George Lucas Conference
Steven Spielberg Division
*Horsemen - 8 - 1
Midgets - 5- 3
Backyardigans - 5 - 3
*Grindhouse - 1 - 8
Arthur C. Clarke Division
*Empire - 5- 4
Slaves - 5 - 3
*Commandos - 5 - 4
Rabble Rousers - 2 - 6
Stan Lee Conference
J.R.R. Tolkien Division
TEAM - 6 - 2
Mitchy - 4 - 4
*Murderflies - 3 - 6
*Nut Busters - 4 - 5
Frank Herbert Division
*Team S.P. - 4 - 5
*Turrible Decisions - 5 - 4
Layanderlett - 4 - 4
Highness - 2 - 6
*Denotes that their season is complete.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
The Empire Vs. "Let's Equalize dem incomes" President Barack Obama and "Can We Start by stealing the money from" Miley Cyrus "Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos
The Empire is Premier Vladimir Putin (w/ Robert Kraft’s Superbowl Ring), Kid Deadpool (w/ Sith Lavarouk), Black Zero, Bill O’ Reilly (w/ Zapper and Proton Pack), and Black Lantern Scarlet Witch.
“Fast and Furious” President Barack Obama and HIV-Pocks Poster Child Miley Cyrus’ “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are (earth 2) Superman, President Barack Obama (w/ General Grievous’ weapons), Dora the Explorer w/ Boots, Backpack, and The Map.
In the main throne room chamber:
Vladimir Putin sits in the chair of Darth Sidious with his squad surrounding him, while The Empire awaits the arrival of their enemies. Putin, presses the button on the side of the throne to activate a com link. He speaks on a closed channel: “Dora, it is a pleasure to work with you once again. I was very pleased to gain knowledge of your conspiracy against your leader Mr. Obama. Now if you are able to follow my instructions, you will need to have your team come up the through the main elevator in front of the throne. Their we can take control of your squad and we will of course make sure that you are unharmed, and….. Considerably rewarded for your part. I know you have grown disgruntled in the way this league, your team, and your president have treated you after all you have sacrificed and I will make sure that it is worth your while. Once the elevator opens, my team will execute the plan that you and I discussed. Putin Out”.
Putin kisses his stolen Super Bowl ring and then leans back in his chair awaiting the benefits of his well-laid out plan.
Inside the industrial maintenance shafts below the throne room:
Dora puts away her communicator after whispering: “Yes sir, Dora out”.
“Who on earth are you talking to”? Asks President Obama of Dora.
“Oh, nobody sir. Now why don’t you all follow me. I’ve analyzed The Map (the map, the map, the map, I’m the map) and there is a secret pathway through this corridor, that will lead to our best entry point”. Says Dora.
“Are you sure Dora? That isn’t the plan we originally laid out back at base”. Questions Superman.
“Yes, it is the best way to get to the throne room…. Trust me” Replies Dora.
As The Commandos sleek their way through the over-engineered mess of wires and infrastructure, The Empire stand at the ready by the elevator doors. Vladimir Putin gives the orders: “Open fire and then provide a full frontal attack on The Commandos. Do what you can to spare Dora, but if she is taken out, then we will honor her as…. Collateral damage”.
The number one name in Cable News (14 years running) backs up BL Scarlet Witch with his proton pack at the ready, while Kid Deadpool backs up Black Zero with his Sith Lavarouk. They wait patiently for some time, when the double doors begin to open…
The Empire is completely ready to commit their ambush and when the doors open, they open fire. The smoke clears after the first wave and nothing is left inside the now damaged elevator, although it becomes clear rather quickly that there was nothing in the elevator to begin with. The five members of the Empire then simultaneously turn to their right and see The Commandos rushing through from underneath the suspended balcony, while they here The Commander in Chief yell: “ATTACK”!!
All of The Commandos engage The Empire in melee battle, accept for Dora who ducks below the metal staircase and pulls her comlink back out of Backpack. She speaks:
“Premier Putin, the squad wouldn’t go for the elevator play, so I had to double-back, don’t worry though we can start to execute the second part of the plan”.
“DAMMIT Dora, my comrades needed your squad in that lift!! But I appreciate the communiqué, this update was necessary; I was starting to think that you were still loyal to your Head of State”. Says Vladimir Putin as he rises from his chair to join the fight.
As Dora joins the battle herself she replies: “No worries Mr. Premier, just follow the plan”.
Barack ignites two of his lightsabers and begins charging at The Empire, when Bill O’ Reilly turns on his positron collider and says:
“Don’t worry, I’ve got this pinhead”.
But Barack spins to the left to dodge the stream. As Obama gets closer, Bill grabs for his sidearm Zapper to take some pot shots, while screaming: “Nice moves Mr. President, but this is a “NO SPIN ZONE””; but Obama has already gained the vantage point. Barack comes down from behind O’ Reilly and brings both his lightsabers in a downward motion through O’ Reilly.
Barack looks down at his victim and says: “The word of the day is eviscerated… Don’t get eviscerated”
Bill looks up at his former Superbowl interview partner and says: “I didn’t think you ever watched the show Mr. President. I’m honored. I’m dying so I’ll keep it pithy, with no bloviating. I’m look…..ing….. Out ….. For.. You”………
Meanwhile, Superman is taking on both Black Zero and BL Scarlet Witch. They are holding their own, but Scarlet Witch’s powers are not quite as effective against Superman as the fans of The Empire would possibly expect. Her powers originally are based more on mutant ability than magic, but now her powers, though perfectly replicated are based fully on Oan Technology.
While that battle rages on Barack turns to take on Putin; but the much quicker Putin is already on Obama. Putin uses his martial arts skills to kick both of Barack’s lightsabers out of his hands and then crescent kicks the president to the ground. Barack then pulls his Magnoguard staff out from behind his back but Putin knocks that as way as well. A similar exercise takes place when Barack attempts to pull out Grievous’ old blaster. But Putin simply disarms the untrained Obama and begins toying with him through his black belt skills.
You see, this was always part of the plan. Putin needed to be seen breaking Obama. He knew that if he were to truly take over the world and the league that he would need to show his power over Obama. The fight continues, but Obama is finding himself mismatched….
Elsewhere, but close by, Boots has swung over to the scene and picked up the two lightsabers that his President has just lost. Boots uses his tail to fling one of them over to Dora, who smiles and says: “Now that’s more like it. I haven’t had one of these since my resurrection. The two diminutive warriors both surround Kid Deadpool, but are then forced to dodge back out of the way as Kid Deadpool unloads the razor shape circular blades from his Sith Lavarouk. As the two Commandos begin their reproach Kid Deadpool pulls out his katana blade and stands at the ready. Boots leaps in first and uses his small stature and speed to keep Kid Deadpool on the defensive, but he can tell that Dora is holding back…..
As the Kid Deadpool and Putin battles move closer together. Dora sees out of the corner of her eye that Putin has kicked Obama over to the reactor pit edge; but she does nothing. Putin kicks the president again as he falls halfway into the pit and is now using all of his strength to hold on, on the edge by his elbows and arms. Putin speaks to him and says:
“Well, the powerful American President. Look at you now. Hahaha. I have your gladiator’s superbowl ring, I have corrupted your power expanse, and now I have the what do you call it… Commander in Chief. Now, Dora; I trust that this is being recorded by the camera I had you plant in your Backpack, so this can be broadcast across the globe. It is time to finish this, so you can claim your reward, my little mercenary”.
Boots drops his lightsaber to the ground and looks over at Dora with intense distress as Kid Deadpool starts maniacally laughing at the situation. All eyes are focused on Dora with surprise when the president, who is barely hanging on for his life nods to the little explorer.
Putin asks of the president: “I have bested you Mr. President!! What do you possibly have that can stop me”??
Dora then busts out a cartwheel that kicks Grievous’ gun back to her President, while she in one swift motion uses her green lightsaber to remove the laughing head of Kid Deadpool. Barack grabs the blaster from his hanging position and answers Putin’s question:
“They call it American Exceptionalism you Commie Bastard” says Barack as he takes up the gun and puts three blaster bolts in the chest of Putin.
Dora and Boots both rush over to Barack Obama and help him out of the pit. They bring him up to safety, when Barack looks at Dora and says:
“It is all forgiven now, either way Dora, but I must know? Were you ever against me? I mean The Putin ordeal, The Xavier Harkonen Conspiracy, The Imperial Commandos….. Was it all a ploy, or was it real”??
Dora looks sternly at the President as she wipes sweat from her brow, and says:
“I have never been disloyal to you Mr. President; but I have never been loyal to you either. I am just a soldier sir, and I am loyal to The Commandos and always will be. Whether they want me to be or not”.
Barack nods as he sees the true quality in his right hand girl, but before he can speak, Black Lantern Scarlet Witch turns from her battle with Superman, and unleashes a fury of black energy at the trio. Barack Obama in a last bout of selfless bravery, pushes his favorite soldier and her monkey out of the way, just in the nick of time. But the president fails to save his own life (R.I.P. to the Universe Bowl 5 Champions Namesake). Dora and Boots roll back in to battle as Dora flings the scorched Backpack from her back, showing how close the blast truly was to taking her out (Map was inside the Backpack as well). Boots looks to Dora and says:
“What’s next?? Do we go help Superman”?
“No, he’s got this.” Replies Dora.
Dora and Boots watch from the other side of the pit, as they see Superman use Scarlet Witch’s self-diversion from their own fight to bring a double-fisted punch down hard, pulverizing the Black Lantern. Black Zero, in all of his pony-tailed goodness then plants his feet and unleashes every last bit of his energy reserves on Superman, but the Golden Age Man of Steel, powers through the laser blasts and then returns it with a nasty dose of Heat Vision to blast The Mega Man Zero Clone to pieces…..
“Fast and Furious” President Barack Obama and HIV-Pocks Poster Child Miley Cyrus’ “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are (earth 2) Superman, President Barack Obama (w/ General Grievous’ weapons), Dora the Explorer w/ Boots, Backpack, and The Map.
In the main throne room chamber:
Vladimir Putin sits in the chair of Darth Sidious with his squad surrounding him, while The Empire awaits the arrival of their enemies. Putin, presses the button on the side of the throne to activate a com link. He speaks on a closed channel: “Dora, it is a pleasure to work with you once again. I was very pleased to gain knowledge of your conspiracy against your leader Mr. Obama. Now if you are able to follow my instructions, you will need to have your team come up the through the main elevator in front of the throne. Their we can take control of your squad and we will of course make sure that you are unharmed, and….. Considerably rewarded for your part. I know you have grown disgruntled in the way this league, your team, and your president have treated you after all you have sacrificed and I will make sure that it is worth your while. Once the elevator opens, my team will execute the plan that you and I discussed. Putin Out”.
Putin kisses his stolen Super Bowl ring and then leans back in his chair awaiting the benefits of his well-laid out plan.
Inside the industrial maintenance shafts below the throne room:
Dora puts away her communicator after whispering: “Yes sir, Dora out”.
“Who on earth are you talking to”? Asks President Obama of Dora.
“Oh, nobody sir. Now why don’t you all follow me. I’ve analyzed The Map (the map, the map, the map, I’m the map) and there is a secret pathway through this corridor, that will lead to our best entry point”. Says Dora.
“Are you sure Dora? That isn’t the plan we originally laid out back at base”. Questions Superman.
“Yes, it is the best way to get to the throne room…. Trust me” Replies Dora.
As The Commandos sleek their way through the over-engineered mess of wires and infrastructure, The Empire stand at the ready by the elevator doors. Vladimir Putin gives the orders: “Open fire and then provide a full frontal attack on The Commandos. Do what you can to spare Dora, but if she is taken out, then we will honor her as…. Collateral damage”.
The number one name in Cable News (14 years running) backs up BL Scarlet Witch with his proton pack at the ready, while Kid Deadpool backs up Black Zero with his Sith Lavarouk. They wait patiently for some time, when the double doors begin to open…
The Empire is completely ready to commit their ambush and when the doors open, they open fire. The smoke clears after the first wave and nothing is left inside the now damaged elevator, although it becomes clear rather quickly that there was nothing in the elevator to begin with. The five members of the Empire then simultaneously turn to their right and see The Commandos rushing through from underneath the suspended balcony, while they here The Commander in Chief yell: “ATTACK”!!
All of The Commandos engage The Empire in melee battle, accept for Dora who ducks below the metal staircase and pulls her comlink back out of Backpack. She speaks:
“Premier Putin, the squad wouldn’t go for the elevator play, so I had to double-back, don’t worry though we can start to execute the second part of the plan”.
“DAMMIT Dora, my comrades needed your squad in that lift!! But I appreciate the communiqué, this update was necessary; I was starting to think that you were still loyal to your Head of State”. Says Vladimir Putin as he rises from his chair to join the fight.
As Dora joins the battle herself she replies: “No worries Mr. Premier, just follow the plan”.
Barack ignites two of his lightsabers and begins charging at The Empire, when Bill O’ Reilly turns on his positron collider and says:
“Don’t worry, I’ve got this pinhead”.
