S6 Wk9: Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats vs Royal Highness

Layanderlett’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Working Together to Make a New Family are White Lantern Batman, Robin: Dick Grayson, Bat-Girl: Betty Kane, Harley Quinn Monkey, and Gramma Nutt.

The Royal Highness is Phantom Stranger and The Red Hood: Jason Todd w/a blue lightsaber.

White Lantern Batman ponders to himself as he prepares for the final battle of this year’s regular season.

“For as long as I can remember I have been forced to carry this burden. The weight of this ring is heavy on my soul. Why? Why must the White Entity embody me? Is it because so often I have put young children into harm’s way time and time again? Am I being punished? Has this entire thing that I have known as the FFL been in reality, a form of purgatory?”

A young voice then begins to echo in what seems like the distance.

“Batman.”

“Hey Batman.”

“Bruce!”

This finally shakes White Lantern Batman from his farlong daze. He turns to his side and sees his first Robin, Dick Grayson, still young and hopeful. The years have yet to age him into the man known as Nightwing. Robin finishes packing his utility belt with his bird-a-rangs, smoke bombs and flash bangs.

“Dude, you going to be ok? We’ve got work do to in Arkham tonight,” Robin says to his mentor. “Which is never an easy night if you ask me.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, Dick,” responds White Lantern Batman. “But be careful out there tonight.”

Robin shoots him a smirk as he races out the locker room, “Come on Batman. Aren’t I always?”

The Harley Quinn Monkey from Earth 2 lets out a screech and scampers past White Lantern Batman, before climbing up onto Bat-Girl’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it Batman,” reassures Bat-Girl. “We’ll be back victorious before you can even say Holy strait jacket.”

Still worrisome of tonight’s battle, White Lantern leaves the locker room, for what could be the very last time.

Lightning cracks the midnight sky, as a torrential downpour begins to pound down in Gotham City. Moments later there is a massive boom of thunder that fills the air. Robin eagerly leads the team towards Arkham Asylum. With a couple parkour hops, he leaps with excitement over the stone wall that surrounds the asylum. White Lantern Batman, flies effortlessly over the wall and uses his ring to bring Bat-Girl, Harley Quinn-Monkey and Gramma Nutt over as well.

“My my my. I do feel quite out of place in this dreadful building,” the CandyLand native murmurs to herself.

“Fear not, Gramma. You have been with the Kitties since we were originally known as P.M.S. Your experience and magical peanuts could prove very useful tonight,” White Lantern Batman says.

Batman then hears some laughing from high above on a balcony. Only it’s not the laughter from the Joker that one would expect to hear echoing through the halls of Arkham. Yet it is still very familiar.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me?” the voice cackles. “You brought this old lady to aid you? Give me a break Bruce. Oh wait, the Joker already did that. Several times. With a crowbar. Remember? Ah… the good ‘ol days.”

The worrisome look on White Lantern Batman’s face quickly turns to an angry scowl as he realizes who is mocking him.

“Jason,” he growls.

Red Hood flips down off from the balcony and in front of Bat-Girl.

“Hey check this out. I bet you’ve never seen this before,” Red Hood quips and in an instant he grabs a hold of the young blonde girl and breaks her neck, twisting her head completely around.

Betty’s eyes stare blankly at White Lantern Batman as they begin to roll back into her head. A small amount of blood trickles down from her nose as Red Hood tosses the body up against a cell that appears to have once held the serial killer, Mr. Zsasz.

“NOOOOOO!!!!” shouts White Lantern Batman.

Batman then fires a bolt of white energy towards Bat-Girl’s lifeless body, but it is deflected by a mysterious force.

“I am sorry Bruce, but I cannot allow you to do that. This is the course that has been set forth; I mustn’t let you alter things of this nature. The ramifications would be too dire for your teammate. She shall rise again in your locker once this contest is over,” says the Phantom Stranger as he lets his presence known.

“Boys, boys, boys. Now now, that’s no way to act in front of Gramma Nutt,” the CandyLand matriarch says as White Lantern Batman and Phantom Stranger begin to square off.

She then reaches into the pockets of her apron and pulls out a handful of magical peanuts. Gramma Nutt takes aim and launches them at Phantom Stranger. But the mysterious being outstretches his hand and redirects them back at Gramma Nutt, eradicating her into a smear of peanut butter all over a clear acrylic cell door.

Robin then leaps into action and punches Red Hood in his head and then follows it up with a spin kick to the chest that sends Jason reeling backwards.

“Ha, I was hoping Bruce would be dumb enough to bring you here tonight, Dick,” Red Hood says as he takes his now cracked helmet off and tosses it down.

“Screeeeeeeeecccchh,” squeals Harley Quinn Monkey as she leaps off of a hanging light and towards Jason Todd.

The Red Hood however pulls his blue lightsaber out of his jacket, quickly ignites it and slices the monkey in twain.

“That’s it Jason,” Robin growls. “Time to teach you exactly why you will forever be second fiddle to me.”

The original Robin and the man who once took up that mantle begin to circle each other. Both combatants carefully measure each other up before engaging in battle. Jason reacts first and lets out a yell before racing towards Dick. The two parry, block and counter every single attack the other throws at them. Batman trained them both well. This is something that is causing a distraction in White Lantern Batman in this fight against Phantom Stranger.

“Your new power is great, Batman,” Phantom Strangers bellows ominously. “But it fits you ill.”

Phantom Stranger then fires a powerful energy bolt at Batman, but the White Lantern puts up a protective shield against the attack.

“You are one to talk about ill-fitting power…. Judas Iscariot,” grunts White Lantern Batman as he continues to block the energy bolts being launched at him.

This enrages Phantom Stranger, which causes him to intensify his attack. The blasts launch Batman crashing through a wall.

“You know nothing of my past, orphan, and you are far from earning the right to call me by my given name,” Phantom Stranger growls.

“Bruce! You ok?!” shouts Robin as he continues to defend against the Red Hood’s attack.

White Lantern Batman blasts the debris that covers him as he regains his composure.

“I’m fine, Dick. Do not lose focus. I am not going to lose you today,” shouts Batman.

Batman’s comment infuriates the Red Hood, who side steps Robin. He grabs the Boy Wonder by his cap, yanks him down to the ground and pins him down to the ground by pushing his knee into Robin’s back.

