Better Than All of You is Predator #1, 3-19, Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini, Gray Hulk, Jedi Guardian #1 & 2, Deathlok, Ghost Rider, John Rambo, Cobra Viper #1, Dozer #4 & 6, & Treasure Troll #17.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Spiderman, Gen. Grevious, Albus Dumbledore, Agamemnon & Juno, Rodimus Prime, Ben Kenobi, Black Adam, Parallax, Kaja Sinis, Dr. Fate, Mary Marvel, Ms. Marvel, Maxima, Dr. Doom, Lady Deathstrike, (movie) Blackout, Rachel Ray, Jen Linley, & Mrs. Doubtfire.
As The Better Than All of You squad appears in the heavily wooded forest of Endor’s moon, the 18 Predators and John Rambo disappear before the rest of the team even starts preparing a plan. As The Commandos appear ready for battle, Spider Man instantly sees the Oderus Urungus led Gwar and says to his teammates “dibs on the demonic guys holding the musical instruments, I am soooooo fighting them”. Spiderman then jumps into action, using the trees to his advantage, as he takes on all 8 members of Gwar. Jedi Guardian #1 & 2 ignite their lightsabers and attack Kaja Sinis, not even realizing that they are squaring off against the man who invented the Jedi order. Black Adam & Parallax fly in to surround Gray Hulk while Maxima flies in to easily dispatch Cobra Viper #1, as well as both dozers and the Treasure Troll without even breaking stride. As a mere observer, I was unable to tell if it was one of the Predators or Rambo who stealthily shot and killed both Mrs. Doubtfire and Rachel Ray who were in an argument over who has the more feminine figure. On the other hand, it was a Predator who snuck up behind Jen Linley to kill her, but once he turned off his invisibility field, and she got a look at him; she had a heart attack and died of fear. The Sexecutioner and Slymenstra Hymen both try to attack Spider Man with large medieval weaponry, but when Spiderman jumps out of the way at the last second they end up running each other thru instead. “Way to stick together guys” Spiderman says. Spiderman then shoots a web at Flattus Maximus as he is jumping out of a tree which catches his neck and hangs him in the process. Gray Hulk and Black Adam begin pounding on each other with their fists until they are both on the brink of exhaustion. Gray Hulk momentarily gains the upper hand in this test of brute strength and breaks Black Adam’s neck, but when Parallax uses his power on Gray Hulk and exposes the Hulk’s fear of almost losing to Black Adam, Hulk’s entire body weakens sending him back to being just plain Bruce Banner. Once this happens, Parallax has no problem killing the frightened human. Ghost Rider races up on his motorcycle, swinging his chain at Dumbledore, but the master wizard simply waves his wand in the direction of the devilish biker to de-seat him from his ride and then quickly finish him off with another spell. Dr. Doom attempts to rally his troops in a joint attack but Deathlok pulls out his laser gun and blasts Doom in the face. Agamemnon sees this happen and blasts Deathlok with a flurry of lasgun bolts to avenge the death of his favorite coach. Sleazy P. Martini sneaks up behind Spiderman with a magical death spear, but Spiderman jumps out of the way again saying: “Alright, Why don’t you just admit it, you guys are a bunch of dirty rotten sons of………. Oh never mind”. Spider Man then grabs the weapon with his web-slingers and redirects it into Sleazy’s heart. Dr. Fate flies around ready to use his magic, but Rambo uses his guerilla warfare skills to jump out of the tree above him and land on his back. Once on the back of the powerful magician; Rambo knocks off his helmet and then slices open his throat to kill him. Parallax is still enjoying his victory over Hulk when Predator #1 appears out of nowhere and blasts the being with some sort of alien weaponry that disintegrates Parallax instantly. Mary Marvel and Ms. Marvel are in search of a fight when a fight comes to them. The 2 powerful females, who thought they were alone, find that they are completely surrounded by Predators, who seem to be working together as a team. The 17 Predators converge on them, but the 2 Marvels fight back. Mary Marvel kills Predators #4 & 7, while Ms. Marvel Kills both Predators #3 & 16, but eventually the Predators use their supreme fighting skills and weaponry to defeat the 2 of them. Lady Deathstrike jumps down to join the battle and takes out Predator #10, as well as Predator #15 with her claws, but eventually she is taken out by Predator #5. Blackout transforms into his robot form right after Ben Kenobi jumps out of the Helicopter. Rodimus Prime than backs up his hot rod/truck cab thingie so Grevious can jump out before he transforms to help out. Rodimus takes out Predator #18 while Grevious sticks 3 lightsabers into the chest of Predator #14. Predator #19 is invisible as he sneaks up on old Ben, but Kenobi uses the force to sense his presence. Ben then spins around with his lightsaber to take off the Predator’s head. Blackout kills Predator #12 with his massive machine gun blasts, but Predator #1 shows back up to blast Blackout right thru his thick Cybertronian hull which destroys his spark. Agamemnon & Juno combine fire on Predator #13 to take him out, but Predator #1 rallies the Predators behind him for a final offensive. Kaja Sinis easily takes out Jedi Guardian #1 & disarms Jedi Guardian #2 without killing him. Rambo’s knife doesn’t seem to be able to fully penetrate the skin of Maxima, which makes her smile as he runs away. The only problem with this show of arrogance is that she didn’t notice that while he was distracting her with his knife, he was also rigging her with explosives and dynamite; which soon go off and take her out. All the Predators unite behind Predator #1 when Dave Bowman shows up and destroys the brave Predator’s molecules completely. With this show of power, Predator #5 signals the retreat for his fellow Predators while Oderus Urungus orders the retreat for what is left of Gwar and Jedi Guardian #2. John Rambo is already long gone, from this forest of war hell.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS IS VICTORIOUS!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 7 Match: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve.
In the locker room of The Horsemen of Apokolips are Grand Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, Archangel, Plo Koon, Dementors #11-16, Havok, Balrog of Moria, Swamp Thing, Exitar the Exterminator, Hades, The Sentry, Daken, Venom 2, Moonstone, Charlton Heston, The Stunticons: Motor Master, Drag Strip, Wild Rider, Dead End and Breakdown.
Luke Skywalker: Our owner has hand picked us as the Endor combatants. We should not fail him.
Venom 2: Can’t wait to rip some Kennelz apart!
Daken: Slice and dice!
In the locker room of Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Ares, Mace Windu on Robin's Motorcycle, Jedi Padawan #30 on a Ducati, Galactus and Nova, Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano in The Outrider, Green Lanterns #1-2 and 4-5, Jade, The Inhumans: Black Bolt, Medusa, Triton, and Karnak, Annihilus, Dr. Doomsday, The Matrix Twins in a Ferrari Testarossa, Peter Petrelli, and Lord Voldemort.
Mace Windu: We need to take advantage of our vehicles on this occasion.
Jedi Padawan #30: You and I on the bikes should be explosive!
I transport the teams to the battlefield.
Charlton Heston authoritatively leads the charge for the Horsemen – as he did when he was Moses in the “Ten Commandments.”
Heston: Come on, you damn dirty Kennelz!
Peter Petrelli takes to the sky and lands on a branch high in the trees. He looks down and scopes his prey: Charlton Heston. Petrelli flies down, grabs Heston and smashes him into a tree. Heston falls down and actually gets back up.
Heston: Is that all you’ve got boy?!?! I’m Heston for G-d’s sake!
Petrelli flies back to the ground and with his hands, uses a “flame” power. The fire sets Heston ablaze. Heston dies - a flaming pyre. Petrelli flies to the trees again and scopes for other prey. As he does, he is suddenly caught by webbing. He cannot break the webs. He looks above and sees Venom 2.
Venom 2: Little Mr. Petrelli,
Stood in a tree,
Waiting to kill Mr. H;
Along came a spider,
Who sat down above him,
And then ripped his arms off!
Venom rips Petrelli’s arms off. Petrelli falls to the ground and bleeds out.
Venom 2: Never did much like nursery rhymes. . .
The Matrix Twins skirt around most of the trees in their Ferrari Testarossa. Soon though, the brush and trees are too thick to maneuver the vehicle. As the Twins attempt to back the car up from the trees which block their way, they are met by the Stunticons Gestalt - Menasor. Menasor uses his punch (with a force of 140 tons) to smash to Ferrari. The Matrix Twins manage to escape. As they phase away from the vehicle, Menasor uses his weapons to kill the Twins. Menasor uses his cyclone gun to blow one of the twins away and uses his silver ionizer sword (with a charge of 50,000 volts) to electrocute the other. After the deaths of the Ferrari and Twins, due to the massively conflicting personalities, the Stunticons separate from their Gestalt and into Breakdown, Drag Strip, Wildrider, Dead End and Motormaster.
Mace Windu on Robin's motorcycle and Jedi Padawan #30 on a Ducati zig-zag through the forest. Moonstone flies above. The ground starts to explode around the cycles as Moonstone uses her energy blasts. Sentry projects an energy field which the Padawan’s Ducati crashes into. Padawan #30 is thrown off the destroyed Ducati. Windu spins Robin’s motorcycle around and the Padawan jumps on. They race off while Moonstone and Sentry give chase. Windu and Padawan #30 manage to escape the eyes of Moonstone and Sentry. As the two race on the motorcycle, Daken springs out of the brush and slices the bike. Now out of control, Padawan #30 and Windu jump off the bike and acrobatically land on their feet. Daken, claws extended, faces the two Jedi. As the two come to him, out spring Plo Koon and Skywalker. Plo Koon easily dispatches with Padawan #30. Windu and Skywalker are somewhat evenly matched until their fracas is joined by Daken, Moonstone and Sentry. The three are too much for Windu, who is sliced by Daken and Skywalker, followed by being blown apart by Moonstone and Sentry.
Jade runs through the forest. She stops as the Balrog of Moria rises from Endor’s forest floor through a hole in the ground. In its hands are a flaming sword and the infamous many-thronged whip of flame. Jade attempts to wound the Balrog to no avail. The whip catches and trips her and the Balrog uses his sword to slice her in half.
The Greek gods face off against one another: Hades and Ares. The God of the Underworld is extremely strong. He begins to use his powers to raise the dead who have already fallen on the battlefield. He will manipulate them as his puppets against Ares. Ares though, being the God of War, has already tactically pre-thought Hades’ decisions and countermanded them. Ares then kills Hades.
Archangel has joined Moonstone, and Sentry. The trio flies through the trees. They are met by Green Lanterns #1-2, 4-5 and Nova. The Green Lanterns combine their ring powers and bat Moonstone around. Moonstone crumples to the forest floor, battered and beaten. The Swamp Thing rises from the mucky ground and carries Moonstone away to recoup her strength. The Lanterns then face off against Archangel and Sentry. Archangel projects his razor sharp feathers that slice through Green Lanterns #1 and #2, who both die from their injuries. Green Lanterns #4-5 team up and blast Sentry. Sentry is injured, but with Archangel’s assistance manages to dispatch of the remaining Lanterns. Nova flies upon the scene and through the use of the power cosmic, the Herald of Galactus destroys both Sentry and Archangel.
Dementors #11-16 float through the forest. They see the Inhumans and focus their destructive energy on same. Before they can even reach their battleground destination, Black Bolt opens his mouth and with his hypersonic voice shreds all Dementors #11-16 apart. After the Dementors are destroyed, the Inhumans focus on the other Horsemen still standing. Karnak uses his master martial arts skills to fight Daken. He senses a weak point and strikes at Daken’s knee. Daken shouts and goes down. As Karnak is about to go for the death blow, Daken’s claws impale Karnak’s foot. Daken then twists Karnak’s foot and brings Karnak to the ground. Daken pummels Karnak repeatedly with his claws. Daken’s healing ability begins to do its thing. Meanwhile, Medusa’s prehensile hair struggles with Venom 2’s prehensile symbiotic appendages. The two battle one another to a near standstill until Venom’s viciousness and ruthlessness takes the upper hand. Venom kills Medusa and then rips out her hair. Venom 2 puts Medusa’s hair on his head. Plo Koon and Grand Jedi Luke Skywalker easily dispatch with Triton.
Venom 2: Anyone like me as a redhead?!?!
Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano fly above in The Outrider. They look below and see Moonstone being carried by the Swamp Thing. The Swamp Thing sees the Outrider and uses his abilities to control the plant life of Endor. The vines and branches of the trees entangle the Outrider. Although the Outrider is not destroyed, its weapons are not enough to stop its plant life prison. Skywalker and Tano jump from the Outrider. The Jedi duo swing down the branches, slicing through the vines as they travel to the ground. As they hit the forest floor, Tano jumps to where the Swamp Thing and Moonstone are. Moonstone, still not dead, uses a blast to shove Tano back. In defense, Tano deflects the blast back at Moonstone. Moonstone is killed by her own powers. Anakin, somewhat angry at his padawan’s death, slashes through Swamp Thing. Grand Master Luke Skywalker and Plo Koon come upon the scene. Skywalker battles Skywalker. Anakin eventually falls since Luke is much more advanced in his Jedi skills than the young version of his father. Plo Koon, his skills far outmatching Tano’s abilities, strikes her down.
The Herald of Galactus is seen, once again, flying through the forest. She sees Havok. Nova uses her cosmic powers against Havok. Using his mutant abilities, Havok is able to absorb the cosmic energy and blast it back at her. Nova is thrown a few miles away.
Lord Voldemort and Dr. Doomsday join Ares. The power trio sees the Stunticons: Motor Master, Drag Strip, Wild Rider, Dead End and Breakdown. No longer in their Gestalt forms, the three know they are more easily defeated. Lord Voldemort uses his sorcery and powers to destroy Dead End. Dr. Doomsday manages to crush Wild Rider. Ares destroys Breakdown.
Galactus and Annihilus come to the scene. Annihilus uses his powers to destroy Venom 2. Galactus then easily wipes out Daken, Motor Master and Dragstrip. Exitar the Exterminator comes to the scene and uses his Celestial power to kill Galactus. Nova flies to the scene and seeing her master, and more importantly the most powerful of the present Kennelz, go down in defeat so easily, uses her powers to retreat with Ares, Black Bolt, Annihilus, Dr. Doomsday and Lord Voldemort.
One hears on the Kennelz retreat-
Dr. Doomsday: You weak female - we had the Horsemen where we wanted them!
Voldemort: We had a plan! We had Exitar all but destroyed! You took us too early!
Nova: Tell it to our owner! He’d rather see a retreat than another death notched next to your names!
The Kennelz fly away. . .
Horsemen: Grand Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, Plo Koon, Havok, Balrog of Moria, Exitar the Exterminator alive.
Kennelz: Ares, Nova, Black Bolt, Annihilus, Dr. Doomsday and Lord Voldemort – alive, but retreat.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICOTORIOUS!!!!
In the locker room of The Horsemen of Apokolips are Grand Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, Archangel, Plo Koon, Dementors #11-16, Havok, Balrog of Moria, Swamp Thing, Exitar the Exterminator, Hades, The Sentry, Daken, Venom 2, Moonstone, Charlton Heston, The Stunticons: Motor Master, Drag Strip, Wild Rider, Dead End and Breakdown.
Luke Skywalker: Our owner has hand picked us as the Endor combatants. We should not fail him.
Venom 2: Can’t wait to rip some Kennelz apart!
Daken: Slice and dice!
In the locker room of Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Ares, Mace Windu on Robin's Motorcycle, Jedi Padawan #30 on a Ducati, Galactus and Nova, Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano in The Outrider, Green Lanterns #1-2 and 4-5, Jade, The Inhumans: Black Bolt, Medusa, Triton, and Karnak, Annihilus, Dr. Doomsday, The Matrix Twins in a Ferrari Testarossa, Peter Petrelli, and Lord Voldemort.
Mace Windu: We need to take advantage of our vehicles on this occasion.
Jedi Padawan #30: You and I on the bikes should be explosive!
I transport the teams to the battlefield.
Charlton Heston authoritatively leads the charge for the Horsemen – as he did when he was Moses in the “Ten Commandments.”
Heston: Come on, you damn dirty Kennelz!
Peter Petrelli takes to the sky and lands on a branch high in the trees. He looks down and scopes his prey: Charlton Heston. Petrelli flies down, grabs Heston and smashes him into a tree. Heston falls down and actually gets back up.
Heston: Is that all you’ve got boy?!?! I’m Heston for G-d’s sake!
Petrelli flies back to the ground and with his hands, uses a “flame” power. The fire sets Heston ablaze. Heston dies - a flaming pyre. Petrelli flies to the trees again and scopes for other prey. As he does, he is suddenly caught by webbing. He cannot break the webs. He looks above and sees Venom 2.
Venom 2: Little Mr. Petrelli,
Stood in a tree,
Waiting to kill Mr. H;
Along came a spider,
Who sat down above him,
And then ripped his arms off!
Venom rips Petrelli’s arms off. Petrelli falls to the ground and bleeds out.
Venom 2: Never did much like nursery rhymes. . .