But Barack spins to the left to dodge the stream. As Obama gets closer, Bill grabs for his sidearm Zapper to take some pot shots, while screaming: “Nice moves Mr. President, but this is a “NO SPIN ZONE””; but Obama has already gained the vantage point. Barack comes down from behind O’ Reilly and brings both his lightsabers in a downward motion through O’ Reilly.
Barack looks down at his victim and says: “The word of the day is eviscerated… Don’t get eviscerated”
Bill looks up at his former Superbowl interview partner and says: “I didn’t think you ever watched the show Mr. President. I’m honored. I’m dying so I’ll keep it pithy, with no bloviating. I’m look…..ing….. Out ….. For.. You”………
Meanwhile, Superman is taking on both Black Zero and BL Scarlet Witch. They are holding their own, but Scarlet Witch’s powers are not quite as effective against Superman as the fans of The Empire would possibly expect. Her powers originally are based more on mutant ability than magic, but now her powers, though perfectly replicated are based fully on Oan Technology.
While that battle rages on Barack turns to take on Putin; but the much quicker Putin is already on Obama. Putin uses his martial arts skills to kick both of Barack’s lightsabers out of his hands and then crescent kicks the president to the ground. Barack then pulls his Magnoguard staff out from behind his back but Putin knocks that as way as well. A similar exercise takes place when Barack attempts to pull out Grievous’ old blaster. But Putin simply disarms the untrained Obama and begins toying with him through his black belt skills.
You see, this was always part of the plan. Putin needed to be seen breaking Obama. He knew that if he were to truly take over the world and the league that he would need to show his power over Obama. The fight continues, but Obama is finding himself mismatched….
Elsewhere, but close by, Boots has swung over to the scene and picked up the two lightsabers that his President has just lost. Boots uses his tail to fling one of them over to Dora, who smiles and says: “Now that’s more like it. I haven’t had one of these since my resurrection. The two diminutive warriors both surround Kid Deadpool, but are then forced to dodge back out of the way as Kid Deadpool unloads the razor shape circular blades from his Sith Lavarouk. As the two Commandos begin their reproach Kid Deadpool pulls out his katana blade and stands at the ready. Boots leaps in first and uses his small stature and speed to keep Kid Deadpool on the defensive, but he can tell that Dora is holding back…..
As the Kid Deadpool and Putin battles move closer together. Dora sees out of the corner of her eye that Putin has kicked Obama over to the reactor pit edge; but she does nothing. Putin kicks the president again as he falls halfway into the pit and is now using all of his strength to hold on, on the edge by his elbows and arms. Putin speaks to him and says:
“Well, the powerful American President. Look at you now. Hahaha. I have your gladiator’s superbowl ring, I have corrupted your power expanse, and now I have the what do you call it… Commander in Chief. Now, Dora; I trust that this is being recorded by the camera I had you plant in your Backpack, so this can be broadcast across the globe. It is time to finish this, so you can claim your reward, my little mercenary”.
Boots drops his lightsaber to the ground and looks over at Dora with intense distress as Kid Deadpool starts maniacally laughing at the situation. All eyes are focused on Dora with surprise when the president, who is barely hanging on for his life nods to the little explorer.
Putin asks of the president: “I have bested you Mr. President!! What do you possibly have that can stop me”??
Dora then busts out a cartwheel that kicks Grievous’ gun back to her President, while she in one swift motion uses her green lightsaber to remove the laughing head of Kid Deadpool. Barack grabs the blaster from his hanging position and answers Putin’s question:
“They call it American Exceptionalism you Commie Bastard” says Barack as he takes up the gun and puts three blaster bolts in the chest of Putin.
Dora and Boots both rush over to Barack Obama and help him out of the pit. They bring him up to safety, when Barack looks at Dora and says:
“It is all forgiven now, either way Dora, but I must know? Were you ever against me? I mean The Putin ordeal, The Xavier Harkonen Conspiracy, The Imperial Commandos….. Was it all a ploy, or was it real”??
Dora looks sternly at the President as she wipes sweat from her brow, and says:
“I have never been disloyal to you Mr. President; but I have never been loyal to you either. I am just a soldier sir, and I am loyal to The Commandos and always will be. Whether they want me to be or not”.
Barack nods as he sees the true quality in his right hand girl, but before he can speak, Black Lantern Scarlet Witch turns from her battle with Superman, and unleashes a fury of black energy at the trio. Barack Obama in a last bout of selfless bravery, pushes his favorite soldier and her monkey out of the way, just in the nick of time. But the president fails to save his own life (R.I.P. to the Universe Bowl 5 Champions Namesake). Dora and Boots roll back in to battle as Dora flings the scorched Backpack from her back, showing how close the blast truly was to taking her out (Map was inside the Backpack as well). Boots looks to Dora and says:
“What’s next?? Do we go help Superman”?
“No, he’s got this.” Replies Dora.
Dora and Boots watch from the other side of the pit, as they see Superman use Scarlet Witch’s self-diversion from their own fight to bring a double-fisted punch down hard, pulverizing the Black Lantern. Black Zero, in all of his pony-tailed goodness then plants his feet and unleashes every last bit of his energy reserves on Superman, but the Golden Age Man of Steel, powers through the laser blasts and then returns it with a nasty dose of Heat Vision to blast The Mega Man Zero Clone to pieces…..
Season 7, Week 9 Match: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. Griswold's Nut-busters
“Welcome to the Throne Room,
Welcome to the place where it all got started;
Bow down in His presence and worship Him.”
Welcome to the place where it all got started;
Bow down in His presence and worship Him.”
-CeeCee Winans [Throne Room]
I look upon the teams which will do battle
in this Season 7, Week 9 Match located in the Emperor’s Throne Room of the
Death Star. They are as follows:
Brock Sampson's
Fighting Murderflies: Zombie Darth Maul and Mandarin.
Griswold's Nut-busters:
Doomsday, Teneb Kel with Maggot and Ewok Child #1.
Murderflies’ locker room. . .
Mandarin:
Today is the first day of what's left of their miserable Griswold lives.
Nut-busters’
locker room. . .
Ewok Child #1: Goony-goo-goo.
A SIREN IS
HEARD THROUGHOUT THE THRONE ROOM.
Let the match
begin. . .
Zombie Darth Maul gnashes his
teeth as Ewok Child #1 waddles out from behind several stacked crates. Maul uses the Force to carry the gaggling
toddler to his arms.
Ewok Child #1: Awooo. Booooo.
A smile creeps across Zombie
Darth Maul’s face. Mandarin looks at his
colleague in disgust as he believes the cuddly child may have actually quenched
the ferocity of the beast, but realizes it is not the case as Maul rips the
throat out of Ewok Child #1 with his teeth and bathes in the blood spurting
from the child’s carotid.
Teneb Kel and Maggot respond to
the infant’s death and rush Maul. The
Abyssin slave manages to slide around Maul, knock his lightsaber out of his
hand and grab the Dathomir Sith from behind.
Kel ignites his lightsaber. Kel
plans to impale Maul. Before this act
can be completed, Maul uses both the Force and his anger to throw Qawohl over
his shoulder and into the lightsaber of his Maggot’s master. Maggot looks at Kel in uncomprehending
sadness before dying. Maul reaches out
for his lightsaber and both he and Kel’s red blades clash and crash in the
dimly lit room. Eventually, Kel gains
the upper hand and slices Maul in half.
While Kel is attempting to gain
his wind from the fight with Maul, Mandarin uses a barrage of his rings against
Kel. “Zero” freezes the Sith in
place. The villain then uses both
“Nightbringer” and “Spin” to cloak Kel in darkness and spin his ice-encased
body in cyclonic fashion. Kel is
completely exhausted and disoriented. Mandarin
smiles as he then uses both “Remaker” and “Spectral” to rip Kel apart.
Mandarin turns from his kill and
comes face to face with Doomsday.
Doomsday immediately rips both hands off of Mandarin and beats him to a
bloody pulp with his own rings.
Season Seven: Week 9: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse
The Horsemen of Apokolips is
Horatio Caine, C.M. Punk w/Legion Flight Ring w/Blue Lightsaber, White Suit
Anakin Skywalker and Harley Quinn w/Red Lightsaber.
Beckerman Presents: The Mickey
Mouse Grindhouse is The Triceratons #1-3, David Koresh, Warwolf #1 and Zombie
Harrison Ford.
The usually dour and dark Throne
Room is filled with the loud sobs coming from C.M. Punk. The
"Straight-Edge" king of wrestling cannot believe that he was
relegated to the final match of the year.
Punk: You expect me to play during
the last week of this season? A match that is completely pointless to both
squads. This is so insulting to somebody as great as the one and only C. M.
PUNK!!!!!
Both teams kind of just stared
at him, wondering who he was talking to.
David Koresh: Who exactly are
you talking to Mr. Punk?
Punk: Who are you again? Oh
that's right, some guy who convinced entire families to burn alive, and for
what?
David Koresh: That's not exactly
how it went down...
Punk: So before you go on and
judge me for something that you CLAIM that I did, just take a look in the
mirror and remember where it is coming from.
David Koresh: (Looking at
everyone else in the room) What is he talking about? Do you know Vader?
White Suit Anakin Skywalker: Don't
look at me.
Punk: Oh so now you are not even
listening to me Vader?
WS Anakin Skywalker: Oh, were
you talking to me?
Punk: Yeah, I was talking to you
white boy. You know what, forget this. I'm getting out of here.
Punk walks out of the room, gets
into the elevator and as the door shuts he flips off both teams.
Horatio Caine: Straight Edge my
ass.
Harley Quinn: Okay then, now
that we are done with the crying portion of this match, how about we do
something fun like this.
Harley runs over to David
Koresh, and flips right over him. She lands with the precision of an Olympic
gymnast directly behind him. This would have just been an impressive show of
her athletic ability if not for the fact that she somehow managed to grab him
by the roof of his mouth, snapping his neck on her way down. As his body fell
to the ground she stood up with a goofy grin on her face.
Harley Quinn: On your mark, get
set, Go!!! Sorry, I think I jumped the gun.
With this, rage erupted from the
Triceraton's as all three of them pounced on Harley, sending her off quickly
into the upper reaches of the throne room.
Harrison Ford, a great man in
his heyday isn't looking too great. As he lumbered across the throne room floor
towards the White Suited Anakin Skywalker, it was actually difficult to tell if
he was walking that way because he was the undead or if it was just another
Thursday afternoon on his ranch in Montana.
WS Anakin Skywalker: Wow I'm not
sure the makeup department has the strength to make you look believable for
Episode VII Harrison.
Zombie Harrison Ford: Arghhhhhh
WS Anakin Skywalker: Oh my god,
you're a zombie. Oh boy, what an idiot I am.
Horatio Caine: Looks like when
it comes to brains, the wrong person is looking for them.
Warwolf #1 runs up to WS Anakin
and knocks him over.
WS Anakin: Oh hey there buddy,
sorry I got in your way.
The Warwolf starts to put his
snout underneath Anakin's cape.
WS Anakin: Come on buddy, that
just isn't nice. Whoa, what are you doing down there?
The Warwolf proceeds to tear off
the undergarments of WS Anakin and move in further with his deadly tongue.
WS Anakin: Oh wow, decent. Hey I
don't know if you should be doing, ahhhhh, that.
The Warwolf is now buried deep
into the backside of White Suit Anakin and before Horatio is even aware that
something bad is happening to his teammate, the Warwolf has completely drained
the life out of the obviously cannon Star Wars character.
-Sidenote: (Yep, that's right;
The Warwolf is able to drain the life out of somebody by sticking their tongue
into any orifice of another being. Check out Wikipedia. Which makes me think
that the Warwolf was created specifically for a Fantasy Match)
On the top side of the Throne
room Harley Quinn is having a good old time with the Dimension X baddies.
Triceraton #2: I'm gonna get you
with my Knobby-Knuckled Notched Knife you Tricky-Slinky Little Scamp.
Triceraton #3: Not if I can't
get to you first with my Katana-Cuttin' Shogun Swords!
Triceraton #1: And if they don't
get you, good luck escaping without getting hit by my Laser Phaser.
Harley Quinn: Oh joy, you boys
talk. You know what is interesting about talking, without the proper supply of
air; it doesn't seem to work anymore.
Harley then takes one step back
and does what looks like a choreographed dance move in front of the Triceratons,
including jumps, a chest thrust and at last a very dramatic dive off of the
bridge they were all on. As Harley is walking back to Horatio all that is left
in her wake are the three Triceratons choking and gasping for air, as she had
destroyed all three of their protective face helmets, leaving them to die on
the bridge.
Harley Quinn: Looks like I left
those boys breathless.
Horatio Caine: Well Harley,
killing them did seem to have that effect.
Harley Quinn: Looks like Anakin
bit off more then he could chew.
Horatio Caine: Yes Harley, it
looks like Mr. Skywalker enjoyed himself a little too much.
Harley Quinn: Damn it! I broke a
nail.
