Universe Bowl VI Official Poster

Spoiler Sport Play-Off Spectacular!

Hello Everyone, Cotton McKnight here. Welcome to Spoiler Sport: Play-Off Edition. Here on the Ocho! The FFL meat-grinder known as the Play-Offs are taking their toll on the remaining teams. The final four hoped to rise above the competition, but only two could prevail on their way to the Universe Bowl.

The Hebert Division was well represented in the Stan Lee Conference Finals, as Team Sleeping Pussy battled The Royal Highness. The Highness' MVP Yoda got things started off right, until Spider-Girl Mattie Franklin forced his own lightsaber into him via her trusty web-shooters! She soon met her own Doomsday, along with other fellow Pussies. The Pussies' Aspen finally ended The Kraken's
ocean dominace, while the ever dangerous Dr. Manhattan fell to the advanced weaponry of The Enterprise. This intense battle culminated with The Pussies' Mimic attempting to aid The FFL through NFG Mike. Whether this information is of any use remains to be determined, given NFG's noted vices. Both were soon destroyed by Cyborg DoomsKang, along with the Enterprise, although he managed to save Heather Houslander en route to a Highness win! Has Kang turned over a new leaf, or is there something far more sinister afoot?!? I know I'm supposed to tell you something here, but what? Why... Why can't I remember Season 5? ....... AHEM...... Excuse me folks, I apologise. That was unprofessional...

The Lucas Conference featured a rematch from Universe Bowl 2: George Washington's Slaves versus The Horsemen of Apokolips! Neither team gave an inch, nor expected less than the best from their rival. The Horsemen were lead by the dreaded Witch King of Angmar, while George Washington himself commanded The Slaves. The skyline of The Play-Off Planet got a little remodling done courtesy of a dogfight between Top Gun Maverick and Megatron. The mutually assured destruction took both of them off the battlefield! Slaves' Play-Off MVP Sauron delivered a legendary performance, culminating with the deaths of The Horsemen's Witch King, Flamebird, Dracula, and even Superman! A version of the first Horseman, Vampire Achilles, put an end to Sauron's kiling spree, sending him to the FFL Graveyard! George Washington thinned the Horsemen's ranks atop a Sandworm, unfortunately, this deadly duo were stopped by the unlikely combination of The Technodrome, Tripticon, and The Dragonzord, The Triple-Techno-Dragonzord! It was crippled in the fight, and was ultimately destroyed by The Middle-Aged Canadian-Hockey Players. In the end, it boiled down to a lively two on two struggle between The Slaves' Leader George Washington and Black Lantern Han Solo and The Horsemen's Green Ranger Tommy and renegade OA Guardian Scar. This close range melee ended with Scar as the only remaining member of either team standing when the smoke cleared. The Horsemen of Apokolips sent 12 Slaves to The Graveyard on their way to an unprecidented third Universe Bowl! Congratulations are in order for Horsemen owner Ryan for acheiving this impressive feat! Respect is also due to the Slaves, who showed why they have been among the most successful franchizes in FFL history!

This means that Universe Bowl 6 will feature the unlikely match-up of The Horsemen of Apokolips versus The Royal Highness! The Horsemen obviously have the experience edge, and their prior meeting can only boost The Horsemen's confidence! On the other side, The Royal Highness has been rolling at the right time, and their owner is desperate to redeem his previous failures! The sheer number of natural rivalries in this match mean that Destiny herself may have played a part in this epic battle! Good luck to both both teams in what is sure to be a worthy addition to The Universe Bowl tradition!

We now head to our special guest correspondant for The FFL Consolation Rounds! Chris, it's all yours! Chris? Um, where's Chris?

3... 2... 1...

WELCOME TO FFL... IS... JERICHO!!! I'm your host, known to the Jerichoholics as Y2J!!! The rest of you ham and eggers can simply refer to me as The Living Legend!!! We're here at some random auto parts store in the middle of nowhere to interview the MVP for the second Consolation Round. And what's your name, cupcake?

"I'm Billy Mitchell, the expert video game player. "Mr. USA!" I hold world records in..."

Hey, I didn't ask for your life story, junior. We all know that you are a hot sauce slinging also-ran, but how could you beat up a helpless woman in a parking lot?

"I figured you might know, Chris..."

................ Aaaaand thats all the time I have for this week. In the meantime, don't be a FROOT! Buy my book: "A Lion's Tale." I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Thanks Chris! That about wraps it up for Spoiler Sport for this week... What's that Pepper? I thought we'd give you the week off due to the low number of teams...
Oh! Pepper is determined to bring you the Graveyard Resurrection points for this week! Take it Pepper!

"Muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh muh muhmuh muhmuh muh muhmuh muh. Muh muhmuh muh muh muh muhhmuh muh! Muhmuhm muhmuh muhmuh muh muh muhmuh muhhmuh!!! Muh muh muh muhmuh."

Now that's a trooper, ladies and gentlemen! Thanks Pepper! We will be waiting with baited breath for the outcome of The Universe Bowl, and the ultimate champion for Season 6! In the meantime, join The Ocho live tomorrow for a little fun as we feature the annual memorial golf outing in honor of Kurt! We will watch as TEAM Brotherhood of Better Royals engages the field to defend their "Worst Team" award for the second year in a row. We here at Spoiler Sport like their chances, but the looming question remains... Are their livers strong enough? Slaves owner Chris Artrip will also make an appearance, although he has stated that no autographs will be signed. Rumor has it that FFL fan favorites Jeff Houslander and Larry Reamer will be in attendance, and Watcher Nickatu may be keeping tabs on us all! Be sure to check out the Trophy case, where The Empire's owner Adam Hernandez is sure to dazzle the crowd with his master craftsmanship! Regardless of the outcome, a good time will be had by all!

While we await The Universe Bowl, the Consolation Rounds are sure to entertain, featuring a crowning of a new King of Consolation 2013! Until then, stay tuned for 52 card pick-up, live from Reno, Nevada. For The Ocho, I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you and goodnight.

Consolation Round 3. One last rest stop.

The brief pit stop at the autoparts store was just what we needed to continue the road trip of bloodlust that is the consolation rounds, but we're nearing the end of our journey. But what's a road trip with out rest stop? With that in mind, our final round be held in an abandoned rest stop. This round's rosters will be 12 points with the winners receiving  6 resurrection points. In addition to the resurrection points, the team that is crowned this year's "King of the Consolation Match" will also earn three extra draft balls for the 2014 draft.


The matches will be:

King of the Consolation Match: Real Man's Rabblerousers vs Griswold's Nut Busters.

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse vs TEAM


George Washington's Slaves vs Team Sleeping Pussy


Shemalabama's Shit-Kickers vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets

 President Barack Obama and Taylor Swift's Red Army vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies

The Emipre vs Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family


Anyone interested in writing is more than welcome to, just let me know. Again, due to my own tardiness, rosters will be due Thursday night.


Thanks, and good luck to everyone.

The Universe Bowl VI BABY!!!!

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Royal Highness

Points: 1200
Setting: The Play-off Planet (duh)
Prize: Darth Vader/V-Wing Transformer and 80 Graveyard Points.

