Love,
-Josh
Saturday, June 14, 2008
The BBQ
The BBQ is July 12th at the Beckerman residence. This date is official, so I hope that everyone can make it. If you can't, YOU SUCK, and I hate you for life. Just Kidding, we will miss you but we can't cater to everyone. There is unfortunetely no magic date that is perfect for everybody, so I hope that all involved with Fantasy Fantasy will be able to do what they can to make it. Please contact me later, by phone for time of the party, and directions. Thank you all for your patience (it is after all a virtue). I will hope to see you all there, and remember live the journey for every destination is but a doorway to the next. Don't say goodbye say good journey............. Well anyway, I could ramble on all night (God knows I've got the spare time) but I'll just wrap this up instead. Peace Out, LATE, Rack Em, and I'll smell all you fart eating chumps later.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The BBQ
A LONG TIME AGO IN A BLOG FAR FAR AWAY
Bryan Beckerman has invited us to his home for a BBQ and to save his friends in the FFL from iminent boredom, but the vile gangster Josh Houslander has managed to find ways to screw up when it is going to take place time and time again.
Little does Bryan know that the FFL's sinister agents (Josh & Ryan) have secretly begun construction of a 2nd season that will be even dorkier than the first dreaded Fantasy Fantasy League.
When decided upon, the date of this BBQ will spell certain doom for the small band of dorks struggling to restore their lives back to normal.
Please post a comment as to what days are good for everybody! Thanks,
-Josh.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The Universe Bowl: Team Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
Team is Superman (designated leader), Unicron, Neo, Trinity, Seraph, God Emperor Leto II, Godzilla, King Kong, Treebeard, Fortress Maximus, The Combaticons, Dirge, Swoop, Shockwave, Astrotrain, Blitzwing, Original Titan #1 & 2, The Evil Paul Atreides Ghola, Bashar Miles Teg Ghola, Space Ghost w/ Jan, Jace, & Blip, Luke Skywalker, Jengo Fett, Griffin Poteracki, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Sarumon the White, He-Man w/ Battle Cat, The Shining Force, Samus, Sephiroth, & Dozer #7.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Gandalf w/ Shadowfax, Wonder Woman & Wonder Girl, Poison Ivy, Obi Wan Kenobi, Even Piel, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Hecate, The Penguin, Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12, Allia Atreides, The Sando Aqua Monster, Jaws: The Shark, Snow Trooper #46-50, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Arwen Evenstar, John Mclaine, Morpheus, Jules Winfield & Vincent Vega, Atreides Soldier #1-6, Catwoman, Evil Lyn, Karg, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #1-6, Marcellus Wallace, Horse #26-31, Vito Corleone, Santino Corleone, Silver Dragon #1-6, Emperor Palpatine, The Riddler, Velociraptor #31-34, Man at Arms & Teela, Robin Hood & Little John, Glinda the Good Witch, Dr. Juliet Burke, James “Sawyer” Ford, Storm Trooper #51-57, Juliet Capulet, Courtney Cox, & Padme Amidala.
The match we have all been waiting for has finally arrived. The battle for the first ever Fantasy Fantasy League Championship. Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte knows full well that his team’s weakness is space but despite this problem he has assured all members of the media that he has something special up his sleeve to handle the problem of Team’s largest member Unicron. One of Le Petite Corporal’s most trusted fighters Padme Amidala has been chosen to lead the space attack, but other than that they have been very hush hush about what their plan entails. Wonder Woman, in a brief statement before the match simply said “Don’t Worry, Superman is mine”. As she was walking off the stage Wonder Girl approached the microphone and added “She means ours” and then the sidekick followed her off the stage. As the battle begins He-Man and Battle Cat, who were extremely offended by The Oracle’s choice to not start them at all in the first 2 weeks of the play-offs are very anxious to make an impression. They instantly rush over towards the sworn enemies of Eternia, Evil Lyn and her troops. Evil Lyn and Karg are riding on Horses #30 & 31 with their 6 troopers out in front of them but as He-Man and Battle Cat ride toward them the 2 horses begin to rear up. He-Man jumps off of Battle Cat and starts ripping through the Crack Troops with the Sword of Grayskull, while Battle Cat knocks both Karg and Evil Lyn off of their horses, killing the 2 animals. Evil Lyn shoots some sort of evil magic at He-Man but he blocks it with his shield and then finishes her off by throwing his axe into her head. Karg slices the front leg of Battle Cat with his Sai shaped Knife but it simply serves to madden the beast who then rips him apart. The 2 Original Titans have not chosen to go with their largest or most powerful Cymek suits simply because The Oracle wanted them to have the option to go into space if need be. Instead both Titan #1 & 2 have gone with sleek flying Cymeks, that can be useful flying over any terrain (besides 1 week was not quite long enough for the members of Team to fix up the massive amount of damage done to Titan #2’s tank body by The Horsemen of Apokolips in the American League Championship). The 2 of them fly low over the city and blast both Marcellus Wallace and Vito Corleone, who do not like to let each other out of their sight, despite the fact that they claim to be the best of friends. Man at Arms and Teela on the other hand have positioned themselves on top of one of the nearby buildings and in a daring maneuver jump on top of the 2 fast flying Cymeks. Man at Arms had told his daughter Teela not to follow him on this crazy attack but the wild fighter Teela has never been known to listen to her father at times like this. The 2 of them both start using both laser guns and striking weapons to try and break thru the hull of the Titans but they are unsuccessful. The 2 Titans then turn up on their sides and fly in close to one another until they crush the 2 brave yet somewhat foolish warriors of Eternia into one another with their thick metal bodies. Padme Amidala, the leader of the space attack, along with Duncan Idaho, Alan Scott and Juliet Capulet, the star-crossed fighter (is that to much of a stretch?) climb in to Skyfire, who blasts off into space along with the huge Cymek known as Hecate. The 2 large space-ready sentient beings are still miniscule in size compared to the massive Unicron, but they are all more than willing to do what they can to try and stop the massive Transformer planet. Hecate and Skyfire both begin to fly directly at Unicron, who is already moving toward the planet, getting ready to begin entering the planets atmosphere. Once they get somewhat close to Unicron Duncan Idaho establishes a mental link with the massive Transformer that only he could be capable of due to the fact that he is linked with Erasmus and The powerful Evermind known as Omnius. Once the link is established, the noble Duncan Idaho does a mentat calculation to find what would make Unicron the angriest. He expresses these feelings to Unicron mentally just as the brilliant tactician Napoleon had ordered. Napoleon Bonaparte knows that anything, no matter how powerful has a weakness. Even if you take this idea to the extreme point of something being so powerful that its only weakness is not having a weakness. The truth is that Unicron is way to powerful to listen to an order given him by his head coach The Oracle and when the mighty Unicron’s absolute power was questioned by several peons in obsolete space craft he instantly forgot about any little bit of Loyalty he ever had to Team. This is when Napoleon and Padme’s plan begins to work. Just as Unicron breaks away from the battlefield planets atmosphere to engage Hecate and Skyfire the Autobot and former Titan duo blast their jets with as much power as they can muster in an attempt to get away from Unicron. Unicron of course begins to chase after the 2 of them. Padme and the space crew of course know full well that Unicron will eventually catch them but they also know that if they can lure the huge ancient Transformer far enough away from the battle, than they can make him a non-entity in this battle. Superman is flying toward the water where he is going to go in and try to fight the massive Sando Aqua Monster when he is intercepted by his old teammate Wonder Woman and her sidekick Wonder Girl. The Amazon leaps into the air to grab a hold of Superman and then brings him down to the ground where they both hit with enough force to cause a small tremor on the desert floor. The 2 of them begin trading blows with Superman gaining a little bit of the upper hand until Wonder Girl comes in to help out her boss. She knows exactly when to jump in and when to let Wonder Woman take over in the fight which completely evens out the superhero brawl, and makes it plain to see that this fight is not going to be over quickly. Over the last week Team has had much discussion about Gandalf and what he is capable of which is why The Oracle started Sarumon and told him that he can take whatever help he deemed necessary to try to take out the Gray Wizard. Sarumon decided that despite the fact that he has defeated Gandalf before that he needed to take the entire Shining Force with him on this attack. Sarumon and all 30 members of The Shining Force march up toward Gandalf who races toward them atop his steed Shadowfax. While on top of his horse Gandalf rides right over Adam the Robot, crushing his metal skull under Shadowfax’s powerful foot. He then uses Glamdring to kill Kokichi as well as Ed the knight, but with a blast of magic Sarumon knocks Gandalf off of Shadowfax. Shadowfax goes of to crush both Yogurt and Max’s wimpy healer before The Werewolf along with Hanzo the Ninja and the Shining Force Samurai rip the noble horse to pieces. Gandalf and Sarumon get into a powerful battle of magic that is leaving them both exhausted. Sarumon technically has the more powerful magic since it was he who was chosen by the elves and men of old to wield the power of the White Wizard, but Gandalf proves to be more resilient than anything Sarumon has ever faced. Gandalf actually conjures up enough power to begin to overtake Sarumon when the 3 wizards and magic creature come lend a hand by casting 2 Freeze 4’s, Blaze 4, and Bolt 4 on Gandalf, as well as Max, the leader of The Shining Force using the Chaos Breaker to finally due in the Gray Wizard’s power with an amazing assortment of Magic. The drained Gandalf lay on the ground defenseless as the remaining knights and gladiators of The Shining Force are sent in to finish him off. The mighty Treebeard comes trudging thru the grassland ready to fight when the much smaller Poison Ivy simply lifts her finger in his direction and causes the very limbs and leaves attached to the mighty Ent to attack and strangle the life out of the oldest living being from Middle Earth. The huge Ent dies in a matter of seconds but Poison Ivy’s powers are not able to defend her as the even larger King Kong comes running in at a much faster speed than Treebeard would even consider to crush Poison Ivy with his mighty fist. Catwoman is flanked by Riddler and Penguin as she rushes up towards the martial arts trio of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and Griffin Poteracki and says “try to keep up boys” before she starts flipping around with amazing acrobatic prowess. Penguin