Prologue 4: A New Hope: Rabblerousers Vs. The Empire

Season 5: Postseason
King of the Consolation Match: Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad

Real Man and I enter the Home Depot. "REAL MAN IS HUNGRY!!!" he shouts, pointing at the hot dog stand. "Then get something, Eric. I suppose we still have a few minutes to kill." I suggest. Real Man stands there like a lost dog. "Um, Eric? Is everything okay?" I ask. "REAL MOM CUT OFF REAL MAN'S ALLOWANCE!!! REAL MOM IS A REAL BITCH!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!" "Really Eric? Not only am I trying to help you, but I've got to foot the bill too?!? Ugh... Fine..." I say, handing Real Man a couple bucks. He returns with a plain hot dog. Not even a bun. He holds it out, seemingly offering it to me. "What the Hell Eric? You just said you were hungry!" "REAL MAN ONLY EATS PRE-SLICED HOT DOGS!!!" "Then cut it up, Eric." "REAL MAN HAS BEEN RESTRICTED FROM USING SHARP OBJECTS FOR HIS OWN GOOD!!! SO SAYS REAL MOM!!!" he yells. "Fine Eric..." I oblige knowing that if he's eating, then he's not bitching about something. "Ok, Eric, as I was about to say..." "REAL MAN IS THIRSTY!!!" "Why didn't you get something when you got the dog?" I ask. "REAL MAN WAS HUNGRY THEN, NOT THIRSTY!!! NOW REAL MAN IS THIRSTY!!!" I dig back into my pocket and hand him a few more dollars. "Just get a Coke, and let's get moving." I advise. "SPRITE!!! REAL BITCH WON'T LET REAL MAN HAVE CAFFEINE!!!" "Whatever Eric, just get something. We're going to miss it." Real Man takes one drink and drops the bottle on the ground, spilling the contents everywhere. "C'mon man! That pop was too overpriced to take just one sip!!!" I say. "SODA BUBBLES BURN REAL MAN'S TONGUE!! SPRITE IS BULLSHIT!!!" "Ok, whatever, we gotta go." I say. "REAL MAN MUST GO TO THE POTTY!!!" "Really?!? OK, but hurry, we're really pushing it now!" I explain, looking at my watch. Again, Real Man stands there lost. "Dude. Go already." "STRANGER DANGER!!!" exclaims Real Man. "Then you'll have to hold it, I am NOT taking you to the bathroom. Anyways... Where was I? Oh yeah... So NFG Mike decided to do good for the FFL, instead of just just helping himself and the X.A.S. This lead to the Finals of the Consolation Round. Would NFG Mike get the nod, or was he destined to be a FFL bottom feeder forever more?

"Look dude, no hard feelings" says the newest FFL owner as he sits down by the agonizing Doozer. He pulls out a baggie and continues "How's about we smoke 'em peace pipe before I finish you off, just so you know there's nothing personal." He holds out the baggie to the Doozer who now begins convulsing and screaming as if he's been lit on fire.

"GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!! IT BURNS!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!" he screams.

"Dude, It's only weed. It's perfectly natural and can't kill you" the puzzled NFG says

"YOU IDIOT!!! MARIJUANA IS KRYPTONITE TO A DOOZER!!!! SOMETHING THAT RELAXES YOU AND MAKES YOU NOT REALLY CARE ABOUT WORKING???!!!! GET IT AWAY!!!!"

"Really? Huh. I'll be damned." says Mike. "Well dude, I hate to see you like this, and like the saying goes No friend of weed? No friend indeed." He pulls out his lightsaber and puts Doozer #7 out of his misery.

"AND NFG IS CROWNED KING OF THE LOSERS 2012!!! REAL MAN REMEMBERS THIS!!!" "Eric, this wasn't really about being the king of anything. This was a new beginning. It was the FFL's way of telling NFG that his past sins were forgiven. It was an opportunity to be better than before. To signify that NFG was done with his old ways, he rechristened his team "The Royal Highness. Partly because of the crown, partly because of his vices, but mostly because Krisatu came up with a better name than NFG could think of..." "STILL POINTLESS!!! REAL MAN IS PISSED!!!' I see that this is true both figuratively AND literally, as Real Man has a weaker bladder than I thought. "Eric, open your eyes! NFG did this with the X.A.S., which was actually a pretty good team. You inheirited The Transfoamers, probably the worst of the worst. EVER. It's not going to be easy for you." "SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR REAL MAN!!! A REAL MANJOB!!!" It takes everything I have to not die laughing on the spot. "Maybe.. HA... Maybe... you need to experience The Transfoamers legacy first hand... May the deity of your choice help us all..." I say grimly as we teleport away.

Prologe3: Rabblerousers vs. The Empire

Season 5: Week 6- The X.A.S Infirmary
Real Man and I appear in the hospital section of the X.A.S compound. NFG Mike is still in a coma, eventhough he is on a new life. Authority members The Doctor, The Engineer, and The Midnighter, along with Professor X, are attempting to diagnose the problem. "I thought the negative effects left when the character died. What is wrong with this guy?" asks The Doctor. "My scans say that nothing is wrong. I don't understand." adds The Engineer. "Enough of this clown. He's going to be the death of us all. I can arrange an "accident". Maybe we'd be better off with a new owner..." offers The Midnighter. Professor Xavier probes NFG's mind. "You may be right Lucas. His mind is an ugly place. Unless... yes... It is faint, but.... it's there." says Xavier cryptically. "Professor?" questions the Engineer. "There is still a chance he can change." explains the Professor. "Well, give him the old mind zap so that we can get on with our lives." suggests Midnighter. "You know I won't do that. It's all up to him." says Xavier. "Chicken." taunts the Midnighter as the 4 leave the room.

"See Real Man, NFG was still a long way from becoming a semi respectable owner in the FFL. He still had much to learn.." I say. "NFG!!! FACE THE WRATH OF REAL MAN!!!" shouts Real Man as he punches a still comatose NFG in the face. NFG suddenly wakes and rises quickly. "F*CK THE HORSEMEN! I WILL DESTROY RYAN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!! SO SWEARS NFG!!!' screams Mike. Real Man cowers and offers up his wallet as he turtles on the ground. "TAKE IT!!! TAKE EVERYTHING!!! NO MORE BEATINGS! SO PLEADS REAL MAN!!!" "Eric, get up. He can't see us. But I gotta admit, that cheap shot was pretty low, even for you. Just watch." I tell Real Man. An enraged NFG is trashing everything in sight. "So, the FFL wants to treat me like some second class owner?!? I'll show them, I'll show them all!!! They think they know what's best for the League?!?" rants the angry owner. He punches a mirror, cracking it. "I'll show those fools what's best for... the... league..." Mike trails off as he glimpses himself in the splintered mirror. He is ashamed of his actions of late. "I'm... I'm not like this... What the hell is wrong with me? Why have I been acting like such an ass lately? Maybe... maybe it's not too late..." says an enlightened NFG as he leaves for his personal quarters.

"I DIDN'T THINK THIS COULD GET ANY BETTER!!! FIRST YOU ARE COMPLETELY ÈMBARRASSED,,, THEN WE WITNESS THE DAY THAT NFG TURNED INTO A COMPLETE PUSSY!!! REAL MAN IS PLEASED!!!!!!" laughs Real Man. "Wow Eric, you're pretty oblivious sometimes. This was a turning point for the X.A.S. This is the day that NFG Mike stopped being a self serving owner, and started giving something back to the FFL." I explain. "IF EVERYTHING WORKED OUT SO GREAT, HOW COME THE X.A.S. IS DEFUNCT??? THIS IS POINTLESS!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!" "I'm beginning to think that you might be right Eric, but Ziggy says that I have one more thing to show you before we leap home..." "ZIGGY?!?" asks Real Man as we teleport further still...

