All Star Voting

If you haven't already noticed, all team owners have been e-mailed an All Star Game Ballot. Please take the couple minutes to fill it out. Once everyone has voted, the votes will be tallied and posted here on the site. The All Star Game will take place after the Universe Bowl.

Thanks!

FFL "Spoiler Sport"- Post Season Edition. Round One.

Cotton McKnight here, with your post season edition of FFL "Spoiler Sport" here on ESPN 8-The Ocho!

Well, round one is officially in the books, and I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that just about all of these teams will never be the same. Plenty of blood has been spilled, let's see which teams lost the least amount.

We'll start with the Stan Lee conference. Former FFL champions Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches taking on Brock Samson's FIghting Murderflies, and perhaps the biggest story coming out of this match is that Brock Samson will no longer be able to compete for the Murderflies. That's right, despite a valiant effort, which saw a number of veteran Murderflies compete for the final time including team namesake Brock Samson,  the Murderflies were unable to stop the Backyardigans. It wasn't an easy task for B3, but in the end the unstoppable killing machine Doomsday lived up to his name and was the death of the Murderflies championship dreams this year.

As for the other match in the Stan Lee conference, Team Sleeping Pussy was able to just about dominate Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers, thank once more to the tactics of Kang the Conqueror. The Dope Fiends got in a few shots, thank to the black lantern Cloverfield Monster, but the time traveling of Kang gave SP the edge in this bloodbath. Will Kang be able to keep his murderous grip on the Play-Off Planet? Or will it be Doomsday for the time displaced despot? Keep watching the Ocho as we bring you round two of the 2012 FFL play-offs Backyardigans vs Team SP, sponsored by Kim's Korean Kitchen. Kim's! Where we'll wok whatever you like, as long as it's not dark meat.

Over in the Lucas conference, history may be repeating itself. As we saw in week one, George Washington's Slaves managed once again to best The Horsemen of the Apokolips. It was an amazing match, which saw just an incredible firefight between Starscream and Wedge Antilles along with a masterful clinic from Luke Skywalker. The Slaves paid dearly for their win, however. As the lone survivor, Yoda, escaped the battle with his life, but missing an arm and an ear. As of this report, we still haven't gotten word on if Yoda will advance to the next round in this damaged state, or if his owner will euthanize the Jedi and bring him in whole, but with only one death remaining in his career.

As for the other match, we may be getting ready to see another unbeaten streak from "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Traveling Battalion of Commandos. Just like we saw in week one, the Commandos were victorious over a very game Logical Genocide, who almost had the match won. The teams were almost mirror images of each other, with the make or break moment coming when White Lantern Deadman and Nekron both utilized their resurrection powers to revive their respective teams for one more round to the death. In the end. Kingdom Come Superman was the sole survivor of the match, and perhaps bringing him onto their team is the final piece to the Commandos championship puzzle. However, before they get to the finals, they have to face the team that put an end to their perfect run-George Washington's Slaves. Will these two teams next meeting go the same as their last? Or will the Commandos show last time to be a fluke, and they really are the perfect team this year? Will find out as George Washington's Slaves take on "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Traveling Battalion of Commandos live! Here on ESPN 8-The Ocho!

We now take you over to Ocho correspondent Pepper Brooks who's got a quick recap on this year's consolation rounds. Pepper!

"Thanks Cotton. Yeah. Guys won matches. Other guys lost. The Burger King burned down a McDonald's. This black lantern did some dick move. Uhhhh. Oh! A guy had a monkey! They like, beat up some mouse who threw bombs. But it wasn't Mickey Mouse. Mickey wouldn't do that.  Ummmm. A little boy and his robot won, and I think they like went home and started to fu-"

Thanks Pepper! With that we leave you, before the FCC fines us!

For "Spoiler Sport" and Pepper Brooks! I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you and good night!

Season Five Consolation Round (No Asylum)

Round 2: Arkham Asylum
20 points
Prize: 2 venom inhalers (think an asthma inhaler but with the supersteroid Venom instead of asthma medication)

The second round match ups will be:

The Tijuana Taco Benders vs Layander's Super Orange Kitties- (Fizz)
Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs The Transfoamers- (Josh)
Michael's Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs TEAM- (Nick)
Better Than All of You vs Brotherhood of Evil Midgets- (Seeney)
Logical Genocide vs The Murderflies (Josh)
The Horsemen vs Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers- (Becks)

Rosters will be due tomorrow by 11 pm. Best of luck to all involved.

Conference Finals

Conference Finals
950 points
Playoff Planet
Prize: S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier (3 uses)

Stan Lee Conference
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Ryan)

George Lucas Conference
Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs George Washington's Slaves (Ryan)

(Rosters are due by Wednesday night @ 11:00 pm.)

Season Five Playoffs Round One: Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies

Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are: Grand Admiral Thrawn, Stormtrooper #15 with Ferengi Energy Whip, Life Model Decoys #1-3 on a Super Star Destroyer, Darth Vader in a Tie Bomber, Boba Fett w/double bladed red lightsaber in a Z-95 Headhunter, Doomsday, Wolverine in an F-Zero Car, Michael Myers, Dark Phoenix, Black Zarak, Dracula, Vulcan, Mogo, Chaos King, Orion, Holocaust, Gambit w/Magnaguard electrostaff, and Pablo w/Flamethrower.



Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are Head Coach King Leonidas, Assistant Coach Brock Samson, Assistant Coach Beatrix Kiddo, Odin, O.D.B w/Red Lantern Ring, Howard the Duck w/Green Lantern Ring, Booster Gold, Black Panther w/Green Lantern Ring, Obi Wan Kenobi, Dobby, Forge, Etrigan the Demon, Moon Knight, Tohper Brink, Doll #1, Quick Draw McGraw, Michael Weston w/FN FAL Assault Rifle, Fiona Glenane, Sam Axe w/M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher, Dynomutt: Dog Wonder, Sandworm #1, Hawkman, Hawkwoman, Greedo, Batgirl w/Green Lantern Ring, The Maxx, Julie Winters, Lochness Monster, Andre the Giant, Machete, Black Lantern General Grievous, William V: Tyrant, Queen Kate w/Ferengi Energy Whip, Pippit w/Jetpack, Harribul the Terrible w/Tron Light Suit, Altair Ibn-La'Ahad, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Jay w/Flamethrower, Silent Bob w/Pokeball, Suzanne the Orangutan, and Mappy.


The Playoff Planet has many moons in its orbit. And all of them are members of the Backyardigans. For this opening round of the Fifth Season of the FFL Playoffs, only one awakens for battle. The Executor, Darth Vader’s personal Super Star Destroyer, passes by Mogo as the Green Lantern planet’s green aura bathes the Eastern hemisphere of the Planet. The Backyardigans ready themselves for combat as Grand Admiral Thrawn and Vader discuss their battle plan. The mammoth ship is then rocked by a planet shattering blast, knocking everyone but Lord Vader from their feet. Vader steps forwards and peers out the window to see Mogo utterly obliterated. He quickly turns around, which causes his capes to swirl in the air.


As he leaves the com deck, Darth Vader motions to Thrawn, “Grand Admiral, I am stepping out, you are in command of my ship.” He then stops and points right at Thrawn. “Make NO MISTAKE, this is MY ship. Do NOT make me regret this decision.” Once aboard his Tie Bomber, Darth Vader gives another order. “Thrawn...”


“Yes Lord Vader,” replies the Grand Admiral.”


“Unleash Doomsday,” commands Vader as he takes off in his Tie Bomber, who is followed closely behind by fellow OG Backyardigan, Boba Fett in his Z-95 Headhunter.


A gate slowly opens as Doomsday stomps his way into the hanger bay. Dark Phoenix uses her telepathy powers to calm the rage that seethes inside the monster.


“Ooooohhh… I’m gonna like today,” snarls Dark Phoenix as an evil sneer curls across her beautiful face.


Thrawn takes his position at the helm of the Executor. He rights his brilliantly white uniform and brushes off a bit of dust from his chest. “Amatsu… you’re up. Let’s finish this quickly, shall we?”


The Chaos King levitates up in the hanger bay, raises his hands and teleports the Backyardigans down to the Playoff Planet. As the team leaves the Executor, a door slides open, and Stormtrooper #15 walks onto the bridge, his helmet pushed back on his head as he smokes a cigar. Life Model Decoy #1, who has been formatted to look like Adrienne Curry, spins around in her chair once she spots the trooper smoking.