“Lose him? LOSE HIM BRUCE?!?!” shouts Jason. “Where was this compassion when you sent me out in battle time and time again?!”

Batman starts to respond but is cut off by the Red Hood. “IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE BRUCE! NOW YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH LOSING DICK TOO!”

The Red Hood ignites his lightsaber, raises it in the air and begins to thrust it down towards the back of Robin’s head. White Lantern Batman fires a blast of White Energy towards Red Hood, but everything all of a sudden stops in time.

“I’ve already told you Bruce that I wasn’t going to allow you to intervene with the course of tonight’s events,” Phantom Stranger says to Batman as he has stop time all around the two of them.

“I may not be able to save Robin, but I can stop you from walking away today, Stranger,” Bruce says.

He then goes to bended kneed and musters every last bit of white energy that he can. White Lantern Batman then lets out a yell as he outstretches his arms and unleashes a blinding blast of white energy at Phantom Stranger.

Time once again begins to slowly click by, and then quickly speeds up to its normal speed. The Red Hood continues with his lightsaber thrust, but Robin was patient and swiftly moves out of the way and out from his opponent. He then in a blink of an eye turns ignited lightsaber around and jams it up underneath Jason’s chin. The blue glow from the lightsaber pours out from the Red Hood’s open mouth as it then pierces through and out the top of his head.

“Holy jack-o-lantern, I’m fast,” Robin quips as Red Hood’s body falls to the ground.

Phantom Stranger’s fedora then blows past Robin as he tosses the lightsaber aside. “You see that Batman? Batman…..”

Robin turns around and sees Batman’s White Lantern ring on the floor of Arkham with no sign of either the Phantom Stranger or White Lantern Batman. Robin solemnly kneels down, picks up the ring and puts it into his utility belt as he realizes that he is the sole survivor of this battle.

Spoiler Sport: Week 8

Hello everyone, Cotton McKnight here. Welcome to Spoiler Sport. Here on The Ocho! The punishing Jundland Wastes took little pity on teams that travelled lighty this week.

We begin in The Stan Lee Conference, where The Tolkien Division maintained status quo. TEAM had a predictable win against Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies, in part to Fizzatz Haderach. The Dopefiends destroy Griswold's Nut Busters, giving The Busters one last chance to gain that elusive victory. In The Herbert Division, The Kennelz cage the Kitties, as the Dune locals were too much for White Lantern Batman. The Royal Highness rolls Team Sleeping Pussy, with Yoda's FFL experience leading the way again.

Meanwhile, in The Clarke Division of The Lucas Conference, The Slaves revolt against The Empire, proving once again that George Washington is their only master. The Red Army/Rabblerousers match started with a car crash and ended with a train wreck, thanks to everybody's favorite drunk Jen Linley.

The Spielberg Division was action packed, with the Shemalabama Shit-Kickers barely overcoming The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse, despite an impressive line up... and Real Man. Finally, we had a glimpse into the foundations of The FFL. The Horsemen barely win again against the determined Brotherhood of Evil Midgets, but the future looks brighter than ever thanks to this fourth wall shattering bout! We here at Spoiler Sport would like to thank these two visionaries for our existance, as well as give our condolences to the families of the three Spoiler Sport crew members that committed suicide upon realizing the gravity of this disturbing revelation.

Speaking of suicide attempts, we head to Pepper Brooks for our weekly graveyard resurrection points update. Pepper!

"Muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh muh. Muh muhmuh muhhmuh, muh muhmuhmuh. Muhmuh muh, muh muh muhhmuh. Muhmuh, muh muh muh. Muh, muh muhmuh muh, muhmuh, muhhmuh muh muh MUH! Muh muh muh. Muhmuh muhhmuh muh muh muh muhhmuh muhhm! Muh muhmuh Mmuh...

Thanks Pepper! You still got it! This week, the divisions will be settled, and the play-off match up possibilities could drive you insane! Luckily, the finest orderlies will be available as The FFL finishes the regular season off at Arkham Asylum!

For The Ocho, I'm Cotton McKnight. Stay tuned for Back Alley Craps, this time in the lovely city of St. Louis. Thank you, and good night.

Season Six Week Eight Standings

Empire vs Slaves

George Washington’s slaves are…

Runner, Warlock, Sunspot, Jaba the hut, Trojan Man, Tony the Tiger, Assblaster #1, Athos, Porthos, Aremis, D'Artagian, Sandworm 16-20, Suk Doctor #1

The Empire is…

Rick Grimes, Lori Grimes, Carl Grimes, Shane Walsh w/ Darth Malak’s Lightsaber, Glenn, Maggie Greene, Dale Horvath, Darryl Dixon w/throwing knives, Theodore “T-Dog” Douglas, Andrea, Amy, Tyreese, Hershel Greene, Axel, Michonne w/ Purple Light Saber, Michonne’s Zombie Pet #1, Michonne’s Zombie Pet #2, Sandworm #9, Sandworm #13, Vigo the Carpathian, Black Zero (DC), Black Lantern Dark Phoenix, Black Lantern Colossus, Black Lantern Scarlett Witch, Sand, Indigo Lantern Sinestro, Doozer #5

Monday April 29,2013 Jundland wastes.

The Slaves march threw a rocky canyon when they come across a large brown vehicle. Runner spots a small humanoid wearing a cloak and decides to ask for directions. As the runner approaches another jawa jumps from behind the sand crawler and shots him with a sun gun. The rest of the slaves rush into help but also right into the jawa’s trap and become slaves to a new master.

Tuesday April 30,2013 Jundland wastes

The jawa’s come across a group of shady moisture farmers and sell them Trojan Man, Ass Blaster#1, and Suk Doctor #1. Just after the sale is complete Ass Blaster#1 explodes and proves all the stereotypes about jawas are true. The Jawa’s give no refund.

Wednesday May 1 2013 Moisture Farm

The Farmers have been drinking Tatooine shine all day when one of them asks “ When you say you got yer selfa suck docter does dat mean what a think it does?” The Farmers proceeded to do things to Suk Doctor#1 that are illegal in twelve systems. After they were finished they killed the Doctor because they couldn’t bear to look it in the eyes. The Farmers forced Trojan Man to drag the body out to the desert and bury it. On their way back a masked man with a jet pack fly’s up.