Prologue2: Rabblerousers Vs. The Empire

Season 5: Week 5: Horsemen of Apokolips vs. X.A.S
"...HIT!!! WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?!? REAL MAN DEMANDS ANSWERS!!!" "Chill out Eric. Do you always have to yell?" I ask. We're here because I'm trying to help you. Once upon a time, NFG Mike thought that it might be a good idea to talk a little trash. Little did he know that he was about to learn the rules the hard way against one of the most feared teams in the FFL. Shut up for once, Real Man, you'll probably enjoy this...

NFG Mike stands before the combined might of the Horsemen.

Hope looks upon him with pity and begins to send him to a happy alternate reality where not only his teammates are still alive, but he is still unharmed...

"Screw that! No, you treat me like a man and kill me!" the New Guy shouts at Hope Summers.

"No... that won't do at all... Manners my friend... manners." chimes in Sanjar as he strolls toward the last remaining enemy.

Sanjar then used his abilities to infect NFG Mike wwith every STD known to man. "There... He'll die... eventually... Oh, by the way, enjoy the yeast infection. I know it's not technically not fatal, but I couldn't resist."

"REAL MAN IS VICTORIOUS AS NFG IS EMBARASSED!!! Thanks for showing me your greatest failure!!! The rest is just icing on the cake!!!" proclaims Real Man. "Eric, you still haven't learned... Maybe this will help...

Prologue: Real Man's Rabblerouser Vs. The Empire

"Hey Eric, wake up. C'mon man, let's get this thing rolling." I say. "Besides, it kind of smells in here..." We are in the basement of Real Man's Mom's house, where Eric has taken a mid afternoon nap. This is a staple in his life, as he tends to get a little cranky at 2:30 daily. A drooling Real Man slowly wakes. He notices my presence, and pretends to remain asleep. "Dude, I know you're up. Quit faking." I say. Knowing that the jig is up, Real Man goes for the nuclear option. "Moooom!!! NFG Mike's here!!! The beating I took in week 5 only strengthened his bloodlust!!!" yells Real Man. "That's good Eric. Play nice with your new friend." replies Real Man's Mom. I am confused, and look around for NFG Mike. Suddenly, it hits me. "Eric, I'm not NFG, I'm NuFaGtu. But if you see NFG, tell him that I haven't forgotten about the money he owes me." I see the gears turning slowly in Real Man's head. "I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT WATCHER BULLSHIT!!! YOU'RE GOING TO SCREW ME OVER! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!" "Sigh, Eric, you've got me all wrong. Everybody gets a fair shake in my book. Let the rosters speak for themselves. But I gotta tell you, you might end up screwing yourself if you don't straighten up. I thought that I would do the diplomatic thing and give you a proper FFL welcome! No tricks. Watcher's honor." I explain. Real Man isn't buying it. "I'm not even a character in your match! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!"" whines Real Man. NuFaGtu grins. "That's true, you're not the "Real Man" character, but you are the Rabblerousers' owner. That means I can do what I want, short of killing/dismembering you. Enough stalling, I've already cleared it with your mom. Let's go!" I say. Real Man yells up the stairs. "MOOOOM! I'M NOT GOING!!! NFG'S AN ASSHOLE!!!" "ERIC, GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY WITH YOUR FRIEND!!! BE BACK BY BEDTIME, 8 O'CLOCK SHARP! SO SAYS REAL MOM!!!" "You heard the lady, Eric. Let's roll." I say. "THIS IS BULLS..." Real man is thankfully cut off as we teleport to the match.

Season Six Week Six Standings

S6W6 - Horsemen vs Kennelz

The Horsemen of Apokolips is: Superman,Battle Pope w/M134 Minigun, Eternity, The One Above All, Exitar the Exterminator (9 Deaths), Oneg the Prober, The Destroyer, Snowflame, Hope Summers, Jason Voorhees w/Red Lightsaber, Stitch, Kit Fisto w/Blue Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Yoda, Black Lantern Chris Artrip, Black Lantern Julie Artrip, The Predator (Violet Entity) merged with Ella Artrip (w/Blue Lightsaber, Josh's Wakashi, Supergirl's Cape), The Demon: Gene Simmons w/Red Lightsaber, The Starchild: Paul Stanley w/Heat Axe, The Catman: Peter Criss w/Halberd, The Celestial: Ace Frehley w/Atlas Axe, Fry Guy #1, Fry Guy #2, Friend Bear, Bedtime Bear, Wish Bear.

The Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are:  Phoenix Force Cyclops, Phoenix Force Collossus, Phoenix Force Emma Frost (w/ Pink Kryptonite), Phoenix Force Magik, Phoenix Force Namor, Anti Monitor, Black Lantern Galactus (9 Deaths) , (Black Lantern) Silver Surfer, Super-girl (Ariella Kent), Shazam (Freddie Freeman), Black Lantern Bizarro Superman, Bizarro Supergirl, ,Steel Superman, Inhumans: Black Bolt (w/ Mace Windu's Purple Lightsaber and Green Lantern Ring)(9 Deaths), Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki, Mandalorian Justin Oblak (w/ GoW Lancer), Matt Oblak (Mandalorian Armor, Green & Blue Lightsabers), Dr. Teresa Oblak (In  A Tie Interceptor w/ Tron suit & Light disc, Blue & Green Lightsabers), Pete Sosa Dark Jedi, Tinkerbell (W/Blue lightsaber & Blue Lantern Ring), Young Anakin Skywalker (In a Tie Interceptor (W/Blue lightsaber & Blue Lantern Ring)(9 Deaths))

“I Fucked up… I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have euthanized you.  That was stupid.” Says an inebriated Black Lantern Chris Artrip.  He is seated at a table inside the Transformers Ark which is taking the HoA into battle.
“Unfortunate, it was.  Failure… It was not.” Replies Black Lantern Yoda.
“No it was.  You could have killed KFC  Superman just fine with one arm.  I should have saved your extra death for the playoffs.  Perhaps I would have gotten further.”
“Hmm hmm. “ BL Yoda chuckles.  “Defeat the Commandos twice, we could not.  Nick’s destiny, it was.”
“Maybe.  But now look.” He says pointing around the common area of the Ark.  “Now you’re a Horseman.”
“And what are you?  Hmm?”  asks BL Yoda.
“I’M HIGH AS A MUTHAFUKKA!!” screams Snowflame, interrupting this heartfelt moment and sits down opposite the two old friends.
“You’re a mess.  And you got a little something on your nose.” Artrip says.
“You think I’m a mess?  You should see Hope’s crotch.  BOOOYAHHH!”

The ship jolts out of hyperspace and immediately the team is flying into action.  The Horsemen’s Celestials are the only team members that did not fly within the ark.  The Kennelz have Dr. Teresa Oblak and Young Anakin Skywalker in TIE Interceptors while the rest of the team is using a complementary T-Rons-Porter 3000 as a base ship, courtesy of the all-powerful, and handsome, Fizzatu.  The Kennelz take the immediate offensive and head toward the ark.  Most of the team heads for the ark, attempting to breach its hull or force its way through the hatch.  Steel Superman lands on the ship and begins to smash his hammer into the side. Skywalker and Dr. Oblak fire at the ship while Mandalorian Justin Oblak tries to cut through it with his lancer.  Their efforts are futile.  Tinkerbell flies in through a vent shaft and using her Blue Lantern ring, opens the hatch effortlessly from the inside.  The crew of the Horsemen already knows of the breach and is barreling down the hallway.  The Kennels are following suit in a game of chicken.  Lightsabers and guns are drawn, The first bloodbath is upon us.

