Week 5: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad

The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Phoenix (Jean Grey) Aron, the Rogue Watcher Scar (Evil Guardian) Kyle Rayner - Parallax Firestorm (Jason Rusch) Deathstroke w/Blue Lightsaber The Destroyer Annihilus Hope Summers Sebastian Shaw Exodus Battle Pope w/M134 Minigun (aka Chaingun) Miho w/Blue Lightsaber The Witch King of Angmar The Balrog of Moria Gozar the Gozarian Zuul Vince Clortho Freddy Krueger w/Yellow Lantern Ring Pinhead Jason Voorhees w/Blue Lightsaber Tommy Oliver (w/Dragonzord) w/Plo Koon's Blue Lightsaber Zombie Charlton Heston Alfred Pennyworth Dark Archangel - Apocalypse Ozymandias The Final Four Horsemen of Apocalypse: War: Decimus Furius Death: Sanjar Javeed Pestilance: Ichisumi Famine: Jeb Lee
  
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is: Doomslayer Cyborg Doomsday Steel Doomsday Superboy Doomsday Supergirl(matrix) Supreme Suprema w/blue lantern ring Silver Racer w/green lantern ring Invincible Eradicator Morgan le Fey Red Hood w/blue lightsaber Vampire Jean Grey Apollo Midnighter The Doctor(authority) Agent 47(hitman) Q representative Micah Jiett The Blob(movie) NFG Mike

“Really? in the creepy woods? My team is a literal army of powerhouses and I get dropped in the spookiest woods on earth.. alone..” -Invincible.

The Mark Grayson, teen Viltrumite walked through the woods alone...

 “This is not good.. I could be doing some major damage out there but I’m nowhere near my team... guess I’ll take a quick lap around the planet and see what’s up.” “oh crap... I know that sound.” A very large masked man appears behind the viltrumite, wielding a humming blue lightsaber. “Really dude? Don’t get me wrong you’re a legend and believe me, i get it. I’m a teenager and therefore i’m like your “ideal hunt” or whatever but I’m not sure if you know who I am... The name’s Invincible for a reason... I don’t think you’re usual slasher tricks are going to work, I don’t care what that thing is made of.” Jason takes a swing at the young hero slicing into his forearm as he tries to deflect and dodge the blow. The young hero claps both hands together through Voorhees’ head snapping his mask in half and shattering his cranium into jelly.

 The large body slumps to to the ground. Gash in his arm is already healing when his next opponent seemingly teleports in out of nowhere. 

Pinhead uses his chains to bind him. Mark struggles against the creaking metal of the chains as Pinhead closes in... Pin head is almost on him, and the chains appear to be tightening in an attempt to rip him limb from limb. 

Unfortunately for Pinhead Mark’s super strength is too much for even magical chains. he shatters the chains in a shower of metal chunks, Invincible then performs the old standby maneuver and flies through the leather clad monster destroying him. 

 He takes to the sky and surveys the planet for combat, strangely he hears no conflicts so he begins to make slow passes over the surface for what feels like hours. 

“What is going on here?” he says... … wait.. first Jason... and then Pinhead... and... oh no oh god... Wake up Mark! Wake up!”  

He begins pinching himself and slapping his own face but he’s completely out cold.

 The laughter begins as claws burst from his chest. “No superpowers in here boy, we’re inside your grapefruit.. where I have all the control... And you fell asleep on the ride here!” 
 Marks body twitches silently in its sleep on the forest floor as the blood begins to pour from his mouth. The devious Krueger has claimed another victim. 


The next moments of the battle are literally a blur of combatants unloading all of their might upon each other. 

Kruger proceeds to wear down and murder the red hood, midnighter, apollo, and the doctor. The horsemen square off against Morgan Le Fay, The resulting magical blast Kill war and shatter his axe however the feedback kills not only Morgan Le Fay but the Doomsday supermen and supergirl begin simultaneously trying to fight each other as the shards of the axe strike them. The various supers have difficulty hurting each other, however they do an excellent job of exhausting themselves. Krueger simply lies in wait and kills them as their mental defenses drop. Seeing all of this, the Q representative decides that the enemy numbers are too great, He tries to alter the current reality to result in a victory by his team but something is blocking his powers. He goes to snap his fingers and discovers that not only they but his entire hand is missing on both arms. he begins to scream in outrage but discovers he has no mouth.. and then he suddenly ceases to exist. 

“Wow, I totally didn’t think that’d work...” said Hope Summers “Lets see what else I can do.”

 The Teen superpower then uses her newly absorbed Q abilities to bend the very fabric of reality... The entire Annihilation squad pops out of existence one by one save a single character.

 NFG Mike stands before the combined might of the Horsemen. 

Hope looks upon him with pity and begins to send him to a happy alternate reality where not only are his teammates still alive but he is unharmed... “Screw that! no, you treat me like a man and kill me.” the New Guy shouts at the insolent teenager. 

 “No... that won’t do at all... Manners my friend.. manners.” chimes in Sanjar as he strolls towards the last remaining enemy. 

Sanjar then used his abilities to infect NFG Mike with every known Sexually Transmitted Disease known to man... “There.. you wanted to die? you will... eventually... oh by the way enjoy the yeast infection... I know it’s not technically fatal but... well I just couldn’t resist...”

Commandos Vs. TEAM

Pop-Superar Hannah Montana and President Barack "Dick Morris predicted I am going to lose, which means I am a 2 term president for sure" Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos is (Earth 2) Superman, Black Lantern Optimus Prime, Sgt. Apone, Corporal Hicks, Bishop, Corp. Dietrich, Pvt. Hudson, Pvt. Drake, Corp. Frost, Pvt. Crowe, and Ellen Ripley, Leon (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Katniss Everdeen (w/ a green lantern ring), Zombie Maxima, Lazarus Long in an F-35, Vorian Atreides and Astro- Droid #19 in a Jedi V-Wing, Xavier Harkonen and Astro-Droid #20 in an A-Wing, Xerxes, Dante, Luminara Unduli (w/ a blue lantern ring), Baress Offee, Huma Dragonbane and his sliver dragon, Orion Pax (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership/ AKA Optimus Prime), Aleta One (w/ a green lantern ring), Carlisle Cullen (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring), Black Lantern Wonder Woman, Helena Markos (w/ a red lantern ring) Norma Cenva (w/ a green lantern ring), The Atom, Black Lantern Neo, White Lantern Deadman, Surtur, Atrocitus, Pres. Barack Obama (w/ General Grevious' equipment), Miley Cyrus in an F-Zero Hover-Car, Serena Butler w/ Erasmus and Ewok Baby #5 in The Pussy Rocket, Dora the Explorer (w/ 2 green lightsabers and a jetpack), and Doozer #13.

TEAM is Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Bill the Pony, Galavatron (w/ a red lantern ring), Neo Cymek #1-12, Mon El, Michael Demiurgos, Immell #13 (Zangler) (w/ a proton pack), Shredder (w/ a mithril vest), Sif and The Warrior's 3: Hogun, Volstagg, and Fandral, Hamblor and his dog, Melkor, Black Lantern Incredible Hulk, Duke Nukem, Black Stone, Supoergirl (Linda Danavers), and The Incredibles: Mr. Incredible, Elasti-girl, Violet, Dash, and Jack-Jack

The four and zero Commandos are being led by Miley and Barack themselves in this monstrous battle against the so-far this season under-achieving TEAM. Obama was a bit concerned after last week's defeat of the mighty Horsemen that they would take this match lightly and The President is here to make sure that that does not happen. "This is still TEAM" said Obama to his Commandos in the locker room before the match: "And no matter if they have gotten off to a rough start or not, we still need to bring our A Game if we intend to stay undefeated". The attitude in TEAM's Locker Room on the other hand is something that is very foreign to them. They actually have a sense of fear about them. With Superman gone for good and their worst start in League history, the FFL's First ever Universe Bowl Champions are actually in danger of not having a Post Season this year. Especially after the special ran on "The Ocho" last week, where Cotton Mcknight himslef was quoted as saying: "What was it that made TEAM so great again?...? I believe it was Superman, and their plethora of giant robots... Well, last I checked they will be going up against a Commandos squad that consists of not only Superman, but of two different versions of Optimus Prime as well... So you do the math"!!

The TEAM front office did not take lightly to these comments and had no retort or comment. Lazarus Long in his F-35 takes the lead on an air patrol while being flanked by Vorian Atreides and Xavier Harkonen in their respective ships. While TEAM's 12 Neo-Cymek's act as the first wave. Leon is off on his own flying through the air and trying to get used to the use of Despotellis' yellow lantern ring. The Neo-Cymek's blast Leon out of the air; but this is noticed by President Obama. "Were those Neo-Cymek's" Obama shouts in to the comlink but does not wait for a reply. "Where is the hell is Xerxes"? Xerxes comes over the com to the President and says: "I am already on it sir". A few seconds later, the twelve Neo-Cymeks all fall out of the air and land hard in the desert setting. As the man/machine that made the original programming that made the Neo-Cymeks possible, Xerxes naturally has a kill switch that can simply turn the twelve human brained robots off. "Great work Xerxes, but I still need those Cymeks destroyed. I can't trust that TEAM doesn't have some way of reactivating them. I need somebody I trust more than anything to get this job done... It is priority number one". Pres. Obama puts his comlink down for a minute a quietly reflects on who he trusts most to get this done and get it done fast. Obama picks the comlink back up and says: "Dora... Can you read me"? Dora replys: "Yes, Senor President. I have my orders and I am on my way". Dora flies over to the crash site and begins opening up the combustion engines and linking them together with their own oil slick. It is fairly time consuming but she manages to create a chain of explosives to link them together; now she just needs to find a way to ignite them. She needs a wick that is slow-burning so she can get out of there in time. She pulls a rolled up tattered piece of paper out of what is left of the backpack covering her jetpack and sticks it straight in to the fuel cell of Neo-Cymek #1. She says: "Show me the way one more time old friend" as she ignites her lightsaber and lights what is left of The Map on fire. She flies off on her jetpack and only seconds later hears the sound of the neo-cymeks exploding one by one (yeah, that's right. Dora just killed 300 points worth of characters... What's the problem??). "Good work Dora, you are an invaluable asset" says President Obama over the comlink after he sees the explosions in the distance. "Thanks Senor President. It was nothing, thank Xerxes for disabling them". Dora replies. Meanwhile, many other battles are taking place all over The Play-off Planet. Neither of these squads have a space presence, so everything is concentrated on the planet itself. In the forest region Huma and his Silver Dragon are swooping in towards Melkor to make their attack. Melkor sees them coming and swings his massive mace towards the dragon's head before he can breathe any of his potent fire. The dragon falls dead from this powerful hit but Huma rolls off of his friend and The former Knight of Solamnia draws his broad sword. He charges at Melkor, but he puts up nothing more than a minimal threat for the evil member of The Valor. Melkor mows him down with ease.

