Prize: The Starship Enterprise
Points: 1200
Setting: The Play-Off Planet
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Consolation Match Week 3
Points: 6
Prize: A scooter
Setting: The Ditch in front of Mike & Laura Sroka's house in February.
Match ups: TBD
Prize: A scooter
Setting: The Ditch in front of Mike & Laura Sroka's house in February.
Match ups: TBD
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Playoff Matches.
If you are looking for the playoff matches, just scroll down past Part 7 of the Consolation Matches and you shall find both of them.
Please do this as they are both amazing matches.
Nick the Watcher
Please do this as they are both amazing matches.
Nick the Watcher
Week Two of the Consolation Matches
Note to the readers of the blog: I just wanted to let everyone know that Week Two of the Consolation Matches are kind of written as one serialized story. It's not that you won't be able to follow what is going on in the story, it's just that it will be easier to follow them if you do. This is the reason why each match begins with a Part 1-7 title. I also would like to say that it goes a little darker than normal towards the end, but that I hope I was able to end it on a somewhat lighter note in the final match. Anyways, I hope you enjoy them and congrats to the victors.
Nick the Watcher
Nick the Watcher
Part 1: Week 2 Consolation Matches: The Syracuse Valley vs. Built Ford Tough
The Syracuse Valley is Doogle & Sockpin.
Built Ford Tough is Steve McQueen and Treasure Troll #26.
Ah yes, Tim Cheveldae’s house, what a fine place to lay down your feet for the night. I remember the first time I laid eyes on this fine piece of property. It was but a fortnight ago when I first was lucky enough to touch the warm brick (It had been very warm that day) and smell the fresh flowers that had just been planted only hours earlier. Mr. Cheveldae greeted me at the door and offered me a cool beverage. We had a wonderful talk about the state of the economy and why Chris Osgood is the Billy Smith of our generation. After many hours of lovely banter, he agreed to let us use his house as a setting for Week 2 of the Consolation Matches. He was a bit apprehensive at first, but after realizing how much acclaim he would receive, he gladly said yes.
The only request he had was that he would be present for all of the matches. I explained to him the risks of such a venture, that sometimes certain unexpected things may occur, but he assured me that everything would be quite all right. After we bid our farewells, I walked away with a sense of sadness for leaving the house. I felt so at home there and I couldn’t hardly wait another moment before I was able to step foot back into the dwelling known as Tim Cheveldae’s house.
As I arrived for the first match, I noticed that Doogle and Sockpin were standing outside one of the windows staring into the house. They did this for about twenty minutes until I realized that what they were doing. Well, I take that back. The only real reason I figured out what they were doing is because Tim Cheveldae came out of the house and asked the two of them what they were up to. They both said nothing and slowly walked into the house. Steve McQueen was already in the house sitting next to Treasure Troll #26. McQueen had already polished off two beers and a scotch and TT #26 was sipping on a shot glass that seemed to be filled with a Pina Colada mixture. They both looked relaxed and quickly resumed their conversation with Mr. Cheveldae.
“I completely agree that Nicholas the first would have been able to over take Napoleon, if only he had been around to do so.” Said Steve McQueen.
“I know he was such a brutal leader, but such a great one. Steve and I used to call Bryan Murray ‘ Nicholas the Conquer’.” Tim Cheveldae said.
“That’s great,” the little Treasure Troll said while spitting some of his Pina Colada out of his nose.
“Actually, we also used to refer to Federov and Kozlov as ‘The Decembrist Revolt’, because they were always trying to do something different with the team.”
Doogle and Bran walk into the room and Bran says, “Why are you guys talking about St. Nick? Were here to fight”
“It’s not St. Nick you mindless fool, we are talking about Nicholas the Conquer of Russia. He was Czar from 1825 to 1855. If you actually have something useful to add than please sit down and join in. If not, please be quiet.” Tim Cheveldae says this to the two awkward kids as they stand there with the look of two dead donkeys on their face.
Doogle looks over at Bran and says, “Screw this, lets grab that stick off the wall and beat the hell out of these dudes and get out of here.”
Doogle and Bran quietly go over to the wall and begin to grab at the goalie stick that they had been staring at from outside. You see, it was an autographed goalie stick from Felix Potvin from Game 7 of the first round of the1993 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Felix and Tim both decided to give each other an autographed stick of theirs to remember such a momentous occasion. Actually, from what I’ve heard about the real story is that Felix sent Tim the stick to rub Toronto’s victory in his face. Naturally, in an act of true class, Tim sent Felix an autographed version of his stick to show him that he was a good sport about the whole thing. Now for the reason why the stick is hung on the wall, that I was never was able to find out. Anyways, as the boys were trying to grab the stick off of the wall, the tiny Treasure Troll noticed it and signaled to Tim of what was going on.
Tim saw this and was horrified to see something of his being messed with. Before he was able to do anything about it though, Steve McQueen had thrown his glass of scotch directly at the head of Bran. Bran fell like he had just jumped up and smacked his head on the ceiling of someone’s basement (WHAT UP!). Then he kicked over the table in the living room, broke one of the legs off and picked up the splintered wood from off of the ground. He then ran over to Doogle and stabbed him directly in the heart.
“You stabbed him in the heart dude, he’s not even a vampire.” Bran said to McQueen.
“You’d be surprised on how many people that will kill”. McQueen says this to Bran, then proceeds to rip the goalie stick off of the wall and beats Bran to death with it. Tim at first looked a little offended but then he walked over to McQueen and said, “Well it’s about time that thing was used to do something good.”
McQueen, Treasure Troll #26 and Tim Cheveldae walked into the kitchen and continued their discussions over a nice home cooked meal, curtousy of one Mr. Tim Cheveldae.
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
Built Ford Tough is Steve McQueen and Treasure Troll #26.
Ah yes, Tim Cheveldae’s house, what a fine place to lay down your feet for the night. I remember the first time I laid eyes on this fine piece of property. It was but a fortnight ago when I first was lucky enough to touch the warm brick (It had been very warm that day) and smell the fresh flowers that had just been planted only hours earlier. Mr. Cheveldae greeted me at the door and offered me a cool beverage. We had a wonderful talk about the state of the economy and why Chris Osgood is the Billy Smith of our generation. After many hours of lovely banter, he agreed to let us use his house as a setting for Week 2 of the Consolation Matches. He was a bit apprehensive at first, but after realizing how much acclaim he would receive, he gladly said yes.
The only request he had was that he would be present for all of the matches. I explained to him the risks of such a venture, that sometimes certain unexpected things may occur, but he assured me that everything would be quite all right. After we bid our farewells, I walked away with a sense of sadness for leaving the house. I felt so at home there and I couldn’t hardly wait another moment before I was able to step foot back into the dwelling known as Tim Cheveldae’s house.
As I arrived for the first match, I noticed that Doogle and Sockpin were standing outside one of the windows staring into the house. They did this for about twenty minutes until I realized that what they were doing. Well, I take that back. The only real reason I figured out what they were doing is because Tim Cheveldae came out of the house and asked the two of them what they were up to. They both said nothing and slowly walked into the house. Steve McQueen was already in the house sitting next to Treasure Troll #26. McQueen had already polished off two beers and a scotch and TT #26 was sipping on a shot glass that seemed to be filled with a Pina Colada mixture. They both looked relaxed and quickly resumed their conversation with Mr. Cheveldae.
“I completely agree that Nicholas the first would have been able to over take Napoleon, if only he had been around to do so.” Said Steve McQueen.
“I know he was such a brutal leader, but such a great one. Steve and I used to call Bryan Murray ‘ Nicholas the Conquer’.” Tim Cheveldae said.
“That’s great,” the little Treasure Troll said while spitting some of his Pina Colada out of his nose.
“Actually, we also used to refer to Federov and Kozlov as ‘The Decembrist Revolt’, because they were always trying to do something different with the team.”
Doogle and Bran walk into the room and Bran says, “Why are you guys talking about St. Nick? Were here to fight”
“It’s not St. Nick you mindless fool, we are talking about Nicholas the Conquer of Russia. He was Czar from 1825 to 1855. If you actually have something useful to add than please sit down and join in. If not, please be quiet.” Tim Cheveldae says this to the two awkward kids as they stand there with the look of two dead donkeys on their face.
Doogle looks over at Bran and says, “Screw this, lets grab that stick off the wall and beat the hell out of these dudes and get out of here.”
Doogle and Bran quietly go over to the wall and begin to grab at the goalie stick that they had been staring at from outside. You see, it was an autographed goalie stick from Felix Potvin from Game 7 of the first round of the1993 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Felix and Tim both decided to give each other an autographed stick of theirs to remember such a momentous occasion. Actually, from what I’ve heard about the real story is that Felix sent Tim the stick to rub Toronto’s victory in his face. Naturally, in an act of true class, Tim sent Felix an autographed version of his stick to show him that he was a good sport about the whole thing. Now for the reason why the stick is hung on the wall, that I was never was able to find out. Anyways, as the boys were trying to grab the stick off of the wall, the tiny Treasure Troll noticed it and signaled to Tim of what was going on.
Tim saw this and was horrified to see something of his being messed with. Before he was able to do anything about it though, Steve McQueen had thrown his glass of scotch directly at the head of Bran. Bran fell like he had just jumped up and smacked his head on the ceiling of someone’s basement (WHAT UP!). Then he kicked over the table in the living room, broke one of the legs off and picked up the splintered wood from off of the ground. He then ran over to Doogle and stabbed him directly in the heart.
“You stabbed him in the heart dude, he’s not even a vampire.” Bran said to McQueen.
“You’d be surprised on how many people that will kill”. McQueen says this to Bran, then proceeds to rip the goalie stick off of the wall and beats Bran to death with it. Tim at first looked a little offended but then he walked over to McQueen and said, “Well it’s about time that thing was used to do something good.”
McQueen, Treasure Troll #26 and Tim Cheveldae walked into the kitchen and continued their discussions over a nice home cooked meal, curtousy of one Mr. Tim Cheveldae.
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
Part 2: Week 2 Consolation Matches: The Untouchables vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyaatches
The Untouchables are Horatio Caine, Madame Razz & Broom.
Beckerman’s Backyardigan Beeyaatches are Skrull #1 and The Beast from Beauty and the Beast.
Horatio Caine and Madame Razz with Broom walk into the house that is Tim Cheveldae’s. They are greeted at the door by Mr. Cheveldae, who is very happy to see them in. Horatio takes his sunglasses off and says, “It doesn’t seem like I’ll be needing these babies for the match, you mind if I put them on your counter?” Tim says he does not care and the four of them walk into the living room. Tim offers his guests a drink and they sit down for a nice chat. They sat and drank their drinks for a while before anything really happened.
“So when is the other team showing up?” An excited Madame Razz asks Mr. Cheveldae. “Well, actually they already showed up. He got mean really quick so I had to subdue him. He is upstairs if you would like to see him.”
The four of them begin to walk up the stairs and Horatio notices that Madame Razz and Broom are walking a little funny. Tim then shows his guests to one of his upstairs bedrooms and shows them a tied up Beast lying on the ground. “Wow Mr. Cheveldae, you certainly are brave and strong to be able to take down a beast like that.” Madame Razz says.
“Yeah, a little too strong if you ask me.” Horatio points out to the homeowner. Just then the Beast began to struggle and Tim shouted, “Oh crap you guys, I think he is getting loose.” Horatio ran over to keep the rope around the hands of the beast until he realized that the rope wasn’t even tied to begin with. Horatio then looked behind him and saw Tim Cheveldae running out of the room and slamming the door behind him.
Horatio quickly ran towards the door to open it back up, but before he was able to get to it, the Beast had picked up Broom and thrown him directly at the back of Caine. This knocked Caine over and sent him crashing into the wall. The Beast then smacked Madame Razz out of the way and picked up broom again, this time breaking it in half with his knee. Horatio sensing that this match may be over very quickly pulled out his gun to discharge it on the Beast. Unfortunately for him though, Madame Razz, who by this time looked violently ill began to utter some words that were an attempt at a spell. This spell meant well, but instead of turning the Beast into butter, she turned Horatio’s gun into Margarine. The now defenseless Horatio struggled to get up off of the floor, by this time noticing that he was feeling very dizzy as well. Though Horatio was able to eventually re-gain his footing, it didn’t help him very much as the Beast began to beat the Miami detective to death with his mighty claws.
“I was always a bigger fan of Grissom anyways” the Beast says this as he proceeds to beat the living hell out of the now dead detective. The Beast then stands over his victim with a feeling of great pride, that is only a short lived feeling though, as he suddenly feels like his insides are on fire. In reality, Madame Razz had cast a spell on him that turned his organs inside out. The spell was cast correctly this time and as Madame lied on the ground, she watched, as the Beast’s innies became outies. The now completely exhausted and violently ill Madame Razz tried to get up but was instantly kicked back to the ground by the foot of Tim Cheveldae. “Why Tim, why would you do this to us?” Tim then looked at her and said, “He didn’t, I did”. Tim Cheveldae then turned back into Skrull #1 and kicked in the face of Madame Razz.
“Oh by the way, I hope you all liked the arsenic cocktails I made for you. They were easier to make then I thought they would be” A cocky Skrull #1 said to the now dead members of the Untouchables. Skrull #1 then turned back around to his now dead opponents and said, “I’ll make them for you anytime”
“That’s okay buddy, I think I’ll have to pass on one of those” Tim Cheveldae says to Skrull #1 right after he smashes him on the head with Felix Potvin’s hockey stick. “That one was for tying me up, this one is for killing the old lady.” Tim then beat the Skrull over the head until it was fairly apparent that he was dead. Tim then stood over the dead body of the Skrull and said, “Not in my house Mother F*@$*%”.
Though they are all dead, Beckerman’s Backyardigan Beeyaatches are Victorious!
Beckerman’s Backyardigan Beeyaatches are Skrull #1 and The Beast from Beauty and the Beast.
Horatio Caine and Madame Razz with Broom walk into the house that is Tim Cheveldae’s. They are greeted at the door by Mr. Cheveldae, who is very happy to see them in. Horatio takes his sunglasses off and says, “It doesn’t seem like I’ll be needing these babies for the match, you mind if I put them on your counter?” Tim says he does not care and the four of them walk into the living room. Tim offers his guests a drink and they sit down for a nice chat. They sat and drank their drinks for a while before anything really happened.
“So when is the other team showing up?” An excited Madame Razz asks Mr. Cheveldae. “Well, actually they already showed up. He got mean really quick so I had to subdue him. He is upstairs if you would like to see him.”
The four of them begin to walk up the stairs and Horatio notices that Madame Razz and Broom are walking a little funny. Tim then shows his guests to one of his upstairs bedrooms and shows them a tied up Beast lying on the ground. “Wow Mr. Cheveldae, you certainly are brave and strong to be able to take down a beast like that.” Madame Razz says.
“Yeah, a little too strong if you ask me.” Horatio points out to the homeowner. Just then the Beast began to struggle and Tim shouted, “Oh crap you guys, I think he is getting loose.” Horatio ran over to keep the rope around the hands of the beast until he realized that the rope wasn’t even tied to begin with. Horatio then looked behind him and saw Tim Cheveldae running out of the room and slamming the door behind him.
Horatio quickly ran towards the door to open it back up, but before he was able to get to it, the Beast had picked up Broom and thrown him directly at the back of Caine. This knocked Caine over and sent him crashing into the wall. The Beast then smacked Madame Razz out of the way and picked up broom again, this time breaking it in half with his knee. Horatio sensing that this match may be over very quickly pulled out his gun to discharge it on the Beast. Unfortunately for him though, Madame Razz, who by this time looked violently ill began to utter some words that were an attempt at a spell. This spell meant well, but instead of turning the Beast into butter, she turned Horatio’s gun into Margarine. The now defenseless Horatio struggled to get up off of the floor, by this time noticing that he was feeling very dizzy as well. Though Horatio was able to eventually re-gain his footing, it didn’t help him very much as the Beast began to beat the Miami detective to death with his mighty claws.
“I was always a bigger fan of Grissom anyways” the Beast says this as he proceeds to beat the living hell out of the now dead detective. The Beast then stands over his victim with a feeling of great pride, that is only a short lived feeling though, as he suddenly feels like his insides are on fire. In reality, Madame Razz had cast a spell on him that turned his organs inside out. The spell was cast correctly this time and as Madame lied on the ground, she watched, as the Beast’s innies became outies. The now completely exhausted and violently ill Madame Razz tried to get up but was instantly kicked back to the ground by the foot of Tim Cheveldae. “Why Tim, why would you do this to us?” Tim then looked at her and said, “He didn’t, I did”. Tim Cheveldae then turned back into Skrull #1 and kicked in the face of Madame Razz.
“Oh by the way, I hope you all liked the arsenic cocktails I made for you. They were easier to make then I thought they would be” A cocky Skrull #1 said to the now dead members of the Untouchables. Skrull #1 then turned back around to his now dead opponents and said, “I’ll make them for you anytime”
“That’s okay buddy, I think I’ll have to pass on one of those” Tim Cheveldae says to Skrull #1 right after he smashes him on the head with Felix Potvin’s hockey stick. “That one was for tying me up, this one is for killing the old lady.” Tim then beat the Skrull over the head until it was fairly apparent that he was dead. Tim then stood over the dead body of the Skrull and said, “Not in my house Mother F*@$*%”.
Though they are all dead, Beckerman’s Backyardigan Beeyaatches are Victorious!
Part 3: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Le' Napoleon Brigade vs. The Right Wing
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is the Spice Girls
The Right Wing is Hector
Hector walks into the house that Tim built (Well not really) and notices a nice Canadian man surrounded by five over the top British woman. The man of course is Tim Cheveldae and he looks like a kid in a candy store. Hector stands in the doorway when Baby Spice (aka Emma Bunton) says, “Oh he’s cute, I want him”. Ginger Spice (aka Geri Halliwell) then looks over at Baby and laughs. “You aint what he wants Emma, he wants a real woman”. Emma looks back and says, “But I am a real woman now Geri, I’m in my thirties for god’s sake”. Scary Spice (aka Melanie Brown) looks at the both of them and says, “Please ladies, if he is interested in having a real woman, he’ll come to me.”
Posh Spice (aka Victoria Beckham) looks at Scary Spice and says, “Yeah, if he likes a woman that acts like a man”.
“What was that Vicky, what did you say? You are such a racist Vick.” Scary Spice says to Posh.
“I am not, all I said is that you act a bit more manly than the rest of us.” Posh says defensively back to Scary.
“I do not, I think you have the wrong Mel for that one” Scary screams back at Posh with.