tries to light up the 3 of them with his famous machine gun umbrella but all 3 of the “Team” members roll onto the ground dodging the bullets. Jackie Chan and Jet Li work in unison as they sweep the legs of both Riddler and Penguin. They then wrap their arms around the 2 Batman villains and crack their necks while Griffin is simply trying to stay away from Catwoman who is attacking wildly with her claws. Jackie and Jet move in to help but Jet Li is met with a deadly razor sharp finger nail to the neck. Catwoman, although being the most skilled fighter left in this mini battle is outnumbered and all Jackie Chan needed was the split second of her struggling to pull her bloodied hand out of Jet Li’s neck for Chan to karate kick her to the ground, allowing his homeboy Griffin to lay down a super extreme mixed martial arts maneuver that brought his foot down on her neck to finish her off. Sawyer chuckles a bit as he kicks Dozer #7 about 30 yards to his doom. While riding the bench over the majority of the second half of the season Sephiroth has caught up on several modern day earth movies. One of those movies was Jurassic Park which is why he seems more than ready with his huge sword drawn as Velociraptor #31 begins to creep toward him, staring him directly in the eyes. They seem to be doing their same old trick, and he is ready as Raptors #32 & 33 jump at him from the side with the claws on their feet ready to draw blood. Sephiroth quickly moves out of the way and uses his massive sword to cleanly remove the heads of the 2 dinosaurs. Sephiroth is standing on the desert ground proudly when Raptor #34 jumps out from behind him before he even noticed the 7’ tall dinosaur was there. Raptor #31 runs in quickly to help his fellow carnivore devour the Final Fantasy warrior. Glinda leads Robin Hood and Little John as they ride on Horses #28 & 29 toward the recently victorious King Kong. The huge ape is jumping around wildly until Glinda from the air waves her wand and completely freezes King Kong in place. Robin Hood then pulls out his bow and quickly puts 4 well-placed arrows into the neck and mouth of King Kong while Little John scurries up his back and sticks his sword into the back of King Kong’s head. The 3 of them work perfectly together but they find that their weaponry and fighting styles do not work quite as well against The Combaticons, especially as they merge to form Bruticus. Bruticus first smashes the 2 horses with his metal fists and then grabs a hold of Robin Hood and his partner John Little who both go down swinging in a truly valiant fashion before the huge gestalt crushes the life out of both of them. Glinda flies at the Decepticon in an attempt to avenge the deaths of her friends but Bruticus swats the witch out of the air and the steps on her to finish the job. Godzilla moves across the desert toward the water to fight The Sando Aqua Monster and Jaws in their own turf. Napoleon’s Brigade has much confidence in the 2 fierce sea creatures but as they look around the battlefield they see Godzilla as the only real threat to the 2 animals. It is because of this that Morpheus orders Jules, Vincent, and the Storm Troopers to help him try to stop, or at least slow down the huge monster on its way to the water. As they begin to move toward the baddest Mo-Fo in all of Monster Island God Emperor Leto II pops out of the sand to defend his teammate. The Sentient Sandworm easily mows thru the ranks of the Storm Troopers, killing all 7 of them as well as Jules and Vincent, whose 9mm shells do very little to even slow down the 2nd Kwisatz Haderach. Morpheus moves quickly to get out of the way of The God Emperor and uses his tachi to put a small slice into the side of the one who can be many places at once, as well as using his full-auto Glock to put as many shells as he can into the inventor of the Golden Path but once Leto whips back around in the sandy dunes even Morpheus is not fast enough to get out of the way before Leto drags him underneath the sand and consumes him. Astrotrain takes flight but the 6 Silver Dragons take to the air after him. Astrotrain is more of a transport than a battle ready warrior so he at first simply does his best to avoid the blasts of fire from the dragons that are chasing him but once the Decepticon lures them farther away from the battle he begins to execute his true plan. Astrotrain opens up his side hatch and out flies Dirge, Blitzwing, and Swoop. The 3 flying Transformers double back and get behind the dragons and then blast 2 each out of the sky. The 3 Decepticons and the Dinobot then continue their attack run into the arctic where they use there Cybertronian eyes to spot the 6 Snow Troopers who are blending in perfectly amongst the snow drifts. The Snow Troopers open fire on the Transformers and blow apart the left wing of Swoop which causes him to go crashing into the arctic landscape to his death but the Decepticons then make short work of the Troopers in a single strafing run. Allia Atreides and Trinity begin a fast paced multi styled fight that would make any dork in his parents basement happy for the rest of his life (trust me). Allia swings her crysknife wildly at Trinity but the former computer hacker dodges every strike. Trinity pulls out her Beretta but Allia kicks it out of her hand and then kicks her in the face before even bringing her leg to the ground. She then spins around with unbelievable speed and shoves her crysknife into the eye of Trinity. The unlikely pair of Luke Skywalker and Jengo Fett go racing into the city side by side. Luke uses his green lightsaber to block the bullets from Sonny Corleone’s Tommy Gun before he stabs both him and Sawyer while Dr. Burke gets blasted by Fett on her way to help them out while Fett uses his other laser pistol to simultaneously shoot Courtney Cox. Fett and Skywalker get separated as Jengo flies after Even Piel. Master Piel blocks the blaster bolts with his lightsaber as he attempts to bring the battle in closer and Jengo struggles to stay as far away from the Jedi’s melee weapon as possible. While this is going on Emperor Palpatine leaps toward Luke with his lightsaber already drawn. Luke holds him off for a second but Palpatine takes advantage of the less experienced Luke and destroys Luke’s lightsaber with his own. The Dark Lord of the Sith then puts away his crimson saber and begins to shoot Luke with some extremely potent Sith Lightning. This time there is no one to save the young Jedi as he pays the price for his lack of vision and dies at the hands of his father’s master. Jengo continues to fire at Even Piel but eventually the small-statured Lannik warrior flips toward the Bounty Hunter and kicks him down to the ground. Fett tries to use his jet pack to propel himself up but before he can the Jedi Master stabs his lightsaber thru the both the armor and the heart of Jengo Fett. Godzilla crushes the remaining 2 Velociraptors under his feet right before he begins to walk into the deep waters where Le’ Napoleon Brigade’s formidable sea creatures wait. The Sando Aqua Monster swims up closer to the surface then he usually would go just for a second to pull Godzilla down to an area where he is more comfortable. Jaws swims in to get a part of the meal but as he approaches Godzilla grabs the Great White Shark with his powerful arms and rips it apart. While deep under the water the Sando Aqua Monster begins pulling and biting at Godzilla who although probably more powerful than the monster from Naboo’s planet core is not in any way in his element. As a last ditch effort Godzilla grabs a hold of the long skinny neck of the Sea Monster and attempts to fight back. The Sando Aqua Monster then begins to bite at the chest of Godzilla, but Godzilla, the fellow monster fighting pro that he is returns the favor by biting down on the neck of the Sando Aqua Monster and releasing what little electrified fire breath he can into the body of his opponent and into the water sending a nuclear-like burst throughout the deep sea, killing not only the Sando Aqua Monster but also killing himself as well. The battered Superman has taken a beating unlike any humanoid across the galaxy could endure. Wonder Woman uses her clinched fists to knock the knees out from underneath the last son of Krypton and knock him flat on his back. Wonder Girl then moves to jump on top of Superman but Superman has a clear shot at her while she does this which allows him to completely fry her with a huge stream of heat vision before she can come down on him. A Furious Wonder Woman picks up Superman and throws him about 20 yards. Wonder Woman moves quickly and is already punching the alien originally known as Kal El before he even lands. Wonder Woman then focuses all her strength to come down on Superman but he uses his superior speed to get out of the way just in time. Superman pops up behind his old friend and former Justice Leaguer and uses her own momentum compiled with his incredible strength to drive her face first into the ground with his fist and in the process crack her neck. Unicron now thousands of light years away is within a few miles (practically nothing in space) of the robots he is pursuing. Padme from within Skyfire sees this as well and orders Skyfire and Hecate to turn around and face the massive Transformer who they have led all this way to fight. Alan Scott flies out of the hatch of Skyfire and appears to be no more than a small green spark next to the massive planet in robot form. This small size in no way diminishes the power that he possesses though as he blasts Unicron with every bit of magic green energy that he can muster. Skyfire and Hecate both fly around Unicron as fast as they can and unload every bit of weaponry they have at the massive robot. Unicron turns toward Hecate and blasts her with a tremendous amount of laser power that completely disintegrates the once powerful Titan. Padme still is hoping that if they can only get inside the body of Unicron then Duncan Idaho may be able to work some kind of unexplainable power on the huge being and destroy him from the inside out but her hopes are somewhat dashed when Unicron catches Alan Scott with his finger as he swats at the Green Lantern and kills him. Padme has Skyfire fly toward the head of Unicron thinking that he may be able to get inside the gargantuan Transformer thru either his ear or eye, especially if the Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho can keep Unicron busy by penetrating his brain mentally. These seem like stellar ideas but they are destroyed as Unicron grabs a hold of the flying Autobot with his massive metal hands. Juliet plunges a knife deep into her chest so as not to give her enemy the satisfaction of actually killing her but Padme and Duncan Idaho look at each other proudly knowing that if the rest of the Brigade can take what is left of Team that they have led Unicron so far away from the battle that he will never get all the way back there in time to help them. Seraph, Evil Paul, and The Miles Teg Ghola move toward Aragorn and Arwen atop their favorite horses #26 & 27. Paulo viciously knocks them off of there horses and kills the 2 animals with his imitation ancient Harkonen blade, while Miles Teg and Seraph move against the rightful King and Queen of Gondor. Aragorn and Arwen are both skilled fighters but they simply cannot match the speed of Miles and Seraph. Seraph uses Aragorn to kick himself into the air where he uses both his pistols to shoot Arwen several times. Paulo arrogantly joins the fight and is stabbed by Aragorn’s Elven knife right before Miles Teg punches Aragorn in