Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse features: Wizard Nick Houslander w/flesh rotting gun and Golem gun, and Geoff Johns w/healing gun.
The Spirit of Barack Obama and Miley "Twerking it for America" Touring Commandos are: Foolkiller.
This match is unwatchable, as Foolkiller has exterminated NuFaGtu.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Cleaning House....
The entire coaching staff for the Horsemen of Apokolips have been relinquished of their duties and have also been each executed. Every single member of the roster have been put on noticed that NO ONE is safe from being traded after quite possibly the most abysmal performance seen in a Conference Championship.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
George Lucas Conference Final: Champion Crowned
TRAVELING SISTERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS AND IS CROWNED THE GEORGE LUCAS CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS!!!
George Lucas Conference Final: Epilogue II
The smile fades from Superman’s face as his eyes roll to
the back of his head and he crumples to the ground. The bears notice that the Last Son of Krypton
is motionless. He is lifeless. Wish Bear and Friend Bear look to their dead
comrade.
Friend Bear: He’s dead. Superman.
Is. Dead.
Wish Bear: I can’t believe it. We are the sole survivors.
As if on cue, the sparks hovering around the area begin to
coalesce into the form of a fiery bird.
The Phoenix Force congeals and is resurrected. It bursts into the sky above the dead body of
Superman and soars straight at the skyscraper housing the Care Bears.
Wish Bear tightly grips Friend Bear’s paw.
Wish Bear: We
fought a valiant fight.
Friend Bear: If
only it were enough.
The Phoenix Force rips through the skyscraper, instantly
disintegrating the Care Bears. The
entity shrieks as it soars to victory.
George Lucas Conference Final: Epilogue
Wish Bear and Friend Bear stare at the crater from their
windowless floor of the skyscraper. No
activity is seen in the area except for the cinders smoldering and the faint
sparks floating lifelessly in the air.
Wish Bear: Holy f@#k!
Friend Bear:
Look!!! There!!!
A lone figure wades from the ash. The “S” emblem appears to shine like a
diamond through the darkness about.
Superman slowly trudges from the crater.
A smile comes to his face and he waves to the bears.
Wish Bear: He’s
alive!!! We’re alive!!!
Friend Bear: We’re
the last. We’re the last!!!
Wish Bear and Friend Bear embrace and kiss. The female bears look at each other longingly
and shrug.
Wish Bear: What’s a
victory kiss amongst friends?
Friend Bear: That’s what I always say. I mean, I am Friend Bear after all.
Friend Bear and Wish Bear look at each other once again
and turn back to the sight of Superman standing. They hold their hands together in victory.
George Lucas Conference Final: Chapter XXXII
Superman soars toward the Phoenix Force. The Kryptonian uses the barrage of his
Kryptonian powers to create a flux within the Phoenix Force. Freezing breath, heat vision and the sheer
brute strength of Superman pummels the cosmic entity. In response, the Phoenix Force blasts
Superman in an attempt to manipulate Superman’s life force. Superman screams as his body is ripped from
within.
Although pushed to his limits, Superman still manages to
struggle against the Phoenix Force to an awe inspiring standstill. The superior entities careen across the
city, laying complete decimation within their wake.
Superman’s clothes are in tatters and his body is
evidencing actual wounds caused by the Phoenix Force. At the same time, the Phoenix Force’s essence
ebbs and wanes as Superman has actually created a weakening schism within the
cosmic power.
The back-and-forth battle lasts for close to an hour. The concrete of the streets is ripped apart. The windows of buildings shattered. The concrete of structures shattered. The devastation is unlike anything seen on
the Playoff Planet since last year’s Universe Bowl.
Screams are heard, being emitted from both the essence of
the Phoenix Force and mouth of Superman.
Superman decides that he only has one chance to survive as he steers the
Phoenix Force into the earth below. A
godlike explosion occurs as a gargantuan crater is created by the two crashing
into the ground.
Smoke and dust is emitted from the hole. Silence engulfs the entire area.
George Lucas Conference Final: Chapter XXXI
Friend Bear and Wish Bear take the lead. The two stroll up to Emperor Joker.
Emperor Joker: What
the hell do we have here? Hey little
guys, what do you think you’re here for?
No children’s birthday party today, chaps.
Wish Bear: Hey, f#$k you clown!
Friend Bear: Yeah,
why don’t you suck on my flowered taint!
Emperor Joker is shocked at the abrasiveness of the pair.
Emperor Joker:
You’re colored f@#king bears! How
serious do I have to take you? You’re
f@#king colored stuffed animals!
Emperor Joker begins to swish his hands and the bears are
sucked up in a vortex that shoots them across the sky and through the windows
of a nearby skyscraper.
Emperor Joker: F@#king bears. Now where are you Superman?