The Matrix Twins skirt around most of the trees in their Ferrari Testarossa. Soon though, the brush and trees are too thick to maneuver the vehicle. As the Twins attempt to back the car up from the trees which block their way, they are met by the Stunticons Gestalt - Menasor. Menasor uses his punch (with a force of 140 tons) to smash to Ferrari. The Matrix Twins manage to escape. As they phase away from the vehicle, Menasor uses his weapons to kill the Twins. Menasor uses his cyclone gun to blow one of the twins away and uses his silver ionizer sword (with a charge of 50,000 volts) to electrocute the other. After the deaths of the Ferrari and Twins, due to the massively conflicting personalities, the Stunticons separate from their Gestalt and into Breakdown, Drag Strip, Wildrider, Dead End and Motormaster.
Mace Windu on Robin's motorcycle and Jedi Padawan #30 on a Ducati zig-zag through the forest. Moonstone flies above. The ground starts to explode around the cycles as Moonstone uses her energy blasts. Sentry projects an energy field which the Padawan’s Ducati crashes into. Padawan #30 is thrown off the destroyed Ducati. Windu spins Robin’s motorcycle around and the Padawan jumps on. They race off while Moonstone and Sentry give chase. Windu and Padawan #30 manage to escape the eyes of Moonstone and Sentry. As the two race on the motorcycle, Daken springs out of the brush and slices the bike. Now out of control, Padawan #30 and Windu jump off the bike and acrobatically land on their feet. Daken, claws extended, faces the two Jedi. As the two come to him, out spring Plo Koon and Skywalker. Plo Koon easily dispatches with Padawan #30. Windu and Skywalker are somewhat evenly matched until their fracas is joined by Daken, Moonstone and Sentry. The three are too much for Windu, who is sliced by Daken and Skywalker, followed by being blown apart by Moonstone and Sentry.
Jade runs through the forest. She stops as the Balrog of Moria rises from Endor’s forest floor through a hole in the ground. In its hands are a flaming sword and the infamous many-thronged whip of flame. Jade attempts to wound the Balrog to no avail. The whip catches and trips her and the Balrog uses his sword to slice her in half.
The Greek gods face off against one another: Hades and Ares. The God of the Underworld is extremely strong. He begins to use his powers to raise the dead who have already fallen on the battlefield. He will manipulate them as his puppets against Ares. Ares though, being the God of War, has already tactically pre-thought Hades’ decisions and countermanded them. Ares then kills Hades.
Archangel has joined Moonstone, and Sentry. The trio flies through the trees. They are met by Green Lanterns #1-2, 4-5 and Nova. The Green Lanterns combine their ring powers and bat Moonstone around. Moonstone crumples to the forest floor, battered and beaten. The Swamp Thing rises from the mucky ground and carries Moonstone away to recoup her strength. The Lanterns then face off against Archangel and Sentry. Archangel projects his razor sharp feathers that slice through Green Lanterns #1 and #2, who both die from their injuries. Green Lanterns #4-5 team up and blast Sentry. Sentry is injured, but with Archangel’s assistance manages to dispatch of the remaining Lanterns. Nova flies upon the scene and through the use of the power cosmic, the Herald of Galactus destroys both Sentry and Archangel.
Dementors #11-16 float through the forest. They see the Inhumans and focus their destructive energy on same. Before they can even reach their battleground destination, Black Bolt opens his mouth and with his hypersonic voice shreds all Dementors #11-16 apart. After the Dementors are destroyed, the Inhumans focus on the other Horsemen still standing. Karnak uses his master martial arts skills to fight Daken. He senses a weak point and strikes at Daken’s knee. Daken shouts and goes down. As Karnak is about to go for the death blow, Daken’s claws impale Karnak’s foot. Daken then twists Karnak’s foot and brings Karnak to the ground. Daken pummels Karnak repeatedly with his claws. Daken’s healing ability begins to do its thing. Meanwhile, Medusa’s prehensile hair struggles with Venom 2’s prehensile symbiotic appendages. The two battle one another to a near standstill until Venom’s viciousness and ruthlessness takes the upper hand. Venom kills Medusa and then rips out her hair. Venom 2 puts Medusa’s hair on his head. Plo Koon and Grand Jedi Luke Skywalker easily dispatch with Triton.
Venom 2: Anyone like me as a redhead?!?!
Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano fly above in The Outrider. They look below and see Moonstone being carried by the Swamp Thing. The Swamp Thing sees the Outrider and uses his abilities to control the plant life of Endor. The vines and branches of the trees entangle the Outrider. Although the Outrider is not destroyed, its weapons are not enough to stop its plant life prison. Skywalker and Tano jump from the Outrider. The Jedi duo swing down the branches, slicing through the vines as they travel to the ground. As they hit the forest floor, Tano jumps to where the Swamp Thing and Moonstone are. Moonstone, still not dead, uses a blast to shove Tano back. In defense, Tano deflects the blast back at Moonstone. Moonstone is killed by her own powers. Anakin, somewhat angry at his padawan’s death, slashes through Swamp Thing. Grand Master Luke Skywalker and Plo Koon come upon the scene. Skywalker battles Skywalker. Anakin eventually falls since Luke is much more advanced in his Jedi skills than the young version of his father. Plo Koon, his skills far outmatching Tano’s abilities, strikes her down.
The Herald of Galactus is seen, once again, flying through the forest. She sees Havok. Nova uses her cosmic powers against Havok. Using his mutant abilities, Havok is able to absorb the cosmic energy and blast it back at her. Nova is thrown a few miles away.
Lord Voldemort and Dr. Doomsday join Ares. The power trio sees the Stunticons: Motor Master, Drag Strip, Wild Rider, Dead End and Breakdown. No longer in their Gestalt forms, the three know they are more easily defeated. Lord Voldemort uses his sorcery and powers to destroy Dead End. Dr. Doomsday manages to crush Wild Rider. Ares destroys Breakdown.
Galactus and Annihilus come to the scene. Annihilus uses his powers to destroy Venom 2. Galactus then easily wipes out Daken, Motor Master and Dragstrip. Exitar the Exterminator comes to the scene and uses his Celestial power to kill Galactus. Nova flies to the scene and seeing her master, and more importantly the most powerful of the present Kennelz, go down in defeat so easily, uses her powers to retreat with Ares, Black Bolt, Annihilus, Dr. Doomsday and Lord Voldemort.
One hears on the Kennelz retreat-
Dr. Doomsday: You weak female - we had the Horsemen where we wanted them!
Voldemort: We had a plan! We had Exitar all but destroyed! You took us too early!
Nova: Tell it to our owner! He’d rather see a retreat than another death notched next to your names!
The Kennelz fly away. . .
Horsemen: Grand Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, Plo Koon, Havok, Balrog of Moria, Exitar the Exterminator alive.
Kennelz: Ares, Nova, Black Bolt, Annihilus, Dr. Doomsday and Lord Voldemort – alive, but retreat.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICOTORIOUS!!!!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Built Ford Tough vs George Washington's Slaves
Built Ford Tough is Han Solo & Chewbacca, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, The Torchwood Crew, Aslan, Power Man, Iron Fist, E. Honda, Steve McQueen, The Beatles, USAgent, Barry Sanders, Beta Ray Bill, Bill, Bud, & The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad, The Flaming Carrot, Mr. T, Grapple, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Diego & Baby Jaguar, Star Sapphire, Ancient Sith Lord #8 & 13, Mandalorian #7, & Cowboy Curtis.
George Washington's Slaves are Agen Kolar, Marcus Fenix, Augustus Cole, Damon Baird, & Dominic Santiago, Ben Skywalker in a Land Speeder, Bill Rizer & Lance Beam, Cade Skywalker, Bronze Dragon #20, Gonzo & Kamilla in a Go-Cart, Connor MacLeod, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Loki, Ninja #1-6, Mad Eye Moonie on a 4-Wheeler, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Sgt. Slaughter, Mercer, Taurus, & Red Dog, Patroclus, Red Dragon #10, Sifo-Dias, Sonny, & Super Soldier.
This Inter-League battle begins deep within the thick forest. The crew of Torchwood sticks closely to Captain Jack Harkness, but in the blink of an eye, their blood is splattered all across the massive trunks of the towering trees around them. “What the hell was that?” asks Steve McQueen. “Ninjas,” Bill calmly replies. “Deadly Vipers, with me,” Bill says as Bud, O-Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver all follow him off into the forest in search of the Ninjas. “Ok guys. I’ve got a great idea. Let’s actually win this battle!” says USAgent. No one on Built Ford Tough speaks a word of disagreement, as they are all hungry for a victory. Gonzo and Kamilla the Chicken come riding in wildly on their Go-kart right towards Built Ford Tough. They slam it into a fallen tree, which sends both of them flying through the air right at Diego and Baby Jaguar. Camilla proceeds to peck the eyes out of Baby Jaguar as the death-defying Gonzo the Great viciously attacks Diego. Mandalorian #7 runs in and blasts Gonzo and Camilla in retaliation for his teammates’ demise. Sirius Black and Severus Snape double team Mad Eye Moody who is trying to evade their magically attacks on his 4-Wheeler. Snape then hits Mad Eye with a Sectumsempra spell, which slashes him across the chest and knocks him off of the 4-Wheeler. Sirius then kills Mad Eye with a death curse. Mr. and Mrs. Smith both open fire at Power Man and Iron Fist, but Power Man protects his life partner with his bulletproof body. “HEY! RYATU!! WE AIN’T GAY!!!” Luke Cage yells at me as I witness this battle. But honestly, I don’t buy it. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I just don’t get why they keep denying it. I’m mean look at their outfits. For Christ’s sake, Power Man is wearing a silver tiara. Ok anyways, sorry back to the story. Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s bullets harmlessly bounce off Power Man’s impenetrable hide (insert joke here) and Iron Fist races in and easily dispatches the married assassins with a combination of his “Iron Fist” and his martial art abilities. The battalion of Sgt. Slaughter, his Renegades, the Gears of War crew, and the Contra guys all rush in and attack Built Ford Tough. The Gears of War crew mow down the Beatles with effortless ease. Bill Rizer and Lance Bean gun down Cowboy Curtis and Steve McQueen in quick fashion. Sgt. Slaughter and the Renegades do not have the same luck however. Ancient Sith Lord’s #8 and #13 leap in the middle of them and take out Red Dog, Mercer, and Taurus with their lightsabers. Sgt. Slaughter is tackled to the ground by Barry Sanders, which allows USAgent to jump in and bring his shield crashing down on Slaughter’s skull. The team of Agen Kolar, Sifo-Dias, and Cade Skywalker leap into action and engage the Ancient Sith Lords. The Jedi are able to overwhelm the Sith Lords with their teamwork and they strike them down. Han Solo then blasts Agen Kolar several times in the chest, killing the Jedi Master. “See, there’s nothing like a good blaster at your side,” Han says to Chewbacca. The Deadly Vipers Assassination Squad are still on the hunt for the Slaves’ Ninja force. But they quickly find themselves as the hunted instead of the hunter as they are surrounded by six Ninjas. The Ninjas converge on the Vipers simultaneously, but the Vipers are ready and in a flurry of swords and blood, every last Ninja falls before the feet of Bill and his squad. Patroclus has been taken under the tutelage of Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, and along with Connor MacLeod, they all join the battle. Juan and Connor together, attack Mandalorian #7 and with the power of the Quickening they slay the Mandalorian. Patroclus is about to attack Barry Sanders but Aslan leaps onto Patroclus and bites his head off, thus saving the life of his fellow Lion. (Get it?) Red Dragon #10 they swoops in and sets the thick forest a blaze with his fire breath. Bronze Dragon #20 follows closely behind and blasts Grapple with his lightning breath, killing the Autobot. Star Sapphire then flies hard and fast, right into the mouth of Red Dragon #10, and blasting her way out of the other side. Connor and Juan then find themselves surrounded by the Deadly Vipers Assassination Squad. Bill orders them to rush the two Immortals, and though they take out Vernita and Bud, both Immortals’ heads are removed and they are killed. Ben Skywalker drives in and leaps out of his Land Speeder, right where his two teammates have just fallen. He ignites his lightsaber in midair and slices Elle Driver’s head clean off. Cade Skywalker sees his relative outnumbered and rushes in to help. The Two Skywalkers then use the Force to quickly dispatch O-Ren and Bill. Sifo-Dias is then shot in the head by Solid Snake who is perched high up in the trees. Sonny climbs the tree as fast as he can and kicks Solid Snake down to the ground. But Solid Snake is able to recover and stealthily slips away. Strong Guy is then smashed hard into the ground by Super Soldier. Super Soldier uses his super speed to punch Strong Guy as fast as he can, preventing Guido from mounting any sort of offense and also preventing him from expelling the massively building kinetic energy inside him. The power is too much for Strong Guy’s body to withstand, and he has an enormous heart attack, killing the mutant. Han Solo gathers Harrison Ford, Jack Ryan, E Honda, Chewbacca and Aslan the Lion to attack the video game soldiers. Han Solo shoots Augustus Cole with his blaster as Chewbacca rips the arms off of Damon Baird. Bill Rizer and Lance Bean double team Harrison Ford and kill the sauced actor. Marcus Fenix charges E Honda, who instinctively starts doing his Hundred Hand Slap, but he has his hand cut off by Marcus’s chainsaw bayonet. Marcus then kicks the sumo wrestler down and steps on his chest as he blasts him with his Lancer Assault Rifle. The Contra guys try to ambush Aslan the Lion, but Chewbacca sacrifices himself for the Jesus Christ allegory. He leaps in front of Aslan and takes the gunfire from Bill and Lance. Han Solo and Jack Ryan then sneak up behind them and put two well-placed shots in the back of their heads. The Flaming Carrot, Solid Snake, and Mr. T join Han, Jack and Aslan as they back Marcus and Dominic up against a burning tree. “F*$&#! Well why not,” Marcus says to Dominic as he throws an Ink Grenade at the oncoming assault. It goes off and poisons all eight of them. “Crap we really needed Aslan for this battle,” USAgent says to Beta Ray Bill. Super Soldier then attacks Beta Ray Bill before he has the opportunity to respond. The two super-powered combatants fly high up above the burning trees as USAgent, Power Man, Iron Fist, Barry Sanders, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, and Star Sapphire try and finish this fight. Without warning though, both Sirius and Severus are blasted hard with some deadly evil magic courtesy of Loki, who thus far had stayed out of the battle. He then calls down Bronze Dragon #20 who zaps Iron Fist with a massive bolt of lightning, and kills him. USAgent then launches his shield up into the air and takes the head off of the Bronze Dragon. Ben Skywalker and Cade Skywalker then both move seamlessly through the burning forest Ben is able to strike down USAgent who is defenseless against the lightsaber without his shield, which is still flying through the air. Star Sapphire is able to easily destroy Sonny, with her Star Sapphire gem. Cade Skywalker then starts leaping from burning branch to burning branch, trying to get to the flying Star Sapphire. Ben Skywalker now faces Barry Sanders and Power Man both. Power Man punches Ben as hard as he can, but Ben is able to use the Force to absorb some of the impact. Barry then shocks everyone but abruptly retiring to the locker room, leaving Power Man by himself to face Ben Skywalker. Luke Cage rushes towards the Jedi, but Ben leaps back to his feet and drives his lightsaber deep into his chest. Star Sapphire continues to evade Cade, by simply flying faster than he can leap through the trees. Beta Ray Bill continues to battle Super Soldier high above the burning treetops. Beta Ray is gaining a slight advantage, but then Loki appears out of nowhere and lends Super Soldier in some much needed help. Beta Ray Bill is now forced to be on the defensive. Star Sapphire flies up and grabs a hold of Bill’s cape and pulls him back to fight another day.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Le'Napoleon Brigade vs. The Right Wing
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 7 Match: Le' Napoleon Brigade vs. The Right Wing.
I look in the locker room of Le' Napoleon Brigade and see Obi Wan Kenobi, Poison Ivy, Guy Gardner (w/ Yellow Ring), Robin Hood & Little John, Catwoman, Master Jedi Leia Organa, John McLane, Wonder Woman, Man at Arms and Teela, Aragorn son of Arathorn and Arwen Evenstar, Horses #26-31, Silver Dragons #3-5, Even Piell, Padme Amidala and Lara Croft in a Land Speeder, Abraham Van Helsing, Power Girl, Jedi Masters #31-33, Daniel Rousseau, Ron Meyer and Fozzy Bear
Organa: We will have to come together to defeat the Right Wing.
Obi Wan Kenobi: We will Organa. Do not let your mind worry.
Ron Meyer (blurts out for no particular reason): I had a hand in the D@$*’s death!
Lara Croft: Let’s hope that you have a hand in many more today.
I then look into the locker room of The Right Wing. The Wing is Silver Surfer, The Incredible Hulk, Storm, John Stewart, Blackfire, Duncan Idaho Ghola #6, Jedi Knights #16-20, Elite Stormtroopers #1-6, Scrappy-Doo, Goliath, Droid Fighter Ship #1, Quinlon Vos, Warpath, Red Sonja, Darth Malak, Shintor Beerus, Capt. Mifune and Black Panther.
Hulk: Hulk crush! Hulk kill! Hulk destroy!
