Week Eight Standings

Week 9: Retreat Week

Setting: Hoth
Points: 400
Prize: An Ornithopter

-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-Built Ford Tough Vs. The Abomitrons
-Better Than All of You Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
-The Untouchables Vs. George Washington's Slaves
-Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. TEAM
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Right Wing
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

The Untouchables Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

The Untouchables are Megatron, Deadpool, Broadside, Horatio Caine, Aphrodite, Merlin, Dr. Light, Ursula, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Madam Razz, Broom, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #11 & 12, Navy Seal #33-37, Captain Cold, Onslaught, Sinestro (w/ green ring), Tomar Tu, Beast Man, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, & Karate Kid.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Fin Fang Foom, Black Bolt, Karnak, Crystal, Triton, Jade, Green Lantern #1-2 & 4-5, Beast Boy, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #14, Navy Seal #45-50, The Wonder Twins, The Predicons, Galactus & Nova, The Matrix Twins, Jack Bauer & Curtis Manning in a Swift Boat.


The entire Untouchables team begins the match on top of Broadside in his aircraft carrier mode. Deadpool screams at the top of his lungs to rally his troops: “Alright everybody, listen up! This one is for Bea Arthur! We can give nothing but our best to honor the life and career of not only the greatest actress to ever grace television or the silver screen, but also the most beautiful woman in human history. Yes that includes mutants as well. No offense to Syrin, whatever team she is on. So anyway, give em hell Untouchables” (Deadpool pulls out his ninja sword) “I declare this sword in the servitude of Queen Arthur”! Horatio Caine then puts on the sunglasses of justice and says: “I think… This girl just gave us a golden opportunity” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Deadpool responds with: “Am I crazy or is The Who playing in the background”. “How about yes and yes” replies She-Ra. As The Untouchables rally around their new found victory incentive, they take a defensive posture, knowing that the Kennelz will be hard pressed to take out the now heavily fortified Broadside. Fin Fang Foom & The Predicons pop out of the water as the first wave of the Kennelz offensive. Jade, the green lanterns, Galactus, & Nova hang back in the air about 100 meters above the water to see how this initial strike works while Jack Bauer has taken point in controlling the offensive from the swift boat below them that is being driven by his partner Curtis Manning. The Predicons merge to form Prediking but they are immediately pulled back apart by Onslaught, the only difference is that they do not separate back into 5 pieces but more like 105 pieces as Onslaught uses his magnetic powers to rip the gestalt apart. Deadpool turns to Megatron and says: “Don’t worry bud, I’m sure he couldn’t do that to you. And if he did, I’d light him up Caine style: Right Horatio”. Horatio Caine quickly pulls his sunglasses back off, just so he can put them back on and say: “What can I say about magnetic powers Wade. They sure are attractive” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Galactus sees this massive display of power and decides that something must be done. His herald, Nova turns to her master and says: “Shall I destroy him Galactus”? “No, I think I shall” Galactus replies as he begins to fly over to meet Onslaught. Onslaught knows why Galactus is approaching before he is even within sight distance so he flies up to meet him. The 2 powerhouses engage in a battle that’s shock waves alone would be powerful enough to kill most super-powered beings. Onslaught breaks into the mind of Galactus and begins disrupting his omnipotent thought process in a way that no being Galactus has ever encountered has been able to do. Onslaught then simultaneously uses his magnetic powers to begin attacking the armor of the great devourer of worlds. Galactus gives out an immense squeal of pain, but he then goes off. Growing in size the last cosmic entity from the previous universe proves that there is only room for one unstoppable bad guy in the Marvel Universe