Season 7: Week 4: Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors

Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are Primus, Supergirl, The Silverhawks:  Bluegrass, Quicksilver w/ Talleyhawk, Steelheart w/ Rayzor, Steelwill w/ Stronghold, Copper Kid w/ Mayday, Hotwing w/ Gyro, Flashback w/ Backlash, and Moonstriker w/ Tailspin.,The Black Racer, Krypto the Super Dog, Max, w/ Shark Boy and Lava Girl in The Shark Ship, The Arc Troopers:  Arc Trooper Captain, Arc Trooper Lt. #1 and 2, Arc Trooper Heavy Weapons Master, and Arc Trooper #1-5, w/ Aerial Clone Trooper #1, Vampire Nick Houslander, Nichol Valdez (w/ jetpack, Sith Lavarouk, and blue lightsaber), Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Kyle Houslander (w/ (Devil Lance and Mithril Vest), Zachary Houslander (w/ Demon Rod) (Kyle and Zachary both have 9 deaths) in an Imperial Shuttle, Vampire Assajj Ventress and R2-KT in a Z-95 Headhunter, Flashpoint (Thomas Wayne) Batman w/ (Kingdom Come) Red Robin, Batgirl (Betty Kane), (Kingdom Come) Donna Troy, Jeff Portnoy (w/ Donatello's Bo Staff), and Peeta Malark (w/ Jarnborn (Thor's Axe)) in an Imperial Shuttle, Capt. Jimmy Wilder and Astro-Droid #13 in a Y-Wing, Jacob Black (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring), (Kingdom Come) Alan Scott, (Kingdom Come) Power Woman and (Kingdom Come) Hawkman.

Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors are Atlas, Aphrodite (w/ a green lightsaber), Deathstorm, Vampire Sinestro, ROM:  The Space Knight, Magik, The Guardians of the Galaxy:  Star Lord, Groot, Drax the Destroyer, Gamora, Rocket Racoon, Major Vance Astro, Charlie 27, Martinex, Yando, Starhwak, and Nikki, Zodak, Black Lantern Rob Bartlet, Lord Dredd, Capt. Panaka, E.T., and HAL 9000 in a Y-Wing Bomber, The Life Lock Robot, The Screen Trax Robot, Immell #6 (Mega-Borg), Immell #11 (Raven Knight), Zombie Flaming Carrot, Anteros, Amon Sur, Hoppy:  The Marvel Bunny, Dr. Impossible, Parademon #1-6, Force Adept #4 (w/ a pokeball) and Baxter the Dog.

The Following is an excerpt from the book, "Impossible Man, Impossible League: The Impossibly True Tales of a Man in the Shadows", co-written by Jonas Lock and Brad Meltzer.

Chapter 4

Lost in Space

            They always say that first days are the worst. First day of school, first day of work, your first resurrection, you get the idea. I wish I could say that my first match was any different but then again, when it comes to me, easy ain't ever in the game plan. To call my first match a disaster is an understatement. That would be like calling Galactus floating above your planet an unfortunate incident. It didn't start there of course as I've already stated earlier, but the fact that I had to wait so long for my opportunity to get out there didn't help matters much either.

            You've got to understand that I'm from Apokolips (despite what some may still be saying); sitting on the sidelines of a fight is not exactly in my nature. Unlike many of the creatures in this league, I was looking forward to the combat. I mean, I volunteered to enter this league after all; the least my owner could do was play me. I road the bench for longer then I would care to admit so when my entire first year went by without a single start, I had anger and aggression to spare without knowing which direction to point it towards

            You see, over the off-season we went through an owner change, which for most of us was a big deal. Not that our previous owner had been that hands on, but lying in limbo for that long tends to leave a team without any identity. We were just hanging around without much of an idea of where we were going. There were rumors of us being split apart and being sent around the league like the original Backyardigan's had been the previous year. There was plenty of whispers about us being disbanded all together, being put back out on waivers, things of that nature. It's the sort of stuff that makes your day-to-day life a living hell.

            Then came along Mitchell and for most part, we were all relieved. It's amazing how the biggest baddest monsters in the universe still just want to feel safe. It's a pathetic thing but it's true. Even I admit that I was excited by the new ownership. My opinion of the previous owner wasn't very high and up until that point I figured what the hell, out with the old. If the old regime wouldn't give me a shot, what could this changing of the guard hurt?

            The first couple of weeks were good and due to the draft it wasn't easy to gauge any real difference, but at least we were still operating as an organization. It was more then most of us thought even a month earlier. As the season got underway I was as ready as ever to finally show this team what I could bring to the table.

Week one went by without a start but then again, I have never played basketball in my life so I didn't take it personally. The same feeling came during Week 2 as well, though I am confidant I could handle my own in the water. Going into Week 3 I was excited. We were 2-0, tied for first in our division and I was finally going to be getting my first start in this league. Not only my first start in this league, but my first start was going to be on a first place team.

Well, to quote The Who, "Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss".

I still remember the feeling of rejection when I couldn't find my name on that roster. I honestly thought it was a type-o. I even asked for a meeting with Coach Elrond. That was humiliating. I actually went in there telling him that there was a mistake on the roster sheet. He (as usual) snidely told me that there was not a mistake and to go back to my room. Too say I was angry does not do it justice. I not only destroyed my living quarters but I completely dismantled an entire section of the gym. That one pissed off more then just a couple of my teammates who were already growing tired of my complaining.

At that point I filed a formal complaint with assistant Elos and asked to be traded. If they were not going to take advantage of my abilities, then perhaps someone else would. I spent the rest of the weekend by myself brooding, drinking and drinking some more. When I found out we defeated Barkley's to start the season at 3-0, I didn't even care. At that time I would have rather been on a 0-3 team and starting, then be part of a winning organization and have nothing to do with it.

Things started to get strange that week though. Nobody had heard anything from management after the victory. It had only been a couple of weeks but we were already accustomed to getting a message from the uppers about the previous week. This time there was nothing but silence. The day went on and people started to get nervous. The next morning is when things started to get fun, that is when the chaos began. First thing on roster day, like 8am or something there was a league mandate delivered (I am not sure what you would call it) to the main offices. We were all asked to come down to the main commons area for a meeting.

Assistant Elladan lead the meeting as he usually did, starting off once again congratulating us on our wonderful start. Naturally at that point I could have cared less about the niceties; I was just waiting to find another bottle to drown my sorrows in. After a minute or so things took a turn for the surreal, now that caught my attention. After unsuccessfully trying to explain what was going on with the week's roster, he finally just came out and said what was going on. He said this week's roster was coming from the leagues top brass, no questions asked.

You would have thought that Elladan said everyone was getting 3 extra deaths this week by the reaction in the room. Pure chaos took over the usual calm; fights both physical and verbal were going on everywhere. I found it funny and interesting at the same time. Though deep down I still didn't care. I am still not sure why I got up and looked at the roster to tell you the truth. I suppose there was still a small part of me that ached for a good fight. When I scanned the roster and saw my name staring back at me, I just about fell over.

Despite all of the chaos and fighting going on behind me, my name was on the roster sheet. My Name, Dr. Impossible was going to get a chance to finally show this league what he was made of. I was over the moon about it. All of the anger and resentment I had been feeling washed away as soon as I saw that sheet. I immediately went back to my quarters and for the remainder of the week I trained harder then anyone I had ever seen. If I was going to start this week, I was going to make sure that I never sat on the bench again.

