Griffin's Dope Fiends:
Poseidon
Triton
Opee Sea killer #9 and #10
Sharks w/ freakin laser beams #1-3
Black Lantern Cloverfield Monster
State Farm Agent w/ Legion Flight ring
Sharkticon #11-14
Backyardigans:
Trident,
Naga,
Clawful,
Black Widow Shark,
Abe Sapien,
Lizard,
Mer-Man,
Sharkticons 1,2,31,32;
Sentinels 13, 14;
Hondo Maclean on the Sea Attack (MASK)
Sly Rax on the Pirahna (MASK).
"State Farm, this is Mandy. How may I assist you?"
"Uh, hi. This is Hondo Maclean"
"Hello Mr Maclean! Can I get your policy number?"
"Uh. .... find.... it... Complaint"
"Sorry Mr Maclean, we've got a bit of a bad connection. Did you say you have a complaint?"
"Yeah. Me and a bunch of my teammates are being attacked by one of your agents!"
"I'm sorry, sir? Attacked? Are you sure?"
"Considering I just saw her fly through the air with a bazooka and blow up my friend and the sea attack, yeah. Attack is a pretty accurate description of what's going on here."
"I see. Well, if I can get your policy information, I may be able to help you."
"Are you serious? You need to verify that I have coverage before you can stop this chick from murdering?"
"I'm afraid so, sir. I've gone into our intradimensional transporter files to see who's recently used a bazooka and it shows that agent B025- Ms Melinda Patterson, is currently on duty for policy holders Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers. Now, as you know, we at State Farm strive to provide our clients the best possible customer service and since Mr Poteracki's fantasy policy does include our murder waiver, there's not much I can do until I can get a look at what your policy entails. I'm not finding anything under Mclean, is there another name the policy might be under?"
BOOM!
"Mr Maclean? Are you there?"
"I'm coming under fire here! I don't believe this! Lady, I'm here at Cedar Point in the fi-"
Hondo Maclean's plan to destroy Melinda Patterson by getting her fired comes to an ugly end, as the Sea Attack is destroyed by the black lantern Cloverfield monster. Hondo never did learn the fatal flaw in his scheme. That MASK hasn't had insurance since 1998, and the Backyardigans switch to Geico, where 15 minutes can save you 15%.
Elsewhere across Soak City, things are equally as vicious, the Renegade River is filled with death and destruction as the Black Widow shark has viciously killed ever one of the Sharks with freakin' laser beams, despite the sharks having freakin' laser beams. The Thundercats monster went further up the not so lazy river, looking for more prey, when it came to what it thought to be an odd looking cavern. The Widow Shark discovered much too late, that this was no waterpark attraction, but the enormous mouth of Opee Sea Killer #9, just wedged into the normally family friendly attraction.
Over at the Adventure Cove Floats, both battalions of Sharkticons battle, with none really gaining an advantage. In the Main Stream, the squad of Mer-Man, Lizard and Abe Sapien were a little more successful in killing Opee Sea Killer #10 than their team mate, as the giant creature's plan of just being wedged in and not moving didn't work against beings that could get out of the ride, climb onto the creature and kill it. As the trio rushes over to send the other Sea Killer to a similar fate, they stumble across Trident's corpse, and hear the screams of Naga the latest victim of the Dope Fiends black lantern.
"Later, we'll avenge them later. Strike where we can win." says Abe Sapien. As he continues his march to the Renegade River, B3's Sententiels arrive and begin to blast the giant Cloverfield monster. But unfortunately, they don't have any type of green energy needed to truly destroy the monster and are taken out one by one as the ring reforms the beast.
In the Splash Zone, Melinda Patterson is doing her best to avoid Clawful. Her legion flight ring's force field protects her against any attack by Skeletor's henchman, but she can't call any weaponry for herself, as that's against the agent's code. She uses the various water cannons and other gadgets to spray and soak Clawful, but it does no good. She flies above the water park and resorts to prayer.
"Oh great and powerful Poseidon, hear my words. Assist me in my darkest hour."
"Save your words, child. I am here" rumbles Poseidon as he appears out of Lake Erie.
"Oh great lord of the sea, please. We desperately need to win here so we can make a run at the play offs. Can you help?"
"A chance at glory? Of course! Come, Triton. Let us finish this battle" exclaims the sea god.
The remaining Backyardigans stand not chance against the Dope Fiends. Clawful is eviscerated on Posidon's mighty trident, Triton calls for an EMP bomb from Ms Patterson, and uses it to fry every Sharkticon's brain and render them inert. Even the Lizard, Abe Sapien and Mer-Man find their fates.
"Well done crew, well done. Now. Who wants ice cream???" exclaims Poseidon.
"Me, me, me!!" cries Triton.
"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there, With an appetite!!" exclaims Melinda
The Dope Fiends all share a hearty chuckle and head off to Dippin' Dots to celebrate their win.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
FFL "Spoiler Sport"- Week 7 Wrap Up
As the divisional play continues, this is "Spoiler Sport" on ESPN eight-The Ocho! I'm Cotton McKnight. Let's see what people got for waking up in Vegas.
Lady Luck continues to smile upon the Commandos, as they continue their impressive undefeated streak against the equally mind boggling losing streak of the Tijuana Taco Benders. The Taco Benders have yet to garner a win this season, and their chances are looking stiff as they face George Washington's Slaves. However, the Slaves are coming off a heartbreaking Vegas loss to The Transfoamers, so the Benders may break the streak yet.
Looking elsewhere across the league, The mighty Horsemen of the Apokolips made good on their threats to crush Logical Genocide to maintain a grip on second place in the Steven Spielberg division. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets continues to have a one game lead on the Horsemen, but that lead could fade as the Midgets suffered a handy defeat at the hands of L.G. to kick off this week's aquatic action. The Horsemen just need to bring the same intensity they brought to their Vegas fight as they hit the waves against Better Than All of You.
Over in the Stan Lee conference, it looks like Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches have locked themselves into a play off berth by squeaking by Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies. The newest darling tag team of the FFL, Boba Fett and Wolverine, had an extraordinary match securing a victory by eviscerating another season five MVP, Murderfly Teddy Roosevelt.
Things were all blood and roses for the Barckyardigans this week, as not only did B3's Internal Liason and Event Coordinator Hermione Granger suffer her first death, but it was discovered the controversial, beloved Backyardigan Pablo was brutally murdered by the recently deceased Horsemen Ryan Poteracki. There's still been no response from the Commissioner's office to the ghastly murder, but will update you on the situation as soon as anything occurs.
That'll do it for this week. Join us as the week eight's seaside slaughter continues. We've already seen one upset, will there be others? Stay tuned.
I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you, and good night.
Lady Luck continues to smile upon the Commandos, as they continue their impressive undefeated streak against the equally mind boggling losing streak of the Tijuana Taco Benders. The Taco Benders have yet to garner a win this season, and their chances are looking stiff as they face George Washington's Slaves. However, the Slaves are coming off a heartbreaking Vegas loss to The Transfoamers, so the Benders may break the streak yet.
Looking elsewhere across the league, The mighty Horsemen of the Apokolips made good on their threats to crush Logical Genocide to maintain a grip on second place in the Steven Spielberg division. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets continues to have a one game lead on the Horsemen, but that lead could fade as the Midgets suffered a handy defeat at the hands of L.G. to kick off this week's aquatic action. The Horsemen just need to bring the same intensity they brought to their Vegas fight as they hit the waves against Better Than All of You.
Over in the Stan Lee conference, it looks like Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches have locked themselves into a play off berth by squeaking by Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies. The newest darling tag team of the FFL, Boba Fett and Wolverine, had an extraordinary match securing a victory by eviscerating another season five MVP, Murderfly Teddy Roosevelt.
Things were all blood and roses for the Barckyardigans this week, as not only did B3's Internal Liason and Event Coordinator Hermione Granger suffer her first death, but it was discovered the controversial, beloved Backyardigan Pablo was brutally murdered by the recently deceased Horsemen Ryan Poteracki. There's still been no response from the Commissioner's office to the ghastly murder, but will update you on the situation as soon as anything occurs.
That'll do it for this week. Join us as the week eight's seaside slaughter continues. We've already seen one upset, will there be others? Stay tuned.
I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you, and good night.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Week 8: Logical Genocide vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are:
-Qwsp
-Blue Toad
-Yellow Toad
-Titanus
-Kermit the Frog
-Namora
-Namorita
-Charybdis
-Sharkticon #33-40
-Amantia
Logical Genocide is:
Mera w/ red lantern ring
Killer Shark
Siren and Xebel soldiers #1-14
Ion-Kyle Rayner
Guy Gardner:Warrior w/ blue lantern ring
Gremlin #4 "Merv"
Geoff Johns w/ healing gun
“Hey Brett, look at dis new tank ova heah!” said Wayde, co-star of the hit new Animal Planet series “Tanked!”
“Heeeeey whadda we got in dis sweet tank Wayde?!” said Brett.
“We got a bunch of beautiful specimens today for dis super sweet tank. Dis tank is shaped exactly like da Hulk’s colon (after Docta Bannah’s transformation into da big green smashin machine of course!)” Wayde Responded.
“Noooiiiiice!” Bret replied. “I really like da scalloped detail in the inner walls of da Sigmoid Colon, this is gonna look great with some salt water fish in heah. Lets Putem in da tank!”
“Not so fast Bro! I got an even biggah surprise!” said Wayde.
With that the miniaturized combatants are unceremoniously dumped into a nearly perfectly, clear acrylic replica of the large intestine of the incredible hulk.
Titanus bounces clumsily off the top lip of the acrylic tank and falls to the ground and is destroyed, accidentally stepped on by the Long Island fish tank moguls who are now deciding what kind of coral would best represent digested food....
Kermit immediately takes charge of the various fungal creatures, ordering the toad stools to attack. The colored toads are decimated by the might of Siren and her Xebel soldiers who then move in on the frog.
“Don’t make me angry” Kermit says. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
At this point, Kermit begins to panic, realizing he has no powers beyond sheer luck and the ability to play a mean banjo.
The Sharkticons swarm around Kermit to protect the beloved muppet and are successful in killing all of the Xebel soldiers arrayed against them. Siren was then alone bravely fighting against the robots, their menacing yellow eyes glowing fiercely reflecting off the walls of the tank.
Siren’s ability to hold off the robots is hampered by Green Lantern Amanita who sneaks up below the woman and uses his ring to batter her while the sharkticons take advantage and start tearing chunks from the woman. Water becomes cloudy and red with blood and bits of gore.
“NO!” screams Mera, as she throws herself into the battle, vomiting red rage energy and coating the Amanita and all the Sharkticons in the napalm like substance destroying them utterly.
Namora and Namorita move to combat the enraged queen of Atlantis.
“You claim to be Atlanteans!?” shouts the enraged Mera who is still enraged by Sirens demise. “I’ll tear those ridiculous little wings right off your ankles!”
Mera is unable to keep up with the sheer speed of the two marvel Atlanteans however, and they literally tear her apart.
“Alright that’s enough...” said Qwsp he is just about to step in with his mystical 5th dimension powers when a giant green Anchor crushes him against the acrylic wall of the tank.
“Dude, lets end this... all this chunky red water... in an acrylic version of the Hulk’s colon? I’m just... I’m gettin a little queasy over here....” said Guy "This is already making me re-think my regular morning Bloody Mary with bacon ritual. "
“Fair enough,” said Kyle. Who uses the power of Ion combined with Guy's blue ring to destroy the remaining members of the brotherhood. A giant green flashlight shines blue light into kermit's eyes, he is speared with green energy, helpless in the shine of the light. A large green submersible forms around Guy and Kyle who unload blue energy torpedoes at Namor and Namorita, Charybdis bravely dives in front of the torpedoes to save them, they explode, vaporizing the supervillan. Namor and Namorita square off against the construct which sprouts giant green armatures that sprout horrible hooked blades and begin to spin. The two remaining brotherhood members are diced into fine chunks by the spinning green blades.
“CUT! Damnit! None of this is usable!” screamed the Animal Planet production manager.
“This show is supposed to be about two mooks from Long Island who build stupid needlessly complex fish tanks, and you guys deliver me a damned blood bath?! I mean a LITERAL bath in blood!!!!... with KERMIT chunks all over my new shoes!?! These are Louis Vuitton you primates!! And nevermind that!!! How am I ever going to get the Henson company to sign off on this!!!? Someone tell me?! HUH!? ANYONE?!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH F This! I quit!”
and with that, the nameless producer walked off the set, turning off the lights as he went.
-Qwsp
-Blue Toad
-Yellow Toad
-Titanus
-Kermit the Frog
-Namora
-Namorita
-Charybdis
-Sharkticon #33-40
-Amantia
Logical Genocide is:
Mera w/ red lantern ring
Killer Shark
Siren and Xebel soldiers #1-14
Ion-Kyle Rayner
Guy Gardner:Warrior w/ blue lantern ring
Gremlin #4 "Merv"
Geoff Johns w/ healing gun
“Hey Brett, look at dis new tank ova heah!” said Wayde, co-star of the hit new Animal Planet series “Tanked!”
“Heeeeey whadda we got in dis sweet tank Wayde?!” said Brett.
“We got a bunch of beautiful specimens today for dis super sweet tank. Dis tank is shaped exactly like da Hulk’s colon (after Docta Bannah’s transformation into da big green smashin machine of course!)” Wayde Responded.
“Noooiiiiice!” Bret replied. “I really like da scalloped detail in the inner walls of da Sigmoid Colon, this is gonna look great with some salt water fish in heah. Lets Putem in da tank!”
“Not so fast Bro! I got an even biggah surprise!” said Wayde.
With that the miniaturized combatants are unceremoniously dumped into a nearly perfectly, clear acrylic replica of the large intestine of the incredible hulk.
Titanus bounces clumsily off the top lip of the acrylic tank and falls to the ground and is destroyed, accidentally stepped on by the Long Island fish tank moguls who are now deciding what kind of coral would best represent digested food....
Kermit immediately takes charge of the various fungal creatures, ordering the toad stools to attack. The colored toads are decimated by the might of Siren and her Xebel soldiers who then move in on the frog.
“Don’t make me angry” Kermit says. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
At this point, Kermit begins to panic, realizing he has no powers beyond sheer luck and the ability to play a mean banjo.
The Sharkticons swarm around Kermit to protect the beloved muppet and are successful in killing all of the Xebel soldiers arrayed against them. Siren was then alone bravely fighting against the robots, their menacing yellow eyes glowing fiercely reflecting off the walls of the tank.
Siren’s ability to hold off the robots is hampered by Green Lantern Amanita who sneaks up below the woman and uses his ring to batter her while the sharkticons take advantage and start tearing chunks from the woman. Water becomes cloudy and red with blood and bits of gore.
“NO!” screams Mera, as she throws herself into the battle, vomiting red rage energy and coating the Amanita and all the Sharkticons in the napalm like substance destroying them utterly.
Namora and Namorita move to combat the enraged queen of Atlantis.
“You claim to be Atlanteans!?” shouts the enraged Mera who is still enraged by Sirens demise. “I’ll tear those ridiculous little wings right off your ankles!”
Mera is unable to keep up with the sheer speed of the two marvel Atlanteans however, and they literally tear her apart.
“Alright that’s enough...” said Qwsp he is just about to step in with his mystical 5th dimension powers when a giant green Anchor crushes him against the acrylic wall of the tank.
“Dude, lets end this... all this chunky red water... in an acrylic version of the Hulk’s colon? I’m just... I’m gettin a little queasy over here....” said Guy "This is already making me re-think my regular morning Bloody Mary with bacon ritual. "
“Fair enough,” said Kyle. Who uses the power of Ion combined with Guy's blue ring to destroy the remaining members of the brotherhood. A giant green flashlight shines blue light into kermit's eyes, he is speared with green energy, helpless in the shine of the light. A large green submersible forms around Guy and Kyle who unload blue energy torpedoes at Namor and Namorita, Charybdis bravely dives in front of the torpedoes to save them, they explode, vaporizing the supervillan. Namor and Namorita square off against the construct which sprouts giant green armatures that sprout horrible hooked blades and begin to spin. The two remaining brotherhood members are diced into fine chunks by the spinning green blades.
“CUT! Damnit! None of this is usable!” screamed the Animal Planet production manager.