“Good evening gentlemen, did you recently purchase this latex gentleman from a group of Jawas”?

Moisture farmer: Who the hell are you?

“Forgive me Gentlemen my name is Boba fett, I am a Bounty hunter and this man happens to be the only person who knows were my biggest payday to date is currently residing.  Therefore I have a proposition for you.

Moisture farmer: Not interested fancy pants!

Boba Fett: Oh Come now, you haven’t even heard my proposition.

Moisture farmer: Get off my land CLONE!

Boba Fett: How dare you sir, for that I am gana shoot you in the face.

Boba Fett shoots the moisture farmer and his friends dead and makes a deal with Trojan Man that if he helps him catch the Jawa’s, they with fight the empire together. But First they have to get Trojan Man some new clothes.

Thursday May 2 Mos Eisley

Boba Fett and Trojan Man go shopping.

Friday May 3 Tosche Station

When the two finally catch up with the Jawa’s they sit atop a large rock formation and pick the “little bastards” off from a distance, with the exception of one that is just winged and captured for questioning.  The two learn that the empire has been paying top dollar for any fantasy characters the jawa’s can provide. Seems as though they have developed a taste for the finer things and are staging their own private death matches at a compound deep in the wastes.

Boba Fett: Well then this should be no problem at all, Ill just grab my ship and well scoot on over and drop a nuclear warhead.

Trojan Man: No we have to try and save my people.

Boba fett: But you heard the little creep their holding death match’s, your friends are probably already dead.

Trojan Man: We have to try.

Boba fett: Well if you insist, then I insist that we do things my way. And my way means COSTUMES!

The two disguise themselves as a high roller looking to purchase a fantasy fighter and a fantasy fighter expert. Trojan Man contacts the huts and informs them of the situation, they help them gain access to the fight circle on behalf of Jaba. Once in they are introduced to Mr. Grimes.

Rick: Hello gentlemen, I hear your all interested in some good ol fashioned fantasy fights. Can I interest you in a drink?

Boba Fett: no thank you.

Rick: What about you boy, you thirsty?

Trojan Man: no thanks boy.

Rick: Oh lord where did you dig him up? You know I’ve heard tell about you. They say you’re a real bright boy Iam curious just what is it that makes you such a fantasy expert?

Trojan Man: I am curious, what makes you so curious?

Rick:  I just told you.? Come over here I want you to see somethin. This here is D'Artagian, he thought it would be a good idea to try and escape . We gone see if we can just get him to explain himself. Now D'Artagian why ever would you want to leave my humble abode?

  D'Artagian: Miser Grimes I just cannot fight no more. You forced me to fight and kill my brothers Porthos and Athos , I can’t kill Aremis i don’t have it in me anymore.

Rick: Oh come now D'Artagian, you may not be able to kill him but you sure can fight him. You see when I pay 500 dollars for a fight I expect five fights or a dead body. So what I am tryin to say is which is it gone be D'Artagian?

D'Artagian sits still and crys

Rick: You disappoint me D'Artagian, Michonne have your pets stomp D'Artagian to death.

Boba fett is clearly disgusted by this, while Trojan Man shows no emotion. After Rick feels as though he has sufficiently intimidated the two he takes them on a tour of the complex. This is where Trojan man discovers that All of his team is dead as all of their heads are mounted on the wall.  Trojan man and boba fett excuse themselves for a moment and set explosives all around. Boba fett leaves before he kills anyone in play. Then Trojan Man Kicks in the parlor door and yells D’ARTAGIAN MOTHERFUCKER!!!! He Shoots rick in the face, Daryl and Glenn in the chest, T-Dog in the liver, and finally he turns and blows Carl’s Dick off. Trojan man then runs out and sets off the explosives killing everyone.   

S6W8 - Midgets vs. Horsemen

Fizzatu here, coming at you again in the first person.  In my first year as watcher I have been given the difficult task of writing a former champion each week since week 3.  This week will prove to be my most difficult yet.  I get to write the battle between one of the biggest rivalries in the league, the battle of the two commissioners.  Both teams threw everything at this one so let’s hope I don’t eff this one up too much.  Hang on, here are the two pimp ass sqauds these guys are putting up:

The Horsemen are: Sandworm #14, Sheeana Brugh, Superman, Anti-Monitor, John McClaine (w/ Oscorp Glider), Snowflame, Joker (w/M202A Rocket Launcher), Lord Voldemort (9 Deaths), Michael Myers (9 Deaths.  w/ red lightsaber), Hercules (9 Deaths. w/ Heat Axe), Sersi (9 Deaths), and a Jawa Sand Crawler.

The Midgets are: Alexander the Great and Bucephalus, Emperor Joker, Superboy (Conner Kent), Superboy (Clark Kent), Wolverine (9 Deaths), Space Ghost (9 Deaths), Black Lantern Blip, Boba Fett (w/double bladed red lightsaber) & R2 unit #3 in an A-wing), Salacious B. Crumb, Stilgar, Allia Atreides, Toad (w/ a Yoshii egg), Megalon, Mangy Mouse (w/ indigo Lantern Ring), Black Lantern Ryan Poteracki, Hammer brother Shaun Poteraki, and the Kitchen Sink.

First, before we teleport to The Jundland Wastes for this week’s battle, we will travel in time back about 7 years ago, back when this league only existed in the minds of these two owners.  We watch from above, peering into the living room of Ryan’s apartment back in Novi.  Bud Light bottles scatter the room, along with countless one subject spiral notebooks, and we observe the real life Josh and Ryan deciding on who will make the cut and be on the list of 600 worthy characters who will become the first ones ever drafted in the new Fantasy Fantasy League.  Can everyone see them?  Look how happy they are.  These two put in so many hours in the fall of 2007, cultivating and nurturing this baby together.  It’s hard to believe that in just 6 years this beautiful child of theirs would be the very thing that will fuel their angst for each other.  Josh is getting ready to leave the apartment.  It looks like they are done for the night.

“This is gonna be awesome dude.” Says Josh.

“I know.  Drive safe, we’ll talk tomorrow” Replies Ryan.

“Will do.  Keep your spirit alive.”

Ryan smiles and shakes Josh’s hand.  “Keep your Marvel spirit alive.”