The only problem with all of this was that I failed to remember that despite my selfish behavior (for good and bad), I was still on a team and the only way you can truly succeed in this league is by working together.

When I got all of my equipment together for the match and finally made it down to meet everyone I found myself completely alone. At first it wasn't that big of a deal. So what, I was early. It made sense. It was my first match and nobody was more eager to get out there then I was. After the first hour I started to get suspicious but still held onto the fact that maybe this wasn't how it worked. How could I have known, I had never started before. Maybe there was some sort of teleportation thing that took you directly out from your quarters? Though that seemed highly unlikely, as I had been witness to multiple pre team exits.

That is when I first started to sense that perhaps the chaos from earlier in the week had not settled down and maybe there really was a problem. A loud speaker message from Elrond came down throughout the entirety of the complex, very sternly letting everyone know that we were not going to be forfeiting this weeks match. Everyone whose name was on the roster sheet was to report down to the main common's area immediately. He did not say it a second time. Elrond was not one for repeating himself and despite the overall disenchanted nature of the locker room at that time, within the next half hour everyone was down in the common's area.

At that point I started to understand how my first match in this league was going to be. Sure, everybody showed up and was going to compete in the match, but that didn't mean they were going to try. Just before we went off I asked Pete (Star Lord for those of you who do not know) what his thoughts were about this entire thing. He basically just said the entire situation was screwed (well he didn't say screwed, but I think you get the idea). He told me that he was happy I was finally getting a chance out there (we had been friends for a while already at that point) but that I shouldn't get my hopes up for the outcome. Without saying it, he pretty much told me that this match was a wash and they just going out there for show.

I tried to talk around that fact and just concentrated on the match itself when he grabbed me by the shoulders and said (and I distinctly remember this) "Look Lock, listen to me. Don't be a hero today all right! This isn't the time or the place to have pride in your team." This really surprised me, even coming from somebody like Pete. He usually acted like he didn't care much, but this time he was serious. I told him that even though I may not have to show pride for my team, I could still have pride in myself. He laughed it off and walked away, leaving me by myself.

Apathy was the team motto that week as we entered the match and nothing much changed once the match started. The only thing that seemed important to anyone was destroying Primus. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE went in to attack him. This naturally left the entire team vulnerable to attack from just about every angle. Captain Panaka was blown up fairly quick by an X-Wing looking thing and Supergirl (from what I remember) was picking off our Black Lantern's one by one. I had always been told that they were quite difficult to kill but she made it look easy. She also didn't stop until they were all dead. Which I believe we had quite a few going that week, though it has been years at this point so I could be wrong. All I know is that once she got going it was best to just get out of her way.

I wish I had something positive to say about that day but it was all pretty bleak if memory serves me correct. I guess there was that bit where Sinestro beat the snot out of The Black Racer, which made me laugh because at the time I thought he was immortal. I think he also might have killed that werewolf fellow with the ring but I might be getting that confused with Amon Sur. Whatever, either way the Wolf was killed by one of them. Naturally Sinestro ended up being killed by Supergirl, just like Amon Sur, ROM, Magik...you get the idea. She killed a lot of us that day.

I suppose the only upside to that day and I don't mean to brag (well except for the fact that I do) was me. Do to my team's lack of any sort of plan (unless you count the suicide mission to attack Primus, which I don't) I had the fortunate luck to be able to fly under the radar. Which gave me the opportunity to take out quite a few opponents that day. My favorite of which was when I stole what I believe was a Y-Wing from, well, whoever it was who I stole it from and then crashed it into that ridiculously ugly looking shark ship, whatever it was. They didn't see it coming at all, it was pretty funny.

I got into a fight with Hawkman and I killed him. If you don't believe me go back into the league records, it's in there. I also got into a fight with Krypto, that one I didn't win. Though I was able to get out of there in time as it became obvious pretty quickly that not only was he more then I had planned on, but that Power Girl and Alan Scott were not too happy about the Hawkman outcome. Once I was able to escape that situation I hid out for a while until I realized that my team's obnoxiously stupid plan was actually possible, albeit only if I helped them out.

This still might be what I am most famous for which is pretty sad if you think about it. I never quite understood that concept, you know, like when an author or a director's first book or movie is everyone's favorite. It's like you have worked your entire career, a career that you think has been good and worthwhile, filled with ups and downs (hopefully more ups then downs) and yet still, all most people remember you for is that first thing you did. This is something successful people complain about I suppose, so for that I apologize.

Back to my first and possibly greatest moment in this league (Was that arrogant enough for you Pete?) I decided that I could try something that in theory might work so I met up with "The" Star Lord, as he loves to be called and let him know what I was going to do. He didn't seem to buy into my plan but went along with me nonetheless. I told them to all stop attacking Primus just for a moment, to give me a chance to get inside the thing. I used my Fatherbox to summon a hush tube, which took me directly inside the massive robot.

Once inside I tried something risky. I once again used my Fatherbox, this time though I used it to cease control of Primus. To my surprise, it actually worked. At first I wasn't even sure what to do with it because I had not honestly thought much about that part. After a minute or so, I decided to see what I could do. I used Primus first to blow up an Imperial Shuttle and then I took out the X-Wing looking thing. It did take a while to understand the concepts behind it, which as it turns out was ultimately my downside. The damn dog and his other friends caught onto what was happening fairly quickly and before I knew it they were there inside the belly of the beast with me.

I knew that I could not win this fight but as they were heading towards me I realized that was exactly how we could win this thing. All I had to do was make sure that my Fatherbox was not destroyed. After I made sure of its safety I stood my ground and said something ignorant like "Come and Get It!" and waited to have one last great fight. The idea was that once they killed me my Fatherbox would self-destruct, taking everything including Primus with it. Well that as you all know in fact happened. Unfortunately for me I didn't realize that Pete had lead everyone into the center of Primus to give me a hand. Which admittedly was a nice gesture but also quite foolish as once my Fatherbox detonated; it not only destroyed Primus but also everyone inside of it. Which just so happened to be every single person on my team.

It is a unique feeling being remembered for something that helped and hurt your own team. Sure, I was able to destroy one of the most powerful creatures that the league had ever seen, but I also murdered 33 of my own teammates at the same time. So I guess it depends on how you want to look at "Greatness". You can of course solely concentrate on the actions that make one great, which has been done regularly with the stories of heroes and Kings throughout the ages. I prefer to look at "Greatness" as a concept that comes with many consequences and loads of baggage. Many people dislike this approach, which is fine, but it is the only way that the idea is even remotely interesting to me at all.

Given, the idea that I refer to my own actions as "Great" in the first place could be considered ridiculous, obvious and arrogant all at the same time. All of those qualifiers are probably accurate in their own ways, which is why the concept of "Greatness", whether you agree with it or not, will always be a popular subject to discuss.

With all of that being said, trust me when I say the last thing on the owners mind that next day was whether or not my actions of massacring his entire team should be considered "Great". That whole week was an interesting one. Though if I remember correctly, I did get one of the top stars of the week. Not too shabby for my first time out there. Luckily for me though, it wasn't my last. There is so much more to this story then that first match and let me tell you, it is one hell of a ride.

To read more of "Impossible Man: Impossible League: The Impossibly True Tales of a Man in the Shadows", co-written by Jonas Lock and Brad Meltzer." look for it this coming Tuesday anywhere books and ebooks are sold.

Spoiler Sport: Week 3

Hello everyone, Cotton McKnight here. Welcome to Spoiler Sport. Here on The Ocho! Special Guest Referee Bad Bad Leroy Brown made his presence felt and ensured that the right teams either acsended to the heights of The Willis Tower, or stayed on the Southside of the standings.