S6 PlayOffs. Round 2 Highness vs Team SP

The Royal Highness is: Yoda, Doomslayer, Cyborg Doomsday, Steel Doomsday, Superboy Doomsday, Q, Metroplex, Mysterio, Electro, Professor X, Phantom Stranger, Apollo, Midnighter, Vampire Kang the Conqueror/DC Spiderman, Paul Antreides, Sandworm #8-35, The Kraken, Morgan Le Fey, Yellow Lantern Fatality, Chriselon (green lantern), Geo-force, Heather Houslander w/green lightsaber, NFG Mike w/green lightsaber, Ewok #50-2, Doozer #3-1. And the U.S.S. Enterprise,  Bat-wing, and Ferrari GTO

Team Sleeping Pussy is: Doctor Strange with Mithril Vest, Blockbuster, Captain Boomerang, Flash (Jay Garrick), Blink, D'Spayre, Unus the Untouchable, Johnny Bates (Adult "Kid Marvelman"), Webstor, Moss Man, Spider-Woman (Mattie Franklin), Droid Fighter Ship #13 and 14, Mimic, Dolphin, Black Manta, Aquagirl, Namor with Trident, Aspen, Psycho Pirate, Dr Manhattan, James Bond with Astro-Harness, Planetary:  Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer and Ambrose Chase, Female Sentinels #s8-10--90

Korvac, Compsognathus

 

Team SP's Compy vividly remembers it's good friend Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent as it roams the city of the Play Off Planet. The little carnivore and the deceased  SHIELD agent had quite the time back in 2011's Consolation Round, brutally killing some video game guys in a steel cage. "If only Butterscotch could see me now. We're in the play-offs! We could be going to the Universe Bowl!" the little chicken sized creature thinks as it crosses the road. Suddenly, there's a squeal of tires and the Compy is crushed by the GTO of the Highness as it veers wildly into a phone pole. The horn blares as the driver of the car exits the vehicle. Ewok 50-2 is bleeding profusely from the face, and is more than likely concussed. There's a bloody spot on the consul where Doozer 3-1 was turned to a splatter. 

 

"Yuh, yuh. Yubbbbb." murmers the Ewok as he staggers about. The loud noise of the crash has caught the attention of Captain Boomerang, Jay Garrick and James Bond, who've been assigned to the city. 

 

"Sumtin' bout this ain't quite right" says Capt. Boomerang "But a kills a kill" He throws one of his razor boomerangs and puts it right between the Ewok's eyes. As the trio goes to investigate the wreckage further, there's a series of blasts as photon torpedoes begin tearing up the street. 

 

"TAKE COVER!!" screams Jay Garrick as he races out of the way, but it's too late for old Boomer-butt and Bond as they're killed in the various explosions. He takes cover behind the GTO. Jay peeks his head above the trunk to see if the coast is clear, when the trunk pops open, catching the elderly speedster on the chin. As Jay stumbles backwards, Yoda emerges amidst a flurry of packing peanuts. It seems the car crash and torpedoes were just a diversion. The Highness' little green bud easily dispatches Jay Garrick. 

 

"It on, you shall bring." says the squad's number one draft pick as he paitently waits for what he knows is about to come.  The resurrected, former Slave doesn't wait long as Spider-Girl, Mattie Franklin, swings into action. Yoda dodges a few of the attacks, but is caught in one of her weblines and thrown into a near by building. Mattie follows Yoda inside, and barely dodges a desk that Yoda hurls her way. The two find themselves evenly matched, but things sway Mattie's way, when Yoda in an act of desperation hurls his lightsaber at her. She ducks the throw and catches it with a webline and whips it back at him. The lightsaber hits Yoda right in the chest, and he falls to the floor.

 

"Sorry, Master Yoda. You were a hero of mine." says Mattie.

 

"And for that.... sorry...I am." Yoda replies with his dying breath. The building begins to quake and shake as Mattie realizes too her horror that Yoda was just a distraction. Steel Doomsday bursts through the floor and smashes into her. The steel monster grabs ahold of her before she can move and beats her to a bloody pulp. It roars in triumph, and takes off to find another victim.

 

We'll leave the stillness of the city, and focus on the water area of the planet. The normally clam, blue waters have bubbled into a reddish hue and violent waves mirror the violence going on in the deep. The lifeless body of Namor slowly floats toward the surface. Dolphin's neck is bent at a horrific angle. Black Manta's face has turned blue beneath the shattered remains of his helmet. The beast known as the Kracken was severely weakened as it was shredding through the various Pussies. It pauses it's attack after devouring Aquagirl, Namor's broken trident still protruding from it's eye when suddenly the water begins to churn. Aspen uses her water manipulation abilities to hammer the Kracken. The Kracken tries to push her back, but Aspen's powers are too much. The monster finally succumbs to the murky depths for the final time. But Aspen's victory is short lived, as Electro suddenly appears behind her, teleported down from the Enterprise.Both Electro and Aspen are killed as the electricity runs through the water, effectively ending the use of this terrain for the remaining battle.

The desert portion of the planet is equally as still. The many sandworms of the Highness have made short work of Unus the Untouchable, his ability to not be touched does little good against a foe who can swallow you in a single bite. The Planetary crew and the female Sentinels met a similar fate as Unus but the man known as Mimic singlehandedly  ended their kill streak, first by mimicking the powers of fallen teammate Aspen to control what little moisture was in the air to poison some of the creatures, then by taking the mystical abilities of Doctor Strange to summon torrential downpours of rain and wind to flood the rest of the area and finish off the rest.Mimic pauses to catch his breath, then heads off into the desert to a hidden base in the desert to plunder it for it's various riches and try to prevent the future that he knows is coming for them all.

In space, Doctor Manhattan found himself impervious to the light based constructs of Chriselon and Fatality, their rings basically useless against a being of pure energy. Dr Manhattan drains the rings of their charges and the two suffocate off in the vastness of the stars. The darkness of space, suddenly gets darker for Manhattan as the Enterprise casts a shadow of the blue, glowing man. The ship fires upon him, and he easily absorbs the blast. Before he can fire it back, he suddenly begins to flicker. Doctor Manhattan's glow begins to fade, and then he changes color from blue to red. He then rockets to earth, the two Droid fighter ships both are vaporized as they made the mistake of being in his path. 

Aboard the Enterprise the group of NFG,  Professor X, Heather, DC SpiderKang and Cyborg Doomslayer sit  aboard the bridge and watch the carnage that is happening all around them. Heather is horrified as she witnesses the deaths of various players on both teams. Geo-Force, Blockbuster, Paul Antredies, Morgan LeFey, Doctor Strange. Blink. All slaughtered before her eyes.

"Josh...what have you gotten me into she murmers.

"Don't worry Heather, we're safe up here. Trust me." says NFG when he begins to see XAS Mike before his eyes. 

"You keep lying to her pal, you just keep lying." he sneers "I know what your up to."

"Shut up." growls NFG "You don't know anything"

"I know you haven't been living up to the highness part of your lineage, 'your majesty'. I know that you think that you're calling the shots here, but guess what. You're not. You don't even see what's happening here."

 

"F**k you! I own this team. I call the shots! Hell, I'm a f**king Watcher, man. And I'm about to go from the Outhouse to the Penthouse. Kang told me himself."

 

"Hahahahaha. Your trust in the Conqueror is misplaced. You'll see. Yyyooooouuuuu'llll ssssseeeeeeeee....." as he fades from existence. 

".....as he said. D'Sparye was no match for Q and the Stranger. Q is dead, but the Stranger is still there. And he was right again. Korvac was no match for the bomb that we turned Manhattan into. Yeah, Psycho Pirate turned the Doomsdays against each other, but he wasn't able to manipulate Doomslayer after he amped him up so much. Doomslayer killed him and is still rampaging. Just like Kang said, he's headed in the direction of the Stranger and it's only a matter of time before the two put each other out."

"Awesome....awesome. I... I need some...I gotta go."

NFG retreats to his quarters. He grabs his lightsaber, and begins to convert it to it's usual bong capabilites. 

"Just to calm my nerves. Josh won't mind....besides...We got this. Kang told me."

