The Moist Mafia Vs. Fake Man's Faulty Frenemies (soon to be under new ownership)

The Moist Mafia is:


Saint of Killers


Tallahassee


Little Rock


Columbus


Wichita


Riff Raff


Hector
Devil lance
Mungo
Demon Rod
Cleo


Smurf #9 "Roster Filler Smurf"



Fake Man's Faulty Frenemies (soon to be under new ownership is):


-Odd Job

-Goldfinger

-Ernst Stavro Blofeld

-Donald "Red" Grant

-Francisco Scaramango

-Tuck

-Ming Ming


In a vote of 4 to 3.....

S9W9 - TEAM vs Superkitties

SuperKitties are:  The Toxic Crusaders: (Toxie, Major Disaster, No-one, Junkyard, Headbanger), M.O.D.O.T., Scott Pilgrim (w/ a devil lance), Teddy Boy (w/ a magic broomstick).

TEAM is: Sith Lord #6 (Darth Fuzzy), Sith Lord #7 (Darth Cocky)

So both teams are just standing on Josh’s porch while the lava bubbles and splashes outside on the ground. The Toxic Crusaders are playing poker at the table and the Sith Lords are actually dueling each other. It appears as if they are hanging out. I don’t think they know they are supposed to be fighting each other. They think it’s just another party at Josh’s house.

After a short while, Scott Pilgrim blows on a whistle that appears to make no noise. The two sith lords stare at Pilgrim confused as to why he is blowing into a whistle that doesn’t work. Scott carefully places the whistle into his pocket and then picks up his devil lance and slams it firmly into the side of the house. The Toxic Crusaders put their cards down and walk over to the Lance that Scott has wedged into the door jam. All five of them and Scott hold onto the makeshift support and MODOT grabs Teddy Boy’s magic broomstick.

That’s when the goat from next door comes running through the lava and, before burning to death, smashes the leg supporting one corner of the porch. Before the match started, the Superkitties owners went outside and used some hand saws and hatchets to weaken the structural integrity of the porch supports. The two TEAM sith lords did not know this and they now understand why the Kitties squad decided to take refuge in mid air. The porch collapses and is quickly engulfed in flames sending Darth Fuzzy and Darth Cocky flying into the lava where they are unable to escape their molten death.

Then the stupid pitbull next door comes over and pees on their scorched faces to add insult to injury.

S9W8: Empire vs. Midgets

The Empire is:
Trigon
Victory Leo and Star Saber (forms Victory Saber)
Colossus
Lord Chaos
Black Zero
Vladimir Putin with Yellow Lantern Ring
 Michonne with Purple Light Saber
 Buzz Lightyear with Green Light Saber

Vehicle: NASA X-43 HYPER X

The Midgets are:
-Twincast w/ Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Enemy, Wingthing, Flip Sides, Sundor, Garboid, Howlback, Glit, Nightstalker, Playback, Rosanna, Stripes, and Autobot Cassette #1-3.
-Mr. Mizpitelik (earth 3)
-Deadpool
-Omega Supreme
-Red Robin (w/ Tron suit and Light disc), Duncan Idaho (Kid version), Blue Toad, Rumble, and Bill Murray (w/ a red lightsaber) in The T-Ship
-Ratts Tyrelle in a Vought Sikorsky VS-300

FFL Location Evaluation: Kepler 438b.
Report by: NuFaGtu.

Sun: Red Dwarf.
Planet Surface: Rocky.
Atmosphere: None.
Water: None.
Flora: None.
Fauna: None.
Ambient Radiation: Extremely High.
Notes for the Commissioner: For the love of all that's holy, DO NOT hold a match here! The radiation is not suitable for ANY living thing. Be it man, beast, robot, or even a robot beast, all will die a painful meaningless death!!! Moreso than usual!!! Also, this location may fool people into thinking this is a space battle, eventhough it is not. Make sure you say this SPECIFICALLY in the description of the battlefield, or else some may become confused and submit illegal line-ups! Personally, I would avoid the whole matter entirely by finding a more suitable place to fight. I hear Endor is nice this time of year. Finally, there seems to be a slight variance in time perception here on Kepler 438b. I have filed this report on Sunday, but I fear you may not receive it until a later date. At best, you may get it on Tuesday, but it could theoretically take much longer. I hope that is not the case.

Final verdict: Kepler 438 is rejected for consideration as a battlefield.

