Consortium Week 9 House Elves vs The Retard that does the pregame show on TNT

House Elves: Thor

Barkleys: Cyborg, and Batwoman

S11 W9 - The Empire vs The Something Something Midgets

The Empire is: Leonardo (w/ blue & green Lantern rings), Michelangelo (w/ Orange Lantern ring), Donatello (w/ Indigo Lantern Ring), Raphael (w/ Red Lantern Ring), Keno (w/ a Star Sapphire), Putty #6-10.

The Little People are: He-Man

“I have the POWER!” From atop the Teen Titans tower, He-man bellows his iconic phrase as lightning strikes the power sword.

The Puttys from Power Rangers rush the Eternian prince and he effortlessly cuts them down and throws them from the tower.

“Show him what we taught ya, Dude!” Says Mikey to Keno. Keno charges He-man but with a mighty backhand swing, is cleaved in twain.

“Turtle Power!” yell the Ninja turtles.

Donnie reaches He-Man first and tries to block his attack with his staff… and loses because it’s a stick. It breaks easily in two and the sword impales so deep into his skull that it gets stuck for a second in his shell. This moment gives Mikey a chance to clime onto his back and being strangling him with a nunchuck and Raph gives him the “cell block special” by shanking him repeatedly in the sides and legs with his Sais. He-man gets his sword free in time to block Leo’s katana attack and deliver a swift kick to the chest that sends the turtle leader sliding backwards on his shell. He-man then grabs the nunchuck chain around his neck and pulls it apart. He spins around and faces Mikey who still has a firm grip on his weapon and with two quick revolutions, He-Man launches Mikey clear across the bay and into the side of a building in Jump City.

He-Man picks up his sword again, slowly this time as his abdomen is quickly spilling blood. He raises it to strike Raph but is held back by the Red Lantern ring of Raph and the Green lantern ring of Leo disarms the prince.

Leo is still trying to get off his back. He’s just rolling around over there trying to flip himself.

Mustering all the strength of Eternia he manages to push though Raphael’s ring power and get his large hands around the skull of the turtle. As he presses his enormous thumbs into the eye sockets of the most tubular of the turtles, they both let out earth shattering screams. Raph’s flailing arms manage to find one of his sais and to his final breath, continues to impale his attacker’s chiseled abdomen.

He-man struggles to find the strength to stand. He can feel his power fading and he is beginning to slip back into his princely form. He takes a look at his blood soaked hands and watches as two katana blades come clean through his chest.

The Striders of Rohan Vs. Affirmative Action Popeye's

The Striders of Rohan are Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad, Batman & Robin (Dick Grayson & Damien Wayne), & Fedayeen #3-4.

Affirmative Action Popeye's is Kyle's Homeboy Frank, Bebop, Rocksteady, The Macho Man (w/ a Power Ring), Slash, Tigger, Sentinel #1, Predator #1, & Predator #12.


A lot is on the line here; so let's jump right into this one. The Predators comes out all predatory and take out the two Fedayeen; but Batman and Robin know this tower inside and out and are able to sneak up on the sneakiest of sneakers and kick both the Predators off the tower to their doom. Batman and Robin then prove Alex on draft day right about how good they would be in this setting by taking out Bebop and Rocksteady almost as fast as I do in the TMNT NES Game. Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad had an explosive set on the Sentinel before Kyle and Ethan even got their lazy butts out of bed this morning that blows the machine to bits, and as an after thought pulls out his Glock and puts a well placed shot right between the eyes of Slash. Robin takes a bit too much pleasure in kicking Tigger off the roof; but in a surprise play; The Macho Man goes all roid-rage-power-ring-boost-spell-#wherestheloveforrandysavage and double clotheslines Batman and Robin off the roof, falling down with them and joining them in death.

Kyle's Homeboy Frank slowly picks up a birdarang and Predator claw from the ground, while Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad picks up a batarang and crysknife. “We knew it would come to this Pops” says Kyle's Homeboy Frank.

“Truly a shame. Must suck to know you are the second best man in a deathmatch” says Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad in retort.

“We'll see about that Old Man” proclaims Kyle's Homeboy Frank as he lunges at his Father, weapons drawn.

A well placed spinkick from Kyle's Homeboy Frank finds itself blocked as Kyle's Homeboy Frank Dad's apprentice turned enemy is thrown to the ground by Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad himself. “Good move; but you lack proper balance to maintain it against a superior opponent” Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad says to Kyle's Homeboy Frank.

Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad tosses his Batarang at Kyle's Homeboy Frank; but Kyle's Homeboy Frank accomplishes a wicked dodge of the projectile.

“Bet you can't match those moves at your age”. Kyle's Homeboy Frank proclaims arrogantly at the expense of Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad.

