Prologue: A Royal Shit-Kicking

"There ya are, Niatch. What're you doing out here?" asks Tully Blanchard. He approaches an unusually somber "Nature Boy" Ric Flair as the rain pours down on them in the FFL Graveyard.

"I buried a kid today, Tully. My little boy Reid. 25. It's...it's just such...." Flair begins to sob.

"I know, Ric. I know. It's ok, though. He's in a better place now. And.."

"SHUT UP! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME IT'S GONNA BE OK!" screams the 16 time former champion. "Look at the place! Look at all the death that comes with what we do! It's ridiculous! It's disgusting... I. I don't want to do it anymore." he sobs

Tully Blanchard looks at his friend is shock. Lightning crashes, and illuminates the tombstone Flair has chosen for the spot of his psychological breakdown. Arn Anderson. Tully is taken aback, as it's been too long since he's been to the resting spot of his fellow Horseman.

"Ric. I know there's nothing I can say to you to fill the hole that's been torn in you. Reid was a damn good kid, and what happened to him is a shame. And we've both lost Arn and Ole. There's only one thing I can say that might help."

"What's that?" whimpers Flair.

"Naitch. We're at nine, brother. This could be our last go round. Soon enough we'll be able to meet up with Arn and Ole and then the afterlife are gonna see what it's like when the four horsemen roll into town!"

"*sniff* That's true." says Flair, as he brightens up a little. "Well, Tull. IF it's gonna be the last call for the Horsemen. Let's do it up right! We'll give up something to talk about and never let them forget the name Flair!"

"That's great,Ric. But there's one more thing you gotta do to make it official. Let's hear it. Let's let these bastards know we mean business."

"WHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO " screams Ric Flair as another crash of lightning roars against the sky, barely able to match the intensity and rage that is pouring out of Flair as he rages against the sky screaming till his throat is sore.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. ROYAL HIGHNESS!!WE'RE COMING FOR YA! THE HORSEMEN ARE IN TOWN BABAY! AND WE'RE OUT FOR YOU! WHOOOOOOOOO"

Meanwhile, as these events unfold a drama of it's own is brewing deep in the bunker of The Royal Highness.

"Over one hundred trials. One hundreds failures but I feel we're getting closer. Subject Centra Yellow was close, but still not what I needed." says Vampire Kang the Conqueror "My vampire...affliction has helped me perfect the proper levels of radiation needed, but that's only half the equation. We need to..."

'YYYYEEEEAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!" A scream echoes through the corridors. Kang hurries to the cries. He looks into the tube.

"Yes. YES!" he exclaims as he witnesses the transformation taking place in-front of his eyes. "This is the most progress I've seen. Vocalization. Rapid growth, I see the formation of appendages, yes. It's progressing nicely." Kang smiles beneath his mask, pleased.

"Let the Shit-Kickers bring their "Superior" Spider-Man. Let them bring all they can. For we shall bring Doomsday unto them, and our very own "Superior" being."

Kang lets out his best villianous laugh, as the screams of further transformation fill the bunker. Lights flicker and machines buzz. Kang makes further notes and clips them to the tank, and hurries to further prepare for the upcoming battle and his return to the Play-Off Planet. His notes read:

Subject: Deltra Central- arachnid. Codename: DC SPIDERMAN!



TO BE CONTINUED:

A Very Special Announcement!

Greetings friends! It's your old buddy, Emperor Joker! Well, another week of FFL has come and gone, and I still haven't found any good playmates! Sure, I've had a laugh here and there, made a few new pals, but nothing that really makes the heart go all a'flutter! Hell, I can't even count on stuffy ol Josh the Commish to help me out! Look at some of these teammates: Adam Warlock, Arsenal, Age of Apocalypse Cyclops? Sheesh! I'd find fewer stiffs at the morgue! But don't you worry FFL faithful! Uncle Joker's got an early present for everyone! First of all... Do you hear that? No? Good. That's the sound of NuFaGtu shutting his mouth for once and actually watching a match. Well, he'd try to move his mouth if he still had one! Hahaha! Oh, he will chime in when I let him (flow and whatnot) but if he gets out of line again... HAHAHA! Second, I've made it my personal duty to make the Midgets a more likeable team. Josh is always "win" this and "beat them" that. Snore. Where's the fun? Where's the love? But I got your back Joshy-poo! After this, everybody will LOVE the "new" Midgets... Or else. And finally, heh, this one's really a present for me. I must sincerely thank the Kitties for this. She really is a dear. My kinda girl. Got some real moxy. Say hi to everyone, Dark SuperGirl! "Okay Mr J... heh... Hi Everyone." That's my girl. In the meantime, I still have a ton of work to do. Sure, I could snap my fingers and we'd be done, but me? I'm a salt of the earth kinda guy. I don't mind getting my hands dirty... Or bloody... Heh... heh... HAHAHAHA!!!

Spoiler Sport- Week Four Wrap-Up

Hello everyone, Cotton McKnight here. Welcome back to Spoiler Sport. Here on ESPN 8. The Ocho!

Well, the only thing  cold last week was the terrain. We had alot of blazing hot action out there on the icecaps, so let's get right to the recap!

Let's start in the Stan Lee Conference for a change.  TEAM once more continued to be the most dominatant team in the Tolkien division, as they were the only ones able to garner a victory over their opponents in the Herbert division. It was quite the task, as they narrowly defeated a very game Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve. This was the first loss that the Kennelz have suffered this season, leaving only Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A New Family with a perfect record in the Lee Conference. It was a valiant Seaworm who made the difference between victory and defeat for the Kitties, as Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers put forth a valiant effort and just barely fell in defeat. Team SP made quick work of the Murderflies,  and it turned out that The Nut-Bisters just couldn't find a way to make a victory compute as the lost to The Royal Highness.

