Prize: Ixian Foldspace Ship
Points: 950
Setting: The Play-Off Planet
The Match-ups:
-Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Josh)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets (Becks)
Squads will be due to your respective watcher by 8:00 pm on Sunday June 8th. The matches will be posted by Monday June 16th.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Horsemen vs Commandos part 2
"The
Late" President Barack Obama and "Please let me Twerk in peace in honor
of our fallen leader" Miley Cyrus' Touring Battalion of Commandos are:
Earth 2 Superman, Martian Manhunter, Whizzy, the Super-Cat, Thanos
w/Space Gem, Mind Gem & Reality Gem, Captain Marvel (Mar-Vel),
Tracks (Tracksimus Prime), Insecticons: Bombshell, Shrapnel, Kick Back,
Venom, Ransack, Barrage, Chop Shop, Luminara Unduli w/Blue Lantern Ring, Judah Ben Hur w/White Lantern Ring, Katniss Everdeen w/Green
Lantern Ring, Jen
Linley w/Star Sapphire Ring, Hermione Granger, Duke w/Green Lantern
Ring, Kirk Cameron, Lazarus Long &
Serena Butler w/Blaster in a F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Fighter and Doozer #13
"The concert worked flawlessly" smiles Darkseid. "We may have lost a few soldiers, but it is for the greater good. Now Damian, do you remember your lessons?"
"Yes, lord Darkseid. Watch." Damian points his wand at the sky and yells "Inciderio" and blows up Lazarus Long's plane as it's in the sky. Debris rains down and Darkseid beams with the closest thing to fatherly pride that he can muster.
"Excellent. Excellent. Now head off, for the Commandos shall be here soon and they will be searching for vengeance. "
"Yes m'lord." says Damian who throws a smoke grenade and vanishes.
"Do your worst, Mad Titan. Darkseid dares all!"
Meanwhile, OPtimus Prime charges into battles against the Commandos transformers. He crushes the Insecticons like bugs, and turns his attention to Tracksimus.
"Tracks" acknowledges Prime
"Optimus" responds Tracks
They begin a pitched battle, but as hard as they fight, there's a weird interference between them. Optimus finally garners the upperhand. He plunges his sword into Tracsimus' chest and pierces his matrix of leadership, when suddenly the blue energy inside of it charges up and into Optimus' brain. It immediately begins to rewrite Prime's brain, and wipes all the knowledge of his current life. As far as Optimus is aware, he is a Commando.
"Something's wrong." says Batman "Look out fo-" but Optimus crushes the Dark Knight before he can warn the others. The Commandos begin to turn the tide, as the Horsemen now find themselves on the receiving end of an asswhipping. Optimus' turncoat ways are finally ended when Bruno Sammartino takes the fallen CM Punk's flight ring and lightsaber and drops Prime.
Elsewhere, the battle rages on. Katniss Everdeen stands toe to toe with Wonder Woman in a ferocious battle, when Katniss finally wins when Star Sapphire Jen Linley crystallizes Wonder Woman into a giant, pink crystal, which Katniss uses as the arrowhead on a giant, green arrow which she fires into the sun.
Their victory is short lived however, as Godzilla appears and incinerates the two with his mighty atomic breath. Godzilla stomps through the warzone, destroying all that appears, friend or foe. His rampage is ended when Earth-2 Superman flies through his neck and snaps it.
The Horsemen still have a significant advantage over the Commandos, when Thanos and Kirk Cameron appear.
"This won't do. No, not at all." says Thanos as he holds up the gauntlet containing the three infinity gems. Everyone freezes in place as Thanos uses the time gem to turn back the hands of time. Suddenly, the Horsemen find themselves surrounded by a whole new group of Commandos. Specifically, the group that was slated to face Logical Genocide in the playoffs.
These Commandos are more than a match for the Horsemen, as they too had a near flawless season and with the added firepower of Thanos they cut through the Horsemen like wheat. Superman and Thanos look to each other and know what they have to do, and that they more than likely aren't going to survive this. Taskmaster rushes Thanos and temporarily blinds Thanos as Superman grabs his arm and tears the time gem out of the gauntlet. Superman crushes the gem in his had and vanishes in a blast of light, ending the timeshift and warping the remaining combatants back to the present.
"Bad MAN!" screams Stitch as he leaps at Thanos with his lightsaber.
"Not this time" says Thanos as he grabs Stitch and eviscerates him, ensuring that he's truly dead this time.
Taskmaster sides up to Darkeid, and prepares for the final battle.
Kirk Cameron and Thanos looks on unafraid.
"Look.Up in the sky." sneers Thanos as Earth-2 Superman thunders down and lands atop Darkseid. He begins pummeling Darkseid at a superhuman rate, turning his face into a bony paste as tears stream down his face. Finally avenging the years and years of torture Darkseid inflicting upon Superman in their reality.
E-2 Supes is so caught up in his cathartic moment that he doesn't notice Taskmaster as he pulls his sword and drives it through his heart, just as the voice of Damian rings out yelling "Transmuto human" turning the Kryptonian into a human for his final death.
Damian looks at Kirk and Thanos and doesn't flinch.
"Hello, young man. Might I tell you the joys of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ?" asks Cameron.
"Avada Kardaver!" screams Damian who aims his spell right at Cameron's heart. To his shock, there is no effect.
"Sorry, sport. But you're dark arts have no power against the light and joy of Jesus" he advances on Damian and opens his arms "Let me save you child. Open your heart to the Lord!"
Kirk grabs Damian and embraces him as the two begin to smoulder and smoke. Damian screams in agony, Kirk screams in a rapturous joy as he can feel the demon being exorcised. In an act of desperation, Damian raises Voldemort's wand and drives it into Kirk's eye causing his grip, and life, to end.
Weaken and weary, he looks up at Thanos who smiles.
"Farwell, boy." he says and crushes Damian's skull.
"I've done it. I've won! I WON!" screams Thanos when suddenly there's a shimmer and a flicker. Thanos looks confused when suddenly there's an loud
BOOM
And Superman appears among the shards of the destroyed time gem. Before the bewildered Thanos can react, Superman tears his head from his body.
"Never count out, Superman. Bitch." says the Man of Steel. Who stands alone, and triumphant.