“This show is supposed to be about two mooks from Long Island who build stupid needlessly complex fish tanks, and you guys deliver me a damned blood bath?! I mean a LITERAL bath in blood!!!!... with KERMIT chunks all over my new shoes!?! These are Louis Vuitton you primates!! And nevermind that!!! How am I ever going to get the Henson company to sign off on this!!!? Someone tell me?! HUH!? ANYONE?!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH F This! I quit!”
and with that, the nameless producer walked off the set, turning off the lights as he went.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Week 8 Schedule
WEEK 8: Water (Divisional Play)
400 Points
Prize: Trident
Horsemen of Apokolips vs Better Than All of You (Griffin)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Logical Genocide (Goof)
George Washington’s Slaves vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Ryan)
Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs The Transfoamers (Josh)
TEAM vs Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Seeney)
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Becks)
Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family vs Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Becks)
400 Points
Prize: Trident
Horsemen of Apokolips vs Better Than All of You (Griffin)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Logical Genocide (Goof)
George Washington’s Slaves vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Ryan)
Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs The Transfoamers (Josh)
TEAM vs Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Seeney)
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Becks)
Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family vs Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Becks)
Monday, May 7, 2012
Season Five, Week 7: Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A New Family vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A New Family are: Monarch, Black Racer, Ravager, Dark Supergirl, Black Lantern Kilowog, Aslan the Lion w/green lantern ring, Emperor Palpatine, Sith Lord #1: Darth Feline, Red Lantern Guy Gardner, Hoist, The Jokester w/ his pet monkey Harley Quinn, Mr. Majestic, White Lantern Batman, (Kingdom Come) Red Robin, Juggernaut, Zombie Mike Sroka, Little Goomba #64, and Queen Frostine w/blue lightsaber.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is: The Serpent, Skadi: Herald of the Serpent: Merged w/ Shao Khan, Kuurth: Breaker of Stone: Merged w/ Gimli, Nul: Breaker of Worlds: Merged w/ Beast Wars Megatron, Skirn: Breaker of Men: Merged w/ Princess Leia, Nerkkod: Breaker of Oceans: Merged w/ Nightsister Sith Witch #1, Mokk: Breaker of Faith: Merged w/ Blanka, Greithoth: Breaker of Wills: Merged w/ Marv, Angir: Breaker of Souls: Merged w/ Beast Man, Mandalorian Justin Oblak w/Gears of War Lancer, Matrix Twins #1 w/Green Lightsaber, Matrix Twins #2 w/Green Lightsaber, Movie Scorponok, Black Bolt w/Mace Windu’s Purple Lightsaber & Green Lantern Ring, Steel Superman w/Blue Lantern Ring, Mike Vick w/FLASH Rocket Launcher, and Zombie Mr T.
Ahhhhhh… See now this is how I should have been watching all this season’s matches to begin with. Sitting here in the Mandalay Bay Sportsbook with a nice chilled glass of Red Stag Whiskey and I’m just about to fire up a beautiful looking Fuente Fuente OpusX Perfecxion #2. As I take a long draw from my cigar I look up and notice the two members of the opposing teams are actually in line waiting to place bets. The Mike duo, Zombie Sroka and Vick, are in separate lines luckily, as I do not feel like dealing with anyone upsetting my wonderful evening here. They both place their bets and take a seat far away from each other. Now, of course, I too have already placed several bets on this upcoming match. What? I’m not a referee, nor an active combatant. So what if I place a few wagers?! Oh get off your high horse.
Alright, the match is getting under way now. As the battle begins, the sportsbook quickly begins to fill up. The concept of legalizing gambling for the FFL was a stroke of pure genius on the part of the Commissioner. The various televisions that spread across the wall feature different battles that are taking place all around Las Vegas.
Television #1: White Lantern Batman and Kingdom Come Red Robin find themselves in a vicious battle with Black Bolt and Mandalorian Justin Oblak inside Planet Hollywood. The two ring-slingers are actually not really using much of their rings’ powers, but rather in just a knock down drag out fight. Mandalorian Justin Oblak takes to the air via his rocket pack and fires his Gears of War Lancer at KC Red Robin, who leaps behind a row of slot machines. Sparks go flying as the slot machines are ripped apart by the gun fire. Justin then rockets back down and tackles KC Red Robin onto a craps table. Robin kicks him off, but Oblak leaps back to his feet as they engage each other in the “Pleasure Pit.” KC Red Robin uses the stripper pole as leverage and swings around, kicking Justin square in the head and knocking his helmet clean off. This dazes the Mandalorian for a moment, but to buy himself some time, he grabs a stack of casino chips and whips them at KC Red Robin. This allows him to regain his footing and blast KC Red Robin clean in two with his lancer. He then looks over to the escalators that lead up to the Mezzanine and sees White Lantern Batman knock Black Bolt down to the main floor. Black Bolt retaliates by coupling his sonic scream with his Green Lantern ring. The blast blows White Lantern Batman back into the restaurant, Strip House, which is located up in the Mezzanine. Black Bolt flies up there and finishes him off with his purple lightsaber.
As they leave, Justin turns to Black Bolt and says, “Pfft. F’n White Lantern.” This actually makes the normally solemn Black Bolt crack a smirk.
Sweet! I actually had the Kennelz winning that match up. Too bad so did Mandalay Bay, they were the favorites and I only won $3.00 off of it. The cashier even tried to tell me that the bet wasn’t really worth it considering who was combating. Oh cool, they’ve got the Worthy up on the big screen. I’ve got big money on those hammer wielding pussies getting taken out by my girl Dark Supergirl.
Television #2: Dark Supergirl and Skirn/Princess Leia have already leveled much of what was once Paris as Juggernaut deals with Mokk/Blanka in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd. Dark Supergirl is smacked right in the chest by Skirn’s hammer and is sent skipping across the Bellagio’s lake, just as their fountains are starting up. The fountains have been choreographed to “Duel of the Fates” by John Williams.
(I’m kind of bummed that I’m not there to witness it in person, because they have LED lights illuminating the various fountains to mimic lightsaber. But there is NO WAY I’m getting out of this seat, I’m too damn comfortable.)
Juggernaut rips the hammer out of Mokk’s hand and drives it through his chest killing the duo. He then finds himself being attack from behind by Kuurth/Gimli. The Breaker of Stone senses that Juggernaut is the true worthy wielder of his hammer and flees the body of Gimil just as Juggernaut runs him over. Juggernaut looks over at the hammer as it lies on the street and feels an overwhelming sensation to reach down and pick it up. Right as he does so, Kuurth possesses his body and now one of the Super Kitties strongest combatants is now under the control of the Kennelz.
Dark Supergirl goes to fly out of the Bellagio’s lake, but Nerkkod/Nightsister Sith Witch #1 grabs her by the ankle and drags her back down. The cameras don’t really show much and I was busy ordering another drink, but when I looked back, I saw Dark Supergirl tossing the carcass of Nerkkod up onto the street. She then focuses back onto Skirn but is blindsided by her own teammate. Kuurth/Juggernaut smashes her down to the ground with his hammer, bringing it down several more times. The force from the blows causes the windows in the Bellagio, to shatter, as well as most of the ones in Bally’s. Skirn join in and the duo eliminates Dark Supergirl from the battle.
Goddamn it!!! That should be illegal! Dark Supergirl had that fight won! I’m filing a petition with the Commissioner tomorrow. Kuurth shouldn’t have been able to do that with the Juggernaut. *sigh* Ok, lets see what else is going on. Alright, here we go.
Television #3: Emperor Palpatine and his new apprentice, Darth Feline, are squaring off against the Matrix Twins over in Caesar’s Palace. The twins draw both of their lightsabers and attack the Sith Lords. Palpatine has taught Darth Feline well in their short time together. She hit Matrix Twin #1 with a massive bolt of Sith Lightning which fries the Twin even in his ghostly state. Palpatine then flips over the blackjack table and drives his red lightsaber into the other twin’s face, thus ending the quickest match up yet.
Dang, looks like a lot of people took the Sith to win that one, there is a flood of people going up to the cashiers. Personally, I knew they’d win and the payout just wasn’t there for me. Now Zombie Mr. T battling The Jokester? That’s a match I’ve got some cash on. Where is that fight anyways? Crap it’s all the way over in the corner. I can barely see it. Oh for crying out loud, I missed it. Hey buddy, is that Zombie Mr. T eating the Jokester and his monkey? It is? Arrgh, I lost again too?! Waitress! Yeah, bring me another one. Make it a double. What? Yeah put it on my tab. Ok, back to the action. What else do we have here? Hmmm, this looks promising. Black Lantern Kilowog is way out by the Stratosphere taking on Movie Scorponok and Steel Superman.
Television #4: Black Lantern Kilowog makes extremely quick work of the Decepticon as Steel Superman finds some cover behind the Stratosphere. The former Green Lantern is laying waste to everything around him, but he is then hit from behind by a stream of green energy. Black Bolt arrives and lends a hand to Steel Superman. The two of them hit the Black Lantern with a combination of Blue and Green energy that incinerates Kilowog, sending him back to the Graveyard. They are then attacked by Aslan the Lion and Mr. Majestic. Aslan attacks Steel Superman, whose Blue Lantern ring is actually super-charging Aslan’s Green Lantern Ring as Mr. Majestic knocks Black Bolt into the Stratosphere, causing to come crashing down. The Superman wannabe takes on last year’s Universe Bowl MVP and is doing quite a good job at it too. He picks the Inhumans’ King and launches him all the way down the strip to the Mirage. He crashes into the faux volcanoes, but survives the attack. The Kherubim Lord’s massive ego then gets the better of him as he arrogantly stands before Black Bolt who is down to a knee. Black Bolt uses his Green Lantern ring to hold Mr. Majestic in place and pulls him close. He then uses his powers to explode Mr. Majestic’s head by screaming directly into his ear.
As Black Bolt drops the Kherubim to the ground, he sees Aslan the Lion eating the intestines of Steel Superman. He tries to stop Aslan, but is attacked by yet another member of the Super Kitties, the Black Racer. This time, Black Bolt’s winning streak comes to an end in Vegas, as Black Racer with but a touch kills the Inhuman.
Well that didn’t bode well for the majority of people in this sportsbook. Looks like pretty much everyone had Black Bolt surviving here. Hmmm… well almost everyone. Zombie Mike Sroka is stumbling over to the cashier’s counter and appears to have won a hefty sum off of this death. And now it appears to be the main event. It looks like everyone from both teams is converging on the MGM Grand. Monarch is standing high above the Strip, perched up on top of the MGM Lion (which bears a striking resemblance to Aslan if I do say so). But yet even higher up, The Serpent, along with his herald Skadi/Shao Khan stands atop of the hotel/casino itself. Ravager and Hoist are ripped apart rather viciously by Nul/Beast Wars Megatron as Queen Frostine tries to attack Angir/Beast Man and fails, even though this is her final outing. The Breaker of Souls grabs a hold of her and ferociously bites her head off.
Skirn is knocked off of her feet by a green energy blast from Aslan as he flies into the fray. The two tangle as Red Lantern Guy Gardner spews red rage energy all over Greithoth/Marv. Guy then couples his red rage with a blast of green energy powered by pure will. This however is actually quite counterproductive as the Breaker of Wills smashes through the energy with his hammer and then brings it down on Gardner, crushing his skull. Greithoth then sees that Skirn is actually being overwhelmed by the Christ allegory. The Breaker of Wills steps in front of the green energy blast and begins to walk closer and closer to Aslan. The lion intensifies is attack on Greithoth, and there is a massive explosion of green energy that bursts through the battlefield. Once the green vapors dissipate, the only sign of either combatant is the charred hammer of Greithoth.
Emperor Palpatine and Darth Feline begin to make their ascent to the roof of the MGM Grand, where The Serpent is overlooking the battle. Darth Feline wastes no time and lunges at Skadi as the Emperor and the Serpent start to circle each other. Sparks fly as the Sith Lord’s lightsaber clashes with Skadi’s hammer. Palpatine moves much quicker than the older brother of Odin was expecting and hits him with a powerful blast of Sith Lightning, as well as driving his lightsaber directly into the chest of Cul.
The crowd here in the sportsbook is split about 50/50 with this battle. There were quite a few groans as well as cheers when Palpatine hit this move. Anyways back to the fight. Hey waitress. Yeah of course another one.
The Serpent looks down at the lightsaber sticking out of his chest. He then looks Palpatine in the eye and begins to laugh. The laugh grows louder and louder as the Serpent pulls the lightsaber out of his chest and strikes Palpatine down with his own weapon. This action breaks Darth Feline’s focus from Skadi, which proves fatal. The evil Asgardian gods defeat the Sith Lords as the match wages on.
Black Racer streaks through the air and without hesitation, destroys Zombie Mr. T as he munches on Little Goomba #64. As he rips through the air, he is thrown from his skis as Nul grabs a hold of them and fires Black Racer to the ground. Angir then leaps on top of him and violently claws his back apart.
Monarch then surveys the scene and sees that other than Juggernaut, who is currently under the control of Kuurth, he is the last member of the Super Kitties. He makes is stand known and vaporizes Kurrth/Juggernaut with a powerful energy blast. Mandalorian Justin Oblak then flies up to Monarch, takes his helmet off and spits right in Monarch’s face. Not entirely sure what happened to Justin after that, because the instant after that, there was just a cloud of pink mist in front of Monarch. Monarch then leapt off of the MGM Grand Lion and thoroughly destroyed Angir. He then finds himself surrounded by The Serpent and the rest of the Worthy. Monarch tries to defeat them all, but is overwhelmed by their sheer might.
Ah damn it. I knew this was going to happen. Guys would you knock it off. Hey!! I said stop! Ok, well I guess this is part of the fight. Zombie Mike Sroka tried to take a bite out of one of the ho’s Michael Vick had brought into this sportsbook and Vick wasn’t too pleased with it. Vick fires his rocket launcher which destroys half of the televisions. And let me tell you, this crowd did NOT appreciate that. Zombie Sroka stammers towards him, but is blown apart by another rocket. Vick however is then quickly escorted out of the casino for causing such a scene. Well that was a pretty enjoyable day. I think I’m gonna continue hanging out here and watch a couple more of these battles. And by watch, I mean heavily bet on. Let’s see here, ok, can I get $100 on Logical Genocide and $300 on the Commandos. What do you mean they’re all over? It’s Saturday. It’s not? What day is it? MONDAY?!?! Are you kidding me? Wow.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is: The Serpent, Skadi: Herald of the Serpent: Merged w/ Shao Khan, Kuurth: Breaker of Stone: Merged w/ Gimli, Nul: Breaker of Worlds: Merged w/ Beast Wars Megatron, Skirn: Breaker of Men: Merged w/ Princess Leia, Nerkkod: Breaker of Oceans: Merged w/ Nightsister Sith Witch #1, Mokk: Breaker of Faith: Merged w/ Blanka, Greithoth: Breaker of Wills: Merged w/ Marv, Angir: Breaker of Souls: Merged w/ Beast Man, Mandalorian Justin Oblak w/Gears of War Lancer, Matrix Twins #1 w/Green Lightsaber, Matrix Twins #2 w/Green Lightsaber, Movie Scorponok, Black Bolt w/Mace Windu’s Purple Lightsaber & Green Lantern Ring, Steel Superman w/Blue Lantern Ring, Mike Vick w/FLASH Rocket Launcher, and Zombie Mr T.
Ahhhhhh… See now this is how I should have been watching all this season’s matches to begin with. Sitting here in the Mandalay Bay Sportsbook with a nice chilled glass of Red Stag Whiskey and I’m just about to fire up a beautiful looking Fuente Fuente OpusX Perfecxion #2. As I take a long draw from my cigar I look up and notice the two members of the opposing teams are actually in line waiting to place bets. The Mike duo, Zombie Sroka and Vick, are in separate lines luckily, as I do not feel like dealing with anyone upsetting my wonderful evening here. They both place their bets and take a seat far away from each other. Now, of course, I too have already placed several bets on this upcoming match. What? I’m not a referee, nor an active combatant. So what if I place a few wagers?! Oh get off your high horse.
Alright, the match is getting under way now. As the battle begins, the sportsbook quickly begins to fill up. The concept of legalizing gambling for the FFL was a stroke of pure genius on the part of the Commissioner. The various televisions that spread across the wall feature different battles that are taking place all around Las Vegas.