Over in the Lucas Conference, the Spielberg division once again showed their dominance as every team there was able to defeat their Clarke division opponent. The Horsemen of Apokolips and Shemalabama Shit-Kickers are still sporting a perfect record as the Horsemen freed the Slaves of life pit on the ice, and the Shit-Kickers kicked the shit out of The Transformers. Beckerman Presents:The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse avenged their play-off loss last year as they painted the icecaps red with the blood of most of President Barack Obama and Taylor Swift's Red Army, and the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets were able to overthrow the Empire, due once again to the meddling of Emperor Joker.

Let's take a look at what's stirring with the resurrection points, with our graveyard correspondent, Pepper Brooks. Pepper!

"muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh,

Muh muh muhmuh muh. muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh. Muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh

 Muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh

Muh muh muhmuhmuh. Muhmuh."

O-kay. Thanks, Pep. We still haven't been able to get you all fixed up so you can be understood, huh?

"Muh muh. Muhmuh muhmuhmuh. Muhmuh. Muhmuhmuhmuh."

I can't understand a word you say, Pepper.   That was all gibberish.

What won't be gibberish is all the intense action we'll be bringing to you from the Play-Off Planet this week! It's our biggest week of the year, and we're bound to see some gigantic, earth shattering moments. Make sure you don't miss a minute!

For the Ocho- I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you, and good night.

Season Six Week Four Standings

Murderflies vs pussies

The Murderflies are Scorpion, Aang ,Katara, Appa, Toph Beifong, Zuko, Alf with heat axe, Robotic three Stooges.

The pussies are Aspen, The Ship Nautilus, Dolphin, Black Manta, Aquagirl, Namor w/ Trident, Savage Dragon, WildCat, Riddler, Shi’ar warriors 1-2, and Sharkticons 41-46.

The teams are air dropped into the series of large arctic iceberg’s. All of the combatants miss the ice and end up in the water. Despite having a heat axe Alf freezes to death in seconds. The Robot stooges also never get a chance to fight as they instantly sink to the bottom of the ocean. The Sharkticon’s swarm the avatar and his friends tearing them all apart. Black Manta drowns Scorpion. They end.

Season 6. Week 4: TEAM vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

TEAM is: Red Son Superman, Manwe, Ulmo, Orome, Mandros, Gladiator Voltron, Sif, Fandral, Hogun, Volstaag, and Cock Sneak Goomba #5.
The Kennelz are: Phoenix 5(Cyclops, Emma Frost, Colossus, Magik, Namor), Black Lantern Galactus, Black Lantern Silver Surfer, Black Bolt w/Green Lantern ring and Mace Windu's lightsaber, Crystal, Gorgon, Maximus the Mad w/red lightsaber, Steel w/Blue Lantern ring, and Red Star.

I have been walking for what feels like hours because the FFL plane dropped me off in the middle of nowhere. I didn't even get a parka or anything. Haze the new guy. Very funny. But I have a few tricks of my own. I raise my hand to the heavens. Shazam! I awake hours later after being hit by a lightning bolt. I am somewhat warmer, but this burned toga smells awful. Geez. Did you guys even wash this thing before you gave it to me? After walking for another eternity, I happened upon the FFL watcher trailer that Neon Master Pogo ordered. I knock on the door. "What's the password?" asks Pogo. "Um, password? I thought that we Watchers help each other out. Let me in, I'm freezing." The door opens. "Thanks man, you're a life..." I am cut off by a kick to the balls. Pogo answers "Wrong password." and slams the door. I pass out from the intense pain.I have no idea how much more time has passed. I peek through a window in the trailer to find a clock, but all I see is that a****** Pogo asleep with his cigar still lit. I entertain the idea of waking him up, but the echoes of testicular trauma change my mind. Miles of ice come and go before I stumble upon Robimus Prime. His match is long over, but he remains standing in the Arctic, staring into the distance. "Robimus?! Hello? Little help? I'm having a little trouble finding my assignment. Could you point me in the right direction?" In the best robot voice I can imagine, it says "Awaiting orders. Standby." "Yeah, thanks Robimus. See you around." I reply, dismayed. I continue my trek and still hear Robimus repeating itself over and over. The endless ice is broken up by the sight of a raging battle. Unfortunately, I found myself in the middle of the Slaves verses The Horsemen war. If Joshatu finds me here, I'm fired for sure. I decided to follow Chuck Norris, as he is doing an awesome job remaining undetected. I stay close, until we both hear a snowspeeder racing behind us. Norris definitely avoids being hit. Me? Not so much. I mistime the jump and get creamed by the ass end of the snowspeeder. I hear John McClane chiding Anakin's piloting abilities. I am relieved that the strike propels me away from the match and the wrathful vengeance of Joshtu, but I'm also a little worried because I am now sailing through the air with no measure of control. Now that I think about it, this is the most comfortable I've been all day. I decide to enjoy the ride, until the side of an iceberg says otherwise. My frustration, along with my agony, convince me that this is a perfect time to pass out again. As I wake, my realistic dream of flying with eagles fades. I quickly notice that I am no longer in the Arctic. "I am Manwe. Welcome to the Halls of Mount Taniquetil." says a blue robed man, his staff adored in sapphires. "I have watched your tumultuous journey with interest and a small measure of joy." "Good to know that old gods enjoy physical comedy as much as anybody else, but I have to get to my match." I answer. Manwe replies "What will happen has happened, as it happens now. Rest." "Yeah. Great... Josh is going to be pissed." I mumble to myself. Manwe laughs. "You're odd, stranger. I have explained how you may execute your duties, yet you hesitate." "Good one, Manwe." I say. "Next time, try it in English." Again, Manwe grins. "All will be revealed to you, as long as you are willing to see. I have business with Iluvatar concerning creating the next world. Good luck Watcher." "Thanks, I think." I say, and begin to look through the endless library of tomes in the great hall. How about we fast forward to when I find what I'm looking for.
AHA! It's taken me decades, but I found it! This book has the tale of TEAM verses the Kennelz from season 6, week 4. I can still salvage this thing! Okay... Does anybody read Elven?
...

