Season Nine: Week 6: Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids

Sith AIDS: Boba Fett, Eeth Koth, Younger Avengers: Patriot, Wiccan, Hulkling, Hawkeye, Stature, Speed and Iron Lad, Dust, Indominus Rex, Ima Gu Di, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Jonia Solo, Darth Maul, Darth Bane, King Cold, Frieza, Cooler and Piccolo.

Team Sleeping Pussy is: Bizarro Superman, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Sunfire, Johnny Blaze, Wildcat, Brother Blood, Catman, Faker (He-Man), Velociraptor #31-35. Compy #54-58, Miho, Den, The Comedian (Young) and Negan (Walking Dead).

The hot sun poured down upon the barren sand of Jakku, a familiar sight for the young Anakin Skywalker, who grew up in a place similar to this. Amazingly similar you could say, almost like they were the same place.

Anakin: I could have gone a lifetime without coming back here.

Darth Maul: You’ve been here before Anakin?

Anakin: Been here before? I was born here Maul. In fact, it was the first time you and I met. Well, technically it was the first time you tried to kill me.

Darth Maul: That was not on this planet Anakin; that was on the outer rim planet Tatooine.

Anakin: Yes, I am well aware of where we are.

Darth Maul: But we are not on Tatooine, this is the planet of Jakku Skywalker.

Anakin: Jakku, what is a Jakku?

Darth Maul: That is the planet for which we are standing.

Anakin: No Maul, you are mistaken. This is Tatooine. Trust me; I know when I am on Tatooine. I get a sick feeling in my stomach every time I am within ten light years of this place.

Darth Maul: I understand that the similarities are numerous, but I promise you that we are not on Tatooine my young friend.

Anakin: (Laughing) Yeah okay Maul, keep telling yourself that.

Darth Maul: (Shaking his head)

Anakin: Ooh, somebody still doesn’t believe me huh?

Darth Maul: If it will make this conversation come to an end, I will drop the subject.

Anakin: Oh no Maul, you’re not getting out of this one.

Darth Maul: Would somebody else please chime in here and help me. Boba Fett, please tell the boy that we are not on his home world.

Boba Fett: Anakin, I know it looks exactly the same but I promise you this is Jakku, not Tatooine.

Anakin: Okay, fine. Let’s check out the surroundings then.

Anakin points out the moisture vaporators, something that was told to him was on every desert planet they had ever been to. He then convinced them to travel to the nearest outpost they could find. He was convinced it was Toshi Station, a place that he had visited several times with Watto as a young boy.

Anakin: Welcome to Toshi Station everybody, it sure isn’t much, but it looks exactly the same since the last time I was here.

Darth Maul: This says it is the Niima Outpost.

Anakin: Niima Outpost, what the hell.

Anakin looks at the sign coming into what he thought was Toshi Station and starts yelling at anyone who will listen to him about when the name change occurred.

Boba Fett: I almost feel sorry for the kid, though I will admit; this does look a lot like Toshi Station. I’ve been there a handful of times and the similarities are astounding.

Boba Fett walks over to a sandstone wall that has something old etched into it but has over time, been covered up by the harsh sandstorms of Jakku. Boba begins to rub the aged sand off of the wall, uncovering what looks like an old sign or words that have been there for years. After a minute or so of rubbing, he begins to make some progress, uncovering what looks like an S and H.

Boba Fett: Hey Maul, get over here, give me a hand with this.

Darth Maul: Boba, can we please get to the battle, it has been raging for a while now while we follow young Skywalker on his trip down his misguided memory lane.

Boba Fett: Just give me a hand; this will only take a minute.

Darth Maul shakes his head and starts helping Boba Fett with his seemingly useless venture. After several more minutes of wiping sand away from the wall, the old letters begin to form words, words that leave them more annoyed then shocked.

Darth Maul: God damnit, that says what I think it does, does it not.

Boba Fett: Well, it does look exactly like Toshi Station. They must have just changed the name of the planet.

Darth Maul: Planets do not get name changes. Do you know the process it would take for somebody to change the name of a planet, especially a cesspool of a planet like this.

Boba Fett: Well maybe not, like you said, this place is basically hell on earth. Maybe nobody cared enough to keep the name the same.

