Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
2008 FFL ALL STAR GAME
Date: Whenever the FFL BBQ FINALLY takes place
Location: Rock Financial Showplace, during the Motor City Comic Con
AMERICAN LEAGUE
Head Coach: Michael Corleone (AWT)
Superman (TEAM)
Darth Vader (B3)
Wolverine (B3)
Achilles (HoA)
Supergirl (HoA)
Mace Windu (Out)
Captain America (RS)
Darkseid (HoA)
Neo (TEAM)
Deadpool (Untouch)
Megatron (Untouch)
Phoenix: Rachel Summers (Fred)
Mimic (Fred)
Godzilla (TEAM)
Galactus (Out)
Dr. Polaris (Untouch)
Legolas (Untouch)
Doomsday (B3)
Iron Man (RS)
Carlos Olivera (AWT) *cannot compete, due to death*
Extinction Alice (AWT) *replacing the late Carlos Olivera*
NATIONAL LEAGUE
Head Coach: Napoleon Bonaparte (LNB)
Silver Surfer (RW)
Obi Wan Kenobi (LNB)
Yoda (GWS)
Gandalf (LNB)
Optimus Prime (GWS)
Hal Jordan (BTAoY)
Thor (GWS)
Darth Maul (SV)
Qui Gon Jinn (HMaBOBoBWTBoC)
Poseidon (RW)
Emperor Palpatine (LNB)
Dave Bowman: The Starchild (HMaBOBoBWTBoC)
Batgirl (BSFM)
Paul Atreides (LoD)
John McClane (LNB)
Martian Manhunter (GWS)
Nightcrawler (SV)
Cloverfield Monster (HMaBOBoBWTBoC)
Nick Houslander (RW)
Ron Popeil (BSFM)
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Consolation Match-Round 2: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Untouchables
The Brotherhood is Meriadoc Brandybuck & Wicket the Ewok
The Untouchables are Horatio Caine & Dozer #11-14
“Horatio, Horatio, where are we going today. Horatio, Horatio, won’t you come and play” is what Merry is singing to Horatio Caine as he is getting into the mini-bus. Horatio is obviously annoyed by the small hobbit, but he tries to ignore him as much as he can. Horatio is naturally driving the bus, as he is the only being in this match that can actually reach the pedals and see over the steering wheel at the same time.
As soon as everybody has entered the bus, the doors lock and the glove box opens up. Merry, who is in the front seat grabs the piece of paper and begins to read it aloud.
The doors have been locked in the bus, so good luck trying to escape. Also, the windows have been fitted with bulletproof glass, which should prevent Horatio from getting out of this thing alive. The most important thing that we should tell you about is the fact that an odorless gas has been emitted into the air. It should take less than two minutes to kill all but one of you off. Once this occurs, the doors will be opened and the match will be over with. Sorry about being short with this one, but the other bus matches just took to much time. Good luck to everybody on board.
-FFL
Wicket instantly takes his spear and throws it Horatio Caine’s right hand, knocking the gun out of it. Horatio screams in pain, as the spear is now stuck in his hand. “It looks like I now longer have the upper hand, especially since I can’t even move mine right now.” Horatio then gets a firm grip of the spear and pulls it out of his hand. He winces in pain and then quickly fires it back at the now dead Ewok. Merry is naturally bummed out by this chain of events, as he was hoping for a nice leisurely trip in the bus today.
“I guess now it is my turn Mr. Caine.” Merry walks over to the Dozers and starts to step on them. He kills Dozers 11-13, but right as he is trying to step on Dozer #14, he is clubbed in the back of the head by Horatio Caine’s gun.
The hobbit is knocked unconscious, which considering the fact that he only has mere seconds to live anyways, is not looking to be a very good thing on his part. It has been two minutes since they read the letter and now Horatio is starting to lose control of his reflexes as he falls to the ground. He tries to reach out for his gun but it is too late. The toxin in the air has taken its full effect on the Miami detective, who finally takes his last breathe. Merry wakes up for a couple of seconds before the same toxin that ended Horatio’s life, takes his as well. In those few seconds though, Merry is able to see Dozer #14 still walking around, obviously small enough for the toxin to not reach him yet.
As soon as the hobbit takes his final breathe, all of the doors open on the vehicle. The small Dozer is pleased with this outcome as he carefully makes his way out of the mini-bus and back to The Untouchables headquarters. He thinks to himself that it is fitting that the shortest match of the week also awards the smallest player in the game.
The Untouchables are Victorious!
The Untouchables are Horatio Caine & Dozer #11-14
“Horatio, Horatio, where are we going today. Horatio, Horatio, won’t you come and play” is what Merry is singing to Horatio Caine as he is getting into the mini-bus. Horatio is obviously annoyed by the small hobbit, but he tries to ignore him as much as he can. Horatio is naturally driving the bus, as he is the only being in this match that can actually reach the pedals and see over the steering wheel at the same time.
As soon as everybody has entered the bus, the doors lock and the glove box opens up. Merry, who is in the front seat grabs the piece of paper and begins to read it aloud.
The doors have been locked in the bus, so good luck trying to escape. Also, the windows have been fitted with bulletproof glass, which should prevent Horatio from getting out of this thing alive. The most important thing that we should tell you about is the fact that an odorless gas has been emitted into the air. It should take less than two minutes to kill all but one of you off. Once this occurs, the doors will be opened and the match will be over with. Sorry about being short with this one, but the other bus matches just took to much time. Good luck to everybody on board.
-FFL
Wicket instantly takes his spear and throws it Horatio Caine’s right hand, knocking the gun out of it. Horatio screams in pain, as the spear is now stuck in his hand. “It looks like I now longer have the upper hand, especially since I can’t even move mine right now.” Horatio then gets a firm grip of the spear and pulls it out of his hand. He winces in pain and then quickly fires it back at the now dead Ewok. Merry is naturally bummed out by this chain of events, as he was hoping for a nice leisurely trip in the bus today.