"Kang told you alot, but did he tell you everything?" says a voice

NFG drops what was in his hands and whirls around. Infront of him is the last remaining Pussy. Mimic. 

"What are you talking about? Answer me!" he demands.

"Ok, but you answer me first. How long have you been seeing the XAS version of yourself? And WHY have you been seeing him?"

"I dunno, like a few weeks. And why ask why? Try Bud dry!" NFG giggles.

"Have you ever talked to Xavier about how he feels losing control of his team? We're talking about a man who's named schools and superteams after himself. A true ego maniac. You think that type of humiliation just rolls off his back?"

 

"Wait...you mean...."

 

"That's right. XAS Mike is just Professor X screwing with your head. At the request of one man. Kang."

 

"What?"

 

"That's right. Kang's making a play for your team. He's know about this for years. See for yourself."

 

Mimic throws a bunch of papers at the bewildered NFG. It's a press release stating that the Royal Highness is now under new management in the tragic death of owner Mike Greenwall. The team will now be lead by season 6 MVP Vampire Kang the Conqueror and shall be known as Kang's Dynasty. 

 

"This...that...bullsh**t. I don't buy it." Mike throws the papers at Mimic. "I brought Kang back. He owes me his LIFE. He'd never betray me. We're boys. Hell, he's the one who told me to make sure I take care of Heather"

 

"And why is that?" smirks Mimic "Why would he care for the wife of Josh Houslander? Maybe because whatever team owns the rights to a female player owns the rights to their children? And what better child to be able to train and nurture than one of Josh's? His other two children have shown Jedi capabilities, the power that young Scarlett will manifest is anyone's guess. But to a timetraveler it's no guess, it's common knowledge. The power of Scarlett Houslander will bring all who oppose it to their knees. This is a fact, I've seen it. Kang showed me."

 

"Wait...what?"

 

"Oh, he doesn't know he showed me. You see, we used to be friends when he was on Team SP. He was interested in my power of borrowing others abilities. But after I saw how callous he is with the lives of his teammates and "friends" I decided to take a little insurance out on my pal Kang and borrow his timetravel abilities. I know where this is headed. I know my end is near. I'm just here on behalf of another friend."

 

"Who?" asks Mike

 

"Butterscotch. Old Reginald McTwivent knew Kang was no good, so he made me promise to get the word out. He tried to use the Ocho, and was able to stop the future that black lantern Kang unleashed last year. But he didn't count of vampire Kang."

 

"No. He didn't" says a voice. Mimic whirls and sees DC Spiderkang. He fires and hits the man right between the eyes. Kang drops to the floor.

 

"Oh my god! You killed Kangy! You bastard!" yells NFG as he tackles Mimic. He punches Mimic in the face and screams. 

 

Mimic pushes him off and stands.

 

"Idiot. You really don't remember anything, do you?" he hears a roar and a thunder of footsteps. "We don't have much time, if you don't ever believe anything I say believe this. Cyborg Doomsday is about to thunder through that door, and will kill us both. Kang has uploaded his consciousness to the beast and lives through him. Heather is safe, and only she and Cyborg Kang shall survive the match and the crash of the Enterprise."

 

"Crash of the....DAMMIT! MY INSURANCE PREMIUMS SUCK ALREADY I CAN'T AFFORD ANOTHER F**KING RATE HIKE!!!"

 

"Quiet. Just know what Kang is up to. He's not just after the Universe Bowl. Kang is looking to..."

 

Mimic is unable to finish his sentence. Cyborg Doomsday smashes into the room and punches him right through the wall.  The hole torn in the wall causes a vacum that NFG is unable to withstand, as he's sucked off into space he swears he sees the monster smile and wave at him. The hole causes the Enterprise to begin to crash into the PlayOff Planet. As the ship enters the atmosphere, Cyborg Doomsday grabs ahold of Heather and launches the two of them free of the crash. Heather shakily looks at the beast, grateful and amazed by it's shocking display of humanity.

 

"It was nothing, my dear. However, I feel we haven't been introduced. I'm not the monster know as Doomsday. It is I, Kang who has taken control of the beast's form to serve our fair team ."

"Well, whoever you are. Thank you." says Heather as her eyes tear up and she absent mindedly twirls the non-functioning ring of her black lantern husband

"No trouble at all. Just know I'm here to look out for your best interests" says Cyber DoomKang as he eyes the ring 

"Now, about your daughter, Scarlett is it??"

Season 6, Week 2 Consolation Match: Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse vs. Shemalabama's Shit-Kickers

“Come inside, it’s fun inside!!”

            -Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Theme song

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 6, Week 2 Consolation Match located at the Pep Boys in Farmington Hills, Michigan.  They are as follows:

Grindhouse: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Crew: Mickey Mouse with Legion flight ring, Minnie Mouse with star wand, Donald Duck with red lantern ring, Daisy Duck, Goofy, Pluto, Scrooge McDuck with green lightsaber and special guest appearance by Treasure Troll #9.

Shit-Kickers: Romeo and Juliet with Orko.

Let the battle begin. . .

Tires Section. . .

Juliet sits on top of a large tire display.

Juliet:  Romeo.  O Romeo.  Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Romeo:  Over here; now shut thy feeble mouth ye wench!  You’ll give away thine location.

Juliet listens to her young lover and cowers behind the tires located at the top of the display case.  Romeo gathers his wits and tunnels into a layer of tires. As Romeo makes his way through the tires, he comes face to face with Treasure Troll #9.  A surprised Treasure Troll attempts to alert his teammates at the whereabouts of the Grindhouse’s enemies.  Before he can, Romeo grabs the creature by its’ throat and squeezes until the greenish tint of its skin turns a shade of blue.   Treasure Troll #9 dies. 

Goofy walks through the tire aisle and notices a piece of Juliet’s dress hanging from the display.

Goofy:  Hey b@tch, how ‘bout you comin’ out to face me.

Goofy draws a socket wrench and screwdriver from his pants.  He places both tools in his elongated mouth and begins to climb the display stand.   Miraculously, Juliet throws and manages to capture Goofy with a Uniroyal.  The tire slides down Goofy’s body and his arms are pinned together by the tire.  Juliet leaps down and sees the snow tire chains.  She gathers the chains and begins to lash Goofy in the face and head with the weaponized metal. 

Goofy: Damn b@#ch; why’d you do me like that!

Goofy falls to the ground and his head becomes a puddle of brain matter and blood.  Goofy dies at the hands of the Shakespearean harlot.

Accessories Aisle. . .

Orko levitates down the aisle.  He sees Pluto and raises his arms in anticipation of casting a spell that will lead to the demise of the orange canine.  Pluto sees Orko and rises on his haunches; he begins to growl. 

Orko:  Hello puppy.  Time to die!  Bleemun Obscurus!

As always, the spell backfires and Orko is pinned to the aisle’s floor with fashion lighting. Daisy Duck and Scrooge McDuck walk up to Orko.  Pluto joins the two.  Daisy and McDuck remove a car cover from the shelf and create a tent-like structure in the aisle.  Nothing can be seen, but everything can be heard.   

Pluto emits a low growl.

Orko:  Are you going to harm a defenseless opponent?

Scrooge McDuck:  Damn straight we are ye little f#ck.

A lightsaber can be heard as it ignites.

McDuck:  Piece by f#ckin’ bloody piece. . .

The screams of Orko and maniacal laughter of both Daisy and Scrooge can be heard throughout the store. 

Tire Section. . .

Juliet is seen in front of the Michelin Man display.  Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse have the woman in their sights and fly toward Juliet.  A red pincer pulls her from the ground and she screams.