Horatio Caine: Yeah but it looks
like...
Harley Quinn: It looks like
what?
Horatio Caine: It looks like, It
looks like...
Harley Quinn: You all right
Horatio?
Horatio Caine: I've got nothing.
No, when it comes to all right, I am the farthest thing from it.
Zombie Harrison Ford then
lumbers over to Horatio Caine and takes a bite out of his sunglass holding
hand.
Horatio Caine: F@#$ me!
Horatio takes out his gun and
puts a bullet through the face of the undead Ford.
Horatio Caine: You've got to be
f#@$ing kidding me. This is how I am going to die.
Harley Quinn then ignites her
light saber and cuts off Horatio's left hand. Horatio stares at her in
disbelief and then passes out.
Harley Quinn: Oh well, I hope it
worked. Now where the hell is that beautifully awful creature. Come here boy,
I've got a hole you'd probably enjoy even more.
She walks around the throne room
for a while until she hears a ruffling in the distance. She searches it out but
is taken by surprise as the Warwolf jumps at her from the shadows. The wolf
knocks her down to the ground, which just makes Harley even more interested in
the fight. The two jumped around the throne room for a while, every once in a
while the two of them exchanged blows but to the casual viewer, it really just
looked like they were having fun.
The game came to an abrupt end
as the elevator door opened, showing a still bitching C.M. Punk. Harley Quinn
noticing that her opponent was immediately more interested in this new
development gave the Warwolf a pat on the head and told him to a "Go get
him boy". The Warwolf was on C.M. Punk like stink of shit, so quickly that
I doubt that Punk was even aware of it. Given he was still complaining at such
an operatic level that I doubt he would have been able to notice anything
outside of himself in the first place.
The Elevator door closed before
I was able to see anything, so there really isn't much too tell on the matter.
A couple of minutes passed as Harley just tooled around the area, playing with
everything she could find. As she bounced around the throne room like a little
kid in a McDonald's play area the elevator door opened back up and a surprise
walked out.
C.M. Punk: Thanks a lot Harley,
didn't think I was going to make it against that thing.
Harley bounced over to him with
a smile on her face the entire time and stopped right in front of him.
Harley Quinn: Very funny CM.
Harley then stuck her lightsaber
directly to the front of his face and turned it on, the blade popping out the
other side. The body of C.M. Punk fell to the ground while a dazed Horatio
Caine lay on the ground staring at the confusing scene that had unfolded only
seconds after he woke up.
Horatio Caine: I guess it's
true, once a Punk, always a Punk.
Harley Quinn: That wasn't CM
Horatio, that was the Warwolf. Awful little critters. Love making themselves
look like us.
Horatio Caine: I guess if you
can't serve the time, don't commit the crime.
Harley Quinn: Please don't make
me pretend you are a wolf too Horatio.
Horatio gave Harley a puzzled
look as she walked past him with a smile on her face and sat down in the Emperor's
chair. Horatio contemplated his teammates action and then looked down at where
his left hand used to be. He then considered the fact that he was still alive
and decided to let it go. He was a Horseman after all. Something like that just
came with the territory.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions
Team Sleeping Pussy is Korvac and Jonah Hex (w/ a yellow lantern ring).
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are (Pre-Suit) Darth Vader, Aku, Kister, Care Becks, and Treasure Troll #1.
Kister is here…..
Kister is excited…..
We all know what Kister says when he is excited……
“THIS IS SOOOOO WIZARD ANNIE”!! “I can’t believe I got chosen to get played in the very last match of the season, exxspecially when the play-offs are on the line. It’s so wizard seeing you again Annie. It’s so wizard that you are grown up now too, and that you’re evil. I mean, that’s kind of weird; but it is still WIZARD”.
“Why aren’t you talking Annie. You look so serious. Honestly, it’s not very wizard”.
“I feel a disturbance in the force Kister. There is an extremely powerful being approaching. It is a power I have never quite felt. That, and I would really like for you to shut up about everything being wizard. It is giving me Sith-Space Aids and I’m considering turning you into bantha poodoo” (kind of weird how being around an old friend from your childhood spurns toilet humor in a man, no matter what he has become (ya know, dudes doin dude stuff)).
Anakin knows in his heart that this is about to be an epic battle; and is discouraged that the rest of his squad is not realizing the severity of the danger that is approaching. Kister is concerned with nothing but the magnitude of the wizard level and Care Becks is busy dry-humping Treasure Troll #1. I mean it is well-realized that Care Becks has an incredibly under-sized wiener, but a Treasure Troll….. Come on Care Becks, I mean those things are tiny….. Cool hair though (super cool). At least Aku seems well prepared for this fight, his help will be integral if The Turrible Decisions are going to continue their season after today.
Vader closes his eyes in concentration, gaining power from his master’s presence, pulls out his formerly blue, now red lightsaber (* Working under the assumption that he would have swapped out the blue kyber crystals for red ones had he been given adequate time to do so, which by FFL Standards he has) and ignites the crimson blade. He waits what seems like an eternity, as he meditates through a three second pause before Korvac and Jonah Hex burst up from the reactor pit directly below the throne room proper. The Sleeping Pussies rush their opponents with fury, while The Turrible Decisions leap into action. Aku and The Treasure Troll rush the fear-energy infused Jonah Hex, while the rest of the Barkley Squad move against Korvac: The Enemy.
Jonah Hex fires his yellow energy coated .45 Long Colt Bullets at Aku, but the immortal spawn of multi-faceted gods simply absorbs them into his shadowy black essence. Aku, then grows to the largest size that the throne room will allow and shows Jonah Hex the true meaning of fear as he rips the cowboy apart and swallows his yellow lantern ring like a piece of candy.
The Treasure Troll looks adorable while this all transpires.
Aku, rushes over to aid Lord Vader who is leaping around the throne room, while Korvac turns it upside down. Care Becks give a super creepy Care Bear Stare while pulling the fur away and stroking his perfectly circumcised, though miniscule Tallywacker. This bit of sheer unadulterated power actually causes Korvac to vomit and fall backwards, but the futuristic cosmic cyborg time-traveler recovers from the attack and makes Care Becks “Pay the price for his lack of vision”.
Vader, once again engages Korvac in battle with his lightsaber, while Aku comes to help out. Vader, sheaths his lightsaber and uses all of the power he can muster to force puch Korvac back while Aku flies in for a secondary attack; but Korvac proves that it is not only Samurai Jack’s sword that can kill Aku as he unleashes an abounding burst of energy projection to destroy the demon wizard.
Kister bravely picks up a broken metal rod and rushes at Korvac screaming: “MY SKILLS ARE WIZARD YOOOOOO”. But Korvac simply raises his right hand and vaporizes Kister before he can swing his makeshift weapon.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOO” Screams Vader as he inadvertently allows himself an emotional reaction from his innocent past. Vader’s hate makes him powerful as he force pushes Korvac over and begins hacking at him with his lightsaber. Vader’s force rage begins to crush Korvac’s cybernetic parts, but his lightsaber attacks cannot destroy his body faster than Korvac’s powers can regenerate it. Vader quickly makes several deep swipes with his saber, then drives it into Korvac’s chest before unleashing his new Sith Powers via a colossal burst of Sith Lightning which cause the body of Korvac to dissipate into nothing.
Treasure Troll #1’s hair is singed and burning as he looks over to Anakin and says timidly: “I…. I… can’t even find words to describe what I just waa waaa witnessed”……
The Young Darth Vader picks his lightsaber back up and looks at the troll with his yellow eyes as he says: “I can…. Wizard”.
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are (Pre-Suit) Darth Vader, Aku, Kister, Care Becks, and Treasure Troll #1.
Kister is here…..
Kister is excited…..
We all know what Kister says when he is excited……
“THIS IS SOOOOO WIZARD ANNIE”!! “I can’t believe I got chosen to get played in the very last match of the season, exxspecially when the play-offs are on the line. It’s so wizard seeing you again Annie. It’s so wizard that you are grown up now too, and that you’re evil. I mean, that’s kind of weird; but it is still WIZARD”.
“Why aren’t you talking Annie. You look so serious. Honestly, it’s not very wizard”.
“I feel a disturbance in the force Kister. There is an extremely powerful being approaching. It is a power I have never quite felt. That, and I would really like for you to shut up about everything being wizard. It is giving me Sith-Space Aids and I’m considering turning you into bantha poodoo” (kind of weird how being around an old friend from your childhood spurns toilet humor in a man, no matter what he has become (ya know, dudes doin dude stuff)).
Anakin knows in his heart that this is about to be an epic battle; and is discouraged that the rest of his squad is not realizing the severity of the danger that is approaching. Kister is concerned with nothing but the magnitude of the wizard level and Care Becks is busy dry-humping Treasure Troll #1. I mean it is well-realized that Care Becks has an incredibly under-sized wiener, but a Treasure Troll….. Come on Care Becks, I mean those things are tiny….. Cool hair though (super cool). At least Aku seems well prepared for this fight, his help will be integral if The Turrible Decisions are going to continue their season after today.
Vader closes his eyes in concentration, gaining power from his master’s presence, pulls out his formerly blue, now red lightsaber (* Working under the assumption that he would have swapped out the blue kyber crystals for red ones had he been given adequate time to do so, which by FFL Standards he has) and ignites the crimson blade. He waits what seems like an eternity, as he meditates through a three second pause before Korvac and Jonah Hex burst up from the reactor pit directly below the throne room proper. The Sleeping Pussies rush their opponents with fury, while The Turrible Decisions leap into action. Aku and The Treasure Troll rush the fear-energy infused Jonah Hex, while the rest of the Barkley Squad move against Korvac: The Enemy.
Jonah Hex fires his yellow energy coated .45 Long Colt Bullets at Aku, but the immortal spawn of multi-faceted gods simply absorbs them into his shadowy black essence. Aku, then grows to the largest size that the throne room will allow and shows Jonah Hex the true meaning of fear as he rips the cowboy apart and swallows his yellow lantern ring like a piece of candy.
The Treasure Troll looks adorable while this all transpires.
Aku, rushes over to aid Lord Vader who is leaping around the throne room, while Korvac turns it upside down. Care Becks give a super creepy Care Bear Stare while pulling the fur away and stroking his perfectly circumcised, though miniscule Tallywacker. This bit of sheer unadulterated power actually causes Korvac to vomit and fall backwards, but the futuristic cosmic cyborg time-traveler recovers from the attack and makes Care Becks “Pay the price for his lack of vision”.
Vader, once again engages Korvac in battle with his lightsaber, while Aku comes to help out. Vader, sheaths his lightsaber and uses all of the power he can muster to force puch Korvac back while Aku flies in for a secondary attack; but Korvac proves that it is not only Samurai Jack’s sword that can kill Aku as he unleashes an abounding burst of energy projection to destroy the demon wizard.
Kister bravely picks up a broken metal rod and rushes at Korvac screaming: “MY SKILLS ARE WIZARD YOOOOOO”. But Korvac simply raises his right hand and vaporizes Kister before he can swing his makeshift weapon.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOO” Screams Vader as he inadvertently allows himself an emotional reaction from his innocent past. Vader’s hate makes him powerful as he force pushes Korvac over and begins hacking at him with his lightsaber. Vader’s force rage begins to crush Korvac’s cybernetic parts, but his lightsaber attacks cannot destroy his body faster than Korvac’s powers can regenerate it. Vader quickly makes several deep swipes with his saber, then drives it into Korvac’s chest before unleashing his new Sith Powers via a colossal burst of Sith Lightning which cause the body of Korvac to dissipate into nothing.
Treasure Troll #1’s hair is singed and burning as he looks over to Anakin and says timidly: “I…. I… can’t even find words to describe what I just waa waaa witnessed”……
The Young Darth Vader picks his lightsaber back up and looks at the troll with his yellow eyes as he says: “I can…. Wizard”.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Week 8 Standings
George Lucas Conference
Steven Spielberg Division
Horsemen - 7 - 1
Midgets - 5- 3
Backyardigans - 5 - 3
Grindhouse - 1 - 7
Arthur C. Clarke Division
Empire - 5- 3
Slaves - 5 - 3
Commandos - 4 - 4
Rabble Rousers - 2 - 6
Stan Lee Conference
J.R.R. Tolkien Division
TEAM - 6 - 2
Mitchy - 4 - 4
Murderflies - 3 - 5
Nut Busters - 3 - 5
Frank Herbert Division
Team S.P. - 4 - 4
Turrible Decisions - 4 - 4
Layanderlett - 4 - 4
Highness - 2 - 6
Steven Spielberg Division
Horsemen - 7 - 1
Midgets - 5- 3
Backyardigans - 5 - 3
Grindhouse - 1 - 7
Arthur C. Clarke Division
Empire - 5- 3
Slaves - 5 - 3
Commandos - 4 - 4
Rabble Rousers - 2 - 6
Stan Lee Conference
J.R.R. Tolkien Division
TEAM - 6 - 2
Mitchy - 4 - 4
Murderflies - 3 - 5
Nut Busters - 3 - 5
Frank Herbert Division
Team S.P. - 4 - 4
Turrible Decisions - 4 - 4
Layanderlett - 4 - 4
Highness - 2 - 6
Season 7 Week 8: The Traveling Sisterhood of Midgets vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips
The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets is: Alexander The Great of Macedon, Superboy (Conner Kent), Superboy (Clark Kent), White Lantern Hal Jordan (w/ Red Lantern ring, Alan Scott's Magical Green Lantern ring, and Guy Gardner's Yellow Lantern ring), The Eradicator, Deadpool, Black Lantern Blip, Black Lantern Aunt May, and Salacious B. Crumb w/ a green Yoshi.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Godzilla, Darkseid, and Damien Thorn (w/ Lord Voldemort's magic wand)
"It's all for you, Damien." Darkseid said, looking over Apokolips from his palace balcony. Damien Thorn stood at his side, eyes fixed on the army of Parademons spread out before them. Godzilla stood in their midst, towering above them. "You come from strong blood, but your mind is still a blank slate. I can appreciate that potential, but potential alone is no measure of your worth. Today, I provide you with a considerable opportunity, one I trust you with only because of what power you've shown." He gestured behind them where Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman stood at attention. "One day, you may be worthy of leading Apokolips in conquest. For today you'll lead its Horsemen in a hunt. Take command, Damien, and do not disappoint me." The boy turned to his playthings and nodded silently, his determined expression unchanging, and they prepared to depart.