“I guess now it is my turn Mr. Caine.” Merry walks over to the Dozers and starts to step on them. He kills Dozers 11-13, but right as he is trying to step on Dozer #14, he is clubbed in the back of the head by Horatio Caine’s gun.
The hobbit is knocked unconscious, which considering the fact that he only has mere seconds to live anyways, is not looking to be a very good thing on his part. It has been two minutes since they read the letter and now Horatio is starting to lose control of his reflexes as he falls to the ground. He tries to reach out for his gun but it is too late. The toxin in the air has taken its full effect on the Miami detective, who finally takes his last breathe. Merry wakes up for a couple of seconds before the same toxin that ended Horatio’s life, takes his as well. In those few seconds though, Merry is able to see Dozer #14 still walking around, obviously small enough for the toxin to not reach him yet.
As soon as the hobbit takes his final breathe, all of the doors open on the vehicle. The small Dozer is pleased with this outcome as he carefully makes his way out of the mini-bus and back to The Untouchables headquarters. He thinks to himself that it is fitting that the shortest match of the week also awards the smallest player in the game.
The Untouchables are Victorious!
BREAKING NEWS: Horsemen of Apokolips fire Vandal Savage
NOVI, Mich. (AP)—Horsemen of Apokolips fired Vandal Savage and put their players on notice, marking the beginning of what could be a busy offseason.
President of fantasy operations Ryan Poteracki also publicly put his entire lineup on the trading block, less than a week after the Horsemen lost in the American League finals to TEAM.
“I’m not going to sit here and make Vandal the scapegoat,” Poteracki said Tuesday. “Everybody is in play.”
“There are no sacred cows here,” Poteracki said. “You lose that sacred-cow status when you lose to TEAM twice in one year. I’m sorry, but there is just no excuse for that.”
Poteracki then followed with, “Vandal will stay part of the Horsemen organization, but in what capacity is still uncertain.”
Under Savage, the Horsemen went 8-2 in the regular season, including handing Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches their only regular season loss. However defeats in Week One to TEAM and another in the American League Finals were too much to be ignored.
“Savage and the Horsemen at a whole made several mistakes in the A.L. Finals against TEAM. Tripticon, the Stunticons, the Dinobots, and most of the Myrmidons were all benched in this pivotal battle. Achilles and Supergirl, though killing major members of TEAM, both made mistakes that cost them their lives, and maybe the match,” said a frustrated Poteracki.
Now speculation is starting to swirl throughout the league as to who else is next on Poteracki’s hit list.
Scarlet Witch seems to be the player most likely to be dealt because of her one-year contract, inconsistent play and powerful personality that lifts her teammates and drags them down depending on her mood.
Poteracki finished his press conference with this statement, “Everyone on the Horsemen of Apokolips knows their role on the team, and I will show them EXACTLY what this means in the upcoming offseason.”
President of fantasy operations Ryan Poteracki also publicly put his entire lineup on the trading block, less than a week after the Horsemen lost in the American League finals to TEAM.
“I’m not going to sit here and make Vandal the scapegoat,” Poteracki said Tuesday. “Everybody is in play.”
“There are no sacred cows here,” Poteracki said. “You lose that sacred-cow status when you lose to TEAM twice in one year. I’m sorry, but there is just no excuse for that.”
Poteracki then followed with, “Vandal will stay part of the Horsemen organization, but in what capacity is still uncertain.”
Under Savage, the Horsemen went 8-2 in the regular season, including handing Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches their only regular season loss. However defeats in Week One to TEAM and another in the American League Finals were too much to be ignored.
“Savage and the Horsemen at a whole made several mistakes in the A.L. Finals against TEAM. Tripticon, the Stunticons, the Dinobots, and most of the Myrmidons were all benched in this pivotal battle. Achilles and Supergirl, though killing major members of TEAM, both made mistakes that cost them their lives, and maybe the match,” said a frustrated Poteracki.
Now speculation is starting to swirl throughout the league as to who else is next on Poteracki’s hit list.
Scarlet Witch seems to be the player most likely to be dealt because of her one-year contract, inconsistent play and powerful personality that lifts her teammates and drags them down depending on her mood.
Poteracki finished his press conference with this statement, “Everyone on the Horsemen of Apokolips knows their role on the team, and I will show them EXACTLY what this means in the upcoming offseason.”
Consolation Match-Round 2: Built Ford Tough Vs. The Right Wing
Built Ford Tough is Harrison Ford & Barry Sanders
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander, Bear, Scrappy-Doo, & Smurf #3.
“Oh my god, it’s Harrison Ford. Bear check it out, we are in the same bus as Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, I mean it’s Han Solo for god’s sake”.
“Wa Wa, I can’t believe that we are in the presence of such greatness.”
“I’ll tell you what Bear, I can now die a happy man.” Just as Nick says this, Harrison Ford ask’s Nick if he can check out his double barrel shotgun that he has with him.
“Of course you can Mr. Ford, you can do whatever you want with it.”
“Is that right kid, anything I want with it huh. Well, I’m glad you just said that, because now I won’t feel bad about this.” Mr. Ford, who was only abiding by Nick’s wishes, shoots Nick right in between the eyes.
This naturally anger’s the remainder of The Right Wing’s team, who is now charging the loaded gun of Mr. Ford and the retired Detroit Lion. Barry Sanders who is driving the car has naturally not said a word during this entire ordeal; in fact he actually has his father on a two way Nextel phone, just in case Barry needs to say something.
Scrappy-Doo runs up to Harrison and kicks him right in the shin. This really pisses of Mr. Ford, who then quickly kicks the annoying dog right in the head, breaking his neck. Smurf #3, now fearing for his life hides himself in the very back of the bus away from everyone else.
Bear is now furious and goes into a rage. “How dare you kill by best friend. It is time for you to pay the price Mr. Ford. Oh and by the way, your new Indy movie sucked balls”. (Side note: I actually thought the new Indy movie was sweet, but I figured in a moment of rage, stuffed animals, just like people say things they don’t mean.) As Bear finishes off his ill, he goes into a super Bircle run and hits the aging movie star through the front window of the bus. Harrison is now lying on the hood of the mini-bus, which is of course not very big.
