Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are Primus, Yoda’s Spirit (w/ The White Lantern Ring), Supergirl, The Black Racer, Monarch, Larfleeze, Red Lantern Guy Gardner, Mr. Majestic, The Juggernaut, Aunt May w/ Baby Bucky in a Go-Cart, Vitar, Superman Emergency Squad #3, Krypto the Super Dog, Vampire Nick Houslander w/ Ewok #56, and Peeta Mellark (w/Jarnborn) w/ a Yoshi Egg in a Fire truck, Aslan the Lion (w/ a green lantern ring), Vampire Assaj Ventress in a Fairchild VZ-5, Red Hulk, (Kingdom Come) Wonder Woman, (Kingdom Come) Power Woman, (Kingdom Come) Robotman in Grumman X-29, (Kingdom Come) Red Arrow in a Nighthawk Stealth Fighter, (Kingdom Come) Red Robin on an Oscorp Glider, Master Stass Allie in a Rockwell X-30, Zombie Sonic the Hedgehog, Nightbird, Hot Spot, Man-Bat, Flashpoint (Thomas Wayne) Batman in a Ferrari 360 Modena, and Hoist.
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are (Kingdom Come) Batman in an Imperial Shuttle, (Kingdom Come) Darkstar, (Kingdom Come) Steel, (Kingdom Come) Nightstar, (Kingdom Come) Blue Beetle, (Phoenix Force) Cyclops, (Phoenix Force) Emma Frost, (Phoenix Force) Colossus, U.S. Agent, X-Man (Nate Grey) (w/ an Atlas Axe), Kaine, Zombie Cable, The Spectre, Cyborg Superman, (Kingdom Come) Jade/Green Lantern (Merged w/) Ion, Red Lantern Jeff Houslander (merged with) The Butcher, Animal Man, Bizarro Supergirl, (Pre-Suit) Darth Vader (w/ Vader’s red lightsaber), Mara Jade: Jedi, Jacen Solo, Kister w/ a Yoshi Egg, Super Cyborg Charles Barkley, Super Cyborg Michael Jordan, Shrek it Ralph (w/ a green lantern ring), Care Becks in a Rhino 4x 4, Aku, The Dark Woman, Witchblade, and a NASA X-43 Unmanned Craft.
Primus has transformed into his robot form, and before the match even began, a Mars sized asteroid dared to move within the path of the great Cybertronian god. Unfortunately for about 14,000 Populists and Federalists alike down on The Play-Off Planet, Primus was perhaps a bit overzealous and wiped out the entire city area. Luckily for both The Kitties and The Turrible Decisions neither of the teams suffered any casualties from this massive body movement. The majority of both of the teams are in space, keeping their distance from Primus, while the rest of The Barkley crew are in the desert region, quite a distance from The Kitties who are planning their approach from within the jungle.
The “Bat Plan” has been analyzed carefully and painstakingly by every member of The Turrible Decisions, and it involves a three part plan to take out Primus. And by three part, this is not meaning that the plan has three steps, it means that there are three separate plans laid out, all with the sole purpose of taking out Primus on their own. But one can never be too careful when battling a planet-sized robot that all of the sudden discovered a Trillion years worth of unused gumption. The Grizzled old Batman “casually” flies his Imperial Shuttle in between the legs of Primus looking for an entry point, with The Sith formerly known as Anakin Skywalker in the co-pilot chair next to him. In the seats behind them, are a freshly hatched blue Yoshi behind Vader and in the seat behind Batman only the edge of it is being used by Kister. They are plan number one. The Phoenix Five… err… Phoenix Three are in the back cargo area of the same ship, by the airlock. There they await the order from Batman to jettison out for a full-frontal assault on the Transformer; this is plan two. Plan three involves nothing more than a great hope that The Spectre can work his magic, or whatever it is he has on Primus and simply wipe him out of existence no matter what it costs the The Turrible Decisions in the lives of their teammates.