“Dude?! Isn’t that one of Wolverine’s cigars?!” she exclaims. “Are you out of your mind?!”


The Stormtrooper takes a long drag from the cigar before he responds, “Hmmm… So it is. Listen little lady, I have nine deaths. It really doesn’t matter what the hell I do. I’m going out today. It’s happening. So I figured, why not enjoy myself?”


The trooper then takes another puff from the cigar as he looks over the L.M.D. “So…. Are you formatted to be an EXACT copy of whoever you’re copied from?” he says with a smirk and a look in his eye.


“Well yes of course I am,” replies the Adrienne L.M.D. “I am an exact copy in everyway.”


“Hmm… Good to know. Come ‘er then,” says the Stormtrooper as he unfurls his Ferengi energy whip and snaps it around the waist of the L.M.D. He then takes her and escorts her off the bridge.


The smoke has finally settled from what was once Mogo and Vader is able to see who committed the atrocity.


“Odin,” growls Lord Vader. “I should have known.”

The All Father then fires a bolt of magic at Vader’s Tie Bomber, which barely misses the ship due to Vader’s incredible piloting abilities. Darth Vader retaliates and fires several laser blasts and connect with Odin, knocking him back through space. Amatsu-Mikaboshi, The Chaos King, then materializes in front of Odin. He tries to attack Odin, but the Asgardian deflects the attack and retaliates in just. But Amatsu begins to absorb the power that Odin is unleashing.


“Ha! There is nothing you can give me that I cannot absorb!” boast the Chaos King.


“Hmmph. You think you can single handedly take on Odin, All Father and his Murderflies?!” barks Odin. “Then SO BE IT!”


Black Panther, Howard the Duck and Batgirl all fly up behind Odin as the four of them blast the Chaos King.


“No. It’s too much. It’s toooooooo….” screams the Chaos King as he is overloaded with power and explodes. Vader and Boba Fett then maneuver around and try to engage the Lanterns and Odin, but the All Father teleports them down to the Playoff Planet.


“Boba, it is obvious that this battle win be won on land, follow me,” Vader says over his comlink.


“Yes, Lord Vader,” Boba replies as they begin their decent into the planet’s atmosphere.


The battle is fully underway down on the Playoff Planet as the Murderflies wasted no time to continue their aggressive attack on the Backyardigans. Sandworm #1 is wreaking havoc throughout the desert as it has devoured the mammoth Black Zarak, thus landing another incredible blow to the Backyardigans’ ranks. Dark Phoenix then arrives in the sun-soaked desert and unleashes the powers of the Phoenix Force upon the massive Sandworm, turning it to a burning husk of spice. Topher Brink, Doll #1, Mappy, Quick Draw McGraw and Dynomutt the Wonder Dog also fall in this attack. The possessed Jean Grey smiles as she flies away from the destruction she had just wrought.


On the completely other side of the planet, night has completely enveloped the cityscape. The Burn Notice trio set up position within a nightclub. Sam is having his usual….a lot. Michael Weston surveys the scene as the club-goers write in rhythm on the dance floor. Fiona watches from above in a VIP lounge. The door behind her slowly opens behind her. She quickly turns around, but sees no one there. Fiona turns to continue her watch, but the Lord of the Undead is now standing before her. Before she can take aim with her rocket launcher, Dracula leaps into action and snaps down on her lovely tanned neck. She tries to fight back, but there is no escape. She is his now.


“Fiona, how’s everything look from up there?” ask Michael over their comlinks. “Fiona? Fiona?” He hangs up the phone and slaps Sam on the back. “Look alert Sam. Something’s wrong. Fiona’s not responding.”


The people on the dance floor then begin to part as Dracula stalks through the nightclub towards his prey. Weston keeps his cool as Dracula walks towards him. The vampire lord still has some of Fiona’s blood dripping from his mouth as he comes up to Michael. He doesn’t say a word, but quickly and with one fluid motion, rips Weston’s heart right out of his chest. Dracula then spins and turns Sam Axe’s head 180 degrees before the retired Navy SEAL can blink. He then turns his gaze to the mirror behind the bar, where he sees Greedo sitting in a booth, gun already drawn, across the bar. Dracula smiles as he picks up a glass of wine and takes a drink before disappearing moments before Greedo gets off a shot. He then reappears and slashes Greedo’s throat out. Dracula begins to walk out the nightclub door but has a machete driven right into his chest by Machete.


“Machete don’t like vampires,” says Machete.


He then follows up with a well placed wooden pool cue that finally subdues Dracula. Machete pulls his machete out of Dracula’s chest as a cloud of smoke begins to circle his head. Machete turns around and sees Wolverine and Gambit standing in the street, waiting for him.


“That’s an impressive blade ya got there bub,” says Wolverine as he pops his claws. “Let’s see how well ya can use it.”


Wolverine and Machete rush each other as Altair and Ezio both leap down from a rooftop and double team Gambit.


“Assassins,” Gambit says to himself. “Why must it always be assassins?”


The Cajun quickly fires multiple playing cards as the duo. Ezio is hit in the chest by the Jack of Clubs and is sent sailing into a parked car. Machete, meanwhile is keeping Wolverine on the defensive for a change. Altair leaps up and dropkicks Gambit down to the ground, but the mutant recovers quickly and connects with electrostaff to the neck. Ibn-La’Ahad is stunned and vulnerable to a royal flush kill shot from Gambit. Remy then springs over to Ezio and knocks him back against the parked car. Gambit flicks a deuce of diamonds under the gas tank of the car. When the charged card explodes, it ignites the gas tank as well, exploding the car and taking Auditore with it. Gambit lights a cigarette as he looks over to see Wolverine pulling his claws out of the chest of Machete. The X-Men duo nod at each other and jump in their F-Zero car and take off.


Meanwhile, Vader and Boba’s ships land on the planet. Boba Fett wastes no time and quickly rockets off to engage the Hawk duo, who are circling the area. Hawkman dive bombs Boba Fett, but the Mandalorian evades the attack and heads right for Hawkwoman. Boba fires several shots at Shiera, but she blocks them with her mace. Hawkman then rights himself and makes a b-line for Boba Fett. He tightens his grip on his mace as he comes closer to his target. Carter swings his mace, but Boba Fett hits the boosters on his rocket pack and fires out of the way. Hawkman’s swing connects with his own teammate, the woman he loves. Hawkwoman’s body plummets to the ground as Hawkman is stunned motionless at his actions. This opens him up for Boba Fett to dispatch him as well.


After a rough start to this battle, the Backyardigans are really getting some traction and their path of destruction doesn’t seem to be slowing down in the least. The vicious ruler of Mother England, William V: Tyrant, along with his triumvirate; Queen Kate, Pippit, and Harribul the Terrible, find themselves facing off against Vulcan, Emperor of the Shi’ar Empire in the middle of a grassy opening that is surrounded by a dense forest. Harribul launches his light disc at Vulcan’s head, but the brother of Cyclops and Havok blasts it out of the sky. He then does the same to Pippit who was trying to surprise him from behind with her jetpack. Queen Kate unfurls her Ferengi energy whip, pulls it up into the air and snaps it around Vulcan’s neck. He begins to laugh as he drains the very energy right out of the whip. He then wraps the whip around his forearm and yanks the Queen towards him. Gabriel fires a powerful blast of energy that rips her in two. Vulcan sees that William V has brought re-enforcements with him in the form of Andre the Giant, the Maxx and Julie Winters.

“Ha! I see you brought your muscle,” Vulcan scoffs. “Good…. So have I.”


Vulcan then lets out a loud whistle. The trees begin to rustle violently and the ground starts to quake. There is then a large object that shoots out from the trees. The object sails up into the air and then comes crashing down in-between Vulcan and the Murderflies. When the dust settles, the object is revealed to be… Doomsday. Andre the Giant tries to attack the creature, but is thoroughly decimated. Vulcan levitates into the air and fires a massive blast of energy at Harribul which leaves him a smoldering pile of ash. The English Tyrant unsheathes his sword and gets a boost from the Maxx, who flings him up into the air towards Vulcan. The mutant smirks as he sees William flying at him, sword drawn, with bloodlust in his eyes. Vulcan quickly flies up and over William and the blasts him in the back, sending him hurtling down to the ground. Harribul the Terrible desperately tries to out maneuver Doomsday, but his speed is equal to his strength and snatches the ginger by his leg and proceeds to rip him in half like a wishbone. Julie Winters ends up being trampled by Doomsday as he charges at the Maxx. The one known as the Ultimate grabs a hold of the Maxx’s ridiculously massive over bite and in on quick yank, pulls his skull right off of his body.