as he focuses his cosmic energy not toward his opponent but instead sucks Onslaught in closer. Galactus then uses his powers to consume the mixed creation known as Onslaught. As Galactus finishes this exhausting battle he finds that the power he has consumed has left him as satisfied as if he had just consumed an entire planet. Dr. Light, Sinestro, Tomar Tu, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, & Phantom Girl take flight from the deck of Broadside while Jade, The Green Lanterns, Black Bolt, & Nova take to the air as well. Sinestro begins battling with all 4 Green Lanterns while Tomar Tu takes on Jade. Black Bolt uses his super human powers to blast right thru Lightning Lad on his way to battle with Cosmic Boy, while Nova flies circles around a frustrated Dr. Light. Phantom Girl flies back toward the water to do battle with The Twins. The Twins and Phantom Girl try to hit each other but it is difficult as they are all intangible. Back and forth they swing at each other…………. God, what an annoying fight this is to write. A trio of people who can’t be touched trying to touch each other. I guess I’ll come back to this later. Sinestro is far superior to the 4 green lanterns he is battling with. Green Lantern #2, a 6’ 9’’ tall minotaur looking creature named Kalbo from a distant planet was actually trained by Sinestro and knows first hand how formidable a green lantern he is. Sinestro blows Green Lantern #4 away with ease and then flies around the other 3 as if he is toying with them. Tomar Tu and jade have trouble hitting each other with any attacks as they both zip thru the air. Tomar Tu misses jade with a green energy blast in the shape of a meteorite, but jade counters with a magical blast of green energy that takes out Tomar Tu for good. Sinestro is still having little difficulty keeping the 3 green lanterns at bay, but the scales become significantly tipped once Jade comes I to lend a hand. The 4 of them band together to attack Sinestro knowing that they may not be able to defeat him one on one but that there strength is in numbers. Sinestro manages to take out G.L #5 as well, but in the end the other lanterns are able to restrain and eventually kill the green lantern champion. Dr. Light finds out the hard way that his powers are simply not strong enough to damage Nova as she flies toward him breaking thru his attack and then thru his body. Fin Fang Foom attacks The Untouchables floating homestead in true awkward giant monster fashion. The huge alien monster slams his giant fists on to the deck of Broadside killing Swift Wind, Saturn Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, Bouncing Boy, and all 3 parts of Triplicate Girl. Horatio Caine rallies his forces by putting his sunglasses on and saying: “monsters are like problems, you just can’t avoid the big ones” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). The Navy Seals open fire on the huge monster, who is now just pounding on Broadside and doing much damage to the Autobot. Merlin lends a little distance magic to the fight to help while Megatron shoots at the monster with his arm cannon. Megatron inflicts quite a bit of damage on the creature which causes him to realize that he needs just a little bit more power. Megatron yells to his top dawg Deadpool that they need to finish this problem off. Megatron transforms into his gun form and is caught by Deadpool. Deadpool holds the oversized gun and begins to take aim at Fin Fang Foom but before he can shoot Horatio Caine runs up to him and grabs Megatron out of his hands. Horatio hands Deadpool the sunglasses of justice and takes aim at Fin Fang Foom. Caine double taps the much oversized pistol and puts 2 intense laser blasts into the eyes of Fin Fang Foom to bring him down for good. Megatron transforms back into robot form and Horatio grabs his sunglasses off of Deadpool’s face. Deadpool screams “Bull’s-eye”! But Horatio puts his sunglasses back on and says “No Wade, more like Alien-eye”. (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). The Untouchables jump for joy as they witness the death of Fin Fang Foom, but they soon realize that the small victory did not come quick enough. Megatron tries to bark an order at Broadside when the team realizes that Broadside is already dead from the massive damage inflicted by Foom and that he is beginning to sink. Captain