Atrocitus meets up with Black Lantern Hulk and finds that he still may have a thing or two to learn about rage after all. Atrocitus spews some red energy on to Hulk but he shrugs it off. "The madder Black Lantern Hulk get... The stronger Black Lantern Hulk get"!! He says as he busts through the red energy aura of Atrocitus and then busts through his spine. Supergirl meets up with Superman high above the forest (it seems like TEAM's matchs will just never stop having a line like that). The two of them begin reluctantly fighting one another. They were both told by their respective teams that this battle was expected of them; but that does not mean that they are happy about it. Linda Danavers puts up a good fight; but in the end this Supergirl just isn't quite powerful enough to withstand the abuse given out by the Gray Templed Superman from Earth Two. Pres. Obama realizes that Michael Demiurgos is far too powerful to be left alive for this long. He knows that Norma Cenva can stop him; but he sends Helena Markos over to him first. The master of dance and occult (pronounced ahh-cult) is no match for Michael, even with her red lantern ring; but just as the head witch is destroyed Norma Cenva sacrifices herself like her Rossack Sister Ancestors from centuries ago. Her green energy coated mind explosion takes out both her and Demiurgos.

Apone and Ripley lead what is left of The Colonial Marines through the humid jungle when they come across a small TEAM Outpost. The TEAMmates postition is pretty well-fortified with Frodo, Sam, Bill, Zangler, and Shredder inside. The Marines bust in through the rock covered entrance and begin firing their rifles; but Shredder leaps out of nowhere and slices the throats of both Crowe and Frost. But Hicks kills Shredder with a headshot, after he realizes that the mithril vest he is wearing will even stop his rifle's bullets. Ripley is able to get off her flame-thrower before Zangler can use her proton pack. Zangler then becomes a scorched clone compliments of the toughest chick in movie history. "The Shire"!! Frodo and Sam shout as they draw their weapons and charge the marines. Sam is able to get on top of Bishop and cut his head off with his Elven Knife before he is shot in the chest by Drake. Frodo is manages to run Dietrich through just before Hudson kills him with a headshot (since Frodo had a Mithril Vest as well). Apone takes out Bill the Pony and says that he "believes the area is clear" when Mon El and Galvatron come back from a recon to find their small base destroyed. Mon El takes the powerfully built Drake and snaps him in half like a twig while Galvatron uses the red lantern energy that he has hooked directly in to his arm cannon blow up what is left of the makeshift base. "That should take care of them" Galvatron says as he and Mon El vacate the premises. Although Hicks and Ripley both escape the wreckage with their lives Sgt. Apone and Hudson do not make it out.

Miley Cyrus is racing down the streets of the Play-Off Planet's Metropolitan Area when she reaches over to take a sip of her white wine spritzer and crashes head on in to one of the buildings. Pres. Obama comes over the comlink and says: "Hannah... I mean Miley, are you okay". Miley whispers in to the comlink with her dying breath... "Tell Lindsay Lohan... I understand". Back in the forest, Katiness Everdeen takes out Hamblor's dog with a green energy coated arrow, while Hamblor himself is shot, scorched, laser-blasted, stepped on, and then finally blown up by Dante and Xerxes. Serena Butler is driving The Pussy Rocket down the streets of the city (just past Miley's wreckage), when Erasmus suggests: "I think we should let the ewok drive". "First of all, I don't think ""Letting the ewok drive"" is ever a good idea; but more importantly, he is a baby. And baby's don't know how to drive. Ya know for something that claims to know so much about humans, you are pretty stupid about stuff". Says Serena. Erasmus retorts: "But we are not referring to humans we are referring to ewoks, are we not"? "Yes, but like humans... ewok babies can't drive". "I find this need to coddle living babies strange. When a computer is first programmed, it can do any task right away". Erasmus says. Serena comes back with: "That's amazing Erasmus. The only problem is that I don't care. I can't believe that I am stuck in this ridiculous vehicle with you to begin with, the least you could do is shut the faa....... (trailing off) ... ERASMUS. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?? Put that ewok down!! Dammit Erasmus if you throw that ewok baby out of the window of this thing I swear to God I will start another Jihad up in here. I'm telling you don't........" BOOM!! Is the sound that the Pussy Rocket makes as it flips over from having the tires shot out by Blake Stone and Duke Nukem. The Ewok Baby dies in the crash instantly. Erasmus is trapped underneath the vehicle with Serena when he says to her: "See, it doesn't matter; the ewok died anyway". "Eff you Erasmus" Serena says with her dying breath. Then the truck explodes to finish Erasmus off as well.

Luminara Unduli and Baress Offee see this transpire and charge the two soldiers. But Duke and Blake are ready. Baress Offee kills Blake Stone, but Duke Nukem manages to blow away Offee before Master Unduli can run him through with her lightsaber. Sif and The Warriors Three go on a Rampage throughout the city area. They use their combined forces to take out Surtur, and then they each take out one Commando on their own. Sif doesn't seem to have a problem killing a Black Lantern with her Asgardian Powers as she takes out Black Lantern Neo, and Hogun kills Carlisle Cullen even though he is his favorite Twilight Character (he's every guy's favorite right). Volstagg then tosses a massive chunk of the wrecked building (compliments of Miley) up at the Lazarus Long and his flanking partners. Lazarus and Vorian easily dodge the concrete; but Xavier Harkonen is not quite as good of a pilot as they are and he, his droid, and his A-Wing are taken out. Fandral then crushes the young Katniss Everdeen who had just recently gotten back to the city in search for supplies.

Sif and The Warriors Three are then confronted by Optimus Prime, the lightsaber wielding Barack Obama, and Zombie Maxima. "Your reign of terror ends here Sif". Says Optimus. "That was suppossed to be my line" replies Barack. Barack Obama then pulls out his boom box and presses play on his Stan Bush tape to get Optimus in the mood for one last butt-kicking session. Sif takes out The Head Coach and Zombie Maxima but as quick as she can do that Optimus has crashed into Hogun in his truck form, blasted Volstagg with his rifle, and brought his huge fist down on Fandral to kill all three of them. Sif then takes Optimus off guard and crashes in to the back of him. TEAM's first round draft pick then pays off well as she busts open Optimus' chest and destroys his spark. Optimus looks up at her in amazement but instead of finishing him off, Sif says: "I will leave you now. Die in peace noble warrior". Optimus sends out a call to Black Lantern Optimus Prime to get over to him immedietely. The two of them have never seen eye to eye, but Black Lantern Prime knows that with Barack and Miley no longer here that Optimus is the defacto leader of the team. Black Lantern Optimus Prime flies in to see the dying Optimus Prime. Optimus sees him and as he is pulling the autobot matrix of leadership out of his chest says: "I know that you are corrupted by the black lantern power, but I know that there is still good in you. I know that you have the same potential as I do to lead not only the autobots, but The Commandos as well". Black Lantern Optimus Prime greedily takes the Matrix from Optimus who becomes Orion Pax and then dies. The Black Lantern puts the Matrix in to his chest plate and within seconds the Black Lantern curse is completely wiped away. The Black Lantern Ring falls off of Optimus Prime's finger and shatters on the ground. "So Optimus Prime lives again" Prime says in his signature voice. "And I must say it is good to be back" he says afterwords to no one in particular.

Sif moves in to the dsesert region where she is met by two more giant robots; but the tired Sif does not fair as well against Dante and Xerxes as she did The last Optimus Prime. The two Titan Cymeks rip her to shreds. Black Lantern Wonder Woman is not fairing to well against Black Lantern Hulk when White Lantern Deadman shows up. Black Lantern Hulk puts a foot through the head of Wonder Woman just as Deadman points the white lantern ring at Hulk to vanquish the black lantern right out of him. This works but a tad bit of muscle memory must have remained in the green goliath, because his now dead, previousely undead fist still managed to cave in Deadman's skull. The Incredibles rush in to the desert area to try and avenge Sif against the two cymeks. But the Cymeks gain some help as well; in fact both of the teams seem to converge in this open desert area for what appears to be one final showdown.