Back up on the Executor, Grand Admiral Thrawn is keeping a close eye on things via a telepathic link Dark Phoenix has established with the entire Backyardigan forces. Stormtrooper #15 walks back onto the bridge, sans LMD Adrienne. However this time, instead of smoking one of Wolverine’s cigars, he’s drinking one of Logan’s Molson Canadians.


“Phew. Man. Hey did you guys know that there’s ACTUALLY a breaking point on those LMD’s legs if try to bend them too far back?” he says to anyone who’s listening. “Anyways… How we doing down there?”


Thrawn barely looks back at the trooper and replies “sigh… We’re doing fine.”


The Stormtrooper then notices that Hermione is working the control of the Super Star Destroyer. He licks his pinky finger and thumb and straightens out his eyebrows as he waltzes over to her.


“Hey there pretty lady, why haven’t you returned my text messages?” he asks Hermione. “I thought we had something special?”


Hermione spins around in her chair and replies, “Listen you troll. I’m not Hermione Granger. I am her Life Model Decoy. She sent me up here so that you would be distracted long enough not to screw up this battle for our team. Now let’s go get this over with.”


The LMD version of Hermione grabs the Stormtrooper by the hand and leads him off of the bridge. The trooper finishes the beer and tosses the can into to the trash.


“Ha! Two points!” he says as the can drops into the garbage. He then smacks the LMD Granger on the butt as they walk down the corridor. The door slides close, but seconds later, it opens back up and Stormtrooper #15 peaks his head back in and whistles to another crew member.


“Hey you!” he shouts.


An imperial officer that looks awfully a lot like Teagan Presley turns around.


“Yeah you. You’re an LMD too ain’t ya?” he asks. Before the officer can respond, the Trooper answers for her, “Yeah I thought you were. Let’s go. You’re coming with us. This is my last night alive, I’m gonna make it worth it.”


The Imperial Officer LMD joins the Stormtrooper and the LMD Hermione.


Meanwhile, back down on the planet, Holocaust is being attacked by the tag team of Ol Dirty Bastard and Etrigan the Demon. The mutant tries to fend off Etrigan and ODB, but the combination of mystical hellfire and red rage energy is just too much and he drops to his knees. Etrigan then leaps up onto Holocaust’s back and with his superior strength, rips the mutant’s protective crystalline shell open. He then unloads with his hellfire and destroys Holocaust. ODB flies down and lands by Etrigan and Holocaust’s body. He’s about to congratulate his teammate, but a glowing red blade from a lightsaber comes right out of his chest. ODB spits blood out of his mouth, as Michael Myers drags the lightsaber up his torso and out his shoulder. The final member of the Wu-Tang Clan falls for the last time.


Etrigan savagely attacks “the Shape.” He blows hellfire at Michael, but Myers keeps coming at Etrigan. He lands several slashes with his lightsaber, but Etrigan revels in the pain. The two continue possibly one of the most brutal fights in recent history of this league. Michael rapidly jams his lightsaber into Etrigan, but the demon form of Jason Blood is just as relentless as Myers is. Etrigan knocks Michael to the ground, and pounces on top of him. He grabs a hold of his head and lets loose a stream of hellfire right at Michael’s face. The white emotionless mask begins to melt away as the hellfire engulfs it. As Michael’s face melts away, he makes one last effort and drives his lightsaber right up underneath Etrigan’s chin. The Demon crumples to the ground as they both die. However, for Etrigan, this was for the final time.


As dawn begins to break over the horizon, that shadow forms in the morning haze. It’s Pablo. The deranged penguin is wielding his trusty flamethrower as he prepares to make his presence felt in this battle.


"All you mother f***ers are mine now!" yells Pablo as he readies his flamethrower.


Howard the Duck, however, swoops in and smacks the penguin in the back of the head with a green energy baseball bat. The penguin crumples to the ground. Howard lands next to the bludgeoned Backyardigan.

"Ryan Poteracki sends his regards you son of a bitch," says the cigar chomping fowl.


Pablo rolls over and with his dying breath replies, "Tell him I said go f*** yourself."


He then surprises Howard by jamming a knife he was concealing into his flamethrower tank, causing it to explode, and roasting both birds.


"Man something smells delicious,” remarks Jay as him, Silent Bob and Suzanne cautiously make their way down the coastline. They are joined by Moon Knight and Beatrix Kiddo.


The Lochness Monster bursts out from the water and scares the holy hell out of Jay who leaps into the arms of the Orangutan.


“Oh yeah… That’s right, Nessie is on our team,” Jay says in a sigh of relief.


The clouds then begin to swirl apart as a beam of energy bursts from the heavens and vaporizes the entire coastline. The laser beam came from the Executor out in space. This certainly got the Murderflies’ attention. Head Coach King Leonidas orders Dobby to apperate the remaining forces to the Executor. The House Elf concentrates as hard as he can and rest of the Murderflies are suddenly aboard the Super Star Destroyer. The ring wielders fly off in organized strikes taking out major power supplies for the massive ship. King Leonidas quickly heads for the bridge where he finds Grand Admiral Thrawn waiting for him. The Grand Admiral fires several quick shots from his blaster, but Leonidas block all of them with his shield. The Spartan king drives his sword into Thrawn’s chest and kills the Grand Admiral.


“The ship is ours,” Leonidas says over the intercom. Black Lantern General Grievous and Forge take over as King Leonidas leaves the bridge to await the arrival of the Backyardigans, who are sure to return. There is then a bright flash outside of the Super Star Destroyer as Dark Phoenix has transported her team back to their ship. Doomsday is running rampant through the enormous spaceship. The first causality of this path of destruction is Dobby, who is crushed beneath Doomsday’s boot.


Wolverine and Gambit continue to work together as they take on Brock Samson and Batgirl. Logan remembers the last time he tangled with Batgirl. In fact, he can still feel the burn on the lightsaber in his chest from where Batgirl drove it in to deal him his first ever FFL death. This time however, she is equipped with a Green Lantern ring. Barbara fires a green energy blast at Wolverine that sends him sailing. Gambit attacks Brock and nails him with a spin kick and then follows it up with a strike from his electrostaff and breaks Brock’s sunglasses. The namesake of the Murderflies grabs Gambit by the ankle when he attempts another spin kick and slams him down to the ground. He then picks up Remy’s electrostaff and drives it right up his ass, killing him. His victory is short-lived though, because Wolverine comes up from behind him and impales Brock with his adamantium claws.


“Ya shouldn’t have done that, bub,” growls Wolverine as he drops Samson.


He then leaps at Batgirl, who ducks and kicks him over the edge of the nearby balcony. Wolverine plummets down the open shaft, but manages to get close enough to the wall to dig his claws in and stop him from falling. Batgirl then begins to fly towards a doorway, when it opens to reveal Boba Fett standing there with his double bladed lightsaber ignited. Batgirl fires several shots from her ring, but Boba deflects them all with his lightsaber. The Mandalorian then rockets through the air courtesy of his jetpack and kicks Barbara down. She throws up a green force field but Boba slashes through it and takes her hand clean off. He then spins the lightsaber in the air and drives it down right into the center of her bat symbol.


Up on the bridge Black Lantern General Grievous and Forge find themselves facing off with Darth Vader. Vader quickly fries Forge with a powerful bolt of Sith lightning and sends him to the graveyard. He then deals with the Black Lantern. Grievous creates multiple black energy lightsabers, but in the end, Vader prevails. Lord Vader then hears the hiss of a door sliding open.


“Ahh, Obi Wan,” he says. “I have been expecting you.”


“I bet you have Darth,” replies Obi-Wan as he ignites his blue lightsaber.


“This will end much differently than the last time we met old friend,” Vader says as he prepares for this dual.


“Oh I don’t think so,” quips Kenobi.


