LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE VS. THE LEGION OF DOOM
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 1 Match: Le' Napoleon Brigade vs. The Legion of Doom
Before the match I shall enter Comerica Park, now known as the locker room for Le' Napoleon Brigade. The Brigade is Power Girl, Alia Atreides (adult version) and Pterri.
Pterri: I love to fly! I love to fly!
Power Girl: Fly you shall little one. By my side. . . and to victory!
Before the match I enter Ford Field, now known as the locker room for The Legion of Doom. The Legion is Mary Embry and Walker - Texas Ranger.
Walker: My mind is at peace. My fists are ready to strike. My legs are ready to kick. My body is ready to fight.
Embry: Walker, lower your testosterone level. Actions speak louder than words!
I transport the combatants to the top of Detroit’s railway transit system, the People Mover.
Immediately using his keen lawman skills, Walker analyzes the situation he is in – he is on top of the moving People Mover train. He jumps off of the car’s top and light a cat, lands precisely where he must - on one of the latches between cars. He then catapults through the back window and enters the transport. Alia Atreides sees the Legion’s makeup and immediately realizes that Walker is her target. She lowers herself gracefully down the same car and into the cabin.
Walker: Atreides - I am Walker, Texas Ranger. I don’t normally fight women, but I will if I have to.
Alia Atreides shows no mercy, steps immediately in front of Walker and slaps his face. . . hard. Walker’s shakes his head and looks at his foe.
Walker: I am Walker, Texas Ranger. Do not strike me again or I will be forced to use my fists of steel against you!
Alia Atreides leans back and with all her body behind the action, kicks Walker squarely in the testicles. Walker screams in agony and falls to the floor of the train cabin.
Walker: I. . . am. . . Walker. . . .Texas. . . Ranger. . . [and passes to unconsciousness].
Meanwhile, on top of the People Mover-
The women know that their battle will not be limited to the Mover. Their battlefield will be the entire city’s landscape. Power Girl and Pterri take to the sky. Embry follows suit. The women immediately grapple with one another in an embrace of strength, will and determination.
I look to the crowd below the combatants. Although it is extremely unorthodox, I recognize many of the human male team inhabitants looking on.
Josh H.: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Ryan P.: Stop just hugging one another and get it on!
Goofjuice: Make out already!
Jared P.: Yeah! Come on girls - lip lock action!
Eddie Z.: This is going to be awesome!
Chris A.: I have my camera phone ready!
Bryan B.: I cannot believe how you are objectifying the combatants. Just because they are women, might I add both beautiful and well endowed, that does not mean that they aren’t people who deserve our respect.
Fred B.: Shut up!!! Just look at those. . .
The men scatter as Power Girl and Embry, still together, crash into the ground. The two lie motionless for only mere seconds from the impact .
As Embry slowly rises, Pterri strikes. The small pterodactyl repeatedly scratches and bites at Embry’s face. Although Pterri leaves some minor facial lacerations on Embry, Embry manages to catch the ancient bird. She whispers “Goodbye” to Pterri and uses her super strength to crush the life out of the saurian. As she drops Pterri to the ground, she turns to see the fist of Power Girl coming at her. The force of the blow sends Embry flying (not by choice) through three of the many boarded and abandoned stores in the vicinity.
People Mover -
In the People Mover, Alia Atreides is waiting for her chance to join her teammate. She is currently two stops away. Alia anxiously waits for the next stop. She suddenly hears movement behind her. It is Walker, with a painful grin, coming at her. Walker manages to use the rest of his male/Ranger stamina to take Alia by surprise. He pushes her out the window and Alia falls to her death just before the Mover comes to its designated stop.
Walker: Looks like you’re one stop short Atreides. . . [Walker, happy with his quip, passes out. He is alive, but out of the competition]. The doors open and a grubby gentleman enters the mover. He looks at Walker’s wallet and finds nothing but his badge. He takes his badge (which Walker will replace before the next match or face a disciplinary hearing by The Legion) and hits the streets.
The match continues-
The women present one another with blow, after blow, after blow. Their fight has now lasted close to one hour and each realizes that the match will continue on for several hours before a winner is determined. Their costumes are tattered and shredded. The two women become a near-blur as they lash out at one another, using only their super strength and speed.
Bryan B.: I see a booby!!!!! [The male onlookers begin to salivate at the opportunity of future voyeuristic views].
Embry becomes distracted at the comment and Power Girl, using this to her advantage, grabs her by the leg. Power Girl smashes Embry repeatedly against the ground and building faces around them. Embry crumples to the pavement, unconscious, yet alive to fight another day.
Power Girl, the only remaining Brigade combatant walks to Lafayette Coney to grab a few of the famous ‘dogs.
LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!!!!!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Abomitrons
Team Sleeping Pussy is The Enchantress & Mothra.
The Abomitrons are Hancock, Mega Man & Rush, Kyle Houslander, & Ewok #49.
“OMIGOD It’s Hancock” screams a beautiful fan who runs up to the FFL rookie first rounder. “I’m your biggest fan she screams as she instantly invades his space and then plants a huge kiss right on the lips of the super-powered mystery man. “I don’t exactly remember who you are she says to his partner as she then randomly gives just as big of a kiss to his partner Mega Man who was walking out front with The Abomitrons newest star. The woman then runs away, disappearing into the crowd. Hancock blows off this fiasco and attempts to lead his new team into battle when all of the sudden he feels that his mind is not his own, he then feels nothing at all until he is blasted in the back by his own teammate Mega Man. The 2 of them then begin to fight amongst themselves as if that is what they were sent to Scottie Simpson’s Fish & Chips to do. This fight transpires all while The Enchantress sits quietly by herself at a booth looking out the window as the two “Weak-willed” men do battle over the woman who moments ago they had never heard of but now are madly in love with. Hancock then picks up Mega Man, paying no attention to the huge Moth that is flying overhead and rips apart his new teammate. The Enchantress is then intensely concentrating so she can focus all of her psychic abilities to convince Hancock that the only way to secure her love is for him to fly directly into the sun, but just then Kyle Houslander riding atop Rush busts thru the window of the restaurant right over top of Ewok #49 who is shoving enough fried fish into his mouth to feed all of Endor. Rush crashes into The Enchantress knocking her to the ground and weakening the psychic link that she has established with Hancock. Kyle then runs up to the possessed Hancock yelling at him to pull it together so they can regroup and win this fight. Now whether it be his inextinguishable love for Mary Embery, or Hancock’s superior and inhuman abilities that diminished the power of The Enchantress that usually lasts up to a week, or the inherent difficulty of saying no to a 9 year old offering to share his deep fried clams with you; we will never know, but Hancock does shake his head as if he is about to come back to his normal self when The Enchantress throws Rush off of herself and runs over to Hancock to plead her case as well. “You know that your love for me is what drives you” she says to Hancock as the leather clad super-hero simply moves his blank stare back and forth from The Enchantress to Kyle. “But you are on our team” Kyle adds to the mess that is this match. The Enchantress arrogantly makes her move to win the mental contest by saying “Don’t listen to your new teammate, only I have your best interest in mind, now do me a favor and finish off this troublesome boy”. Hancock begins to move toward Kyle as if to destroy him when Kyle yells “Dude! Don’t be an Asshole”! Hancock then freezes for a second as if an epiphany had just occurred and then in a blink of an eye flies out of the restaurant thru the window behind the counter. Hancock races toward the Massive Mothra hovering above the city outskirts destroying the neighborhood houses (wait a minute those might have been like that before). Hancock is fueled by his anger knowing full well that the task he is about to undertake would have been much easier if he had that little blue dude with the crazy metal armor that he just stupidly killed a minute ago to help him. Knowing that Hancock is going to need all the help he can get Ewok # 49, with his spear in one hand and glass of red pop in the other jumps on the back of Rush as they blast out the already broken window toward the fight. Hancock maneuvers around to the back of Mothra’s head and begins pounding on him with his fists but even his amazing strength is not doing the desired damage to the monster. When Mothra flaps its wings sending out a strange yellow dust-like substance in the direction of the flying mechanical dog it does not do much to stop Rush but it does make pretty short work of the ewok on top of him. It might not have worked so well if the brilliant ewok did not do his best to eat as much of the poison as possible before it passed him by. Hancock and Rush regroup on top of St. Christine’s Church and then take to the air toward the huge enemy. This time Mothra uses his wing flapping lighting type attack which Hancock evades as he easily moves his body thru the air but Mothra manages to take out Rush with the attack. The Mega Dog’s body then flies toward Hancock at such a rate that it would have killed any normal human but this tragedy ends up working in The Abomitrons favor as Hancock catches the robot and launches the metal carcass right thru the center of Mothra’s head killing the huge insect. Kyle Houslander cheers ecstatically as he sees the destruction of Mothra and turns his head to see that The Enchantress is no where to be found, having retreated to fight another day.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Abomitrons are Hancock, Mega Man & Rush, Kyle Houslander, & Ewok #49.