the head with such velocity that he vibrates loose his internal organs. The Original Titans fly by on a strafing run to shoot The Atreides soldiers but the shrapnel is blocked by their personal Holtzman shields. John Mclaine runs up to Samus and kicks her in the head, knocking her helmet off. “I wasn’t expecting a chick” Mclaine says as he puts 2 bullets into her dome. Mclaine then grabs Samus’ boots and puts them on and then jumps about 25 feet into the air on top of the low-flying Titan #1. “What the F&*k are you doing on the back of this…… never mind John you don’t even know what the F&*k you are on the back of” Mclaine says to himself. Titan #1 begins swerving thru the air in an attempt to throw him off but the tough New York cop hangs on. “Oh, your gonna fly like that, how about we do it this way then Mo*&^rF%$*r” John continues to nervously talk to himself from on top of the huge Cymek by saying “Oh by the way Mo*(&F&^%r you guys are gonna have to get a new F&*ing ice shooting space chick cause I just greased your last one” John Mclaine is saying this as he is unloading the plastic explosives that he is carrying in his infamous backpack and sticking them in the artillery rack of Original Titan #1. Mclaine jumps off of the top of the Titan to the top of a nearby building and says “See you in hell Mo&*^F^%r, that’s enough plastic explosives to orbit The Sando Aqua Monster, and I didn’t even know what the F&*k that was until a couple of months ago”. He then starts laughing uncontrollably as Titan #1 blows up in mid-air. Unfortunately this victory is short-lived as Shockwave decides to put and end to this crazy human’s killing spree by transforming into gun form and blowing up the entire building that Mclaine is standing on. Obi Wan and Allia lead the Atreides Soldiers against The Shining Force. Obi Wan uses the force to pull the last 3 fliers out of the air so the soldiers can stab them to death while Allia mows thru all the remaining knights. Obi Wan believes that they can easily finish off the rest of The Shining Force until he sees Neo approaching and senses that he needs to fight him instead while similarly, the attention of The Atreides Soldiers are diverted to the approaching figure of the freshly transformed Fortress Maximus in robot form. The soldier’s personal shields protect them for a little while but they cannot protect them from an incoming massive metal fist or foot which is how Fortress Maximus destroys the 6 loyal servants to the Atreides banner. Obi Wan comes out of his defensive Form 3 posture to attack Neo with his lightsaber but the chosen one evades every swing of the blue blade. Neo knocks the lightsaber out of Obi Wan’s hand with a right handed karate chop and then kicks Obi Wan in the chest. Even with Kenobi’s Jedi reflexes he is not fast enough to see Neo coming at him after this move, Neo then finishes him off with a series of super-powered punches to the chest which his body, despite Jedi conditioning simply cannot handle. Emperor Palpatine and Even Piel work surprisingly well together as they rip thru the ranks of Team Killing both the weakened Saruman & Griffin and then moving on to Blitzwing in tank form who they cut into from the top down with their lightsabers. Allia is attacked by Battle Cat who jumps on top of the “abomination”. Allia gets out from under the huge tiger and stabs it in its jugular vein to kill it, but He-Man along with Jackie Chan and the 2 Shining Force gladiators Luke and Gort avenge Battle Cat by having to combine their efforts and their weapons to finish off the sister of Maud Dib. Laser blasts from the remaining Transformers cause Palpatine and Even Piel to have to separate but they are still using the force to move rapidly throughout their remaining opponents. Palpatine stands with his lightsaber drawn, still completely confident until both Neo and Superman fly down on either side of him, not to mention Miles Teg and Seraph who run up quickly to help as well. Superman shoots a continuous ray of heat vision at Palpatine which he blocks with his lightsaber and the force but while he is tied up with this: Neo, Seraph, and Miles Teg run in to kill him with a flurry of unbelievably fast punches to kill the Sith Lord. Even Piel quickly cuts thru Jan and Jace before he stands face to face with Space Ghost. Even Piel is confident going into this fight until Original Titan #2 lands behind him as well as God Emperor Leto II who has jumped out of the desert to lend a hand as well. Blip the monkey lands on Even Piel’s head in an attempt to avenge his friends Jan and Jace but Even Piel force pushes him away with ease; but with this distraction, Space Ghost opens fire on the Jedi Master and finishes him off with his laser powered arm bands.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS AND THE FIRST EVER FANTASY FANTASY CHAMPIONS!
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Gandalf w/ Shadowfax, Wonder Woman & Wonder Girl, Poison Ivy, Obi Wan Kenobi, Even Piel, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Hecate, The Penguin, Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12, Allia Atreides, The Sando Aqua Monster, Jaws: The Shark, Snow Trooper #46-50, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Arwen Evenstar, John Mclaine, Morpheus, Jules Winfield & Vincent Vega, Atreides Soldier #1-6, Catwoman, Evil Lyn, Karg, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #1-6, Marcellus Wallace, Horse #26-31, Vito Corleone, Santino Corleone, Silver Dragon #1-6, Emperor Palpatine, The Riddler, Velociraptor #31-34, Man at Arms & Teela, Robin Hood & Little John, Glinda the Good Witch, Dr. Juliet Burke, James “Sawyer” Ford, Storm Trooper #51-57, Juliet Capulet, Courtney Cox, & Padme Amidala.
The match we have all been waiting for has finally arrived. The battle for the first ever Fantasy Fantasy League Championship. Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte knows full well that his team’s weakness is space but despite this problem he has assured all members of the media that he has something special up his sleeve to handle the problem of Team’s largest member Unicron. One of Le Petite Corporal’s most trusted fighters Padme Amidala has been chosen to lead the space attack, but other than that they have been very hush hush about what their plan entails. Wonder Woman, in a brief statement before the match simply said “Don’t Worry, Superman is mine”. As she was walking off the stage Wonder Girl approached the microphone and added “She means ours” and then the sidekick followed her off the stage. As the battle begins He-Man and Battle Cat, who were extremely offended by The Oracle’s choice to not start them at all in the first 2 weeks of the play-offs are very anxious to make an impression. They instantly rush over towards the sworn enemies of Eternia, Evil Lyn and her troops. Evil Lyn and Karg are riding on Horses #30 & 31 with their 6 troopers out in front of them but as He-Man and Battle Cat ride toward them the 2 horses begin to rear up. He-Man jumps off of Battle Cat and starts ripping through the Crack Troops with the Sword of Grayskull, while Battle Cat knocks both Karg and Evil Lyn off of their horses, killing the 2 animals. Evil Lyn shoots some sort of evil magic at He-Man but he blocks it with his shield and then finishes her off by throwing his axe into her head. Karg slices the front leg of Battle Cat with his Sai shaped Knife but it simply serves to madden the beast who then rips him apart. The 2 Original Titans have not chosen to go with their largest or most powerful Cymek suits simply because The Oracle wanted them to have the option to go into space if need be. Instead both Titan #1 & 2 have gone with sleek flying Cymeks, that can be useful flying over any terrain (besides 1 week was not quite long enough for the members of Team to fix up the massive amount of damage done to Titan #2’s tank body by The Horsemen of Apokolips in the American League Championship). The 2 of them fly low over the city and blast both Marcellus Wallace and Vito Corleone, who do not like to let each other out of their sight, despite the fact that they claim to be the best of friends. Man at Arms and Teela on the other hand have positioned themselves on top of one of the nearby buildings and in a daring maneuver jump on top of the 2 fast flying Cymeks. Man at Arms had told his daughter Teela not to follow him on this crazy attack but the wild fighter Teela has never been known to listen to her father at times like this. The 2 of them both start using both laser guns and striking weapons to try and break thru the hull of the Titans but they are unsuccessful. The 2 Titans then turn up on their sides and fly in close to one another until they crush the 2 brave yet somewhat foolish warriors of Eternia into one another with their thick metal bodies. Padme Amidala, the leader of the space attack, along with Duncan Idaho, Alan Scott and Juliet Capulet, the star-crossed fighter (is that to much of a stretch?) climb in to Skyfire, who blasts off into space along with the huge Cymek known as Hecate. The 2 large space-ready sentient beings are still miniscule in size compared to the massive Unicron, but they are all more than willing to do what they can to try and stop the massive Transformer planet. Hecate and Skyfire both begin to fly directly at Unicron, who is already moving toward the planet, getting ready to begin entering the planets atmosphere. Once they get somewhat close to Unicron Duncan Idaho establishes a mental link with the massive Transformer that only he could be capable of due to the fact that he is linked with Erasmus and The powerful Evermind known as Omnius. Once the link is established, the noble Duncan Idaho does a mentat calculation to find what would make Unicron the angriest. He expresses these feelings to Unicron mentally just as the brilliant tactician Napoleon had ordered. Napoleon Bonaparte knows that anything, no matter how powerful has a weakness. Even if you take this idea to the extreme point of something being so powerful that its only weakness is not having a weakness. The truth is that Unicron is way to powerful to listen to an order given him by his head coach The Oracle and when the mighty Unicron’s absolute power was questioned by several peons in obsolete space craft he instantly forgot about any little bit of Loyalty he ever had to Team. This is when Napoleon and Padme’s plan begins to work. Just as Unicron breaks away from the battlefield planets atmosphere to engage Hecate and Skyfire the Autobot and former Titan duo blast their jets with as much power as they can muster in an attempt to get away from Unicron. Unicron of course begins to chase after the 2 of them. Padme and the space crew of course know full well that Unicron will eventually catch them but they also know that if they can lure the huge ancient Transformer far enough away from the battle, than they can make him a non-entity in this battle. Superman is flying toward the water where he is going to go in and try to fight the massive Sando Aqua Monster when he is intercepted by his old teammate Wonder Woman and her sidekick Wonder Girl. The Amazon leaps into the air to grab a hold of Superman and then brings him down to the ground where they both hit with enough force to cause a small tremor on the desert floor. The 2 of them begin trading blows with Superman gaining a little bit of the upper hand until Wonder Girl comes in to help out her boss. She knows exactly when to jump in and when to let Wonder Woman take over in the fight which completely evens out the superhero brawl, and makes