PlayOffs Round 1: Horsemen vs Commandos
"The
Late" President Barack Obama and "Please let me Twerk in peace in honor
of our fallen leader" Miley Cyrus' Touring Battalion of Commandos are: Earth 2 Superman, Martian Manhunter, Whizzy, the Super-Cat, Thanos w/Space Gem, Mind Gem & Reality Gem, Captain Marvel (Mar-Vel), Tracks (Tracksimus Prime), Insecticons: Bombshell, Shrapnel, Kick Back, Venom, Ransack, Barrage, Chop Shop, Luminara Unduli w/Blue Lantern Ring, Bellatrix LeStrange, Ginny Weasley w/Harry Potter's Wand, Luna Lovegood, Judah Ben Hur w/White Lantern Ring, Katniss Everdeen w/Green Lantern Ring, Helena Markos w/Red Lantern Ring, Madame Blanc w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Miss Tanner w/Red Lantern Ring, Suspiria Witch Coven Member #1 w/Indigo Lantern Ring, Suspiria Witch Coven Member #2-5, Jen Linley w/Star Sapphire Ring, Hermione Granger, Duke w/Green Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Dozer #1, The Spice Girls: Scary, Baby, Ginger, Sporty & Posh, David Beckham, Jack
Kevorkian w/Death Mobile Van, Suicide Machine & VHS Camera, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Zhara Jolie-Pitt, Pax Jolie-Pitt, Knox Jolie-Pitt, Vivian Jolie-Pitt, Miley Cyrus w/Barack Obama's Two Blue Lightsabers, Robin Thicke w/Barack Obama's Two Green Lightsabers, Taylor Swift w/Sith Lanvorak, Growing Pains Cast: Alan Thicke, Joanna Kearns, Kirk Cameron, Tracey Gold, Jeremy Miller, Darth Binks, Black Lantern Jar Jar Binks, Xavier Harkonnen & Astro Droid #19 in a Z-95 Headhunter, Lazarus Long & Serena Butler w/Blaster in a F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Fighter, The Captain (Immell #15) w/Captain America's Shield, Worm Becks, Anus The Touchable, and Doozer #13
The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Darkseid, Damien Thorrn w/Lord Voldemort's Magic Wand, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Annihilus, Taskmaster, Havok, Percy Jackson w/Trident, Black Bolt w/Sinestro's Green Lantern Ring, Dazzler, The Demon: Gene Simmons, The Starchild: Paul Stanley, The Catman: Peter Criss, The Celestial: Ace Frehley, Optimus Prime w/Roller, Dark Archangel, Obi Wan Kenobi, Godzilla, Achilles, John McClane w/Mandalorian Armor, Green and Blue Lightsabers, Harry Potter
"And now we respond"
Stitch w/Green Lightsaber, Bugs Bunny w/Flamethrower, CM Punk w/Legion Flight Ring and Blue Lightsaber, Bruno Sammartino, and Brandon Inge w/Green Lantern Ring
"Come on, Kirk. Aren't you coming? This is a historic moment. A unity conecrt to kick off the play offs!" Alan Thicke excitedly gathers the rest of the group that played the Seavers "My boy Robin is kicking off the show! It's gonna be great"
"Sorry, Alan. But those filthy degenerates KISS are playing and I can't abide a group who is an acronym for 'Knights In Satan's Service. And as my numerous, numerous fines for insubordination say all I need to say about our illustrious leader Miley. Nope, it'll be just me and my boy J.C. tonight. Be well and I'll pray for your souls." Kirk smiles and waves as he watches his tv family depart.
The concert kicks off and is quite the show. Robin Thicke opens, followed by Taylor Swift. The Spice Girls reunite as David Beckham beams from sidestage, remembering why he fell in love with Posh in the first place. The crowd is loving it when the stage across from the opens and a loud voice booms
"YOU WANTED THE BEST. YOU GOT THE BEST! THE HOTTEST BAND IN THE WORLD!! KISS!!!!"
Miley Cyrus frowns as she was told she was scheduled to go on next, but gets caught up in the rocking sounds. The crowd goes nuts. Brad Pitt helps Maddox get up for his first crowd surfing experience as "Love Gun" thunders on.
"Right now, we'd like to call on some special guests." says Paul Stanley and two hooded figures get on stage. Before the crowd can question who these people are, the opening chords of 'Rock and Roll All Night' kick in and whatever questions are quickly forgotten. The song gets going, then the robes are dropped and Dazzler and Black Bolt are revealed. Black Bolt opens his lips and screams
"I WANT TO ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT. AND PARTY EVERY DAY!" his lethal language is enhanced by Dazzler as is the music of the loudest band in the world and the crowd has the skin ripped from their very bones and they are liquified.
The few Commandos who had some sort of protection via lantern ring or whatever, try to collect their wits, when they're besieged by the Horsemen who finish off the few stragglers.
Kirk Cameron watches horrified at home. "I-I tried to tell them. What do we do now Thanos??"
"We give the Horsemen first blood." he replies coldly.
"And now we respond"
Season 7, Playoff Round 1 - TEAM vs Super Kitties
TEAM is: Red Sun Superman, Supergirl (Linda Danavers), Black Lantern Darth Vader, Michael Demuirgos, Captain America, Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Ragnarok, Thorion the Celestial, Green Lantern Batman , Sif and the Warriors Three (Hogun, Volstagg, & Fandral), Kwisatz Haderach Chris Artrip & Star Sapphire Julie Artrip, Lando Calrissian & Nien Numb in Millenium Falcon, Black Lantern Pete Sosa, Nathan Storey w/Devil Lance (Shining Force) (9 Deaths)
The Super Kitties are: Primus (9 deaths); Yoda's Spirit (w/ White Lantern Ring); Supergirl; Black Racer; Monarch; Green Arrow (9 deaths) and Black Canary (9 deaths) in a Ferrari 360 Modena; Larfleeze (Agent Orange); Red Lantern Guy Gardner (w/ red and green lantern rings); Mr. Majestic; Juggernaut; Aunt May w/ Baby Bucky and Doozer #2 in a Mail Jeep; The Superman Emergency Squad: Don El (he has 9 deaths), Van Zee (he has 9 deaths), Vitar, and Superman Emergency Squad #1-5 (#1-2 and 4-5 have 9 deaths); Peeta Mellark (w/ Jarnborn (Thor's Axe from his youth)) w/ a Yoshi Egg; Aslan the Lion (w/ a green lantern ring); Vampire Assaj Ventress in a Bell P-63 Kingcobra; (Kingdom Come) Wonder Woman; Krypto the Super Dog (he has 9 deaths); Robin ((original) Dick Grayson) on an Oscorp Glider (he has 9 deaths); Vampire Nick Houslander in Stephen King's "Christine".
“Nick, you seriously need to drive faster. This is the last time I ride with a player to get to a match. The Commish is blowing up my cell phone and chances are this thing is going to be done before we get there. Then what am I going to write?” A frustrated Fizzatu says to his buddy Vampire Nick Houslander as they drive around the Playoff Planet looking for any sort of fight happening.
“Dude. Settle down. First I had to adjust all the mirrors and check and make sure all the lights and signals worked on the car. Then I got my decibel meter out to make sure the radio wasn’t too loud. Also, it isn’t safe to drive above the posted speed limit. I care about your safety, friends.” Nick replies.
“Thats another thing. Why are you and Pete riding together?” Fizzatu says glancing at Black Lantern Pete Sosa relaxing in the backseat. “You guys are playing for opposite teams.”
“Pete and I wanted to have a pre match cigar together.”
“Fizz is right though, Nick. You are a Vampire driving a 30 year old Plymouth Fury. Name one reason you would drive safely to get to a deathmatch. Also, I am pretty sure we are lost.” Black Lantern Pete Sosa says taking a long drag on his Camacho Criollo, glancing out the window into the darkness.
“First, this isn’t some normal car. It happens to be Stephen King’s Christine.” Nick says. “This car could easily kill me so I would like to not anger her. And second, we are not lost. Here we are in the desert.”
“Like I said though.” Fizzatu says annoyed looking at the dead bodies outside. “The fight here is over. We missed it. Let’s get out and see who died.”