Finally, I have translated the story, although it has taken me decades more. They called me mad. MAD! I assure you, am NOT mad. Just pissed off beyond belief. Okay. No more waiting. I present to you... TEAM verses Michael Vickz Kennelz of Lurve!

TEAM is gathered on an iceberg, and they are waiting for a late quartet of Lord of the Rings first age gods, also known as Manwe, Ulmo, Orome, and Mandros, "I will wait no longer for these gods. They're very idea weakens the will of the people, and the collective itself!" explains Red Son Superman. "Do you know what we're up against?" asks Sif. "Tis the end of Earth itself." "Verily" adds Fandral. "The Flamebird is known even to the Asgardians." Hogun and Volstaag nod in agreement. "If it makes you feel better, I will look ahead. I don't see how it will change anything though. We will fight them and win. I will destroy any of these dogs myself". Red Son Superman boasts confidently. He uses his telescopic vision and super hearing to spy on the Kennelz. "Bozhe Moi..." he gasps.
The Kennelz have been hard at work. When you put this much god-like power in one room, things are bound to get a little loose. Phoenix 5 are repairing the damage done to the Arctic ice from previous previous battles. Black Lantern Galactus is constructing his planet eating machine as Black Lantern Silver Surfer stands guard. Black Lantern Galactus reasons that the sheer terror caused by planetary destruction would feed his Black Lantern ring, for now. The Phoenix 5 are not exactly happy about this, but decide to burn that bridge when they come to it. The Inhumans, along with Blue Lantern Steel and Red Star are arguing with one another. As usual, Maximus the Mad is stirring the pot. "This is our King? Our Liege stands impotent as our enemy lies short handed! Crystal, Gorgon, we have witnessed this many times in our long history together. I suppose it is a chance for our new friends to see it as well!" orates Maximus, pointing at Steel and Red Star. Maximus continues. "And all because Black Bolt bows to others. Can you imagine? Royalty kneeling to anyone? I would laugh if I wasn't so disgusted. Follow me to glory, while we still have a chance!" "Man has a point..." admits Steel. Black Bolt gives a stern gaze to Maximus, then wags his finger to the rest. He points in the direction of TEAM, which is currently bathed in a bright light. "So they are no longer short handed. Thank you for pointing out your inadequacy, my King." snaps Maximus.

Manwe, Ulmo, Orome, and Mandros arrive in a fashion suitable for old school gods, white lights and everything. They look upon their TEAMmates, studying them intently. They look upon Gladiator Voltron quizzicaly. "You're quite the contraption!" says Manwe, moving on to the Asgardians. "You are noble, but that may be your downfall on this day." continues Manwe, as the first age deities arrive before Red Son Superman. With a smirk, Superman dismisses Manwe. "Ha! "gods"." Manwe smiles back. "Ha! "Superman"." He studies the group further. "I believe this is the One! What say you, Mandros?" "He is indeed the One!" Mandros answers. "Very well, he shall go with you. I wish you luck." says Manwe.
Back at the Kennelz camp, Maximus' hold has swayed all of his group, except for Black Bolt and the cosmic beings. They approach the Phoenix 5, Black Lantern Galactus, and Black Lantern Silver Surfer. Maximus speaks for his group. "Enough of this! We must end this match now!" "Agreed!" shouts Ulmo as 3 of the LOTR deities appear suddenly. He crushes Magik with the ice around her. Orome also strikes with arrows straight through Emma Frost and Colossus' brains. Mandros is having trouble with Namor, but Orome shoots another holy arrow and Namor falls. Scott Summers absorbs the entire Phoenix Force from his downed teammates. "You are very foolish for so called gods." says Cyclops. "We were saving this world. Now you have doomed it." He lashes out with but a fraction of his power, destroying Ulmo and Orome with a blast of cosmic energy. Cyclops grabs Mandros by the neck. "Now you die, old god." Mandros responds "We all die, new god." Cyclops reduces reduces him to ashes. "Now to destroy this world. My allies will die, but we will win, and the cosmic balance will be restored." As Cyclops begins to envelop Earth with cosmic fire, the chosen One enters the battlefield. Cock Sneak Goomba #5 punches Black Bolt right in the junk. His scream destroys Black Lantern Galactus' machine which releases cosmic energy that reacts negatively with the Phoenix power. All are destroyed, along with Earth, except for Manwe, and me, your friendly neighborhood Watcher. Manwe's mythical eagles are flying us to Mount Taniquetil in the heavens. I am still quite dazed when I ramble "why me?" Manwe responds "Even gods cease to exist if there is no one to tell their tale."

50,000 Views!

Today the site passed 50,000 all time page views.  I am sure a lot of the views were other people looking for legitimate information about their favorite superhero (only to be disappointed or, at least, happily distracted).  And a bunch might be Google's web crawlers too.  But a lot can be said about 6 years of hard work and dedication by you people.  Every owner.  Every watcher. Every Commissioner.  This league has worked because everyone has dedicated time to it (be it a little or a lot) and together we all created something truly awesome.