“Hey, I have a boyfriend and a baby now. I’m not the manly one in the group anymore. Plus, why did you have to drag me into this, I don’t even care about him” a very hurt Sporty Spice (aka Melanie Chisholm) says back to sisters in arms.
“You’re not interested in him, well that’s a surprise,” Posh says to sporty.
“Hey, at least everyone doesn’t call me B*$#& Spice” Sport says back to Posh.
“Yeah, they just call you Lez Spice” Posh instantly says back.
“It could be worse, they could call you Old Spice like they do to Geri” Emma innocently says.
“Hey, how did I get brought back into this? I’m just interested in him,” Geri says referring to Hector.
“Oh that’s right, I forgot about Whore Spice too Geri. How many names do you have anyways?” Posh says to Geri.
“Oh I don’t know, probably the same number of woman your husband has slept this week while you have been gone.” Geri says back to Posh, who is now so angry that she is now standing up holding one of her three-inch heels that she has taken off of her foot.
“That’s it Geri, we should have never let you back in the group” Posh says.
“Now wait just a second Victoria, we all decided to let her back in. I mean, she is the whole reason we were a group anyways.” A very scared Baby Spice says to the irate Posh Spice.
“Oh shut up Emma, you are such a naïve fool still”. Scary Spice says, “You have never understood how big of b*#$@ Geri is”.
“I’m the bitch?” Geri says.
Hector looks at Tim and says, “Oh my god, are they ever going to stop talking”.
Tim says back, “Well, I figure at this point you could just let them kill each other and wait it out. I do have a case of Molson in the fridge.”
“That does sound amazing but I think I would just rather do this” Hector then takes his Energy Sword out of its sheath and one by one he stab’s them in the stomach. Well actually he stabs Scary, Ginger and Posh in the stomach because he thinks they deserve to die a painful death. He cut the heads off of Baby and Sporty, though he hated to do so because he kind of liked the Sporty one. He thought she would have been a worthy fighter and he also thought she was kind of cute. Though, after about forty five seconds of annoying moans and groans from the three remaining girls, Hector took his sword and loped their domes off as well.
Tim looked at Hector and said, “I’m kind of bummed that you had to do that. It’s not very often that I have a woman over here, let alone five of them.”
“Well for that I am sorry Tim, but do you know what can be more enjoyable then spending your time with five woman?
“What?
“Not spending your time with woman while drinking a case of Molson”. A very fulfilled Hector says as he walks towards the fridge and takes out two ice cold Molson Canadian’s. They both open their beers and take a drink.
“Couldn’t you have a least kept one of them alive, I mean I live in Canada, woman like that don’t just walk into the bar around here.”
“Tim, just shut up and drink your beer before I behead you as well”
“F-you Hector, F-you”
The Right Wing is Victorious!
The Right Wing is Hector
Hector walks into the house that Tim built (Well not really) and notices a nice Canadian man surrounded by five over the top British woman. The man of course is Tim Cheveldae and he looks like a kid in a candy store. Hector stands in the doorway when Baby Spice (aka Emma Bunton) says, “Oh he’s cute, I want him”. Ginger Spice (aka Geri Halliwell) then looks over at Baby and laughs. “You aint what he wants Emma, he wants a real woman”. Emma looks back and says, “But I am a real woman now Geri, I’m in my thirties for god’s sake”. Scary Spice (aka Melanie Brown) looks at the both of them and says, “Please ladies, if he is interested in having a real woman, he’ll come to me.”
Posh Spice (aka Victoria Beckham) looks at Scary Spice and says, “Yeah, if he likes a woman that acts like a man”.
“What was that Vicky, what did you say? You are such a racist Vick.” Scary Spice says to Posh.
“I am not, all I said is that you act a bit more manly than the rest of us.” Posh says defensively back to Scary.
“I do not, I think you have the wrong Mel for that one” Scary screams back at Posh with.
“Hey, I have a boyfriend and a baby now. I’m not the manly one in the group anymore. Plus, why did you have to drag me into this, I don’t even care about him” a very hurt Sporty Spice (aka Melanie Chisholm) says back to sisters in arms.
“You’re not interested in him, well that’s a surprise,” Posh says to sporty.
“Hey, at least everyone doesn’t call me B*$#& Spice” Sport says back to Posh.
“Yeah, they just call you Lez Spice” Posh instantly says back.
“It could be worse, they could call you Old Spice like they do to Geri” Emma innocently says.
“Hey, how did I get brought back into this? I’m just interested in him,” Geri says referring to Hector.
“Oh that’s right, I forgot about Whore Spice too Geri. How many names do you have anyways?” Posh says to Geri.
“Oh I don’t know, probably the same number of woman your husband has slept this week while you have been gone.” Geri says back to Posh, who is now so angry that she is now standing up holding one of her three-inch heels that she has taken off of her foot.
“That’s it Geri, we should have never let you back in the group” Posh says.
“Now wait just a second Victoria, we all decided to let her back in. I mean, she is the whole reason we were a group anyways.” A very scared Baby Spice says to the irate Posh Spice.
“Oh shut up Emma, you are such a naïve fool still”. Scary Spice says, “You have never understood how big of b*#$@ Geri is”.
“I’m the bitch?” Geri says.
Hector looks at Tim and says, “Oh my god, are they ever going to stop talking”.
Tim says back, “Well, I figure at this point you could just let them kill each other and wait it out. I do have a case of Molson in the fridge.”
“That does sound amazing but I think I would just rather do this” Hector then takes his Energy Sword out of its sheath and one by one he stab’s them in the stomach. Well actually he stabs Scary, Ginger and Posh in the stomach because he thinks they deserve to die a painful death. He cut the heads off of Baby and Sporty, though he hated to do so because he kind of liked the Sporty one. He thought she would have been a worthy fighter and he also thought she was kind of cute. Though, after about forty five seconds of annoying moans and groans from the three remaining girls, Hector took his sword and loped their domes off as well.
Tim looked at Hector and said, “I’m kind of bummed that you had to do that. It’s not very often that I have a woman over here, let alone five of them.”
“Well for that I am sorry Tim, but do you know what can be more enjoyable then spending your time with five woman?
“What?
“Not spending your time with woman while drinking a case of Molson”. A very fulfilled Hector says as he walks towards the fridge and takes out two ice cold Molson Canadian’s. They both open their beers and take a drink.
“Couldn’t you have a least kept one of them alive, I mean I live in Canada, woman like that don’t just walk into the bar around here.”
“Tim, just shut up and drink your beer before I behead you as well”
“F-you Hector, F-you”
The Right Wing is Victorious!
Part 4: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. Better Than All of You
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Mystery Inc., Scooby Dumb and Ewok #5.
Better Than All of You is Ric Flair, Dozer #4 and Cobra Viper #1.
Scooby Dumb waits by the door as his opponents are walking up the walkway to Tim Cheveldae’s house. As soon as the door opens, he snaps the neck of Ric Flair. Then with one swift kick to the gut of the Cobra Viper, he knock’s him to the ground. Then he crushes the rib cage of the Cobra Viper, which moments later kills him. Then he pick’s up the little dozer and says, “It’s ironic that you make food, because you just became mine”. Scooby Dumb then places the dozer underneath his back two molars and begins to chew until there is nothing left. “Hmm, that s*@$ was good.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ric Flair, Dozer # 4 and Cobra Viper #4 have been at Tim Cheveldae’s house for hours. They have been patiently waiting for their opponents to arrive, alas to no avail. They have drunk numerous drinks and Tim made all of them a very good Seafood Cappellini. It had this really great white cream sauce with shrimp, scallops and even bits of lobster all over angel hair pasta. I didn’t get to have any, but it looked really amazing. Just as Tim was about to serve his raspberry cheesecake though, the Mystery Machine pulled up in the driveway.
“Oh hell no! I didn’t wait this entire time not to eat this cheesecake,” an irate Ric Flair says to the homeowner as he gets up and commands his team to follow him. The three members of BTAOY walk outside to meet them as they are coming out of the van. The van empties and out comes Fred, Velma, Daphne, Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Scooby-Dumb and Ewok #5.
“Sorry we’re late guys, we couldn’t find the place” Fred says to the angry wrestler.
“We were teleported here, how could you have gotten lost” Flair says.
“Well, we like to take the more scenic route” Fred says. About two seconds later he is gunned down by Cobra Viper #1. In fact, the Cobra soldier kills everyone but the dogs and the Ewok. The dogs and the Ewok manage to escape into the house. Tim Cheveldae is shocked to see two animals running into his house, though at this point, he is not that shocked. The dogs run in with what looks like a stuffed animal and instantly smell the cheesecake.
“Rey are you Rim Revelrae? Scooby says to the former hockey player.
“Um, I think so. Do you mean Tim Cheveldae?”
“Res, that’s what I read” Scooby-Doo says back.
Tim looks at the three of them and asks them if they are hungry. They are all very excited to hear these words and instantly say yes. Tim offers them up the Cheesecake but right as they are about to devour the desert, Ric Flair comes racing in the door and screams “Get your nasty paws off of my cake!”
The Viper then takes his gun out and prepares to mow down the rest of the team when Tim Cheveldae pleads with the soldier to not shoot up his house. The Cobra Viper puts his weapon down in respect for the IHL legend and Ric Flair agrees upon it as well.
“That’s fine Tim. For that meal, I will gladly take care of these things with my bare hands.” Just then Scooby-Dumb comes running after the former wrestler and though it looks like he is going to engage him in battle, in actuality, he is running for the dozer. He does eventually pick him up with his mouth and with one bite, swallows the poor guy right down. The Viper then smacks the dog on the head with his gun and puts one bullet in his head.
“Hey, what did I say about gunfire you guys” Tim says to the Viper soldier.
“Sorry Tim, it won’t happen again.” Flair looks at the Cobra Viper to tell him to stop the gunfire for good.
Then out of the blue, the Cobra soldier is hit directly in the throat with a butcher’s knife that came from the hands of Ewok #5. The Viper soldier falls instantly dead to the ground, which brings Flair back into the match completely. Flair then grab’s the gun from the dead Cobra’s hands and throws it outside. During this time Scooby-Doo has decided to start eating the Cheesecake that Flair so adamantly wants. Flair sees this and naturally runs over to Scooby-Doo and kicks him off of the cake. He then picks up Scooby-Doo by the scruff of the neck and throws him outside as well. He walks in once more and does the same thing to the Ewok.
He throws the Ewok outside as well but when he walks outside this time, he is met by a gun-toting Scooby Doo.
“Rooks rike you ret you ratch Ric”. Scooby then pulls the trigger but nothing happens. Scooby looks back at Flair and says, “Rut Row”.
“That’s right Scooby, no bullets. What do you think I’m F*@$*# stupid”. Flair then takes the gun from Scooby-Doo, loads it and proceeds to murder both the dog and the Ewok. As he walks into the house, Tim looks at him with disgust on his face.
“What the hell is wrong with you Ric, it’s just a cheesecake. How could you just murder them like that?” Tim says this to Flair, just now realizing what a mess he has gotten himself into.
“If you can’t stand the heat, than get you’re a$$ out of the kitchen. Now give me my cheesecake.”
Tim just looks at Ric and walks away in disgust. Ric looks back at him and says, “What? Didn’t you think it was going to be like this? I guess you should have thought about it before you let us come in and destroy everything. It’s not all fun and games Tim; I thought if anyone would have realized this, it would have been you. Go ahead, walk away Tim. Pretend you had nothing to do with this.” Ric eventually stopped talking and sat down at the kitchen table. He then picked up the fork next to his plate and finished the cake that he so intensely wanted.
Better Than All of You is Victorious!
Better Than All of You is Ric Flair, Dozer #4 and Cobra Viper #1.
Scooby Dumb waits by the door as his opponents are walking up the walkway to Tim Cheveldae’s house. As soon as the door opens, he snaps the neck of Ric Flair. Then with one swift kick to the gut of the Cobra Viper, he knock’s him to the ground. Then he crushes the rib cage of the Cobra Viper, which moments later kills him. Then he pick’s up the little dozer and says, “It’s ironic that you make food, because you just became mine”. Scooby Dumb then places the dozer underneath his back two molars and begins to chew until there is nothing left. “Hmm, that s*@$ was good.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ric Flair, Dozer # 4 and Cobra Viper #4 have been at Tim Cheveldae’s house for hours. They have been patiently waiting for their opponents to arrive, alas to no avail. They have drunk numerous drinks and Tim made all of them a very good Seafood Cappellini. It had this really great white cream sauce with shrimp, scallops and even bits of lobster all over angel hair pasta. I didn’t get to have any, but it looked really amazing. Just as Tim was about to serve his raspberry cheesecake though, the Mystery Machine pulled up in the driveway.
“Oh hell no! I didn’t wait this entire time not to eat this cheesecake,” an irate Ric Flair says to the homeowner as he gets up and commands his team to follow him. The three members of BTAOY walk outside to meet them as they are coming out of the van. The van empties and out comes Fred, Velma, Daphne, Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Scooby-Dumb and Ewok #5.
“Sorry we’re late guys, we couldn’t find the place” Fred says to the angry wrestler.
“We were teleported here, how could you have gotten lost” Flair says.
“Well, we like to take the more scenic route” Fred says. About two seconds later he is gunned down by Cobra Viper #1. In fact, the Cobra soldier kills everyone but the dogs and the Ewok. The dogs and the Ewok manage to escape into the house. Tim Cheveldae is shocked to see two animals running into his house, though at this point, he is not that shocked. The dogs run in with what looks like a stuffed animal and instantly smell the cheesecake.
“Rey are you Rim Revelrae? Scooby says to the former hockey player.
“Um, I think so. Do you mean Tim Cheveldae?”
“Res, that’s what I read” Scooby-Doo says back.
Tim looks at the three of them and asks them if they are hungry. They are all very excited to hear these words and instantly say yes. Tim offers them up the Cheesecake but right as they are about to devour the desert, Ric Flair comes racing in the door and screams “Get your nasty paws off of my cake!”
The Viper then takes his gun out and prepares to mow down the rest of the team when Tim Cheveldae pleads with the soldier to not shoot up his house. The Cobra Viper puts his weapon down in respect for the IHL legend and Ric Flair agrees upon it as well.
“That’s fine Tim. For that meal, I will gladly take care of these things with my bare hands.” Just then Scooby-Dumb comes running after the former wrestler and though it looks like he is going to engage him in battle, in actuality, he is running for the dozer. He does eventually pick him up with his mouth and with one bite, swallows the poor guy right down. The Viper then smacks the dog on the head with his gun and puts one bullet in his head.
“Hey, what did I say about gunfire you guys” Tim says to the Viper soldier.
“Sorry Tim, it won’t happen again.” Flair looks at the Cobra Viper to tell him to stop the gunfire for good.
Then out of the blue, the Cobra soldier is hit directly in the throat with a butcher’s knife that came from the hands of Ewok #5. The Viper soldier falls instantly dead to the ground, which brings Flair back into the match completely. Flair then grab’s the gun from the dead Cobra’s hands and throws it outside. During this time Scooby-Doo has decided to start eating the Cheesecake that Flair so adamantly wants. Flair sees this and naturally runs over to Scooby-Doo and kicks him off of the cake. He then picks up Scooby-Doo by the scruff of the neck and throws him outside as well. He walks in once more and does the same thing to the Ewok.
He throws the Ewok outside as well but when he walks outside this time, he is met by a gun-toting Scooby Doo.
“Rooks rike you ret you ratch Ric”. Scooby then pulls the trigger but nothing happens. Scooby looks back at Flair and says, “Rut Row”.
“That’s right Scooby, no bullets. What do you think I’m F*@$*# stupid”. Flair then takes the gun from Scooby-Doo, loads it and proceeds to murder both the dog and the Ewok. As he walks into the house, Tim looks at him with disgust on his face.
“What the hell is wrong with you Ric, it’s just a cheesecake. How could you just murder them like that?” Tim says this to Flair, just now realizing what a mess he has gotten himself into.
“If you can’t stand the heat, than get you’re a$$ out of the kitchen. Now give me my cheesecake.”
Tim just looks at Ric and walks away in disgust. Ric looks back at him and says, “What? Didn’t you think it was going to be like this? I guess you should have thought about it before you let us come in and destroy everything. It’s not all fun and games Tim; I thought if anyone would have realized this, it would have been you. Go ahead, walk away Tim. Pretend you had nothing to do with this.” Ric eventually stopped talking and sat down at the kitchen table. He then picked up the fork next to his plate and finished the cake that he so intensely wanted.
Better Than All of You is Victorious!
Part 5: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Justin “The Golden Boy” Oblak and Brandon Inge.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midget’s is Alexander the Great and Paploo.
Tim Cheveldae had been in a funk of late. It started far before he offered up his house as a battleground. He thought that maybe giving himself up to the Fantasy Fantasy league would help him get out of the funk. He thought that by letting more people in, that he would feel less like he was in prison. Ever since the Ric Flair encounter though, he has realized that he is now trapped in a prison of his own making.
Tim just sat on the couch in silence, all by himself, just waiting for the combatants to arrive. He dreaded the thought of more people being killed his home. He sat there for some time before Alexander the Great came marching through the door. He remembered the race of creatures that followed behind him as the same as in the last match. He thought to himself that he remembered hearing someone call them an Ewok, though he noticed that this one had a name. Paploo is what Alexander called it. He thought it was a strange name, but at this point he didn’t really even know what normal was anymore.
About ten minutes later after offering his guest’s drinks, he heard the other side coming up the walkway. They entered the house with not even the slightest regard for courtesy. Justin and Brandon instantly looked at Alexander and the Ewok and cracked a couple of jokes about this match being even easier then last weeks. The two opponent’s verbally spared for a while and then right before the battle began, the strangest thing happened. Mr. Cheveldae begged both teams to please not fight. He pleaded with them for several minutes before both teams grew tired of his anti-war redierct. Eventually Alexander pushed the Canadian aside and offered his hand out to his foes, to which they did not except.
The match was a bloody one. Brandon took the first swing at Alexander, but it was easily ducked and was met by a forearm to the throat. Inge fell to the ground grasping at his throat while Alexander turned his attention to Justin. Justin had noticed the small Ewok holding several stones in his hands before the fighting had begun so he grabbed a glass picture frame from one of tables and had placed it behind his back. When Alexander had hit Brandon, Justin jumped towards the Ewok who had begun to throw the stones at the golden boy. The first stone hit Justin but not hard enough to stop him. He purposely smashed the glass frame on the ground so it would break into many pieces. From this pile of broken glass Justin managed to pick up a several inches long piece of glass, rolled over on the floor and jammed in into the savior of the republics stomach.