These close quarters favor the nimble.  Steel Superman has raised his hammer again but Jason Voorhees is able to jump on his chest and after a few seconds, his red lightsaber is able to melt through his metal armor and end his life.  This delay proves costly as Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki is able to relieve Jason of his head before heading toward Kit Fisto.  They begin this sweet lightsaber fight until BL Julie Artrip comes up next to Kit and exposes her breasts to Ryan.  Everyone knows that the naked female form is Ryan’s kryptonite and as he drools, Kit shoves his lightsaber down Ryan’s throat.  

“Uncle Pete!”  A tiny voice calls out.  

Pete Sosa looks down to see Ella Artrip running toward him, arms extended.  Pete kneels down to give her a hug and realizes, as her lightsaber goes through his chest, that this is not the lovable toddler, but she is merged with the violet entity of the Predator.  As he dies, he is able to force push her away and send her crashing into her mother.  The two Artrip women fall on Fryguy #2 engulfing the three of them in flames.

The Mandalorian Oblak brothers have the Horsemen retreating back into the common area.  Once inside the teams have more room to fan out and fight.  The Brothers are met by Snowflame who throws a handful of the white, powdery heaven into their faces.  Instantly reminded of their trips to Vegas, the brothers begin to trip and cannot tell friend from foe.  Justin runs his Lancer into Supergirl (Ariella Kent), killing his own team mate.  Matt manages to find an enemy and dispatches Hope Summers with his dual lightsabers before an enraged Shazam ends the lives of his insane teammates.

Tinkerbell is battling Wish Bear and Friend Bear and having the cutest fight ever.  But since Tink has a lightsaber, this isn’t much of a battle.  She unstuffs Friend Bear and as she removes the limbs of Wish Bear, the care bear uses her only power to cause a bowling ball to materialize out of thin air, sending Tink back to Never Never Land.

BL Yoda, BL Chris Artrip, Kit Fisto and Bedtime Bear retreat and put on space suits to join the fight outside.  Shazam and Bizarro Supergirl still remain in the ship for the Kennelz along with Stitch, Snowflame, Fryguy #1, and Battle Pope for the Horsemen.  Battle Pope is laying down heavy fire while Shazam and Bizarro Supergirl take cover.  The members of KISS 4K feel like this is a good time for music and they begin to provide the soundtrack for the fight.  After a few moments of what sounds like a thousand cats being raped, everyone in the room, including this “legendary” band, stops and immediately choses suicide as opposed to listening to another note of this garbage.

Outside, the 4 Horsemen who retreated stand atop the Ark.  The Kennelz’s two TIE interceptors are circling around, providing cover fire as their other teammates take on the three celestials.  Young Anakin buzzes past the 4 some and Goodnight Bear is sucked up in the wake of his ship passing and he lands on the windshield of Dr. Oblak’s ship.  She swerves erratically and strikes The Destroyer who is floating in space.  They both die as they impact on the armor of The One Above All.  The Celestial does not notice.  Young Anakin moves in to avenge his teammate and flies straight toward his head.  He ejects and as the TIE slams into his face, Anakin lands on the shiny dome of the massive celestial and uses his lightsaber to try and penetrate the massive armor.  This creates a diversion long enough for PF Collossus and Cyclops to create a big enough hole for Cyclops to fire an optic blast inside the armor.  In a fit of panic, The One Above All teleports himself and his three opponents to another universe just as its sun is going supernova and they are all obliterated sending Young Skywalker to the graveyard.

The remaining 3 Phoenix Force members land on the Ark and engage the 3 Horsemen.  Yoda and Fisto are able to put up a fight together as they kill Namor.  Fisto turns around and is turned inside out by Magik.  Yoda is quick to remove her head as he sees Emma Frost making quick work of BL Artrip.  She sees Yoda charging and chooses to retreat to the rest of her team.  Yoda grabs the dying Artrip and looks into his eyes.

“Hey…  Fight like a Slave.”  Artrip says softly before dying.

Emma Frost returns to join the last of the Kennelz who are regrouping.  She is joined by BL Bizarro Superman, BL Silver Surfer, BL Galactus, Black Bolt and the Anti Monitor.  “I have one last weapon,” she says as she pulls out the Pink Kryptonite.

“Oooohhh.  It’s Gorgeous!!” says BL Bizarro Superman who is suddenly sexually confused.
“Control yourself!” says the Silver Surfer.
“Yeah, get that away from him!  Go take it to the other Superman.” Galactus instructs Emma.

Emma flies toward Superman with the Pink Kryptonite.  She is joined by Anti Monitor and BL Silver Surfer.  Superman is with Oneg the Prober and Eternity (this is gonna get dirrrrrty and Eternity likes to watch…).  As Superman approaches he suddenly notices how shiny the Silver Surfer is… Like… REALLY shiny.  And man, what a form fitting outfit!  The teams are now within talking distance to each other.

“Hi, Silvey.  The world of Fantasy Fantasy can get pretty lonely.  Want a manjob?” Superman says while winking at the Surfer.
“Oh God…” Emma Frost says.
“I’m scared. What’s a manjob?”  He asks Emma.
“Something you don’t want.” She replies.

Superman then turns around and Silver Surfer wastes little time flying his surfboard right in Superman’s anal G-spot sending him to heaven (literally and orgasmically).  Oneg the Prober grabs Emma and she drops the Kryptonte.  Well, I guess it kinda floats there because we are in space but whatever.  He telepathically informs her that the next few seconds may be a little… uncomfortable.  She suffers internal damages from a very invasive procedure that only a sorority chick could handle.  She unfortunately was not and dies quickly.  

The Anti Monitor tries to absorb the energy of the Eternity as the Eternity tries to control the Mind of the Anti Monitor.  This locks the two of them in a mental battle that will rage for a million billion years.  The only result is an eternal stalemate until Exitar obliterates the Anti Monitor.  The Eternity will not awaken clearly brain damaged from the attack.

BL Galactus joins his old buddy BL Silver Surfer to take on Oneg.  Silver Surfer runs circles around his head until Oneg smashes him like a fly.   Galactus inhales deeply, consuming the celestial with little effort.

5 fighters remain.  BL Bizarro Superman, Black Bolt and BL Galactus are together looking at the last two Horsemen.  The size difference between the two is comical.  BL Yoda charges at BL Bizarro Superman while Black Bolt and Galactus head toward the massive Exitar the Exterminator.  BL Yoda tries valiantly to avenge his former owner, but his black lantern power is met with equal opposition in the man of steel and Superman’s combination of heat vision and speed best the tiny Jedi.

BL Bizarro Superman joins the fight that is raging between the 3 remaining nine death characters, none of which want to go to the graveyard.  “I have a plan!” He screams and then explains the plan to his teammates.

“This better work.” BL Galactus says.  I don’t want to die for nothing.
“If it doesn’t, then I will see you soon in the Graveyard old friend.” Replies Black Bolt as he hands Mace Windu’s Purple Lightsaber to BLB Superman and his Green Lantern ring to BL Galactus.

