Season 5 Week 5- George Washington's Slaves vs Team Sleeping Pussy

George Washington's Slaves are
Ultra Man
Runner
Piecemeal
Matt Trakker in Thunderhawk
Sauron w/The One Ring
Black Lantern Hal Jordan
Sgt. Slaughter
Red Dog
Mercer
Taurus
John Connor w/Ki Adi Mundi's Blue Lightsaber, Green Lightsaber
Captain Crunch in his ship
Scorpion w/Heat Axe, Red Lightsaber
Dormammu
Simon Phoenix w/M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher
Mr. Miracle
Zombie Rodimus Prime
Red Dragon #10
Sandworm #17
Sandworm #20
Human Smoke
Jill Valentine w/Red Lightsaber
Maggie Simpson
Skaar Son of Hulk w/Red Lantern Ring
Maverick (Tom Cruise from Top Gun) in F-35
Vapor Man
Meteor Man
Gravity Girl
Ymir
Xorn (Kuan-Yin)
The Hydra
Blurr
Roadbuster

Team Sleeping Pussy is
Silver Surfer w/Green Lantern Ring
Alexander Luthor
Cyclops w/ Mithril Vest (9 DEATHS)
Baron Mordo
Super Skrull (9 DEATHS)
Thunderbird (9 DEATHS)
Banshee (9 DEATHS)
Vision (9 DEATHS)
Kang (9 DEATHS)
Mastermind (9 DEATHS)
Unus the Untouchable
Khan Noonian Singh w/ Blue Lightsaber
Namor
Zombie Mothra
Brood Queen
Brood Aliens #1-5
The Vanisher
Skrulls #23-42
Gladiators #1-#10


"This is wrong, this is all wrong" said Alexander Luthor. "No matter what dimension I see, it's all the same. Nothing but death and destruction, and this...planet seems to be the center of it all."

"Yes, Luthor. But the glory gained from the planet is worth all the sacrifice and bloodshed" replies Kang "For this planet shall be the site of Kang's greatest, and most memorable moment"

"Bah. Your arrogance is misplaced. We've lost all of our Brood aliens trying to possess various members of the Slaves. The Brood Queen herself has vanished, probably in shame at the failure of her underlings. Now look, Kang look upon the desert and see how more of your 'great moment' plays out"

In the desert, things are not going well for Team SP, since the three Slaves Sandworms have already decimated all of the Gladiators that dared to venture to the sandy arena. This doesn't sit well with field commander Khan.

"This is a fools errand." growls Kahn "Khan is mighty, but how can even he be expected to fell beasts such as these sand worms."

"Let's see if we can't change that" growls the Super Skrull, who lands in the dunes along with Master Mind. Master Mind then projects various images of the Super Skrull across the desert. This ruse works as a Sandworm pops to the surface attempting to send the Super Skrull to his final death.

The Sandworm is not successful. Just as the worm pops up to eat what it thinks is the Super Skrull, it's revealed to only be an illusion. At that moment, the actual Super Skrull launches into action, creating an invisible field to prop the beasts mouth open. The Skrull hooks his feet between the teeth and begins stretching himself to his limits as he burns the beast from the inside on the way down. Reaching his limit, the Skrull snaps back like a rubberband and hurtles to the sky, then crashes to the desert floor. Exhausted. The Skrull bought himself a small reprive in slaying one worm, but it's not enough. The two remaining worms quickly squash any of the Pussies hope of winning the desert floor as Khan takes a page out of Kirk's playbook and screams to the heaven "SSSLLLLAAAAVVVVEEESSSS!!!" as he, the Super Skrull and Master Mind are killed.

"See" smirks Alexander Luthor "Tis a fools errand. Let us execute the failsafe, and show the Watchers that we are not their killer playthings and be done with it"

"Patience, Luthor. Look" says Kang "Let us see how the water region plays out"

The water region is a bit of a different story. Captain Crunch patrols the area in his boat, when Namor smashed through the deck taking the cereal mascot off gaurd.