“OMIGOD It’s Hancock” screams a beautiful fan who runs up to the FFL rookie first rounder. “I’m your biggest fan she screams as she instantly invades his space and then plants a huge kiss right on the lips of the super-powered mystery man. “I don’t exactly remember who you are she says to his partner as she then randomly gives just as big of a kiss to his partner Mega Man who was walking out front with The Abomitrons newest star. The woman then runs away, disappearing into the crowd. Hancock blows off this fiasco and attempts to lead his new team into battle when all of the sudden he feels that his mind is not his own, he then feels nothing at all until he is blasted in the back by his own teammate Mega Man. The 2 of them then begin to fight amongst themselves as if that is what they were sent to Scottie Simpson’s Fish & Chips to do. This fight transpires all while The Enchantress sits quietly by herself at a booth looking out the window as the two “Weak-willed” men do battle over the woman who moments ago they had never heard of but now are madly in love with. Hancock then picks up Mega Man, paying no attention to the huge Moth that is flying overhead and rips apart his new teammate. The Enchantress is then intensely concentrating so she can focus all of her psychic abilities to convince Hancock that the only way to secure her love is for him to fly directly into the sun, but just then Kyle Houslander riding atop Rush busts thru the window of the restaurant right over top of Ewok #49 who is shoving enough fried fish into his mouth to feed all of Endor. Rush crashes into The Enchantress knocking her to the ground and weakening the psychic link that she has established with Hancock. Kyle then runs up to the possessed Hancock yelling at him to pull it together so they can regroup and win this fight. Now whether it be his inextinguishable love for Mary Embery, or Hancock’s superior and inhuman abilities that diminished the power of The Enchantress that usually lasts up to a week, or the inherent difficulty of saying no to a 9 year old offering to share his deep fried clams with you; we will never know, but Hancock does shake his head as if he is about to come back to his normal self when The Enchantress throws Rush off of herself and runs over to Hancock to plead her case as well. “You know that your love for me is what drives you” she says to Hancock as the leather clad super-hero simply moves his blank stare back and forth from The Enchantress to Kyle. “But you are on our team” Kyle adds to the mess that is this match. The Enchantress arrogantly makes her move to win the mental contest by saying “Don’t listen to your new teammate, only I have your best interest in mind, now do me a favor and finish off this troublesome boy”. Hancock begins to move toward Kyle as if to destroy him when Kyle yells “Dude! Don’t be an Asshole”! Hancock then freezes for a second as if an epiphany had just occurred and then in a blink of an eye flies out of the restaurant thru the window behind the counter. Hancock races toward the Massive Mothra hovering above the city outskirts destroying the neighborhood houses (wait a minute those might have been like that before). Hancock is fueled by his anger knowing full well that the task he is about to undertake would have been much easier if he had that little blue dude with the crazy metal armor that he just stupidly killed a minute ago to help him. Knowing that Hancock is going to need all the help he can get Ewok # 49, with his spear in one hand and glass of red pop in the other jumps on the back of Rush as they blast out the already broken window toward the fight. Hancock maneuvers around to the back of Mothra’s head and begins pounding on him with his fists but even his amazing strength is not doing the desired damage to the monster. When Mothra flaps its wings sending out a strange yellow dust-like substance in the direction of the flying mechanical dog it does not do much to stop Rush but it does make pretty short work of the ewok on top of him. It might not have worked so well if the brilliant ewok did not do his best to eat as much of the poison as possible before it passed him by. Hancock and Rush regroup on top of St. Christine’s Church and then take to the air toward the huge enemy. This time Mothra uses his wing flapping lighting type attack which Hancock evades as he easily moves his body thru the air but Mothra manages to take out Rush with the attack. The Mega Dog’s body then flies toward Hancock at such a rate that it would have killed any normal human but this tragedy ends up working in The Abomitrons favor as Hancock catches the robot and launches the metal carcass right thru the center of Mothra’s head killing the huge insect. Kyle Houslander cheers ecstatically as he sees the destruction of Mothra and turns his head to see that The Enchantress is no where to be found, having retreated to fight another day.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches vs Alice's Wonder Team
About one week before Alice’s Wonder Team have their first Regular Season match since being placed under new ownership, they received a videotape that they were instructed to watch. New Head Coach Grand Admiral Thrawn sits his team down in the locker room to view this mysterious tape. It’s grainy and in black and white. It starts with just a shot of an old well. Then a really creepy looking girl crawls out of the well and starts moving towards the screen. Then all of a sudden the well explodes and out climbs a giant Hulk looking figure. He stares directly at the screen and gets up close to it. “Samara is the least of your worries,” growls the monster. Then, unexplainably, his massive red hand reaches through the screen and crushes Kenny McCormick. “Omigod! They killed Kenny! You bastards!” scream Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski. The hand then retreats back into the screen and Red Hulk says “Seven days.” The screen goes black and the videotape ejects itself. General Zod leaps out of his chair and bellows “This attack must not go unpunished! Send me to Detroit, so I may personally make them kneel before the awesome might of Alice’s Wonder Team!”
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Red Hulk and Samara Morgan.
Alice’s Wonder Team is General Zod, Goblin #2-4.
Red Hulk crashes down in from of the Renaissance Center and Samara creepily climbs out of a sewer. Gamma radiation is emanating out of the angry monster as he literally melts the pavement with every step. Samara a crawling around the sidewalk and is all of a sudden crushed by General Zod slamming down on top of her. He then orders his trio of Goblins to attack “Rulk.” Zod completely underestimates Rulk as he makes very quick work of the Goblins. In an act of arrogance, Rulk rips the head off of Goblin #4 and hits Zod in the chest with it. “Come on you fairy, let’s go,” grunts Rulk. Zod swoops in to attack Rulk, but he side steps the Kryptonian and slaps him down onto the sidewalk. Rulk stomps his massive foot into the back of Zod, then grabs his leg and launches him into the Renaissance Center. General Zod flies out of the building back at Rulk, only this time he uses his freeze breath to try and cool off the behemoth. He encases Rulk in a solid block of ice, which only holds him but for a moment. Rulk uppercuts Zod hard, up into the air. “You think a little ice can stop me?!” an increasingly angry Rulk shouts. He slams his fist down on the ground causing a large crack in the road (which probably won’t even be noticed by motorists). Zod then fires his heat vision directly into Rulk’s chest, which just cause Rulk to laugh. “Ha! Don’t you know what they say? “The madder Rulk gets, the HOTTER Rulk gets!”” “Yes, I have heard that. Which is exactly my point. I’m just trying to speed the process up for you,” replies Zod. He then starts laying haymakers across Rulk’s jaw. He’s getting angrier and angrier, and kicks the General in the stomach. Rulk jumps on top of General Zod and starts slamming him over and over again. “I’M GOInnn… tttooo… k..k..i..lll.. yoo…u…” Yells Rulk, but starts getting light headed. A battered General Zod spits out some blood and smirks at him. “Finally, we’re getting somewhere.” He then cracks him with a double uppercut, sending him up into the air, which General Zod flies up after him. Zod then grabs the overheated and unconscious Rulk and spins him around sending him far into Canada.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
George Washington's Slaves vs The Syracuse Valley
George Washington's Slaves are Cade Skywalker & Capt. Marvel.
The Syracuse Valley is Soundwave w/ Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, (Movie) Frenzy, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk & Beast Box, Mr. Game & Watch on a 4-Wheeler, Wald, Little Goomba #2, & Treasure Troll #4.
The Syracuse Valley is teleported right in front of the Fox Theatre on Woodward Avenue. Soundwave ejects all seven of his tapes and orders Mr. Game & Watch to patrol the area on his 4-Wheeler. Little Goomba #2 and Treasure Troll #4 hop on with him as he takes off. Soon after, Cade Skywalker and Captain Marvel, rookies from George Washington’s Slaves, are teleported inside the Fox Theatre. Soundwave quickly detects their opponents in this opening week of Fantasy Fantasy League and directs his crew of tapes to open fire on the Fox, thus reducing it to rubble. “Well that was easy,” quips Frenzy. “Targets… still operating. Defeat will be difficult,” replies Soundwave. “Oh crap… You can say that again!” yells Frenzy as a huge pile of debris is blown into the sky by a powerful cosmic blast and then is Force pushed onto Slugfest, crushing the Stegosaurus. Captain Marvel flies up out of what remains of the Fox Theatre after Laserbeak, but is hit hard from behind by several rockets from Soundwave’s shoulder mounted launcher. Mar-Vell crashes into the roof of the Hockeytown Café. Soundwave detects that Captain Marvel is still living, but turns his attention to the attacking Cade Skywalker, who has just removed Overkill’s head from his body with his lightsaber. Soundwave fires a concussion blast from his gun that knocks Cade into the ticket booth of the Fillmore Detroit. Ravage stalks the fallen Skywalker only to receive a lightsaber blade in the torso. Laserbeak then dive-bombs towards Cade, firing his laser directly at him, but is blasted out of the sky by Captain Marvel’s cosmic energy. Soundwave orders Mr. Game & Watch and crew to return. But as they are speeding down Woodward on their 4-Wheeler, they are all crushed beneath the giant hockey puck that is perched up on top of Hockeytown Café, courtesy of Captain Marvel. Out from underneath the destroyed 4-Wheeler crawls Movie Frenzy who was in his CD Player mode at the time. His namesake rushes over and helps him up. As Cade Skywalker gets back up on his feet, Soundwave tells Beastbox and Squalktalk to merge and form Squalkbox. They then channel all of the sounds from this battle through their Sonic Boomer Cannons, causing a horrendous amount of noise and destruction throughout the streets. Blinded by the deafening sound, Cade uses the Force to guide him and launches his lightsaber through the air, stabbing Squalkbox in the chest, killing the combined Transformer. Soundwave then runs across the street over to Comerica Park as the Frenzy’s lay down some cover fire. Captain Marvel flies off of the roof of Hockeytown right towards Soundwave. The Decepticon then rips one of those huge baseball bats that are in front of Comerica Park. He winds up and smashes Captain Marvel as hard as he can, shattering most of the Kree soldier’s bones, sending him sailing high up into the air. “TkkkkGrandtkzzzSlamzzztttkk!” says Movie Frenzy. “He’s outta here!” adds Frenzy. Unfortunately these two should have paid more attention to Cade Skywalker and not the impromptu baseball game. Cade blows Movie Frenzy away with his blaster and slices Frenzy right down the middle with his lightsaber. Captain Marvel then crashes down through the Fox parking structure, which is just across the street (Soundwave must have dropped his shoulder when he swung). Cade races in to search of his fallen teammate. He finds him broken and dying on top of a Cadillac Escalade. “Lucky for you, I, unlike my ancestor, has the ability to save people from death,” Cade says to Mar-Vell. He then uses Force Resuscitation to heal Captain Marvel. Soundwave drops the giant bat, thinking he is victorious, only to be blasted in the chest with cosmic energy. This knocks him down into Comerica Park. Cade and a revived Captain Marvel race out of the parking structure to finish off the Transformer. Soundwave regains his footing and decides it’s better to live and fight another day. Soundwave takes off into the sky and retreats.
The Syracuse Valley is teleported right in front of the Fox Theatre on Woodward Avenue. Soundwave ejects all seven of his tapes and orders Mr. Game & Watch to patrol the area on his 4-Wheeler. Little Goomba #2 and Treasure Troll #4 hop on with him as he takes off. Soon after, Cade Skywalker and Captain Marvel, rookies from George Washington’s Slaves, are teleported inside the Fox Theatre. Soundwave quickly detects their opponents in this opening week of Fantasy Fantasy League and directs his crew of tapes to open fire on the Fox, thus reducing it to rubble. “Well that was easy,” quips Frenzy. “Targets… still operating. Defeat will be difficult,” replies Soundwave. “Oh crap… You can say that again!” yells Frenzy as a huge pile of debris is blown into the sky by a powerful cosmic blast and then is Force pushed onto Slugfest, crushing the Stegosaurus. Captain Marvel flies up out of what remains of the Fox Theatre after Laserbeak, but is hit hard from behind by several rockets from Soundwave’s shoulder mounted launcher. Mar-Vell crashes into the roof of the Hockeytown Café. Soundwave detects that Captain Marvel is still living, but turns his attention to the attacking Cade Skywalker, who has just removed Overkill’s head from his body with his lightsaber. Soundwave fires a concussion blast from his gun that knocks Cade into the ticket booth of the Fillmore Detroit. Ravage stalks the fallen Skywalker only to receive a lightsaber blade in the torso. Laserbeak then dive-bombs towards Cade, firing his laser directly at him, but is blasted out of the sky by Captain Marvel’s cosmic energy. Soundwave orders Mr. Game & Watch and crew to return. But as they are speeding down Woodward on their 4-Wheeler, they are all crushed beneath the giant hockey puck that is perched up on top of Hockeytown Café, courtesy of Captain Marvel. Out from underneath the destroyed 4-Wheeler crawls Movie Frenzy who was in his CD Player mode at the time. His namesake rushes over and helps him up. As Cade Skywalker gets back up on his feet, Soundwave tells Beastbox and Squalktalk to merge and form Squalkbox. They then channel all of the sounds from this battle through their Sonic Boomer Cannons, causing a horrendous amount of noise and destruction throughout the streets. Blinded by the deafening sound, Cade uses the Force to guide him and launches his lightsaber through the air, stabbing Squalkbox in the chest, killing the combined Transformer. Soundwave then runs across the street over to Comerica Park as the Frenzy’s lay down some cover fire. Captain Marvel flies off of the roof of Hockeytown right towards Soundwave. The Decepticon then rips one of those huge baseball bats that are in front of Comerica Park. He winds up and smashes Captain Marvel as hard as he can, shattering most of the Kree soldier’s bones, sending him sailing high up into the air. “TkkkkGrandtkzzzSlamzzztttkk!” says Movie Frenzy. “He’s outta here!” adds Frenzy. Unfortunately these two should have paid more attention to Cade Skywalker and not the impromptu baseball game. Cade blows Movie Frenzy away with his blaster and slices Frenzy right down the middle with his lightsaber. Captain Marvel then crashes down through the Fox parking structure, which is just across the street (Soundwave must have dropped his shoulder when he swung). Cade races in to search of his fallen teammate. He finds him broken and dying on top of a Cadillac Escalade. “Lucky for you, I, unlike my ancestor, has the ability to save people from death,” Cade says to Mar-Vell. He then uses Force Resuscitation to heal Captain Marvel. Soundwave drops the giant bat, thinking he is victorious, only to be blasted in the chest with cosmic energy. This knocks him down into Comerica Park. Cade and a revived Captain Marvel race out of the parking structure to finish off the Transformer. Soundwave regains his footing and decides it’s better to live and fight another day. Soundwave takes off into the sky and retreats.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS VS. THE UNTOUCHABLES
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 1 Match: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. The Untouchables.