it plain to see that this fight is not going to be over quickly. Over the last week Team has had much discussion about Gandalf and what he is capable of which is why The Oracle started Sarumon and told him that he can take whatever help he deemed necessary to try to take out the Gray Wizard. Sarumon decided that despite the fact that he has defeated Gandalf before that he needed to take the entire Shining Force with him on this attack. Sarumon and all 30 members of The Shining Force march up toward Gandalf who races toward them atop his steed Shadowfax. While on top of his horse Gandalf rides right over Adam the Robot, crushing his metal skull under Shadowfax’s powerful foot. He then uses Glamdring to kill Kokichi as well as Ed the knight, but with a blast of magic Sarumon knocks Gandalf off of Shadowfax. Shadowfax goes of to crush both Yogurt and Max’s wimpy healer before The Werewolf along with Hanzo the Ninja and the Shining Force Samurai rip the noble horse to pieces. Gandalf and Sarumon get into a powerful battle of magic that is leaving them both exhausted. Sarumon technically has the more powerful magic since it was he who was chosen by the elves and men of old to wield the power of the White Wizard, but Gandalf proves to be more resilient than anything Sarumon has ever faced. Gandalf actually conjures up enough power to begin to overtake Sarumon when the 3 wizards and magic creature come lend a hand by casting 2 Freeze 4’s, Blaze 4, and Bolt 4 on Gandalf, as well as Max, the leader of The Shining Force using the Chaos Breaker to finally due in the Gray Wizard’s power with an amazing assortment of Magic. The drained Gandalf lay on the ground defenseless as the remaining knights and gladiators of The Shining Force are sent in to finish him off. The mighty Treebeard comes trudging thru the grassland ready to fight when the much smaller Poison Ivy simply lifts her finger in his direction and causes the very limbs and leaves attached to the mighty Ent to attack and strangle the life out of the oldest living being from Middle Earth. The huge Ent dies in a matter of seconds but Poison Ivy’s powers are not able to defend her as the even larger King Kong comes running in at a much faster speed than Treebeard would even consider to crush Poison Ivy with his mighty fist. Catwoman is flanked by Riddler and Penguin as she rushes up towards the martial arts trio of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and Griffin Poteracki and says “try to keep up boys” before she starts flipping around with amazing acrobatic prowess. Penguin tries to light up the 3 of them with his famous machine gun umbrella but all 3 of the “Team” members roll onto the ground dodging the bullets. Jackie Chan and Jet Li work in unison as they sweep the legs of both Riddler and Penguin. They then wrap their arms around the 2 Batman villains and crack their necks while Griffin is simply trying to stay away from Catwoman who is attacking wildly with her claws. Jackie and Jet move in to help but Jet Li is met with a deadly razor sharp finger nail to the neck. Catwoman, although being the most skilled fighter left in this mini battle is outnumbered and all Jackie Chan needed was the split second of her struggling to pull her bloodied hand out of Jet Li’s neck for Chan to karate kick her to the ground, allowing his homeboy Griffin to lay down a super extreme mixed martial arts maneuver that brought his foot down on her neck to finish her off. Sawyer chuckles a bit as he kicks Dozer #7 about 30 yards to his doom. While riding the bench over the majority of the second half of the season Sephiroth has caught up on several modern day earth movies. One of those movies was Jurassic Park which is why he seems more than ready with his huge sword drawn as Velociraptor #31 begins to creep toward him, staring him directly in the eyes. They seem to be doing their same old trick, and he is ready as Raptors #32 & 33 jump at him from the side with the claws on their feet ready to draw blood. Sephiroth quickly moves out of the way and uses his massive sword to cleanly remove the heads of the 2 dinosaurs. Sephiroth is standing on the desert ground proudly when Raptor #34 jumps out from behind him before he even noticed the 7’ tall dinosaur was there. Raptor #31 runs in quickly to help his fellow carnivore devour the Final Fantasy warrior. Glinda leads Robin Hood and Little John as they ride on Horses #28 & 29 toward the recently victorious King Kong. The huge ape is jumping around wildly until Glinda from the air waves her wand and completely freezes King Kong in place. Robin Hood then pulls out his bow and quickly puts 4 well-placed arrows into the neck and mouth of King Kong while Little John scurries up his back and sticks his sword into the back of King Kong’s head. The 3 of them work perfectly together but they find that their weaponry and fighting styles do not work quite as well against The Combaticons, especially as they merge to form Bruticus. Bruticus first smashes the 2 horses with his metal fists and then grabs a hold of Robin Hood and his partner John Little who both go down swinging in a truly valiant fashion before the huge gestalt crushes the life out of both of them. Glinda flies at the Decepticon in an attempt to avenge the deaths of her friends but Bruticus swats the witch out of the air and the steps on her to finish the job. Godzilla moves across the desert toward the water to fight The Sando Aqua Monster and Jaws in their own turf. Napoleon’s Brigade has much confidence in the 2 fierce sea creatures but as they look around the battlefield they see Godzilla as the only real threat to the 2 animals. It is because of this that Morpheus orders Jules, Vincent, and the Storm Troopers to help him try to stop, or at least slow down the huge monster on its way to the water. As they begin to move toward the baddest Mo-Fo in all of Monster Island God Emperor Leto II pops out of the sand to defend his teammate. The Sentient Sandworm easily mows thru the ranks of the Storm Troopers, killing all 7 of them as well as Jules and Vincent, whose 9mm shells do very little to even slow down the 2nd Kwisatz Haderach. Morpheus moves quickly to get out of the way of The God Emperor and uses his tachi to put a small slice into the side of the one who can be many places at once, as well as using his full-auto Glock to put as many shells as he can into the inventor of the Golden Path but once Leto whips back around in the sandy dunes even Morpheus is not fast enough to get out of the way before Leto drags him underneath the sand and consumes him. Astrotrain takes flight but the 6 Silver Dragons take to the air after him. Astrotrain is more of a transport than a battle ready warrior so he at first simply does his best to avoid the blasts of fire from the dragons that are chasing him but once the Decepticon lures them farther away from the battle he begins to execute his true plan. Astrotrain opens up his side hatch and out flies Dirge, Blitzwing, and Swoop. The 3 flying Transformers double back and get behind the dragons and then blast 2 each out of the sky. The 3 Decepticons and the Dinobot then continue their attack run into the arctic where they use there Cybertronian eyes to spot the 6 Snow Troopers who are blending in perfectly amongst the snow drifts. The Snow Troopers open fire on the Transformers and blow apart the left wing of Swoop which causes him to go crashing into the arctic landscape to his death but the Decepticons then make short work of the Troopers in a single strafing run. Allia Atreides and Trinity begin a fast paced multi styled fight that would make any dork in his parents basement happy for the rest of his life (trust me). Allia swings her crysknife wildly at Trinity but the former computer hacker dodges every strike. Trinity pulls out her Beretta but Allia kicks it out of her hand and then kicks her in the face before even bringing her leg to the ground. She then spins around with unbelievable speed and shoves her crysknife into the eye of Trinity. The unlikely pair of Luke Skywalker and Jengo Fett go racing into the city side by side. Luke uses his green lightsaber to block the bullets from Sonny Corleone’s Tommy Gun before he stabs both him and Sawyer while Dr. Burke gets blasted by Fett on her way to help them out while Fett uses his other laser pistol to simultaneously shoot Courtney Cox. Fett and Skywalker get separated as Jengo flies after Even Piel. Master Piel blocks the blaster bolts with his lightsaber as he attempts to bring the battle in closer and Jengo struggles to stay as far away from the Jedi’s melee weapon as possible. While this is going on Emperor Palpatine leaps toward Luke with his lightsaber already drawn. Luke holds him off for a second but Palpatine takes advantage of the less experienced Luke and destroys Luke’s lightsaber with his own. The Dark Lord of the Sith then puts away his crimson saber and begins to shoot Luke with some extremely potent Sith Lightning. This time there is no one to save the young Jedi as he pays the price for his lack of vision and dies at the hands of his father’s master. Jengo continues to fire at Even Piel but eventually the small-statured Lannik warrior flips toward the Bounty Hunter and kicks him down to the ground. Fett tries to use his jet pack to propel himself up but before he can the Jedi Master stabs his lightsaber thru the both the armor and the heart of Jengo Fett. Godzilla crushes the remaining 2 Velociraptors under his feet right before he begins to walk into the deep waters where Le’ Napoleon Brigade’s formidable sea creatures wait. The Sando Aqua Monster swims up closer to the surface then he usually would go just for a second to pull Godzilla down to an area where he is more comfortable. Jaws swims in to get a part of the meal but as he approaches Godzilla grabs the Great White Shark with his powerful arms and rips it apart. While deep under the water the Sando Aqua Monster begins pulling and biting at Godzilla who although probably more powerful than the monster from Naboo’s planet core is not in any way in his element. As a last ditch effort Godzilla grabs a hold of the long skinny neck of the Sea Monster and attempts to fight back. The Sando Aqua Monster then begins to bite at the chest of Godzilla, but Godzilla, the fellow monster fighting pro that he is returns the favor by biting down on the neck of the Sando Aqua Monster and releasing what little electrified fire breath he can into the body of his opponent and into the water sending a nuclear-like burst throughout the deep sea, killing not only the Sando Aqua Monster but also killing himself as well. The battered Superman has taken a beating unlike any humanoid across the galaxy could endure. Wonder Woman uses her clinched fists to knock the knees out from underneath the last son of Krypton and knock him flat on his back. Wonder Girl then moves to jump on top of Superman but Superman has a clear shot at her while she does this which allows him to completely fry her with a huge stream of heat vision before she can come down on him. A Furious Wonder Woman picks up Superman and throws him about 20 yards. Wonder Woman moves quickly and is already punching the alien originally known as Kal El before he even lands. Wonder Woman then focuses all her strength to come down on Superman but he uses his superior speed to get out of the way just in time. Superman pops up behind his old friend and former Justice Leaguer and uses her own momentum compiled with his incredible strength to drive her face first into the ground with his fist and in the process crack