Wow.  Good stuff.  Now let’s teleport these two teams into the match.

Alexander the Great sits atop the mighty Bucephalus and looks toward his troops.  The two suns of Tatooine are beating heavy today.  He delivers the orders given by their team owner Josh Houslander:

“The Horsemen are our ENEMY, make no mistake about it.” Says Alexander.  “ The Brotherhood has yet to defeat The Horsemen and victory is our ONLY option today.  Ryan must be shown the true power of this league and your actions today will show him that our owner is the true and rightful commissioner of this league!”

In the distance, a Jawa Sand Crawler moves into position and stops atop the next dune of sand.  The Horsemen sit inside observing their opponent in the valley below before lowering the hatch on the side.  The characters not capable of flight rush out to meet the Brotherhood below led by 9 death Hercules, a man born to end lives.

“Kill ‘em all!  Show that midget who runs this league!” Screams a blood thirsty Hercules, echoing the passion of his owner.

First to meet their demise is Alia Atreides.  Not even the water of life will save the reverend mother from Hercules’s Heat axe.  Stilgar proves to be a much more worthy adversary, but he too meets his end at the hands of Hercules.  Snowflame is quick to raid the corpses of the two Arrakis natives, knowing their bodies are sure to contain some of the coveted spice mélange.  Cocaine is hard to come by in these parts and that long trek on the sand crawler made him sniff through his supplies rather quickly.  The spice does the trick and Snowflame quickly joins the fight.

Up above, John McClaine is circling in an Oscorp glider but it is quickly dispatched by an energy bolt from Space Ghost.

“Real fucking smart, John!” McClaine screams to himself as the glider begins to spin out of control. “Ryan you are a real asshole.  ‘Come out to Tattoine, we’ll kill a few Midgets, we’ll have a few laughs.’” He says mimicking his last conversation with his team owner.  He manages to fire a few shots from the glider randomly taking out Hammer Brother Shawn Poteracki who is struggling to drag the symbolic kitchen sink through the hot desert sand, thinking it was a real weapon to be used in battle.  McClaine dies in the glider crash also taking out Black Lantern Ryan Poteracki and Sheeana Brugh who were fighting below.  Sheeana’s lifeless body lands on top of BL Ryan who has a piece of shrapnel in his side that has fatally wounded him.  But he isn’t dead yet, and what do you do when a woman is “passed out” on top of you?  Ryan manages to slide his right hand inside her fremen armor and caress her supple left breast.  “Still pretty firm for a chick who is 1500 years old”, Ryan thinks.  Ryan dies smiling as the little blood that remained in his body heads toward his penis causing his other organs to fail.

Salacious B. Crumb is riding along with Megalon, laughing maniacally.  “aaahhh hahahhahaha!” he yells out.  Hercules immediately engages the Giant beast scaling up his back using his heat axe to scale his back like the side of a mountain.  Megalon is firing napalm bombs from his mouth in fury, making the already scorching sand even more unbearable.  The Joker fires back with blasts from his rocket launcher.  Hercules buries his heat axe into Megalon’s scull repeatedly and he suddenly begins to feel himself lift up into the air.  He grabs a hold of the beast tightly and he notices that they are both being levitated by Sersi below.  The beast flails and screams and Sersi does not know her teammate is riding on his back, clutching at his neck.  Boba Fett sees this distraction as an opportunity to take out one of the 9 death combatants for the Horsemen.  He flies straight at the head of his massive teammate and starts to fire at Hercules.  Hercules removes the axe from the back of Megalon and fires it at the A-wing.  Boba Fett is able to eject in time and the A-wing flies into the side of Megalon sending Hercules down to the ground.  Debris from the falling spacecraft lands on The Joker and he manages to get one last decent shot at Megalon before dying.  Fett ignites his lightsaber and as Hercules inhales mouthfuls of hot sand trying to catch his breath, Boba Fett lands on top of him, sending the blade through the top of his skull and sending the mighty Hercules to the graveyard.

Sersi is enraged and releases her grasp on the mammoth beast and Fett’s celebration is shortlived as he, along with Crumb, are crushed by their teammate.  Sersi then runs up to the dying beast and punches out his eye, reaches inside his skull and removes the brain of Megalon.

The ground is still burning as Snowflame is trying to dance around the heat and stay alive.  He sees Mangy Mouse and Blip trying to free the corpse of their tiny friend Salacious B. Crumb out from under the weight of Megalon.  Snowflame sees the opportunity for a couple easy kills.  Using his spice rage, he picks up Mangy Mouse and swings him like a golf club into Blip.  Mangy dies but as Snowflame moves in to crush the little guy, Blip uses his Black Lantern energy to move the flaming sand and it engulfs the two of them until they both do their best Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru impersonation.

Alexander the Great is not amused at the way the match is progressing.  He becomes less amused when he sees the Emperor Joker sitting in the sand, manicuring his nails using a desert rock as an emery board.

“Get out there and do your fucking thing!” Screams Al Dogg the Great.

“In time.” Emperor Joker calmly repiles.  “In time.

In the air, Superman is met by the two Superboys.  Superman flies back toward the ground to lure his enemies toward the sand.  He kicks his cousin Conner and turns his attention toward the younger version of himself.  Wolverine helps Conner to his feet and the two of them see Sersi running to help Superman defeat his younger self.  Without hesitation Conner picks up Wolverine and fires a fastball special at the Eternal sending her to meet Hercules in the Graveyard with one set of blades through her face, and one set buried deep in her chest.

Michael Myers arrives just as Superboy finished throwing Wolverine and ends the life of the young Kryptonian with his Red lightsaber.  He heads toward Wolverine but a hole appears in his chest.  Space Ghost materializes in front of him and sends a second energy bolt toward the head of Myers, ending his FFL reign as well.

“The Tables are turning!” screams Alexander to Emperor Joker.  “Can you do something now?!?”

“In. Time…” He replies annoyed.

“Screw this.”  Says Alexander and he heads into battle himself.

The Anti-Monitor sees the Midget leader rushing toward the fight and moves in.  Space Ghost is quick to join the side of his leader.  Anti-Monitor uses his powers of manipulation to render the power bands on Space Ghost unusable.  In a straight up fight, this is no match.  The Anti-Monitor uses his cosmic powers to literally turn Space Ghost inside out and he falls for the final time.  Lord Voldemort fires a killing curse that misses the Midget leader but does kill Bucephalus.  Alexander scrambles to safety and Toad is there with the Yoshii Egg.