Before the match, I shall enter the Hockeytown Café, now known as the locker room for the Untouchables. The Untouchables are Onslaught, Grifter and Ewok #76.
Ewok #76: Oomeebee! Choocheeah! Bogaymay! [TRANSLATION: The last time I met up with the Skywalker dude he was on a spit ready to be roasted! I shall finish what my brothers and sisters couldn’t!]
Onslaught: You may try little one, but if you fail. . . the Jedi is mine!
Grifter [pulls out various weapons]: Let’s get some!
I then enter the Fox Theater, now known as the locker room for The Horsemen of Apokolips. The Horsemen are Luke Skywalker - Grand Jedi Master, Cloud Strife and Charlton Heston.
Skywalker: Onslaught is the major threat. All three of us should focus our effort on him first and then continue our battle against the other two.
Strife: Your saber; my blade: no problem.
Heston: You may have your blades, youngsters, but the NRA gives the right to wield these little babies. [Takes out AK47 and .44 magnum].
I teleport the teams to the Fillmore. There the battle commences. . . . on the dance floor.
An enraged Ewok #76 rushes toward the Horsemen. Skywalker slowly walks to the little creature, point-man to his team.
Skywalker: Little one, I don’t wish to hurt you. Please stand aside while I challenge your leader.
Ewok #76: GOJEEBEE!!!! HOATOAH! [TRANSLATION: You pompous @$&! No one leads Ewok #76!!!]
Ewok #76 then pulls out a long knife from his pouch and manages to stab an unsuspecting Skywalker in the shoulder. Skywalker instantly reacts and force pushes the Ewok across the dance floor. The Ewok crashes into the bar. Before the Ewok can gain his senses Charlton Heston uses his guns to destroy all the liquor bottles that are on the shelves, dousing the Ewok in liquor.
Heston: Goodbye you damn dirty ape! I mean teddy bear! [Heston fires and ignites the liquor around the Ewok which causes the creature to catch fire. It screams and runs around the room, mortally wounded].
Grifter: You may be an NRA member Heston, but you’re no match for my marksmanship!
Grifter uses his psi force and manages to knock Heston off his feet. Just as Heston gets up, his body is riddled with bullets. Heston’s arms and legs are shredded due to the marksmanship expertise of Grifter. Heston lies in his own pool of blood and looks up at Grifter who is now standing above him.
Heston: Although you have killed me. . . I must tell you a secret. Come closer. [Grifter comes closer and puts his ear to Heston’s mouth]. Soylent Green is. . . people.
Grifter: Where the hell did that come from? [Grifter then notices out of the corner of his eye the blade of Strife which lops off his head].
Strife: Thanks for giving the dying man an ear. . .
Strife then turns toward Onslaught and crouches into a battle stance. Skywalker flips next to his teammate. Onslaught, although alone, knows that he can face these two men. Both Strife and Skywalker come together and manage to keep Onslaught off balance. Onslaught’s psi armor manages to take the brunt of the battle, but the Jedi and Final Fantasy protagonist are determined to finish off this super-villain of The Untouchables.
Onslaught manages to use his powers and warps the reality around the combatants. He creates the illusion that Strife is Onslaught. Skywalker, using his force senses, is not fooled. Nonetheless, Strife is fooled when Onslaught uses the same illusion on him. Strife begins to attack Skywalker (seen as Onslaught) as the real Onslaught astral projects himself away from the fighting Horsemen. Skywalker tries to reason with Strife who is slashing and hacking air as the Jedi manages to escape the continued blows. Onslaught walks up behind Strife, busy with Skywalker, and crushes his skull. Strife falls in a crumpled mass.
Skywalker: No!
The Jedi has a flashback of his mentor Kenobi being struck down by his father and begins an attack that a Jedi (on the precipice of the dark side) can only wield. Onslaught barely manages to either block or escape Skywalker’s blows.
Onslaught: Enough!!!!!
Onslaught begins to manipulate the magnetic fields of the Fillmore’s structure and surrounds the Jedi with the loose (and large) metallic objects of the Detroit theater. The Jedi is encased, but then begins to use his force powers to escape. When Skywalker is inching out Onslaught uses a mental bolt projection to knock the Jedi out cold. Spittle escapes from the Jedi’s lips, unconscious and near death, but nothing that a Jedi trance cannot help. The Jedi will fight another day!
Onslaught [looks upon the carnage left]: Valiantly fought by your team Jedi. I look forward to meeting you again. . . [and walks out of the Fillmore and over to Cheli’s Chili to celebrate THE UNTOUCHABLES VICTORY!!!!!!
Before the match, I shall enter the Hockeytown Café, now known as the locker room for the Untouchables. The Untouchables are Onslaught, Grifter and Ewok #76.
Ewok #76: Oomeebee! Choocheeah! Bogaymay! [TRANSLATION: The last time I met up with the Skywalker dude he was on a spit ready to be roasted! I shall finish what my brothers and sisters couldn’t!]
Onslaught: You may try little one, but if you fail. . . the Jedi is mine!
Grifter [pulls out various weapons]: Let’s get some!
I then enter the Fox Theater, now known as the locker room for The Horsemen of Apokolips. The Horsemen are Luke Skywalker - Grand Jedi Master, Cloud Strife and Charlton Heston.
Skywalker: Onslaught is the major threat. All three of us should focus our effort on him first and then continue our battle against the other two.
Strife: Your saber; my blade: no problem.
Heston: You may have your blades, youngsters, but the NRA gives the right to wield these little babies. [Takes out AK47 and .44 magnum].
I teleport the teams to the Fillmore. There the battle commences. . . . on the dance floor.
An enraged Ewok #76 rushes toward the Horsemen. Skywalker slowly walks to the little creature, point-man to his team.
Skywalker: Little one, I don’t wish to hurt you. Please stand aside while I challenge your leader.
Ewok #76: GOJEEBEE!!!! HOATOAH! [TRANSLATION: You pompous @$&! No one leads Ewok #76!!!]
Ewok #76 then pulls out a long knife from his pouch and manages to stab an unsuspecting Skywalker in the shoulder. Skywalker instantly reacts and force pushes the Ewok across the dance floor. The Ewok crashes into the bar. Before the Ewok can gain his senses Charlton Heston uses his guns to destroy all the liquor bottles that are on the shelves, dousing the Ewok in liquor.
Heston: Goodbye you damn dirty ape! I mean teddy bear! [Heston fires and ignites the liquor around the Ewok which causes the creature to catch fire. It screams and runs around the room, mortally wounded].
Grifter: You may be an NRA member Heston, but you’re no match for my marksmanship!
Grifter uses his psi force and manages to knock Heston off his feet. Just as Heston gets up, his body is riddled with bullets. Heston’s arms and legs are shredded due to the marksmanship expertise of Grifter. Heston lies in his own pool of blood and looks up at Grifter who is now standing above him.
Heston: Although you have killed me. . . I must tell you a secret. Come closer. [Grifter comes closer and puts his ear to Heston’s mouth]. Soylent Green is. . . people.
Grifter: Where the hell did that come from? [Grifter then notices out of the corner of his eye the blade of Strife which lops off his head].
Strife: Thanks for giving the dying man an ear. . .
Strife then turns toward Onslaught and crouches into a battle stance. Skywalker flips next to his teammate. Onslaught, although alone, knows that he can face these two men. Both Strife and Skywalker come together and manage to keep Onslaught off balance. Onslaught’s psi armor manages to take the brunt of the battle, but the Jedi and Final Fantasy protagonist are determined to finish off this super-villain of The Untouchables.
Onslaught manages to use his powers and warps the reality around the combatants. He creates the illusion that Strife is Onslaught. Skywalker, using his force senses, is not fooled. Nonetheless, Strife is fooled when Onslaught uses the same illusion on him. Strife begins to attack Skywalker (seen as Onslaught) as the real Onslaught astral projects himself away from the fighting Horsemen. Skywalker tries to reason with Strife who is slashing and hacking air as the Jedi manages to escape the continued blows. Onslaught walks up behind Strife, busy with Skywalker, and crushes his skull. Strife falls in a crumpled mass.
Skywalker: No!
The Jedi has a flashback of his mentor Kenobi being struck down by his father and begins an attack that a Jedi (on the precipice of the dark side) can only wield. Onslaught barely manages to either block or escape Skywalker’s blows.
Onslaught: Enough!!!!!
Onslaught begins to manipulate the magnetic fields of the Fillmore’s structure and surrounds the Jedi with the loose (and large) metallic objects of the Detroit theater. The Jedi is encased, but then begins to use his force powers to escape. When Skywalker is inching out Onslaught uses a mental bolt projection to knock the Jedi out cold. Spittle escapes from the Jedi’s lips, unconscious and near death, but nothing that a Jedi trance cannot help. The Jedi will fight another day!