We begin in The Lucas Conference where The Empire's Vladimir Putin planned to take down The Horsemen. His strategy was largely sucessful, although The Horsemen prevailed due to one very lucky Green Lantern! Kudos to both teams for putting on quite a show!

Property damage was the name of the game in The Grindhouse vs. Rabblerousers match. Despite the witty Champion of The Universe delivering his legendary one-liners, The Rabblerouseres barely came out on top thanks to a nostalgic Darth Rave. Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse continues their losing streak, delivering quality line-ups, but catching some bad breaks along the way.

Under the watchful eye of the special guest referee, The Commandos and Midgets played a game of capture the flag a top The Willis Tower. Although Earth 2 Superman did most of the work for both teams, The Midgets take home the victory because of their straegic positions and Franklin Richards!

The battle between B-3 and George Washington's Slaves was finally pieced together by a helpful bartender, who filled in the memory gaps of notorious lightweight Daveatu. The bad luck continues for The Slaves, while The Backyardigans seem to be on the way up!

Over in The Lee Conference, The Shield put an end to The Turrible Decisions turrible roster decision by way of a triple powerbomb on Kingdom Come Steel. Unfortunately, The State Farm Agent informed him that he was uninsured against powerbombs, and also metal signs through his eye. Can anyone stop Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors?

After the Commandos/Midgets match, it appears that Bad Bad Leroy Brown continued his referee duties at a local bar. Griswold's Nut-Busters and The Super Orange kitties and Cats ravaged the outside world during their fight, but, as always, the referee was in the right place to see Larfleeze's greed implode on The Kitties.

The Highness finally got things fired up against The Fighting Murderflies... in a bad way, as half of their metallic team were literally slagged by Odin! Congratulations are in order for The Murderflies' owner, new dad Mike Geney! Wishing you the best from everyone here at Spoiler Sport!

Finally, the result of the TEAM and Team Sleeping Pussy bout left us more questions than answers. Do The Pussys have a traitor in their midst, or does TEAM have a double agent to contend with? The only thing our crack team of reporters have figured out is that TEAM retains the royalties for the name "team." For now...

Speaking of teammates, I now send it over to the ever-vigilant Graveyard Point reporter Pepper Brooks. Pepper!!

Muhmuh muh muhmuh muh muh muh. Muhmuhmuh muh muh muhmuh muhmuhmuh! Muh. Muh muhmuh muh muhmuh muhmuhmuh muh muh muhmuh muh. Muhmuh muh muh! Muhmuhmuhmuh muhmuh muhmuhmuh muh muhmuhmuh muhmuh! Muh muh muh muhmuh!

Thanks Pepper! Don't ever give up, kid! Next week, we head "Beyond the Outer Rim!" We shall see which teams can create space between themselves and the competition. Sadly, we shall also see which teams get jobbed by "The Rim." Stay tuned to The Ocho as we cover the quarter final round of the Shin-kicking contest, Live from England! For The Ocho, I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank yo, and goodnight.

s7w4- Commandos vs Horsemen

Thanos sits about the massive ship RAMA, looking out the window, as Tenderheart Bear approaches.

"Mr Thanos. They're here with the prisoner." he gestures to Hermoine Granger and Dora as they enter leading a hooded figure.

"Thank you Tenderheart. Ladies. All these theatrics are wholly unnecessary. This man is no prisoner, he's a guest. I simply wish to palaver with my guest here. Please unshackle him and remove his hood. I mean him no harm"

They do as he says. The second the prisoners bonds are removed and he sees where he is, he rushes forward, intending to crush the mad titan. He simply passes right through Thanos and falls on his face.

"My friend, I'm not a total fool." says the hologram as it reforms. "As I said, I wish to chat with you. But make no mistake, I'm not above crushing you. I'm sure you're more than aware that I have the means to do so. I merely seek a moment of your time. No more, no less."

"One. Moment." growls the man "Make it a good one"

"Splendid" smiles Thanos. "Please, take a look in the Plantir my good friend, Bail Organa has graciously loaned to me."

The Plantir  glows as Thanos' guest looks into it. He's shocked to see what is before his eyes. He sees Paul Stanley, the starchild stealing the celestial powers of Ace Frehely and using them to destroy the Death Star. Once more the spotlight is on Paul and Ace is left powerless and in the shadows. He sees Earth-2 Superman bowing before Darkseid, swearing his allegiance, just before he begins to slaughter his own team mates. He sees Batman shooting Darkseid in the chest, as he stands over the corpse of Wonder Woman.

"N-no." he mutters "This is some kind of a trick"

"My friend, this is no trick. Darkseid himself has the same stone, if you doubt what you see merely look into his. It shall tell you the same thing. That the Horsemen are savage, powerful monsters who merely feed their own egos, and care not whom they crush in to get what they desire."

Sensing his guest is where he wants him, Thanos presses on.

"That symbol you wear. It used to inspire hope. Caring. Looking out for the underdog. But what is it now, that it's sullied itself with the Horsemen insignia? It's simply a reminder that the mighty only care to do what they want. It's no longer the man that others want with them, it's merely the power that the symbol represents. Shame really. I was once told there's alot of power in symbols"

The broken man looks at the mad titan, confused and enraged. "You're moment is up." he mutters through clenched teeth and tears.

"Then feel free to leave, but please . Remember exactly what it is you wish to fight for. I wish you nothing but luck in the upcoming match"

As his fromer prisoner flies off, Thanos begins to laugh. Knowing that he has gotten to the man and rattled him to his core.

"See you soon. Superman "

Schedule Updated

Updated through Week 3.

Click here or use the link on the right.

Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches Vs. George Washington's Slaves

Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches are Darth Vader, General Zod, White Lantern Kyle Rayner, Nightwing (Lor Zod), Flamebird (Thara Ak Var), Vampire Dark Phoenix, The Fallen, The Black Order: Proxima Midnight, The Black Maw, Super Giant, and Corvus Glave, and Triple H (w/ a red lightsaber)

George Washington’s Slaves are Amazo, Fernus, Batgirl (Cassandra Cain (w/ black lightsaber)), Loki, Wolverine, Ki Adi Mundi, Windcharger, The Protectobots: First Aid, Hot Spot, Grooves, Blades, and Streetwise, (movie) Bumblebee, Prowl (w/ Autobot Matrix of Leadership (AKA: Prowlimus Prime)), Blurr, Roadbuster, Mad Eye Moonie, and Wally Trollman w/ Noville the Dragon.



So… Do y’all know what a gay horse eats??...... (Answer)… HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! Ha Ha Ha!! Love that S(*&T. So Hay Hay Hay, Ayeebody it’s me your most with the host Daveatu. Sorry this flaming turd is late but I turned 12, ahhhhh got me bro… you f&(*in got me… 21…. this Saturday and my S&*t is drunker than Dick Cheney on a hunting trip. I totes stumbled into this bar on The South Side of Chicago for just one beer… one beer…. Just one beer…… one f^&*&in beer and next thing I knew this B**(ch w/ some wicked huge jugs was all up on my S((t. And by all up on my S((t I of course mean that she sat down a few tables away from me…. So, I’m all like the Davester getting him some VAGG TONIGHT!! Eff this Eff Eff Ell Bleep. But then I was all like under the table, and not just cuz I was puking but cuz like the whole city was puking. Puking up cement and blood and cosmic poop or energy… I don’t know why I said poop. Prolly cuz…. Never mind…. There was a Kicka** fight goin on outside and then I was like “I’m goin to watch this thing BEEEEEOTCH”!! And I took one more shot of Jaeger and then…. My watch says that was 30 hours ago.