“Here you go captain.” Says toad handing the egg to Alexander the great.

Alexander tosses the egg and Yoshii appears.  Toad give Alexander a boost so he can get on top and they both ride Yoshii back into battle.

Superman is still fighting off his former self.  Superboy is younger and quicker but Superman has more experience and wisdom.  He also knows the weaknesses he had as his younger self.  Superboy manages to get on top of Superman just as the ground begins to rumble.

“It’s about time!” Screams Superman.

As the rumbling gets closer Superman kicks his younger self into the air, right into the gaping maw of Sandworm #14.

Emperor Joker stands up and brushes the sand off.  Alexander and Toad riding atop Yoshii show up.

“Is it ‘Time’ yet?” asks Alexander, sarcastically.

“It is.” Says Emperor Joker.

He soars into the air and possesses the mind of the mighty sandworm.  The Anti-Monitor had moved in to fight Emperor Joker but sets his sights on the Leader of the Midgets, hoping to kill their hopes by killing their leader.  Alexander is holding his own when the Emperor Joker then brings the giant sandworm crashing down on the 4 of them, killing the Anti-Monitor but also the leader of the Midgets, Toad and Yoshii in the process.

“CRUCIO!” Yells Lord Voldemort, firing his wand into the air at Emperor Joker.  This causes him to lose his mental grip on the Sandworm but even in his pain, he turns the entire desert into a lake.  The fall into the water sends Voldemort and Wolverine swimming to safety and Superman uses his heat vision to shoot a hole in the back of the skull of Emperor Joker as he lay face down in the water. 

The giant sandworm floats dead in the water as Voldemort and Wolverine mount it.  Superman flies in to fight wolverine and is cut badly by his blades.

“IMPERIO!” says He Who Shall Not Be Named.  He shoots the curse at Wolverine to try and control him but the curse bounces off his blades and strikes Superman.  This Renders the Man of Steel useless as he lay unconscious on the belly of the beast.  Wolverine wastes no time charging at Voldemort and as he lifts his wand he feels the adamantium claws pierce his torso.  Wolverine pulls Voldemort in close and speaks.

“Say ‘Hi’ to your beloved Hercules for me.” Says Wolverine.

Voldemort grins exposing his jagged smile and says, “Tell him yourself.”

Wolverine looks confused as he feels Voldemort’s wand press into his left ear.  Voldemort then brings his mouth close to his right ear and whispers, “Avada Kedavra”.

A blast of green sparks shoot through the head of Wolverine and they both fall dead into the water.

Monday, May 06, 2013 - Josh sits staring at his phone in a Wendy’s parking lot.  He has just finished reading his match and shakes his head.  But then a thought comes to him and he calls Ryan.

“Sup dude.” Says Ryan answering the phone.

“Hey, You read the match Fizz posted?” asks Josh.

“Yeah, just did.  Hell of a beating you put on my team.”

“Thanks man.  Good luck in the playoffs.  Do our division proud.”

“Always do.” Says Ryan with a slight tinge of arrogance to his reply.  He then realizes the olive branch that is being extended toward him.  “Hey, I have some suggestions for season 7 if you want to hear them sometime.  Maybe come over after the kid is born this summer and we can split a 12 pack like the old days.  What do you say?”

“Sounds fucking awesome dude.”  Josh says smiling knowing Ryan said the words he was looking for.

“Cool.  Hey I gotta get back to work since Fizz can’t ever post a match on time.”

“No prob.   Hey Ry.”

“Yeah Man?”

“Keep your spirit alive.”

Ryan’s face lights up and after a short pause says,  “Keep your Marvel spirit alive.”

Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Royal Highness

Team Sleeping Pussy is The spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi, Leia Organa-Solo: Jedi Knight, (movie) Rachet, Smokescreen, Tunnel Rat, Psycho Pirate, (Western) Ghost Rider, Johnny Blaze, (Zombie) Mothra, Marian Ravenwood, Jonah Hex, Spider-Woman (Mattie Franklin), Blockbuster, Den, Rivvy Dinari, and Alexander Luthor.

The Royal Highness is Apollo, Walker: Texas Ranger, Jedi Master #40, Marvel Man (Miracle Man), Imhotep, Anak-Sanamun (w/ Magnoguard Staff), The Scorpion King, Rick O'Connell (w/ blue lightsaber), Evie O'Connell (w/ a crossbow), Ninja Gaiden, and Sandworm #3b-4b.


The spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi informs his team that he senses intense power amongst their opponents. The spirit leads them to hiding spots throughout the Jundland wastes, that not even the sand people know about. Everyone on the S.P. Squad follow the lead of the spirit. Except Zombie Mothra, who isn't exactly a team player. The Zombie attempts to release it poison dust onto the dunes; but the two sandworms are able to move through the biologica counter-measures and consume Mothra after they leap out of the sand and bring the massive creature down into ground with them. Once underground, the two worms battle each other over the massive meal that is Mothra; but the larger Sandworm 3B comes out on top of the battle. Killing its teammate and territorial rival.

The ghost of old Ben speaks to his team via the full “force powered” Princess Leia, and leads them into a large cavern opening that has been long forgotten by The Tusken Raiders. But Yoda is linked to the fallen Jedi Master as well, and becomes aware of The Pussies plan to set up a homebase and fortify their position. It still does take The Highness Squad much longer to discover the cavern; which gives Leia and her team several hours to prep.

Once the Highness makes their way into the sandy rock-walled base, an immediate and ruthless melee battle ensues. The conflicted spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi vanishes as his former friend Yoda enters the vicinity and causes him conflict within the force. Yoda and Bob Johnson (Jedi Master #40) become locked in a fierce double sword fight with Rivvy Dinari and Marian Ravenwood, while Alexander Luthor gets run through by the mystical sword of Ninja Gaiden. Leia gets locked in fight with Anak-Sanamun, while Imhotep is kept busy by Smokescreen and Rachet. Marvel Man goes crazy on Psycho Pirate, but Jonah Hex puts one between the eyes of Evie O' Connell before she can fire a bolt from her FFL Brand Crossbow. The Scorpion King is locked in a battle of bulging muscles with Blockbuster, but Apollo makes fairly short work of Den. Ghost Rider and Johnny Blaze bust outside of the homebase in an attempt to pick up some speed and then come back for an attack; but once they leave its sanctity, they soon are reminded of why they came in in the first place, as their consistent vibratory motions bring Sandworm #3B back to the surface and die within its gut. Spider-Woman manages to turn Rick O' Connel into a mummy (or at least a dead person). And Walker: Texas Ranger sneaks up on Tunnel Rat before he round-house kicks his head clean off.