The Phoenix Three receive their orders from Batman, as they speedily exit the cargo shaft of The Imperial Shuttle and take flight towards the metal monstrosity that is their enemy. The three combatants converge on Primus and quickly provide an answer to the question on the minds of many. For those that were wondering whether or not The Phoenix Force could do damage to Primus they find out that it most certainly can, as Primus releases wails of pain and anger that shake every molecule within the nearby solar systems. But before Primus can retaliate from the blasts of carnal cosmic energy being projected by the three mutant hosts; The Phoenix Three soon learn that Primus was by no means Layanderlet’s first line of defense as several space bound Super Kitties fly around from the other side of Primus to engage them. The Phoenix Three must quickly divert their attention from Primus as they are immediately put on the defensive from the attacks of Yoda, The Black Racer, Aslan, Guy Gardner, and Larfleeze. This high-powered cosmic fury heats up quickly as Phoenix Force Cyclops unleashes a cosmic fire loaded optic blast that obliterates Larfleeze as if he were a powerless rodent. Guy Gardner provides some green and red cover fire, while The Black Racer rushes in at twice the speed of light to avenge Agent Orange and uses his Cosmic Staff to hit the original X-Men leader with his patented Touch of Death. But The New God finds out seconds later that his speed was not quite enough to play keep away from the raw Phoenix-enforced-strength of Colossus who breaks apart his cosmic skis with a mid-space stomp and then crushes him with a massive bear hug. But Aslan the Lion bursts into the scene in all of his emerald glory directly after this transpires to dissipate on a molecular level, the cosmic brute like only a green-lantern-powered-anamorphic-Jesus-Allegory can. But Aslan dies for the sins of his teammates when Emma Frost absorbs the Phoenix Power of her fallen comrades and adds it to her own. She speaks to her opponents Yoda and says: “My telepathy is enhanced further than ever before, and I have seen the potential outcomes worked out exponentially. The power of your white ring cannot possibly defeat the power of The Phoenix Force.
Yoda retorts: “My white ring powerful enough may not be. But strong enough the force is”.
Yoda then combines his force power with his white lantern ring (with a little back up from the raged out will power machine next to him known as Guy Gardner) and breaks through the Phoenix aura to shove his white energy lightsaber construct into the chest of Emma Frost.
Back on The Play-Off Planet…
Once the teams begin to wander the partially destroyed planet for one another, small skirmishes begin to take place all over the planet.
In the open desert…
Monarch squares off against X-Man, and despite Monarch’s amazing abilities is defeated once it becomes impossible for him, Monarch to mount an attack that Nate does not see coming. X-Man is then able to mentally project Monarch into his own path of destruction causing the D.C. Villain to destroy himself with an immense burst of cosmic energy.
Red Robin leads an aerial assault from his Oscorp Glider, with his fellow former Teen Titans Red Arrow and Robotman not far behind in their own conventional aircraft against Darkstar, Nightstar, and Blue Beetle. The skirmish begins with Red Arrow attempting to end it quickly by firing a nuke from his stealth; but Nightstar makes the Iron Man-style sacrifice play by grabbing a hold of the bomb and flying it in to the ocean. She truly does make it a sacrifice though by blowing up along with it. Blue Beetle fires a magnetized bolt at the Stealth, which causes both that plane and Robotman’s Grumman X-29 to collide causing the two to eject out of the planes and into the battle. Robotman delivers a killing blow to Darkstar as he lands from his destroyed plane, while Red Robin ignores the fact that that was his daughter (kind of like I did) who just sacrificed herself with the nuke and pumpkin bombs the heck out of Blue Beetle as the Beetle is using his Silver Age B.B. Gun to shoot Red Arrow in the eye. Red Robin and Robotman’s victory is short-lived though as Cyborg Superman rushes in and crushes both of them together into a liquid metal ball of goo.
Cyborg Superman is then double-teamed by Mr. Majestic and The Juggernaut; but despite the duos strength is still not enough to take out the Kryptonian. Juggernaut manages to do some major damage to Hank’s circuitry with a massive punch to the chest while the cyborg is breaking Mr. Majestic’s neck, but when Juggernaut does his second run by, Cyborg Superman dodges out of his way and takes to the air. He then hits Juggernaut with a massive burst of heat vision to fry him in place.
