TEAM Vs. The Sigmaz (Watcher Consortium)

 TEAM is Van Rudania, Mandos, Vaire, Tom Bombadil, Yunobo, Beta Rey Bill, DC Thor, Loki, The Legion Of Superheroes: Mon El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, & Lightning Lad, The Prince of The Cosmos, Bill Marrow, Rock Lords #1-5, Reece Reamer, Darrin, & Chattari #1 & 2.

The Sigmaz are ARagorn son of Arathorn, Eowyn on a Mordor Horse, Nagul #7 on a Fell Beast, Dwarf #1-10, 8 Warg Riders on 8 Wargs, Triceratops #1-10, Barbarrossa, Xerxes, Aula, Tai Lee, Mai, Magnus, Terminator (3), Asura, The God Emperor of Mankind 40K, & Goblin #2.

Democracy Week 3: Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen

 Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are:

-Darkseid

-Supergirl

-Orion

-Superboy

-Granny Goodness

-The Female Furies: Bloody Mary, Stompa, Mad Harriet, & Lashina

-Kalibak

-Desaad

-Shazam

-Megatron w/ The Infinity Gauntlet and all 6 Infinity Stones (Space, Power, Mind, Reality, Time, & Soul).

The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen are

-Superman

-Martian Manhunter

-Ghost Rider (Danny Ketch)

-General Kenobi

-Homelander

-Sky Lynx

-Master Mold

-King Beerus

-Vampire Blue Lantern

-Yellow Lantern #1A

-Orc #1-3

-Ancient Sith Lord #1 & 2.

Underhills vs. Sigmas: A Story of Sky and Sea

 

The Underhills: Percy Jackson, Mera, Black Manta, Nautilator, Seawing, Overbite, Skalor, Snaptrap, Tanktail, Kyle Rayner, Namora, and Xenomorphs 5 & 6.

The Sigmas: Starscream, an aircraft carrier helmed by G.I. Joe Hawk, An F-18 with Maverick and Goose, an F-14 with Iceman and Slider, the Millenium Falcon with Han Solo and Chewbacca, Ramjet, and Dirge.

The rolling, stench-wafting waters of Lake Ontario are calm. Placid, even. Too placid. Sudden wakes flutter the water's surface as an aircraft carrier sloshes through. Surveying the scene, Hawk raises a hand, signaling the crew that this is the place. His stern gaze shoots deep into the lake before he announces “We got 'em now, boys. This is the place.” He reaches into his standard issue canvas bag and produces a dark green pinecone of hot frag. He pulls the pin from the grenade and chucks it in the water. A momentary silence, a blast, and a return to quiet pass by and he arches an eyebrow. Again he throws a grenade, this time a bit further. The results don't change and tension pulls at his jaw. He pulls a walkie from his side and hold the button. “Space Force X, backup is a go, do you copy? Over.” Far, far above, Han Solo replies “Loud and clear, backup's coming.” He nods to Chewie. Chewie steps out of the cockpit for a moment. He returns with a comically large frag grenade, the size of his wooly torso. He rolls down the manual crank window on the Millenium Falcon, holds it out with both hands, and pulls the pin with his teeth. “Great work, Chew-BOOM”, goes the Falcon as explosive decompression turns it inside-out through the open window. The bomb falls, splashes water high into the air, and erupts with a powerful shockwave that rocks the aircraft carrier. From below the surface, Namora's shattered body floats up like a trout. Hawk throws his goggles to the ground in frustration. “Got dang it all, that's not right either!”