Storm: Hulk, you shouldn’t steal someone else’s “trademark” lines. It’s just not right.
Darth Malak: I really don’t care whose lines he steals and long as he steals the lives of the Brigade!
I transport the teams to the forests of Endor.
Daniel Rousseau is hidden on the middle branches of a tree. She sees Scrappy Doo and fires her gun. She misses. The bullet grazes Scrappy. He is injured ... and furious.
Scrappy: Come on down and fight me like a real warrior! Let me at you! Let me at you!
Rousseau comes down from the trees and meets the great dane pup on the forests’ grounds.
Scrappy (shouts): Puppy Power!!!!
Scrappy begins to race at Rousseau. Although Rousseau knows that she could easily kill Scrappy, she whistles instead. A loud galloping is heard as Horses #26-31 storm through the battlefield. Scrappy does not have enough time to react and he is trampled to death. The horses run together through the forest. They are easy laser-fodder for Droid Fighter Ship #1. Since the Horses are unable to separate because of their packing between the trees, Droid Fighter Ship #1 easily kills all Horses #26-31. The three Silver Dragons #3-5 see the Droid Fighter race through the sky. The dragons confront the ship. Droid Fighter Ship #1 shoots down Silver Dragon #5. Silver Dragons #3-4 spray their cones of cold and freeze the ship. The ship falls to the ground and explodes. As the Dragons fly on, Black Panther jumps from the treetops above. Black Panther repeatedly stabs Silver Dragon #4. Wounded, it falls to the ground and is killed by Elite Stormtroopers #1-6, who are waiting for the mythical beast. Silver Dragon #3 attempts to escape the fate of its kindred and is met by Silver Surfer. Silver Surfer uses his cosmic power to kill Silver Dragon #3.
Robin Hood and Little John spot Captain Mifune in his armored personnel unit. Little John raises his huge stick in defense. Mifune smiles and uses his advanced weaponry to blow Little John away. Robin Hood instantaneously reacts to his companion’s death and with his pinpoint accuracy, fires an arrow at Mifune. The arrow travels through the unit’s opening and strikes Mifune in the left eye. The tip travels to his brain and kills Mifune. Lara Croft sees this, hops off the Landspeeder and enters into Mifune’s armored personnel unit.
Red Sonja sees Robin Hood and approaches him from behind. As Hood quickly turns, she manages to destroy his bow and notched arrow. Without a bow and arrow, Hood takes his sword out. A battle ensues between the female barbarian and thief. Although Hood is adept and extremely acrobatic, Sonja’s pure brute strength overpowers Hood. Hood is killed. In response, Lara Croft uses the armored personnel unit and shreds Sonja in half with her rapid-fire bullets.
Warpath sees Fozzy Bear. Although he respects the animal kingdom (as did his ancestors before him), he knows what he must do.
Warpath: Good Bear. I will make your death a swift one, out of reverence for your kind.
Fozzy (nervously): Heheheheheheheeh. Look over there!
Warpath falls for Fozzy’s scam. Nonetheless, before Fozzy can run too far away, Warpath uses his superhuman speed and agility to pounce upon Fozzy. With his knife, he carve Fozzy up. Stuffing flows from Fozzy’s body.
The Star Wars universe inhabitants face off against one another. Obi Wan Kenobi, Master Jedi Leia Organa, Even Piell and Jedi Masters #31-33 confront Jedi Knights #16-20, Darth Malak and Shintor Beerus. Jedi Masters #31-33 face off against their inferiors, Jedi Knights #16-20. Due to the experience of the Masters, Jedi Knights #16-20 all fall, while only Jedi Master #33 dies. Jedi Masters #31 and 32 join Master Leia Organa to fight Darth Malak. The lightsabers swirl and twirl, their blurs lighting the forest floor and their blades’ crashes sounding through the treetops. Malak kills Jedi Masters #31 and 32, but falls to Organa. Organa then joins Obi Wan Kenobi and Even Piell in their battle against Shintor Beerus.
Beerus: I was Yoda’s first.
Kenobi: And now you will be my first – kill that is.
Beerus is good, but not that good as the combined skills of Kenobi, Piell and Organa destroy him. Beerus winds up in pieces on the mossy floor.
Quinlon Vos leads Elite Stormtroopers #1-6 against Lara Croft in her newly acquired armored personnel unit and Amidala in the landspeeder. Amidala deliberately crashes the landspeeder into the Elite Stormtroopers and manages to kill Elites #2-3. The other Elites fire upon and kill her. Amidala’s dead foot presses on the accelerator and the speeder crashes (and explodes) into the trees. Croft kills Elites #1 and 4, but #5-6 manage to repeatedly fire upon Croft. The laser blasts give her too much to think about. Quinlon Vos comes from behind and decapitates her. Aragorn and Arwen rush upon the scene and stab the remaining Elites through their armor’s soft spots. Storm uses her powers to create a wind storm-tornado that lifts both Arwen and Aragorn in the air. The Tolkien heroes try to fight out of their captive winds, but are unable to do so. They rise to the treetops and see the Incredible Hulk, who is standing there smiling.
Hulk: You two are perfect for one another. You belong together.
That said, Hulk uses his immense hands to crush their skulls together. Their bodies fall, pieces of their heads still tangled together as they hit the ground.
Blackfire runs through the trees and uses her energy projection to cut all objects around her. She is luck enough to catch Danielle Rousseau unawares. Thus, Blackfire has avenged Scrappy’s death.
John McLane, Abraham Van Helsing and Ron Meyer face off against and Duncan Idaho Ghola # 6.
Meyer: Feel my wrath!
Meyer runs at Duncan Idaho Ghola #6. Ghola stops him and has Meyer’s hand in his fist.
Meyer: Please! Please! Spare me! It wasn’t me! It was Sailor Moon! Al Dawg and Sailor Moon for gosh sakes!
Ghola shows him no mercy and kills him. John McLane repeatedly shoots Ghola #6 and Van Helsing’s ancient, but deadly weaponry, finishes Ghola #6 off.
Black Panther is adept at racing through the forests, being used to the foliage in his jungle home. Panther is unexpectantly stopped as hundreds of Endor’s vines entangle him. Poisin Ivy smiles as the vines wrap around the Panther.
Ivy: Yummy. Who says white meat is better than dark?
She steps toward Panther and kisses him on the lips. Her lips are covered in toxin. Black Panther is paralyzed. Catwoman comes over.
Catwoman: Let’s see which cat survives. . .
She uses her claws to shred Black Panther apart. Poison Ivy and Catwoman smile at finishing Black Panther somewhat easily. Goliath steps in and, as a giant, crushes the both of them under his feet. As Goliath walks on, he is tripped by Wonder Woman’s golden lasso. Goliath crashes to the ground. He is then pounced upon by Wonder Woman, Power Girl, Man-at-Arms and Teela. Wonder Woman uses her lasso to hold Goliath down as Power Girl, Man-at-Arms and Teela finish the job. Goliath is killed.
In the sky, Guy Gardner and John Stewart battle one another. It is evenly matched and almost at a firm standstill until Silver Surfer comes in on his board. He uses a cosmic power blast to kill Gardner.
Warpath and Vos chase down Van Helsing, McLane, Man-at-Arms and Teela. Warpath is too quick and easily gets by the defenses of Van Helsing and McLane. He stabs and kills both men. Vos’s jedi skills are too much and he kills both Man-at-Arms and Teela.
The remaining powerhouses of Silver Surfer, The Incredible Hulk, Storm, and John Stewart fly through the forest sky. Through the weather forces of Storm, cosmic power of Silver Surfer, brute strength of Hulk and ring powers of Stewart, both Even Piell and Organa fall.
Kenobi turns to his remaining teammates.
Kenobi: It is a wise combatant who determines to retreat to battle another day.
Wonder Woman: My Amazonian heritage says fight to the end!
Kenobi: That may be, but your death will not help the team now. It will only hurt them.
Wonder Woman and Power Girl (in unison): Agreed.
Brigade: Kenobi, Wonder Woman, and Power Girl alive, but retreat
The Right Wing: Silver Surfer, The Incredible Hulk, Storm, John Stewart, Blackfire, Quinlon Vos, and Warpath alive.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!!!!!
I look in the locker room of Le' Napoleon Brigade and see Obi Wan Kenobi, Poison Ivy, Guy Gardner (w/ Yellow Ring), Robin Hood & Little John, Catwoman, Master Jedi Leia Organa, John McLane, Wonder Woman, Man at Arms and Teela, Aragorn son of Arathorn and Arwen Evenstar, Horses #26-31, Silver Dragons #3-5, Even Piell, Padme Amidala and Lara Croft in a Land Speeder, Abraham Van Helsing, Power Girl, Jedi Masters #31-33, Daniel Rousseau, Ron Meyer and Fozzy Bear
Organa: We will have to come together to defeat the Right Wing.
Obi Wan Kenobi: We will Organa. Do not let your mind worry.
Ron Meyer (blurts out for no particular reason): I had a hand in the D@$*’s death!
Lara Croft: Let’s hope that you have a hand in many more today.
I then look into the locker room of The Right Wing. The Wing is Silver Surfer, The Incredible Hulk, Storm, John Stewart, Blackfire, Duncan Idaho Ghola #6, Jedi Knights #16-20, Elite Stormtroopers #1-6, Scrappy-Doo, Goliath, Droid Fighter Ship #1, Quinlon Vos, Warpath, Red Sonja, Darth Malak, Shintor Beerus, Capt. Mifune and Black Panther.
Hulk: Hulk crush! Hulk kill! Hulk destroy!
Storm: Hulk, you shouldn’t steal someone else’s “trademark” lines. It’s just not right.
Darth Malak: I really don’t care whose lines he steals and long as he steals the lives of the Brigade!
I transport the teams to the forests of Endor.
Daniel Rousseau is hidden on the middle branches of a tree. She sees Scrappy Doo and fires her gun. She misses. The bullet grazes Scrappy. He is injured ... and furious.
Scrappy: Come on down and fight me like a real warrior! Let me at you! Let me at you!
Rousseau comes down from the trees and meets the great dane pup on the forests’ grounds.
Scrappy (shouts): Puppy Power!!!!
Scrappy begins to race at Rousseau. Although Rousseau knows that she could easily kill Scrappy, she whistles instead. A loud galloping is heard as Horses #26-31 storm through the battlefield. Scrappy does not have enough time to react and he is trampled to death. The horses run together through the forest. They are easy laser-fodder for Droid Fighter Ship #1. Since the Horses are unable to separate because of their packing between the trees, Droid Fighter Ship #1 easily kills all Horses #26-31. The three Silver Dragons #3-5 see the Droid Fighter race through the sky. The dragons confront the ship. Droid Fighter Ship #1 shoots down Silver Dragon #5. Silver Dragons #3-4 spray their cones of cold and freeze the ship. The ship falls to the ground and explodes. As the Dragons fly on, Black Panther jumps from the treetops above. Black Panther repeatedly stabs Silver Dragon #4. Wounded, it falls to the ground and is killed by Elite Stormtroopers #1-6, who are waiting for the mythical beast. Silver Dragon #3 attempts to escape the fate of its kindred and is met by Silver Surfer. Silver Surfer uses his cosmic power to kill Silver Dragon #3.
Robin Hood and Little John spot Captain Mifune in his armored personnel unit. Little John raises his huge stick in defense. Mifune smiles and uses his advanced weaponry to blow Little John away. Robin Hood instantaneously reacts to his companion’s death and with his pinpoint accuracy, fires an arrow at Mifune. The arrow travels through the unit’s opening and strikes Mifune in the left eye. The tip travels to his brain and kills Mifune. Lara Croft sees this, hops off the Landspeeder and enters into Mifune’s armored personnel unit.
Red Sonja sees Robin Hood and approaches him from behind. As Hood quickly turns, she manages to destroy his bow and notched arrow. Without a bow and arrow, Hood takes his sword out. A battle ensues between the female barbarian and thief. Although Hood is adept and extremely acrobatic, Sonja’s pure brute strength overpowers Hood. Hood is killed. In response, Lara Croft uses the armored personnel unit and shreds Sonja in half with her rapid-fire bullets.
Warpath sees Fozzy Bear. Although he respects the animal kingdom (as did his ancestors before him), he knows what he must do.
Warpath: Good Bear. I will make your death a swift one, out of reverence for your kind.
Fozzy (nervously): Heheheheheheheeh. Look over there!
Warpath falls for Fozzy’s scam. Nonetheless, before Fozzy can run too far away, Warpath uses his superhuman speed and agility to pounce upon Fozzy. With his knife, he carve Fozzy up. Stuffing flows from Fozzy’s body.
The Star Wars universe inhabitants face off against one another. Obi Wan Kenobi, Master Jedi Leia Organa, Even Piell and Jedi Masters #31-33 confront Jedi Knights #16-20, Darth Malak and Shintor Beerus. Jedi Masters #31-33 face off against their inferiors, Jedi Knights #16-20. Due to the experience of the Masters, Jedi Knights #16-20 all fall, while only Jedi Master #33 dies. Jedi Masters #31 and 32 join Master Leia Organa to fight Darth Malak. The lightsabers swirl and twirl, their blurs lighting the forest floor and their blades’ crashes sounding through the treetops. Malak kills Jedi Masters #31 and 32, but falls to Organa. Organa then joins Obi Wan Kenobi and Even Piell in their battle against Shintor Beerus.
Beerus: I was Yoda’s first.
Kenobi: And now you will be my first – kill that is.
Beerus is good, but not that good as the combined skills of Kenobi, Piell and Organa destroy him. Beerus winds up in pieces on the mossy floor.
Quinlon Vos leads Elite Stormtroopers #1-6 against Lara Croft in her newly acquired armored personnel unit and Amidala in the landspeeder. Amidala deliberately crashes the landspeeder into the Elite Stormtroopers and manages to kill Elites #2-3. The other Elites fire upon and kill her. Amidala’s dead foot presses on the accelerator and the speeder crashes (and explodes) into the trees. Croft kills Elites #1 and 4, but #5-6 manage to repeatedly fire upon Croft. The laser blasts give her too much to think about. Quinlon Vos comes from behind and decapitates her. Aragorn and Arwen rush upon the scene and stab the remaining Elites through their armor’s soft spots. Storm uses her powers to create a wind storm-tornado that lifts both Arwen and Aragorn in the air. The Tolkien heroes try to fight out of their captive winds, but are unable to do so. They rise to the treetops and see the Incredible Hulk, who is standing there smiling.
Hulk: You two are perfect for one another. You belong together.
That said, Hulk uses his immense hands to crush their skulls together. Their bodies fall, pieces of their heads still tangled together as they hit the ground.
Blackfire runs through the trees and uses her energy projection to cut all objects around her. She is luck enough to catch Danielle Rousseau unawares. Thus, Blackfire has avenged Scrappy’s death.
John McLane, Abraham Van Helsing and Ron Meyer face off against and Duncan Idaho Ghola # 6.
Meyer: Feel my wrath!
Meyer runs at Duncan Idaho Ghola #6. Ghola stops him and has Meyer’s hand in his fist.
Meyer: Please! Please! Spare me! It wasn’t me! It was Sailor Moon! Al Dawg and Sailor Moon for gosh sakes!
Ghola shows him no mercy and kills him. John McLane repeatedly shoots Ghola #6 and Van Helsing’s ancient, but deadly weaponry, finishes Ghola #6 off.
Black Panther is adept at racing through the forests, being used to the foliage in his jungle home. Panther is unexpectantly stopped as hundreds of Endor’s vines entangle him. Poisin Ivy smiles as the vines wrap around the Panther.
Ivy: Yummy. Who says white meat is better than dark?
She steps toward Panther and kisses him on the lips. Her lips are covered in toxin. Black Panther is paralyzed. Catwoman comes over.
Catwoman: Let’s see which cat survives. . .
She uses her claws to shred Black Panther apart. Poison Ivy and Catwoman smile at finishing Black Panther somewhat easily. Goliath steps in and, as a giant, crushes the both of them under his feet. As Goliath walks on, he is tripped by Wonder Woman’s golden lasso. Goliath crashes to the ground. He is then pounced upon by Wonder Woman, Power Girl, Man-at-Arms and Teela. Wonder Woman uses her lasso to hold Goliath down as Power Girl, Man-at-Arms and Teela finish the job. Goliath is killed.
In the sky, Guy Gardner and John Stewart battle one another. It is evenly matched and almost at a firm standstill until Silver Surfer comes in on his board. He uses a cosmic power blast to kill Gardner.
Warpath and Vos chase down Van Helsing, McLane, Man-at-Arms and Teela. Warpath is too quick and easily gets by the defenses of Van Helsing and McLane. He stabs and kills both men. Vos’s jedi skills are too much and he kills both Man-at-Arms and Teela.
The remaining powerhouses of Silver Surfer, The Incredible Hulk, Storm, and John Stewart fly through the forest sky. Through the weather forces of Storm, cosmic power of Silver Surfer, brute strength of Hulk and ring powers of Stewart, both Even Piell and Organa fall.
Kenobi turns to his remaining teammates.