“Hey dad, Harrison is in big trouble, what should I do?” Barry says into the cellular phone. “Barry are you an idiot, just slow the van down and help him get back in.”
Barry begins to listen to his father, but before he is able to slow the bus down he sees Bear climbing outside onto the hood, trying to help Mr. Ford get back into the bus. You see, when Bear gives someone a super Bircle, he instantly has the utmost respect for that person. This unfortunately even goes for people who have just killed his best friend. Now that Bear is on the hood of the car, Barry is again confused on what to do.
“Dad, now Bear is on the hood. I don’t want Harrison to die but I also don’t want to save Bear’s life. I don’t know what to do”.
“Damn son, you might have been the second best running back of all time, but you are the dumbest son of a gun that I have ever met. Regardless though, just start driving crazy and knock both of them off of the bus. All that matters is that you win.” Barry listens to his father and begins to drive erratically down the road, which sends Bear tumbling off of the hood of the mini-bus. Harrison then slides down the front of the bus in an attempt to save the poor stuffed Bear. He is too late as Bear touches the ground and instantly dies.
It had always been rumored that the only thing that could kill a Bear of his species was a fall from a moving vehicle. It looks like this rumor was true, because now the only member of The Right Wing’s team that was still alive was Smurf #3. Barry Sanders was thrilled that his crazy maneuvers behind the wheel had worked. He was telling his father all about it, bragging to him about how he is the best driver in the world. “Second best maybe Barry”, Harrison Ford says as he kicks in the driver’s side window of the bus, knocking Barry Sanders out of his seat and onto the ground.
“What the hell was that for Harrison. All we have to do now is kill that stupid little Smurf and we got this thing.”
“That was a bad thing you did back there by killing that Bear. He was trying to save my life and you made him pay for it with his own.”
“So what you washed up has-been, as long as you win who cares what happens.” Says Mr. Sanders from the Nextel on the dashboard.
“Well, as a matter of fact Mr. Sanders, I care.” Harrison then picked up the phone and threw it out of the window. Barry in horror quickly followed the phone out of the back door of the bus. He took a pretty hard hit as he hit the ground but instantly got back up and retrieved the phone from the ground. “Dad, Dad, are you still there. Don’t worry, I got out of the bus to find you.”
“You got out of the bus to find me, this is a @#%#ing cell phone Barry. It’s not like he threw me out of the bus.”
“Well anyways, what should I do now?"
“How about you turn the phone off.”
“But then I won’t be able to talk to you anymore”.
“Exactly”. Barry’s dad then hung up the phone while Barry stood there in confusion over what he should do next.
Harrison looked back and thought about picking up the former #20, but decided against it. It was right then that the bus started to slow down. This as he knew was the signal that the match had ended, but as Mr. Ford knew, there was still one member of The Right Wing alive somewhere. He looked around the bus and searched it inside and out. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw something blue lying on the ground behind him. He walked the several hundred feet that it took him to get to the blue object and when he finally reached it he realized that it was Smurf #3, lying down on the ground and very hurt.
Harrison knelt down and asked the little guy if he was all right. He replied with a very faint “No” and explained that when Barry Sanders had opened the back door of the bus, he had been leaning on it, which made him fall out of the back. The Smurf was very injured and was not going to make it much past the next hour.
“Would you please just kill me Mr. Ford. It truly would be an honor to die by a man of your stature.”
Harrison obliged the poor smurf but also found it quite disturbing that so many people not only did not mind dying by his hand, but actually looked forward to it. He thought long and hard about this as he made the long walk back to Barry Sanders, who was just sitting in the middle of road waiting for someone to tell him what to do.
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander, Bear, Scrappy-Doo, & Smurf #3.
“Oh my god, it’s Harrison Ford. Bear check it out, we are in the same bus as Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, I mean it’s Han Solo for god’s sake”.
“Wa Wa, I can’t believe that we are in the presence of such greatness.”
“I’ll tell you what Bear, I can now die a happy man.” Just as Nick says this, Harrison Ford ask’s Nick if he can check out his double barrel shotgun that he has with him.
“Of course you can Mr. Ford, you can do whatever you want with it.”
“Is that right kid, anything I want with it huh. Well, I’m glad you just said that, because now I won’t feel bad about this.” Mr. Ford, who was only abiding by Nick’s wishes, shoots Nick right in between the eyes.
This naturally anger’s the remainder of The Right Wing’s team, who is now charging the loaded gun of Mr. Ford and the retired Detroit Lion. Barry Sanders who is driving the car has naturally not said a word during this entire ordeal; in fact he actually has his father on a two way Nextel phone, just in case Barry needs to say something.
Scrappy-Doo runs up to Harrison and kicks him right in the shin. This really pisses of Mr. Ford, who then quickly kicks the annoying dog right in the head, breaking his neck. Smurf #3, now fearing for his life hides himself in the very back of the bus away from everyone else.
Bear is now furious and goes into a rage. “How dare you kill by best friend. It is time for you to pay the price Mr. Ford. Oh and by the way, your new Indy movie sucked balls”. (Side note: I actually thought the new Indy movie was sweet, but I figured in a moment of rage, stuffed animals, just like people say things they don’t mean.) As Bear finishes off his ill, he goes into a super Bircle run and hits the aging movie star through the front window of the bus. Harrison is now lying on the hood of the mini-bus, which is of course not very big.
“Hey dad, Harrison is in big trouble, what should I do?” Barry says into the cellular phone. “Barry are you an idiot, just slow the van down and help him get back in.”
Barry begins to listen to his father, but before he is able to slow the bus down he sees Bear climbing outside onto the hood, trying to help Mr. Ford get back into the bus. You see, when Bear gives someone a super Bircle, he instantly has the utmost respect for that person. This unfortunately even goes for people who have just killed his best friend. Now that Bear is on the hood of the car, Barry is again confused on what to do.