Television #1: White Lantern Batman and Kingdom Come Red Robin find themselves in a vicious battle with Black Bolt and Mandalorian Justin Oblak inside Planet Hollywood. The two ring-slingers are actually not really using much of their rings’ powers, but rather in just a knock down drag out fight. Mandalorian Justin Oblak takes to the air via his rocket pack and fires his Gears of War Lancer at KC Red Robin, who leaps behind a row of slot machines. Sparks go flying as the slot machines are ripped apart by the gun fire. Justin then rockets back down and tackles KC Red Robin onto a craps table. Robin kicks him off, but Oblak leaps back to his feet as they engage each other in the “Pleasure Pit.” KC Red Robin uses the stripper pole as leverage and swings around, kicking Justin square in the head and knocking his helmet clean off. This dazes the Mandalorian for a moment, but to buy himself some time, he grabs a stack of casino chips and whips them at KC Red Robin. This allows him to regain his footing and blast KC Red Robin clean in two with his lancer. He then looks over to the escalators that lead up to the Mezzanine and sees White Lantern Batman knock Black Bolt down to the main floor. Black Bolt retaliates by coupling his sonic scream with his Green Lantern ring. The blast blows White Lantern Batman back into the restaurant, Strip House, which is located up in the Mezzanine. Black Bolt flies up there and finishes him off with his purple lightsaber.
As they leave, Justin turns to Black Bolt and says, “Pfft. F’n White Lantern.” This actually makes the normally solemn Black Bolt crack a smirk.
Sweet! I actually had the Kennelz winning that match up. Too bad so did Mandalay Bay, they were the favorites and I only won $3.00 off of it. The cashier even tried to tell me that the bet wasn’t really worth it considering who was combating. Oh cool, they’ve got the Worthy up on the big screen. I’ve got big money on those hammer wielding pussies getting taken out by my girl Dark Supergirl.
Television #2: Dark Supergirl and Skirn/Princess Leia have already leveled much of what was once Paris as Juggernaut deals with Mokk/Blanka in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd. Dark Supergirl is smacked right in the chest by Skirn’s hammer and is sent skipping across the Bellagio’s lake, just as their fountains are starting up. The fountains have been choreographed to “Duel of the Fates” by John Williams.
(I’m kind of bummed that I’m not there to witness it in person, because they have LED lights illuminating the various fountains to mimic lightsaber. But there is NO WAY I’m getting out of this seat, I’m too damn comfortable.)
Juggernaut rips the hammer out of Mokk’s hand and drives it through his chest killing the duo. He then finds himself being attack from behind by Kuurth/Gimli. The Breaker of Stone senses that Juggernaut is the true worthy wielder of his hammer and flees the body of Gimil just as Juggernaut runs him over. Juggernaut looks over at the hammer as it lies on the street and feels an overwhelming sensation to reach down and pick it up. Right as he does so, Kuurth possesses his body and now one of the Super Kitties strongest combatants is now under the control of the Kennelz.
Dark Supergirl goes to fly out of the Bellagio’s lake, but Nerkkod/Nightsister Sith Witch #1 grabs her by the ankle and drags her back down. The cameras don’t really show much and I was busy ordering another drink, but when I looked back, I saw Dark Supergirl tossing the carcass of Nerkkod up onto the street. She then focuses back onto Skirn but is blindsided by her own teammate. Kuurth/Juggernaut smashes her down to the ground with his hammer, bringing it down several more times. The force from the blows causes the windows in the Bellagio, to shatter, as well as most of the ones in Bally’s. Skirn join in and the duo eliminates Dark Supergirl from the battle.
Goddamn it!!! That should be illegal! Dark Supergirl had that fight won! I’m filing a petition with the Commissioner tomorrow. Kuurth shouldn’t have been able to do that with the Juggernaut. *sigh* Ok, lets see what else is going on. Alright, here we go.
Television #3: Emperor Palpatine and his new apprentice, Darth Feline, are squaring off against the Matrix Twins over in Caesar’s Palace. The twins draw both of their lightsabers and attack the Sith Lords. Palpatine has taught Darth Feline well in their short time together. She hit Matrix Twin #1 with a massive bolt of Sith Lightning which fries the Twin even in his ghostly state. Palpatine then flips over the blackjack table and drives his red lightsaber into the other twin’s face, thus ending the quickest match up yet.
Dang, looks like a lot of people took the Sith to win that one, there is a flood of people going up to the cashiers. Personally, I knew they’d win and the payout just wasn’t there for me. Now Zombie Mr. T battling The Jokester? That’s a match I’ve got some cash on. Where is that fight anyways? Crap it’s all the way over in the corner. I can barely see it. Oh for crying out loud, I missed it. Hey buddy, is that Zombie Mr. T eating the Jokester and his monkey? It is? Arrgh, I lost again too?! Waitress! Yeah, bring me another one. Make it a double. What? Yeah put it on my tab. Ok, back to the action. What else do we have here? Hmmm, this looks promising. Black Lantern Kilowog is way out by the Stratosphere taking on Movie Scorponok and Steel Superman.
Television #4: Black Lantern Kilowog makes extremely quick work of the Decepticon as Steel Superman finds some cover behind the Stratosphere. The former Green Lantern is laying waste to everything around him, but he is then hit from behind by a stream of green energy. Black Bolt arrives and lends a hand to Steel Superman. The two of them hit the Black Lantern with a combination of Blue and Green energy that incinerates Kilowog, sending him back to the Graveyard. They are then attacked by Aslan the Lion and Mr. Majestic. Aslan attacks Steel Superman, whose Blue Lantern ring is actually super-charging Aslan’s Green Lantern Ring as Mr. Majestic knocks Black Bolt into the Stratosphere, causing to come crashing down. The Superman wannabe takes on last year’s Universe Bowl MVP and is doing quite a good job at it too. He picks the Inhumans’ King and launches him all the way down the strip to the Mirage. He crashes into the faux volcanoes, but survives the attack. The Kherubim Lord’s massive ego then gets the better of him as he arrogantly stands before Black Bolt who is down to a knee. Black Bolt uses his Green Lantern ring to hold Mr. Majestic in place and pulls him close. He then uses his powers to explode Mr. Majestic’s head by screaming directly into his ear.
As Black Bolt drops the Kherubim to the ground, he sees Aslan the Lion eating the intestines of Steel Superman. He tries to stop Aslan, but is attacked by yet another member of the Super Kitties, the Black Racer. This time, Black Bolt’s winning streak comes to an end in Vegas, as Black Racer with but a touch kills the Inhuman.
Well that didn’t bode well for the majority of people in this sportsbook. Looks like pretty much everyone had Black Bolt surviving here. Hmmm… well almost everyone. Zombie Mike Sroka is stumbling over to the cashier’s counter and appears to have won a hefty sum off of this death. And now it appears to be the main event. It looks like everyone from both teams is converging on the MGM Grand. Monarch is standing high above the Strip, perched up on top of the MGM Lion (which bears a striking resemblance to Aslan if I do say so). But yet even higher up, The Serpent, along with his herald Skadi/Shao Khan stands atop of the hotel/casino itself. Ravager and Hoist are ripped apart rather viciously by Nul/Beast Wars Megatron as Queen Frostine tries to attack Angir/Beast Man and fails, even though this is her final outing. The Breaker of Souls grabs a hold of her and ferociously bites her head off.
Skirn is knocked off of her feet by a green energy blast from Aslan as he flies into the fray. The two tangle as Red Lantern Guy Gardner spews red rage energy all over Greithoth/Marv. Guy then couples his red rage with a blast of green energy powered by pure will. This however is actually quite counterproductive as the Breaker of Wills smashes through the energy with his hammer and then brings it down on Gardner, crushing his skull. Greithoth then sees that Skirn is actually being overwhelmed by the Christ allegory. The Breaker of Wills steps in front of the green energy blast and begins to walk closer and closer to Aslan. The lion intensifies is attack on Greithoth, and there is a massive explosion of green energy that bursts through the battlefield. Once the green vapors dissipate, the only sign of either combatant is the charred hammer of Greithoth.
Emperor Palpatine and Darth Feline begin to make their ascent to the roof of the MGM Grand, where The Serpent is overlooking the battle. Darth Feline wastes no time and lunges at Skadi as the Emperor and the Serpent start to circle each other. Sparks fly as the Sith Lord’s lightsaber clashes with Skadi’s hammer. Palpatine moves much quicker than the older brother of Odin was expecting and hits him with a powerful blast of Sith Lightning, as well as driving his lightsaber directly into the chest of Cul.
The crowd here in the sportsbook is split about 50/50 with this battle. There were quite a few groans as well as cheers when Palpatine hit this move. Anyways back to the fight. Hey waitress. Yeah of course another one.
The Serpent looks down at the lightsaber sticking out of his chest. He then looks Palpatine in the eye and begins to laugh. The laugh grows louder and louder as the Serpent pulls the lightsaber out of his chest and strikes Palpatine down with his own weapon. This action breaks Darth Feline’s focus from Skadi, which proves fatal. The evil Asgardian gods defeat the Sith Lords as the match wages on.
Black Racer streaks through the air and without hesitation, destroys Zombie Mr. T as he munches on Little Goomba #64. As he rips through the air, he is thrown from his skis as Nul grabs a hold of them and fires Black Racer to the ground. Angir then leaps on top of him and violently claws his back apart.
Monarch then surveys the scene and sees that other than Juggernaut, who is currently under the control of Kuurth, he is the last member of the Super Kitties. He makes is stand known and vaporizes Kurrth/Juggernaut with a powerful energy blast. Mandalorian Justin Oblak then flies up to Monarch, takes his helmet off and spits right in Monarch’s face. Not entirely sure what happened to Justin after that, because the instant after that, there was just a cloud of pink mist in front of Monarch. Monarch then leapt off of the MGM Grand Lion and thoroughly destroyed Angir. He then finds himself surrounded by The Serpent and the rest of the Worthy. Monarch tries to defeat them all, but is overwhelmed by their sheer might.
Ah damn it. I knew this was going to happen. Guys would you knock it off. Hey!! I said stop! Ok, well I guess this is part of the fight. Zombie Mike Sroka tried to take a bite out of one of the ho’s Michael Vick had brought into this sportsbook and Vick wasn’t too pleased with it. Vick fires his rocket launcher which destroys half of the televisions. And let me tell you, this crowd did NOT appreciate that. Zombie Sroka stammers towards him, but is blown apart by another rocket. Vick however is then quickly escorted out of the casino for causing such a scene. Well that was a pretty enjoyable day. I think I’m gonna continue hanging out here and watch a couple more of these battles. And by watch, I mean heavily bet on. Let’s see here, ok, can I get $100 on Logical Genocide and $300 on the Commandos. What do you mean they’re all over? It’s Saturday. It’s not? What day is it? MONDAY?!?! Are you kidding me? Wow.
B3 Press Conference: Pablo's Murder Solved
I am Darth Vader. At this time I would like to disclose the
results of laboratory tests associated with the murder of Pablo. The initial diagnostic analysis of the scene
evidenced DNA from a member of the Poteracki family. This information was provided to you all during
our last press conference. New
information has come to light pursuant to the allele investigation. The inquiry provides with a 99.6 percent
accuracy, that RYAN POTERACKI is the murderer of Pablo.
Please. PLEASE.
PLEASE! Let me finish. Let me finish.
It is clear to all in this league
that the vitriolic rhetoric spewed by Mr. Poteracki toward Pablo was always
existent. If you notice, Poteracki’s
hatred for our beloved penguin clearly became more prevalent as the years went
on. In fact, various comments can be
researched indicating Poteracki’s relish of an opportunity to “kill that
penguin.” We never thought that the
words of this individual would equate to such violent and reprehensible actions. For that, we will always regret the fact that
he was not confronted sooner.
Unfortunately for our team, Ryan
Poteracki has already met his demise in an earlier match this year, and thus,
justice will never truly be obtained.
Certain members of our B3 family have requested from the Commissioner
that Mr. Poteracki’s corpse be exhumed and delivered to the B3 compound for
various means of defiling. The
Commissioner has unofficially responded to this request, which we respectfully
honor, and stated that he shall stand for necrophilia only during matches.
At this time, we will wait for
the Commissioner’s official response to the murder of our teammate. . . friend.
. . and loved one, Pablo.
Pablo, Rest In Peace. Thank you.
George Washington's Slaves vs The Transfoamers
George Washington's Slaves: Crocodile Dundee, Gizmo, Ass Blaster #1, Ass Blaster #2 , Ass Blaster #3 Sgt. Slaughter (9 deaths), Red Dog, Mercer , Taurus, Bebop, Rocksteady, Bender B. Rodriguez w/Flamethrower, Simon Phoenix w/M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher, Patriclus w/Atlas Axe, Halberd, Zack Morris w/Laser Sword, A.C. Slater w/Laser Gun, Iron Man Suit, Samuel "Screech" Powers w/Mithril Vest, Jessie Spano, Lisa Turtle w/Pokeball, Kelly Kapowski w/Starwand, The Protectabots: Hot Spot First Aid, Grooves, Blades, Streetwise, Sonny Chiba w/Red Lightsaber, Jabba The Hutt, Gollum Gonzo the Great, Kamilla the Chicken, Sgt. Marcus Fenix, Dominic Santiago, Augustus "Cole Train" Cole Damon Baird, Taki, Zorak, Stinkor, Barney Fife, Sheriff Andy Taylor, Rocky Balboa, Tony the Tiger, and Blurr
The Transfoamers: Vehicle Voltron-Air Team; Commander Jeff, Rocky, Wolo, Chip, and Ginger, Vehicle Voltron-Land Team; Commander Cliff, Cinda, Madck, Marvin, and Hutch, CIA Officer Bryan Mills, The Losers; Aisha, Clay, Jenson, Pooch, Roque, Cougar, The Expendables; Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, Yin Yang, Gunnar Jonson, Toll Road, Hale Cesar, and Tool, Major William Lennox, Chief Master Sargent Robert Epps, ACWO Jorge Figeroa, First Sargent Donnely, James Hetfield w/Darth Bane's Red Lightsaber Lars Ulrich w/AtlasKirk Hammett w/Heat Axe, Jason Newstead w/Halbeard, Jedi Master #9, Jedi Master #34Jedi Master #35 w/Mithrill Vest, Star Sapphire Ring, Movie Wreckers; Leadfoot, Roadbuster, and Topspin, Movie Shockwave & Driller, Movie Dreads; Crankcase, Crowbar, and Hatchet, and Evil-Lyn
The Transfoamers locker room 20 minutes before match…. Barney Ross: We’ve been pushed around pretty bad this season, but this week we push back. My boys and I did a little recon, turns out the slaves like to drink. They are gana be held up at the bar at Circus Circus. They have no respect for us and well use that against them. The keys to victory are takin out a man named Simon Phoenix and one A.C. Slater. 20 Minutes after the official start of this weeks match between The Foamers and The Slaves, The Foamers are no shows and The Slaves are all half in the bag. Simon Phoenix is walking around mingling with his team. Once he comes face to face with Rocky Balboa, a fight breaks out between the two. That’s when the Foamers rush the building. Barney Ross leads his team of Expendables towards Simon Phoenix, Panicking over the fact that he is being attacked by two different versions of his arch nemesis, Phoenix Fires his Rocket launcher wildly into the crowd. Members of both teams are killed and every surviving non armored human is stunned by the blast Elsewhere the transformers are outside doing battle. The Protectabots, Blurr, and A.C. Slater are going back and forth with Movie Leadfoot, Roadbuster, and Topspin, Movie Shockwave & Driller, Movie Crankcase, Crowbar, and Hatchet. The Movie Transformers quickly gain the upper hand over their elders. Slater tries to fly away after he realizes he’s got no chance, but is snatched out of the sky by movie shockwave. Shockwave removed the iron man suit much like you would open a peanut and then squished its contents. Back inside the casino everyone is starting to come around. A few of the Foamers have been taken prisoner. The remaining Expendables step up to take care of the rescue mission, but CIA Officer Bryan Mills assures them that he is much more suited for the job. Using his particular set of skills Officer Mills figures they have taken over the third floor of the hotel and that the p.o.w.s are most likely in one of the middle rooms. He takes the elevator to the third floor but stops the elevator midway between two and three. Mills climbs out and pries open the third floor door just enough to further asses the situation. The floor is covered by Sgt. Slaughter (9 deaths), Red Dog, Mercer , Taurus, Bebop, Rocksteady, Zack Morris w/Laser Sword, Samuel "Screech" Powers w/Mithril Vest, Jessie Spano, Lisa Turtle w/Pokeball, and Kelly Kapowski w/Starwand. Each person is covering two separate rooms and they are constantly walking back and forth between them. Officer Mills Times his moves perfectly and gains entry to the third floor, kills Lisa Turtle and Kelly Kapowski, all without being seen. Screech and Jessie Spano are the next to die. Zack Morris is able to scream and alert his teammates before his neck is snapped. Red Dog Rushes the CIA Officer and the two exchange a few punches but Mills pulls a knife from Red Dog’s belt and kills him with it. Mills Then uses Red Dogs Body as a human shield and rushes Mercer. Mercer only manages to graze the Mills before his is disarmed and shot with his own gun. Officer Mills puts the last bullet between Taurus eyes. Sgt. Slaughter Rushes Mills, grabs him in a bear hug, and begins to slam him into and through the walls. Mills lands a few brachial stuns and then a knee to the balls, he jumps on the sergeants back and applies a choke hold. Slaughter defends and throws the CIA Officer off of him. Again Slaughter locks in a bear hug but this time Mills begins to repeatedly head butt him in the nose until finally crushing his skull and sending him to the graveyard. Battered but not beaten, Officer Mills moves to the room holding the p.o.w.s. Jabba the hut has a knife to Evil-Lyns neck. Jabba Begins to say something but Mills picks up an ash tray off the table and launches it at Jabba’s face. This hurts Jabba But definitely doesn’t stop him from cuts Evil-Lyns throat, I guess when it’s not his kid he’s a lot more reckless. Mills then Disarms Jabba and strangles him with a bed sheet. With there teammates safe, The Foamers regroup for another assault. Simon Phoenix is barricaded in the casino with the remaining slaves. Hal Cesar blows open an entry way and the Foamers storm the casino. Gonzo the Great, Kamilla the Chicken, Taki, and Zorak are all blown to pieces by Cesar’s shotgun. Stinkor and Tony the Tiger corner yin yang and rip him to pieces. Gunner Johnson sees this and races over to avenge his friend. Gunner rams his knife threw Tony the Tigers chest and the decapitates Stinkor. Barney Fife creeps up behind the enraged Swede and shoots him in the back of the head. Lee Christmas rewards him for his efforts by holding him down and stomping his head in. Sheriff Andy Taylor tries to help his friend but Christmas knocks him down with a head kick and then finishes the job with punches and elbows. Simon Phoenix again fires his rocket launcher indiscriminating into the crowd, killing members of both teams. Now only Barney Ross and Simon Phoenix are the only people left alive in the room. Simon Phoenix: I’ve already killed you once today Spartan, you know I ed love to do it again. Barney Ross: I don’t know what the hell you talkin about man but I do know that In about thirty seconds it wont matter. The two rush each other, Phoenix Speers Ross to the ground and lands a few punches before getting swept. Ross lands a soccer kick to the head and a few follow up punches but Phoenix just shakes it off. Ross throws another punch but Phoenix catches it and breaks his arm, He then picks him up and breaks his back over his knee. With only enemies left alive in the building The Movie wreckers bring down the house killing everyone inside.