"What the fu-" start Crunch, when Namor makes his skull go crunch. He doesn't have much time to prep for another attack, as the Hydra, alerted to the activity by Namor's destruction of Crunch's ship, finishes destroying the boat and despite his best efforts, Namor falls to the Hydra and secures the Slaves the water district.

"And it's much the same other places" sneers Luthor "Sure, we've taken out a few Slaves. John Connor, Maverick, Human Smoke. Zombie Mothra's destruction of Blurr and Zombie Rodimus Prime was especially impressive, until he was felled by Ultraman. Face it, Kang. We are lost."

"Look." smirks Kang."Look at the jungle, the pieces of my plans are finally falling into place"

As the two look to the jungle, they see a really awesome battle. Skarr, Meteor Man and Gravity Girl have all teamed up to try and stop Unus the Untouchable. Gravity Girl gets her head knocked clean off by Unus' might baseball bat, when both Metoer Man and Skarr team up and both throw a might punch that disrupts Unus' force field enough to knock the wind out of him.

"Cute." sneers Unus as he takes a deep breath. "Now it's m-"

POP. Unus explodes as Vapor Man reforms inside his body, causing the untouchable one to burst like a balloon.

"I bet that's not the first time you've been inside a guy" quips Skarr

"Ha. Ha. Real original" responds Vapor Man.

In the skies above Black Lantern Hal Jordan and the Vision battle to a standstill, as every time Hal goes to tear out Vision's mechanical heart, Vision reforms and disrupts the black ring programming.

"It's hopeless, Kang. There's too many of them" whines Alexander yet again

"Perhaps." says Kang "Ah, here we go. It seems my prize has arrived."

The Brood Queen appears clutching something in her hands. "Here, lord Kang. Cyclops and Banshee both sacrificed themselves to gain this, but took down Dormmammu AND Sauron. Now WE possess the one ring"

"Excellent" says Kang as he slips the ring on "Let's see what this baby can do"

Kang closes his eyes, and finds the red power ring of Skarr. Kang exerts his will, and turns the fiery red trinket upon Vapor Man and Meteor Man, killing them before they can process what's happening.

"Excellent." smiles Kang "Now let's see what the black can do"

As Kang continues experimenting with his new toy, Nymeria (Skrull #27) continues her whirlwind assualt, felling Sgt Slaughter's companions Red Dog, Mercer, and Taurus. She turns to face Slaughter himself, when the Sarge falls to his knees. Unconscious.

"Was wondering when you'd show" smirks Nymeria, as her accomplice shows himself

"Nymie, we don't have much time. You gotta get out of here" says Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent "You don't understand what's about to happen"

"It doesn't matter, you're here. I get to see you once again" says the Skrull running up to embrace the SHIELD Agent

"No. Nymie, there's no time. You don't understand.Kang's about to execute protocol 52, you don't"

"Shhh. I know." responds Nymeria "I got your message. I'm coming one step closer to being with you forever, and free of this battle laden fate. Kang shall not die this day, long live the MasterMind!"

"But Nymie" starts Butterscotch, when suddenly her head explodes and Reginald is covered in her blood.

"Hiya, precious" sneers her murderer Ultraman who drops the head of Baron Mordo at McTwivent's feet. "You look like you could use some head"

Enraged, Butterscotch pulls out his lightsaber and fires it up, but before he can charge he fades from the jungle leaving UltraMan to wonder what just happened before taking off to find more prey.

"Humph" sneers Kang "Not as useful as I hoped it be" as he discovers it rather difficult to control the green ring of the Silver Surfer and the black ring of Hal Jordan. "No matter. Surfer. You are needed. Go to the 51st parsect right above the jungle. You and I shall now take the black lantern out"

The Surfer does as he's asked and encases both the black lantern and Vision in a bubble of green energy as the Kang controlled red ring appears with Skarr still in tow. Kang commands the red to fire upon the duo, and it does destroying both combatants, and enraging the Silver Surfer.

