in the head. Naruto uses his Chakra bending abilities to take out Dante and Alexander.

Agent Smith sees what Naruto and T-1000 did and decides to handle them. Agent Smith punches T-1000 multiple times but sees that he does little to no damage to the Terminator. Agent Smith, visibly frustrated, grabs T-1000 and takes him deep into the Sarlacc Pit where the beast's stomach acid is strong enough to decompose the Terminator.

At this point the Atreides family joins in on the battle with the rest of the Trash Pandas. 

Emperor Palpatine uses his lightning to burn Arsenal and Starfire to a crisp. He then goes to electrocute Juggernaut. It doesn’t kill Juggernaut but it phases him and allows Paul to sneak behind and slit Juggernaut’s throat using his crysknife. Agent Smith goes to retaliate onto Paul but Paul was one step ahead of every single strike by Agent Smith. Eventually, Paul is able to  stab Smith in the chest and kill the program. While this is happening The Eradicator and Supergirl use their laser vision to cut both Duke Leto and Alia Atreides in half. This doesn’t phase the Maud’Dib at all though as it is all part of the path to victory. 

As an update, here is who is left alive on each team. The Horsemen have Apocalypse, Supergirl and The Eradicator left alive. While the Trash Pandas have Gandalf, Palpatine, Paul and Naruto left.

Supergirl has seen enough of the cackling Palpatine and flies up to him and rips his body in half in the blink of an eye.

Gandalf calls upon a lightning strike upon the two Kryptonians. The lightning bolt (infused with magic) visibly weakens the Kryptonians. Supergirl then charges Gandalf but he calls upon the Flame of Udun and slams his staff on the ground, deflecting Supergirl's charge and knocks her on her butt with visibly bleeding from her nose. Naruto joins the battle and hits The Eradicator with Chakra blasts which damage him but don’t kill him. The Eradicator flies towards Naruto with unbelievable speed and begins to choke out Naruto. Naruto fights back but Supergirl then joins in to help the Eradicator. Naruto uses the last of his strength to summon a huge blast of Chakra energy into the Eradicator's chest. This kills The Eradicator and Supergirl, but it also kills Naruto as well. 

Now it's just Paul and Gandalf against the mutant granddaddy of them all, Apocalypse. Gandalf calls a lightning strike on to his sword, Glamdring, and goes to attack the Mutant. Before he could even raise his sword up to attack, Apocalypse had turned it into dust. Gandalf goes to grab his staff and Apocalypse does the same. Gandalf turns to Paul and says in a defeated voice “I’m sorry Paul, it doesn’t look like we followed your Golden Path to success.” Paul responds with a smile on his face “A friend of mine once said “The Journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take.” We followed the Golden Path to a tee. The Path was never about winning the battle, it was about winning this league. The Trash Pandas are very much like the Fremen. We die and the next up fight to continue our cause.” Gandalf smiles at him with a tear running down his eye and Paul says “Go to your white shores and far green country my old friend.”

Paul and Gandalf both turn to dust and fly away in the breeze.