A moist lad rises beside the floating body. He stands atop a platform of water, liquid water, acting somehow as a solid. “Halt, villain! In the name of my father Poseidon, I, Perseus Jacksonius, shall not allow thee to defile these waters with senseless violence!” Hawk shouts back “The f*** kind of fancy crap are you talking, kid? Get out of the water, I'm trying to catch some walleye here!” Percy sneers in disgust, “Ye wish for walleyes, dost thou? Walleye shall ye receive sevenfold!” Below him, Mera commands the snaggletoothed fish of the Great Lake to leap from their home, high into the air on jets of water, directly to Hawk. He thrashes and screams as they tear into him like piranhas to a cow. “AHHG, IT'S WAR, EVERYBODY SCRAMBLE” are his final words. Five jets take off from the carrier, peppering the water with every weapon available to them. Percy Jackson's precious vital fluids are returned to the sea by the weight of blazing lead. The water begins to turn a sickly reddish-brown as blood and Cybertronian motor oil spill. A shining bubble of green breaches, flying into the sky, and Kyle Rayner blasts Ramjet and Dirge out of the sky. Soon after, Starscream flies directly into him, guns blazing, bits of meat streaming from the Decepticon. Goose says to Maverick, “Hey isn't Green Lantern supposed to be good with planes?” Goose shrugs. “I don't know, dude, I only read manly heterosexual comics about WWII like Garth Ennis, because we're both so darn straight.” With their powerful plated tails, a surviving Xenomorph then launches itself from the water and latches to their F18, staring them in the face with its tiny mini-mouth. “OH S*** I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU GOOSE” screams Maverick as they are blinded to Iceman and Slider's collision course.

Back in the water, Mera prepares a shell of “hard water” around Black Manta and launches him as the next assailant. Starscream, last of the Sigmas, fires frantically but can only blast chipping splashes of water off Manta's capsule as through it was made of concrete. He screams for the stars one last time as Black Manta harpoons himself onto the flying Transformer, plants an explosive charge, and dives back into Ontario without looking back at the blast.

Week 2 UB Rematch at Lake Ontario The Horsemen Vs. The Redskins

 Washington Redskins: Namor, Aspen, The Sando Aqua Monster, Allicon 1-5, Abe Sapien, Kermit, Squirtle, Atlantean 9-10, Sharkticon 6-10, Black Lantern 1 (Final Death), Black Lantern Xenomorph, Toad, Mandalore the Great w/ Darksaber, The Ocean’s 11 Squad (The Goats)

Darkseid’s Horseman of the Apocalypse: Poseidon, Qwsp, King Sidon, Kamek, Miss Martian, Seaworm 3/4/7, The Tiger Sharks (Mako, Walro, Gupp, Octavia, and Lorca), Autobot Cassete 1-5

Week 2 Lake Ontario (Universe Bowl Rematch in Water Week)

What’s Up Brothers! We got the Universe Bowl rematch.  I will try to do y’all justice with this match.

The waves are crashing on Lake Ontario.  The water is unstable enough for Gordon Lightfoot to make a song about another great lake.  Darkseid's Horseman of the Apocalypse has captured the Ocean’s 11 crew.  Danny Ocean and his team tried to make their way across water after their risky heist at MGM Detroit.  They had escaped through Canada and were trying to make it back to the US through Lake Ontario.  The waters were too rough and they were unable to be fed when the Horseman took capture of them.  

The Tiger Sharks led the capture and brought them back to their leader Poseidon.  Little did they know they have been followed by the Washington Redskins who have allied with the Ocean’s crew.  Danny Ocean is BOYS with Namor.  So of course they had to try and plan a rescue mission.  

Qwsp notices the Skarticons and the Allicons pulling up and he is ready to commit more war crimes now that he is out of prison.  He sends out the seaworms and Sidon to take care of them.  The sea worms are able to make quick work of the transformers as these minion type of transformers are no match for them.  

Mandalore the great attacks Sidon who managed to get ahead of the sandworm destruction as they had no concern for friendly fire.  Mandalore strikes down Sidon with a Dark Saber.  “You will be no more” says Mandalore.

Namor sees that his team is in danger and needs to step in.  

“Abe we need to take out the seaworms” yells Namor

Namor and Abe Sapien get to work on the Seaworms.  Namor grabs the first seaworm and brings it airborn.  He uses his strength to throw the worm at Canada so it's their problem now.  Namor and Abe team up to take down the second seaworm.  The seaworm is able to put damage into Abe.

“Abe get away I can handle this” shouts Namor as he cannot lose anymore men before getting to Posideon. 

Abe retreats back and Mandalore steps in to fight along with Aspen.  Together they are able to take down the rest of the seaworms.  

In come the Tiger Sharks in retaliation but they are met by a Xenomorph black lantern and a black lantern.  

“Go for the black lanterns first” says Mako.

“AHHHHHHHH” shouts Lorca as she is being attacked by a Sando Aqua Monster who leaves nothing but bone.

The black lanterns go on the offense while the rest of the tiger sharks are distracted.  The xenomorph attacks Walro and Bronc at the same time.

