Season 7 Week 8: The Traveling Sisterhood of Midgets vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets is: Alexander The Great of Macedon, Superboy (Conner Kent), Superboy (Clark Kent), White Lantern Hal Jordan (w/ Red Lantern ring, Alan Scott's Magical Green Lantern ring, and Guy Gardner's Yellow Lantern ring), The Eradicator, Deadpool, Black Lantern Blip, Black Lantern Aunt May, and Salacious B. Crumb w/ a green Yoshi.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Godzilla, Darkseid, and Damien Thorn (w/ Lord Voldemort's magic wand)

   "It's all for you, Damien." Darkseid said, looking over Apokolips from his palace balcony. Damien Thorn stood at his side, eyes fixed on the army of Parademons spread out before them. Godzilla stood in their midst, towering above them. "You come from strong blood, but your mind is still a blank slate. I can appreciate that potential, but potential alone is no measure of your worth. Today, I provide you with a considerable opportunity, one I trust you with only because of what power you've shown." He gestured behind them where Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman stood at attention. "One day, you may be worthy of leading Apokolips in conquest. For today you'll lead its Horsemen in a hunt. Take command, Damien, and do not disappoint me." The boy turned to his playthings and nodded silently, his determined expression unchanging, and they prepared to depart.

   Where the Wild Things Are, The Midgets were awaiting signs of their opponents in one of the many jungle shantytowns put together by the nomadic natives. "Man, I'm starving. I wish I had supper before we came here, King Max is a real f*g for not giving us anything to eat," Jordan said clutching his gut. "Whoa, Hal, getting a little homophobic? You shouldn't be, I've killed tons of them, not even a little scary," Deadpool gibed. "Jeez, my bad. I may be a white power wielding racist, but I think this knockoff Green Lantern ring carried over some of Alan Scott's personality," Hal insisted. Alexander the Great, looking lost, said, "I don't see the problem. Is it no longer commonplace for a man to share his bed with a young boy?" There was an awkward silence, thankfully broken by a deafening boom and a roar more terrible than the ones typically roared by the Wild Things. Superboy Clark flew up to the canopy and spotted some birds fleeing from a patch of toppling trees, who were promptly charred mid-escape by a blast of fire. "The Horsemen are here," he informed his team, "...I think they have a dragon." The Midgets flew to the scene to find Godzilla tromping alone through the homes of terrified native beasts. "HELLO GENTLEMEN, CAN YOU HELP ME? I'VE BEEN STRANDED HERE BY THE ANTICHRIST AND AN IMMORTAL IN A LEOTARD," Godzilla bellowed, understood by none, as he leaned down and devoured Deadpool. As they began their attack a rubber batarang trailing a heavy cable shot out from the jungle, passed Hal Jordan to bounce off a tree, and swung back to wrap around him. When the cable made contact a heavy electrical current shot through him and left him writing on the ground. In the air, Godzilla had reduced Aunt May to ash in mid-air, but a Superboy flew through each eye and blew out the back of his skull. The two went in for a high-five, but Clark was left hanging when Conner disappeared in a blur. On the ground, Wonder Woman had approached Hal Jordan prepared to execute him with her sword but was met by Alexander the Great. As the two clashed, Jordan struggled to summon the focus and will to break out of his bindings. As Salacious B. Crumb spectated from his Yoshi, he heard a shrill sound. He turned to see Batman standing in the trees, blowing into a small device. A black cloud of bats erupted from behind him and swarmed the battlefield. Crumb took action and rode the Yoshi around the battlefield as the latter began eating the bats. Batman began his assault by swooping down on the monkey-lizard, delivering a fatal kick to the back of the Yoshi's head before stamping Crumb into the jungle floor Black Lantern Blip tried to catch Batman off guard, but he spun around and kicked the flying monkey away. He tossed a glass vial into the air above Blip and quickly shot a pellet from his wrist gear into it. When the vial burst, the pyrophoric chemicals inside caught fire and rained down on Blip, smoldering him beyond regeneration. Superboy Clark and The Eradicator had taken off in search of Superboy Conner, but Superman returned to meet them halfway. He displayed Connor Kent in front of him, every limb mangled and tied in knots. Superboy Clark choked back a whimper at the sight. "How can we be the same person?! This... this is obscene!" Superman peered at his younger self through the milky eyes of the Imperius Curse, and in a voice that was not his own said, "Oderint dum metuant, righteous fool." He chucked the mangled corpse at The Eradicator and tackled the remaining Superboy.

