Season 4, Week 5: Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade

“This is what I call a target-rich environment.”

-Maverick

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 5 Match located in Uncharted Space. They are as follows:

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Freddy Krueger (w/ a yellow lantern ring); The Black Racer, Monarch, Judge Dredd, Xenomorph Alien #51, Predator #47, Ramona Flowers (w/ a Star Sapphire ring), Armor, Magnetic Kid, Mother Mae Eye, The Superman Emergency Squad: Don-El, Van-Zee, Vitar and Superman Emergency Squad #1-5, Dark Supergirl, Black Lantern Kilowog, The Silverhawks: Bluegrass, Quicksilver and Tallyhawk, Steelheart and Rayzor, Steelwill and Stronghold, Copper Kid and Mayday in The Miraj, Hotwing and Gyro, Flashback and Backlash, Moonstryker and Tailspin, Blue Beetle (bronze age), Thunder and Lightning.

Le' Napoleon Brigade: (Pre-Suit) Darth Vader in Darth Vader's Tie Fighter, Andrew Laidlaw, Emperor Palpatine, and Astro-Droid #1 in a Y-Wing Bomber, Black Hand, Princess Leia in a Tie Bomber, Princess Leia (Jedi Knight) in a Tie Bomber, Padme Amidala in a Tie Bomber, Black Lantern Scarlet Witch, Black Lantern Trinity, Squeezeplay and Lokos, Baron Fel in a Tie Interceptor, Atrocitus, Maverick and Astro-Droid #2 in an A-Wing, Goose and Astro-Droid #3 in a Y-Wing, Power Girl, Phil Day (w/ a Sith Lavarouk) and Astro-Droid #4 in an X-Wing, Bedovian, Jetfire and Jetstorm, Metallo, Red Lantern #3 and Nightstar.

Let the battle begin. . .

Asteroid field. . .

Goose and Astro-Droid #3 fly their Y-Wing through an asteroid field. Lurking behind one of the asteroids is Freddy Krueger. The Y-Wing occupants have Krueger in their sights.

Goose: Screw you Krueger!

Krueger: Oooh! Sounds like fun. You're a little fast for me! How 'bout we play first?

Krueger uses his yellow lantern ring to create a large yellow cushion and clawed hand. The Y-Wing is held in place by the ring’s projection as Krueger flies over to the cockpit. Krueger’s claws rip into the cockpit and the cockpit’s pane cracks. Goose begins to scream as the air is ripped from the compartment.

Krueger: Why are you screaming? I haven't even cut you yet.

With that said, Krueger impales Goose in his flight chair. He then uses his ring to destroy the Y-Wing; Astro Droid #3 is destroyed with its fighter. Maverick and Astro-Droid #2 in an A-Wing fly to the scene and begin to fire on Krueger. Krueger is taken by surprise and is thrown across space.

Krueger: Ooooh! You’re dangerous!

Maverick: That's right! Claw... man. I am dangerous.

Maverick uses his maneuvers to discombobulate Krueger. Maverick then unleashes his weapons again and again so that the ring is not enough to protect the dream warrior from; Krueger is blasted apart.

On an asteroid. . . [I have devised one particular asteroid in the battle where breathable air is compressed such that the inhabitants on the surface can breathe air].

Princess Leia in a Tie Bomber barrages the surface of the asteroid. There are no combatants to be seen on the rock’s surface. Magnetic Kid jumps out of a crevice and uses his abilities to pull Princess Leia’s Tie Bomber down. The Tie Bomber crashes on the surface, but Princess Leia is able to eject from the ship to safety. She is then met by Xenomorph Alien #51 and Predator #47. The Predator uses its shoulder cannon to rip a hole through her stomach. Leia looks down at the damage. As she raises her head she sees Alien #51 upon her. The Alien tears her apart. Nightstar flies to the scene and uses her starbolts to blast both Xenomorph Alien #51 and Predator #47. The two Kittie creatures die.

Asteroid field. . .

Dark Supergirl flies at Nightstar. Nightstar unleashes her starbolts at Dark Supergirl. Although battered, Dark Supergirl shrugs off the assault. The two are in a pitched battle, but Dark Supergirl eventually gains the upper hand. Dark Supergirl’s legs are wrapped around Nightstar’s head. [On the “breathable” asteroid below, Judge Dredd and Black Hand are seen smiling at the scene]. Dark Supergirl squeezes her legs together and snaps Nightstar’s neck.

The asteroid. . .

With the sight of Dark Supergirl and Nightstar coming to an end, Judge Dredd and Black Hand face off.

Judge Dredd: I am the law!!!

Black Hand: You are the law? Where did that come from? What does that even mean?

Judge Dredd: I'll be the judge of that.

Black Hand is tired of Dredd’s senseless rhetoric and uses his powers to absorb the life force from Dredd. Dredd is dead.

In space. . .

Darth Vader in Darth Vader's Tie Fighter, Andrew Laidlaw, Emperor Palpatine, and Astro-Droid #1 in a Y-Wing Bomber and Padme Amidala in a Tie Bomber have become a mini-squadron in the battle. The entire Silverhawk team has entered into the Miraj. The Miraj streaks through the squadron and causes Darth Vader’s Tie Fighter to accidentally clip Padme Amidala’s Tie Bomber. Darth Vader cannot see what happens to Amidala as the Miraj blocks his view. The Black Racer uses his cosmic skis to fly near Amidala. He phases through the ship and touches Amidala. Amidala dies. Meanwhile, the Miraj flies out of the trajectory of Vader’s laser fire as Vader rushes back to his teammates. Vader flies toward the remaining Y-Wing Bomber.

Emperor Palpatine: Lord Vader... can you hear me?

Darth Vader: Yes, Master. Where is Padme? Is she safe? Is she all right?

Emperor Palpatine: It seems. . . you killed her.

Darth Vader: I...? I couldn't have! She was alive... I felt it! Nooooooooooooooooooo!

Emperor Palpatine smiles in the Y-Wing Bomber.

Andrew Laidlaw: What the heck Palp! That was just mean!

Emperor Palpatine: A means to and end. . .

The asteroid. . .

Mother Mae Eye is confronted by Black Lantern Scarlet Witch.

BL Scarlet Witch: There’s only one witch on this rock b$tch!

BL Scarlet Witch uses her hex energy to destroy Mother Mae Eye.

In space. . .

The twin Silverhawks Steelwill and Steelheart, with their birds, Stronghold and Rayzor, fly from the Miraj. They are immediately met by Baron Fel in a Tie Interceptor and Maverick and Astro Droid #2 in an A-Wing. The Silverhawks are extremely agile, but are no match for the superior piloting skills of Fel and Maverick. Maverick takes out Steelheart and Rayzor, while Fel takes out Steelwill and Stronghold. Meanwhile, Bedovian, Atrocitus and Red Lantern #3 face Black Lantern Kilowog and Ramona Flowers with a Star Sapphire ring. The lanterns are in a pitched battle, but the combined efforts of the red lanterns destroy BL Kilowog since their plasma vomit does not allow BL Kilowog to regenerate. The hermit crab-like sniper lantern easily dispels with Flowers. As Bedovian, Atrocitus and Red Lantern #3 re-group and fly away, they are met by The Superman Emergency Squad: Don-El, Van-Zee, Vitar and Superman Emergency Squad #1-5. The Kryptonian super squad easily destroys Red Lantern #3. Metallo comes into the fray and his Kryptonite power source instantly causes the SES to weaken. The Transformers, Jetfire, Jetstorm, Squeezeplay and Lokos enter the fray and take advantage of the debased Kryptonians. At the end of the battle, the entire Superman Emergency Squad, being Don-El, Van-Zee, Vitar and #1-5 are killed, but they have taken Bedovian, Jetfire, Jetstorm, Atrocitus, Squeezeplay and Lokos with them. Metallo looks at the robotic remnants and has an idea.