“He’s too strong for us.  Help us Qwsp!” Bronc screams in terror.  

Qwsp runs into help the Tiger sharks.  He is able to take out the Black Lantern before Namor approaches.

“What do you think you are doing Qwsp?” Namor questions

“I work for Poseidon now” says Qwsp.  “You and the rest of the sea people who don’t follow poseidon's path are nothing to me” yells Qwsp

Qwsp takes the offensive.  He flys in the air trying to fight Namor out of the water.  But as he tries to take to the air Squirtle uses water beam to knock Qswp out of the sky.  Qwsp drops right in front of Kermit the Frog who bitch slaps him.  Qwsp instanly kills him for it. 

Namor swims over to Qwsp and begins to beat him down as Kermit is the boy and nobody is allowed to touch Kermit.  Namor unleashes a relentless attack which is too much for Qwsp to handle.

Squirtle is now in a battle with Kamek.  Well it really isn’t much of a battle Squirtle wipes the floor with Kamek. While this was going on Miss Martian swam in to decimate Squirtle.

The Horseman are down to their leader and Miss Martian as the Tiger Sharks were eliminated by the Black Lantern Xenomorph and Mandalore.  Poseidon wants to make a statement and executes the Ocean’s crew right in front of the Redskins.

“Poseidon you crossed a line.  Danny Ocean and the boys had nothing to do with our beef and you know this” says Namor

“This wasn’t about beef.  I just wanted the score they got at MGM” laughingly says Poseidon

“Abe, Mandalore, and lantern go after the Martian” commands Namor

They rush in without question to their leader, but what they didn’t know was that they were about to meet their end.  Poseidon and Miss Martian take the defense are wipe out the three of them.

The Sando aqua monster tries to attack Miss Martian from behind and is able to distract her long enough for Namor to attack her as well.  Poseidon kills the Aqua monster although quick it was too late for Miss Martian as Namor got a cheap shot and killed her.

“It’s down to us now” says Namor

“Old school boxing match” asks Poseidon

“Word” says Namor

The Rocky Music starts playing 

Punches are being thrown back and fourth.

Its causing the waves to grow larger 

Poseidon begins to control the waves but while doing so Namor hits him with an upper cut that knock down Poseidon.

But Poseidon is a vet and is resilient and gets back up

He throws a haymaker of punches at Namor that he can’t handle.  Poseidon then kills off Namor as this was going to be their final match winner takes all.  Poseidon is the Water Champ

TEAM Vs. The Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas

 TEAM is Godzilla, Vah Ruta, Gizmo, Chris Artrip, Julie Artrip, Ella Artrip (w/ Courtney Love's gun), Jack Artrip (in a Tanooki Suit), Ben Artrip (w/ ninja stars), The Legion of Super Heroes: Mon El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, Lightning Lad, & Phibian #1-10.

The Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas are Aquaman, Iron Man, Ice Man, Black Hand, Blastoise, Warturtle, Empoleon, Black Lantern #6, The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee, and Matthew Perry.  

Lake Ontario:  An exotic spot in this crazy mixed up Universe of ours.  Founded by the Annunaki, just after The War of 1812, Lake Ontario literally translates to "the histrionics of orange pillows" or in some tongues "the book of torn shoes".  The Ontario Lake acts as a dimensional portal between the mythical, but unproven places known as The United States and Canada.  

There are many among you mere mortals who would not be able to physically or mentally handle the presence of the great and powerful creatures emerging from the water around me.  one in particular has burst from the fresh water of Ontario in such a manner that even I:  Joshatu the Manful have taken a step of caution at the herculean being I am envisioning.  I am of course referring to Empoleon.  Godzilla is also here.  Or as other people similar to I in stature, intelligence, and ability to rip darts with angst known to you the uninitiated as the Japanese call him Gochira.  Which is what I will refer to this creature as for the remainder of this match, except for when I forget to.  