BL Galactus and BLB Superman fly as fast as they can toward Exitar who is raising his arms to strike.  BLB Superman ignites the lightsaber and Galactus creates a spear out of green energy.  Black Bolt flies directly behind the two of them and when he feels that they are as close as they can get before Exitar can attack, Black Bolt screams using his hypersonic voice to propel his two teammates through the impenetrable armor of the massive celestial, killing the trio instantly.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Shemalabama's Shit-Kickers

Shemalabama's Shit-Kickers are Nightwing and Flamebird, Red Lantern Hal Jordan, Aya, Vampire Kilowog, Razor, Oblivion, Zombie Galactus, Firestorm, Blackfire, Quasar, Black Lantern Circuit Breaker, Black Lantern Ben Kenobi, The Predi-Alien (w/ red lantern ring), Morpheus (w/ green lantern ring), Shag Tsung (w/ yellow lantern ring), Black Lantern Predator #1, Predator #13 (w/ yellow lantern ring), Dr. Evil (w/ Indigo Lantern ring), and Red Lantern #1.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are Lobo the Duck (w/ green lantern ring), Ernie Harwell (w/ blue lantern ring), Teddy Roosevelt (w/ green lantern ring), Batgirl (w/ green lantern ring), Bob: Agent of Hydra in a B-Wing, and The Wonder Twins: Zan in a Z-95 Headhunter


“Hang on a second... I know that we watchers are not supposed to interfere, and math isn't exactly my strongest subject; but you guys could not have possibly brought 700 points worth of characters with you”. The Mighty Joshatu says to one his favorite presidents Teddy Roosevelt. “BULLY!! I said who needs all those extra characters, when I got a space squad like this to bring with me!! Plus, our owner was late with the team and busy and stuff, so he just threw a squad together”. “Yeah, that's great; but rules are rules; so I'll send a ship back to your base and get some more dudes. It's cool, I'll wait”.

Joshatu then instructs The Shit-Kickers to wait while the rest of The Murderflies show up.

It will be better for you readers back home if you hum the Jeopardy song in your head right now... But you don't have too.....

The Ship shows up a bit later with Clone Trooper #26-52, Mars Attack Martian #1-10, Al Qaeda Terrorist #1-20, Jawa #1-6, Navy SEAL Chief #10, 28-32, Squirrel #3-15, Ewok #35-40, Molly Pitcher, Saccajewea, and Ematejoca all on board. The three women talk about the joys of liberalism, while the soldiers play cards and drink mouth wash, because they didn't bring any booze with them. The battle is about to start properly when Zombie Galactus eats the whole ship... NO JOKE... The whole damn thing... Joshatu the Great is pissed and is all like: “Come on jerks... how can I be a proper tyrant with a “Real” Gerbil stuck up my a** when nobody listens to me”. This prompts Quasar to remind me/him (whatever) the all-powerful Joshatu that Galactus never listened to anybody before he was a zombie... And how the hell are they supposed to control him now?? “Good call... Now let's get back to this piece of crap match...” says Joshatu the Awesome.

The Wonder Twins are flying around aimlessly, due to the fact that they have no astro-droid on board their ships to aid them. They attempt to activate their Wonder Twins powers from within their ships; but in the process they crash into each other, at least The Predi-Alien and Red Lantern #1 were inbetween them, so they were able to take them out in the process. Bob: Agent of Hydra sees how well this worked out. He then realizes that this is his last chance to fulfill his life long dream of taking out a Kryptonian. He fires everything he has on board his B-Wing and crashes into Nightwing, while initiating a self-destruct and lighting every bit of explosive that he “borrowed” from Deadpool. Batgirl brings Ernie Harwell with her so her green lantern ring gets the double powered boost and so the two of them can combine the rings to take out both Black Lantern Predator #1 and Black Lantern Circuit Breaker. But just because they have the power to kill Black lanterns, doesn't mean that they are strong enough to take out Black Lantern Kenobi, who gets a little help from Blackfire, Quasar, and Firestorm to ensure that Batgirl and Ernie are “LONG GONE”. Teddy and Lobo the Duck are pretty good with their lantern rings, and are able to take out Predator #13; but they don't handle them nearly as well as Hal Jordan and his crew. Hal, along with Aya, Razor, and Vampire Kilowog make short work of the president and his duck-billed friend.

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse is Mogo, Ranx: The Sentient City, Princess Leia Organa in a Stealth X-Wing, Ruskal Kin in a Stealth X-Wing, Han Solo: Rogue Jedi and Manhunter #3 (Centra) in an A-Wing, Cosmic Spider-Man, Yellow and Orange Ringed Hal Jordan, Red and Star Sapphired Guy Gardner, Indigo ringed John Stewart, Blue Ringed Kyle Rayner (w/ Ion's green lantern ring), White Lantern Abin Sur, Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Zombie General Zod, Mickey Mouse (w/ Legion Flight Ring), Donald Duck (w/ red lantern ring), Super Dinosaur, Widget the World Watcher, and Red Lantern #3.

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are The Guardians of The Galaxy: Major Vance Astro, Charlie 27, Martinex, Yondo, Starhawk, Nikki, Aleta, Star Lord, Groot, Drax the Destroyer, Gamora, and Rocket Racoon in Ship, Deathstorm, Amon Sur, Black Alice, Vampire Sinestro, Dr. Light, The Stranger, Proteus, Caira the Oldstrong, Magik, Vampire Yoda and Yaddle in a Tie Bomber, Gwar: Techno Destructo (w/ a red lightsaber), Bozzo Destructo, Bonesnapper, Cardinal Sin, Jewcifer, Zog, Gor Gor, and Johnny Rotten w/ King Godirah in a Cybertronian Spaceship, Fantastic Max in a Tie Interceptor, and FX in a Tie Interceptor.


Is Robimus gone?? Oh he is?? Are you sure?? Well, no I don't actually read the matches from week to week, I mean there are a lot of them, and some of them are really long but if you say Robimus is dead, than I guess I believe you. Yeah, I'll watch the match. I'll start right now, who put a gerbil up your a** anyway?? …