“You may move like a cat Kyle' Homeboy Frank, but you don't have nine lives. And it looks like I am about to be forced to prove it” says Kyle's Homeboy Franks's Dad.

“That's right Pops, we only get five lives here” Kyle's Homeboy Frank says to break the 4th Wall and give me, the writer a lazy opportunity to finish the match.

With these words still on the lips of Kyle's Homeboy Frank, he rushes at his father proclaiming that this life will be the one that proves who the best man on this Tower is. Kyle's Homeboy Frank flings his birdarang while simultaneously executing his spinkick in a totally perfect fashion. Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad feels the air move past his face as he dodges the kick with less than a centimeter to spare. Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad then grabs the leg of Kyle's Homeboy Frank and flings him off the top of the Tower as he says: “Maybe next time kid....... Maybe next time”.

TEAM Vs. Be Gentle It's My First Time

TEAM is Hubcap, Mario, & Luigi

Be Gentle It's My First Time is Taskmaster (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring), Chuck Norris (NOT IN A DAMN PENGUIN SUIT BECAUSE HE IS CHUCK NORRIS), & 3 Jedi Knights.


Mario and Luigi hop out of Hubcap in his car form and start playing it up for the crowd here atop Titans' Tower for the final week of the regular season. They shut the doors simultaneously and Hubcap begins to transform into his robot form. But as soon as he begins to take shape, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the head off of the Autobot. The fight then jumps into full force as Mario begins battling all three of the Jedi Knights and Luigi goes one on one with Taskmaster.

Mario uses his cape to take out the first Jedi; but the other two catch him with their sabers turning him into regular Mario, forcing him to do a traditional head stomp on the other two Jedi. As Mario continues to bounce off the heads of his enemies, Chuck tosses the unignited lightsaber of his fallen Jedi partner at the forehead of Mario with a direct hit, sending the plumber tumbling off the Tower.

Luigi, dressed in his rare Hammer Bros. Suit, is in a pitched battle with Taskmaster who is using his own abilities and his yellow lantern ring to match Luigi's hammer attacks and duplicate them with perfect precision. Taskmaster delivers a wicked kick to Luigi that destroys his hammer bros. suit; but Luigi counters with a jumping punch that knocks the ring from Taskmaster's hand and Taskmaster off of the Tower.

Only Luigi and Norris remain atop the Tower as they stare each other down. Luigi tells Chuck that he is a big fan of Walker: Texas Ranger and that he knows what he is up against. Chuck Norris politely says: “Thank you” and then lets Luigi in on some knowledge. Chuck says: “I know you are the best character in Super Mario 2, which is why I beat the whole game using only Toad”. A third foot then came out of Chuck's beard and roundhoused Luigi all the way back to The Mushroom Kingdom.

Week 9: Dino-Mites vs. Ahsoka's Assassins

Dino-Mites: Emperor Joker and Larry Koopa w/ Ice Flower

Ahsoka Tano’s Acrobatic Assassins: The Doom Patrol: The Chief, Mento, Elasti-Girl, Robot Man, Negative Man and Beast Boy (4 deaths)

Emperor Joker and Larry Koopa are on top of the Teen Titans Tower about to break into the building when they are interrupted by the arrival of The Doom Patrol. The Chief first questions Joker by asking him why he’s trying to break into the Tower. The Joker responds by using his omnipotent powers to blow Elasti-Girl, Mento, Robot Man and Negative Man into a million pieces and then proceeds to do the same to Larry Koopa because he thought it was funny. He laughs hysterically and then says “I’m breaking into the tower to kidnap Batman’s Boy Wonder Robin, I want to use him as bait so I can finally kill Batsy.” 

The Chief then realizes that even with all of The Joker’s omnipotent powers he still spends his time trying to spite the Dark Knight. The Chief then recognizes that The Joker can not exist without Batman. The Chief uses his genius intellect to describe to Joker that a world without Batman would cause a huge amount of crime around Gotham which at first The Joker likes but then he realizes that if there’s a world without Batman then there’s a world without Joker and that he would return to being sane. This causes The Joker to be frightened and surrender his omnipotent powers because he understands that he can not live in a world without his greatest adversary. 

All while The Chief and The Joker were having this conversation, Beast Boy turned himself into an ant and snuck himself behind the Crown Prince of Crime. Once Joker surrendered his powers Beast Boy turned himself into a Box Jellyfish and stins him. The Joker realizes that he has just been stung by one of the most venomous creatures in the world and only has a couple of minutes left to live. He pulls out a stack of dynamite from his back pocket to try and kill them all on top of the Teen Titans Tower, but before the dynamite explodes Beast Boy turns himself into a Blue Whale and smothers The Joker. Ultimately sacrificing himself for The Chief.