Juliet: Unhand me you foul Grindhouse creatures!

Donald Duck:  No problem b@#ch; we won’t use our hands.  Hey Mickey, time for the leaky submarine maneuver.

Mickey Mouse:  Hehe; sounds good to me friend.

The two characters violate Juliet in unmentionable ways—the leaky submarine is utilized and all holes are plugged by various means and projections.  A tattered and barely clothed Juliet crawls across the floor.  She looks up to see Daisy Duck.  Daisy points her star wand at the Shakespearean Capulet.

Daisy:  Goodnight sweet b#$ch!

The star wand ignites and sparks Juliet’s head.  She dies.

Romeo hears his beloved’s screams and races toward the violence.  The Montague sees Juliet on the ground – dead.

Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Daisy Duck, Pluto and Scrooge McDuck all set upon the former lover of Juliet.  Donald Duck utilizes his ring and transports Romeo over to the Car Care and Maintenance Section.

Car Care and Maintenance Section. . .

Romeo is held in place by the wiring of the aisle.  Donald Duck begins to squawk “Maniac” by Michael Sembello.  While he attempts to sing, both Daisy and Minnie spray Romeo with oil and various lubricants.  Romeo sputters at the acrid smell and foul liquids covering his body.

Romeo:  Alas Juliet, I come to be with ye!

Mickey Mouse pulls out an ignition switch which has been connected to the wiring holding Romeo in place.

Mickey:  Both in Hell b#$ches!!!

Romeo bursts into flames and dies.

The theme song plays from the speakers above as the six dance together. 

It’s the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Come inside.  It’s fun inside!
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E.

Mickey Mouse:  And now all you a$$holes see what happens to you if you f#ck with us!!!  Look forward to seeing you all real soon!

 

 

TEAM Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

TEAM is Ratta the Hutt, Billy Mitchell (w/ laser gun and laser sword), Steve Sandersn(w/ pokeball), and Cock Sneak Goomba #9 and 10

Kennelz are The Oracle.



“Get the lead out asswipe!! You’re dicking around with my plan!!” Billy Mitchell screamed angrily out the car window, pressing down on the horn as he wove his way through the parking lot of the auto parts store, Abe’s Auto Amenities. He turned to Steve Sanders and muttered, “There’s never anywhere to park at this place.”
In the back seat, Cock Sneak Goombas 9 and 10 nodded in agreement. Ratta the Hutt didn’t really give a damn since he was busy being a baby.
They had reached the outer edge of the rather massive lot, Billy nervously running the fingers of his free hand through his raven locks, smiling with self-love as he caught a serendipitous glance at himself in the rearview mirror. Steve sighed.
“Billy, I don’t feel like carting the baby and the goombas all the way from here to the store. It’s gonna take forever and we just need a couple of small things. Just go grab an open handicap space. We’ll be in and out in five minutes and then we can finally get over to the Peach Pit to meet Kelly and play a game of Donkey Kong.”
Reluctantly, Billy circled the lot one last time and when he didn’t find a good spot, headed for the handicapped section directly in front of the store. There was only one left, but they pulled in anyway.
As they climbed out of the car, a horned blared directly behind them.
The Oracle, Barbara Gordon had been waiting for the space they had just taken. “Hey! What are you doing? I don’t see a handicap permit anywhere on your car!”
Billy responded, “Get over it lady, we’ll be out in a minute.”
“But I’m the one in the damn wheelchair you inconsiderate S.O.B.!”
Billy and Steve both waved her off dismissively, evoking a boiling rage that Barbara could sense in every cell of her being. Hadn’t life kicked her down enough? She was sick of her wheelchair and her adult diapers. She was sick of this society and the selfish pricks populating it. More than anything, she was sick of looking at this tool in front of her car with the ugly haircut. She revved her engine and tore after them, running over the goombas and Ratta the Hutt instantly. Steve reeled back and flung a pokeball at her. Out popped Pikachu, but he refused to help, explaining that at this point he’s really just the franchise’s cute and cuddly mascot. Unfazed by Steve’s attack, The Oracle plowed into Steve with the front of her wheelchair accessible van, knocking him to the ground so that she could drive right over him in the process. Billy’s laser sword was in the trunk of his car, which was blocked by The Oracle’s oversized “look at me everyone I’m handicapped” van. Luckily he had a backup plan. He always does. He pulled out bottle after bottle of Rickey’s Hot Sauce from his pockets and began throwing them at Oracle’s car. The bottles cracked open, splashing the orange sauce everywhere, completely blanketing the windshield with it. Unable to see in front of her, she began swerving more and more; she couldn’t even tell which direction she was going in anymore, so she was unable to see that she was about to slam through the front window of the store. Her windshield shattered on impact, and a broken bottle of Rickey’s sauce came sailing in through the new opening, lodging itself in The Oracle’s neck, severing her carotid artery and leaving Billy Mitchell the only survivor of the attack at Abe’s Auto Amenities.

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. George Washington's Slaves

The Horsemen of Apokolips are The Witch King of Angmar, Vampire Achilles, Superman, Flamebird, The Anti-Monitor, The One Above All, Oa Guardian #5, Krona, Scar, Black Lantern Thanos, Phoenix, Joseph in a Jawa Sand Crawler, (movie) Megatron, Motormaster (w/ a red lantern ring), Wildrider, Tripticon, Black Lantern Yoda, (White Suit) Anakin Skywalker and R-2 Unit #11 in a Jedi V-Wing, John McLane w/ a rocketpack, Dracula, Black Lantern Chris Artrip and Black Lantern Julie Artrip in The Pimpmobile, Laya Houslander: Young Jedi Knight (w/ a blue lantern ring) w/ Piplup and Tommy Oliver (w/ Legion Flight Ring and blue lightsaber) in The Technodrome, Sheanna, and Life Model Decoy #1-3 in Technodrome Transport Module #1-3.
George Washington’s Slaves are Zilius Zox, Tomar Tu, Mr. Miracle, Elongated Man, Catwoman, The Living Tribunal, Runner, Doppelganger, R5-D4, Cassandra Nova (w/ a Demon Rod), Zombie Master Mold, Ymir, Warlock, Sunspot, Skaar: Son of Hulk (w/ a red lightsaber), Black Lantern Han Solo on a Tron Light Cycle, Sauron The Deceiver, Prowl (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership): AKA: Prowlimus Prime, Black Lantern Harry Potter, Scorpion (w/ a Heat Axe and a red lightsaber), Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Maverick in a F-35, Goose in a Tie Bomber, Mer-Man, Beavis (w/ a halberd) and Butthead (w/ a Sith Lavarouk) w/ Buttchunk, Gonzo the Great and Kamila, Tim Cheveldae (w/ Tron Light Suit and Disc), Paul Coffey (w/ green lightsaber), Bryan Murray (w/ green lightsaber), Steve Yzerman (w/ green lantern ring), Vampire Al Dogg, Sandworm #16 & 18, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #7 & 8, Head Coach George Washington, and Life Model Decoy #1.