Onslaught [looks upon the carnage left]: Valiantly fought by your team Jedi. I look forward to meeting you again. . . [and walks out of the Fillmore and over to Cheli’s Chili to celebrate THE UNTOUCHABLES VICTORY!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Week 1
Setting: Detroit, Mi
Points: 75
Prize: Land Speeder
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Untouchables
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. TEAM
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Abomitrons
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Built Ford Tough
Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Legion of Doom
George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Syracuse Valley
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Comandos Vs. The Right Wing
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Better Than All of You
Points: 75
Prize: Land Speeder
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Untouchables
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. TEAM
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Abomitrons
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Built Ford Tough
Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Legion of Doom
George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Syracuse Valley
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Comandos Vs. The Right Wing
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Better Than All of You
Season 2 Off-List Picks: Point Values
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Dark Claw: 36
-Lobo the Duck: 20
Alice's Wonder Team
-Primus: 100
-Grand Admiral Thrawn: 15
-SSJ4 Gogeta: 25
-Hyperion (Mark Milton version): 47
The Untouchables
-Legion of Super-heroes (Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Brainiac 5, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, & Karate Kid): 25 each, 120 for whole team
-Macgyver: 12
-Ursula: 20
-Cosmic Boy: 38
Team Sleeping Pussy
-The Crimebusters (Dr. Manhattan, The Comedian, Ozymandias, Nite Owl 2, Captain Metropolis, & Silk Spectre 2.): Each (except Dr. Manhattan): 30, Dr. Manhattan: 45, Entire team (including Dr. Manhattan & Rorschach): 95
-Brood Queen: 33
-Roy Batty: 19
-Francis Beggbee: 12
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-The Inhumans (Black Bolt, Medusa, Karnak, Gorgon, Triton, Crystal, Lockjaw, & Maximus the Mad): Each (Except Black Bolt): 38, Black Bolt: 45, Any 4 Inhumans: 85
-Dr. Doomsday: 50
-Peter Petrelli: 41
-Dexter: 4
Better Than All of You
-David Dunn: 35
-GWAR (Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmak Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini): Each: 8, Entire Group: 30
-Loki: 26
-Bartleby: 26, Loki & Bartleby together: 50
The Horsemen of Apokolips
-The Dark Avengers: Venom: 35, The Sentry: 48, Dakkan: 35, Iron Patriot: 34, Capt. Marvel: 34, Moonstone: 34 All Dark Avengers are Buy 3 get 1 free (equal or lesser value).
-Cloud Stryfe: 12
-Hanibal Lectur: 12
-Exitar the Exterminator: 90
-The One Above All: 90
-Pinhead: 37
-Vincent Valentine: 12
-Swamp Thing: 32
-Calypso: 39
The Syracuse Valley
-Nocturne: 26
-Kid Thunder: 6
-Wingnut & Screwloose: Wingnut: 16, Screwloose: 9, Together: 20
-The Dude from Quackers: 5
Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches
-Red Hulk: 50
-Car Voltron: Each: 18, Whole squad: 70
-Vulcan: 34
-R2-KT: 6
The Abomitrons
-Leviathon: 50
-Cerberus: 50
-Jason Voorhies' Mother: 18
-Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben: 30, the chick: 22, Kevin: 22, whole team: 52
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
-Dr. Fate: 38
-Seraphina Peckala: 28
-Lyra & Will: Lyra: 12, Will: 8, Together: 17
-Jen Linley: 4
Legion of Doom
-The White Witch: 28
-10 Minotaurs: 12 each (buy 5 get 1 free)
-Sailor Moon: 18
Built Ford Tough
-The Flaming Carrot: 17
-Darkwing Duck: 20
-Steve Mcqueen: 11
-Mars Detective Agency: each: 8, All 3: 16
George Washington's Slaves
-Super Soldier: 50
-Dare the Terminator: 31
-Frank Martin: 20
-Delta Squad (Sgt. Marcus Fenix, Dominic Santiago, Augustus "Cole Train" Cole, & Damon Baird): Each: 18, Whole Team: 60
-Inspector Gadget: 18
The Right Wing
-The Pantheon (Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Perseus, Prometheus, Ullysses, & Ullysses II): Each: 12, Whole Team: 40, Whole Team including The Hulk: 65
-Skaar son of Hulk: 45
-Korg: 30
-Doc Samson: 30
Le' Napoleon Brigade
-Princess Ororo: 35
-Fox: 20
-Namorita: 28
-Namora: 28
TEAM
-Voltron: Each: 22, Whole Team: 70
-Thunderstrike: 53
-Thor Clone: 52
-Lord Katsomoto: 22
-Bruce Lee: 12
-Dark Claw: 36
-Lobo the Duck: 20
Alice's Wonder Team
-Primus: 100
-Grand Admiral Thrawn: 15
-SSJ4 Gogeta: 25
-Hyperion (Mark Milton version): 47
The Untouchables
-Legion of Super-heroes (Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Brainiac 5, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, & Karate Kid): 25 each, 120 for whole team
-Macgyver: 12
-Ursula: 20
-Cosmic Boy: 38
Team Sleeping Pussy
-The Crimebusters (Dr. Manhattan, The Comedian, Ozymandias, Nite Owl 2, Captain Metropolis, & Silk Spectre 2.): Each (except Dr. Manhattan): 30, Dr. Manhattan: 45, Entire team (including Dr. Manhattan & Rorschach): 95
-Brood Queen: 33
-Roy Batty: 19
-Francis Beggbee: 12
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-The Inhumans (Black Bolt, Medusa, Karnak, Gorgon, Triton, Crystal, Lockjaw, & Maximus the Mad): Each (Except Black Bolt): 38, Black Bolt: 45, Any 4 Inhumans: 85
-Dr. Doomsday: 50
-Peter Petrelli: 41
-Dexter: 4
Better Than All of You
-David Dunn: 35
-GWAR (Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmak Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini): Each: 8, Entire Group: 30
-Loki: 26
-Bartleby: 26, Loki & Bartleby together: 50
The Horsemen of Apokolips
-The Dark Avengers: Venom: 35, The Sentry: 48, Dakkan: 35, Iron Patriot: 34, Capt. Marvel: 34, Moonstone: 34 All Dark Avengers are Buy 3 get 1 free (equal or lesser value).
-Cloud Stryfe: 12
-Hanibal Lectur: 12
-Exitar the Exterminator: 90
-The One Above All: 90
-Pinhead: 37
-Vincent Valentine: 12
-Swamp Thing: 32
-Calypso: 39
The Syracuse Valley
-Nocturne: 26
-Kid Thunder: 6
-Wingnut & Screwloose: Wingnut: 16, Screwloose: 9, Together: 20
-The Dude from Quackers: 5
Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches
-Red Hulk: 50
-Car Voltron: Each: 18, Whole squad: 70
-Vulcan: 34
-R2-KT: 6
The Abomitrons
-Leviathon: 50
-Cerberus: 50
-Jason Voorhies' Mother: 18
-Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben: 30, the chick: 22, Kevin: 22, whole team: 52
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
-Dr. Fate: 38
-Seraphina Peckala: 28
-Lyra & Will: Lyra: 12, Will: 8, Together: 17
-Jen Linley: 4
Legion of Doom
-The White Witch: 28
-10 Minotaurs: 12 each (buy 5 get 1 free)
-Sailor Moon: 18
Built Ford Tough
-The Flaming Carrot: 17
-Darkwing Duck: 20
-Steve Mcqueen: 11
-Mars Detective Agency: each: 8, All 3: 16
George Washington's Slaves
-Super Soldier: 50
-Dare the Terminator: 31
-Frank Martin: 20
-Delta Squad (Sgt. Marcus Fenix, Dominic Santiago, Augustus "Cole Train" Cole, & Damon Baird): Each: 18, Whole Team: 60
-Inspector Gadget: 18
The Right Wing
-The Pantheon (Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Perseus, Prometheus, Ullysses, & Ullysses II): Each: 12, Whole Team: 40, Whole Team including The Hulk: 65
-Skaar son of Hulk: 45
-Korg: 30
-Doc Samson: 30
Le' Napoleon Brigade
-Princess Ororo: 35
-Fox: 20
-Namorita: 28
-Namora: 28
TEAM
-Voltron: Each: 22, Whole Team: 70
-Thunderstrike: 53
-Thor Clone: 52
-Lord Katsomoto: 22
-Bruce Lee: 12
Better Than All of You Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
Better Than All of You is Predator #1-3, & Orc #1.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Skeletor’s Crack Troop #1-12, & Storm Trooper #51-59.
For those of you who are sick of dialogue-based, incoherent, rambling nonsense in the Pre-Season this match should be right up your alley. The Predator’s and orc grunt at each other a couple of times and The Brigade’s Troopers wave at each other with some military hand signals. Granted if the Storm Troopers had any personality or sense of humor they would point out that Skeletor’s Troopers are nothing but a complete rip-off of them but luckily they don’t. Normally the Storm Troopers might take the lead in this kind of tactical mission but considering that they are on the Crack Troops home world the Storm Troopers have been instructed to follow their lead. The Troopers think they are doing an excellent job of being stealth like until they realize that they are missing 6 of the storm troopers and 1 crack troop because an invisible Predator has been quietly picking them off one by one. Crack Troop #1 then sees in the distance Orc #1 hiding behind a large rock. The Crack Troop gives the signal to fire which all of the troopers follow. They easily take out the orc but then in the process they reveal something as well. The thick black orc blood splatters onto the invisible Predator #2 that was standing next to him which leaves him open to fire as well. The Predator realizes that his position is compromised which prompts him to throw his rounded blade weapon at his opponents. The immediate laser fire from the troopers manages to take out the revealed Predator but the Predator’s boomerang-like weapon takes out 3 Crack Troops and 1 more Storm Trooper. The 2 remaining Predators then rush to the sound of blaster rifle fire, knowing full well that their teammates are probably dead but that their death will provide the opening they need to achieve victory. The 2 Predators then jump in from behind the remaining troopers with their melee weapons drawn and finish off the remaining troopers. They then gut the soldiers and hang them from The Eternian rocks to show off the days hunting prize.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Skeletor’s Crack Troop #1-12, & Storm Trooper #51-59.
For those of you who are sick of dialogue-based, incoherent, rambling nonsense in the Pre-Season this match should be right up your alley. The Predator’s and orc grunt at each other a couple of times and The Brigade’s Troopers wave at each other with some military hand signals. Granted if the Storm Troopers had any personality or sense of humor they would point out that Skeletor’s Troopers are nothing but a complete rip-off of them but luckily they don’t. Normally the Storm Troopers might take the lead in this kind of tactical mission but considering that they are on the Crack Troops home world the Storm Troopers have been instructed to follow their lead. The Troopers think they are doing an excellent job of being stealth like until they realize that they are missing 6 of the storm troopers and 1 crack troop because an invisible Predator has been quietly picking them off one by one. Crack Troop #1 then sees in the distance Orc #1 hiding behind a large rock. The Crack Troop gives the signal to fire which all of the troopers follow. They easily take out the orc but then in the process they reveal something as well. The thick black orc blood splatters onto the invisible Predator #2 that was standing next to him which leaves him open to fire as well. The Predator realizes that his position is compromised which prompts him to throw his rounded blade weapon at his opponents. The immediate laser fire from the troopers manages to take out the revealed Predator but the Predator’s boomerang-like weapon takes out 3 Crack Troops and 1 more Storm Trooper. The 2 remaining Predators then rush to the sound of blaster rifle fire, knowing full well that their teammates are probably dead but that their death will provide the opening they need to achieve victory. The 2 Predators then jump in from behind the remaining troopers with their melee weapons drawn and finish off the remaining troopers. They then gut the soldiers and hang them from The Eternian rocks to show off the days hunting prize.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Aunt May, Bob: Agent of HYDRA, The Power Puff Girls: Blossom, Bubbles, & Buttercup, The Juggernaut, Jedi Youngling #39, & Dorf.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is The Pretenders: Capt. Latin America, Cannon Man, & The Bottomless Stomach w/ Kid Nee, Rachel Ray, Ahmed Best, Jack Crowe, Venus & Serena Williams, Clone Trooper #100, & Gungan #35.