The many mini battles continue, but as the dust settles...

Imhotep has swallowed up both Rachet and Smokescreen, which leads him to begin doing battle with Jedi Leia who managed to kick Anak-Sanamun's Magnoguard staff out of her hands before sticking her in the chest with her lightsaber. Blockbuster became neckbuster for a moment when he brought a double punch down hard on the back of The Scorpion King's head; but he is now being double-teamed by both Apollo and Marvel Man, but not before the super-powered duo rips apart Jonah Hex, by each grabbing a half and giving a good yank. Marian ran through good ol' Bob Johnson; but she was then finished off by Yoda who was on a roll after taking out Ginaz sword instructor Rivvy Dinari, despite his exceptional fencing skills. Spider-Woman then got caught between an intense Bromance betwixt Ninja Gaiden and Walker: Texas Ranger. The two realized that martial arts conquers all, (or at least Spider-Woman in this case) and they pour some coffee and begin talking about their exploits and how many hundreds of men they have taken out just by good old-fashioned a** kicking. Blockbuster manages to take out Apollo; but the double-team still ends up being too much for him, as Marvel Man is able to repay both Apollo and The Scorpion King by taking out Blockbuster with a similar neck-breaking attack. It is a very difficult moment for Leia to square off against Yoda in an attempt to bring this match to a conclusion; but..... Wait a second Leia and Yoda never actually meet in the movies do they?.....? Hmmm. Never really thought about that before, I guess it isn't that difficult for them, Yoda won by the way.

Griswold's Nut-Busters Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers

Griswold's Nut-Busters are Gambit (w/ Magnoguard Staff), Slym and Red Dayspring, (Age of Apocalypse) Nightcrawler, Fizzle, Pepper Potts (w/ Rescue Armor), Jarvis, The Circle of Fire: Pel Tavin, Ali Rayner-West, Hunter and Forest Rayner, Alexandra DeWitt, and G.L. 7177.6, Krayt Dragon #1 and 2, Green Dragon #3-5, and Storm Trooper #1.

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Sandworm #10 and 2A, Deathstorm, Venom (Flash Thompson), Carnage, Red Hulk, Archangel, Doc Samson, Dust, Yaddle, Ron Burgundy (w/ green lightsaber), Brian Fantana (w/ Magnoguard Staff), Brick Tambland (w/ Trident), Champ Kind w/ Battle Axe), Veronica Corningstone (w/ M202 A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher), Baxter the Dog, and The Geico Gecko.


The sand has been overturned...

The Jundland Wastes are now truly a waste...

And... The landscape of Tatooine will never be quite the same.

As you most likely know... An Arrakis Sandworm is significantly larger than that of a Krayt Dragon; but the Krayt Dragons are the ones that are native to this particular landscape. They are also the ones, that despite the absolute destruction of The Jundland Wastes do come out on top of the battle that takes place far below the surface between the beasts. The Krayt Dragons are not nearly as territorial; which makes them seem as though they were working together to defeat the sandworms. After an exercise such as this, the Krayt Dragons may very well have stayed below the surface for another decade or so; but they are quickly drawn back out by the likes of a furious Red Hulk, pounding on the planet's sandy surface, until the Krayt Dragons show themselves...

Three green dragons circle the area as well. Red Hulk hates the color green. Red Hulk SMASH. Red Hulk leaps into the air and lands on the back of Green Dragon #4. He then jumps again, landing on the back of the dragon and brining it down hard into the sand below, before his fists concuss the brain of the dragon. Green Dragon #3 then attempts to blow his poison breath on The Red Hulk, but Rulk grabs it by the tail and then uses the dragon as a weapon to bludgeon Green Dragon #5. The two Krayt dragons then show themselves after this ridiculous display of might. But Rulk is joined by Red She Hulk. The two red powerhouses each bring fists down onto the heads of The Krayt Dragons that cause an actual explosion of the creature's brains they are so powerful. The mighty Krayt Dragons fall from the tremendous strength of the Hulksters.

Nightcrawler and Venom are locked in a great battle of agility. They both bounce of the rock outcroppings without the swords of Nightcrawler,or the guns of Venom landing any significant blows in the beginning. This battle becomes not so evenly matched, as Carnage joins the skirmish on the side of Venom. Carnage has a history of not always getting along with the other wearers of the symbiote suit; but the psycho killer manages to get past it; so he and Venom can finish off Nightcrawler before he can BAMF out of the way.

Ron Burgundy, and his news team are hold up in a small cave, enjoying some scotch and milk (which was not a good choice for the desert climate). Brick has just finished telling them all that “he loves Bantha” and “he loves Sarlaac” when The Circle of Fire crew comes flying in to ruin their fun. Pel Tavin dodges the rocket fired by Veronica with the use of his superior intelligence. He is after all a man with a brain three times the size of hers... It's science. The former Man-Hunter robot then takes out “the man” as he blasts through Ron Burgundy. Ali Rayner-West uses her super-speed to take out Champ, and Hunter and Forest use their shared ring to create a massive fist to pound Brick into the ground. Alexandra DeWitt then takes pleasure in blasting the sexist Brian Fantana with her green power ring as well. The Geico Gecko, adorably rides on the back of Baxter the Dog and goes for help as The Circle of Fire begin to combine their powers in a rite that will surely conjur enough power to take out the entire Dope Fiends squad and dash their season 6 play-off hopes forever.

Gambit is doing well to dodge the attacks of Doc Samson. One punch from the Gamma powered scientist could potentially kill the mutant; but The Ragin Cajun keeps his distance. He manages to get close enough to stun Samson with his Bodyguard droid staff, and then litters the sand with energy charges playing cards that explode with enough force to take out Doc Samson for good. Dust then forms out of what seems like nowhere and rips the skin off of Gambit with a self-contained dust storm, before reforming herself where he once stood.

