After several
weeks of contemplation, it is with both great sadness and trepidation that I am
officially announcing not only my resignation as Commissioner, but also as a
Watcher and more importantly, as an owner affiliated with the Fantasy Fantasy
League.
As an owner, I
believe that many individuals in society, especially athletes in professional
settings, stay too long and end their careers, instead of on a high note, as
one who failed to realize the game had passed them by. In this case, from an egotistical standpoint,
I believe that I have proven to all in my five years with this league that I
was a most formidable opponent. Statistically, I have been to two Universe
Bowls, winning one. My victory-to-loss
ratio for the years I entered into combat is near the top of all time. My death ratio in the league’s graveyard is
near the top at sending people of other teams, while near the bottom at sending
members of my own. Accordingly, I am
leaving this league knowing that my team has fought valiantly, with honor and
“on top.”
Since I am
relinquishing my ownership, I have designated the fate of my own team. As Commissioner, I have acknowledged and
accepted the B3 Team’s disbursements in light of a variety of factors. Accordingly, being of sound mind and body, I,
as owner of Beckerman’s Backyardigans’ Beyatches, duly authorized by the
Commissioner, am leaving the following members of my squad to the following
teams:
Fighting
Murderflies
To one of the few individuals
whom I see myself attending every Star Wars Celebration with in the future and
who understands my quirks and accepts them nonetheless. I, with the blessing of T.O.D., E. and
Shamalay, leave you the following:
1.
Amatsu-Mikaboshi, The Chaos King
2.
Ego
3.
Zombie Darth Maul
4.
Nazgul #6 with devil lance
5.
Nazgul #6 Horse
6.
Nazgul #6 Fell Beast
7.
Hondo Maclean with Sea Attack
8.
Sly Rax with Piranha
9.
The Energizer Bunny
10. Rowlf
the Dog
11. SHIELD
Helicarrier
Montana Obama
Commandos
To another SWC clan-member whom I
am proud to call not only one of the best shirt designers in the Midwest, but more importantly, a true friend. I
leave you the following:
1.
Spike
2.
Bellatrix Lestrange
3.
Professor Minerva McGonagall
4.
Hermione Granger with magic lamp and Ferengi energy
whip
5.
Emperor Han
6.
Belle with Star Wand and Demon rod
7.
Tenderheart Bear
8.
Cheer Bear
9.
Hannibal of Crete
10. Death
Star
Better
Than All of You
To my Halfling-Hebrew brother, a
great golf buddy (who can actually golf) and a righteous dude, I leave you the
following:
1.
Predi-Alien with red lantern ring
2.
Oblivion
3.
Black Widow Shark
4.
Fafnir
5.
Skullcruncher
6.
Grax
7.
Clawful
8.
Wyvern
9.
Noob Saibot
10. Pod
racer
11. F-22
12. Life
Model Decoys #1-3
13. Clone
Juggernaught
George
Washington’s Slaves
To a guy with one of the driest
and greatest senses of humor around and hopefully will man-up and run with me
some day at the Beer Mile, I leave you the following:
1.
Zombie Al Dogg
2.
Living Tribunal
3.
One Above All
4.
Yendar Platis
5.
Mer-Man
6.
Tyvokka with indigo lantern ring
7.
Grand Admiral Thrawn
8.
Batgirl (Cassandra Cain) with black lightsaber
9.
Hovercraft
10. Super
Star Destroyer
TEAM
To a guy whom not only looks the best in a grass skirt and
Hawaiian shirt, but also has the most-wicked ability to create a golf club into
a kite, I leave you the following:
1.
Gladiator Voltron #1
2.
Gladiator Voltron #2
3.
Gladiator Voltron #3
4.
Gladiator Voltron #4
5.
Gladiator Voltron #5
6.
Zombie Superman
7.
King Hiss
8.
Vega
9.
Rain
10. Peppy
Hare with Darth Maul’s double lightsaber
11. Jimmy
Lee
12. Nomad
13. F-Zero
Car
14. Cybertonian
Spaceship
Sleeping
Pussy
To my “special” friend. . . ‘Nuff said. I leave you the following:
1.
Duncan McLeod with green lightsaber
2.
Brother Blood with Sirius Black’s wand
3.
Ash with Mandalorian armor
4.
Sherlock Holmes
5.
Dr. John H. Watson
6.
James Bond
7.
Korvac
8.
Lizard
9.
Captain Nemo and Nautilus
10. Palantir
Horsemen
of Apokolips
To one of the greatest artists I know and an even better
friend. I hope to see you at many
conventions and gatherings in the future. I leave you the following:
1.
Michael Myers with red lightsaber
2.
Dracula
3.
Vulcan
4.
Matt Oblak with Mandalorian armor, green and blue
lightsabers
5.
Dr. Teresa Oblak with Tron lightsuit and light disc,
blue and green lightsabers
6.
Gambit with magnaguard electrostaff
7.
Captain Britain
8.
Legolas with Sinestro’s green lantern ring
9.
Boromir
10. Heat
axe (to be placed by Commissioner)
11. The
Ark
(Transformers)
Brotherhood
of Evil Midgets
To the man who started it all and
introduced me to a group of “scum and villainy” that is rivaled next to none. I cannot thank you enough. I leave you the following:
1.
Wolverine
2.
Boba Fett with double bladed red lightsaber
3.
Pre Viszla
4.
Jeer Dexton
5.
Jool Nooret
6.
Star Wolf with laser sword, laser gun and Pokeball
7.
Nazgul #9
8.
Nazgul #9 Horse
9.