Where the Wild Things Are, The Midgets were awaiting signs of their opponents in one of the many jungle shantytowns put together by the nomadic natives. "Man, I'm starving. I wish I had supper before we came here, King Max is a real f*g for not giving us anything to eat," Jordan said clutching his gut. "Whoa, Hal, getting a little homophobic? You shouldn't be, I've killed tons of them, not even a little scary," Deadpool gibed. "Jeez, my bad. I may be a white power wielding racist, but I think this knockoff Green Lantern ring carried over some of Alan Scott's personality," Hal insisted. Alexander the Great, looking lost, said, "I don't see the problem. Is it no longer commonplace for a man to share his bed with a young boy?" There was an awkward silence, thankfully broken by a deafening boom and a roar more terrible than the ones typically roared by the Wild Things. Superboy Clark flew up to the canopy and spotted some birds fleeing from a patch of toppling trees, who were promptly charred mid-escape by a blast of fire. "The Horsemen are here," he informed his team, "...I think they have a dragon." The Midgets flew to the scene to find Godzilla tromping alone through the homes of terrified native beasts. "HELLO GENTLEMEN, CAN YOU HELP ME? I'VE BEEN STRANDED HERE BY THE ANTICHRIST AND AN IMMORTAL IN A LEOTARD," Godzilla bellowed, understood by none, as he leaned down and devoured Deadpool. As they began their attack a rubber batarang trailing a heavy cable shot out from the jungle, passed Hal Jordan to bounce off a tree, and swung back to wrap around him. When the cable made contact a heavy electrical current shot through him and left him writing on the ground. In the air, Godzilla had reduced Aunt May to ash in mid-air, but a Superboy flew through each eye and blew out the back of his skull. The two went in for a high-five, but Clark was left hanging when Conner disappeared in a blur. On the ground, Wonder Woman had approached Hal Jordan prepared to execute him with her sword but was met by Alexander the Great. As the two clashed, Jordan struggled to summon the focus and will to break out of his bindings. As Salacious B. Crumb spectated from his Yoshi, he heard a shrill sound. He turned to see Batman standing in the trees, blowing into a small device. A black cloud of bats erupted from behind him and swarmed the battlefield. Crumb took action and rode the Yoshi around the battlefield as the latter began eating the bats. Batman began his assault by swooping down on the monkey-lizard, delivering a fatal kick to the back of the Yoshi's head before stamping Crumb into the jungle floor Black Lantern Blip tried to catch Batman off guard, but he spun around and kicked the flying monkey away. He tossed a glass vial into the air above Blip and quickly shot a pellet from his wrist gear into it. When the vial burst, the pyrophoric chemicals inside caught fire and rained down on Blip, smoldering him beyond regeneration. Superboy Clark and The Eradicator had taken off in search of Superboy Conner, but Superman returned to meet them halfway. He displayed Connor Kent in front of him, every limb mangled and tied in knots. Superboy Clark choked back a whimper at the sight. "How can we be the same person?! This... this is obscene!" Superman peered at his younger self through the milky eyes of the Imperius Curse, and in a voice that was not his own said, "Oderint dum metuant, righteous fool." He chucked the mangled corpse at The Eradicator and tackled the remaining Superboy.
Hal Jordan's disability was driving him to the point of madness, and Wonder Woman had just finished off Alexander the Great. The prolonged pain began to fester in him, and he felt the grip of rage taking over. As Wonder Woman came back to finish the job, he began to gag. "Do you feel ill, Life-Lantern? I expected more. This will pale in comparison to the agony you'll endure in Hell." As she raised her blade, Jordan's gag erupted into a spew of corrosive blood, sloughing the flesh from Wonder Woman's skull. A katana emerged from Godzilla's torso and Deadpool shoved his way out through the incision. "Hey, check it out guys! This is just like Deadpool #1 as written by comedian Brian Posehn! Remember?" he shouted to nobody in particular. He climbed out soaked in monster giblets and surveyed the battlefield, choosing an unopposed Batman as his next mark. As he charged, Batman threw another incendiary at him, catching him on fire. "Wooh, that's one spicy chimichanga right there Bats! Don't you hate that feeling when your skin keeps growing back into hot napalm?" He kept standing, but couldn't land a killing blow up against Bruce Wayne's defensive skills. Meanwhile, Hal Jordan joined the fight against the possessed Superman. The Eradicator already lay dead and Superboy was taking a heavy beating when Jordan stepped in and socked Supes in the side of the head, knocking him off his counterpart. "Stop hitting yourself, Clark," Hal spat. Superman charged back at him snarling, and a sharp crackling sound burst out as he met an aegis of white light. "You... you're putrid with the glow of life. I know of your power, Lantern. Your light alone will neither cleanse nor kill this creature I've obtained. There is only death for you and your people." Jordan steeled his expression, maintaining eye contact. "You're right. The light has no hope against you. But believe me, I've got a lot hope that this will work." In an instant, a hole opened in Jordan's shield. A shaft of blue light shot like a harpoon from the opening. Superman quickly raised a hand against the projectile and snickered at the attempt. Yet, Jordan was beaming with satisfaction. Superman looked down to his hand and saw that it was punctured, and the spear ran through his hand and his heart. As he stared baffled at the wound, his power of flight failed and he fell to the ground face-first. He landed on the spear, driving it through his corpse. A green spearhead stood at the end, a magical construct of the Starheart, glowing brightly with Green K Radiation. Jordan found Superboy unconscious and badly beaten on the ground nearby. His hope growing exponentially, he focused his light on his ally and brought him back from the edge of death. "Get up, kid, you're alright. We're almost done here."
The two arrived to find Batman finishing off Deadpool with his trusty bat-flamethrower. Wasting no time, Superboy simply dropped in and broke Batman's neck. Somehow they knew it couldn't end so easily, and another boom echoed out as Darkseid and Damien arrived from Apokolips. "Your thralls have failed miserably, child. Redeem yourself now or I'll send you home to your father." Jordan mustered all his focus and scooped Darkseid in to a globe of white light while Superboy hesitantly approached the child. Damien stared intently at the wand in his hands and reached his senses out to the traces of evil it carried. A phrase came to his mind, and with the wand he directed it at Superboy: "Avada Kedavra." A bolt of green light shot out and caught Kent, and he instantly crumpled to the ground. "NO! YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" screamed Jordan as he threw Darkseid aside. As he walked toward Damien, flashes of red light popped under his footsteps. "Avada kedavra!" Damien shouted again. The death curse reached Jordan, but the white light protected him from its effects. Again he vomited his rage on his foe, reducing the son of the devil himself to a puddle. He turned to Darkseid, still standing tall, and stared him down. "The boy's lack of forethought was pitiful, but it seems it brought us far enough. Are you prepared, Lantern?" As soon as Hal opened his mouth to speak, Darkseid's Omega Beam scattered him to the wind.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Godzilla, Darkseid, and Damien Thorn (w/ Lord Voldemort's magic wand)
Where the Wild Things Are, The Midgets were awaiting signs of their opponents in one of the many jungle shantytowns put together by the nomadic natives. "Man, I'm starving. I wish I had supper before we came here, King Max is a real f*g for not giving us anything to eat," Jordan said clutching his gut. "Whoa, Hal, getting a little homophobic? You shouldn't be, I've killed tons of them, not even a little scary," Deadpool gibed. "Jeez, my bad. I may be a white power wielding racist, but I think this knockoff Green Lantern ring carried over some of Alan Scott's personality," Hal insisted. Alexander the Great, looking lost, said, "I don't see the problem. Is it no longer commonplace for a man to share his bed with a young boy?" There was an awkward silence, thankfully broken by a deafening boom and a roar more terrible than the ones typically roared by the Wild Things. Superboy Clark flew up to the canopy and spotted some birds fleeing from a patch of toppling trees, who were promptly charred mid-escape by a blast of fire. "The Horsemen are here," he informed his team, "...I think they have a dragon." The Midgets flew to the scene to find Godzilla tromping alone through the homes of terrified native beasts. "HELLO GENTLEMEN, CAN YOU HELP ME? I'VE BEEN STRANDED HERE BY THE ANTICHRIST AND AN IMMORTAL IN A LEOTARD," Godzilla bellowed, understood by none, as he leaned down and devoured Deadpool. As they began their attack a rubber batarang trailing a heavy cable shot out from the jungle, passed Hal Jordan to bounce off a tree, and swung back to wrap around him. When the cable made contact a heavy electrical current shot through him and left him writing on the ground. In the air, Godzilla had reduced Aunt May to ash in mid-air, but a Superboy flew through each eye and blew out the back of his skull. The two went in for a high-five, but Clark was left hanging when Conner disappeared in a blur. On the ground, Wonder Woman had approached Hal Jordan prepared to execute him with her sword but was met by Alexander the Great. As the two clashed, Jordan struggled to summon the focus and will to break out of his bindings. As Salacious B. Crumb spectated from his Yoshi, he heard a shrill sound. He turned to see Batman standing in the trees, blowing into a small device. A black cloud of bats erupted from behind him and swarmed the battlefield. Crumb took action and rode the Yoshi around the battlefield as the latter began eating the bats. Batman began his assault by swooping down on the monkey-lizard, delivering a fatal kick to the back of the Yoshi's head before stamping Crumb into the jungle floor Black Lantern Blip tried to catch Batman off guard, but he spun around and kicked the flying monkey away. He tossed a glass vial into the air above Blip and quickly shot a pellet from his wrist gear into it. When the vial burst, the pyrophoric chemicals inside caught fire and rained down on Blip, smoldering him beyond regeneration. Superboy Clark and The Eradicator had taken off in search of Superboy Conner, but Superman returned to meet them halfway. He displayed Connor Kent in front of him, every limb mangled and tied in knots. Superboy Clark choked back a whimper at the sight. "How can we be the same person?! This... this is obscene!" Superman peered at his younger self through the milky eyes of the Imperius Curse, and in a voice that was not his own said, "Oderint dum metuant, righteous fool." He chucked the mangled corpse at The Eradicator and tackled the remaining Superboy.
Hal Jordan's disability was driving him to the point of madness, and Wonder Woman had just finished off Alexander the Great. The prolonged pain began to fester in him, and he felt the grip of rage taking over. As Wonder Woman came back to finish the job, he began to gag. "Do you feel ill, Life-Lantern? I expected more. This will pale in comparison to the agony you'll endure in Hell." As she raised her blade, Jordan's gag erupted into a spew of corrosive blood, sloughing the flesh from Wonder Woman's skull. A katana emerged from Godzilla's torso and Deadpool shoved his way out through the incision. "Hey, check it out guys! This is just like Deadpool #1 as written by comedian Brian Posehn! Remember?" he shouted to nobody in particular. He climbed out soaked in monster giblets and surveyed the battlefield, choosing an unopposed Batman as his next mark. As he charged, Batman threw another incendiary at him, catching him on fire. "Wooh, that's one spicy chimichanga right there Bats! Don't you hate that feeling when your skin keeps growing back into hot napalm?" He kept standing, but couldn't land a killing blow up against Bruce Wayne's defensive skills. Meanwhile, Hal Jordan joined the fight against the possessed Superman. The Eradicator already lay dead and Superboy was taking a heavy beating when Jordan stepped in and socked Supes in the side of the head, knocking him off his counterpart. "Stop hitting yourself, Clark," Hal spat. Superman charged back at him snarling, and a sharp crackling sound burst out as he met an aegis of white light. "You... you're putrid with the glow of life. I know of your power, Lantern. Your light alone will neither cleanse nor kill this creature I've obtained. There is only death for you and your people." Jordan steeled his expression, maintaining eye contact. "You're right. The light has no hope against you. But believe me, I've got a lot hope that this will work." In an instant, a hole opened in Jordan's shield. A shaft of blue light shot like a harpoon from the opening. Superman quickly raised a hand against the projectile and snickered at the attempt. Yet, Jordan was beaming with satisfaction. Superman looked down to his hand and saw that it was punctured, and the spear ran through his hand and his heart. As he stared baffled at the wound, his power of flight failed and he fell to the ground face-first. He landed on the spear, driving it through his corpse. A green spearhead stood at the end, a magical construct of the Starheart, glowing brightly with Green K Radiation. Jordan found Superboy unconscious and badly beaten on the ground nearby. His hope growing exponentially, he focused his light on his ally and brought him back from the edge of death. "Get up, kid, you're alright. We're almost done here."