Aunt May loses her footing and falls off of the mountain. Hawkman & Hawkwoman land next to the rest of their teammates on the mountain. Bob: Agent of HYDRA enquires “Hey what are they doing here; it said in the opening that Juggernaut was on our team”? Dorf replies with “Well that’s how the team was called in but Juggernaut was traded to The Horsemen of Apokolips for Hawkman & Hawkwoman the night of the draft lottery”. “Oh that’s weird” Bob replies. “Do they have the same point value or something”? Blossom chimes in with “Hey we are just characters in the match we’re not supposed to know about point values and draft lotteries. What; do you think that just cause you’re from a Deadpool comic you are allowed to break the 4th wall and just freely talk about this stuff”. “I don’t know I just got here a little while ago, but this place does kind of remind me of that show Masters of the Universe I used to watch when I was a kid”. Dorf reignites the conversation by saying “Well to answer your question Bob, actually Hawkman & Hawkwoman cost 5 more points than Juggernaut, but the commissioner must have not felt like changing it or something”? Bob says “Well that’s bulls*&t, so in other words Goofjuice gets rewarded because he doesn’t know who is on his team”! “Are we still talking about this” Jedi Youngling #39 adds. “What’s with the midget Jedi” Bob asks of his new idle Dorf. Dorf fills him in on the back story of how this Youngling started his training out with Yoda and is now being taught by Jedi Master #20 and about how it all only happened because he was just hidden in the bottom line of a trade to the Horsemen involving Greedo, himself, and a bunch of giant Sandworms”. Bob then gives Dorf a not to bright look and says “Really……………. Is it true that Greedo shot first”? “It sure is son”. Dorf says to his new bud. “Hey Chatty Kathies! Look alive the Commandos are making their way up the mountain”. Bubbles says. Dorf, the obvious team leader tells his men to form up and get ready for the attack.. Dorf yells “Hey Bird people”. “We’re called Hawkman & Hawkwoman”. Hawkman says sternly. Dorf says “Oh sorry about that, nice to meet you, and welcome to the team. Sorry I didn’t show up to training camp, then we probably wouldn’t have to have this awkward introduction in the middle of a battle, but anyway I hear you’re good people so, pleased to meet you”. The pleasure is all ours, I assure you Mr. Dorf”. Hawkwoman says. “Oh its just Dorf, Mr. Dorf is my Dad, no need for formalities on The Murderflies”. “Will you 2 shut up, they’re coming”! Buttercup screams. Dorf then jumps back into leader mode and says “Hawkman & Hawkwoman, you and The Power Puff Girls take to the air and flank us on both sides. Aunt May take the……. Hey, where the hell is Aunt May. Ohhh never mind. Bob & the Youngling will back me up, we’ll be the first wave”. On their way up the mountain Venus turns to her sister Serena and says as she points back to her other teammates “Do you hear all the commotion up there, and I thought these clowns talked a lot”. The leader of The Pretenders then turns to his squad and says “Hello, I am Capt. Latin America, I realize that some of you have been on this team for a while and that some of you are newcomers like myself, Cannon Man & The Bottomless Stomach”. “Don’t forget about me” Kid Nee chimes in. Cap replies with “Don’t worry kid I try to forget every day and trust me, it’s impossible”. Cap picks up where he left off by saying “My Amigos, I hope that in time you will be able to earn my trust and that today you will follow me as I lead our team to victory”. “Alright I know who they are but who is the weird looking guy” Gungan #35 says as he points to Ahmed Best. “it’s Ahmed Best” his old friend Clone Trooper #100 says. “More like Ahmed Worst” Jack Crowe says while shaking his head. With the art of conversation being exhausted on both sides of the mountain the Commandos, led by Capt. Latin America charge Dorf & The Murderflies. Bob pulls out his HYDRA issue pistol and shoots Ahmed Best right between the eyes (he missed twice also, but 3rd time is indeed a charm). He then spots Rachel Ray and screams “OMIGOD, this league is incredible! First I meet Dorf and now my favorite host of 30 Minute Meals”. “How about 30 Second fights Rachel Ray says as she jacks Bob in the grill with her garbage bowl, knocking him off of the Mountain”. Hawkman & Hawkwoman fly in quickly toward the Pretenders and begin their air attack. Hawkman realizes early on that Capt. Latin America is calling the shots and that he needs to be taken out quick. Hawkman comes in behind the Captain punching him in the back to throw him off guard, which opens him up to a wallop from Hawkwoman’s Mace which sends him off the mountain and to his doom. Hawkman then swoops down and picks up the defiant Kid Nee, who tries to fight back but is used as a weapon to throw at Cannon Man, knocking them both off of the cliff as well. A furious Bottomless Stomach runs up to the man that just took out his whole team and swallows Hawkman whole. Bottomless Stomach then lets out a killer burp and says “Ya gotta like poultry”. Cannon man, although he knows he is plummeting to his death uses the built in targeting system in his face and blasts Hawkwoman in the chest killing her as well. Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup fly in fast around Jack Crowe who with an amazing shot blasts Bubbles right out of the air with a crossbow bolt. Jack doesn’t get to enjoy his victory for long though, as Blossom & Buttercup each fly in and grab one of Jack Crowe’s arms. It is unsure who won the match of tug-o-war that then ensued but it is pretty safe to say that Jack Crowe (both halves of him) lost. Clone Trooper #100 is trying to blast Jedi Youngling #39 but the little padawan is simply to fast to hit. The Youngling is not yet good enough to deflect blaster bolts but the force is with him as he dodges one more shot and then takes out Clone Trooper #100’s head with a deadly lightsaber swing. Venus and Serena, with rackets in hand rush the de facto leader of The Murderflies, Dorf. Dorf puts up quite a fight (and by puts up quite a fight I mean ducks down and covers up his head) before The Williams sisters bludgeon the midget to death with their weapons of choice. Venus and Serena are caught in the middle of a post kill celebratory hug when the 2 remaining Power Puff Girls punch them off of the mountain. The Power Puff Girls regroup with Youngling #39 while Gungan #35 meets back up with Rachel Ray who is feeding the Bottomless Stomach a variety of different easy to make yet delicious snacks. Buttercup then flies in toward the Bottomless Stomach who opens his mouth wide to try to eat the angry little Power Puff Girl when the tricky Buttercup pulls a boulder out from behind her back and sticks it in the mouth of everybody’s favorite new super-hero. While the Bottomless Stomach takes a couple of seconds to swallow the boulder Buttercup takes full advantage of the situation and punches him off of The Eternian Mountainside. “I don’t like kids, but I do have a dog” Rachel Ray says in her raspy voice followed by a nervous laugh as she is being chased around by an angry toddler with a lightsaber. Blossom dodges the throws of several boomba’s by Gungan #35 and then says “What do you think I am, a Machaneek” as she kicks the poor gungan to his doom. Jedi Youngling #39 then corners Rachel Ray on the edge of the cliff and puts away his lightsaber. He then focuses all his energy on a force push and manages to push the Chef converted talk show host off of the cliff. “WOW”! The Youngling exclaims. After pushing the defenseless Rachel Ray to her death “That was the first time I ever got that to work, Jedi Master #20 will be so proud.
BROCK SAMPSON FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is The Pretenders: Capt. Latin America, Cannon Man, & The Bottomless Stomach w/ Kid Nee, Rachel Ray, Ahmed Best, Jack Crowe, Venus & Serena Williams, Clone Trooper #100, & Gungan #35.