“Dad, now Bear is on the hood. I don’t want Harrison to die but I also don’t want to save Bear’s life. I don’t know what to do”.
“Damn son, you might have been the second best running back of all time, but you are the dumbest son of a gun that I have ever met. Regardless though, just start driving crazy and knock both of them off of the bus. All that matters is that you win.” Barry listens to his father and begins to drive erratically down the road, which sends Bear tumbling off of the hood of the mini-bus. Harrison then slides down the front of the bus in an attempt to save the poor stuffed Bear. He is too late as Bear touches the ground and instantly dies.
It had always been rumored that the only thing that could kill a Bear of his species was a fall from a moving vehicle. It looks like this rumor was true, because now the only member of The Right Wing’s team that was still alive was Smurf #3. Barry Sanders was thrilled that his crazy maneuvers behind the wheel had worked. He was telling his father all about it, bragging to him about how he is the best driver in the world. “Second best maybe Barry”, Harrison Ford says as he kicks in the driver’s side window of the bus, knocking Barry Sanders out of his seat and onto the ground.
“What the hell was that for Harrison. All we have to do now is kill that stupid little Smurf and we got this thing.”
“That was a bad thing you did back there by killing that Bear. He was trying to save my life and you made him pay for it with his own.”
“So what you washed up has-been, as long as you win who cares what happens.” Says Mr. Sanders from the Nextel on the dashboard.
“Well, as a matter of fact Mr. Sanders, I care.” Harrison then picked up the phone and threw it out of the window. Barry in horror quickly followed the phone out of the back door of the bus. He took a pretty hard hit as he hit the ground but instantly got back up and retrieved the phone from the ground. “Dad, Dad, are you still there. Don’t worry, I got out of the bus to find you.”
“You got out of the bus to find me, this is a @#%#ing cell phone Barry. It’s not like he threw me out of the bus.”
“Well anyways, what should I do now?"
“How about you turn the phone off.”
“But then I won’t be able to talk to you anymore”.
“Exactly”. Barry’s dad then hung up the phone while Barry stood there in confusion over what he should do next.
Harrison looked back and thought about picking up the former #20, but decided against it. It was right then that the bus started to slow down. This as he knew was the signal that the match had ended, but as Mr. Ford knew, there was still one member of The Right Wing alive somewhere. He looked around the bus and searched it inside and out. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw something blue lying on the ground behind him. He walked the several hundred feet that it took him to get to the blue object and when he finally reached it he realized that it was Smurf #3, lying down on the ground and very hurt.
Harrison knelt down and asked the little guy if he was all right. He replied with a very faint “No” and explained that when Barry Sanders had opened the back door of the bus, he had been leaning on it, which made him fall out of the back. The Smurf was very injured and was not going to make it much past the next hour.
“Would you please just kill me Mr. Ford. It truly would be an honor to die by a man of your stature.”
Harrison obliged the poor smurf but also found it quite disturbing that so many people not only did not mind dying by his hand, but actually looked forward to it. He thought long and hard about this as he made the long walk back to Barry Sanders, who was just sitting in the middle of road waiting for someone to tell him what to do.
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Consolation Match-Round 2: Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Better Than All of You
Alice's Wonder Team is Kimbo Slice
Better Than All of You is Ric Flair
“We should do this more often man, this has been great” a very delighted Rick Flair said to the rough, but sensitive Kimbo Slice. “I know man, I know I should want to kill you right now, but I just don’t feel the need to resort to violence at this time” Kimbo said to Flair.
“I know what you mean man. We’ve been in this bus for hours now and I still do not want you dead”.
“Hey, has anyone ever told you that you look like the dude from 48 hours?”
“You mean Nick Nolte? Yes, I get it all the time. You know what is funny though?
“What Rick?”
“Is the fact that you look like Nick Nolte as well. The funny part is that you look like him from that mug shot photo.”
Both of the fighters laugh out loud and keep on carrying on like the oldest of friends.
“Hey Rick, I have an idea, let’s just both concede the match and take a draw”.
“You know what Kimbo, that is a great idea. In fact, let’s just do it”.
Just then the glove box opened up and a piece of paper flew out of it. The paper reads as follows:
Hey Rick and Kimbo, it sounds like you’ve been enjoying your ride a little too much so far. We heard about your idea of making this match a draw and after very little consideration, we’ve decided to make a draw impossible. To make sure that this draw does not occur, we have taken over control of the bus, locked all the doors and in approximately 5 minutes you will smash into a brick wall. We know that this sounds like suicide for the both of you, but we are fairly confidant that one of you will come out unharmed. Anyways, I hope you both enjoy the remainder of your trip. Good luck to the victor.
-Josh and Ryan.
Both Kimbo and Flair looked very disappointed by this letter, as they did not want to fight each other.
“Well this is a bummer, I really didn’t want this to end bloody”.
“Either did I Rick, I really hate it that Fantasy Fantasy League always has to resort to violence. I wish that it was more about the mind of the members instead of just the physical aspect of them.”
“I couldn’t agree more Kimbo. In fact, we should just both crash into this wall together and just leave it at that.”
“You know what Rick, I’m with you. I mean, they put air bags in this thing so we should both survive the crash.’
“You’re right Kimbo, alright, let’s do this.”
Rick and Kimbo both buckle their seat belts and brace themselves for the crash that is coming up very soon.
“Kimbo, I think I can see the wall now. I would just like to say that I had a really great time today. We should do lunch sometime.”
“Absolutely Rick, in fact I can’t wait for it.”
As the mini-bus raced towards the brick wall, Rick looked at the dash in front of him and noticed something that had a key slot on it. He read it more closely and it noticed it said, “Passenger Air Bag Shut-Off Switch”. Rick thought to himself about whether or not he should turn it off and let Kimbo die but he just couldn’t do it.
“Well, I’ll see you around sometime Rick” Kimbo said to the retired wrestler.
