Consortium Week 1:
Be Gentle It's My First Time is Magic Johnson, Spider Miles, The Punisher (in a Vibranium Suit), 6 Jedi Knights, 4 Decepticons, and 4 Dwarves.
The Super Orange Kitty Sisters are Supergirl, Captain Pike and Mr. Spock in a Snow Speeder, and Phibian #1-4.
Saturday, March 7, 2020
Wednesday, March 4, 2020
Week 1 Democracy Match
TEAM Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids.
TEAM is Cyborg Superman, Sith Acolyte John Zacharski (w/ Red Lightsaber), President John Adams, and Cybertronian Guardian #2.
John and Vader's House of Sith Aids is Zombie Cyborg Superman, Soka, and Snow Trooper #2.
TEAM is Cyborg Superman, Sith Acolyte John Zacharski (w/ Red Lightsaber), President John Adams, and Cybertronian Guardian #2.
John and Vader's House of Sith Aids is Zombie Cyborg Superman, Soka, and Snow Trooper #2.
Monday, March 2, 2020
Season XI Preseason: TEAM vs. Whatever We're Calling The Midgets This Season
TEAM is: Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, Ron Popeil, Morton Downey Jr, Earthworm Jim, KC Munchkin, Wheelie, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Peter Lawford, Joey Bishop, and Dr. Wily.
The Midgets are: Link, Atrocitus, Kobe Bryant, Duncan Idaho, Green Lantern #1A, Don Rickles, Jimmy Olsen in a Tanooki Suit, Smurf #10, Ewok #10, and Zombie Predator.
It was a decidedly average day in Bob's humble hamburger restaurant. A simple man, he wished only to prepare delicious sandwiches with his loving wife and children. The heavy grease smell in the air was a warm comfort to Bob as he whipped up the burger of the day, the "Aioli Diver". They hadn't been selling well, turns out people weren't lining up to try his creative seaweed aioli. With his newest recipe crafted, he walked it out to the customer.
"Alright, here's your 'Aioli Diver', that'll be... wait, aren't you uh, Ron Popeil?"
"Why, yes I am, Bob! Inventor of the Pocket Fisherman, but I'll bet you're more of a Whip-O-Matic fan yourself, aren't you?"
"Uh... sure, I usually just use an electric mixer if I'm gonna be doing any whipping, but-"
"Electric mixer?! Oh, but you're losing so much time with those old things. And think of the money you could be saving on electricity, Bob!"
"Okay, yeah, but I'm pretty sure-"
"What if I told you I could sell you not one, but TWO Whip-O-Matics for just $10.98, the original price of a single Whip-O-Matic? They're selling faster than the delicious hotcakes they produce! I wouldn't let this one pass you by!"
"RON, OKAY. I get it, the Whip-O-Matic sounds great. But seriously, aren't you dead? Okay, this can't be real. I shouldn't have trusted Teddy to fix that broken gas line after the match against the Dino... oh, wait, no, NO! Ron, PLEASE tell me this isn't another Fantasy Fantasy League match."
As the unfortunate truth dawned on the beefmonger, a frantic Pack of old crooners burst through the door, covered in blood. Frank Sinatra shook around a disembodied leg. "Aw, Ron, this ain't good! They're hot on our trail, look what they did to Sammy!" He gestured the leg meaningfully.
"Oh, this isn't good, did you try using the-"
"We USED the Pocket Fisherman, Ron, it was no good! The old scientist and the worm fella were holding them off, but they're dyin' out there! The Midgets got some big red guy who's breaking more bones than I did in the 'family business'! What are you doing in here?!"
"Well, I was just trying to talk to my new friend Bob about some great kitchen innovations to increase his pro-"
At that moment, a bright red helicopter of solid light smashed through the ceiling to the restaurant, killing everyone inside on impact. Atrocitus sifted through the rubble as Zombie Predator looked on, and from the wreckage he pulled up a shattered Kobe Bryant.
"YOU HAVE REDEEMED YOURSELF, BASKETBALL MAN!"
The Midgets are: Link, Atrocitus, Kobe Bryant, Duncan Idaho, Green Lantern #1A, Don Rickles, Jimmy Olsen in a Tanooki Suit, Smurf #10, Ewok #10, and Zombie Predator.