Cold freezes a good sized portion of the water to give the team a place to jump to while their Transformer ship sinks, which saves them all (Megatron takes flight because he is to big for the ice creation), but it is not quite as defensible a base as Broadside was. Black Bolt and Cosmic Boy have been battling for some time when Cosmic Boy uses his powers of magnetism to pick up a large chunk of what was once his teammate Broadside and uses it to skewer Black Bolt. Beast Man learns the name of Beast Boy and thinks to himself that he should easily win that fight just do to their names, but in this setting it is not as easy as he thinks. Beast Man pulls out his sword and jumps into the water after Beast Boy but Beast Boy turns into a large sword fish and runs the Eternian thru. Ursula has been laying low under the water for the entire match when she decides that it is time for her to make her appearance known. She begins battling with Triton deep below the surface in what makes for a very close match-up. Ursula uses both her magic and her tentacles to attack Triton but The Inhuman’s swimming abilities make him to fast to hit. Triton swims up behind Ursula and gets her in a strangle hold, he then uses his super-human strength to break the neck of the water witch. Jade leads the green lanterns in to attack Phantom Girl who is still involved in her pseudo fight with the twins. Jade uses her ring less green lantern powers to rematerialize Phantom Girl for a brief second while Kalbo and his beautiful Twileck counterpart Green Lantern #1 blast a huge amount of green energy her way. This works to destroy Phantom Girl but inadvertently destroys their teammates the twins as well. Jack and Curtis drive up to the ice and drop off their Navy Seals, but before they can drive away and regroup the rest of their forces Horatio Caine jumps into action. He runs up to Karate Kid and says “let’s go legionnaire; Hey, what’s your name again”? “Karate Kid sir” the Karate Kid responds. Horatio stops in mid-run and puts his sunglasses on. He then says “Ohhhh. Really, when I was your age they called me the karate Man” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Horatio and The Karate Kid jump on to the Swift Boat as it drives away. The Kennelz Navy Seals jump on to the ice and instantly take out their target Captain Cold (modern day pirate style). The Navy Seals have to give up a lot of potential safe cover as they complete their mission, which allows The Untouchables Navy Seals, who outnumber them as it is to take them all out with a little help from Merlin. Only Navy Seal #35 dies from the return fire. Karnak sneaks up on to the ice next and stealthily takes out Navy Seal #36, but Deadpool notices him and attacks. Karnack and Deadpool engage in a fierce hand to hand battle, but Deadpool seems to gain the upper hand as the merc with a mouth yells “For Maude”! While he is sticking his sword into the neck of Karnack. Crystal uses her powers of air and water manipulation to quickly melt the ice which is keeping a good amount of The Untouchables out of the water. Zan & Jayna touch to activate their Wonder Twin powers. Zan takes the form of a whirlpool that easily sucks in Merlin and drowns him while Jayna turns into a shark along with Beast Boy who does the same. After this double transformation the 2 sharks easily consume the rest of the floating Navy Seals including their 2 Non-Commissioned Officers. Cosmic Boy flies low, just barely above the water, but Triton jumps out of the water and brings Cosmic Boy back down with him. Once underwater Cosmic Boy does not stand a chance against Triton who easily overpowers him. Triton is about to attack Deadpool in an attempt to avenge his cousin when he is suddenly drawn in by the powers of Aphrodite. The goddess of love takes control of his mind to the point that all he can think about is her perfect body and beautiful persona. Once Triton comes in close to gain his prize Aphrodite turns on him and uses her Mount Olympian strength to break not only his heart but also his head. Crystal sees what is going on and knows that she needs to stop the goddess before she destroys every man on the Kennelz. Crystal’s numerous powers have gotten her mistaken for a god in the past so she has little fear as she rushes this true god, knowing that she gets to face her in a setting that is much more