Tim screamed in horror as he saw this happen once again to one of these creatures. Tim than ran over to Justin and kicked him upside the head. Alexander saw this and once again knocked Tim out of the way and went for Justin. Alexander kicked Justin in the side repeatedly; he did it long enough for Justin to start spitting blood. Alexander stood their proudly but before he knew it, he himself was lying on the floor spitting blood from the smash on the back that came from the Tigers third baseman. Brandon had stood up and taken a chair from the living room and broken it on Alexander’s back. With Justin and Alexander both on the ground, the advantage was to the Newz. Brandon walked over to Alexander once more but not before Tim pleaded once more for them to stop. Brandon turned his head towards Tim to yell at him again, but in doing this he left his guard down and was swept off of his feet by the Macedonian king. Brandon now lying on the ground was met by several brutal punches to the face.
Tim now realizing that his interference is the reason for Brandon’s current state, crawled to the corner of the room and basically sat there in a catatonic state for the remainder of the match. Justin now partially recovered from Alexander’s kicks, moves over to where Alexander is punishing his teammate and jam’s a piece of the glass from the ground into the back of his calf. Alexander let’s out a huge scream and places a massive backhand across the face of the golden boy. Justin falls down to the ground once more but is only momentarily silenced. Alexander, who is now in great pain, does not have the speed that Justin has. As Alexander pulls the glass out of his calf, Justin is able to run into the kitchen to look for another item to use. He now realizes that Brandon is probably done for so he looks for the biggest knife and pan he can find.
Alexander tries to get up on one leg. He manages to do so but I’m not really sure it offered him any better leverage than lying on the ground did. Justin then walked back into the living room holding a stick free pan and a nine inch serrated knife. Now normally even a hurt Alexander versus a normal person such as Justin would only be mildly challenging, but this match was a little different. You see, right as Justin turned the corner back into the living room, he noticed that Brandon was in better shape than he thought he would be. Brandon in fact was holding the piece of glass that Alexander had pulled out of his calf and right before he put it back into his leg, he winked at Justin to let him know that he was going to do so. After Brandon had re-engaged Alexander’s calf wound, it was only a matter of moments better Justin hit Alexander over the head with the pan and then repeatedly stabbed Alexander directly in the chest.
Tim’s entire living room was filled with blood as Justin helped Brandon out of the house. Tim just sat there in the corner looking at the blood soaked room, staring blankly at the mess that had been left for him. He hoped that this was the end of the brutality, but knew that his nightmare was not over yet.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Victorious!
The Brotherhood of Evil Midget’s is Alexander the Great and Paploo.
Tim Cheveldae had been in a funk of late. It started far before he offered up his house as a battleground. He thought that maybe giving himself up to the Fantasy Fantasy league would help him get out of the funk. He thought that by letting more people in, that he would feel less like he was in prison. Ever since the Ric Flair encounter though, he has realized that he is now trapped in a prison of his own making.
Tim just sat on the couch in silence, all by himself, just waiting for the combatants to arrive. He dreaded the thought of more people being killed his home. He sat there for some time before Alexander the Great came marching through the door. He remembered the race of creatures that followed behind him as the same as in the last match. He thought to himself that he remembered hearing someone call them an Ewok, though he noticed that this one had a name. Paploo is what Alexander called it. He thought it was a strange name, but at this point he didn’t really even know what normal was anymore.
About ten minutes later after offering his guest’s drinks, he heard the other side coming up the walkway. They entered the house with not even the slightest regard for courtesy. Justin and Brandon instantly looked at Alexander and the Ewok and cracked a couple of jokes about this match being even easier then last weeks. The two opponent’s verbally spared for a while and then right before the battle began, the strangest thing happened. Mr. Cheveldae begged both teams to please not fight. He pleaded with them for several minutes before both teams grew tired of his anti-war redierct. Eventually Alexander pushed the Canadian aside and offered his hand out to his foes, to which they did not except.
The match was a bloody one. Brandon took the first swing at Alexander, but it was easily ducked and was met by a forearm to the throat. Inge fell to the ground grasping at his throat while Alexander turned his attention to Justin. Justin had noticed the small Ewok holding several stones in his hands before the fighting had begun so he grabbed a glass picture frame from one of tables and had placed it behind his back. When Alexander had hit Brandon, Justin jumped towards the Ewok who had begun to throw the stones at the golden boy. The first stone hit Justin but not hard enough to stop him. He purposely smashed the glass frame on the ground so it would break into many pieces. From this pile of broken glass Justin managed to pick up a several inches long piece of glass, rolled over on the floor and jammed in into the savior of the republics stomach.
Tim screamed in horror as he saw this happen once again to one of these creatures. Tim than ran over to Justin and kicked him upside the head. Alexander saw this and once again knocked Tim out of the way and went for Justin. Alexander kicked Justin in the side repeatedly; he did it long enough for Justin to start spitting blood. Alexander stood their proudly but before he knew it, he himself was lying on the floor spitting blood from the smash on the back that came from the Tigers third baseman. Brandon had stood up and taken a chair from the living room and broken it on Alexander’s back. With Justin and Alexander both on the ground, the advantage was to the Newz. Brandon walked over to Alexander once more but not before Tim pleaded once more for them to stop. Brandon turned his head towards Tim to yell at him again, but in doing this he left his guard down and was swept off of his feet by the Macedonian king. Brandon now lying on the ground was met by several brutal punches to the face.
Tim now realizing that his interference is the reason for Brandon’s current state, crawled to the corner of the room and basically sat there in a catatonic state for the remainder of the match. Justin now partially recovered from Alexander’s kicks, moves over to where Alexander is punishing his teammate and jam’s a piece of the glass from the ground into the back of his calf. Alexander let’s out a huge scream and places a massive backhand across the face of the golden boy. Justin falls down to the ground once more but is only momentarily silenced. Alexander, who is now in great pain, does not have the speed that Justin has. As Alexander pulls the glass out of his calf, Justin is able to run into the kitchen to look for another item to use. He now realizes that Brandon is probably done for so he looks for the biggest knife and pan he can find.
Alexander tries to get up on one leg. He manages to do so but I’m not really sure it offered him any better leverage than lying on the ground did. Justin then walked back into the living room holding a stick free pan and a nine inch serrated knife. Now normally even a hurt Alexander versus a normal person such as Justin would only be mildly challenging, but this match was a little different. You see, right as Justin turned the corner back into the living room, he noticed that Brandon was in better shape than he thought he would be. Brandon in fact was holding the piece of glass that Alexander had pulled out of his calf and right before he put it back into his leg, he winked at Justin to let him know that he was going to do so. After Brandon had re-engaged Alexander’s calf wound, it was only a matter of moments better Justin hit Alexander over the head with the pan and then repeatedly stabbed Alexander directly in the chest.
Tim’s entire living room was filled with blood as Justin helped Brandon out of the house. Tim just sat there in the corner looking at the blood soaked room, staring blankly at the mess that had been left for him. He hoped that this was the end of the brutality, but knew that his nightmare was not over yet.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Victorious!
Part 6: Week 2 Consolation Matches: The Abomitrons vs. Alice's Wonder Team
The Abomitrons are Kyle Houslander and Joe Levine.
Alice’s Wonder Team is Goblin # 2 & 3 and Ewok #47.
Goblin #2 & 3 walked into the blood soaked house that was supposed to be Tim Cheveldae’s. The Ewok walked in behind them and they all spoke a moment about how they had never been to a battleground that had not been put back to normal yet. They were shocked by how much blood was on the floor and walls. The thing that shocked them the most was that the two bodies of Alexander the Great and another Ewok were still lying dead on the floor.
The site of another dead Ewok on the field already was too much to take for Ewok #47, a very young Ewok in his own right, who ran over to the body and began to cry. “This is messed up. I have never seen a battlefield look like this before a match. Did we show up at the wrong time?” Goblin #2 said to #3. At this time Joe and Kyle were walking up to the house, with not the slightest idea what they were walking into.
The Goblin’s were leaving the little Ewok alone, as they really had no idea what to do with him. As the door opened the Goblin’s turned around and looked at the two humans as they walked into the house. Kyle and Joe were shocked as they looked into the house. They had also never seen anything like this before and actually talked to their opponents for a while before anything even happened. They decided to take care of the bodies by bringing them out to the back yard. After a couple more minutes of talking and wondering what was going on they decided to go back into the house.
Joe and Kyle were kind of wondering what they were even doing at this match, as they didn’t know if they were even going to end up fighting. This wonder quickly ended for Joe, because as soon as they turned around to walk back into the house, Kyle was stabbed in the back with Goblin #2’s spear. Kyle fell to the ground, seriously injured. This is all it took to push Joe over the edge, as he quickly knocked Goblin #2 on his back and kicked Goblin #3’s spear out of his hand.
It didn’t take him long to plunge Goblin #3’s spear into the faces of both Goblin’s, ending their lives as soon as the spear pierced their skull’s. Joe then carried Kyle back into the house and laid him on the couch. “I will be right back Kyle, I have one more thing to take care of” Joe said this to Kyle, who was looking worse by the minute. Joe then grabbed a piece of glass off of the floor and walked outside to take care of his last opponent. When he arrived in the backyard he didn’t see the Ewok at first. He had to look towards the dead bodies, as the young Ewok was still sitting next to the dead body of Paploo.
The Ewok pleaded with Joe to spare his life but Joe replied with, “After what your team has done to my cousin, I highly f*#&*@% doubt that’s going to happen.” With that Joe slit the young Ewok’s throat, killing him instantly. Joe walked back into the house where he saw a man standing over the couch where Kyle had been lying on. “Hey, who the f*@# are you?”
The man replied with nobody and told Joe he should get the young boy back to his team, because he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able hold out. Joe pushed the man aside and quickly grabbed Kyle from the couch and walked out the door. Tim Cheveldae once more witnessed one more atrocity that he knew he would never be able to erase from his memory. He knew that with this, there was only one more match, one more match that would haunt his dreams forever.
The Abomitron’s are Victorious!
Alice’s Wonder Team is Goblin # 2 & 3 and Ewok #47.
Goblin #2 & 3 walked into the blood soaked house that was supposed to be Tim Cheveldae’s. The Ewok walked in behind them and they all spoke a moment about how they had never been to a battleground that had not been put back to normal yet. They were shocked by how much blood was on the floor and walls. The thing that shocked them the most was that the two bodies of Alexander the Great and another Ewok were still lying dead on the floor.
The site of another dead Ewok on the field already was too much to take for Ewok #47, a very young Ewok in his own right, who ran over to the body and began to cry. “This is messed up. I have never seen a battlefield look like this before a match. Did we show up at the wrong time?” Goblin #2 said to #3. At this time Joe and Kyle were walking up to the house, with not the slightest idea what they were walking into.
The Goblin’s were leaving the little Ewok alone, as they really had no idea what to do with him. As the door opened the Goblin’s turned around and looked at the two humans as they walked into the house. Kyle and Joe were shocked as they looked into the house. They had also never seen anything like this before and actually talked to their opponents for a while before anything even happened. They decided to take care of the bodies by bringing them out to the back yard. After a couple more minutes of talking and wondering what was going on they decided to go back into the house.
Joe and Kyle were kind of wondering what they were even doing at this match, as they didn’t know if they were even going to end up fighting. This wonder quickly ended for Joe, because as soon as they turned around to walk back into the house, Kyle was stabbed in the back with Goblin #2’s spear. Kyle fell to the ground, seriously injured. This is all it took to push Joe over the edge, as he quickly knocked Goblin #2 on his back and kicked Goblin #3’s spear out of his hand.
It didn’t take him long to plunge Goblin #3’s spear into the faces of both Goblin’s, ending their lives as soon as the spear pierced their skull’s. Joe then carried Kyle back into the house and laid him on the couch. “I will be right back Kyle, I have one more thing to take care of” Joe said this to Kyle, who was looking worse by the minute. Joe then grabbed a piece of glass off of the floor and walked outside to take care of his last opponent. When he arrived in the backyard he didn’t see the Ewok at first. He had to look towards the dead bodies, as the young Ewok was still sitting next to the dead body of Paploo.
The Ewok pleaded with Joe to spare his life but Joe replied with, “After what your team has done to my cousin, I highly f*#&*@% doubt that’s going to happen.” With that Joe slit the young Ewok’s throat, killing him instantly. Joe walked back into the house where he saw a man standing over the couch where Kyle had been lying on. “Hey, who the f*@# are you?”
The man replied with nobody and told Joe he should get the young boy back to his team, because he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able hold out. Joe pushed the man aside and quickly grabbed Kyle from the couch and walked out the door. Tim Cheveldae once more witnessed one more atrocity that he knew he would never be able to erase from his memory. He knew that with this, there was only one more match, one more match that would haunt his dreams forever.
The Abomitron’s are Victorious!
Part 7: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Minotaur #1
Team Sleeping Pussy is “Storming” Norman Rockwell and Compy #50.
As Tim Cheveldae waited for both teams to arrive on this final match, he decided to take a different approach to this battle. Instead of cowering back in his palace of blood, he decided to take a more offensive approach. He now figured, that the best way to end this match was to do it himself. He once again grabbed the Felix Potvin goalie stick off of the wall and took all of his knives out of the kitchen and kept them nearby. He set up a little fort at the half way portion of his stairway and waited for the final team’s to arrive.
The first to arrive were Norman Rockell and Compy #50, who knocked on the door with the anticipation of a warm welcome. When they heard the “Come on in” from inside the house, they had no idea what they were about to be greeted with. As soon as the door opened, a knife came flying at them, luckily not hitting either of them. Both Rockwell and the Compy both assumed it was the other team and instantly began making a plan to get in the house. The plan was going to be first and foremost, to get the little compy into the house to hide. They were moments away from initiating this plan when they heard something coming from the sidewalk. They turned around and saw a half-man, half-bull walking towards the house.
Rockwell looked at the Compy and said, “You don’t think he’s just a neighbor, do you?”
The Compy laughed and shook his head no, as it was pretty obvious that he had to be part of the other team. The Minotaur looked at the dinosaur and the crouching man and said, “What are you doing, aren’t we supposed to go inside?”
Rockwell then looked at the creature and said, “Who else do you have with you?
“Nobody, it’s just me” the Minotaur replied.
“You sure, you’re not bulls*@#*$^ us are you?” Rockwell insisted, though with no real way of threatening the beast.
“Yes, I swear to you, it is just me. Why, what’s going on here? Why aren’t you inside yet? I thought we were supposed to go inside for the battle?
“Yeah, so did we. Then we opened the door and had this come right at us.” Rockwell holds up the knife and shows it to the Minotaur. “We just assumed it was you but as soon as you came walking up to the house, we kind of threw that theory out the window.”
“Well, who’s in there then?” The Minotaur asked.
“I guess it’s supposed to be some guy named Tim Cheveldae’s house. I guess he let us use his house for this week. I guess it could be him, but why would he be fighting us? Why would he even be home in the first place?”
“I guess I have no idea about that, but what are we going to do?” The Minotaur once again asked.
Rockwell looked down at the compy and said, “I think I might have an idea.”
Tim had now completely lost his mind and was just salivating at the chance to end this match himself. He could hear talking outside of the house but could not make out what it was. He was watching the front door so closely that he was oblivious to the fact that they might come in from somewhere else.
The Minotaur and Norman Rockwell talked louder in hopes that whomever was in the house, would think that they were just hanging out by the front door. They kept this up for a couple of minutes before Norman took the Compy to the back of the house to find another entrance. The plan was for the Minotaur to continue to talk to himself, to keep up the appearance that they were all still up at the front of the house. While the Minotaur was doing this, Norman was trying his hardest to open up the back door to the house as quietly as possible. Once he had done this, he let the Compy walk into the house, in an attempt to catch the madman inside.
While inside, the compy could hear nothing but the Minotaur’s constant talking towards the front of the house. The little compy was used to being stealthy, but he was more fearful than usual after seeing the knife come out of the house. As he walked around the back portion of the house and into the kitchen he began to hear some movement. Once he passed through the kitchen he saw the living room, which was a bloody mess. This was a bit shocking, as he had never seen a dirty battlefield before. As he walked farther and farther into the living room though, he walked directly onto the broken glass that was lying on the floor. This naturally made a noise, a noise that would alert the madman on the staircase.
As soon as Tim had heard this noise he got up and ran towards the little dinosaur. As soon as the dinosaur knew that he had been made, he made several noises, noises that were the signal to Norman that the madman had been found. As soon as Norman had heard the Compy’s cries, he kicked open the door and with the knife that Tim had thrown at him, he charged into the house. Tim was shocked when he saw a man running at him with a knife with a Minotaur standing behind him. This made Tim panic and quickly swing the goalie stick at the painter, smacking him right across the face. This knocked Norman out cold, which lead the crazed goalie to stop for a moment.
As Tim stood there staring at the Minotaur, he felt something bite his leg really hard. He looked down and saw the small dinosaur taking a chunk out of his left leg. This made him shout and kick the dinosaur off of him. Right as he did this though, the Minotaur smacked him across the head with his mighty hand, sending him to the ground. Tim at this point was delirious and didn’t know what was happening anymore. With Tim and Norman on the ground, they were both now covered in the blood of several different combatants. The Compy once again bit the Canadian, sending even more poison into his already infected body. Once Tim felt the numbness take over his body he began move across the floor towards the stairway again. The Minotaur at first went after him but soon realized that the former Detroit Red Wing was just crawling into the corner so he could die.
Once the Minotaur realized that Cheveldae was no longer a threat, he decided to go in for the kill. He was about to walk over to Rockwell and crush his skull in but before he was able to do so, the Compy jumped right on top of him and began to bite the back of his neck. The Minotaur was writhing in pain as the tiny Dinosaur was sinking his poisonous teeth into his neck. It took him a second to realize that the Dino was still on his back when he finally grabbed a hold of him and threw him across the room. The Dinosaur hit the wall but was not killed. Instead he got back up and ran away as far as he could from the beast. He knew if he could stay away long enough for the venom to take hold, he could win this match for his team.
As Tim sat back in the corner, he watched as the beast screamed in pain searching for the Compy. He thought to himself how happy he was that he was finally out of this nightmare and that he could finally just die in peace. In fact, he didn’t even care if he had to die in peace specifically, he just couldn’t wait to die in general. Moments before his death, he thought about what a terrible mistake this entire ordeal had been. He wished that he would have had the foresight to see what a disaster this would turn into. As his last breathe past through his lungs, he sat there in his blood soaked living room, just another casualty in a pointless war.