As The Incrediblers charge, they have the power trio of Galvatron, Melkor, and Mon El backing them up. But the (new. new) Optimus Prime is leading what is left of The Commandos in behind the two Titans. Melkor manages to break the spine of Ellen Ripley as she is hanging off the side of Optimus Prime. Hicks screams in defiance from the other side of Prime, but his bullets just bounce off of Melkor as Optimus continues to drive by. "Try and keep up old man" Lazarus says to Vorian Atreides over the comlink as they fly in to the battle and get ready for a strafing run. "Who are you calling old man, old man" says Vorian back to his buddy Lazarus. The two of them get set for an attack run, but before they can Galvatron targets Vorian V-Wing out of the sky, destroying both him and his droid. Xerxes takes pleasure in killing Violet, which enrages her parents. Elasti-Girl manages to twist herself around the entire metal body of Xerxes to temporarily cut off his weapons systems, which gives Mr. Incredible just enough time to jump on to the top of Xerxes and smash open his brain canister. The injured Xerxes melts Elasti-girl off of him, but does die from the injuries inflicted by her husband. Dash takes out Doozer #13 by running right over him, but then catches a lightsaber to the throat delivered by none other than the stealthy Dora from behind a hidden rock. Dora turns to me and says: "Where is that annoying boy's head? Is it there she says (pointing randomly to the ground) Is it there (pointing up in the sky), Is it here (she points directly below her feet, right under her still ignited lightsaber). I am shouting from above the horizon where I watch the matches trannspire "no... no... YES" "Right... Good job, you DID IT"!! Says Dora. Mr. Incredible proved that you can in fact kill an opponent much larger than you by taking out Xerxes; which is exactly what The Atom does to him, as he jumps in to Mr. Incredible's ear and punches his brain much like he did to The Atom's Commando teammate.

Lazarus Long begins his strafing run all by himself from his F-35, but the only person he ends up getting is Jack-Jack, as the rest of TEAM is simply to powerful to be majorly affected by his primitive weaponry. The Commandos see that they have TEAM outnumbered and try to take advantage of this by using a divide and conquer method. Optimus Prime transforms into his robot form, and along with Hicks and Luminara Unduli attack Melkor. Dora runs up next to Superman, but then hangs back a bit when he begins battling with Mon El. The green lantern powered Aleta One teams with The Atom and Dante to move against the red lantered powered Galvatron. Galvatron overpowers Aleta One by slamming her to the dirt and then blowing her head off at close range with his arm cannon. The Atom flies in and is able to distract Galvatron long enough for Dante to load his weapons systems and target The Decepticon Leader with everything he has got (The Atom just barely got away in time). Melkor, despite being the most powerful creation of the first age is still outmatched by a blue lantern wielding Jedi Master and the Ressurected Optimus Prime (and don't forget Hicks taking pot shots with his rifle from behind). Optimus thinks that he might need to open up the Matrix of Leadership when he first gets a look at Melkor; but this is far from The Commandos darkest hour. Melkor is overpowered and destroyed. Optimus and his crew meet back up with Dante, Dora, and The Atom and decide that they cannot waste any time in getting to Superman in order to help him out. But Superman's back-up arrives just in time to see him defeat Mon-El in their one on one battle and make...

POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA'S "BEST OF BOTH WORLDS" TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS VICTORIOUS!!

Layander's Super Orange Kities and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benderz

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are Primus, White Lantern Batman, (Kingdom Come) Aquaman, (Kingdom Come) Robotman, (Kingdom Come) King Marvel, (Kingdom Come) Lady Marvel, (Kingdom Come) Red Robin, Don-El, Van-Zee, Vitar, Superman Emergency Squad #1-5, Dark Supergirl, Red X (Dick Grayson), Jacob Black w/ Sam, Paul, and Quil, Knives Chow (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring and Demon Rod), Scott Pilgrim (w/ a Devil Lance), Wallace Wells, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, Seaworm #8, Robin (Stephanie Brown), The Jokester w/ his monkey Harley Quinn, Catgirl, Cinderblock, Meta-Knight, Arianna Dumbledore, Aberforth Dumbledore, Iron Monger, Hot Spot, Watmaster Tsavong Lah, Green Goblin (Harry Osborne), Sharkticon #23-25, and Moltar.

The Tijuana Taco Benderz are The Legion of Super Heroes: Ultra Boy, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, Karate Kid, and Brainiac 5, The New X-Men: Surge, Prodigy, Blindfold, Rockslide, Mercury, Anole, and Gentle, Superman Jr., Batman Jr., Black Lantern Scarlet Witch, Black Lantern Trinity, Black Lantern Set, Magius, The Scarlet Spider (Ben Reilly), (movie) Soundwave, Cybertron Guardian #8, Drago, The Marauders: Scalphunter, Arclight, Malice, Harpoon, Blockbuster, Prism, Riptide, Scrambler, and Vertigo, The Thunderbolts: Songbird, Radioactive Man, Swordsmen, Mister X, Headsman, and Ghost, and The Shining Force: All 25 Unpromoted Characters, but Mayonais, Thor, and Ryan have an Atlas, a Heat ax, and a halberd (which in essence promotes them).