Fizzatu walks to the top of the nearest dune and look down at the carnage. First he sees the dead bodies of Kwisatz Haderach Chris Artrip and Star Sapphire Julie Artrip. Whoever took his reincarnated self down paid the price because scattered around his corpse are several dead bodies.
“From the looks of it…” Nick says pausing to take a drag of his cigar. “Looks like Iron Man got into it with Juggernaut over there. Not sure which one won since they are both dead but it does look like Larfleeze took out Michael Demuirgos.”
“I think you are right.” Fizzatu says walking around the dead body of Lafleeze to recreate the event in his mind. “Then Larfleeze got his head blown off. Probably by Green Lantern Batman over there.” Fizzatu says pointing to the corpse of the caped crusader.
“Well then who took out RL Guy Gardner? He had both Red and Green rings. No easy task… Having both rings gives you both Sith and Jedi power, right?” Says BL Pete Sosa.
Vampire Nick and Fizzatu just stare at BL Pete.
“WHAT?” Pete says annoyed. “All you dudes do all day is talk about FFL. Some of it is bound to rub off on me.”
The other two ignore him and walk around the back side of the gigantic KH Chris Artrip. Dead on the ground is Volstagg. “It looks to me as if he was shot by Green Arrow over there.” Nick says.
Fizzatu agrees, “Yeah, and Ragnarok looks like he took out Green Arrow and then.. woah. Irony… He got killed by Peeta Mellark’s Jarnbjorn! How cool! Look how it crushed his skull in. It looks like whoever killed Peeta ran him over with a car and took off that way.” Fizzatu points in the direction of the tire tracks leading out of the desert. “Crushed his Yoshi egg too. That sucks.”
“Peeta died too? Guess we will be seeing his name in the sky tonight.” Nick says to Fizzatu as they both share a laugh.
“Haha. Yeah. He was Luke’s cousin or something from Star Trek, right?” BL Pete says. Again, the other two just stare blankly and shake their heads at him as they walk back to the car.
“So I guess I’ll just follow those tire tracks.” Says Nick
“Who do you think was in that car?” Pete asks
“Black Canary.” Fizzatu says as he is looking at his phone. “I just checked my email. Green Arrow and Black Canary were started in a Ferrari and Green Arrow is dead and I don’t see Canary anywhere. Gotta be her.”
As they are getting into the car, they hear a dog barking and running after them. Fizzatu rolls down his window and Krypto the Super Dog flies at the trio super fast and stops just outside the rear passenger door. “Let him in, Christine” Nick says to the car who happily obliges by popping open the door. Krypto hops in the back seat and sits next to BL Pete. “Now follow those tire tracks!”
Christine kicks herself into gear and the three take off. A short while later, they arrive next to the water area of the Playoff Planet and get out.
The burning wreckage of the Millenium Falcon sits on the shore of the lake. It appears to have collided with the Bell P-63 that Vampire Assaj Ventress was flying. Crushed underneath the hull of the Falcon is the spirit of Yoda.
“How does one even crush a spirit?” Nick wonders out loud.
"Just get married and find out" Pete says.
“And why does that dude only want to stand next to water?” says Fizzatu
"Just get married and find out" Pete says.
“And why does that dude only want to stand next to water?” says Fizzatu
“Great questions. Lets see who else is dead and get out of here. “ BL Pete says.
Thorion the Celestial lies dead on the ground with a massive hole in his chest. Nearby, a SUPER battle took place. The burned and beaten remains of the entire Superman Emergency squad, Supergirl and Mr. Majestic lies dead for the Kitties along with Red Sun Superman, Linda Danavers and Captain America for TEAM.
“Man. I cannot believe I missed this match. Most of the Emergency squad had 9 deaths too. Dammit.” Fizzatu says growing more annoyed with himself.
“Yeah but they took out Superman, one of the Supergirls and Captain America. Good tradeoff in my book.” Nick says.
“You think they took down Thorion too?” Fizzatu says.
“Thorion is in kind of a big crater. Looks to me like he fell from above” Nick says.
“Oh yeah, Primus probably killed him. I wonder if he is still alive” Fizz says looking up to space above.
“I love that band Primus!” BL Pete says.
Again…
“Oh man, this chick was hot!” BL Pete continues, now ignoring the response from his pals. He is looking at the corpse of Sif. Her and her remaining two warriors appear to have died in an epic battle along with Black Racer, Aslan the lion and Monarch for the Kitties. “How does a lion have a GL ring?” Pete asks.
“It’s the FFL man. You imagine it, it happens.” Fizzatu says. “Now lets get into the city, perhaps we can see if Primus is still alive from there and see if anyone is still alive.”
The three friends and Krypto get back into the murder car and head for the city. As they enter the downtown area, the remains of the final battle are evident. Two smashed cars can be seen next to the dead remains of the Incredible Hulk, A mail Jeep with Aunt May, Baby Bucky and Doozer #2 and a Ferrari carrying the Black Canary. They park the car and head toward the spot where Black Lantern Darth Vader is strung up dead by the Lasso of KC Woman. Nearby is the corpse of Robin (Dick Grayson). Diana walks toward the three.
“Sorry we would have been here sooner but your partner here doesn’t know how to drive.” Fizzatu says nodding his head in the direction of Nick. “Are you the only one left down here?”
“I think so, well, except for Primus. He is still up in the sky. He took down Thorion and Red Sun Superman. It was sweet.” KC Wonder Woman says.
“Ahh. We thought Supes was killed by the Emergency squad. They both landed in the water region.” Fizzatu explains.
“They were all up there fighting. Not sure who exactly killed who.” she says now turning her attention to Nick. “And we would have teleported home victorious by now if you weren’t driving around with this well toned lad from the other team.”
BL Pete notices Wonder Woman as she eyes him up and down. Letting down his guard he shoots her a look as she approaches him and runs her hands across his chest and up to his neck. He quickly thinks of a good pick up line.
"Hey babe. You wanna go take a ride in your invisible train?" Pete says.
"Dude, again?" Nick says.
A grin slowly begins to form on Pete's face and WW quickly snaps his neck.
“That should do it.” WW says one second before an 8-bit Devil Lance runs through her torso and she falls dead on the ground.
Nick looks at her killer that stands behind her and says. “NATE! Dude how are you?”
The 9 death Nate Storey is not interested in small talk. He slowly starts walking toward his pal. He walks right past Fizzatu.
“Uhh, hey Nate. It’s Chris.” Fizzatu says.
Nate, who now has nick cornered against a building wall, pauses momentarily to say hi to Fizz and then raises his Devil Lance.
“Come on Man. Let’s talk this out.” Nick says trying to diffuse the situation.
The wall is suddenly lit up in brightness as Christine speeds directly for the two and crushes both of them against the wall.
“Woof Woof!” Krypto says jumping out of the backseat and sitting at the feet of Fizzatu.
Fizzatu takes a knee and scratches behind the dog’s ear. “You ready for the Confernce Finals boy?”