Washington prefers to attack by night, he finds his opponents to not be prepared for the hell he is about to bring upon them. It is night now, but The Horsemen are ready… The Horsemen are always ready. Both of these teams are fully prepared for this battle, they have been here before and this rivalry is by no means a new one.
In the world of age old college sports rivalries, this rivalry I believe is best compared to The University of Michigan Vs. Notre Dame. They may not be each other’s top rivals or most hated opponents but this rivalry is extremely spirited and dates back many, many years. These two teams faced off in Universe Bowl 2, and they both have never missed the play-offs in the six year history of The FFL. Through all unwritten rules of the league, both of these teams should have had an off year by now. The sheer number of matches that they have both fought in should allow for a certain degree of team decimation, yet both of these franchises have remained at the top of the league and have both refused to stop winning their divisions and making play-off runs. Not to downplay the great drafting and general managing that has been down by both of these owners; but it would seem that it is sheer will that has kept these two teams on top. At this point only two teams have made it to The Universe Bowl twice (neither of whom made the play-offs this year or even go by the same name that they used to have). After tonight there will be three…
Both the teams have fortified their positions, they have avoided the forest and jungle areas, for they know that this will be an all full-frontal battle and neither of them have a desire for guerilla warfare against a squad of their opponent’s caliber. The Slaves control the oceans, the arctic, and the desert, while The Horsemen control the city. Space is being patrolled by several members of each squad; but is not fully controlled or being defended by either of them. Both squads are preparing their offensive strategies as they know that the comfort they have within their own bases will be short-lived.
The Witch King of Angmar was selected by The Horsemen front office as this season’s official play-off captain, although as soon as this match started, he watched his magic ring crumble away to nothing and he was returned to his original human form. For the reach of Sauron has once again grown strong and his power limitless. The Mighty Sauron merely had to will it so for the ring of his creation to disappear from existence. But despite this sorcery, The Witch King lives. He is now as he once was a bearded old man, his sword heavy in his hands, and his ethos weighted with the evil he has seen transpire throughout The Third Age. But he is far from helpless. One of the heathen kings of old, this man was once a great king of the nation of Angmar and he is still a man that craves the power that Sauron promised him all those thousands of years ago. And if that means bringing about the Apocalypse through an army of horsemen against the ender of ages himself, than he will do so. The Witch King readies a strike force, but he realizes that Sauron may come to them before they have the chance to take the offensive.
Up in the outer reaches of space, just barely within the boundaries of what we watcher’s still consider the realm of The Play-off Planet, there are two beings who both possess enough innate cosmic power to rip the very fabric of the planet apart, should they so desire such an outcome. The Living Tribunal and The One Above All, a being who shares the namesake of the only being that The Living Tribunal acknowledges as his better speak in a language long forgotten and that even I, Joshatu the Great have trouble deciphering. The Living Tribunal asks plainly: “Shall we destroy each other now, or should we wait until this match of lesser beings is coming to an end”? The leader of the mighty Celestials retorts: “I am not opposed to mutual destruction, but I find it may be more appropriate if creatures of our caliber at least leave some sort of mark on this epic battle”. “Well, what do you have in mind, for you have sparked my interest”? Says The Living Tribunal. “I say, that we both pick one member of the other’s team to wipe from this plane of existence and take with us when we take our leave of this battle. I will even volunteer to choose mine first”. Says The One who is above all. “I can live with this game, or perhaps die with it would be the better way to describe it. Please make me aware of your choice”. The Living Tribunal says. The One Above All mentally goes over every possible option on the team and how they could have an effect and then works out what is in his advanced mind the best possible choice. Just under an earth second later he reveals his choice. He says: “I will take with me one of the sandworms. For I have seen entire empires fall from the intervention of these beasts and wish to take down the chances of this happening by half”. “Interesting”, says The Living Tribunal. He continues: “Well, under that same token, I will attempt to restore the tipped scale that the sandworms provide and I will remove Sheanna from your squad. Her control of sandworms is a wild card that I do not wish for my team to be trumped with”. “So be it” the two same simultaneously. And with those three words The Living Tribunal, The One Above All, Sandworm #18, and Sheanna all are erased from existence.
The Anti-Monitor sees this happen and has no desire to deal in some sort of cosmic non-compete agreement. He decides to come down from space and make his move now, before something in space stops him, although The Runner sees him make his move and decides to run down to run some interference. The Anti-Monitor shows up in the water region where he is met by The Slaves full water squad, which consists of Mer-Man. Mer-Man shows his face above the surface, just in time to be wasted by The Anti-Monitor. The Runner sees the ease of The Anti-Monitor’s attack and decides he must take immediate action. The Runner runs straight through The Ant-Monitor, using the power primordial to make him the anti-Anti-Monitor. Although when The Runner comes out the other side of The Anti-Monitor he is nothing but anti-matter. The Anti-Monitor may no longer be there to consume him; but he still simply dissipates into the air, causing him to join The Anti-Monitor in death.
Gen. George Washington realizes that there are forces at work here that are beyond his control and orders the first wave of The Slaves attack. Jean Grey and Black Lantern Yoda foresee the troop movement before it actually even begins and mentally tell their fellow Horsemen who were already moving towards the arctic and desert regions to come back to the city, for it appears that The Slaves are going to bring the battle to them. The arctic crew comes in from the South. This mini-squad consists of Ymir, who is followed by Tim, Paul, Steve, and The Bry. Once within the city limits, the hockey greats switch from ice skates to roller blades and prepare to do battle. From the West, Powlimus Prime rolls in with Black Lantern Han Solo riding next to him in his Tron Light Cycle and Maverick and Goose covering them from above. Warlock is following behind, in the form of a strange land-ship, carrying Cassandra Nova, Sunspot, Skaar, and Elongated Man. Prowlimus has several Slaves riding in his cab and hanging in the back trailer as well, ready for dispersement. Catwoman, Mr. Miracle, Doppleganger, Scorpion, The Ginaz Swordsmen, Juan Sanchez, Beavis, Butthead, and Buttchunk, are all ready for battle within the confines of their Autobot Leader. From the East, a crew of slightly less savory (describer for most; but not all) members of The Slaves crew are following behind Sauron, who marches in with a slow; but commanding stride. He is followed by Zilius Zox, Tomar Tu, Zombie Master Mold, Black Lantern Harry Potter, and Vampire Al Dawg. With three of the four major directions covered, Washington patiently waits to execute the last segment of his attack; meanwhile, The Horsemen are mounting their counter-offensive. The Witch King, with Vampire Achilles at his side rushes to meet his former master Sauron. He and Achilles are followed by some major Horsemen powerhouses as they have no desire to take the threat of the mighty Sauron lightly. They are accompanied by Superman, Flamebird, Dracula, Phoenix, and Black Lantern Thanos. Motormaster and Wildrider in vehicle form race to meet Prowlimus Prime’s mini squad. They are followed by The Pimpmobile, Joseph in The Sand Crawler (lagging behind a bit), Tripticon, John McLane patrolling the low air space around, and The three Technodrome Transport Modules being driven by LMD’s of three of the greatest Horsemen ever: Darkseid, Charlton Heston, and Josh Houslander. Megatron patrols the air and instantly becomes locked in a dog-fight with Maverick and Goose. The actual Technodrome is nowhere to be found until it bursts out of the ground behind Ymir in The South Campaign. It was on its way to take on the Arctic crew, but now its position works out even better. The battle begins to rage but Washington hangs back, in the desert while he is being unknowingly monitored by Krona, Scar, and Oa Guardian #5. The three of them may have had their differences in the past; but they are after all from the same ancient race of people and have been able to band together for the cause of The Horsemen.