Both teams were allowed to decided in advance which setting each of their characters would begin in, but they are thrust in to those areas at the same exact time. The only characters that begin in space are Primus and Soundwave, yet they both sit dormant for the time being. The New X-Men, led by the very gay Anole (not that there is anything wrong with that). stick together as they move through the jungle, but The Legion of Super-Heroes, along with Superman Jr. and Batman Jr. meet on top of a skyscraper in the city, where they decide to split up. Batman Jr. is going to stay with Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, and Karate Kid in the city; while Superman Jr. is going to go with Ultra Boy, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, and Brainiac 5 into space where they are going to attempt to take out Primus (hopefully before he wakes up). The Marauders are moving through the desert, while The Thunderbolts and The Shining Force are seperately patrolling the forest region. Black Lantern Scarlet Witch, and Black Lantern Trinity have the misfortune of instantly appearing next to White Lantern Batman, who uses his power ring to vanquish the two undead lanterns. Aquaman is in the sea, along with the Sharkticons and the Seaworm; while the rest of The (Kingdom Come) Justice League run in to Scarlet Spider and The Cybertronian Guardian. Scarlet Spider moves quickly, but he is not quite fast enough for the old Teen Titans companions Robot Man and Red Robin. The two of them bring back the "sonic boom" and are able to catch Ben Reilly on the downswing from his initial attack. The Cybertronian Guardian can take quite a beating, but it isn't quite fast enoughto catch King and Lady Marvel. The Omega Supreme look-alike is also unable to withstand a vigorous pounding of fists from the two Marvel D.C. Characters. While this is transpiring Drago the Backugan is locked in battle with Meta-Knight, and Magius is doing battle with Arianna Dumbledore. Drago fights well in his battle form, but is eventually taken out by a massive sword swipe from Meta-Knight. Magius is able to manipulate the surrounding air in to an attack that is to much for Arianna to handle; but he is then caught off guard by her brother Aberforth who avenges his sister with a killing spell on Magius. Primus begins to awaken out in space, and although it is a slow process, once Superman Jr. and The Legion of Super-Heroes sees that this is taking place, they decide to hang back just outside the atmosphere of The Play-Off Planet and wait for some more help (namely Black Lantern Set). Black Lantern Set, does not seem much different than the normal Set did, other than the ability to fly. Although The Black Lantern "being" is still very present in the creature, the ancient cosmic power set of the creature seems to have absorbed the Black Lantern Powers even in death. Black Lantern Set goes crashing in to the sea where he is instantly met by Aquaman and his crew of enormous water misfits, who are all of the sudden being dwarfed by the massive seven headed Set. Aquaman wastes no time sending The Seaworm directly at Set. The Seaworm draws first blood, which draws in The Sharkticons to help. The Seaworm and The three Sharkticons are able to destroy one of the mighty Set's heads; but after this initial attack The Super-Kitties water team is picked off one by one by Set's six other heads. Aquaman makes a move against the massive creature; but he just isn't powerful enough to stand up to Set, even in his home setting. Superman Jr. sees this happen from far above the battle site and asks The Legion: "So now we can get Set right? And go waste this Primus dude. We just need to let him know we are ready for his help". Lightning Lad retorts: "Yeah... Great idea rookie. Which one of you guys wants to volunteer to go talk to Black Lantern Set and let him know it's time for a team-up? Get Real!! The only thing we can do is hope that the two massive power sources of Set and Primus are drawn together, and then that when they are that our big dawg has enough to take out theirs". "Lightning Lad is right, we have The Super-Kitties outnumbered, but I can see this Primus dude from here and we are going to need to combine our forces, if and when Set decides to get up here". As Primus transforms and begins moving closer and closer to the planet, Set begins flying up in to space. I am unsure if beings of such power are able to feel fear, but I must say that it seems like both of them could be moving towards this inevitable battle a little bit quicker than they are. Back on the planet, Dark Supergirl and The Superman Emergency Squad are taking on The Marauders in the desert. The Marauders are tough, but it becomes evident that several of them are simply unable to withstand full-frontal strength-based attacks. Prism is able to deflect the heat vision of Don-El initially, but goes down quick after Don-El delivers one swift punch to the mutant's head. Vertigo induces both S.E.S. #2 and 4 with psionic vertigo which helps Harpoon, Riptide, and Arclight take them out, but all four are eventually taken out by Vitar and S.E.S. #1 and 5. Malice takes control of S.E.S. #3's body, but Dark Supergirl does not hesitate to crush her own teammate to kill both him and Malice. Scalphunter is able to regenerate after a decent little beating from S.E.S. #1, which gives Scrambler enough time to manipulate their Kryptonian powers. The two of them are able to kill S.E.S. #1 but they are then taken out by S.E.S. #5 and Don-El. Blockbuster comes down hard on S.E.S. #5 to break his neck and then puts Van-Zee in a head lock which leads to his neck being snapped; but he is unable to withstand the double fists of both Vitar and Dark Supergirl being brought down hard on the mutant from above. Primus crushes Soundwave before he can even finish transforming in to robot mode; but the pending battle between him and The Taco Benderz Space Squad has still yet to begin. Mister X warns the rest of The Thunderbolts as he has a telepathic flash of an oncoming attack, but Jacob and the rest of his wolfpack move a bit to fast for them to truly prepare for it. Ghost turns invisible, which is really very little help to anyone on his team other than himself. Especially Mister X who is the first Thunderbolt to be ripped apart by Jacob. All of the wolves begin to feel ill from being to close to Radioactive Man, but they manage to fight through the discomfort. Paul attacks Radioactive Man, tearing open his jugular vein, but the wolf dies in the process as well, do to the radiation. Songbird drives everybody crazy with her psionic screams, until Jacob stomps her in to the ground. Ghost then reappears just long enough to get eaten by Quil, but Quil is then killed by Headsman's ax. Sam is then skewered by the Swordsman's projectile adamantium coated sword. Swordsmen and Headsman then are able to use their combined skills and weaponry to outmatch Jacob's melee skills. The Jokester leads Harley, Catgirl, Cinderblock, Hot Spot, Green Goblin, Iron Monger, and the unlikely Tsavong Lah against Batman Jr. and the earthbound Legion of Super-Heroes Squad. The Warmaster may be a powerful character, but he finds himself a tad bit lacking in a match without one single Jedi or force-user of any kind in it. Tsavong Lah is triple teamed by Triplicate Girl and taken out of the equation. The Jokester proves his skills to be far more honed than those of Batman Jr. The match-up begins atop a Jiff Billboard, and ends with Batman Jr. falling to his death. Phantom Girl and Timberwolf are able to take out Iron Monger by having Timberwolf overpower him physically while Phantom Girl is disrupting his circuitry. Cinderblock crushes Chameleon Boy, but is then attacked by Karate Kid and Bouncing Boy. Karate Kid is able to take the much larger and stronger Cinderblock off guard with his well-honed karate skills, but Bouncing Boy is the one who takes him by hitting the rock monster just right to send him down on to the ground below to be shattered. Hot Spot then manages to heat up Phantom Girl enough to disable her powers and kill her, while Catgirl proves that her Batman-trained melee skills are far better than those of Timber Wolf. This match-up ends with a broken neck for Timberwolf. Karated Kid and Bouncing Boy then find themselves bouncing right in to a handfull of pumpkin bombs that rip them to shreds. The Jokester, Catgirl, and Hot Spot then manage to seperate Triplicate Girl and each take out one of her triplicates, each for the very last time. Moltar wanders in to The Shining Force's camp and devises an evil plan to destroy the useless robot Adam. It works, but he is then run through by one of Dump's Bronze Lance Charges. Scott Pilgrim then leads his team in to The Shining Force Camp as well. Scott manages to kill Pelle with his Devil Lance, despite the fact that this particular weapon would have been much more usefull in the hands of Pelle or any of the other knights. Pelle's fellow Centaurs Ryan and Ed 1 then take out Scott Pilgrim to avenge their captain. The same weapon usage mention applies as Knives Chow is able to take out Tao, Anri, and Alef with her Demon Rod and its powers. She then continues her rampage and takes out Mae and Vann with her Star Sapphire powers. Wallace Wells is able to take out Wimp by being even gayer than the healer. Stephen Stills takes out Torre in a similar (yet straighter) fashion. The two of them are then met by arrows to the head from the male and female archers. Kim Pine destroys the slow-moving Dump with her pure angst; but is then killed by the two bird people. Knives Chow continues her weapon-laden attacks by taking out Dr. Ruel, Bario, and and the archers; when she notices that The New X-Men have arrived to help out The Shining Force. Surge begins running at her, but before the fast-paced mutant can even reach Knives, Max manages to kill her with the Sword of Light. The remaining Thunderbolts help The New X-Men and the remaining Shining Force create a small forest based fortress (think Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves) for defense against what is left of The Super Kitties while their space bound companions still prepare for their all out attack on Primus. As Black Lantern Set passes through the atmosphere, The Taco Benderz fly behind him to attempt to capitalize on whatever damage Set can inflict on Primus. The Super Kitties on the other hand decide to trust in their new teammate Primus and to lend the brother of Unicron no help whatsoever. They meet in the desert, and prepare their full-frontal attack on The Taco Benderz forest fortress. The makeshift homebase of The Benderz is fairly well-fortified, which leaves The Kitties no choice save throwing everything they have got at it. Led by White Lantern Batman, The Super Kitties charge the fortress and find a well-prepared Taco Bender Squad ready for a fight. Blindfold sees them coming, but his telepathic powers lend no defense against a brutal dose of Dark Supergirl's Heat Vision. Prodigy temporarily absorbs the sense of humor of The Jokester, but is defeated by the hand to hand combat skills of both the Jokester and Catgirl. Surge keeps himself away from King Marvel for a spell; but once the King catches the mutant, he is able to make short work of the X-Man. Don-El and Vitar work together and use their Kryptonian strength to overpower Rockslide and turn him in to dust, while Gentle uses his rarely used power to grow to a mammoth size and crush the Green Goblin after diverting several of his pumpkin bombs. Although once Gentle's power's run out, he is no match for a well-rested Lady Marvel. Red X, Hot Spot, and Red Robin manage to take out Ryan (despite the magical strikes from his Halberd), Arthur, and the wolfman Zylo. But the Robins and Hot Spot are then defeated, once they are taken off guard by the swords and ax of Swordsmen and Headsman. The two remaining Thunderbolts continue their reign of terror, by dodging the magical attacks of Aberforth Dumbledore, and running him through as well. The two skilled melee fighters are then met by one of the best hand to hand fighters in the world, and this time he happens to have a white lantern ring as well. Batman and the Stephanie Brown Robin dodge the attacks of Headsman and Swordsmen and parry with their own. Batman catches Headsman with a batarang to the neck, while swordsmen gets yet another kill in this match by taking out Stephanie. This enrages Batman further, which makes him end the life of Swordsmen even quicker. Meta Knight challenges Mayonais (Luke) to a fair fight of equals and Mayonais accepts. The Gladiator attacks with his Atlas but the contest ends with Meta Knight delivering a sword swipe through the chest of the dwarf. Anole and Mercury are able to overpower both Robotman and Catgirl, but once they are confronted by Dark Supergirl, it is a different story. She simply grabs Anole and and shoves him into Mercury with all of her might to make a pretty nasty mess of green scaly (non-toxic) Mercury. Max gathers his Shining Force, which is all that is left of The Taco Bender Ground contingent. He tells them that they have to have faith in The Legion, and that they can not only defeat Primus, but get then still have enough left in them to finish the fight down here as well. Max tells them that all they really have left to do is go down swinging and put as much of a dent in The Super-Kitties as they can before that happens. Max leads Thor, Khris, Nick, Ed 1, and the two bird people against their opponents. They cast every spell and exhaust every attack they have, but only Lady Marvel falls to the might of The Sword of Light and The Jolester to Thor's Heat Ax before. Dark Supergirl kills Max, White Lantern Batman takes out Thor, King Marvel defeats Khris, Don-El ends Nick, Vitar conquers Ed 1, and The Bird People (Amon and Balbaroy) fall to Meta Knight and the Harley Quinn Monkey (mostly just to Meta Knight). Back in space. the mighty Primus and Black Lantern Set finally square off. The Legion sees how Primus dwarfs their mighty serpent and they instantly jump in to action as well. Primus brings his massive fists down on Set while he is swarmed by the insects that are The Legion of Superheroes and Superman Jr. With one flick of his massive wrist Primus manages to take out Saturn Gril, and with one kick of his moon sized leg he takes out Brainiac 5. Set seems to be on the losing end when the massive serpent uses four of his heads to bite a chunk out of the center of Primus' chest. Set then materializes and begins to cosmically melt into the body of Primus. Lightning Lad blasts the area with all of his power as well. Set, some way or another manages to worm his way inside of the massive Transformer. Whether or not Lightning Lad's actions worked to help this happen is unsure, but he does die in the sudden implosion that it causes. Primus struggles to stay together with the massive Set now inside his body, when Superman Jr. yells to: "Hit him with everything we've got"!! Superman Jr. and Ultra Boy batter the chest and hand of Primus until their fists bleed while Cosmic Boy concentrates with all of his might to help pull Primus apart. Cosmic Boy passes out from the stress, only to wake up in Ultra Boy's arms. "Wake up Cosmic Boy!! You and Set did it!! Primus is destroyed, and unfortunetely Set is too; but shake it off, cause we have a battle to win". With that being said Ultra Boy, Superman Jr., and Cosmic Boy fly back to the planet where they are being waited for by White Lantern Batman (w/ Harley on his shoulder), King Marvel, Don-El, Vitar, Dark Supergirl, and Meta Knight. Superman Jr. and what is left of The Legion charge the Super Kitty Squad with bravery. And the young warriors make their attacks count as they blast through the chests of King Marvel, Don-El, and Vitar. Dark Supergirl then crushes the skull of Cosmic Boy in retaliation, while White Lantern Batman, uses his spectrum abilities to take out his one time young ward (in an alternate universe of course) Superman Jr. Ultra Boy decides to give everything he has got to Dark Supergirl, just as she comes down hard on his neck. The crash of these two opponents ends in the death of both of them, which makes... LAYANDER'S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY VICTORIOUS!! .

Kick me out if you want but my team is my team.