Darth Maul: Or maybe instead of creating a new planet idea, they just decided to keep everything exactly the same as to not take any creative chance at all, therefore making sure that even if somebody claimed it was unoriginal, they would feel so nostalgic about the idea that they would not have any room to claim otherwise because they had already made it perfectly clear that new ideas were bad ideas and that as long as they gave it a different name, it would appear new, yet not actually new enough to scare anyone away.

Boba Fett: What? I was thinking maybe in the aftermath of the Empire falling, new faction’s renamed planets.

Darth Maul: Oh yeah, that could have happened as well.

Boba Fett: What were you talking about?

Darth Maul: Nevermind. Oh look, here comes Anakin. (Under his breathe) Never thought I would be glad to see him.

Anakin: (Laughing) They changed the name to the Niima Outpost thirty or so years ago after a new crime lord family took over the area. I told you it was Toshi Station. (Sees the uncovered sign on the wall) Oh hey, there it is you guys. I knew there was a sign around here somewhere.

Darth Maul: Yes Anakin, we now believe you. Now can we please join our team back at the battle?

Anakin: I could never mistake the aura of this place. The sand on Tatooine tastes differently then it does everywhere else.

Boba Fett: Tastes differently? Why are you tasting the sand, we ate before we came here.

Anakin: It’s not like I am eating it like a meal, it’s just, well, it always seems to make its way into everything. I mean EVERYTHING.

Darth Maul: (Shaking his head) Can we please move on Anakin. Are you not sensing what I am sensing about our team?

Anakin: Of course I am, very intense feelings I have been getting. See, that is why I hate this place. It always clouds my judgments.

Darth Maul: Then let’s go. Right now. Let’s leave.

The three of them take off toward the obvious battle that has been raging on since they arrived on the planet. After about a half hour of travel, the remnants of a battle littered the ground in front of them, dead bodies lying everywhere.

Anakin: I sense that nobody else is alive on our team, though I do not sense anybody on the other side as well.

Darth Maul: Do not be so sure about that Anakin, I sense something else out there. Perhaps it is not with us right now, but it is still there, that I am certain.

Boba Fett: Do you hear that? It sounds like a wheezing coming from that pile of Velociraptors.

Anakin: Did it occur to you that it might be a velociraptor that is wheezing?

Darth Maul: That is no dinosaur over there, I can sense a chill in the air with each breathe it takes.

The three of them make their way over to the pile of death and find the brutally beaten body of King Cold, barely hanging on to each breathe he took.

Darth Maul: What happened here your majesty?

King Cold: (Cough) We were slaughtering them, the battle (cough) was won. Iron Lad (cough) was on a rampage. (Coughing up blood) Frieza was battling with (cough) the Superman and winning (cough) did win I mean (cough) then, then everything changed.

King Cold then began to convulse and vomit up blood, vomiting to the point where he could no longer speak.

Darth Maul: What happened? What changed?

King Cold attempted to speak one last time but instead of words of warning, the look on his face gave away everything the final Sith AIDS members needed to know. Boba Fett, Anakin and Darth Maul all tentatively turned around and saw nothing to their surprise.

Boba Fett: What did he see? I’ve never seen the King scared in my life and he looked like a child just now.

As Boba finished his statement both Darth Maul and Anakin ignited their lightsabers, a threat beyond even their comprehension in the 

distance.

Dave Bowman: It is remarkable what seeing death will do to the strongest willed of men. Oh well, it is time for us to go now.

Dave Bowman then disappeared as quickly as he had arrived. Boba Fett thought it was a strange move but when he looked at his two remaining team members, he saw both of them with each others lightsabers in their chests. Both Anakin and Darth Maul fell to the ground moments later. Boba then felt his own helmet begin to tighten around his skull. As he attempted to pull it off, he realized that it was starting to crush him. Boba fought with his own helmet as it was crushing his skull, breaking the bones in his face and not before long, he too was lying on the desert floor, blood pooling out from the bottom of his helmet.

The once blood soaked desert was quickly overtaken by the planets heavy winds and not before long, the blood was completely covered with sand. The winds continued to overtake many of the bodies, owning the landscape once more.