suitable to her than it is to Aphrodite. Crystal then manipulates the water around them to such a degree that even Aphrodite with her godly abilities is unable to keep from being overtaken by the amazing power of water. Crystal wishes to stand tall after her victory, but she finds it difficult to stand as tall as she used to after She-Ra lops off her head. Galactus has grown tired of waiting for the fight to be over and has finally regained some of his lost strength from his brawl to settle it all with Onslaught. He and Nova fly back in toward the battle and they use their combined cosmic powers to destroy Megatron and She-Ra as if they were nothing more than the action figures on Ryan’s dresser. Galactus’ apathetic regard for any lesser beings causes him to not notice Zan who was sneaking up behind them in whirlpool form. Zan is also killed in the cosmic explosion. Deadpool jumps onto the back of Jayna (still in shark form) and sticks a grenade in the shark’s mouth. Jayna blows up, but before Deadpool can completely recover from the explosion and do the same to Beast Boy; Beast Boy bites his head clean off with his razor sharp teeth. The Karate Kid jumps at Jack Bauer, but Bauer has more martial arts skills and training than one may think. Jack jumps out of the way of Karate Kid’s karate kick and then brings his head down hard onto the side of the free-floating swift boat. Jack then pulls out his Sig-Saur P229 and blows off Karate Kid’s head. Jack radios back to his teammates to tell them to regroup, but he realizes that the radios are dead and that he is going to have to handle this problem by himself. Madam Razz and Broom have hung back this entire match so they could have their chance for revenge against Jack Bauer. They fly in as fast as they can, but Jack takes aim and blasts Madam Razz right between the eyes. Broom then tries to attack Jack on its own, but Jack dodges out of the way and then grabs Broom out of the air and then cracks it in half over his knee. Curtis and Horatio have both lost their weapons in their struggle with one another when Jack approaches and says “Curtis! Back off, let me give you a hand”. Curtis responds with “No Jack, this is personal. I’m gonna close this match up” “We never close” Horatio says as he kicks Curtis in the groin, then grabs his head and breaks his neck in one swift motion. Jack points his gun at Horatio and yells “Give it up Caine”! But Horatio pulls off his sunglasses and throws them at Jack’s hands, knocking the gun out of his hand and sending it in to the water. Horatio Caine then reaches into his pocket and pulls out another pair of sunglasses. He puts them on and says “If you want to make the grade, you gotta throw the shades” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Jack then looks at Horatio and nods while he picks up both halves of Broom and tosses one to Horatio. The 2 of them then begin fighting with the 2 broom stick ends which ends up being one of the most epic melee battles in human history. I had no idea that either of these men were so skilled in half-broomstick fighting, but much like their television shows the skills of these 2 men never cease to amaze. As the 2 battle back and forth I think to myself that this makes the Yoda/Dooku fight from episode 2 look like 2 teenage jocks pushing each other at a high school party in hopes that their girlfriends will break them up. It makes Ali/Frasier look like me, Chris, & Ryan Burke dragging Jared up Nate’s stairway. It even makes the fight between Arnold and Bennet at the end of Commando look like a fat guy who is half stuck in his lawn chair at a back yard BBQ slowly reach over to smack an aging horse fly. It makes……. Well never mind, I think you get my drift. Horatio kicks Jack in the chest and sends him into the controls of the boat. Horatio then tries to come down hard on Jack’s head with his end of the broom but Jack gets out of the way just in time. Jack, who has now maneuvered himself behind Horatio, kicks him in the back of the knee which brings him down onto the ground of the floor board of the boat. Once exposed Jack takes the cracked end of his broom and jams it into the jugular vein of Horatio Caine. Jack Bauer then takes the sunglasses off of Horatio Caine and says “Say hello to Madam Razz for me”.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE ARE VICTORIOUS!