Haaaaaaaaiiiiaaaaayy it's the Neon Master Pogo here to rock y'all with another match. This week, we are in space and it looks like we have the battle of the really big ships vs. the really big dudes. I mean what are those guys planets?? Oh.... Oh, they are planets. Neato gang... Neato. Well, anyway let's get down to it. It appears that Han Solo has cut off the head of his own teammate Manhunter #3 and stuck it in the back of his A-Wing, since he was not provided with an astro-droid to assist him in operating it (seems harsh, but I guess you gotta work with what ya got). Major Vance Astro, has taken it upon himself to lead The Guardians of The Galaxy against the likes of Mogo, feeling that this monster threat must be eliminated quick in order to secure a victory against this stacked Grindhouse squad. The Gwar B-Team has decided to follow suit and take their huge ship in against Ranx. The three small ships from each team are locked in a dog fight out in open space, while Caira the Oldstrong waits patiently on a small asteroid for a Grindhouse head to pound in. Caira attempts to grab a hold of Cosmic Spider-Man as he flies by, but this version of the webslinger is not only faster; but actually stronger than Hulk's Ol' Lady. He pushes her back with a blast of web-lined cosmic energy and then precedes to bash in her skull. Kyle's blue ring charges up his own green ring, but surprisingly his former ring of Ion is the only green ring in this battle to charge (weird, right?? I thought everybody had a green lantern ring these days). I transport Super Dinosaur, Widget the World Watcher, and Red Lantern #3 onto Gwar's Cybertronian spaceship, because I'm the Neon Master Pogo; and sometimes I feel like doing stuff like that. We shall return to that battle shortly. Magik is teleporting in and out of Limbo to avoid her attack; and doing quite a good job of it; but Zombie General Zod doesn't even realize how evasive she is. To him her brains taste the same as every other bit of brain he has ever eaten... AWESOME. He makes a similar meal out Dr. Light whose power set is not all that conducive to a space setting and have very little affect on a zombified Kryptonian anyway. Unfortunately for Black Alice, none of the lanterns on The Grindhouse have “magical” powers so she is unable to do much damage with no powers to steal (where's Alan Scott when ya need him). Yellow lantern Becks says some inane stuff to the Gotham City native in a vain attempt to spit gain. He lets her know that “her magic is working on him after all” and that she has been “flying through his mind all day” (pick-up altered for use in space). Becks, not so shockingly fails in his attempt to hook up with the young magic user; but succeeds in blasting a hole through her face with some yellow energy. Indigo John and Blue/Green Kyle surround Vampire Sinestro for the double-team because they realize that he is a much cooler lantern character than either of them will ever be (sorry Seney and Goof, The Pogster is still an old school Rayner-hater too). Yellow/Orange Hal is not far away battling Amon Sur, and Red/Pink Guy is side by side with Jordan locked in a vicious battle with Deathstorm. Proteus attempts to take over the body of Cosmic Spider-Man; but before he can White Lantern Abin Sur uses his ring to begin to bring back from the dead all of the bodies and memories that Proteus has destroyed through his years of inhabiting them. Proteus cannot withstand the overload in his power set and ceases to exist. Gardner uses a red energy ax and pink energy spear (I know it's not supposed to be called pink; but I prefer saying pink,... So there). He uses these combined lantern powers to jack up Deathstorm, with a vicious spear stab and ax-hack combo that only a red energy powered Guy could pull off. Amon Sur attempts a fear construct of a plane crashing in to Hal; but Jordan proves that he is the best lantern around regardless of what ring or rings he is wearing. He b^*(ch slaps Amon Sur with a yellow constructed hand and then finishes off Amon Sur with an orange powered punch to the face. Vampire Sinestro sinks his lantern-fueled teeth into the neck of Indigo Stewart; but while he is enjoying his meal Rayner blasts him with his double-powered Ion ring to avenge his buddy. The Stranger uses his immense cosmic abilities to make Becks, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Kyle Rayner start furiously masturbating with their left hands (that's why he's called “The Stranger”, right??). All four combatants at first have trouble finding their undersized wieners in the cold of space; but eventually they make good on the effort and continue this exercise until they die of exhaustion (now let's see if Becks still reads all the matches every week, I'm dying to hear him or Pablo's retort to this one). White Lantern Abin Sur attempts to avenge his teammates; but The Stranger kidnaps him and then molests him after he gave him some candy... Reminding him and everybody else to never talk to strangers. The candy was also special white lantern killing poison so it killed him (how's that for a super-creative way to kill a white lantern... Oh, that's dumb and not creative... Oh well, it happened anyway). Cosmic Spider-Man than gets really pro-active about the whole Stranger problem and starts a friendly neighborhood watch. He puts one of those creepy signs up on a local asteroid and plans a meeting at the school board where Abin Sur's parents show up and tell us that we shouldn't have guns and that the government needs to do something about this. Then, secretly in the middle of the night Cosmic Spider-Man and Zombie Zod go over to The Stranger's house with torches and burn it down and then while he is running away they bash his head with a pair of tire irons and bury his body in the back field (the space back field that is??). Everybody in the neighborhood knows where he is buried by they never tell the authorities... At least the kids are safe...

When it comes to flying ships, Yoda and Yaddle are awesome jedis. They may have a significantly better understanding of the force than Rogue Solo; but his faster ship and superior dog-fighting skills allow him to easily get behind The Tie Bomber and take it out. Yaddle hits the eject mechanism just in time and they land on a small panetoid safely (you know how the round part of the ship comes out, like in the toy even though hundreds of them blow up in the movies without that ever happening). Ruskal Kin is locked in a dogfight with Fantastic Max when FX flies into the middle of them to create a diversion. Kin targets FX's ship with a proton torpedo and blasts off the wing of FX's Tie Interceptor. But Kin underestimates his opponents and doesn't realize that in the split second that he was battling FX that: (come on everybody sing)...

“Along came Max and the fun time started he laughed until Ruskal Kin cried. And it all depends on that 4 ply diaper, he's our kind of guy. He's tops, I mean terrific I don't know another word that says it so specific. Now along came Max with a targeting computer and some Hella Imperial Tech and then killed Ruskal Kin blew his ship to Heck.... IT'S MAX”!!

Princess Leia tries to turn down the radio in her X-Wing; but she realizes that it is just me singing, and that her X-Wing doesn't have a radio. She then uses an advanced missile to blow up Fantastic Max's ship. FX and Max are now free-floating in space seemingly to their doom when Max grabs a hold of a small piece of shrapnel and FX yells: “Rock and Roll”. They piece of garbage become a small ship that FX and Mas are now both inside of. Leia doesn't notice that they survived this and flies off to where she is needed in the battle.

Vampire Yoda and Yaddle climb out of the Tie Bomber wreckage and begin to get their bearings on the small planetoid. For hundreds of years Yoda sat on the Jedi Council with Yaddle and had to suppress the urges to want to get busy with this fine piece of Whil A**; but now he must suppress the urge to bite her neck and suck every bit of blood out of the little green Jedi. But control is Yoda's middle name (it really is, his name is Yoda Control Johnson of the East Coast Johnsons. What?!!? It isn't any dumber than some of the Star Wars stuff Disney is making up). The two little Jedi Masters have no flight capability, so they must sit and wait patiently, for the battle to come to them. And come to them it does. Both Cosmic Spider-Man and Zombie Zod (how about Zodbie?? What you guys think?? No, too silly?? Okay, fine it's dead let's forget all about Zodbie, we'll just roll with Zombie Zod... Naysayers). The two of them fly in fast with Cosmic Spidey doing all of the talking accept for the occassional: “Braaaaaaaains” from Zodbie (see what I did there, I said I wasn't gonna go with it and then I did anyway). Cosmic Spider-Man blasts some energy at Yoda; but is shocked when the vampire jedi blocks it with his lightsaber. Yoda redirects the energy with his own added force power (this whole vampire thing seems to be making him a bit lax on the whole “don't use the force for attack thing”). Cosmic Spidey then spontaneously combusts from the power. Vampire Yoda is only drained from this for a second; but that is enough time for Zodbie to fry him with an intense blast of Zombie heat vision (also known as Zeat Vision... Okay, fine. I'll stop). This enrages Yaddle to see the vampire version of her idol destroyed and lightsaber spin-attacks Zodbie back into the graveyard. Yaddle stands on the small planetoid victorious for a moment. But Leia takes the easy way out, she simply targets the entire planetoid with concussion missiles and blows it and Yaddle to pieces.

