The Empire Vs. "Let's Equalize dem incomes" President Barack Obama and "Can We Start by stealing the money from" Miley Cyrus "Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos

The Empire is Premier Vladimir Putin (w/ Robert Kraft’s Superbowl Ring), Kid Deadpool (w/ Sith Lavarouk), Black Zero, Bill O’ Reilly (w/ Zapper and Proton Pack), and Black Lantern Scarlet Witch.

“Fast and Furious” President Barack Obama and HIV-Pocks Poster Child Miley Cyrus’ “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are (earth 2) Superman, President Barack Obama (w/ General Grievous’ weapons), Dora the Explorer w/ Boots, Backpack, and The Map.

In the main throne room chamber:

Vladimir Putin sits in the chair of Darth Sidious with his squad surrounding him, while The Empire awaits the arrival of their enemies. Putin, presses the button on the side of the throne to activate a com link. He speaks on a closed channel: “Dora, it is a pleasure to work with you once again. I was very pleased to gain knowledge of your conspiracy against your leader Mr. Obama. Now if you are able to follow my instructions, you will need to have your team come up the through the main elevator in front of the throne. Their we can take control of your squad and we will of course make sure that you are unharmed, and….. Considerably rewarded for your part. I know you have grown disgruntled in the way this league, your team, and your president have treated you after all you have sacrificed and I will make sure that it is worth your while. Once the elevator opens, my team will execute the plan that you and I discussed. Putin Out”.

Putin kisses his stolen Super Bowl ring and then leans back in his chair awaiting the benefits of his well-laid out plan.

Inside the industrial maintenance shafts below the throne room:

Dora puts away her communicator after whispering: “Yes sir, Dora out”.

“Who on earth are you talking to”? Asks President Obama of Dora.

“Oh, nobody sir. Now why don’t you all follow me. I’ve analyzed The Map (the map, the map, the map, I’m the map) and there is a secret pathway through this corridor, that will lead to our best entry point”. Says Dora.

“Are you sure Dora? That isn’t the plan we originally laid out back at base”. Questions Superman.

“Yes, it is the best way to get to the throne room…. Trust me” Replies Dora.

As The Commandos sleek their way through the over-engineered mess of wires and infrastructure, The Empire stand at the ready by the elevator doors. Vladimir Putin gives the orders: “Open fire and then provide a full frontal attack on The Commandos. Do what you can to spare Dora, but if she is taken out, then we will honor her as…. Collateral damage”.

The number one name in Cable News (14 years running) backs up BL Scarlet Witch with his proton pack at the ready, while Kid Deadpool backs up Black Zero with his Sith Lavarouk. They wait patiently for some time, when the double doors begin to open…

The Empire is completely ready to commit their ambush and when the doors open, they open fire. The smoke clears after the first wave and nothing is left inside the now damaged elevator, although it becomes clear rather quickly that there was nothing in the elevator to begin with. The five members of the Empire then simultaneously turn to their right and see The Commandos rushing through from underneath the suspended balcony, while they here The Commander in Chief yell: “ATTACK”!!

All of The Commandos engage The Empire in melee battle, accept for Dora who ducks below the metal staircase and pulls her comlink back out of Backpack. She speaks:

“Premier Putin, the squad wouldn’t go for the elevator play, so I had to double-back, don’t worry though we can start to execute the second part of the plan”.

“DAMMIT Dora, my comrades needed your squad in that lift!! But I appreciate the communiqué, this update was necessary; I was starting to think that you were still loyal to your Head of State”. Says Vladimir Putin as he rises from his chair to join the fight.

As Dora joins the battle herself she replies: “No worries Mr. Premier, just follow the plan”.

Barack ignites two of his lightsabers and begins charging at The Empire, when Bill O’ Reilly turns on his positron collider and says:

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this pinhead”.

But Barack spins to the left to dodge the stream. As Obama gets closer, Bill grabs for his sidearm Zapper to take some pot shots, while screaming: “Nice moves Mr. President, but this is a “NO SPIN ZONE””; but Obama has already gained the vantage point. Barack comes down from behind O’ Reilly and brings both his lightsabers in a downward motion through O’ Reilly.

Barack looks down at his victim and says: “The word of the day is eviscerated… Don’t get eviscerated”

Bill looks up at his former Superbowl interview partner and says: “I didn’t think you ever watched the show Mr. President. I’m honored. I’m dying so I’ll keep it pithy, with no bloviating. I’m look…..ing….. Out ….. For.. You”………

Meanwhile, Superman is taking on both Black Zero and BL Scarlet Witch. They are holding their own, but Scarlet Witch’s powers are not quite as effective against Superman as the fans of The Empire would possibly expect. Her powers originally are based more on mutant ability than magic, but now her powers, though perfectly replicated are based fully on Oan Technology.