S9W6: Real Man's Rabble Rousers vs. The Abomitrons

The Rabble Rousers are: Optimus Primal, Rattrap, Cheetor, Rhinox, Dinobot, Tigatron, Airazor, Silverbolt, Savage/Noble, Nightscream, Depth Charge, Scuba, Big Horn, Big Convoy, Blackarachnia, Vehicle Voltron (Commander Jeff, Rocky, Wolo, Chip, Ginger), Aisha, Clay, Jenson, Pooch, Rogue, and Cougar.

The Abomitrons are: Raleigh and Yancy Becket in Gipsy Danger, Herc and Chuck Hansen in Striker Eureka, Stacker Pentecost and Tamsin Sevier in Coyote Tango, Sasha and Alexis Kaldonovsky in Cherno Alpha, Cheung, Jin, and Hu Wei in Crimson Typhoon, Bruce and Trevor Gage in Romeo Blue, Korvus, Hellion, War: Decimus Furius, Death: Sanjar Javeed, Pestilence: Ichisumi, Famine: Jeb Lee, Ozymandias (Clan Akkaba), Cyclops, Jean Grey (Phoenix version), Angel, Iceman, Beast, and Dai Atlas.

I arrived in the dunes of Jakku to find that neither team had shown up yet. I brought the chipper from the Watcher supply closet, but it's been in such high demand lately that the rental cost me an arm and a leg. While I was in the desert, I found these weird little cacti. Naturally I ate them, because why wouldn't I eat a random piece of fruit on a foreign planet? I was perfectly fine, and after an interesting conversation with one of the giant glowing leprechauns I assume are native to this world, I passed out for 18 straight hours. Dehydrated beyond human limitations, I woke to a gaggle of grotesque animal-robot hybrids. “Wait… Apetimus Prime?” I asked.

“Optimus Primal. Why is the chipper out?”

“I guess ‘cause you won. And good timing, too, it was almost a double-chipper this week before I took that cactus-nap.” Nightscream’s ears perked up. Noble began to growl instinctively at Nightscream's sudden tension. Moments later, the sound became perceptible to all; Crashing thuds, the sound of the ground shaking beneath them, and the clatter of heavy machinery. “Uhg, no”, I lamented, “I spent like, an hour in line to sign the forms for the chipper, and they’ll never give me a refund on the rental fees…” Airazor, ignoring my protests and voiding the return policy on my rental, flew ahead to perform recon on the noise. A few miles out, she passed a large hill obscuring the source of the sound. She turned to return, but was quickly dragged back out of sight by an unseen force. “Alright, do your thing, but make it quick guys, okay? I may or may not be dying from deadly space cactus.” I left to observe from a safe distance, where I could rehydrate and vomit freely. From over the hill, the Abomitron’s hulking Jaegers appeared and began to take formation as they spotted their enemy from across the dunes. “How did they manage to fit that much firepower into 450 points? We're so screwed!” cried Rattrap. “Don't overthink things just y-” Rhinox began, before ending with “HOLY S***, SCATTER!” as a mortar barrage from Coyote Tango launched on their location, killing the aptly-named Losers and poor helpless Death Charge. The Rabble Rousers began to charge their enemy as the Jaegers all opened fire. As Romeo Blue picked off Tigatron, Vehicle Voltron took initiative against the Jaeger threat; they hurled one of Voltron’s leg spears at Romeo Blue, piercing the nuclear core and resulting in a small explosion that killed Bruce and Trevor Gage. When Angel tried flying in for an attack, Silverbolt swooped by and grabbed him by the ribcage in his jaws. Angel stabbed Silverbolt and they fell from the sky directly into the clutches of the Beastformers. Feathers and blood flew from the center of the crowd that formed to eliminate him, and the attack on The Abomitrons resumed.