Red Hulk and Red She-Hulk stand triumphant over the bodies of the two enormous Krayt Dragons and of the armored bodies of Pepper Potts and Storm Trooper #1, which they just easily dispatched when Slym and Red show up.The Daysprings attack with all the mutant power they can muster but the hulks still resist. Slym unleashes the full power of his optic blast onto Red She Hulk, which nearly blows him back as he loses control of his own power. Slym not only takes out Red She Hulk but manages to destroy the entire mountainside behind her. Red Hulk then breaks the neck of Slym as he comes down from an enormous leap, directly on top of him. Red Hulk's unbreakable body is then stopped as Red Dayspring mind-blocks Rulk to finally end his reign of Nut-Buster terror. This exhausts Jean Grey, who is then dispatched by Deathstorm, who sat waiting for the skirmish to play out before swooping in to take out whoever was left.

Jarvis is riding in Fizzle, on their way towards the cave in which the Circle of Fire are hold up. Fizzle is bouncing through the dunes in his dune buggy form at great speed; but Archangel still manages to catch up through the air. Archangel passes up the transformer and then lands in front of them. He swings his massive metal wings which slice Fizzle in half and decapitate Jarvis in the process.

The Circle of Fire has worked up enough trans-dimensional energy to take out the remainder of The Dope Fiends when Baxter and The Geico Gecko find Yaddle. Yaddle races in to the cave with Jedi Speed and begins to make her final stand. She first leaps into the air and takes out their leader Pel Tavin with a lightsaber attack through his neck. She then uses the force to disassemble GL 7177.6 bolt by bolt. Hunter and Forest use their ring to send every bit of green energy they can towards the little green Jedi master; but Yaddle manages to block it with her lightsaber and then send it back at them, killing them both with their own power. Alexandra DeWitt then comes flying in with a construct of a green sowrd; but she is foolish to attempt to best Yaddle in a fencing match. Yaddle parries her every attack and then removes her head with her lightsaber. Ali Rayner then rushes at Yaddle at top speed and grabs her but Yaddle is too powerful for Ali to contain even with her speed powers and lantern ring. Yaddle foils the plan of The Circle of Fire, but Ali manages to make them both one with The Speed Force.

TEAM Vs. Murderflies

Season 6: Week 8

TEAM is: Sandworm #1B, #2B, #5B, Fizzatz Haderach (Kwistatz Chris Artrip) and Star Sapphire Julie Artrip, Red Son Superman, Thorion (Celestial), Bruce Lee, Lord Katsumoto, Conan, Aule, Duke Nukem.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are: Quintus Lentulus Batiatus, Lucretia Batiatus, Spartacus, Red Lantern Crixus, Gannicus, Oenomaus(Doctore), Agron, Barca, Varro, Naevia, Mira, Melitta, Prince of Persia, Sandworm #1-5, Jawa #1-6.

TEAM and The Murderflies appear in the Jundland Wastes at the same time. There is a crate sitting in the sand between the two teams. Red Son Superman and Spartacus approach the crate. There is a note attached to the mysterious box. It reads: "Happy Cinco De Mayo!" Superman opens the crate to find that it contains many bottles of tequilla. "Perhaps we should cease this senseless fighting and enjoy the holiday." suggests Spartacus. Red Son Superman smiles and nods. "Salud!" he toasts. They take their share back to their respective camps, and the celebration begins.

One hour later...

With the tequilla flowing freely, the violence erupts, as is the tradition of Cinco De Mayo. Duke Nukem curb stomps Jawas #1-6, before taking a spear to the spine from Spartacus. Barca and Lord Katsumoto are battling, but the superior skills of the Last Samurai makes short work of the gladiator, ending him with a slash to the neck. Agron is furious and attacks, but his emotions (and booze) make him sloppy. He leaves himself open to a sword through the abdomen. Varro aproaches, but then kneels to vomit. Lord Katsumoto attempts to seize the opportunity, but is stunned by a blade in his chest. He realizes his mistake as he dies, for Varro's sickness was a feint. Varro joins Lentulus Batiatus, who is in a losing battle with Conan. Varro's help is not enough and Conan takes their heads with a single powerful sword strike. Gannicus is not impressed and engages Conan with a smirk. They are evenly matched, with many dodges and parries. At one point, their swords clash and they both lose hold of their weapons. Gannicus uses a Pankration slam to put Conan in the ground, and finishes him with multiple hammer fists to the face.

The Prince of Persia and Bruce Lee are having an acrobatic fight. Lee dodges many scimitar stikes, and delivers a rapid succession of kicks to the Prince's sternum, caving in his chest for good. Spartacus, Red Lantern Crixus, Gannicus, and Doctore regroup and surround Bruce Lee. Knowing that shit just got real, Lee breaks out his patented nunchucks. Naturally, Red Lantern Crixus charges first. Lee avoids him, but the back of Crixus' skull was not missed by the nunchuck, and it is shattered. Bruce Lee spins and blows out Doctore's jaw, while simutaniously concussing Gannicus. Another quick pair of strikes and they are downed in unison. Spatacus recovers his spear from Duke Nukem's spine, and fires it at Bruce Lee. Sadly, nunchucks are a poor defense for a thrown spear, and one of the true masters is killed.

With a solid buzz acheived, Fizzatz Haderach and Star Sapphire Julie relax in what little shade they can find. They are approached by Lucreta Batiatus, Naevia, Mira, and Melitta. "We are not interested in this battle. Surely the handsomest of all Kwisatz Haderachs deserves a harem!" offers Lucertia. Fizzatz raises an eyebrow as he looks at Julie. She scowls and uses her ring to encase the women in crystal. Not the typical Violet Corps rehabilitating crystal, just the suffocating kind. The women are asphixiated and the crystal becomes their caskets. "So... just for the record... We are "NO" on the harem thing?" asks Fizzatz as a well deserved slap puts that idea to bed permanently. Finished with his bout, Spartacus walks to the resting couple. "Stand and fight." he says to Fizzatz. "Why?" questions Fizzatz, "We have already won.. Our sandworms were too few to take out your sandworms, but a double sun powered Superman evened the odds. They were eventually killed, but your remaining sandworms were destroyed by the Celestial Thorion. This was no easy task, even with his Cosmic Rod augmented by Aule." "How can you be so sure?" questions Spartacus. He is answered by the giant boot of Thorion, which crushes the life out of the gladiator. "Didn't see that coming...." jokes Fizzatz as Julies shakes her head.