Hoist dodges out of the way of the attacks from the Unmanned NASA X-43 ship, but is then able to take out the prototype by rolling back into an attack position and taking out the ship with his lasers.
Nightbird attempts a few extra large ninja kicks to defend herself, but the non-transforming Transformer’s targets are two small to hit as KC Jade and Red Lantern Jeff blast her with their respective energy sources and destroy her spark, or engine, or whatever it is she has.
Back in space…
Both beings prepare themselves as The Spectre approaches Primus for a cosmic conversation/showdown. The Spectre informs Primus that he has been judged and that he has been selected for destruction. But as The Spectre is susceptible to the powers of the God on his own planet, he finds that his powers are of no use. Primus informs him using a language on a plane of existence that can only be understood by the two of them (and me of course, your all-powerful friendly neighborhood Watcher) that the enforcer of The God of mere insects is no match for a fully-awakened god of Cybertronians. Primus then grabs a hold of The Spectre’s human host body and crushes it into oblivion.
Back on The Play-Off Planet, in the forest region…
Vitar, and the only other remaining member of The Superman Emergency Squad meet up with Batman’s buddy Steel and Zombie Cable and then make fairly short work of them. The two Kryptonians crush Steel within his own body armor and then power through the random telekinetic zombie murmurings of Cable and hit him with a double-dose of heat vision.
Bizarro Supergirl would be a good match for Supergirl, despite her diminished intelligence; but Supergirl is able to take out her bizarro world self pretty quickly with some help from her cousin’s dog Krypto. Krypto latches on to Bizarro’s leg, while Supergirl delivers a couple dozen closed-fisted attacks to her pale faced counterpart.
The Kryptonian Forest love continues, as Supergirl’s alternate universe, older, earth 2 self Power Woman tests the limits of Kaine’s enhanced spider strength by catching the clone in mid-air and then pile-driving him back into the wooded ground.
Animal Man leaps out of a tree and ceases being only a man and takes on the powers of a bat to take out Man-Bat in a manly, yet insanely batty kind of way.
Care Becks is at the wheel, with Shrek-it-Ralph riding shotgun, and the two NBA Super Cyborgs in the back seat, when they meet up with Thomas Wayne riding through the forest in his Ferrari (WHAT?!!? He’s Batman) with Aunt May following behind in her Go-Cart (okay, fine… I’m not even sure how she’s doing that). The Rhino busts a quick turn around a few trees and runs over the Go-Cart, killing the old lady and helpless baby like only a care bear version of Beckerman can do; but is then met by the face of the much meaner version of Batman on the hood of their Rhino after he ejects out of his Ferrari 360 Modena. Care Becks tries to shake him off by driving the Rhino like a total lunatic, but they are eventually able to take him out when The two super cyborgs reach out with their extendable rebound arms to hold him in place while Shrek-it-Ralph Sha-Wrecks him with a blast from his green lantern ring.
US Agent is attempting to hold his own, in a melee battle with Wonder Woman; but in the end it is not his hand to hand skills that fail him but his inferior strength. Wonder Woman is able to just barely dodge his thrown shield attack, when she takes advantage of the defenseless former fill-in Cap by delivering a neck crunching elbow from above.
Mara Jade, once embraced her anger as power in the service of the Emperor, before she turned to the good side to become a Jedi; but not quite like her opponent Red Hulk. The gamma infused “Thunderbolt” knocks aside Mara Jade’s lightsaber and then brings down a heavy fist onto the head of Mara to crush her into a tree trunk.
Jacen Solo has a little more luck than the last E.U., Luke-trained Jedi as he is confronted by Hot Spot. The trees around them ignite as Hot-Spot revs up his powers, but Jacen is able to use the force to deflect the heat back towards Hot Spot and to then leap in with his lightsaber drawn to remove the fiery head of The Teen Titan.