Signed, FFL Advance Man NuFaGtu.

Season 9, Week 9 Match: John and Vader's House of Sith Aids vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

“I have a dream I hope will come true,
That you're here with me and I'm here with you;
I wish that the earth, sea, the sky up above-a,
Will send me someone to lava.”

            -Kuana Torres Kahele and Napua Greig [Lava]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 9, Week 9 Match located on Josh Houslander’s covered porch surrounded by lava. They are as follows:

John and Vader's House of Sith Aids: Vampire Darth Vader and Ezra Bridger.

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions: Red Dragons #11 and 12 with Fremen #7.

Let the battle begin. . .

Fremen #7 stands with his back to the lava surrounding the Houslander porch.  A steely glimmer in his eye is seen as Fremen #7 faces Vampire Darth Vader and Ezra Bridger.  Red Dragons #11 and #12 fly to the scene and hover on each side of the Dune warrior. 

Vampire Vader and Bridger look at one another.    They focus on the trio and both pairs of arms spring to life.  Bridger Force pushes Fremen #7 out of the screen and into the lava, while Vader handles both giant beasts and pushes them into the molten death.

 

 

 

 

Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

On the distant planet of kepler 438B the completely overpowered and devastating group of champions known as Team Sleeping Pussy converge to do battle with a dead professional wrestler, a cross between dc and marvel villains that have yet to receive justice on screen and a group of subpar supporting star wars characters that have all died in the canon at some point.
Anyway team sleeping pussy teleports to the surface of the planet and patiently await the arrival of their enemies who lack the ability to bend space time and basically anything like the trio of Dr. Manhattan, Korvac, and the Starchild Dave Bowman. They move their “weaker” teammates Bizarro Superman and the Droid fighter into position.
Finally arriving encased in a black lantern energy ball the Murderflies drop into position to preparing their anuses for penetration. While certainly no joke of a group with several skilled force-users they are no match for three god-level combatants and a foe who can match superman. Dr. Manhattan and Korvac immediately raise their hands and point to their designated targets Greedo and Nader Vebb. Before the murderflies can even react they are wearing the remains of the two mere mortals. Bizarro charges Dr. Doomsday and the two fly out into the stratosphere. The Droid fighter takes off and goes for a strafing run while taking fire from Padme Admidala with little effect.
Darth Maul and Qui gon put aside their differences considering their both dead already and charge the god-beings. They strike Dr. Manhattan with their lightsabers with no effect, Manhattan simply stares blankly with his dong hanging out all over the place. Korvac is struck by the force conjured lightning from Jaruus cboath and laughs. He immediately disintegrates the crazy jedi wizard. Meanwhile the droid Starfighter performs a strafing run on padme and the legendary Andre the Giant. The blast obliterates Padme but has no effect on the Giant, it appears he can only defeated by wrestling moves! When the fighter reaches its lowest point of the strafe Andre grabs it with his massive paws and crushes it with a double underhook facebuster!
Suddenly Bizarro and Dr Doomsday crash back into the ground and exchange earth-shattering blows. The Starchild stares blankly and suddenly the battle stops. Dr. Doomsday starts to bleed from his eyes and nose and collapses in a heap to Bizarro’s delight. He charges Andre but can not affect the WWF (WWE) superstar because he’s too stupid to realize the only weakness of Andre. Unfortunately for the giant he can only take the punishment and not deal it back out to a superman clone and all the moves he attempts lead to his secret weakness: congestive heart failure :’(.
Maul splits from Manhattan and has his zombie instincts take over as he attempts to bite the bystander Korvac. This merely annoys him as he pushes the undead sith away and raises his hand. Dr. Manhattan, ignoring the black lantern jedi’s attacks, also raises his hand and together they destroy all the decrepit remains of the underutilized character. In a sudden twist of fate the two god-like characters become enamored with each other and start a super-gay make out session. Manhattan is clearly aroused but that causes an unexpected discharge of energy that destroys both the members of Team Sleeping Pussy.
Qui-Gon, shocked by the turn of events, doesn’t notice the Starchilds glaring look as he himself is turned into a fetus.

George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Moist Mafia

George Washington's Slaves are Darth Shemalya, Nik Landsoh, Brek Nyram, Superman, Xorn, Vapor Man, Meteor Man, Gravity Girl, Tomar Tu, Poe Dameron, and BB-8 in The Star Destroyer Devastator, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins in Apollo 11.