It was a decidedly average day in Bob's humble hamburger restaurant. A simple man, he wished only to prepare delicious sandwiches with his loving wife and children. The heavy grease smell in the air was a warm comfort to Bob as he whipped up the burger of the day, the "Aioli Diver". They hadn't been selling well, turns out people weren't lining up to try his creative seaweed aioli. With his newest recipe crafted, he walked it out to the customer.
"Alright, here's your 'Aioli Diver', that'll be... wait, aren't you uh, Ron Popeil?"
"Why, yes I am, Bob! Inventor of the Pocket Fisherman, but I'll bet you're more of a Whip-O-Matic fan yourself, aren't you?"
"Uh... sure, I usually just use an electric mixer if I'm gonna be doing any whipping, but-"
"Electric mixer?! Oh, but you're losing so much time with those old things. And think of the money you could be saving on electricity, Bob!"
"Okay, yeah, but I'm pretty sure-"
"What if I told you I could sell you not one, but TWO Whip-O-Matics for just $10.98, the original price of a single Whip-O-Matic? They're selling faster than the delicious hotcakes they produce! I wouldn't let this one pass you by!"
"RON, OKAY. I get it, the Whip-O-Matic sounds great. But seriously, aren't you dead? Okay, this can't be real. I shouldn't have trusted Teddy to fix that broken gas line after the match against the Dino... oh, wait, no, NO! Ron, PLEASE tell me this isn't another Fantasy Fantasy League match."
As the unfortunate truth dawned on the beefmonger, a frantic Pack of old crooners burst through the door, covered in blood. Frank Sinatra shook around a disembodied leg. "Aw, Ron, this ain't good! They're hot on our trail, look what they did to Sammy!" He gestured the leg meaningfully.
"Oh, this isn't good, did you try using the-"
"We USED the Pocket Fisherman, Ron, it was no good! The old scientist and the worm fella were holding them off, but they're dyin' out there! The Midgets got some big red guy who's breaking more bones than I did in the 'family business'! What are you doing in here?!"
"Well, I was just trying to talk to my new friend Bob about some great kitchen innovations to increase his pro-"
At that moment, a bright red helicopter of solid light smashed through the ceiling to the restaurant, killing everyone inside on impact. Atrocitus sifted through the rubble as Zombie Predator looked on, and from the wreckage he pulled up a shattered Kobe Bryant.
"YOU HAVE REDEEMED YOURSELF, BASKETBALL MAN!"
S11 Preseason: Affirmative Action Popeyes vs. Barkley’s Turrible Decisions
Affirmative Action Popeyes are: Beachhead, Road Block, Gung Ho, Lt. Flint, John Rambo, Sailor Moon
Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are: Khal Drogo, The Batman who Laughs, All-Might, Sonja Blade, Mega Man X
“So this is the place” said Gung Ho outloud to no one in particular as the Popeyes gather outside the entrance of Bob’s Burgers.
“AAAHHHHH!!” screams Sailor Moon as John Rambo literally tears her in half for no reason and leaves her destroyed corpse on the sidewalk.
Beachhead kicks in the door and the Popeyes rush in. They interrupt Khal Drogo telling jokes in Dothraki that no one quite understood but The Batman Who Laughs seemed to still be enjoying it as he sits at the counter trying to sip on his coffee but cannot catch his breath during his gasps of laughter.
“Hahahahaha!”
Road Block and Gung Ho start firing shots around the room and shoot Sonja Blade in the head.
“Hahahahaha!”
All-Might rush the pair and pick them both up and crush their skulls together.
“Hahahahaha!”
Mega Man X blasts Beachhead with a shot from his blaster and Lt. Flint Returns the favor with a bullet of his own just before Khal Drogo’s sword finds its mark in his chest.
“Hahahahaha!”
All-Might had rushed over and grabbed Rambo but was unable to squeeze him to death as his head was filled with lead from Rambo’s machine gun.
“Hahahahaha!”
On one knee trying to catch his breath, Rambo watches as Drogo removes his blade from Flint’s chest and marches toward him. As Rambo raises his gun to fire, Drogo chops the arms off of Rambo.
“Hahahahaha!”
Rambo stares helplessly at his stumpy arms as the blood pours into his lap. A shimmer dances over the liquid and he slowly glances up.
“Hahahahaha!”
The sunlight reflecting off Drogo’s sword is the final fleeting image he sees.
“Hahahahaha!” Batman continues to howl with laughter at the counter as Drogo stares back at his teammate annoyed.