Match Confusion...

The complete match between Better Than All of You and Xavier's Annihilation Squad is now posted. I'm not sure what exactly happened there, but it's all fixed now.

Sorry,

Vice-Commissioner Ryan

Press Conference: Slaves and Commandos

It was announced last week that the match between "George Washington's Slaves" and "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos was going to be a pink slip match. That means that each team has put a player on the line and whoever the victor may be will receive the player when the match concludes. There was a small press conference from earlier and we would like to bring a small summary from it. Enjoy.

The Slaves have put Fidel Castro on the line and the Commandos have put Saladin up on the block.

Saladin: It will be an honor for me to play on the same team as Mr. Castro. I have great respect for him as I appreciate what he did for Cuba in the late 1950's.

Fidel Castro: I too am very excited to see the outcome of this match, especially if I have the chance to play for another communist like they have leading the Commandos.

Saladin: What do you mean by that Fidel?

Fidel Castro: Mr. Obama, your head coach. I was just talking about how excited I would be to finally play for someone who's ideals are closer to my heart.

Saladin: President Obama isn't a communist Fidel.

Fidel Castro: Oh O.K, that's right. He's a "Democrat". Yeah, that's it.

Saladin: He believes in the same ideals as your head coach.

Fidel Castro: Oh come senor, you don't actually believe that do you? Mr. Obama and George Washington have the same ideals? Yeah, and me and JFK were mortal enemies. You go on believing whatever you want.

Saladin: Mr. Obama is a great man. Which is why you will be a Commando by nightfall. Prepare to become one of the good guys.

Fidel Castro: O.K. settle down. May the best man win I suppose. Not that it really matters, since neither of us are fighting anyway. Which is real democratic by the way. It sounds a little like "Taxation without representation" to me.

Saladin: That's it, I don't need to listen to this anymore.

Fidel Castro: The truth can be a fickle friend.

This went on for at least another hour and a half,(it might have gone on longer but I left due to it's incredibly boring nature). Either way you look at it though, whether they are "Slaves" or "Commandos", Mr. Castro and Saladin will be teammates from this point on. God save whoever they are next to in the locker room. Thanks for joining us and come back to Fantasy Fantasy Center for more updates. The match is posted below for those of you who are interested in finding out what team the quarrelsome twosome will be playing for.

Better Than All of You vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad

Better Than All of You is Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquababy, Abomination, N.S.-5 #1-22, Batman (Jean-Paul Valley), Batman Beyond, Gwar, Reptile, Ninja Pirate #3 & 4, Flash, Nick Fury, Cobra Commander, Lex Luthor, Predator #3, Army Soldier #1 & 2, Dozer #4 & 6.

Xavier's Annihilation Squad is The Kraken, Davy Jones & his crew, Barbarossa & his crew, The Eradicator, Ursa, Mary Embry, The Terricons, The Aerialbots, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron, Black Tom Cassidy, Sailor Moon, Ninja Pirates #1 & 2, Reverse Flash, Silver Samurai, Pirate #11-15.