KFC Superman has not fufilled his oblogation to this team, he has cost the lives of alot of good men just to ensure his hair looks good. I have decided to sentince him to death by 4 beatings with lead bars and the 5th death will be a near decapitation with a streight razor. Poor Worrior or not he with have 2 gold pieces placed on his eyes to ensure he can pay Kharon on his journey to the underworld. R.I.P KFC Superman

Season 5, Week 5: Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

“The rockin’ and f@ckin’ mighty Houslander I be,
Killing all you F@cks that dare to confront me;
So quake in fear and pull off thine britches,
And feel my c@ck up thine tight a$$ b&tches!!!”

-Black Lantern Nick Houslander

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 5 Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:

Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: White Lantern Hal Jordan, Nosyarg Kcid (Larry), The Phoenix Force, Azazel, Twincast and Soundblaster with Decibel and Legout, Black Lantern Rumble, Black Lantern Laserbeak, Black Lantern Squawktalk, Black Lantern Beastbox, Zombie (movie) Frenzy, Zombie Overkill, Bill Kelley (with a green lightsaber, with Salacious Crumb, Artie, and Leech in a 1996 Ford Mustang Cobra with a 5.4 Litre Super-charged V-8, black on black leather, 5 speed manual transmission, nitrus-injected, dual media stereo, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Katma Tui, Star Sapphire #4, Meriadoc Brandybuck (with a blue lantern ring), Larfleeze (with Count Dooku's Red Lightsaber), Indigo Lantern #2, Wheelie, Blue Devil, Deadpool (with a red lightsaber), Hammer Bros. Shaun Poteracki, Joey, Pacey, Dawson, Mouse Voltron, Black Lantern Omega Supreme, Darth Talon, Nightbrother #1, Dark Side Adept #1 and 2, Dark Side Acolyte #1 and 2, Pythona (with Asajj Ventress' 2 red lightsabers), Bontu Sitmus, Jinx, Link (from Zelda), Qwsp, Radagast the Brown, Quick Kick, Ewoks #44 and 45, Smurf #1.

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: The Serpent, Skadi: Herald of the Serpent (Merged w/ Shao Khan via hammer), Shao Kahn, Kuurth: Breaker of Stone (Merged w/ Gimli via hammer), Gimli, Nul: Breaker of Worlds (Merged w/ Beast Wars Megatron via hammer), Beast Wars Megatron, Skirn: Breaker of Men (Merged w/ Princess Leia via hammer), Princes Leia, Nerkkod: Breaker of Oceans (Merged w/ Nightsister Sith Witch #1 via hammer), Nightsister Sith Witch #1, Mokk: Breaker of Faith (Merged w/ Blanka via hammer), Blanka, Greithoth: Breaker of Wills (Merged w/ Marv via hammer), Marv, Angir: Breaker of Souls (Merged w/ Beast Man via hammer), Beast Man, Anti Monitor, Black Lantern Galactus, Terrax, Firelord, Black Lantern Nick Houslander, Mandalorian Justin Oblak with Gears of War Lancer, Clone Darth Maul (taken Nightsister Sith Witch #15 as his apprentice), Nightsister Sith Witch #15, Supergirl (Ariella Kent), Shazam (Freddie Freeman), Black Lantern Shazam, Black Lantern Bizarro Superman and Bizarro Supergirl.

Let the battle begin. . .

Plains. . .

Dawson, Pacey and Joey walk through the fields. Dawson begins to sing.

Dawson: I don’t want to wait. . .

Black Lantern Night Houslander (hereinafter “BLNH”) flies to the trio’s location.

BLNH: Oh, Hell No!

Before Dawson can sing another line from his theme song, BLNH reaches the teenager and rips his heart out. He takes a bite out of the organ.

BLNH: Hmm. Tastes like chicken.

BLNH then focuses on the other Creek inhabitants. As he is about to set upon the remaining two teenagers, he is joined by Justin Oblak. Oblak uses his Mandalorian weaponry to kill Pacey. BLNH focuses on Joey. BLNH smiles as he creeps toward her.

BLNH: Let’s see if L. Ron Hubbard can help you now b@tch!!!

BLNH sodomizes the crooked-smiled character with his lantern ring. Oblak comes to the affair and puts Joey out of her misery before BLNH has “seconds.”

BLNH: Don’t do that again! When my woman wants me, she wants me!!!

The two fly off together.

City-Upper Level. . .

Radagast the Brown stands before Smurf #1, Qwsp, Nosyarg Kcid (Larry) and Link in an office building. They look through the spacious windows at the world below.

Radagast: Never before has a team attempted what we must.

The Fifth Dimensional water sprite looks to his other-dimensional brethren, Larry, and nods.

Smurf #1: When will it happen Radagast?

Ewoks #44 and 45 (in unison): Opahnee ma herteee!

Radagast: The answers to your questions are as follows. . . When the match commences. . . . The loss of the few for the sake of the many. . . (whispers to himself) May G-d have mercy on all of our souls. . . .

City-Lower Level. . .

A fully, decked-out 1996 Ford Mustang Cobra races through the streets. Bill Kelley, Salacious Crumb, Artie and Leech yell at one another as the car aims at Clone Darth Maul and Nightsister Sith Witch #15 (hereinafter “NSW15”). Both Maul and NSW15 leap out of the way of the oncoming vehicle and twist around in mid-air. As they turn, they manage to use their weaponry to lop off the heads of both Artie and Leech. Bill Kelley screams while Salacious Crumb laughs at the misfortunes of their fellow travelers.

Bill Kelley: I’m gonna get my a$$ out of here!!! I want to live!!!

Kelley sees Azazel in the middle of the street and attempts to take the life of the demon before driving to safety. Azazel teleports and Kelley drives away through the brimstone smoke. Both Maul and the Sith Witch, as well as Azazel, fume as they see Crumb flipping them “the bird” as they race away.

Mountains. . .

The “Hammer Clan” walks together along the mountainous path before them. They are overseen by Black Lantern Galactus and the Anti-Monitor, who float above them.

Princess Leia: None will stand before us today!

Gimli: All will die before us today!

Shao Khan: We will decimate the Midgets today!

City-Upper Level. . .

Radagast closes his eyes and whispers one simple word: Now.

Mountains. . .

The Phoenix Force soars to the scene and looms over the entire “Hammer Clan.” In an instant of sacrifice for the greater Midget good, the Phoenix Force uses its entire essence containing all of the cosmic energy held within. Its being becomes one with the universe itself and the Phoenix Force explodes into a black hole which not only takes its own life, but the lives of Galactus, Anti Monitor and the Serpent. The onetime followers of the hammer notice that they have been ripped from their respective hammers as a result of the catastrophe. Thus, Skadi: Herald of the Serpent is no longer merged with Shao Khan, Kuurth: Breaker of Stone is no longer merged with Gimli, Nul: Breaker of Worlds is no longer merged with Beast Wars Megatron, Skirn: Breaker of Men is no longer merged with Princess Leia, Nerkkod: Breaker of Oceans is no longer merged with Nightsister Sith Witch #1, Mokk: Breaker of Faith is no longer merged with Blanka, Greithoth: Breaker of Wills is no longer merged with Marv and Angir: Breaker of Souls is no longer merged with Beast Man. The characters are simply that-combatants without their hammer enhancements.

City-Upper Level. . .

Radagast closes his eyes, once again, knowing that his team’s plans have been successful in its first implementation. He then whispers the word again: Now.

Sky. . .

The Midgets’ White Lantern Hal Jordan rises high above the battlefield contained within the planet.

White Lantern Hal Jordan:
I Am The Brightest Day That Ends The Night,
I Have Come To Bring You Home To Light;
Those Who Have Risen Up To Fight,
Surrender To The Color White!

As seen previously in his lifetime, White Lantern Hal Jordan wielded the power of light and demonstrated the ability to create additional rings restoring heroes claimed by Necron back to life. In this battle, he uses his ability to restore all Black Lanterns back to life-at the cost of his own life. Thus, the entire Black Lantern forces on both sides of the battle are ripped from their rings and the characters are now simply that- combatants without their Black Lantern enhancements. The former lantern combatants have no time to think upon their current predicament and enter, once again, into battle across the planet as they have been shuffled across the way by this Watcher.

City-Upper Level. . .

Supergirl, Bizarro Supergirl and Shazam (FF) all break through the glass of the high rise.

Radagast: What has been discussed by this Brain Trust is now done. We will die with dignity and honor.

Bizarro Supergirl: No dignity. No honor. Just death.

The three super figures easily dispel with (in brutal fashion) the “Brain Trust” of Radagast the Brown, Smurf #1, Ewoks #44 and 45, Qwsp, Nosyarg Kcid (Larry) and Link.

Forest. . .

Nick Houslander, normal human, stands with Gimli.

Gimli: Stand behind me and I shall protect you!

Houslander: I don’t need any protection!

Gimli: Young Houslander-you are without your black lantern powers and now, more importantly, you are without your “beer muscles!”

Houslander: Dwarf has a point.

The two look to see Quick Kick and Hammer Bros. Shaun Poteracki.

Houslander: You take Mr. Kung Fu; I have HB Shaun P%ssy!

Houslander rushes at HBSP and is struck in the skull with a hammer. Houslander falls to the ground, discombobulated. As HBSP is about to deliver the final blow, Gimli turns from his battle with Quick Kick and throws his axe at Houslander’s opponent. HBSP is struck in the face with Gimli’s axe and falls to the ground, dead. Gimli, now without his weapon, is killed by the superior fighting force of Quick Kick. Quick Kick runs at Houslander. Oblak flies to the scene. Quick Kick is then ripped apart by Oblak’s Gears of War lancer. Oblak reaches down and picks Houslander up. A tender moment occurs when the two look into each other’s eyes.

Houslander: Thanks, Oblak.

Oblak: No problem, friend.

The men hold one another in an embrace a little too long. Deadpool drops from a branch overhead and uses his red lightsaber to cut both in half in one fell swoop.