The Compy’s persistence of running had paid off, as he could no longer hear the Minotaur coming towards him. He stayed in the back room for about ten minutes before he came out again to see what had happened. To his joy, he found that the Minotaur was lying on the ground, apparently dead from his poisonous bite. The Compy then walked over to Norman Rockwell’s body and started to nudge him to get up. The painter was slow to get up but after a while, did move himself enough to let the Compy know he was good enough to get out on his own. The two of them eventually managed to walk out of the house alive and in one piece, never looking back at the nightmare that they had just left. The nightmare that had become Tim Cheveldae’s house.
Team Sleeping Pussy is Victorious!
Team Sleeping Pussy is “Storming” Norman Rockwell and Compy #50.
As Tim Cheveldae waited for both teams to arrive on this final match, he decided to take a different approach to this battle. Instead of cowering back in his palace of blood, he decided to take a more offensive approach. He now figured, that the best way to end this match was to do it himself. He once again grabbed the Felix Potvin goalie stick off of the wall and took all of his knives out of the kitchen and kept them nearby. He set up a little fort at the half way portion of his stairway and waited for the final team’s to arrive.
The first to arrive were Norman Rockell and Compy #50, who knocked on the door with the anticipation of a warm welcome. When they heard the “Come on in” from inside the house, they had no idea what they were about to be greeted with. As soon as the door opened, a knife came flying at them, luckily not hitting either of them. Both Rockwell and the Compy both assumed it was the other team and instantly began making a plan to get in the house. The plan was going to be first and foremost, to get the little compy into the house to hide. They were moments away from initiating this plan when they heard something coming from the sidewalk. They turned around and saw a half-man, half-bull walking towards the house.
Rockwell looked at the Compy and said, “You don’t think he’s just a neighbor, do you?”
The Compy laughed and shook his head no, as it was pretty obvious that he had to be part of the other team. The Minotaur looked at the dinosaur and the crouching man and said, “What are you doing, aren’t we supposed to go inside?”
Rockwell then looked at the creature and said, “Who else do you have with you?
“Nobody, it’s just me” the Minotaur replied.
“You sure, you’re not bulls*@#*$^ us are you?” Rockwell insisted, though with no real way of threatening the beast.
“Yes, I swear to you, it is just me. Why, what’s going on here? Why aren’t you inside yet? I thought we were supposed to go inside for the battle?
“Yeah, so did we. Then we opened the door and had this come right at us.” Rockwell holds up the knife and shows it to the Minotaur. “We just assumed it was you but as soon as you came walking up to the house, we kind of threw that theory out the window.”
“Well, who’s in there then?” The Minotaur asked.
“I guess it’s supposed to be some guy named Tim Cheveldae’s house. I guess he let us use his house for this week. I guess it could be him, but why would he be fighting us? Why would he even be home in the first place?”
“I guess I have no idea about that, but what are we going to do?” The Minotaur once again asked.
Rockwell looked down at the compy and said, “I think I might have an idea.”
Tim had now completely lost his mind and was just salivating at the chance to end this match himself. He could hear talking outside of the house but could not make out what it was. He was watching the front door so closely that he was oblivious to the fact that they might come in from somewhere else.
The Minotaur and Norman Rockwell talked louder in hopes that whomever was in the house, would think that they were just hanging out by the front door. They kept this up for a couple of minutes before Norman took the Compy to the back of the house to find another entrance. The plan was for the Minotaur to continue to talk to himself, to keep up the appearance that they were all still up at the front of the house. While the Minotaur was doing this, Norman was trying his hardest to open up the back door to the house as quietly as possible. Once he had done this, he let the Compy walk into the house, in an attempt to catch the madman inside.
While inside, the compy could hear nothing but the Minotaur’s constant talking towards the front of the house. The little compy was used to being stealthy, but he was more fearful than usual after seeing the knife come out of the house. As he walked around the back portion of the house and into the kitchen he began to hear some movement. Once he passed through the kitchen he saw the living room, which was a bloody mess. This was a bit shocking, as he had never seen a dirty battlefield before. As he walked farther and farther into the living room though, he walked directly onto the broken glass that was lying on the floor. This naturally made a noise, a noise that would alert the madman on the staircase.
As soon as Tim had heard this noise he got up and ran towards the little dinosaur. As soon as the dinosaur knew that he had been made, he made several noises, noises that were the signal to Norman that the madman had been found. As soon as Norman had heard the Compy’s cries, he kicked open the door and with the knife that Tim had thrown at him, he charged into the house. Tim was shocked when he saw a man running at him with a knife with a Minotaur standing behind him. This made Tim panic and quickly swing the goalie stick at the painter, smacking him right across the face. This knocked Norman out cold, which lead the crazed goalie to stop for a moment.
As Tim stood there staring at the Minotaur, he felt something bite his leg really hard. He looked down and saw the small dinosaur taking a chunk out of his left leg. This made him shout and kick the dinosaur off of him. Right as he did this though, the Minotaur smacked him across the head with his mighty hand, sending him to the ground. Tim at this point was delirious and didn’t know what was happening anymore. With Tim and Norman on the ground, they were both now covered in the blood of several different combatants. The Compy once again bit the Canadian, sending even more poison into his already infected body. Once Tim felt the numbness take over his body he began move across the floor towards the stairway again. The Minotaur at first went after him but soon realized that the former Detroit Red Wing was just crawling into the corner so he could die.
Once the Minotaur realized that Cheveldae was no longer a threat, he decided to go in for the kill. He was about to walk over to Rockwell and crush his skull in but before he was able to do so, the Compy jumped right on top of him and began to bite the back of his neck. The Minotaur was writhing in pain as the tiny Dinosaur was sinking his poisonous teeth into his neck. It took him a second to realize that the Dino was still on his back when he finally grabbed a hold of him and threw him across the room. The Dinosaur hit the wall but was not killed. Instead he got back up and ran away as far as he could from the beast. He knew if he could stay away long enough for the venom to take hold, he could win this match for his team.
As Tim sat back in the corner, he watched as the beast screamed in pain searching for the Compy. He thought to himself how happy he was that he was finally out of this nightmare and that he could finally just die in peace. In fact, he didn’t even care if he had to die in peace specifically, he just couldn’t wait to die in general. Moments before his death, he thought about what a terrible mistake this entire ordeal had been. He wished that he would have had the foresight to see what a disaster this would turn into. As his last breathe past through his lungs, he sat there in his blood soaked living room, just another casualty in a pointless war.
The Compy’s persistence of running had paid off, as he could no longer hear the Minotaur coming towards him. He stayed in the back room for about ten minutes before he came out again to see what had happened. To his joy, he found that the Minotaur was lying on the ground, apparently dead from his poisonous bite. The Compy then walked over to Norman Rockwell’s body and started to nudge him to get up. The painter was slow to get up but after a while, did move himself enough to let the Compy know he was good enough to get out on his own. The two of them eventually managed to walk out of the house alive and in one piece, never looking back at the nightmare that they had just left. The nightmare that had become Tim Cheveldae’s house.
Team Sleeping Pussy is Victorious!
Monday, June 8, 2009
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Darkseid, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, The Sentry, Exitar, The One Above All, Sinestro, Achilles, Tripticon, Polaris, Parasite, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master in an F-22, Starscream, Sunstorm, Mara Jade & Astro-Droid #11 in an X-Wing, Saeese Tiin & Astro-Droid #12 in a Y-Wing, Plo Koon in a Tie Bomber, Cable & Charlton Heston in a Stealth Bomber, Cloud Strife in the Blue Falcon, Stitch in an Arwing, & Josh Houslander on the Bat-Cycle.
TEAM is Superman, Comet, Streaks, Unicron, Set, Thor, Thunderstrike, God Emperor Leto II, Voltron, Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 in a Y-Wing, Jengo Fett & Young Boba Fett in Slave 1, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, & C-3P0 in the Millennium Falcon, Space Ghost, Jan, Jace, Blip, Adi Gallia in a Tie Interceptor, Yarael Poof in The Sith Infiltrator, Nyobi in a Tie Bomber, Seraph, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, The Shining Force, Godzilla, Ryan in a Hovercraft, & Dozer #7.
I am amazed to hear how much the little brown laser is still being discussed amongst these 2 teams when what is really at stake here is the Universe Bowl and the A.L. Championship, but I guess that shows how deep-rooted this rivalry really is. These teams waste no time attacking one another as their battle plans were both well laid out in the locker room. Luke GJM leads Starscream & Sunstorm against Voltron while many other ships zip around the airways as well. After witnessing what TEAM did to The Backyardigans Darkseid has ordered that all Horsemen stay on the planet because he is not sure that even a team as powerful as The Horsemen can beat TEAM in an all out space battle. Everybody on the team follows Darkseid’s orders, except for The One Above All who naturally does not take orders from anyone. The One Above All instantly flies into space to go have a conversation with Unicron. TEAM has no desire for their massive squad to be split up so once they see that The Horsemen are not biting on the space bait Gen. Calrissean leads his entire space squadron back into The Play-Off Planet’s atmosphere where they are just as formidable a team in the terrestrial air. Supergirl & Achilles question this course of action by Darkseid, now that they know they will have to face the entire TEAM squad without it being anyway split up (except of course for Unicron who is still in space, but about to be met by The One Above All). Exitar is above listening to Darkseid’s order as well, but Darkseid believes he does because the order that The One Above All gave to his fellow Celestial was a similar one. Exitar the Exterminator stays within the planet’s atmosphere so he can do battle with Set amidst the watery section of the planet. Supergirl, Superboy, & The Sentry fly into the desert area to search out The God Emperor Leto II, while Tripticon & Godzilla do battle in the center of the city. As expected, much of the battle takes place within the atmosphere, but high above the ground, with Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master leading Starscream, Sunstorm, Mara Jade, Saeese Tiin, Plo Koon, Cable & Heston, & Stitch in their vehicles for The Horsemen against Voltron, Lando & crew in the Falcon, Luke, the Fetts, Adi Gallia, Yarael Poof, & Nyobi. Luke GJM gets ready for his attack run on Voltron when Starscream assures him via com link that he has a plan to take out Voltron if Luke will just lead the way toward the powerful cosmic fighter. Starscream did not actually come up with this plan himself but is just following specific orders that were given to him and him alone by Darkseid who has formulated plans for much of this match. Luke GJM pushes the F-22 to its absolute speed potential shooting .50 caliber rounds at Voltron that just bounce off of his powerful metal body. Luke and Starscream pull ahead of Sunstorm and then each bank in a different direction flying directly underneath Voltron’s armpits. As soon as this is accomplished Starscream transforms and turns around in mid-air and then shockingly targets his own teammate and fellow Decepticon Seeker Sunstorm. Starscream blows up his own teammate setting off Sunstorm’s unstable nuclear spark which works to take Voltron completely off guard and blow up both of them. In space The One Above All flies up next to Unicron, who is still in his planet form. Unicron waits until the Celestial is right in front of him before he begins the amazing looking transformation process into robot form. The language that is spoken between the 2 enormous beings is an extremely ancient one that cannot be understood by anyone on the normal astral plane of existence, luckily though I am a Watcher and I am like super-duper smart so I can translate for you. Basically the conversation went a little something like this: Unicron says to The One Above All “Although we have both been a part of this Universe for a long time and have taken many forms throughout the millennia, I am fairly certain that we have never crossed paths before”. The One Above All laughs at such a statement and says: “No one could possibly imagine the experiences I have had or the Universe’s I have seen created and destroyed in my life. Such trivial experiences as meeting up with another cosmic being do not even rank amongst my life’s trials. Who are you to insinuate that you would know who I have ever witnessed or encountered”. Unicron then replies with “I do not mean to offend, I am simply saying that if you have a name such as “The One Above All”, than you have obviously never met me”. With this being said, Unicron rears up his mighty arms and brings them down hard on the shoulders of The One Above All, not only breaking thru the near impenetrable hull of the lead Celestial but also pumping him full of so much cosmic energy that The One Above All actually implodes in upon himself. Unicron, who from my perspective made this look easy but after the attack is done the massive Transformer is visibly tired as he slumps into a state that can best be described as sleep. Unicron will be ready to fight, but if he had any plans of breaking thru the planet’s atmosphere to battle with The Horsemen on the planet, than his plans have changed. Each time Set has been defeated in the past, his 7 heads have been more like 7 different enemies than simply appendages of one greater being, but with an opponent as powerful as Exitar the Exterminator fighting him, he can actually be looked at as one massive opponent. Exitar flies in over top of Set to gain what we humans would call a strategic advantage with a simple punch, he knocks off one of Set’s heads on his way in to attacking the center of Set. Exitar, thru his extensive, near omnipotent knowledge of destruction & killing instantly knows where he must hit Set to destroy him. He goes in for the kill but as he does Set wraps 3 of his massive snake like appendages around Exitar. Two of the heads lead their snake body around the chest of Exitar while the other tightens its grips around The Celestial’s neck. Set is working on pure animal instinct as he pulls the huge Celestial under the water with him to make his murderer join him in death. An amazing, and extremely fast-paced multi-player dog fight is still taking place in the skies, with some of the most skilled pilots in all of Fantasy Fantasy going at it. Yarael Poof enjoys the spaciousness of The Sith Infiltrator, but he doesn’t quite feel right flying it do to the strong sense of the dark side that he still feels within it. Plo Koon flies in toward the Infiltrator in his Tie Bomber to try and lay down some serious fire power, but before he can Jengo and Boba race in in Slave 1 and blow him to pieces. Below them, in what is left of the city Godzilla has been enraged by the ongoing attacks of Tripticon. Godzilla, obviously hit the point in all of his movies where he gets really pissed off and starts kicking butt because he made that weird noise and start flailing his hands around and next thing ya know….. Tripticon is on the ground all busted up. K.O. Nothing unusual here, except for the fact that a couple of minutes after he died Tripticon popped back up off of the ground and started flying over top of Godzilla, which is something I didn’t even know that he could do. The reason this looked so strange is that Tripticon never could do that, even when he was alive (which he is dead by the way). In actuality Polaris is simply using her magnetic powers to lift the massive Decepticon up into the air. She then releases the mutant hold that she is straining so much to control and drops Tripticon down on top of Godzilla to kill him off. Polaris then uses her mutant magnetic powers to take control of Slave 1. Jengo completely loses control of the ship as Polaris causes it to crash into The Sith Infiltrator. Yarael Poof runs to one of the escape pods and jettisons out safely but Jengo struggles to get his son Boba into some sort of ejection module. Jengo cannot work fast enough to save his son as the ship blows apart. Jengo, who was wearing his jet pack manages to get away from the wreckage, but he is beside himself with grief at the loss of his perfect clone. Polaris then brings the wreckage of the 2 medium sized ships down on top of where the Shining Force were setting up camp. Only Max, Gort, Luke, Tao, Anri, Pelle, Yogurt, & Zylo were able to escape the carnage. Polaris also grabs a hold of Ryan’s hovercraft and takes it out of the water and crashing in to the ground but Ryan jumps off just in time to save his own life (good thing he was wearing his ankle supports). Saeese Tiin in his Y-Wing gets behind Nyobi and takes advantage of the 1 Star Wars fighter that is slower than his. Master Tiin blasts Nyobi’s shieldless Bomber out of the air killing her in the process. Cable with Chaz Heston in his co-pilot seat reluctantly begin to target their nukes, but before they can they are taken out by Adi Gallia in her much faster Tie Interceptor. Both Cable & Heston parachute to safety. Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 are blazing a path thru the air with some incredible moves, but unfortunately for them, there is one guy on the Horsemen who knows all those moves as well. Luke GJM flies up behind his younger counterpart and despite having not as good a ship takes out Luke’s Y-Wing, knowing exactly where to hit it. Luke ejects out in time, and R2 uses his jets to get away from the crashing ship as well. Polaris then takes control of Adi Gallia’s Tie Interceptor and starts to throw it into The Millennium Falcon. Nien Numb sees it coming and warns Lando, who reluctantly targets his own teammate out of the sky before Polaris can kill them both. Lando sees what this one sole mutant is doing to his squadron and decides that she is now the primary target. Lando flies low toward Polaris who begins throwing anything metal that she can get her powers on at the Falcon. Lando is able to take some evasive maneuvers to avoid the debris and then allow C-3P0 to get off a great shot from the side cannon to take out Polaris once and for all. Cloud Strife picks up so much speed in The Blue Falcon that when he hits the curb just right, he flares up and goes airborne. Strife aims the futuristic car into the area where Space Ghost and his crew were chillin. Cloud Strife takes out both Jan & Jace before he jumps out of the car and lands on top of one of the shorter buildings. The 0 death Space Ghost lands in front of Cloud with Blip and says: “Space Ghost cannot be killed by a Horsemen! I ran in to 5 Horsemen today at Breakfast and killed them all without putting down my fork. I don’t consider it a full day’s work unless I bury 10 Horsemen. I ate 2 Horsemen on the way over here today and I still haven’t pooped them out yet”. Cloud Strife decides that despite this eloquent Speech from Space Ghost that instead of replying he’ll just pull out his sword and cut Blip in half. “You should not have done that” the self-proclaimed Horsemen killer says as he presses the middle button on his left sleeve and disintegrates Cloud Strife. Superman punches thru Starscream on his way to do battle with Darkseid. Darkseid says “So we meet again Superman”. “That we do Darkseid, you have been pretty unsuccessful so far against me. Ironic that I gave you your first death, and now I understand that you’ll be in the Graveyard shortly”. “I am not there yet”. Darkseid replies. The 2 of them then clash with each other like they have done so many times before. Comet & Streaks show up to lend Superman a hand but just then Parasite pops in to help out Darkseid. Parasite grabs a hold of the necks of both Comet and Streaks and begins absorbing their super-powers. He sucks not only the powers from the 2 super animals but he also sucks the life out of them as well. Superman leaves his brawl with Darkseid to try and help out his 2 animal buddies but he is too late. This move also proves to be a poor one for another reason, because as soon as Superman leaves the fight Darkseid takes immediate advantage of the situation. While Superman is turned the other way Darkseid unleashes the full force of the Omega Beams on his age old enemy which fries the Man of Steel, killing Superman. Thor attacks Parasite and sends them both crashing to the ground but Thor does not realize that Parasite is more super-powered then ever before. Thor swings Mojinir downward toward Parasite, but Parasite catches Thor by the wrists and brings him down underneath him. Parasite then uses all of the strength he can muster to crush the neck of Thor with his bare hands. Parasite tries to take a moment to regain his composure but before he can Seraph, Jet Li, & Jackie Chan all hit him with 3 straight drop kicks. These moves do little more than stun Parasite, but a few extra seconds were all they were trying to buy, so Yarael Poof could come in with his lightsaber drawn and take off Parasite’s head. Supergirl, Superboy, & The Sentry locate God Emperor Leto II and send in The Sentry to draw him out of the sand. The Sentry flies low thinking that once Leto pops out of the sand he’ll be able to escape in time but he is wrong. Leto instantly grabs The Sentry out of mid-air and consumes him, but Supergirl then flies in next to Leto and punches him hard enough to knock him out of the desert. Leto gains his composure on the cement and gets ready to defend himself but once he is out of his element and has Supergirl and Superboy to deal with he finds himself fairly mismatched even with his healthy size advantage. Supergirl and Superboy are able to pound the mighty half man half worm into Sand Trout. Seraph, Jackie, & Jet regroup with The Shining Force, but Achilles rushes in to the fray and instantly takes out Jackie Chan, Pelle the Paladin, Luke the Gladiator, & Zylo the Werewolf. Josh then comes racing in on the Bat-Cycle and pops a cap from his Glock 27 in Yogurt’s dome before he has Achilles jump on the back and get out before they are overwhelmed. Josh starts racing toward Ryan who is talking with Dozer #7. Ryan says about the oncoming Motorcycle: “Oh God, I know this guy, he’s a total punk”. “Who’s that riding on the back” Dozer #7 asks Ryan. “I can’t tell yet” Ryan responds. “Oh crap! That’s Achilles! That guy rules. If I had a team, I would so pick him in the first round. He is so hot in Troy”. Seconds after this Achilles slices off Ryan’s head, but Dozer #7 sticks a twig into the wheel of The Bat-Cycle and flips it over. Achilles and Josh dust themselves off, but a pissed off Josh takes out his Glock and blows away Dozer #7 (that’s not that easy of a shot you know. Those guys are tiny). Sinestro and Cable move against Thunderstrike. Thunderstrike swings his hammer of the same name at Cable to blast Cable’s head right off but Sinestro uses the full power of his yellow power ring to completely wipe out Thunderstrike. Supergirl & Superboy regroup with Darkseid and ask “What is the situation”? Darkseid says: “We are doing O.K. on the ground but unfortunately The One Above Some, or whatever his stupid name is couldn’t listen and got himself killed. Which means we are still going to have to go into space and kill Unicron to finish this fight”. Superboy replies with “yes sir, I will rally all available space forces”. As Supergirl and Superboy fly away Supergirl says to him: “I have no idea why you are kissing his butt. It will be a miracle if he is actually alive after today”. Supergirl and Superboy work to spread the word that the space offensive is about to start while the unlikely pairing of Luke Skywalker and Jengo Fett have what is left of TEAM form up in the desert. (young)Luke, R2-D2, Jengo Fett, Space Ghost, Yarael Poof, Seraph, Jet Li, Max, Tao, Gort, & Anri form a defensive circle while Lando takes The Millennium Falcon back in to the space orbit. Luke GJM flies dangerously close to Mara Jade in her X-Wing and says to her over the comlink: “have your droid take over piloting for a second”. “Why”? A confused Mara Jade asks. “Because you and I are about to switch ships. This F-22 can’t go into space, and they are gonna need me to take on Unicron. Now do what you’re told”. Mara allows Astro-Droid #11 to take over the controls while she hops out of the cockpit and then hops on to the F-22. Luke begins to climb out of the seat so he can switch over the controls but as he does Lando in the Falcon flies by and blows the F-22 apart. Luke tries to shield them both with the force but he is only able to save himself. Mara Jade dies, but Luke GJM accomplishes an amazing force leap onto the back of Mara’s X-Wing. Luke thinks to himself “now that is more like it, as he takes over the controls and begins following The Falcon into space. Supergirl flanks Luke on his way to battle Unicron while Superboy flies alongside Stitch in his Arwing. Darkseid, who doesn’t quite have the speed capabilities of the Kryptonians, hitches a ride on the back of Saeese Tiin’s Y-Wing. The 3 ships then head toward Unicron in what could be the deciding factor of this match. As crazy as it sounds Achilles is actually pissed that they didn’t bring him up into space to fight Unicron, but he gets over it and begins mounting the ground offensive toward Commander Skywalker’s TEAM survivors. Achilles stands in front as Sinestro, Josh, & Charlton Heston form up behind him. Luke GJM leads the attack against Unicron who awakens from his quasi-slumber to defend himself. Lando and the boys in the Falcon fly out to draw their fire but Darkseid yells: “Supergirl! Swat that fly” which sends Supergirl flying after the Falcon. Unicron moves in to close for comfort against The Horsemen, but amazingly enough even to the eyes of Darkseid Luke actually force pushes Unicron back from inside the cockpit of the X-Wing. Unicron regroups and starts heading back toward the battle. Unicron swats Saeese Tiin’s Y-Wing out of existence, killing both the Jedi master and Astro-droid #12. Supergirl dodges the laser blasts from the Millennium Falcon, and then flies over top of the ship and drives herself right thru the center like a hole punch. With this hit The Falcon is completely destroyed causing Lando, Nien Numb, & 3P0 to jump into escape pods and try to get back to the planet. The 3 of them successfully get into the pods, but in true Horsemen fashion Supergirl sees the pods flying back down to the Play-Off Planet and destroys them with her heat vision. Unicron grabs a hold of Superboy with one hand and Darkseid with the other. Unicron focuses the most strength on Superboy and crushes his bones as if he were a dead bird. Unicron tries to do the same to Darkseid but before he can Luke shoots 2 proton torpedoes at his hand which makes Unicron loosen his grip enough for Darkseid to get free. Darkseid is now very banged up by this but he fights thru the pain and flies in toward Unicron’s face. Unicron blasts Darkseid with laser beams from his eyes which just about kills Darkseid. Darkseid uses his last breath to unleash what is left of his power out thru his Omega Beams. Darkseid puts a hole roughly the size of Arizona in the upper chest of Unicron, which gives Luke and Stitch a good spot to aim for. Luke targets the hole in Unicron with everything his X-Wing has got left which just about destroys the massive Transformer, but for good measure, the near insane Stitch, who is capable of surviving thru the rigors of space ejects out of his Arwing after he aims the ship right for the hole that Darkseid made in Unicron’s chest. Luke swings by Stitch with incredible swiftness to grab him and head back to the planet with Supergirl not far behind while Unicron lights up the sky as he explodes. Space Ghost and Sinestro are locked in an intense air battle when Sinestro gets a little cocky. The former green lantern unleashes his power ring toward the host with most but Space Ghost dodges out of the way just in time and then blasts Sinestro with his heat lasers to destroy him. “The only good Horsemen is a dead Horsemen” Space Ghost yells to no one in particular. Achilles ducks under the lightsaber swing of the 4 armed Yarael Poof but then pops up around the other side of him and takes him out at the stomach with his sword. As Supergirl, Stitch, and Luke get back down to the planet they are attacked by what is left of The shining Force. Tao casts Blaze Level 4 which completely destroys Luke’s X-Wing. Luke ejects in time but Astro-Droid #11 cannot be saved. Supergirl flies down and takes out Tao before she can cast another spell and then takes out Anri before she can cast one at all. Supergirl overpowers Gort, but then Max uses the Chaos Breaker and sticks it into the back of Supergirl. Supergirl is filled with the power of the Chaos Breaker, but once the power is released max cannot let go of the mystical sword (ya know, like at the end of the game. Except this time I’m not crying). This sacrifice kills Supergirl, but Max dies with her. Stitch picks up a fallen blaster (I think it was Mara Jade’s) and blows away R2-D2, while Jet Li punches Josh in the throat to kill him with a single hit. Josh is choking to death but in his last breath he yells “CHUCK”! And Josh throws Heston his Glock 10mm knowing that Heston was out of ammo and that he could use the extra fire power. Achilles rushes in and kills Jet Li before he can do any more harm and then in one swift motion takes out the young Luke as well, but he is then shot repeatedly by both Seraph and Space Ghost until he finally falls. Luke GJM is surrounded by both Jengo Fett & Space Ghost. The 2 TEAMmembers attack but Luke force pushes Space Ghost down and then takes off Fett’s head with his lightsaber. He then jumps in toward Space Ghost before he can recuperate and deals him his first ever FFL death. An exhausted Luke is then taken off guard as Seraph leaps in behind the Grand Jedi Master and unloads the last of his bullets into his back. Heston stands in amazement as he watches Seraph kill their #1 Draft pick and begins to unload Josh’s 10mm at Seraph. Seraph dodges every bullet and continues to move in toward Heston. Stitch, a weapons expert at heart see Luke’s lightsaber hit the ground, and just needs to get some of that Jedi technology in his hands. Stitch grabs the lightsaber just as Seraph runs up to Heston and kicks the Glock out of his hand. Seraph grabs the Glock out of mid-air and spins around to take a pot shot at Stitch, blowing his furry little leg clean off. Heston returns the favor of kicking the gun out of Seraph’s hand and sending it about 5 yards away. Heston then finds himself in the dangerous predicament of having to fight Seraph in hand to hand combat. Seraph quickly knocks Heston to the ground, jumps on top of Chaz, and begins strangling the life out of him. Heston is near death but in Charlie’s last breath he sees the green tip of the lightsaber thrown by the one-legged Stitch poke thru the front of Seraph’s chest.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
TEAM is Superman, Comet, Streaks, Unicron, Set, Thor, Thunderstrike, God Emperor Leto II, Voltron, Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 in a Y-Wing, Jengo Fett & Young Boba Fett in Slave 1, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, & C-3P0 in the Millennium Falcon, Space Ghost, Jan, Jace, Blip, Adi Gallia in a Tie Interceptor, Yarael Poof in The Sith Infiltrator, Nyobi in a Tie Bomber, Seraph, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, The Shining Force, Godzilla, Ryan in a Hovercraft, & Dozer #7.
I am amazed to hear how much the little brown laser is still being discussed amongst these 2 teams when what is really at stake here is the Universe Bowl and the A.L. Championship, but I guess that shows how deep-rooted this rivalry really is. These teams waste no time attacking one another as their battle plans were both well laid out in the locker room. Luke GJM leads Starscream & Sunstorm against Voltron while many other ships zip around the airways as well. After witnessing what TEAM did to The Backyardigans Darkseid has ordered that all Horsemen stay on the planet because he is not sure that even a team as powerful as The Horsemen can beat TEAM in an all out space battle. Everybody on the team follows Darkseid’s orders, except for The One Above All who naturally does not take orders from anyone. The One Above All instantly flies into space to go have a conversation with Unicron. TEAM has no desire for their massive squad to be split up so once they see that The Horsemen are not biting on the space bait Gen. Calrissean leads his entire space squadron back into The Play-Off Planet’s atmosphere where they are just as formidable a team in the terrestrial air. Supergirl & Achilles question this course of action by Darkseid, now that they know they will have to face the entire TEAM squad without it being anyway split up (except of course for Unicron who is still in space, but about to be met by The One Above All). Exitar is above listening to Darkseid’s order as well, but Darkseid believes he does because the order that The One Above All gave to his fellow Celestial was a similar one. Exitar the Exterminator stays within the planet’s atmosphere so he can do battle with Set amidst the watery section of the planet. Supergirl, Superboy, & The Sentry fly into the desert area to search out The God Emperor Leto II, while Tripticon & Godzilla do battle in the center of the city. As expected, much of the battle takes place within the atmosphere, but high above the ground, with Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master leading Starscream, Sunstorm, Mara Jade, Saeese Tiin, Plo Koon, Cable & Heston, & Stitch in their vehicles for The Horsemen against Voltron, Lando & crew in the Falcon, Luke, the Fetts, Adi Gallia, Yarael Poof, & Nyobi. Luke GJM gets ready for his attack run on Voltron when Starscream assures him via com link that he has a plan to take out Voltron if Luke will just lead the way toward the powerful cosmic fighter. Starscream did not actually come up with this plan himself but is just following specific orders that were given to him and him alone by Darkseid who has formulated plans for much of this match. Luke GJM pushes the F-22 to its absolute speed potential shooting .50 caliber rounds at Voltron that just bounce off of his powerful metal body. Luke and Starscream pull ahead of Sunstorm and then each bank in a different direction flying directly underneath Voltron’s armpits. As soon as this is accomplished Starscream transforms and turns around in mid-air and then shockingly targets his own teammate and fellow Decepticon Seeker Sunstorm. Starscream blows up his own teammate setting off Sunstorm’s unstable nuclear spark which works to take Voltron completely off guard and blow up both of them. In space The One Above All flies up next to Unicron, who is still in his planet form. Unicron waits until the Celestial is right in front of him before he begins the amazing looking transformation process into robot form. The language that is spoken between the 2 enormous beings is an extremely ancient one that cannot be understood by anyone on the normal astral plane of existence, luckily though I am a Watcher and I am like super-duper smart so I can translate for you. Basically the conversation went a little something like this: Unicron says to The One Above All “Although we have both been a part of this Universe for a long time and have taken many forms throughout the millennia, I am fairly certain that we have never crossed paths before”. The One Above All laughs at such a statement and says: “No one could possibly imagine the experiences I have had or the Universe’s I have seen created and destroyed in my life. Such trivial experiences as meeting up with another cosmic being do not even rank amongst my life’s trials. Who are you to insinuate that you would know who I have ever witnessed or encountered”. Unicron then replies with “I do not mean to offend, I am simply saying that if you have a name such as “The One Above All”, than you have obviously never met me”. With this being said, Unicron rears up his mighty arms and brings them down hard on the shoulders of The One Above All, not only breaking thru the near impenetrable hull of the lead Celestial but also pumping him full of so much cosmic energy that The One Above All actually implodes in upon himself. Unicron, who from my perspective made this look easy but after the attack is done the massive Transformer is visibly tired as he slumps into a state that can best be described as sleep. Unicron will be ready to fight, but if he had any plans of breaking thru the planet’s atmosphere to battle with The Horsemen on the planet, than his plans have changed. Each time Set has been defeated in the past, his 7 heads have been more like 7 different enemies than simply appendages of one greater being, but with an opponent as powerful as Exitar the Exterminator fighting him, he can actually be looked at as one massive opponent. Exitar flies in over top of Set to gain what we humans would call a strategic advantage with a simple punch, he knocks off one of Set’s heads on his way in to attacking the center of Set. Exitar, thru his extensive, near omnipotent knowledge of destruction & killing instantly knows where he must hit Set to destroy him. He goes in for the kill but as he does Set wraps 3 of his massive snake like appendages around Exitar. Two of the heads lead their snake body around the chest of Exitar while the other tightens its grips around The Celestial’s neck. Set is working on pure animal instinct as he pulls the huge Celestial under the water with him to make his murderer join him in death. An amazing, and extremely fast-paced multi-player dog fight is still taking place in the skies, with some of the most skilled pilots in all of Fantasy Fantasy going at it. Yarael Poof enjoys the spaciousness of The Sith Infiltrator, but he doesn’t quite feel right flying it do to the strong sense of the dark side that he still feels within it. Plo Koon flies in toward the Infiltrator in his Tie Bomber to try and lay down some serious fire power, but before he can Jengo and Boba race in in Slave 1 and blow him to pieces. Below them, in what is left of the city Godzilla has been enraged by the ongoing attacks of Tripticon. Godzilla, obviously hit the point in all of his movies where he gets really pissed off and starts kicking butt because he made that weird noise and start flailing his hands around and next thing ya know….. Tripticon is on the ground all busted up. K.O. Nothing unusual here, except for the fact that a couple of minutes after he died Tripticon popped back up off of the ground and started flying over top of Godzilla, which is something I didn’t even know that he could do. The reason this looked so strange is that Tripticon never could do that, even when he was alive (which he is dead by the way). In actuality Polaris is simply using her magnetic powers to lift the massive Decepticon up into the air. She then releases the mutant hold that she is straining so much to control and drops Tripticon down on top of Godzilla to kill him off. Polaris then uses her mutant magnetic powers to take control of Slave 1. Jengo completely loses control of the ship as Polaris causes it to crash into The Sith Infiltrator. Yarael Poof runs to one of the escape pods and jettisons out safely but Jengo struggles to get his son Boba into some sort of ejection module. Jengo cannot work fast enough to save his son as the ship blows apart. Jengo, who was wearing his jet pack manages to get away from the wreckage, but he is beside himself with grief at the loss of his perfect clone. Polaris then brings the wreckage of the 2 medium sized ships down on top of where the Shining Force were setting up camp. Only Max, Gort, Luke, Tao, Anri, Pelle, Yogurt, & Zylo were able to escape the carnage. Polaris also grabs a hold of Ryan’s hovercraft and takes it out of the water and crashing in to the ground but Ryan jumps off just in time to save his own life (good thing he was wearing his ankle supports). Saeese Tiin in his Y-Wing gets behind Nyobi and takes advantage of the 1 Star Wars fighter that is slower than his. Master Tiin blasts Nyobi’s shieldless Bomber out of the air killing her in the process. Cable with Chaz Heston in his co-pilot seat reluctantly begin to target their nukes, but before they can they are taken out by Adi Gallia in her much faster Tie Interceptor. Both Cable & Heston parachute to safety. Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 are blazing a path thru the air with some incredible moves, but unfortunately for them, there is one guy on the Horsemen who knows all those moves as well. Luke GJM flies up behind his younger counterpart and despite having not as good a ship takes out Luke’s Y-Wing, knowing exactly where to hit it. Luke ejects out in time, and R2 uses his jets to get away from the crashing ship as well. Polaris then takes control of Adi Gallia’s Tie Interceptor and starts to throw it into The Millennium Falcon. Nien Numb sees it coming and warns Lando, who reluctantly targets his own teammate out of the sky before Polaris can kill them both. Lando sees what this one sole mutant is doing to his squadron and decides that she is now the primary target. Lando flies low toward Polaris who begins throwing anything metal that she can get her powers on at the Falcon. Lando is able to take some evasive maneuvers to avoid the debris and then allow C-3P0 to get off a great shot from the side cannon to take out Polaris once and for all. Cloud Strife picks up so much speed in The Blue Falcon that when he hits the curb just right, he flares up and goes airborne. Strife aims the futuristic car into the area where Space Ghost and his crew were chillin. Cloud Strife takes out both Jan & Jace before he jumps out of the car and lands on top of one of the shorter buildings. The 0 death Space Ghost lands in front of Cloud with Blip and says: “Space Ghost cannot be killed by a Horsemen! I ran in to 5 Horsemen today at Breakfast and killed them all without putting down my fork. I don’t consider it a full day’s work unless I bury 10 Horsemen. I ate 2 Horsemen on the way over here today and I still haven’t pooped them out yet”. Cloud Strife decides that despite this eloquent Speech from Space Ghost that instead of replying he’ll just pull out his sword and cut Blip in half. “You should not have done that” the self-proclaimed Horsemen killer says as he presses the middle button on his left sleeve and disintegrates Cloud Strife. Superman punches thru Starscream on his way to do battle with Darkseid. Darkseid says “So we meet again Superman”. “That we do Darkseid, you have been pretty unsuccessful so far against me. Ironic that I gave you your first death, and now I understand that you’ll be in the Graveyard shortly”. “I am not there yet”. Darkseid replies. The 2 of them then clash with each other like they have done so many times before. Comet & Streaks show up to lend Superman a hand but just then Parasite pops in to help out Darkseid. Parasite grabs a hold of the necks of both Comet and Streaks and begins absorbing their super-powers. He sucks not only the powers from the 2 super animals but he also sucks the life out of them as well. Superman leaves his brawl with Darkseid to try and help out his 2 animal buddies but he is too late. This move also proves to be a poor one for another reason, because as soon as Superman leaves the fight Darkseid takes immediate advantage of the situation. While Superman is turned the other way Darkseid unleashes the full force of the Omega Beams on his age old enemy which fries the Man of Steel, killing Superman. Thor attacks Parasite and sends them both crashing to the ground but Thor does not realize that Parasite is more super-powered then ever before. Thor swings Mojinir downward toward Parasite, but Parasite catches Thor by the wrists and brings him down underneath him. Parasite then uses all of the strength he can muster to crush the neck of Thor with his bare hands. Parasite tries to take a moment to regain his composure but before he can Seraph, Jet Li, & Jackie Chan all hit him with 3 straight drop kicks. These moves do little more than stun Parasite, but a few extra seconds were all they were trying to buy, so Yarael Poof could come in with his lightsaber drawn and take off Parasite’s head. Supergirl, Superboy, & The Sentry locate God Emperor Leto II and send in The Sentry to draw him out of the sand. The Sentry flies low thinking that once Leto pops out of the sand he’ll be able to escape in time but he is wrong. Leto instantly grabs The Sentry out of mid-air and consumes him, but Supergirl then flies in next to Leto and punches him hard enough to knock him out of the desert. Leto gains his composure on the cement and gets ready to defend himself but once he is out of his element and has Supergirl and Superboy to deal with he finds himself fairly mismatched even with his healthy size advantage. Supergirl and Superboy are able to pound the mighty half man half worm into Sand Trout. Seraph, Jackie, & Jet regroup with The Shining Force, but Achilles rushes in to the fray and instantly takes out Jackie Chan, Pelle the Paladin, Luke the Gladiator, & Zylo the Werewolf. Josh then comes racing in on the Bat-Cycle and pops a cap from his Glock 27 in Yogurt’s dome before he has Achilles jump on the back and get out before they are overwhelmed. Josh starts racing toward Ryan who is talking with Dozer #7. Ryan says about the oncoming Motorcycle: “Oh God, I know this guy, he’s a total punk”. “Who’s that riding on the back” Dozer #7 asks Ryan. “I can’t tell yet” Ryan responds. “Oh crap! That’s Achilles! That guy rules. If I had a team, I would so pick him in the first round. He is so hot in Troy”. Seconds after this Achilles slices off Ryan’s head, but Dozer #7 sticks a twig into the wheel of The Bat-Cycle and flips it over. Achilles and Josh dust themselves off, but a pissed off Josh takes out his Glock and blows away Dozer #7 (that’s not that easy of a shot you know. Those guys are tiny). Sinestro and Cable move against Thunderstrike. Thunderstrike swings his hammer of the same name at Cable to blast Cable’s head right off but Sinestro uses the full power of his yellow power ring to completely wipe out Thunderstrike. Supergirl & Superboy regroup with Darkseid and ask “What is the situation”? Darkseid says: “We are doing O.K. on the ground but unfortunately The One Above Some, or whatever his stupid name is couldn’t listen and got himself killed. Which means we are still going to have to go into space and kill Unicron to finish this fight”. Superboy replies with “yes sir, I will rally all available space forces”. As Supergirl and Superboy fly away Supergirl says to him: “I have no idea why you are kissing his butt. It will be a miracle if he is actually alive after today”. Supergirl and Superboy work to spread the word that the space offensive is about to start while the unlikely pairing of Luke Skywalker and Jengo Fett have what is left of TEAM form up in the desert. (young)Luke, R2-D2, Jengo Fett, Space Ghost, Yarael Poof, Seraph, Jet Li, Max, Tao, Gort, & Anri form a defensive circle while Lando takes The Millennium Falcon back in to the space orbit. Luke GJM flies dangerously close to Mara Jade in her X-Wing and says to her over the comlink: “have your droid take over piloting for a second”. “Why”? A confused Mara Jade asks. “Because you and I are about to switch ships. This F-22 can’t go into space, and they are gonna need me to take on Unicron. Now do what you’re told”. Mara allows Astro-Droid #11 to take over the controls while she hops out of the cockpit and then hops on to the F-22. Luke begins to climb out of the seat so he can switch over the controls but as he does Lando in the Falcon flies by and blows the F-22 apart. Luke tries to shield them both with the force but he is only able to save himself. Mara Jade dies, but Luke GJM accomplishes an amazing force leap onto the back of Mara’s X-Wing. Luke thinks to himself “now that is more like it, as he takes over the controls and begins following The Falcon into space. Supergirl flanks Luke on his way to battle Unicron while Superboy flies alongside Stitch in his Arwing. Darkseid, who doesn’t quite have the speed capabilities of the Kryptonians, hitches a ride on the back of Saeese Tiin’s Y-Wing. The 3 ships then head toward Unicron in what could be the deciding factor of this match. As crazy as it sounds Achilles is actually pissed that they didn’t bring him up into space to fight Unicron, but he gets over it and begins mounting the ground offensive toward Commander Skywalker’s TEAM survivors. Achilles stands in front as Sinestro, Josh, & Charlton Heston form up behind him. Luke GJM leads the attack against Unicron who awakens from his quasi-slumber to defend himself. Lando and the boys in the Falcon fly out to draw their fire but Darkseid yells: “Supergirl! Swat that fly” which sends Supergirl flying after the Falcon. Unicron moves in to close for comfort against The Horsemen, but amazingly enough even to the eyes of Darkseid Luke actually force pushes Unicron back from inside the cockpit of the X-Wing. Unicron regroups and starts heading back toward the battle. Unicron swats Saeese Tiin’s Y-Wing out of existence, killing both the Jedi master and Astro-droid #12. Supergirl dodges the laser blasts from the Millennium Falcon, and then flies over top of the ship and drives herself right thru the center like a hole punch. With this hit The Falcon is completely destroyed causing Lando, Nien Numb, & 3P0 to jump into escape pods and try to get back to the planet. The 3 of them successfully get into the pods, but in true Horsemen fashion Supergirl sees the pods flying back down to the Play-Off Planet and destroys them with her heat vision. Unicron grabs a hold of Superboy with one hand and Darkseid with the other. Unicron focuses the most strength on Superboy and crushes his bones as if he were a dead bird. Unicron tries to do the same to Darkseid but before he can Luke shoots 2 proton torpedoes at his hand which makes Unicron loosen his grip enough for Darkseid to get free. Darkseid is now very banged up by this but he fights thru the pain and flies in toward Unicron’s face. Unicron blasts Darkseid with laser beams from his eyes which just about kills Darkseid. Darkseid uses his last breath to unleash what is left of his power out thru his Omega Beams. Darkseid puts a hole roughly the size of Arizona in the upper chest of Unicron, which gives Luke and Stitch a good spot to aim for. Luke targets the hole in Unicron with everything his X-Wing has got left which just about destroys the massive Transformer, but for good measure, the near insane Stitch, who is capable of surviving thru the rigors of space ejects out of his Arwing after he aims the ship right for the hole that Darkseid made in Unicron’s chest. Luke swings by Stitch with incredible swiftness to grab him and head back to the planet with Supergirl not far behind while Unicron lights up the sky as he explodes. Space Ghost and Sinestro are locked in an intense air battle when Sinestro gets a little cocky. The former green lantern unleashes his power ring toward the host with most but Space Ghost dodges out of the way just in time and then blasts Sinestro with his heat lasers to destroy him. “The only good Horsemen is a dead Horsemen” Space Ghost yells to no one in particular. Achilles ducks under the lightsaber swing of the 4 armed Yarael Poof but then pops up around the other side of him and takes him out at the stomach with his sword. As Supergirl, Stitch, and Luke get back down to the planet they are attacked by what is left of The shining Force. Tao casts Blaze Level 4 which completely destroys Luke’s X-Wing. Luke ejects in time but Astro-Droid #11 cannot be saved. Supergirl flies down and takes out Tao before she can cast another spell and then takes out Anri before she can cast one at all. Supergirl overpowers Gort, but then Max uses the Chaos Breaker and sticks it into the back of Supergirl. Supergirl is filled with the power of the Chaos Breaker, but once the power is released max cannot let go of the mystical sword (ya know, like at the end of the game. Except this time I’m not crying). This sacrifice kills Supergirl, but Max dies with her. Stitch picks up a fallen blaster (I think it was Mara Jade’s) and blows away R2-D2, while Jet Li punches Josh in the throat to kill him with a single hit. Josh is choking to death but in his last breath he yells “CHUCK”! And Josh throws Heston his Glock 10mm knowing that Heston was out of ammo and that he could use the extra fire power. Achilles rushes in and kills Jet Li before he can do any more harm and then in one swift motion takes out the young Luke as well, but he is then shot repeatedly by both Seraph and Space Ghost until he finally falls. Luke GJM is surrounded by both Jengo Fett & Space Ghost. The 2 TEAMmembers attack but Luke force pushes Space Ghost down and then takes off Fett’s head with his lightsaber. He then jumps in toward Space Ghost before he can recuperate and deals him his first ever FFL death. An exhausted Luke is then taken off guard as Seraph leaps in behind the Grand Jedi Master and unloads the last of his bullets into his back. Heston stands in amazement as he watches Seraph kill their #1 Draft pick and begins to unload Josh’s 10mm at Seraph. Seraph dodges every bullet and continues to move in toward Heston. Stitch, a weapons expert at heart see Luke’s lightsaber hit the ground, and just needs to get some of that Jedi technology in his hands. Stitch grabs the lightsaber just as Seraph runs up to Heston and kicks the Glock out of his hand. Seraph grabs the Glock out of mid-air and spins around to take a pot shot at Stitch, blowing his furry little leg clean off. Heston returns the favor of kicking the gun out of Seraph’s hand and sending it about 5 yards away. Heston then finds himself in the dangerous predicament of having to fight Seraph in hand to hand combat. Seraph quickly knocks Heston to the ground, jumps on top of Chaz, and begins strangling the life out of him. Heston is near death but in Charlie’s last breath he sees the green tip of the lightsaber thrown by the one-legged Stitch poke thru the front of Seraph’s chest.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Sorry for the delay.
The A.L. Finals will be up very soon. I have run into some scheduling difficulties. To be honest, I live with my parents and must share computer time with them. It is pretty weak I realize, but hey could you really get someone successfull to run a Fantasy Fantasy League.
Thanks for your patience.
-Josh
Thanks for your patience.
-Josh
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. George Washington's Slaves
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Gen. Grevious, Albus Dumbledore, Agamemnon & Juno, Bizarro Superman, Lazarus Long & Astro-Droid #19 in a Y-Wing, Xerxes, Dante, The Herculoids: Zandar, Tarra, Dorno, Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop, & Gleep, Tlaloc, Ms. Marvel, Maxima, Black Adam, Parallax, Dr. Fate, Mary Marvel, Warf in an Ornithopter, Kaja Sinis, & Ben Kenobi, Vorian Atreides, Bail Organa, Xavier Harkonen, Astro-Droid #20, Dora the Explorer, Back Pack, Boots, The Map, & Dozer #1 in a 327 Nubian, The Deluxe Insecticons: Venom, Ransack, Barrage, & Chop Shop, Willow Rosenberg, & Bryan Beckerman in The Wild Goose.
George Washington’s Slaves are Jason Bourne in an Exo-Suit, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Wedge Antilles & Adm. Ackbar in a Stealth Bomber, Amazo, Arisia, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Cassandra Nova, Colossus, Connor McLeod, Cthulu, Dare the Terminator, Darth Plaguis, Duncan Idaho Ghola #7, Inspector Gadget, Ki Adi Mundi, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime w/ Roller, Sandworm #15, Shaak Ti, Super Soldier, T-1000, Jedi Master #1, & Yoda.
Although The Commandos are split into several different factions, once Barack, Hannah, & Doom all spoke at the rally after their first ever play-off win the team’s spirit is now very united, at least for the time being. George Washington gave only one short and solemn speech to his troops where he laid out his battle plan. He made it very clear to his team that in his opinion, it is imperative to take out Dave Bowman early if they are going to be victorious. “I’ve seen the Commandos wrap up way to many matches this season with Bowman just simply flying in”. Washington said to his starters before the match. As the match begins Loki, Darth Plaguis, & Amazo stay close to one another. For it is the 3 of them who have been given the difficult assignment of taking out The Starchild. Likewise, Dave Bowman was instructed by his team’s leaders that Amazo, after his amazing Play-Off debut needed to be stopped if the Commandos were going to advance to The Universe Bowl. The Cymeks have been entrusted with the task of taking out Sandworm #15 which is how this match begins. Tlaloc leads his 5 Titans into battle where they stay on the edge of the built up city area of The Play-Off Planet safe from the territorial attacks of the massive worm. Tlaloc as the valiant leader of the Titan Cymeks volunteers to be the one to go in first and draw out the worm so the others can attack it, but Agamemnon suggests that they send in Xerxes instead. Xerxes flies in and lands with a thud in the center of the sand. Within seconds Sandworm #15 pops out of the sand ready to destroy everything in its path. Xerxes prepares his weapons systems to defend himself but the worm is even more powerful and imposing than even the Cymeks expected. Shai Halud crushes the mighty Cymek as if he was a Volkswagen, but as he does Tlaloc and Agamemnon order the attack. The 4 remaining Cymeks not only unleash their fury of ultra advanced weaponry on the worm, but Agamemnon also engages the massive bomb that he secretly had his handlers install on Xerxes. Between this atomic explosion underneath the belly of the worm and the array of ranged attacks the mighty worm is destroyed. Dante uses his external speakers to say to his fellow Titans “To bad for old Xerxes”, but Agamemnon replies with “yes, I guess he finally served a purpose”. Jason Bourne in his Exo-Suit is about the same size as Gen. Grevious, which is why the 2 of them make for a great match up. Bourne was a little weary of Gen. Washington’s plan to put him in the Transformer designed suit but Jason is actually surprised as to how much he likes it. The suit, despite the fact that it may appear bulky still allows Bourne to perform even the swiftest fighting moves. Grevious separates his 2 arms and draws out 4 lightsabers before he rushes at Bourne. Bourne is able to dodge the attacks of most of the lightsaber swings but some of them do hit him, causing minor damage to the Exo-suit. The 2 combatants battle fiercely in the city streets, as they both knock each other down repeatedly. Bourne melts away part of Grevious’ protective chest covering with his welding torch but can’t seem to break thru to the beating heart. Grevious manages to get in a double lightsaber swing that takes out Bourne’s clear plaz head guard but Bourne sees the move coming and ducks under it by hitting the emergency escape button in the suit and popping out of the bottom. Bourne does a backward somersault to safety and then from his knee takes aim at Grevious’ exposed chest with his 9mm Sig Saur P226 (9mm is the issued round on The Slaves for some gay reason). Bourne quadruple taps his pistol and puts enough lead into the already damaged chest cavity to finish off the Cyborg. Wedge flying in the Stealth Bomber is reminded of his early days as a 12 year old kid on Alderon when he first how to fly the basic everyday transports. Adm. Ackbar, who has spent time in numerous different aircraft throughout his life, is not enjoying it quite as much. Despite Ackbar being a rather skilled pilot in his own right, he has trouble getting used to the way Wedge can instantly find new ways to push a craft to its absolute limit of maneuverability and speed. Warf is flying low over the wooded area of the play-off planet when Wedge flies in out of nowhere. Warf attempts to