The former friends clash in their usual epic ways whenever they battle. Vader fires a bolt of Sith lightning that Kenobi deflects with his lightsaber. The lightning bounces off the computers surrounding them, sending sparks flying. Kenobi ducks a swing from Vader’s lightsaber and sweeps his legs, but Vader Force pushes Kenobi back. Vader comes after Kenobi, who uses the wall as a ramp and runs up it and flips over Darth. The Sith Lord swings his lightsaber behind his head and blocks Kenobi’s first attack, but Obi-Wan spins around and lops Vader’s arm off, right before relieving Vader’s helmeted head from his shoulders. Obi-Wan drops to his knees in exhaustion after taking out his old Padawan learner.


Boba Fett rockets down a hallway where he is blindsided by a spear, right to his abdomen. This sends him out of control and slamming into wall before plummeting to his doom down the same open shaft that Wolverine is currently scaling. Logan climbs up and over the railing only to have a Spartan sword jammed into his stomach from King Leonidas. Wolverine drops to the ground, bleeding out, but is not down. He gets back to his feet, pops his claws as attacks Leonidas. He slices his shield in two before going into a berserker rage and eviscerates the Spartan King. Logan then stumbles down the corridor, leaving a bloody trail in his wake.


Outside the ship, Odin, Black Panther and Booster Gold try to fend off the trio of Dark Phoenix, Orion and Vulcan. Orion and Black Panther are in a hell of a dog fight courtesy of T’Challa’s Green Lantern Ring and Orion’s Astro Harness. Booster Gold knows that he is incredibly, hilariously outmatched against Vulcan, so he decides to try something crazy. He flies right at Vulcan, and engages his time traveling technology at the moment of impact, which pulls Vulcan through time with him. Booster then tries to let go of the evil Summers’s brother, but Vulcan won’t release him.


“You let me go, and I’ll kill you before I’m torn apart!” screams Vulcan.


“Damn it, well…. I never said this was a good idea,” Booster says to himself. He then kicks Vulcan away, who does keep his promise and blasts Booster Gold with an insane amount of energy seconds before he himself is ripped apart by the space-time continuum.


Back in current time, Odin is keeping Dark Phoenix at bay for the moment, but knows that like Booster Gold, as similar sacrifice is going to have to be made. He conjures all the magically energy he possibly can and unleashes it upon Jean. The explosion is cataclysmic. The Executor is even rocked by the wave. But it does manage get the job done. Dark Phoenix is no more, but at the cost of Odin’s life as well. Orion fires a shot at Black Panther, but T’Challa blocks it with his ring, he then flies in close and with the use of his vibranium outfit, he penetrates Orion’s Astro-Force and is able to slash a huge chunk out of his neck, killing him.


Black Panther flies into the Super Star Destroyer and finds Obi Wan Kenobi still kneeling next to Vader’s body.


“Come my friend,” T’Challa says to his teammate. “This is not over with yet. I can still hear the beast known as Doomsday.”


“Well I don’t like the sound of that fellow,” quips Obi Wan.


“He’s the least of your worries, bub,” grunts Wolverine as he guts Black Panther from behind. “Sorry T’Challa. Nothing personal.”


Obi Wan then re-ignites his lightsaber and awaits Wolverine’s attack. Logan takes several swipes with his claws, but Kenobi blocks them with his lightsaber. He Force pushes Logan back, but he digs his claws into the ground, sparks flying. He snarls and lets out a roar as he leaps at the Jedi Master. Obi Wan quickly maneuvers out of the way and slices Logan in half. Master Kenobi then hears what he believes is a perfect name for such a creature. Doomsday. The beast crashes through the wall and savagely attacks Kenobi. The Jedi Master leaps out of the way, and is able to slice off several of the bone protrusions that are jutting out of Doomsday’s body. He tries to flip over the monster, but is snatches out of mid air. Doomsday then finally brings an end to not only Kenobi’s life but to this match as well.


Stormtrooper #15 is standing in the doorway watching this whole thing transpire. Once he sees Doomsday kill Obi Wan, he quickly becomes as white as his armor. He realizes that he did not die today and that he just drank all of Logan’s beer and smoked several of his cigars.

Season Five: Consolation Round One: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Layander's Super Orange Kitties

Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Duncan Idaho (child version), Mouser and Salacious B. Crumb

Layander's Super Orange Kitties are The Jokester, The Jokester's Pet Monkey, The Mouse with the sword from Narnia, Magwai #2 and Smurf #7.

The ball pit was angry today my friends. The balls in the pit looked like a rainbow colored arsenal of clown bombs rather then just a simple pit of a child’s dream. As far as I could tell, the only members in the pit all belonged to Layander. The Jokester and his pet monkey slowly waded through the plastic wonderland while their teammates were not big enough to be seen.

As the Jokester made his way through the enormous pit, he suddenly felt something hit him in the head. He looked up and what he saw was not only shocking, but really funny. As he located where the balls were coming from he saw a giant mouse standing on top of the massive jungle gym, intermediantley tossing balls down into the pit. He found it funny because as kid he was an avid Mario Brothers 2 fan. Because of this he knew that normally the end boss was known for throwing bombs, not the harmless projectiles that he was launching now.

The Jokester and his monkey began to laugh but soon enough he found himself lying on the bottom of the pit. He could tell that someone had taken his legs out from underneath him but he did not see anybody around. Though this did not hurt the Earth 3 version of the Joker, he was disoriented just enough to not know where his pet monkey had gone. With this realization, he quickly jumped up and was once again hit in the head with a ball. Now more annoyed then anything, he threw a ball back at the mouse. Knowing that this would do nothing to stop the mouse, he moved below the jungle gym out from the range of the flying balls.

On the other side of the pit, Smurf #7 had been trying to find his way through what he considered a very rough terrain. Before he knew it though, he was being picked up and tossed into the hands of Salacious B. Crumb. It did not take long before the smurf was a happy meal in the mouth of Jabba’s most jovial pet. A laugh soon erupted out of the monkey lizard but was quickly silenced as a sword was thrown from the bottom of the pit, directly through the front of his mouth. Salacious B. Crumb was now hanging from the top of the ball pit with a sword through the front of his face, holding him forever from the top of the wall.

The mouse from Narnia sat at the bottom of the pit snickering to himself for a minute and then moved over to his magwai teammate to join him. On the way through the expansive ball pit though, he was snatched up in the hands of his mysterious opponent and brought back down under the multi-colored sea. The mouse attempted to escape his capture but was soon suffocated to death in the hands of his much larger opponent. The same fate fell upon the magwai as he too was brought down to the ground, having his life snuffed out in the same exact fashion as the mouse.

As the mysterious assailant waded through the balls a bit more he realized he had dispatched of his final adversary; or so he thought. His first and only mistake was taking his eye off the ball (sorry about that) because as soon as Duncan Idaho brought his head out of the ball pit, he found himself staring directly at the Jokester, who was holding the sword that had so recently killed his teammate. Duncan tried to avoid the blade of the weapon but before he could even defend himself, the Jokester had sliced a perfectly placed cut from one side of his neck to the other, making Dario Argento proud. The bottom layer of the ball pit now ran red with the blood of the youngster, ending his life before the Jokesters eyes.

The Jokester laughed as he watched the blood ooze out of the dune hero’s body. He then came out from underneath the ball pit and was once again hit in the head with a ball from Mouser. Now only mildly annoyed, he searched the place to see if he could locate his pet. It didn’t take long before he found the monkey, who had climbed up to the top of the gym. He called for him to come down as the coast was finally clear. The monkey quickly hoped down from his perch and landed into the pit. The monkey was quick to get his bearings back but before he was able to head towards his owner he was also hit in the head with a ball. The Jokester reassured him that they were only balls when he looked over at the projectile sitting next to his friend and noticed a fiery wick coming out of the top.

The Jokester: Harley, that’s not just a ball…

The bomb then exploded and killed the pet monkey, really making the good guy version of the joker mad. As was previously mentioned, the Jokester was well versed in Mario 2 strategy so before he could morn the death of his pet, he waited for the Mario villain to throw another bomb to the ground. Sure enough, the giant mouse launched another bomb towards the pit and as soon as it came towards him, he threw it back at the mouse. The bomb exploded and the smile once again returned to the Jokesters face. Though it wasn’t there for long, because as soon as the smoke cleared, he found himself still looking up at Mouser.

The Jokester: Come on, three times? Really?