The Transfoamers: Vehicle Voltron-Air Team; Commander Jeff, Rocky, Wolo, Chip, and Ginger, Vehicle Voltron-Land Team; Commander Cliff, Cinda, Madck, Marvin, and Hutch, CIA Officer Bryan Mills, The Losers; Aisha, Clay, Jenson, Pooch, Roque, Cougar, The Expendables; Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, Yin Yang, Gunnar Jonson, Toll Road, Hale Cesar, and Tool, Major William Lennox, Chief Master Sargent Robert Epps, ACWO Jorge Figeroa, First Sargent Donnely, James Hetfield w/Darth Bane's Red Lightsaber Lars Ulrich w/AtlasKirk Hammett w/Heat Axe, Jason Newstead w/Halbeard, Jedi Master #9, Jedi Master #34Jedi Master #35 w/Mithrill Vest, Star Sapphire Ring, Movie Wreckers; Leadfoot, Roadbuster, and Topspin, Movie Shockwave & Driller, Movie Dreads; Crankcase, Crowbar, and Hatchet, and Evil-Lyn
The Transfoamers locker room 20 minutes before match…. Barney Ross: We’ve been pushed around pretty bad this season, but this week we push back. My boys and I did a little recon, turns out the slaves like to drink. They are gana be held up at the bar at Circus Circus. They have no respect for us and well use that against them. The keys to victory are takin out a man named Simon Phoenix and one A.C. Slater. 20 Minutes after the official start of this weeks match between The Foamers and The Slaves, The Foamers are no shows and The Slaves are all half in the bag. Simon Phoenix is walking around mingling with his team. Once he comes face to face with Rocky Balboa, a fight breaks out between the two. That’s when the Foamers rush the building. Barney Ross leads his team of Expendables towards Simon Phoenix, Panicking over the fact that he is being attacked by two different versions of his arch nemesis, Phoenix Fires his Rocket launcher wildly into the crowd. Members of both teams are killed and every surviving non armored human is stunned by the blast Elsewhere the transformers are outside doing battle. The Protectabots, Blurr, and A.C. Slater are going back and forth with Movie Leadfoot, Roadbuster, and Topspin, Movie Shockwave & Driller, Movie Crankcase, Crowbar, and Hatchet. The Movie Transformers quickly gain the upper hand over their elders. Slater tries to fly away after he realizes he’s got no chance, but is snatched out of the sky by movie shockwave. Shockwave removed the iron man suit much like you would open a peanut and then squished its contents. Back inside the casino everyone is starting to come around. A few of the Foamers have been taken prisoner. The remaining Expendables step up to take care of the rescue mission, but CIA Officer Bryan Mills assures them that he is much more suited for the job. Using his particular set of skills Officer Mills figures they have taken over the third floor of the hotel and that the p.o.w.s are most likely in one of the middle rooms. He takes the elevator to the third floor but stops the elevator midway between two and three. Mills climbs out and pries open the third floor door just enough to further asses the situation. The floor is covered by Sgt. Slaughter (9 deaths), Red Dog, Mercer , Taurus, Bebop, Rocksteady, Zack Morris w/Laser Sword, Samuel "Screech" Powers w/Mithril Vest, Jessie Spano, Lisa Turtle w/Pokeball, and Kelly Kapowski w/Starwand. Each person is covering two separate rooms and they are constantly walking back and forth between them. Officer Mills Times his moves perfectly and gains entry to the third floor, kills Lisa Turtle and Kelly Kapowski, all without being seen. Screech and Jessie Spano are the next to die. Zack Morris is able to scream and alert his teammates before his neck is snapped. Red Dog Rushes the CIA Officer and the two exchange a few punches but Mills pulls a knife from Red Dog’s belt and kills him with it. Mills Then uses Red Dogs Body as a human shield and rushes Mercer. Mercer only manages to graze the Mills before his is disarmed and shot with his own gun. Officer Mills puts the last bullet between Taurus eyes. Sgt. Slaughter Rushes Mills, grabs him in a bear hug, and begins to slam him into and through the walls. Mills lands a few brachial stuns and then a knee to the balls, he jumps on the sergeants back and applies a choke hold. Slaughter defends and throws the CIA Officer off of him. Again Slaughter locks in a bear hug but this time Mills begins to repeatedly head butt him in the nose until finally crushing his skull and sending him to the graveyard. Battered but not beaten, Officer Mills moves to the room holding the p.o.w.s. Jabba the hut has a knife to Evil-Lyns neck. Jabba Begins to say something but Mills picks up an ash tray off the table and launches it at Jabba’s face. This hurts Jabba But definitely doesn’t stop him from cuts Evil-Lyns throat, I guess when it’s not his kid he’s a lot more reckless. Mills then Disarms Jabba and strangles him with a bed sheet. With there teammates safe, The Foamers regroup for another assault. Simon Phoenix is barricaded in the casino with the remaining slaves. Hal Cesar blows open an entry way and the Foamers storm the casino. Gonzo the Great, Kamilla the Chicken, Taki, and Zorak are all blown to pieces by Cesar’s shotgun. Stinkor and Tony the Tiger corner yin yang and rip him to pieces. Gunner Johnson sees this and races over to avenge his friend. Gunner rams his knife threw Tony the Tigers chest and the decapitates Stinkor. Barney Fife creeps up behind the enraged Swede and shoots him in the back of the head. Lee Christmas rewards him for his efforts by holding him down and stomping his head in. Sheriff Andy Taylor tries to help his friend but Christmas knocks him down with a head kick and then finishes the job with punches and elbows. Simon Phoenix again fires his rocket launcher indiscriminating into the crowd, killing members of both teams. Now only Barney Ross and Simon Phoenix are the only people left alive in the room. Simon Phoenix: I’ve already killed you once today Spartan, you know I ed love to do it again. Barney Ross: I don’t know what the hell you talkin about man but I do know that In about thirty seconds it wont matter. The two rush each other, Phoenix Speers Ross to the ground and lands a few punches before getting swept. Ross lands a soccer kick to the head and a few follow up punches but Phoenix just shakes it off. Ross throws another punch but Phoenix catches it and breaks his arm, He then picks him up and breaks his back over his knee. With only enemies left alive in the building The Movie wreckers bring down the house killing everyone inside.
TEAM Vs. Griffin's High Maintenace Dope Fiends and Destroyers
TEAM is Cypher, Astaroth, Nightmare, Hishiro Mitsurugi, Cop-ur, Jedi Knight #38B, 39B, and 40B, Yellow Lantern #3 and 4, Tomoe Gozen, Crasher, Zistar Flamgag, Lightning Mcqueen, Tow Mater, Black Dragon #8, Krayt Dragon #5, Force adept #5, Edward Cullen, Bella Cullen, Leah, Seth, and Cock Sneak Goomba #2 and 3.
Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Ron Burgundy (w/ a green lightsaber), Brian Fantana, Brick Tambland (w/ M202 A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher), Champ Kind (w/ a battle ax), Veronica Corningstone, Baxter the dog, Black Lantern Cloverfield Monster, State Farm Agent (w/ a Legion Flight Ring), King Laufey, Frost Giant #1-6, Sandworm #10, Sandworm #2A, Predator #49, Sub-Zero, and Snoopy and Woodstock in an M-1 Abrams Tank.
The bright lights of The Las Vegas Strip look beautiful as they light up the night sky... That is until two giant sandworms come bursting up through the ground and begin laying the entire city to waste. The bright lights, loud noises, and bustling people act like the super-thumper from hell as this place instantly attracts the sandworms to the heart of the city and of the battle. Thousands of on-lookers, vacationers, and gamblers are killed within the first seconds of the match including Cypher, Astaroth, Mitsurugi, Tomoe Gozen, Tow Mater, and Leah from TEAM and Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Veronica Corningstone, and The State Farm Agent from The Dope Fiends. It becomes pretty apparent pretty quick that this match is going to be a quick one and that there isn't anybody who is going to last long with those worms going this crazy. Even in the Arrakis Dunes you can find some semblance of calm in certain areas. Or take solace in the fact that after a sandworm attack the worm will usually retreat to its own territory within a matter of seconds. But these worms are confused and stimulated more than any worm has ever been on the dreary, calm, quiet dunes of their home-world Arrakis. Sub-Zero runs to safety on a small rock-outcropping, but quickly finds that Nightmare has the same idea. The two of them become locked in a game of King of the Mountain over the small area that seems safe from the sandworms for the moment; but even as they lock with each other in combat, they know that they can't stay safe from the worms forever. Sub-Zero just hopes that he can stay alive long enough for the worms to take out all of TEAM so he can transported back to base along with them. Nightmare on the other hand is just hoping that his TEAM bought somebody along that knows how to deal with the worms, because he sure as hell doesn't have a clue as to how to stop them. Nightmare swings his massive sword at the Lin Kui Assassin, but Sub-Zero backflips out of the way. He hits Nightmare with a blast of ice (more like melty water in this Nevada heat). This blasts slows down Nightmare enough to let Sub-Zero slide back in to the skirmish, uppercut the hell out of him and then relieve him of both his head and spine. King Laufey believes that he has a couple of moments to mount an offensive, because he notices that the two sandworms seem to be battling amongst themselves, after totally wiping out the much smaller Krayt Dragon. King Laufey, who in many ways fancies himself the new leader of The Dope Fiends after being the key player in the very controversial (Kingdom Come) Superman trade decides that he is going to take on both Crasher and Cop-Tur on his own to prove not only his worth to his new team but also that he is just as good as the Kryptonian punk he was traded for. Unfortunately, this doesn't get to happen because it is around this time that the much larger Sandworm #10 has killed the younger Sandworm #2A. The dead carcass of the massive worm come down hard from about 300 meters up and lands on top of King Laufey, and his two Go-Bot Opponents. Not to mention Seth and Predator #49 who were locked in a pitched battle (I owe Becks a quarter) on the rubble. Edward and Bella Cullen are sparkling so brightly in the hot Nevada sun that the people around who are actually still alive are violently vomiting due to their extreme gayness (not that being gay is something to vomit over... It's just that being an extremely gay sparkling vampire obviously is). The stomachs of these on-lookers are then saved when Snoopy and Woodstock's tank comes crashing in to them and then a nearby wall which blows up the tank and the drivers. This may have happened due to the nearly impossible to navigate broken terrain, or it may have been because there were two Cock Sneak Goombas on top of the tank attempting to be saboteurs, on the other hand it also could have been because it was a dog and a bird trying to drive a tank... You make the call. The only true skirmish that has been taking place for quite some time without direct sandworm interference, is the battle of very uncommon commons taking place over by what was what Caesar's. The four force-users and 2 yellow lanterns are holding there own against the six frost giants. The Frost Giants may have had an edge due to their size if they weren't sweating their GIANT FROSTY BALLS OFF in this ridiculous heat. One thing you should all know about sandworm attacks that I just figured out the hard way, is don't even bother trying to find a functioning air conditioner after those damn things come rolling through a city. The few things in Vegas that the sandworms and The Krayt Daragon have not destroyed, The Black Lantern Cloverfield Monster seems to have taken care of. Including The Hooters Hotel and more importantly to the match Black Dragon #8 and Lightning Mcqueen. Sandworm #10's next dive back in to what is quickly becoming the Dunes of North America took Yellow Lantern #4 right out of the air and in to the mouth of Shai Halud, before the giant worm consumed Black Lantern Cloverfield. It is tough to say whether the yellow energy of the lantern ring mixed with the power of the water of life is what killed the alien monster or if it was just like my prom date said: and that size does matter. Frost Giant #5 stomps the force adept in to the ground, but Yellow Lantern #3 blasts Frost Giants #1 and 4 with a powerful dose of yellow energy. The 3 Jedis manage to team up and take out two of the frost giants (#2 and 3) but in the end the jedis and their yellow lantern TEAMmate are overtaken by the last two frost giants. They manage to kill #6 with their dying push, leaving only Frost Giant #5 alone in victory. Ron Burgundy looks to Brick and Baxter and says: “Sweet Begonias, what in the name of all that is saucy is going on around here? I can't believe those sandworms we brought caused so much grief. Although, I must say kudos to our front office. I mean not to toot our own trombone, but we were the only team to realize that sandworms would be able to work out here in the middle of the desert, even if there is a city around it “. “Was a city”. Replies Brick. “OOOOOOOHHHHHH HO HO You got that right Brick. Ya know ya got me there. Ya can't argue with the facts. This city looks like a dinosaur's one bedroom apartment, right Baxter?? Oh, wait a second boys... Here comes trouble, get that rocket ready Brick. Let me just turn on Ol' Quinlon Vos's lightsaber here and get ready for the real deal cottonfield”. The Jedi Knight known as Zistar Flamgag is who Ron sees rushing towards them with his lightsaber ignited. Brick misses with his rocket launcher as Flamgag trips over some rubble causing his lightsaber to fly out of his hand. Flamgag hits his head on the ground, but the ignited and spinning lightsaber manages to inflict deadly wounds on both Brick and Burgundy. Brick dies instantly, but Ron survives just for a second to say: “Oh, I have fallen along with my noble comrades. What is a man of such esteem supposed to say or do. How is one such as me meant to die. … and... BLOODY TAMPONS does that hurt. Those lightsabers really do the damn damn damage. AVENGE ME BAXTER”!! With these last words, Baxter the dog begins to run over and attack the fallen Zistar Flamgag just as the last Frost Giant rushes over in an attempt to finish the battle as well. But before the two of them can fight over who get to kill the Jedi, Sandworm #10 raises out of the ground and ensures that...