Kenobi: It is a wise combatant who determines to retreat to battle another day.
Wonder Woman: My Amazonian heritage says fight to the end!
Kenobi: That may be, but your death will not help the team now. It will only hurt them.
Wonder Woman and Power Girl (in unison): Agreed.
Brigade: Kenobi, Wonder Woman, and Power Girl alive, but retreat
The Right Wing: Silver Surfer, The Incredible Hulk, Storm, John Stewart, Blackfire, Quinlon Vos, and Warpath alive.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!!!!!
Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Alice's Wonder Team
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 7 Match: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Alice's Wonder Team
As I look into the locker room of Xavier's Annihilation Squad, I see: Ursa, Mary Embry, The Eradicator, Colonel John Matrix, Barricade, Bonecrusher, The Terrorcons, Metroplex, Darth Bane, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron, Geo-Force, Avalanche, Black Tom Cassidy, The Scorpion King, T-X and Apocalypse.
Darth Bane: Alice’s Wonder Team is formidable! Do not let them lull you into arrogance!
Ursa: Arrogance is not our style! Killing is!
Apocalypse: Then let us do so!
In the locker room of Alice's Wonder Team are Vampires #1-34 and Treasure Troll #3.
Treasure Troll #3: Sons of Alice’s Wonder Team, I am Treasure Troll #3.
Vampire # 5: Treasure Troll #3 is a lot taller than I expected!
Troll: Yes, I've heard. Kills combatants by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume Xavier’s Annihilation Squad with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. I AM Treasure Troll #3. And I see a whole army of my brethren here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What would you do without freedom? Will you fight?
Vampire #27: Fight? Against that? No, we will run; and we will live.
Troll: Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you'll live -- at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!!!
Troll and Vampires: Alice’s Wonder Team forever!
I transport the teams to the forests of Endor. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad stands in disbelief at the team Alice’s owner has placed on the battlefield.
Darth Voltress: Is this a joke?!?!
Troll #3: Joke this b@$ch!!!!
Treasure Troll #3 leads his swarm of vampires into battle. The vampires scatter to the foliage and trees of Endor.
Darth Bane, Darth Voltress, and Darth Ocron use the force to hunt down the Vampires. They are able to locate Vampires #1-2, 5-7 and 13-15. Though the use of their lightsabers, the Sith either decapitate or pierce the undead hearts of the eight Vampires who all burst into clouds of dust.
Vampires #3-4 strike at T-X. Since the T-X is not human, the Vampires’ attack proves fruitless as the T-X destroys both Vampires #3-4 instantaneously.
Barricade and Bonecrusher meet Vampires #8-12 on the forest floor. The Vampires are unable to use any of their supernatural abilities on the Transformers and are soon destroyed.
Soaring in the skies above the battlefield are Ursa and Mary Embry.
Ursa: Let us split up. We can cover more area.
Embry: Sounds like a plan.
The two women split up and fly through the forest. Ursa is jumped on by Vampires #18-20. Ursa dispatches with all three Vampires. Embry is not so lucky as Vampires #26-34 crash down from the treetops, causing her to fall to the forest floor. A winded Embry is swarmed by Vampires #26-34. Although Embry is able to destroy Vampires #26, 29 and 32, the remaining Vampires manage to overpower her. Instead of killing her though, they “turn” her into one of their own.
Colonel John Matrix wades through the shrubbery like an expert, but is met by Vampires #8-12. They overpower Matrix and instead of killing him, “turn him.” The Scorpion King is surrounded and “turned” by Vampires #23-25. Black Tom Cassidy and Avalanche soon meet their own fates of being “turned” by Vampires #16-17, 33-34
Alice’s Wonder Team has a new outlook on its match with its new team members: Mary Embry, Colonel John Matrix, Scorpion King, Black Tom Cassidy and Avalanche, along with original Vampires #16-17, 21-25, 27-28, 30-31 and 33-34.
Troll #3: Exactly as I planned. . .
Colonel John Matrix, Scorpion King and Vampires #16-17 attack Metroplex. Although they damage Metroplex, the Terrorcons come upon the scene before any substantial damage is sustained by the Transformer. Hun-Grr, as a two headed dragon, destroys the Scorpion King, by ripping him apart. Colonel John Matrix and Vampires #16-17 destroy Blot. In response, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin are joined by Metroplex (still able to fight) and Hun-Grr. They kill Matrix and Vampires #16-17.
Black Tom Cassidy, with a forest full of objects to use, locates a large stump. With his undead and mutant abilities now combined, he locates Geo-Force flying through the woods. Cassidy uses the stump (through a concussive burst) to bat Geo-Force through the air. Geo-Force strikes a tree and crashes to the ground, unconscious. Vampires #27-28 and 30-31 jump the hero. Before the Vampires are able to “turn” him, the Vampires are destroyed by The Eradicator and Apocalypse. The Eradicator and Apocalypse then focus their attention on Cassidy. Although Cassidy puts up a fight, the two destroy him.
Avalanche focuses on the Sith Lords. Avalanche shoots vibrating waves from his hands to cause the ground beneath the Sith to swallow them up. Darth Bane and Darth Voltress escape. Darth Ocron is not so lucky and the engulfs the Sith and then comes together to crush the Lord. Enough of the focus is placed upon Ocron for Bane and Voltress to destroy Avalanche.
Mary Embry, super-powered, super-vampired and super-hot flies through the woods, searching for her prey. She spots Ursa and flies into her at tremendous speed. Ursa takes the brunt of the hit. Ursa, dazed, sees how to finish Embry. Ursa flies at Embry with all of her Kryptonian might and holds onto her as they speed to the ground. At the last second, Ursa releases Embry into a sharpened branch jutting from a partially destroyed tree. Embry hits the branch and bursts into a cloud of dust.
Troll #3 sees that his super-vampires are no more. He has a new plan – retreat. The remaining members of Xavier’s Annihilation Squad approach Troll #3 and his remaining Vampires #21-25, 33-34.
Treasure Troll #3: Damn you Annihilation Squad! Damn you all. . . TO HELL!!!!!
With those final words, Treasure Troll #3 and Vampires #21-25 and 33-34 retreat.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
As I look into the locker room of Xavier's Annihilation Squad, I see: Ursa, Mary Embry, The Eradicator, Colonel John Matrix, Barricade, Bonecrusher, The Terrorcons, Metroplex, Darth Bane, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron, Geo-Force, Avalanche, Black Tom Cassidy, The Scorpion King, T-X and Apocalypse.
Darth Bane: Alice’s Wonder Team is formidable! Do not let them lull you into arrogance!
Ursa: Arrogance is not our style! Killing is!
Apocalypse: Then let us do so!
In the locker room of Alice's Wonder Team are Vampires #1-34 and Treasure Troll #3.
Treasure Troll #3: Sons of Alice’s Wonder Team, I am Treasure Troll #3.
Vampire # 5: Treasure Troll #3 is a lot taller than I expected!
Troll: Yes, I've heard. Kills combatants by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume Xavier’s Annihilation Squad with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. I AM Treasure Troll #3. And I see a whole army of my brethren here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What would you do without freedom? Will you fight?
Vampire #27: Fight? Against that? No, we will run; and we will live.
Troll: Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you'll live -- at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!!!
Troll and Vampires: Alice’s Wonder Team forever!
I transport the teams to the forests of Endor. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad stands in disbelief at the team Alice’s owner has placed on the battlefield.
Darth Voltress: Is this a joke?!?!
Troll #3: Joke this b@$ch!!!!
Treasure Troll #3 leads his swarm of vampires into battle. The vampires scatter to the foliage and trees of Endor.
Darth Bane, Darth Voltress, and Darth Ocron use the force to hunt down the Vampires. They are able to locate Vampires #1-2, 5-7 and 13-15. Though the use of their lightsabers, the Sith either decapitate or pierce the undead hearts of the eight Vampires who all burst into clouds of dust.
Vampires #3-4 strike at T-X. Since the T-X is not human, the Vampires’ attack proves fruitless as the T-X destroys both Vampires #3-4 instantaneously.
Barricade and Bonecrusher meet Vampires #8-12 on the forest floor. The Vampires are unable to use any of their supernatural abilities on the Transformers and are soon destroyed.
Soaring in the skies above the battlefield are Ursa and Mary Embry.
Ursa: Let us split up. We can cover more area.
Embry: Sounds like a plan.
The two women split up and fly through the forest. Ursa is jumped on by Vampires #18-20. Ursa dispatches with all three Vampires. Embry is not so lucky as Vampires #26-34 crash down from the treetops, causing her to fall to the forest floor. A winded Embry is swarmed by Vampires #26-34. Although Embry is able to destroy Vampires #26, 29 and 32, the remaining Vampires manage to overpower her. Instead of killing her though, they “turn” her into one of their own.
Colonel John Matrix wades through the shrubbery like an expert, but is met by Vampires #8-12. They overpower Matrix and instead of killing him, “turn him.” The Scorpion King is surrounded and “turned” by Vampires #23-25. Black Tom Cassidy and Avalanche soon meet their own fates of being “turned” by Vampires #16-17, 33-34
Alice’s Wonder Team has a new outlook on its match with its new team members: Mary Embry, Colonel John Matrix, Scorpion King, Black Tom Cassidy and Avalanche, along with original Vampires #16-17, 21-25, 27-28, 30-31 and 33-34.
Troll #3: Exactly as I planned. . .
Colonel John Matrix, Scorpion King and Vampires #16-17 attack Metroplex. Although they damage Metroplex, the Terrorcons come upon the scene before any substantial damage is sustained by the Transformer. Hun-Grr, as a two headed dragon, destroys the Scorpion King, by ripping him apart. Colonel John Matrix and Vampires #16-17 destroy Blot. In response, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin are joined by Metroplex (still able to fight) and Hun-Grr. They kill Matrix and Vampires #16-17.
Black Tom Cassidy, with a forest full of objects to use, locates a large stump. With his undead and mutant abilities now combined, he locates Geo-Force flying through the woods. Cassidy uses the stump (through a concussive burst) to bat Geo-Force through the air. Geo-Force strikes a tree and crashes to the ground, unconscious. Vampires #27-28 and 30-31 jump the hero. Before the Vampires are able to “turn” him, the Vampires are destroyed by The Eradicator and Apocalypse. The Eradicator and Apocalypse then focus their attention on Cassidy. Although Cassidy puts up a fight, the two destroy him.
Avalanche focuses on the Sith Lords. Avalanche shoots vibrating waves from his hands to cause the ground beneath the Sith to swallow them up. Darth Bane and Darth Voltress escape. Darth Ocron is not so lucky and the engulfs the Sith and then comes together to crush the Lord. Enough of the focus is placed upon Ocron for Bane and Voltress to destroy Avalanche.
Mary Embry, super-powered, super-vampired and super-hot flies through the woods, searching for her prey. She spots Ursa and flies into her at tremendous speed. Ursa takes the brunt of the hit. Ursa, dazed, sees how to finish Embry. Ursa flies at Embry with all of her Kryptonian might and holds onto her as they speed to the ground. At the last second, Ursa releases Embry into a sharpened branch jutting from a partially destroyed tree. Embry hits the branch and bursts into a cloud of dust.
Troll #3 sees that his super-vampires are no more. He has a new plan – retreat. The remaining members of Xavier’s Annihilation Squad approach Troll #3 and his remaining Vampires #21-25, 33-34.
Treasure Troll #3: Damn you Annihilation Squad! Damn you all. . . TO HELL!!!!!
With those final words, Treasure Troll #3 and Vampires #21-25 and 33-34 retreat.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Untouchables Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches
The Untouchables are Onslaught, Deadpool in an AT-ST, Pyro, The Incredibles: Mr. Incredible, Elasti-girl, Violet, Dash, & Jack-Jack, Legolas, Green Arrow, Boromir, The Atom, Sinestro (w/ Green Ring), Tomar Tu, The Pretender Monsters: Ice Pick, Birdbrain, Bristleback, Scowl, Slog, & Wildfly, Ents #1-6, & Elven Soldiers #1-6
Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches are Tyrone, Darth Vader, Red Hulk, Dark Phoenix, Doomsday, Magog, Carnage, Holocaust, Wolverine, Darth Talon, Nazgul #6 w/ Fell Beast, Hush, King Hiss, Dracula, Black Dragon #1, Green Dragon #1, Arkillo, & Fangry & Brisko.