Coyote Tango did fine as a distance, but Cheetor managed to close the gap between himself and Coyote long enough to transform into robot mode and tackle the Jaeger. Big Convoy joined him in pummeling Coyote to death, until Decimus Furius arrived in the lead of the other Horsemen and crushed Cheetor like a Cheeto. Super-Minotaur Vs. Robo-Mammoth began, while Voltron was engaged in hand-to-hand combat with Crimson Typhoon. As Typhoon performed a flip to dodge a low kick, Voltron drew their sword and sliced up through the Jaeger in mid-air. Voltron’s hot streak was met with challenge when the three remaining Jaegers surrounded them. While Cherno Alpha blasted Voltron with its incinerator, Gipsy Danger unloaded its plasma cannons on them. Striker Eureka began to pummel Voltron as another sword attack took out Gipsy Danger. Voltron then struck Striker Eureka while Cherno Alpha pulled back its fist. As Voltron turned toward the final Jaeger, Cherno clutched its roll of nickels and delivered a shattering blow to Voltron’s abdomen. Upon hitting the ground, one final thrust of the sword was made, piercing the Jaeger’s nuclear engine. The explosion produced wiped out both giant robots. The Rabble Rousers’ Transformer were taking some lives, but they could barely touch the ones that were taking theirs. Rhinox had crumbled Ozymandius and his sand golems, but Ichisumi released her Yume beetles to devour him before moving on to Scuba. Blackarachnia assassinated Jeb Lee and Ichisumi, and Sanjar without trouble, but the Abomitrons had just downed Big Convoy with Decimus Furius surviving, and he caught her with a violent stomp. Optimus Primal was next to face him, and with the help of his allies they defeated the weakened Minotaur. But they, too, were weakened, and facing quite a few overpowered X-Men. Iceman circled the remaining seven Rabble Rousers and began freezing then solid. Hellion took their frozen mass and lifted then high into the air, focusing his energy on their destruction. They began to vibrate, then shake violently, before finally they burst into a glistening powder of frost and flesh and metal, nothing but a quickly melting puddle of snow on the thirsty desert floor.

Emergency Week 6 Consortium

Since Real Man sucks and probably doesn't even know he was supposed to write this match, we had to do it as a consortium....

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions Vs. TEAM

The Turrible Decisions are:

Golden Army #31-36 - 140
Nightsister Sith Witch #3-6, #8, #9 - 95
Dark Jedi Masters #35-40 - 140
Fremen #1-6 - 75


Team is:

God Emperor Leto II
Kwisatz Haderach Chris Artip
Star Sapphire Julie Artrip
Sandworm #1B
Sandworm #2B
Sandworm #5B
The Kurgan
Green Lantern Batman
The Apocalypse Twins: Uriel
The Apocalypse Twins: Eimen
Marvel Woman
Young Marvel Man
Mirage
Wonder Boy:

In an unanimous vote of 4 to 0.....

S9W6: Murderflies vs Superkitties

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are:  Resurrected Sandworm #1-9, Cpt Caveman, Rancor #2, Dr. Doomsday, Quickdraw McGraw, Ham Salad.

Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are: Power Girl, Vandal Savage, Damien Dahrk, Red Hulk, Green Goblin (Norman Osborne), Thor, Abomination, Lego Hulk, Arianna Dumbledore, Aberforth Dumbledore, Regulus Arcturus Black, Rebastan Lestrange, Rodolphus Lestrange, Scott Evil.

“This losing streak ends today!” Shouts Thor, rallying his troops. “I don’t care if they have a thousand sandworms. They are WORMS, that live in SAND! We have powers far greater so put them on display! Stay together and stay close and stick to the plan!”

The Superkitties keep the high ground atop one of the dunes of Jakku looking for movement and it isn’t long before they spot Rancor #2 making a beeline for them.  Red Hulk and Lego Hulk begin to pound the sand to draw the sandworms in.

“Here they come!” Shouts Power Girl.

The Hulks retreat to the group as they watch four worms come from the front of the group and five from the rear. The Rancor and Dr. Doomsday are drawing closer and will arrive shortly before the worm madness begins. Arianna, Aberorth, Regulus, Rebastan and Rodolphus cast out their Patronus charms down into the valley in front of them.  As the first wave of sandworms leap from the ground they are stopped and hover in mid air, maws agape, helpless against the spirit guardians of these experienced wizards.

Thor releases Mjolnir toward the head of Sandworm #2 as he flies at Sandworm #3.  His mighty hammer makes short work of the Sandworm #2 skull and in one swift motion retreats back to his master’s awaiting hand in time to deal the deadly blow to Sandworm #3.

