Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins are General Zod, Ursa, Non, Old Peter Parker, Spider Noir, Penny Parker, Spider Gwen, & Magnum P.I. in a Jeep Wrangler.
Indy's Red Garter Guardians are The Stunticons: Motor Master, Breakdown, Wildrider, Dead End, & Dragstrip, Padawan Anakin Skywalker in John's TIE Interceptor, Venom, Casper the Homesexual Friendly Ghost, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Ravage, Laserbeak, Wingthing, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Howlback, Garboil, Overkill, & Slugfest (*w/ TIE Bomber), Padme Amidala in a TIE Bomber, The Darth Vader Transformer, Rayden, and Fire Bros. #10.
Wow.... I guess that's what I get for showing up late to a match. A guy tries to get a little sleep and by the time I got here, this whole city was wrecked. Leave it to a bunch of Kryptonians, TIE Bombers, and Decepticons to tear up some infrastructure. If I didn't know any better I would think Gretchen Whitmer was in charge of this place's roads.
Let's try and catch up on the carnage:
No questioning the raw power of Non, who is best known as being big, strong, and dumb. He goes headlong into chasing one of the TIE Bombers. The Imperial fighter sees the Kryptonian Lobotomy victim coming up in the rear and takes a break from dropping bombs to instead drop out a blue radio; which quickly transforms into a massive robot who is known for being big, strong, and smart. Squawkbox stays aboard the TIE Bomber as it's pilot; but Non quickly blasts the ship to pieces with his heat vision, destroying the fighter and splitting the mini Cassette Gestalt back into the bird and ape versions of squawktalk and Beastbox; but the two cons are destroyed with a heat vision follow up from Non. Soundwave opens up his chest deck and orders his Cassette Minions to eject. Non begins battling the swarm of Decepticons and makes quick work of Howlback and Garboil; but his attention is diverted when The Darth Vader Transformer swoops in, in black V-Wing form to join the mid-air battle. The Vader Bot, transforms into it's massive Robot form and dons it's two enormous lightsabers to ready for battle. Non manages to take Laserbeak and Wingthing out of the sky with some measured punches and kicks Slugfest into scrap before Soundwave is able to grab a hold of Non with his right hand in an attempt to hold him for the Vader Bot to use as lightsaber target practice. Non sees the enormous threat approaching and conjures a potent blast of heat vision to burn through the neck of Vader Bot to extinguish his spark before breaking free from the grip of Soundwave and blasting his whole body through the ejection deck chest of Soundwave and out the other side. Non, now battered and exhausted from these amazing feats of power is tackled and taken down to the ground by Ravage and Overkill. The Jaguaur and Certosaurus Cons rip and tear at Non while they hold him down long enough for Rumbe to transform his arms into earthquake creating pistons which he uses to pound on Non's head and chest until he stops fighting back.
Ursa is in a battle with a TIE Bomber as well; but this one is being piloted by Padme Amidala. Padme is having difficulty firing any counter-measures back at her Kryptonian adversary, as she is just doing everything she can to take evasive action against the smaller and faster opponent. Rayden attempts to lend a hand by teleporting on top of his allies' TIE Bomber and lending some lightning action to the fight. Rayden's daring manuever backfires though as his powers act as an ION Cannon on Padme's ship, keeping her from firing the powerful concussion missiles. Ursa swoops in for the kill; but does not quite realise what she is flying into. The fully loaded TIE Bomber has all of its missiles activated, causing a massive, near atomic explosion once Ursa delivers her punch. Ursa, Padme, and Rayden not only make an even bigger mess of this poor city; but they also join each other in death.
Magnum P.I. is on the case and looking cooler than ever rolling through town in his Jeep Wrangler. The Wrangler is cool; but not quite a Ferrari 328... Then again, everything is as cool as a Ferrari when Thomas Magnum is driving it. Casper the Homosexual Friendly Ghost swoops in to scare the P.I.; but Magnum like his lookalike Tom Selleck is a Republican who doesn't believe in ghosts or gays; so Casper merely dissipates into imagination. Magnum then, drops from fourth gear to third and guns it when he sees the last remaining Decepticon Cassettes milling about next to the corpse of his teammate Non. He hits Rumble and the boys hard throwing himself out of the topless and doorless Jeep, totalling the Wrangler; but totalling Rumble, Overkill, and Ravage as well.