"Kang. You'll not do that again" warns the Surfer "You shall not sacrifice teammates while I remain to oppose these tactics"

"Then you shall not oppose them" smirks Kang "Your Majesty, if you will" as Kang fires a blast of his ray gun and paralyzes the Silver Surfer momentarily.

The Brood Queen appears behind the Surfer and quickly climbs down his throat, taking possession of the former herald of Galactus.

"How long can you hold him?" asks Kang. "Quickly now, as I feel that brutish son of the Hulk slightly overcoming my hold over his trinket."

"Long enough" says the Surfer Queen

"Very well. Luthor, are you sure this well work?"

"Yes, I'm sure." smiles Alexander Luthor "The combined power of the power cosmic, green energy, gamma radiation and red energy set off at the center of this rock should be enough to completely destroy the Playoff Planet and everyone else on it"

"Then so be it" detonate the charges to pierce the crust. The queen and I shall set our weapons into the final descent"

"As you wish" smiles Luthor. And arms the bombs as the Surfer Queen rockets into the stratosphere and Kang command the red ring to ascend as well.

"Ha. Let this be a lesson Watchers." says Luthor as the charges detonate and the two ring slingers rocket toward their final destination "With no Playoff Planet, your blood soaked tyranny comes to an end"

"No. It doesn't" says Kang "This rock shall reform. The battles continue, what is truly shown this day is that Kang is merciless and shall not go quietly to the grave."

Alexander Luthor looks at him in horror "But...but you'll die too. You're here." he whimpers

"I was." says Kang as he begins to shimmer, much like Reginald McTwivent did. "But I'm a different Kang from a different time. I have cemented my legacy, and I owe it all to you Alexander Luthor. The architect of my ascension. The MasterMind"

As Kang vanishes, Luthor can do nothing but weep as the ground begins to quake. As the tears flow down his face, the two members of the opposing team unite as one at the core of the planet. Destroying it, and everyone on it.


EPILOUGE:

Kang and his ward Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent appear in the empty lockerroom.

"You maniac!" screams Reginald as he gets in Kang's face "What was the point of that? We could have won without killing everyone!"

"Could have isn't enough." Kang replies "One more death and I will be going to the great unknown. Forced to toil with Doozers, Charlie Brown and Houslanders? You think Kang wishes to remain with the likes of them for eternity? Ha! Look at the fool Galactus. The price paid to use his corpse was a stiff one indeed. With my deeds today, I shall show that Kang is better than this pathetic squadron. Everyone fawns over the Silver Surfer with his green ring, or Dr Manhattan with his blue dong. Kang is a conqueror of planets and men! Kang shall not be overlooked! I will not go off into the beyond as a JOKE! I WILL NOT REMAIN IN THE GRAVE WITH MOTHER F**KING AL DOGG!!!!! I WILL BE REBORN AND TASTE GLORY. SO SWEARS KANG!!!!"

"You, you're insane" says the SHIELD Agent who backs away from the crazed Pussy.

Kang looks Reginald in the eye and continues "I have given you a gift, common SHIELD Agent. Who were you before I began your training? No one. Cannon fodder. I took you under my wing and got you noticed. I have given you the chance for greater glory. Perhaps you too shall go on to bigger and better things. You need not fear me, simple human. For you are just another piece of my overall legacy. Now, come. I need teach you the true secrets of the Force, such as the mighty Force Tornado"

After many grueling months and more hard lessons, Kang finally returns Reginald to his web diary, scant seconds after he first abducted him. Butterscotch has found little to no use for words, no burdened with the knowledge imparted by his maniacal teammate.

"Kang shall not die this day. So says the MasterMind!"

He then shuts off the camera, and places it in his locker. Hoping that someone, anyone sees the video and is able to get to Kang before he makes such a enormous sacrifice for his own personal glory.