“Yeah you will, though I have a feeling you are not going to be too happy to see me”
Just as Flair says this he stick the bus key into the Air Bag Shut-Off Switch, disabling Kimbo Slices air bag from turning on. Kimbo takes a look at this and gives the former heavy weight champion a look of fury. The look didn’t last very long as the mini-bus crashed into the brick wall. Kimbo Slice smashed his head on the dashboard, which broke his neck in the process. Flair was knocked out by the collision and both of his legs were broken, but after a couple of minutes he woke up and looked over at his short-lived friend.
“Well Kimbo, I guess that is what you get for trusting one of Vince’s boys. I’ll see you on the other side.”
Flair then crawled out of the bus and crawled his way back to his teams’ headquarters. It was be a long trip home, but a very satisfying one at least.
Better Than All of You is Victorious!
Better Than All of You is Ric Flair
“We should do this more often man, this has been great” a very delighted Rick Flair said to the rough, but sensitive Kimbo Slice. “I know man, I know I should want to kill you right now, but I just don’t feel the need to resort to violence at this time” Kimbo said to Flair.
“I know what you mean man. We’ve been in this bus for hours now and I still do not want you dead”.
“Hey, has anyone ever told you that you look like the dude from 48 hours?”
“You mean Nick Nolte? Yes, I get it all the time. You know what is funny though?
“What Rick?”
“Is the fact that you look like Nick Nolte as well. The funny part is that you look like him from that mug shot photo.”
Both of the fighters laugh out loud and keep on carrying on like the oldest of friends.
“Hey Rick, I have an idea, let’s just both concede the match and take a draw”.
“You know what Kimbo, that is a great idea. In fact, let’s just do it”.
Just then the glove box opened up and a piece of paper flew out of it. The paper reads as follows:
Hey Rick and Kimbo, it sounds like you’ve been enjoying your ride a little too much so far. We heard about your idea of making this match a draw and after very little consideration, we’ve decided to make a draw impossible. To make sure that this draw does not occur, we have taken over control of the bus, locked all the doors and in approximately 5 minutes you will smash into a brick wall. We know that this sounds like suicide for the both of you, but we are fairly confidant that one of you will come out unharmed. Anyways, I hope you both enjoy the remainder of your trip. Good luck to the victor.
-Josh and Ryan.
Both Kimbo and Flair looked very disappointed by this letter, as they did not want to fight each other.
“Well this is a bummer, I really didn’t want this to end bloody”.
“Either did I Rick, I really hate it that Fantasy Fantasy League always has to resort to violence. I wish that it was more about the mind of the members instead of just the physical aspect of them.”
“I couldn’t agree more Kimbo. In fact, we should just both crash into this wall together and just leave it at that.”
“You know what Rick, I’m with you. I mean, they put air bags in this thing so we should both survive the crash.’
“You’re right Kimbo, alright, let’s do this.”
Rick and Kimbo both buckle their seat belts and brace themselves for the crash that is coming up very soon.
“Kimbo, I think I can see the wall now. I would just like to say that I had a really great time today. We should do lunch sometime.”
“Absolutely Rick, in fact I can’t wait for it.”
As the mini-bus raced towards the brick wall, Rick looked at the dash in front of him and noticed something that had a key slot on it. He read it more closely and it noticed it said, “Passenger Air Bag Shut-Off Switch”. Rick thought to himself about whether or not he should turn it off and let Kimbo die but he just couldn’t do it.
“Well, I’ll see you around sometime Rick” Kimbo said to the retired wrestler.
“Yeah you will, though I have a feeling you are not going to be too happy to see me”
Just as Flair says this he stick the bus key into the Air Bag Shut-Off Switch, disabling Kimbo Slices air bag from turning on. Kimbo takes a look at this and gives the former heavy weight champion a look of fury. The look didn’t last very long as the mini-bus crashed into the brick wall. Kimbo Slice smashed his head on the dashboard, which broke his neck in the process. Flair was knocked out by the collision and both of his legs were broken, but after a couple of minutes he woke up and looked over at his short-lived friend.
“Well Kimbo, I guess that is what you get for trusting one of Vince’s boys. I’ll see you on the other side.”
Flair then crawled out of the bus and crawled his way back to his teams’ headquarters. It was be a long trip home, but a very satisfying one at least.
Better Than All of You is Victorious!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Consolation Match-Round 2: Reign Supremacy Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Reign Supremacy is Paul Coffey, Ewok #49, & Ewok #51.
Brock's boys are Mystery Inc: Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, & Scooby-Doo, w/ Scooby-Dumb, & Ewok #5.
In the most monotone voice you have ever heard, Paul Coffey continues to drive his point home to Fred, that he should be the one to drive the van. He explains to Fred that since he owns many car dealerships in Canada, that it is only natural that he be the one to drive the 68’ Volkswagen Mini-Bus. Fred of course being the pilot of the Mystery Van thinks otherwise. “Come on Fred, just sit in the back with me and Scoob. I mean, like who cares who drives this thing. As long as I can have my marshmallow and bbq sandwich, I don’t care who drives” a very laid back Shaggy says to Fred.
After another couple of minutes of arguing, Fred finally concedes the point to the four time Stanley Cup winner. The seating arraignment in the van is quite cramped, as there are a total of ten people in this contest. Paul Coffey and Fred are in the front two seats while Daphne and Velma are stuck in the back with Shaggy, both Scooby’s and the three Ewoks who have instantly forgotten that they are on opposite teams.
As soon as the van takes off Scooby and Shaggy take out a glass bong that has been molded into the shape of Scooby’s annoying cousin, Scrappy Doo. They light the bong up and soon enough they begin blowing the smoke into the faces of the Ewoks. The Ewoks, who up until this point had been jumping up and down in the back of the van, were now lying down on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.
