Week 9 - Underhills vs Dolla 49 McRib

The Underhills are: Iroh, Chief Priest Hedley Tuek, Foghorn Leghorn

Dolla 49 McRib is: Amazo w/ Space Stone

Amazo kicks in the door to Josh and Alex's crib and sees the Underhills waiting for him. They have been waiting all week so they've already watched all the VHS tapes and Hedley Tuek is sitting by the door and has read through half of the books on his shelves. Foghorn Leghorn is on his fifth bag of pistachios and has puked in the bathroom 3 times this week. 

Iroh wastes no time throwing a whirlwind of fire around Amazo so fierce he cannot break through before his android circuitry begins to malfunction and he shuts down. Hedley Tuek was unfortunately also engulfed by friendly flame before he could retreat from the front foyer. 

Iroh and Foghorn make it out the back door as the house goes up in flames. As he pats out the charring feathers on his hind, Foghorn sings quips, "I ain't seen a man flame up that fast since Lilith Fair '99"

Scar & Bob's TP & D vs. The Sigmaz

 

Scar & Bob’s TP & D is: Thor

The Sigmaz are: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with Various Glocks, and five members of The Huzz

A distinct crack of thunder pounds the door of The Houslander Hood Home; ostentatious, but cordial. The door swings open, revealing a sunny and cloudless sky. Thor enters the living room. He eyes the stillness of the arena with a casual cautiousness, uncertain where his foe may be found. He regards the various nerd media and begins to reminisce on a particular decade:

“Ah, the years of nineteen and eighty. ‘Twas a strange time for Midgard indeed. Wars waged violently, and those waged passively through threat of mutual destruction. Discotheques booming with the sound of electric symphony, lit up in the very colors of the bifrost. Large hair and boots on small maidens. I remember it fondly, though the mystical snows from the land of Colombia do cloud my memory.”

As he browses, he comes across a set of familiar green faces mounted on the wall, each in a differently colored eyemask.

“Hark, the adolescent turtle ninjas! What jovial facemasks are these! Their valiant battles with The Shredder are stuff of true legend. Perhaps not as valiant as MY exploits, especially since they are four and I am but one very powerful God… but nonetheless, they were a force to be reckoned with. I wonder, how much hath Lord Houslander paid for such lifelike memorabilia? The scales are downright… Hm?”

It’s then that four green hands holding pistols come busting through the drywall in unison, the Turtles’ faces still frozen in cartoonish grins. Thor barely reacts in time to dodge the salvo of bullets that tear through the living room. The Turtles walk the remainder of their stocky frames through the wall to face Thor.

                “The 80’s were radical, dude, gnarly and tubular!” barks Mikey.

                “But you’re not a true 80’s kid” adds Donatello.

                “You were just an old man then, and you’re an even older man now” quips Raphael.

    “And we’re not gonna lose to a dusty old myth!” declares Leo, and the four leap into battle.

The ninja turtles pull their usual weapons, jumping from furniture and bouncing off walls as they begin their 4v1 melee against the startled Asgardian. Though he is caught off guard, he skillfully deflects each of them as they bound toward him.

“Jest not with me, upstart reptiles! My many years have not slowed me in the slightest – nay, they have brought experience and strength the likes of which are yet unknown to you!”

With confidence of purpose, Thor punctuates this point with a swift uppercut of Mjolnir into the jaw of the descending Donatello. The TMNT machinist is bloodlessly decapitated as his brain stem unplugs from his spinal column, and his body ragdolls into the corner of the room.

                “Oh my god, they killed Donny!” cries Michelangelo.

                “You bastard!” snarls Raphael.

                Leonardo gives a circling “round-up” hand signal, ordering: “Now, Mikey, do it!”

As Raph and Leo continue holding Thor off, Michelangelo dives out of the fray and runs through the kitchen to the bathroom door. The moment he opens it, five fine Huzzies come pouring out over each other, scrambling for footing. Thor brings the hammer down upon another victim, crushing Raphael this time.

“What trickery is this, mutants?! To bring mortal women into the- wait, I know these women!”

Without delay the Huzz is upon Thor, each one a woman he had bedded and left behind in his cocaine-crazed dance hall days. “Where did you go, baby?” “Why’d you never pay child support?” “Where’s the $16k you owe Slick Jimmy for our little party in Cabo?” Newly awash with true terror, Thor begins to club these clubbers from his past. With his guard broken, he feels two Glock barrels press against either underside of his occipital lobe, and the lights go out.

TEAM Vs. Grayson, Jack, & Ben's Goobers

 TEAM is Josh Houslander:  Swordmaster of Ginaz, Alex Houslander:  Indigo Lantern, Alex Houslander (w/ Super Scope 6), Maria Ianni, Yakub, Mark Constantagious, Dapper Man, & Jump City Police Officer #3.

Grayson, Jack, & Ben's Goobers are:  Hyperion.

 On the border between Redford and Detroit, lies the historical district known as Old Redford.  Entering the urban area and exiting the suburbs.  One small step into the city, one giant leap into the hood.  There sits Salem street, where a fun little get together is taking place.  Napoli pizza is slapping, VHS Tapes are playing, the landscape is eloquently adorned with vintage collectibles, not-so leather bound books, and music on myriad formats......  The Turbo Grafx-16 still works just as well as that first time it played Keith Courage back in 1992, but Air Zonk is on the menu today.   Two different Alexes exist in this scenario, so the dishes in the sink are brimming to insane proportions, but Nikki must have been here recently because the rest of the place is clean and  decently presentable aside from the clutter of 17 notebooks and about a dozen unshelved books and comics that Josh isn't quite done with yet.  