Normally the force of the Kraken, Davy Jones and the crew of the Flying Dutchmen and Barbarossa and the crew of the Black Pearl would be more than enough to garner a guarantee victory in the water for Xavier’s Annihilation Squad. But the is not a normal situation, for you see, Better Than All of You has Aquaman leading their ranks. He instantly uses his powers to take control of the Kraken, Davy Jones and the crew of the Flying Dutchmen. The Black Pearl finds themselves under attack by their own teammates. The skeleton pirates fight fiercely, but ultimately are on the losing end of this battle. They do however; manage to take out the crew of the Dutchman before the Black Pearl sinks to the bottom of the ocean floor. Davy Jones bests Barbarrossa in a graceful sword duel. Pirates #11-15 then climb aboard the now abandoned Flying Dutchman. Gwar quickly leaps onto the Dutchman as well and begin fighting the Pirates. The Kraken uses its massive size to tear apart the Flying Dutchman, killing all aboard. The Eradicator, Ursa, and Mary Embry are then forced to do something they wished they would have to do; they fly in and kill their teammate, the Kraken. This cripples the Annihilation Squad’s water stronghold. The Aerialbots and Terricons then both form Superion and Abominus. They instantly go after the large swarm of N.S. 5’s. With their combined firepower they blast all 22 of them out of the water. Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron flip and jump across the debris from the two destroyed ships and kill Army Soldiers #1 and 2 as well as Dozers #4 and 6. Aqualad then uses his powers to turn a large amount of water into a flurry of ice spears and launches them into the air, shredding the Terricons apart. The Aerialbots break apart from being Superion and rips through the air in their jet modes. They do strafing runs across the ocean surface, firing their guns into the water. They manage to take out both Ninja Pirates and Jean Paul Valley. Reptile springs out of the water and coats Sailor Moon with his acid spit, which eats away at her flesh, killing the jailbait. Abomination gets a hold of Silver Samurai and crushes the life out of him. He then uses the bloody heap of metal and flesh as a projectile and puts it right through the hull of Fireflight as he flies by. Predator #3 then spears Ninja Pirates #1 and 2. Mary Embry then flies right at Abomination and drags him deep underwater. It’s hard to say who really won or lost this bout, since neither competitor ever came back to the surface. The unlikely combination of Batman Beyond and Lex Luthor take to the air and engage the four remaining Aerialbots. They both use their advanced technology within their suits to precisely target the Aerialbots’ inner circuitry. They are able to damage Air Raid and Slingshot’s guidance systems, which sends them spinning out of control into each other. Silverbolt retaliates by transforming into his robot form and blasts Batman Beyond away with his electrostatic discharger rifle. Lex Luthor then finds himself face to face with Eradicator. This Superman, however, doesn’t hold back with Luthor like the original had so many times before. He quickly lobotomizes Lex with his heat vision. Speaking of Superman, he finally shows up and the combination of Superman, Eradicator and Ursa completely wipe out the rest of Better Than All of You before finally making an example of Aquaman… wait this didn’t happen. Superman never showed up. He’s not even in this match. Sorry, I don’t know how I could make a mistake like that. Anyways, Flash and Reverse Flash have been chasing each other all around the Atlantic. They are currently nowhere near the main battle that is still raging on. Aqualad uses his powers to boil the water around Black Tom Cassidy, literally cooking him. Reptile, Cobra Commander and Nick Fury then triple-team Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron. Before they are killed the Sith Lords are able to take Nick Fury and Cobra Commander with them. It’s at this time when Flash and Reverse Flash return to the battle. Flash sees Darth Voltress’s lightsaber flipping in the air as the Sith’s body sinks into the ocean. He kicks it up another notch and runs by, snagging the lightsaber out of midair. He abruptly stops and spins around slicing Reverse Flash with the crimson blade. “Man, I love these things!” exclaims Flash. His enjoyment is short lived unfortunately, due to the fact that Ursa flew up behind him and ripped his heart out through the back of his rib cage. Predator #3 then fires a grappling hook at Silverbolt and is yanked out of the water. Once he’s managed to climb on top of the Autobot, he detonates his thermonuclear bomb, which incinerates himself and both Autobots. Ursa then flies right at Reptile and makes quick work of him as Eradicator follows her underwater. Eradicator instantly takes out the weak link and kills Aquababy with his heat vision. It’s a decision Eradicator probably regrets making as this sends Aquaman into a violent rage. He attacks Eradicator with the ferocity of a piranha. Nothing Eradicator does is enough to stop the Ruler of Atlantis and finally succumbs to Aquaman’s wrath. Orin turns to see Aqualad holding his own against Ursa, but before he can lend a hand, she makes a quick move and snaps Aqualad’s neck. Aquaman swims at top speeds through the dark waters and plunges his trident deep into Ursa’s chest, ending this battle once and for all. “This is MY home. I will not be defeated,” Aquaman says.

BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!

Built Ford Tough vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies

Built Ford Tough is Han Solo, Chewbacca, Jack Ryan, Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, Torchwood Crew, Aslan the Lion, Power Man, Iron Fist, E. Honda, Steve McQueen, The Beatles, U.S. Agent, Barry Sanders, Beta Ray Bill, Deadly Vipers Assassin Squad, Flaming Carrot, Mr T., Grapple, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Diego, Star Sapphire, Ancient Sith # 8, Ancient Sith # 13, and Mandlorian # 7

Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are The Maxx & Julie Winters, Doc Brown, Lorne Michaels, Speedy Gonzalez, Brak, Dobby, (Brain Damaged) Bewowolf, Agent X, Sarah Palin, The Groovy Gang, Jay, Silent Bob, Suzanne, Forge, Aunt May, Bob: Agent of HYDRA, Hellboy, Lobo, Dark Claw, Lobo the Duck, Hydroman, Rancor #1, Ewok #5-21, The Power Puff Girls, The Planeteers, Ted Nugent, Brock Sampson, & Kyle Rayner.