Super Dinosaur, Widget, and the dog-faced alien known as Nelson (that's Red Lantern #3) have been wandering the Cybertronian space ship for hours. They finally stumble upon the gathering area where Gwar and King Godirah are partying. They are all smoking space crack and eating homeless and homosexual alien body parts when they see Widget walk through the door. Nobody notices that this happens until they are grown up; but the mere sight of the cute little world watcher brain washes everybody in Gwar. They start whining about what their actions are doing to the environment and then they go all activist. They start cleaning up the ship and talking about their carbon foot prints; and next thing you know they are voting straight democrat, and only killing babies when they are still in the womb (and not even eating them anymore). Bozzo Destructo is reading a copy of Communist Manifesto, which prompts him to say things like: “Ya know, it really is a great system on paper. If only we could find a way to execute it in society”. Super Dinosaur then eats Gor Gor and then King Godirah eats him; but everybody is okay with it because that is the natural order of things. It is actually just the fault of corporate America that they got eaten in the first place. Nelson the Red Lantern gets so angry at the fossil fuels that are being burnt by the ship that he blows up the thrusters and leaves it free-floating (or does he have an ulterior motive????)? Then King Godirah eats him too. While Johnny Rotten and Zog are sipping Latte's and discussing how much they love paying taxes they don't realize that now that the ship's thrusters are destroyed, there is nothing to keep them from floating in to Ranx. Ranx annihilates the entire ship and everybody in it with a huge blast of yellow energy; which of course is horrible for the environment, because it was yellow instead of green. Widget is collateral damage in this attack and worst of all dies not knowing whether the blast was the fault of George W. Bush, Mitt Romney, or The Tea Party.

As The Guardians of the Galaxy make their attack on Mogo, Ranx just thinks that he is out of trouble. Fantastic Max, in a last ditch effort has flown in to Ranx's core and has parked his garbage ship in the center. FX is a little leery of this plan but Max says: “Come on FX, it'll be fun”. FX replies, “you know we aren't going to live through this right”? “No big deal buddy, we'll be brought back next week”. Says Max. “Speak for yourself” FX says to Max and then says to himself: “I sure wish he knew how to count to ten... Well, here goes nothing”. FX then starts to repeatedly yell “Rock and Roll, Rock and Roll, Rock and Roll”. Until the spiky little garbage ship grows and grows so large that it destroys Ranx from the inside.

R.I.P. FX...

Yeah, FX and Fantastic Max just killed Ranx the Sentient City. Take a second to deal with it...

Okay, back to the match.

Major Vance Astro, Star Lord, and Rocket Raccoon develop a plan to take out Mogo; but they realize that in order to do this that nobody on their team will survive, and that they will lose the match anyway; because they are all that remain of the Dope Fiends. Star Lord begins to turn around the ship when Rocket Raccoon says: “Ya know, I think we should just do it anyway”... A series of “I'm down” and “why not” are heard throughout the ship. Charlie 27 opens a bottle of champagne and they execute the plan.

The plan is crashing Ship into Mogo... It works... Mogo dies, but...

s6w6-Nutbusters vs Midgets

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are: White Lantern Hal Jordan w/ red lantern ring, Alan Scott's green lantern ring, and Sinestro/Guy Gardner's yellow lantern ring, The Phoenix Force, Emperor Joker, Indigo Lantern #2 (w/ 9 deaths), Blue Lantern Hal Jordan w/ blue and green rings, Star Sapphire #2, Ganthet w/ green lantern ring, Bowser:  King of Koopa w/ Orange Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Omega Supreme, Bat-Mite, Beppo the Super-Monkey, Black Lantern Phoenix (Rachel Summers). Space Ghost w/ Black Lantern Blip, Glom. Space Usagi w/ Jotaro, Mouse Voltron, Skywarp, Air Zonk w/ Power Dump and Astra

, Mangy Mouse w/ indigo ring, Gas Gopher, Powerglide, Ch'p w/ Dr. Ub'x, Red Tornado and Treasure Troll #1

Griswold's Nut Busters are:  Circle of fire ( pel tavin, Ali rayner west, hunter rayner, forest rayner, g.l. 71776, Alexandra Dewitt). Dexter inside event horizon, teneb kel and maggot, exal Kresh, dark side marauder( 1-12),Weil #100, krayt dragon1 and 2, storm troopers (1-6), droid trooper #15

"You've got to be kidding me! This would almost be funny if it wasn't so sad" exclaims Emperor Joker as he watches most of the Nut Busters floating off in space.  The Storm Troopers and Droid Troopers are free floating amongst the corpses of the Krayt Dragons, Teneb Kel, Maggot, Dark Side Marauders and Weil who have suffocated due to the lack of oxygen found in space.

The various troopers struggle to fire off shots at their opponents but are being picked off left and right by the various lanterns on the Midgets. The Nut Busters have had some luck, however. G.L. 71776 has easily eradicated Mouse Voltron with a mousetrap construct. His robotic nature also gives him a hand taking out Air Zonk and his crew. Ali Rayner West is able to combine her superspeed along with her power ring to take the power rings off of Star Sapphire #2, Bowser, and Mangy Mouse dealing unto them the same fate that befell her teammates on the Nut Busters.

 The Circle of Fire function amazingly as a team and easily dispatch Red Tornado, Powerglide, Gas Gopher, Usagi and Jotaro. However, their ultimate undoing comes at the hands of Blue and Green Hal Jordan. Hal recognizes that the various Lanterns emit the energy signal of a ring construct, albeit very power constructs. Together with Ganthet, Hal uses his supercharged green ring, and the two absorb the sentient power constructs.

"Is that it? Are we done ye-" begins Joker when Storm Trooper #5 gets off a lucky shot and blasts Joker in the forehead. His eyes widen beneath his helmet as he realizes what he's done. He begins to furiously swim towards the Event Horizon and frantically pounds on the hatch screaming to be let in. Just as Joker is about to reach him, he's let inside. 

"Oh s**t. Oh f**k. I-I" stammers the common Trooper.

"You. You. You MOTHERF**KER!" screams Emperor Joker as he appears right before the man's eyes. He screams in fear and tries to raise his blaster, but Joker snaps his fingers and the weapon vanishes. "Do you KNOW who I am?" seethes Joker. "What I can DO??!!"

Just then Batmite pops in. "Joker" he begins "I don't think you should be in here" 

Joker whirls toward his teammate, but in the moment he doesn't see a fellow Midget. He sees the one thing that always mocks him. That always bests him. Joker sees Batman. This, coupled with the humiliation of a mere common hitting him with a lucky shot throws him into a rage.

"Batman. Batman. BATMAN!!! ALWAYS THE GODDAMN BATMAN!!!!!" He finishes off Trooper #5 and rushes towards Batmite.What's about to happen to Batmite doesn't register to him, as Joker kills his teammate.

"Say the magic word, Joker. Say the magic words" urges a voice. 

"WHO SAID THAT" he screams "SHOW YOURSELF!!"

There's a loud BOOM behind him, as the hatch bursts open. White Lantern Hal Jordan appears to check on what's happening, but that's not who the Joker sees. He sees White Lantern Batman

"BACK FOR MORE YOU SON OF A BITCH"  screeches the clown, who somehow has found a way to be even more out of his mind "HEAR TO GLOAT OVER KILLING ME LAST WEEK???!!"

"What are you.." begins Hal, when Joker snaps his fingers and drops a giant anvil on him, stunning Hal. Joker then summons a giant wooden mallet and shows white lantern Hal exactly what he did to Jason Tood all those years ago, all the while screaming at him and calling him Batman. Hal tries to defend himself, but the wooden weakness of Alan Scott's ring offers little to protect him against the wooden weapon of the Joker. Joker takes the rings off of the fallen lantern. "THESE ARE MINE NOW!!! I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S THE MOST POWERFUL OF THEM ALL!!!!"

"That's not the magic word, Joker. Say the magic word" says the voice again.