take evasive action at the perfect time but it is not his flying skills that are the problem. The craft Warf is in is just simply not armored, equipped, or fast enough to get away from a stealth, especially one that is being flown by Wedge. As Wedge puts the craft into the perfect position, Ackbar easily targets the Ornithopter out of the air with the plane’s .50 caliber machine guns. Parallax wishes to attack Arisia, but before he can he is stopped by her teammate and good friend Martian Manhunter. Parallax uses his powers to create an enormous spear to hurl at the Manhunter but John Jonnz phases thru it. Parallax then tries to break into the mind of his opponent but double M fights back with his own telepathic powers. Parallax forms a fear construct around Martian Manhunter to make him think that he is surrounded by fire but Jonnz fights thru the vision that he knows cannot be reality. Martian Manhunter overpowers Parallax and destroys him in a battle that takes place almost entirely in the minds of the combatants. Yoda squares off against Black Adam, but…….. Well, that is just too good of a fight, so we’ll save it for later. Cassandra Nova focuses her abilities on searching out a powerful member of The Commandos. She waits for the right moment to strike in a way that will go unnoticed to the one she is attacking, knowing that once she does it some of the other more powerful members of The Commandos will take a more defensive posture against her attacks. She unleashes her power and instantly mind blocks Dr. Fate to kill him instantly and shock both teams with this amazing display of power. Cassandra Nova then mentally attacks Maxima, but Maxima creates a force field which temporarily holds back Nova’s powers. Maxima offers up her own telepathic attack on Cassandra; but Cassandra, in a metaphysical form does her best to block it. Maxima begins to break thru but she realizes that she can’t win an all out mental battle with Cassandra Nova. Maxima flies in to attack Cassandra physically as she sees her reforming herself into a more solid state but Cassandra used this as a diversion to get Maxima in close and outside her own force field. Once Maxima is within a few meters, Cassandra Nova breaks thru Maxima’s own mental powers and mind blocks her as well. In a way both of the competitors both succeed and fail in their attack plan. Maxima was not fast enough to rush in and kill Cassandra Nova, but it opened up Xavier’s sister to the incoming attack from Mary Marvel & Ms. Marvel. Cassandra Nova may be an extremely powerful individual, but the 2 Marvel sisters (CALM DOWN, don’t worry I know they aren’t really sisters. They aren’t even from the same Comic Universe……. God you guys are dorks. Take it easy already) kill her the old fashioned way with some sheer raw physical power, as they pound her into the ground. T-1000 moves in against the Deluxe Insecticons. The liquid metal Terminator wastes no time in working his way into Chop Shop. He goes into a liquid form to work his way into the crevices of the Insecticon and then, once inside uses his hardened metal appendages to literally chop shop into pieces. The remaining 3 Insecticons see that saving Chop Shop is a complete lost cause so they focus all of their fire power on their former ally to destroy Chop Shop’s shell with T-1000 still inside. They then devour Chop Shop so they can make sure to destroy every last piece of T-1000 (and because they were hungry). As they are almost done with the last morsel of their former pal Colossus rushes in and takes Ransack by surprise. He jumps onto the back of the huge Insecticon and rips the head of Ransack clean off. Venom and Barrage see this happen and instantly rip the mutant apart with their Cybertronian metal bug parts before he can duplicate the attack on them. Optimus Prime is about to be taken off guard by the remaining 2 Insecticons when he is alerted by Roller’s loud beeping. The 2 Insecticons are about to complete every Decepticon’s dream of killing Optimus Prime when Roller makes a daring move. The tough little Autobot comes flying off of a nearby building where he was running surveillance and hits Venom square in the face with his little metal body. The perfectly placed tracks break into the head of Venom and crush his circuits to kill him while it also alerts Optimus Prime who pulls out his blaster rifle and lights up Barrage like the 4th of July. Head Coach Barack Obama did not appreciate Bryan Beckerman’s lightheartedness at the serious pre-game meeting when he told everybody what vehicles they would be driving. Bryan thought to himself “I guess I’m the only Will Ferrall fan” after he screamed “I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS” when Barack told him that he was driving the Wild Goose. Becks is still thinking to himself about how the rest of the team needs to lighten up and get a sense of humor as he is racing thru the streets at about 300 miles an hour. Beckerman sees Inspector Gadget off to his left so he turns around and decides that he is just gonna run this punk over. Beckerman is racing towards the Inspector when Gadget yells “Go Go Gadget legs” and stretches himself high enough for the F-Zero car to drive right underneath him. Beckerman then goes careening off of the road and into the lake. GAME OVER. NO RETRY. Amazo has taken on the powers of the Marvel family, Maxima & Dr. Fate (but those powers are fading since their deaths), Dumbledore, Willow, & the 2 Jedis. Amazo easily overpowers Mary Marvel with powers similar to her own before the powerful android leads the charge with Lord Plaguis & Loki following behind him against The Starchild. Amazo takes advantage of his new perfectly adapted powers but Bowman is able to make his body intangible against these abilities. Loki then uses his magic to manipulate the massive amount of energy being given off by Bowman and to make him solid once again. He even centralizes Bowman’s powers in the form of a heart in his chest to give his teammates a spot to aim for when attacking. Amazo rushes in for the kill but Bowman is still able to take control of the highly advanced yet still terrestrial technology controlling Amazo and completely wipe his molecules from this plane of existence. This succeeds but as Bowman is focusing so much of his energy Darth Plaguis jumps up with his crimson lightsaber drawn and stabs it into the solidified heart-like piece that Loki created in the floating chest of Bowman to kill the Starchild. Arisia and Dumbledore are involved in an intense battle with Dumbledore using massive amounts of magic in an attempt to subdue the green lantern but at this point he has trouble even catching the airborne alien. This seems to be a pretty even match until Willow Rosenberg flies in to help out her teammate. Once the 2 magic wielders combine their powers Arisia is simply no match for the pair, who completely destroy her. The outpouring of magic by these 2 powerful Commandos draws the attention of the power of the old ones. Cthulu comes crashing on shore from the watery section of the Play-Off Planet and quickly consumes both Dumbledore and Willow as if their powers were as insignificant as the abilities of Nick Houslander & Chris Artrip. Lazarus Long flies up behind the Bat-Copter and targets it with an advanced missile. Lazarus is furious as he misses with his first attempt, but it really had more to do with some good maneuvering by Trinity. Lazarus on the other hand preferred blaming it on his droid R2-08 (the droid for change). Lazarus gains better positioning for his next attempt as he is then easily able to blast the helicopter out of the air before Trinity can use any of the cool Bat-devices inside. The only one that Trinity is able to take advantage of is the bat-parachute which she uses to escape with before the copter crashes. Bizarro attacks Ben & Cade Skywalker with his freeze vision but Cade is able to block it with the force. Bizarro then swoops down and caves in the skull of Ben with a punch, but he is quickly avenged by his son, or grandson, or whatever he is supposed to be, as Cade uses his lightsaber with a little bit of force power backing it up to cut thru the thick skin of Bizarro and remove his head. Ben Kenobi & Kaja Sinis have shared much knowledge of the force with one another since they were added to the Commando roster at the start of the season and have developed quite a good working relationship both on and off the battlefield. The 2 of them take advantage of the odds as they double team Super Soldier. Super Soldier is able to deflect many of their lightsaber attacks with his shield and use his ability of flight to evade their force powers but eventually he is overtaken by the 2 Jedi Masters as Ben cuts off his shield arm and Sinis finishes him off. The 2 Jedi then find themselves outnumbered 2 to 1 as Dare the Terminator, Connor McLeod, Ki Adi Mundi, & Shaak Ti all rush in to attack the 2 Jedi Masters. Kaja & Ben stand back to back to defend themselves against the 4 on 2 attack which they do rather well. Kaja Sinis is able to kill Dare the Terminator by stabbing her in the chest and Ben Kenobi is able to take out Connor McLeod by slicing off his head (of course). But just as Kaja & Ben even the odds Trinity & Jason Bourne come to tip the scales once again. Bourne shoots an entire clip from his Sig Saur at the Jedi Masters, but they easily block the shots and disintegrate the bullets with their lightsabers (a trick Ben taught Kaja in the locker room (they didn’t do that back in Kaja’s day)). Trinity jumps in to attack the pair with some mixed martial arts but the 2 of them are able to both stab her in the chest before she can do any damage. He sacrifice is in no way in vain though as her diversion allows Ki Adi Mundi and Shaak Ti the opportunity to jump in and kill both Ben & Kaja with lightsaber attacks of their own. Zandar leads the Herculoids against Cthulu, but they also have the help of Xavier Harkonen and his crew in the Nubian 327. The ship is being piloted by Vorian Atreides in the main chair and Bail Organa in the co-pilot seat. Xavier is standing back in a leadership roll Kirk style while Dora & Boots man (or should I say kid & monkey) the guns. Not that Cthulu would ever notice the help or even show any understanding of team dynamics, but Optimus & his little buddy Roller show up to help out The Old One. Lazarus Long in his Y-Wing starts to head over toward the battle with Cthulu but he gets locked in a dog fight with Wedge in the Stealth Bomber. Cthulu kills both Gloop & Gleep, but he ends up rallying The Herculoids even more than they already are when he kills Zandar as well. Vorian Atreides flies low and successfully targets the huge being known as Cthulu, but the creature damages the ship with its claw like hands. Dozer #1 & Astro-Droid #20 (who is wearing Back Pack loaded with needed tools) are both deployed out of the side hatch to go outside and fix the problem. The 2 of them working together are able to replace the damaged parts and get the ship back to working order in no time while Vorian & Bail swing the ship back around for their next attack run. Optimus Prime fights thru a few of Tundro lave pellets before he uses his 2 massive metal hands to crush the creature, while Roller rolls over Tarra. Vorian Atreides actually has to begin the ship’s landing cycle so he can get it so low, to target the underbelly of Cthulu. The ship’s missiles and turbo lasers are able to rip thru the body of the powerful monster, but their attack brings them so close to the creature that Cthulu is able to take out the ship once and for all with a swipe from his mighty claw like hands. As Vorian Atreides crash lands the ship Astro-Droid #20, Back Pack, & Dozer #1 are killed in the crash (they were still outside on top of the ship). Xavier Harkonen opens up the hatch of the crash landed ship and then has to manually hold up the door. The brave Xavier sacrifices himself in the burning ship so his friend Vorian, along with Bail Organa, Dora, Boots, & The Map can escape the wreckage. Wedge has unsuccessfully targeted the Titans with all of his Stealth’s nukes (they used built in counter-measures to deflect the missile and send them into space) and Lazarus has used up all his missiles to try to take out Wedge, which leaves the 2 of them with just basic lasers and bullets in their dog fight. The 2 great pilots zip around the sky with Wedge chasing Lazarus when R2-08 is blasted & Long takes to much damage to sustain flight. Lazarus is able to pilot the ship well enough that Wedge and Ackbar are unable to tell that it is doomed which is how Lazarus is able to get in one last trick. Lazarus takes the ship is high as the damaged Y-Wing will allow and then perfectly times his ejection. Lazarus is able to eject safely while the free-falling Y-wing flops down on top of the wing of the stealth. Wedge is unable to move out of the way quick enough as he pulls the eject lever. Wedge ejects safely but notices that Adm. Ackbar was not so lucky. The Admiral ejected safely, but was then taken out by the shrapnel of the 2 colliding ships. Yoda and Black Adam have been engaged in an amazing battle for the length of the match when Jedi Master #1 comes in to aid Yoda. Yoda has been able to quell Black Adam’s attempted shouts of “Shazam” with the force thus far, but Black Adam steps out of their battle for a second to punch a hole in the head of Jedi Master #1. Black Adam then goes in for a similar kill against Yoda but the little Jedi Master is just too quick. Yoda jumps over Black Adam’s head and then does a backward somersault back thru his legs. Yoda then leaps into the air dragging his green lightsaber up the front of Black Adam before he cuts off his head. Ms. Marvel is able to fight thru the Sith Lightning attacks of Darth Plaguis before she rips the Sith Lord in half but in her weakened state she is then easily dispatched by Cade Skywalker and Loki. Optimus Prime is able to overpower the mighty rock ape Zok but Igoo targets Roller from the sky with his eye and tail lasers. “Noooooooo” Optimus yells, knowing that his faithful little side kick has just hit the graveyard. Martian Manhunter & then flies after the space dragon and takes out his vengeance on the Igoo for killing the little robot that he started alongside of in many a match. The team up of Ki Adi Mundi and Shaak Ti strike again, this time against Lazarus Long. The long lived, rejuvenated human fires a couple of shots at Ki Adi with his pistol but they are blocked by the Jedi, while Shaak Ti disarms him of his vibroblade and finishes him off. Duncan Idaho #7 draws his sword and rushes in toward Vorian Atreides and Bail Organa. The 2 of them take a defensive posture while Dora turns toward me and says “O.K. everybody. Let’s cheer for Vor & Bail”. Boots then replies “Goooooooo Vor. Goooooooooo Bail. Hurray”! These cheers are not quite as helpful as one may think though as Duncan Idaho takes out both Vor and Bail with relative ease. Dora and Boots then sneak up behind Duncan Idaho and attack. The 2 youngsters have learned a lot about fighting in their 2 years as Commandos and it pays off as they are unnoticed and underestimated by Duncan Idaho. Duncan turns and swings his sword but Dora gets out of the way just in time to save herself. The Map on the other hand is not as lucky as it is sliced in half while still being clutched in Dora’s hand. Boots is able to wrap his tail around the neck of Idaho, while Dora pulls out her .25 ACP pistol that she got from Leon. Dora is able to put 2 bullets in the head of Duncan to kill him. Dora and Boots then both jump off of Duncan and once again look in my direction. Boots says: “Weeeeeee did it” to which Dora says: “What was your favorite part of that fight”. ……………………(pause)…………………. “Me too” Dora says to finish the bit. Then Loki (Sorry, give me a minute. ……………………………….. I can’t believe I just had my favorite book character of all time get killed by Dora & Boots. O.K. I’m better now back to the story). Then Loki sees this crazy event and takes a second to revel in the mischief involved with a little girl and a baby monkey killing such a well trained warrior before he uses his magic to obliterate both of them. The Slaves think that they are in pretty good shape when Jedi General Yoda & Autobot General Optimus Prime give the signal for an immediate fallback & regroup. The majority of the team does not understand why until the 2 seasoned leaders reveal to them that they are completely surrounded by Cymeks. The 4 Titans have bided their time and have formulated a great plan to trap the Slaves like slaves in the city. Yoda is calling for all Slaves to fall back and take cover behind a knocked down building so they can attempt some sort of counter-offensive. The Slaves 1st 3 picks Yoda, Optimus, & Bourne are the 1st 3 soldiers to the rendezvous point, but not all the Slaves make it. Agamemnon blasts Cade Skywalker apart on his way to the cover area, while Juno with a little help from Dante does the same to Loki. Tlaloc takes out Inspector Gadget, while the Jedi are doing their best to evade such attacks. Shaak Ti is focusing so much on getting away from the Cymeks that she does not even see Dorno running up behind her with his lava ball slingshot. Dorno takes aim but Wedge is running over to rendezvous with the team and pulls out his blaster. The nervous Wedge fires 3 quick shots over the shoulder of Shaak Ti and one of them actually hits Dorno in the head. Shaak Ti looks at Wedge and says: “Damn Wedge, when it comes to firing that blaster, you are one hell of a pilot”. “You’re welcome” Wedge replies sarcastically. The 2 Star Wars characters then jump into the protected area that Yoda found where we see that the only remaining Slaves are Jason Bourne, Wedge, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime, Shaak Ti, Ki Adi Mundi, & Yoda. The 7 Slaves cannot even stick their heads out of the cover area without being instantly targeted by the Cymeks which is why Ki Adi says: “I don’t think that there is a way out of this”. “Always with you it cannot be done” Yoda replies. Martian Manhunter says to Optimus Prime: “Well Optimus, I think it is time for you to pull that thing out of your chest and show us what it does”. Jason Bourne adds that “The Universe Bowl is not until next week. This is not our darkest hour”! “Tell that to Roller” Shaak Ti says. Optimus Prime then reluctantly opens up his chest and pulls out the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. “A diversion we will need” Yoda says to his troops. “I’ll do it” the reluctant Ki Adi Mundi says. Optimus Prime then begins to stand up and pull apart the Matrix. Wedge, who in the cockpit of a ship is as calm and collected as anybody in the Universe; is a nervous wreck in this situation and is beyond any rational thought. Although, when Optimus stands up and begins the Matrix opening process he does start belting out “You Got the Touch” by Stan Bush. In all honesty it’s a pretty good rendition, I think he has been playing some Rock Band in the locker room. Ki Adi is almost instantly gunned down as he runs out of the cover area to draw the fire of the Titans; Optimus stands up completely to direct the energy of the Matrix at their enemies and everybody around begins to witness the massive amount of good energy and wisdom that only a truly wise and worthy leader can wield being expelled from the Matrix. Optimus is about to say his famous line when he is targeted by a missile from Agamemnon that blows his Cybertronian head clean off. The half open Matrix begins to fall to the ground causing Martian Manhunter, Bourne, and Shaak Ti to slump over thinking that all hope is lost, until they realize that the Matrix did not hit the ground after all. In fact it is still rising higher and higher into the air. Yoda has taken control of the Matrix with the force and is continuing to control its power. Yoda uses the force to separate the Matrix which is about 10 times the size of his entire body. “Now, our darkest hour you will light” Yoda says as the wisdom of the Matrix is unleashed and the 4 Cymeks are blown apart.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
George Washington’s Slaves are Jason Bourne in an Exo-Suit, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Wedge Antilles & Adm. Ackbar in a Stealth Bomber, Amazo, Arisia, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Cassandra Nova, Colossus, Connor McLeod, Cthulu, Dare the Terminator, Darth Plaguis, Duncan Idaho Ghola #7, Inspector Gadget, Ki Adi Mundi, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime w/ Roller, Sandworm #15, Shaak Ti, Super Soldier, T-1000, Jedi Master #1, & Yoda.