Red Hulk is quickly atop the head of Sandworm #4 and is ripping his upper jaw from his lower and, just to be sure, obliterating the soft tissue inside its mouth and destroying its brain. Green Goblin takes a more educated approach and rips out a tooth from Sandworm #5 and drives it through the base of the skull repeatedly for good measure.  The Superkitties regroup at the top of the dune as the 4 lifeless Sandworms lie on the sand.

By this time, Vandal Savage, Damien Dahrk have already falled to Dr. Doomsday. Power Girl and Lego Hulk are able to restrain him long enough for Abomination to deal the final deadly blow but Power Girl is devoured at the same time by Rancor #2.  A well placed shot by Quickdraw McGraw sends Lego Hulk into several pieces.  Scott Evil (who had lots of legos to play with and plenty of free time when his dad wasn’t around) rushes to the aid of his teammate and tries to reassemble him.

Abomination avenges Lego hulk by ripping the limbs off Cpt. Caveman and using his club to smash in the skull of Quickdraw McGraw.

The second wave of sandworms have arrived and while the rest of the team has regrouped on top of the dune, Abomination has begun fighting the Rancor as Scott Evil has now started a fist fight with Ham Salad.

Same plan as before, the Patronus charms go out as the last five sandworms come in, this time from behind. Four of the five worms are stopped but the fifth one was able to change direction and dive back into the sand. Thor, Green Goblin and Red Hulk go to work as before.  The four sandworms fall but as Green Goblin is finishing his kill, he sees Sandworm #1 rising from the sand.  He is not able to escape death before Thor and Red Hulk are able to kill the last sandworm.

Thor and Red Hulk come back to the top of the dune as an injured but victorious Abomination joins them. They all sit down to laugh and enjoy the last remaining fight as it looks like neither Scott nor Ham Salad has the ability or strength to finish off the other.

Consortium: Week 6

Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. George Washington's Slaves



Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyataches are:

JOEY FATONE WITH BABY HANDING OFF SKILLS!!!
Army #2-28
Cobra Viper #2-38


George Washington's Slaves are:

Darth Shemalyah
Nik Landsoh
Brek Nyram
Sandworm #20
Farmboy Luke Skywalker
Jabba the Hutt
Poe Damron
BB-8
Aladdin, Abu, Jasmine & Genie all on Magic Carpet.
Wildebeest
Ginaz Swordmaster #1-6
Jedi Masters #1C-6C
Red Dragon #10
Gigantor


In an unanimous vote of 3 to 0.........

Griswold's Nut-busters Vs. The Royal Highness

Griswold's Nut-Busters are Galactus, Doomsday, Anak Sanamun, Imhotep, Riddick, Gotenks, Vin Diesel, Brood Alien #9-10, Exal Kressh, Ziran the Tester, and Batwing.

The Royal Highness is Paul Atreides, Atreides Soldier #16-18, Sandworm #1A, Sandman, Emperor Palpatine, Kylo Ren, Finn (w/ a yellow lightsaber), Apollo (from the Authority), Ursa, Scorpion King, Human Torch, Invisible Woman, Old Man Logan, and The Rifleman: Lucas McCain.


Much power is stacked into these two squads. And with all of it placed in one open dune of the Jakku wasteland, there is little room for battle strategy. In fact, battle seems to be the closest thing to a strategy either of these teams have. Battle early. Battle often. And battle with the closest enemy you see.

Although, the battle seems to stop momentarily as two enormous beings, one from the heavens and one from the depths collide with each other in the middle of their respective safe zones. As Ziran the Tester descends upon the sand, he is met by Sandworm #1A who bursts out of the ground below. Ziran, one of the great Celestials holds firm in his air position thinking that no creature of such a primitive nature could possibly hurt him, has certainly underestimated Shai Halud. For no matter of wisdom, no higher form of thought, or no ancient knowledge is beyond that of the Maker. As these two powers collide, as the giant crysknife-lined maw of the worm opens up around the Celestial and clamps down to reveal a surge of cosmic energy. Members of both of the squads come to grips with their own mortality as they see these two city-sized beings join each other in death.

At that point, what is one to do?? Other than the obvious.....

Resume battle.