The problem with the presence of Godzilla when the opposing force is being led by Aquaman is that Aquaman, being the go to guy for FFL water drafting guaranteed to spark the phrase "run on water characters" not only can Ol' Arthur Curry perform better than anyone in the wet; but he can also take control mentally of any creature in the water.  Which Curry attempts to do to the massive Gochira as this battle begins.  Aquaman gains an increase in his already prevalent arrogance when this seems to work.  The Trash Pandas cheer on their leader Aquaman as his mental lock takes effect.  They watch as the mighty Gochira turns on his own team and goes full Godzilla on Phantom Girl and the Phibian straggler #10.  Aquaman is signing autographs for the fish that are so impressed with the top dog(fish) and his telepathic skillzz.  Then Godzilla swallows Black Lantern #6 from The Trash Pandas whole.  Some expect the Black Lantern to return as they are not supposed to be able to be killed in this way; but judging by the enormous black smoke fart that Gochira blew out just now, I'm pretty sure homie is dead.  This act  causes some people to question whether Aquaman's control over the mighty prehistoric lizard is fully working.  In fact, between you and I, I don't think it ever actually did anything.  I think Godzilla was just going to kill all those dudes anyhow.  

Aquaman uses his powers of mental telepathy (for realz this time) to execute plan B.  He orders his top peeps Iron Man, Ice Man, and Black Hand to focus everything they have on Godzilla, despite them not having the water prowess desired to tackle such a creature in his top environment.  Plus, Vah Ruta just popped out of the water, which means Gochira has a new massive homeboy to help him out against the comic dudes.  And don't think that just because we have been talking up my boi Gochira that Vah Ruta don't got that dawg in him, cuz he do.  WOOF, WOOF.  This means that Aquaman is going to have to battle the entire Legion of Superheroes by his lonesome, while the Pokemon will have to take on The Artrips, The Phibians, and more magwai then I can count because Gizmo has been multiplying like crazy ever since we dropped these two squads into the water.  

I almost forgot to mention that I would like to congratulate Matthew Perry on almost five months of sobriety.  He is currently drowning tho.  Must be some Illuminati killing because he was about to come clean with evidence of Chris Cornell being alive in the basement of Trump Tower, burds aren't possibly real on a flat plane, or that Hillary has been executed at Guantanamo Bay.  It can't possibly have anything to do with drugs because all his friends from Friends just told us that they talk to him all the time and that he is doing great and hasn't touched the stuff in years.  Oh well, I guess they should have sent David "Swimmer" or whatever his name is instead.  

The Artrips are doing their best to stay above water.  They are helping each other out and are decent swimmers but this is getting difficult.  Phibian #3 & 4 swim over to help them keep their heads above water; but that is about all they are capable of at this juncture.  The rest of the Phibians swim over to attack the three Pokemon and are aided by the gaggle of magwai and gremlins constantly multiplying and burning up in the sun because this fight is taking place during the day.  Some of them are Gremlins because Julie brought a bunch of appetizers to the pre-fight party and some of them got fed after midnight (damn daylight savings time).  The remaining seven Phibians manage to take out Wartortle; but Blastoise and Empoleon take out the rest of them with Hydro Cannon and Metal Claw.  Gizmo died a while ago; but there are still some gross, mutated gremlins and magwai floating around (probably not for long though).

Aquaman swims in fast towards Mon El and The Legion.  He reaches out telepathically to summon some sharks and massive squid to help him in his quest; but it doesn't work because he is in a Great Lake and not the ocean.  A whole big bunch of trout, walleye, and bass show up though and they are raring to go.  Not to mention tons and tons of alewife fish (I don't know what those are but I googled it and evidently they are the most common fish in Lake Ontario (who knew??)).  Aquaman doesn't mess around when he commences the fight with The Legion and nearly punches Star Boy's head clean off either killing him or knocking him out causing him to drown (either way, he is gone now).  Triplicate Girl is three times as dangerous as normal after she clones herself; but still can't hang for more than a couple minutes with Aquaman.  Lightning Lad has blasted a whole bunch of lightning into the water which didn't affect Aquaman a whole lot but did really piss him off when he saw all the dead alewifes floating to the top of the water.  The Ol' Lad of Lightning gets a trident to the chest for the effort.  

Invisible Kid is nowhere to be seen.  Maybe he is running late, or overslept or something, IDK.....  

Mon El on the other hand does manage to put up quite a fight with the King of Atlantis though.  In this particular setting Mon El and Aquaman have about equal strength and raw power; but Mon El's fighting prowess isn't doing all that well in the water.  As Aquaman draws him deeper and deeper into the lake he is able to overtake him.  Aquaman leaves the skirmish bruised up and sore; but victorious having defeated the entire League of Superheroes single handedly.  