The Moist Mafia is Justice League Dark: John Constantine, Zatanna, Black Orchid, Madame Xanadu, and Nightmare Nurse, Manhunter #3 (Centra), White Lantern Abin Sur, The Saint of All Killers, Kip Durron, Dass Jennir, and Shadowfax.


Must I ask again what a gay horse eats??..........??

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!! It's the Neon Master Pogo here!! Comin-Atcha with some Week Eight Action!! We got the new guy with the gross name: The Moist Mafia, and of course, the undefeated George Washington's Slaves!! If I know my FFL History, as well as Joshatu the Stuffy thinks I should than I believe The Slaves have not had a season this promising since Year Two, when they took it all the way to The Universe Bowl and lost to the famed Horsemen of Apokolips in their first of three Universe Bowl victories!!

But now here we are on Kepler, taking in the sights, thinking about how we can move humanity here after climate change someday becomes real and we have to leave our own planet. That is if The Slaves don't wreck this place before we ever get the chance, because they brought in enough firepower to blow up Rosie O' Donnell, and maybe even enough to take Joy Behar with her.

Ya see, The Moist Mafia is down on the planet, suckin in the fresh oxygen, doing magical card tricks and such while two rather large spaceships break through the atmosphere. I hear Neil Armstrong yelling “ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS POE” over the comlink while they space-rope the three seasoned astronauts on to The Star Destroyer Devastator, leaving Apollo 11 completely unmanned. The Apollo spacecraft with its antiquated computer system follows its last computer command (prolly just control, alt, delete or some crap) and holds its course right for The Moist Mafia base of operations. Causing the squad to scatter and killing only Centra the Manhunter. The Slaves were hoping for a higher attrition rate with that bold move but they're like SO WHATEAVS over it. At least they got the whole squad to get all discombobulated and stuff which helps for their all out attack that comes next. Poe, BB-8, Neil Armstrong, and Buzz Aldrin take position inside the Star Destroyer to pilot the ship, while Superman gets ready to lead the second wave of attack, which will consist of himself, Xorn,The Galaxy Trio, Tomar Tu, and Michael Collins who insisted on going because “it is crap that he always has to stay behind on the ship on these fun missions, and that it was his turn”. But they are all being told to hang back. Because the first wave, which is naturally led by Darth Shemalya, accompanied by her faithful servants Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram are certain that the second wave will prove unnecessary once they win the match all on their own.

Shemalya and her acolytes descend upon Kepler, while The Moist Mafia stands on the ground below with their crotch-dampened Italian dress pants glowing in the sun just like they would back home on earth. But before the true battle gets underway, Shemalya decides that she needs to use the restroom. So they hit up a local bakery, which is of course owned by a bunch of stuffy conservatives who happen to make the best baked goods on the entire planet (not that I really know how many bakeries there are here on Kepler). Well..... Best baked goods on the planet, that is if you are serving them at your traditional/NON-GAY Wedding. So, Nik Landsoh orders a pumpkin flavored cupcake and Brek Nyram gets some Angel Wings while Shemalya begins to walk into the ladies restroom, where SHE begins to look for the urinals. This becomes problematic as the INSANE, INTOLLERANT, EVIL, MOST-LIKELY GUN-TOATING, CONSERVATIVE business owner takes issue with this, as his daughter was using the restroom at the time as well. Screams of “SEXUAL PREDATOR” and “LGBTQ RIGHTS” are heard by Nik and Brek who are too busy consuming their delicious snacks to care. Shemalya, in all of her power and fluid gender rolls up her unusually large member, tucks it back into her very feminine yet commanding Sith robe, exits the restroom that she had every right to be in and then burns down the bakery in a perfectly justified rage for the purposes of social justice and gender equality. They then go on to bring about more wanton destruction as the trio approaches the Moist Mafia. Nik and Brek ignite their lightsabers as Shemalya begins her sacred Sith chant:

“Death and destruction to all who have seen us..........
Let them choke on my feminine penis”.......!!........

The Moist Mafia stands in awe of what they have witnessed, and do not even bother to attack the three of them, while they assault Shadowfax, the mighty horse of Gandalf, known as Mithrandir. They make Black Orchid hold a home video camera, while they film a very edgy internet video, that is totes-fo-sho not safe for work with the majestic horse.

The Moist Mafia is once again awestruck and speechless.