Sunday, March 1, 2020
Be Gentle It's My First Time Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids
Be Gentle It's My First Time is Chuck Norris, Taskmaster (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring), Punisher (in a Vibranium Suit), 11 Jedi Knights, & 7 Dwarves.
John and Vader's House of Sith Aids is Firelord Ozai, Mike Tyson, Soka, Suki, Ty Lee, Jon Snow, & Fire Bros. #10.
John and Vader's House of Sith Aids is Firelord Ozai, Mike Tyson, Soka, Suki, Ty Lee, Jon Snow, & Fire Bros. #10.
The Striders of Rohan Vs. The Super Orange Kitty Sisters
The Striders of Rohan are John Wick, Hell Boy, Agent 47, Frozone, Gollum, & Goblin #5 & 6.
The Super Orange Kitty Sisters are The Inquisitor, Arya Stark, Red X, & Lara Croft
The Super Orange Kitty Sisters are The Inquisitor, Arya Stark, Red X, & Lara Croft
George Washington's House Elves Vs. Two Hungry Dino-Mites w/ Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight
George Washington's House Elves are Bob, Linda, Tina, Jean, & Louise w/ Teddy, Wizard, Warrior, Valkyrie, & Elf, Dick Tracey, Hannibal Lectur, Janet Reno (w/ wooden armor), John Schlade, Prince Andrew, Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Harry & Meghan w/ Archie, Winston Churchill, & Dothraki #1 w/ his Horse.
Two Hungry Dino-Mites w/ Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are Chirrut Imwe, Baze Malbus, Casssian Andor, K-2SO, Bo Schembechler, Jim Harbough, George Bailey, Sam Wainwright, Coruscant Underworld Police (CUP), Green Day: Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt, & Tre' Cool, & Rebel Soldier #5-7.
The family who runs the small town favorite restaurant Bob's Burger has had quite a day, but they relax afterwards as a family.
Linda: Wow Bob, that really was quite a day.
Bob: Yeah, hope this doesn't become a regular thing on Sundays; but at least business was good. It seems like everybody paid their checks before all the carnage happened.
Linda: Yeah Bob, it was crazy. At least the kids are safe.
Bob: Wish I could say the same for our new teammates.
Linda: Looks like all the bills were accounted for, except for that LGBT Couple that sat at the end of the counter. I think their names were Baze and Chirrut.
Bob: No, they didn't eat anything. I think they said they were trying to be Vegans or something.
Linda: I thought they were trying to be Jedis.
Bob: Vegans, Jedis, I think that's the same thing isn't it??
Louise: Those aren't the same thing Dad.
Bob: Either way, they didn't eat anything. Just took up a seat and drank water before that Wizard and his three buddies with the Renaissance Festival costumes came in and murdered them. Which was pretty awkward; but pretty good from a cash flow perspective if I'm gonna be honest.
Linda: Well Bob, let's not forget that those Vegans did kill that Dothraki guy, even though he was all sad, crying in his milkshake after his teammate Hannibal ate his horse.
Jean: They weren't Vegans, they were Jedis..... Sort of.
Bob: To be fair, the rest of the team did say that eating that horse was far better than what Epstein and the Prince were going to do with it.
Linda: It did bother me that Dr. Lectur brought in his own outside food. I really thought you were going to say something to him Bob. It's why I wouldn't give him free refills on his Sprite. Not to mention that I don't want people thinking horseburgers are something we serve here. Word gets out and people start to talk.
Bob: I know Linda. You're right. I was going to say something; but I was so busy serving Coach Bo & Coach Jim burgers for their eating contest that the time got away from me.
Tina: It wasn't much of a contest when Bo won 9 to 3; but nobody seems to care about that.
Bob: But, you are right Linda. If I would have kicked Dr. Lectur out earlier than he wouldn't have been able to start eating Bo & Jim and they would have ordered even more burgers.
Linda: Oh well Bob, ya live and ya learn. I will say, that it sure was nice having live music in here for the first time ever. Green Day sounded great and it sure did bring in a lot of customers. It's too bad this ended up being their last show, considering that the Gauntlet guys ended up killing all three of them. But then again Green Day's mosh pit was pretty deadly. I can't say I was too bummed to see Lectur trampled, but that John Schlade seemed like a nice, Christian, young man.
Bob: Packed is an understatement Linda. I didn't think our place was ever going to clear out. Only that Cassian fellow is still here finishing his dinner.
Louise: The blue Warrior was scary.