Meanwhile, Jinx and Blue Devil face Princess Leia, Marv, Blanka and Beast Man. The G.I. Joe Ninja immediately bests Princess Leia and runs her through with her sword. As Jinx pulls the sword from Leia’s body, she is ripped apart by Beast Man. The acrobatic Blue Devil uses his enhanced abilities in order to avoid Marv’s bullets. He reaches Marv and snaps Marv’s neck. Blue Devil is then set upon by both monsters, Beast Man and Blanka and is killed.

City-Lower Level. . .

The decked-out ’96 Mustang screeches its tires down the city streets.

Bill Kelley: I need to calm down and relax!!!

Kelley turns on the radio and the song “Muskrat Love” is on. He blares the Captain and Tennille song as it is one of his favorites. Crumb cackles. Above, Firelord hears the music.

Firelord: I have a flaming staff for that flaming piece of turd of a song.

Firelord unleashes the power cosmic through his staff and the Mustang, along with its driver and rider are disintegrated.

Sky. . .

Tri-Eye, Bleez, Katma Tui, Star Sapphire #4, Meriadoc Brandybuck (with a blue lantern ring), Larfleeze (with Count Dooku's Red Lightsaber) and Indigo Lantern #2 battle Supergirl (Ariella
Kent), Shazam (Freddie Freeman), Shazam, Bizarro Superman and Bizarro Supergirl. Bizarro Supergirl and Indigo Lantern #2 battle to a standstill. The scales tip as Supergirl comes to her counterpart’s aid and together, the two, kill Indigo Lantern #2. Meanwhile, the two Shazams defeat and kill both Star Sapphire #4 and Meriadoc Brandybuck. The experienced and primary wielder of the orange light uses both his ring powers and Dooku’s lightsaber to behead and disembowel Shazam-FF. In response, both Bizarros come together and bash Larfleeze’s skull in. Tri-Eye, Bleez and Katma Tui come together and the trio focuses on the Bizarros. Bizarro Supergirl is destroyed in the melee, but Supergirl, Shazam, Bizarro Superman and Firelord (who enters the fray) best the lanterns and Tri-Eye, Bleez and Katma Tui are killed.

City-Lower Level. . .

A sole Beast Wars Megatron faces the daunting robotic force of Twincast and Soundblaster with Decibel and Legout, Rumble, Laserbeak, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Zombie (movie) Frenzy, Zombie
Overkill, Wheelie, Omega Supreme and Mouse Voltron. Beast Wars Megatron focuses on the one
opponent he can beat without question-Mouse Voltron. BWM destroys Mouse Voltron and is then set upon by the unleashed weaponry of his foe. As Beast Wars Megatron is about to fall, Terrax, Firelord, Supergirl, Shazam and Bizarro Superman fly to the scene. The fight that follows is epic, but is dizzying at the same time due to the speed of the combatants. Beast Wars Megatron in a weakened condition earned at the beginning of the skirmish still manages to destroy Wheelie and Rumble before succumbing to his ultimate fate. BMW is destroyed by the combined animalistic force of Zombie Overkill, Beastbox, Squawktalk and Laserbeak. The super-powered fighters of the Kennelz focus on their enemy. In spectacular fashion, Supergirl and Shazam destroy Twincast and Soundblaster with Decibel and Legout, while Bizarro Superman destroys Zombie (movie) Frenzy. Zombie Overkill and Beastbox focus on Supergirl and manage to finish her with the assistance of Laserbeak and Squawktalk, once again. In response, the power cosmic wielders unleash their fury at the Transformers. Firelord takes to the skies and destroys Squawktalk and Laserbeak, while Terrax destroys Beastbox and Zombie Overkill. Omega Supreme focuses on Firelord and kills the Galactus herald.

Forest. . .

The two teams force wielders face each other. Darth Talon, Nightbrother #1, Dark Side Adepts #1 and 2, Dark Side Acolytes #1 and 2, Bontu Sitmus, and even Pythona (since she wields Asajj Ventress’ lightsabers) come together to battle Clone Darth Maul, Nightsister Sith Witch #15 and Nightsister Sith Witch #1. Clone Maul and SW15 use their instinctual bonds as Master and Apprentice to easily dispel with Nightbrother #1, Dark Side Adepts #1 and 2, as well as Dark Side Acolytes #1 and 2. Darth Talon and Pythona combine forces to kill Nightsister Sith Witch #1. NSW15 breaks off from Clone Maul and strikes Pythona down with a jolt of force lightning and a well placed spear. Bontu Sitmus and Darth Talon come together; Yoda’s trainer and Krayt’s weapon. Clone Darth Maul and NSW15 do not stand a chance against the superior Force-wielders and perish in the battle.

Final Battle. . .

The remaining combatants, their squads decimated, face one another, Azazel, Deadpool (with a red lightsaber) Omega Supreme, Darth Talon and Bontu Sitmus face Shao Kahn, Blanka, Beast Man, Terrax, Shazam and Bizarro Superman. Azazel and Darth Talon combine their art of sword mastery (and Force/mystical powers) to slice and dice both Blanka and Beast Man. The Emperor of Outworld uses his powers to best Darth Talon. In return, Azazel avenges his fight-mate and kills Shao Khan.

Deadpool (focused on Bizarro Superman): . . . At least I hide my ugliness. . .

Bizarro Superman becomes enraged and rushes at Deadpool. Deadpool uses his innate abilities to avoid Bizarro’s fists enough times (as well as the use of his lightsaber) in order to allow Bontu Sitmus to use his Jedi powers and lightsaber to best the Kennelz foe. Shazam rushes to the skirmish and strikes Deadpool down with a well placed hand through skull. In an act of self-sacrifice, which has been the theme of this battle, Omega Supreme rushes Terrax. Terrax manages to wield his power cosmic to fry Azazel, but is held firm by the giant robot. Omega Supreme overloads his circuitry and explodes, accidentally killing his own, Shazam, as Terrax manages to create a force field around himself, surviving the blow. With Omega Supreme now destroyed, Terrax looks to Sitmus.

Terrax: A worthy survivor for the Midgets. One deserving of another day. . . at another
time.

Terrax blasts the power cosmic at Sitmus who is incinerated.

Season 5 Week 5- George Washington's Slaves vs Team Sleeping Pussy

George Washington's Slaves are
Ultra Man
Runner
Piecemeal
Matt Trakker in Thunderhawk
Sauron w/The One Ring
Black Lantern Hal Jordan
Sgt. Slaughter
Red Dog
Mercer
Taurus
John Connor w/Ki Adi Mundi's Blue Lightsaber, Green Lightsaber
Captain Crunch in his ship
Scorpion w/Heat Axe, Red Lightsaber
Dormammu
Simon Phoenix w/M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher
Mr. Miracle
Zombie Rodimus Prime
Red Dragon #10
Sandworm #17
Sandworm #20
Human Smoke
Jill Valentine w/Red Lightsaber
Maggie Simpson
Skaar Son of Hulk w/Red Lantern Ring
Maverick (Tom Cruise from Top Gun) in F-35
Vapor Man
Meteor Man
Gravity Girl
Ymir
Xorn (Kuan-Yin)
The Hydra
Blurr
Roadbuster

Team Sleeping Pussy is
Silver Surfer w/Green Lantern Ring
Alexander Luthor
Cyclops w/ Mithril Vest (9 DEATHS)
Baron Mordo
Super Skrull (9 DEATHS)
Thunderbird (9 DEATHS)
Banshee (9 DEATHS)
Vision (9 DEATHS)
Kang (9 DEATHS)
Mastermind (9 DEATHS)
Unus the Untouchable
Khan Noonian Singh w/ Blue Lightsaber
Namor
Zombie Mothra
Brood Queen
Brood Aliens #1-5
The Vanisher
Skrulls #23-42
Gladiators #1-#10


"This is wrong, this is all wrong" said Alexander Luthor. "No matter what dimension I see, it's all the same. Nothing but death and destruction, and this...planet seems to be the center of it all."

"Yes, Luthor. But the glory gained from the planet is worth all the sacrifice and bloodshed" replies Kang "For this planet shall be the site of Kang's greatest, and most memorable moment"

"Bah. Your arrogance is misplaced. We've lost all of our Brood aliens trying to possess various members of the Slaves. The Brood Queen herself has vanished, probably in shame at the failure of her underlings. Now look, Kang look upon the desert and see how more of your 'great moment' plays out"

In the desert, things are not going well for Team SP, since the three Slaves Sandworms have already decimated all of the Gladiators that dared to venture to the sandy arena. This doesn't sit well with field commander Khan.

"This is a fools errand." growls Kahn "Khan is mighty, but how can even he be expected to fell beasts such as these sand worms."

"Let's see if we can't change that" growls the Super Skrull, who lands in the dunes along with Master Mind. Master Mind then projects various images of the Super Skrull across the desert. This ruse works as a Sandworm pops to the surface attempting to send the Super Skrull to his final death.

The Sandworm is not successful. Just as the worm pops up to eat what it thinks is the Super Skrull, it's revealed to only be an illusion. At that moment, the actual Super Skrull launches into action, creating an invisible field to prop the beasts mouth open. The Skrull hooks his feet between the teeth and begins stretching himself to his limits as he burns the beast from the inside on the way down. Reaching his limit, the Skrull snaps back like a rubberband and hurtles to the sky, then crashes to the desert floor. Exhausted. The Skrull bought himself a small reprive in slaying one worm, but it's not enough. The two remaining worms quickly squash any of the Pussies hope of winning the desert floor as Khan takes a page out of Kirk's playbook and screams to the heaven "SSSLLLLAAAAVVVVEEESSSS!!!" as he, the Super Skrull and Master Mind are killed.