But instead of doing nothing this time, Kip Durron and Dass Jennir ignite their lightsabers and kill Shemalya, Landsoh, and Nyram with three quick lightsaber swipes, because you see even hardly-known, barely-cannon, second-tier Jedis are still better than a bunch of made up Beckerman crap.

Now where was I??....................??

Ummmm...................

Oh, yeah!! The battle. The actual battle.

So, Superman leads the actual strikeforce down to the planet, while Poe, his one of a kind basketball droid, and everybody's favorite astronauts (accept for those morons that insist the moon landing was fake) stay and await orders upon their massive star destroyer that hovers above, blocking out the sun.

The Moist Mafia picked out a really good answer to Superman, by playing a bunch of magical people, but at the end of the day, he still is Superman. So before The Justice League Dark can pull any of there hocus pocus bullcrap, Supes just heat visioned the crap out of all five of them. Bummer. The Saint of All Killers puts on quite a show though, as he rips through Xorn and Michael Collins with his bear hands and then blows apart Vapor Man and Gravity Girl with his magical guns. It isn't until Tomar Tu is able to muster almost every morsel of energy in his green ring into one giant blast that The Saint of All Killers is taken out. Meteor Man, then blasts through Kip Durron, while Superman punches the head off of Dass Jennir. White Lanetern Abin Sur stands strong and prepares to make his final stand, but at that moment, the primary weapon is finally primed and ready on The Star Destoyer Devastator. Poe gives the order, and Buzz and Neil blast Abin Sur with an immense array of firepower. As the blasts are exhausted, Abin Sur is still not completely defeated, but in his weakened state is no match for the combined forces of Superman, Meteor Man, and Tomar Tu.

The Abomitrons Vs, President Barack Obama and Pop-Superstar Miley Cyrus' "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos

The Abomitrons are Cyclops, Phoenix, Ice Man, Angel, Beast, Sebastian Shaw, Fives in a Bell P-63 Kingcobra, Damud Hellstrike, Sauron, Nazgul #4 & 5, and Fat Bastard.

President Barack Obama and Pop-Superstar Miley Cyrus' “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Martian Manhunter, Faora, Dark Phoenix, The Space Jockey, The Dinobots: Grimlock Prime Rex (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership), Katy Perry, Slag, Snarl, Sludge, and Swoop, and Dora the Explorer, w/ Boots, Backpack, and The Map.


Hello, my name is Dora. Dora the Explorer. For those of you who aren't familiar with me, my work, or my friend Boots the Monkey, I'll give a little recap. You see, nine years ago; I was just a little girl. A little girl, with a monkey friend, a talking backpack with a talking map in it, and a love of exploring. But it has been a long nine years, and I'm not really that person anymore. You see, he changed my life. He drafted me on to his Commandos and made me more than just a little girl. He made me a soldier. For the entire administration, I have been here. I might not be one of the names on the Commando banner; but I have been the right hand of the one that controls us. I have been trusted with the secrets, given the fallback plans, made to make the tough decisions, died a dozen plus times, and dealt far more deaths than myself or my friends have endured ourselves. And today will be no different......

Three miles East of this large rock valley where both of our teams are setting up for battle, I have set up our contingency plan. It was there that I buried Map. Hid my friend, and protected him from this battle. A job that I for once didn't mind making one of my friends do; but see, the boss is worried about this match. He really wants to win these last two before he leaves the office. I'm not sure what will happen once he is gone, or what is in store for us next season without him; but it has been a great run. He's been a great president, and a great leader. I know I am rambling, but like I said before I'm not really a story teller. I'm a soldier. Which is another reason why I feel really out of place this week. I am used to being in the thick of the fight, not relegated off to the side of the battle, hiding from the real action. But I have my orders, and I always follow my orders......

Our team, and their team waste no time getting into it as this battle officially begins. It looks like they have some sugary version of our Phoenix on their team, but she doesn't stand a chance against our Dark Phoenix. Theirs becomes the first casualty, when ours just totally engulfed her power into her own. Ya gotta love it, when we take out one of their top players in the first few minutes of the match. Maybe my secret contingency plan won't be necessary after all. I hope and pray that that be the case. Sauron from their team, despite being smaller is standing toe to toe with Grimlock, right in the center of the valley. That is going to be a tough battle. Katy Perry is riding on top of him, per usual; but I'm not really sure what that silly broad is going to accomplish. I still don't understand that relationship; but hey I'm a soldier not a therapist; so what do I care?? The thing I care about is Grimlock possessing the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. I've seen a couple of robots have that since I have been here; and I'm still not sure Grimlock knows what the heck he is doing with it; but with that being said I can't deny his toughness. At this point, it looks like the rest of the Dinobots are coming over to help Grimlock and that Sauron's two Nazgul and Damud Hellstrike with the Golden Axe are coming over to help Sauron: talk about some scary dudes there.