Exal Kressh ignites her red lightsaber as Old Man Logan pops his claws. She dodges the aged mutant's initial attack and manages to catch him with several small lightsaber swipes; but it proves to never be quite enough to do any lasting damage. Dropping her lightsaber to her side, she blasts the man formerly known as Wolverine with a healthy dose of Sith lightning, knocking him to the ground; but the mutant is able to fight through it, leap towards her, and plunge his claws into her chest.

Invisible Woman gets up her force field just quick enough to fend off an attack from the duo of Brood Aliens leaping her way. The two aliens ferociously attack her invisible barrier; but she is able to close a secondary field around the two of them, slowly collapsing it upon itself until they are crushed into each other.

Batwing and Human Torch take flight and meet one another in the air, where many aerial acrobatics ensue. Johnny Storm flies in hard to and hits the Batman protege with every bit of flame he can muster to melt the Wayne Tech as well as the man inside; but as Batwing begins to fall from the sky, Human Torch is hit in the back with the last heat seeking missile fired by Batwing before his demise. Their lifeless bodies join each other on the ground.

Gotenks and Kylo Ren join one another in a contest that I am sure I will be criticized for not thinking is cool. They both do a bunch of supposedly uber powerful, dumb crap that people who aren't cool think is really cool. Gotenks tells Ren everything he is going to do before he does, but not to worry, because that doesn't stop Kylo from preventing it. And Kylo takes the time to throw a whiny-emo-temper tantrum in the middle of their fight. Then every dude in the world who couldn't pick a vagina out of a police line up cheers as if it is the greatest thing since Gone With the Effing Wind (Yay). Gotenks then hits Kylo Ren with some amazing attack that has never been attempted by him and was only done once like a hundred years ago or something, and as Kylo Ren is dying we all sit and wonder why he didn't just do that at the beginning of the fight and save us all the trouble. Gotenks then attempts to make some post victory joke that must only be funny in Japan (because it sure as hell isn't here); but Palpatine bursts out of the shadows he was lurking in and shows Gotenks what a real Star Wars villain is made of as he blasts him with enough Sith Lightning to take out any anime character (No what I'm sayan?? (ha, get it)).

Lucas McCain does more than just his due dillignece in warning Vin Diesel that he doesn't want any trouble; but eventually has to bust ol' Vin with a .30 .30 shell to the chest anyhow.

The Scorpion King stands toe to toe with Doomsday, who already made short work of the three Atreides soldiers; while Ursa and Apollo take flight to meet Galactus high above the old Imperial wreckage. Back on the ground, Imhotep and Sandman compete in an incredible contest of sand manipulation as massive storms roll through and cloud hundreds of yards around them. But we will return to these battles in due time.

Riddick at first gives the appearance of entering into a pitched battle with Paul Atreides; but Maud Dib simply moves to quickly through the sand. He catches Riddick from behind and jams his crysknife into the back of his neck in one swift motion.

Anak Sanamun manages to look really hot while she kicks Finn's yellow lightsaber out of his hand and then uses it to kill the former storm trooper.

Invisible Woman and Old Man Logan hope that Sue's past battle experience will help them out as they rush to help out the Superman wannabees with Galactus; but Galactus merely turns his attention to Invisible Woman and Logan for a second before he decides to vaporize them with one quick cosmic blast.

The Scorpion King and Doomsday's battle is cut short without a clear victor as The Scorpion King sees his old enemy Imhotep and decides that that is where the battle must take him. Doomsday on the other hand gets fairly annoyed with Lucas McCain taking pot shots at him, and eventually crushes the Rifleman under his gross, gray, barefoot.