Nazgul #9 Fell Beast
10. Duncan
Idaho Ghola #9
11. Aircraft
Carrier
12. Atlas
axe (to be placed by Commissioner)
13. Yoshi
Egg
Bad
Newz Kennelz of Lurve
To my fellow Man in Maize and Blue. I hope to one day celebrate a National Title
with you. I leave you the following:
1.
Pre-Suit Vader
2.
Cyclonus
3.
Cyclonus Armada
4.
Sasquatch
5.
Captain Universe
6.
Brawn
7.
Mara Jade, Jedi
8.
Rakkim Epps
9.
Clairy Fray
10. Red
Star
11. Flamethrower
(to be placed by Commissioner)
12. Independence
Day Ship
Logical
Genocide
To the man I call a friend, my
coup-partner and fellow, avid collector.
Most important, to a man who had the good sense to marry an individual
who bakes the best cupcakes this side of the Mississippi, I leave you the following:
1.
Mogo
2.
Ranx the Sentient City
3.
Deadman
4.
Arkillo
5.
Soranak Natu
6.
Chip
7.
Dale
8.
Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman
9.
Green lightsaber (to be placed by Commissioner)
10. S.P.I.N.
Tech
Layander’s
Kitties
To the team I hope grows with their owners, I leave you the
following:
1.
Arc Trooper Captain
2.
Arc Trooper Lieutenant #1
3.
Arch Trooper Lieutenant #2
4.
Arc Trooper Heavy Weapons
5.
Arc Trooper #1
6.
Arc Trooper #2
7.
Arc Trooper #3
8.
Arc Trooper #4
9.
Arc Trooper #5
10. Krypto
11. R2-KT
12. Warpath
13. Nightbird
14. Toxie
15. Major
Disaster
16. NoZone
17. Junkyard
18. Head
Banger
19. Baby
Bucky
20. Zak
Saturday
21. Solomon
“Doc” Saturday
22. Drew
Saturday
23. Fiskerton
24. Komodo
25. Zon
26. Doyle
Blackwell
27. Y-Wing
28. Imperial
Shuttle
29. Z-95
Headhunter
Taco
Benders
To an avid sports fan and vegetarian whom none should
mock. You are a great guy. I leave you the following:
1.
In Betweener
2.
Lord Chaos
3.
Master Order
4.
Black Zarak
5.
Victory Leo
6.
Star Saber
7.
Abe Sapien
8.
Batteldae (Immel #2)
9.
Zombie Bullock (Immel #19)
10. X-Kryptonite
11. Purple
lightsaber (to be placed by Commissioner)
12. Ornithopter
Xavier’s
Annihilation Squad
To the man who has a great future as not only an owner, but
a Watcher too. I leave you the
following:
1.
Overlord
2.
Peraxxus
3.
Signalman #1
4.
Signalman #2
5.
Signalman #3
6.
Signalman #4
7.
Hush
8.
Trident
9.
Naga
10. Punisher
with jet pack
11. Microchip
12. Cluemaster
13. Ferrari
GTO
14. AT-ST
15. AT-ST
Dope
Fiends
To the man I hope to someday represent in the ring, I leave
you the following:
1.
Carnage
2.
Zombie Omega Red
3.
Deathstorm
4.
Red Hulk
5.Red She Hulk with green lightsaber
6.
Zombie Abomination
7.
Sumara with legion flight ring
8.
Fangry
9.
Briscoe
10.
Killer Croc
11. Red
lightsaber (to be placed by Commissioner)
12. Aircraft
Carrier
13. Tie
Bomber
14. Dooku’s
Solar Sailer
Transfoamers
To the man I do not think has even said two words to me, I
leave you the following:
1.
Slugslinger
2.
Caliburst
3.
Triggerhappy
4.
Blowpipe
5.
Gigantor
6.
Double Cross
7.
Fly Wheels
8.
Tank
All of the
points affiliated with the above-mentioned characters, as well as the number of
deaths sustained and weapons held by each can be found and confirmed on the FFL
website roster section. With regard to
the namesakes of my team: Pablo, Austin, Tyrone, Tasha and Uniqua - I am
permanently retiring these characters from the league. I anticipate that those that follow me as
Commissioner will respect my wishes and continue to honor this request. As for the weapons held by each, they have
been distributed to the remaining teams.
I place all
remaining “common” characters on waivers and hereby put them “in the hopper”
for any to choose when the new Commissioners feel is the proper time. With that being said, I remain. . .
I never had more
fun in this league than I did in my position as a Watcher. I hope that I served you all well. When necessary, I upheld the tradition by
seriously conducting hours of research each week in order to properly address
your characters in the matches. Although
you may not have agreed with each and every outcome, I still hope that, at the
very least, you enjoyed the matches’ dialogue and action. I tried to write without any pre-conceived
notions regarding any particular team and to the best of my ability. I think I will miss this position most of
all.
Last, as I am
now labeled the William Henry Harrison of this league, with my last action as
acting Commissioner, I am officially leaving the mantel of Commissioner to the
remaining members of those recognized as the “Triumvirate,” Mike Geney and Nick
Houslander. I believe they would like to
be recognized as the “Dynamorgasmic Duo.”
These two are more than fitting replacements to run this league. As it is a somewhat daunting task, I will
assume that they will request the steadfast guidance from our two previous
Commissioners, Josh and Ryan, who have steered this league in the positive
direction it now follows.
With these
words, I say “goodbye” to the FFL, still hoping to see you all in some way,
shape, or form in the future at the events that take place in our lives.
Respectfully
to all,
Bryan
M. Beckerman
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