The two arrived to find Batman finishing off Deadpool with his trusty bat-flamethrower. Wasting no time, Superboy simply dropped in and broke Batman's neck. Somehow they knew it couldn't end so easily, and another boom echoed out as Darkseid and Damien arrived from Apokolips. "Your thralls have failed miserably, child. Redeem yourself now or I'll send you home to your father." Jordan mustered all his focus and scooped Darkseid in to a globe of white light while Superboy hesitantly approached the child. Damien stared intently at the wand in his hands and reached his senses out to the traces of evil it carried. A phrase came to his mind, and with the wand he directed it at Superboy: "Avada Kedavra." A bolt of green light shot out and caught Kent, and he instantly crumpled to the ground. "NO! YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" screamed Jordan as he threw Darkseid aside. As he walked toward Damien, flashes of red light popped under his footsteps. "Avada kedavra!" Damien shouted again. The death curse reached Jordan, but the white light protected him from its effects. Again he vomited his rage on his foe, reducing the son of the devil himself to a puddle. He turned to Darkseid, still standing tall, and stared him down. "The boy's lack of forethought was pitiful, but it seems it brought us far enough. Are you prepared, Lantern?" As soon as Hal opened his mouth to speak, Darkseid's Omega Beam scattered him to the wind.
s7w8- TEAM vs Murderflies
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are: Amatsu Mikaboshi: The Chaos King, The Great Lakes Avengers: Mr. Immortal, Squirrel Girl, Big Bertha, and Flatman, Miss Martian, Dr. Doomsday and The Shadow
TEAM is: Red Sun Superman, Captain America, Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Ragnarok, Zombie Pete Sosa and Miri
CRACK. BAM. SMASH. BOOM.
These are the sounds heard across the room.
As a communist Superman and Dr Doomsday fight.
Captain America watches, and thinks it's not right.
A beautiful forest burns all around.
Death and destruction is all that is found.
The zombie Pete Sosa and Miri have fallen.
This is also the fate Miss Martian, The Shadow and GLA have befallen.
The Chaos King can no longer sulk.
After killing IronMan, he lost his head to the Hulk.
But then TEAM received quite a huge shock
As Dr Doomsday has taken over TEAM's Ragnarok.
Now Cap and the commie put politics aside
And with the Hulk, team up and whip the Murderflies hide.
The three stand quite tall and are feeling glorius
TEAM is: Red Sun Superman, Captain America, Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Ragnarok, Zombie Pete Sosa and Miri
CRACK. BAM. SMASH. BOOM.
These are the sounds heard across the room.
As a communist Superman and Dr Doomsday fight.
Captain America watches, and thinks it's not right.
A beautiful forest burns all around.
Death and destruction is all that is found.
The zombie Pete Sosa and Miri have fallen.
This is also the fate Miss Martian, The Shadow and GLA have befallen.
The Chaos King can no longer sulk.
After killing IronMan, he lost his head to the Hulk.
But then TEAM received quite a huge shock
As Dr Doomsday has taken over TEAM's Ragnarok.
Now Cap and the commie put politics aside
And with the Hulk, team up and whip the Murderflies hide.
The three stand quite tall and are feeling glorius
S7W8: The Empire Vs. The Slaves
The Empire is: Silver Surfer, Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner, Mother Askani, Red She-Hulk, Indigo Lantern Sorceress of Castle Grayskull, Cindel Towani w/Star Wand, and The Walking Dead Crew (Rick, Lori, Carl, Glenn, Maggie, Dale, Darryl w/ throwing knives, Merle, T-Dogg, Carol, Andrea w/Legion Flight Ring, Amy w/Legion Flight Ring, Tyreese, Sasha, Axel, Bob Stookey, Michonne w/purple lightsaber and Zombie Pets #1 and #2.)
George Washington's Slaves are: Fernus, Batgirl, Loki, Wolverine, Dormammu, Ki Adi Mundi, WallyKazaam, Norville the Dragon.
Loki confronts a lone Indigo Lantern Sorceress of Grayskull in a secluded clearing. He smirks as he walks toward her. "I am the true heir of Odin, why should I fear your parlor tricks?" laughs Loki. The Sorceress' Indigo ring channels the green light of OA to shackle The Trickster god. A slight wave of his hand and the bonds disperse. She quickly changes to the power of an orange lantern, and Loki falls to one knee. "The orange light of avarice... ARGH! This is... Thor's... fault..." says Loki as he evaporates in the Lantern's light. IL Sorceress of Grayskull telepathically reads the minds of her Empire teammates to scan their progress in the match.
The Empire has gathered in the thick jungles of "Where the Wild Things Are", knowing that a head to head contest in the open with The Slaves is suicide. The Slaves gather in a clearing near The Empire's location, and Wolverine nods to Fernus. The burning Martian smiles and grows to giant size while flying to the opposite end of the jungle, then walks back toward The Slaves, burning every thing in sight. The Walking Dead's Lori, Carl, T-Dogg, Amy, Dale, Bob Stookey, and Sasha are incinerated by the initial blast. The rest stampede out of the dense vegetation, crushing WallyKazaam and Norville the Dragon on the way to the nearest clearing. Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner is flies up to contain Fernus, but his rings are rendered useless when his mind is shattered by the telepath Fernus. As FS Kyle Rayner falls, Mother Askani arrives to engage Fernus on the Astral Plane.
Meanwhile, what's left of The Walking Dead crew and Red She-Hulk are stopped by The Slaves' Wolverine, Batgirl, and Ki Adi Mundi. The Jedi Mundi force pushes the group back, killing Andrea and Merle because their bodies smashed into the trees, while the others remain disorganized. Without a word, Wolverine and Cassandra Cain quickly execute Glenn, Maggie, Axel, and Carol with a series of slashes and deadly martial arts moves. Red She-Hulk rises and stomps the ground, causing The Slaves to fall and buy The Empire some time to regroup. She leads the charge, and Batgirl is broken by red She-Hulk's shoulder block. Betty Ross then grabs a still prone Wolverine in place, as Rick, Shane, Tyreese batter him with a hatchet, police baton, and ballpeen hammer, respectively. A crossbow bolt to the brain via eye from Darryl Dixon finally ends Logan. A lone Ki Adi Mundi again uses a Force push to keep his ground. He fires up his lightsaber to fight Michonne, who also ignites the same colored blade. Her college fencing skills are no match for the Jedi, who slices her clean through the midsection, and follows through with a quick decapitation to her Zombie Pets #1 and #2. He desperately charges an ascending Red She Hulk, Rick, Shane, Tyreese and Darryl. Mundi deflects Darryl's crossbow shots with his saber, and runs the Walking Dead character through. He quicky stikes a nearby Shane, but stops short of a trifecta kill. His hesitation to slash the child Cindel Denowi is his undoing, as Red She-Hulk takes the opportunity to cinch the Jedi in a bear hug. A hammer blow by Tyreese ends the last of The Slaves ground force.
High above, the telepathic battle between Mother Askani and Fernus is coming to an end. Although she is powerful, the alien mind of a twisted J'onn J'onzz proves to be too much. The mindless Rachel Summers falls to her doom. The Empire's Silver Surfer has seen enough, and makes his presence known by exterminating Fernus with raw blasts of Cosmic energy. He prepares himeself for the inevitable arrival of Dormammu. "You knew I wouldn't show until you did, as you are the only one worth my time. Impressive strategy, Herald. Although I do make exceptions from time to time." laughs Dormammu with a snap of his fingers. Red She-Hulk, Rick, Tyreese and Cindel Towani burn alive from mystical flames created by The Dread One. "MONSTER!" screams The Surfer. "Flatterer." smiles Dormammu as he teleports them both to The Dark Dimension. "You cannot beat me here, Herald. It's over.' states Dormammu. "You're right... I can't beat you here." admits Norrin Radd. He pours on as much speed as he can muster while grabbing a hold of Dormammu. He flies them both into the endless hordes of Mindless Ones that occupy The Dark Dimension, and both are soon ravaged by the eternal beating of the brutes.
The Empires' lone Indigo Lantern Sorceress of Castle Grayskull is snapped back to the physical plane of existance as her last temmate's thoughts fade away into oblivion. She takes a moment to gather herself before heading to The Empre's locker room. "Leaving so soon? We've only just begun!!!" laughs the disembodied voice of Loki. "Nobody tricks The Trickster..."
George Washington's Slaves are: Fernus, Batgirl, Loki, Wolverine, Dormammu, Ki Adi Mundi, WallyKazaam, Norville the Dragon.
Loki confronts a lone Indigo Lantern Sorceress of Grayskull in a secluded clearing. He smirks as he walks toward her. "I am the true heir of Odin, why should I fear your parlor tricks?" laughs Loki. The Sorceress' Indigo ring channels the green light of OA to shackle The Trickster god. A slight wave of his hand and the bonds disperse. She quickly changes to the power of an orange lantern, and Loki falls to one knee. "The orange light of avarice... ARGH! This is... Thor's... fault..." says Loki as he evaporates in the Lantern's light. IL Sorceress of Grayskull telepathically reads the minds of her Empire teammates to scan their progress in the match.
The Empire has gathered in the thick jungles of "Where the Wild Things Are", knowing that a head to head contest in the open with The Slaves is suicide. The Slaves gather in a clearing near The Empire's location, and Wolverine nods to Fernus. The burning Martian smiles and grows to giant size while flying to the opposite end of the jungle, then walks back toward The Slaves, burning every thing in sight. The Walking Dead's Lori, Carl, T-Dogg, Amy, Dale, Bob Stookey, and Sasha are incinerated by the initial blast. The rest stampede out of the dense vegetation, crushing WallyKazaam and Norville the Dragon on the way to the nearest clearing. Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner is flies up to contain Fernus, but his rings are rendered useless when his mind is shattered by the telepath Fernus. As FS Kyle Rayner falls, Mother Askani arrives to engage Fernus on the Astral Plane.
Meanwhile, what's left of The Walking Dead crew and Red She-Hulk are stopped by The Slaves' Wolverine, Batgirl, and Ki Adi Mundi. The Jedi Mundi force pushes the group back, killing Andrea and Merle because their bodies smashed into the trees, while the others remain disorganized. Without a word, Wolverine and Cassandra Cain quickly execute Glenn, Maggie, Axel, and Carol with a series of slashes and deadly martial arts moves. Red She-Hulk rises and stomps the ground, causing The Slaves to fall and buy The Empire some time to regroup. She leads the charge, and Batgirl is broken by red She-Hulk's shoulder block. Betty Ross then grabs a still prone Wolverine in place, as Rick, Shane, Tyreese batter him with a hatchet, police baton, and ballpeen hammer, respectively. A crossbow bolt to the brain via eye from Darryl Dixon finally ends Logan. A lone Ki Adi Mundi again uses a Force push to keep his ground. He fires up his lightsaber to fight Michonne, who also ignites the same colored blade. Her college fencing skills are no match for the Jedi, who slices her clean through the midsection, and follows through with a quick decapitation to her Zombie Pets #1 and #2. He desperately charges an ascending Red She Hulk, Rick, Shane, Tyreese and Darryl. Mundi deflects Darryl's crossbow shots with his saber, and runs the Walking Dead character through. He quicky stikes a nearby Shane, but stops short of a trifecta kill. His hesitation to slash the child Cindel Denowi is his undoing, as Red She-Hulk takes the opportunity to cinch the Jedi in a bear hug. A hammer blow by Tyreese ends the last of The Slaves ground force.
High above, the telepathic battle between Mother Askani and Fernus is coming to an end. Although she is powerful, the alien mind of a twisted J'onn J'onzz proves to be too much. The mindless Rachel Summers falls to her doom. The Empire's Silver Surfer has seen enough, and makes his presence known by exterminating Fernus with raw blasts of Cosmic energy. He prepares himeself for the inevitable arrival of Dormammu. "You knew I wouldn't show until you did, as you are the only one worth my time. Impressive strategy, Herald. Although I do make exceptions from time to time." laughs Dormammu with a snap of his fingers. Red She-Hulk, Rick, Tyreese and Cindel Towani burn alive from mystical flames created by The Dread One. "MONSTER!" screams The Surfer. "Flatterer." smiles Dormammu as he teleports them both to The Dark Dimension. "You cannot beat me here, Herald. It's over.' states Dormammu. "You're right... I can't beat you here." admits Norrin Radd. He pours on as much speed as he can muster while grabbing a hold of Dormammu. He flies them both into the endless hordes of Mindless Ones that occupy The Dark Dimension, and both are soon ravaged by the eternal beating of the brutes.