Darth Vader’s rage engulfs him due to the loss of Padme. His goal is to utterly decimate the Kitties. He has taken the lead of the fearsome squad of pilots, who now follow him. Thus, Vader leads Andrew Laidlaw, Emperor Palpatine, and Astro-Droid #1 in a Y-Wing Bomber, Princess Leia (Jedi Knight) in a Tie Bomber, Baron Fel in a Tie Interceptor, Maverick and Astro-Droid #2 in an A-Wing and Phil Day (with a Sith Lavarouk) and Astro-Droid #4 in an X-Wing. The pilots focus on the Miraj. The repeated barrage of torpedoes, laser fire and bombs devastate the Miraj. Colonel Bluegrass addresses the Thunderhawks in the Miraj. Bluegrass: Make me proud! I will be going down with the ship! The Thunderhawks soar out of the portal. As they turn, they see the Miraj explode, taking Bluegrass with it. In retribution, the Thunderhawks are determined to take out as many of the Brigade fighters as they are able to. . . which is none. The superior piloting skills and fighter power of the starships easily dispel with the Thunderhawks. Copper Kid and Mayday are killed by Phil Day and Astro-Droid #4. Moonstryker and Tailspin are blown apart by Laidlaw, Palpatine and Astro-Droid #1. Flashback and Backlash are decimated by Princess Leia (Jedi Knight). Fell takes out Hotwing and Gyro. Quicksilver and Tallyhawk are destroyed by Vader. As the pilots fly off, Monarch teleports into the Y-Wing Bomber with Andrew Laidlaw, Emperor Palpatine, and Astro-Droid #1. Monarch uses his energy projection powers to lay down the law with Laidlaw. Palpatine gets on the communication relay to Vader while his co-pilot is killed.

Palpatine: Avenge me!

Palpatine is destroyed with Astro-Droid #1. Monarch teleports out of the ship before it crashes into the asteroid beneath it.

Asteroid. . .

Magnetic Kid is crushed by the Y-Wing Bomber wreckage. Armor is rocked, but her force field protects her.

Space. . .

Thunder and Lightning take on Maverick and Astro-Droid #2 in their A-Wing. The combined powers are too much for Maverick and he is unable to avoid the duo. Thunder reaps through the cockpit and Lightning rips through the ship. Maverick and Astro-Droid #2 are fried. The A-Wing follows suit and crashes into the asteroid below.

Asteroid. . .

Blue Beetle is crushed by the A-Wing wreckage. Armor is rocked, but her force field protects her.

Space. . .

The Black Racer phases through the ships of both Baron Fel in his Tie interceptor and Phil Day (w/ a Sith Lavarouk) and Astro-Droid #4 in an X-Wing. The Racer kills all of them in moments. Both ships crash to the asteroid below.

Asteroid. . .

Armor is rocked, but her force field protects her.

Armor: OH COME ON ALREADY!!!

Black Lantern Scarlet Witch and Black Lantern Trinity come at Armor. Their lantern projectiles repeatedly pummel her. Armor is already in a weakened condition due to the four ships nearly falling on her. In a miraculous instant, Armor is able to destroy BL Trinity, but falls to BL Scarlet Witch.

The final melee. . .

Darth Vader and Princess Leia land their fighters on the asteroid. They join Black Hand, BL Scarlet Witch and Power Girl. The Brigade faces the Kitty Team of the Black Racer, Monarch, Dark Supergirl, Thunder and Lightning. Power Girl manages to kill Dark Supergirl. Darth Vader and Leia use both their mastery of lightsabers and the Force to destroy Thunder and Lightning. Monarch blows Black Hand up and also BL Scarlet Witch. Metallo erupts from across the asteroid with all of the wreckage of the ships and Transformers as a part of his exo-skeleton. The Metallo monstrosity and Power Girl take out Monarch. The Black Racer reaches Power Girl and kills her. Metallo then decides to destroy himself for the betterment of his team. He uses all of the incorporated powers of the Cybertronians, starships and Kryptonite to overload and destroy himself. Metallo takes out the Black Racer with him. Father and daughter remain.

Vader bows to his daughter.

Vader: May I have this dance?

The two Skywalkers utilize this victory to create the first FFL Daddy-Daughter Dance moment.

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: All dead.

Le' Napoleon Brigade: (Pre-Suit) Darth Vader and Princess Leia (Jedi Knight) survive.

LE’NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!!!!

Season 4, Week 5: Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. The Untouchables

“No living thing dares ignore my call. For I am that which has always been, since this Universe was birthed from the Ashes of the Last. I am the Hunger that dooms Worlds. I am he who is beyond such frail concepts as good and evil. I am Galactus.”

-Galactus

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 5 Match located in Uncharted Space. They are as follows:

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve - Galactus, Nova w/Green Lantern Ring, Terrax, Firelord, Oa Guardians #1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6, Captain Atom, Black Lantern Sentry, Black Lantern Shazam, Shazam (Freddy Freeman) and Supergirl (Ariella Kent).

The Untouchables - Bizarro Supergirl, Sodam Yat, Soranak Natu, Boodikka, Romat Ru, Kryptonian Army Soldier #5, Eclipso, Scourge, Sweeps #1 and 2 (Transformers just like Scourge), Fantastic Four: Franklin Richards, Black Lantern Invisible Woman, Black Lantern Human Torch and Zombie Thing, Legion of Superheroes: Cosmic Boy, Saturn Girl, Lightning Lad, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy and Karate Kid.

Let the battle begin. . .

In space. . .

Immediately, Supergirl and Bizarro Supergirl focus on one another. The two evenly-matched titans battle. While Bizarro Supergirl uses her freeze vision, Supergirl uses her heat vision. While Supergirl uses her freeze breath, Bizarro Supergirl uses her flame breath. Nova with her Green Lantern ring joins Supergirl in her battle against Bizarro Supergirl. The duo is too much for Bizarro Supergirl and Bizarro Supergirl is killed.

Oa Guardians #1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 battle Sodam Yat, Soranak Natu, Boodikka and Romat Ru. The Untouchables’ lantern squad is repeatedly on both the offensive and defensive. The younger ring bearers hold their own against the nearly omnipotent Oa Guardians. Nonetheless, the Guardians are able to manipulate time, space, matter, and reality, making them among the most powerful beings in the universe. Yat, Natu, Boodikka and Ru are not afforded the same powers. Miraculously, the Untouchables are able to destroy Oa Guardians #1, 3, 4, 5 and 6, but at the loss of their own lives. Thus, Sodam Yat, Soranak Natu, Boodikka and Romat Ru all perish in the skirmish.

Kryptonian Army Soldier #5 battles Shazam. Black Lantern Sentry and Black Lantern Shazam come to Shazam’s aid. BL Shazam and BL Sentry easily overpower Kryptonian Army Solider #5. Shazam delivers the final death blow and Kryptonian Army Solider #5’s body floats away.

BL Shazam (smiles and looks at Shazam): Brooootheeerr fffrrrrooommm anothhhher mothhhher.

Shazam’s gaze becomes blank and he takes BL Shazam by surprise. Shazam uses all off his strength to pull the black lantern ring off BL Shazam’s finger.

Shazam: You’re no brother of mine!

BL Shazam’s corpse becomes inert. BL Sentry looks at Shazam in shock.

BL Sentry: You have defecated on your own!

Shazam: He was not my own!

A shimmer is seen through Shazam’s body; Eclipso is seen. The vengeance demon has possessed the body of Shazam. Although BL Sentry does not want to lose another of his teammates in this instance, he knows there is no choice. Sentry’s energy and matter manipulation, combined with his black lantern powers devastate Shazam/Eclipso. Both perish at BL Sentry’s hands.

On Asteroid #1 [I have devised two particular asteroids in the battle where breathable air is compressed such that the inhabitants on the surface can breath]. . .

Nova, Terrax and Firelord face the Fantastic Four members: Franklin Richards, Black Lantern Invisible Woman, Black Lantern Human Torch and Zombie Thing. Franklin Richards uses his psionic powers to pull Nova out of space. Nova crashes to the ground and instantly uses her green lantern ring to throw Franklin Richards across the asteroid. Franklin is about to rise when he is met by Firelord’s flaming staff. The staff wields the power cosmic, which is too much for Richards, who is torn apart. Zombie Thing rushes at Firelord, but before he reaches the Galactus herald, he is met by another herald, Terrax. Terrax uses the power cosmic to rip Zombie Thing apart. BL Torch and BL Invisible Girl face off against all three. Although BL Torch is able to use his powers and black lantern abilities to overcome Firelord, he is destroyed with his sister by the remaining Nova and Terrax.

On Asteroid #2. . .

A part of the Kennelz team has flown to the asteroid- Oa Guardian # 2, Captain Atom, Black Lantern Sentry and Supergirl. They are met by the Legion of Superheroes - Cosmic Boy, Saturn Girl, Lightning Lad, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy and Karate Kid. Although the Legion of Superheroes is a highly skilled force to be reckoned with, the Kennelz combatants are too much for the Legion. As a result of the skirmish, the entire Legion is decimated. They have taken Supergirl and Captain Atom to their graves with them.