Congrats everyone.  Now comment below about your most memorable moment in the league.

s6w4-Midgets vs The Empire

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are: Emperor Joker, The Phoenix Force, White Lantern Hal Jordan (w/ Red Ring, Alan Scott's Green Ring, and Guy Gardner's yellow ring), Black Lantern Shaun Poteracki, Blue Lantern #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Star Sapphire #2 & 3, Bat-Mite, Bowser (w/ orange ring), Psylocke, Wonder Man, Oppo Rancisis and Doozer #8

The Empire are:  Black Zero, Black Zero, Indigo Sinestro, Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner, Reverse Flash, Sy-Clone, In-Betweener, Lord Chaos, Master Order, Captain Britain, Meggan, Catarine Towani w/Pokeball, Jeremitt Towani w/ Laser Sword, Mace Towani w/Laser Gun, Cindel Towani w/Star Sword, andBuzz Lightyear

The battle rages on in the arctic as the Empire and Midgets clash. The Midgets took an early advantage when the Phoenix Force destroyed all the icebergs in the area, giving Reverse Flash, the Black Zeroes and the Towanis nothing to stand on. They died of shock as soon an they hit the frigid water, except for the DC Comics Black Zero who sinks to the bottom of the ocean due to still being turned to stone by Percy Jackson last week. However,  the tactic  has also killed Pslocke, Oppo Rancisis and Doozer #8 for the Midgets.

This was about the only bit of good luck for the Midgets, as Lord Chaos suddenly uses his mighty powers to reform the melted icecaps around the corpses of the Midgets. With a wave of his hand he the teleports the stoney form of Black Zero onto the berg. With a snap of his fingers, Black Zero is returned to normal. Incensed that he was made to look a fool again, he readies himself to unleash hell again. He and the Phoenix Force team up and begin laying waste to the various lanterns of the Midgets. Kyle Rayner channels will power and teams with Sinestro to eradicate black lantern Shaun Poteracki. Kyle sees Reverse Flash floating in the waters and scoops him up. He places him on the frozen turf, then channels white lantern energy and returns the homicidal speedster to life.  Zoom smiles and rockets off. Zoom easily breaks the time barrier and begins killing Midgets in the past, causing them to vanish in the present.

BatMite sees his teammates disappearing, and flies over to Emperor Joker, who's just floating in air and playing with a Samsung stratosphere.

"Joker, do you see what's happening out there? We're getting annihilated out there!"

"Yeah, yeah. Kinda busy right now, I just got to a new level on Angry Birds:Star Wars" cackles Joker. 

The Midgets numbers keep dwindling, but now BatMite really has cause to panic. The Empire is gathering their fallen and having them be revived by the white lantern energy Kyle Rayner is tapping into.

"This isn't right" screeches BatMite "We have a white lantern, why isn't he doing the same?". He scans the ice to see white lantern Hal Jordan laying dead on the ice. Over him stands white lantern Swamp Thing, who was brought in by Lord Chaos to further throw things into disarray. 

"What? That's not FAIR!" yells BatMite who rushes in to even the odds by unleashing his own 5th dimesional powers. But before he can snap his fingers, his head is popped like a zit by Master Order. 

"There must be balance" decrees Master Order "Too many rules broken and the battle and league shall descend into chaos. There shall be order!"

"That's my cue" says Emperor Joker, and he approaches Master Order.

"Hey, Master Odor! Got a bit of a question for ya sport. How is it you're not being punished for being late?" he asks.

"What do you mean, clown?" replies Master Order

"Well, skippy. Check this out. See, this is Krisatu's cellphone and he stores all his emails here. Check this out/ Right here. "Empire Roster" sent from your owner. Lookie at the timestamp friend-o. Wednesday. 9:40. This roster don't count pally."

"NO!" shouts Master Order "This cannot be!"

Lord Chaos floats over and confronts the Joker "Are you serious? You think we're unaware of the meddling YOU have done clown?"

"Meddling? Moi? Never" says Joker feigning innocence.

"Please. Neon Master Pogo? That ridiculous Trojan War match, which YOUR divisional rivals lost, causing you to now be in the hunt for the playoffs instead of still being a win behind everyone? Phoenix Force Namor not appearing in his match? That has your stink ALL over it. "

"Prove it, boy-o." sneers Joker. "You can't. And that has nothing to do with this match right here. Besides, if Watchers get petty and start issuing revenge losses then this whole leaguie descends into chaos and will wither and dies. Right, Master Order?"

"Damn you clown, you are correct." replies Master Order

"That's right. And since all those kills were illegal. Undo them. NOW"

defeated by his own rigidity to order Master Order snaps his fingers, and with that the entire starting roster of Midgets are returned to the icecaps in perfect fighting form.

"HAHAHAHAHA. Looks like Jesus ain't the only one who came back to life on Easter." the Joker gleefully exclaims. "Now, since you were late. The rules say we fight your week one roster, and according to my lil phone here we'll be killing...."

"No." says Master Order "That rule is not in effect."

"Yes it is! See! Right here! Deadline change! There were 9 votes yes! The majority ruled and that means..."

"It means naught when it comes to THIS match." replies Master Order. "You push too far, clown. We shall accept the loss but we shall NOT accrue deaths. You win, on a technicality."

"BULLSHIT!" screams the Joker as Bat-Mite flies in and stops him

"Think about this, Joker." syas Bat-Mite. "Look what they did to us without breaking a sweat. A win is a win. Take it and be happy"

"Fine" scowls Joker, then he begins to laugh "I still think we'da mopped the floor with ya, but who am I to spoil a good joke?"

With that, the two teams depart, when BatMite approaches Master Order

"You guys have an amazing team." he tell the Empire member "But you've beaten yourselves. This is the second week you've been beaten by a deadline. You guys are better than this."

"Agreed." replies Master Order and with that, he and his team depart alive, but defeated.

Grindhouse vs Red Army

The Red Army: Earth 2 Superman, Iorek Byrnison, Duke w/green lantern ring, The Captain (Immell #5) w/ Captain America's Shield, Heimdall, Vindicator, Elita One w/ matrix, Sucker Punch Crew: Babydoll, Sweet Pea, Rocket, Blondie, & Amber, Whizzy the Super Cat, Vampire Orion, and Suspiria Witch Coven Member #2.