Bob: Yeah. There were some scary folk about here. Glad that Imperial robot killed all those mythology types, couldn't believe he self-destructed in the process. But having all that royalty in here was really weird. I guess as soon as they fall out of favor over in the U.K. They just end up filtering in to places like this. That Meghan chick doesn't seem very loyal either. She kept flirting with that George Bailey fellow; but he refused to help her down from the stool. I was happy, she was a pretty arrogant gal and there was something special about that George Bailey, I felt really rich being his friend. But that wealthy guy, his buddy Sam.... Ugh. My skin still crawls every time I think about him saying Hee Haw. Weird that George and Sam were just collateral damage when Sir Winston Churchill turned on his own team and started yelling “God Save the Queen” while he gunned down Harry, Meghan, Archie, & Andrew. Guess he thought that he was the only true Englishman in here. And it took Winston so long to find that Epstein guy hiding behind the counter. That dude sure didn't want to die. I thought it was a bit much when Ol' Winston yanked his belt off and strangled the dude. It was a rough exchange; but Epstein certainly wasn't going to kill himself. And then those Rebel Soldiers came after Churchill next. Those Rebels just kept walking right towards him, like they were used to fighting people with terrible aim or something??...?? Winston just picked them off one by one.
Linda: But poor Teddy I can't stop thinking about. I can't believe he is gone. What was wrong with that Coruscant Underworld Policeman anyway?? I can't believe he accused our Teddy of selling loose deathsticks and then strangled him to death right in front of those cell phone cameras. Dick Tracey sure took care of him though. He sure does dislike corrupt cops. Detective Tracey sure is one o f the good ones. I can't believe our last customer Captain Cassian gunned Dick and Sir Winston down from behind like that; but I guess this is a deathmatch after all.
Bob: That fight between him and Attorney General Reno in her wooden armor was quite a sight to see though. Pretty random since the only people who would even understand that silly wooden armor reference aren't even in the FFL anymore. I guess they didn't have laser blasters in mind when they designed that armor. Probably worked just fine back in Waco though.
Linda: It's kind of scary that he is still here Bob. Cassian, I mean. He seems like a nice guy; but him and us being alive is probably the only reason the match hasn't ended yet. The kids and I are going to hang back; why don't you go and talk to him and see if we can end this terrible match?? I hope he doesn't murder you, Bob.
Bob: Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
Bob: Umm, Hello Captain Andor, how was your meal?? That's a really nice blaster you have on the counter. Can I get you anything else besides the check??
Cassian: No, thanks Bob. The burger was delicious. I'm really sorry I'm going to have to shoot you and your family now; but war does terrible things to people. I really can't tell you how much I enjoyed the food and the quaint atmosphere of your place though.
Bob: Thanks for the compliments Captain Andor. I figured you were going to say something like that. Which is why we poisoned your burger. You didn't really think my family and I weren't going to get at least one kill in our only home court advantage match did you?? You're going to die in about 15 seconds. Your bill comes to $11.47.
Two Hungry Dino-Mites w/ Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are Chirrut Imwe, Baze Malbus, Casssian Andor, K-2SO, Bo Schembechler, Jim Harbough, George Bailey, Sam Wainwright, Coruscant Underworld Police (CUP), Green Day: Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt, & Tre' Cool, & Rebel Soldier #5-7.
The family who runs the small town favorite restaurant Bob's Burger has had quite a day, but they relax afterwards as a family.
Linda: Wow Bob, that really was quite a day.
Bob: Yeah, hope this doesn't become a regular thing on Sundays; but at least business was good. It seems like everybody paid their checks before all the carnage happened.
Linda: Yeah Bob, it was crazy. At least the kids are safe.
Bob: Wish I could say the same for our new teammates.
Linda: Looks like all the bills were accounted for, except for that LGBT Couple that sat at the end of the counter. I think their names were Baze and Chirrut.
Bob: No, they didn't eat anything. I think they said they were trying to be Vegans or something.
Linda: I thought they were trying to be Jedis.
Bob: Vegans, Jedis, I think that's the same thing isn't it??
Louise: Those aren't the same thing Dad.
Bob: Either way, they didn't eat anything. Just took up a seat and drank water before that Wizard and his three buddies with the Renaissance Festival costumes came in and murdered them. Which was pretty awkward; but pretty good from a cash flow perspective if I'm gonna be honest.
Linda: Well Bob, let's not forget that those Vegans did kill that Dothraki guy, even though he was all sad, crying in his milkshake after his teammate Hannibal ate his horse.