In space. . .

Oa Guardian #2 and BL Sentry face off against Scourge, along with Sweeps #1 and 2. The combined powers of the Cybertonians manage to destroy both Kennelz combatants. In response, Terrax and Nova have come to the scene to face the robots. They use their powers cosmic to destroy Sweeps #1. Galactus shows himself.

Galactus: Enough.

With a swipe of his hand, Sweeps #2 and Scourge are decimated by the devourer of worlds and possessor of the power cosmic. Nova and Terrax bow to Galactus.

Nova and Terrax (in unison): My liege. . .

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Galactus, Nova and Terrax survive.

The Untouchables: All dead.

MICHAEL VICKZ BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE IS VICTORIOUS!!!

week 5- Transfoamers vs Touring Commandos

The Transfoamers is: Black Lanterns Darth Bane and Darth Rave, Decpticons #8-10, The Fallen, Starscream's Ghost, Ghosts #1-7, Autobots #1-5, Transformers #1-10, and Zam Wessal

"Now that I'm eighteen, nobody cares about me anymore" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & "I swear this time it wasn't the United States who devastated Japan" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's is: Numnius w/blue ring, Ben Kenobi w/green lantern ring, Dex-Star, Karu-Sil, Taa, Fatality, Optimus Prime, Black Lantern Optimus Prime, Earth 2 Superman, Zombie Maxima, Movie Jetfire, Tlaloc w/red lantern ring, the Colonial Marines: Corp. Hicks, Lt. Gorman, Bishop 341-BL, Corp. Dietrich, PFC Hudson, PFC Spunkmeyer, PFC Vasquez, Pvt. Drake, Pvt. Frost, Pvt. Crowe, Pvt. Wierzbowski, Corp. Ferro, Warrent Officer Ellen Ripley, Rick Deckard, Lady Gaga, Jen Linley, and Black Lantern Dozer #1

Author's note: Before we begin. In this bit of uncharted space there is an old, abandoned space station. It was put there during the Regan administration at the height of his Star Wars program, but was abandoned due to budget cuts. Being the magnanimous guy I am, I have used my mighty watch powers to give the base very minimum power so that it can be inhabited by people without a space suit.

As we join the battle, alot has transpired already. Ben Kenobi and Numinus have been able to take out both black lantern Sith Lords, but the two Sith were able to lay some pretty have damage on the Commandos. It took the lives of Fatality, Dex-Starr, Tlaloc, Karu-Sil, and Taa before the Commandos figured out the only way to kill a black lantern for sure is to combine the power of a green lantern with the ring from a different corp.

The Transfoamers haven't come through this battle unscathed, though. Transformers #1-10 have fallen to Black Lantern Optimus Prime after they were possessed by the ghost of Starscream. Both Starscream's ghost and BL Prime are beginning to get frustrated as they are basically locked in a stalemate. Each time it looks like the Transfoamers have put BL Prime down, the black ring reformers him, and every time BL thinks that Starscream's ghost has been destroyed, he flies off and possesses another host to send to their death.

The transport containing the non-powered members of the Commandos has been struck by an errant blast from the battle between Numinus and the Fallen, forcing Ben Kenobi to envelope the damaged ship in a green bubble and whisk them to the abandoned space station in the region. Unfortunately for Old Ben, he got blindsided by one of the common Decepticons as he was dropping the ship into the hangar.

Optimus Prime arrives to the fight just to see Numinus fall to The Fallen (IRONY!) and two Decepticons, so Prime finishes off the Fallen. Then totally ends the Decepticons who are still trying to recover from taking out the mighty Numinus.

As Prime tries to revive himself to continue the fight,he notices the common Autobots fighting on behalf of the 'Foamers. BL Dozer #1 arrives by his side to give him some news.

"Oh, it's you. The non-cool Prime. Listen, Melvin. We've noticed there's some odd energy out here. That tool Kenobi said he sensed a darkness in the Force, possibly some ghosts or something. We might be able to turn them back to humans long enough for me to kill them, but I'm gonna need some parts to build a proper device." he says "Hey, what's your deal? Are you listening to me?"

"I hear you, you unholy little turd" says Prime "I'm currently in the midst of a moral quagmire. I see my Autobot brethren taking up arms against me, and I'm torn of if I should face them in battle or use my Prime override, that is installed in all Autobots in case they are ever to turn against us. It' quite the del.."

"PRIME OVERRIDE. BETA, EPSIL, QUADRO. Autobots transform and BLOW UP!!" scream BL Prime as he flies up besides his black lantern pal, and the regular Prime in time to see all the common Autobots erupt in a huge explosion, unfortunatley this also takes out Jetfire but that fact is of little comcern to the black lantern Commandos.

"Awesome! That should be the enough parts for me" squeals the BL Dozer "Hey buddy, help me gather up some parts?"

"No prob man, I got me a pain in the ass that I want to deal with. I'm sure Harry Honorable can hold down the fort while we get this s**t taken care of." says BL Prime

"Just go, you foul heathens. I'll do what I can here" Prime says, still shocked by the utter lack of humanity shown by his Black Lantern counterpart.

"Bitchin'. Toodles" says BL Prime, and he and the Dozer collect Autobot carcasses to use against the Transfoamers.

Meanwhile, at the space station. The shaken Commandos stumble out of their damaged ship and take a quick check to see who survived the blast.

"Goddammit. F***. We lost Corp. Hicks, , Bishop, Dietrich, Spunkmeyer, Vasquez, Drake, Frost, Crowe, Wierzbowski, Ferro, and Rick Deckard." says Ripley who else is here?"

"Dawson? Dawson, I'm here." says Jen "That was kind of a rough boat ride Dawson. Maybe you should focus more on driving and less on the hussy doing dirty things to you with her mouth" Jen obviously has still not recovered from her battle with Team Sleeping Pussy.

"Raaaargh" says zombie Maxima

"Beep boop beep" says Lady Gaga who is cleverly disguised as a robot, but stupidly made her disguise out of duct tape and a cardboard box

"Ok. First things first" says Hudson "Ladies, from what Ripley's told me about her last encounter with weird Aliens the first thing you need to do is strip to your skivvies. It's the only way"

"Dammit Hudson, you know that was only cause I was going into cryo-sleep. Why are you such a perv?" asks Ripley

"Whatever, you're just pissed cause you got a weird looking vag"

"I do not!"

"Trust me, you do. It's kinda gross, and by kinda I mean excessively"

"Screw you"

"Not in your wildest dreams, Frankencrotch"

As this back and forth continues, Zam Wassel creeps up on the bickering Commandos and shoots Ripley in the head.

"Whoa, whoa who. We gotta go!!" yells Hudson who grabs Jen, by far the most attractive lady in the room, and rushes out shoving Lady Gaga to the ground

"Beep borp beep!" yells Gaga

As Wassal prepares to finish off the ridiculous popstar. zombie Maxima grabs a piece of shuttle debris as hurls it at the Transfoamers bounty hunter where it smashes into her, killing her

"Berp boop bop" says Gaga

"Rrrrargh" replies Maxima.

Unbeknown st to the Commandos, their trouble are far from over. The Transfoamers ghosts have been hanging out, wait for their opponents.

"damn, you see that crazy blonde? Mmmm, mmmm, mmm. I gotta get me some of that"

"Careful Dan, remember what happened when you banged that donkey show stripper."

"Whatevs dude, I already died. Plus aren't I supposed to kill these guys anyway? Where's it say I can't get a little 'tang before I cap both these fools?"

"That's not the point"

"F you, and f your point. I'm gonna go enter that guy and then enter that chick. Smells ya later" and Dan the ghost takes off leaving the others to figure out what they're gonna do about the freak show in the hanger.

"Dude, I'm not going in either one of those things. I may be dead, but I might still catch some kinda disease from that thing in the cardboard box"

"Totally. Though, the zombie coulda been hot, you know, before she got put in the grave and all. I always had a thing for red heads."

Suddenly, Optimus Prime enters the area and in one fell swoop smashes both Maxima and Gaga.

"Idiots! Why aren't these guys dead yet?"

"Whoa! You can see us?" asks Doug "And why would you want us to kill them? Aren't you on their side?"

"How you ever won 80 grand in Vegas is beyond me, I'm surprised you can speak in complete sentences" growls Prime. "It's me, Starscream. Prime finished off all of the other Decepticons. So it's up to us to hurry up and kill the rest of them." Now let's get going. This s**t seems like it's going on forever"

"Not so fast, little Mary sunshine" a voice says outta nowhere

"F**k. It's the Commandos" hurry get the hell outta here!"