The two up at the front of the van were having a very uninteresting conversation about hockey, since that is all Paul Coffey knows about. All of a sudden though, Paul Coffey lets go of the stirring wheel. Fred looks at him like he crazy, but then he looks at the wheel and notices that it is still steering. Just as this happens the glove box opens up and out drops a white piece of paper. Paul Coffey looks down at the letter and looks at Fred in the most boring manner possible and says, “What is it?” Fred picks up the letter and reads it to Coffey, who is hoping was is the latest sales reports for the first quarter from his dealership. The letter read as follows:
Hello folks, I am sure by now that you realize that this van is no longer being controlled by anyone of you. From here on out, it will be driven by us. If that is too vague for you, we are sorry, we’re not explaining anymore about the logistics of how this van can control itself. Anyways, we would just like to tell you that the object of this trip is have all but one of you die. Yes, you are going to have to kill each other. That also goes for people on the same team. The match will not end until there is one person left. Good luck to all of you and have a nice trip. Oh, by the way, the weed that is being smoked right now has been laced with special chemicals that have some pretty nasty side effects. Two of which being rage and death. Again, Good luck to all and have a very safe trip.
-FFL
“Huh” says an emotionless Paul Coffey. “I guess this means we are going to have to kill each other. Should we tell everyone else about this?” Fred looks over at Coffey and gives him a look that suggests he should not utter a word of this. “We need to keep this secret, we are going to cause a panic if people hear something like this” a very disturbed Fred says to Coffey.
“I don’t know if that will cause a panic Fred, though I’m pretty positive that this will”. Just as Coffey says this to Fred, he jam’s a sharpened down mini hockey stick into the neck of the ascot wearing Fred. Fred begins to violently jerk around in his seat while blood is gushing out of the side of his neck. Fred instinctively gets out of his seat and falls onto Velma who is screaming while blood is pouring over her entire body. “Why the hell did you do that Mr. Coffey? I can’t believe that you killed Fred” Daphne says in a rather unfazed tone. “Though now that the front seat is open, I might as well join you up there.” Daphne gets up and moves into the seat where her former lover was sitting.
When she gets into the seat she sees the piece of paper and says, “What’s this? Ooh, it’s a letter. I wonder if it mentions me in it?” She reads over the letter and looks back at Velma, who has finally pushed the now dead body of Fred off to the side and says, “Velma, I don’t need your help or anything, but if you could read this letter for me and explain it to me I don’t think I will be confused anymore.” Velma first looks at her with disgust and then snatches the letter from her hand and reads it over. “If this letter is correct then we are all going to have to kill each other and Shaggy, Scoobs and the Ewoks are all going to go into some sort of Bezerker rage in the next coming moments.”
Daphne still looks at Velma with a confused look on her face and says, “I still don’t understand, what does it mean? Velma looks at the very good-looking red head and says, “It means I finally get to kill you, you dumb red headed bitch.” As soon as she finishes saying this to Daphne, she grabs the Scrappy Doo bong that Shaggy was smoking out of, breaks it on the ground and with one of the pieces of glass from it, slices the throat of the extremely stupid Daphne. In fact, she sliced her throat and then repeatedly stabbed her in the stomach until Shaggy grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the very dead Daphne.
“Like what did you do that for? Daphne didn’t do anything wrong.” Exclaimed Shaggy.
“Oh like she didn’t have that coming. But listen to me Shaggy very closely. Somebody messed with your stash. You smoked some bad stuff a while ago and very soon you are going to lose your mind and very possibly die. So you need to concentrate really hard and try to stay with me. If you don’t we are all going to die". As soon she says this, an Ewok runs up to her and sticks his wooden spear into the shin of Velma, who lets out a shriek that can be heard through out the fantasy fantasy landscape. She falls to the ground and passes out.
Paul Coffey who has remained in the drivers seat has managed to stay out of this match, despite the fact that he is the one who started it. Things were about to change though as the effects of the weed were about to completely take over the rest of the van’s passengers. Suddenly, all of the Ewoks, who were now all naked as they had taken all of their clothes off, started to lose their minds. They all started chanting unreckagnizable words at the top of their lungs. Scooby himself also started to foam at the mouth and lunged himself at one of the Ewoks. Scooby then began to violently tear apart the Ewok, who was not lucid enough to even react to the crazed dog. Scooby then began to eat the dead body of the Ewok, spraying blood everywhere in the van. “Well that’s what I call a Scooby Snack,” a still coherent Shaggy said.
Scooby then looked over at his cousin Scooby dumb and bit him in the neck. Scooby dumb then fell to the ground. Out of nowhere an Ewok threw one of his spears at Scooby Doo but he missed, smashing the back window out of the mini-bus. Then Scooby picked up Scooby Dumb by the scruff of his dead neck and threw him out of the moving bus. Scooby Dumb’s dead body fell out of the bus and hit the ground, splattering blood all over the pavement. The sight was enough to make even the most avid animal hater to cringed in horror.
Then out of nowhere Shaggy was hit in the back of the head with the butt end of Paul Coffey’s sharpened hockey stick. As soon as Shaggy fell to the ground, another one of the crazed Ewok’s ran over to Shaggy’s head and started to stab it with his spear. Shaggy was close to death when Scooby noticed this happening to his best friend. Scooby, though crazed, still knew who Shaggy was and went over to help him by literally biting the head of the Ewok off. Scooby then fell to the ground and dropped the head of the Ewok onto the ground as the body still stood there, while blood was pouring over top of where is head once sat. Scooby then knelt over his friend Shaggy and with what little sense he still had turned him over to see if he was still alive. Shaggy then opened his eyes and screamed at his best friend and with one swift move, grabbed the spear out of the Ewoks hand and stabbed it into the chest of Scooby Doo. The now crazed Shaggy had a severe head wound, which was going to limit his effectiveness, as he was most likely going to die in the next coming moments.