her neck. Unicron now thousands of light years away is within a few miles (practically nothing in space) of the robots he is pursuing. Padme from within Skyfire sees this as well and orders Skyfire and Hecate to turn around and face the massive Transformer who they have led all this way to fight. Alan Scott flies out of the hatch of Skyfire and appears to be no more than a small green spark next to the massive planet in robot form. This small size in no way diminishes the power that he possesses though as he blasts Unicron with every bit of magic green energy that he can muster. Skyfire and Hecate both fly around Unicron as fast as they can and unload every bit of weaponry they have at the massive robot. Unicron turns toward Hecate and blasts her with a tremendous amount of laser power that completely disintegrates the once powerful Titan. Padme still is hoping that if they can only get inside the body of Unicron then Duncan Idaho may be able to work some kind of unexplainable power on the huge being and destroy him from the inside out but her hopes are somewhat dashed when Unicron catches Alan Scott with his finger as he swats at the Green Lantern and kills him. Padme has Skyfire fly toward the head of Unicron thinking that he may be able to get inside the gargantuan Transformer thru either his ear or eye, especially if the Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho can keep Unicron busy by penetrating his brain mentally. These seem like stellar ideas but they are destroyed as Unicron grabs a hold of the flying Autobot with his massive metal hands. Juliet plunges a knife deep into her chest so as not to give her enemy the satisfaction of actually killing her but Padme and Duncan Idaho look at each other proudly knowing that if the rest of the Brigade can take what is left of Team that they have led Unicron so far away from the battle that he will never get all the way back there in time to help them. Seraph, Evil Paul, and The Miles Teg Ghola move toward Aragorn and Arwen atop their favorite horses #26 & 27. Paulo viciously knocks them off of there horses and kills the 2 animals with his imitation ancient Harkonen blade, while Miles Teg and Seraph move against the rightful King and Queen of Gondor. Aragorn and Arwen are both skilled fighters but they simply cannot match the speed of Miles and Seraph. Seraph uses Aragorn to kick himself into the air where he uses both his pistols to shoot Arwen several times. Paulo arrogantly joins the fight and is stabbed by Aragorn’s Elven knife right before Miles Teg punches Aragorn in the head with such velocity that he vibrates loose his internal organs. The Original Titans fly by on a strafing run to shoot The Atreides soldiers but the shrapnel is blocked by their personal Holtzman shields. John Mclaine runs up to Samus and kicks her in the head, knocking her helmet off. “I wasn’t expecting a chick” Mclaine says as he puts 2 bullets into her dome. Mclaine then grabs Samus’ boots and puts them on and then jumps about 25 feet into the air on top of the low-flying Titan #1. “What the F&*k are you doing on the back of this…… never mind John you don’t even know what the F&*k you are on the back of” Mclaine says to himself. Titan #1 begins swerving thru the air in an attempt to throw him off but the tough New York cop hangs on. “Oh, your gonna fly like that, how about we do it this way then Mo*&^rF%$*r” John continues to nervously talk to himself from on top of the huge Cymek by saying “Oh by the way Mo*(&F&^%r you guys are gonna have to get a new F&*ing ice shooting space chick cause I just greased your last one” John Mclaine is saying this as he is unloading the plastic explosives that he is carrying in his infamous backpack and sticking them in the artillery rack of Original Titan #1. Mclaine jumps off of the top of the Titan to the top of a nearby building and says “See you in hell Mo&*^F^%r, that’s enough plastic explosives to orbit The Sando Aqua Monster, and I didn’t even know what the F&*k that was until a couple of months ago”. He then starts laughing uncontrollably as Titan #1 blows up in mid-air. Unfortunately this victory is short-lived as Shockwave decides to put and end to this crazy human’s killing spree by transforming into gun form and blowing up the entire building that Mclaine is standing on. Obi Wan and Allia lead the Atreides Soldiers against The Shining Force. Obi Wan uses the force to pull the last 3 fliers out of the air so the soldiers can stab them to death while Allia mows thru all the remaining knights. Obi Wan believes that they can easily finish off the rest of The Shining Force until he sees Neo approaching and senses that he needs to fight him instead while similarly, the attention of The Atreides Soldiers are diverted to the approaching figure of the freshly transformed Fortress Maximus in robot form. The soldier’s personal shields protect them for a little while but they cannot protect them from an incoming massive metal fist or foot which is how Fortress Maximus destroys the 6 loyal servants to the Atreides banner. Obi Wan comes out of his defensive Form 3 posture to attack Neo with his lightsaber but the chosen one evades every swing of the blue blade. Neo knocks the lightsaber out of Obi Wan’s hand with a right handed karate chop and then kicks Obi Wan in the chest. Even with Kenobi’s Jedi reflexes he is not fast enough to see Neo coming at him after this move, Neo then finishes him off with a series of super-powered punches to the chest which his body, despite Jedi conditioning simply cannot handle. Emperor Palpatine and Even Piel work surprisingly well together as they rip thru the ranks of Team Killing both the weakened Saruman & Griffin and then moving on to Blitzwing in tank form who they cut into from the top down with their lightsabers. Allia is attacked by Battle Cat who jumps on top of the “abomination”. Allia gets out from under the huge tiger and stabs it in its jugular vein to kill it, but He-Man along with Jackie Chan and the 2 Shining Force gladiators Luke and Gort avenge Battle Cat by having to combine their efforts and their weapons to finish off the sister of Maud Dib. Laser blasts from the remaining Transformers cause Palpatine and Even Piel to have to separate but they are still using the force to move rapidly throughout their remaining opponents. Palpatine stands with his lightsaber drawn, still completely confident until both Neo and Superman fly down on either side of him, not to mention Miles Teg and Seraph who run up quickly to help as well. Superman shoots a continuous ray of heat vision at Palpatine which he blocks with his lightsaber and the force but while he is tied up with this: Neo, Seraph, and Miles Teg run in to kill him with a flurry of unbelievably fast punches to kill the Sith Lord. Even Piel quickly cuts thru Jan and Jace before he stands face to face with Space Ghost. Even Piel is confident going into this fight until Original Titan #2 lands behind him as well as God Emperor Leto II who has jumped out of the desert to lend a hand as well. Blip the monkey lands on Even Piel’s head in an attempt to avenge his friends Jan and Jace but Even Piel force pushes him away with ease; but with this distraction, Space Ghost opens fire on the Jedi Master and finishes him off with his laser powered arm bands.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS AND THE FIRST EVER FANTASY FANTASY CHAMPIONS!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read my matches this season. I hope that they were fun to read and I really hope that I was able to write a good enough story in there to make at least one person mad(I'm pretty sure that happened). I would also like to say thanks to Josh and Ryan for letting me mess with their already vast library of stories and add my little twist to it. Anyways, I hope to back doing the same thing next year so until then, Good Luck. Love to the NL in the finals.
Sincerely,
Nick
Sincerely,
Nick
Monday, June 9, 2008
Note from the Commissioner
Do to circumstances similar to before; the Universe Bowl will be delayed for 1 DAY, and no longer. It will be posted the evening of Tuesday June 10th. I apologize for the delay, and I hope that it adds to the excitement instead of acting as a deterent for the enthusiasm of the event.
Thank You
-Josh
Final Consolation Match-Round 3: Team Fred Vs Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Team Fred is Compy #29 & Smurf #10
The Murderflies are Ron Popeil
Round 1: Fight! Ron Popeil knew from the start that he had this match in the bag. Though Ron gives off a cool persona, he is actually the most arrogant man on the face of the earth. It basically comes with the territory of always having an answer to all of life’s hardest questions. This test of course would come awfully quick in this match because as soon as he heard the voice say ‘Fight’, Compy #29 had ran over to him and bitten him on the leg. He was able to quickly snap the neck of the pint-sized dinosaur, but the poison in the Compy’s bite was soon taking over his body. He could feel the poison surging through his body like a six-hour energy drink, but before it was able to attack his central nervous system, he was able to administer the anti venom that he had concocted right before his match. You see, Ron is a big Michael Crichton fan and knew that the Compy’s carried a mean poison in their system. After a minute Ron was starting to feel better and as soon as he did he pulled out a can of spray hair and sprayed it all over the face and mouth of Smurf #10, killing it in the process.
Round 2: Fight! This time Ron was going to try not to get bit by the dinosaur and instead was hoping that he could try to capture some of him for his food dehydrator. He had never had Compy Jerky and he was curious to how it might taste. He was also curious to know what would happen if he were to inject the dinosaur with the anti venom that he had created. He was going to have to wait to test all of these queries has he realized that winning the match was the most important thing right now. So instead of trying to be all creative and long winded about the whole thing, he decided to just run up to the Compy and kick him straight in the head, again snapping his head. Ron, who was naturally a creative person was very bummed that he had killed the dinosaur the same way both times. So instead of going straight over to the Smurf, he decided to inject the anti venom into the dinosaur to see if it could re-animate his body. After a minute of waiting Ron realized how stupid this idea was and instead just picked up the Compy and through him into the pit. After a while of thinking of new and cool things to do, Ron got bored with the match and decided to leave. “Hey, what about me. Aren’t you going to try to fight me too?” Ron looked back and saw the Smurf standing there in a tiff. “Oh man, I forgot about you. Hold on, I’ll be right back”. Ron then walked back to the Smurf, picked him up and threw him down into the pit. This ended the match for Ron who left the match unfulfilled and without anything new to bring home. Except of course for that sweet new Go-Cart that he had won. He figured at least one person would get something out of that thing.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
(Editor’s Note: I was going to have Ron Popeil kill the Smurf by putting him in the food dehydrator but I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. The scene in Gremlins where she puts the Gremlin in the microwave and kills him still gives me nightmares till this day so I just couldn’t live with myself by adding to the problem.)