Consolation Round 2
Setting: The Elevator Level from Donkey Kong
Prize: An Arwing and 10 Resurrection Points
Points: 25
Match-ups:
-Griswold's Nut-busters Vs. Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors (Seney)
-WORLD WAR BEX: Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches Vs. Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse (Nick)
-The Royal Highness Vs. Commandos (Dave)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. TEAM (Fizz)
-REAL MAN's Rabble Rousers Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Ryan)
-The Empire Vs. George Washington's Slaves (NuFaGtu)
Please have these line ups in to your respective Watcher by 8:00 pm on Saturday June 7th. They will (hopefully) be up by Wed. June 11th, or at least before the Conference Finals Matches are posted (due date for those will most (hopefully) be Sunday June 15th).
Prize: An Arwing and 10 Resurrection Points
Points: 25
Match-ups:
-Griswold's Nut-busters Vs. Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors (Seney)
-WORLD WAR BEX: Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches Vs. Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse (Nick)
-The Royal Highness Vs. Commandos (Dave)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. TEAM (Fizz)
-REAL MAN's Rabble Rousers Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Ryan)
-The Empire Vs. George Washington's Slaves (NuFaGtu)
Please have these line ups in to your respective Watcher by 8:00 pm on Saturday June 7th. They will (hopefully) be up by Wed. June 11th, or at least before the Conference Finals Matches are posted (due date for those will most (hopefully) be Sunday June 15th).
Press Conference of Darth Shemalya
Let it be known to all that I am requesting members of this league to engage in trade talks with my current owner, Mr. Christopher Brian Artrip of the Slaves. I no longer wish to serve his whimsy since it is apparent that he lacks the respect for me that I deserve and more importantly, have earned this year. I am sure everyone will agree that without my presence in the matches to which I appeared, Mr. Artrip would be 3-6, not 6-3. I AM THE SOLE REASON THE SLAVES WERE IN THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR!!! Shame on you Mr. Artrip! You disgrace Shemalya by dishonoring me. You disgrace yourself for not playing me in the playoffs. You disgrace this league for not trumpeting to fear such a formidable force as myself! I shall leave you, Mr. Artrip, with one word that I wish for you to suck on -- BORO! Darth Shemalya out.
2014 Play-Offs Round 1: Midgets vs. Slaves
The Midgets are: Emperor Joker, Mr. Mxyzptlk, The Eradicator, Zombie Supergirl, Black Lantern Sinestro w/ White Lantern Ring, Phoenix Force Entity, Blue Beetle (Ted Kord in Cierva W.9), Deadpool (in a Rockwell X-30), The Fantastic Four (Franklin Richards, Black Lantern Invisible Woman, Black Lantern Human Torch, Zombie Thing in The Fantasticar), Wonder Man, He-Man, Black Lantern Omega Supreme, Bowser (w/ Orange Lantern Ring), Mangy Mouse (w/ Indigo Lantern Ring), Mighty Mousette (w/ Star Sapphire ring), Darth Talon (w/ Red Lantern Ring), Meriadoc Brandybuck (w/ Blue Lantern Ring), Magneto (Missing left hand, w/ an Adaridi AD 3), Toad (on a scooter), Black Lantern Blip, Squirtle, Black Lantern Aunt May, Ewok Child #1A, Ewok Child #2A, Smurf #1.
The Slaves are: Amazo, Fernus, Green Arrow (Connor Hawk), Speedy (Mia Deardon), Batgirl (Cassandra Cain, w/ Black Lightsaber), Loki, Wolverine, Ki Adi Mundi (w/ blue lightsaber), Shintor Beerus, Movie Bumblebee, Prowlimus Prime (w/ The Touch a.k.a. Autobot Matrix of Leadership), Scorpion (w/ Heat Axe and Red Lightsaber), Sgt. Marcus Fenix, Dominic Santiago, Augustus "Cole Train" Cole, Damon Baird, Jill Valentine (w/ Red Lightsaber), The Hydra, Captain James T. Kirk (w/ Green Lightsaber), Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Captain Crunch (w/ Trident), John Rambo, Simon Phoenix (w/ M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher), Wicked Witch of the West (w/ Devil Lance), Zack Morris (w/ Laser Sword), A.C. Slater (w/ Laser Gun, Iron Man Suit), Samuel "Screech" Powers (w/ Mithril Vest), Jessie Spano, Lisa Turtle (w/ Pokeball), Kelly Kapowski (w Star Wand), Peter Griffin (w/ Iron Man's Armor), Stewie Griffin (w/ Green Lantern Ring), Brian the Dog, Lois Griffin (w/ throwing knives), Meg Griffin, Chris Griffin, Bebop, Rocksteady, Gargamel, Azrael the Cat, The Grinch, Max the Dog, Gonzo the Great, Josh Houslander: Samurai Warrior, Vampire Al Dogg, Smurf #3, Head Coach: George Washington (w/ Green Lightsaber), and an Imperial Shuttle.
As the Slaves and the Midgets gathered on The Playoff Planet, Emperor Joker and Mr. Mxyzptlk watched from just beyond the edge of reality. The rest of the competitors stood like statues scattered across the planet's many biomes. Time in the third dimension didn't pass from their vantage point, so the passed the time with the fifth dimensional equivalent of a pissing contest. "Alright, clown, here's an easy one for you: What's big and blue and crawls all over?" Joker rolled his eyes, saying "A riddle? Do I look like that poindexter Nigma to you?" In the city, time began to flow normally as The Fantasticar and Ted Kord's Cierva W.9 were coming in for a landing near their allies and enemies below. Kord felt that something wasn't right, a sort of tingle in his spine. His suspicion was confirmed when the tingle turned to pain and his endoskeleton began its transformation to an exoskeleton. In moments the title of Blue Beetle became literal, and the giant bug flew from the cockpit as the helicopter spun in to a nearby building. Green Arrow and Speedy tried shooting down the insect, but their arows couldn't pierce his carapace and he landed hard on Bebop and Rocksteady. "Jeez, that's new," Zombie Ben Grimm remarked. "You have anything to do with that kid?" Franklin Richards watched excitedly as the Beetle scurried around the street. "I don't think so, but that thing is so cool! We should go help it!" Grimm brought down the Flying Bathtub and the team hopped out to be immediately engaged by the nearby Slaves. Invisible Woman vanished as George Washington, Ki-Adi-Mundi, and Josh Houslander attacked. Undeath and several defeats hadn't been kind to Thing and Human Torch; Grimm's rocky form was mossy and cracked, and Johnny was more of a shambling mass of embers than a torch. As they held off Josh and Washington a.k.a Joshington's attacks, Ki-Adi-Mundi stood still with closed eyes. With a deep breath he reached out his senses and spun around with his lightsaber. A spurt of blood appeared