But it's too late. BL Dozer #1 wheels in the machine he and BL Prime have been working on, and turn in on. Suddenly the 6 ghosts are turned human.

"Now you all are in big, big trouble" and the sadistic Dozer rushes at the now living former drug fiends, who really don't have a chance.

"Oh, too bad Prime" sneers the Starscream possessed regular Prime "I'm safe from your little device as long as I'm in your old body. Now what?"

"Well, I guess I start shopping at Hot Topic and listening to emo rock, cause I'm about to kill myself" says BL Prime with his WIKED burn on today's tragic youth and quickly destroys the already battle weary regular version of himself. As Starscream's ghost quickly vacates Primes body, he's caught in the rays of the unghostinator and turns mortal

"F**k." Starscream whimpers.

"Well. Well. Well. Hiya bitch. Remember me?" smiles BL Prime "I'm gonna enjoy this and he punches his fist right through Starscream's chest killing him.

"Is that it?" asks BL Dozer #1 "What are we forgetting?"

"Just me, Pacey" says a voice, and Jen Linley enters the room.

"Basketcase? Should you be smearing your own crap and the wall and talking about Capeside?" asks BL Dozer "And why are you in your underwear?"

"Does it really matter?" replies Jen "All you need to know it that I'm ready to get the hell out of here. I'm sick of everyone labelling me a slut just because I come out of another room with two dead guys wearing only my bra and panties. When Ripley does it, she's some tough feminist icon, but when I do it I'm the town whore. Men are pigs"

"Wow." says BL Prime "And people think WE'RE messed up." With that the Commandos head back to their base.


Transfoamers: All Dead

The Touring Battallion of Commandos: Black Lantern Dozer #1, Black Lantern Optimus Prime, and Jen Linley survive.



"POP SUPERSTAR" HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA'S "BEST OF BOTH WORLD'S" TOURING BATTALI0N OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

week 5 Evil Midgets vs Taco Benders

Tijuana Taco Benders are: Riptide, Lavos, Danger Duck, Mint Berry Crunch, Mysterion, Kid Deadpool, Watchdog #1, Watchdog #2, The Thunderbolts: Songbird, Radioactive Man, Swordsman, Mister X, Headsman & Ghost, The Justice Force: Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle, & Boomerang, Ash w/Mandalorian Armor, Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialoga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew Mewtoo, Diglett, and Blastoise, Halk Karr, Trygon, Omac, Neo-Cymek #18, & Cybertronian Guardian #8

Brotherhood of Evil Midget are: Katma Tui,Ch'p, Dr. Ub'x,Space Usagi,Air Zonk w/ Power Dump and Astra, Omega Supreme, Superboy, Salaak,Gwildore (riding in Skywarp),Adam Warlock, SkyWarp, Lar Fleeze,Ganthet (w/ a green lantern ring) & Sayd, Blue Lantern #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Green Lantern #3, Mighty Mousette (w/ a Star Sapphire ring),Tri-Eye, and Bleez



The Taco Benders are transported into uncharted space where almost immediatley the entire team except for Ash and his Pokemon(who are safely residing in their pokeballs), Halk Karr, OMAC, Neo-Cymek 18, and the Cybertronian Gaurdian implode due to not being properly outiftted for being in space.

"Man, who woulda thought that Mandalorian armor was tough enough to survive this far out in space." Ash exclaims.

"Well, this short match would be even shorter if it wasn't so let's get this over with." Halk Karr says "We're severley outnumbered but we should be ok as long as..."

Karr is cut off by Superboy, flying right through Karr's midsection, ripping him in half.

"S***" said the Cybertronian Gaurdain "Where the fu..." but his profane question is interrupted by the Midgets green lantern corp lighting him up like a firecracker on the fourth of July.

"Gotta catch em all!!" scream Larafleeze as he kicks Ash right in the balls, causing him to lose his pokeballs (the ones with his pokemon, not his testicles). Before his eyes finish welling up with tears, he's put out of his misery by Space Usagi, who cuts his head clean off.

"Wait, these are just balls. This is stupid. This is all stupid" screams LarFleeze who throws them into the burning red plasma fire of Bleeze, boiling alive the creatures still inside.

"Nok" went Indigo Lantern #2 who channeled the power of willpower from the nearby Green Lanterns to hold the Neo-Cymek still while Omega Supreme smashed it's face in.

"Now, let's show this One Man Army Corps why it's better to have more than one guy at your back" says Ch'p and, just like the Cybertronian Gaurdian, OMAC is nothing more than ashes.


Taco Benders: All dead.

Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: All survive.


THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!!!!! FLAWLESS VICTORY!

Oblivio vs Team Sleeping Pussy

Team Sleeping Pussy is Namor, Namor’s Griffin, Mimic, Black Manta, Aspen, Dolphin, Vision, Mr. Fred Rodgers, Roy Batty, Jubilee, The Sea Captain, 2 Female Sentinels, and 7 Navy Sailors.

Oblivio is Triton, Zombie Iceman, The Shark, Hawkeye, Darwin, Earl Bassett, Val McKee, Wheeljack, Smokescreen, Junkeons #25 & 26, Dementor #10, and The Tigersharks: Mako, Lorka, Walro, Dolph, Octavia, Angel and Dog Fish.



“Ahhh, another sea king that thinks he can defeat a god. Such arrogance,” Triton says as he leads his team into battle against Team Sleeping Pussy. Aspen is the first to attack, she transforms herself into a massive tidal wave, but Triton uses his powers and simply calms the waters down. Zombie Iceman then unleashes his full power and freezes Aspen into a large sheet of ice. The Navy Sailors rush up onto the ice and into battle, but they are all met with purple arrows to the chest, courtesy of Hawkeye. Vision, then however, phases up behind his former Avengers West Coast teammate and reluctantly does his patented phased hand into the chest, pulling the heart out” move, killing Hawkeye. Namor, Mimic (who has taken the powers of Namor, Aspen, Darwin, Jubilee and Zombie Iceman), Black Manta, and Dolphin all descend on to Triton’s position. “You will not defeat me as easily as you did Aquaman two weeks ago!” shouts the ever arrogant Namor. Triton quickly knocks Black Manta and Dolphin away, but is hit by an ice blast from Mimic. Namor then levels Triton with several roundhouses. The god is staggered and vulnerable. Namor and Mimic then double team him, as Namor cracks the neck of Triton. The King of Atlantis then turns to Mimic and says “It isn’t bragging if you back it up. Now let’s teach this team, that we are not to be trifled with.

Meanwhile, on the ice that is a frozen Aspen. Wheeljack and Smokescreen and the Junkeons are being attacked from the air by the two Female Sentinels. Both Junkeons are destroyed by the Female Sentinels, but the Autobots are finally able to bring them down. “Boy, that was harder than I th…kzzztzz” Wheeljack says, but is cut off by Vision passing through his circuits and extinguishing his spark. Smokescreen starts unloading his blaster at Vision, but he is merely a distraction. Namor’s Griffin flies up onto Smokescreen’s shoulders and viciously rips the head off the Autobot. Dementor #10 flies in and attacks Vision. The combination of their powers, however, reacts very strangely with each other and they are both destroyed in a burst of yellow/white energy and black smoke. Val McKee and Earl Bassett, who are very much out of their element, have found themselves face to face with the Sea Captain and Mr. Fred Rodgers. “Hi there neighbor,” Mr. Rodgers says calmly as The Sea Captain lunges, dagger drawn, at Earl Bassett. Val tries to attack Mr. Rodgers, but he dodges the oncoming assault and quickly places a knife right between Val’s shoulder blades. “Shhh sssshh, don’t worry, it’s all be over soon, neighbor,” Mr. Rodgers says eerily into the ear of Val. He takes then knife out of McKee’s back as he stands up to see The Sea Captain is also victorious in his fight. “Rrrawwgghhh!” shouts Zombie Iceman as he unleashes another blast of ice. This time freezing Mr. Rodgers, The Sea Captain, as well as Jubilee and Roy Batty. Darwin jumps up onto the ice and smashes the four frozen opponents.