Season 6: Week 8

The Shemalabama Shit-Kickers are: Zombie Galactus, Red Lantern Hal Jordan, Nightwing and Flamebird (Kryptonian), Sentinel Prime w/ Autobot Matrix, The Fallen, Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner, Sandworm #7, Real Man.

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse featuring: Sandworm #11+#12, Zombie Doomsday, Goro wYellow Lantern ring(9 deaths), Zombie Preist, Geoff Johns w/Healing gun, El Gaucho, Man of Bats, Little Raven, Magmar, Modulock, Rio Blast, Merlin, The Huntress, Skeletor Centurion #1 "Hot Fudge" Harry McTwivent w/FREM Kit.

The Shit-Kickers travel through the desert whith the appropriate amount of confidence. Except for one... "REAL MAN IS THIRSTY!!!" Eric declares to his teammates. "Not again... Dude, we gave you something to drink, like, 5 minutes ago. Stop Whining!" says Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner. "I swear that if this guy doesn't shut up, I'll kill him myself!" seeths Red Lantern Hal Jordan, barely holding his rage in check. "REAL MAN IS..." Eric is cut off by a punch in the face by Red Lantern Hal. "Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!!" sceams Hal. Real Man picks himself up and considers Hal's request. "REAL MAN IS.." Eric is interrupted this time by the emergence of sandworm #11, which proceeds to eat Real Man whole. Hal and Kyle high five as Real Man is digested. The sandworm convulses and dies, poisoned by the general unpleasantness of Real Man. Sandworm #12 appears from underneath, but is met by The Shit-Kicker's own sandworm #7. Sandworm #7 is eventually victorious, but it soon dies from the massive injuries inflicted by sandworm #12. The Shit-Kickers are then taken offguard by a surpise attack by the Grinhouse's El Gaucho, Man of Bats, Little Raven, The Huntress, Magmar, Modulock, Rio Blast, and "Hot Fudge" Harry McTwivent.

Rio Blast reveals his weapons, while the Huntress fires bolts from her crossbow. These ranged attacks are blocked by a force field from Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner. The Grindhouse continues to batter the shield and a blow by Modulock finally breaks the will of Kyle Rayner, shattering the construct. The Grindhouse charges in, and Red Lantern Hal takes out Rio Blast with red energy augmented fists. He continues beating the corpse. "Worst He-Man character ever!" he screams. Hal's rant is ended by a scorpion tail spike through the chest, courtesy of Modulock. Modulock attempts to change into a form more suitable for his next target, but is unable, as most of the his parts were lost within 5 seconds of opening the box. He is vaporized by a few shots from Sentinel Prime. Magmar is using his fire attack on The Fallen to little effect. The Fallen shows Magmar his fire attack, and the Pokemon is burned to a crisp. El Gaucho, Man of Bats, and Little Raven show true courage by attacking Flamebird and Nightwing, but are subdued quickly by the Kryptonians. The Huntress knows she is in trouble, but isn't going out by herself. She takes a special kryptonite bolt from her quiver and loads her crossbow. "I'll have to remember to thank Bruce for this." she says to herself. She fires at Nightwing, who is hit in the arm. He is in pain, but he pulls it out and destroys it with heat vision. "No, that's impossible..." says The Huntress. "Two suns." explains Nightwing as Flamebird roasts Huntress with her heat vision. "Hot Fudge" Harry McTwivent is alone, and decides to do what he does best. "So, Flamebird. I heard you were looking for a new Nightwing... or was it a new night fling?" asks Harry with a wink. Flamebird shyly smiles. Nightwing has had enough and explodes McTwivent's head with a punch, while leering at Flamebird.

Merlin watches the action on his crystal ball from another part of the battlefield. He shakes his head as McTwivent falls, the last of their initial attack force. "It appears as though we will be using your idea after all, Mr. Johns." Merlin says. "I hoped it wouldn't come to this either, but we knew that it might." replies Johns. Merlin, Zombie Preist, and Geoff Johns form a circle and join hands. Merlin and Zombie Priest recite ancient incantations while Johns closes his eyes and concentrates. The spell is complete, but the cost is the lives of the three. Magics this powerful come with a price.

The Shit-Kickers are unprepared when Zombie Galactus is enthralled by the magic spell of The Grindhouse. His cosmic powered eye beams rip through Red Lantern Hal Jordan and Sentinel Prime. Zombie Doomsday and Yellow Lantern Goro embrace the advantage and join the fight. Doomsday is battering Nightwing withh spiked fists, but the extra sun fueled Kryptonian is withstanding the beating. Flamebird speeds from behind and rips Zombie Doomsday's head clean off. The pair is overwhelmed by a yellow energy powered Goro. He attacks relentlessly, and finally crushes the two Kryptonians in a double bear hug using his 4 arms. The Fallen is trying to contain the rouge Zombie Galactus, but Galactus fires up the eye beams again and The Fallen is destroyed. The huge backlash of entropic energy from the death of The Fallen engulfs Zombie Galactus, and destroys him as well.

The final survivors Yellow Lantern Goro and Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner face off. Goro creates constructs of his fellow Mortal Kombat fighters to help him. Full Spectrum Kyle is unimpressed. "Yeah, I can do that too..." he yawns as constructs of the JLA appear beside him. "But I'd rather do this." says Kyle as he overtakes and shuts down Goro's ring. Goro smacks the ring with his hand in a futile attempt to get it to work. "Sorry man. I know what it's like being the new ring-slinger on the block. You'll get the hang of it someday." advises Kyle. Goro is enraged and take a run at Rayner, who responds with a ring construct of Sub-Zero. Goro is uppercutted by Sub-Zero, and I could of swore that I heard a high pitched voice say "TOASTY!" Goro lands and is still dazed when he finally rises. "FINISH HIM!" says an otherworldly voice. Kyle is trying to remember the fatality code for Sub-Zero. "Forward, Down, Forward, High punch? Or is it Low Punch? Um... Eh... Screw it. he says as he simply destroys Goro with a blast of pure energy.