In the torn apart city….
Vampire Nick Houslander is taking this opportunity, along with his BFF Peeta and their brotha from anotha Species Motha Ewok #56 to take part in some real humanitarian efforts and put their fire truck to good use. There are many in need of help in the area damaged by their massive teammate Primus, and they figure while they can’t seem to find any enemies at the moment that they should probably do something. They do kind of ignore their other teammate Zombie Sonic, who they figure they probably can’t catch anyway. Dude is pretty much just running around in a circle, stopping every once in a while to eat some brains and such. That is until Aku formulates out of thin air and sends the zombie into a sonic spinball that sends his head in one direction and his body in another. Vampire Nick is then all like: “Crap dudes!! Homeboy got some wicked skills”. But then his homie Peeta’s like: “True Dat!! But I got Thor’s axe Brah!!”! Ewok #56 then cheers wildly as Peeta puts some Hunger Games Smack down on Aku and uses his mystical Asgardian Axe of Old to split Aku in Ah-Two.
The Dark Woman sees (and feels) Stass Allie as she flies overhead in her Rockwell X-30 and then uses the force to crash the plane into a nearby building. But Master Allie is able to leap out with her lightsaber ignited and engage the former apprentice of Lord Bane in a pitched lightsaber battle. The Jedi Council Member parries the first dozen or so hits from The Dark Woman; but eventually being on the defensive gets to her and The Dark Woman’s thousand plus years of experience wins her the battle as she spin kicks Stass in the chest and then swings her saber to relieve The Jedi Master of her head.
Witchblade fires upwards with her mystical grappling hook and attaches it to the side of Vampire Ventress’ Fairchild VZ-5. Witchblade then swings herself onto the hull of the plane and then uses some energy blasts to take out the motor before growing some wings and escaping the crash. Vampire Ventress leaps out of the craft as well, and uses her force skills and vampire durability to land safely. She ignites her blue and green lightsabers and rushes Witchblade who instantly grows some armor (but not so much that she can’t still move swiftly for the melee battle). Witchblade has a pair of swords appear in her hands and the two Gothy; but kinda hot chicks begin battling in close quarters. Ventress uses her rage to force push Witchblade over but before the vampire can deliver the killing blow, Witchblade is able to pop back up and get behind the dark, dark Jedi and remove her opponent’s head.
Back in space….
Batman, casually docks his Imperial Shuttle on Primus, as the last remaining passengers Anakin and the Yoshi riding Kister quickly sneak inside the body of the massive Transformer. They safely get away from the ship, just as it is noticed by Primus and swatted away like a fly, crushing the ship and killing the aged Batman. The young Vader, lets the force guide him as Kister follows behind, while they journey towards the massive spark of Primus. They approach the power source; but soon find that there are several countermeasures within the Autobot god. Several dozen rolling robots begin rushing towards The Barkley Boys, much like Cybertronian Anti-bodies to defend their internal workings. Vader yells to his childhood friend (who is still a child): “Hey, Kister!! It looks like you aren’t going to be useless after all. Give me some cover”!! Vader then begins focusing all the force power he has achieved in both his Jedi and Sith training, while Kister rides his Yoshi, who begins eating the rolling bots faster than they can move into play. I don’t need to tell you how “Wizard” Kister thought it was, but I will anyway: “This really is…… SOOOOOOO WIZARD Annie” screams Kister, as he actually helps out. Kister and The Yoshi manage to finish off the rolling bots as they notice that things around them are beginning to change drastically and creek wildly. Kister approaches Vader who stops straining for a second to say: “Well Kister, I hate to break this to you, but the ability to destroy a planet may be insignificant for the powers of the force; but that isn’t going to help us stay alive out in space with no ship in a few minutes”. Vader then unleashes a fury of Sith Lightning into the spark of Primus to add insult to injury which causes Primus to once again let a metallic wail that sends senior citizens in the next galaxy into cardiac arrest. Vader, notices an extremely frightened look on the face of his old buddy Kister; but draws a smile from the kid as he says right before the implosion: “Well buddy, it’s been Wizard knowing ya”.