Beneath the water’s surface, Dolphin and Black Manta regain their composure after being knocked away by Triton, only to find themselves surrounded by the Tigersharks. Dolphin quickly kills Dolph as Black Manta blasts Walro and Angel away. Black Manta then spins around and fires his miniature torpedoes from his gauntlet and blows Lorka up. Octavia then wraps her tentacles around Dolphin and begins to crush the life out of her. Dog Fish tries to attack Black Manta, but is swiftly put down. Mako then lands a mean uppercut on the Aquaman villain. Octavia swims over to aid him after finally defeating Dolphin. Black Manta fires everything he’s got at the two remaining Tigersharks, and is able to take out Octavia in the process. The Shark then swims in and lends a much needed hand to Mako. The two shark-like beings finally take out Black Manta.


Back up on the “Aspen” ice, Darwin and Zombie Iceman are being attacked by Namor’s Griffin. Darwin quickly evolves and grows wings, allowing him to engage the Griffin in the air. Zombie Iceman is wildly firing ice into the sky as the two battle. Namor and Mimic bursts out of the water. Namor flies over the head of Zombie Iceman and in doing so, takes said head with him. He launches it as hard as he can at Darwin’s back, knocking him out of the sky. Mimic then uses his Cyclops-derived optic beams to melt Aspen back into water, allowing her to reform. She then uses her powers to pull Mako and The Shark up to the surface. Darwin then evolves again and uses the same mimicking abilities that Mimic has to create an optic blast that destroys the Griffin. Namor then flies up to attack Darwin. Mimic along with Aspen, meanwhile attacks both Mako and The Shark. The two of them overwhelm the Oblivio members with their vast water-controlling powers and end their lives. They then aid Namor in his attack against Darwin, who’s body is rapidly evolving to defend against Namor’s attacks. The three of them continue to punish the mutant, but his mutant power will not give up. It does however overload and Darwin’s brain and heart just can’t take the stress of so many different types of attacks and he succumbs to the three members of Team Sleeping Pussy.

TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!

Tijuana Taco Benders vs Le' Napoleon's Brigade

Tijuana Taco Benders are Riptide, Lavos, Danger Duck, Mint Berry Crunch, Mysterion, Kid Deadpool, Watchdog #1, Watchdog #2, The Thunderbolts: Songbird, Radioactive Man, Swordsman, Mister X, Headsman & Ghost, The Justice Force: Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle, & Boomerang, Ash w/Mandalorian Armor, Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialoga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew Mewtoo, Diglett, and Blastoise.

Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is Namora, Namorita, Aquagirl, Charybidis, The Sando Aqua Monster, Jaws the Shark (from Jaws), Jaws the Shark (from Jaws 2), Killer Shark, The Lochness Monster, John Locke, Sawyer, Steve Wiebe, Jules and Vincent Vega in the Bat-Boat, and Aerosmith: Steven Tyler, Joe “F’n” Perry, Brad Whitford, Tom Hamilton, & Joey Kramer in a Swift Boat.



Ash flies over the Indian Ocean and litters the waters with his Pokeballs shouting “I CHOOSE YOU!!” The balls flash open and sixteen Pokémon erupt from them. A group comprised of Grottle, Wartortle, Blastoise, Piplup, Prinplup, Empoleon, and Mew (who has taken the form of Blastoise) all form a front line for the Taco Benders. Silver Sentry flies past them. “All right you Pokémon, the Brigade is one of the most feared teams in the Water, let’s show them what we’re made of. And, if it’s our destiny to fall this day, let’s make sure that we take as many of them down with us!!” he shouts. The rest of the Benders form ranks behind the Pokémon and await their foes. The ocean waters beneath them, however, begin to darken. Kid Deadpool, and Mint Berry Crunch are both yanked underwater and do not return. “What the hell was that??” exclaims Swordsman. But before anyone can answer him, the Sando Aqua Monster and the Lochness Monster burst for beneath the water and attack the Taco Benders inner circle. They devour Danger Duck, Riptide, Ananda, Metal Head, Jiggly Puff and Wiggle Tuff. “ATTACK!!!” orders Silver Sentry as the front line of Pokémon turn around to attack the giant monsters. Nano, and Nobody are then both pulled underwater by the Jaws Sharks. The ocean waters are quickly turning a dark hue of red from all the blood that is being spilled. “Yakakakakakow! Kkow kow kow!!” screams Steven Tyler as he leads Aerosmith into battle aboard a Swift Boat, who are being flanked to their right by Jules and Vincent in the Bat-Boat. But that battle cry gains the attention from Blastoise and “Blastoise” Mew. The two enormous turtle-like Pokémon fire their twin water cannons and blow the two boats to smithereens, killing all aboard.

“Alright girls, let’s show them why they should fear the Brigade!” orders Namora. Namorita and Aquagirl follow Namora as the engage the trio of Piplup, Prinplup and Empoleon. Aquagirl is a bit overzealous and goes after the fully evolved Empoleon and pays for her mistake with a flipper chop to the neck. Aquagirl’s blood spurts out from her now sliced open jugular. Namora and Namorita, however, fare far better against Prinplup and Piplup. They work together and defeat the two penguins. They then, with their quick thinking, fly up out of the water just as the two Jaws Sharks smell Aquagirl’s blood in the water. They rush in and savagely pull apart Empoleon.

Meanwhile, the Sando Aqua Monster and “Nessie” are continuing their brutal assault on the Benders. Swordsman, Chrysalis, Ghost, Diglett, Dialoga, Infernape, Rayquazza and Regirock have all been eaten by the sea creatures. Killer Shark then swims in and adds to the destruction. It rips off the lower half of Radioactive Man in one quick pass. Tsunami has been using his powers to keep the attack far away from Mewtoo, who is at the very center of the battle, floating motionless in the air. The Silver Sentry and Green Mantle then located the rest of the Brigade and begin their own attack. With them is Songbird, and (being carried by Green Mantle’s powers) Mysterion. They surround and attack the remaining members of the Brigade. Silver Sentry makes quick work of Charybidis knowing that he is the only true threat with these four. Mysterion then dives into then water and tackles Steve Weibe. He pulls the video gamer underwater and holds his head under until there is no more fight left in his body. Though as Wiebe’s body begins to sink, Mysterion’s cape becomes entangled with it and Mysterion is dragged underwater, where he is unable to remove his cape and thusly drowns. Locke and Sawyer are trying desperately to hold their own against Green Mantle and Songbird, but are simply over powered and are killed by their foes. They fly back to the main battle, only to find out that things have gotten much, much worse.

The five vicious animals from Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade have made a Thanksgiving feast out of the Taco Benders. Pieces of Watchdogs #1 & 2, Palkia, Headsman, Mister X, Raptarr and Boomerang all float on the blood-dyed waters. Even Lavos has been torn to shreds by the trio of sharks. Silver Sentry finally has had enough and swoops in towards the Sando Aqua Monster, but he is intercepted by Namora and Namorita who knock him out of the air, causing him to splash into the water. They dive after him and pull him deep underwater. Though the Silver Sentry is incredibly strong, he is just no match for these two powerful women in the water. But he is determined not to go down without a fight.

Up above on water, Mewtoo’s eyes have finally opened and it extends his arms out as is arches back, releasing an incredible hurricane. The power of the hurricane has so much destructive force that it finally ends the massacre which the sea creatures have been causing throughout this match. All three sharks are floating dead on the water, but unfortunately, the hurricane also caused the deaths of Songbird, Green Mantle, Ash, Grottle, and Wartortle. Mewtoo is now, however, completely exhausted and is open for attack since even Tsunami was knocked away from the hurricane. The Sando Aqua Monster still lives, as well as the Lochness Monster, despite the attack. “Nessie” chomps down on Mewtoo as “Sandy” attacks the two Blastoises. They fire their water cannons repeatedly, but the beast is just too big for them. They are both devoured by the massive creature.

Namora and Namorita are still locked in battle against Silver Sentry. He is battered badly, but will not fall. Tsunami swims in and aids his Justice Force brethren. Namorita sees this and quickly turns around, laying Tsunami out with a vicious haymaker. Namora finally grabs a hold of Silver Sentry and is able to extinguish his life once and for all. Tsunami regains his composure, but is unable to put up the equal fight that Silver Sentry did.

LE’ NAPOLEON’S BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!!