South Campaign:
Ymir turns around and begins moving towards The Technodrome; but Tommy Oliver climbs out of the top of it and dramatically grabs his knife/whistle. He blows into it, and summons the power of The Dragonzord. The robot appears out of nowhere and begins to awkwardly but fiercely battle with Ymir. The two massive power-houses trade blows with each other but eventually The Dragonzord is able to claw away Ymir and then blast him with an energy finishing move shot from his chest. Tim, Paul, Steve, and The Bry are shocked by this display of power but it does not stop them from following The Technodrome and Dragonzord as they turn around and begin heading North after the destruction of Ymir.
West Campaign:
The passengers within Prowlimus leap out, while Prowlimus transforms into his robot form and they all jump into action. Joseph floats out of the top hatch on the Jawa Sand Crawler and then gracefully floats to the ground. He then uses his powers to lift the sand crawler up into the air and launch it at the incoming Slaves. Black Lantern Han, looks up and sees the massive Sand Crawler coming at them and uses his black lantern powers to take flight with the light cycle still underneath him. He then flips the cycle up to do a mid-air wheelie and sends the black energy coated cycle into the sand crawler blowing it to pieces before it lands. Joseph begins picking up large pieces of shrapnel and sending them in the direction of Han; but it is too late. Han flies in over top of Joseph and uses his black energy constructed blaster to shoot Joseph first. Prowlimus is taking on Motormaster and his fellow and final Stunticon partner Wildrider on his own, while Megatron is locked in a fierce battle with both Maverick and Goose. Maverick flies in low but Megatron quickly transforms into his robot form in mid-air and punches Maverick’s F-35 out of the way and then promptly changes back into his Cybertronian jet form. Maverick loses control; but begins to right himself despite the damage. This wakes up R5-D4, who is attached to the side of The F-35 magnetically. R5 is able to roll over to the damaged spot and weld the damage done to the hull, all while Maverick manages to keep the fighter in the air. Maverick then swings his plane around to get back to the battle; but once he is done fixing his own problem he sees that his Goose is about to be cooked. Goose is attempting to use the wide array of weaponry on The Tie Bomber to take out Megatron; but the Decepticon leader is able to take evasive action against all of them. In the end the Tie Bomber is simply too slow to compete with the speed of Megatron who swings in behind Goose and blows his Tie Bomber out of the air. Maverick is heartbroken as the Top Gun engages Megatron next. The two fly around the city wildly doing damage to the top of every building for miles of The Play-off Planet. Megatron gets behind Maverick like he did to Goose but he is unable to land a shot to take the plane out. Maverick sustains a decent amount of damage, including R5-D4 getting blasted off of the top; but Maverick swings around the side of a skyscraper and heads towards Megatron head on. Megatron transforms into his robot form and attempts to use his arm cannons to finish the fighter jet off. The blast blow Maverick and his ship apart; but a split second later, the perfectly aimed missile that Maverick got off just in the nick of time flies directly into the mouth of Megatron to blow his head apart and send him to The Graveyard. Prowlimus spin kicks Motor Master into the side of a nearby donut shop while Wildrider leaps towards Prowlimus and hits him with a flurry of punches. Nuts and bolts fly while Prowlimus recovers from the attack and grabs Wildrider by the neck. Prowlimus puts Wildrider in a tight headlock and eventually applies enough pressure to break his metal head clean off. Motormaster is enraged to see the death of his last Stunticon and rushes Prowlimus. The Stunticon leader delivers a wicked upper-cut that would make even Kung Lao and Liu Kang proud and then coats The Autobot Leader with red plasma which melts away his Cybertronian metal covering. Black Lantern Yoda leaps out of Josh’s Transport module and becomes locked in a melee battle with Scorpion and the two Ginaz Swordmasters. Skaar jumps onto the hood of The Pimpmobile and totals the Cavalier in a few seconds flat. A furious pair of Fizzles fly out of the car and are ready for battle; but they are met by the Motley Crew riding inside of Warlock. Cassandra Nova uses her powers mixed with those given to her by The cursed Demon Rod to be rid of Black Lantern Julie; but not before Black Lantern Mrs. Fizzle outstretches Elongated Man with some wicked black energy, while Black Lantern Z blows apart Warlock with his own black energy and sends the crew within him flying. They regroup and Sunspot is able to melt Black Lantern Fizz to nothing with his solar powers. Buttchunk bumps into Butthead who then accidentally shoots himself in the face with his Sith Lavarouk. Beavis looks at Buttchunk and says: “You killed Butthead, YOU BASTARD”!!... Buttchunk then looks at him strangely and Beavis says: “What, ya gotta change with the times ya know, do what’s hip or something”. Beavis then trips over his Halberd which ignites the bolt power within it causing it to fry the circuitry in the first Technodrome Transport Module and also the Darkseid LMD inside it. Buttchunk then says: “U-huh… FUN-ney”, as LMD Heston rolls over top of both of them in his module. John McLane meets up with Doppleganger on top of a building and the two of them reignite the skirmish they had last time they met. Doppleganger rips the rocketpack off of his back and throws it off of the building while the two of them start rolling around beating the crap out of each other. McLane screams: “You know who you remind me of?? NOBODY YOU DEFORMED F&*K!! YOU GOT 4 F&(*&IN ARMS AND YOU LOOK LIKE AN A**HOLE!! Why, you ask, CUZ YOU ARE AN A**HOLE”!! The battered McLane then pulls out his Beretta 92 and barely wiggles out of the bear hug that Doppelganger has him in. He gets the gun nuzzled right under the Spider-Man clone’s neck and pulls the trigger about three too many times, before he spits on the body and walks away. Sunspot takes flight to examine where to go next in the battle; but before he can decide Tripticon grabs a hold of him and pops him in his mouth. Hey, It may not work as well as the oil based fuel, but solar energon can work (and it’s better for the environment, so all of you transformers really should give it a try). Triptcon and the two remaining Transport Modules both begin heading North to rendezvous with The Technodrome despite fighting still be carried out here on The Western Front.
East Campaign:
The Witch King rushes in bravely, but is the first casualty of The Eastern Front as Sauron promptly delivers a mace to the face of his former servant. Zilius Zox spews some red plasma onto Black Lantern Thanos who lets him know how it tickles as he blasts the rounded-red lantern into Oblivion; but that residual red energy ends up being enough to kill him once it is mixed with the massive sword construct made by Tomar Tu, which slices Thanos apart. Superman then delivers some quick retribution for his evil teammate as he uses his heat vision to melt through Tomar Tu’s green aura and then through Tomar himself. Superman then takes a second to punch the head off of Vampire Al Dizzle. Black Lantern Harry Potter casts a wicked black magic spell of Phoenix (is it black magic because he’s evil now, or is it black magic just because it is the color black from his ring?? Some things we’ll never know). But we do know this Harry did it, and Phoenix died from it. Dracula then moves in swiftly and sucks rips open Harry’s neck before he can enjoy the heart of Jean Grey. Zombie Master Mold is easily ripped apart as Superman flies through the center of him; but Flamebird and Dracula are having problems despite their double-team of Sauron. Vampire Achilles comes in to help but is brushed aside by Sauron and sent into a pile of garbage cans on the city street. Sauron picks up Flamebird by the neck and breaks it one handed as he brings his mace down hard on Dracula killing the undead like only a true Necromancer can. Superman comes up next to end Sauron’s reign of terror once and for all but Sauron knocks Superman aside on top of Achilles. Superman rises up to meet the bearer of the One Ring but Sauron raises up his massive gauntlet and crushes the skull of the Man of Steel. It is at this moment when all hope for the Horsemen is about to be lost, when the one man thought to be strong enough to kill the treacherous Sauron falls dead next to his feet that Achilles: The resurrected form of The Horsemen’s first ever draft pick, The Son of Aphrodite, and hero of Greece, takes up his re-gifted original sword and with a mighty upward swing, cuts the One Ring from the hand of Sauron. The night sky grows even blacker and cold rushes through the blood of all on the battlefield as Sauron finally falls dead.
North Campaign:
Gen. Washington knows that his team has just been dealt a massive blow; but several massive blows were dealt to The Horsemen as well, and this battle is far from over… In fact, it is just beginning. Since the epic trade with The Murderflies in Season 1, Washington has trained for this moment; and it is now the moment of truth to put his skills to the test. Washington sets his thumper on the desert sand… He waits… He waits… He sees wormsign… Shai Halud has sent The Slaves largest Maker… The massive Sandworm #16 leaps from the dunes due to the repetitive beat of the thumper and there stands George Washington, ready with his Maker Hooks, his well built 6’ 3’’ frame dwarfed by the worm. He sets his hooks and waits until the exact right second to mount the sandworm and ride it in to victory like Paul Atreides did to win himself an empire. Washington throws down ropes and hooks for his teammates who watched in awe of what only the best Fremen can do as they join him on the back of his enormous steed. Washington and The Maker will make their final stand along with his old friends Gonzo, Kamilla, and The Life Model Decoy of Henry Knox: former book store owner, military advisor to Washington during The Revolutionary War and our very first Secretary of War. All members of both teams see and feel the coming of the massive sandworm and rush towards The Northern Front where the city is already beginning to shake itself loose from the underground pressure from the worm. Motormaster rolls over Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez quicker than you can say his name in his semi-truck form on the way to the worm, but Mr. Miracle is able to get in the way of The Decepticon and end The Stunticons once and for all with The Alpha Effect. The Oa Guardian, Krona, and Scar are the first mini-squad to fly in towards Washington but the massive worm is not even slowed by them. Scar manages to get out of the way at the last second; but Krona and Oa Guardian #5 are both consumed within the maw of the sandworm. Vampire Achilles, with a bit of extra hubris in tow; is rushing towards the fight; but Mr. Miracle stops him in his tracks as well with a well aimed shot from his futuristic alien gun. Black Lantern Yoda can’t yet move towards the worm festivities, for he is still locked in a battle with Scorpion and the two Ginaz swordmasters. Scorpion is a well-trained fighter in all aspects of the trade. He has done his homework and he knows that his red lightsaber and heat axe combined are capable of killing a black lantern. The real question is, is he capable of landing a hit with both of them on the Jedi Master. The answer is no as Yoda spin attacks over Scorpion’s head and then slices it off. The 2 swordmasters of Ginaz take up Scorpion’s weapons after the fact; but they together are still no match for Yoda, who makes short work of them and then rushes off to The Northern Front. Cassandra Nova wishes to use her power to help aid the sandworm through a telepathic link; but she is targeted by Anakin’s V-Wing and killed before she can. Mr. Miracle once again uses the Alpha Effect, this time to blast Anakin’s Jedi ship out of the sky; but Anakin ejects out and lands with a flip and spin lightsaber attack that takes out Mr. Miracle and exacts his revenge (I don’t know? Do former Jedi, former Sith, now Jedi again people take revenge?..? I guess so). Anakin is now met by both Catwoman and Skaar; but McLane shows up to help. Skaar stomps McLane to the ground and Anakin puts a lightsaber through the whip and throat of Catwoman; but before Skaar and Anakin can square off they both scatter do to the incoming Sandworm. Scar contacts Tommy Oliver and tells him that it is now time to enact what they gather here for. Tommy stands on top of The Technodrome and orders the forming of Triple-techno-dragonzord attack mode. The Dragonzord forms together with Tripticon and then is inserted into The Technodrome (but in the meantime, while it is forming the sandworm has ripped through the other 2 transport modules and the LMDs). The TTD Zord is formed and it blasts the massive sandworm with its weaponry right as the worm crashes into it. The super-advanced weaponry is able to take out the worm but the crash itself takes out the dragonzord and Tripticon, while damaging the Technodrome. Washington rolls from the wreckage, the only survivor from atop the worm; but he is not done yet; and he knows as well as anybody that either side can still win this fight. Tim, Paul, Steve, and The Bry rush The Technodrome, and for the four of them: The Middle-aged-Canadian-Hockey-Players it just seems right: Stevie Y leads, and The Bry does machines (that’s a fact jack), Paul is cool but rude (gimme a break) and Timmy is a party dude!! They storm The Technodrome and use their weapons and skills to destroy what is left of it; while its drivers Laya and Piplup pop out to meet them. Piplup water attacks Tim through his Tron suit to kill him; but The Bry takes out the Penguin “I feel like I’m in Pittsburgh” The Bry says as he kills the Pokemon. Laya’s ring unfortunately for her charges up Steve’s ring, making him an impossible target for her; but she does manage to take out The Bry and avenge her sidekick Piplup before Pauly Coff-AY gets her with his lightsaber/hockey stick.
The twisted burning wreckage of Play-off City is smoldering as only Scar, Black Lantern Yoda, Anakin, and Tommy Oliver remain for The Horsemen and only Washington, Coffey, Yzerman, Black Lantern Han, and Skaar for The Slaves. What is left of the two teams waste no time clashing for the chance to end this battle once and for all. Paul uses his stick saber against Tommy after the Green Ranger used Plo Koon’s old lightsaber to quickly end Paul’s green lantern buddy Stevie Y (Why, cuz he’s The Captain). Paul, in a last ditch effort is able to use his offensive defense skills to parry Tommy’s attack; but in the end he just simply couldn’t defeat the martial arts and weapon skills of Tommy, who blocks the saberstick with his own lightsaber and then uses his green dagger to end Paul’s FFL Career. Skaar jumps in and crushes the helmet and skull of Anakin in a final rage push; and then jumps in the way of Black Lantern Yoda, keeping him busy so Black Lantern Han can take out the Jedi Master with a couple of blaster pot shots. Skaar is then finally ended by the much smaller Scar as she uses her nails and bare hands to rip through the tough skin and neck of the son of The Incredible Hulk.
…2 on 2…
General Washington is exhausted from what he has accomplished today, but he has a little more left in him. He stands tall and looks to his teammate Han and gives his last order of the match: “SOLO, YOU TAKE THE MIDGET, I’LL HANDLE THE GREEN COAT”!! Washington rushes in like a man possessed with his cutlass drawn. He knows a neck shot is the only way to get through the green ranger’s armor so he goes in close to get it… Too close… Washington delivers the blow to the neck but looks down to see the green dagger in his chest and to find out that he will be joining the Green Ranger in death. Han uses his black energy blaster once more but Scar is in mid-flight and evades it. The small former guardian rushes in with vengeance in her eyes and murder in her mind. She dodges one more attack from Solo and and then viciously bites through Han’s ring finger and the ring itself, spitting out the busted ring and then doing the same to the neck of Solo just for good measure.