The Empires' lone Indigo Lantern Sorceress of Castle Grayskull is snapped back to the physical plane of existance as her last temmate's thoughts fade away into oblivion. She takes a moment to gather herself before heading to The Empre's locker room. "Leaving so soon? We've only just begun!!!" laughs the disembodied voice of Loki. "Nobody tricks The Trickster..."
Season 7 Week 8: Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions vs Layanderlett’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a Better Family
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are Ulik, Sasquatch, Beast Boy, Animal Man, Cheetah, Donkey Kong, Care Becks and Beast Man possessed by Angir: Breaker of Souls.
Layanderlett’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a Better Family is Supergirl, Yoda’s Spirit w/White Lantern Ring, Red Hulk, Carrie Bradshaw and Kingdom Come Justice League: Wonder Woman, Donna Troy, Red Arrow, Robotman, and Hawkman.
Inside the locker room of the Super Kitties, there is a blinding flash of pure white light. For the ring of White Lantern Batman has found a new host.
The Spirit of Yoda.
“Re-formed I am. A strange energy this is,” the diminutive Jedi Master says to himself.
Just then, the elder form of Wonder Woman already suited up in her Kingdom Come battle armor, races into the locker room.
“Master Yoda?!” she exclaims. “By Hera, you are no longer just a spirit. But how?”
“Question the events of this league you know you must not,” he responds. “The whim of the Watchers it is.”
“Just glad to have you back to the land of the living. We’ve got a playoff spot we’re fighting for,” KC Wonder Woman says.
As they exit the locker room, they see Supergirl walking down the hallway.
“Kara! Yoda is no longer just a spirit, and is now wielding Batman’s White Lantern Ring. Come! Let’s show our adversaries it was truly a terrible decision to face us this day!” Diana shouts to her teammate.
Supergirl barely looks over her shoulder towards them, “Pffft.I’m a Horsemen. Now. And forever.”
She then takes flight and rockets towards the battle. Yoda then uses the powers of his newly acquired White Lantern Ring to teleport the rest of his team to their destination….. Where the Wild Things Are.
“Oh wow. Did I ever wear the wrong sort of heels for this battle,” Carrie Bradshaw says meekly to herself.
Unfortunately for her, the heels are the last of her worries, as she is tackled to the ground by CareBecks.
“I’ve got your Mr. Big right here!!!!!!” exclaims the rabidly horny CareBear. “CareBecks STARE!!!!!!!!”
Carrie is then taken completely out of the fight by the bear’s jackhammering, turning her into a pile of goo. He falls down, thoroughly exhausted after the 38 seconds of feverish energy he has just spent. As CareBecks catches his breath and begins to search for his next victim, he finds himself impaled by multiple arrows, courtesy of KC Red Arrow.
“I always sort of had a thing for that horse face, you jerk,” he says to the CareBear.
The Kingdom Come Justice League all form up together along with Red Hulk and White Lantern Yoda. Supergirl however, is still flying on her own, not responding to any of the communication attempts that are being made to her.
“What is her deal Diana?!” asks KC Donna Troy.
“She still thinks she’s a Horsemen,” KC Wonder Woman replies.
“What a b!%@#,” KC Donna Troy fires back.
“It matters not. Winning is a Horsemen’s only goal. Use this, we can,” White Lantern Yoda says as he ignites his lightsaber.
The trees in front of the Kitties’ squad begin to shake and rustle. There is a loud ominous roar that emanates from the distance. Thunderous stomping is heard, louder and louder as it gets closer and closer. Finally something from the very Fantasy Fantasy League battle burst forth from behind the trees. It is Beast Boy, who has taken the form of an emerald hued Tyrannosaurs Rex. He is followed out of the trees by Donkey Kong, Cheetah, Sasquatch and a very feral acting Animal Man. As all of the combatants engage each other, the thunderous stomping in the distance, which was believed be courtesy of Beast Boy doesn’t stop. Trees begin to topple over.
Yoda bows his head down in realization of what is coming for them.
“Breaker of Souls, it is. Coming Angir is,” he regretfully informs his team.
As I Ryatu, watch over this match I cannot help but… Excuse me? Can I help you?
“Yeah you can,” a really pissed off Supergirl says to this omniscient Watcher. “Could you please stop putting yourself into these matches?!?! No one cares about you Watchers. And let the rest of them know this. If I hear one more of you grandstand yourselves, I swear to everything holy, I’m going to personally castrate every last one of you Watchers.”
She then spits in the face of Ryatu and flies away.
Back down in forest, KC Hawkman has taken flight and is trying to evade Animal Man who is hot on his tail. As KC Hawkman turns to swing his Nth metal mace, he sees Animal Man pausing in front of him with a smirk on his face. KC Hawkman is then consumed by the gigantic jaws of T-Rex/Beast Boy who was underneath them.
“Thanks Garth, I owe you,” says Buddy Baker as he jumps down into the tress below him.
“Don’t mention it, *burp* I’ve grown to really enjoy chicken,” says the former vegetarian Beast Boy.
The green T-Rex then roars in agony as he feels a searing pain shoot up his leg as Red Hulk grabs a hold of his ankle and breaks it with ease. Beast Boy then reverts back to his normal teen self and is squashed by the jacked up crimson version of General Thaddeus Ross. Kingdom Come Robotman cannot help but shed a tear as he sees his former friend, Beast Boy, fall in battle. Unfortunately, that moment of weakness costs Victor dearly as Donkey Kong gets the drop on him and rips his arms off of his body and beats him to death with them.
“Hahaha, pathetic,” Supergirl scoffs to herself as she sees another one of her teammates killed.
“We need to get on the offensive and NOW!” orders Kingdom Come Wonder Woman. She draws her sword as she sees KC Donna Troy being attacked by Cheetah.
Cheetah snarls as she leaps towards the older and much slower version of Donna Troy. She slashes at her chest and face, drawing first blood. KC Donna is able to kick her off of her, but then something awful begins to happen. She feels herself changing.
“By the Gods, no!” yells KC Wonder Woman as she sees KC Donna Troy evolve into a cheetah-hybrid as a result of Cheetah’s slashing.
The elder Diana dodges the youthful Cheetah’s attack and slices her open, shoulder to hip, killing her foe.
“Youth is no match for experience,” she says as she looks down at Cheetah’s corpse.
“Grrrrrrrr…..Kkkkillll meeee… Diaaannaa,” growls KC Donna Troy.
“No, Donna I cannot,” she responds. “But I will unleash you!”
Kingdom Come Wonder Woman gives KC Donna Troy the tie that once hung around Donkey Kong’s neck. KC Donna now has the scent and sprints off into the forest. She quickly tracks the video game gorilla down and lunges onto his back. Clawing and biting at him. Donkey Kong grabs a hold of her and throws her down, but she is relentless.
“Sasquatch!!! A little help here!” shouts DK.
The Alpha Flight powerhouse charges in to aid his teammate but is hit with a trio of arrows in the chest from KC Red Arrow, who was waiting up in the trees.
“Not so fast, Bigfoot,” the middle aged Roy Harper quips.
“It’s Sasquatch, Robin Hood,” Walter Langkowski bites back as he pulls the arrows out of his chest. The wounds quickly heal up and he stomps towards the archer.
“Crap…. A healing factor,” KC Red Arrow mumbles to himself as he his then picked up and ripped in half by the vicious Sasquatch.
As Sasquatch turns to help Donkey Kong he sees both the gorilla and KC Donna Troy lying in a massive pool of their mingling blood. He is then tapped on the shoulder by Red Hulk, who proceeds to choke slam him to the ground as Sasquatch turns around. The two behemoths continue to battle as Angir, the Breaker of Souls, finally arrives to the battle.
Angir has possessed the body of the might Beast Man. His reddish-orange fur is partially covered by several giant pink leech-looking creatures. His eyes burn white as he drags his mighty hammer behind him. The animals that occupy this terrain begin to swarm the battle. Using Beast Man’s mastery over all wild animals, Angir orders them to rush Yoda, KC Wonder Woman and Red Hulk. The wild things begin to converge on the Super Kitties, but Yoda uses his White Lantern Ring to eliminate them all.
“I got this,” growls Red Hulk.
“Wait! Ross! We need to work together!” Shouts Kingdom Come Wonder Woman.
The red-hot Rulk charges Angir, but is slammed down into the ground by the swing of Angir’s hammer. He slams the hammer down again and again onto the behemoth, crushing his back. KC Wonder Woman leaps into the air, sword drawn, but is smacked away by a backhand from Angir. He then starts stomping over towards the small Jedi Master.
Yoda does not move. He concentrates within. A bright white light begins to pulse all around Yoda. Angir brings his hammer down, but it does not penetrate the white aura.
“Break souls no more, shall you,” Yoda says as he releases a powerful blast of white energy which destroys both Angir and himself in the process.
Kingdom Come Wonder Woman picks herself up after slamming up against a huge tree, she sees the disfigured and charred body of Animal Man hanging from a nearby branch. She then looks up, only to find herself staring down the duo of Ulik and Sasquatch.
The two massive beast leap at KC Wonder Woman, who does everything she can to defeat her foes. She manages to drive her sword deep into Sasquatch’s mouth, but Ulik continues to pummel her.
“Supergirl….ughh… you brat… I don’t care if you …..ugh… think of yourself as a Horsemen, but you are about to lose. And I thought… uuugghh… Horsemen don’t lose,” urges KC Wonder Woman.
Ulik raises his mighty fists in the air and slams them down, finishing off Kingdom Come Wonder Woman. But the moment he lands the killing blow, two red holes burn out from his forehead. His lumbering body drops dead from beinglobotomized from Supergirl’s heat vision.
Kara swoops in and slams into the ground, cracking the earth beneath her. She spits on the bodies lying in front of her, “Don’t you ever f#$% with a Horsemen.”
She flies away victorious.
Play-Off Rules and Prizes
All Play-Off Matches will take place on the Play-Off Planet
Round 1:
Prize: Pre-Guild Foldspace Ship
Points: 750
Watchers: Nufagtu, Krisatu, Fizzatu, and Dave NNFG
Round 2:
Prize: Ixian Foldspace Navigation Ship
Points: 950
Watchers: Bryatu and Joshatu
The Universe Bowl:
Prize: The Tardis
Points: 1200
Watcher: Nickatu
Consolation Rounds:
Round 1: The Barrel Level from Donkey Kong
Prize: Arwing Tank
Points: 26
Watchers: Bryatu, Nickatu, and Joshatu
Round 2: TBA
Round 3: TBA
Round 1:
Prize: Pre-Guild Foldspace Ship
Points: 750
Watchers: Nufagtu, Krisatu, Fizzatu, and Dave NNFG
Round 2:
Prize: Ixian Foldspace Navigation Ship
Points: 950
Watchers: Bryatu and Joshatu
The Universe Bowl:
Prize: The Tardis
Points: 1200
Watcher: Nickatu
Consolation Rounds:
Round 1: The Barrel Level from Donkey Kong
Prize: Arwing Tank
Points: 26
Watchers: Bryatu, Nickatu, and Joshatu
Round 2: TBA
Round 3: TBA
Week 8 B3 vs The Grindhouse
The Grindhouse is: Golden Army #26-30
Xebel Soldier #20
David Koresh
Xebel Soldier #20
David Koresh
B3 is:
General Zod
Darth Vader
Vampire Dark Phoenix
White Lantern Kyle Rayner
Sentinel Prime
The omnipresent thrum of life is nearly deafening in the jungle.
Surrounded by his new flock, Koresh watches from beneath his golden crown as the final bit of green covering is placed on top of his newly created jungle compound.
"I hear them coming David." says Xebel Soldier #20
"No need to worry, I've played this game before,. No-one in their right mind would lay siege to a compound I control." responded Koresh.
Unfortunately for David, he has literally no idea what he is up against.
Lord Vader strides in to the compound's southern entrance... crumpling the doors with a flick of his hand.
"Be careful! He may have kids in there!" shouts Kyle who feels suddenly out of place on this team of villains.
"Oh, I'm supposed to be squeamish about harming younglings now?" replies the dark lord of the Sith.
At the sight of Vader the Xebel Soldier attempts to flee through the north exit and is caught by a bloodthirsty Dark Phoenix who drains the soldier with exactly zero effort.
Sentinel prime flanks the building to the East and General Zod appears on the West.
Knowing that all is lost, Koresh activates the explosives buried beneath the compound immolating himself in the process.
Without a sentient being in control of the crown the golden army soldiers simply power down.