first, followed by Susan Storm's bisected corpse as her sneak attack failed. To the side, The Midgets fought alongside the new and improved Ted Kord while The Slaves fought against it. Speedy was caught in its mandibles, spurting HIV blood all over the place, as the Beetle butted heads with Prowlimus Prime and Bumblebee. Gargamel caught up with Smurf #1 and stomped him flat before Azrael began licking him off the pavement, but Meriadoc was quick to avenge his brother-in-tiny-arms as he stabbed through Gargamel from behind. Azrael jumped on Merry's back, but was unable to bite with a mouth full of blue goo. Merry peeled the cat's claws out and flipped him over, snapping his neck against the ground. His victory was short-lived as Jill Valentine took a shot from behind and blew off his head. Toad, on a scooter, had been riding around like the useless tool Toads tend to be when Smurf #3 a.k.a. Chokey Smurf came up from behind and strangled him Green Arrow was picking off the enemy commons when he heard a whirring noise from above. He looked up just in time to see Magneto gliding down from atop the wings of an Adaridi AD 3, flying off the back just as the plane crashed down on Hawke. He proceeded to lift the enemy Transformers, mangling them into a pair of fancy metal porches which he promptly dropped on the Wicked Witch and Al Dogg. With his teammates out of the line of fire, Simon Phoenix fired a rocket at the Beetle and finally blew through its shell, covering the city in bug juice. "Red light!" shouted Joker from beyond reality as time stopped again. "Looks like the mean man broke your toy, Mixy. Time for a new one. Green light!" When time was set back in to motion, George Washington was replaced with a giant pair of chattering wooden teeth."What the hell is happening?" Josh wondered aloud. "Washington didn't even HAVE wooden tee-" Distracted by historical inaccuracy, Josh didn't see Thing's fist come crashing in to him and his chest cavity was caved in. Suddenly, the fourth Batgirl made her appearance as she dropped down on Magneto from a nearby rooftop, cutting his throat before he knew what hit him. Simon Phoenix, meanwhile, had reloaded his rocket launcher and taken a shot at Ben Grimm, reducing him to rubble. Black Lantern Aunt May, Black Lantern Human Torch, and Franklin Richards were all that remained of the Midgets' city presence. Aunt May leapt on to Jill Valentine and began eating her face while Johnny Storm chased after Cassandra Cain. Storm has nearly caught her when she bashed the cap off a fire hydrant, soaking away what remained of the Torch's dwindling flame. From his hiding place in the back seat of the Fantasticar, Franklin Richards screamed in terror "Uncle Johnny, NO! Not again! NOT AGAIN!" The boy's powerful sorrow awakened his latent powers and a barrage of bio-blasts scattered across the city, vaporizing the opposition and Aunt May alike. "Say, that kid's not half bad at this!" Mxyzptlk noticed. "Let's see if he's half good." In an instant, the boy was in space aboard the enemy's Imperial Shuttle, completely surrounded. Unfortunately for him, his powers were beyond his control and all he could do was soil himself before the entire opposing force began tearing him limb from limb. A splash of the reality-bender's blood hit the nearby Amazo and the android began to reel with the immense power surging within him. For a moment he simply writhed and panted, but as he caught his breath a realization dawned upon him. "I am... complete. No more upgrades, no more threats, no more need for allies... I've become perfection!" The newly almighty Amazo flew out of the ship straight through the hull, destroying the ship and his own team mates in the process. Outside, The Eradicator, Supergirl, and The Phoenix were taken off guard as Amazo turned the planet's sun red, immediately draining the Kryptonians of the powers keeping them alive in the void of space. The flamebird attempted to possess Amazo and his incredible power but the cosmic entity was absorbed in its entirety, further empowering the android. He turned to face the planet and saw that the remaining combatants were still time-locked in all regions but the city. "Strange, but I'm not complaining. Sorry for your loss, Midgets." Effortlessly, Amazo caused the planet to spin out of control, flinging every motionless inhabitant from its gravitational pull and into deep space. Searching around him, he detected no remaining lifeforms. "Hmph. Not even a challenge. " Mxy and Joker were awed. "Wow, swell job imp! Way to drive our roster in to ruin and force me out of the comfort of nonexistence." The Joker disappeared from their extradimensional pocket and reappeared behind an unsuspecting Amazo. He detected Joker's presence immediately, turning around to face him. Joker appeared as a tremendous living planet with his cheshire grin plastered across it. "Surprise!" He shouted as he swallowed the android whole. His cackling stopped when he quickly realized his mistake and Amazo's phoenix power erupted from inside him, blowing him apart. Now imbued with 5th Dimensional power, Amazo could see through the veil and noticed Mxyzptlk. He began a charge, but Mxy scoffed lightly. "Amateurs," he remarked, and he crumpled reality into a wad like a piece of paper before spreading out a fresh one, free of the overpowered Amazo.
The Slaves are: Amazo, Fernus, Green Arrow (Connor Hawk), Speedy (Mia Deardon), Batgirl (Cassandra Cain, w/ Black Lightsaber), Loki, Wolverine, Ki Adi Mundi (w/ blue lightsaber), Shintor Beerus, Movie Bumblebee, Prowlimus Prime (w/ The Touch a.k.a. Autobot Matrix of Leadership), Scorpion (w/ Heat Axe and Red Lightsaber), Sgt. Marcus Fenix, Dominic Santiago, Augustus "Cole Train" Cole, Damon Baird, Jill Valentine (w/ Red Lightsaber), The Hydra, Captain James T. Kirk (w/ Green Lightsaber), Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Captain Crunch (w/ Trident), John Rambo, Simon Phoenix (w/ M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher), Wicked Witch of the West (w/ Devil Lance), Zack Morris (w/ Laser Sword), A.C. Slater (w/ Laser Gun, Iron Man Suit), Samuel "Screech" Powers (w/ Mithril Vest), Jessie Spano, Lisa Turtle (w/ Pokeball), Kelly Kapowski (w Star Wand), Peter Griffin (w/ Iron Man's Armor), Stewie Griffin (w/ Green Lantern Ring), Brian the Dog, Lois Griffin (w/ throwing knives), Meg Griffin, Chris Griffin, Bebop, Rocksteady, Gargamel, Azrael the Cat, The Grinch, Max the Dog, Gonzo the Great, Josh Houslander: Samurai Warrior, Vampire Al Dogg, Smurf #3, Head Coach: George Washington (w/ Green Lightsaber), and an Imperial Shuttle.