Here’s what I know……… Vader and Zod killed Amazo, Prowlimus Prime, and Fernus. I’m pretty sure that Batgirl used her white lightsaber to kill black lantern Rayner and Triple K… err…wait… The Protectobots merged to form Defensor and they were all like: “ARRRRRR ME DEFENSOR ME DEFENSE THE CITY BY BEING AWESOME AND MAKING MESS AND KILL LOTS OF BLACK ORDER DUFUSES”. Nightwing, then turned out to not be Robin which was weak as Eff. And Flamebird turned out to not be on fire. And lots of Transformers didn’t get looked up by me on Wikipedia cuz I was mackin on hoes and doin shots and drinkin lots uh brightly-umbrellaed-Daquiris (CUZ THAT’S WHAT MEN DRINK YOU SOBER F**Ks). Dark Phoenix killed Wolverine as he was walking towards her slowly (or was that X-Men 3… Yeah, that was X-Men 3, or was it??). Loki did some mischief and other stuff but died from getting killed and then people were all like “LIBERTY AND THE 2nd AMENDMENT IS DEAD IN CHICAGO AND SO IS GEORGE WASHINGTON”!! At least that is what the bartender told me, or is that dude a police therapist…????... Anyway,… Anybody else thirsty??

Season 7, Week 3: Griswold's Nut Busters vs. Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family.

The Nut Busters are: Doomsday, Echthelion of the Fountain, Dexter Morgan, Annoying Orange, Fizzle, Fantomex, Cluster, Pipes, Nova, Dark Side Marauder #1, Nightbrother #9, Pel Tavin, Ali Rayner-West, Hunter Rayner, Forest Rayner, G.L. 7177.6, Alexandra Dewitt (Circle of Fire), Evan Sabahnur, Talon, Batwing, Matrix Agent #1 and #2, War Skrull #6, (Age of Apocalypse) Nightcrawler, Jarvis, Pepper Potts w/ Rescue armor, Teneb Kel, Maggot, Exal Kresh, Elmo, Ewok #100, and Star Sapphire #5

The Super Kitties are: Flashpoint Batman (Thomas Wayne), Red X (Dick Grayson), Batgirl (Stephanie Brown), Kid Flash, Speedy, Green Arrow, Black Canary, (Kingdom Come) Alan Scott, (Kingdom Come) King Marvel, (Kingdom Come) Lady Marvel, (Kingdom Come) Robotman, (Kingdom Come) Red Robin, Supergirl, Larfleeze, (Kingdom Come) Wonder Woman, Wondergirl, Mystery Inc (including Daphne w/Star Wand) and Scooby-Dum in a fire truck, Mr. Majestic, Mother Mae Eye w/ Palpatine's Red Lightsaber, Catgirl & Smurf #7 in a mail jeep, and President Skroob w/ a Yoshi Egg.


Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! in Ruh-Roh, Chicago!

   A fire truck rolled through the streets of Chicago late at night. Mystery Inc and their inbred pal Scooby-Dum were crammed in the back and strapped in tightly, the exception being Fred in the front seat, which Daphne objected to loudly. "No fair! Why does HE get his own seat?" Mother Mae Eye, driving the truck, replied in a gently authoritative tone. "Because, dearie, Freddy's a big boy and gets to sit in the front." Shaggy chimed in."Yeah, but like, Scooby-Dum is drooling buckets and smells like a dumpster!" Mother Mae Eye snapped her attention from the road to her passengers. "If you don't behave, I swear I'll stop this truck and come back there! Now quiet down and eat your pie!" Delicious slices of pie appeared magically before their eyes. "Yes, Mother." They said together as they took their forks in hand. But Mother had taken her eyes off the road, and the distraction cost her. The truck slammed into Doomsday, causing both to flip over. Mystery Inc. all lay dead from whiplash and stab wounds from their pie forks. Doomsday had been fighting the Super Kitties' Kingdom Come crew with the third or fourth next best thing to Superman, Mr. Majestic, when the commotion occurred. Mae Eye flew out of the wreckage frantically screaming at Doomsday about lawsuits and child abuse. In defense of her right to hypnotize people into being her children, she drove Palpatine's entire lightsaber down his throat. The burning in his esophagus was powerful, so he popped Mother Mae Eye's head off and drank her like a Kool-Aid Burst, but it wasn't enough. As he struggled to reach into his own mouth and retrieve the offending lightsaber, Majestic and King Marvel took Doomsday to the air and began to knock him back and forth volleyball-style as the lightsaber shifted around his innards. Mr. Majestic wound up and delivered a powerful blow to Doomsday's gut that sent the lightsaber flying from his mouth and through Majestic's head, sending both to the ground lifeless.

   A few blocks down, Thomas Wayne moved in stealth with Red X, Batgirl, Green Arrow, and Black Canary. Batman gave a halt signal as they came upon Batwing traveling with Jarvis, Dexter Morgan, and Pepper Potts in her Rescue armor. Feeling a challenge to his turf, Wayne commanded his team to attack and they descended to surround the threat. "Look what we have here, another cheap knockoff." Batwing tensed, ready to fight. "You're not even a member of Batman Incorporated. Where I come from, you're in an exclusive club called the Gotham Cemeta-" Batwing was caught off guard with a punch to his throat. With the first blow thrown, Pepper felt comfortable going all-out rampage on the enemy and fired energy bombs at their group. Wayne and Red X reacted in time, but Batgirl was less fortunate and suffered a fatal explosion. "NO! Why do kids always die around me?!" shouted Batman as he flew into a frenzy. He grabbed Batwing and threw him into Pepper's next round of projectiles and charged her through Batwing's mist of blood and smoke. As he attempted to break through her armor, she put a call out to her team for help. Red X did the same as Dexter Morgan and Jarvis tried to run for safety, only to get a generous helping of shuriken to the back from Grayson. Kid Flash ran to help Batman, but a split second before reaching Pepper he heard a "BAMF". It would be the last sound he heard as Nightcrawler brought his upper body with him through a teleport. As he dropped the gasping torso, Red X threw a device that clamped on to his leg and began shocking him into submission. Batman clapped both hands against Pepper's temples and a whirring sound began. As Batman turned and shot the disabled Nightcrawler in the head with Joe Chill's gun, a high intensity laser generated between the two devices he placed on Pepper's head bored through her helmet and fried her brain as first responders to the distress calls arrived.