GRIFFIN'S HIGH MAINTENANCE DOPE FIENDS AND DESTROYERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Ron Burgundy (w/ a green lightsaber), Brian Fantana, Brick Tambland (w/ M202 A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher), Champ Kind (w/ a battle ax), Veronica Corningstone, Baxter the dog, Black Lantern Cloverfield Monster, State Farm Agent (w/ a Legion Flight Ring), King Laufey, Frost Giant #1-6, Sandworm #10, Sandworm #2A, Predator #49, Sub-Zero, and Snoopy and Woodstock in an M-1 Abrams Tank.
The bright lights of The Las Vegas Strip look beautiful as they light up the night sky... That is until two giant sandworms come bursting up through the ground and begin laying the entire city to waste. The bright lights, loud noises, and bustling people act like the super-thumper from hell as this place instantly attracts the sandworms to the heart of the city and of the battle. Thousands of on-lookers, vacationers, and gamblers are killed within the first seconds of the match including Cypher, Astaroth, Mitsurugi, Tomoe Gozen, Tow Mater, and Leah from TEAM and Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Veronica Corningstone, and The State Farm Agent from The Dope Fiends. It becomes pretty apparent pretty quick that this match is going to be a quick one and that there isn't anybody who is going to last long with those worms going this crazy. Even in the Arrakis Dunes you can find some semblance of calm in certain areas. Or take solace in the fact that after a sandworm attack the worm will usually retreat to its own territory within a matter of seconds. But these worms are confused and stimulated more than any worm has ever been on the dreary, calm, quiet dunes of their home-world Arrakis. Sub-Zero runs to safety on a small rock-outcropping, but quickly finds that Nightmare has the same idea. The two of them become locked in a game of King of the Mountain over the small area that seems safe from the sandworms for the moment; but even as they lock with each other in combat, they know that they can't stay safe from the worms forever. Sub-Zero just hopes that he can stay alive long enough for the worms to take out all of TEAM so he can transported back to base along with them. Nightmare on the other hand is just hoping that his TEAM bought somebody along that knows how to deal with the worms, because he sure as hell doesn't have a clue as to how to stop them. Nightmare swings his massive sword at the Lin Kui Assassin, but Sub-Zero backflips out of the way. He hits Nightmare with a blast of ice (more like melty water in this Nevada heat). This blasts slows down Nightmare enough to let Sub-Zero slide back in to the skirmish, uppercut the hell out of him and then relieve him of both his head and spine. King Laufey believes that he has a couple of moments to mount an offensive, because he notices that the two sandworms seem to be battling amongst themselves, after totally wiping out the much smaller Krayt Dragon. King Laufey, who in many ways fancies himself the new leader of The Dope Fiends after being the key player in the very controversial (Kingdom Come) Superman trade decides that he is going to take on both Crasher and Cop-Tur on his own to prove not only his worth to his new team but also that he is just as good as the Kryptonian punk he was traded for. Unfortunately, this doesn't get to happen because it is around this time that the much larger Sandworm #10 has killed the younger Sandworm #2A. The dead carcass of the massive worm come down hard from about 300 meters up and lands on top of King Laufey, and his two Go-Bot Opponents. Not to mention Seth and Predator #49 who were locked in a pitched battle (I owe Becks a quarter) on the rubble. Edward and Bella Cullen are sparkling so brightly in the hot Nevada sun that the people around who are actually still alive are violently vomiting due to their extreme gayness (not that being gay is something to vomit over... It's just that being an extremely gay sparkling vampire obviously is). The stomachs of these on-lookers are then saved when Snoopy and Woodstock's tank comes crashing in to them and then a nearby wall which blows up the tank and the drivers. This may have happened due to the nearly impossible to navigate broken terrain, or it may have been because there were two Cock Sneak Goombas on top of the tank attempting to be saboteurs, on the other hand it also could have been because it was a dog and a bird trying to drive a tank... You make the call. The only true skirmish that has been taking place for quite some time without direct sandworm interference, is the battle of very uncommon commons taking place over by what was what Caesar's. The four force-users and 2 yellow lanterns are holding there own against the six frost giants. The Frost Giants may have had an edge due to their size if they weren't sweating their GIANT FROSTY BALLS OFF in this ridiculous heat. One thing you should all know about sandworm attacks that I just figured out the hard way, is don't even bother trying to find a functioning air conditioner after those damn things come rolling through a city. The few things in Vegas that the sandworms and The Krayt Daragon have not destroyed, The Black Lantern Cloverfield Monster seems to have taken care of. Including The Hooters Hotel and more importantly to the match Black Dragon #8 and Lightning Mcqueen. Sandworm #10's next dive back in to what is quickly becoming the Dunes of North America took Yellow Lantern #4 right out of the air and in to the mouth of Shai Halud, before the giant worm consumed Black Lantern Cloverfield. It is tough to say whether the yellow energy of the lantern ring mixed with the power of the water of life is what killed the alien monster or if it was just like my prom date said: and that size does matter. Frost Giant #5 stomps the force adept in to the ground, but Yellow Lantern #3 blasts Frost Giants #1 and 4 with a powerful dose of yellow energy. The 3 Jedis manage to team up and take out two of the frost giants (#2 and 3) but in the end the jedis and their yellow lantern TEAMmate are overtaken by the last two frost giants. They manage to kill #6 with their dying push, leaving only Frost Giant #5 alone in victory. Ron Burgundy looks to Brick and Baxter and says: “Sweet Begonias, what in the name of all that is saucy is going on around here? I can't believe those sandworms we brought caused so much grief. Although, I must say kudos to our front office. I mean not to toot our own trombone, but we were the only team to realize that sandworms would be able to work out here in the middle of the desert, even if there is a city around it “. “Was a city”. Replies Brick. “OOOOOOOHHHHHH HO HO You got that right Brick. Ya know ya got me there. Ya can't argue with the facts. This city looks like a dinosaur's one bedroom apartment, right Baxter?? Oh, wait a second boys... Here comes trouble, get that rocket ready Brick. Let me just turn on Ol' Quinlon Vos's lightsaber here and get ready for the real deal cottonfield”. The Jedi Knight known as Zistar Flamgag is who Ron sees rushing towards them with his lightsaber ignited. Brick misses with his rocket launcher as Flamgag trips over some rubble causing his lightsaber to fly out of his hand. Flamgag hits his head on the ground, but the ignited and spinning lightsaber manages to inflict deadly wounds on both Brick and Burgundy. Brick dies instantly, but Ron survives just for a second to say: “Oh, I have fallen along with my noble comrades. What is a man of such esteem supposed to say or do. How is one such as me meant to die. … and... BLOODY TAMPONS does that hurt. Those lightsabers really do the damn damn damage. AVENGE ME BAXTER”!! With these last words, Baxter the dog begins to run over and attack the fallen Zistar Flamgag just as the last Frost Giant rushes over in an attempt to finish the battle as well. But before the two of them can fight over who get to kill the Jedi, Sandworm #10 raises out of the ground and ensures that...
GRIFFIN'S HIGH MAINTENANCE DOPE FIENDS AND DESTROYERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are Black Lantern General Grevious, John Moses Browning (w/ mandalorian armor), Moon Knight, Teddy Roosevelt (w/ a green lantern ring), Vincent, Michael Weston (w/ 5N FAL Assault Rifle), Fiona Glenane, Sam Axe (w/ OM 202 1 FLASH Rocket Launcher), Black Lantern Qui Gon Jinn, Raylon Givens, Burt Gummer, Heather Gummer, Zombie Arwen, Steven Segal (w/ the good samaritan), Jay (w/ a flamethrower), Silent Bob (w/ a pokeball), Suzanne, The Sons of Anarchy: Spike, Piermont “Piney” Winston, Quinn, Clarence “Clay” Morrow, Jury, Seamus Ryan, Jackson “Jax” Teller, Needles, Alexander “Tig” Trayer, Kozik, Robert “Bobby Elvis” Munson, Happy, “Big Otto” Delaney, Lenny “The Pimp” Jonowitz, Juan Carlos “Juice” Ortiz, Flip “Chips” Telford, and Harry “Opie” Winston, Oscar the Grouch, Kingpin, Ematajoca (w/ a Sith Lavarouk), Machete, Capt. Marvel II, (movie) Starscream, Squirrel Girl, and Squirrel #1=15.
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Wolverine, Boba Fett (w/ double-bladed red lightsaber), Zombie Darth Maul, Oblivion, Black Zarak, The Chaos King, Deathstorm, Peraxxus, The Signalmen #1-4, Tenderheart Bear, Hermione Granger, and Matt Oblak (w/ mandalorian armor and green and blue lightsabers).
It didn't take long for Kingpin and The Sons of Anarchy to come in to Vegas and slice out their own piece of the pie. The Vegas Police have had no success and have basically given up on trying to quell their operation; and “The Sons of Anarchy Casino” has become the hottest new underground facility for the less desirables to desire. The Chaos King, Peraxxus, The Signalmen and and Black Zarak stay outside, while the rest of The Backyardigan Crew led by Hermione Granger (FFL P.R. Coordinator extraordinaire) herself waltz right in to The Murderflies haven of immorality (and fun) just like they own the place. “They claim that we are heavily outnumbered in this match”. Says the feisty and well-prepared Backyardigan Hermione. “Out-numbered, but not outmatched” says Wolverine to the young wizard. With that being said, the entire Sons of Anarchy Crew comes out from behind a cluster of pool tables and slot machines, just like in an old Steven Segal movie; in fact now that I mention it, Segal is in this match and is with them as well. The Backyardigan's trust in their team, but they realize as outnumbered as they are that they can't focus the whole squad in one place. Wolverine turns to Boba Fett and says: “You ready bub”. Boba nods to the mutant, knowing that the two of them are going to have to take on this entire crew alone; while Hermione leads the rest of their team in to another room of the illegal casino to search out further skirmishes. Starscream is patrolling the air around his team's casino when he notices the members of B3 that have stayed outside. He radios in for some back-up, and decides to take on the threat now, while they have the man-power to do so. Kingpin decides to send out Black Lantern Grevious, Zombie Arwen, Capt. Marvel, and The Bull Moose outside to help Starscream. While Starscream and his back-up mount an attack against The Chaos King and his squad of “dudes who were to big to go in to the casino” and Wolverine and Boba Fett are busy with The Sons of Anarchy Bikers; there is plenty of other action taking place simultaneousely. Black Lantern Qui Gon and Zombie Darth Maul have continued the feud they had in life in to death and are locked in a black lantern construct saber/double-bladed rusty red lightsaber battle. The two undeaded force-users move swiftly against one another as they jump from the tops of craps tables to poker table to bar tops. Although Master Jinn has retained more of his wisdom and intelligence in his black lantern form than Lord Maul has in his zombie form, it wasn't exactly intelligence and wisdom that won Maul the fight the first time around either. Maul manages to pop up Qui Gon's construct saber and get underneath it with his own to destroy him much like he did the first time these two met. Oblivion feels strange going up against the team that originally drafted (the regular) Kyle Rayner in round three of the Season One Draft (**Guy Gardner and G' Nort were first and Howard the Duck was second). But the strange feeling only helps fuel his evil side as he rips through the conventional weaponry of Burt and Heather Grummer, before they even have time to blame the democrats for their plight and then sends a green construct of a machete through Machete. Raylon Givens puts up very little resistance to the powers of Deathstorm, and although Vincent nearly uses his ability to be one of the coolest movie characters ever against Deathstorm; while he is attempting to put two bullets in his chest and one in his head, it still is not enough to take out the dead version of Firestorm (who was acquired earlier this year in a multi-character trade involving Darth Talon with The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets earlier this season). In the ally behind the casino Oscar the Grouch and Tenderheart Bear are locked in an amazing deathmatch, while Matt Oblak is in the heart of the casino winning more money at the Black Jack Table than Al Gore at a Chinese Millionaire Convention. Hermione walks up to Matt and says: “What in the bloody hell is going on here Matt? Get your head in the game, we have a match to win”. “Don't worry about me sweetheart” Matt says arrogantly as he holds up a giant garbage bag full of fifteen dead squirrels and then nudges the severed head of Squirrel Girl with his bloodied Mandalorian Foot Gear. Hermione's frown turns in to a smile as she says: “Damn your good Oblak”. The two of them both slam free Gin and Tonics and start furiously making out with one another. The jump on to the Black Jack Table and start feeling each other up as they are met with wild stares from much of the casino. But, how could this be? What about Teresa and Ron Weasaly? You ask... Well, don't worry... cause... WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS!! BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After seeing this slight moral transgression take place, Ematajoca yells: “Oblak!! You two-timing Mimbo!! Didn't last night mean anything to you” Ematajoca then fires all three circular blades from her Sith Lavarouk. The first misses, the second is deflected by Oblak's quickly drawn blue lightsaber; but the third catches him right between the eyes. Hermione blasts Ematajoca in the heart with her wand to kill her before she can do anymore damage; but alas... Her heart is already broken. Back outside, Peraxxus has used his cosmic powers to obliterate Black Lantern Grevious, while The Chaos King has stomped Zombie Arwen like we kind of wanted something big and powerful to after she was in The Lord of the Rings for 16 more scenes than she should have been. Starscream and Capt. Marvel both blow through a Signalman (#1 and #3) before Capt. Marvel uses his super-strength to take out their leader Peraxxus as well. Starscream flies through the air like a Decepticon-possessed as he takes out one more of The Signalmen (#4) inbetween aerial feats. He then uses his Cybertronian-aided Conventional Weaponry and his own Cybertronian Metal Body to blast through the face of The Chaos King for an amazing kill (that will end up being his last). The wounded Starscream crashes to the ground and is working on getting back up to get back in to the battle when Black Zarak flies in to the scene to finish him off by crushing his chest and his spark. Back inside Moon Knight manages to move a bit more swiftly than Zombie Darth Maul and uses a well-paced kick to remove the rotting head of The former Sith Lord. We now return to Wolverine and Boba Fett who began back to back in their battle against The Sons of Anarchy. Wolverine has skewered Quinn, Piney, and Jury; while Boba Fett used his rifle to blast Jax and Trig. Boba then pulled out his double red lightsaber (his prize for winning The Universe Bowl, I might add) to run through Opie and Chips. Both of The Backyardigans (I still just love referring to characters like Wolverine and Boba Fett as “Backyardigans”) have sustained heavy gunfire from the bikers, but so far nothing that Fett's Mandalorian Armor and Wolverine's healing factor couldn't ward off. Steven Segal fires the Good Samaritan at Wolverine, but the mutant is able to dodge it with a somersault and then come up under the anti-semite with a claw thrust to the lower chin. Boba Fett flies up into the rafters for a moment with his jet pack and when he comes down takes out Clay, Spike, and Seamus Ryan in one fell swoop. Needles, Kozik, and Bobby Elvis come running at Wolverine in unison with a shotgun, a broken pool cue, and a large chain in their respective hands; but it still is nowhere near enough to take out Wolvie. Boba Fett then cleans up the rest of the mess as he takes out Big Otto, The Pimp, and Juice with a thermal detonator. Hermione Granger is spotted by Silent Bob who begins to pointing to her while tapping Jay on the shoulder because he is so surprised to actually see her get the start in a battle. “Holy S**t Silent Bob!! It's that magic chick that never gets played... The Wicked Witch of the F&*(^ng East!! Silent Bob shakes his head while he throws his pokeball at her and doesn't say (cause he's Silent Bob): “Charmeleon: I choose you”. Charmeleon pops out of his pokeball and joins not only this match, but The Murderflies roster as Silent Bob's sidekick/buddy. Charmeleon's first appearance does not prove to be quite as stellar as Hermione's as she blasts both him and their other furry friend Suzanne the Orangatan with her wand. Jay yells: “Oh s**t Silent Bob... We done just got pissed off” as he fires up his flamethrower. “Hey you little magic B^&)^ch!! You ever played with a little wand attached to a fat man in an overcoat”?!!? But Hermione uses her mastery of spells to take out the two stoners before they can do any real damage. Oscar the Grouch comes out of his can to take on Tenderheart Bear, but the seasoned Backyardigan, and former Parallax entity holder begins ripping away at his green fur. John Moses Browning hears the grouchy screams of his teammate and flies in with his Mandalorain jet pack. He manages to put a twelve gauge shell from his semi-auto shotgun right between the eyes of Tenderheart to save his pal Oscar. Michael Weston leads his two noticeably burnt friends outside, where Sam sends a perfectly aimed blast of his rocket launcher in to the spark of Black Zarak. Signalman #2 comes down hard on Sam and then grabs both Michael and Fiona; but Fiona and Michael pull out grenades and manage to take the last of Peraxxus' Robots with them in death. The rest of the battle pours on to the streets outside the underground casino, where Oblivion and Deathstorm are double-teaming Capt. Marvel. Hermione Granger and Teddy Roosevelt are going at it. And Wolverine and Boba Fett have shown up just in time to make sure that Moon Knight doesn't interfere with either of the other battles. Capt. Marvel is able to crush the skull of Oblivion, but Deathstorm avenges his death with a storm of stormy-death. Teddy Roosevelt after coming off of a stellar week last week against The Horsemen uses a construct of The American Flag to slice up Deathstorm while never even missing a beat in his own match against Hermione. Moon Knight fights valiantly against Wolvie and Fett, but the duo simply work to good together and he is taken out. The Master Mind of The Murderfly squad (Kingpin) sees the writing on the wall and rushes out of his secure office and in to the back ally where he and the ruffles Oscar the Grouch escape back to headquarters through their secret garbage can tunnels. Which only leaves Teddy Roosevelt, the hero of The Spanish American War and Week 6 against Wolverine, Boba Fett, and Hermione Granger. Granger begins to wave her wand to cast a final spell against the former president, but before he can he smashes her with a giant green fist. “Bully”!! He yells once again as Wolverine screams: “NOOOOOO” at the sight of Hermione's death. Boba Fett yawns and says: “Relax Logan, it's one death. At this rate she will hit the graveyard in Season 50” as he watches Wolverine gut Teddy to make …
BECKERMAN'S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES VICTORIOUS!!