While that battle rages on Barack turns to take on Putin; but the much quicker Putin is already on Obama. Putin uses his martial arts skills to kick both of Barack’s lightsabers out of his hands and then crescent kicks the president to the ground. Barack then pulls his Magnoguard staff out from behind his back but Putin knocks that as way as well. A similar exercise takes place when Barack attempts to pull out Grievous’ old blaster. But Putin simply disarms the untrained Obama and begins toying with him through his black belt skills.

You see, this was always part of the plan. Putin needed to be seen breaking Obama. He knew that if he were to truly take over the world and the league that he would need to show his power over Obama. The fight continues, but Obama is finding himself mismatched….

Elsewhere, but close by, Boots has swung over to the scene and picked up the two lightsabers that his President has just lost. Boots uses his tail to fling one of them over to Dora, who smiles and says: “Now that’s more like it. I haven’t had one of these since my resurrection. The two diminutive warriors both surround Kid Deadpool, but are then forced to dodge back out of the way as Kid Deadpool unloads the razor shape circular blades from his Sith Lavarouk. As the two Commandos begin their reproach Kid Deadpool pulls out his katana blade and stands at the ready. Boots leaps in first and uses his small stature and speed to keep Kid Deadpool on the defensive, but he can tell that Dora is holding back…..

As the Kid Deadpool and Putin battles move closer together. Dora sees out of the corner of her eye that Putin has kicked Obama over to the reactor pit edge; but she does nothing. Putin kicks the president again as he falls halfway into the pit and is now using all of his strength to hold on, on the edge by his elbows and arms. Putin speaks to him and says:

“Well, the powerful American President. Look at you now. Hahaha. I have your gladiator’s superbowl ring, I have corrupted your power expanse, and now I have the what do you call it… Commander in Chief. Now, Dora; I trust that this is being recorded by the camera I had you plant in your Backpack, so this can be broadcast across the globe. It is time to finish this, so you can claim your reward, my little mercenary”.

Boots drops his lightsaber to the ground and looks over at Dora with intense distress as Kid Deadpool starts maniacally laughing at the situation. All eyes are focused on Dora with surprise when the president, who is barely hanging on for his life nods to the little explorer.

Putin asks of the president: “I have bested you Mr. President!! What do you possibly have that can stop me”??

Dora then busts out a cartwheel that kicks Grievous’ gun back to her President, while she in one swift motion uses her green lightsaber to remove the laughing head of Kid Deadpool. Barack grabs the blaster from his hanging position and answers Putin’s question:

“They call it American Exceptionalism you Commie Bastard” says Barack as he takes up the gun and puts three blaster bolts in the chest of Putin.

Dora and Boots both rush over to Barack Obama and help him out of the pit. They bring him up to safety, when Barack looks at Dora and says:

“It is all forgiven now, either way Dora, but I must know? Were you ever against me? I mean The Putin ordeal, The Xavier Harkonen Conspiracy, The Imperial Commandos….. Was it all a ploy, or was it real”??

Dora looks sternly at the President as she wipes sweat from her brow, and says:

“I have never been disloyal to you Mr. President; but I have never been loyal to you either. I am just a soldier sir, and I am loyal to The Commandos and always will be. Whether they want me to be or not”.

Barack nods as he sees the true quality in his right hand girl, but before he can speak, Black Lantern Scarlet Witch turns from her battle with Superman, and unleashes a fury of black energy at the trio. Barack Obama in a last bout of selfless bravery, pushes his favorite soldier and her monkey out of the way, just in the nick of time. But the president fails to save his own life (R.I.P. to the Universe Bowl 5 Champions Namesake). Dora and Boots roll back in to battle as Dora flings the scorched Backpack from her back, showing how close the blast truly was to taking her out (Map was inside the Backpack as well). Boots looks to Dora and says:

“What’s next?? Do we go help Superman”?

“No, he’s got this.” Replies Dora.

Dora and Boots watch from the other side of the pit, as they see Superman use Scarlet Witch’s self-diversion from their own fight to bring a double-fisted punch down hard, pulverizing the Black Lantern. Black Zero, in all of his pony-tailed goodness then plants his feet and unleashes every last bit of his energy reserves on Superman, but the Golden Age Man of Steel, powers through the laser blasts and then returns it with a nasty dose of Heat Vision to blast The Mega Man Zero Clone to pieces…..