As the Slaves and the Midgets gathered on The Playoff Planet, Emperor Joker and Mr. Mxyzptlk watched from just beyond the edge of reality. The rest of the competitors stood like statues scattered across the planet's many biomes. Time in the third dimension didn't pass from their vantage point, so the passed the time with the fifth dimensional equivalent of a pissing contest. "Alright, clown, here's an easy one for you: What's big and blue and crawls all over?" Joker rolled his eyes, saying "A riddle? Do I look like that poindexter Nigma to you?" In the city, time began to flow normally as The Fantasticar and Ted Kord's Cierva W.9 were coming in for a landing near their allies and enemies below. Kord felt that something wasn't right, a sort of tingle in his spine. His suspicion was confirmed when the tingle turned to pain and his endoskeleton began its transformation to an exoskeleton. In moments the title of Blue Beetle became literal, and the giant bug flew from the cockpit as the helicopter spun in to a nearby building. Green Arrow and Speedy tried shooting down the insect, but their arows couldn't pierce his carapace and he landed hard on Bebop and Rocksteady. "Jeez, that's new," Zombie Ben Grimm remarked. "You have anything to do with that kid?" Franklin Richards watched excitedly as the Beetle scurried around the street. "I don't think so, but that thing is so cool! We should go help it!" Grimm brought down the Flying Bathtub and the team hopped out to be immediately engaged by the nearby Slaves. Invisible Woman vanished as George Washington, Ki-Adi-Mundi, and Josh Houslander attacked. Undeath and several defeats hadn't been kind to Thing and Human Torch; Grimm's rocky form was mossy and cracked, and Johnny was more of a shambling mass of embers than a torch. As they held off Josh and Washington a.k.a Joshington's attacks, Ki-Adi-Mundi stood still with closed eyes. With a deep breath he reached out his senses and spun around with his lightsaber. A spurt of blood appeared first, followed by Susan Storm's bisected corpse as her sneak attack failed. To the side, The Midgets fought alongside the new and improved Ted Kord while The Slaves fought against it. Speedy was caught in its mandibles, spurting HIV blood all over the place, as the Beetle butted heads with Prowlimus Prime and Bumblebee. Gargamel caught up with Smurf #1 and stomped him flat before Azrael began licking him off the pavement, but Meriadoc was quick to avenge his brother-in-tiny-arms as he stabbed through Gargamel from behind. Azrael jumped on Merry's back, but was unable to bite with a mouth full of blue goo. Merry peeled the cat's claws out and flipped him over, snapping his neck against the ground. His victory was short-lived as Jill Valentine took a shot from behind and blew off his head. Toad, on a scooter, had been riding around like the useless tool Toads tend to be when Smurf #3 a.k.a. Chokey Smurf came up from behind and strangled him Green Arrow was picking off the enemy commons when he heard a whirring noise from above. He looked up just in time to see Magneto gliding down from atop the wings of an Adaridi AD 3, flying off the back just as the plane crashed down on Hawke. He proceeded to lift the enemy Transformers, mangling them into a pair of fancy metal porches which he promptly dropped on the Wicked Witch and Al Dogg. With his teammates out of the line of fire, Simon Phoenix fired a rocket at the Beetle and finally blew through its shell, covering the city in bug juice. "Red light!" shouted Joker from beyond reality as time stopped again. "Looks like the mean man broke your toy, Mixy. Time for a new one. Green light!" When time was set back in to motion, George Washington was replaced with a giant pair of chattering wooden teeth."What the hell is happening?" Josh wondered aloud. "Washington didn't even HAVE wooden tee-" Distracted by historical inaccuracy, Josh didn't see Thing's fist come crashing in to him and his chest cavity was caved in. Suddenly, the fourth Batgirl made her appearance as she dropped down on Magneto from a nearby rooftop, cutting his throat before he knew what hit him. Simon Phoenix, meanwhile, had reloaded his rocket launcher and taken a shot at Ben Grimm, reducing him to rubble. Black Lantern Aunt May, Black Lantern Human Torch, and Franklin Richards were all that remained of the Midgets' city presence. Aunt May leapt on to Jill Valentine and began eating her face while Johnny Storm chased after Cassandra Cain. Storm has nearly caught her when she bashed the cap off a fire hydrant, soaking away what remained of the Torch's dwindling flame. From his hiding place in the back seat of the Fantasticar, Franklin Richards screamed in terror "Uncle Johnny, NO! Not again! NOT AGAIN!" The boy's powerful sorrow awakened his latent powers and a barrage of bio-blasts scattered across the city, vaporizing the opposition and Aunt May alike. "Say, that kid's not half bad at this!" Mxyzptlk noticed. "Let's see if he's half good." In an instant, the boy was in space aboard the enemy's Imperial Shuttle, completely surrounded. Unfortunately for him, his powers were beyond his control and all he could do was soil himself before the entire opposing force began tearing him limb from limb. A splash of the reality-bender's blood hit the nearby Amazo and the android began to reel with the immense power surging within him. For a moment he simply writhed and panted, but as he caught his breath a realization dawned upon him. "I am... complete. No more upgrades, no more threats, no more need for allies... I've become perfection!" The newly almighty Amazo flew out of the ship straight through the hull, destroying the ship and his own team mates in the process. Outside, The Eradicator, Supergirl, and The Phoenix were taken off guard as Amazo turned the planet's sun red, immediately draining the Kryptonians of the powers keeping them alive in the void of space. The flamebird attempted to possess Amazo and his incredible power but the cosmic entity was absorbed in its entirety, further empowering the android. He turned to face the planet and saw that the remaining combatants were still time-locked in all regions but the city. "Strange, but I'm not complaining. Sorry for your loss, Midgets." Effortlessly, Amazo caused the planet to spin out of control, flinging every motionless inhabitant from its gravitational pull and into deep space. Searching around him, he detected no remaining lifeforms. "Hmph. Not even a challenge. " Mxy and Joker were awed. "Wow, swell job imp! Way to drive our roster in to ruin and force me out of the comfort of nonexistence." The Joker disappeared from their extradimensional pocket and reappeared behind an unsuspecting Amazo. He detected Joker's presence immediately, turning around to face him. Joker appeared as a tremendous living planet with his cheshire grin plastered across it. "Surprise!" He shouted as he swallowed the android whole. His cackling stopped when he quickly realized his mistake and Amazo's phoenix power erupted from inside him, blowing him apart. Now imbued with 5th Dimensional power, Amazo could see through the veil and noticed Mxyzptlk. He began a charge, but Mxy scoffed lightly. "Amateurs," he remarked, and he crumpled reality into a wad like a piece of paper before spreading out a fresh one, free of the overpowered Amazo.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Play-Offs Round 1:Team Sleeping Pussy vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions
Team Sleeping Pessy is: Bizarro, Golden age Flash (Jay Garrick), Adult Kid Marvelman Johnny Bates, Korvac, Zombie Mephisto, War Machine, M.O.D.O.K., Dark Beast, Weaponers of Qward #1-5, Brood Queen, Brood #1-5, Female Sentinel #9 and #10, Namor w/trident, and Mr. Rogers w/purple lightsaber.
Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are: Kingdom Come Crew (Batman, Green Arrow, Dinah Queen, and Black Canary in Outrider, and Kid Flash(Iris West), Jade merged w/Ion), Phoenix Five (Cyclops, Emma Frost, Colossus, Magik, and Namor.), Pre-Suit Vader w/Darth Vader's Red Lightsaber, Movie Skorponok, Iron Jedi(Immell #20) w/red lightsaber, X-Man, Zombie Cable, The Spectre, Cyborg Superman, Supergirl 1,000,000 w/blue kyptonite, Red Lantern Jeff Houslander merged w/The Butcher, Super Cyborg Charles Barkley, Super Cyborg Michael Jordan, Shrek- It Ralph w/Green Lantern ring, and Phil Day w/Sith Lanvarok.
Care Becks sneaks up behind the children's show host Mr. Rogers and strangles him to death. "Imperius Bex!" shouts The Decisions' resident maniacal Care Bear as he jumps from a short mesa onto Team SP's meditating Dr.Manhattan. Care Becks' piano wire around the throat manuver does nothing to the Watchman, and Care Becks is levitated around to face Dr. Manhattan. I will tell you of your team, then I will destroy you." says an ever calm Doctor. "F*ck you and your big blue do..." "Silence." Mahattan commands, cutting off Care Becks.