The Horseman of Apokolips Vs Team Alice

The Horseman of Apokolips are the Seaworm #1, 2, 3, 4, 5, & 6, The Seacons: Nautilator, Overbite, Seawing, Skalor, Snaptrap & Tentakill, Percy Jackson, Flame bird , Nightwing, Navy S.E.A.L. #2, Navy S.E.A.L. Chief Petty Officer #3, Fry Guy #1

Team Alice is q, Lady Q, Quinn, Q Representative, The Spectre, Capt. Universe, Equinox

DUDE! This is the second time I have been sent to a sh**y location to watch one of my brothers get anally raped. THAT IS NOT COOL! It’s f**kin expensive to rent a boat and then charter a helicopter big enough to carry the boat. I am sure as Hell not going to pay to have them pick the boat back up when they get me, so I am totally gonna lose my security deposit. This f**kin blows. Whelp, on the bright side, at least I can look forward to suing the s**t out of state farm, seeing as the agent they gave me grossly misappropriated those funds. THAT BUGATTI WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOLD!

Team Alice Drops from their transport. Almost before they even hit the water the Q’s know that they are swimming with very big fish. A large oddly shaped wave much like the one in the beginning of the American Godzilla featuring Ferris Bueller and Moe, Apu, police chief Clancy Wiggum, and the comic book guy. Q, Lady Q, q, the Q Representative, and Equinox are engulfed by Seamworm#4. About 6 seconds later seconds later,the seaworm explodes and the 4 Q’s look as though nothing has happened, Equinox on the other hand is gonna need a new pair of undees. Seaworm #2 devours the Q’s just as number 6 did, but ultimately meets the same fate. Chief Petty Officer #3: I told you guys the seaworm’s weren’t that badass. Lets f**k theses sluts! The Navy S.E.A.L.’s quickly but silently move in behind team Alice with Chief Petty Officer #3. The Petty Officer attempts to lead “ His Troops” into battle but Is grabbed by The spectre and skull F**ked. Yea I said it, he got skull F**ked. The S.E.A.L.’S don’t even breath. Seaworm #3 makes its move but doesn’t even break the surface before it is evaporated by Q. After the Spectre is finished, he sets his sights on Percy Jackson. Turns out to be a big F**kin mistake. The little fairy easily incases the spectre in a sphere of water, and he quickly drowns. Capt. Universe and Equinox decided to take on Flame bird and Night wing. A brutal fight ensues, Gruesome combos are landed. Equinox is dropped with a liver punch, then decapitated by a knee from Flame bird. Capt. Universe,( who is actually just a homeless man named Stan) Uses his newly found telekinesis to explode flame bird’s brain. However Nightwing puts her fist through Capt. Universe’s head. Seeing there opportunity the Horsemen all rush the Q’s. The rest of the seaworms and the two navy S.E.A.L’s are vaporized. Percy Jackson hits q, center mass with a trident made of water. Seconds later, there is no trace of the demigod. Nightwing rush’s the Q representative but implodes before she gets within 6 feet. The Seacons form Piranacon and make their move. Lady Q is grabbed by the gigantic robot and squashed like a bug. The Quinn is now pisst, ( which is very rare) she begins to rip the robot apart piece by piece without even lifting a finger. She wants each robot to feel the kiss of death equally. Before she can finish, she is stopped. Fry Guy #1: BADA BA BA BA YOUR F**KIN DEAD! Fry Guy #1 stabs Quinn 23 times in the face with the shank he has been making since Tuesday. The Horseman of the Apokolips are VICTORIOUS! Team Alice: All Dead The Horseman are survived by Fry Guy #1

The Commandos Vs. The Right Wing

Former Pop-Superstar "I didn't even know she had a mom, until she divorced Billy Ray" Hannah Montana and "The guy who just picks all the favorites in the tournament and then calls it a "bracket"" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos is Capt. Tarpals, Gungan #1-50, Huma Dragonbane and his Red Dragon, Red Dragon #1-3, (original) Human Torch, & (movie) Jetfire.

The Right Wing is Poseidon, Kit Fisto, Helen of Troy, Ariel, Phibian #11-20, Smurf #3, Magwai #3 & 4, Pirate #1-10, & Opee Sea Killer #1-8.


Both teams are dropped into the water. Some of The Right Wing stay afloat atop of The Indian Ocean’s rough waters, while most of them dive deep into the sea where they feel most comfortable. Most of The Commandos on the other hand, instantly struggle to get out of the water, and many of them take flight to get away all together. Capt. Tarpals, takes control of the only members of his team which are still treading water; which is of course his fifty fellow gungans (or gellow fungans, if you speak gunganese). Tarpals rallies his troops in preparation for a fight that he knows they are a long shot in winning. The gungans have a grand army, and they are ready to do there part; but before they begin Huma flies down above the water line and speaks to Tarpals. “Is this all you brought with you, to do battle against the mighty Right Wing? If you count by weight, I‘ve brought more with me to do battle than you have”. Capt. Tarpals then looks up into the sky and says to Human Torch: “Hey dere meesta flame guy, whatsa is you profession”? “I’m an android” replies the Torch. Tarpals then turns to Jetfire and says: “And youssa plane-guy. Whatsa is you profession”? “I am a Decepticon” replies Jetfire. “And You! Red fly guys. Whatsa is you profession”? Red Dragon #2 turns to Red Dragon #3 and asks: “Can we talk”? “Ummmmm; no, I don’t think so” replies Red Dragon #3. Huma answers for them and says: “We are dragons of the first age”. Capt. Tarpals then turns to his gungans and screams: “GUNGANS. WHATSA IS YOUSA PROFESSION”?!? “MEESA MEESA MEESA”!! The gungans reply. See dere de Huma big boss. Meesa brought more soldiers than yousa did. The Commandos are about to engage in another couple of hours of absolute ridiculousness, when they are interrupted by ten pirates and an entire legion of constantly multiplying (and drowning) Magwai. The gungans begin fiercely battling with The Right Wingers with a barrage of “Aaaarghs”, “meesas”, “mateys”, and “Ehhhhs?” that my poor ears just simply couldn’t handle it. All 10 pirates and many a cute magwai die in this melee (including magwai #3 & 4). But by the time it is all over with, 12 gungans die as well. The gungans gracefully swim down to meet the 8 biggest goober fishes that they have ever seen. They draw their water-proof weapons, but they instantly begin to suffer heavy casualties. The Gungans manage to kill Opee Sea Killers #1, 3, & 7 (#3 was killed solely by the brave Capt. Tarpals); but in the end, all 51 gungans are no more. The Opee Sea Killers should be more than full, but they do go on to feast on Helen of Troy and Smurf #3, as well as Phibian #14 from their own team. Kit Fisto launches a force-induced water ball out into the air which both douses Human Torch’s flame and rips apart his circuitry, while Poseidon causes a tidal wave which engulfs Huma and all 4 dragons to bring them down into the rough waters. Jetfire decides to go for broke and nose dives into the water; but he is met by the 9 remaining Phibians. Jetfire manages to use his overwhelming size and durability to take out Phibians #11-13, &17-19, but in the end the last few Phibians are able to take out the aged Decepticon with their primitive yet well-placed weaponry. Once Huma and his dragons are in the water, they are basically sitting ducks. Poseidon and his princess Ariel, personally make sure that Huma is killed, while The Opee Sea Killers, Phibians, and Kit Fisto take out the red dragons (Although Opee Sea Killer #4 is killed by the out of place dragons). Kit Fisto swims up to Poseidon to report what has happened when Ariel surprises them both and asks: “When is the rest of the team showing up”? Master Fisto replies with: “what are you talking about your highness”? “Well, our squad was about 100 points shy of the required point value for this week”. “Why would we do that”? replies Fisto. The Jedi Master continues: “Are we trying to get disqualified”? Poseidon chimes in with: “Not a horrible plan, I imagine that disqualification would be the only way we could lose one of these water matches... Maybe this was simply a way to show our entire team that they have become what I have been for many millennia”. “What would that be father”? Asks Ariel. Poseidon answers with: “I guess now our whole team knows what it is like to be a god of the sea”.
TE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!!

TEAM Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches

TEAM is (Justice Legion Alpha) Superman, Lor Zod, Sharkticon #47-50, Michael Demiurgos, Emerald Weapon, James Pond, Barracuda, Aqua Mariner, (Justice Legion Alpha) Aquaman, Jack Lalane, & Bokken.

Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Black Widow Shark, Abe Sapien, Clawful, Killer Kroc, Mer-Man, Naga, Trident, Skullcruncher & Grax, Sharkticon #5-8, & White Dragon #4.