The Murderflies are Ron Popeil
Round 1: Fight! Ron Popeil knew from the start that he had this match in the bag. Though Ron gives off a cool persona, he is actually the most arrogant man on the face of the earth. It basically comes with the territory of always having an answer to all of life’s hardest questions. This test of course would come awfully quick in this match because as soon as he heard the voice say ‘Fight’, Compy #29 had ran over to him and bitten him on the leg. He was able to quickly snap the neck of the pint-sized dinosaur, but the poison in the Compy’s bite was soon taking over his body. He could feel the poison surging through his body like a six-hour energy drink, but before it was able to attack his central nervous system, he was able to administer the anti venom that he had concocted right before his match. You see, Ron is a big Michael Crichton fan and knew that the Compy’s carried a mean poison in their system. After a minute Ron was starting to feel better and as soon as he did he pulled out a can of spray hair and sprayed it all over the face and mouth of Smurf #10, killing it in the process.
Round 2: Fight! This time Ron was going to try not to get bit by the dinosaur and instead was hoping that he could try to capture some of him for his food dehydrator. He had never had Compy Jerky and he was curious to how it might taste. He was also curious to know what would happen if he were to inject the dinosaur with the anti venom that he had created. He was going to have to wait to test all of these queries has he realized that winning the match was the most important thing right now. So instead of trying to be all creative and long winded about the whole thing, he decided to just run up to the Compy and kick him straight in the head, again snapping his head. Ron, who was naturally a creative person was very bummed that he had killed the dinosaur the same way both times. So instead of going straight over to the Smurf, he decided to inject the anti venom into the dinosaur to see if it could re-animate his body. After a minute of waiting Ron realized how stupid this idea was and instead just picked up the Compy and through him into the pit. After a while of thinking of new and cool things to do, Ron got bored with the match and decided to leave. “Hey, what about me. Aren’t you going to try to fight me too?” Ron looked back and saw the Smurf standing there in a tiff. “Oh man, I forgot about you. Hold on, I’ll be right back”. Ron then walked back to the Smurf, picked him up and threw him down into the pit. This ended the match for Ron who left the match unfulfilled and without anything new to bring home. Except of course for that sweet new Go-Cart that he had won. He figured at least one person would get something out of that thing.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
(Editor’s Note: I was going to have Ron Popeil kill the Smurf by putting him in the food dehydrator but I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. The scene in Gremlins where she puts the Gremlin in the microwave and kills him still gives me nightmares till this day so I just couldn’t live with myself by adding to the problem.)
Consolation Match-Round 3: The Outsiders Vs. Better Than All of You
The Outsiders are "The Golden Boy" Justin Oblak
Better Than All of You are Cobra Viper #1 & Dozer #4
Round 1: Fight! Justin instantly knows he is outmatched in this one. That is until he realizes that a Dozer is not actually a life-sized dozer. Once he realizes that a Dozer is literally a hard to see puppet from Fraggle Rock he starts to feel a bit better about his chances. That of course is until he sees the Cobra Viper and starts to worry again. This whole thing naturally takes less than a second of actual time, but I thought that it was important for everyone to know. Anyways, as the Cobra Viper began his approach Justin thought it would be cool to throw him off balance by starting to talk about random things like what was his favorite grocery store, you know, stuff like that. It worked for a little bit but not for long. The Cobra Viper finally made his way up to Justin, who by this time had found himself up against a wall. This put the Viper in the best position to begin his attack, which started and ended with several kicks to the face. Sure, Justin did get some good hits on the Cobra Viper, but it was not long before Justin was lying down dead on the platform above the pit.
Round 2: Fight! “Fine, talking not your thing, I see that now. I guess I’ll just have to kill you with my other form of kindness, my fists”. The Cobra Viper did not laugh as he is a humorless foot solider and has been trained to have no personality. That and probably the fact that what Justin said was not really funny. Justin then ran his fastest over to the soldier and kicked him straight in the balls. “Hells yeah baby, that’s how we do it at CC”. Then the Viper soldier stood straight up and round house kicked Justin straight in the head, “That’s how WE do it in the CC. You know Cobra Camp”. Justin though very hurt, still laughed a bit, as he now knew that this Cobra Viper was just a human being after all. As they both stood up Justin knew that he had the upper hand. He didn’t really know why he had the upper hand but he just had a feeling that he had it. Justin then decided that he was going to go for it as he dropkicked the soldier straight to the ground. The kick from Justin was surprisingly powerful, especially since he knocked the Viper right on top of the Dozer, killing it. The Viper realizing that he had killed the Dozer looked back to see what the crunching noise had been when he landed. Before he even had time to look back though, “The Golden Boy” landed another kick straight to the throat of the soldier, collapsing his airway, therefore killing him.
Round 3: Fight! The soldier this time ran at top speed and knocked Justin right to the ground. With Justin on the ground, there was not much he could do. Justin took a massive beating and passed out. The Cobra Viper was quite pleased with this outcome and without even waiting for the FINISH HIM to come out from the sky; he decided to knock Mr. Oblak into the pit. This of course was a big mistake on his part because Justin was not actually dead yet. The Cobra Viper walked over to Justin and started to push him over the side of the pit. Justin continued to lie motionless until the moment was right, which in this case came right as he was about to be put directly into the pit. Justin was just about to be pushed over the edge when he quickly grabbed onto the side of the ledge and with one swift move, grabbed the leg of the soldier and pulled him straight down to the bottom of the pit. Justin was ecstatic about this but was wondering why the match had not ended yet. Though he had killed the Cobra Viper, he was still severely beaten and was not going to be able to hold onto the ledge much longer. Then seemingly out of nowhere, Dozer #4 came over to “The Golden Boy” and started to stomp on his fingers. This naturally had no effect to Justin, as the feet of the Dozer basically did nothing to him. So instead of trying to wait this thing out, Justin did the only thing he could think of at the time. He decided with one last push to grab the Dozer with his left hand and pull the little guy down with him. As both Justin and the Dozer were both falling to their doom, Justin looked at the Dozer and said, “Sorry little guy”, and crushed him in hand, killing him. The next second Justin’s head hit a spike and killed him instantly but at least he would leave this pit a victor.
The Outsiders are Victorious!
Better Than All of You are Cobra Viper #1 & Dozer #4
Round 1: Fight! Justin instantly knows he is outmatched in this one. That is until he realizes that a Dozer is not actually a life-sized dozer. Once he realizes that a Dozer is literally a hard to see puppet from Fraggle Rock he starts to feel a bit better about his chances. That of course is until he sees the Cobra Viper and starts to worry again. This whole thing naturally takes less than a second of actual time, but I thought that it was important for everyone to know. Anyways, as the Cobra Viper began his approach Justin thought it would be cool to throw him off balance by starting to talk about random things like what was his favorite grocery store, you know, stuff like that. It worked for a little bit but not for long. The Cobra Viper finally made his way up to Justin, who by this time had found himself up against a wall. This put the Viper in the best position to begin his attack, which started and ended with several kicks to the face. Sure, Justin did get some good hits on the Cobra Viper, but it was not long before Justin was lying down dead on the platform above the pit.
Round 2: Fight! “Fine, talking not your thing, I see that now. I guess I’ll just have to kill you with my other form of kindness, my fists”. The Cobra Viper did not laugh as he is a humorless foot solider and has been trained to have no personality. That and probably the fact that what Justin said was not really funny. Justin then ran his fastest over to the soldier and kicked him straight in the balls. “Hells yeah baby, that’s how we do it at CC”. Then the Viper soldier stood straight up and round house kicked Justin straight in the head, “That’s how WE do it in the CC. You know Cobra Camp”. Justin though very hurt, still laughed a bit, as he now knew that this Cobra Viper was just a human being after all. As they both stood up Justin knew that he had the upper hand. He didn’t really know why he had the upper hand but he just had a feeling that he had it. Justin then decided that he was going to go for it as he dropkicked the soldier straight to the ground. The kick from Justin was surprisingly powerful, especially since he knocked the Viper right on top of the Dozer, killing it. The Viper realizing that he had killed the Dozer looked back to see what the crunching noise had been when he landed. Before he even had time to look back though, “The Golden Boy” landed another kick straight to the throat of the soldier, collapsing his airway, therefore killing him.
Round 3: Fight! The soldier this time ran at top speed and knocked Justin right to the ground. With Justin on the ground, there was not much he could do. Justin took a massive beating and passed out. The Cobra Viper was quite pleased with this outcome and without even waiting for the FINISH HIM to come out from the sky; he decided to knock Mr. Oblak into the pit. This of course was a big mistake on his part because Justin was not actually dead yet. The Cobra Viper walked over to Justin and started to push him over the side of the pit. Justin continued to lie motionless until the moment was right, which in this case came right as he was about to be put directly into the pit. Justin was just about to be pushed over the edge when he quickly grabbed onto the side of the ledge and with one swift move, grabbed the leg of the soldier and pulled him straight down to the bottom of the pit. Justin was ecstatic about this but was wondering why the match had not ended yet. Though he had killed the Cobra Viper, he was still severely beaten and was not going to be able to hold onto the ledge much longer. Then seemingly out of nowhere, Dozer #4 came over to “The Golden Boy” and started to stomp on his fingers. This naturally had no effect to Justin, as the feet of the Dozer basically did nothing to him. So instead of trying to wait this thing out, Justin did the only thing he could think of at the time. He decided with one last push to grab the Dozer with his left hand and pull the little guy down with him. As both Justin and the Dozer were both falling to their doom, Justin looked at the Dozer and said, “Sorry little guy”, and crushed him in hand, killing him. The next second Justin’s head hit a spike and killed him instantly but at least he would leave this pit a victor.