  The Swordmaster of Ginaz is enjoying deep conversation and a Spice Beer like they traditionally have drank for centuries (actually just a Keystone Light with a habanero floating in it).  After inviting in both Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses over the past week to discuss theology, Josh thought it was only fair to invite in Yakub to share the thoughts stored in his extra large head and discuss the true history of the African American People (I call them African Americans, I'm not sure what you call them (it certainly isn't what Dapper Man is saying ever since he crossed Inkster in his BMW (which isn't as cool as the vintage one in the backyard here))).  Maria is pretty grossed out as she is now subjected to twice as many burps and farts from Alex and Alex.  The Statist Cop in the room just transferred from Jump City where they frequently have to arrest Meta-Humans and Super Villains to Detroit where he now feels terribly under qualified; which is why he is hanging out at the edge of the city hiding from the deep hood.  Mark Constantagious won't sit down, he is instead pacing the floor and working the room.  Mark is an all around bro and is gladly sharing his time with everyone in the house.  As each conversation ends and the next one begins you can hear echos around the room from the previous conversation.  "Mark Constantagious SAVES us, SAVES us Money, SAVES us MONEY, TIME, AND Hassle" after he hollas at chu.  Everything is going great, and the whole house is enjoying the day and each others company.  Until Hyperion, just bursts through the door, breaking it right off the hinges.  What a Jerk.  The landlord is gonna be pissed.  

"Who invited dis Crackah" yells Yakub.  

But as described in the above paragraph, the room is brimming with some seriously bad dudes, so they waste no time, jumping into action.  Hyperion strikes first, using his atomic vision heat beams that are totally not ripping off Superman and focuses the energy directly at the massive cranium of Yakub, blowing brilliant brain matter all over the room.  Gross.  What a mess.  Nikki is gonna be pissed (Dapper Man not so much).  Indigo Lantern Alex takes flight a few feet off the ground to position himself over the piano and hit Hyperion with a full blast of Indigo energy.  Unrelenting in his defense of the house, Indigo Alex fully drains not only his own energy but the full power of the Ring, creating the weakest possible version of the Eternal and filling Hyperion with a toxic empathy (basically, he turned him in a Democrat).  Still very physically strong after the attack, Hyperion punches the weakened Indigo Alex blasting him back to South Redford.  Josh nods to Alex and Maria who run to the basement, knowing exactly what they are supposed to do.  They go on a search of one of the most coveted pieces of their family's retro gaming collection.  The Jump City Cop ends up getting used as a blunt force object against Dapper Man; but the Ginaz trained Josh and Mark Constantagious, both consummate professionals are aware of their surroundings and leap into action against Hyperion, knowing they have to buy some time for Alex and Maria to complete their mission.  Josh's form 4 double sword variant is flawless and Mark Constantagious runs to the living room dresser to arm himself with a Katana blade in one hand and a bag full of pennies in the other.  Josh and Mark Constantagious, two Detroit area legends, may be two men; but they move and attack as a single unit.  They know that Hyperion may be physically stronger, but their fighting prowess is far beyond that of the Superman knock off.  If only one of the hits from Hyperion lands on the duo, it is game over; so they simply make sure that hit doesn't land.  Hyperion is riddled with stabs, slices, and penny slaps chipping away at the meta-human attempting to take him down with a death by a thousand cuts.  The duo of Josh and Mark Constantagious are moving in unison absent of mistakes and vacant of any flaw save one:  They may be just too bro-ey, Bro (if there is such a thing).  Even with an excellence of execution that would impress Curt Hennig himself, Josh has the foresight to realize that their skirmish is simply a diversion.  As he hears Alex and Maria running back up the stairs to rejoin the fight, he hopes that the sacrifice that must be made to save their home can be made by him and him alone and that his homeboy Mark Constantagious can perhaps live to fight another day along with his son and perhaps future daughter in law.  Josh throws his swords into the air and reaches behind him to pull out two Glocks that he fluidly tosses to Mark Constagious, who catches them simultaneously.  Josh then grabs the two Ginaz forged swords out of mid-air and delivers a vicious pair of slices to the throat of Hyperion, cutting him deeply.  Opening himself up for the sacrifice play, Josh is grabbed out of the air by Hyperion as he screams in pain from the wounds inflicted on him and brings Josh down for a back breaker that shatters the spine of the Ginaz Swordmaster.  Mark Constangious screams "NOOOOOOOOO" as he sees his Bestie go down and opens fire with flawless aim towards the wound just inflicted by Josh.  More Eternal blood fills the room; but still cannot take down Hyperion.  Alex and Maria appear out of the kitchen with the item they successfully retrieved from the basement.  The furious Hyperion grabs the wooden chair by the bookshelf that Josh needs to stand on to reach the top shelf of books and DVDs.  He breaks off a wooden stake from the chair and throws it in the direction of Alex.  Destined to be a definite kill shot into the chest of Alex, Mark Constantagious leaps in front of the wooden shard taking the hit for the son of his BFF and fulfilling his ultimate goal for Alex and Maria.  He dies successful, knowing that he saved them from the hassle of death.  Honored by the sacrifice of the great Mark Constantagious, the young couple combine not only their saved money, time, and hassle, but their bravery and resolve as Maria yells:  "AIM FOR THE NECK"!!  Alex, now playing not just with power; but Super Power raises The Super Scope Six, takes aim at the weakened area in the neck of Hyperion, and blows his head clean off.