   Hal Jordan's disability was driving him to the point of madness, and Wonder Woman had just finished off Alexander the Great. The prolonged pain began to fester in him, and he felt the grip of rage taking over. As Wonder Woman came back to finish the job, he began to gag. "Do you feel ill, Life-Lantern? I expected more. This will pale in comparison to the agony you'll endure in Hell." As she raised her blade, Jordan's gag erupted into a spew of corrosive blood, sloughing the flesh from Wonder Woman's skull. A katana emerged from Godzilla's torso and Deadpool shoved his way out through the incision. "Hey, check it out guys! This is just like Deadpool #1 as written by comedian Brian Posehn! Remember?" he shouted to nobody in particular. He climbed out soaked in monster giblets and surveyed the battlefield, choosing an unopposed Batman as his next mark. As he charged, Batman threw another incendiary at him, catching him on fire. "Wooh, that's one spicy chimichanga right there Bats! Don't you hate that feeling when your skin keeps growing back into hot napalm?" He kept standing, but couldn't land a killing blow up against Bruce Wayne's defensive skills. Meanwhile, Hal Jordan joined the fight against the possessed Superman. The Eradicator already lay dead and Superboy was taking a heavy beating when Jordan stepped in and socked Supes in the side of the head, knocking him off his counterpart. "Stop hitting yourself, Clark," Hal spat. Superman charged back at him snarling, and a sharp crackling sound burst out as he met an aegis of white light. "You... you're putrid with the glow of life. I know of your power, Lantern. Your light alone will neither cleanse nor kill this creature I've obtained. There is only death for you and your people." Jordan steeled his expression, maintaining eye contact. "You're right. The light has no hope against you. But believe me, I've got a lot hope that this will work." In an instant, a hole opened in Jordan's shield. A shaft of blue light shot like a harpoon from the opening. Superman quickly raised a hand against the projectile and snickered at the attempt. Yet, Jordan was beaming with satisfaction. Superman looked down to his hand and saw that it was punctured, and the spear ran through his hand and his heart. As he stared baffled at the wound, his power of flight failed and he fell to the ground face-first. He landed on the spear, driving it through his corpse. A green spearhead stood at the end, a magical  construct of the Starheart, glowing brightly with Green K Radiation. Jordan found Superboy unconscious and badly beaten on the ground nearby. His hope growing exponentially, he focused his light on his ally and brought him back from the edge of death. "Get up, kid, you're alright. We're almost done here."
 
   The two arrived to find Batman finishing off Deadpool with his trusty bat-flamethrower. Wasting no time, Superboy simply dropped in and broke Batman's neck. Somehow they knew it couldn't end so easily, and another boom echoed out as Darkseid and Damien arrived from Apokolips. "Your thralls have failed miserably, child. Redeem yourself now or I'll send you home to your father." Jordan mustered all his focus and scooped Darkseid in to a globe of white light while Superboy hesitantly approached the child. Damien stared intently at the wand in his hands and reached his senses out to the traces of evil it carried. A phrase came to his mind, and with the wand he directed it at Superboy: "Avada Kedavra." A bolt of green light shot out and caught Kent, and he instantly crumpled to the ground. "NO! YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" screamed Jordan as he threw Darkseid aside. As he walked toward Damien, flashes of red light popped under his footsteps. "Avada kedavra!" Damien shouted again. The death curse reached Jordan, but the white light protected him from its effects. Again he vomited his rage on his foe, reducing the son of the devil himself to a puddle. He turned to Darkseid, still standing tall, and stared him down. "The boy's lack of forethought was pitiful, but it seems it brought us far enough. Are you prepared, Lantern?" As soon as Hal opened his mouth to speak, Darkseid's Omega Beam scattered him to the wind.