BA-BOOOOOOOOOM.
As Primus is destroyed, all remaining members on both squads become very aware of what has happened. This causes everybody involved to converge in the damaged city for what they know will be one final showdown…..
Thirteen to twelve is the final count, as Yoda, Supergirl, Vitar, SES #3, Krypto, Guy Gardner, Red Hulk, Vampire Nick, Peeta and Yoshi, Ewok #56, Wonder Woman, Power Woman and Hoist for The Kitties square off against X-Man, Cyborg Supes, Jade, Red Lantern Jeff, Animal Man, Jacen Solo, Care Becks, Shrek-it-Ralph, The 2 Super Cyborgs, The Dark Woman, and Witchblade…
Cyborg Superman, though damaged from his battle with Juggernaut draws first blood as he rockets through the center of Hoist, destroying his spark with ease.
Power Woman then burns through both the lightsaber and the body of Jacen Solo with a widened blast of Heat Vision.
Animal Man draws the short end of the straw, and somehow ends up battling three super-powered beings at once, as he takes on the power of a lion followed by the strength of a great white shark’s jaw to take out Krypto once and for all, before Vitar and SES #3 pound him into the already damage concrete ground.
X-Man exhausts all of his omega level power into a mind blast on Yoda, but it is still not enough to take out the once dead, white lantern powered Jedi Master. X-Man is nothing but a shell, for Yoda to run through once the battle of the minds is complete.
It takes nearly all of the power supply of both of his rings for Guy Gardner to defeat the Ion-powered Jade; which sends Red Lantern Jeff into a rage that even Red Hulk has never seen against any of his opponents. Red Lantern Jeff avenges his partner by spewing a massive amount of red energy vomit onto the depleted Guy Gardner; but Jeff (and The Butcher entity) are then taken out by a massive Red Hulk Stomp.
It is no wonder that darkness overcame the women as the Dark Woman appears behind Wonder Woman and darkens her wonder with a lightsaber to the back of the neck.
Witchblade grows more armor around her/his body than has ever been grown in the past as Supergirl approaches, but in the end it is still not enough to protect her from the building shattering blows that Supergirl puts down on her. Supergirl then finishes Witchblade off with an unneeded blast of heat vision just for good measure.
Care Becks then insanely crashes his Rhino into the side of Vampire Nick’s fire truck totaling both of the vehicles, but all the combatants jump out still ready to fight. Peeta sends Jarnborn through the skull of Shrek-it-Ralph before he can use his green lantern ring, but Super Cyborg Barkley uses his arm-mounted laser to blast the Yoshi out from under The Hunger Games Co-winner. Super Cyborg Jordan then uses his power jump Nike shoes to kick the head off of Ewok #56. This sends Nick and Peeta into a rage after seeing their little furry friend killed. Peeta removes the Super Cyborg head of Barkley with his Asgardian Axe, while Vampire Nick uses his enhanced strength to rip off Jordan’s cyborg head as well. Care Becks then tries to do some stuff that I won’t mention in a match that my kids are reading to Peeta and Nick; but Vampire Nick unleashes his true form and rips into the neck of Care Becks with his teeth.
The Dark Woman manages to focus all of her good side dark force energy to separate the white ring from Yoda, just momentarily to dissipate the spirit from this match, while Cyborg Superman finds himself surrounded by enemy Kryptonians. Cyborg Superman rushes in against The Super Kitties and rips the head off of Power Woman before anybody else can stop him. He then sends a massive cyborg Kryptonian boot through the face of Superman Emergency Squad Member #3, before Vitar and Supergirl combine their strength to pin down Hank and rip his cybernetic parts off of his body before finishing him off all together. Supergirl and Vitar then turn their attention towards The Dark Woman; but before they can attack they see Peeta and Vampire Nick holding hands and screaming: “We’re going to The Universe Bowl”!!; while Red Hulk is busy stepping off of the now dead Dark Woman…..
Posts