The Circle of Fire Lanterns flew in and willed a literal circle of fire to close in on Red X and Batman. As the alternate-version dynamic duo burned, King and Lady Marvel broke the Lanterns' focus and took them on five to two. On the ground, Matrix Agents 1 and 2 observed the fight above them with the Annoying Orange. "Hey, Matrix guys! Hey! HEEEY!" They ignored him on principle. "You really want to listen here! Matrixmatrixmatrixmatrixmatri-" "WHAT?!" Matrix Agent 1 finally asked. "Car." Just as Orange spoke, Catgirl and a smurf ran the three down with the mail truck she drove to the scene in. Above them, Alan Scott and Wonder Woman joined the fight. While King Marvel was tearing Alexandra Dewitt's limbs off, Scott created a green refrigerator to stuff the parts in. As he and his allies purged the rest of the lesser Lanterns, the Nut Busters ground forces stormed the street and overwhelmed Catwoman and Smurf #7 with little warning. Green Arrow and Speedy let loose a rain of arrows from afar and took down Maggot and Nightbrother #9 before the group scattered. Echthelion leapt through the crowd to decapitate Speedy, and he engaged Green Arrow in close combat. As he struck a fatal blow against the archer, a mortified Black Canary screamed a canary cry at a volume that burst Echthelion's eardrums and eyeballs. Supergirl came down on Fizzle with a flying kick and threw his crumpled mass at Pipes, who responded with a dense fog of corrosive gas in her team's airspace. Alan Scott and Wonder Woman were killed, but Supergirl responded quickly and forced the Transformer's gas pipes back at him, melting his own face. Fantomex and Cluster dropped in from above, in the mood for some bird hunting, and bagged Red Robin and Black Canary. Robotman rose from a puddle behind Cluster and Fantomex and blasted them with a stream of molten metal, drawing the attention of Nova. He fired on Robotman and blew apart his liquid form, painting South Chicago silver. Evan Sabahnur shapeshifted his arms into glaives, and he and Talon sliced at Wonder Girl until she looked like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone. Supergirl and the Marvels found themselves dangerously short in numbers. "Where have those scumbags Larfleeze and Skroob been during all of this?!" They steeled themselves for a tough fight as the Nut-Busters approached.

Across town, in the city's seediest nightclub, a drunken Larfleeze and Skroob sat at the bar. "They call ME greedy... Just look at YOU. With that... Stupid egg. Give me that egg, it's MINE now, little man. You have enough already!" Skroob tried to stare Larfleeze down, but his eyes wouldn't focus. "You want this egg, huh pal? Gonna have to be over my dead body." He splashed his drink in Larfleeze's face, and regretted it quickly when Larfleeze bit his nose off and took the egg. He knocked Skroob to the ground and began stomping his head when a man about six-foot-four intervened. "B!tch do you know where you are? You're in my damn city now, and you're f*ckin' up the mood while I'm tryna get my girls comfortable. Get the F*CK out before I get bad." Larfleeze screamed back, "YOU can't have a whole city! Chicago belongs to LARFLE-" Leroy pulled a knife, slashed Larfleeze's throat and brushed off when his phone rang. "What's the word? Yeah? Alright cool, I'll let her know." He swaggered back to his booth and slung his arm around Star Sapphire #5. "Sorry about that, baby, he won't be bothering us again. By the way, my boy Lorenzo just called, your guys on the street got done with their thing. Bad, bad losses though. Says only those Alexander and Sabahnur kids made it out." She planted a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks, treetop lover."

S7W3 - Commandos vs Midgets

President Barack Obama & Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos Roster:

Earth 2 Superman, Martian Manhunter, The Atom (9 deaths), Thanos, Captain Marvel (Mar-Vel), Darth Binks, Black Lantern Jar Jar Binks, Jack Crowe w/Red Lightsaber, Deadly Viper Assassination Squad: (Bill, Bud, O'Ren Ishi, Vernita Green, Elle Driver (All with 9 deaths)), Katniss Everdeen w/Green Lantern Ring, President Barack Obama w/General Grievous' Blue & Green Lightsabers, Muhammed Ali, James Baldwin, FBI Special Agent Fox Mulder, FBI Special Agent Dana Scully, Mansquito, Duke (G.I. Joe) w/Green Lantern Ring, Dora the Explorer w/Boots, Backpack and The Map, Benny (9 deaths), Isa (9 deaths) & Tico (9 deaths), Jack Kevorkian w/Death Mobile Van, VHS Camera & Suicide Machine, Prof. Minerva McGonagall, Hermione Granger, Gungan Solider #11 w/Trident (9 deaths)

The Sisterhood of Travelling Midgets is: Emperor Joker, White Lantern Hal Jordan (w/ red lantern ring, (Alan Scott's magical) green lantern ring, (Guy Gardner's) yellow lantern ring), Beppo the Super-Monkey, Deadshot, Arsenal, The Eradicator, Deadpool, X-23, Zombie Supergirl, (Age of Apocalypse) Weapon X, Bowser:  King of Koopa (w/ Larfleeze's Orange Lantern Ring), Franklin Richards, Spider Ham, Salacious B. Crumb.

Bad, Bad Leroy Brown meets me at the base of Willis Tower (aka, Sears Tower), the tallest building in North America.  “What are the rules today?” I ask him.

“I have hidden a briefcase somewhere inside the building.  Inside that briefcase is an American flag.  Whoever waves that flag from the rooftop of this building, I will declare their team the winner of the match.” says Leroy Brown.

“Sounds good to me” I say to him.  And Brown heads into the building holding a folding chair to wait on the rooftop for a winner.

The teams swarm onto the building.  I have decided to only leave one revolving door unlocked and the two teams are pushing their way to try and get into the lobby.  The characters with flight begin to circle the building trying so see inside.  Earth 2 Superman is using his X ray vision and so is Zombie Supergirl and Beppo the Super Monkey.  Now back in his hometown, the POTUS attempts to calm everyone by explaining that for safety reasons, it is best if everyone enters and exits the building from one door and faces the cameras as they do it.  “The cameras are not spying on anyone, they are just recording your every move.” He explains.  “Also,” he continues “If anyone uses a gun in the city of Chicago, I’m sending you to Guantanamo bay.”

The teams are civil toward each other.  This is an odd match to witness. They are talking to each other as they walk around and seem to be searching together in small groups.  But the strategy is apparent to me. Keep your enemies close so when one does find the case, in theory it should be easier to overtake them and get the flag to the top.  The teams are scattered all over the 110 story building so I have no idea where everyone is.  It is hard to get a view of everyone from up here.  Night is starting to fall upon the building and now I know this match is going to be late.  Dammit, Josh is never going to believe me that it was these guys taking so long.

In the darkness I notice a light on coming from inside a van parked on the street.  Inside is Dr. Jack Kevorkian and he is hooking his machine up to someone.  It is an older black gentleman and he is shaking uncontrollably.  I am looking over the Midget roster and no one fits this description.

At that moment I hear an explosion from what looks to be 70 stories up.  On my way up I pass Black Lantern Jar Jar as he is falling to his death.  I think heesa gonna die.  I look in and I see Bowser running as fast as he can up the stairs and he is shooting orange fireballs behind him.  Not sure if it is from his breath or from his Orange Lantern Ring.  The building is now starting to burn pretty quickly as Hermione is ripping off spells that would make Snape smile.  

Earth 2 Superman turns to Martian Manhunter and says “C’mon J’onny Boy! Time to show the league how much better than me you are!”

“Ummm… “ says Manhunter looking at the flames, “You go first.”