Deadpool is driving the AT-ST thru the thick woods of Endor’s forest moon when he turns to the empty seat next to him and says: “Fire at will, private. We can’t let the rebels escape. Hmmm, this is no fun. Doesn’t Coach Gordon know that it takes 2 people to drive an AT-ST, hasn’t he even seen Return of the Jedi”? Deadpool then sees the 6 Elven Soldiers taking cover in the trees which prompts him to stick his head out the top and yell to Elven Soldier #2: “Hey, you! Climb up that tree and pop on in here. I need a gunner”. “Yes Sir” Elven Soldier #2 replies. Once inside the AT-ST Elven Soldier #2 looks at Deadpool and says “What are your orders Sir”? Deadpool replies with “What’s up with all this sir stuff? I though everybody just thought I was a total idiot”? “You were first round draft pick in Season 1 Sir, I thought that meant that you outrank most of the team”? Says the Elf. Deadpool answers with “Oh….. Yeah, alright. I like the sound of that. Yeah, let’s go with that”. “Now, you know how to operate one of these things right”. The Elf replies with “No sir, in my world we have no such equipment”. “Oh, O.K., but you’ve seen Return of the Jedi right”? Deadpool asks. Elven Soldier #2 answers with “You’re talking about those guys with the robes and the bright green swords right. Yeah I’ve seen them, but why do they have to return, they are all over the league”? Deadpool says: “No I mean the movie; Oh forget it, I’m obviously the only guy on the entire friggin team who has seen it”. Back at the Backyardigan side of the forest Tyrone is speaking to his troops: “Alright listen up ladies supposedly they have some huge guy on this team with red armor that is like unstoppable or something. So Rulk, if you can pull your head out of you’re a** for like half a match, I am going to need you and Doomsday to take him out. If you don’t, just plan on being traded to The Syracuse Valley for a couple of Little Goombas, as for the rest of you; the plan involves 3 simple words KILL, KILL, KILL; now don’t let me down, we need this match so we can win the division because after the way we all crapped the bed this season, the chances of 2 teams making it out of our division are slim and none”. Sure enough, shortly after Tyrone’s speech Onslaught comes crashing thru the nearby trees, ready to destroy anything in his path. Rulk and Doomsday jump in to double team Onslaught and a battle ensues that starts making the Forest Moon of Endor look like downtown Little Rock in those old HBO gang specials. Darth Vader and Tyrone team up and decide that they will take on the entire Incredibles family, while Vader tells his apprentice Darth Talon that there is a tiny, yet powerful menace lurking about these woods and that he would like her to handle it personally. Deadpool sticks his head out of the top of The AT-ST and in an extremely exaggerated voice yells to Ice Pick and the rest of The Pretender Monsters: “Pretender Monsters: Merge to form Monstructor”. He then climbs back into the AT-ST and says to Elven Soldier #2 “When Megatron isn’t here, that is my job”. The elf replies with “Oh, that’s cool”. “Yeah, it is” responds Deadpool. The Pretender Monsters listen to Deadpool and almost instantly crush both Fangry and Brisko under the foot of Monstructor. Arkillo drops down from the sky to do battle with the 6 Ents but once this battle begins, he realizes that he may have bitten off more than he can chew. Arkillo instantly uses his yellow power ring to kill Ent #3 and then takes flight to regain his vantage point over the other Ents. With a giant yellow claw, he rips apart Ent #1 and then manages to set Ent #6 ablaze with a fury of yellow fire, but after that the physically powerful yellow lantern succumbs to the sheer size and might of the last 3 Ents. Ent #2 manages to grab a hold of Arkillo and bring him down to the ground while the other 2 pound him into oblivion. At the sight of the menacing Ents, several of the Backyardigan clan wish that they had some Dragons that shot fire so they could be of use against giant walking trees, but since they didn’t, Tyrone and Vader send their 2 dragons off against the 5 Elven Soldiers, who are blending in with the surrounding forest. The 5 Elves shoot a flurry of arrows at the 2 dragons, but in the end they just don’t have the right kind of fire power to take out the dragons as Black Dragon #1 kills Elven Soldiers #1 & 5 with its acid breath and uses his acid coated fangs to bite thru poor Elf #3. Green Dragon #1 uses its poison breath to kill Elven Soldier #4 & 6. Darth Talon stealthily moves thru the forest searching for the mysterious foe that her master of the Dark Side has told her about while she passes right by a brewing battle between Boromir and Dracula. Boromir pulls out his sword like he has done in defense of Gondor so many times and moves toward Dracula. Boromir swings his heavy broad sword with ease against his seemingly defenseless foe, but Dracula is able to quickly evade all of the attacks. Boromir goes for a head shot, but Dracula ducks underneath the sword and pops up underneath his arm pit. Dracula then uses his fingernails to rip open Boromir’s neck and kill the favorite son of Gondor. The Atom flies in fast in his near microscopic form toward the ear of Darth Talon, in an attempt to go straight into her brain and finish off the Red Twileck Sith before she even realizes that he is there. The Atom is about to accomplish his goal when Darth Talon feels the disturbance in the force created by the small yet powerful foe that she was warned about. Lord Talon then swerves her head to the side slightly and spins her crimson lightsaber in a circular motion which splits The Atom before he has his chance to attack. Deadpool turns to Elven Soldier #2 and says: “Alright Elf, since you have even less of an idea on how to drive this thing than I do, I am going to give you some simple instructions. Watch out for attacking Furry Teddy Bears and random falling logs”. “Deadpool Sir, What are you talking about” asks Elven Soldier #2. Deadpool responds with “Trust me, I’ve seen Return of the Jedi”. Deadpool is about to continue bragging about his extensive movie viewing when Elven Soldier #2 points downward and says: “Deadpool Sir, is that one of those Furry Teddy Bears you were talking about”? Deadpool replies with “WHA!!!!! Oh that guy, you had me scared for a second there, I thought we were up against ewoks. That guy down there, that’s just Wolverine, I’ve kicked that guy’s a** so many times that it’s pathetic. Wolverine runs up toward the AT-ST jumping in and out of the wooded path to avoid blaster bolts with Carnage and Hush following close behind him. Deadpool shoots the walker’s laser cannon wildly into the forest igniting anything and everything in sight into flames. Hush tries to jump out and shoot at the face of the small Imperial Walker with his dual pistols but Deadpool takes that opportunity to target Hush and blow him away. Legolas and his hetero life mate Green Arrow take to the trees to do battle with Nazgul #6 atop his Fell Beast, while Dark Phoenix and Sinestro both take flight high above the tree tops to begin a fast-paced battle of their own. Holocaust does battle with Tomar Tu while Magog and King Hiss easily overpower Pyro resulting in the death of the mutant. Onslaught battles fiercely with both Rulk and Doomsday, even holding his own rather well against the 2 immensely powerful beings. Onslaught finds that although he is able to take some control of the minds of the 2 behemoths that they are both so filled with rage that all it does is escalate the fierceness of the battle. Rulk pounds his fists on Onslaught with such ferocity that he breaks thru the psionic armor holding the combine-powered mutant together to reveal a being made more of energy than of anything solid. With his armor gone Rulk is actually blasted backward from the sheer release of power, but Doomsday fights thru the psionic energy going directly into the barely solid body of Onslaught and ripping him apart. Vader and Tyrone face off against The Incredibles who seem to not be able to break thru the defenses of The Sith Lord. Jack-Jack ignites into his fiery form, which prompts Vader to say: “I see your family is powerful, imagine the power you could all possess if you let your anger take over” “That’s what makes us heroes and not villains” Elasti-girl replies defiantly. Vader then smiles (not that we could see it thru his mask, I am just assuming) and says: “Perhaps I could help you change your mind”. Vader then uses the force to rip apart Jack-Jack leaving a pile of flaming embers on the ground where the baby once stood. “NOOOOOOOO” The Incredibles all yell at this horrific sight. Mr. Incredible moves first at Vader by pulling a tree out from the ground and swinging it at the Dark Lord of the Sith. Elasti-Girl stretches in quickly to the left, but not as quickly as Dash moves to Vader’s right. Violet slightly hangs back and puts a bubble over the head of Tyrone to suffocate the Backyardigan leader. This battle continues while high above them Sinestro does his best to stay competitive with Dark Phoenix. Sinestro blasts as much green energy as his immense will will allow, but he is simply outmatched by the sheer power of the Phoenix force. Dark Phoenix unleashes but a fraction of the power possessed within her toward Sinestro and completely disintegrates the green lantern leaving only dust in the chilly Endor wind. Dark Phoenix, now on a rampage swoops down igniting large portions of the forest into cosmic fire which burns the 4 remaining Ents to ash. Lord Vader sees his teammate unleash her power and feels that if she keeps this up than this battle will be over very shortly but than Dark Phoenix, in a fit of apathy simply does the damage that she deems appropriate and flies up out of the moon’s atmosphere away from the battle entirely. Tomar Tu is holding off Holocaust nicely when King Hiss enters the battle to help out Holocaust. The Black Dragon and Green Dragon swoop in to do battle with Monstructor, while Wolverine and Carnage thru some impressive feats of acrobatics make their way on top of the AT-ST. Deadpool looks at Elven Soldier #2 and says “Hey Elf, when you were watching Return of the Jedi did you ever wonder how they get out of these things”. Elven Soldier #2 begins to say: “for the last time I have never seen Return of the Jedi” when Deadpool knowing that both Carnage and Wolverine are now on top of the walker purposely walks the AT-ST into the side of a tree and dumps it onto the ground. Carnage and Wolverine both go flying off of the top of the walker and onto the ground while Deadpool climbs out of the AT-ST. Deadpool pulls Elven Soldier #2 out of the wreckage while saying “On your feet soldier…… Oh let me guess you never saw Aliens either”. The dizzied Elf gets to his feet and pulls out his bow and arrow just in time to get mauled by Carnage, but Carnage is a little banged up from the fall as well, which Deadpool takes full advantage of as he cuts off his head, symbiote and all with his razor sharp Ninja Sword. Deadpool and Wolverine’s healing factors have both allowed them to recover nicely as they square off in the heart of the Endor Forest like they have done many times before (just in other places of course). Deadpool looks at Wolverine with his 2 Ninja swords drawn and says: “Hey Logan, guess what? I told that Elf that I was chillin with that I have wasted you in fights like a bunch of times: And Hey TOTALLY Believed me. HAH… You should have been there. Now who’s the best at what you do”? Wolverine does not find this quite as amusing as Deadpool does as he jumps toward the Merc with a Mouth resulting in a fight that in a comic book would consist of at least 6 to 8 panels of no dialogue, so we’ll do that here as well…….
Wolverine chops off Deadpool’s head with his claws and says: “Wow, your jokes were so good, that you laughed your head off”. Darth Vader seems to be toying with the Incredibles as he flicks his wrist ever so slightly to slice Dash in half, sending The remaining Incredibles into even more of a tizzy. Violet attempts to use her powers on Vader in a way similar to how she killed Tyrone, but Vader force pushes her into a nearby tree with so much power that it snaps her neck. A furious tree-wielding Mr. Incredible gets sick of Vader’s dodging of his truly biological weapon so he throws the tree at the Sith Lord. Lord Vader then stops the tree in mid-air with the force and slices it in half with his lightsaber. Mr. Incredible shows just a slight sign of fatigue which Vader takes full advantage of by rushing in and running the super thru with his lightsaber. Elasti-girl is in a rage after seeing her entire family killed before her eyes and attacks Vader with everything she has got. Vader fights back with his lightsaber, but even with his incredible swordsmanship skills he is unable to make contact with the ever changing body make-up of Elasti-girl. Elasti-girl easily dodges every swing of Vader’s lightsaber and is even able to work around his force pushes via her body manipulation. Elast-girl, in her rage feels that she is near invulnerable to Vader’s powers as she goes in for the kill. Elasti-girl is only inches away from her goal as Vader blasts the last remaining Incredible with Sith Lightning, holding her molecules in place and frying her internally on the ground next to her fallen family. Monstructor is able to kill both Black Dragon #1 and Green Dragon #1 thru sheer blunt force, but several members of The Backyardigans come to aid their dragon friends just as the fight is ending. Even warriors as powerful as Doomsday and Rulk are susceptible to fatigue when fighting a being as powerful as Onslaught, so the 2 of them forego any fancy fighting moves as they both barge into the chest of Monstructor breaking the gestalt apart and killing Ice Pick in the process. Rulk and Doomsday are basically spent at this point as the 2 combatants lay on the ground in a state of exhaustion. The damaged Pretender Monsters get up to continue the battle but Magog uses his energy projecting trident to kill Birdbrain, while the newly energized Wolverine alongside Darth Talon take out both Bristleback and Wildfly. Tomar Tu has done an amazing job of keeping his powerful opponents at bay as he looks around the battlefield for any help from his team against the duo of Holocaust and King Hiss, but finds that he does not have much of a team remaining. Slog succumbs to the might of all 4 Backyardigans, but in a nearby battle Legolas and Green Arrow pump enough arrows into Nazgul #6’s Fell Beast to send it crashing to the ground. Nazgul #6 regroups with the rest of his team while Legolas and Green Arrow stand at the ready to take on whatever comes their way. The 2 emerald bow-casters stand back to back as they are surrounded by Darth Vader, Rulk, Doomsday, Magog, Holocaust, Wolverine, Nazgul #6, King Hiss, & Dracula; when they are hit by a form of energy that they were not expecting. Tomar Tu wrapped the 2 brothers from other trans-dimensional raced mothers in a matching green bubble to pull them out of the battle, and into the air where he and Scowl were already retreating from the impossible odds.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches are Tyrone, Darth Vader, Red Hulk, Dark Phoenix, Doomsday, Magog, Carnage, Holocaust, Wolverine, Darth Talon, Nazgul #6 w/ Fell Beast, Hush, King Hiss, Dracula, Black Dragon #1, Green Dragon #1, Arkillo, & Fangry & Brisko.
Deadpool is driving the AT-ST thru the thick woods of Endor’s forest moon when he turns to the empty seat next to him and says: “Fire at will, private. We can’t let the rebels escape. Hmmm, this is no fun. Doesn’t Coach Gordon know that it takes 2 people to drive an AT-ST, hasn’t he even seen Return of the Jedi”? Deadpool then sees the 6 Elven Soldiers taking cover in the trees which prompts him to stick his head out the top and yell to Elven Soldier #2: “Hey, you! Climb up that tree and pop on in here. I need a gunner”. “Yes Sir” Elven Soldier #2 replies. Once inside the AT-ST Elven Soldier #2 looks at Deadpool and says “What are your orders Sir”? Deadpool replies with “What’s up with all this sir stuff? I though everybody just thought I was a total idiot”? “You were first round draft pick in Season 1 Sir, I thought that meant that you outrank most of the team”? Says the Elf. Deadpool answers with “Oh….. Yeah, alright. I like the sound of that. Yeah, let’s go with that”. “Now, you know how to operate one of these things right”. The Elf replies with “No sir, in my world we have no such equipment”. “Oh, O.K., but you’ve seen Return of the Jedi right”? Deadpool asks. Elven Soldier #2 answers with “You’re talking about those guys with the robes and the bright green swords right. Yeah I’ve seen them, but why do they have to return, they are all over the league”? Deadpool says: “No I mean the movie; Oh forget it, I’m obviously the only guy on the entire friggin team who has seen it”. Back at the Backyardigan side of the forest Tyrone is speaking to his troops: “Alright listen up ladies supposedly they have some huge guy on this team with red armor that is like unstoppable or something. So Rulk, if you can pull your head out of you’re a** for like half a match, I am going to need you and Doomsday to take him out. If you don’t, just plan on being traded to The Syracuse Valley for a couple of Little Goombas, as for the rest of you; the plan involves 3 simple words KILL, KILL, KILL; now don’t let me down, we need this match so we can win the division because after the way we all crapped the bed this season, the chances of 2 teams making it out of our division are slim and none”. Sure enough, shortly after Tyrone’s speech Onslaught comes crashing thru the nearby trees, ready to destroy anything in his path. Rulk and Doomsday jump in to double team Onslaught and a battle ensues that starts making the Forest Moon of Endor look like downtown Little Rock in those old HBO gang specials. Darth Vader and Tyrone team up and decide that they will take on the entire Incredibles family, while Vader tells his apprentice Darth Talon that there is a tiny, yet powerful menace lurking about these woods and that he would like her to handle it personally. Deadpool sticks his head out of the top of The AT-ST and in an extremely exaggerated voice yells to Ice Pick and the rest of The Pretender Monsters: “Pretender Monsters: Merge to form Monstructor”. He then climbs back into the AT-ST and says to Elven Soldier #2 “When Megatron isn’t here, that is my job”. The elf replies with “Oh, that’s cool”. “Yeah, it is” responds Deadpool. The Pretender Monsters listen to Deadpool and almost instantly crush both Fangry and Brisko under the foot of Monstructor. Arkillo drops down from the sky to do battle with the 6 Ents but once this battle begins, he realizes that he may have bitten off more than he can chew. Arkillo instantly uses his yellow power ring to kill Ent #3 and then takes flight to regain his vantage point over the other Ents. With a giant yellow claw, he rips apart Ent #1 and then manages to set Ent #6 ablaze with a fury of yellow fire, but after that the physically powerful yellow lantern succumbs to the sheer size and might of the last 3 Ents. Ent #2 manages to grab a hold of Arkillo and bring him down to the ground while the other 2 pound him into oblivion. At the sight of the menacing Ents, several of the Backyardigan clan wish that they had some Dragons that shot fire so they could be of use against giant walking trees, but since they didn’t, Tyrone and Vader send their 2 dragons off against the 5 Elven Soldiers, who are blending in with the surrounding forest. The 5 Elves shoot a flurry of arrows at the 2 dragons, but in the end they just don’t have the right kind of fire power to take out the dragons as Black Dragon #1 kills Elven Soldiers #1 & 5 with its acid breath and uses his acid coated fangs to bite thru poor Elf #3. Green Dragon #1 uses its poison breath to kill Elven Soldier #4 & 6. Darth Talon stealthily moves thru the forest searching for the mysterious foe that her master of the Dark Side has told her about while she passes right by a brewing battle between Boromir and Dracula. Boromir pulls out his sword like he has done in defense of Gondor so many times and moves toward Dracula. Boromir swings his heavy broad sword with ease against his seemingly defenseless foe, but Dracula is able to quickly evade all of the attacks. Boromir goes for a head shot, but Dracula ducks underneath the sword and pops up underneath his arm pit. Dracula then uses his fingernails to rip open Boromir’s neck and kill the favorite son of Gondor. The Atom flies in fast in his near microscopic form toward the ear of Darth Talon, in an attempt to go straight into her brain and finish off the Red Twileck Sith before she even realizes that he is there. The Atom is about to accomplish his goal when Darth Talon feels the disturbance in the force created by the small yet powerful foe that she was warned about. Lord Talon then swerves her head to the side slightly and spins her crimson lightsaber in a circular motion which splits The Atom before he has his chance to attack. Deadpool turns to Elven Soldier #2 and says: “Alright Elf, since you have even less of an idea on how to drive this thing than I do, I am going to give you some simple instructions. Watch out for attacking Furry Teddy Bears and random falling logs”. “Deadpool Sir, What are you talking about” asks Elven Soldier #2. Deadpool responds with “Trust me, I’ve seen Return of the Jedi”. Deadpool is about to continue bragging about his extensive movie viewing when Elven Soldier #2 points downward and says: “Deadpool Sir, is that one of those Furry Teddy Bears you were talking about”? Deadpool replies with “WHA!!!!! Oh that guy, you had me scared for a second there, I thought we were up against ewoks. That guy down there, that’s just Wolverine, I’ve kicked that guy’s a** so many times that it’s pathetic. Wolverine runs up toward the AT-ST jumping in and out of the wooded path to avoid blaster bolts with Carnage and Hush following close behind him. Deadpool shoots the walker’s laser cannon wildly into the forest igniting anything and everything in sight into flames. Hush tries to jump out and shoot at the face of the small Imperial Walker with his dual pistols but Deadpool takes that opportunity to target Hush and blow him away. Legolas and his hetero life mate Green Arrow take to the trees to do battle with Nazgul #6 atop his Fell Beast, while Dark Phoenix and Sinestro both take flight high above the tree tops to begin a fast-paced battle of their own. Holocaust does battle with Tomar Tu while Magog and King Hiss easily overpower Pyro resulting in the death of the mutant. Onslaught battles fiercely with both Rulk and Doomsday, even holding his own rather well against the 2 immensely powerful beings. Onslaught finds that although he is able to take some control of the minds of the 2 behemoths that they are both so filled with rage that all it does is escalate the fierceness of the battle. Rulk pounds his fists on Onslaught with such ferocity that he breaks thru the psionic armor holding the combine-powered mutant together to reveal a being made more of energy than of anything solid. With his armor gone Rulk is actually blasted backward from the sheer release of power, but Doomsday fights thru the psionic energy going directly into the barely solid body of Onslaught and ripping him apart. Vader and Tyrone face off against The Incredibles who seem to not be able to break thru the defenses of The Sith Lord. Jack-Jack ignites into his fiery form, which prompts Vader to say: “I see your family is powerful, imagine the power you could all possess if you let your anger take over” “That’s what makes us heroes and not villains” Elasti-girl replies defiantly. Vader then smiles (not that we could see it thru his mask, I am just assuming) and says: “Perhaps I could help you change your mind”. Vader then uses the force to rip apart Jack-Jack leaving a pile of flaming embers on the ground where the baby once stood. “NOOOOOOOO” The Incredibles all yell at this horrific sight. Mr. Incredible moves first at Vader by pulling a tree out from the ground and swinging it at the Dark Lord of the Sith. Elasti-Girl stretches in quickly to the left, but not as quickly as Dash moves to Vader’s right. Violet slightly hangs back and puts a bubble over the head of Tyrone to suffocate the Backyardigan leader. This battle continues while high above them Sinestro does his best to stay competitive with Dark Phoenix. Sinestro blasts as much green energy as his immense will will allow, but he is simply outmatched by the sheer power of the Phoenix force. Dark Phoenix unleashes but a fraction of the power possessed within her toward Sinestro and completely disintegrates the green lantern leaving only dust in the chilly Endor wind. Dark Phoenix, now on a rampage swoops down igniting large portions of the forest into cosmic fire which burns the 4 remaining Ents to ash. Lord Vader sees his teammate unleash her power and feels that if she keeps this up than this battle will be over very shortly but than Dark Phoenix, in a fit of apathy simply does the damage that she deems appropriate and flies up out of the moon’s atmosphere away from the battle entirely. Tomar Tu is holding off Holocaust nicely when King Hiss enters the battle to help out Holocaust. The Black Dragon and Green Dragon swoop in to do battle with Monstructor, while Wolverine and Carnage thru some impressive feats of acrobatics make their way on top of the AT-ST. Deadpool looks at Elven Soldier #2 and says “Hey Elf, when you were watching Return of the Jedi did you ever wonder how they get out of these things”. Elven Soldier #2 begins to say: “for the last time I have never seen Return of the Jedi” when Deadpool knowing that both Carnage and Wolverine are now on top of the walker purposely walks the AT-ST into the side of a tree and dumps it onto the ground. Carnage and Wolverine both go flying off of the top of the walker and onto the ground while Deadpool climbs out of the AT-ST. Deadpool pulls Elven Soldier #2 out of the wreckage while saying “On your feet soldier…… Oh let me guess you never saw Aliens either”. The dizzied Elf gets to his feet and pulls out his bow and arrow just in time to get mauled by Carnage, but Carnage is a little banged up from the fall as well, which Deadpool takes full advantage of as he cuts off his head, symbiote and all with his razor sharp Ninja Sword. Deadpool and Wolverine’s healing factors have both allowed them to recover nicely as they square off in the heart of the Endor Forest like they have done many times before (just in other places of course). Deadpool looks at Wolverine with his 2 Ninja swords drawn and says: “Hey Logan, guess what? I told that Elf that I was chillin with that I have wasted you in fights like a bunch of times: And Hey TOTALLY Believed me. HAH… You should have been there. Now who’s the best at what you do”? Wolverine does not find this quite as amusing as Deadpool does as he jumps toward the Merc with a Mouth resulting in a fight that in a comic book would consist of at least 6 to 8 panels of no dialogue, so we’ll do that here as well…….