Grindhouse: Siren, Xebel Soldiers #15-19, Blue Lantern Kyle Rayner w/ Ion's Green Lantern ring, White Lantern Abin Sur, Arkillo, Deadman, Donald Duck w/ red lantern ring, Mickey Mouse w/ legion flight ring, Pretender Monsters: Birdbrain, Bristleback, Scowl, Icepick, Slog and Wildfly, Gremlin #4 (Marv), Goro w/ yellow lantern ring, Magmar, Geoff Johns w/ healing factor gun, and Jar Jar Binks

The two teams are dropped into the combat area.

"Meesa havin' fun!" exclaims Jar Jar as he slides off of an iceberg into the cold arctic water. There he sees the sucker punch crew who have also slid into the water and are turning blue from hypothermia.

The Grindhouse are still bitter from last year's playoff loss and move quick to exact their revenge. The Universe Bowl should have theirs last year had the Red Army not stolen the match in the first round of last year's playoffs. They have spent much of the last offseason preparing for this rematch, in order to send their enemy and the rest of the league a message.

The pretender monsters, having already formed Monstructor, move towards Elita one. She fires her blaster at Monstructor but misses. Mostructor picks her up and snaps her body in half, then crushes suspiria witch coven member #2 with it. He throws the other have at The Captain who blocks it with his shield. Monstructor repeatedly swings at The Captain who continuously blocks his punches with his shield. Deadman comes at The Captain from the side knocking him over and causing him to drop his shield. Monstructor uses his moment of weakness to stomp on The Captain flattening him into the ice.

Continuing their assault Goro, Magmar, and Geoff Johns attack Iorek Byrnison. The polar bear king swipes his paw at Geoff Johns who falls to the ground bleeding. Goro holds down the bear while Magmar rips his armor off. Duke joins the fight and knocks Goro off of Iorek Byrnison, who seizes the opportunity and rips Goro's top two arms off. Iorek Byrnison shows how strong he is as he trades punches with the rock lord. Duke jumps in to help and falls dead from a head shot. Iorek Byrnison turns to see Geoff Johns fully healed, then the last thing he sees is a bullet travel straight into his eye.

Siren, meanwhile, attacks vindicator along with her Xebel Soldiers. Vindicator creates arctic ice daggers and throws them through the chest of Xebel Soldiers #15&16. The three remaining Xebel Soldiers hold down Vindicator while Siren forces a stream of water down her throat, drowning her.

Whizzy the Supercat chases after Mickey Mouse, who jumps off an iceberg onto Donald Duck. Whizzy lunges at them but misses and lands into the water. Since cats hate water he loses focus and starts crying and growling.  Arkillo pops out of the water behind him, dismembers, and then eats him.

The remaining Red Army members regroup on an iceberg to plan their attack. Blue Lantern Kyle Rayner, White Lantern Abin Sur, Arkillo, Goro, and Donald Duck use their rings to create a construct of a prison around the Red Army. Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Jar Jar approach Earth 2 Superman.

"The time for supermen in this league is over." says Mickey Mouse. "Teams with supermen characters are a thing of the past. Disney characters will soon be hoisting the Universe Bowl Trophy. You have no place left. Surrender and we will allow the rest of your team to live."

Earth 2 Superman takes a moment to ponder their offer. "I have a counter offer for you." Earth 2 Superman then uses his heat vision to incinerate Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Jar-Jar Binks. Next he melts the iceberg below him allowing his team to escape from the prison. Marv then jumps off the side of an iceberg into the water. Earth 2 Superman swoops in and catches him right before he hits the water. While all of the Grindhouse watches he crushes Marv in his fist. He dips his dirtied hand into the cool arctic water, pulls it out and polishes off his championship ring. He then flips off the Grindhouse as he flies away and orders his team to retreat.

S6W4 - The Shemalabama's Shitkickers vs The Transfoamers

The Shemalabama’s Shitkickers are: Nightwing (Lor Zod), Flamebird (Thar Ak-Ur), Red Lantern Hal Jordan, Vampire Kilowog, Razor, Aya, Blackfire, Duke/Transformer Mech Unit, Snake Eyes/Transformer Mech Unit, Scarlett/Transformer Mech Unit, Roadblock/Transformer Mech Unit, Albert (Wolverine Cyborg), Elsie-Dee, Revan, Bishop

“Master Revan, we have been waiting here on the field of battle for six nights.  We already missed the Seder and I cannot miss the last night of Passover!” exclaims Bishop.  “I think it is clearly evident that The Transfoamers are not going to show.”

“That may be true,” replies the ancient Jedi, “But we must wait here until they decide to submit a team or until the watcher grows tired of waiting and then is forced to write a crappy story about us sitting around eating unleavened bread for the last 7 days.”

It is at this time that an incoming communication begins to ring on Roadblock’s dash.  It is extremely uncommon for a team to have any interaction with the watchers or with ownership.  They get teleported, they kill, they die, repeat ten times, then they go to the graveyard.  This is the life of a FFL solider.  So when the higher powers call down to them (on the field of battle no less) everyone is silent and gathers around the screen.

“Greetings Shitkickers!  It is I, Fizzatu, your watcher for this week’s battle”

“Some battle we got here.” says an annoyed Bishop.

“Yeah!  What’s the deal? “ RL Hal Jordan adds.

“I have been in communication with The Commish, he has attempted to reach the ‘Foamers multiple times but they failed to send in a team or respond to his requests,” says the best looking watcher in the league.  “I'm getting bored so I am going to upload the coordinates of their home base into Roadblock’s SatNav.  Go there, kill whoever you want, and I’ll teleport you back out before they know what hit ‘em.  Sound good?”

After a brief pause Revan says with a smile, “Sounds Great…”

 

The Shitkickers arrive at home complex for The Transfoamers and are surprised at the sheer size.  Given the fact that they need to store hundreds of Transformers between matches, it actually shouldn’t be that surprising.  There are twelve large garages that most certainly house the large robots.  Three other buildings, also impressive in size, are clearly configured to house the more human sized members of the squad.  As they approach the buildings, Bishop stops the crew and directs their attention to the doorways above the first building.  Then they notice the second building.  Each one of the fifteen buildings has a large bloody, oily smear above their main entrances.  Lying dead upon the ground is the 15 Beast Wars Transformers that have clearly been sacrificed.