As the Jokester now knew, Mouser was only as good as dead once you laid the three bombs on him, not just one. Annoyance now poured over his face as he knew what had to be done. Given, this took a little longer then expected because it took another ten minutes before the mouse threw a bomb, as he was still continually throwing harmless Mcdonald’s balls down to the ground as well. In fact, this took so long that after he hit him with the second bomb he went out into the dining area and had lunch. He ordered a six piece nugget and the new Blueberry and banana nut oatmeal with a coke. The oatmeal was quite good, though he still liked the regular apples and raisons variety a bit more.

He watched for a while until he finally saw the mouse with a bomb in hand. Instead of running in there right quick though, he decided to try something that he always wondered about. He remembered as a child that if Mouser was holding a bomb in the game and you ran away from him that when you came back, the bomb would be gone. So instead of just ending it the easy way, he decided to have some fun with it. He stood up and through the window of the ball pit he stared directly at Mouser who was holding the bomb in his hand but instead of walking towards him, he turned around and walked away. As the Jokester was walking back towards the main counter he heard a loud explosion and then turned around. When he looked back all he saw was the dead body of the giant mouse lying on the blood soaked floor of the ball pit. He stared in through the window of the pit, smiling ear to ear.

The Jokester: Looks like the AI in the real world’s pretty good after all.

Yardigans vs Murderflies Update.

The final Round 1 Playoff match will be posted later tonight. Sorry for the delay.

George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

George Washington's Slaves are Ultra Man, Yoda (w/ a green lantern ring) and Kybuck, Black Lantern Hal Jordan, Cade Skywalker, Spongebob Squarepants (w/ a trident), Agen Kolar, Connor McLeod, Sifo Dyas, Amazo, Cassandra Nova, Cosmos, Cthulu, Wedge Antilles (w/ a green lantern ring) and R5-D4 in an X-Wing, Zombie Rodimus Prime (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership/AKA: Rodimus Prime), Sandworm #16-18, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #8, (The Shark from) Jaws, Ymir, and Roadbuster.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Vampire Achilles, Jean Grey Phoenix (w/ a palantir), Flamebird and Nightwing), Joseph, Krona, Ophidian/Medusa, Ion/Sodom Yat, Adara/Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master, Proselyte/Hanibal Lectur, The Butcher/Amazon #17, Predator/Ella (w/ blue lightsaber and other goodies), Kyle Rayner: Parallax, White Lantern Sinestro, Black Lantern Mike Sroka, Starscream, The Stunticons: Motor Master (w/ a red lantern ring), Dead End, Break Down, Wildrider, and Drag Strip, Sheanna Atreides, Bugs Bunny (w/ a flying broomstick), Larry Reamer (w/ a green lightsaber and Mandalorian Armor), Josh Houslander: Jedi Master (w/ a blue lantern ring), Laya: Jedi Padawan (w/ Piplup and a Rocketpack), Alex: Jedi Padawan (w/ Mithril Vest) on an Oscorp Glider, and Life Model Decoy #1-3.


As I begin to witness this match, I have a strange feeling come over me. I have a feeling that several people may shine so brightly in what is about to transpire that it may appear that the performance of others is dim, when they are just simply being outdone by someone that is performing on a level that is nothing less than stellar. Like in any important sports match-up (yeah, I'm referring to Fantasy Fantasy as a sport now (you guys didn't really think I could relinquish the control of the league that was born from my own twisted nerd psyche and not go a little crazy did you))? Some of your favorite players may appear to play at not quite the level that you expect from them; but in all actuality there was nothing they could actually do when faced with a person having the game of their career. And this my fellow sports fans, I feel will be one of those nights...

The Slaves have been a desert powerhouse, since half way through Season One when they made their monumental trade with Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies to get six of the league's coveted Sandworms (there were only a total of twenty at the time). But with this “desert power”, as Leto Atreides once described it comes the knowledge that sandworms are not the easiest teammates to aid, which is why the rest of The Slaves (other than the three sandworms) have been ordered to stay away from the desert region all together. “The Horsemen don't need any help getting kills from our own team” was Head Coach George Washington's exact quote in the pre-game speech. Jaws and Spongebob cover the sea, while Cosmos, Wedge, and Black Lantern Hal Jordan cover space. Cthulu is placed on its own in the deepest swamp area, with Yoda, Kybuck, and the Ginaz swordsmen about a mile away on the outskirts of the swamp. Only Ymir is waiting in the arctic. The rest of the Slaves set up camp directly in the center of The Play-off Planet's Metropolitan area, knowing that they can expect a full-frontal attack from The Horsemen (we all know how The Horsemen prefer full-frontal). The Horsemen hang back in the forest region while Phoenix uses her own powers, and those of the palantir to see where The Slaves have been placed and decide whom they should send into what area, to undue their opponent. Aside from the palantir, The Horsemen have an advantage in this match that they are not very used to; which is having their opponents outnumbered. The newly made compassionate coach Hanibal Lectur makes the calls, not in the locker room; but right here in the field. It is decided that Sheanna shall lead Phoenix, Rayner, and Medusa in to the desert to take on the sandworms. The sea is going to be ignored by The Horsemen for the time being (until more soldiers become available from what they hope will be easily won skirmishes). “Jaws isn't going anywhere, we will have plenty of time to take him out later.” says Hanibal when his plan is questioned by Season One Veteran Larry Reamer. Krona is being split from his entities and joined with Nightwing and Flamebird to attempt to take out Cthulu and take control of the swamps. “What of Yoda's small party? They appear to be in the swamp region as well”? Asks the Palantir toting Phoenix. “Searching out Yoda will be far to consuming of both time and manpower”. says Hanibal. He finishes with: “Besides, the longer Yoda stays hidden, the better it is for us, I am sure we aren't lucky enough to have him stay out of the main battle for long”. Achilles, who at one point; and in his original form would have been the obvious choice to lead The Horsemen in the desert, doesn't seem to enjoy the heat of the sun like he used to; which is why he along with Predator Ella, one of her top teachers and now holder of her mother's former entity Butcher Barbera (Amazon #17), Larry, Josh, Laya, Alex, and Piplup are all being sent to take out The Slaves top-drafted rookie for this year: Ymir. Starscream is going to be flanked by Black Lantern Sroka and Ion in space. “I, myself shall lead the charge in the city's main battle; and be ready Horsemen. For no palantir can prepare even a squad of our power for what The Slaves have waiting for us” says the Indigo-entity infused serial killer as this match finally begins...

Vampire Achilles is surprised to see that his squad can keep up with him as he begins running through the snow on the way to take on Ymir on his home turf. The immense frost giant is not to hard to find lumbering through the arctic. Josh, Ella, and Barb take to the air to fight Ymir from up high, while Vampire Achilles, and the rest of the crew battle closer to the ground. Ymir swings his mighty fist and slams Amazon #17 into a glacier, destroying both her and her entity. Vampire Achilles moves swiftly attacking the ankles of Ymir while Larry finds himself backed in to a corner on the ground. Master Houslander sees Larry in trouble and yells: “Padawans, help him out”. With this order, both Laya and Alex fly in to the fray courtesy of their jetpack and glider. They get there just in time to be crushed by the huge foot of Ymir, along with Larry. Just then, a green lightsaber begins sawing at the other leg of Ymir; which prompts Master Houslander to yell once again. This time the order is: “Padawans, help him out for real”!! Laya and Alex, along with Piplup fly in once again to help out Larry who is sawing at Ymir's foot; but this time they are real and not the three LMD's that Ymir just destroyed. Ymir screams in pain, but The Horsemen Ice Squad is relentless. Ella hits him with a burst of violet energy; but Achilles is pounded in to the ground by the enraged Ymir. While Laya, Alex, and Piplup hit him from behind, Josh uses a force push to unsteady the creature. Larry then takes this oppurunity to rocket up to the face of Ymir with the Mandalorian Armor he received from his falled friend and teammate Chris Artrip and stick his lightsaber directly in to the throat of Ymir to take him out. What is left of the squad regroups next to the body of the fallen frost giant, when they decide that they must immedietely make there way to the city to aid Coach Hanibal in his attack.