"It seems Phoenix Force Namor was set on defeating his doppleganger in the ocean. He did not count on the sea life pledging allegience to the true Namor, and his vision was obstructed by them until Namor drove his trident through the back of the blinded pretender." recalls Dr. Manhattan. "That's bullsh*t." counters Care Becks. The Watchman ignores him and continues.
"Namor emerges from the water to see a large battle on the coast. Team Sp's Weaponers of Qward #1-5 are holding a front against The Decisions' Pre-Suit Vader, Nate Grey, and Zombie Cable. The Zombie is fried by the Qwa-Bolts of Weaponer #3, but the hate fueled lightsaber strikes cut him down, as well as Weaponers #2 and #5. X-Man telekinectically throws Weaponers #1 and #4 to their death, just as War Machine arrives to finish Pre-Suit Vader and X-Man off with a bombing run. He flies above to join the fight in the sky." staes Dr. Manhattan. "ZZZZZZ" snores Care Becks.
"The battle overhead features The Decisions' Supergirl Ariella Kent and Cyborg Superman versus Team Sp's Johnny Bates and Bizarro. Bizarro streaks toward the young Supergirl from the 853rd century, but she reveals her blue kryptonite to the monsterous Superman. He is weakened instantly and she punches through It's head while still holding the kryptonite. Adult Kid Marvelman races to the girl, and begins brutally beating her fatally, enjoying every second. He is distracted enough to forget about Cyborg Superman, who delivers a deadly pinpointed shot of heat vision through a detected weakness in Bate's force field. War Machine sees this and engages Cyborg Superman. Hank Henshaw moves his conciousness into the War Machine armor to take control. The armor's Starktech is not easily overcome, and is trying to destroy the "virus." A worried Henshaw considers to returning to the Cyborg Superman body, but an arriving Namor has impaled the lifeless body on his trident, rendering it useless. Rhodey firewalls eventually break, but he still has just enough control of the armor to make it self destruct, and all three are killed." says Dr. Manhattan. "Water... please..." begs Care Becks. "You are obviously not dehydrated. Say your line so we can move along." orates the Doctor. "I need water cuz this match is dry as f*ck! Suckaaaa!" laughs Care Becks. Dr. Manhattan almost sighs before continuing.
"In the thick brush of The Play-Off Planet's jungle, The Decisions' Green Lantern Shrek-It Ralph, Movie Skorponok, Iron Jedi and Phil Day with Sith Lanvarok will face Team SP's Brood Queen, Brood #1-5, and Dark Beast. Skorponok will be dismanted by the assembled Brood, and they move on to Iron Jedi and Shrek-It Ralph. A combination of a repulsor lightsaber and Green Lantern energy will destroy Brood #1, #2, and #5, which angers The Brood Queen. She will spike the duo with her lethal tail, and they will fall dead. Phil day will utilize his Galaga skills to tear apart the distracted Queen, along with Brood #3 and #4 with his Sith Lanvarok's blades, Unfortunately, as with all Galaga players, his overconfidence will consume him. He will be caught unaware by a neck snapping drop kick by Dark Beast." predicts Dr. Manhattan. "Kill me... This sh*t match is a fate worse than death!" declares a cringing Care Becks. His pleas are ignored.
"The Decisions' Super Cyborgs Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan have found a golf course on The Play-off Planet, and are both making obscene wagers that neither can cash in on. The Kingdom Come Crew minus KC Kid Flash are in the Outrider, and are trying to keep up a perimeter. Kid Flash runs outside the vehicle and spots Jay Garrick running in. She attemps to stop him, but Iris West can't stand up to Jay' speedster experience. He then dismantles the Outrider's wheels, sending the vehicle crashing. The crash surviving Kingdom Come characters are finished off by super speed golf balls hurled by the Golden Age Flash. "That's Turrible." comments Cyborg Barkley as he and Jordan's heads are lopped off by Garrick's metal helmet. The aged Flash speeds into the distance." sees Manhattan. "Bor..." "Don't say it." interjects Dr. Manhattan over Care Becks.
"Team Sp's Female Sentinel #9 is being slagged by the fires of the Phoenix Four. Female Sentinel #10 uses the body of her comrade to shield herself from the flames, and her mutant killing technology makes easy work of Cyclops, Colossus, and Magik. The entirity of the Phoenix Force is absorbed by Emma Frost, who can now terminate the robot with a thought. So she does. Zombie Mephisto cannot resist the glow of the Phoenix soul, and is consumed by fire for his troubles. Emma Frost soars into space." continues Dr. Manhattan.
"Somebody help me! This guy is going to bore me into an early grave!" shouts Care Becks. His teammates KC Jade w/Ion and Red Lantern Jeff Houslander heed the call and attack Dr. Manhattan. The conflicting Lantern lights give him pause, as a regrouping M.O.D.O.K., Jay Garrick, and Dark Beast attempt to assist him. The trio are no match for the overpowered ring-bearers' emotional energies and are soon overcome. Their attack gave Manhattan enough time to focus his mind, and counter the Lanterns. He redirects their emotional energies into the opposite Lantern, and KC Jade and RL Jeff fall with a flash of red and green. "Nooooo!!! That was my last chance to be done with this farce!" gripes Care Becks.
"Phoenix Emma Frost flies into deep space to confront her cosmic foe, Korvac. Their obviously pitched battle is fought on many levels of existence, far beyond the scope of mortals to see. In the end, only Korvac remains standing." observes Dr. Manhattan. "ARGH!!! Will this torture never end?!?" asks a weary Care Becks. "It is done." states Dr. Manhattan. "It's over? It's finally over?!? The finish me off and get me out of this sh*t match!!! YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS MANHAT..." Care Becks is inturupted one last time by a snap of Manhattan's finger.
Korvac descends from space to join with fellow Team SPer Dr. Manhattan. "Thank you for quieting him. I heard his complaining even while in space. Very judgemental." says Korvac. "It is not his judgement we should be worried about." says Dr. Manhattan as he spots an approaching Spectre.
Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are: Kingdom Come Crew (Batman, Green Arrow, Dinah Queen, and Black Canary in Outrider, and Kid Flash(Iris West), Jade merged w/Ion), Phoenix Five (Cyclops, Emma Frost, Colossus, Magik, and Namor.), Pre-Suit Vader w/Darth Vader's Red Lightsaber, Movie Skorponok, Iron Jedi(Immell #20) w/red lightsaber, X-Man, Zombie Cable, The Spectre, Cyborg Superman, Supergirl 1,000,000 w/blue kyptonite, Red Lantern Jeff Houslander merged w/The Butcher, Super Cyborg Charles Barkley, Super Cyborg Michael Jordan, Shrek- It Ralph w/Green Lantern ring, and Phil Day w/Sith Lanvarok.
Care Becks sneaks up behind the children's show host Mr. Rogers and strangles him to death. "Imperius Bex!" shouts The Decisions' resident maniacal Care Bear as he jumps from a short mesa onto Team SP's meditating Dr.Manhattan. Care Becks' piano wire around the throat manuver does nothing to the Watchman, and Care Becks is levitated around to face Dr. Manhattan. I will tell you of your team, then I will destroy you." says an ever calm Doctor. "F*ck you and your big blue do..." "Silence." Mahattan commands, cutting off Care Becks.