Bishop is clearly moved by this gesture.  “We have to go.” He says.  “The blood of these Paschal Lambs has already been spilled.”  He turns to face his team and they see how solemn and serious he is.

Revan nods and hits a button on Roadblock’s dash.  “Fizzatu, “ he says, “we’re all set here.”

As they are being teleported out, Nightwing turns to Flamebird and quietly asks “What’s a Paschal Lamb?”

“I have no idea,” replies Flamebird, “I’m Catholic.”

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers Vs. Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make A New Family

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Power Girl, Skyfire, White Dragon #13, King Lauffey, Frost Giant #1-6, and Courtney Cox.

Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are Mr. Freeze, Krypto the Superdog, The Arc Troopers: Captain, Lieutenant #1 and 2, Heavy Weapons Master, and #1-5 w/ Aerial Clone Trooper #1, Meta Knight, Max, Shark Boy, and Lava Girl, Mystery Inc.: Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, and Scooby Dumb, Vampire Assajj Ventress, Vampire Nick Houslander, Seaworm #7 & 8, Dark Supergirl, Vampire Starfire, Aunt May, Kyle Houslander, Zachary Houslander, Zombie Sonic the Hedgehog, and Iggy Koopa.


Well, dorks and dorkettes Joshatu the Fat and Gas-filled is busy watching The Slaves Vs. The Horsemen, so I am here to fill your brains with the best burp and fart jokes that your moronic little mind can handle (and I might just watch this match while I'm at it). So BLADD-OWHH Or whatever nonsensical thing the kids are saying these days. I'll be honest when I tell you that I can't see the action as well as I should because I am hold up inside this gnarly V.I.P. Watcher trailer with the heat cranked, a fat cigar blazing, and cup of hot coco bigger than Roseanne Barr's Butt. I mean, come on it's freezing out there and I can give you the gist of what is going on from inside here (maybe).

King Laufey is holding court in the largest of the icebergs, surrounded by his six frost giants and his ice queen Courtney Cox. He is swallowing large gulps of mead and consuming mass quantities of meat, while his woman sits on his lap. The two of them indulge in the smell of each others rich farts and they glare at any Frost Giant who dares cover their nose at the smell of their urine-soaked thrones (kings and queens don't get up unless they want to). Laufey and Courtney feel safe and content knowing that their skies are protected by Power Girl, Skyfire, and their white dragon; but The Super Kitties have determination, strength in numbers, dreams of the play-offs within their grasp, ... And a perfect record to maintain. King Lauffey and Queen Courtney of the House of Cox may have selected the most protected spot in the setting; but Mr. Freeze can fairly easily bridge the gap of icebergs with his freeze gun without the benefit of dragons or transformers. The area around them becomes engulfed in solid ice, instead of water; creating a large block of ice where these two entire teams can become locked in battle. Whew, sorry all that nonsense sounded like Josh writing for a second. Let me think of a poop joke... Okay here we go, what smells like poop; but looks like Easter chocolate... Wait for it... Poop molded into a bunny... Ha!! Get it. Anyways...

Power Girl starts by catching up to Zombie Sonic and punching his head off, but then is confronted by the trio of Krypto and Vampire Starfire, being led by Dark Supergirl. Power Girl quickly grabs a hold of Krypto and gets the dog in a strangle hold which cracks his neck. She then powers through the eye blasts of Starfire and comes back with enough heat vision to blast through her neck and remove the vampire's head. From this point Dark Supergirl and her good alternate earth self begin battling like crazy. The bruised and battered Dark Supergirl is able to get the upper hand in the battle and throws Power Girl to the ground. She then sends her foot through the face of Power Girl to finish her off. Supergirl would normally be game for the fight that approaches her, but she is so worn out from the battle with Power Girl, that the six Frost Giants that surround her have little difficulty battering her to death. Oh, and by the way Magwai #2 jumped into the water and has made hundreds of clones of himself, granted they all froze to death, but there sure were a lot of them. Speaking of freezing to death, I don't really need to tell you what happened to Aunt May, do I? Lava Girl didn't do so “hot” either, as she melted through the ice and drowned, but luckily she was able to toss a fireball at Queen Courtney before she went all the way through the ice which burnt Cox's face off.... Now Laufey and the Frost Giants are really mad. Yeah, I'm glad I'm stuck in this trailer, cuz this is about to get real ugly. It's prolly gonna be quick one way or another... Now let's get back to this thing... Skyfire does a strafing run that takes out Vampire Nick and the team's unofficial leader Mr. Freeze; but doesn't realize at first that The Arc Troopers have covertly landed on the Autobot and boarded him. They begin to rip apart the Transformer from the inside; but Skyfire reacts quickly. He divebombs into the water, allowing his entire insides to fill up with the freezing cold water. The Arc Troopers all drown and Skyfire is able to break back through the ice and rejoin the battle. The White Dragon swoops down and blasts Max with some wicked frost breath and then is met by the two ice bros., who the dragon makes short work of. Fred and Velma begin wondering where their powerful Seaworms have run off to, and they decide that they need to get to the bottom of this mystery. They tell Shag and Scoob to go find Shark Boy and tell him to jump in the water and start swimming around making as many waves as possible. The White Dragon enjoys a delicious meal of Scooby-Dumb, but while he is distracted, Vampire Ventress manages to double lightsaber his head clean off. Vampire Ventress then rushes towards King Lauffey, while the Frost Giants begin looming over Kyle, Zack, and Iggy Koopa. “These dudes are huge” screams Zack. “Which ones” replies Kyle as the two enormous seaworms come busting through the ice and take out all involved in the skirmish on both sides with their monstrous crysknife filled mouths wide open. Skyfire lands and begins taking aim at Meta-Knight. The Kirby king and Mystery Inc. try and draw his fire, but it seems like Velma has actually snuck inside the Autobot. Skyfire blasts Fred, Daphne, Shag, and Scoob; as well as Meta-Knight. But suddenly Skyfire transforms and begins to fly directly into the mouth of Seaworm #7, or is it #8, who knows, who cares? Right?? Velma sits behind the reprogrammed controls of Skyfire and says to the Autobot “Ha, bet you didn't think I could reprogram Cybertronian tech did ya?!!? Teach ya to mess with my friends”!! Skyfire then crashes into the mouth of Seaworm #8 killing all involved in the crash.