Aunt May loses her footing and falls off of the mountain. Hawkman & Hawkwoman land next to the rest of their teammates on the mountain. Bob: Agent of HYDRA enquires “Hey what are they doing here; it said in the opening that Juggernaut was on our team”? Dorf replies with “Well that’s how the team was called in but Juggernaut was traded to The Horsemen of Apokolips for Hawkman & Hawkwoman the night of the draft lottery”. “Oh that’s weird” Bob replies. “Do they have the same point value or something”? Blossom chimes in with “Hey we are just characters in the match we’re not supposed to know about point values and draft lotteries. What; do you think that just cause you’re from a Deadpool comic you are allowed to break the 4th wall and just freely talk about this stuff”. “I don’t know I just got here a little while ago, but this place does kind of remind me of that show Masters of the Universe I used to watch when I was a kid”. Dorf reignites the conversation by saying “Well to answer your question Bob, actually Hawkman & Hawkwoman cost 5 more points than Juggernaut, but the commissioner must have not felt like changing it or something”? Bob says “Well that’s bulls*&t, so in other words Goofjuice gets rewarded because he doesn’t know who is on his team”! “Are we still talking about this” Jedi Youngling #39 adds. “What’s with the midget Jedi” Bob asks of his new idle Dorf. Dorf fills him in on the back story of how this Youngling started his training out with Yoda and is now being taught by Jedi Master #20 and about how it all only happened because he was just hidden in the bottom line of a trade to the Horsemen involving Greedo, himself, and a bunch of giant Sandworms”. Bob then gives Dorf a not to bright look and says “Really……………. Is it true that Greedo shot first”? “It sure is son”. Dorf says to his new bud. “Hey Chatty Kathies! Look alive the Commandos are making their way up the mountain”. Bubbles says. Dorf, the obvious team leader tells his men to form up and get ready for the attack.. Dorf yells “Hey Bird people”. “We’re called Hawkman & Hawkwoman”. Hawkman says sternly. Dorf says “Oh sorry about that, nice to meet you, and welcome to the team. Sorry I didn’t show up to training camp, then we probably wouldn’t have to have this awkward introduction in the middle of a battle, but anyway I hear you’re good people so, pleased to meet you”. The pleasure is all ours, I assure you Mr. Dorf”. Hawkwoman says. “Oh its just Dorf, Mr. Dorf is my Dad, no need for formalities on The Murderflies”. “Will you 2 shut up, they’re coming”! Buttercup screams. Dorf then jumps back into leader mode and says “Hawkman & Hawkwoman, you and The Power Puff Girls take to the air and flank us on both sides. Aunt May take the……. Hey, where the hell is Aunt May. Ohhh never mind. Bob & the Youngling will back me up, we’ll be the first wave”. On their way up the mountain Venus turns to her sister Serena and says as she points back to her other teammates “Do you hear all the commotion up there, and I thought these clowns talked a lot”. The leader of The Pretenders then turns to his squad and says “Hello, I am Capt. Latin America, I realize that some of you have been on this team for a while and that some of you are newcomers like myself, Cannon Man & The Bottomless Stomach”. “Don’t forget about me” Kid Nee chimes in. Cap replies with “Don’t worry kid I try to forget every day and trust me, it’s impossible”. Cap picks up where he left off by saying “My Amigos, I hope that in time you will be able to earn my trust and that today you will follow me as I lead our team to victory”. “Alright I know who they are but who is the weird looking guy” Gungan #35 says as he points to Ahmed Best. “it’s Ahmed Best” his old friend Clone Trooper #100 says. “More like Ahmed Worst” Jack Crowe says while shaking his head. With the art of conversation being exhausted on both sides of the mountain the Commandos, led by Capt. Latin America charge Dorf & The Murderflies. Bob pulls out his HYDRA issue pistol and shoots Ahmed Best right between the eyes (he missed twice also, but 3rd time is indeed a charm). He then spots Rachel Ray and screams “OMIGOD, this league is incredible! First I meet Dorf and now my favorite host of 30 Minute Meals”. “How about 30 Second fights Rachel Ray says as she jacks Bob in the grill with her garbage bowl, knocking him off of the Mountain”. Hawkman & Hawkwoman fly in quickly toward the Pretenders and begin their air attack. Hawkman realizes early on that Capt. Latin America is calling the shots and that he needs to be taken out quick. Hawkman comes in behind the Captain punching him in the back to throw him off guard, which opens him up to a wallop from Hawkwoman’s Mace which sends him off the mountain and to his doom. Hawkman then swoops down and picks up the defiant Kid Nee, who tries to fight back but is used as a weapon to throw at Cannon Man, knocking them both off of the cliff as well. A furious Bottomless Stomach runs up to the man that just took out his whole team and swallows Hawkman whole. Bottomless Stomach then lets out a killer burp and says “Ya gotta like poultry”. Cannon man, although he knows he is plummeting to his death uses the built in targeting system in his face and blasts Hawkwoman in the chest killing her as well. Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup fly in fast around Jack Crowe who with an amazing shot blasts Bubbles right out of the air with a crossbow bolt. Jack doesn’t get to enjoy his victory for long though, as Blossom & Buttercup each fly in and grab one of Jack Crowe’s arms. It is unsure who won the match of tug-o-war that then ensued but it is pretty safe to say that Jack Crowe (both halves of him) lost. Clone Trooper #100 is trying to blast Jedi Youngling #39 but the little padawan is simply to fast to hit. The Youngling is not yet good enough to deflect blaster bolts but the force is with him as he dodges one more shot and then takes out Clone Trooper #100’s head with a deadly lightsaber swing. Venus and Serena, with rackets in hand rush the de facto leader of The Murderflies, Dorf. Dorf puts up quite a fight (and by puts up quite a fight I mean ducks down and covers up his head) before The Williams sisters bludgeon the midget to death with their weapons of choice. Venus and Serena are caught in the middle of a post kill celebratory hug when the 2 remaining Power Puff Girls punch them off of the mountain. The Power Puff Girls regroup with Youngling #39 while Gungan #35 meets back up with Rachel Ray who is feeding the Bottomless Stomach a variety of different easy to make yet delicious snacks. Buttercup then flies in toward the Bottomless Stomach who opens his mouth wide to try to eat the angry little Power Puff Girl when the tricky Buttercup pulls a boulder out from behind her back and sticks it in the mouth of everybody’s favorite new super-hero. While the Bottomless Stomach takes a couple of seconds to swallow the boulder Buttercup takes full advantage of the situation and punches him off of The Eternian Mountainside. “I don’t like kids, but I do have a dog” Rachel Ray says in her raspy voice followed by a nervous laugh as she is being chased around by an angry toddler with a lightsaber. Blossom dodges the throws of several boomba’s by Gungan #35 and then says “What do you think I am, a Machaneek” as she kicks the poor gungan to his doom. Jedi Youngling #39 then corners Rachel Ray on the edge of the cliff and puts away his lightsaber. He then focuses all his energy on a force push and manages to push the Chef converted talk show host off of the cliff. “WOW”! The Youngling exclaims. After pushing the defenseless Rachel Ray to her death “That was the first time I ever got that to work, Jedi Master #20 will be so proud.
BROCK SAMPSON FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Untouchables Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
The Untouchables are She-Ra, Swift Wind, Madame Razz & broom, The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull, & Zealot.
Alice’s Wonder Team is Tyler Derdon, Kimbo Slice, Vampire #1-3, & Treasure Troll #3.
On the steep Eternian Mountain side the seasoned FFL veteran Kimbo Slice turns to his best friend Tyler Derdon and says “well Tyler we each have 9 deaths, it looks like this may be our last hurrah”. “The 6th rule of Fantasy Fantasy is that you never talk about how many deaths you have acquired”. Derdon replies. “I thought that was the 5th rule”? Questions Mr. Slice. “It is both”! Answers Kimbo’s homeboy. The Slice man then turns to his friend and says “You know Tyler, you really are insane; and I want you to keep in mind who that is coming from”. The Fight Club/Alice’s Wonder Team founding member Tyler Derdon then turns to the Kimbonater and utters what will be the last words of their epic friendship: “I know Kimbo” he says “now let’s go destroy something beautiful”. With that being said the fighters rush into the ranks of The Untouchables Tyler Derdon though only a man tackles the powerful Sorceress of Castle Grayskull and Kimbo, following his lead does the same to the WILDCAT known as Zealot. The 4 of them go toppling off of the mountain to their death. The feeling of surprise that is felt by the 2 Untouchables is only matched by the feeling of joy being simultaneously felt by Kimbo and Derdon in their life-sacrificing attempt to even the odds for the Wonder Team that they have dedicated everything to. The Vampires, trying to take advantage of their teammate’s diversion rush She-Ra and her peeps. She-Ra who is atop her steed Swiftwind is taken off guard by the attack due to the fact that she naturally wanted to be the team to charge so she could take advantage of her superior height and speed when on top of the animal. In the melee Swiftwind rears up on her hind legs and crushes Treasure Troll #3 on her way down but Vampire #2 tackles the horse sending She-Ra onto the ground. The Vampire instantly bites the jugular of Swiftwind killing her. An enraged She-Ra pulls out her sword and uses it to remove the Vampire’s head while he is in mid-bite. Madam Razz tries to cast a spell to fling the Vampires off of the mountain but trips over her words and accidentally falls off of Broom. Vampire #1 picks up a large rock to use as weapon and moves against She-Ra but she dodges his attack and swings her sword narrowly missing the neck of the vampire and then cutting off one of his fingers on the downswing. Vampire #3 tries to jump onto Madam Razz who is just now brushing herself off and starting to get up when Broom flies in front of his master to try and save her. The powerful vampire punches the living Broom and breaks it into 2 pieces. “NOOOOOOOOOOO” Madam Razz yells as she sees her best friend Broom broken in two. She goes to pick up Broom just as Vampire #3 moves in for the kill. Madam Razz in a last ditch attempt to protect herself against the attacker takes the sharp end of Broom and sticks what used to be her old friend right into the heart of the vampire killing him. Meanwhile She-Ra proves her superior fighting prowess by dodging his rock attacks and then going in for the kill with a sword blow which severs Vampire #1’s head from his body.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Alice’s Wonder Team is Tyler Derdon, Kimbo Slice, Vampire #1-3, & Treasure Troll #3.
On the steep Eternian Mountain side the seasoned FFL veteran Kimbo Slice turns to his best friend Tyler Derdon and says “well Tyler we each have 9 deaths, it looks like this may be our last hurrah”. “The 6th rule of Fantasy Fantasy is that you never talk about how many deaths you have acquired”. Derdon replies. “I thought that was the 5th rule”? Questions Mr. Slice. “It is both”! Answers Kimbo’s homeboy. The Slice man then turns to his friend and says “You know Tyler, you really are insane; and I want you to keep in mind who that is coming from”. The Fight Club/Alice’s Wonder Team founding member Tyler Derdon then turns to the Kimbonater and utters what will be the last words of their epic friendship: “I know Kimbo” he says “now let’s go destroy something beautiful”. With that being said the fighters rush into the ranks of The Untouchables Tyler Derdon though only a man tackles the powerful Sorceress of Castle Grayskull and Kimbo, following his lead does the same to the WILDCAT known as Zealot. The 4 of them go toppling off of the mountain to their death. The feeling of surprise that is felt by the 2 Untouchables is only matched by the feeling of joy being simultaneously felt by Kimbo and Derdon in their life-sacrificing attempt to even the odds for the Wonder Team that they have dedicated everything to. The Vampires, trying to take advantage of their teammate’s diversion rush She-Ra and her peeps. She-Ra who is atop her steed Swiftwind is taken off guard by the attack due to the fact that she naturally wanted to be the team to charge so she could take advantage of her superior height and speed when on top of the animal. In the melee Swiftwind rears up on her hind legs and crushes Treasure Troll #3 on her way down but Vampire #2 tackles the horse sending She-Ra onto the ground. The Vampire instantly bites the jugular of Swiftwind killing her. An enraged She-Ra pulls out her sword and uses it to remove the Vampire’s head while he is in mid-bite. Madam Razz tries to cast a spell to fling the Vampires off of the mountain but trips over her words and accidentally falls off of Broom. Vampire #1 picks up a large rock to use as weapon and moves against She-Ra but she dodges his attack and swings her sword narrowly missing the neck of the vampire and then cutting off one of his fingers on the downswing. Vampire #3 tries to jump onto Madam Razz who is just now brushing herself off and starting to get up when Broom flies in front of his master to try and save her. The powerful vampire punches the living Broom and breaks it into 2 pieces. “NOOOOOOOOOOO” Madam Razz yells as she sees her best friend Broom broken in two. She goes to pick up Broom just as Vampire #3 moves in for the kill. Madam Razz in a last ditch attempt to protect herself against the attacker takes the sharp end of Broom and sticks what used to be her old friend right into the heart of the vampire killing him. Meanwhile She-Ra proves her superior fighting prowess by dodging his rock attacks and then going in for the kill with a sword blow which severs Vampire #1’s head from his body.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Brotherhood of Evil Midget's vs. TEAM
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Scrimmell (Designated Leader), Wonder Man, Jedi Knight #33 w/ Jedi Padawan #18, Mouser, Wicket W. Warrick & Ewok #41 & 42.
TEAM (a.k.a. Ryan & his Love Brigade guest starring the Sodomites.) is Ryan Poteracki (a.k.a, Rainbows & Butterflies), Brian Kaczynski, Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee w/ Bill the Pony, Cybertronian Guardian #1, Dozer #7 (a.k.a, The Love Brigade) and Peter Sosa & Mike Sroka (a.k.a, The Sodomites).
“Preseason Matches, you’re kidding me right? You call me down here to tell me that I’ve got to get ready to fight and you are sending me on a match that means absolutely nothing. Who came up with this? I mean seriously, who are the geniuses behind this mess? You know what, fine, I’ll lead your stupid “Preseason” team into battle but from now on, I want to know what’s going around here. I’m Wonder Man for god’s sake, I’m the real deal.”
The Brotherhood’s head coach Alexander the Great just sat there and stared back at the very animated super hero with little interest as he really could care less to what he was saying.
“You done yet Mr. Williams?