The Outsiders are Victorious!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Consolation Match-Round 3: Beckerman's Backyardiagans: Beeyatches Vs. The Right Wing
B3 is Tyrone, Austin, & Tasha
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander
Round 1: Fight! “Wow, you guys are really kinda cute. The only thing that would make you cuter would be to see your dead bodies lying on the ground of the pit.” The not so subtle Nick was saying this as he was pumping Tyrone, Austin and Tasha full of 12 gauge shells from his double barrel shotgun that he always has with him. Flawless Victory!
Round 2: Fight! Nick once again began to fire his weapon off at the animals, which in this case only killed Tyrone. Austin and Tasha knew that they had to not only be quick but work as a team on this one. Austin made a run for it as Nick was firing and missing at the Kangaroo, who was now behind him. Nick then turned around and unloaded a quick shot to the face of the now dead Kangaroo. Nick was very happy by this until he felt a sharp pain in between his legs, as Tasha had kicked him directly in the crotch. Nick fell to the ground in blinding pain but before Tasha was even able to do anything else Nick threw something at the yellow hippos face. She looked down at the item, which looked like a bag of Halls Mentho Lyptus Cough Suppressants. “What was that for Nick?” Tasha said.
“Nothing, but it got you to look away for a second which is apparently all it takes you stupid little freak.” Nick then pulled the trigger of his gun one last time and blew the now dead hippo off of the ledge, sending her down to an even bloodier death then her friends had already experienced.
The Right Wing is Victorious!
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander
Round 1: Fight! “Wow, you guys are really kinda cute. The only thing that would make you cuter would be to see your dead bodies lying on the ground of the pit.” The not so subtle Nick was saying this as he was pumping Tyrone, Austin and Tasha full of 12 gauge shells from his double barrel shotgun that he always has with him. Flawless Victory!
Round 2: Fight! Nick once again began to fire his weapon off at the animals, which in this case only killed Tyrone. Austin and Tasha knew that they had to not only be quick but work as a team on this one. Austin made a run for it as Nick was firing and missing at the Kangaroo, who was now behind him. Nick then turned around and unloaded a quick shot to the face of the now dead Kangaroo. Nick was very happy by this until he felt a sharp pain in between his legs, as Tasha had kicked him directly in the crotch. Nick fell to the ground in blinding pain but before Tasha was even able to do anything else Nick threw something at the yellow hippos face. She looked down at the item, which looked like a bag of Halls Mentho Lyptus Cough Suppressants. “What was that for Nick?” Tasha said.
“Nothing, but it got you to look away for a second which is apparently all it takes you stupid little freak.” Nick then pulled the trigger of his gun one last time and blew the now dead hippo off of the ledge, sending her down to an even bloodier death then her friends had already experienced.
The Right Wing is Victorious!
Consolation Match-Round 3: Legion of Doom Vs. George Washington's Slaves
Legion of Doom is Rebel Trooper #1 & Treasure Troll #5
George Washington's Slaves are Ryan Poteracki
Round 1: Fight! Ryan instantly ducks to the ground as the Rebel Trooper began to shoot towards him. Ryan then made a mad dash, which included the accidental crushing of the Treasure Troll. Ryan then swept the legs out from underneath the Trooper, knocking the gun out from his arms. Ryan quickly grabbed the weapon from him and shot him in the head. Flawless Victory!
Round 2: Fight! The Rebel Trooper shot Ryan directly in the head, killing him. Flawless Victory!
Round 3: Fight! Ryan once again dropped right to the ground and said, “Well let’s not do that again”, in reference to the last rounds quick ending. This time though the Rebel Trooper was not going to go so easily. He started shooting at Ryan, even clipping him in the left arm. This didn’t hurt Ryan as much as it just pissed him off. He then made a mad dash for the Trooper when the green haired Treasure Troll suddenly tripped him down to the ground. “Did that really just happen” Ryan said when suddenly he looked over to his right side and saw a broken bottle of Jack Daniels lying next to him. “Where the hell did this come from? Oh well, here we go”. Ryan then once again swept the legs out from underneath the Rebel Trooper, kicked the blaster away from him and jammed the broken bottle into the face of the Rebel Trooper. With the Trooper now dead he walked over to the blaster and picked it up, he then walked over to the Treasure Troll and said, “Nice hair you little shit head”. He then shot the troll a half dozen times, killing him. FINISH HIM OR REALLY THEM! Ryan quickly went over to the troll and ripped his head off of his body, “Man, I’ve always wanted to do that”.
George Washington’s Slaves are Victorious!
George Washington's Slaves are Ryan Poteracki
Round 1: Fight! Ryan instantly ducks to the ground as the Rebel Trooper began to shoot towards him. Ryan then made a mad dash, which included the accidental crushing of the Treasure Troll. Ryan then swept the legs out from underneath the Trooper, knocking the gun out from his arms. Ryan quickly grabbed the weapon from him and shot him in the head. Flawless Victory!
Round 2: Fight! The Rebel Trooper shot Ryan directly in the head, killing him. Flawless Victory!
Round 3: Fight! Ryan once again dropped right to the ground and said, “Well let’s not do that again”, in reference to the last rounds quick ending. This time though the Rebel Trooper was not going to go so easily. He started shooting at Ryan, even clipping him in the left arm. This didn’t hurt Ryan as much as it just pissed him off. He then made a mad dash for the Trooper when the green haired Treasure Troll suddenly tripped him down to the ground. “Did that really just happen” Ryan said when suddenly he looked over to his right side and saw a broken bottle of Jack Daniels lying next to him. “Where the hell did this come from? Oh well, here we go”. Ryan then once again swept the legs out from underneath the Rebel Trooper, kicked the blaster away from him and jammed the broken bottle into the face of the Rebel Trooper. With the Trooper now dead he walked over to the blaster and picked it up, he then walked over to the Treasure Troll and said, “Nice hair you little shit head”. He then shot the troll a half dozen times, killing him. FINISH HIM OR REALLY THEM! Ryan quickly went over to the troll and ripped his head off of his body, “Man, I’ve always wanted to do that”.
George Washington’s Slaves are Victorious!
Consolation Match-Round 3:Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Built Ford Tough
Alice's Wonder Team is Goblin #1 & Treasure Troll #3
Built Ford Tough is Harrison Ford
Round 1: Fight! Harrison Ford took his bottle of Jack Daniels, slammed it and then shattered it on the ground of the ledge. He then ran over to Goblin #1 and sliced open his throat. The Goblin fell to the ground with blood pouring out of his throat. Unfortunately for the Treasure Troll, he was knocked over by his teammate and fell face first into the pool of blood that ran from the Goblin’s neck, drowning him in a pool of blood. Flawless Victory.
Round 2: Fight! Harrison Ford did the exact same thing as he did in the last round because neither of his opponents were smart enough to realize it. The only difference was that this time Harrison was able to finish off both of his opponents by pushing them off into the pit. Double Flawless!
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
Built Ford Tough is Harrison Ford
Round 1: Fight! Harrison Ford took his bottle of Jack Daniels, slammed it and then shattered it on the ground of the ledge. He then ran over to Goblin #1 and sliced open his throat. The Goblin fell to the ground with blood pouring out of his throat. Unfortunately for the Treasure Troll, he was knocked over by his teammate and fell face first into the pool of blood that ran from the Goblin’s neck, drowning him in a pool of blood. Flawless Victory.
Round 2: Fight! Harrison Ford did the exact same thing as he did in the last round because neither of his opponents were smart enough to realize it. The only difference was that this time Harrison was able to finish off both of his opponents by pushing them off into the pit. Double Flawless!
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
Consolation Match-Round 3: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Syracuse Valley
The Brotherhood is Bill Kelley
The Syracuse Valley is Fire Bros. #1
Round 1: Fight! The Fire Brother began to shoot a constant stream of fireballs at the sider/roofer, which caught his clothes on fire. Bill rolled around on the ground but because of the constant attack from his opponent was unable to put it out. Eventually the fire consumed Bill and soon enough he was just a heaped of flesh lying on fire. Flawless victory.
Round 2: Fight! “What the shit was that” a very pissed off Bill Kelley said. The Fire Brother once again began to shot fire at the tough as nails Irishman but this time Bill was able to duck from the fire. While on the ground Bill looked at his tool belt around his waist and saw that he had his straight blade and a tape measure. As soon as he saw these tools he knew what he was going to do with them. The Fire Brother had stopped shooting fire, just like they do in the video game, which gave Bill the time he needed to get back onto his feet. Once on his feet again, Bill grabbed his tape measure out of his pouch and stretched it out to the neck of the Fire Brother. Once the tape measure was caught on the neck of the Fire Brother, Bill yelled out “Get over here” as he reeled the Fire Brother over to himself. Once he had the brother right in front of him he took out the straight blade from his pouch and sliced his neck open, which killed him. Bill waited to hear the flawless victory tag until he looked down at his boots and realized that they were both on fire. Making this a victory, just not a flawless one.
Round 3: Fight! “Well let’s end this now. That last one took way to long” Bill said as the match began. “In fact, let’s do this shit like they did it in the 80’s”. Bill then ran up to the brother and jumped on his head, which as you know kills him. FINISH HIM! Bill looked confused because the fire brother had already disappeared like they do in the video game, “Um, I think I already did”.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is victorious!
The Syracuse Valley is Fire Bros. #1
Round 1: Fight! The Fire Brother began to shoot a constant stream of fireballs at the sider/roofer, which caught his clothes on fire. Bill rolled around on the ground but because of the constant attack from his opponent was unable to put it out. Eventually the fire consumed Bill and soon enough he was just a heaped of flesh lying on fire. Flawless victory.