Real Man's Rabble Rousers vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus' "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Real Man’s Rabble Rousers are The (movie) Wreckers: Leadfoot, Roadbuster, and Topspin, (movie) Skids, (movie) Mudflap, The (movie) Dreads: Crankcase, Crowbar, and Hatchet, (movie) Shockwave & Driller, The Losers: Aisha, Clay, Jenson, Pooch, Rogue, and Cougar, and Dark Prince Xizor.
President “Quit asking me about Benghazi” Barack Obama’s and “Stay the Eff away from my Daughters You Trainwreck” Hannah Montana’s “Best of Both World’s” Touring Battalion of Commandos are (Earth 2) Superman, Thanos, Martian Manhunter, Xavier Harkonen and Serena Butler in a F-11 Nighthawk Stealth Fighter, Duncan Idaho Ghola #4, Azeem (w/ Qui Gonn’s green lightsaber), Jack Crowe (w/ red lightsaber), Dora the Explorer w/ Boots, Backpack, and The Map, and Joan Jett.
This match will be told from inside the cockpit of the master military strategist Tecero 1st Class Xavier Harkonen’s Stealth Fighter. All other battle dialogue was not heard….
“Almost all Thinking Machines. For a team called The Real Men, I sure don’t see many men. I wish we could wipe out his entire team”. Says Xavier to his lover Serena.
“I could not agree more my love. It looks as though we should be able to win this bout without much difficulty. President Obama held nothing back with the squad he sent out this week. He even sent Superman to help us”. Says Serena.
“Yes, about that. I should inform you that I have made arrangements to insure that Superman will not be helping us today. This match is important; but not important enough to risk the life of our greatest champion. I am not sure what the President was thinking. I believe he has been increasingly making the wrong decisions. He has grown power hungry, and his decisions cannot be trusted”. Says Xavier.
Serena replies: “I realized that you had your doubts Xavier; but now that I have you alone in this cockpit you sound more serious about them than ever. I have heard whispers that there is a group of conspirators within our Commandos organization that is dedicated to the overthrow of the President. Do you think that there is any truth to these rumors?”
Xavier sighs and replies: “I wished to tell you sooner my love, but this group indeed exists. And I am the leader of it. This is why I arranged to gain access to some green kryptonite that we used to simply stun Superman. He will not be permanently damaged and he will be safe. He is being held in a secure location in the deepest part of the jungle by one of our own. She is a lover of rebellion, and does not mind if her part in the rebellion is revealed. I guess you could say, that “she doesn’t give a damn about her bad reputation”. There are others though that I cannot reveal the identity of, not yet anyway, not even to you my love”.
Xavier picks up the hardwired radio communicator in the plane and speaks into it: “Joan, are you secure in your position”?
The voice of Joan Jett comes back over the com: “Yes sir. Superman is sleeping at the moment. The cage is secure, and even if he comes to he won’t be harmed by the kryptonite any further unless he moves too close to the edge of the cage. I hate doing this to him boss, but if it helps him live another day it will be worth it. Do you think your end of the plan will work”?
Xavier replies: “Everything will go as we discussed at our meeting. You realize that I am an E.M.P. expert. We will win this match without Superman being harmed, and we will go on to fight another day. Harkonen out”.
“See ya on the other side boss. Over and out”. Says Joan.
“Is all of this necessary my love”. Asks Serena.
“It is indeed Serena. I hoped that you would be with us. Not just on the play with Superman; but as a conspirator. As I said before, this match is important; but not so important that we need to risk this Superman. Not after the other one was killed so needlessly this season. The E.M.P. charges will be ready soon, and once they are we can set them off. Unfortunately, they can only be set off as this ship hits the ground. We will have to land the ship in the midst of the battle to make the final play to shut down all of the thinking machines, especially since the E.M.P. once set off would bring this plane down as well. We just need to circle over the jungle battlefield one time and then we can double back and finish off the last leg of the plan. We also need to wait for our boys to take out the non-thinking machine members of The Rabble Rousers, to insure that the E.M.P. will finish the match”.
“Are all of the Commandos down there in on this plan? How will they know that they must take out certain fighters first”? Asks Serena.
Xavier replies: “No, they are not all in. We are just banking on the fact that those weaker characters on The Rabble Rousers will go out first. Ahh, look down through the trees, it appears that the battle is already in full swing”.
From their aerial view they see Martian Manhunter pulverize Skids with a barrage of hits; but between this, Thanos’ destruction of Mudflap through some major energy projection, and the massive Shockwave and Driller bursting forth from the ground; enormous fires are ignited from the huge amount of oil and energon being released. The Manhunter joins his foes in death as the fires rage on. They see that their Commando Squad is heavily outsized and outnumbered with who is left on the field, and that the entire Losers sub-Squad, being led by Dark Prince Xizor himself has surrounded Idaho, Crowe, and Azeem.
Serena must have seen a troubled look on the face of her lover, which caused her to say with optimism: “Don’t worry, Xavier. I have seen those three in action, and for them that is far from outnumbered”.
Serena was right in this particular case as the two of them witness the three Commandos burst into action. Azeem is still favoring his Saracen sword in his right hand which he uses to go in for the kill quickly against The Dark Prince while his is using the lightsaber from his old friend Qui Gonn to take out Roque with his left. Audio cannot be had from the fight from way up in the jet, but Jack Crowe most certainly uttered something colorful while kicking both Aisha and Clay down to the ground then using his red lightsaber and Beretta to finish them off. Duncan Idaho on the other hand moves in one quick motion. His blade held close to his body, making it nearly impossible to see, especially from this vantage point. He, in order takes out Cougar, Pooch, and then Jenson so quickly, that Cougar had not even fallen by the time his ginaz training had defeated Jenson. The smiles are shortly removed from the faces of Xavier and Serena though, as The much larger Wreckers converge on the scene and take out The Commando Trio, with the help of their commander Shockwave and his driller robot.
Xavier speaks: “We must move quickly my darling. Look at the team members we have lost already today to the thinking machines. After the machines took the life of our dear child Manion, I didn’t think I had any heart left to break, but seeing them in action again is proving me wrong. As we pass over the battle and get ready to double back, I will eject you from the cockpit before I make the final run to set off the E.M.P. The timing is right and I have the most capable of soldiers setting the charge resonators. I should be fine piloting the plane myself and I can’t have you risk your life, especially for a cause that is not yours”.
Serena smiles at Xavier and replies: “My love, I assure you that if this cause is yours, that it is most certainly mine now as well. I am prepared to do what we must to complete it. I am not certain that I agree with your plan to keep Superman out of this match, but I see your logic behind it; and I definitely see where President Obama has over-stepped his bounds. I have been seeing it for some time now. And besides Xavier, you underestimate me. I wasn’t sure what your play was, but I noticed that you disabled your own ejection seat before we left our base. So I did the same to mine. I know that this plane takes two to fly properly and I was not going to let some heroic, chivalrous gesture by you destroy the plan you laid out, even if I didn’t know the plan yet. So, it looks like I will be here with you to see this through to the end whether you like it or not”.
Xavier knows that he should be upset by this, but in this act of heroism, he is reminded of what made him fall in love with Serena so many years ago. Before Manion was born, before Erasmus kidnapped her, and before Vorian Atreides got between them. Xavier simply says: “I should have known that I wouldn’t be able to outsmart you Serena. I guess you and I will fly this plane down together. Hopefully we can reach minimum safe distance after the E.M.P. is set. Now let’s get ready for the approach”.
As the plane flies in towards the designated grounding point, Xavier makes one final communiqué.
“Well, Serena let’s hope our fellow conspirators have done the job and that we are ready to land the E.M.P”. Say Xavier as he reaches for the com link. He continues: “Comodoro, this is your Tercero, are the charges ready for my involvement”?
The voice comes back over the com and says: “Yes sir. Boots and I have completed the task and we are ready for your action. We are at minimum safe distance, and we shall await your orders if anything is needed from us further. I just hope the President buys our cover story and the conspiracy is kept safe. Dora out”.
Xavier begins to start the landing procedure when they are hit in the wing by a Cybertronian rocket from Shockwave. The plane begins to lose control as Xavier struggles to set it right. Serena’s face turns white as she fears not for her own safety but for the greater good. She looks at Xavier and simply says: “The plan”????
Xavier struggles to muster a response and gets out: “It will still work with a crash”.
“I love you” says Serena.
“And I love you” say Xavier.
The plane crashes into the chest of Crankcase and the E.M.P. is set off as the plane explodes…..
President “Quit asking me about Benghazi” Barack Obama’s and “Stay the Eff away from my Daughters You Trainwreck” Hannah Montana’s “Best of Both World’s” Touring Battalion of Commandos are (Earth 2) Superman, Thanos, Martian Manhunter, Xavier Harkonen and Serena Butler in a F-11 Nighthawk Stealth Fighter, Duncan Idaho Ghola #4, Azeem (w/ Qui Gonn’s green lightsaber), Jack Crowe (w/ red lightsaber), Dora the Explorer w/ Boots, Backpack, and The Map, and Joan Jett.
This match will be told from inside the cockpit of the master military strategist Tecero 1st Class Xavier Harkonen’s Stealth Fighter. All other battle dialogue was not heard….
“Almost all Thinking Machines. For a team called The Real Men, I sure don’t see many men. I wish we could wipe out his entire team”. Says Xavier to his lover Serena.
“I could not agree more my love. It looks as though we should be able to win this bout without much difficulty. President Obama held nothing back with the squad he sent out this week. He even sent Superman to help us”. Says Serena.
“Yes, about that. I should inform you that I have made arrangements to insure that Superman will not be helping us today. This match is important; but not important enough to risk the life of our greatest champion. I am not sure what the President was thinking. I believe he has been increasingly making the wrong decisions. He has grown power hungry, and his decisions cannot be trusted”. Says Xavier.
Serena replies: “I realized that you had your doubts Xavier; but now that I have you alone in this cockpit you sound more serious about them than ever. I have heard whispers that there is a group of conspirators within our Commandos organization that is dedicated to the overthrow of the President. Do you think that there is any truth to these rumors?”
Xavier sighs and replies: “I wished to tell you sooner my love, but this group indeed exists. And I am the leader of it. This is why I arranged to gain access to some green kryptonite that we used to simply stun Superman. He will not be permanently damaged and he will be safe. He is being held in a secure location in the deepest part of the jungle by one of our own. She is a lover of rebellion, and does not mind if her part in the rebellion is revealed. I guess you could say, that “she doesn’t give a damn about her bad reputation”. There are others though that I cannot reveal the identity of, not yet anyway, not even to you my love”.
Xavier picks up the hardwired radio communicator in the plane and speaks into it: “Joan, are you secure in your position”?
The voice of Joan Jett comes back over the com: “Yes sir. Superman is sleeping at the moment. The cage is secure, and even if he comes to he won’t be harmed by the kryptonite any further unless he moves too close to the edge of the cage. I hate doing this to him boss, but if it helps him live another day it will be worth it. Do you think your end of the plan will work”?
Xavier replies: “Everything will go as we discussed at our meeting. You realize that I am an E.M.P. expert. We will win this match without Superman being harmed, and we will go on to fight another day. Harkonen out”.
“See ya on the other side boss. Over and out”. Says Joan.
“Is all of this necessary my love”. Asks Serena.
“It is indeed Serena. I hoped that you would be with us. Not just on the play with Superman; but as a conspirator. As I said before, this match is important; but not so important that we need to risk this Superman. Not after the other one was killed so needlessly this season. The E.M.P. charges will be ready soon, and once they are we can set them off. Unfortunately, they can only be set off as this ship hits the ground. We will have to land the ship in the midst of the battle to make the final play to shut down all of the thinking machines, especially since the E.M.P. once set off would bring this plane down as well. We just need to circle over the jungle battlefield one time and then we can double back and finish off the last leg of the plan. We also need to wait for our boys to take out the non-thinking machine members of The Rabble Rousers, to insure that the E.M.P. will finish the match”.
“Are all of the Commandos down there in on this plan? How will they know that they must take out certain fighters first”? Asks Serena.
Xavier replies: “No, they are not all in. We are just banking on the fact that those weaker characters on The Rabble Rousers will go out first. Ahh, look down through the trees, it appears that the battle is already in full swing”.
From their aerial view they see Martian Manhunter pulverize Skids with a barrage of hits; but between this, Thanos’ destruction of Mudflap through some major energy projection, and the massive Shockwave and Driller bursting forth from the ground; enormous fires are ignited from the huge amount of oil and energon being released. The Manhunter joins his foes in death as the fires rage on. They see that their Commando Squad is heavily outsized and outnumbered with who is left on the field, and that the entire Losers sub-Squad, being led by Dark Prince Xizor himself has surrounded Idaho, Crowe, and Azeem.
Serena must have seen a troubled look on the face of her lover, which caused her to say with optimism: “Don’t worry, Xavier. I have seen those three in action, and for them that is far from outnumbered”.