The stab to the chest of Scooby Doo shocked the now dying dog, wondering how his best friend could ever do such a thing. Scooby, now realizing that death was now becoming him as well fell to the ground and cried his final minutes out as he looked into the eyes of Shaggy who was lying right next to him. With both Shaggy and Scooby now dead the very confident Paul Coffey got out of his seat to over look the wreckage that had overtaken the bus. Paul walked in the back of the bus when he saw an Ewok still standing in the back of the bus. He took out his sharpened stick and charged at the Ewok. The Ewok saw this attack coming and picked the head of the dead Ewok up and threw it at Paul Coffey. The head hit Coffey square in his nose, knocking him over. Coffey saw stars on the hit but soon enough, he was back on his feet looking for the Ewok. He saw nothing but soon felt a sharp pain in the back of his leg. He looked down and saw a piece of glass sticking out of it.
He reached over to pick the piece of glass out of his leg, but as soon as he did this he saw the Ewok out of the corner of his eye. He then made a quick move to his left but it was to late. The Ewok had already thrown one spear at the washed up Hockey player, piercing his once powerful thighs. This knocked the former Hartford Whaler to the ground, setting himself up perfectly for one last spear through the eye. The silver lining to all of this though, is that right before he received the spear to the eye, he noticed that the Ewok coming at him had a #51 branded onto his leg. This look familiar to him, as Coffey knew that he was a member of his team. This came as a relief to him, since despite the fact that he was going to die, he at least knew that his team was going to win. The Ewok then dealt the final blow to ex-Phoenix Coyotes assistant coach, which gave Ewok #51 the victory Reign Supremacy needed.
Or so he thought.
The bus should have stopped but it kept on going. The Ewok not being in the right state of mind did not understand what was going on, therefore never knowing that he should be excited because of his apparent victory. It was then that the Ewok started to go into convulsions and started to foam at the mouth. This went on for a good minute before Ewok #51 died, chocking on his own foam and vomit. The Ewok then fell to the ground, leaving the bus silent and devoid of life. Just then the bus started to slow down and come to a stop. All of the doors swung wide open and nothing happened. Then after several minutes of silence, there was movement right behind the front seat of the passenger’s side of the bus. Velma sat up in agony, but very far from death. She still had the spear sticking out of her shin, but she was very much alive. She woke up during the Shaggy and Scooby fight, but decided to stay down due to the fact that she knew the poisonous weed would eventually kill everyone off anyway. As she scooted herself out of the van and onto the ground, she smelled the sweet spring air and breathed in a big sigh of relief, knowing that once and for all her brains were the reason why she had survived the blood bath.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
Brock's boys are Mystery Inc: Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, & Scooby-Doo, w/ Scooby-Dumb, & Ewok #5.
In the most monotone voice you have ever heard, Paul Coffey continues to drive his point home to Fred, that he should be the one to drive the van. He explains to Fred that since he owns many car dealerships in Canada, that it is only natural that he be the one to drive the 68’ Volkswagen Mini-Bus. Fred of course being the pilot of the Mystery Van thinks otherwise. “Come on Fred, just sit in the back with me and Scoob. I mean, like who cares who drives this thing. As long as I can have my marshmallow and bbq sandwich, I don’t care who drives” a very laid back Shaggy says to Fred.
After another couple of minutes of arguing, Fred finally concedes the point to the four time Stanley Cup winner. The seating arraignment in the van is quite cramped, as there are a total of ten people in this contest. Paul Coffey and Fred are in the front two seats while Daphne and Velma are stuck in the back with Shaggy, both Scooby’s and the three Ewoks who have instantly forgotten that they are on opposite teams.
As soon as the van takes off Scooby and Shaggy take out a glass bong that has been molded into the shape of Scooby’s annoying cousin, Scrappy Doo. They light the bong up and soon enough they begin blowing the smoke into the faces of the Ewoks. The Ewoks, who up until this point had been jumping up and down in the back of the van, were now lying down on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.
The two up at the front of the van were having a very uninteresting conversation about hockey, since that is all Paul Coffey knows about. All of a sudden though, Paul Coffey lets go of the stirring wheel. Fred looks at him like he crazy, but then he looks at the wheel and notices that it is still steering. Just as this happens the glove box opens up and out drops a white piece of paper. Paul Coffey looks down at the letter and looks at Fred in the most boring manner possible and says, “What is it?” Fred picks up the letter and reads it to Coffey, who is hoping was is the latest sales reports for the first quarter from his dealership. The letter read as follows:
Hello folks, I am sure by now that you realize that this van is no longer being controlled by anyone of you. From here on out, it will be driven by us. If that is too vague for you, we are sorry, we’re not explaining anymore about the logistics of how this van can control itself. Anyways, we would just like to tell you that the object of this trip is have all but one of you die. Yes, you are going to have to kill each other. That also goes for people on the same team. The match will not end until there is one person left. Good luck to all of you and have a nice trip. Oh, by the way, the weed that is being smoked right now has been laced with special chemicals that have some pretty nasty side effects. Two of which being rage and death. Again, Good luck to all and have a very safe trip.
-FFL
“Huh” says an emotionless Paul Coffey. “I guess this means we are going to have to kill each other. Should we tell everyone else about this?” Fred looks over at Coffey and gives him a look that suggests he should not utter a word of this. “We need to keep this secret, we are going to cause a panic if people hear something like this” a very disturbed Fred says to Coffey.
“I don’t know if that will cause a panic Fred, though I’m pretty positive that this will”. Just as Coffey says this to Fred, he jam’s a sharpened down mini hockey stick into the neck of the ascot wearing Fred. Fred begins to violently jerk around in his seat while blood is gushing out of the side of his neck. Fred instinctively gets out of his seat and falls onto Velma who is screaming while blood is pouring over her entire body. “Why the hell did you do that Mr. Coffey? I can’t believe that you killed Fred” Daphne says in a rather unfazed tone. “Though now that the front seat is open, I might as well join you up there.” Daphne gets up and moves into the seat where her former lover was sitting.
When she gets into the seat she sees the piece of paper and says, “What’s this? Ooh, it’s a letter. I wonder if it mentions me in it?” She reads over the letter and looks back at Velma, who has finally pushed the now dead body of Fred off to the side and says, “Velma, I don’t need your help or anything, but if you could read this letter for me and explain it to me I don’t think I will be confused anymore.” Velma first looks at her with disgust and then snatches the letter from her hand and reads it over. “If this letter is correct then we are all going to have to kill each other and Shaggy, Scoobs and the Ewoks are all going to go into some sort of Bezerker rage in the next coming moments.”