I know everybody thinks Venom is such a fun-loving anti-hero these days who does right by the folks and only eats mean, bad people; but I am really old. I remember when Venom came out, and as far as I am concerned, Venom is a bad guy and always will be. Especially in this match, since the symbiote has made sure to let Eddie Brock know that this is his final death; so he better make the most of it. Venom rips through the streets causing chaos (but not quite carnage). He truly hopes that before he ends his Fantasy Fantasy career that he gets his chance to kill Spider-Man; little does he know that he can actually kill more than one of them. A whole crew of Spideys come leaping at Venom, who is no less than thrilled at the challenge. He strikes at the older version of Peter Parker first, knocking him into a nearby building, and then swallows Penny Parker whole, whilst ripping Spider Gwen in half. He breaks into some decent hand to hand combat with Spider Noir; but manages to overpower the edgy version of Spidey despite not quite having his finesse. Venom roars with excitement and accomplishment; but his glee is quickly cut short as Peter Parker leaps back into the fray. The O.G. Spider-Man jumps onto the back of his old arch-enemy planting his feet firmly in Venom's back and throwing an extra thick rope-like web around Venom's neck. Venom claws, fights, and pounds on Spidey to get free; but to no avail, as Peter holds on. Parker knows his enemy. Technically both of them in this case as he knows both Brock and the symbiote on a personal basis. As a former carrier of the alien, Peter lets it creep into him just enough to lessen it's protection on Brock, who is strangled as ten tons of pressure are put on his neck, killing the Venom host.
Peter barely catches his breath before he is hit by a speeding semi-truck who is actually Motor Master, being trailed by his four Stunticon racecars. The Stunticons are having too much fun ripping up the streets, when they become flanked by Padawan Anakin flying low over top of them in John's TIE Interceptor. Anakin radios down that he is regrouping, because they are all that is left of the team (no, I didn't forget about Fire Bros. #10, he is riding shotgun in Wildrider, with classic rock cranked on the radio throwing back a pint of fireball (that's what Fire Bros. drink to cool off (obviously))). General Zod swoops into the scene and everybody knows that this messy situation is about to turn into a full out ruckus. Motor Master transforms into his mean looking Optimus Prime form and orders the Stunticons to merge to form Menasor. The Fire Bros. jumps out with a flip, attempting to send a fire fart right into the mouth of Zod; but the Kryptonian military commander hit him with some freeze breath to cool him off for good. The massive Menasor enters into a pitched battle with Zod, but the Gestalt soon finds out that although he may have the edge on durability, that despite his massive size and strength he is actually not quite as strong as the tiny guy flying circles around him and that he is nowhere near as fast. This fight would be incredible to see in movie form, in fact far more entertaining than all of that garbage they virtue signaled about on The Acad-dumby Awards last night; but let's face it: I ain't exactly J.R.R. Tolkien and we have deadlines to meet here; so the description might come up short. Just trust me when I tell you that the battle was a great one with Zod having the upper hand until Anakin blasted in fast in the TIE Interceptor. The fastest fighter jet in the Imperial fleet, with the best fighter pilot in the galaxy in the cockpit is nothing to scoff at, that is for sure. Anakin weakens Zod with some perfectly aimed laser blasts and then finishes off the volley with Advanced Missiles; but Zod still manages to live through the damage. The battered Zod leaps into the air and grabs the TIE Interceptor as if it were a paper airplane to use it as a weapon against Menasor, who is knocked to the ground by the blow. Anakin force leaps out of the cockpit and throws his lightsaber like a rocket, where it penetrates the gut of Zod, before the Jedi falls to the concrete ground hard. Zod, who is badly injured now, is grabbed by the grip of the falling Menasor and is unable to work himself free. The Kryptonian's last ditch effort is to use every bit of energy he can muster to blast the Decepticon Gestalt with heat vision. Menasor looks as if a regular sized human was purposely squeezing a full ketchup bottle into his face as his grip tightens around the wounded Kryptonian until all involved fall lifeless to the ground. The wounded Anakin is dizzy as he attempts to center himself with the Force, knowing he must find his lightsaber and finish this battle.
"Obi Wan is going to kill me". He mutters as he crawls through the rubble looking for the weapon that his Master always reminds him is his "LIFE", when Magnum P.I. strolls up through the smoke and rubble, aiming his Government Model Colt .45 ACP to say: "Sorry kid, it ain't Obi Wan who is going to kill you".
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