"See" smirks Alexander Luthor "Tis a fools errand. Let us execute the failsafe, and show the Watchers that we are not their killer playthings and be done with it"

"Patience, Luthor. Look" says Kang "Let us see how the water region plays out"

The water region is a bit of a different story. Captain Crunch patrols the area in his boat, when Namor smashed through the deck taking the cereal mascot off gaurd.

"What the fu-" start Crunch, when Namor makes his skull go crunch. He doesn't have much time to prep for another attack, as the Hydra, alerted to the activity by Namor's destruction of Crunch's ship, finishes destroying the boat and despite his best efforts, Namor falls to the Hydra and secures the Slaves the water district.

"And it's much the same other places" sneers Luthor "Sure, we've taken out a few Slaves. John Connor, Maverick, Human Smoke. Zombie Mothra's destruction of Blurr and Zombie Rodimus Prime was especially impressive, until he was felled by Ultraman. Face it, Kang. We are lost."

"Look." smirks Kang."Look at the jungle, the pieces of my plans are finally falling into place"

As the two look to the jungle, they see a really awesome battle. Skarr, Meteor Man and Gravity Girl have all teamed up to try and stop Unus the Untouchable. Gravity Girl gets her head knocked clean off by Unus' might baseball bat, when both Metoer Man and Skarr team up and both throw a might punch that disrupts Unus' force field enough to knock the wind out of him.

"Cute." sneers Unus as he takes a deep breath. "Now it's m-"

POP. Unus explodes as Vapor Man reforms inside his body, causing the untouchable one to burst like a balloon.

"I bet that's not the first time you've been inside a guy" quips Skarr

"Ha. Ha. Real original" responds Vapor Man.

In the skies above Black Lantern Hal Jordan and the Vision battle to a standstill, as every time Hal goes to tear out Vision's mechanical heart, Vision reforms and disrupts the black ring programming.

"It's hopeless, Kang. There's too many of them" whines Alexander yet again

"Perhaps." says Kang "Ah, here we go. It seems my prize has arrived."

The Brood Queen appears clutching something in her hands. "Here, lord Kang. Cyclops and Banshee both sacrificed themselves to gain this, but took down Dormmammu AND Sauron. Now WE possess the one ring"

"Excellent" says Kang as he slips the ring on "Let's see what this baby can do"

Kang closes his eyes, and finds the red power ring of Skarr. Kang exerts his will, and turns the fiery red trinket upon Vapor Man and Meteor Man, killing them before they can process what's happening.

"Excellent." smiles Kang "Now let's see what the black can do"

As Kang continues experimenting with his new toy, Nymeria (Skrull #27) continues her whirlwind assualt, felling Sgt Slaughter's companions Red Dog, Mercer, and Taurus. She turns to face Slaughter himself, when the Sarge falls to his knees. Unconscious.

"Was wondering when you'd show" smirks Nymeria, as her accomplice shows himself

"Nymie, we don't have much time. You gotta get out of here" says Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent "You don't understand what's about to happen"

"It doesn't matter, you're here. I get to see you once again" says the Skrull running up to embrace the SHIELD Agent

"No. Nymie, there's no time. You don't understand.Kang's about to execute protocol 52, you don't"

"Shhh. I know." responds Nymeria "I got your message. I'm coming one step closer to being with you forever, and free of this battle laden fate. Kang shall not die this day, long live the MasterMind!"

"But Nymie" starts Butterscotch, when suddenly her head explodes and Reginald is covered in her blood.

"Hiya, precious" sneers her murderer Ultraman who drops the head of Baron Mordo at McTwivent's feet. "You look like you could use some head"

Enraged, Butterscotch pulls out his lightsaber and fires it up, but before he can charge he fades from the jungle leaving UltraMan to wonder what just happened before taking off to find more prey.

"Humph" sneers Kang "Not as useful as I hoped it be" as he discovers it rather difficult to control the green ring of the Silver Surfer and the black ring of Hal Jordan. "No matter. Surfer. You are needed. Go to the 51st parsect right above the jungle. You and I shall now take the black lantern out"

The Surfer does as he's asked and encases both the black lantern and Vision in a bubble of green energy as the Kang controlled red ring appears with Skarr still in tow. Kang commands the red to fire upon the duo, and it does destroying both combatants, and enraging the Silver Surfer.

"Kang. You'll not do that again" warns the Surfer "You shall not sacrifice teammates while I remain to oppose these tactics"

"Then you shall not oppose them" smirks Kang "Your Majesty, if you will" as Kang fires a blast of his ray gun and paralyzes the Silver Surfer momentarily.

The Brood Queen appears behind the Surfer and quickly climbs down his throat, taking possession of the former herald of Galactus.

"How long can you hold him?" asks Kang. "Quickly now, as I feel that brutish son of the Hulk slightly overcoming my hold over his trinket."

"Long enough" says the Surfer Queen

"Very well. Luthor, are you sure this well work?"

"Yes, I'm sure." smiles Alexander Luthor "The combined power of the power cosmic, green energy, gamma radiation and red energy set off at the center of this rock should be enough to completely destroy the Playoff Planet and everyone else on it"

"Then so be it" detonate the charges to pierce the crust. The queen and I shall set our weapons into the final descent"

"As you wish" smiles Luthor. And arms the bombs as the Surfer Queen rockets into the stratosphere and Kang command the red ring to ascend as well.

"Ha. Let this be a lesson Watchers." says Luthor as the charges detonate and the two ring slingers rocket toward their final destination "With no Playoff Planet, your blood soaked tyranny comes to an end"

"No. It doesn't" says Kang "This rock shall reform. The battles continue, what is truly shown this day is that Kang is merciless and shall not go quietly to the grave."

Alexander Luthor looks at him in horror "But...but you'll die too. You're here." he whimpers

"I was." says Kang as he begins to shimmer, much like Reginald McTwivent did. "But I'm a different Kang from a different time. I have cemented my legacy, and I owe it all to you Alexander Luthor. The architect of my ascension. The MasterMind"

As Kang vanishes, Luthor can do nothing but weep as the ground begins to quake. As the tears flow down his face, the two members of the opposing team unite as one at the core of the planet. Destroying it, and everyone on it.


EPILOUGE:

Kang and his ward Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent appear in the empty lockerroom.

"You maniac!" screams Reginald as he gets in Kang's face "What was the point of that? We could have won without killing everyone!"

"Could have isn't enough." Kang replies "One more death and I will be going to the great unknown. Forced to toil with Doozers, Charlie Brown and Houslanders? You think Kang wishes to remain with the likes of them for eternity? Ha! Look at the fool Galactus. The price paid to use his corpse was a stiff one indeed. With my deeds today, I shall show that Kang is better than this pathetic squadron. Everyone fawns over the Silver Surfer with his green ring, or Dr Manhattan with his blue dong. Kang is a conqueror of planets and men! Kang shall not be overlooked! I will not go off into the beyond as a JOKE! I WILL NOT REMAIN IN THE GRAVE WITH MOTHER F**KING AL DOGG!!!!! I WILL BE REBORN AND TASTE GLORY. SO SWEARS KANG!!!!"

"You, you're insane" says the SHIELD Agent who backs away from the crazed Pussy.

Kang looks Reginald in the eye and continues "I have given you a gift, common SHIELD Agent. Who were you before I began your training? No one. Cannon fodder. I took you under my wing and got you noticed. I have given you the chance for greater glory. Perhaps you too shall go on to bigger and better things. You need not fear me, simple human. For you are just another piece of my overall legacy. Now, come. I need teach you the true secrets of the Force, such as the mighty Force Tornado"

After many grueling months and more hard lessons, Kang finally returns Reginald to his web diary, scant seconds after he first abducted him. Butterscotch has found little to no use for words, no burdened with the knowledge imparted by his maniacal teammate.

"Kang shall not die this day. So says the MasterMind!"

He then shuts off the camera, and places it in his locker. Hoping that someone, anyone sees the video and is able to get to Kang before he makes such a enormous sacrifice for his own personal glory.

Season 5, Week 5: Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs. The Transfoamers

“I’m lovin’ it!”
-Ronald McDonald

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 5 Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers: Kingdom Come Superman, Power Girl, Onslaught, The Stranger, Black Alice, Proteus, Kid Omega, Damien Thorn with yellow lantern ring, Mrs. Baylock, Damien Thorn's Rottweiler, Young Avengers: Patriot, Wiccan, Hulkling, Stature, Iron Lad, Speed, Hawkeye, Lord Dread, Black Lantern Black Adam, Dr. Voodoo, Predator #49, Terminator #39, Xenomorph #53, Sandworm # 2A, Fantomex with EVA, The Brain, Monsieur Mallah, General Immortus, Garguax, Madame Rouge, The Doom Patrol: The Chief, Robotman, Negative Man, Elasti-Woman, Mento, Ambush Bug and Ronald McDonald.

The Transfoamers: Megatron, Autobots #1-5, Ghosts #1-5, Starscream's Ghost, Transformers #1 10, Movie Jolt, Movie Arcee, Chromia, and Elita One, Movie Sideswipe, Movie Skids and Mudflap, Black Lantern Darth Rave, Sith Lord #16, Decepticons #8-10, Darth Desolous, Darth Zannah with Sith Lavarouk, Black Lantern Ms. Marvel and Black Lantern Sunstorm.

Let the battle begin. . .

City. . .

Ronald McDonald runs across the streets of the city landscape. His clothes are tattered, but his large shoes still manage to clunk on the pavement beneath his feet. McDonald screams to the city’s participants.

Ronald McDonald: There’s a little McDonald's in everyone. . . [Slogun- Canada, 2001]. . . and I don’t mean my immense c@ck!!!