Sheanna wanders in to the deep desert, knowing that her movement will attract Shai Halud. Her squad stays close, but they cannot imagine that despite the powers that they know a sandworm can possess (The Horsemen have one in their locker room themselves). They still don't think that their powers can be consumed by a naturally occurring beast... We shall see... The massive Sandworm #16 comes crashing out of the dunes, causing The Horsemen to scatter. Phoenix and Rayner fly off in different directions, while Sheanna remains calm as she sees the mouth of the great maker come down directly over top of Medusa. “The desert takes many great warriors” Sheanna says to herself as she slowly raises her arms and begins to concentrate. She is torn by her love of the true Arrakis and to her loyalty to The Horsemen of Apokolips, but she lets the worms decide how they will follow her will. She had originally asked Coach Lectur to let her go in to the desert alone but he insisted on that she take some high-powered characters with her. She uses her latent telepathic ability to see that this will most likely be folly. But, the worms to listen to her thoughts. Sandworm #17 and #18 both come crashing out of the sand within about 25 feet of Sheanna on either side. Phoenix and Rayner thought that they would be safe, this close to Sheanna but this notion proves wrong as #17 inhales Phoenix, and #18 Rayner. The two of them then crash together in mid-air above Sheanna. A large “boom” is heard echoing throughout the Play-off Planet as the two worms mix of sheer size and engulfed power kill them both on impact. Even Sheanna cannot stop the weight of two enormous worms from falling on her head. Her last sad thought in killing the two worms is that at least two thirds of her mission was completed.

Krona approaches Cthulu, while being flanked by both Flamebird and Nightwing. The three Horsemen are more than impressed when they see the massive Cthulu at a distance, but these soldiers have all battled large creatures before, so why should this one be different. The three of them fly in fast, but Cthulu grabs Krona out of the air and swallows him as if he is popping a piece of candy and then traps the two Kryptonians in his wings. The bane of human existance effortlessly squeezes its wings together for a couple of minutes before releasing the tension and dropping the dead bodies of Flamebird and Nightwing in to the festering swamps. For many days Cthulu does nothing more than sleep... But not today; today the elder thing has come here to die... And I as a watcher am curious to see what carnage comes with the death of the star-spawn...

Throughout all of this, the main battle in the city has been raging. Luke Skywalker has already taken out Cassandra Nova and her Demon Rod, and is now battling with both Agen Kolar and Connor McLeod. The Stunticons are still racing through the city in their vehicle forms causing problems for every possible Slave, but is not yet fighting anybody in particular, that is until Roadbuster finds out the hard way that The Stunticons own the road and that he is busted. By the red energy aided front end of the Mack Truck known as Motor Master that is. Amazo went against orders and wandered in to space and met a quick demise from the Ion powered Sodom Yat. White Lantern Sinestro is fixed in a pitched battle with Cade Skywalker (I'm not even giving props to Becks anymore for the “pitched thing”. I'm now just stealing it for my own). Hanibal Lectur is battling with Jedi Council Member Sifo Dyas, when he begins to think that his plan may be working out. He fears the worst about the swamp and desert but he is pleased with how the city battle is going down and has just received word that what is left of Achilles' team will be rendezvousing with them here in the city shortly. But we will return to this skirmish soon enough...

Up in space, Black Lantern Hal Jordan is delighted to find Sodom Yat and Black Lantern Sroka nearby one another. “Hmm, not only do I get to prove that I was the best green lantern ever, but I can show off being the best Black Lantern as well” Says Jordan as he rips the heart out of Sodom Yat. Hal actually enjoys the reminiscent feeling of green energy flow through him as he feels the Ion entity dissipate around his own dead body. Mike Sroka attacks him next, but due to all of the latent ring powers deep within Hal, a mere touch disintegrates Sroka in to the nothingness of space. Jordan then gets a radio transmission from his fellow pilot Wedge that says: “We got this up here Hal, it seems like they could use your help down in the city”. Cosmos then sends a private message to his Captain Wedge saying: “Damn Wedge, I'm glad you got rid of that guy, he's a good fighter; but he gives me the creeps”. Wedge receives the message, but before he can respond, Starscream rockets through Cosmos leaving nothing in his wake. Wedge and Starscream then engage each other in a hellacious dogfight that brings them back and forth throughout the entire play-off planet and all the space around it. Wedge was a bit uncertain of why he was chosen as The Slaves newest green lantern,when he prefers to be in the cockpit of a ship and nowhere else. But it is not to say that he is not putting the ring to good use. Wedge has completely removed the shields, laser cannons, and life support systems from his X-Wing, and has shifted that power to the engines. He has kept the advanced missiles attached, but has no need for lasers, when he can shoot green energy from the mounted cannons, nor does he have any need for shields when his green energy aura protects better than a conventional ray shield could. The same goes for any life support systems or ejecting protocols because he has the ability to survive in deep space on his own. Wedge has also removed the hyper-drive motivator to lose as much unnecessary weight as possible to make what is in essence the fastest X-Wing ever flown. He has made sure that despite his favorite ships durability, that it is faster than any A-Wing or Tie Interceptor that The Alliance or The Empire has ever constructed. And he definitely needs it against the maneuvering abilities of The Cybertronian born Starscream. As exciting as this dogfight is, I don't see it wrapping up any time soon, so I will get back to the rest of the battle...

Larry, Josh, and the gang are on their way to the city, when Hannibal radios them to say that Bugs Bunny has spotted Jaws from his flying broomstick, so they should rendezvous with him in the water to do what they can to take out the massive shark. They know no other way to destroy Jaws other than, diving in the water to take him out, which is exactly what they do. Spongebob attacks first, while his great white teammate circles his prey. Spongebob jumps directly in to the mouth of Piplup and lets his body swell up from the moisture, which then causes the Pokemon Penguin to burst. “hahahahahaha little penguin parts” says Spongebob annoyingly. Spongebob then notices that Jedi Josh is a bit out of sorts in the water and manages to put his trident directly though Josh's dome. Bugs bunny than flies in behind him and says: “Man, these new cartoons are so lame” as he shoves his broomstick up Spongebob's rear pore and out the top of his head to rip him apart. Larry grabs his buddy Bugs in embrace and celebration which of course reminds him of Bugs Bunny dressed up as a girl bunny (which he always found attractive). The two then have a moment, but it is short-lived as the two Looney Tunes are bitten in half by Jaws. “This is getting old, let's get him” screams Laya, as her, Alex, and their cousin Ella send a barrage of firepower down on to Jaws from the air, until the shark eventually stops swimming. Laya radios back to Coach Hanibal and says: “The sea area is clear of Slaves; but we lost some good men. We are on our way back to the city”.