 "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? WHO ARE YOU???"  rages the blood spattered Joker. 

"You'll never be him. He'll always be your better." urges the voice. "They know it too. They all would rather he be on your team. Everyone would rather have a Batman over a sad, pathetic clown."

"OH YEAH??? BATMAN IS BETTER??? LET'S SEE HIM DO THIS??!!!" Joker snaps his fingers and before him is Ganthet. Joker kills him before he can figure out what's happened and steals his ring.. Blue/Green Hal Jordan is next on the hitlist.  But Joker doesn't see them as they truly are. All he sees is Batman. Mocking him. Laughing at him. Hal puts up a bit of a fight, but is now match for a ringed, cosmically powered Joker. One by one, he sees the various powered ringed Midgets but all he sees is the accursed Batman. The black lanterns are dispatched by the various rings. Ch'p and Dr Ubix appear as animal versions of Batman, and are exterminated. He pants, and looks out to see the Phoenix Force fly by and finish off the remaining common Nut Busters. Just as he's about to go after the flaming Batman, he's hit by a mighty blast and staggered. 

"Nok" says Indigo #2. Joker whirls and blasts the common, staggering her. He takes her ring, and stares at her, foaming at the mouth

"Any last words, Batman?" he seethes.

"I'm not Batman!" she screams "I'm Rekoj from the planet.."

"SHUT UP!" shreiks Joker as he blasts her "HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM BATMAN???!!! WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE IS A NAME LIKE REKOJ??"

Suddenly, Joker feels a mighty pull as his 5th dimensional powers leave him.  He falls to the floor.

"That was the magic word" purrs the voice. As Joker struggles to his feet, he feels a prick in the neck and passes out.

He awakens, and finds himself strapped down to a table unable to move. 

"Well, well. Look who's up." says Dexter Morgan "You've been a busy little bee. Killing not only my teammates, but most of yours?"

"The ship." smirks Joker "I didn't think it could drive someone like me even crazier. Gotta hand it to you, seaman. Good play"

"Yeah" says Dexter as he raises his knife "Now it's time to make my mark" Just as it's about to plunge down into the powerless Joker's chest, there's an explosion in the side of the ship and Dexter's head explodes and the stench of feces fills the ship. Beppo the Supermokey appears to the side of the ship and begins to furiously trash the Event Horzion.

"HAHAHA. Monkey poop. ALWAYS HILARIOUS" cackles Joker as he's sucked out into space. He screams in laughter as he chokes to death in the vast depths of space.

team vs foamers

Team is… Red Sun Superman, Solaris The Tyrant Sun, Thanoseid, Imperiex, Gladiator Voltron, Leader 1, Cop-Tur, Crasher, Cybertronian Guardian #1-6, Mega Man X, Proto Man, Electro Man, Flash Man, and Cock Sneak Goombas #7 & 8 •
 The transfoamers are… Ghosts 1-7, Hammer Bros. 17-22, Rebel Trooper 1, Votari 1-5, Rob Bartlett, Jedi Padawan, Metallica: James Hetfield with Darth lightsaber, Lars Ulrich with Atlas, Kirk Hammett with heat axe, Jason Newsted with halbeard, Immel #15, Pac Man, Ms. Pac Man, Baby Pac Man, Expendables: Barney Ross, Lee Xmas, Yin Yang, Gunner Johnson, Toll Road, Hale Caesar, Tool, Losers: Aisha, Clay, Jesnson, Pooch, Roque, Cougar, Art Bishop, Agent Colson and Maria Hill, Marcellus Wallace, Jules and Vincent Vega, Fremen 58-63 Decepticons 8-10, Decepticons 8-10, All cramped in an Imperial Shuttle

The two teams have agreed pre fight to engage in unarmed hand to hand combat. Red Sun Superman has dismantled the imperial shuttle and used its pieces to construct a giant floating octagon. Proto Man and Immel #15 are the first to square off. Proto Man moves around the outside in a wide southpaw stance, stepping back, out of the way of Immel’s punches. The two trade leg kicks and Immel #15 goes up high with a side kick before faking a shot. Proto Man jumps just as his opponent leans forward and cracks Immels’ jaw with a perfectly placed flying knee. Immel #15 crashes to the ground and is powerless to defend as Proto Man caves in his skull with thunderous left hands.

 Flash Man and Hetfield are next. Hetfield rushes in and Flash Man lands a solid right hand. Flash Man closes the distance and lands a left hook and right hand. Hetfield lands a knee. Hetfield delivers an outside leg kick but Flash Man counters with a left hand. Flash Man lands an overhand right. Flash Man lands a kick to the body that hurts Hetfield. Flash Man lands a knee to the body. Flash Man works the body with punches. Flash Man lands a kick to the body and Hetfield collapses to the canvas. Flash Man finishes with a soccer kick that decapitates Hetfield.

 Lars Ulrich Looks for revenge as he takes on Flash Man. Lars takes the center of the cage and decks Flash Man with a standing elbow as he steps to the outside. He backs Flash Man away with a pair of rangy punches, but Flash Man comes back to sting him with a hard left. Flash Man is aggressive now, cracking Ulrich with another left and chasing him around the outside. Lars is on the retreat, dodging punishment from Flash Man, until he slows Him with a right off the cage. A left hook stops Flash Man for a moment, but he catches a low kick from Lars and shoves him off. Flash Man closes in on his man with a left hook. Both men swing and miss, then Flash Man -- who is bleeding from the corner of his right eye -- tags Ulrich with a left. Flash Man has Ulrich in trouble on the fence with more punches, then he grabs the Thai plum and works knees up the middle. They break and meet in the middle, where Ulrich unleashes a combo which finishes with a brutal left hand to Flash Man’s liver. Flash Man crumbles. Lars jumps on top and slams Flash Man with left hands. Flash man grabs hold of the drummer’s wrists and slows the offense, then throws up his legs for a triangle. Flash Man has it in deep, but Ulrich goes to his knees and slips loose. Ulrich sticks Flash Man with a stiff right straight as they move to the outside quickly. Ulrich swarms with knees which mostly go off Flash Man’s forearms; one gets through, however, and it seems to have busted up Flash Man’s nose. Flash Man is on his knees, spraying blood on the canvas while Lars unloads with punches. Red Sun Superman calls for Flash Man to fight back; he doesn’t, and Ulrich finishes off the villain with thumping elbows to the body and one skull shattering leg drop.

 Red Sun Superman is furious and step’s up looking to stop the foamers from gaining any momentum. RS Superman calls out the expendables. Barney Ross and RS Superman inch toward one another in the middle of the cage, Ross swings a right hand just over RS Superman’s head. Ross shoots in and gets stuffed by RS Superman, who grabs a front headlock and rips Barney’s head off. Yin Yang bombards the Russian with a flurry of punches against the cage but is sent reeling by a right hook. Yin yang emerges steady but bloodied, walking Superman to the other side of the cage, where he’s dropped by an uppercut and then squashed like a bug with a right stomp. Lee Xmas is loading up on his right hand, waiting for RS Superman to walk into his range. RS Superman is bloodied around the left eye, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting him. Xmas lands an overhand right-left uppercut and moves forward on Superman. RS Superman is in trouble after taking a right hook behind the ear, on his knees, defending an onslaught from Xmas. He gets to his feet and begins winging right hands while Xmas begins stringing combinations together. Xmas comes inside with a flurry and clinches Superman, and starts kneeing at the Kryptonian’s legs. Xmas tries to exit with a big shot and leaves himself open to a Kryptonian flurry. An uppercut has Xmas covering up on the fence while Superman rips away with punches to the body and arms. Xmas escapes with a nice left hand of his own and shows his freshness by dancing away from Superman. Xmas blitzes with long punches which don’t land but allow him to tie up again. Superman reverses the position, though, and bloodies Lee’s nose further with punches. Xmas pushes away and lands a massive right hand on Superman’s temple. The Kryptonian falls to his side dead.