As the final phase of the battle commences, everything begins to heat up. Galactus grabs Apollo out of mid-air and crushes the life out of him in his massive right hand, while Imhotep proves that he is the true master of the sand as he manipulates both the sands of Jakku and those within the body of Sandman on a molecular level to rip the Sinister Six member apart and use him as a weapon to finally destroy his age old enemy the Scorpion King once and for all. Though, Imhotep in his weakened state is ripe for the pickings of the ever lurking Sith Lord Darth Sidious, who blasts some Sith Lightning into the already electrified, and sand filled air before he ignites both of his crimson lightsabers and plunges them into the Mummy (I know he never has two lightsabers in any of the movies; but I have been playing way too much Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes lately). Anak Sanamun attempts some more fancy moves, but they prove useless against Paul's weirding ways. Having fought many tough chicks before with his Bene Gesserit training, Paul is able to take her out with a series of three quick knife slashes, to ensure that none of life's water is wasted. Palpatine and Paul form up and stand together against the looming threat of Galactus getting closer and closer to the Jakku surface, when they realize that their teammate is significantly more selfless (or maybe just vengeful) than they ever would have guessed. Ursa sacrifices herself and in a rage flies directly through the chest of Galactus, causing an intense implosion of the planet eater but also sending enough cosmic energy through her human sized body to collapse a star. Palpatine and Paul stand, staring awestruck at the death of their most powerful enemy, when Doomsday catches the lifeless body of Ursa and uses it as blunt object to crush the skull of Palpatine while he simultaneously kicks Paul right back to Caladan....

The Empire Vs. The Moist Mafia

The Empire is Sand, Steel Superman, Black Zarack, Victory Leo, Star Saber, Sandworm #13, The New X-Men: Surge, Prodigy, Blindfold, Rockslide, Mercury, Anole, and Gentle, Kaja Sinis, Sebulba, and Sheriff Woody (w/ a blue lightsaber).

The Moist Mafia is Cotton McKnight, Pepper Brooks, Paul Bearer, Zack Ryder, Rowdy Roddy Piper, CM Punk, Bo, Luke, and Daisy Duke, Michael Knight and KITT, Merlyn, Odyssius, Hamburglar, Ducky, Cody Jones, Pokerface, Riff Raff, Hector, Mungo, Cleo, Daffy Duck, Modulock, Rio Blast, The Baroness, Dr. Mindbender, Capt. Phasma, The Royal Flush Gang: Ace, King, Queen, Jack, and Ten, First Order Flame Trooper #1-5, First Order Storm Trooper #5, Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Grand Wizard Nick Houslander, Sterling, and Smurf #9 (Roster Filler Smurf).


“So, Master Sinis; this is your big master plan?? Climb a random mountain”?? Says Steel Superman loud enough for the whole group of climbers to hear.

“Yes”. Replies the ancient Jedi Master.

“Shouldn't I, at least be down there. Where I can do the most damage. Ya know, in the SAND”. Asks Sand.

“No”. Replies the ancient Jedi Master.

“And where are the new X-Men”??

“Making the ultimate sacrifice”. Replies the ancient Jedi Master.


Well, hi everybody. That is what one of the teams is up to. But the other team seems to be having quite a bit more fun. Oh, I almost forgot. I'm the Neon Master Pogo and I'll be your watcher this evening. There is much laughter radiating through the Moist Mafia squad as Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman leads the whole squad down a hill to the massive ravine where the New X-Men have set up shop and await a battle. All but Capt. Phasma of course. Phasma was leading the squad until she became aware that she was the worst and most disappointing Star Wars character ever created and she suicided herself. Cotton Mcknight hosts the sand walking festivities in his first ever match appearance, while he simultaneously assures his buddy Pepper that when they undoubtedly die in this match, he will hopefully be brought back to life with his voice in tact (here's to hoping). Paul Bearer looks super creepy, and is sweating his sack off wearing that black trenchcoat in the hot Jakku sun, while Roddy Piper is being awesome and hilarious, (cause that is what he does SON). CM Punk and Zack Ryder, as the resident rasslors from this century are being properly ignored by me the watcher (cause that is what I do SON). Them Duke boys and Daisy are crammed into to KITT with Michael, and finally convince both him and the talking car that the best way down the sandy hill is just to throw it in neutral and hope for the best. It looked like a pretty fun ride, wish I was in there with em, I'm not gonna lie. Odysseus, along with Cody Jones attempt to warn the rest of the group that they think they are walking in to a certain trap; but when Cody tries to show everybody a video he made on his smart phone laying out the potential scenario it just ends up with everybody laughing after Hamburglar shouted: “Beware of Geeks bearing Gifs” (you can laugh, go right ahead.... I'll wait). Even Pokerface cracked a smile after that one. Not to be outdone by Pokerface, The Royal Flush Gang paraded through the crowd making a plethora of card playing references; but I'm not going to bother to repeat any of them. Hector drew a chuckle from more than just Riff Raff, Clio, and Mungo when he commented that “he thought a royal flush was the highest straight flush, not the highest gay one”. Daffy Duck thought the politically incorrect nature of it all was despicable though. The Baroness seemed to be the movie version of the character, so I could look at her in all of her super hotness; but Dr. Mindbender was the movie version as well, so it was like he wasn't even there. Modulock and Rio Blast on the other hand were the toy version of their brand, which means most of Modulock's limbs were missing and Rio Blast was still in the package unpurchased because all of the He-Man fans were already grown up by the time he came out. The First Order Troopers all looked great, despite their laser nerf guns; but they were a little discouraged when Wizard Nick Houslander kept talking about how they looked like they were in an over budget fan film. But then with all the Star Wars talk in the air, Nick and Becks felt the need to cuddle up together in a queen sized bed and suck face, like we all know they do when they go away together for the Star Wars Celebrations. Roster Filler Smurf looked jealous.