I was a little worried that Martian Manhunter wasn't going to be able to take out Sebastian Shaw, when I saw what he was all about; but the Martian must have overloaded his absorption capabilities with his own powers and blew him up. That Martian is tough as nails; but I actually killed him once. Remember that Boots?? When Manhunter was on The Slaves and totally took him out with my jetpack??

“No, I was dead at the time; but you've told me the story”.

Oh, that's right. I love giving the Martian crap about that in the locker room; but overall, he's a pretty cool guy, and good fighter too. I wish I could say the same about that Space Jockey dude. I've been on a team with that dude, since he joined the league and I still don't get him. I even watched Aliens and that Prometheus movie; and I still don't know what that big dude is supposed to be capable of. Unfortunately, he just got taken out by a clone trooper named Fives, doing a flyby in what appears to be a Bell P-63, Kingcobra model I believe. Godspeed to the ol' Space Jockey, I think that was number ten for him. Rest in peace. OH!! Here is some quick revenge though. Faora just annihilated that plane with the clone trooper in it, and then ripped the wings right off Angel, all under a minute. I like watching that chick work. Not sure why Grimlock didn't fall for her; but again, I guess I don't really care about stuff like that.

Cyclops, Ice Man, and Beast are now all that is left of their original X-Men squad, and the three of them just rushed over to join in the Mordor vs. Cybertron battle that is still raging. The three of them work together really good and just took out Swoop and Snarl quicker than I ever thought three dudes could. Poor Swoop, he always was the weakest Dinobot. We should be alright though, because Manhunter, Faora, and Dark Phoenix just came over to lend a hand to our side. Sludge just died too, it looks like because he ate both of those Nazgul and then melted apart from the inside. Too bad, but at least he took out both of them before he went.

Oh man, I almost forgot about that Fat B-word on their team. He is waddling up now. It veers slightly from our orders; but let's just take that B-word out ourselves, huh Boots??

“Sure, Dora: We can do it”!!

Boots and I run over to that Fat B-Word, and Boots trips him up with his tail to send him tumbling. I'll just grab this rock and take it to his fat, over-indulgent head and call it a day. The rest of our squad shouldn't need to deal with that dumb, fat B-word while they are fighting the real team anyhow...

Sauron just smited Slag with that huge metal ball thing, while Damud Hellstrike just leaped up and chopped Katy Perry in half with his axe. Uh-oh...... now Grimlock is mad!! Watch this Boots, I'm not saying that I'm glad Katy is dead; but this is probably the thing we needed to tip the match in our favor. The boss really wanted this match, and now I think we may get it the old fashioned way, without any interference from me. Dark Phoenix backs up Grimlock with some major cosmic mumbo-jumbo and Grimlock goes nuts biting Damud in half and then stomping, blasting, and all out demolishing Sauron. He sure is angry. Although, he doesn't seem to be saying “Me Grimlock” anymore before he does stuff like that as much since he got the Autobot Matrix. I kind of miss it. Did you notice that Boots??

“Yup”.

That was always worth a laugh or two. Do you miss it too, Boots??

“Yup”.

Dark Phoenix then just turned her attention to Ice Man, who melted pretty quick, Faora pounded Cyclops into the ground after showing him what eye blasts were all about, and good ol' Martian Manhunter won the test of brains and strength against Beast, with a mid-air back-breaker.

So, I guess the boss didn't have as much to worry about as we thought Boots. We can go back and dig up Map from his safe space, and let him know he doesn't need to be the soul survivor, like the contingency plan called for, and it looks like we won't need this tactical nuke inside Backpack after all for the Hail Mary play. The boss's administration may be over with soon; but it looks like he can have this win under his belt, while we go in to the last match of the regular season next week.

“But, Dora: I have to ask..... I'm afraid you may have some of that PTSD that they keep warning you about. You keep talking about the boss, and the orders he is giving you; but Barack has been gone since last season. He couldn't possibly still be giving you orders”.