“Thats what I thought.” says Supes as he heads into the flames.  He is able to intersect Bowser around the 90th floor and easily dispatches him with a quick shot of heat vision.  He picks up the case and just power flies through every floor on his way to the roof.  Several Midgets are waiting for him outside on the roof and he drops the case as he is hit in chest by a roundhouse kick from Deadpool.  Beppo the Super Monkey grabs the case but is quickly pinned down by the Mansquito and his tiny body is sucked dry within seconds.  Mansquito is fiddling with the case but he cant get it open.  He pecks at the clasp with his needle nose but cannot get it open in time as Deadshot gets a perfect shot off on his tiny neck and his head falls to the ground.  Franklin Richards uses an energy blast to open the case and lift the flag.

s7w3- Turrible Decisions vs Tentacles

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are: Cyborg Superman, The Spectre, Adrian Monk, Guile w/ magnaguard electrostaff, Sonya Blade,Indigo-1 and Munk, Kingdom Come Batman, KC Steel, KC Green Arrow, KC Dinah Queen, KC Black Canary, Junkeons #1-6, Care Becks, and Treasure Troll #20

Mitchy’s Luminous Tentacle Warriors are: Damien Thornn and his Rottweiler, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ben Tennyson, Gwen Tennyson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Magik, Venom (Flash Thompson), Vampire Sinestro, Aphrodite, Cloud Strife, Ronald McDonald, State Farm Agent, Sub-Zero, Toadette, Eagle #3, White Dragon #14, White Dragon #15, Black Dragon #2, Green Dragon #23, andRed dragon #26

KC Steel surmises the destruction around him. He cannot believe the destruction and devastation that's  has befallen the city of Chicago, and it all at his hands.

"Excellent. Excellent" rings the voice of Cyborg Superman in Steel's head. The former Hank Henshaw had found it to be in his best interests to merge himself with Steel's armor. "My plan of  utilizing most of the Spectre's paranormal energies with the powers of the indigo tribe to help turn the Junkeons into robotic suicide bombers was an incredible sucess!"

"Yeah, but look at all we've done. This is like the timeline where I came from" says Steel "I joined the FFL to try and escape such a bleak future, but I guess death and destruction will follow me wherever I go."

"Why not embrace that fact?" urges Henshaw "You've got me with you now, why together we can"

"*cough* cough* Ex-excuse me fellows" says Adrian Monk as he weakly approaches the man who appears to be talking to himself.

"Adrian! Good to see you my friend!" exclaims Steel "I'm glad to see we didn't eradicate or entire team with our masterplan, though I'm sure the Spectre is still out there, weakened and probably pissed."

"Yeah, see about that. Um I don't know how to tell you this.." begins Adrian "But I was running the numbers on our roster and I *gulp* I found an error."

"What? What do you mean?" asks Steel

"Well, when-" before Monk can finish Steel's right hand morphs into a gigantic blaster can eradicates the obsessive detective where he stands.

"WHAT THE HELL?" yells Steel "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??!!"

"Because" purrs the voice in his head "He didn't need to find out what I did. We won and that's all that matters. We're still winners and that's all that matters."

"Yes. " grins Kingdom Come Steel "That's all that-"

SIERRA. HOTEL. INDIA. ECHO. LIMA. DELTA. SHIELD. The entrance music of the WWE Hounds of Justice- Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns erupts across the wasteland of Chicago. The trio materialize seemingly out of nowhere in front of the triumphant Steel.

"Yo, my man." says Reigns "We need to talk about your roster here."

"Yeah? What about it" sneers Steel, who's completely given into the will of Henshaw

"See here, Steel" says Ambrose "You're over in points dude. When you play at buy 4 get 1 free, you don't get the most expensive one free. You get the cheapest. That's like buying a pair of socks and expecting the jeans for free. Don't work like that."

"Yeah. Ok, but still... I still"

"But nothing. That's an injustice and we're not about to let that stand." growls the architect of the Shield Seth Rollins "Now you an either leave the field and we restart this, or we can do it the hard way."

"And before you think of calling your pal the Spectra" interjects Reigns as he tosses a ghosttrap at Cyborg Steel's feet "We already thought of that."

Steel grins a vicious grin "Looks like we've been caught. BLAST!" he growls as he opens fire on the Shield. Rollins and Reigns avoid the blast, but Ambrose takes a shot square in the chest. He hits the ground, a giant smoking hole in his chest.

But as Ambrose hits the ground, the hole begins to shrink. The flowing blood reverses direction and heads back into the United States champions chest.

Ambrose sits up, smirks and says "Regeneration X. It's gonna kick YOUR ass" Enraged, Steel prepares another shot but is speared by Reigns, who is aided in his efforts by a Legion flight ring. His helmet hits the ground and is crushed by Rollins as he delivers a fatal Blackout.

Reigns does his signature battle cry and Rollins and Ambrose gather up the fallen, mad inventor and prepare him for their triple powerbomb.

"THIS DOES NOTHING! I STILL KILLED THE TENTACLES! I STILL WIN!" screams Steel

"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there...unharmed by your efforts" says Reigns as the three drive him down into the ground. As he lies there, unable to move he sees the resurrected insurance agent approach.

"Sorry" he says "But we have to terminate your policy" as he drives a jagged street sign into Steel's eye, killing him.

Season 7, Week 3 Match: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. The Royal Highness

“I can't go on if I'm on my own.”

            -Chicago [Will You Still Love Me]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 7, Week 3 Match located in the Southside of Chicago.  They are as follows:

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies: Amatsu Mikaboshi - The Chaos King, Scorpion, Odin, Captain Marvel II (Noh-Varr), The Kingpin w/ Clone Trooper #46, Ernie Harwell (w/ Blue Lantern Ring), and A.L.F. (with a heat axe) in a S.H.I.E.L.D. Hellicarrier, Dark Claw, The Shadow, Ratchet, Bulkhead, Joruus C' Boath, Jorus C' Boath, Jack Reacher with Dorf, Molly Pitcher, and Sacajawea in a Rhino 4 x 4.

The Royal Highness: Dr. Doom, Cyborg Doomsday, Steel Doomsday, Overlord, T-X, Robocop, Titanium Man, Hobgoblin, Chameleon, Morgan Le Fay, Dark Dragon, Hollywood Hulk Hogan in AT-ST, Jack Hawksmoor, NFG Mike w/green lightsaber/bong on green Yoshi.

Murderflies locker room. . .

Jack Reacher:  Remember people, there are four types of players who join the Murderflies. For some, it's family trade. Others are patriots, eager to serve. Next you have those who just need a job. Then there's the kind who want the legal means of killing other people.

Shadow:  I know.

Dorf:  You know everything!

Highness locker room. . .

Hollywood Hulk Hogan:  Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania destroys you, Murderflies!!!

NFG (after taking a hit):  . . . such rippling muscles. . . .

THE TORNADO SIRENS SIGNAL THE TEAMS TO ENTER INTO THE MEAN STREETS OF CHICAGO.

Let the match begin. . .

Madison and State. . .

Reacher, Dorf, Molly Pitcher and Saccejawea jump into the Highness’ Rhino 4 x 4.  They slowly turn into the intersection and fail to notice NFG Mike as he runs into the street, lightsaber in hand.  NFG slices through the right front and rear tires with a well-precisioned slice.  In response, the Rhino falls to its side, hits two parked cars and flips on its top.  Reacher miraculously escapes, as does Dorf and Pitcher.  Sacajawea does not get to use her directional skills any longer as she is crushed in the vehicle’s destruction.    A revving of survormotors is heard as Robocoop trapses into the scene.  The Detroit enforcement officer focuses on the trio.

Robocop: Your move, creeps.

Reacher throws Dorf over a car and jumps after him.  Molly Pitcher fails to protect herself as she is riddled by Robocop’s bullets.  Pitcher falls in patriotic disgrace.

 Bryn Mawr and Central. . .