But, alas they finally reached the bottom of the ravine and we can finally begin the match. The New X-Men stand ready. Odysseus draws his sword, while Becks lights up his yellow ring, and Nick screams: “Y'ALL READY FO THIS”. But as soon as Surge begins conjuring some electric energy, Sandworm #13 bursts from the ground and comes down upon the entire ravine with its enormous mouth wide open to consume all involved.

Back on the mountaintop Steel Superman looks to Kaja Sinis and says: “WOW, so that was the plan huh?? Just let the sandworm do the work and the X-Men take the fall?? Not very Jedi-like”...

The ancient Jedi Master replies: “Ehh, I'm not a canon Jedi anyways”.

Wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............

THE END

Season 9 Week 6: Midgets Vs. Commandos

Multiple Championships in a row:

NHL:

1930 and 1931 Montreal Canadiens

1937 and 1938 Detroit Red Wings

1947, 1948, and 1949 Toronto Maple Leafs

1955 and 1956 Detroit Red Wings

1956, 1957, 1958, 1959, and 1960 Montreal Canadiens

1962, 1963, and 1964 Toronto Maple Leafs 

1968 and 1969 Montreal Canadiens 

1974 and 1975 Philadelphia Flyers

1976, 1977, 1978, 1979 Montreal Canadiens 

1980, 1981, 1982, 1983 New York Islanders

1984 and 1985 Edmonton Oilers

1987 and 1988 Edmonton Oilers

1991 and 1992 Pittsburgh Penguins

1997 and 1998 Detroit Red Wings

NFL:

1967 and 1968 Green Bay Packers 

1973 and 1974 Miami Dolphins

1975 and 1976 Pittsburgh Steelers 

1979 and 1980 Pittsburgh Steelers 

1989 and 1990 San Francisco 49ers

1993 and 1994 Dallas Cowboys 

1998 and 1999 Denver Broncos

2004 and 2005 New England Patriots 

MLB:

1907 and 1908 Chicago Cubs

1910 and 1911 Philadelphia Athletics

1915 and 1916 Boston Red Sox

1921 and 1922 New York Giants

1927 and 1928 New York Yankees

1929 and 1930 Philadelphia Athletics

1936, 1937, 1938, and 1939 New York Yankees

1949, 1950, 1951, 1952, and 1953 New York Yankees

1961 and 1962 New York Yankees

1972, 1973, and 1974 Oakland A's

1975 and 1976 Cincinnati Reds

1977 and 1978 New York Yankees 

1992 and 1993 Toronto Blue Jays

1998, 1999, and 2000 New York Yankees 

NBA:

1952, 1953, and 1954 Minneapolis Lakers

1959, 1960, 1961, 1962, 1963, 1964, 1965, 1966 Boston Celtics

1968 and 1969 Boston Celtics

1987 and 1988 Los Angeles Lakers

1989 and 1990 Detroit Pistons

1991, 1992, 1993 Chicago Bulls

1994 and 1995 Houston Rockets

1996, 1997, 1998 Chicago Bulls

2000, 2001, and 2002 Los Angeles Lakers

2009 and 2010 Los Angeles Lakers

2012 and 2013 Miami Heat

FFL Woodchipper Champions:

Week 5 and Week 6 Commandos

Let's all raise a glass to these proud back to back (and beyond) champions!