Boots, don't be silly. I wasn't talking about getting my orders from Obama. I never did. He was a good sub-captain, and I miss him; but Obama was just a soldier like you and me. I was talking about the real boss.

“The real boss”?? “What do you mean Dora”??

I was talking about Nick. The boss in the real world. He is the one I have been doing this all for since day one. And I sure am gonna miss him.......

Season 9: Week 8: The Royal Highness -vs- TEAM

The Royal Highness is: Lady Q, Metron, Fantastic Four (Reed Richards with the Ultimate Nullifier, Invisible Woman, Human Torch and The Thing), Nova (Richard Rider) w/ Xandarian Worldmind, Gladiator (Shi’ar Imperial Guard) and an Alliance Medical Frigate.

TEAM: Unicron, Black Lantern Ranx the Sentient City, Mamaw, Papaw, Bama, Harry Potter, Shannon Pilkinton w/Indigo Ring, Anna Pilkinton, Lucas Pilkinton and Cock Sneak Goomba #8.

At The Royal Highness Locker Room

Reed Richards: We have the Ultimate Nullifier and Lady Q on our side; this should not be too difficult of a match.

Sue Storm: Now Reed, this is still a powerhouse team we are going against.

Johnny Storm: Powerhouse Team sis? Are we still in year four? TEAM hasn’t made it to the finals since, what, year one?

Sue Storm: Or last year.

Johnny Storm: Still, they couldn’t even win a non-fight. What kind of a team loses a non-fight? Oh that’s right, TEAM does. Stupid name too.

Lady Q: Not too lay victim to your rather stupid yet humorous musings here but is your name not the Human Torch?

Johnny Storm: Yeah, what’s it to you ma Lady?

Lady Q: That was all, it was rhetorical.

Nova: Silence everyone. Taking no one lightly, that is the rule. We fight to the death. That is all.

Johnny Storm: Woo Hoo, can’t wait.

TEAM Locker Room

Harry Potter: Okay everyone, no time to be cute in this fight. Unicron and Ranx, kill everything you see immediately. I do not want any hiding out this time around. I want everything dead as soon as it starts.

Anna: But Mommy, I thought cute is what me and Lucas were aiming for?

Shannon: Not this time around honey. We must all be brave and cautious. I will protect you guys with my new ring but you both still need to be careful. Okay?

With serious looks on their tiny faces, they agree.

Harry Potter: Is everyone ready?

Papaw: Not quite, Mamaw is trying to get some more gravy out of the ole meat spickett.

Mamaw: The arthritis keeps me from getting it out like I used to.

Bama: Hurry up Mamaw, you need to take me to Suncoast in Oklahoma to buy me the new Rogue One poster. It’ll only take seven hours round trip.

Harry Potter: Dear god, this is what we were given. Shannon (looking right at her) I hope you are ready for this; it could be up to us on the ground level.

The Battle on Kepler 438B

Unicron and Ranx, two massive planet like structures move on opposite sides of the planet. Both teams occupy the planet surface and just outside the planets earth like (theoretical) atmosphere. That is until Unicron and Ranx both sent devastating energy blasts towards The Alliance Medical Ship which had Shi’ar Gladiator on it and Nova, killing them both immediately.

Lady Q: So Johnny, should we still take them lightly?

Johnny Storm: Kiss off ma Lady. FLAME ON!!!!

Lady Q: And you refer to me as a lady.

The Human Torch flies over to where Mamaw, Papaw and Bama are standing, naturally doing nothing of substance. The Human Torch blazes through each and every one of them, torching them alive.

Harry Potter: Incendio!

Harry Potter casts his spell and hits the human torch, sending him flying out in the distance.

Johnny Storm: A fire spell on me Harry? Of all the spells you have, that is the one you used.

Harry Potter: Try flaming down you git.

Johnny Storm immediately realizing that he no longer has control over his power, starts to fly around in an attempt to put out the fire. After a few minutes he is over come by pain and eventually falls to the ground, dead. His body turns to ash moments later.

Sue Storm: Not my brother you British piece of shit.

Harry instead of defending himself against Sue’s incoming attack, decides to send a spell at Reed Richard’s Ultimate Nullifier he was getting ready to use.

Harry Potter: (Pointing his wand directly at the object in Mr. Fantastic’s hand) Geminio!

The spell duplicates the Ultimate Nullifier, sending an exact copy of the weapon to the ground. As soon as it hits the ground, two more exact replicas appear as well and so on. Harry then sends one more spell Reed’s way.