Serena was right in this particular case as the two of them witness the three Commandos burst into action. Azeem is still favoring his Saracen sword in his right hand which he uses to go in for the kill quickly against The Dark Prince while his is using the lightsaber from his old friend Qui Gonn to take out Roque with his left. Audio cannot be had from the fight from way up in the jet, but Jack Crowe most certainly uttered something colorful while kicking both Aisha and Clay down to the ground then using his red lightsaber and Beretta to finish them off. Duncan Idaho on the other hand moves in one quick motion. His blade held close to his body, making it nearly impossible to see, especially from this vantage point. He, in order takes out Cougar, Pooch, and then Jenson so quickly, that Cougar had not even fallen by the time his ginaz training had defeated Jenson. The smiles are shortly removed from the faces of Xavier and Serena though, as The much larger Wreckers converge on the scene and take out The Commando Trio, with the help of their commander Shockwave and his driller robot.
Xavier speaks: “We must move quickly my darling. Look at the team members we have lost already today to the thinking machines. After the machines took the life of our dear child Manion, I didn’t think I had any heart left to break, but seeing them in action again is proving me wrong. As we pass over the battle and get ready to double back, I will eject you from the cockpit before I make the final run to set off the E.M.P. The timing is right and I have the most capable of soldiers setting the charge resonators. I should be fine piloting the plane myself and I can’t have you risk your life, especially for a cause that is not yours”.
Serena smiles at Xavier and replies: “My love, I assure you that if this cause is yours, that it is most certainly mine now as well. I am prepared to do what we must to complete it. I am not certain that I agree with your plan to keep Superman out of this match, but I see your logic behind it; and I definitely see where President Obama has over-stepped his bounds. I have been seeing it for some time now. And besides Xavier, you underestimate me. I wasn’t sure what your play was, but I noticed that you disabled your own ejection seat before we left our base. So I did the same to mine. I know that this plane takes two to fly properly and I was not going to let some heroic, chivalrous gesture by you destroy the plan you laid out, even if I didn’t know the plan yet. So, it looks like I will be here with you to see this through to the end whether you like it or not”.
Xavier knows that he should be upset by this, but in this act of heroism, he is reminded of what made him fall in love with Serena so many years ago. Before Manion was born, before Erasmus kidnapped her, and before Vorian Atreides got between them. Xavier simply says: “I should have known that I wouldn’t be able to outsmart you Serena. I guess you and I will fly this plane down together. Hopefully we can reach minimum safe distance after the E.M.P. is set. Now let’s get ready for the approach”.
As the plane flies in towards the designated grounding point, Xavier makes one final communiqué.
“Well, Serena let’s hope our fellow conspirators have done the job and that we are ready to land the E.M.P”. Say Xavier as he reaches for the com link. He continues: “Comodoro, this is your Tercero, are the charges ready for my involvement”?
The voice comes back over the com and says: “Yes sir. Boots and I have completed the task and we are ready for your action. We are at minimum safe distance, and we shall await your orders if anything is needed from us further. I just hope the President buys our cover story and the conspiracy is kept safe. Dora out”.
Xavier begins to start the landing procedure when they are hit in the wing by a Cybertronian rocket from Shockwave. The plane begins to lose control as Xavier struggles to set it right. Serena’s face turns white as she fears not for her own safety but for the greater good. She looks at Xavier and simply says: “The plan”????
Xavier struggles to muster a response and gets out: “It will still work with a crash”.
“I love you” says Serena.
“And I love you” say Xavier.
The plane crashes into the chest of Crankcase and the E.M.P. is set off as the plane explodes…..
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Mithcy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters
Mitchy’s Luminous Tentacle Warriors are E.T., Lucario, Regigigis, The Geico Gecko, Sandworm #10, Sandworm #2A, Eagle #3, 5, & 7, Toadette, Jack the Giant Killer, Robin Hood, Little John, and Daniel Bryan.
Griswold’s Nut-busters are The Circle of Fire: Pel Tavin, Hunter and Forest Rayner, Doomsday, Star Sapphire #3-5, (Age of Apocalypse) Nightcrawler, Warg #1 & 2, and Exal Kresh.
Happy Mother’s Day Biiiiitches!! It’s your Master of the Pogo to the Neonth Power here to rock your rocks off with a Week 8 Match!! By the way, I wasn’t calling all the mother’s bitches on Mother’s Day, I was just calling everybody else bitches in a very arbitrary way. Not that I was trying to not include mothers on Mother’s Day. If they want to be bitches, they can definitely be bitches, trust me….. NO NO NO, That didn’t sound right either….. Well, what I meant was,…. Know what, never mind let’s just sh*(&t out this turd.
Dang, what a beautiful scenery this place is. There are some wicked awesome trees and stuff and lots of leaves and other green things. It is pretty freakin weird that the ground is shaking though. I’m standin here and am all like “EARTH SHAKIN, THEY RUNNIN”, Ha. Remember that from Independence Day, that movie is the cat’s pajamas. But anyway, it is weird that the ground is shaking, and
WHOA!!!!!!
HOLY CRAP!! Mitchy’s two sandworms just burst out of the ground. They are screaming like enormous banshees and I think they are dying. The moisture must be getting to them. But I’ve got to imagine that a dead sandworm landing on top of you is just as crappy of a feeling as a live one landing on you, which is what Daniel Bryan and and all three of the Star Sapphires just figured out the hard way (cool by me, I didn’t want to write those characters anyway (funny how that happens in matches, how us watchers tend to eliminate the characters that we think suck in like the first five sentences (totes coincidence of course))).
Unfortunately for Jack the Giant Killer, there are no giants being played on the other team. I mean, ya gotta believe me I totally wanted to write jack killing a giant in this match, I mean I haven’t had the chance to write this character yet. And I totally wanted to have Jack take out the first giant he saw, but I guess it isn’t in the cards this week. So, instead Jack gets caught with some errant green energy blasts from Pel Tavin and dies. Hunter and Forest use their ring to totally chump shot E.T. in his oversized melon when he is trying to phone home.
The three Circle of Fire lanterns take flight, and so do the three giant Middle earth Eagles. They square off while Doomsday leaps in to attack the Colossal Pokemon from the legendary crew. Nightcrawler whips out his sword and BAMFS into the “arena” to square off against Lucario while Exal Kresh ignites his red lightsaber to do battle with the best man of the woods, John Little. Toadette leaps on to the back of Warg #2 and gains control of the wild steed. They bounce around the jungle landscape as Toadette leads the giant wolf out into a grassy knoll where a perfectly placed arrow from Robin Hood takes out the Warg. Toadette then double jumps off of the back of Warg #2 and lands on Warg #1, to completely repeat the process and lead the beast back into the arrow range of Robin of Locksley.
The Circle of Fire circles around the three Eagles in a wild air formation high above the trees. The three lanterns focus their fire on Eagle #5 and manage to blast him to pieces; but Eagle #3 lunges at Hunter Rayner and bites through his neck. Their shared lantern ring is disturbed but Forest uses her control over the ring to fly into the mouth of Eagle #3 and implode the bird as she falls ringless to the ground. Pel Tavin, the leader of the group creates a constuct of an enormous net which ensnares the last remaining Eagle #7 and closes in on the Middle earth guardian until it is destroyed. Pel Tavin flies in quick to lend a hand to Doomsday, who is leaping around wildly to gain an upper hand over the largest of all the Pokemon Regigigis. Regigigis turns quickly and hits Pel Tavin with Crush Grip to finish him off, but while he is taking out the lantern, Doomsday comes down hard on the neck of The Pokemon and crushes the life out of him. Doomsday in all his rage then picks up The Geico Gecko and bites his head off in that evil nasty way that only a grey skinned bone monster can do.
Little John moves quicker than he looks like he could against Exal Kresh as he parries the lightsaber attacks from the dark jedi with his Bo Staff. Kresh catches a lip-bloodying butt end from John’s staff that puts him on his back but Kresh is able to swing upwards with his lightsaber to send the laser blade into John Little’s heart as they both fall to the ground.
The telepathic Lucario leaps at Nightcrawler with his claws at the ready, but Nightcrawler teleports out of the way and puts himself directly behind the medium sized Pokemon into a perfect position for placing a saber into the back of the wolf.
Toadette and Robin Hood stand back to back in the dense forest prepared for anything that The Nut-busters have to throw at them; but unfortunately for them The Nut-busters had a bit more in the tank than they had anticipated. Toadette and Robin Hood make their last stand valiantly as Doomsday, Nightcrawler, and Exal Kresh form up and converge on the two remaining Tentacle Warriors….
Griswold’s Nut-busters are The Circle of Fire: Pel Tavin, Hunter and Forest Rayner, Doomsday, Star Sapphire #3-5, (Age of Apocalypse) Nightcrawler, Warg #1 & 2, and Exal Kresh.
Happy Mother’s Day Biiiiitches!! It’s your Master of the Pogo to the Neonth Power here to rock your rocks off with a Week 8 Match!! By the way, I wasn’t calling all the mother’s bitches on Mother’s Day, I was just calling everybody else bitches in a very arbitrary way. Not that I was trying to not include mothers on Mother’s Day. If they want to be bitches, they can definitely be bitches, trust me….. NO NO NO, That didn’t sound right either….. Well, what I meant was,…. Know what, never mind let’s just sh*(&t out this turd.
Dang, what a beautiful scenery this place is. There are some wicked awesome trees and stuff and lots of leaves and other green things. It is pretty freakin weird that the ground is shaking though. I’m standin here and am all like “EARTH SHAKIN, THEY RUNNIN”, Ha. Remember that from Independence Day, that movie is the cat’s pajamas. But anyway, it is weird that the ground is shaking, and
WHOA!!!!!!
HOLY CRAP!! Mitchy’s two sandworms just burst out of the ground. They are screaming like enormous banshees and I think they are dying. The moisture must be getting to them. But I’ve got to imagine that a dead sandworm landing on top of you is just as crappy of a feeling as a live one landing on you, which is what Daniel Bryan and and all three of the Star Sapphires just figured out the hard way (cool by me, I didn’t want to write those characters anyway (funny how that happens in matches, how us watchers tend to eliminate the characters that we think suck in like the first five sentences (totes coincidence of course))).
Unfortunately for Jack the Giant Killer, there are no giants being played on the other team. I mean, ya gotta believe me I totally wanted to write jack killing a giant in this match, I mean I haven’t had the chance to write this character yet. And I totally wanted to have Jack take out the first giant he saw, but I guess it isn’t in the cards this week. So, instead Jack gets caught with some errant green energy blasts from Pel Tavin and dies. Hunter and Forest use their ring to totally chump shot E.T. in his oversized melon when he is trying to phone home.
The three Circle of Fire lanterns take flight, and so do the three giant Middle earth Eagles. They square off while Doomsday leaps in to attack the Colossal Pokemon from the legendary crew. Nightcrawler whips out his sword and BAMFS into the “arena” to square off against Lucario while Exal Kresh ignites his red lightsaber to do battle with the best man of the woods, John Little. Toadette leaps on to the back of Warg #2 and gains control of the wild steed. They bounce around the jungle landscape as Toadette leads the giant wolf out into a grassy knoll where a perfectly placed arrow from Robin Hood takes out the Warg. Toadette then double jumps off of the back of Warg #2 and lands on Warg #1, to completely repeat the process and lead the beast back into the arrow range of Robin of Locksley.
The Circle of Fire circles around the three Eagles in a wild air formation high above the trees. The three lanterns focus their fire on Eagle #5 and manage to blast him to pieces; but Eagle #3 lunges at Hunter Rayner and bites through his neck. Their shared lantern ring is disturbed but Forest uses her control over the ring to fly into the mouth of Eagle #3 and implode the bird as she falls ringless to the ground. Pel Tavin, the leader of the group creates a constuct of an enormous net which ensnares the last remaining Eagle #7 and closes in on the Middle earth guardian until it is destroyed. Pel Tavin flies in quick to lend a hand to Doomsday, who is leaping around wildly to gain an upper hand over the largest of all the Pokemon Regigigis. Regigigis turns quickly and hits Pel Tavin with Crush Grip to finish him off, but while he is taking out the lantern, Doomsday comes down hard on the neck of The Pokemon and crushes the life out of him. Doomsday in all his rage then picks up The Geico Gecko and bites his head off in that evil nasty way that only a grey skinned bone monster can do.
Little John moves quicker than he looks like he could against Exal Kresh as he parries the lightsaber attacks from the dark jedi with his Bo Staff. Kresh catches a lip-bloodying butt end from John’s staff that puts him on his back but Kresh is able to swing upwards with his lightsaber to send the laser blade into John Little’s heart as they both fall to the ground.
The telepathic Lucario leaps at Nightcrawler with his claws at the ready, but Nightcrawler teleports out of the way and puts himself directly behind the medium sized Pokemon into a perfect position for placing a saber into the back of the wolf.
Toadette and Robin Hood stand back to back in the dense forest prepared for anything that The Nut-busters have to throw at them; but unfortunately for them The Nut-busters had a bit more in the tank than they had anticipated. Toadette and Robin Hood make their last stand valiantly as Doomsday, Nightcrawler, and Exal Kresh form up and converge on the two remaining Tentacle Warriors….
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