Kittes vs. Dope Fiends

Season 6: Consolation Round 2

The Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make A New Family are: Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, Scooby-Dumb, Baby Bucky, Aunt May, and Carrie Bradshaw.

Griffin's Dope Fiends and Destroyers are: Daniel Bryan, Tigger, Snoopy, Woodstock, Baxter the Dog.

The Mystery Machine broke down in front of your local Pep Boys, and The Kitties are at checkout with the parts they need. I am in line behind them because I need new windshield wiper blades, and this seemed like as good a time as any to get some. Behind me are the Dope Fiends. They are also buying parts in hopes of fixing Snoopy's doghouse. I look outside and see it in the parking lot, and it seems to be smoking. I suppose Snoopy was playing "Red Baron" with his teammates and something went wrong. Who knows. Who cares. The point is that both teams are here, for whatever reason. "Maybe it's fate that we broke down here. I heard that this Pep Boys is the home of The Goat-Faced monster!" says Velma loudly. WWE's Daniel Bryan's anger takes over instantly. "NO!" he yells. Nobody else here knows the routine, so I shout back "YES!" Daniel Bryan gets in your faithful Watcher's face. "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" I am put in a NoLock and tap out instantly, but Byran ignores it. Good thing I'm used to passing oooouuuuttttt....ZZZZZZZ

I awaken to see total destruction. The Mystery Machine has crashed through the front window of the store. It is riddled with bullets, and Snoopy's doghouse lies in shambles feet from the van. It looks like both teams got the parts that they needed and got down to business without me. I know that this is a consolation match, but that's still pretty rude. With burning bodies strewn about, only two combatants remain: Aunt May and Daniel Bryan. The two appear to be hugging?!? "There, there Daniel..." says Aunt May consoling the wrestler. "I'm sorry May... It's just that I get angry over the stupidest thing, then I become monosyllabic and I black out. I don't mean to be a bad guy." admits Bryan. "It's okay dear. Everyone has a little Cain in them from time to time." continues Aunt May. Bryan tenses up again. "KANE? KANE?!? NO! I AM THE TAG TEAM CHAMPS!!!" screams Daniel Bryan. He delivers a belly to belly suplex that damn near turns the old bird to dust. Bryan hooks the leg of the 136 year old corpse and attempts a pin. "COUNT IT!!!"" he screams. "Dude, she's already dead. You won. "NO!" "YES!" "NO! "YES! "NO!"

Traveling Sisterhood Vs. The Empire

Season 6: Consolation Round 2

The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets are: Billy Mays, Gwildor w/Cosmic Key, Peppermint Patty, Ewok Child #1A-#2A.

The Empire is: Walking Dead's Carl, Doozer #5, and Teddy Tear.

June 27, 2009

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The picture becomes black and white, and the camera cuts to Gwildor and Peppermint Patty struggling to load a tree branch into a wood chipper as if it were the hardest thing in the world. They both fumble for a second before giving up, and both strike a classic "I Don't Know" pose. Ewok Child #1A-2A attempt an assist by jumping on the log jam, only to have it unjam instantly and kill them both.

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"Yes friends, this is your opportunity to upgrade your quality of life! The ease and convenience of the FFL Wood Chipper will save you time, money, and will leave you wondering how you ever lived without it! To purchase this fantastic product, simply dial the number below, and be sure to have your credit card number ready! I'm Billy Mays, and I'll see you all next time!"

1-555-GET-CHPD

"Aaaaand cut!" shouts the Director. Billy Mays, Gwildor, Peppermint Patty, and Ewok Child #1A-2A gather around The Producer. (Wait, you thought that Ewok Child #1A-2A were actually killed?!? Hollywood magic! Don't believe everything that you see on T.V. kids!) They are each handed a check for their efforts. The set of the local Autozone clears out, until only Billy Mays and The Producer are left. "Well done Billy, that's why you're the best in the business!" compliments The Producer. "Yeah...Yeah... Thanks. But, um... You got the stuff, right?" asks Billy, nervously scratching his arm. "You know I always deliver Billy." says The Producer as he pats a briefcase. Billy Mays tries to grab the briefcase, but The Producer holds it out of reach. "Not so fast Billy. You still have to complete your end of the bargain." says The Producer. He points toward the FFL Wood Chipper, where members of The Empire now stand. Carl, Doozer #5, and Teddy Tear await their fate due to the fact that a roster was never turned in by their owner. They are chained together by their necks. "I don't understand why I have to be the one to do this." asks Billy Mays. "I'm sorry Billy, but at this point I'm technically interfering. If I'm going to be run out of this league on a rail, it's going to be for something a lot cooler than this!" says The Producer cryptically. "But this is murder! I'll get in big trouble for this!" yells Billy. "Don't worry Billy, people die everyday in The FFL. Besides Billy, No witnesses." says The Producer as he again strokes the briefcase seductively. "Ok, ok... Can I at least get a little taste first? Y'know, just to calm my nerves..." asks Billy. "Of course Mr. Mays... by all means..." says The Producer as he opens the briefcase that is full of cocaine. Billy Mays is furiously cutting out lines faster than a Watcher up against a tight deadline. I haven't seen rails put down this quick since they built the Trans-Continental Railroad. "KA-KA-KA-YYYEEEAAAAYOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!" sceams Billy Mays while he rapidly pushes the start button on the FFL Wood Chipper. The Empire's players are fed into the machine one by one, and are processed efficiently with no remorse. "WEEEEELLL AAAALLLLLRIIIIGHT!!!!! TA-TA-TA-TAMPA HERE I COME!!!!!!! BYYYAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!' screams Billy Mays as he smashes through the Autozone's concrete wall with briefcase in hand. "Safe travels Mr. Mays. Don't forget. No witnesses..." laughs The Producer to himself.

S6 Consolation Round 2 - Nutbusters vs. Murderflies

Griswold's NutBusters are : Dexter Morgan, Doozer #5, and Little Goomba #20

The Murderflies are: ???

Ok so Me, Dexter, Doozer #5 (aka. Cinco), and Little Goomba #20 (Lil GoomGoom) are playing euchre on a shitty card table inside a Canadian Tire in Windsor waiting for The Murderflies team to arrive so we can start.

Dexter: They had to have remembered, right? I mean, it's only a 15 point team.

Fizzatu: Who knows, after an 0-9 season, would you give a shit anymore?

Dexter: I guess not...

Dexter looks at Cinco and orders up the Ace of hearts to his partner. Me and Lil GoomGoom look at each other and begin our top secret table talk.

Fizzatu: Hey GoomGoom, who do you use for car insurance?

Lil GoomGoom: Gotcha... Hey Fizz, I was gonna propose to my girl, you know, put a DIAMOND on her LEFT hand...

Fizzatu: Dude, I get it. Just say proposal. That's all I need...

Dexter: Hey! What's with all this table talk shit? Is that how you guys are up 8-0? You fuckers table talking?

Fizzatu: I don't know what you are talking about dude.

Dexter: The fucking “car insurance”, “proposal”, “let's go visit a farm”. That all means shit, doesn't it?

Fizzatu: Dude settle down. We are winning because the cards are taller than your partner.

Dexter has become irate and pulls his knife out on me and I begin to wonder if I am safe here after breaking the fourth wall yet again this season. Maybe next year I just stay out of the matches.

Just then an old school bus painted green screeches to a halt on the opposite side of the street in front of the store. We all rise and look out the windows as we see Ewoks #25-32 get out of the bus and charge toward the store.

Unfortunately, their hoods blocked their peripheral view of traffic and all 8 ewoks were struck repeatedly by vehicles as they ran across the street without checking for cars. Several vehicles were damaged beyond repair and the road quickly became littered with their furry corpses.

We all walked out to survey the damage and ensure that each member of The Murderflies was indeed deceased. Ewok #25 was still twitching on the ground and coughing up blood. He reached out his hand to me which had a small piece of paper clutched in it. Here is what it said:

Fizzatu: Guess that settles that.

Dexter: Can the little guy finish him off? I don't think he has a FFL kill yet.

Fizzatu: Yeah, go for it. No saving him at this point.

Cinco then climbed out of Dexter's pocket and scaled down his pant leg to the ground. Ewok #25 was resting his head on the pavement. Cinco then took his hardhat off and quietly said a few words to himself that no one could hear. He then proceeded to pound his hardhat into the skull of Ewok #25. We all waited patiently for the death blow, but after a few hours, we began to feel sorry for the little ewok. It was clear that the tiny doozer was not actually doing any damage and all we were waiting on was for the ewok's organs to fail and for him to succumb to his earlier injuries.

Dexter picked up the ewok's spear and sunk it into the base of his skull. Cinco looked up at Dexter with disgust.

Dexter: Sorry dude... I got shit to do.