Jean: They weren't Vegans, they were Jedis..... Sort of.
Bob: To be fair, the rest of the team did say that eating that horse was far better than what Epstein and the Prince were going to do with it.
Linda: It did bother me that Dr. Lectur brought in his own outside food. I really thought you were going to say something to him Bob. It's why I wouldn't give him free refills on his Sprite. Not to mention that I don't want people thinking horseburgers are something we serve here. Word gets out and people start to talk.
Bob: I know Linda. You're right. I was going to say something; but I was so busy serving Coach Bo & Coach Jim burgers for their eating contest that the time got away from me.
Tina: It wasn't much of a contest when Bo won 9 to 3; but nobody seems to care about that.
Bob: But, you are right Linda. If I would have kicked Dr. Lectur out earlier than he wouldn't have been able to start eating Bo & Jim and they would have ordered even more burgers.
Linda: Oh well Bob, ya live and ya learn. I will say, that it sure was nice having live music in here for the first time ever. Green Day sounded great and it sure did bring in a lot of customers. It's too bad this ended up being their last show, considering that the Gauntlet guys ended up killing all three of them. But then again Green Day's mosh pit was pretty deadly. I can't say I was too bummed to see Lectur trampled, but that John Schlade seemed like a nice, Christian, young man.
Bob: Packed is an understatement Linda. I didn't think our place was ever going to clear out. Only that Cassian fellow is still here finishing his dinner.
Louise: The blue Warrior was scary.
Bob: Yeah. There were some scary folk about here. Glad that Imperial robot killed all those mythology types, couldn't believe he self-destructed in the process. But having all that royalty in here was really weird. I guess as soon as they fall out of favor over in the U.K. They just end up filtering in to places like this. That Meghan chick doesn't seem very loyal either. She kept flirting with that George Bailey fellow; but he refused to help her down from the stool. I was happy, she was a pretty arrogant gal and there was something special about that George Bailey, I felt really rich being his friend. But that wealthy guy, his buddy Sam.... Ugh. My skin still crawls every time I think about him saying Hee Haw. Weird that George and Sam were just collateral damage when Sir Winston Churchill turned on his own team and started yelling “God Save the Queen” while he gunned down Harry, Meghan, Archie, & Andrew. Guess he thought that he was the only true Englishman in here. And it took Winston so long to find that Epstein guy hiding behind the counter. That dude sure didn't want to die. I thought it was a bit much when Ol' Winston yanked his belt off and strangled the dude. It was a rough exchange; but Epstein certainly wasn't going to kill himself. And then those Rebel Soldiers came after Churchill next. Those Rebels just kept walking right towards him, like they were used to fighting people with terrible aim or something??...?? Winston just picked them off one by one.
Linda: But poor Teddy I can't stop thinking about. I can't believe he is gone. What was wrong with that Coruscant Underworld Policeman anyway?? I can't believe he accused our Teddy of selling loose deathsticks and then strangled him to death right in front of those cell phone cameras. Dick Tracey sure took care of him though. He sure does dislike corrupt cops. Detective Tracey sure is one o f the good ones. I can't believe our last customer Captain Cassian gunned Dick and Sir Winston down from behind like that; but I guess this is a deathmatch after all.
Bob: That fight between him and Attorney General Reno in her wooden armor was quite a sight to see though. Pretty random since the only people who would even understand that silly wooden armor reference aren't even in the FFL anymore. I guess they didn't have laser blasters in mind when they designed that armor. Probably worked just fine back in Waco though.
Linda: It's kind of scary that he is still here Bob. Cassian, I mean. He seems like a nice guy; but him and us being alive is probably the only reason the match hasn't ended yet. The kids and I are going to hang back; why don't you go and talk to him and see if we can end this terrible match?? I hope he doesn't murder you, Bob.
Bob: Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
Bob: Umm, Hello Captain Andor, how was your meal?? That's a really nice blaster you have on the counter. Can I get you anything else besides the check??
Cassian: No, thanks Bob. The burger was delicious. I'm really sorry I'm going to have to shoot you and your family now; but war does terrible things to people. I really can't tell you how much I enjoyed the food and the quaint atmosphere of your place though.
Bob: Thanks for the compliments Captain Andor. I figured you were going to say something like that. Which is why we poisoned your burger. You didn't really think my family and I weren't going to get at least one kill in our only home court advantage match did you?? You're going to die in about 15 seconds. Your bill comes to $11.47.
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