Quite the storied history exists between these two A.L. Powerhouses. Victories and losses between these two teams exist on both sides. But the last time these two teams met in the water was in Season One. Their last water meeting has gone down as one of the most controversial matches in FFL History. This of course was the match where TEAM's (Team Ed at the time) Superman (now the TEAM’s head coach) retreated from B-3 instead of allowing his dog Krypto to be murdered by his opponents. Since then, both of these teams, have gone on to win Universe Bowls and they have both beaten each other on more than one occasion, and in much more important matches than this; but still this highly controversial match remains on the minds of many. Since that day, both of these teams have gone on to grow the strength of their water teams considerably. In fact, if you were to talk to the general managers of these two teams, it is supposedly impossible for me to even write this match... This of course, is due to the fact that both Emerald Weapon and The Black Widow Shark are impossible to destroy in the water (just ask Ed and Bryan). This puts me in quite a predicament. Which is why this match will begin with The Black Widow Shark swallowing Emerald Weapon, and then promptly exploding from the power surge, causing the two of them to join each other in death (yeah, I know... Cop-Out). The four Sharkticons from TEAM instantly square off against the four Sharkticons from B-3 and they viciousely destroy each other, leaving no Cybertronian left alive (yeah, I know... Cop-Out). Michael Demiurgos simply waves his hand to wipe Naga out of existence; but once he delves deeply into a spiritual conversation with Abe Sapien, he comes to the conclusion that it is not his place to dominate a match in this particular setting; so he allows himself to die. Above the waters, the white dragon begins to freeze some of the water with its frost breath, but Lor Zod decides to crack the dragon’s neck before it can do any real damage. Skullcruncher and Grax make very quick work of Bokken, just before his backpack drowns him, while Mer-Man puts his barnacle covered sword right through the secret agent known as Pond, James Pond. Right when things seem to be going extraordinarily well for B-3, TEAM’s water power starts to shine as well. Barracuda, Aqua-Mariner, and Aquaman fiercely rip Clawful, Killer Kroc, & Abe Sapien apart. Aqua-Mariner is only about thirty seconds in to his “Killer Kroc is a Dead B&*^h dance”, when Trident puts his Trident through his chest. Mer-Man, Trident, Skullcruncher, and Grax dive deep below The Indian Ocean’s waters and prepare themselves for the oncoming attack of Barracuda, Aquaman, and Jack Lalane (who has even un-handcuffed himself from the thirty rowboats, that he was towing for the occasion). Superman and Lor Zod decide that even though this setting is not their prime playground that their TEAM needs them; which is why they both take deep breaths and dive below the surface to help out their TEAM. Lor Zod squares off against Trident, while Aquaman and Jack Lalane bloody their fists on Skullcruncher’s spark. Superman boils both the water and The Cybertronian metal which was once known as Grax with his Heat Vision, at the same time that Mer-Man is in the midst of a pitched battle with Barracuda. Lor Zod would definitely have an upper hand in any other setting, but once he finds himself deep in the water with Trident, he quickly learns that Trident is indeed a superior being. Trident manages to thrust his weapon through the neck of Lor Zod’s thick Kryptonian skin. Mer-Man gains the upper hand in his battle against Barracuda and slices his head clean off; and then attempts to regroup with his lone teammate Trident. The two B-3ers then produce a holo-image of their own locker room in real time which shows their unofficial team leader Darth Vader holding his crimson colored light saber to the throat of Krypto the Superdog. Trident and Mer-Man than show this to Jack Lalane, Superman, and Aquaman (The Justice Legion Alpha versions of course). The B-3 squad once again tells the TEAMsters that they will kill the dog if TEAM does not retreat. The holo-imaging machine is then completely destroyed along with its owners. After Jack, Superman, and Aquaman are done pummeling the last remaining Backyardigans, they almost all simultaneously say: “Ehhh... It’s not my dog”.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!

Season Four: Week 4 Match: Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Logical Genocide

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Oceanus, Tethys, Gaia, Kratos, Calypso, Shazam (Freddie Freeman), Wonder Twins: Zan & Jayna w/Gleek, Tracy Strauss, Daniel LaRussa w/Blue Light Saber & Green Lantern Ring, Argonauts #1-6 aboard the Argo and Marko Aleksandrovich Ramius & Navy S.E.A.L.S #45-50 in the Red October.

Logical Genocide are Mera w/ Red Ring, Merv the Gremlin, Howard the Gremlin, Nekron, Ion, Black Dragon #11, Black Lantern Sinestro, Dementor #8, The Champion of the Universe, Adam Strange, Manhunter Alpha, Cody Jones, Mungo w/ Demon Rod

“Het water de laatste grens”
(Translated)
“Water, the final frontier”
-The Fisherman

The following is an excerpt taken from the Danish novel, “Het Gat Van Het Water”

“I do not fear you water of the gods,” The Champion of Universes said.

The Champion stared down at the water as was not able to get anything in return.

Despite this fact, the Champion continued on talking down to the watery mass below. “Taken the lives of people I am supposed to be friends with you have today and I like not of which you did.”

The gods were naturally un-phased by Champions remarks as this was his usual speak at this time. “Your ship and your underground terror have been destroyed already, so just show yourself.”

The gods for usual are not impressed. The young Spaniard Daniel took flys above water with green on his finger. He sprayed down his power and sent the Dementor and Manhunter Alpha down to the underworld to join Mungo, Cody and the Gremlins among others.

Strange Adam took flys among the Spaniard and blasts his gun at him with no success. He was mad at this and was soon joined by molecule and a dark firebird. They joined together and through power sent down the Spaniard to his doom.

The gods found this not pleased and sent attack from below. A shower of water sprang upon the sky and covered their foes, sending them down into the dark airless surroundings. As the molecule and his friends worked to get back to air they felt the water begin to freeze around them. The strange man was the first to drown, followed quickly by the dark firebird. Molecule broke free from his frozen prison but before he was able to fly above the water in total, he was frozen again half way up to the air. Molecule was then having his neck broken by the god killer Kratos, who was not unused to killing beings most more powerful then him.

More mad was the Mera, who though she was skilled in the killings of the human female with control of water and the twins and friend, was not willing to end this without more fight from her. The Mera from red ring attempted to take control of the creatures that infested this sacred water area but was met with a fight including resistance from the creatures themselves. The gods laughed as Mera from red ring suffered from her own creation and soon enough found herself shreds torn from limb.

The lord of the dark took opportunity on this and brought back foe and friends alike to take up chance to victory. He now owned control over the fallen and made the once dead sinister from black lantern, Freddie Freeman and female water control Tracy his own power creation. Kratos put up a fight on his own against the fallen but was soon dead on his own right. The lord of the dark tried to take the Kratos but was met with power against him as he saw his former control of the fallen go away.

The Mother of Nature decided that the dark lord was going against her and took his control away, sending him back home to where it was dark and comfortable. The Champion of Universes left alone but was not willing to leave without a fight.

“Why will you not show yourself? If you allowed me to see your true form this would not be a fight. I am Champion of Universes and you are to cowardice to face me.”

The Fisherman sat in his usual spot watching the fighting. He had seen this times before this and many more in the future. Knowing the end would be some time off he sat there smoking, waiting for what was next.

“As it is said to be truest of all truth’s; Water, the final frontier.”


“Het Gat Van Het Water” was very successful for writer Anders Vilhelm Heiberg in his native Denmark in 1805. It was such a huge success that publisher John Bell bought the rights to it for distribution in Great Britain. He had it translated from Danish to English in 1806 and was released in the first quarter of the year 1807. “Het Gat Van Het Water” which in proper translation means, “The Water Hole” was a disaster in it’s first and only printing. Many of the reasons behind this were a rushed translation that made the writing choppy at best and at worst, made little to no sense at all. It was thought to have been written by a child, as most of the novel ignores the rules of proper grammar and spelling.

Many of the other reasons for its failure come from the fact that “Het Gat Van Het Water” was the sixth book in a twelve book series that involved the gods being taken on by an ever changing roster of characters that were unknown to the British public. The novels were no more then mere exercises in how human beings can try to act like gods, but no matter how hard they tried, the god’s would always be there rulers. The lack of character development made the novel hard to understand, especially since the translation made it difficult to impossible to understand who anyone was and what was going on.

The poor translation also made it difficult for the publisher to sell the book as the title itself was mistakenly translated into, “The Wet Hole”. The proper translation of “The Water Hole” was discovered soon after its release but the damage had already been done. The church condemned the novel as it was thought to harbor explicit content and it was a disappointment to those looking for a lascivious read.