Daphne still looks at Velma with a confused look on her face and says, “I still don’t understand, what does it mean? Velma looks at the very good-looking red head and says, “It means I finally get to kill you, you dumb red headed bitch.” As soon as she finishes saying this to Daphne, she grabs the Scrappy Doo bong that Shaggy was smoking out of, breaks it on the ground and with one of the pieces of glass from it, slices the throat of the extremely stupid Daphne. In fact, she sliced her throat and then repeatedly stabbed her in the stomach until Shaggy grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the very dead Daphne.
“Like what did you do that for? Daphne didn’t do anything wrong.” Exclaimed Shaggy.
“Oh like she didn’t have that coming. But listen to me Shaggy very closely. Somebody messed with your stash. You smoked some bad stuff a while ago and very soon you are going to lose your mind and very possibly die. So you need to concentrate really hard and try to stay with me. If you don’t we are all going to die". As soon she says this, an Ewok runs up to her and sticks his wooden spear into the shin of Velma, who lets out a shriek that can be heard through out the fantasy fantasy landscape. She falls to the ground and passes out.
Paul Coffey who has remained in the drivers seat has managed to stay out of this match, despite the fact that he is the one who started it. Things were about to change though as the effects of the weed were about to completely take over the rest of the van’s passengers. Suddenly, all of the Ewoks, who were now all naked as they had taken all of their clothes off, started to lose their minds. They all started chanting unreckagnizable words at the top of their lungs. Scooby himself also started to foam at the mouth and lunged himself at one of the Ewoks. Scooby then began to violently tear apart the Ewok, who was not lucid enough to even react to the crazed dog. Scooby then began to eat the dead body of the Ewok, spraying blood everywhere in the van. “Well that’s what I call a Scooby Snack,” a still coherent Shaggy said.
Scooby then looked over at his cousin Scooby dumb and bit him in the neck. Scooby dumb then fell to the ground. Out of nowhere an Ewok threw one of his spears at Scooby Doo but he missed, smashing the back window out of the mini-bus. Then Scooby picked up Scooby Dumb by the scruff of his dead neck and threw him out of the moving bus. Scooby Dumb’s dead body fell out of the bus and hit the ground, splattering blood all over the pavement. The sight was enough to make even the most avid animal hater to cringed in horror.
Then out of nowhere Shaggy was hit in the back of the head with the butt end of Paul Coffey’s sharpened hockey stick. As soon as Shaggy fell to the ground, another one of the crazed Ewok’s ran over to Shaggy’s head and started to stab it with his spear. Shaggy was close to death when Scooby noticed this happening to his best friend. Scooby, though crazed, still knew who Shaggy was and went over to help him by literally biting the head of the Ewok off. Scooby then fell to the ground and dropped the head of the Ewok onto the ground as the body still stood there, while blood was pouring over top of where is head once sat. Scooby then knelt over his friend Shaggy and with what little sense he still had turned him over to see if he was still alive. Shaggy then opened his eyes and screamed at his best friend and with one swift move, grabbed the spear out of the Ewoks hand and stabbed it into the chest of Scooby Doo. The now crazed Shaggy had a severe head wound, which was going to limit his effectiveness, as he was most likely going to die in the next coming moments.
The stab to the chest of Scooby Doo shocked the now dying dog, wondering how his best friend could ever do such a thing. Scooby, now realizing that death was now becoming him as well fell to the ground and cried his final minutes out as he looked into the eyes of Shaggy who was lying right next to him. With both Shaggy and Scooby now dead the very confident Paul Coffey got out of his seat to over look the wreckage that had overtaken the bus. Paul walked in the back of the bus when he saw an Ewok still standing in the back of the bus. He took out his sharpened stick and charged at the Ewok. The Ewok saw this attack coming and picked the head of the dead Ewok up and threw it at Paul Coffey. The head hit Coffey square in his nose, knocking him over. Coffey saw stars on the hit but soon enough, he was back on his feet looking for the Ewok. He saw nothing but soon felt a sharp pain in the back of his leg. He looked down and saw a piece of glass sticking out of it.
He reached over to pick the piece of glass out of his leg, but as soon as he did this he saw the Ewok out of the corner of his eye. He then made a quick move to his left but it was to late. The Ewok had already thrown one spear at the washed up Hockey player, piercing his once powerful thighs. This knocked the former Hartford Whaler to the ground, setting himself up perfectly for one last spear through the eye. The silver lining to all of this though, is that right before he received the spear to the eye, he noticed that the Ewok coming at him had a #51 branded onto his leg. This look familiar to him, as Coffey knew that he was a member of his team. This came as a relief to him, since despite the fact that he was going to die, he at least knew that his team was going to win. The Ewok then dealt the final blow to ex-Phoenix Coyotes assistant coach, which gave Ewok #51 the victory Reign Supremacy needed.
Or so he thought.
The bus should have stopped but it kept on going. The Ewok not being in the right state of mind did not understand what was going on, therefore never knowing that he should be excited because of his apparent victory. It was then that the Ewok started to go into convulsions and started to foam at the mouth. This went on for a good minute before Ewok #51 died, chocking on his own foam and vomit. The Ewok then fell to the ground, leaving the bus silent and devoid of life. Just then the bus started to slow down and come to a stop. All of the doors swung wide open and nothing happened. Then after several minutes of silence, there was movement right behind the front seat of the passenger’s side of the bus. Velma sat up in agony, but very far from death. She still had the spear sticking out of her shin, but she was very much alive. She woke up during the Shaggy and Scooby fight, but decided to stay down due to the fact that she knew the poisonous weed would eventually kill everyone off anyway. As she scooted herself out of the van and onto the ground, she smelled the sweet spring air and breathed in a big sigh of relief, knowing that once and for all her brains were the reason why she had survived the blood bath.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