“Yeah, I’m done. Let’s just get this league wide joke over with”. Just as he finished his last sentence he found himself standing on the side of a mountain with his fellow teammates. He looked around at his teammates and was surprised to actually see two Jedi’s standing next to him. He now felt a bit better about this match; that was until Scrimmell started to speak aloud to his teammates.
“O.K, gang, this is what coach and I talked about last night. We have heard rumors that they are starting…Is there something funny Wonder Man?”
“Yeah, I just find it hilarious that you think we are going to take orders from you. What are you like our “Captain” this week or something?”
“Actually yes Simon, I am. Look, if you have a problem with taking instructions from me than fine, pretend they are coming from Alexander himself. The reason he chose me is because I was created for the sole purpose of scrimmaging with people, which I realize is a completely ridiculous reason to clone someone for but it did endow me with the unique ability to learn strategy quite easily”, a very astute sounding Scrimmell said. “So if you want to just sit back and laugh that is fine, but when a 60 foot tall robot comes crashing down on top of you in five minutes, just remember, it could have been avoided if you would have put your arrogance aside for just a second and listened to me.”
A very embarrassed Wonder Man just stood there in silence and listened to his designated leader divulge their head coaches plan to win this match. After about five minutes of talking, Jedi Knight #33 turned his head towards the other side of the mountain, as if feeling something coming their way. The plan at the beginning was for everyone but Mouser and the two Ewok’s to stay back and wait for a surprise attack, an attack that was right around the corner.
Meanwhile…”Where are we going Mr. Frodo? I mean I followed you all the way to the fiery depths of Mordor but at least there was a purpose to that. This just seems like a very poor idea.” Sam’s words seemed to just annoy everyone around him, which was nothing new to his teammates, as Sam never seemed to stop talking.
“Yes, I know your feelings on this Sam but it is our duty to our teammates to keep going. It should only be a little bit longer until…(something came out of no where and landed on the ground right in front of Frodo. Being naturally curious he instantly picked it up). Well what could this possibly be”. As Frodo says this Brian Kaczynski screams for Frodo to get rid of it as he recognizes the item as a bomb from the video game Mario Bros. 2. It is naturally to late as the bomb goes off, blowing Frodo to pieces. The blast knocks nearly everyone on TEAM to the ground, sending Bill the Pony into a running frenzy, which leads to him running off of the face of the mountain, sending him to his death. The surviving members of Sam, Brian and Dozer #7 take cover under some rocks as the bombs start to explode at a rate of one every ten seconds.
“This is impossible Mr. Brian, how are we going to get out of this”.
“First things first, do not ever call me Mr. Brian ever again. Who taught you how to speak anyway? Second of all, am I the only one in this crew who ever played video games. Just lay low for a minute and I will take care of this guy.”
Brian then waited for a bomb to explode before running out from the small cave he was under and picking up one of the bombs and throwing it back at Mouser. He waited just a few seconds before hearing the iconic scream come from Mouser that he makes when he gets hit. Brian then waits a good thirty seconds before he realizes that the one bomb was enough to kill the overgrown rodent.
“Huh, I guess the game was wrong, it doesn’t take three bombs to kill him. Come on Sam, grab that Dozer and let’s keep on moving.”
Sam grabbed the Dozer and they continued to keep on moving up the mountain, but not before two Ewok’s suddenly appeared out of nowhere. They both jumped onto Brian and Sam, knocking the Dozer out of the hand of Sam and in one quick motion, crushing the Dozer to his death and stabbing Sam in the chest with a spear. Brian quickly threw the Ewok off of his back and regained his footing. He walked over to the Ewok lying on the ground and kicked it as hard as he could in the face. The Ewok looked dead, but to be sure he grabbed the Ewok’s spear and drove it right into the eye of the now dead Ewok. The other Ewok then ran over to Brian and began to bite his leg, tearing flesh from it and causing him a great deal of pain. Though this was very painful for Brian, it did not take him long to get rid of the small creature. He then picked him up and threw him to his death. Sam’s chest wound would ultimately prove fatal as he soon bled to death from the Ewok’s spear. Brian now hoping that his team’s plan had worked continued up the mountain alone, looking for the remaining members of his opponent’s team.
“The plan seems to have worked master, all I see is one wounded man walking up the hill”, the young Padawan said to his master as he looked down at a limping Brian Kaczynski. “He is just the decoy my young Padawan. The rest of the team is coming up from the other side of the mountain. I sensed it as soon as we were transported here. You too with time will learn to channel your energies in the same way. Right now though, we must concentrate because there is a 60 foot tall robot coming towards us.”
“Wow master, you can sense that as well?” the Padawan said.
“Well yes, plus the fact that he is standing right over there also helps.
The two Jedi quickly stood up and took out their light sabers and ignited them. The brotherhood’s entire team now realized the real battle had begun, as Wonder Man, Scrimmell and the remaining Ewok got ready for battle. They could see the giant robot coming so the two Jedi’s decided to go towards it instead of waiting for it to come to them.
“Master, I think there is something else…” the young Padawan was then cut off by his master mid-sentence, telling him to stop thinking and just keep his concentration on the robot. They could not run at full speed because the terrain was so rocky, but it still did not take long for them to reach their massive opponent.
“I can’t believe this is only a Guardian, Master; I don’t know what we would do if we were actually fighting a real transformer.”
“It looks real enough right now my young Padawan, now stick close to me and let us try to take him down.”
Scrimmell could see from a distance that the two Jedi alone were going to have a very difficult time with the Cybertronian Guardian so he decided to send Wonder Man out to help them.
“If you want me to go I will, but then who will protect you and the Ewok”, a surprisingly concerned Simon Williams said to his designated leader.
“I can take care of things back here. All I have to worry about is the one wounded man below. Now please be quick Wonder Man, it is going to take all you have to kill that machine”.
“If you say so, you’re the boss”. Wonder Man then took flight and began to help out his fellow Midget’s. In all of Scrimmell’s planning though, he had not accounted for any remaining teammates on TEAM, for which he was going to pay for with his life. In the Jedi Knight’s haste towards the robot he had failed to listen to his Padawan’s warnings about a hidden danger. Now given, as hidden dangers go, Ryan, Pete and Mike are not exactly a force to be feared, but for Scrimmell and Wickett W. Warrick it was going to be enough. Ryan and the two Sodomites ran out from the rock they were hiding under and ran as fast as possible towards the two very alone members of the Midgets.
“I hate to ruin you’re perfect plan and all but it looks like there may have been a few oversights in it”, a very arrogant Ryan said to the unflinching clone. “You may have my body, but you will never have my soul”.
“What are you talking about Scrimmell?”
“You’re teammates, the Sodomites, I have a feeling I know what’s going to happen next”, a mildly disturbed Scrimmell said.
“How did you know that was their name?”
“It says it on their shirts, not exactly subtle”.
“Oh yeah, that’s right. I almost forgot I made those for them. Oh well”. At this time Ryan picked up a large rock and began to bludgeon the clone to death. At the same time Ryan was doing this Pete and Mike were taking turns kicking the Ewok in the head. It had not been the most victorious day in the world for the Ewok’s and this entry wasn’t going to help any. Pete and Mike finally finished off the Ewok with one final blow to the skull, followed by Pete picking the lifeless Ewok up and snapping its neck.
As this happened, Jedi Knight #33 felt a disturbance in the force and realized that something terrible had happened to his leader. He looked up at the flying Wonder Man and yelled to him to go check out what was going on. This of course was easier said then done, due to the fact that a gigantic robot was standing right above them, trying to kill them.
“Simon, check up on Scrimmell and the Ewok, I think something terrible has happened. We can handle this guy for a while.”
“If you say so…” Just then Wonder Man looked over at where is team captain was and saw his lifeless body lying on the ground. This enraged the very super hero and sent him straight over to his dead captain. It only took him a matter of seconds to reach Scrimmell’s lifeless body. Wonder Man then looked around and saw Ryan, Pete and Mike down below helping their teammate Brian with his leg wound. Wonder Man then started to head toward the feeble humans, but not before hearing what Ryan had to say about him.
“Oh here we go guys, I wouldn’t worry too much about this guy. I mean, it’s not like he’s Vision or anything.”
This was the wrong thing to say to the already enraged Simon Williams and it took him less one human heartbeat to kill the remaining human’s on TEAM. Wonder Man hit all of them with a blast on ionic energy that would have been enough to take down an army of men, let alone four lowly humans.
On the other side of the battlefield, the Jedi were losing. Sure they had gotten their share of hits in on the Cybertronian Guardian, but the damage it had done was not enough to warrant the exhaustion they both were feeling.
“Master, I don’t think I can keep this up much longer.”
“Just find a rock to hide under right now, I will try to distract him for a moment while you can get out of here and run to safety.” Just as the word safety came out of the Jedi Knight’s mouth the giant robot smashed a side of the mountain and sent a massive boulder down towards the Jedi. The boulder would have killed the Jedi Knight but just as it was crashing down on top of him, his young Padawan rushed in and pushed him out of the way, killing the Padawan in the process.
“Noooooooo.” The Jedi Knight screamed as he watched his Padawan being crushed to death by the boulder that should have given him his last breathe. The Jedi Knight then stood back on his tired feet and with all his remaining energy, ran and jumped up on the robot as fast as he could. The Jedi was now running on rage and was not going to stop until either one of them were dead. Just as the Jedi Knight was about to jump onto the head of the Transformer he felt himself being picked up and thrown down to the ground, but not in a way that was going to hurt him. He looked up and saw Wonder Man flying back up above him and saying to him, “Just stay clear, I don’t know why I didn’t do this from the start”.
He then flew as fast as he could right into the giant robot and blew a hole straight into his chest. The next thing the Jedi knew, an incredibly bright light began to emit from the Transformer. Moments later, the entire body of the 60-foot tall robot exploded from within. After the pieces of metal had flown in a million different directions the Jedi Knight could still only see light.
A couple of minutes later the light faded and all that was left was Wonder Man standing there as if nothing had happened at all. The Jedi Knight got up and started to walk towards Simon Williams with amazement. “I had no idea you were that powerful, this season is going to be better then I thought.” Wonder Man then looked over at his only surviving teammate, took out a pair of sunglasses, placed them over his eyes and said, “You have no idea”.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midget’s is Victorious!
(Editor’s Note: Sorry for the long story but I came up with it last night and couldn’t think of any other way to tell it, I hope you didn’t hate it. I also hope you didn’t mind the liberties I took with Wonder Man. I mean, I read up on him and everything I had him do was within the realm of his story but I also realize that sometimes that stuff can be blown out of proportion. Anyways, I hope you liked it.)
TEAM (a.k.a. Ryan & his Love Brigade guest starring the Sodomites.) is Ryan Poteracki (a.k.a, Rainbows & Butterflies), Brian Kaczynski, Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee w/ Bill the Pony, Cybertronian Guardian #1, Dozer #7 (a.k.a, The Love Brigade) and Peter Sosa & Mike Sroka (a.k.a, The Sodomites).