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Wolverine, Boba Fett (w/ double-bladed red lightsaber), Zombie Darth Maul, Oblivion, Black Zarak, The Chaos King, Deathstorm, Peraxxus, The Signalmen #1-4, Tenderheart Bear, Hermione Granger, and Matt Oblak (w/ mandalorian armor and green and blue lightsabers).
It didn't take long for Kingpin and The Sons of Anarchy to come in to Vegas and slice out their own piece of the pie. The Vegas Police have had no success and have basically given up on trying to quell their operation; and “The Sons of Anarchy Casino” has become the hottest new underground facility for the less desirables to desire. The Chaos King, Peraxxus, The Signalmen and and Black Zarak stay outside, while the rest of The Backyardigan Crew led by Hermione Granger (FFL P.R. Coordinator extraordinaire) herself waltz right in to The Murderflies haven of immorality (and fun) just like they own the place. “They claim that we are heavily outnumbered in this match”. Says the feisty and well-prepared Backyardigan Hermione. “Out-numbered, but not outmatched” says Wolverine to the young wizard. With that being said, the entire Sons of Anarchy Crew comes out from behind a cluster of pool tables and slot machines, just like in an old Steven Segal movie; in fact now that I mention it, Segal is in this match and is with them as well. The Backyardigan's trust in their team, but they realize as outnumbered as they are that they can't focus the whole squad in one place. Wolverine turns to Boba Fett and says: “You ready bub”. Boba nods to the mutant, knowing that the two of them are going to have to take on this entire crew alone; while Hermione leads the rest of their team in to another room of the illegal casino to search out further skirmishes. Starscream is patrolling the air around his team's casino when he notices the members of B3 that have stayed outside. He radios in for some back-up, and decides to take on the threat now, while they have the man-power to do so. Kingpin decides to send out Black Lantern Grevious, Zombie Arwen, Capt. Marvel, and The Bull Moose outside to help Starscream. While Starscream and his back-up mount an attack against The Chaos King and his squad of “dudes who were to big to go in to the casino” and Wolverine and Boba Fett are busy with The Sons of Anarchy Bikers; there is plenty of other action taking place simultaneousely. Black Lantern Qui Gon and Zombie Darth Maul have continued the feud they had in life in to death and are locked in a black lantern construct saber/double-bladed rusty red lightsaber battle. The two undeaded force-users move swiftly against one another as they jump from the tops of craps tables to poker table to bar tops. Although Master Jinn has retained more of his wisdom and intelligence in his black lantern form than Lord Maul has in his zombie form, it wasn't exactly intelligence and wisdom that won Maul the fight the first time around either. Maul manages to pop up Qui Gon's construct saber and get underneath it with his own to destroy him much like he did the first time these two met. Oblivion feels strange going up against the team that originally drafted (the regular) Kyle Rayner in round three of the Season One Draft (**Guy Gardner and G' Nort were first and Howard the Duck was second). But the strange feeling only helps fuel his evil side as he rips through the conventional weaponry of Burt and Heather Grummer, before they even have time to blame the democrats for their plight and then sends a green construct of a machete through Machete. Raylon Givens puts up very little resistance to the powers of Deathstorm, and although Vincent nearly uses his ability to be one of the coolest movie characters ever against Deathstorm; while he is attempting to put two bullets in his chest and one in his head, it still is not enough to take out the dead version of Firestorm (who was acquired earlier this year in a multi-character trade involving Darth Talon with The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets earlier this season). In the ally behind the casino Oscar the Grouch and Tenderheart Bear are locked in an amazing deathmatch, while Matt Oblak is in the heart of the casino winning more money at the Black Jack Table than Al Gore at a Chinese Millionaire Convention. Hermione walks up to Matt and says: “What in the bloody hell is going on here Matt? Get your head in the game, we have a match to win”. “Don't worry about me sweetheart” Matt says arrogantly as he holds up a giant garbage bag full of fifteen dead squirrels and then nudges the severed head of Squirrel Girl with his bloodied Mandalorian Foot Gear. Hermione's frown turns in to a smile as she says: “Damn your good Oblak”. The two of them both slam free Gin and Tonics and start furiously making out with one another. The jump on to the Black Jack Table and start feeling each other up as they are met with wild stares from much of the casino. But, how could this be? What about Teresa and Ron Weasaly? You ask... Well, don't worry... cause... WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS!! BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After seeing this slight moral transgression take place, Ematajoca yells: “Oblak!! You two-timing Mimbo!! Didn't last night mean anything to you” Ematajoca then fires all three circular blades from her Sith Lavarouk. The first misses, the second is deflected by Oblak's quickly drawn blue lightsaber; but the third catches him right between the eyes. Hermione blasts Ematajoca in the heart with her wand to kill her before she can do anymore damage; but alas... Her heart is already broken. Back outside, Peraxxus has used his cosmic powers to obliterate Black Lantern Grevious, while The Chaos King has stomped Zombie Arwen like we kind of wanted something big and powerful to after she was in The Lord of the Rings for 16 more scenes than she should have been. Starscream and Capt. Marvel both blow through a Signalman (#1 and #3) before Capt. Marvel uses his super-strength to take out their leader Peraxxus as well. Starscream flies through the air like a Decepticon-possessed as he takes out one more of The Signalmen (#4) inbetween aerial feats. He then uses his Cybertronian-aided Conventional Weaponry and his own Cybertronian Metal Body to blast through the face of The Chaos King for an amazing kill (that will end up being his last). The wounded Starscream crashes to the ground and is working on getting back up to get back in to the battle when Black Zarak flies in to the scene to finish him off by crushing his chest and his spark. Back inside Moon Knight manages to move a bit more swiftly than Zombie Darth Maul and uses a well-paced kick to remove the rotting head of The former Sith Lord. We now return to Wolverine and Boba Fett who began back to back in their battle against The Sons of Anarchy. Wolverine has skewered Quinn, Piney, and Jury; while Boba Fett used his rifle to blast Jax and Trig. Boba then pulled out his double red lightsaber (his prize for winning The Universe Bowl, I might add) to run through Opie and Chips. Both of The Backyardigans (I still just love referring to characters like Wolverine and Boba Fett as “Backyardigans”) have sustained heavy gunfire from the bikers, but so far nothing that Fett's Mandalorian Armor and Wolverine's healing factor couldn't ward off. Steven Segal fires the Good Samaritan at Wolverine, but the mutant is able to dodge it with a somersault and then come up under the anti-semite with a claw thrust to the lower chin. Boba Fett flies up into the rafters for a moment with his jet pack and when he comes down takes out Clay, Spike, and Seamus Ryan in one fell swoop. Needles, Kozik, and Bobby Elvis come running at Wolverine in unison with a shotgun, a broken pool cue, and a large chain in their respective hands; but it still is nowhere near enough to take out Wolvie. Boba Fett then cleans up the rest of the mess as he takes out Big Otto, The Pimp, and Juice with a thermal detonator. Hermione Granger is spotted by Silent Bob who begins to pointing to her while tapping Jay on the shoulder because he is so surprised to actually see her get the start in a battle. “Holy S**t Silent Bob!! It's that magic chick that never gets played... The Wicked Witch of the F&*(^ng East!! Silent Bob shakes his head while he throws his pokeball at her and doesn't say (cause he's Silent Bob): “Charmeleon: I choose you”. Charmeleon pops out of his pokeball and joins not only this match, but The Murderflies roster as Silent Bob's sidekick/buddy. Charmeleon's first appearance does not prove to be quite as stellar as Hermione's as she blasts both him and their other furry friend Suzanne the Orangatan with her wand. Jay yells: “Oh s**t Silent Bob... We done just got pissed off” as he fires up his flamethrower. “Hey you little magic B^&)^ch!! You ever played with a little wand attached to a fat man in an overcoat”?!!? But Hermione uses her mastery of spells to take out the two stoners before they can do any real damage. Oscar the Grouch comes out of his can to take on Tenderheart Bear, but the seasoned Backyardigan, and former Parallax entity holder begins ripping away at his green fur. John Moses Browning hears the grouchy screams of his teammate and flies in with his Mandalorain jet pack. He manages to put a twelve gauge shell from his semi-auto shotgun right between the eyes of Tenderheart to save his pal Oscar. Michael Weston leads his two noticeably burnt friends outside, where Sam sends a perfectly aimed blast of his rocket launcher in to the spark of Black Zarak. Signalman #2 comes down hard on Sam and then grabs both Michael and Fiona; but Fiona and Michael pull out grenades and manage to take the last of Peraxxus' Robots with them in death. The rest of the battle pours on to the streets outside the underground casino, where Oblivion and Deathstorm are double-teaming Capt. Marvel. Hermione Granger and Teddy Roosevelt are going at it. And Wolverine and Boba Fett have shown up just in time to make sure that Moon Knight doesn't interfere with either of the other battles. Capt. Marvel is able to crush the skull of Oblivion, but Deathstorm avenges his death with a storm of stormy-death. Teddy Roosevelt after coming off of a stellar week last week against The Horsemen uses a construct of The American Flag to slice up Deathstorm while never even missing a beat in his own match against Hermione. Moon Knight fights valiantly against Wolvie and Fett, but the duo simply work to good together and he is taken out. The Master Mind of The Murderfly squad (Kingpin) sees the writing on the wall and rushes out of his secure office and in to the back ally where he and the ruffles Oscar the Grouch escape back to headquarters through their secret garbage can tunnels. Which only leaves Teddy Roosevelt, the hero of The Spanish American War and Week 6 against Wolverine, Boba Fett, and Hermione Granger. Granger begins to wave her wand to cast a final spell against the former president, but before he can he smashes her with a giant green fist. “Bully”!! He yells once again as Wolverine screams: “NOOOOOO” at the sight of Hermione's death. Boba Fett yawns and says: “Relax Logan, it's one death. At this rate she will hit the graveyard in Season 50” as he watches Wolverine gut Teddy to make …
BECKERMAN'S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES VICTORIOUS!!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Season 5, Week 7: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
“When a naked man is
chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure
he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!”
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Mysterio, Electro, Randy Couture in Iron Man Suit, Goliath the Gargoyle, Robocop, John McClane with 2 green lightsabers, Jenny Sparks, Engineer, Jack Hawksmoor, Metroplex, The Blob(movie), T-X, Chameleon, Blade, Black Lantern Josh Houslander, Heather Doba, NFG Mike in a Ferrari 308.
Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas
-Dirty
Harry Callahan
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 7
Match located in Las Vegas
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Mysterio, Electro, Randy Couture in Iron Man Suit, Goliath the Gargoyle, Robocop, John McClane with 2 green lightsabers, Jenny Sparks, Engineer, Jack Hawksmoor, Metroplex, The Blob(movie), T-X, Chameleon, Blade, Black Lantern Josh Houslander, Heather Doba, NFG Mike in a Ferrari 308.
Team Sleeping Pussy: Darryl Revok, S.D. Bob "Snake"
Plissken with green lantern ring, Jonah Hex, Paul Kersey, Travis Bickle with a
shotgun, Dirty Harry, Scourge, Quicksilver, War Machine, Blockbuster, Cloak and
Dagger, Blink, Flash (Jay Garrick), Spiderwoman, Zombie
Mephisto, The Vanisher, Captain Boomerang, Jubilee, Zombie
Bryan Beckerman and Xenomorph #1.
Let the battle begin.
. .
NFG Mike slowly drives his
Ferrari 308 down the Fremont Street Experience.
He smiles at a stunningly beautiful showgirl seated next to him. She resembles Kate Upton. The Ferrari 308 stops in front of the Neonopolois. Pseuodo-Upton glides out of the car’s seat
and walks into the casino.
Neonopolois. . .
Pseudo-Upton walks across the main
room of the Fremont
Revok:
All right. We're gonna do this the scanner way. I'm gonna suck your
brain dry!
Revok pushes through his pain and
begins to shake. The Chameleon’s entire
body twitches and then bursts into flames.
Revok, mortally wounded, attempts to grab onto the handle of the slot
machine behind him. The lever is pulled
and coins burst from the machine’s mouth.
Revok dies only a short time later, bathed in coins.
NFG Mike continues down the street
in his Ferrari 308. War Machine flies
over the vehicle. NFG Mike attempts to
put the pedal-to-the-metal and is unable to gain any traction before War
Machine blasts the car with a barrage of missiles. NFG Mike is thrown from the vehicle, but in spectacular
fashion, lands like a cat on the ground and barrel rolls to safety. NFG Mike runs to the Four Queens and sees the
skirmish in the hotel already at hand.
Four Queens . . .
Black Lantern Josh Houslander and
Heather Doba are repeatedly struck by light knives from Dagger. The Marvel duo’s plan has worked as the
knives have driven them straight into Cloak.
Dagger: Sorry, but we’re the only black-white, female-male
duo who’re coming out of this alive.
Dagger slices Doba apart with her
knives and Cloak engulfs Black Lantern Houslander. BLH is then spit out from the darkness within. BLH is disorientated, which allows Dagger to
focus her knives at BLH’s ring finger.
His ring is shattered and BLH crumples into dust. The remains float over Doba’s body like a
shower of rice at a wedding.
NFG Mike: Enough of this Oreo cookie bullsh@t!
NFG Mike runs out of the hotel
and across the street into the Fremont
Fremont Hotel. . .
The Team SP “Gunslinger Squad”
made up of S.D. Bob "Snake" Plissken, Jonah Hex, Paul Kersey, Travis
Bickle and Dirty Harry face Randy Couture, John McClane, Robocop and
Blade. Plissken immediately takes to the
air using his lantern ring.
Plissken: One question: which one of you a$$holes gets
to die trying to stick me?
Blade:
I promise you, you’ll be dead by dawn.
Plissken:
You first.
Plissken unleashes a barrage of green
projectiles at Blade. They pierce the
vampire hunter. Blade falls to his
knees.
Blade:
Oooh. So exciting isn’t it?