Wolverine chops off Deadpool’s head with his claws and says: “Wow, your jokes were so good, that you laughed your head off”. Darth Vader seems to be toying with the Incredibles as he flicks his wrist ever so slightly to slice Dash in half, sending The remaining Incredibles into even more of a tizzy. Violet attempts to use her powers on Vader in a way similar to how she killed Tyrone, but Vader force pushes her into a nearby tree with so much power that it snaps her neck. A furious tree-wielding Mr. Incredible gets sick of Vader’s dodging of his truly biological weapon so he throws the tree at the Sith Lord. Lord Vader then stops the tree in mid-air with the force and slices it in half with his lightsaber. Mr. Incredible shows just a slight sign of fatigue which Vader takes full advantage of by rushing in and running the super thru with his lightsaber. Elasti-girl is in a rage after seeing her entire family killed before her eyes and attacks Vader with everything she has got. Vader fights back with his lightsaber, but even with his incredible swordsmanship skills he is unable to make contact with the ever changing body make-up of Elasti-girl. Elasti-girl easily dodges every swing of Vader’s lightsaber and is even able to work around his force pushes via her body manipulation. Elast-girl, in her rage feels that she is near invulnerable to Vader’s powers as she goes in for the kill. Elasti-girl is only inches away from her goal as Vader blasts the last remaining Incredible with Sith Lightning, holding her molecules in place and frying her internally on the ground next to her fallen family. Monstructor is able to kill both Black Dragon #1 and Green Dragon #1 thru sheer blunt force, but several members of The Backyardigans come to aid their dragon friends just as the fight is ending. Even warriors as powerful as Doomsday and Rulk are susceptible to fatigue when fighting a being as powerful as Onslaught, so the 2 of them forego any fancy fighting moves as they both barge into the chest of Monstructor breaking the gestalt apart and killing Ice Pick in the process. Rulk and Doomsday are basically spent at this point as the 2 combatants lay on the ground in a state of exhaustion. The damaged Pretender Monsters get up to continue the battle but Magog uses his energy projecting trident to kill Birdbrain, while the newly energized Wolverine alongside Darth Talon take out both Bristleback and Wildfly. Tomar Tu has done an amazing job of keeping his powerful opponents at bay as he looks around the battlefield for any help from his team against the duo of Holocaust and King Hiss, but finds that he does not have much of a team remaining. Slog succumbs to the might of all 4 Backyardigans, but in a nearby battle Legolas and Green Arrow pump enough arrows into Nazgul #6’s Fell Beast to send it crashing to the ground. Nazgul #6 regroups with the rest of his team while Legolas and Green Arrow stand at the ready to take on whatever comes their way. The 2 emerald bow-casters stand back to back as they are surrounded by Darth Vader, Rulk, Doomsday, Magog, Holocaust, Wolverine, Nazgul #6, King Hiss, & Dracula; when they are hit by a form of energy that they were not expecting. Tomar Tu wrapped the 2 brothers from other trans-dimensional raced mothers in a matching green bubble to pull them out of the battle, and into the air where he and Scowl were already retreating from the impossible odds.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
George Washington's Slaves vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
George Washington’s Slaves are Yoda on Kybuck, Agen Kolar, Ajax Major, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #7-18, Arisia, Bebop, Rocksteady, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Bender Bending Rodriguez, Beowulf, Bill Rizer, Lance Bean, Bronze Dragon #20, Captain Jean Luc Picard and Captain James T. Kirk in a Stealth Bomber, Cassandra Nova, Colossus, Connor MacLeod, Corbin Dallas, Crash Bandicoot, Marcus Fenix, Damon Baird, Augustus Cole, and Dominic Santiago in a Fully Equipped Hummer, Dare the Terminator, Darkman, Darth Plagueis, Dormammu, Duncan Idaho Ghola #7, Fidel Castro, Fizzle, Frank Martin in a F-40 Ferrari, Frankenstein’s Monster, George Washington, Ginaz Swordsmen #1-6, Hound, Huckleberry Hound in a Go-Kart, Inspector Gadget, Jason Bourne, Jedi Masters #1-7, Jimmy Neutron, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Ki Adi Mundi, King Kong, Loki, Mad Eye Moody, Martian Manhunter, Metroids #19-20, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Mr. Miracle, Neo, Ninjas #1-10 and 15, NS-5’s #39-40, Optimus Prime, Roller, Patriceuls, Sgt. Slaughter, Red Dog, Mercer, Taurus, Red Dragon #10, Robert E. Lee, Rocky Balboa, Santa Claus and his Reindeer, Saurman, Sauron, Sayid Jarrah, Scorpion, Shaak Ti, Sifo-Dias in a Land Speeder, Simon Phoenix in a 4-Wheeler, Sonny Chiba, Sonny from I,Robot, Stonewall Jackson, Stinkor, Super Soldier, T-1000, Taki, Tony the Tiger, Trinity, Wedge Antilles in a F-22, Windcharger, and William Wallace
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Alexander the Great & Bucephalus, Magneto, Toad, Mighty Mouse, Usagi Yojimbo, Katma Tui, Salaak, Ch'p, Dr. Ub'x, Amantia, Larvox, Green Lantern #3, Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan, Asajj Ventress, Psylocke, Duncan Idaho, Link, Quasar, Nightwing, Tom Bombadil, Peppermint Patti, Marci, Thundercracker, Omega Supreme, Lolo, Superboy, Widget, Tybalt, Air Zonk with Power Dump and Astra, Wonder Man, Wicket, Paploo, Ewoks #41-44, Stilgar & Fremen #52-56, Robert Muldoon on a 4-Wheeler, Ryachu, Aurra Sing, Radagast the Brown, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Balin, Hobbit #1, Pony #1-3, Allia Atreides, Murbella, Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #1-2, Honored Matre #1-2, Ginaz Swordsmen #11-13, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #1-3, Wasp, Mighty Mousette, Nosyarg kcid (Larry), Toad in a Go-Cart, Ratts Tyrelle & Carlos Chiappe in a Land Speeder, Michelle Dessler, Tony Almeda, G.W. Bridge, & Kermit the Frog in a Fully Equipped Hummer, Bill Kelly, Mokey, & Gobo in an AT-ST, Kylun, Black Knight, Spider Ham, Speedy, Beppo, X-23, Death Bringer, Rogue, Smart Grimlock, Artie & Leech, Liu Kang, Widdle Wade, Goro, Ken, Ryu, Richie Rich, Mas y Menos, Dark Jedi Master #12, Dark Jedi #13-14, Dark Side Adept #1-3, Nightsister Sith Witch #2, Dark Side Acolytes #1-6, Blue Wizard #2, Bub & Bob, Kintaro, Evil Dwarf #1, Samurai #20, Mangy Mouse, Haldir, Squirtle, Salacious B. Crumb, Durge, Blue Devil, Chun Li, Galadriel, Pythona, Thufir Hawat, Duncan Idaho Ghola #5, Hammer Bros. #11-16, Gamera, Megalon, Smurf #2, and Dozer #8
Alexander the Great leads his team out onto the battlefield atop his mighty steed, Bucephalus. He has order Omega Supreme to stay back as the Brotherhood’s last line of defense. Out in front marches Dark Jedi Master #12, Dark Jedi #13 and 14, Dark Side Adepts #1-3, Hammer Bros. #11-16, Night Sister Sith Witch #2, Evil Dwarf #1, Durge, Aurra Sing, and Death Bringer. Yoda has responded to this wave by sending out all 12 of his Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen, as well as Ginaz Swordsmen #1-6, Ninjas #1-10 and 15 and Sgt. Slaughter with his Renegades. The Renegades are the first to draw blood as they take out Evil Dwarf #1, and Hammer Bros #12-15. The 18 Ginaz Swordsmen outnumber the Dark Jedi six to one, but they are not easily defeated. Before the Dark Jedi fall, Dark Jedi Master kills Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #7-11, Dark Jedi #13 is able to defeat Ginaz Swordsmen #4-6, and Dark Jedi #14 strikes down Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #16-18 and Ginaz Swordsmen #3. The three Dark Side Adepts triple team Sgt. Slaughter, and all die with this mistake. However they are able to weaken him, allowing Death Bringer to use his giant axe to slaughter Slaughter. Mercer, Taurus, and Red Dog are now enraged with the loss of their leader and all attack Death Bringer. However Durge takes out these three G.I. Joes before they can kill Death Bringer. The ten Ninjas then collectively move against the Dark Side Adepts and overwhelm them with their numbers and take them down, only losing Ninjas #2, 5, and 15 in the process. Hammer Bros. #11 and 16 launch several hammers, smashing them into the back of Night Sister Sith Witch #2’s skull. Aurra Sing then picks off Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #11 and 12 with her rifle. Death Bringer swings his huge axe through the air and is able to take out Ginaz Swordsmen #1 and 2 in one clean swipe. The eight remaining Ninjas converge on Durge, but he is more than they expect. He actually kills all of them before they are able to injure him at all. Aurra Sing, Death Bringer and Durge are then able to defeat the three last Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen. High above the battlefield, Wedge in his F-22, leads his team of Captains Kirk and Picard aboard a Stealth Bomber, Bronze Dragon #20 and Red Dragon #10 on an assault against the Brotherhood. Bronze Dragon #20 uses its lightning breath to electrocute Widdle Wade, Artie and Leech. Red Dragon #10 follows closely behind and with his fire breath it incinerates Wicket, Paploo, and Ewoks #41-42. They both then zip past in opposite directions, taking out Mas y Menos, the AT-ST that carried Bill Kelley, Mokey and Gobo and Richie Rich. Thundercracker transformers and engages Wedge in an amazing dogfight high in the clouds. They both hit Mach speeds as sonic booms can be heard for miles. The Decepticon is finally able to gain the upper hand and fires his two drone cruise missiles which lock on destroy Wedge and his F-22. Salaak then leads Katma Tui, Ch’p Amantia, Larvox, and Green Lantern #3 up into the air to take care to the two dragons that are causing so much havoc. The six Green Lanterns together fire their rings at the dragons and finally put an end to their destruction. Kirk and Picard continue on their mission, one that they are not pleased about. They stealthily fly overhead and when they have their target in sight, they release their sixteen B83 nuclear bombs. As the bombs fall the try and turn around, in hopes of avoiding the coming explosions. They however, see Neo and Martian Manhunter floating in front of them. Together, they rip the Stealth Bomber apart and kill the Enterprise Commanders. J’onn then telepathically notifies Magneto of the oncoming destruction falling fast towards their team. Magneto raises his hands and is able to stop 15 of the nuclear bombs with his magnetic mastery, but one of them is somehow able to slip past his grip. The six Green Lanterns quickly try and throw up a green force field around their team, but the bomb still goes off and in a flash Merriadoc Brandybuck, Balin, Hobbit #1, their ponies, Murbella, Spider-Ham, Dr. Ub’x, Peppermint Patti, Marci, Sayid Jarrah, Metroids #19-20, Bebop, Rocksteady, NS-5’s #39-40 and Sonny Chiba are all vaporized by the blast. The rest of George Washington’s Slaves were close enough to the Brotherhood that they were saved beneath the green force field. Asajj Ventress then leads her six Dark Side Acolytes against Yoda, Ki Adi Mundi and their seven Jedi masters. Lightsabers ignite and swing wildly in the air. Asajj kills Jedi Masters #3 and 4 as she maneuvers towards Yoda. Ki Adi Mundi takes down Dark Side Acolytes #1, 3, and 5 as the Jedi Masters finish off the other three. Yoda calmly and patiently waits as Asajj Ventress rushes right at home. And then in a “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” moment, Yoda leaps off of his Kybuck, draws his lightsaber, cuts off Asajj’s head and re-holsters his lightsaber as he land back on his steed, all in one fluid motion. Bill Rizer and Lance Bean are both handing onto the back of the Fully Equipped Hummer, with the Gears of War guys all riding inside. They haul ass through the grassland and are firing their Spray Guns, killing Samurai #20, Salacious B. Crumb, the two Bene Gesserit Reverend Mothers and both Honor Matres. Marcus Fenix and Augustus Cole both jump out of the Hummer and run off with the Contra Guys. Damon Baird and Dominic Santiago drive off in the Hummer. Liu Kang, Ken, Ryu, Squirtle and Ryachu quickly surround the Contra/Gears of War foursome. Ken and Ryu yell “Haadoooken!” and blast the Contra boys with their fireballs. Marcus and Augustus are then knocked back by Squirtle’s water blast. Ryachu fires a bolt of electricity at them, but he only fries Augustus Cole. Marcus rolls out of the way and shoots the two Pokemon with his Lancer Assault Rifle. As he tries to get back up on his feet, he is hit by a bicycle kick from Liu Kang. Marcus lunges at Ken and rips him up with his chainsaw bayonet, but Ryu and Liu avenge his death by frying Marcus to the bone with several fireballs. Tony Almeda, Michelle, Dessler, G.W. Bridge, and Kermit the Frog in a Fully Equipped Hummer of their own are now chasing Damon and Dominic. Damon makes a split second decision and jams on the break as he jerks the steering wheel. Their Hummer spins around, which allows Dominic to pop out of the roof hatch and fires a grenade from his Boomshot directly into the windshield towards Goro and attacks the 4-armed beast. Though the Monster had great strength, he definitely bit off more than he could chew, as Goro simply rips Frankenstein’s arms off of him and brats him to death with them. Toad, in his Go-Kart, zips past the wreckage that was once a Hummer and scoops up a grenade that used to belong to G. W. Bridge. He then drives his Go-Kart unnoticed up next to the Slaves’ Hummer and tosses the grenade into the open window as he hurries away. “Aww shi…” says Damon as he sees the grenade falling into his lap moments before exploding. Ever heard a Mushroom Person laughing to himself in a Go-Kart as he drives away from an explosion? It’s kinda creepy. Bub and Bob then come stomping in and are actually a lot bigger than you’d think. They encase Crash Bandicoot and Fidel Castro in the big bubbles and jump on them, crushing them to death. King Kong then leaps onto Gamera’s back and after some serious pulling, the mighty gorilla yanks Gamera’s shell clean off. Kong then throws it at Megalon, but he is able to block it. Megalon retaliates and knocks King Kong to the ground. Megalon is about to drive his drill arms into Kong’s chest, but is blasted in the back by Beowulf in his massive Cymek tank form. Usagi Yojimbo squares off against Patroclus in a great sword fight. But in the end, Patroclus just isn’t Achilles (no matter how much he thinks he is) and Usagi slices his neck with this kitana blade. X-23 then races through the battlefield, leaving a bloody path in her wake. She eviscerates Huckleberry Hound who was driving by on a Go-Kart. Taki tries to attack her, but she leaps into the air and dropkicks him in the chest with her foot blade. X-23 the continues her destruction by carving Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Darkman Plagueis against Galadriel, Radagast the Brown, and Tom Bombadil. Dark Plagueis is the first to attack; he shoots Sith lightening right at Radagast the Brown, frying him. Then the combined magic of Saurman and Dormammu is too much for the Lady of the Light to withstand and she perishes in a matter of moments. Now Tom Bombadil who has been humming a song to himself this entire time is now outnumbered four to one. He conjures some mysterious force that takes out both Dormammu and Darth Plagueis by surprise and he kills them both. Saurman, arrogant as ever, attack Tom without waiting for his master. This proves to be foolish, as Tom yet again uses an unknown power to obliterate he White Wizard. Now, Sauron and Tom Bombadil face off in a war of Evil and Good. High above the battlefield, Corbin Dallas rides along side Santa Claus as they fly through the air in Santa’s sleigh. “Ahh, there he is,” Santa says to himself. “There is who?” asks Corbin. “Air Zonk. He’s been a very naughty boy, and it looks like he has some friends,” replies Santa. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get home,” says Corbin. “Not so fast, my friend. I’ve got this one well under control,” Santa says to the eager Corbin Dallas. They swoop up behind Air Zonk, Power Dump, and Astra. “Alright Rudolph. Let ‘em have it!” shouts Chris Cringle. Rudolph’s red nose starts glowing and then a bright red laser beam shoots out of it and blasts the three Brotherhood members out of the sky. “Holy s#*! Santa! I didn’t know Rudolph could do that,” exclaims Corbin. “Well, my dear boy, why else do you think it glows?” says Santa. Back on the ground, Smart Grimlock slices through Fizzle with his energy-sword and then transforms into his t-Rex mode, so he can eat Sonny. King Kong then jumps in and rocks Grimlock with a double fisted uppercut. He then grabs a hold of the Dinobot’s jar and tries to pull them apart. But Grimlock is vastly stronger than an actual T-Rex and he snaps his jaw shut, biting King Kong fingers off. He then transforms back into his robot form and snaps Kong’s neck. Tony the Tiger lets loose, his animal instincts take over and mauls Aurra Sing, Smurf #2, and Dozer #8 to death. “They’re deeead!” growls Tony. Frank Martin is tearing ass through the battlefield in his F-40 Ferrari. Jason Bourne has decided to ride shotgun. The Transporter weaves through all the bodies and destruction with amazing ease. Jason leans out of the window and shoots Tybalt in the head. Robert Muldoon takes aim on his 4-wheeler and manages to shoot out one of the back tires of the Ferrari. But being the superb driver that he is, Frank is also able to put the car to good use. He steers it into the side of the Land Speeder that was carrying Rats Tyrell and Carlos Chiappe. Luckily, both Jason Bourne and Frank Martin are able to jump out in the nick of time. They do however find themselves cornered by Duncan Idaho, Duncan Idaho Ghola #5, Stilgar and five Freman. Completely unfazed by this, Jason and Frank leap into action and manage to kill Duncan Idaho Ghola #5, Freman #53, 55, and 56 before they are stabbed to death by Crysknifes. The combo of Goro and Kitana are terrorizing the Slaves. They have already killed Jedi Master #5, brutally smashing Bender and have turned Stinkor into the world’s turned Stinkor into the world’s worst smelling wishbone. Simon Phoenix races towards Robert Muldoon on his 4-Wheeler, but the big game hunter is prepared and swings his 4-Wheeler around just in time to put a slug square in Simon’s chest. But right after he shoots Simon Phoenix, Muldoon is hit with a spear in the back and he is yanked off his 4-Wheeler. “Get over here!” yells Scorpion as he pulls Muldoon’s near lifeless body towards him. Scorpion then pulls his mask off and incinerates Muldoon to the sound of this Watcher saying “Flawless Victory.” New best buds, Superboy and Wonder Man, fly through the air and attack Super Solider. The two of them are too powerful for him to with stand and he falls to the ionic energy and heat vision duo. Connor and Simon then target the more serious threat of Neo and Martian Manhunter. Neo flies hard right at Wonder Man, not wasting any time, and hits him with a right cross that actually explodes his head. Alexander the Great orders Rogue to fly up and help Superboy with this mess. J’onn and Connor trade blows back and forth as Rogue flies in hard and fast. J’onn telepathically sense this turn as intangible just as Rogue gets close to him. This causes Rogue to pass right through him and crash into Superboy, sending them both flying backwards. Quasar then flies in as well to help out. Rogue grabs a hold of Neo and starts to drain his power, as Quasar blasts him with quantum energy. The Chosen One cannot withstand this attack and literally explodes, taking Rogue with him. Martian Manhunter gains the upper hand on Superboy and is able to take control of his mind. He had Connor attack Quasar. And while the two teammates are attacking each other, he takes the opportunity to kill them both by phasing his hands into his heads disrupting their brain and causing simultaneous aneurysm. Back down on the battlefield, Colossus crushed Toad with his mighty hands and then attacks Kinatro. The four-armed monster grabs him in a bear hug, but Trinity saves the Russian by pumping Kintaro’s back full of lead. She is then spin-kicked square in the jaw by X-23. The two females square off in a heated black vinyl fight that would make a great many fan boys drool. X-23 slices Trinity’s guns apart and then sticks her claws right up under her chest. Yoda then leads Agent Kolar, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti, Sifo-Dias who is driving a land speeder, and the four remaining Jedi Masters on a lightsaber driven onslaught. Count Dooku takes his apprentice, Darth Yardigan, as well as the Green Lanterns, Allia Atreides, Kylun, Black Knight, and Pythona to meet this oncoming attack. Kylun and Black Knight are not match for the Jedi and they both fall quickly. Darth Yardigan once again proves his worth by slaying Sifo-Dias and Jedi Master #2. Allia tries her best against Shaak-Ti, but in the end, the Jedi is too much for her to overcome. They Skywalkers team up to take on the six Green Lanterns. Cade immediately slices Larvox in two. Amantia has her mushroom head lopped off by Ben Skywalker, which is sure to upset Toad, who has formed a major crush on her lately. Count Dooku takes on both Ki Adi Mundi and Agent Kolar and dispatches them with ease. Yoda then rides in on his Kybuck. Darth Yardigan throws his lightsaber into the neck of the Kybuck, which sends Yoda flying through the air. But being the master that he is, Yoda uses this to his advantage and flies right at Darth Yardigan, decapitating him with his lightsaber. Jedi Masters #6 and 7 overpower Green Lantern #3 and kill him. Shaak Ti then attacks Katma Tui. The Green Lantern uses her ring to form a lightsaber-type construct of her own and deals with the Jedi Master. Shaak Ti moves gracefully and quickly, out maneuvering Katma Tui and drives her lightsaber deep into her stomach. The Skywalker boys move against Salaak and Ch’p. They quickly cut down Ch’p, but Salaak proves to be a little more difficult to defeat. Salaak uses his vast experience to outsmart Ben Skywalker and kills him with a powerful green energy blast. Cade Skywalker then lashes out at overwhelms Salaak with his sheer ferocity. Dooku now stares down his old mentor, Yoda. He tries to use the Force by throwing several dead bodies at Yoda, but the Jedi Master Force pushes them away. Yoda then leaps quickly at Count Dooku, lightsaber drawn, and put Dooku on the defense. The Jedi Master bounces around fast and furiously, which Dooku is having a hard time defending. Jedi Masters #1, 6 and 7 just stand their, watching their master intently. This however proves to be fatal as Pythona sneaks up behind Jedi Master #1 and slices his neck open with her nails. When Jedi Masters #6 and 7 spin around, they see that she is no longer alone. Haldir and Blue Devil have joined her and then both stab them in the chest before they can respond. Dooku then fires his Sith lightning at Yoda, but he leaps out of the way, which causes the lightning to hit Pythona, Haldir, and Blue Devil, killing all three of them. Yoda, then flips up in the air and takes Count Dooku’s head clean off. Optimus Prime then drives down the battlefield and leaps into the air as he transforms. He targets Thundercracker and blasts him out of the sky. He then crushes the six Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen and Ginaz Swordsmen beneath his feet. Bub and Bob try and encase Optimus within their bubbles, but he his simply too big. Optimus then blasts both dragons away with his rifle. Smart Grimlock then attacks him. The two Autobots fight tooth and nail, or rather nut and bolt. Then without warning both of them are ripped completely apart, by Magneto, who completely disregarded his own teammates well being. He then crushes Roller with his mutant ability. Magneto is not finished with his onslaught. He picks T-1000 and turns him into a flying spike of liquid metal, which he fires right into Beowulf several times, destroying the Cymek and the Terminator. Link races in and fires several arrows directly into Rocky Balboa’s chest. He then finds himself on the wrong side of William Wallace’s massive Claymore sword. Alexander the Great rides Bucephalus into battle and sets his sights on General Washington. The American legend readies himself and draws his sword. As Alexander charges towards him, Washington is able to side step the attack and kill Bucephalus. Alexander is thrown from his horse and in actually gruesome move; he pulls out his axe and drives in right into the back of the head of the former ruler of the world. Alexander’s death is Omega Supreme’s signal to finally get into this battle. He makes an amazing impact. He fires his arm-mounted cannon and vaporizes Arisia, Connor MacLeod, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Tony the Tiger, and Duncan Idaho Ghola #7 with a single blast. He then crashes his massive claw hand down and crushes Windcharger, Hound and Jimmy Neutron. Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas fly in and try their best to injure the massive Transformer. Omega however, swats them out of the sky like a fly, killing Santa and Corbin as well as all of the Reindeer. Mad Eye Moody then kills Speedy and Thufir Hawat with a blast of magic. His then has his artificial right leg blown off by Blue Wizard #2 blast of magic. Mad Eye fires a bolt of magic and disintegrates Blue Wizard #2. Nightwing back flips in and finishes Mad Eye off with a quarterstaff to the trachea. He then, along with Psylocke and X-23 engage Dare the Terminator and Mr. And Mrs. Smith. The married assassins riddle X-23 with bullets. Pyslocke and Nightwing have been sparring in the locker room together quite a bit as of late and have become very in tuned with each other’s fighting abilities. This does not bode well for Dare the Terminator, nor does Pyslocke’s telepathy. This allows them an edge over the assassin, which also gives Psylocke the opportunity to strike Dare down with her telekinetic kitana blade. Mr. And Mrs. Smith go to confirm the kill on X-23, but her healing factor has already kicked in and she leaps up and guts Mrs. Smith, mere moments before decapitating Mr. Smith. William Wallace then hacks Lolo in two. Usagi Yojimbo, who is much too fast for the Scot, then attacks him. He may be known to “shoot lightning out of his arse,” but Usagi doesn’t give Wallace the opportunity. He does an impressive spin move and slices the back of Wallace’s knees before finally delivering the killing blow. Scorpion then snags Toad, who is zipping around still in his Go-Kart and quickly kills him. Colossus squashes Mangy Mouse with a mighty clap of his organic steel hands. Death Bringer then attacks Ajax Major. The evil being overpowers Ajax, but only for a moment, which is really only due to being taken by surprise. Ajax regains control and then smashes Death Bringer’s head in with a large boulder. Yoda knows that his team’s backs are against the wall and he orders them to keep pushing. He leads by example by going off and striking down Salaak, Widget, Duncan Idaho, and Wasp all in a matter of seconds. Sauron and Tom Bombadil have been battling this entire time, with neither gaining much advantage. Loki finally appears and tips the scales in Sauron’s favor, as they together are able to slay Tom Bombadil. Loki then just as quickly disappears, but only to reappear right behind Nightwing and Psylocke. The God of Mischief blast the two with a might bolt of magic, that destroys both combatants. Cassandra Nova and Martian Manhunter both uses their telepathy to overwhelm several members of the Brotherhood and they begin attacking each other. Stilgar single handedly kills Fremen #52 and 54. Beppo the Super Monkey then kills Durge and Mighty Mousette. Magneto, whose helmet blocks him from any telepathic attack, picks the bodies of Windcharger and Hound up and flings them at Cassandra Nova, crushing her. Martian Manhunter phases just in time, but this causes him to loose focus and his telepathic control is relinquished. J’onn flies right at Magneto and levels him with a mighty blow. He then quickly flies in and finishes the job, killing the Master of Magnetism. Mighty Mouse, completely distraught from the loss of Mighty Mousette, goes on a rampage. He flies right through the chest of General Washington and rips the internal wiring right out of Inspector Gadget. Sauron finally quells this super mouse’s heartache by blasting him into oblivion with some dark magic. Scorpion teleports behind Stilgar and snaps his neck. He then is attacked by Liu Kang and Ryu, and in a surprise move, kills Liu Kang exceptionally quick. Ryu and Scorpion then showdown in what would, no doubt, be called the coolest video game character fight ever. Scorpion actually begins to gain the upper hand, but Chun Li leaps in and saves the day. The combined attack of Ryu’s Tornado Whirlwind Kicks and Chun Li’s Phoenix’s Fan Petals are too much for Scorpion to overcome and for the first time Ryu hears the words “Finish Him!” He then concentrates all of his power into a super powered fireball, which rips Scorpion’s body in two. Colossus then charges Goro and tackles him to the ground. He furiously slams his fists into the four-armed behemoth and finally cracks Goro’s sternum, and then kills him. Yoda gathers Colossus, Mr. Miracle, Ajax Major, Sauron, Loki, Martian Manhunter, and Shaak Ti as Ryu gathers Usagi Yojimbo, X-23, Beppo, and Chun Li with Omega Supreme towering over all of them. Yoda knows that if they are to stand a chance, they must take out Omega Supreme. The strange and somewhat uncomfortable pairing of Martian Manhunter and Loki race in to take on this huge responsibility. Mr. Miracle, Colossus, and Shaak Ti charge in to take on the rest of the Brotherhood. Shaak Ti is spin kicked in the mouth by the feisty Chun Li. She tries it again, but this time has her leg chopped off by Shaak Ti’s lightsaber. Mr. Miracle tries to fight Usagi, but X-23 lends a hand to the samurai rabbit and the pair of them eviscerates Mr. Miracle. Sauron focuses on Beppo and blasts the super monkey away with some evil magic. Ryu then attacks Colossus, who is very resistant to Ryu’s fireballs. Colossus catches Ryu’s leg when he tries one of his Tornado Whirlwind Kicks and the might Russian mutant slams Ryu’s body into the ground, breaking his neck. Omega Supreme is still attacking and blasts Colossus with enough firepower that reduces him to molten slag. Loki and Martian Manhunter finally fly up to Omega Supreme’s head, where they see Nosyarg kicd, or Larry for short. Loki and Larry face off in a battle for mischief supremacy. J’onn continues with his mission and phases into Omega’s head. Loki and Larry hit each other with enough magic that it actually reacts strangely and causes both of them to burst into confetti. Martian Manhunter turns tangible and disrupts Omega Supreme’s circuitry, but unfortunately for him this is a suicide mission as both Omega Supreme and Martian Manhunter perish in the act. Usagi Yojimbo and X-23 now face the team of Yoda, Ajax Major, Sauron, and Shaak Ti. They fight valiantly until the very end, even taking out Ajax and Shaak Ti, before Yoda and Sauron finally dispatch the final two Brotherhood members.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Team Sleeping Pussy
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Tyrone, Doomsday, Darth Vader, Vehicle Voltron, Dark Phoenix, Red Hulk, Orion, Magog, Arkillo, Double Cross, Fangry & Brisko, Flywheels, Holocaust, Wolverine, Darth Talon, Triggerhappy & Blowpipe, Slugslinger & Caliburst, Cyclonus & his Armada, War Skrull #6-10, Skrull #1, Brood #6-10, Vulcan, Boba Fett, Duncan MacLeod, Skullcruncher & Grax, Nazgul #6 w/ Fell Beast, Capt. Britain, Carnage, Krypto, Michael Myers, Spike, King Hiss, Sasquatch, Hush, Sentinel #1-12, Dementor #1-6, Black Dragon #1-12, & Green Dragon #1-12
Team Sleeping Pussy is Cyclops, Jean Gray, Beast, Ice Man, Angel, Blockbuster, Absorbing Man, Vision, Mimic, Super Skrull, Ultron, Enchantress, Kilowog, Brainiac, Dr. Manhattan, Rorschach, The Comedian, Ozymandias, Night Owl 2, Capt. Metropolis, Silk Spectre 2, Female Sentinel #1-10, Kahn Noonian Sighn, Unus the Untouchable, Jubilee, SHIELD Agent #1-10, War Skrull #1-5, Cloak & Dagger, Ka-Zar & Zabu, Roy Batty, Banshee, Thunderbird, Deathbird, Blink, Giant Man, Mastermind, Binary, Capt. Boomerang, Bullseye, Mothra, Skrull #23-50, Xenomorph Alien #1-30, Black Cat, & Compy #29-32.