Above the battlefield, General Immortus, Garguax and Lord Dread are stationed in a lavish high rise. Each looks at one another and shakes their heads in unison.

General Immortus: There is something extremely wrong with that man.

Garguax: Agreed; but amusing, nonetheless.

Below, Movie Sideswipe and Movie Jolt follow the clown. Sideswipe, in robot mode, uses his arm blades to crash through the debris which litters the city in an attempt to reach McDonald. Jolt uses his electric whips causing his own destruction in his search for the Happy Meal Peddler. The two Transformers reach McDonald. As they are about to kill McDonald, they are struck by forces which nearly decimate them. Jolt is hit by a nearly-nuclear explosive arrow shot by Hawkeye. Sideswipe is struck by Black Lantern Black Adam. After the initial explosion wears off, Jolt uses his whips to slice Hawkeye in half. Hulkling and Iron Lad join BL Black Adam and together, the three combine their abilities to destroy Sideswipe. The remaining Young Avengers enter the fray and along with BL Black Adams destroy Movie Jolt.

Plains. . .

Damien Thorn hovers over both Mrs. Baylock and his faithful Rottweiler. Baylock and the canine bow to the spawn of Satan and rush into battle. The two are met by Darth Zannah. The Bane protégé ignites her lightsaber while holding her Sith Lavarouk in her other hand. Baylock and the dog acknowledge that their lives are short in this world and charge Zannah. In one quick movement, Zannah’s Lavarouk strikes Baylock, while her lightsaber lops off the head of the dog. Baylock falls to the ground, mortally wounded. She calls out to Damien Thorn before she dies. Damien flies to the scene and uses his yellow ring to unleash a fiery demon projectile at Zannah. Zannah’s Lavarouk takes the brunt of the assault and is destroyed. As Zannah is about to gain her wits, she ignites her lightsaber. Zannah and Damien fight, but the demon-seed is no match for a Sith. Zannah strikes Damien down. Zannah smiles at her victory and then looks in dismay as she steers the saber toward herself; Kid Omega is responsible for this. Zannah manages to overcome her “Omega-induced” impulses through the Force. She then races toward her assaulter. She strikes Kid Omega down, but the victory is short-lived as Power Girl flies at supersonic speed to punch a hole through Zannah’s face.

City. . .

Ronald McDonald runs from one edge of the street to the other. He screams, once again.

McDonald: Nobody can do it like McDonald’s can. . . [Slogun- U.S.A., 1979]. . . and what I mean by that is shoving my fist up your a$$!!!

General Immortus looks to Lord Dread and Garguax, all without comment.

Mountains. . .

Movie Arcee, Chromia and Elita One stand side-by-side with one another. The sister Transformers face Predator #49, Terminator #39 and Xenomorph #53. Predator #49 uses his shoulder cannon to strike Arcee. Arcee is damaged, but not enough to stop her from tearing the Predator’s arms off and killing the hunter. Terminator #39 battles Elita One. Elita One eventually gains the upper hand and destroys the futuristic killer-of-man. Chromia takes on Xenomorph #53. Although Xenomorph #53 manages to spit its acid, partially damaging the Transformer, Chromia completes her task and kills the alien. Although the three Transformers are victorious, they are damaged. Proteus takes advantage of this fact as he arrives at the scene. Due to the fact that the Transformers are not actually “living beings” and are made of metal, Proteus is unable to possess any of them. Nonetheless, he uses his superior psionic abilities to transmute matter and the three Transformers melt into a puddle of liquid metal.

City. . .

Ronald McDonald accidentally runs into Movie Mudflap and Skids.

Ronald: Put a smile on. . . [Slogun- U.S.A., 2000]. . . your ghetto sacks of sh%t faces!!!

Movie Mudflap: Whaddat whitebread say?!?

Movie Skids: Ima gonna fry that ginger punk!

Before Skids and Mudflap can react, McDonald disappears.

Forest. . . .

Dr. Voodoo stands by Black Alice. Black Alice siphons some of Voodoo’s powers and the two face Ghosts #1-5. Using their combined abilities is more than a match for the common Ghost #1-5 characters. Ghosts #1-5 are destroyed. The two mystical warriors are joined by the Brain, Monsieur Mallah and Madame Rouge.

Monsieur Mallah: I hear the enemy approaching.

Dr. Voodoo and Black Alice create a bubble-like shield which encases the five. The bubble is repeatedly bombarded by weaponry from above. The Dope Fiends withstand the initial assault of Starscream’s Ghost and Black Lantern Sunstorm. With a combined burst of energy from the two
heightened Transformers, the bubble collapses. The Brain, Dr. Voodoo and Black Alice are instantly disintegrated. Madame Rouge uses her powers to match the form of Monsieur Mallah and the two apes take to the trees. Their attempted escape is short-lived as Mallah is killed by BL Sunstorm and Rouge is killed by Starscream’s Ghost.

City. . .

Ronald McDonald peeks his head out from under a garbage bin. He has lost the two robots and notices Sith Lord #16 nearby. McDonald screams.

McDonald: Look for the Golden Arches [Slogan-U.S.A.-1960s]. . . or my candy white a$$ as you take a look at my “special-sauced” bunghole!!!

Sith Lord #16 (hereinafter “SL16”) hears the commotion and walks over to the bin. He uses the Force to lift the clown from the container. As he is about to deal the death blow, he faces the Doom Patrol. SL16 easily dispels with The Chief. Ambush Bug teleports behind the Sith Lord. Although Ambush Bug manages to strike the force wielder initially, SL16 utilizes the Force to sense his next attack and Ambush Bug is killed. Negative Man passes through SL16 before SL16 can strike him down. Robotman, Mento and Elasti-Woman barrage SL16 in a furious attack, but all fall to the superior opponent. Since SL16 has killed the entire Doom Patrol, he slowly walks toward McDonald. He never makes it as he is struck down and killed by Kingdom Come Superman. Ronald McDonald scampers out of the garbage bin and waves at KCS as he flies away.

Desert. . .

Autobots #1-5, Transformers #1-10 and Decepticons #8-10 combine their forces into an immense robot battalion. The metallic force attempts to locate prey. They feel the ground shake beneath them as Sandworm #2A bursts from the sands below. The robots-in-disguise batter Sandworm #2A, but the sheer immensity of the beast manages to destroy all robots. The deaths of so many Transformers at the maw of Sandworm #2A is not at a price though. Mortally wounded, Sandworm #2A crawls along before being destroyed by Starscream’s Ghost and BL Sunstorm, which arrive at the scene simply to finish their brethren’s job.

City- Street Level. . .

Mudflap and Skids bump into Ronald McDonald again. McDonald runs away from the robot duo, but then decides to turn around. He pulls down his pants and screams.

McDonald: It’s a good time for the great taste of McDonald’s [Slogun- U.S.A.-1984]. . .

McDonald proceeds to inappropriately gesture at the robots. As the two Transformers are about to unleash their fury upon the sick-minded clown, they are simultaneously struck by Power Girl. The two are leveled to the ground. They look up and see Onslaught. Onslaught uses his bag of abilities - telekinesis, energy projection and manipulation of magnetic fields- destroys the two with the assistance of Power Girl’s (who has rushed from the Plains to the City) repeated pounding. Ronald is saved once again and runs off, screaming.

McDonald: Enjoy more [Slogun-U.K. 1997]. . . of my c%ck in ass!!!

Space. . .

Megatron flies above the city. He sees Fantomex riding EVA nearby. Megatron takes only moments before he destroys EVA, and in turn, Fantomex. As he is about to unleash his fury upon the remaining Dope Fiends, in an instant, he is destroyed by the Stranger’s cosmic power. It is an embarrassing battle that is over before actually starting.

City-Upper Level. . .

Garguax: What is wrong with that clown?

Dread: Man is sick!

BL Ms. Marvel: . . . and you are dead!

BL Ms. Marvel discharges explosive blasts of radiant energy which not only destroys the window the three stands behind, but decapitates Garguax. As Immortus and Dread are about to run away, Black Lantern Darth Rave carrying Darth Desolous enter the high rise. The two Darths easily make fodder of both Immortus and Dread.

Final Battle. . .

Ronald McDonald races across the center of the battlefield.

McDonald: It’s Mac Time [Slogun- Australia- 1992]. . . you Transfoamer Tw%ts!!!

BL Darth Rave and Darth Desolous are too much for the entire Young Avenger clan. All members of the superhero team are destroyed by the two Sith Lords. In turn, the two Sith are killed by the combined force of BL Black Adam, Onslaught and Proteus; BL Black Adam also falling in battle.

BL Ms. Marvel unleashes her combined “natural” abilities with her black lantern powers and kills Power Girl. The mutant duo of Onslaught and Proteus then destroy BL Ms. Marvel.

Starscream’s Ghost and BL Sunstorm know that it is near the end. They focus their attention on the one constant irritant of the match: Ronald McDonald. Together, they unleash a fury of weaponry and destruction at the clown. Proteus pushes McDonald out of the way and to safety, suffering the brunt of the force that the two had to offer. Proteus is killed. McDonald runs out of his safe zone at the two Transformers and is about to scream when The Stranger puts his finger over his mouth and whispers.

The Stranger: Ssshhhhhh.

McDonald is silenced, for once. In the next instant, The Stranger unleashes his full cosmic power fury upon the robots, knowing that by doing this death will be imminent. Both Starscream’s Ghost and BL Sunstorm are destroyed, at the sacrifice of The Stranger.

McDonald looks to the two other remaining survivors.

McDonald: After all we’ve been through. . . You deserve a break today. [Slogun- U.S.A.-1980].