Jonah Hex:
It is; but you’ll pay just the same.
Hex blows Blade’s skull apart and the
Daywalker’s corpse hits the floor.
Across the casino, John McClane
faces Travis Bickle. Bickle cocks his
shotgun. Bickle’s mohawked face spouts
incomprehensible rhetoric.
Bickle: I think someone
should just take this city and just... just flush it down the f%@kin' toilet.
McClane: Let's see
you take ‘this’ under advisement, jerkweed!
McClane ignites his lightsaber
and rushes at the vigilante. He slices
Bickle’s head off before Bickle is able to fire his weapon. McClane turns around and is almost shot by
Paul Kersey, but luckily manages to escape behind a baccarat table. The two men fire at one another before Randy
Couture flies to the scene and uses his Iron Man suit to unleash explosive
mayhem on Kersey. Kersey is blown up
with the table. War Machine flies from
the boulevard outside into the casino.
The armored hero arrives to the scene and due to his superior knowledge
of the suit’s weaponry and capabilities, destroys Couture in an instant. Robocop steps into the establishment’s arena.
Robocop: Come quietly or there will be trouble.
Dirty Harry responds by firing
his .44 Magnum. The force of the bullet
actually dents the futuristic officer of Detroit
Golden Nugget. . .
After having witnessed the battle
at the Fremont
ZB2: NFG. . . Some may know you as “New F@cking
Guy.” To me, you are but a “Non
Functionary Goy.” Look it up a@@hole. .
.
Xenomorph #1 jumps on NFG Mike
and rips him apart. ZB2 eats the scraps.
ZB2: Not Kosher, but good nonetheless. . .
As NFG’s remains are finished by
the two monsters, T-X saunters into the casino.
ZB2: Hot piece of a$$; how do you taste?
T-X does not crack a smile as her
arms morph into weapons. ZB2 and
Xenomorph #1 are shredded; their heads splatter across the room’s walls due to
the impact of the blasts.
Spiderwoman leaps over the
various slot machines in the side gambling area. Spiderwoman locates Mysterio and races toward
the villain. As she is about to grab
him, Mysterio vanishes in a cloud of smoke.
Electro unleashes a surge of electricity that shocks the hero off her machine. Goliath the Gargoyle jumps over three
machines and reaches the stunned webslinger.
Goliath rips off Spiderwoman’s head.
Jubilee and Captain Boomerang enter the fray. Boomerang throws his weapons and strikes
Electro. Electro falls to the
floor. As the combatant rises, Jubilee
sends a plasmoid down his throat.
Electro explodes and his innards litter the room. Jubilee and Boomerang see Mysterio enter a side
room. The duo run to the door and are
ready to kill the illusion master as they open the door together. As they enter the foyer, the Blob shambles
out and engulfs them both. Mysterio
re-appears outside of the room and laughs.
His illusion worked and brought his enemies to their fates.
Golden Gate Hotel. . .
Quicksilver and Flash race
throughout the hotel’s gaming areas. The urban environment emanates through
Jack Hawksmoor. Hawksmoor uses his
telepathic control of the casino to burst the pipes in the
building. Water spreads throughout the
area. Jenny Sparks and the Engineer join Hawksmoor as they jump
on top of the felt covered tables. Sparks
Final Battle- California Hotel.
. .
Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Mysterio,
Goliath the Gargoyle, Robocop, John McClane, Jenny Sparks, Engineer, Jack
Hawksmoor, Metroplex, The Blob(movie) and T-X face "Snake" Plissken,
Jonah Hex, Scourge, War Machine, Blockbuster, Cloak and Dagger, Blink, Zombie
Mephisto and the Vanisher. Immediately, the Vanisher and Blink teleport
themselves, as well as Plissken, Hex, Scourge and Blockbuster next to Mysterio,
Robocop and McClane. Due to the surprise
suffered by the Squad members, the skirmish lasts only minutes. McClane is killed by Plissken; Mysterio is
killed by Blink and Scourge; Robocop is killed by the Vanisher and Blockbuster. The Transformer Trio of Sunstreaker,
Sideswipe and Metroplex smash through the teleporters and decimate the
Vanisher, Blockbuster, Blink and Scourge.
Goliath the Gargoyle sacrifices
himself as he jumps on War Machine and directs the iron-clad hero and himself
into the faceless maw of the Blob. Both
perish within the gelatinous creature.
Zombie Mephisto has had enough of the senseless carnage suffered by his
team and destroys the Blob and Sparks
Plissken, Hex, Cloak and Dagger
actually manage to destroy the Engineer and Sideswipe, but eventually succumb
to the sheer brute strength and power of Hawksmoor, Metroplex, Sunstreaker and
T-X.
Season Five: Week 7: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs Logical Genocide
Horsemen of Apokolips are Phoenix - Jean Grey, Flamebird
(Supergirl), Nightwing (Power Girl), Joseph (Magneto Clone), Sebastian Shaw,
Freddy Krueger w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Battle Pope w/M134 Minigun, Gozar the
Gozarian w/Zuul & Vince Clortho, The Destroyer, Vampire Achilles (w/his
original sword, sheild and armor),
Glory, Amazon #2, Raiden, Kid Thunder, Black Lantern Mike
Sroka, Pete Sosa: Dark Jedi, Julie Artrip possessed by Red Lantern Entity
"The Butcher" w/Green Lightsaber, Chris Artrip w/Green Lightsaber,
Mandalorian Armor in the Pimpmobile,
Josh Houslander, Jedi Master w/Blue Lantern Ring, Laya
Houslander, Jedi Padawan, Alex Houslander, Jedi Padawan
Logical Genocide is The Royal Flush Gang (Ten, Jack, Queen,
King, and Ace)
Gandalf the Grey and Shadowfax\, Wizard Nick Houslander,
Merlin, Han Solo: Rogue Jedi flying the Starship Casino, Pokerface, Sith Lord
Mike Sroka, Black Lantern Brian Beckerman, Centerion #8 (Sue Yerazzov),
Centerion #4 (Jim Tebow)
Cosmic Spider-Man, 5 Golden Army soldiers (#41-45), Aro, Caius,
and Marcus,
Nadira, Plastic Baby, Centerion #1 (Harold "Hot Fudge
Harry" McTwivent)
"Jack Pot Mother F@$%ers" is all you can hear
from the Luxor Casino in Las Vegas as every single member of both teams are
some how cleaning up in the pyramid shaped casino. Well, not quite everyone...
On Board the Starship Casino
Pokerface: How come nobody wants to ever play in my casino?
Han Solo: Maybe it's because up here the house always wins, no
exceptions.
Wizard Nick Houslander: I wish that were true.
Han Solo: Oh god, here we go again.
Wizard Nick Houslander: What? Just because I never win here
doesn't mean you have to be a prick about it.
Pokerface: I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about you when he
was talking about the house.
Han Solo: No, of course I wasn't. The house, as in the casino.
Wizard Nick Houslander: Oh sooorrrryyyyy for misunderstanding you.
I didn't mean to offend you, oh great and powerful Jedi.
Han Solo: Jesus Christ (Under his breathe) Look kid, I'm sorry
you never win here but there's no need to always internalize everything you
hear.
Wizard Nick Houslander: Shut up, that's not it. It's just that...(begins to stumble
over his words).
Pokerface: Oh god.
Han Solo: Here comes the water works.
Wizard Nick Houslander: F@#$ you guys.
Pokerface: God, I didn't realize it was that time of the month.
Wizard Nick Houslander: Shut up, the male period is a real thing.
Han Solo: Okay and with that I am out of here.
Han Solo leaves the room that Wizard Nick Houslander is in and
heads back towards the front of the ship.
Pokerface: Hey wait up.
Pokerface runs towards the rogue Jedi and starts to walk with him.
Pokerface: Wow, that was awkward.
Han Solo: Always is with that kid. Ever since he put on that
pathetic excuse for a Clint Eastwood costume and got all those magic powers he
hasn't been the same person. He used to be able to maim and kill with the best
of them.
Pokerface: Didn't he just rape some chick a couple of weeks ago?
Han Solo: Ah, I don't think so. I think you have him confused with
someone else.
Pokerface: Oh yeah, I must. Hey, when the hell are you going to
let me have my ship back?
Han Solo: Your ship? I won her from you fair and square. You want
her back, you gotta win her back and the last time I checked I wasn't willing
to part with her so easily.
Pokerface: How about we go five-card stud for it?
Han Solo: How about no.
Pokerface: Well I want her back.
Han Solo: How about this. Come up with a way for us to win this
match and I'll consider giving her back to you.
Pokerface: ...
Han Solo: Yeah, I thought so. Good luck though, keep on trying.
Pokerface just stands by as Han Solo continues to walk down the
corridor towards wherever it was that he was headed to.
Back down at the Luxor
"What are you nuts?” a very interested Nadira says to Ace as
he tells the dealer to hit him with two tens sitting in front him on the table.
Ace: Trust me, I'm feeling lucky.
The dealer looks at Ace like he is nuts but after he throws down
the ace of hearts, a huge smile pours over his face.
Nadira: Oh my god baby, you are amazing!!!
Nadira then gives Ace a huge hug and a kiss before hearing her
phone go off again for the third time in as many minutes.
Ace: Who the hell keeps calling you during a match?
Nadira: Who else, Favre.
Ace: Why the hell did you give one of the assistant coaches your
number anyways?
Nadira: I didn't, he got it from the main directory. I can't
stand...oh come on are you kidding me!
Ace: What?
Nadira: I can't believe he sent me this. Seriously, look what he
sent me.
Nadira shows Ace the picture on her phone.
Ace: Oh god, is that what I think it is?
Nadira: Unfortunately.
Ace: Jesus, it looks like a broken wizards staff.
Gandalf: Hey let me see that thing. (Checks out the sext) Oh yeah,
no kidding (looks down at his own staff, the real one not the one he was born
with) it really does look like that. What the hell did he do to it? I mean, how
badly can one beat himself up to gain such an unattractive little guy.
Ace: Little being the operative word.
They all laugh and feel a little sick at the same time.
Ace: All right boss, deal me in again. I'm feeling lucky.
The dealer begins to lay the cards down in front of Ace when a
less then pleased young lady puts her hands over Ace's card that has been dropped
down in front of him.
Julie Artrip: Lucky my ass. What kind of bulls#$% you pulling here
Ace.
Ace: By what could you mean by that Ms...I'm sorry who are you
again.
Julie: That would be Mrs. Artrip and I'm talking about your
Stelleraction technique that I've heard so much about.
Nadira: Whatch you talking about b#$%h?
Ace: When did you get getto?
Julie: You know what I'm talking about b#$%h! And if I were you I
would step the back off from me or you'll see what I've been hiding behind this
excellently concealed exterior.
Nadira: What, you think you've got something that I can't handle?
Julie: Oh know, I don't think, I know I've got something you can't
handle. Not only that, I don't even think you'd even know where to start with
this s#$%!
Nadira: Oh yeah, well let's see what you can do with this.
Nadira then attempts to take over Julie's mind. I say attempts
because as she does this she instantly gets a throbbing pain in the center of
her forehead that nearly makes her pass out.
Julie: Oh did you not like that? Well then I guess you're probably
not going to like this either.
Julie then sends a powerful surge of energy through Nadira that
completely eviscerates her. There is now just a strange red mist floating in
the air next to Ace.
Ace: Well damn honey, you told her. Now how about you give these
cards a good rub down and give me some luck for this next deal.
Julie: I'll do you one better.
Julie then reaches down below on Ace until she is right where he
wants her.
Julie: Feel good?
Ace: Oh you know it.
Julie: Not for long.
Julie then ignites her light saber right between his legs and then
brings the blade right up until she has sliced him in half, hot dog style. The
two pieces of his body then fall to the ground as Julie puts her light saber
back in her belt.
Gandalf: Very impressive Mrs. Artrip. Though I will admit, it is a
shame that it will be your last hand.
Julie immediately tries to block Gandalf's magic but due to his
power is unable to deflect what he has to send her way as she finally finds her
resting place in the graveyard.
Chris Artrip: Wrong move old man.
Gandalf: I doubt that.
Gandalf then sends a blast of magic towards Chris that he barely
manages to escape via his jet pack. Chris then sends a missile down towards Gandalf
that he easily deflects, though the missile does manage to blow up a roulette
table where the rest of the Royal Flush gang had been hanging out at, killing
them all in the process.
Chris: Well it looks like their luck finally ran out.
The entire casino groaned at Mr. Artrip's one-liner.
Chris: What? Like you all weren't thinking it too.
Chris then took off towards the exit of the casino knowing that
escaping Gandalf twice in one match was highly unlikely. This fight was not
over though as he would be hell bent on exacting revenge on the wizard for
killing the love of his life.
On the other side of the casino though, the action was just
beginning to heat up.
BL Mike Sroka, Pete Sosa: Dark Jedi, BL Bryan Beckerman, Sith Lord
Mike Sroka and Battle Pope were engaged in a very intense game of Texas
Hold'em.
Battle Pope: (Takes a huge drag off of his dark as knight Ghurka
triple maduro cigar) Whatcha doing sister? Waiting for the river to flood?
Pete Sosa: (Takes a drag from his Montecristo White Label cigar) Come
on man, make a f#$%ing bet.
Sith Lord Mike Sroka: Your lack of patience disturbs me.
Battle Pope: Your lack of anything resembling intelligence
disturbs me.
Sith Lord Mike Sroka shoots an evil look back at the immoral pope.
Battle Pope: Oh what, is that supposed to intimidate me? I've been
bitch slapped by God and Satan in the same day so trust me when I say an
untoward look from you does about as much to frighten me as a house fly landing
on my arm.
The Sith Lord then taps the table and passes the bet to BL Mike
Sroka.
Pete Sosa: Are you F#$#ing kidding me. You take two minutes of my
f#$*ing life up just to f#$*ing call the godd#*$ bet!
Battle Pope: Hey, watch your mouth.
Pete Sosa: Don't you start with me to!
As you can tell the mood at this table is very contentious, though
with two Black Lanterns, a Sith Lord and a Dark Jedi did you really expect
anything else.
Battle Pope: Hey, what about me?
I'm sorry, two Black Lanterns, a Sith Lord, a Dark Jedi and a
controversial Pope.
Battle Pope: Controversial, but loved Pope.
Yeah whatever, what he said. Anyways, back to the game.
BL Mike Sroka: Unlike my ball-less alter ego I'm gonna raise it.
Sith Lord Mike Sroka: You would raise it you sack of s#$#!
BL Mike Sroka: Your face is a sack of s@$%!
Sith Lord Mike Sroka: That's it, f##@ you!
Sith Lord Mike Sroka then sent a deadly surge of Sith lightening
through the body of BL Mike Sroka, killing him.
Pete Sosa: Oh no you don't.
Pete Sosa then jumped out of his chair and sent his light saber through
the throat of Sith Lord Mike Sroka, killing him.
BL Bryan Beckerman: Oh the hell you don't.
BL Bryan Beckerman then blasted Pete Sosa with his Black Lantern
ring and ripped the heart out of his still live body. BL Bryan Beckerman then
feasted on the still staring eyes of Pete Sosa. By the time Bryan was finished
with the heart the Dark Jedi had perished. All that was left by this time was a
still cigar smoking Battle Pope who was just looking intently at the Black
Lantern.
BL Bryan Beckerman: Don't you even think about it you pathetic
excuse for a leader. You already know I have a problem with you in the first
place.
Battle Pope: Even in death you insist on bringing religion into
it.
BL Bryan Beckerman: Hey, you guys started it.
Battle Pope: We started it? Are you kidding me? Oh so you're
telling me it wasn't your people who killed...
BL Bryan Beckerman: It was the Romans. For the last time, it was
the f#$#ing Romans. Didn't you see the 'Passion of the Christ'?
Battle Pope: Interesting, you bring Mel Gibson into this. I knew I
liked you for some reason.
BL Bryan Beckerman then sent a fatal blast of energy through the
maligned Pope, killing him.
BL Bryan Beckerman: Don't you ever bring Mel Gibson into this.
Only I can bring Mel Gibson into this.
With that, BL Bryan Beckerman flies away and looks for another
game he can join.
Over On The Side Of The Casino
Aro: Can you believe how long this line is?
Caius: No, this is ridiculous.