Harry Potter: Stupefy!

Reed gets blasted back by the simple wizard attack spell, making him drop the important weapon. Reed looks down at the ground and instead of picking up the Ultimate Nullifier like he normally would, he stares down at the ground and wonders which one of the dozens of weapons it might be.

Harry Potter: Only one of them is functional Reed, good luck with that.

Shannon then puts a protective shield around the boy wizard just in time for Sue Storm to rush over to him along with the Thing. Their attacks on the shield send them both back with little injury.

The Thing continues to pound on the shield to little affect.

Harry: Thanks Shannon. I cannot cast anymore spells though as long as I am in this thing so it may be up to you to finish this off.

Shannon: Don’t worry Harry, I can handle this team.

Above the Planet’s Surface

Unicron: Blow up the planet we must. The battle will be over immediately.

Ranx: I agree, let’s end this.

Both Unicron and Ranx use their collective powers to send energy blasts into the planets core. After several minutes, the already volatile planet began to break apart, sending pieces out into the space surrounding the two massive space born creatures.

Unicron: Job well done my friend.

Ranx: Agreed.

Suddenly, in a blink, the planet reappears in front of the two TEAM members, fully entact, as if nothing had happened in the first place.

Unicron: I do not understand.

Lady Q: Nor will you ever. It is not important that you understand either, that was not the rationale behind your creation. You were made to control and destroy, that goes for the both of you.

Since Lady Q was just a voice in their collective heads, there was nothing for them to attack. Instead, both Unicron and Ranx sent another blast down towards Kepler 438B, blowing it up once more. After another minute, the planet reforms in front of their eyes, frustrating both super powers to no end.

Lady Q: We can do this all day long if you would like, I have all the, what is it called, oh yes, Time in the world.

Being the super powered beings that they were, both Unicron and Ranx once again fired up their weapons only this time, to have them shut down by the Star Trek God.

Lady Q: No more, okay. We are going to leave the battle on the ground to the mortals and to ease your mind; your team comes out on top. Mrs. Pilkinton is a natural with that ring. She and the boy wizard were able to take out the Fantastic Four, an impressive feat for sure. Metron then destroyed the ring holder, only to have his arrogant god-like powers nullified by Harry Potter’s use of the actual Ultimate Nullifier. It is still up for discussion on whether or not he knew if he was actually using the true weapon, but I suspect somebody of his advanced skill level was able to figure it out.

Unicron: Enough talking Ranx, it us up for us to end this.

Lady Q: Again, that is not how this will go. My goodness, talking to creatures who think of themselves as gods is the same as talking to children. Kind of like those wonderfully adorable children who just lost their mother on the planet surface. You know who they are, they are the ones that you have murdered twice already today without a seconds thought.

Ranx: We play for victory, that is all.

Lady Q: As you have stated. Oh look at the time gents, I must be getting impatient in my old age. This is how this will end. The children and the boy wizard will be sent home to their locker room unharmed, along with that adorable Goomba creature. Boy I just loved that little guy.

Ranx: We do not retreat on this team.

Unicron: We will not stand for your passive aggressive handling of this battle. If a battle is what you seek, engage us in one.

Lady Q: Once more, you lack the understanding I wish to convey. I not intend to have a battle because it is unnecessary. So like I said, your planet bound friends are already at home, safe and sound. For the two of you though, that is a different story. I would never let two proud creatures as you are, be considered cowards.

Unicron and Ranx both feel their powers return, only to have them come to the realization that they do not have control over them. Both them begin to fire on one another, sending friendly fire attacks continually until it begins to weaken them to the point of death.

Lady Q: So like I said, I would never let two creatures as proud as you become cowards. Fools on the other hand, well, that is a concept that will never stop bringing me joy.

After several minutes of constant firing, both Unicron and Ranx were destroyed beyond recognition, leaving only the disembodied voice of Lady Q left.

Lady Q: I suppose that is it. Talking to myself, though something I have become accustomed to is not something I gain much enjoyment from. Alas, it is what I will eventually be left with.

As the Planet of Kepler 438B lays dormant once more with life, the falling bodies of Ranx and Unicron begin to fall into the planets orbit. In a mere hundred years, both deceased planetary bodies will become Kepler’s newly added Satellite’s. Showing that even in death, a new possibility of life is still in the cards.