Round 2: Fight! “What the shit was that” a very pissed off Bill Kelley said. The Fire Brother once again began to shot fire at the tough as nails Irishman but this time Bill was able to duck from the fire. While on the ground Bill looked at his tool belt around his waist and saw that he had his straight blade and a tape measure. As soon as he saw these tools he knew what he was going to do with them. The Fire Brother had stopped shooting fire, just like they do in the video game, which gave Bill the time he needed to get back onto his feet. Once on his feet again, Bill grabbed his tape measure out of his pouch and stretched it out to the neck of the Fire Brother. Once the tape measure was caught on the neck of the Fire Brother, Bill yelled out “Get over here” as he reeled the Fire Brother over to himself. Once he had the brother right in front of him he took out the straight blade from his pouch and sliced his neck open, which killed him. Bill waited to hear the flawless victory tag until he looked down at his boots and realized that they were both on fire. Making this a victory, just not a flawless one.
Round 3: Fight! “Well let’s end this now. That last one took way to long” Bill said as the match began. “In fact, let’s do this shit like they did it in the 80’s”. Bill then ran up to the brother and jumped on his head, which as you know kills him. FINISH HIM! Bill looked confused because the fire brother had already disappeared like they do in the video game, “Um, I think I already did”.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is victorious!
Consolation Match-Round 3: Reign Supremacy Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips
Reign Supremacy is Jared Pilkinton
The Horsemen are Julie Artrip
Round 1: Fight! The ninety-nine second timer starts while Julie and Jared are just standing there on the ledge above the pit. “I feel kind of weird standing up here with you. Are we really going to fight each other”? As Jared says this he is hit in the head with a pink cell phone and then is quickly kicked right in the balls by the vicious nurse. Jared looked up at Julie and said in between kicks to his Kidney, “O.K, I guess we are going to fight.” Jared was still lying on the ground while Julie was kicking him when she jumped over his body and crushed his head in with her foot. Flawless victory.
Round 2: Fight! “What the hell” a very angry Julie shouted, “I didn’t know this shit was a best of three.” Jared now looking at her with a smile on his face and revenge in his heart made his way over to the much smaller Julie Artrip. Julie made a quick kick towards his stomach but Jared backed away from it. She then tried to punch him in the face, but he easily caught her fist and threw it down. He then kicked her in the knee, which dropped her for a moment. He then gave her an upper cut to the chin that sent her flying through the air. He walked over to Julie was lying on the ground dazed and he put his hands around her neck. Julie tried her hardest to break free from Jared’s grip, but Jared continued to squeeze harder and harder until the nurse was no longer fighting him. As Julie finally died Jared let go of her neck and gave a worried look as he looked down at her hand, which was holding a scalpel in it. “Oh shit, I really hope she didn’t bring more of those”. Flawless Victory.
Round 3: Fight! “I can’t believe you chocked me to death. You know how much I hate that,” a very irate Julie said. “Oh yes, and you know how much I enjoy getting my head crushed in. Give me a break Julie. Let’s just get this thing over with.” Jared then walked towards Julie as she gave out a big scream and ran towards him as well. Jared’s plan was to knock the nurse down as she ran towards him, but before he was able to do anything she dropped to the ground and while he was running over top of her she jammed a scalpel into the inner part of his thigh. This naturally caused Jared to fall over in pain as he felt the scalpel dig deep into his leg. Julie got up quickly and started to kick Jared in the side, but this time Jared was not going to go quietly. As he was being wailed in the side by he sadistic nurse, he pulled the scalpel out of his leg and swept Julies feet out from underneath her. She fell to the ground and received a punch to the gut from Jared. She coughed up blood due to the hit but was still able to block Jared’s attempt at putting the scalpel into her gut, which surprised her much bigger opponent. Julie was then able to knock the scalpel out of his hands, but as she did this Jared got back onto his feet and said, “I think your going to need one of your tech’s to get out of this one”. Julie, who was now on her knees looked up at Jared and said, “For the last time, I do not need a god damn tech”. As she said this she pulled out another scalpel from her nurses gown and threw it into the gut of Jared Pilkinton. Jared looked down at his now bleeding stomach and before he even had time to pull the scalpel out, Julie had run over to him and sliced open his entire stomach, spilling his intestines all over the ledge. FINSH HIM! Julie answered the ominous voice with “It would be my pleasure”. She then pushed his body off of the ledge and watched as his corpse pierced the metal spikes. She gained much pleasure from seeing this sight, proving to herself that as a nurse she was able to take anything that came her way.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are victorious!
The Horsemen are Julie Artrip
Round 1: Fight! The ninety-nine second timer starts while Julie and Jared are just standing there on the ledge above the pit. “I feel kind of weird standing up here with you. Are we really going to fight each other”? As Jared says this he is hit in the head with a pink cell phone and then is quickly kicked right in the balls by the vicious nurse. Jared looked up at Julie and said in between kicks to his Kidney, “O.K, I guess we are going to fight.” Jared was still lying on the ground while Julie was kicking him when she jumped over his body and crushed his head in with her foot. Flawless victory.
Round 2: Fight! “What the hell” a very angry Julie shouted, “I didn’t know this shit was a best of three.” Jared now looking at her with a smile on his face and revenge in his heart made his way over to the much smaller Julie Artrip. Julie made a quick kick towards his stomach but Jared backed away from it. She then tried to punch him in the face, but he easily caught her fist and threw it down. He then kicked her in the knee, which dropped her for a moment. He then gave her an upper cut to the chin that sent her flying through the air. He walked over to Julie was lying on the ground dazed and he put his hands around her neck. Julie tried her hardest to break free from Jared’s grip, but Jared continued to squeeze harder and harder until the nurse was no longer fighting him. As Julie finally died Jared let go of her neck and gave a worried look as he looked down at her hand, which was holding a scalpel in it. “Oh shit, I really hope she didn’t bring more of those”. Flawless Victory.
Round 3: Fight! “I can’t believe you chocked me to death. You know how much I hate that,” a very irate Julie said. “Oh yes, and you know how much I enjoy getting my head crushed in. Give me a break Julie. Let’s just get this thing over with.” Jared then walked towards Julie as she gave out a big scream and ran towards him as well. Jared’s plan was to knock the nurse down as she ran towards him, but before he was able to do anything she dropped to the ground and while he was running over top of her she jammed a scalpel into the inner part of his thigh. This naturally caused Jared to fall over in pain as he felt the scalpel dig deep into his leg. Julie got up quickly and started to kick Jared in the side, but this time Jared was not going to go quietly. As he was being wailed in the side by he sadistic nurse, he pulled the scalpel out of his leg and swept Julies feet out from underneath her. She fell to the ground and received a punch to the gut from Jared. She coughed up blood due to the hit but was still able to block Jared’s attempt at putting the scalpel into her gut, which surprised her much bigger opponent. Julie was then able to knock the scalpel out of his hands, but as she did this Jared got back onto his feet and said, “I think your going to need one of your tech’s to get out of this one”. Julie, who was now on her knees looked up at Jared and said, “For the last time, I do not need a god damn tech”. As she said this she pulled out another scalpel from her nurses gown and threw it into the gut of Jared Pilkinton. Jared looked down at his now bleeding stomach and before he even had time to pull the scalpel out, Julie had run over to him and sliced open his entire stomach, spilling his intestines all over the ledge. FINSH HIM! Julie answered the ominous voice with “It would be my pleasure”. She then pushed his body off of the ledge and watched as his corpse pierced the metal spikes. She gained much pleasure from seeing this sight, proving to herself that as a nurse she was able to take anything that came her way.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are victorious!
Consolation Match Round 3: The Untouchables Vs. Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Representing The Untouchables is Teresa Oblak
Representing the Commandos is Hannah Montana
Neither Teresa nor Hannah is very comfortable on the narrow ledge over the pit as they begin to walk near each other. As they get closer and closer Hannah says in a bubbly voice "Hey You, nice to finally meet you in person". She then directs a big smile toward the person that she is about to attempt to send to a brutal death on the pit's huge spikes. Teresa replies to the Southern charm with a small smirk not unlike the one that her sister Amy gives to Ryan after he has had about 9 Beers and starts dancing on a random couch. Teresa starts to feel very nervous walking on the ledge and starts to get down low on her knees. Hannah starts to rush her to take advantage of her apparent fear of heights when the new "dirtiest player in the game" Teresa Oblak pulls a small test tube out of her jeans pocket and throws it at Miley. On impact the small test tube which contained a green bubbly liquid causes a small explosion. The explosion does not cause any real harm but it does serve to distract the multi-talented star for a split second. In that time Teresa jumps up from her crouching position and runs over to Hannah Montana, she then crouches down and hears a mysterious voice out of nowhere yell "Finish Her" (The words also appear above her in scary red lettering). Teresa then lands an uppercut on Country Music's favorite daughter and sends her sailing off of the ledge to her death on the spikes below.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Representing the Commandos is Hannah Montana
Neither Teresa nor Hannah is very comfortable on the narrow ledge over the pit as they begin to walk near each other. As they get closer and closer Hannah says in a bubbly voice "Hey You, nice to finally meet you in person". She then directs a big smile toward the person that she is about to attempt to send to a brutal death on the pit's huge spikes. Teresa replies to the Southern charm with a small smirk not unlike the one that her sister Amy gives to Ryan after he has had about 9 Beers and starts dancing on a random couch. Teresa starts to feel very nervous walking on the ledge and starts to get down low on her knees. Hannah starts to rush her to take advantage of her apparent fear of heights when the new "dirtiest player in the game" Teresa Oblak pulls a small test tube out of her jeans pocket and throws it at Miley. On impact the small test tube which contained a green bubbly liquid causes a small explosion. The explosion does not cause any real harm but it does serve to distract the multi-talented star for a split second. In that time Teresa jumps up from her crouching position and runs over to Hannah Montana, she then crouches down and hears a mysterious voice out of nowhere yell "Finish Her" (The words also appear above her in scary red lettering). Teresa then lands an uppercut on Country Music's favorite daughter and sends her sailing off of the ledge to her death on the spikes below.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
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