Prior to the battle, Darth Vader spoke with his team. “This team’s performance thus far has been unacceptable and pathetic. Someone explain to me why is it that we go 9-1 during the Regular Season last year, only to be eliminated in the First Round of the Playoffs?” It’s at this point when Belle tries to open her mouth and give some lame ass excuse to this rhetorical question. Vader doesn’t even stop his speech while he Force chokes Belle to death. Vader continues, “And this season, well, you all should be embarrassed. So I have decided, along with Head Coach Hannibal, that it is time to bring in someone who knows how to win battles. Tyrone.” The preschool moose walks into the locker room and shouts, “Enough talkin’! Let’s kick some ass!” As they leave the locker room, Tyrone looks at Red Hulk and sarcastically says, “Hey Rulk, I saw that you couldn’t even manage to beat Alice’s Wonder Team. Impressive. I’m real glad we picked you up in the second round.” Rulk, steamingly angry snaps around and is about to crush Tyrone, when he is Force pushed up against the wall. “You will NOT touch him,” growls Vader. You can literally feel the tension within this almost all-male, testosterone filled starting lineup this week. Once the Backyardigans are teleported to the middle of Kansas, Team Sleeping Pussy ambushes them. The 30 Xenomorphs charge in and viciously rip apart all five Brood Aliens, without a single Xenomorph falling. “Yeah that’s right! Nothing beats the original. Stan Winston should sue your ass!” shouts Iceman. Then the Backyardigans’s 12 Black Dragons and 12 Green Dragons take to the air and begin doing strafing runs over Team Sleeping Pussy’s ranks. Skrulls #31-35, 47-50, S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents #1, 5-8 and Captain Metropolis are covered in a combination of acid and poison. The screams and smell coming from the battlefield is stuff nightmares are made of. Giant Man then increases his size as the Dragons start attacking him. He squashes Green Dragon #7 with a clap of his hands and then grabs Black Dragons #2 and 4, crushing them in his grip. But their acid burns and eats away at Giant Man’s palms. This momentary pain gives the Dragons an opening. The Black Dragons concentrate their acid breath on Giant Man’s eyes, which cause him to scream in agony. The Green Dragons then in a combined effort, all spray their poison directly into Giant Man’s open mouth. He grabs his throat and starts choking, his eyes already eaten away into dark cavernous holes, with most of his face badly burned and blistering from the acid. As he falls down to one knee in utter anguish, he grabs Green Dragon #6 and Black Dragon #10 and crushes them. He finally crumbles to the ground, but falling on and killing Spike, King Hiss, Roy Batty and War Skrulls #9 and 10, killing them as well. Kilowog then flies high into the air to engage his archenemy Arkillo. The two lantern powerhouses clash with an explosion of green and yellow energy that lights up the night sky. (Did I forget to mention that it was nighttime?) Neither combatant creates any sort of energy constructs, but rather they choose to fire beam after beam of pure energy at each other. One would think that there is a Pink Floyd concert going on up in the clouds with all the laser-like energy beams coming from the sky. Kilowog flies in close and then pries open Arkillo’s massive jaw until it finally breaks. (It was reminded me a lot of when King Kong did that to the T-Rex. Remember that? The 1933 one, not the crappy ice-skating romantic comedy that Peter Jackson did in 2005.) The Backyardigans remaining three War Skrulls then rush Team Sleeping Pussy’s large Skrull battalion. War Skrull, who has the powers of Vulcan and Sasquatch, attacks and kills Skrulls #36-38. (Did I mention that all of Team Sleeping Pussy’s Skrulls look like Alan Moore? Because they do. Well all but Skrull #23; he looks like Frank Miller.) The Red Hulk/Wolverine War Skrull #7 leaps in and slices through Skrulls #27 and 28 and then smashes Skrulls #40 and 41. War Skrull #8, which has utilized the powers of Doomsday and Carnage, comes crashing in, destroying Skrulls #39, and 42-46 in a brutally ugly fashion. Seriously, he gets zero finesse points. Team Sleeping Pussy, however, has War Skrulls of their own. War Skrull #4 uses its Blink power to teleport them behind the Backyardigans defenses. Using its other power, War Skrull #4 unleashes a powerful Banshee scream to explode the head of Hush. War Skrull #3 is about to use its combination of Cloak and Dagger abilities when it is blasted away by Vulcan. War Skrull #2, who has grown to about 35 feet tall with his Giant Man powers, then manipulates the mind of Boba Fett by using the powers of Mastermind. The bounty hunter then takes to the air with his rocket pack and starts firing on his own team. The Backyardigans are able to evade their teammate’s attack. “Magog! Take that Skrull out. I want Boba Fett alive,” orders Lord Vader. Magog then fires a mighty blast from his trident which rips a giant hole through War Skrull #2’s chest. The massive Skrull crashes down and falls onto War Skrulls #1 and 6 and Flywheels. Michael Myers then stalks War Skrull #4 and shoves his big kitchen knife deep into its neck and then about another 27 times into its abdomen. The Captain Boomerang/Binary powered War Skrull #5 flies up into the night sky, but before it can even launch an energy powered boomerang, Orion flies in and incinerates it with his Astro-Harness. Team Sleeping Pussy’s 30 Xenomorphs swarm the Backyardigans two remaining War Skrulls, who are still attacking the Alan Moore Skrulls. After about 45 seconds, the Xenomorphs tear through the War Skrulls, but in all the commotion, it’s hard to tell who exactly killed Skrulls #24-26, 29, and 30 and Xenomorphs #26-30, as they all lie dead as well. The Frank Miller Skrull #23 manages to escape the slaughter, but is confronted by a Batman looking figure. “Who… who are you?” asks Frank-Skrull. “I’m the goddamn Batman!” growls Batman. He then proceeds to kick Frank-Skrull to the ground and bludgeons him to death with a big rock. “What a stupid thing to say. “I’m the goddamn Batman!” Who would ever come up with such a ridiculous line?” Batman says to himself as he changes back into Skrull #1. Cyclops then leads his team of nine X-Men against the Backyardigans’s forces. Mimic immediately duplicates the powers of Dr. Manhattan, Vulcan, Dark Phoenix, Doomsday and Wolverine. Jean Grey tries to telepathically warn Mimic that this might be too much power for him to control, but Calvin simply ignores her and rushes into battle. “Mimic, wait!” yells Cyclops, but his orders fall upon deaf ears. “Blink, get him back here now!” orders Cyclops. Blink throws one of her teleportation daggers at Mimic, which opens up and teleports Mimic back behind the rest of the X-Men. Banshee takes to the skies to fight Captain Britain. “This is for all my Irish brethren back home, ye English dog,” says Banshee as he unleashes a sonic scream at Captain Britain which is so powerful that even the magic of Old Britannia cannot withstand. Captain Britain’s heart bursts inside his chest and he plummets to the ground. Thunderbird runs in and makes quick work of Skrull #1, but is then knocked to the ground by Holocaust. Beast leaps in to help Thunderbird. With their combined strength and agility they are able to evade Holocaust’s attack and together they tear his protective helmet off of his unstable body. Mimic then comes in and obliterates him with his Dr. Manhattan powers. Mimic begins to twitch and shake a lot, which is exactly what Jean was worried about. “You fool! You think you can handle even a fraction of the awesome power that is the Phoenix Force?” Dark Phoenix says to Mimic. Before Mimic can even respond, Dark Phoenix shows him just how powerful it is by completely vaporizing him in an instant. Wolverine then lunges into action and without hesitation, lops the head off of Jubilee. Blink then tries a sneak attack on Logan and teleports herself behind him, but Wolverine senses this and spins around driving his claws deep into Blink’s stomach right as she teleports. “You’re next Scott,” grunts Wolverine as he leaps at Cyclops. Knowing that he cannot win an actual fight with Logan, Scott does the only thing he can do. He pulls his protective visor off and blasts Wolverine with a full-blown optic blast. The sheer power from this leaves Wolverine as nothing but a smoking Adamantium coated skeleton. “Damn Scott, I didn’t know you had that in you,” says Iceman. “Neither did Logan,” replies Cyclops as he puts his visor back on. “This is war.” Banshee is flying high above the battlefield when he is targeted by Cyclonus. The Decepticon is flying right at him, but Banshee doesn’t hesitate and lets loose a powerful sonic scream. Cyclonus, however, keeps coming at him, and before Banshee can fly out of the way, he is skewered with the long spire on the nose of Cyclonus’s jet mode. This causes Thunderbird to run up the dead giant War Skrull’s body and leap onto Cyclonus as he flies by. He then starts smashing his way into the Decepticon and starts ripping circuitry out of him. Thunderbird finally gets through and damages Cyclonus’s spark, but it causes the Transformer to explode in a fiery mess that kills the X-Man as well. Dark Phoenix then is surrounded by the Original X-Men. Iceman tries to encase her in a massive block of ice, but she easily breaks free and uses her cosmic powers to obliterate Iceman and Beast. Cyclops hits her with an enormous optic blast, but it has little effect. Dark Phoenix then flies up into the air and incinerates Angel. Jean Grey attacks Dark Phoenix with her telepathic abilities and since technically they are the same person, this wreaks havoc on both of their minds. Cyclops blasts Dark Phoenix again with his optic beams and the combined powers of the three of them causes Dark Phoenix to explode with cosmic energy, destroying them. Triggerhappy and Slugslinger with their Targetmaster partners, dive-bomb the battlefield and blast away the remaining six S.H.E.I.L.D. Agents. They, along with the Backyardigans’s other Transformers, then transform into their robot modes and attack the rest of Team Sleeping Pussy. Binary is the first to respond to this attack. She blasts a hole right through Slugslinger and flies through him as she blows away Caliburst. Triggerhappy fires Blowpipe and kills Xenomorphs #3-7, and 19. Skullcruncher transforms into his alligator mode and eats the four Compys and then snaps his powerful jaws down on Deathbird. The 12 Sentinels fly in and try to attack, but are all collectively hit by Team Sleeping Pussy’s ten Female Sentinels. Then in a flurry laser blasts, the slightly outnumbered Female Sentinels actually come out on top, killing all of the Sentinels. But only Female Sentinels #4 and 9 survive. Captain Boomerang tries to fling several of his exploding boomerangs at Triggeerhappy, but the Transformer evades them and kills the Aussie. But just as boomerangs are know to do, they swing back around and blows up Triggerhappy’s head and kills Blowpipe as well. Fangry and Brisko are then swarmed by the Xenomorphs. They are able to kill Xenomorphs #1, 2, 10, 13 and 17 before finally being taken down by the great numbers. Vision then flies in and quickly disrupts Cyclonus’s Armada’s circuitry, which destroys him. He then lands and Skullcruncher tries to blast him away, but Vision phases, which allows the laser blast to pass through him and hit Doublecross, killing the Autobot. Skullcruncher and Grax are then overwhelmed by the firepower of Binary, Kilowog and Ultron. The 19 remaining Black and Green Dragons swoop in and spray their acid and poison all over the Xenomorphs, but do not have much effect on the acid-blooded aliens. Vader then sends Red Hulk and Doomsday in to take care of the Xenomorphs. The two Backyardigans powerhouses stomp their way in and brutally beat the life out of the remaining Xenomorphs. Mastermind then uses his illusion creating ability to make Red Hulk think that Doomsday is another Xenomorph. Red Hulk attacks Doomsday with great ferocity. They both start pounding on each other with punches that could level a mountain. In the end, Doomsday overpowers his confused teammate and is forced to break his neck. Mastermind then tries to use his powers on Doomsday, but to no avail. Doomsday just charges in and crushes Mastermind beneath his foot. He continues his path of destruction and easily dispatches, Kahn Noonian Sighn, Black Cat, Enchantress and the powerful Blockbuster. Doomsday then targets Dr. Manhattan and sprints towards the former Jon Osterman. He then simply waives his hand at the charging behemoth and blows him into atoms. This allows the rest of Team Sleeping Pussy the opportunity to charge the Backyardigans forces. Cloak opens up his robe and consumes Black Dragons #5-9, and Green Dragons 1-5 as they fly right at him. Super Skrull uses his Fantastic Four abilities and wraps Sasquatch in his stretchy arm and sets his fur on fire. The Canadian hero tries to break free, but Super Skrull is using an invisible force field to keep the pressure on. He then uses his Thing-like strength to finally snap the spine of Sasquatch. Absorbing Man knows that this could be his final match, and intends to make his mark. He touches Ultron and takes on the physical properties of Adamantium. He then swings his ball and chain and smashes Boba Fett in his helmet. Absorbing Man swings it again and this time breaks the neck of the bounty hunter. The Black Dragons swing around and spray their acid all over Absorbing Man, but with great concentration, he is able to take the properties of the acid and fires them at the five Green Dragons flying high above. Every last one falls to their death. Exhausted by this effort, Absorbing Man returns back to his human form. Unfortunately this is unwise, as Michael Myers slowly comes up behind him and chokes the life right out of him, sending him to the Graveyard. Bullseye leaps in and launches several blades at Duncan MacLeod’s neck. But they do not sever his head from his shoulders, but they do severely injure him. Bullseye spin kicks Duncan’s sword out of his hand and catches it himself. He then swings it and lops off the Highlander’s head. Ozymandias tries to best Darth Talon in hand-to-hand combat, but Darth Talon quickly slices him in half with her lightsaber. Mothra flies high into the air, but is attacked by Vehicle Voltron. The giant moth is simply overpowered by the massive robot and is destroyed. On the ground Zabu the Saber-toothed tiger leaps ferociously at Krypto, but the super-powered dog fires his heat vision right into Zabu’s open mouth and defeats him. Darth Vader has finally seen enough and along with Tyrone he jumps into battle. With lightsaber drawn, he immediately goes after the Comedian and drives the glowing red blade deep into his chest. Tyrone runs and rams Brainiac to the ground, which allows Darth Vader to relieve the intelligent Coluan of his head. Vulcan instantly targets Kilowog and even though the Green Lantern puts up a green force field, Vulcan’s immense power is too much for him to defend and he is obliterated. Ultron blast Black Dragons #1, 3 and 11 out of the sky. Binary takes flight again and hits Black Dragon #12 with an energy blast that finally kills the last dragon. The six Dementors fly in and collectively drains the souls of Silk Spectre II, Ka-Zar, Cloak, Dagger, Unus the Untouchable, and Night Owl II. Witnessing the death of Silk Spectre II is too much for even Dr. Manhattan to accept. Vision, Super Skrull, Ultron, Binary, Bullseye, and Rorschach all regroup around Dr. Manhattan, formulate a plan. But he has none. He simply looks towards the Dementors, causing them to disintegrate in a flash. Rorschach finds himself looking up at the towering Michael Myers, but is not fazed. He tries to punch and kick the serial killer, but they have very little affect. Michel grabs Rorschach by the throat and squeezes until Rorschach mask begins to turn red with blood. He drops the vigilante’s lifeless body and he moves against Vision. The android phases his hand deep into Michael’s chest and rematerlizes it to finally bring an end to his bloody path of destruction. Binary flies in and hits Vulcan with a blast of cosmic energy, but he is able to control it and use it against Binary, which completely fries her. Nazgul #6 flies in the night sky with his sword drawn on his Fell Beast and dive-bombs Super Skrull and Ultron. His cursed blade drives deep into Super Skrull’s neck, but as he passes by, Ultron kills the Fell Beast with his energy blast. The Nazgul is able to leap off at the last moment and stalks Ultron. The robot is about to let loose another blast, but Darth Talon slips in and slices Ultron in several pieces with her lightsaber. Orion and Magog together move against Vision and are able to destroy him with a combination of their powers. In a last ditch effort, Bullseye rips off a piece of Ultron’s Adamatium body and launches it at Tyrone, but Vader uses the Force to redirect it right into Bullseye’s face. Now the last member of Team Sleeping Pussy prepares to make his final stand. Dr. Manhattan grows larger than Vehicle Voltron and obliterates it. He then shrinks back down and creates several duplicates of himself, and in a combined effort, they vaporize Orion, Magog, Carnage, Nazgul #6 and Krypto. The arrogant Vulcan flies right at the Dr. Manhattan’s but he explodes in bloody mess from their powers. Now Darth Vader, along with his apprentice and Tyrone, stares down Dr. Manhattan, who has reconstituted himself into one being. Tyrone and Darth Talon both try to move against him, but just like their teammates before, they meet the same fate. Vader then slowly walks towards Dr. Manhattan, who blankly stares back at the Sith Lord. Manhattan raises his hand up towards Darth Vader, but the former Anakin Skywalker uses the Force to actually keep ever last one of his atoms together. His armor shaking violently, Vader slowly continues his march towards Dr. Manhattan. He then ignites his lightsaber and actually surprises Dr. Manhattan with his next move. Lord Vader drives it deep into his chest, and somehow is able to affect the blue being. The lightsaber somehow disrupts Dr. Manhattan’s make up and actually kills him, but the strange interaction between the lightsaber and Dr. Manhattan causes it to explode at well. The badly damaged Vader slowly limps to the locker room.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS BEEYAATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
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