Starscream is being chased by Wedge, when they find themselves over the desert area. The aerial acrobatics are incredible from both, until they are confronted with a near impossible task. The last remaining sandworm (#16) crashes out of the sands and swallow both Starscream and Wedge's X-Wing. The two ships find themselves trapped within the worm and are navigating around the insides , amazingly staying alive inside its massive gut. They manage to evade internal organs, mounds of thousand year old sand, melange deposits, and dripping acid that could one day make transform a Bene Gesserit Witch into a Reverend Mother. The two dogfighters are still attacking one another as well, until they notice that the mouth of the worm has once more opened up, they disengage from each other and both begin racing towards the worms open mouth when they realize that they cannot make it out in time. The sandworm then closes its massive mouth and dives back in to the sand. The two of them are navigating tight twists and turns, just to stay alive, when Wedge receives a message from Starscream through R5-D4. “You are skilled pilot human, and I can't wait to kill you; but the truth is neither of us have enough firepower to blast out of this worm by ourselves”. Wedge answers back: “You're right, and if we try it while this worm is still under the sand than we both die in the avalanche”. R5 chimes in via text: “It looks like we may have to work together”. Starscream then yells loud enough to be heard without digital communication: “Know one thing: I hate humans and Slaves, so as soon as we are out of this, you are dead”!! “Ditto” replies the soft-spoken Wedge as the two ships form up side by side. They see the worm begin to move from a horizontal position to a vertical one and know that the worm is ejecting out of the sand once again. The Maker makes it turn back towards the sand quick, which means that they will have to attempt to exit at the tail unless they want to crash in to the dunes right after they escape. The two ships form up belly to belly as they both fire all of their missiles at the wall that is the sandworm's innards. They manage to blast a hole through the worms skin just large enough for both Starscream and Wedge's X-Wing to escape and then immediately resume their dogfight. The compromised worm on the other hand is killed as it falls to the ground. Wedge and Starscream then find themselves over the city as we lead in to the final battleground, containing every last member of both teams. Luke has broken off from his battle with Kolar and McLeod and was briefly confronted by Cade Skywalker. In what was only a fraction of a second for a non-Jedi the two Skywalkers decided that they need not end each other's lives (and FFL Careers) unless absolutely necesarry; so they parted ways. Joseph is attempting to attack Ultra Man, but is having little success against the massive robot. He finally begins to make some headway and move him when Yoda and his crew finally enter the match. Yoda had hoped to draw some of The Horsemen squad into the swamp to fight both him and Cthulu, but he came to the realization that he would have to bring the fight to them. Yoda on his mini-steed Kybuck races past Joseph and leaves his Ginaz Warrior to deal with Joseph. Joseph turns quickly away from Ultra Man and attempts to turn The Swordsmen of Ginaz's metal weapons against him, but the Swordsmen dodges the attacks from his own sword and uses his finger nail to slice the throat of Joseph in one swift motion. This feat is not much appreciated by Luke Skywalker who throws his lightsaber into the chest of The Ginaz Swordsmen and then instantly pulls it back with the force. Laya, Alex, and Ella draw their lightsabers, as they are confronted by Agen Kolar, Connor McLeod, and Syfo Dyas. The Predator and the two Padawans fall quickly to the three accomplished swordsmen. Luke shows up just to a few seconds to late to save the trio; but he easily avenges them by taking out Dyas, Kolar, and McLeod with his mastery of the force and the art of lightsaber battling. Black Lantern Hal Jordan is met by his old teacher Sinestro high up in the city skies. It is not Sinestro's experience that wins him the battle though, it is due to the fact that he is the one wielding the light power over the dark powers of evil. Motor Master gives the order for The Stunticons to “merge and form Menacer”, and Rodimus Prime rolls up to meet the much larger gestalt in battle. Even the Autobot leader may be a bit mismatched to go single-handedly against a Red Lantern powered gestalt (once the Stunticons form Menacer the red ring immediately gets larger and can be seen prominently on his finger). This fight never gets to take place though as Starscream leads his ongoing dogfight with Wedge in that direction and take out Rodimus with his last missile. “I bet you thought I used all of those to get out of the sandworm!! Well, I saved one for you human, to bad I couldn't pass up taking out the Autobot leader, but I'll still manage to take out your ship with my lasers”!! Starscream scream to the stars. Starscream then gets right on Wedge's six and begins firing but Wedge is able to evade the attacks. Starscream attempts to cut him off at the pass by going low around a building but Wedge gets daring and goes even lower. He flies down beneath an overpass and then doubles back quick to find himself face to face with Starscream. Wedge takes one perfectly aimed shot and then pulls up, leaving only Cybertronian dust where Starscream once was. As I see this, I think to myself that no person could possibly understand the maneuverability of an X-Wing better than Wedge Antilles, accept for maybe one person. Luke Skywalker sees this dogfight transpire from the ground and says: “Sorry old friend” as he uses the force to bring down a building a half mile ahead of Wedge which falls perfectly onto the X-Wing as it races by killing both Wedge and R5-D4. Luke forms up with Hanibal, Sinestro, and Menacer as they notice the coming of Cthulu from the East. To the West of The Horsemen is Yoda, Kybuck, Ultra Man, and Cade Skywalker. Menacer uses his red lantern ring to take to the air; but Ultra Man grabs a hold of The Decepticon and brings the entire Gestalt down hard into the concrete ground. This kills Dead End and Break Down instantly but, Motor Master flies back up in defiance. Ultra Man is able to deliver an upper cut to Motor Master that knocks the rage and the life right out of him. After this, Ultra Man is able to make short work of Wild rider and Drag Strip. Luke is filled with an over-abundance of hope from the Adara/Blue entity, and he uses this to his absolute advantage. Luke attacks like he hasn't since the day he killed his own father and almost crossed over to the dark side. The two sides clash, knowing that this skirmish will be the deciding factor on whose play-off dreams die today; and which live on. Cade and Yoda begin battling with Sinestro and Hanibal, while Luke uses the force to rip apart Ultra Man as if he were breaking a glass jar on the sidewalk. Cade manages to take out The Horsemen Head Coach, but then Luke rockets some of the shrapnel in the direction of the Slaves and then continues to use the force to pull his own team away from the carnage. Cade Skywalker is taken off guard but manages to just barely get out of the way of the huge metal pieces; but Yoda (the true target of the attack) is caught on the right side of his body. The smallish Jedi shakes off the pain and realizes that his green lantern ring is gone and that his right arm has been cut off at the elbow and that he is laying on top of a dead Kybuck. There was an old saying at the Jedi Temple among Younglings who would ask who the second best lightsaber swordsmen in the whole Jedi Order was (Yoda obviousely being the first). The answer that the fencing trainers always gave was: “Yoda with his left hand” Yoda grabs his lightsaber with his only remaining hand and begins to move towards his old padawan, knowing that in this case, that old adage cannot possibly be true. Yoda shakes off the pain anyway, knowing that his last remaining teammate is going to need his help. He looks to his right and sees Luke removing the head of Cade Skywalker with his lightsaber; but then sees Luke turn to face Cthulu. The Adara Entity simply fades away, as there is no hope in the face of the Called Cthulu. Luke force leaps toward the creature; but Cthulu manages to catch Luke in his octopus arms and absorb his power in store for the end of time. Cthulu seems almost drunk with the power he has absorbed as he walks through the city when Sinestro releases the full power of the White Ring: For imminent death is no match for the power of life. White Lantern Sinestro destroys Cthulu just as he hears a jumping grunt come from the one-armed Yoda who takes out the killer of the killer of worlds and makes...

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benderz

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Immell #20 (Iron Jedi) (w/ a red lightsaber), Immell #16 (Death Hammer), and Kevin Perrira (w/ a Legion Flight Ring and Throwing Knives).

The Tijuana Taco Benderz are The Jetsons: George, Jane, Judy, Elroy, Astro, Orbitty, and Rosey the Robot and The Towani Family: Catarine (w/ a pokeball), Jeremitt (w/ a laser sword), Mace (w/ a laser gun) and Cindel (w/ a star wand).


“BALLS”!! Says... I'm just kidding, nobody actually said that. I just thought it would be a funny way to start this “ballz to the wallz” conzolation match-up. The Z's in the names of these two teams, I assure you will be the only ones around, cuz ain't nobody gonna fall asleep during this one. The smell of sweaty sockz and chicken McNugettz fillz the air, as I finish my Southern Style Chicken Sandwich (I know that McDonalds discontinued it a while back, but I am after all an all-powerful Watcher). Ballz are flying everywhere throughout the ball pit as Iron Jedi and The Jetsons jetpacks send more air out through this tight space than my ex-wife talking about Pilates on a five hour drive to the Upper Penisula. Kevin Perrira decides that he would be better leaving this match and going to a better one (much like he did on Attack of the Show) but as he is leaving Catarine Towani throws her pokeball at him and hits him in the back of the head. “EPIC FAIL” are the words that ring out of the sky from nowhere as he turns around to see the newest member of The Taco Benderz: Charmander. Kevin throws one of his knives at Charmander, but misses and instead hits its new pokemon trainer Catarine in the face. “Well ain't that about a bitch” yells her son Mace, who has obviously been watching some MTV while riding the bench for the 1 and 8 Benderz this season. Mace then cocks his laser gun to the side and smokes the Attack of the Show Host like it ain't no thang. Iron Jedi and Death Hammer are then attacked by the rest of the Towani family, but the two Immells parry the attacks from their laser sword and star wand with their lightsaber and over-sized .44 Magnum shooting axe. The 2 Immells then finish off Jeremitt and Cindel with ease. The two Immells then find themselves surrounded by Mace, Charmander, and The Jetsons, when Mace turns to the father figure of his teammates family and says: “Hey George, I've got a joke for you”. “Let's hear it” says both George and Elroy simultaneously. Mace continues: “What do you call the genetically engineered clone on The Jetsons”? Jane sighs, while Judy says in a ditzy voice: “Well, I don't remember there being any genetically engineered clones on our show”. Mace then says in a smug voice: “Yeah, isn't the future great”. “REPRESENT” Yells Rosey as she uses the telling of this distorted joke as her opening for this modern-age-gangsta-battle-cry. Jane then screams “NOW” as the four Jetsons turn their jetpacks on full blast and start blasting balls in the face of the two Immells as a diversion, while the rest of The Benderz Squad rushes in to attack. Iron Jedi and Death Hammer still manage to mow through both George (by Iron Jedi) and Jane (by Death Hammer). They then back peddle a bit but still manage to bring the Iron Hammer (that's their cute pet name for when they team up together) down on Judy (Iron Jedi) and Astro (Death Hammer). Their reign of terror then comes to a close as Rosey the Robot whips up a massive rotating kitchen knife that finds a kink in the Stark made armor of Iron Jedi, while Elroy uses a fire blast from Charmander to take Death Hammer off guard and trip the Death Adder/Sledgehammer Clone, which makes him loose his grip on his masive axe which then falls directly into his heart (ya know, like at the end of Golden Axe (for those of you who have never beat the game). “Word” says Mace. “Word is right cuz, … word is right” replies Elroy.