George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

George Washington's Slaves are Amazo, Non, Solomon Grundy, Ymir, Kol Skywalker (w/ green lantern ring), Shado Vao, Tim Cheveldae (w/ Tron Light Suit), Paul Coffey (w/ green lightsaber), Steve Yzerman (w/ w/ green lightsaber), Brian Murray (w/ green lightsaber), Chuck Norris (w/ Iron Man Suit), Venom II, Runner, Doppleganger, and Boga.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Superman, Flamebird, Nightwing, Dark Archangel, Ozymandias, War: Decimus Furius, Death: Sanjar Javered, Penstilence: Ichisumi, Famine: Jeb Lee, Black Lantern Yoda, White Suit Anakin Skywalker and John Mclane in a Snow Speeder, Black Lantern Chris Artrip, Black Lantern Mike Sroka, and Bugs Bunny (W/ Orange Kryptonite).


Ha... Sup y'all. Neon Master Pogo here to watch these two hella-sweet teams go at it out in the middle of this hell hole of ice... I'm going to start by... (cut-off in mid sentence)... “Shut your face Pogo. Like I'm going to let you watch this match”... This one is all me. Says Joshatu: The Great and Powerful.

It is a bitterly cold evening here on the Arctic Tundra as these two powerhouses mount up against one another. Neither of these teams held back anything going into this regular season match-up between two past Universe Bowl Combatants. A rivalry that was stained with the blood of top draft picks four long years ago. Dark Archangel has taken the lead of this Horsemen squad, due to the fact that many of the squad's most powerful characters are still emotionally and mentally troubled by fighting for a team with such a checkered past. Superman's issues have been well documented throughout this season, but other Horsemen go into this battle with reservations as well. Flamebird and Nightwing, despite fighting for The Men of Apokolips for several seasons can't help but think that their relative Superman has some points when it comes to his public misgivings. John Mclane still can't believe he's back, and especially fighting against a team that he once fought alongside of as part of The Fizzle Divizzle. While The Black Lantern Versions of both Yoda and Chris Artrip just can't help but feel that something is not right about mounting an attack against George Washington's Slaves. The Slaves on the other hand are geared up for a fight and are all on the same page, mostly due to the incredible field leadership of Steve to the Steve and The Brian Murenthay. Several of the fighters on both of these teams realize that this will most likely be their last FFL Fight; but they would all find it to be worth it if it means dealing a loss to their rival.

This match quickly begins to morph in to a water match as the firepower of these two teams works to melt the ice around them, making the icebergs few and far between. It makes this team battle turn into a series of small skirmishes as the icebergs become separated by yards and yards and gallons and gallons of water. Non follows Amazo, as they take to the air and move towards The Final Horsemen. Amazo knows that he must take out these ancient mutants if The Slaves will ever achieve the proper chance to take down a fully-powered Horsemen Squad. He also knows that Non at the tale end of his FFL career is exactly the “Slave” he wants by his side to take out Dark Archangel and his crew of death-dealers.

Anakin and Mclane begin what may end up being a future FFL BFF Scenario as they speed around the outskirts of the icy tundra, setting up a perimeter for the rest of the Horsemen.

The Black-Coated gun wielding Venom leaps at the black-Coated gun wielding Chris Artrip, on the same berg as Black Lantern Mike Sroka who attempts to bite off more than he can chew by wildly charging at The Runner. Bugs Bunny is flying around at top speed with his Kryptonian like powers when he finds out to his dismay that his Orange Kryptonite is bestowing the same powers on Boga as it is on him.

Black Lantern Yoda, a strange amalgamation of a creature still drawn in by the dark-spirited want to eat every heart in his way and of a Master Jedi with a force of will and dedicated philosophy that still makes him very much the Yoda of old. This confused version of power makes short work of the wooden Solomon Grundy, who actually doesn't have to die on a Monday because I am actually watching this match early this week. Solomon Grundy quickly finds himself headless as he rushes towards the miniature Master Lantern and his “blackened” green lightsaber. BL Yoda finds that Doppleganger resides on this small island as well.

Flamebird and Nightwing surround the berg where Ozymandias is doing his best to dodge the attacks of Ymir, who is being backed up by Tim, Paul, Steve, and The Bry.

Superman is busy receiving fits from the green lantern powered descendant of his TEAMmate (Oops, I mean teammate. Sorry, old habits) Anakin Skywalker. Kol and his padawan Shado Vao. The Jedi are fast, but Superman is faster. And when Kol Skywalker takes aim with the full power of his green ring in the form of a kryptonite spear to blast Supes, The Man of Steel moves out of the way just in time causing the blast to miss Superman and hit Shado Vao head on. The sight of his dead apprentice brings Skywalker to a very non-jedi like rage. He draws his lightsaber and leaps at Superman with his ring power being dedicated fully to his protective aura. Superman despite this great show of power by his opponent manages to catch the lightsaber filled hand of his opponent in his own and then finish him off with a dose of heat vision that raises the temperature of this entire frigid setting by a solid fifteen degrees.

… Chuck Norris is nowhere to be found... But it is the job of the ranger to be invisible...