The Murderflies’ S.H.I.E.L.D. Hellicarrier floats over the cityscape.  A.L.F. stands on the carrier’s runway, smiling at the breeze on his face since he is used to the winds whipping through his fur on Melmac.  He grips his heat axe tightly as the Hobgoblin floats upward on his glider.  The Hobgoblin cackles and immediately throws a pumpkin bomb at the dimunitive alien.  The explosion’s concussion throws A.L.F. across the tarmac.  In response, A.L.F. throws his heat axe, striking the  glider’s left thruster.  The glider sputters and begins to careen out of control.  A.L.F. shouts for joy at his accomplishment.  Before striking the ground, Morgan Le Fay uses her magic to save the masked mercenary.

Roosevelt and Cottage Grove. . .

The mechanical clanking of an AT-ST echoes through the streets as Hulk Hogan steers his vehicle.  Jorus C’Boath and his progeny, Dark Jedi clone, Joruus C’Boath combine both their skill and Force abilities in an endeavor to defeat the WWE superstar.   The original Jedi suffers the brunt of laserfire while Joruus manages to steer clear of the barrage.  Although wounded, Jorus Force leaps to the top hatch of the AT-ST and uses his lightsaber to cut a hole in the top of the Imperial walker.  As Jorus completes his goal, the walker strategically lurches.  Jorus falls off the front of the vehicle.  He attempts to crawl away as his twisted legs scratch the pavement. 

Hogan: I fear no man, no beast, evil, or you brother!!!

Hogan fires his lasers and disintegrates Jorus C’Boath.  Meanwhile, Joruus manages to reach the walker’s top.  He looks down through the hole created by Jorus’ lightsaber.  Joruus  jumps down and impales Hogan through the chest.

Joruus:  You will die now.

Hogan:  Negativity and Hulkamania. . . two things. . . that don’t. . . go. . . together. . .

Hollywood Hulk Hogan dies, crumpled over the controls.

Bryn Mawr and Central. . .

As Hobgoblin is fixing his glider in a nearby alleyway, he hears a growling noise coming from the trash cans.  Hobgoblin cautiously rises and carries two pumpkin bombs as weapons.  Before he is able to react, he looks down to see two sets of adamantium claws rip through his chest from the back. 

Darkclaw: Goodbye, bub.

Cermak and Stony Island. . .

Dark Jedi C’Boath drives the AT-ST to the new location.  The Shadow jumps from a building onto the AT-ST and travels down the lightsaber-created opening to join teammate C’Boath.  The two focus on the Doomsdays, who are standing in the road.  Steel Doomsday and Cyborg Doomsday use their brute strength to shred the AT-ST apart.  Both the Shadow and C’Boath escape.    The duo are met by the armored Titanium Man and T-X Teminator.  Titanium Man easily dispatches with the Shadow, using both his paralytic beams and concussive blasts.  Joruus attempts to strike the T-X, but its amorphic body avoids a majority of the blows.  Eventually, the clone Jedi is worn down and C’Boath skewered by the T-X. 

Dempster and East River. . .

Overlord walks down the street.  An ambulance transforms into Ratchet and a helicopter flies to the scene, transforming into Bulkhead.  The three Transformers face one another.  Bulkhead and Ratchet manage to gain the upper hand on Overlord and pin the robot to the ground.  The two are about to pummel the immense Decepticon when the three headed Dark Dragon shambles down the street.  It is only a matter of time before the combined weaponry and magic of Overlord and Dark Dragon destroy Ratchet and Bulkhead.

Madison and Western. . .

NFG Mike is riding on his green Yoshi.  Suddenly a large tail strikes the Yoshi, crushing its skull.  NFG Mike is thrown from his steed.  NFG ignites his lightsaber and faces the Scorpion.

Scorpion: Just came off the Hellicarrier.  Land suits a scorpion better than air.

NFG: Death becomes you b#Tch!!!

NFG ducks as the Scorpion’s tail lashes at him again.  While closing his eyes, NFG holds up his lightsaber and unbelievably manages to slice Scorpion’s appendage in half.  The Scorpion screams in dismay and notices Dr. Doom arriving at the scene.

Dr. Doom: Even a squirrel finds a nut once in awhile.

Dr. Doom smiles beneath his mask as he unleashes a supercharged energy burst at Scorpion, killing Mac Gargan.

NFG Mike: Thanks, dude!!!

Dr. Doom shakes his head and walks away.

NFG Mike:  Hey!  I’m coming with you man!  I coming with!!!

Roosevelt and State. . .

Ernie Harwell walks up to Jack Reacher and Dorf. 

Harwell:  Nice job, gentlemen.  I really have to hand it to you both for giving it your all.

Dorf:  Thanks, Ernie.

Ernie Harwell pulls out a gun and shoots Dorf between the eyes.  Dorf falls to the ground, dead.  Harwell then morphs into the Chameleon.  Reacher instantly reacts and the two begin to fire their guns at one another.   Reacher jumps over a car ala’ T.J. Hooker-style and lands before Jake Hawksmoor.  The urban environment has enhanced Hawksmoor’s abilities and, using his super strength, the Authority character punches Reacher in the chest, caving in his ribs and crushing his heart.  Reacher dies.  Hawksmoor and Chameleon look at one another for a brief second before they are both destroyed by the Chaos King’s dark magic.

Bryn Mar and Pulaski. . .

The S.H.I.E.L.D. Hellicarrier continues to hover above the city. The Kingpin, A.L.F. and Clone Trooper #46 stand together on the deck.  Harwell is using his blue lantern ring to stay by his teammates while in the air.  Titanium Man carries Cyborg Doomsday in one hand while grabbing onto Steel Doomsday in the other.  He drops the Doomsdays on the deck.  Before Clone Trooper #46 can fire a shot, he is incinerated by Titanium Man.  The Kingpin is crushed by Steel Doomsday.  A.L.F. is squashed by Cyborg Doomsday.  Harwell begins to fly away, looking for teammates to assist.  He only flies a short distance before being killed by Overlord.  Overlord then fires upon the Helicarrier’s engines.  A huge eruption occurs and an explosive blast rips the ship apart.  The Hellicarrier flies out of control and crashes into the ground below.

Pershing and Yates. . .

Odin walks up to NFG Mike.

NFG: Hey Odin!?!  I know I’m on the other side, but let me be your new Odinson!!!  Together we can rule the FFL!!!!

Odin:  You are on another team and a complete embarrassment!

NFG: Okay, motherf@#ker.  No need to be rude.

NFG ignites his lightsaber.  Odin stares incredulously at the human.  Noh-Varr comes upon the scene and laughs.

NFG:  I’ll take the both of you a$$holes!

Odin:  You will do nothing of the sort.

Odin is about to kill NFG when Overlord drops on the scene and blasts the Murderfly duo.  Noh-Varr is instantly devastated, while Odin is thrown across the street.  As Odin rises, he is struck by Morgan Le Fay’s magic.  Odin falls to his knees and smiles as he notices Amatsu Mikabashi rounding the corner.

Chaos King:  Your magic is nothing compared to mine, woman!

The Chaos King uses his magic to rip LeFay apart. 

Robocop strolls down the street and begins to fire upon the enemy.  Dark Claw jumps on the cyborg and using his claws, shreds metal and slices Robocop’s head from his shoulders. 

Odin closes his eyes and gathers his strength and essence into a single, ebbing power.   The Norse god walks next to the Chaos King, who uses his magics to enhance the Odinforce to unbelievable levels.  The Odinforce focuses on all of the metallic monsters from the Highness.  Overlord, Dr. Doom, Cyborg Doomsday, Steel Doomsday, Titanium Man and T-X scream in unison as they char and slowly melt together into a massive mound of metallic mayhem.  Dark Dragon trapses to the scene and kills the weakened Odin in response to the utter devastation caused by his enhanced Odinforce.  Chaos King  then kills Dark Dragon as his magic is far superior to the Shining Force character.