The one item to survive the novels quick failure was the character of the Fisherman. He only appeared twice in the novel and was thought to possibly be the narrator, though he does no narration in the novel. The Fisherman was normally the narrator in the five previous books but was largely absent in the sixth novel due to his severe injury at the end of the fifth book. As this was not explained in the sixth book and since the English readers were never told of the five previous novels, his inclusion was that of a mystery to the small group of people that read the book. It should be noted that the term, “Who are you, the Fisherman?” joined the English lexicon for a short time during the early parts of the 19th century to describe someone was had joined in a conversation that he was thought to have no part of.

Though the novel was quickly taken off the shelves in London, the series continued to succeed in Heiberg’s native Denmark. “Water” was only the sixth novel in the twelve book series that finally came to an end in 1819 with the release of his final novel, “De definitieve Grens” or translated “The Final Frontier”. The final novel followed the same path as all the previous novels with the exception of the Fisherman’s famed saying of “Water, the final frontier”. In the final novel he alluded to the fact that water may not be in fact the final frontier, but perhaps that it may lie somewhere else. “De definitieve Grens” was met with much distain from the fans of the series, as it did not have a definitive ending, though it was probably the most critically successful book in the series.

Probably the most well-known and relevant aspect of this series is the fact that many people consider “Mannen Onder Goden” or the “Men Among Gods” series to be the precursor to Gene Roddenberry’s original Star Trek. The saying, “Space, the final frontier” has endured through several generations and looks to have no end in it’s relevance in modern day society. Which begs the question, was “Het Gat Van Het Water” truly a failure, or was it just ahead of its time?

Nick Houslander
Random House Publishing
March 2011


P.S. It’s good to be back.


Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Oceanus, Tethys, Gaia and Calypso survived.

Logical Genocide: All Dead.

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Victorious!!!

week 4- The Midgets vs Xavier's Annihilation Suqad

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are: Qwsp, Kermit the Frog, Squirtle, Gamera, Toad, Red (original) Toad, Blue Toad, Yellow Toad, Megalon, Set, Lar Fleeze, Vampire Cat #1, Ganthet (w/ a green lantern ring), Sayd, Titanus, and Meriadoc Brandybuck

Xavier's Annhiliation Squad are: Davy Jones and crewmembers 1-5, Barbarossa and crewmembers 1-5, The Kracken, G-Girl, Supreme, Radar, Suprema w/ blue lantern ring, Kalibak, and pirates 11-13

"Yarrr, it be a foyne day at sea" says Foul Ethan, crewmember #3 of Balbossa's ship. "The winds be on our side, the Kracken is at our command, and we be foyten some midgets. Tis surely a good day to be a pirate"

"Aye, and don't be forgotten we gots us a Superman, Supergirl and Superdog fighting along sides us and Davy Jones' crew. Twill be an easy battle, full of blood and plunder. Just the way I like it" says Scurvy O'Hoolihan (crewmember #1)

"Squirtle, squirtle" says Squirtle, disguised as a pirate, hoping to blend in with the others.

"Hang on, hang on. I don't be remembering no turtle looking pirate. Is he one of them scallowags from Jones' crew?" O"Hoolihan

"Squirtle. Squirt." says Squirtle nodding in agreement

"Arr, be ye soft in the head? The crew of Davy Jones looks like a cross between the sea and a man. This don't be looking like no seaman. And if there's on thing ole Gay Wille know, it's all about seamen" says crewmember #1 "Gay" Willie

"Arrgh, Willie. You're always so happy and gay, thus why we call you "Gay" Willie. Why you seem so agitated, and not prancing about merrily, singing gay tunes?" questioned Foul Ethan

"Well, first, it's this tiny little turtley looking fella. Something about him ain't sitting quite right with me. He don't be looking like no man I've ever been associated with. Plus, turtle be an omen of ill times to come. And "Gay" Willie is well versed in ill comings. Just ask me old mate, Blueball Pete."

"Now that you be mentioning it, Willie. What do you make of all these little colored fellas swabbin the deck? The be looking like Mushrooms."

"Mushrooms? Colors? It be the Midgets, trying to pull a fast one. Kill them!!!" and a violent, one sided battle erupts as Balbossa's crew quickly slaughters all the Toads and Squirtle. Before Balbossa's crew can celebrate however, Titanus blasts up from under the water infront of the ship with Merry Brandybuck on his head. As this happens, ufortunately, the small rowboat containing pirates 11-13 capsizes and sends them to a watery grave.

After this tragedy occurs, Merry leaps onto the deck and exclaims "Well, well. If it isn't my old friend "Gay" Willie, glad to see you keeping up your spirits. Especially after losing your eye. Nothings sadder than a one eyed Willie that has lost his gayness"

"Arr, I'll be killin' you for that Merry!" Willie screams and rushes towards the middle earth denizen. But before anymore homoerotic sayings can be put in this match the boat, crewmembers, Titanus and Merry are all destroyed as Gamera and The Krecken's vicious undersea battle is brought up to the surface. G-girl tries to fly in and help the Kracken, but she is vaporized by Gamera.

As this ferocious battle still wages. Let us turn our attention to Davy Jones' vessel, and what transpires there.

"Ah, friend Kermit. Are you sure you wish to join us in battle? For you have no weaponry and are sure to perish if you participate." says Sayd the former Green Lantern guardian

"Well, gosh Syad. Thanks for the concern, but sometimes a frog's gotta do what a frog's gotta do, plus it's not like I've never been in a fight before. I've played a pirate in a few differnt productions I've been in so I should be ok." says Kermit

"Well, fair Kermit. You'll not go in defenseless. I've activated the 24 deputation feature on my green ring like I did in Blackest Night and hereby make you an honorary Green Lantern for this match" says Ganthet.

"Golly Ganthet, thanks. But that hardly seems fair." says Kemit he accepts the ring "It's almost like I'm being protected because I'm such a fond childhood memory of so many people."

"Well, it's been shown that a I've done that before, so you becoming a lantern for this match is totally legit and people can just get over it" says Ganthet. "Just don't try and steal the show here, Kermit. This isn't some Muppet fanfic page here."

"Besides, I want the victory. Me!!" screams Lar Fleeze and he rockets ahead of the pack and lands on Davy Jones ship.

The battle begins on Davy Jones' ship and is over almost as quickly as the battle on Barbossa'a ship, but this time the Midgets are victorious in the skirmish. Leaving Davy Jones as the only survivor for his crew.

"This ship is MINE. Mine!!" says the only orange lantern

"You've not yet won this day, Midgets. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve." sneers Davy Jones "Perhaps you recognize the bones of the vampire cat that Radar has already destroyed. And, why Sayd, how lovely your blood looks on the deck of my boat"

"Wha.." begins Sayd, but then she suddenly explodes as Supreme flies through her and lands beside Davy Jones. "Ah, Supreme. Where be your other family members? We only got us a bit of green and orange to mop up before the day is through."

"Suprema and Radar unfortunately fell while we were battling that vicious monster Set, who was able to eat Kalibak first and then took out my family members, but I was able to finish him off as well as Gamera, but we've also lost the Kracken. So it's just you and me buddy. Time to turn off the light show" and he and Davy Jones begin to advance on Ganthet, Larfleeze and Kermit.

"Typical. Everyone forgets about me! And even after I bring gifts" says a voice out of nowhere, and suddenly a familiar chest and meteor appear on the deck in front of the Midgets. "S...supremium!!" proclaims Supreme as he falls to the deck, dead.

"Yeah,Supremium. The fatal kind. Thanks, wikipedia." says the mysterious voice "Now, Jones. Have a heart why don't you?" and the chest pops open revealing the weakness of Davy Jones, the heart he sacrificed to Calypso.

"This be a bunch of bile" says Davy Jones. "First the frog gets a ring, now randomly our two weaknesses suddenly show up? Bulls**t. This be a conspiracy against me."

"Conspiracy, no. 5th dimension shenanigans? Yes." says the voice and suddenly the 5th dimensional imp Qwsp appears on deck "Now, Kermit. Wrap this up, this has gone on long enough."

"No!!!" screams Jones, but it's too late. Kermit fires a blast of green energy and incinerates the heart, killing the final members of the Annihilation Squad.

"Well, we had a great match today, I'd like to thank my teammates for all the help and we'll see you next time. YAY!!!" yells Kermit as he and the rest of the Midgets sail off into the sunset.

Xavier's Annihilation Squad: All Dead.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Kermit the Frog, Lar Fleeze, Ganthet, and Qwsp survive.


THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!!!