Amazo and Non attack Dark Archangel's team without prejudice. As quick as the flash, Amazo uses his green lantern like abilities to lay waste to Decimus Furius and Ichisumi. While Non brutally crushes the heads of Sanjar Javeed and Jeb Lee. Dark Archangel rushes in too late in an attempt to fight alongside his crew; but he still has his rage as an ally. He powers through Amazo, leading with his wings and slices the robot into three pieces. Amazo dies unable to recoup from the wounds due to Apocalypse's mysticism still lingering within the wings of Archangel. Amazo is quickly avenged though as Non grabs a hold of the wings of Archangel viciously ripping them off before crushing the mutant's cranium with his bare hands.

Flamebird and Nightwing swoop down towards their opponents. Ozymandias backflips out of the way to make room for their attacks in the nick of time; but Ymir welcomes the duo. He stands prepared to do battle in his icy home turf; but his arrogance gets the best of him, as he cannot withstand the physical barrage that he is subjected to as Flamebird and Nightwing come down hard on the frost giant. Tim Cheveldae in full tron light suit and Steve Yzerman, with his kyber-crystal, green bladed hockey stick rush the two Kryptonians next but they are easily dispatched by one quick swat from their super-strength powered backhands. Black Lantern Sroka in a Tim-filled rage sees this out of the corner of his eye and goes nuts... How he so wanted to consume the heart of Tim to the Timmy. The Black Lantern decides to end his battle quickly, by surprisingly ripping into the heart of The Runner. The far more powerful character cannot believe that he is meeting his demise from a creature singing, ranting, and carrying on about Tim, Paul, Steve, and The Bry, Tim Mevelmae, Scrimmell, Crimmell, and Timmell. Sroka quickly eats his heart as if he was killing his desert hot dog on the way out the door of Coney Island. The Insane lantern then flies to the nearby iceberg where he means to consume the heart of his idol Paul Coffey. But Coffey can go lunatic, just as good as the next guy... Paul scores on his own net in the process; but uses his green bladed hockey stick, along with his explosive power to remove the head of Black Lantern Sork and end his reign of timmelerror (by the way, in this case “scoring on his own net” refers to how Paul accidentally cut off The Bry's head while igniting his lightstick... Oops).

Flamebird and Nightwing take flight to search out their next opponent, but he finds them before they find him. Non, is in a rage. Though he would normally be outmatched by the two much faster and sleeker Kryptonians, Non is not taken by them today. He grabs them both by the neck, one in each hand and does not stop squeezing until they are lifeless. He is scarred by the heat vision blasts from the two dying women; but it was not enough to stop him... But their cousin is. Superman rushes in and attacks Non head on. The two battle in the air, trading blows; but the weakened Non is no match for Supes. The Last Son of Krypton becomes the last character of Krypton left in this battle as he comes down hard on the back of Non's neck with both fists.

Black Lantern Fizz attacks with a fueled hatred for life; but he is not quite quick enough to take out the highly trained Venom. His symbiote powers dig deep into the history of the species to find the right chemical mix to coat his bullets that is able to kill the unsuspecting Black Lantern with what seems to be conventional tech. The now super-powered Boga leaps to Ozymandias' berg in a single bound and heat visions the hell out of the hero turned businessman. Black Lantern Yoda leaves his battle with Doppleganger to nip this super-powered alien in the bud right quick. A series of quick flips and black lantern fueled force pushes are enough to slow down the Boga, and a lightsaber to the heart is enough to finish him off. Yoda begins to sheath his lightsaber when he feels a disturbance in the force. He turns around just in time to feel the combined power of flame and laser melting Yoda into nothingness... You never know when the ranger lurks behind you...

White Suit Skywalker is busy complaining about the inferior rebel tech used in the making of their snow speeder, while Mclane is complaining about everything else. Skywalker and Mclane take aim from the air at Venom, but their ship is then hit from behind. “S**t Skywalker, I thought you were a Go*^(mn pilot, what the f^&k hit us” screams John. Anakin crash lands the speeder safely and sees Norris land in front of them. Venom, Doppleganger, and Coffey join him to make their last stand. But Skywalker ignites his lightsaber and prepares for battle. Venom leaps at the Horsemen BFFs; but is taken out of the air by the speeding Bugs Bunny. Venom fights back, but if you thought Bugs was quick like a bunny before, you should see him on Orange Kryptonite. Bugs is unaffected by Venom's bullets, but Venom is very affected by Bugs' heat vision, which melts him in to nothingness. “S&*t, why don't we use this rabbit every G%%^*&mn week”? Asks Mclane. Doppleganger attacks next, but is met with a wicked left handed punch to the mouth from Mclane. The two begin rolling in the snow beating the living hell out of each other, while Norris and Skywalker compete in an amazing battle of finesse and grace. Superman shows up to help out what is left of his team, but he's not sure which fight he can even get in the middle of. Bugs moves to help out Anakin, but Coffey is ready; and he always has hated cartoons (they get in the way of training to gain explosive power). Coffey launches his lightstick at Bugs and with a little luck and a ton of hall of fame skill Paulathore manages to put it directly into the chest of Bugs Bunny to send his second person of the day to the graveyard.

Anakin manages to finally get close enough to Iron Norris by dodging his many attacks. He leaps into the air and removes his head, ala Windu/Fett in Episode 2. Skywalker sees what has happened to Bugs out of the corner of his eye and immediately begins force-choking the All Star (he may be good now, but he still did have years of Sith training... Besides, Luke and Leia aren't around). Coffey dies, as Anakin regroups with Superman. They begin casually discussing the battle plan, while Mclane floats up on the brink of hypothermia, bruised and bleeding, using the body of Doppleganger as a life raft. He crawls up on the iceberg and says: “No no no, please don't help... I got this.. Super-powered, useless A**holes”!!