Aquaman moves to help his fellow Trash Pandas with Godzilla but is stopped by Vah Ruta for another bout.

The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee moves into attack The Artrips and their Phibian friends (how is it that there is always a bee around when you are shirtless and swimming??)?  The valiant Honey Nut Cheerios Bee who was so sought after in the draft (way to sleep on the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee Sigmas) fiercely stings Phibian #3 who as it turns out is very allergic to bee bites.  Luckily Jack had his backpack on him and there was a skilled Nurse around.  They administered the EpiPen and The Phibian was fine.  The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee unfortunately died during the stinging process because that is what they do.  

Gochira is being swarmed by Ice Man, Black Hand, and Iron Man who is moving swiftly between attacking high from the air and low from beneath the water.  Ice Man creates an ice slide and is coming in quick towards the kaiju; but Gochira stomps mightily on the O.G. X-Man and crushes him down into the depths of the Great Lake.  Blastoise and Empoleon attempt to join the fight; but their attacks are doing very little damage to the massive Gochira.  A quick burst of atomic breath takes care of them.  The raging battle between Aquaman and the giant elephant beast born to destroy Water Blight Gannon himself known as Vah Ruta continues and moves closer and closer to the devastation being perpetuated by Gochira.  Tony Stark comes up with a plan to take Godzilla down; but knows it is going to have to be a sacrifice play.  He waits for the madman Black Hand to take to the air and move in towards the head of their giant nemesis.  As Godzilla opens his massive maw to swallow the black lantern, Iron Man asks Jarvis to put everything into the thrusters and follows Black Hand with a push right down the throat of Godzilla (I'm just gonna be done calling him Gochira now if that is okay with you guys).  Aquaman witnesses this happening out of the corner of his eye, as he is using what is seemingly the last of his strength to drive his kingly trident into the back of the neck of the mighty and mystical Vah Ruta.  As Iron Man finds himself bouncing into the belly of Godzilla he targets not the inside of the Kaiju itself but instead his dying, yet already dead fellow trash panda Black Hand with every bit of firepower he has left at his disposal.  The black lantern energy mixed with the raw power of Stark's suit explode the intestines of Godzilla and even blows a small hole out of the side of his belly.  The fatally wounded but still living Godzilla lets out an earth rattling bellow that ripples the very water below him.  Then with the last bit of strength possessed by the massive creature, Gochira gives one more insanely intense bellow; but it is this time accompanied by a brutally radioactive atomic breath blast sent directly into the waters below him..........  

Jack Artrip, attempting to save his TEAMmates around him was the only one "awake" enough to see what was about to happen and the only TEAMmember with both the foresight and the ability to take flight with the aid of his tanooki suit and flee to safety.  "If it flies it spies" Jack says with a heavy heart as the water boils beneath him.

EPILOGUE.

Joshatu the Wise returns to his castle where he rents a small room to The Neon Master Pogo for twelve and a half bucks a week.  Pogo emerges from his room wearing torn hospital scrubs, with a corn cob pipe hanging out of his mouth and a Miller High Life in his hand.

Pogo:

-Sup Boss??

Joshatu:

-What's up Pogo

Pogo:  Did you seriously just write a match in the water and have Aquaman lose??

Joshatu:

-Hey man, it was a tough one.  I just called it like I saw it.

Pogo:

-Yeah.  Called it like an idiot saw it.  

Joshatu:

-.................

Pogo:

-HAhaha!!  <<BURP>>

Joshatu:

-I'm never gonna live this one down am I??....................

The Doctor's Madhouse Vs. The Sigmaz

 The Doctor's Madhouse is Ocean Master, Aqualad, Kit Fisto, Ulmo, Swamp Thing, The Lochness Monster, Atlantean #1-8, Sharkticon #1-5, & Navy Sailor #1-6.

The Sigmaz are The One Piece Crew in The Thousand Sunny:  Sanji, Zoro, Jimbei, Franky, & Nico-Robin, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and their Mega-Zords: Jason, Billy, Zack, Trini, & Kimberly, Zordon, Asura, The 1st and snd Sweep, Master Hand, & Goblin #2-4.

This match was viewed on three different realities by The Watcher Consortium.