Ben: I know, I thought this would be a much better idea but I guess
I was wrong.
Marcus: Your nature conflicts me.
Ben: Are you talking to me?
Marcus: Yes, I can't tell where you are coming from.
Ben: I'm coming from a place that gives you the feeling that you
know you have to piss.
Marcus: Yes I know that but I can't tell if you want to pee
standing up or pee sitting down.
Caius: Dude, what the hell are you talking about?
Marcus: Oh I'm sorry; I forget that you don't have any powers
Caius.
Caius: Oh yes and as usual I see your powers are going to such
great use.
Ben: Hey look guys, it's okay. Not many people can see what this
guy's picking up.
Aro then grabs a hold of the young man and immediately let's go.
Aro: My god, you are not what you appear to be.
Ben: My god is right.
Before the three Volturi members even know what to do with
themselves, they are torn to pieces as the hell god unleashes her fiery on
them.
Glory: Well that should move the line a little bit faster. Excuse
me boys, I think I will go on over to the ladies room, it looks like that line
is actually moving.
(For the record, Glory is Ben and Ben is Glory. Glory is Ben and
Ben is Glory)
On over at the roulette table Joseph, Freddy Krueger and Sebastian
Shaw are cleaning up, though this isn’t exactly surprising considering what
they are known for.
Sue Yerazzov: This is some bullshit; you guys have literally won
every single time.
Joseph: Oh I suppose you are correct. I guess lady luck is just on
our side tonight.
Jim Tebow: Are you kidding me right now? Luck has nothing to do
with this. If it were anymore obvious you were using your powers you’d be
wearing a t-shirt that said, “I won in Vegas by cheating”.
Sebastian Shaw then closes his suit coat jacket as to not show the
gaudy t-shirt he had made for himself.
Hot Fudge Harry: Hey baby, it’s alllll good. We just need to get
along and forget our troubles. It’s free love baby.
Freddy: Is this guy for real?
Sue: He just watched the “Woodstock” documentary and he’s now
obsessed with free love.
Sebastian Shaw: Huh, well that’s…interesting.
Sue: Interesting is you being polite I assume? He’s an idiot.
Jim Tebow: Come on, roll the damn thing. I got a feeling with this
one.
The dealer rolls the wheel one more time and not surprisingly
Joseph, Freddy and Sebastian win again.
Jim Tebow: Shit! I really had a good feeling about that one.
Sue: Jim, they’re cheating. We can’t win.
Joseph: You guys do realize that if you followed our lead and bet
the same as us you would win as well. Please tell me this has occurred to you
and you’re not really that thick.
Jim Tebow: No way man, if I’m gonna win I want to win on my own.
Joseph: Huh, well that explains a lot about Logical Genocide as a
whole actually.
Freddy: Come on you guys, lets get out of here. We should hit the
slots before we leave.
Sebastian Shaw: Yeah, we’ve already won enough at this one. Let’s
hit that Debbie Reynolds slot machine, I loved her in the “Unsinkable Molly
Brown”.
Joseph: All right, good call.
Freddy: Wait, first things first. Hey you guys, I’m having a
feeling about 29 this game.
Sue: Really?
Jim Tebow: No way.
Freddy: Just do it you guys, trust me.
Hot Fudge Harry: Just trust him baby, Freddy ain’t gonna do us
wrong.
They all put money down on 29. The wheel spins and spins until
finally the ball lands on…35.
Sue: You son of a bitch.
Freddy: Hahahahahahahahaha, dumbasses.
The three of them walk away from the table but not before Jim
Tebow attempts to throw his sword at Freddy from behind. He naturally misses
but in the process the sword pierces and kills Vince Clortho who had been
sitting down at a poker table.
Freddy: Oh you stupid mother f#@$er.
Freddy then sends a blast of yellow energy at the roulette table,
completely disintegrating everyone at it.
Zuul: Thanks Freddy.
Freddy: No probs Zu Zu.
Zuul: He was cleaning up over here anyway so it’s not exactly the
worst thing in the world.
They all laugh and then go back to playing. The super powered trio
of Joseph, Freddy and Sebastian then continue to go around to every single
Debbie Reynolds slot machine and win the jackpot on all of them. They laugh and
laugh and soon enough move onto another machine. After this they grow tired of
playing games and begin to chat up anybody they can find. They hang out with
Vampire Achilles for a bit at the Wheel of Fortune game, they smoke a cigar
with Jean Grey, Flamebird and Nightwing whilst taking in a Dean Martin
impersonation lounge act and even shoot the shit with Merlin and the Golden
Army Soldiers who are in the high stakes poker room.
While this is going on Cosmic Spiderman and Gandalf are standing
on the second floor of the Luxor looking down at main floor in disbelief.
Cosmic Spider Man: I can’t believe I am about to say this but I
don’t think I can take anymore talking in this match.
Gandalf: I know exactly what you mean.
Cosmic Spider Man: I know but coming from me you have to admit
that’s pretty crazy.
Gandalf: Yes, I got the reference in your statement.
CSM: I know but still, from me saying I can’t stand anymore
talking is pretty weird.
Gandalf: I know, I said I got it. So what was your point?
CSM: Oh yeah, well I’m sick of hearing all the talking…
Gandalf: You’re still making the same point.
CSM: Let me finish, Jesus Christ. I was saying that we should just
end this thing right here and now. I mean, I basically have the same powers as
Silver Surfer…
Gandalf lets out a huge laugh and then realizes he wasn’t joking.
Gandalf: Oh you weren’t joking. Sorry. Anyways, what were you
saying?
CSM: I was saying we should just end this thing. How about you
take out the trio over there and I go straight for Jean Grey and the girls over
there.
Gandalf: Well okay but I don’t know if we can do it on our own.
Shouldn’t we get some help?
CSM: We don’t need their help; we are so incredibly powerful it is
ridiculous.
Gandalf: Well I don’t know about that.
CSM: God damn it Gandalf, now were talking just as much as they
were.
Gandalf: Hey you started it.
Back Up in the Starship Casino
Pokerface: I got it Han, how about we just crash the ship into the
Casino down there.
Han Solo: And why would we do that?
Pokerface: Because it is just our team up here. If we set the ship
on a course to crash into the Luxor we can all evacuate the ship and then use
the ship as a bomb on the casino, ending the match.
Han Solo: You realize that would kill everybody on our team as
well.
Pokerface: Who cares, we’d win the match. It doesn’t matter how we
win, just as long as we win right?
Han Solo: (Thinks about it for a bit and then a small smirk
appears on his face) You know what kid, I think I actually agree with you. Come
on, I’ll even let you fly her again.
Pokerface: I knew I could think of something. Now let’s go end
this thing.
Back down on the street level Raiden has taken Kid Thunder outside
as the kid has had one too many shots of Jack Daniels.
Raiden: It’s all right. Just get it out of your system. Trust me,
you’ll feel a lot better afterwards.
As Kid Thunder throws up a lung on the street outside the Luxor,
Raiden stares up at the sky and notices the Starship Casino changing direction.
In fact, it looks like it is headed directly for the Luxor hotel and casino. He
knows that him and the kid are the only hope to stop this from occurring so he
quickly tries to revive the kid. He runs back into the casino and grabs two
bottled waters and one very large glass of whisky.
Raiden: Okay kid, I need you back in working order right away so
you have to drink this.
Kid Thunder: No way, I can’t drink anything.
Raiden: You have to, that ship is coming right for us and we are
the only hope of stopping it.
Kid Thunder: No, I can’t.
Raiden: Damn it kid, just do it. Do you want to be the god of
thunder one day or not.
Kid Thunder: I don’t think it works like that but yeah, of course
I do.
Raiden: Well then suck it up and chug this shit.
The Kid looks up at Raiden and realizes what he has to do. He then
takes the two bottles of water and consumes then immediately.
Raiden: Now for the real test.
Kid Thunder: Really? More whisky?
Raiden: Trust me, this isn’t my first rodeo. It’s the only way.
Kid Thunder: Okay, if you say so.
The kid starts to drink it and almost immediately wants to throw
it back up. Raiden puts his hand over the kids’ mouth to keep the whisky in.
Raiden: Don’t throw it up. Now finish it off.
The kid reluctantly does this as Raiden once again puts his hand
over his mouth. Once it is all down the Kid feels like garbage but after a few
minutes begins to feel alive again. He then looks up at Raiden and gives him
the look that only a drunk idiot can give someone.
Raiden: That’s my boy. Now lets blow this ship the f#$% up!
Kid Thunder: F#@$ Yeah BABY!!!!!
The two thunder gods then use their combined powers to send an
electrical storm the likes of which have never been seen directly into the
center of the Starship Casino. The ship immediately begins to falter and soon
enough it splits in half and falls down to the ground, destroying the Golden
Palm and the Excalibur in the process.
Raiden: Nice work kid
Kid Thunder: Thanks…Dad
Raiden begins to get teary eyed and the two of them embrace each
other in a loving example of father and son. BL Bryan Beckerman then walks out
of the hotel and sees the loving embrace between the two Horsemen.
BL Bryan Beckerman: Ahhhh, how sweet. Not quite as sweet as this
though.
BL BB then sends a deadly blast of lantern energy into the
lightening god duo, killing them together during their final embrace. BL
Beckerman then devoured the hearts of the two now graveyard residents. As he
finishes off the two hearts he turns around and is taken aback by what or
should I say whom, he is looking at.
BL BB: Wait, I thought I killed you. I know I killed you.
BL BB is in disbelief as Raiden is standing right in front of him,
looking and talking back at him.
Gozar the Gozarian: Oh you did kill him, but you didn’t kill me.
Gozar then walks away from him but before BL BB is able to grasp a
hold of the situation he finds himself staring up a monstrous metallic being
who looks sterile yet pissed.
Gozar the Gozarian: Okay, kill the man
The Destroyer then opens up this face shield and sends a deadly
blast directly through the body of the black lantern, instantly killing him.
Back Inside The Casino
Cosmic Spider Man and Gandalf have literally been talking this
entire time, still trying to decide who should kill who.
Cosmic Spider Man: You know what, lets make this easy.
Cosmic Spider Man then flies up to the top of the Luxor and
unleashes a massive cosmic energy wave on the ceiling of the casino, sending it
crashing to the ground floor. Pure chaos breaks out and within seconds
everybody from both teams is fighting for their lives. As Cosmic Spiderman
looks down on the chaos he as created and smiles as he sees the dead bodies of
Amazon #2, Glory who just so happened to be in her Ben form at the time and Zuul,
who failed to follow Gozar outside of the Casino. He was lucky enough to only
kill Plastic Baby and Gandalf’s horse Shadowfax from his team, two losses that
were likely not going to play into the match either way.
Cosmic Spider Man: Sorry about the horse Gandalf.
Gandalf: You should be you piece of s#$%!
The chaos continued as the trio of Joseph, Freddy and Sebastian
Shaw were now in a drag em out fight with Merlin and the Golden Army. The
combined forces of the trio managed to kill Golden Army soldiers #41-43 but in
the process Freddy lost his life. This angered Joseph greatly as he then took
the final two Golden Army soldiers and sent them crashing together, ending
their lives. Now it was just Merlin left to fight the two super powered
Horsemen. Though the odds were against him, Merlin just stood there, smiled and
said something out loud that made no sense to his opponents.
Sebastian Shaw: What did he say?
Joseph: I don’t know and I don’t care. Step back though, this is
gonna be sweet.
Joseph then began to use his magnetic powers on the broken Golden
Army soldiers. As he was about to send the metal straight at Merlin though, he
realizes that the metal debris was not going to be smashing into the wizard,
but himself. He realized this too late because before he knew it, he was being
ripped to shreds by the same metal that he was only seconds ago trying to
destroy Merlin with. Merlin just stood there and laughed as he stared down at
the dead body of Joseph.
Merlin: There’s nothing that a little magic can’t do.
Then out of nowhere an unknown voice whispered into Merlin’s ear,
“That’s true, but there’s also nothing quite like a good pair of fangs to get
the job done as well” as Vampire Achilles sank his teeth into the wizard.
Merlin tried to fight off the immortal fighter but before long he had been
drained dry.
Vamp Achilles: Wow, did I need that. Now come Sebastian, you got
stage fright or something? Fight back for your team you pussy. Don’t just stand
there and act like you’ve never been in a fight before.
Sebastian Shaw: You see Achilles, why would I fight when I know
you’ll just do it for me.
Achilles sends a menacing look back at his teammate as the always
smug Sebastian Shaw just smiles back at him.
Sebastian Shaw: Well, are we going to end this or are you just
going to stare at me forever?
The two of them take off towards the action on the other side of
the mostly destroyed casino. Which ‘Action’ is really the only word to describe
what is going on as Cosmic Spiderman and Gandalf are putting on a show that
even Siegfried and Roy would be proud of. The most impressive part of the show
thus far was when Gandalf managed to deflect the Destroyers blast to not only
kill the Destroyer himself, but also take out Gozar the Gozarian in the
process. That is not to say that Cosmic Spiderman wasn’t holding his own, as he
was single handedly taking on Jean Grey, Flamebird and Nightwing at the same
time. The fight was amazingly even but after a while even the super powered
Spiderman knew he had no chance in this fight. Not one to go into the night
quietly though, his final attack was of the middle eastern variety as he flew
into Jean Grey and gave her a bear hug to end all bear hugs. With the use of
his vast cosmic powers, he imploded himself like a dying star, taking her with
him in the process. The blast to come out of Cosmic Spiderman’s actions was so
blinding that everyone in the casino was sent down to the ground, momentarily
blinded by the light.
Once the dust settled and everyone took stock in their surroundings,
the remaining Horsemen looked around and saw nothing but friendly faces.
Flamebird, Nightwing, Sebastian Shaw, Vampire Achilles, Josh, Laya and Alex
were the only ones left in the fight.
Nightwing: Is the wizard dead, I don’t see a body?
Flamebird: I don’t remember him dying, I mean, if that blast
didn’t kill any of us I doubt it would have killed him.
Josh: Yeah, I don’t see his body anywhere.
Flamebird: Wait, where the hell were you guys?
Josh: Who me?
Flamebird: Yes you Josh. Where the hell were you and the kids.
Josh: We were outside by the pool. The kids wanted to go swimming
so I figured since we didn’t have a green lantern in the match anyways that I
might as well just let them have some fun. I mean, this blue ring is pretty
useless on its own.
Flamebird: Well, yeah I suppose you’re right. Well I guess it’s
over then.
Vampire Achilles: I don’t think so; we need to find the wizard. I
want to taste his blood. That power will be incredible.
Sebastian Shaw: Yes, I’m sure it will be amazing (nothing but
sarcasm from this guy).
Flamebird: Just let it go Achilles, the match is over.
Laya: Daddy.
Josh: Yeah honey, what’s up?
Laya: Where’s uncle Chris?
Josh: You know, I don’t know.
Outside the destroyed casino a very low key Gandalf is attempting
to flag a taxi without anybody noticing him. Since the city streets surrounding
the casino are completely destroyed, there are naturally no taxicabs within a
mile radius of the place. Then out of nowhere a beat to shit car pulls up and
stops right in the front of him.
Cab Driver: Where you headed?
Gandalf: Anywhere but here.
Cab Driver: I hear ya, get in.
Gandalf: Thanks man, you’re a lifesaver.
Gandalf then gets in the back seat of the car and shuts the door.
He then sits back in the seat and relaxes for the first time in a while.
Cab Driver: Rough day.
Gandalf: You have no idea.
Cab Driver: Yeah same here. Earlier tonight I had a really bad
altercations with this asshole wearing his bathrobe in the middle of the
f@#$ing day.
Gandalf: (Barely listening) Is that right.
Cab Driver: Yeah and then he did something that I just couldn’t
believe.
Gandalf: Oh yeah, what was that?
Cab Driver: He went and killed the only woman I’ve ever loved.
Gandalf: Wait, he did what?
The cab driver was now silent and just staring straight a head, no
longer driving.
Gandalf: Wait; what did you say you name was again?
Cab Driver: I didn’t.
And with that Chris Artrip turned around and ignited his green
light saber directly into the face of the Lord of the Rings wizard, there fore
ending his FFL career.
Chris Artrip: By the way, the names Fizz and that my friend is
what you get when you fuck with an Artrip.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