 Pac Man is pumped after watching his teammate take out the man of steal and decided to call out Thanoseid. Pac Man is trying to work his jab while Thanoseid swings power punches, neither man landing clean. Charging in to throw an overhand left, Thanoseid runs straight into a counter overhand right from Pac Man. The punch has Thanoseid dead on impact, falling flat on his back in the middle of the cage. Pac Man crashes down with one additional right hand before taking a victory lap around the cage. Proto Man steps up and tries to get his team back in the game with a win over Art Bishop. The two box stiffly around the cage, Bishop getting inside to pop Proto Man with a hard right uppercut. They circle some more and Bishop walks Proto Man into the fence, then clips him with a straight right on the temple. The punch doesn’t look like much, but Proto Man goes down like a heap of bricks, flat on his face, and Bishop pounces. Bishop snaps Proto Mans neck like a pro and then has a seat on the bench.

 Megaman X and Rob Bartlett touch gloves and Bartlett flurries. Mega Man tries to leap in with a knee and Bartlett fends him off with punches. A right hand down the pipe lands for Bartlett, then a two-piece combo. Rob times a leg kick and comes over the top with a nasty right hand which puts Mega Man on the floor. Bartlett goes wild and gives chase as Mega Man scrambles to his feet and tries to recover on the fence. Mega Man can’t evade the punishment for long and a big right uppercut sends him down again. Bartlett turns out Mega Man X’s lights with a few more right hands and then covers his nose and mouth with his hand until he stops twitching.

 Solaris The Tyrant Sun and Marcellus Wallace are the next to throw down. Solaris strikes first, blitzing Marcellus with fast hands on the fence, but Wallace strikes back just as fast and drops Solaris with a countershot. Solaris gets up and eats a knee from Marcellus, who goes down a second later after a hard punch from Solaris. The frantic pace slows about a minute in and they separate off the cage. They trade big left hooks, then Marcellus comes forward with another which dazes Solaris. Now it’s Solaris landing a short hook which staggers Marcellus, who pushes Solaris into the fence momentarily. Solaris moves Marcellus clockwise around the outside and catches him with a counter right. Solaris works a couple leg kicks as he closes in on Marcellus, moving toward the cage. Marcellus circles out and a feint moves Solaris backward. Outside leg kick lands for Solaris and she rushes in to clip Marcellus with a right hook. Marcellus floors Solaris with a right of his own, but Solaris is instantly back on her feet, wobbling Marcellus with a barrage of punches. She walks Marcellus around the outside, picking away with leg kicks and covering up as Wallace comes forward to swing hooks. Wallace pulls up short on a counter as Solaris delivers a hard outside leg kick. Nice counter right from Solaris as she cuts an angle off a Wallace hook. Solaris is back to kicking as they resume but Wallace backs her off with a hook. Solaris catches Wallace with a right hand, answered by a slapping head kick by the Gangster. Solaris sends a couple straight rights down the pipe and slips out. Marcellus puts a right hand on Solaris’s nose and a left hook behind her ear. Solaris hits the deck and is dazed, Marcellus picks her up and breaks her back like bane did to batman.

 After another one of their star players goes down team has a team meeting and decide to take the rest of their team back to team base before they don’t have anyone left to call a team.

The Empire Vs. The Royal Highness

The Empire:

Black Lantern Dark Phoenix, Black Lantern Colossus, Mother Askani, In Betweener ,Lord Chaos, Master Order, Black Zero (DC),Superman Jr., Batman Jr. ,Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner, Indigo Lantern Sinestro, Trygon, Predator #50, Lavos, Black Zero Mega Man, Victory Saber (combined Victory Leo and Star Saber), Black Zarak, Buzz Lightyear

Royal Highness:

Metron, Yellow Lantern Fatality, The Ideon, The Astronomer (Marvel elder of the universe),  The Grandmaster (Marvel elder),  Nova(richard rider) w/worldmind,  Invincible, Miracleman (Marvelman), Phantom Stranger, Apollo (The Authority),  Q2, Black Lantern Loki,  Suprema w/blue lantern ring,  Looney Tunes Gremlins #1-6 in an imperial shuttle,  Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Apollo in an a-wing.

Space. The vast limitless expanse. Comprised of countless planets, stars, and galaxies, it provides endless opportunities for excitement and adventure. Not today though, as we will be in the boring corner of the universe.

An a-wing packed with Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Apollo comes racing through a wormhole.  It slows down and just floats right outside the wormhole.

“Alright, I think we are in the clear.” Says Apollo, who is sitting on Hollywood Hulk Hogan’s lap, as there isn’t really much room in an a-wing.

“Well what do we do now?” asks Hulk Hogan

“We wait.”

Apollo thinks about how great a manjob would be right now. What is that? It’s what FFL characters give each other to relieve the stress of a long and grueling season.

The two sit quietly gazing upon the stars. The universe is a beautiful place, especially when you have someone special to share it with. Apollo, seizing the opportunity, turns to Hulk Hogan.

“You know, with all of the time we have been spending together lately, I think I’m starting to develop fee…”

No, too soon. That won’t work. Let’s slow things down.

The two sit quietly gazing upon the stars. The universe is a beautiful place, especially when you have a buddy to share it with. Apollo, seizing the opportunity, turns to Hulk Hogan.

“You’re a cool dude, Hulk Hogan.” Says Apollo

“Right on brother”

The two wait patiently, more time passes.

Apollo attempts to start some conversation.

“So, uh Mr. Hogan, are you seeing anyone back in the locker room?”

Just then the phantom stranger, miracleman, invincible, and an imperial shuttle carrying Looney Tunes Gremlins #1-6 comes through the wormhole followed closely by Superman Jr., Batman Jr., Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner, and Indigo Lantern Sinestro. No sooner are they out of the wormhole when an asteroid field suddenly runs right through them killing all of them.

“I’m just focusin’ on each match and getting’ a win” replies Hulk Hogan

Apollo smiles on the inside.

BL Dark Phoenix, BL colossus, mother askani, and the In Betweener emerge from the wormhole. They see the a-wing and head straight towards it.

“What do we do?!?!?” cries Apollo

“Our mission is to stand our ground!” screams Hulk Hogan

The two hold each other tightly.

Before they reach the a-wing The Elders of the Universe Astronomer and Grandmaster catch up with them.

“You may have taken the rest of our team but you will not be getting us!” exclaims the In-betweener. Death appears and takes with him the elders.

“That’s cute” says Q2 who snaps his fingers and kills the remaining members of the Empire

Relieved, Apollo and Hulk Hogan exhale a sigh of relief.

“You know, you’re alright my brother.” says Hulk Hogan.

Apollo smiles on the outside.

Metron, Yellow Lantern Fatality, The Ideon, BL Loki, and Suprema emerge from the wormhole. Shortly after, Nova flies through the wormhole and closes it.

“Mission Complete.”

On the other side of the galaxy, Buzz Lightyear wanders aimlessly through space. All of his teammates are dead, and even the enemy has forgotten about him. He died of a broken heart.