Dark Claw saunters over to NFG Mike and hugs him. 

Dark Claw:  Nice try, bub.  You should be proud.

A snikt is heard and NFG Mike’s eyes turn lifeless as he crumples to the ground.

 

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Real Man's Rabble Rousers

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse is Zombie Doomsday, Maliketh the Accursed, Kurse, Super Dinosaur, Han Solo: Rogue Jedi, Jason Todd (w/ Cannon Gun, Armored Skin, and Mithril Vest), The Champion of The Universe, Golden Army Soldier #41-45, Neo Cymek #18 (Ed), Mike Sroka: Sith Lord (Darth Timmellus), David Koresh, Robert Hudson (w/ laser gun and laser sword) w/ Mewtoo, Tom Brady (w/ blue lantern ring), Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman.

Real Man’s Rabbles Rousers are Darth Desoulus, Black Lantern Darth Rave, (movie) Mudflap, The Vehicle Voltron Team: Land Team: Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin, and Hutch, Sea Team: Commander Kirk, Lisa, Tangor, Shannon, and Zandee, Air Team: Commander Jeff, Rocky, Wolo, Chip, and Ginger, Kryptonian Army Soldier #11 & 12, The Female Furies: Gilotina, Lashina (w/ Atlas), Stompa (w/ Heat Axe), Bernadeth (w/ Halberd), and Mad Harriet, The Bloodpack: Nyssa, Asad, Reinhardt, Chupa, Snowman, Priest, Verlaine, and Lighthammer, Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy in a Mail Jeep, and Transformer #9 & 10.


In the south side of Chicago, it’s the baddest part of town, and if you go down there you best just beware of man called The Neon Master Pogo. Now Pogo, he’s a Watcher… And he stands about 5’ 5” and all the ladies call him Super Bada** sweet daddy Jones but all the men just call him sir…. And he’s bad bad Neon Pogo, the baddest watcher in the whole damn town badder then Zombie Doomsday, badder than Vehicle Voltron….

Ha, but probably not as “bad” as Real Man, because I wasn’t on Let it Rip this morning enlightening all of us about how pot legalization will lead to more pot heads…….. Thanks Eric, please tell me you’re running for governor this fall. I’d vote for you for sure. Granted I’m a total idiot who was too busy singing, Jim Croche parodies, making jokes about local news shows, showing up late to my match, and hiding under this fallen billboard to notice that Vehicle Voltron and Zombie Doomsday, not to mention the rest of these two squads have straight up wrecked this city. I mean, seriously it is a freakin dumpster fire over here. If they get one more dilapidated building in this b*^(*h, people are going to start mistaking it for Detroit. Zombie Doomsday, Makileth the Accursed and Curse, Super Dinosaur, and The Champion of The Universe have gone on a rampage on one side of the city, while Vehicle Voltron has inadvertently ripped apart the other side, which will inevitably have them meet in the middle for a culminating battle of brawn, that is about to transpire. I asked around, to find out what happened to all of the other characters, and it seems to have been something like this…..

Zombie Doomsday and his menacing crew plowed through The Kryptonian Army Soldiers, Mudflap, The Rama kids in their silly Jeep (Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy), and both Transformer #9 & 10 with some wicked dark magic and some good old fashioned fist pounding, and let’s not forget all the great one-liners from The Champion of The Universe. Han Solo tried to take on Darth Desoulus and Black Lantern Darth Rave. He took out Darth Desoulus even those his force skills are a little rusty but then got cheap shotted by the black lantern version of the old Syracuse Valley mainstay. Vehicle Voltron had his own path of destruction as well, as he made short work The Golden Army, Ed The Neo Cymek, Darth Timmelus and his failing new apprentice David Koresh (Darth Jesus as he has been calling himself (the force sure as hell didn’t give him that name)), and even The Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman, who was too busy texting everybody about Real Man’s goofy ass on the news this morning than fighting Real Man’s dumb team. Jason Todd, Robert Hudson, Mewtoo, and Tom Brady were still around when the heavy hitters took out The Female Furies and The Bloodpack though. Jason Todd actually put on quite a clinic from what this one-toothed homeless dude told me. He said homeboy took out Chupa, Snowman, and Verlaine from The Bloodpack, not to mention Bernadeth with her weird lightning stick thing, before Lashina and Stompa finally got him and Cannon Gun. Tom Brady used his blue lantern ring, good lucks, and stellar winning attitude to GO BLUE all over Reinhardt and Lighthammer. So he totally helped out, unlike Hudson who pretty much just looked at The Female Furies and vampires and died from self-defacation (I’m almost positive that’s a real thing. I think I saw it on Dr. Oz…., Or was it Oprah?)??..... Although, ol’ Robbie did choose Mewtoo, who ripped his way through Priest before getting chopped by Gilotina. The Champion of The Universe really went nutz though once he witnessed the death of his man crush Tom Brady. He took out the last four Female Furies by himself (or at least that’s what this English as a second language poster boy working at the hot dog stand told me). After that, Zombie Doomsday made short work of Nyssa and Asad.

So now we go back LIVE to what is really happening in the match, which is this massive Voltron going up against the baddest baddies of The Grindhouse. Dang it doesn’t look like The Grindhouse has got anything that can stop this Voltron dude. He is even dwarfing that dude Kurse. But now it looks like Maliketh and Kurse are attempting some kind of spell while Zombie Doomsday and The Champion are buying them some time by attacking Voltron head on. Voltron just came down hard on Zombie Doomsday, and ….. yep…… DAMN SON!! DOOMSDAY’S DEAD. This Voltron cat is bad as hell yo!! But now Maliketh and Kurse seem to be casting that spell. Voltron is walking a little like a drunk guy, but he definitely doesn’t seem too weakened by it, but The Champ is going in for something. The Champion just went in like a maniac and took a full on cosmic energy fueled punch from Voltron!! Oh, man; he has got to be dead (RIP Champion of The Universe), but that barge to its mid-section just leveled Voltron, broke him back into pieces and took out the whole Air Team section in the process. The Sea Team (minus Lisa who was taken out by The Champ) forms up and takes on Kurse, while The land team (minus Cinda and Hutch (taken out by the champ too)). Go after Maliketh. They unload their firepower on Maliketh who unleashes his Asgardian Dark Elf Magic that rips the three land vehicles as well as their drivers apart before he is inevitably mowed down by the missiles they had already fired. Kurse then pounds Commander Kirk and Tangor’s Sea ships to pieces before he is taken out by Shannon and Zandee. Shan and Zan then reconfigure their heavily damaged ships to clean up what was left but they don’t see the last member of The Grindhouse pop out of nowhere and beat the crap out of the two vehicles before they can attack (can you beat the crap out of a vehicle??? I’m gonna go with yes, I have a no erasing rule for today (you can probably tell from all the typos (that rule stretched back into Josh’s match as well (sorry))).

Now Super Dinosaur is all flexing and stuff and giving a shout out to The Man, his Captain, The Champion of The Friggin Universe to nobody in particular when all of the sudden Black Lantern Darth Rave rushes in doing that Force Run that the Jedi and Sith do, and he’s all screamin about The Syracuse Valley will rise again……. Damn Real Man’s got some goofy dudes on his team. Anyway, Darth Rave totally whipped out his black energy red lightsaber (?????) out and cut off Super Dinosaur’s big freakin head. And I guess that is it…… So……..