“Preseason Matches, you’re kidding me right? You call me down here to tell me that I’ve got to get ready to fight and you are sending me on a match that means absolutely nothing. Who came up with this? I mean seriously, who are the geniuses behind this mess? You know what, fine, I’ll lead your stupid “Preseason” team into battle but from now on, I want to know what’s going around here. I’m Wonder Man for god’s sake, I’m the real deal.”
The Brotherhood’s head coach Alexander the Great just sat there and stared back at the very animated super hero with little interest as he really could care less to what he was saying.
“You done yet Mr. Williams?
“Yeah, I’m done. Let’s just get this league wide joke over with”. Just as he finished his last sentence he found himself standing on the side of a mountain with his fellow teammates. He looked around at his teammates and was surprised to actually see two Jedi’s standing next to him. He now felt a bit better about this match; that was until Scrimmell started to speak aloud to his teammates.
“O.K, gang, this is what coach and I talked about last night. We have heard rumors that they are starting…Is there something funny Wonder Man?”
“Yeah, I just find it hilarious that you think we are going to take orders from you. What are you like our “Captain” this week or something?”
“Actually yes Simon, I am. Look, if you have a problem with taking instructions from me than fine, pretend they are coming from Alexander himself. The reason he chose me is because I was created for the sole purpose of scrimmaging with people, which I realize is a completely ridiculous reason to clone someone for but it did endow me with the unique ability to learn strategy quite easily”, a very astute sounding Scrimmell said. “So if you want to just sit back and laugh that is fine, but when a 60 foot tall robot comes crashing down on top of you in five minutes, just remember, it could have been avoided if you would have put your arrogance aside for just a second and listened to me.”
A very embarrassed Wonder Man just stood there in silence and listened to his designated leader divulge their head coaches plan to win this match. After about five minutes of talking, Jedi Knight #33 turned his head towards the other side of the mountain, as if feeling something coming their way. The plan at the beginning was for everyone but Mouser and the two Ewok’s to stay back and wait for a surprise attack, an attack that was right around the corner.
Meanwhile…”Where are we going Mr. Frodo? I mean I followed you all the way to the fiery depths of Mordor but at least there was a purpose to that. This just seems like a very poor idea.” Sam’s words seemed to just annoy everyone around him, which was nothing new to his teammates, as Sam never seemed to stop talking.
“Yes, I know your feelings on this Sam but it is our duty to our teammates to keep going. It should only be a little bit longer until…(something came out of no where and landed on the ground right in front of Frodo. Being naturally curious he instantly picked it up). Well what could this possibly be”. As Frodo says this Brian Kaczynski screams for Frodo to get rid of it as he recognizes the item as a bomb from the video game Mario Bros. 2. It is naturally to late as the bomb goes off, blowing Frodo to pieces. The blast knocks nearly everyone on TEAM to the ground, sending Bill the Pony into a running frenzy, which leads to him running off of the face of the mountain, sending him to his death. The surviving members of Sam, Brian and Dozer #7 take cover under some rocks as the bombs start to explode at a rate of one every ten seconds.
“This is impossible Mr. Brian, how are we going to get out of this”.
“First things first, do not ever call me Mr. Brian ever again. Who taught you how to speak anyway? Second of all, am I the only one in this crew who ever played video games. Just lay low for a minute and I will take care of this guy.”
Brian then waited for a bomb to explode before running out from the small cave he was under and picking up one of the bombs and throwing it back at Mouser. He waited just a few seconds before hearing the iconic scream come from Mouser that he makes when he gets hit. Brian then waits a good thirty seconds before he realizes that the one bomb was enough to kill the overgrown rodent.
“Huh, I guess the game was wrong, it doesn’t take three bombs to kill him. Come on Sam, grab that Dozer and let’s keep on moving.”
Sam grabbed the Dozer and they continued to keep on moving up the mountain, but not before two Ewok’s suddenly appeared out of nowhere. They both jumped onto Brian and Sam, knocking the Dozer out of the hand of Sam and in one quick motion, crushing the Dozer to his death and stabbing Sam in the chest with a spear. Brian quickly threw the Ewok off of his back and regained his footing. He walked over to the Ewok lying on the ground and kicked it as hard as he could in the face. The Ewok looked dead, but to be sure he grabbed the Ewok’s spear and drove it right into the eye of the now dead Ewok. The other Ewok then ran over to Brian and began to bite his leg, tearing flesh from it and causing him a great deal of pain. Though this was very painful for Brian, it did not take him long to get rid of the small creature. He then picked him up and threw him to his death. Sam’s chest wound would ultimately prove fatal as he soon bled to death from the Ewok’s spear. Brian now hoping that his team’s plan had worked continued up the mountain alone, looking for the remaining members of his opponent’s team.
“The plan seems to have worked master, all I see is one wounded man walking up the hill”, the young Padawan said to his master as he looked down at a limping Brian Kaczynski. “He is just the decoy my young Padawan. The rest of the team is coming up from the other side of the mountain. I sensed it as soon as we were transported here. You too with time will learn to channel your energies in the same way. Right now though, we must concentrate because there is a 60 foot tall robot coming towards us.”
“Wow master, you can sense that as well?” the Padawan said.
“Well yes, plus the fact that he is standing right over there also helps.
The two Jedi quickly stood up and took out their light sabers and ignited them. The brotherhood’s entire team now realized the real battle had begun, as Wonder Man, Scrimmell and the remaining Ewok got ready for battle. They could see the giant robot coming so the two Jedi’s decided to go towards it instead of waiting for it to come to them.
“Master, I think there is something else…” the young Padawan was then cut off by his master mid-sentence, telling him to stop thinking and just keep his concentration on the robot. They could not run at full speed because the terrain was so rocky, but it still did not take long for them to reach their massive opponent.
“I can’t believe this is only a Guardian, Master; I don’t know what we would do if we were actually fighting a real transformer.”
“It looks real enough right now my young Padawan, now stick close to me and let us try to take him down.”
Scrimmell could see from a distance that the two Jedi alone were going to have a very difficult time with the Cybertronian Guardian so he decided to send Wonder Man out to help them.
“If you want me to go I will, but then who will protect you and the Ewok”, a surprisingly concerned Simon Williams said to his designated leader.
“I can take care of things back here. All I have to worry about is the one wounded man below. Now please be quick Wonder Man, it is going to take all you have to kill that machine”.
“If you say so, you’re the boss”. Wonder Man then took flight and began to help out his fellow Midget’s. In all of Scrimmell’s planning though, he had not accounted for any remaining teammates on TEAM, for which he was going to pay for with his life. In the Jedi Knight’s haste towards the robot he had failed to listen to his Padawan’s warnings about a hidden danger. Now given, as hidden dangers go, Ryan, Pete and Mike are not exactly a force to be feared, but for Scrimmell and Wickett W. Warrick it was going to be enough. Ryan and the two Sodomites ran out from the rock they were hiding under and ran as fast as possible towards the two very alone members of the Midgets.
“I hate to ruin you’re perfect plan and all but it looks like there may have been a few oversights in it”, a very arrogant Ryan said to the unflinching clone. “You may have my body, but you will never have my soul”.
“What are you talking about Scrimmell?”
“You’re teammates, the Sodomites, I have a feeling I know what’s going to happen next”, a mildly disturbed Scrimmell said.
“How did you know that was their name?”
“It says it on their shirts, not exactly subtle”.
“Oh yeah, that’s right. I almost forgot I made those for them. Oh well”. At this time Ryan picked up a large rock and began to bludgeon the clone to death. At the same time Ryan was doing this Pete and Mike were taking turns kicking the Ewok in the head. It had not been the most victorious day in the world for the Ewok’s and this entry wasn’t going to help any. Pete and Mike finally finished off the Ewok with one final blow to the skull, followed by Pete picking the lifeless Ewok up and snapping its neck.
As this happened, Jedi Knight #33 felt a disturbance in the force and realized that something terrible had happened to his leader. He looked up at the flying Wonder Man and yelled to him to go check out what was going on. This of course was easier said then done, due to the fact that a gigantic robot was standing right above them, trying to kill them.
“Simon, check up on Scrimmell and the Ewok, I think something terrible has happened. We can handle this guy for a while.”
“If you say so…” Just then Wonder Man looked over at where is team captain was and saw his lifeless body lying on the ground. This enraged the very super hero and sent him straight over to his dead captain. It only took him a matter of seconds to reach Scrimmell’s lifeless body. Wonder Man then looked around and saw Ryan, Pete and Mike down below helping their teammate Brian with his leg wound. Wonder Man then started to head toward the feeble humans, but not before hearing what Ryan had to say about him.
“Oh here we go guys, I wouldn’t worry too much about this guy. I mean, it’s not like he’s Vision or anything.”
This was the wrong thing to say to the already enraged Simon Williams and it took him less one human heartbeat to kill the remaining human’s on TEAM. Wonder Man hit all of them with a blast on ionic energy that would have been enough to take down an army of men, let alone four lowly humans.
On the other side of the battlefield, the Jedi were losing. Sure they had gotten their share of hits in on the Cybertronian Guardian, but the damage it had done was not enough to warrant the exhaustion they both were feeling.
“Master, I don’t think I can keep this up much longer.”
“Just find a rock to hide under right now, I will try to distract him for a moment while you can get out of here and run to safety.” Just as the word safety came out of the Jedi Knight’s mouth the giant robot smashed a side of the mountain and sent a massive boulder down towards the Jedi. The boulder would have killed the Jedi Knight but just as it was crashing down on top of him, his young Padawan rushed in and pushed him out of the way, killing the Padawan in the process.
“Noooooooo.” The Jedi Knight screamed as he watched his Padawan being crushed to death by the boulder that should have given him his last breathe. The Jedi Knight then stood back on his tired feet and with all his remaining energy, ran and jumped up on the robot as fast as he could. The Jedi was now running on rage and was not going to stop until either one of them were dead. Just as the Jedi Knight was about to jump onto the head of the Transformer he felt himself being picked up and thrown down to the ground, but not in a way that was going to hurt him. He looked up and saw Wonder Man flying back up above him and saying to him, “Just stay clear, I don’t know why I didn’t do this from the start”.
He then flew as fast as he could right into the giant robot and blew a hole straight into his chest. The next thing the Jedi knew, an incredibly bright light began to emit from the Transformer. Moments later, the entire body of the 60-foot tall robot exploded from within. After the pieces of metal had flown in a million different directions the Jedi Knight could still only see light.
A couple of minutes later the light faded and all that was left was Wonder Man standing there as if nothing had happened at all. The Jedi Knight got up and started to walk towards Simon Williams with amazement. “I had no idea you were that powerful, this season is going to be better then I thought.” Wonder Man then looked over at his only surviving teammate, took out a pair of sunglasses, placed them over his eyes and said, “You have no idea”.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midget’s is Victorious!
(Editor’s Note: Sorry for the long story but I came up with it last night and couldn’t think of any other way to tell it, I hope you didn’t hate it. I also hope you didn’t mind the liberties I took with Wonder Man. I mean, I read up on him and everything I had him do was within the realm of his story but I also realize that sometimes that stuff can be blown out of proportion. Anyways, I hope you liked it.)
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