Superman: Directly behind you Joker.
The plan worked perfectly as the bears distracted Emperor
Joker enough so that the psychopath failed to recognize Superman flying behind him. Before Emperor Joker can open his mouth to
dispel an obnoxious quip, Superman drives his hand through Emperor Joker’s
skull. Emperor Joker falls to the
ground, dead. Superman then flies toward
his teammates and soars above the window to which the bears stand.
Superman: Nicely
done, Friend and Wish.
Friend Bear: Our pleasure, Soops!
Wish Bear: Now get
it done, Superman!
Superman flies toward the Phoenix
George Lucas Conference Final: Chapter XXX
A battered Superman lands in front of Emperor Joker; the
Phoenix Force hovering over its teammate.
A gaping Friend Bear looks toward Wish Bear as they peek
out of a car window which they snuck into.
Friend Bear: This
sh%t just got real.
Wish Bear: We have
to help him!
Friend Bear and Wish Bear jump out of the car and saunter
toward Superman. Friend Bear stands to
his right while Wish Bear stands to his left.
Superman looks down at his allies.
Superman: We face
the odds, my friends.
Wish Bear: You’re
Superman for f@#k’s sake. You’re. F@#kin’.
Superman.
Superman smiles and stands ready for battle. Both Friend Bear and Wish Bear follow suit.
George Lucas Conference Final: Chapter XXIX
Emperor Joker: I have no limitations like Mxyztplk when it
comes to you Superman. I’m my own man!
Emperor Joker uses his Mxyztplk powers to crumble
buildings on top of both Darkseid and Superman.
The Horsemen duo manages to repeatedly free themselves of the rubble
with their powers though.
Superman races to the Joker at nearly the speed of
light. Emperor Joker notices Superman
attempting this feat and waves his hand.
While Superman believes himself flying at one speed, Superman actually
only flies at one mile per hour due to Emperor Joker’s abilities. The Joker cackles as a large mallet appears
in his hand. He tees up Superman and
smashes him across the face, sending him careening through several
buildings.
Meanwhile, Darkseid is in a pitched battle with
Eradicator. The two strike one another
continuously, drawing wounds upon their enemy with each blow. The two grip each other in a bear hug, trying
to gain the upper hand over their foe.
Darkseid: I will
win this fight Eradicator. I have foreseen
it in Palantir.
Eradicator: Not if
I have anything to say about it, Darkseid.
Darkseid smiles and fires the full force of his Omega
Beams from his eyes, focused specifically on disintegrating Eradicator. Eradicator screams as the beam rips through
his face. Eradicator’s head
explodes.
Darkseid turns to see Emperor Joker standing next to him.
Emperor Joker: Did
your rock tell you this one, ugly?
Emperor Joker snaps his fingers and Darkseid’s Omega Beams
are unleashed from his eyes. They rays
begin to creep toward himself. Darkseid
is unable to control them due to the reality Joker has spun.
Emperor Joker: You
know what they say Stoneface. . .
Suicide is painless.
Darkseid bellows as his rays rip across his own body. Darkseid is killed by his own hands.
Emperor Joker looks to the sky and sees the Phoenix Force
hovering above him.
Emperor Joker: And
now for our next chapter boys and girls: “Crushing the Kryptonian.” Heeheeheeheeheehee.
George Lucas Conference Final: Chapter XXVIII
Superman catches hold of Eradicator’s foot in midair and
spins him around in order to send a crushing blow to Eradicator’s sternum. Eradicator tumbles through several building
and finally rights himself.
Knowing that the pair is evenly matched, Eradicator uses
his enhanced powers not inherent with Superman, in an attempt to control the
Kryptonian. Superman stops midair. Eradicator’s influence over Superman begins
to hold. As Eradicator flies toward him
though, Superman’s mind wades through the mist and corrects itself. Eradicator believes Superman is under his
control and wrongfully so as Kal-El strikes Eradicator, sending the pseudo
Kryptonian to the ground, causing an immense hole in the street below. As Eradicator rises, he is met by both
Superman and Darkseid. Superman and
Darkseid enter into an immeasurable battle with Eradicator. Before the Horsemen are able to destroy Eradicator
the entire city shimmers. The three
combatants look around in a daze as reality is warped into a dreamlike state.
Emperor Joker: This
is going to be fun, boys. . .
George Lucas Conference Final: Chapter XXVII
Two
exhausted bears stumble upon the final battle.
Wish
Bear: I thought we were supposed to end
up in the city like all the others for the final hurrah.
Friend
Bear: F@#ker makes us walk from the
Arctic Region. . . G-dd%&n Bryatu. . .
Wish
Bear: We’re here now though. Just how it was meant to be - us in the
end.
Friend
Bear: As always. . .
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