Although The Commandos are split into several different factions, once Barack, Hannah, & Doom all spoke at the rally after their first ever play-off win the team’s spirit is now very united, at least for the time being. George Washington gave only one short and solemn speech to his troops where he laid out his battle plan. He made it very clear to his team that in his opinion, it is imperative to take out Dave Bowman early if they are going to be victorious. “I’ve seen the Commandos wrap up way to many matches this season with Bowman just simply flying in”. Washington said to his starters before the match. As the match begins Loki, Darth Plaguis, & Amazo stay close to one another. For it is the 3 of them who have been given the difficult assignment of taking out The Starchild. Likewise, Dave Bowman was instructed by his team’s leaders that Amazo, after his amazing Play-Off debut needed to be stopped if the Commandos were going to advance to The Universe Bowl. The Cymeks have been entrusted with the task of taking out Sandworm #15 which is how this match begins. Tlaloc leads his 5 Titans into battle where they stay on the edge of the built up city area of The Play-Off Planet safe from the territorial attacks of the massive worm. Tlaloc as the valiant leader of the Titan Cymeks volunteers to be the one to go in first and draw out the worm so the others can attack it, but Agamemnon suggests that they send in Xerxes instead. Xerxes flies in and lands with a thud in the center of the sand. Within seconds Sandworm #15 pops out of the sand ready to destroy everything in its path. Xerxes prepares his weapons systems to defend himself but the worm is even more powerful and imposing than even the Cymeks expected. Shai Halud crushes the mighty Cymek as if he was a Volkswagen, but as he does Tlaloc and Agamemnon order the attack. The 4 remaining Cymeks not only unleash their fury of ultra advanced weaponry on the worm, but Agamemnon also engages the massive bomb that he secretly had his handlers install on Xerxes. Between this atomic explosion underneath the belly of the worm and the array of ranged attacks the mighty worm is destroyed. Dante uses his external speakers to say to his fellow Titans “To bad for old Xerxes”, but Agamemnon replies with “yes, I guess he finally served a purpose”. Jason Bourne in his Exo-Suit is about the same size as Gen. Grevious, which is why the 2 of them make for a great match up. Bourne was a little weary of Gen. Washington’s plan to put him in the Transformer designed suit but Jason is actually surprised as to how much he likes it. The suit, despite the fact that it may appear bulky still allows Bourne to perform even the swiftest fighting moves. Grevious separates his 2 arms and draws out 4 lightsabers before he rushes at Bourne. Bourne is able to dodge the attacks of most of the lightsaber swings but some of them do hit him, causing minor damage to the Exo-suit. The 2 combatants battle fiercely in the city streets, as they both knock each other down repeatedly. Bourne melts away part of Grevious’ protective chest covering with his welding torch but can’t seem to break thru to the beating heart. Grevious manages to get in a double lightsaber swing that takes out Bourne’s clear plaz head guard but Bourne sees the move coming and ducks under it by hitting the emergency escape button in the suit and popping out of the bottom. Bourne does a backward somersault to safety and then from his knee takes aim at Grevious’ exposed chest with his 9mm Sig Saur P226 (9mm is the issued round on The Slaves for some gay reason). Bourne quadruple taps his pistol and puts enough lead into the already damaged chest cavity to finish off the Cyborg. Wedge flying in the Stealth Bomber is reminded of his early days as a 12 year old kid on Alderon when he first how to fly the basic everyday transports. Adm. Ackbar, who has spent time in numerous different aircraft throughout his life, is not enjoying it quite as much. Despite Ackbar being a rather skilled pilot in his own right, he has trouble getting used to the way Wedge can instantly find new ways to push a craft to its absolute limit of maneuverability and speed. Warf is flying low over the wooded area of the play-off planet when Wedge flies in out of nowhere. Warf attempts to take evasive action at the perfect time but it is not his flying skills that are the problem. The craft Warf is in is just simply not armored, equipped, or fast enough to get away from a stealth, especially one that is being flown by Wedge. As Wedge puts the craft into the perfect position, Ackbar easily targets the Ornithopter out of the air with the plane’s .50 caliber machine guns. Parallax wishes to attack Arisia, but before he can he is stopped by her teammate and good friend Martian Manhunter. Parallax uses his powers to create an enormous spear to hurl at the Manhunter but John Jonnz phases thru it. Parallax then tries to break into the mind of his opponent but double M fights back with his own telepathic powers. Parallax forms a fear construct around Martian Manhunter to make him think that he is surrounded by fire but Jonnz fights thru the vision that he knows cannot be reality. Martian Manhunter overpowers Parallax and destroys him in a battle that takes place almost entirely in the minds of the combatants. Yoda squares off against Black Adam, but…….. Well, that is just too good of a fight, so we’ll save it for later. Cassandra Nova focuses her abilities on searching out a powerful member of The Commandos. She waits for the right moment to strike in a way that will go unnoticed to the one she is attacking, knowing that once she does it some of the other more powerful members of The Commandos will take a more defensive posture against her attacks. She unleashes her power and instantly mind blocks Dr. Fate to kill him instantly and shock both teams with this amazing display of power. Cassandra Nova then mentally attacks Maxima, but Maxima creates a force field which temporarily holds back Nova’s powers. Maxima offers up her own telepathic attack on Cassandra; but Cassandra, in a metaphysical form does her best to block it. Maxima begins to break thru but she realizes that she can’t win an all out mental battle with Cassandra Nova. Maxima flies in to attack Cassandra physically as she sees her reforming herself into a more solid state but Cassandra used this as a diversion to get Maxima in close and outside her own force field. Once Maxima is within a few meters, Cassandra Nova breaks thru Maxima’s own mental powers and mind blocks her as well. In a way both of the competitors both succeed and fail in their attack plan. Maxima was not fast enough to rush in and kill Cassandra Nova, but it opened up Xavier’s sister to the incoming attack from Mary Marvel & Ms. Marvel. Cassandra Nova may be an extremely powerful individual, but the 2 Marvel sisters (CALM DOWN, don’t worry I know they aren’t really sisters. They aren’t even from the same Comic Universe……. God you guys are dorks. Take it easy already) kill her the old fashioned way with some sheer raw physical power, as they pound her into the ground. T-1000 moves in against the Deluxe Insecticons. The liquid metal Terminator wastes no time in working his way into Chop Shop. He goes into a liquid form to work his way into the crevices of the Insecticon and then, once inside uses his hardened metal appendages to literally chop shop into pieces. The remaining 3 Insecticons see that saving Chop Shop is a complete lost cause so they focus all of their fire power on their former ally to destroy Chop Shop’s shell with T-1000 still inside. They then devour Chop Shop so they can make sure to destroy every last piece of T-1000 (and because they were hungry). As they are almost done with the last morsel of their former pal Colossus rushes in and takes Ransack by surprise. He jumps onto the back of the huge Insecticon and rips the head of Ransack clean off. Venom and Barrage see this happen and instantly rip the mutant apart with their Cybertronian metal bug parts before he can duplicate the attack on them. Optimus Prime is about to be taken off guard by the remaining 2 Insecticons when he is alerted by Roller’s loud beeping. The 2 Insecticons are about to complete every Decepticon’s dream of killing Optimus Prime when Roller makes a daring move. The tough little Autobot comes flying off of a nearby building where he was running surveillance and hits Venom square in the face with his little metal body. The perfectly placed tracks break into the head of Venom and crush his circuits to kill him while it also alerts Optimus Prime who pulls out his blaster rifle and lights up Barrage like the 4th of July. Head Coach Barack Obama did not appreciate Bryan Beckerman’s lightheartedness at the serious pre-game meeting when he told everybody what vehicles they would be driving. Bryan thought to himself “I guess I’m the only Will Ferrall fan” after he screamed “I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS” when Barack told him that he was driving the Wild Goose. Becks is still thinking to himself about how the rest of the team needs to lighten up and get a sense of humor as he is racing thru the streets at about 300 miles an hour. Beckerman sees Inspector Gadget off to his left so he turns around and decides that he is just gonna run this punk over. Beckerman is racing towards the Inspector when Gadget yells “Go Go Gadget legs” and stretches himself high enough for the F-Zero car to drive right underneath him. Beckerman then goes careening off of the road and into the lake. GAME OVER. NO RETRY. Amazo has taken on the powers of the Marvel family, Maxima & Dr. Fate (but those powers are fading since their deaths), Dumbledore, Willow, & the 2 Jedis. Amazo easily overpowers Mary Marvel with powers similar to her own before the powerful android leads the charge with Lord Plaguis & Loki following behind him against The Starchild. Amazo takes advantage of his new perfectly adapted powers but Bowman is able to make his body intangible against these abilities. Loki then uses his magic to manipulate the massive amount of energy being given off by Bowman and to make him solid once again. He even centralizes Bowman’s powers in the form of a heart in his chest to give his teammates a spot to aim for when attacking. Amazo rushes in for the kill but Bowman is still able to take control of the highly advanced yet still terrestrial technology controlling Amazo and completely wipe his molecules from this plane of existence. This succeeds but as Bowman is focusing so much of his energy Darth Plaguis jumps up with his crimson lightsaber drawn and stabs it into the solidified heart-like piece that Loki created in the floating chest of Bowman to kill the Starchild. Arisia and Dumbledore are involved in an intense battle with Dumbledore using massive amounts of magic in an attempt to subdue the green lantern but at this point he has trouble even catching the airborne alien. This seems to be a pretty even match until Willow Rosenberg flies in to help out her teammate. Once the 2 magic wielders combine their powers Arisia is simply no match for the pair, who completely destroy her. The outpouring of magic by these 2 powerful Commandos draws the attention of the power of the old ones. Cthulu comes crashing on shore from the watery section of the Play-Off Planet and quickly consumes both Dumbledore and Willow as if their powers were as insignificant as the abilities of Nick Houslander & Chris Artrip. Lazarus Long flies up behind the Bat-Copter and targets it with an advanced missile. Lazarus is furious as he misses with his first attempt, but it really had more to do with some good maneuvering by Trinity. Lazarus on the other hand preferred blaming it on his droid R2-08 (the droid for change). Lazarus gains better positioning for his next attempt as he is then easily able to blast the helicopter out of the air before Trinity can use any of the cool Bat-devices inside. The only one that Trinity is able to take advantage of is the bat-parachute which she uses to escape with before the copter crashes. Bizarro attacks Ben & Cade Skywalker with his freeze vision but Cade is able to block it with the force. Bizarro then swoops down and caves in the skull of Ben with a punch, but he is quickly avenged by his son, or grandson, or whatever he is supposed to be, as Cade uses his lightsaber with a little bit of force power backing it up to cut thru the thick skin of Bizarro and remove his head. Ben Kenobi & Kaja Sinis have shared much knowledge of the force with one another since they were added to the Commando roster at the start of the season and have developed quite a good working relationship both on and off the battlefield. The 2 of them take advantage of the odds as they double team Super Soldier. Super Soldier is able to deflect many of their lightsaber attacks with his shield and use his ability of flight to evade their force powers but eventually he is overtaken by the 2 Jedi Masters as Ben cuts off his shield arm and Sinis finishes him off. The 2 Jedi then find themselves outnumbered 2 to 1 as Dare the Terminator, Connor McLeod, Ki Adi Mundi, & Shaak Ti all rush in to attack the 2 Jedi Masters. Kaja & Ben stand back to back to defend themselves against the 4 on 2 attack which they do rather well. Kaja Sinis is able to kill Dare the Terminator by stabbing her in the chest and Ben Kenobi is able to take out Connor McLeod by slicing off his head (of course). But just as Kaja & Ben even the odds Trinity & Jason Bourne come to tip the scales once again. Bourne shoots an entire clip from his Sig Saur at the Jedi Masters, but they easily block the shots and disintegrate the bullets with their lightsabers (a trick Ben taught Kaja in the locker room (they didn’t do that back in Kaja’s day)). Trinity jumps in to attack the pair with some mixed martial arts but the 2 of them are able to both stab her in the chest before she can do any damage. He sacrifice is in no way in vain though as her diversion allows Ki Adi Mundi and Shaak Ti the opportunity to jump in and kill both Ben & Kaja with lightsaber attacks of their own. Zandar leads the Herculoids against Cthulu, but they also have the help of Xavier Harkonen and his crew in the Nubian 327. The ship is being piloted by Vorian Atreides in the main chair and Bail Organa in the co-pilot seat. Xavier is standing back in a leadership roll Kirk style while Dora & Boots man (or should I say kid & monkey) the guns. Not that Cthulu would ever notice the help or even show any understanding of team dynamics, but Optimus & his little buddy Roller show up to help out The Old One. Lazarus Long in his Y-Wing starts to head over toward the battle with Cthulu but he gets locked in a dog fight with Wedge in the Stealth Bomber. Cthulu kills both Gloop & Gleep, but he ends up rallying The Herculoids even more than they already are when he kills Zandar as well. Vorian Atreides flies low and successfully targets the huge being known as Cthulu, but the creature damages the ship with its claw like hands. Dozer #1 & Astro-Droid #20 (who is wearing Back Pack loaded with needed tools) are both deployed out of the side hatch to go outside and fix the problem. The 2 of them working together are able to replace the damaged parts and get the ship back to working order in no time while Vorian & Bail swing the ship back around for their next attack run. Optimus Prime fights thru a few of Tundro lave pellets before he uses his 2 massive metal hands to crush the creature, while Roller rolls over Tarra. Vorian Atreides actually has to begin the ship’s landing cycle so he can get it so low, to target the underbelly of Cthulu. The ship’s missiles and turbo lasers are able to rip thru the body of the powerful monster, but their attack brings them so close to the creature that Cthulu is able to take out the ship once and for all with a swipe from his mighty claw like hands. As Vorian Atreides crash lands the ship Astro-Droid #20, Back Pack, & Dozer #1 are killed in the crash (they were still outside on top of the ship). Xavier Harkonen opens up the hatch of the crash landed ship and then has to manually hold up the door. The brave Xavier sacrifices himself in the burning ship so his friend Vorian, along with Bail Organa, Dora, Boots, & The Map can escape the wreckage. Wedge has unsuccessfully targeted the Titans with all of his Stealth’s nukes (they used built in counter-measures to deflect the missile and send them into space) and Lazarus has used up all his missiles to try to take out Wedge, which leaves the 2 of them with just basic lasers and bullets in their dog fight. The 2 great pilots zip around the sky with Wedge chasing Lazarus when R2-08 is blasted & Long takes to much damage to sustain flight. Lazarus is able to pilot the ship well enough that Wedge and Ackbar are unable to tell that it is doomed which is how Lazarus is able to get in one last trick. Lazarus takes the ship is high as the damaged Y-Wing will allow and then perfectly times his ejection. Lazarus is able to eject safely while the free-falling Y-wing flops down on top of the wing of the stealth. Wedge is unable to move out of the way quick enough as he pulls the eject lever. Wedge ejects safely but notices that Adm. Ackbar was not so lucky. The Admiral ejected safely, but was then taken out by the shrapnel of the 2 colliding ships. Yoda and Black Adam have been engaged in an amazing battle for the length of the match when Jedi Master #1 comes in to aid Yoda. Yoda has been able to quell Black Adam’s attempted shouts of “Shazam” with the force thus far, but Black Adam steps out of their battle for a second to punch a hole in the head of Jedi Master #1. Black Adam then goes in for a similar kill against Yoda but the little Jedi Master is just too quick. Yoda jumps over Black Adam’s head and then does a backward somersault back thru his legs. Yoda then leaps into the air dragging his green lightsaber up the front of Black Adam before he cuts off his head. Ms. Marvel is able to fight thru the Sith Lightning attacks of Darth Plaguis before she rips the Sith Lord in half but in her weakened state she is then easily dispatched by Cade Skywalker and Loki. Optimus Prime is able to overpower the mighty rock ape Zok but Igoo targets Roller from the sky with his eye and tail lasers. “Noooooooo” Optimus yells, knowing that his faithful little side kick has just hit the graveyard. Martian Manhunter & then flies after the space dragon and takes out his vengeance on the Igoo for killing the little robot that he started alongside of in many a match. The team up of Ki Adi Mundi and Shaak Ti strike again, this time against Lazarus Long. The long lived, rejuvenated human fires a couple of shots at Ki Adi with his pistol but they are blocked by the Jedi, while Shaak Ti disarms him of his vibroblade and finishes him off. Duncan Idaho #7 draws his sword and rushes in toward Vorian Atreides and Bail Organa. The 2 of them take a defensive posture while Dora turns toward me and says “O.K. everybody. Let’s cheer for Vor & Bail”. Boots then replies “Goooooooo Vor. Goooooooooo Bail. Hurray”! These cheers are not quite as helpful as one may think though as Duncan Idaho takes out both Vor and Bail with relative ease. Dora and Boots then sneak up behind Duncan Idaho and attack. The 2 youngsters have learned a lot about fighting in their 2 years as Commandos and it pays off as they are unnoticed and underestimated by Duncan Idaho. Duncan turns and swings his sword but Dora gets out of the way just in time to save herself. The Map on the other hand is not as lucky as it is sliced in half while still being clutched in Dora’s hand. Boots is able to wrap his tail around the neck of Idaho, while Dora pulls out her .25 ACP pistol that she got from Leon. Dora is able to put 2 bullets in the head of Duncan to kill him. Dora and Boots then both jump off of Duncan and once again look in my direction. Boots says: “Weeeeeee did it” to which Dora says: “What was your favorite part of that fight”. ……………………(pause)…………………. “Me too” Dora says to finish the bit. Then Loki (Sorry, give me a minute. ……………………………….. I can’t believe I just had my favorite book character of all time get killed by Dora & Boots. O.K. I’m better now back to the story). Then Loki sees this crazy event and takes a second to revel in the mischief involved with a little girl and a baby monkey killing such a well trained warrior before he uses his magic to obliterate both of them. The Slaves think that they are in pretty good shape when Jedi General Yoda & Autobot General Optimus Prime give the signal for an immediate fallback & regroup. The majority of the team does not understand why until the 2 seasoned leaders reveal to them that they are completely surrounded by Cymeks. The 4 Titans have bided their time and have formulated a great plan to trap the Slaves like slaves in the city. Yoda is calling for all Slaves to fall back and take cover behind a knocked down building so they can attempt some sort of counter-offensive. The Slaves 1st 3 picks Yoda, Optimus, & Bourne are the 1st 3 soldiers to the rendezvous point, but not all the Slaves make it. Agamemnon blasts Cade Skywalker apart on his way to the cover area, while Juno with a little help from Dante does the same to Loki. Tlaloc takes out Inspector Gadget, while the Jedi are doing their best to evade such attacks. Shaak Ti is focusing so much on getting away from the Cymeks that she does not even see Dorno running up behind her with his lava ball slingshot. Dorno takes aim but Wedge is running over to rendezvous with the team and pulls out his blaster. The nervous Wedge fires 3 quick shots over the shoulder of Shaak Ti and one of them actually hits Dorno in the head. Shaak Ti looks at Wedge and says: “Damn Wedge, when it comes to firing that blaster, you are one hell of a pilot”. “You’re welcome” Wedge replies sarcastically. The 2 Star Wars characters then jump into the protected area that Yoda found where we see that the only remaining Slaves are Jason Bourne, Wedge, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime, Shaak Ti, Ki Adi Mundi, & Yoda. The 7 Slaves cannot even stick their heads out of the cover area without being instantly targeted by the Cymeks which is why Ki Adi says: “I don’t think that there is a way out of this”. “Always with you it cannot be done” Yoda replies. Martian Manhunter says to Optimus Prime: “Well Optimus, I think it is time for you to pull that thing out of your chest and show us what it does”. Jason Bourne adds that “The Universe Bowl is not until next week. This is not our darkest hour”! “Tell that to Roller” Shaak Ti says. Optimus Prime then reluctantly opens up his chest and pulls out the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. “A diversion we will need” Yoda says to his troops. “I’ll do it” the reluctant Ki Adi Mundi says. Optimus Prime then begins to stand up and pull apart the Matrix. Wedge, who in the cockpit of a ship is as calm and collected as anybody in the Universe; is a nervous wreck in this situation and is beyond any rational thought. Although, when Optimus stands up and begins the Matrix opening process he does start belting out “You Got the Touch” by Stan Bush. In all honesty it’s a pretty good rendition, I think he has been playing some Rock Band in the locker room. Ki Adi is almost instantly gunned down as he runs out of the cover area to draw the fire of the Titans; Optimus stands up completely to direct the energy of the Matrix at their enemies and everybody around begins to witness the massive amount of good energy and wisdom that only a truly wise and worthy leader can wield being expelled from the Matrix. Optimus is about to say his famous line when he is targeted by a missile from Agamemnon that blows his Cybertronian head clean off. The half open Matrix begins to fall to the ground causing Martian Manhunter, Bourne, and Shaak Ti to slump over thinking that all hope is lost, until they realize that the Matrix did not hit the ground after all. In fact it is still rising higher and higher into the air. Yoda has taken control of the Matrix with the force and is continuing to control its power. Yoda uses the force to separate the Matrix which is about 10 times the size of his entire body. “Now, our darkest hour you will light” Yoda says as the wisdom of the Matrix is unleashed and the 4 Cymeks are blown apart.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
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