Play-Offs 2012- Round 1: Team Sleeping Pussy vs Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers

Team Sleeping Pussy is:

Mr. Fred Rogers w/Purple Lightsaber
Dr Manhattan
Silver Surfer w/ Green Lantern Ring **9 DEATHS**
Planetary:  Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer and Ambrose Chase
Zombie Mothra **9 DEATHS**
Zombie Mephisto
Black Lantern Kyle Rayner
Wild C.A.T.S.:  Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Lord Emp and Void
Mimic
Black Lantern Mister Fantastic
Black Lantern Leeloo
Dolpin
Namor with a Trident
Aspen
Bullseye with Red Lightsaber
Dr Strange with Mithril Vest
KaZar and Zabu
Western Ghost Rider
Kang the Conqueror **9 DEATHS**

Griffin's Dope Fiends and Destroyers are:

Yellowjacket (Hank Pym)
George Weasley
Fred Weasley
Plastic Man
Black Lantern Cloverfield Monster
Fantomex and EVA
Hoppy the Marvel Bunny
Robin Hood
Little John
Dr. Light
Dust
Venom (Flash Thompson)
State Farm Agent w/ LEGION flight ring
Geiko Gekko
Lifelock Robot
The Monkguin
The Screen Trax Robot
Parademons #1,2,3,4,5, & 6
Young Avengers: Patriot, Wiccan, Hulkling, Hawkeye (girl), Stature, Speed, and Iron Lad
Doom Patrol: The Chief, Robotman, Negative Man, Elasti-Woman, Mento & Ambush Bug
RED Crew: Frank Moses, Joe Matheson, Marvin Boggs, Victoria & Ivan Simanov
Predator Crew: "Dutch" Schaefer, George Dillon, Mac Elliot, Billy Sole, Blain Cooper, Jorge "Poncho" Ramierz, and Rich Hawkins



Kang the Conqueror eyes the Play-Off Planet, reminiscing about his various appearances there. He's deep in thought when an uncharacteristically angry Silver Surfer approaches him.

"Know this Conqueror,should you attempt to use me as a pawn like you did last time, I will show no hesitation in ending your miserable, wretched life. The Surfer is no man's pawn! I'll assist you in your scheme, but should you attempt to do more then you've disclosed, you will regret it."

"Really, Surfer? Is what Kang did so different from what your former master, Galactus, had you doing for countless years? How much blood is on your hands from that? What I conspired to do is no different, so spare me your bluster and indignation. If not for Kang, we might not even be on this return trip, so Kang will not be lectured by the likes of you. Now, be off. Kang must prepare. "

"Just honor the deal monster. Or, you will regret it." and the Surfer storms off.

"Fear not, wretch" mumbles Kang "You shall not be the ally is betray today. But you shall forever earn Kang's undying hatred."

"We've got everything in place, Kang."  interrupts Mr Fantastic "The package is just where you said it'd be. In the city, surronded by his familiars."

"Then begin. Kang has business elsewhere" and with that he departs

With that, Team Sleeping Pussy launches into the city and begins battling the Dope Fiends. It's the Doom Patrol vs the WildCATS. The two teams are pretty evenly matched, and blood has yet to be spilled.  Suddenly there's a huge screech as zombie Mothra appears in the city and levels everything with one of his blasts.  As everyone struggles to get up, Bullseye appears and quickly slays Mento. He gathers his corpse, the joins Spartan as they're all whisked away by the Silver Surfer.

The Surfer and his passengers land, and black lantern Mr Fantastic quickly attaches the corpse of Mento to a giant device.

"Hurry, the brain electricity is fading." says the Drummer. as he beings affixing cables to Mento's helmet and to Spartan. Then straps Mento into the Pussies gigantic device.

"It's in. Manhattan, power it up." says Reed

As Dr Manhattan begins to charge up the device,  Spartan turns to Bullseye and tells him "Do it."

Bullseye strikes Spartan down, and just as the WildCATS leader falls, Mento's eyes flutter open.

"I'm in" says Mento

"Excellent. Strange. You're up"

Dr Strange puts his hands on Mento/Spartans head and begins chanting.

"The psychic link is active. We're linking in to almost every active mind on the team. I just can't find a few of them." says Drummer.

"No matter, we'll have the numbers. Now!"  commands Kang.

"My spectral form is now in front of  you all" says Strange. "You are powerless to resist me. ADAVRA KADAVER!!!"

With that, just about all of Griffin's Dope fiends fall to the ground, dead.  The only hope for Griffin's squad are the Young Avengers and the black lantern Cloverfield Monster.

While there's not alot of hope for the Dope Fiends, these are still some heavy hitters. The Cloverfield monster is decimating whatever opponents get in front of it. Taking out the remaining WildCATS, Namor, Dolphin and Aspen. An impressive bodycount, but the powerhouse duo of Dr Manhattan and the Silver Surfer arrive and put the beast down.

The Young Avengers quickly huddle in a cave, and plot strategy.

"Look, we may not win." begins Patriot "But I'll be damned if we...HURK!"

Patriot drops to the floor dead.

"What's happening?" screams Hawkeye as she notches an arrow.

"I'llgocheckreallyqui-" begins Speed but as he rushes out of the cave he's decapitated.

"Was I ever really so young and naive to surround myself with such incompetent children?" says Kang as he enters his opponents sanctuary. As he enters he fires a shot and kills Wiccan before he can avenge the loss of his twin brother,

Hawkeye fires an arrow at the conqueror, but it bounces off of Kang's forcefield. He then kills her for the effort. Hulkling and Stature are also dispatched just as easily.

"Now then, how about we have a chat?" he says to IronLad.

"Monster!! How could you? They were our friends??" screams the younger Kang.

"Friends??!!! You dare speak to me of friends? Friends are nothing that lasts. Glory. Glory is what lasts. Tell me, will your "friends" be as true to you as glory is when they learn that YOU were what brought us victory today, boy?"

"Whu-what?" asks a bewildered IronLad

"You're a younger version of me" says Kang "Do you think I'd forget a moment like this? My entire squadron slaughtered as if they were nothing??!!  My friends slain right before my eyes, despite me already sparing them the fate that befell my other comrades??!!!  I remember it boy, I remember it ALL and that is why it has transpired exactly this way. I did all this, because I ALREADY LIVED THROUGH IT!!!" Kang spews "I know exactly what you're thinking right now. 'It can't be true. Even with this going on, I'd never plot against my allies like that', you may think. Well child, let me tell you that I'm living proof. You. Are. Wrong."

"LIAR" screams IronLad who fires a blast at Kang, who easily sidesteps the shot. IronLad screams and rushes forward, only to be casually slapped to the side.

"Idiot." Kang sneers "Let me tell you how the rest of this existence goes. You will die. Numerous times. You will see many, MANY more friends and allies perish before your eyes. You WILL learn that in this life we lead the only thing worth having is glory. It is the only thing that cannot be taken away from you. Remember this moment, boy. You may not understand or appreciate what I say now, but you will. And the sooner the better."

"You're wrong" sniffs IronLad "I'll die before I become as twisted as you are."

"You're exactly right" says Kang who fires a blast right through the head of IronLad. "And damn you for it"

With that, Kang looks longingly at the bodies of the friends he had once so many years ago.

"For glory" Kang whispers and departs