"It seems Phoenix Force Namor was set on defeating his doppleganger in the ocean. He did not count on the sea life pledging allegience to the true Namor, and his vision was obstructed by them until Namor drove his trident through the back of the blinded pretender." recalls Dr. Manhattan. "That's bullsh*t." counters Care Becks. The Watchman ignores him and continues.
"Namor emerges from the water to see a large battle on the coast. Team Sp's Weaponers of Qward #1-5 are holding a front against The Decisions' Pre-Suit Vader, Nate Grey, and Zombie Cable. The Zombie is fried by the Qwa-Bolts of Weaponer #3, but the hate fueled lightsaber strikes cut him down, as well as Weaponers #2 and #5. X-Man telekinectically throws Weaponers #1 and #4 to their death, just as War Machine arrives to finish Pre-Suit Vader and X-Man off with a bombing run. He flies above to join the fight in the sky." staes Dr. Manhattan. "ZZZZZZ" snores Care Becks.
"The battle overhead features The Decisions' Supergirl Ariella Kent and Cyborg Superman versus Team Sp's Johnny Bates and Bizarro. Bizarro streaks toward the young Supergirl from the 853rd century, but she reveals her blue kryptonite to the monsterous Superman. He is weakened instantly and she punches through It's head while still holding the kryptonite. Adult Kid Marvelman races to the girl, and begins brutally beating her fatally, enjoying every second. He is distracted enough to forget about Cyborg Superman, who delivers a deadly pinpointed shot of heat vision through a detected weakness in Bate's force field. War Machine sees this and engages Cyborg Superman. Hank Henshaw moves his conciousness into the War Machine armor to take control. The armor's Starktech is not easily overcome, and is trying to destroy the "virus." A worried Henshaw considers to returning to the Cyborg Superman body, but an arriving Namor has impaled the lifeless body on his trident, rendering it useless. Rhodey firewalls eventually break, but he still has just enough control of the armor to make it self destruct, and all three are killed." says Dr. Manhattan. "Water... please..." begs Care Becks. "You are obviously not dehydrated. Say your line so we can move along." orates the Doctor. "I need water cuz this match is dry as f*ck! Suckaaaa!" laughs Care Becks. Dr. Manhattan almost sighs before continuing.
"In the thick brush of The Play-Off Planet's jungle, The Decisions' Green Lantern Shrek-It Ralph, Movie Skorponok, Iron Jedi and Phil Day with Sith Lanvarok will face Team SP's Brood Queen, Brood #1-5, and Dark Beast. Skorponok will be dismanted by the assembled Brood, and they move on to Iron Jedi and Shrek-It Ralph. A combination of a repulsor lightsaber and Green Lantern energy will destroy Brood #1, #2, and #5, which angers The Brood Queen. She will spike the duo with her lethal tail, and they will fall dead. Phil day will utilize his Galaga skills to tear apart the distracted Queen, along with Brood #3 and #4 with his Sith Lanvarok's blades, Unfortunately, as with all Galaga players, his overconfidence will consume him. He will be caught unaware by a neck snapping drop kick by Dark Beast." predicts Dr. Manhattan. "Kill me... This sh*t match is a fate worse than death!" declares a cringing Care Becks. His pleas are ignored.
"The Decisions' Super Cyborgs Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan have found a golf course on The Play-off Planet, and are both making obscene wagers that neither can cash in on. The Kingdom Come Crew minus KC Kid Flash are in the Outrider, and are trying to keep up a perimeter. Kid Flash runs outside the vehicle and spots Jay Garrick running in. She attemps to stop him, but Iris West can't stand up to Jay' speedster experience. He then dismantles the Outrider's wheels, sending the vehicle crashing. The crash surviving Kingdom Come characters are finished off by super speed golf balls hurled by the Golden Age Flash. "That's Turrible." comments Cyborg Barkley as he and Jordan's heads are lopped off by Garrick's metal helmet. The aged Flash speeds into the distance." sees Manhattan. "Bor..." "Don't say it." interjects Dr. Manhattan over Care Becks.
"Team Sp's Female Sentinel #9 is being slagged by the fires of the Phoenix Four. Female Sentinel #10 uses the body of her comrade to shield herself from the flames, and her mutant killing technology makes easy work of Cyclops, Colossus, and Magik. The entirity of the Phoenix Force is absorbed by Emma Frost, who can now terminate the robot with a thought. So she does. Zombie Mephisto cannot resist the glow of the Phoenix soul, and is consumed by fire for his troubles. Emma Frost soars into space." continues Dr. Manhattan.
"Somebody help me! This guy is going to bore me into an early grave!" shouts Care Becks. His teammates KC Jade w/Ion and Red Lantern Jeff Houslander heed the call and attack Dr. Manhattan. The conflicting Lantern lights give him pause, as a regrouping M.O.D.O.K., Jay Garrick, and Dark Beast attempt to assist him. The trio are no match for the overpowered ring-bearers' emotional energies and are soon overcome. Their attack gave Manhattan enough time to focus his mind, and counter the Lanterns. He redirects their emotional energies into the opposite Lantern, and KC Jade and RL Jeff fall with a flash of red and green. "Nooooo!!! That was my last chance to be done with this farce!" gripes Care Becks.
"Phoenix Emma Frost flies into deep space to confront her cosmic foe, Korvac. Their obviously pitched battle is fought on many levels of existence, far beyond the scope of mortals to see. In the end, only Korvac remains standing." observes Dr. Manhattan. "ARGH!!! Will this torture never end?!?" asks a weary Care Becks. "It is done." states Dr. Manhattan. "It's over? It's finally over?!? The finish me off and get me out of this sh*t match!!! YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS MANHAT..." Care Becks is inturupted one last time by a snap of Manhattan's finger.
Korvac descends from space to join with fellow Team SPer Dr. Manhattan. "Thank you for quieting him. I heard his complaining even while in space. Very judgemental." says Korvac. "It is not his judgement we should be worried about." says Dr. Manhattan as he spots an approaching Spectre.
Epilouge/ Prolouge
"pant. pant. Bad. MAN"
vzzzzt
"pant. pant. Bad. MAN"
vzzzzt
"pant. pant. Bad. MAN"
vzzzzt
"pant. pant. Bad. MAN"
vzzzzt
Over and over he relives it. Watching. Trying to glean all he can from that one moment.
"pant. pant. Bad. MAN"
vzzzzt
Thanos was so, so close. He had them. The mighty Horsemen were vanquished. The honor of ending their impressive streak was in his grasp.
And then..
"pant. pant. Bad. MAN"
vzzzzt
That little blue furball. Stitch. How could such a lowly, insignificant character cost him so much?
"pant. pant. Bad. MAN"
vzzzzt
Thanos can't take anymore. He puts away the time gem, and pulls out the reality gem and reaches out across infinite realities till he finds what he's looking for. He appears during a heated debate between three of the all powerful Watchers of the league. They're so wrapped up in the squabble that they don't realize that he's arrived. Thanos indulges his rage and takes a small measure of revenge as he executes one of the legendary Horsemen of the past, Supergirl.
He arrives back at home, feeling pleased with himself and vowing that this time will be different.
This time he won't rely on deception. This time, the Horsemen will feel the full hatred of the mad titan Thanos.
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