Prior to the match, Grapple built his team a massive structure for them to set up a defense. Built Ford Tough knows that if they are to even stand a chance in this inter-league battle, they have to strike first and strike hard. Sirius Black fires a bolt of magic at the water, which causes Hydroman to rematerialize and his body to float to the surface. Rancor #1 and Suzanne both struggle to stay afloat and they both ultimately drown. The Murderflies all leap aboard Built Ford Tough’s platform and storm their opponents. The trio of Lobo, his sidekick Lobo the Duck and Dark Claw instantly take out the Torchwood crew and Diego. Lobo the Duck is then attacked by Aslan the Lion and with a holy bite, the Jesus Christ allegory kills Lobo the Duck. Aslan is then eviscerated by Dark Claw, um, dark claws. Doc Brown and Forge both start dismantling the platform for their own purpose, but Grapple see this and in a fit of anger, blasts them both away with his arc-welder rifle. The Planeteers then call upon Captain Planet to aid them in this battle. He is met in the skies by Beta Ray Bill and before he can conjure the oceans to his will, Beta Ray Bill puts Stormbreaker right into Captain Planet’s green mullet. As the elemental superhero falls from the sky, the Planeteers look on in disbelief, which causes them not to see the Deadly Vipers Assassin Squad coming right for them. The Vipers’ blades then strike them all down. Ancient Sith Lords #8 and 13 attack and kill Jay and Silent Bob because they were too busy trying to dry out their pot, which was soaked when they were all teleported into the ocean. The team of Hellboy and Brock Samson avenge their teammates deaths by beating the Ancient Sith Lords to bloody pulps. Solid Snake is perched high above a tower on the platform. He then proceeds to pick off Ewoks #10-14 and Lorne Michaels with his sniper rifle. The Maxx charges towards the Harrison Ford crew with Julie Winters on his back, but Han Solo, Jack Ryan and Indiana Jones take them out with their guns. Harrison Ford himself, meanwhile, is just trying not to spill his Gin and Tonic. Ewok #9 then takes aim and uses his slingshot to break Harrison’s Gin and Tonic glass. This proves to be an unbelievably stupid move on the poor Ewok’s behalf. Mr. Ford goes into a blind berserker rage and brutally kills Ewok #9 and then beats Ewoks #6, 7, 8 and 21 to death with Ewok #9’s bloody corpse. He storms Ewok #5, but is stopped dead in his tracks as Ewok #5 pulls out a flask as a peace offering. Harrison seems to calm down as he accepts this offer and takes a swig from the silver flask. He then punts Ewok #5 as hard as he can into the ocean, where the unconscious Ewok drowns. Harrison keeps the flask. Mandalorian #7 takes off with his jet pack and shoots Aunt May and Brak before he is taken down himself by Agent X and Bob: Agent of H.Y.D.R.A. Lobo then goes on a rampage of his own and kills E. Honda with easy and then eliminates Steve McQueen, Jack Ryan and Barry Sanders. Beta Ray Bill then confronts him. The two powerhouses beat on each other back and forth with everything they have. Lobo beats Bill down to his knees and arrogantly laughs before delivering the killing blow. But this hit never comes, as Beta Ray Bill swings Stormbreaker up with all his might and connects with Lobo’s jaw, breaking his neck. The soul mates known as Iron Fist and Power Man (“DAMN IT! Hey Ryatu! I said we ain’t gay!!” Power Man yells at this Watcher.) then runs in and attacks the Groovy Gang. Though they are a group of serial killers, they are simply no match for the powerful duo. Their knives are not even scratching Power Man’s impenetrable skin. Iron Fist easily kills Sonny and Patty as Power Man crushes Ted, Val and Groovy. USAgent leaps in and dropkicks Dark Claw, which knocks him into Beta Ray Bill who smashes his face in with his hammer. Ted Nugent and his sidekick Sarah Palin move in and gun down Solid Snake. Brain Damaged Beowulf then fires some missiles at the platform, which damages its integrity and causes several of the fighters to fall back into the ocean. The Flaming Carrot dives in and using his flippers that he knew would finally come in handy; he fluidly swims underwater and dispatches the six remaining Ewoks. But he’s suddenly blown away by Brain Damaged Beowulf, who then finds himself under attack by the Beatles in their Yellow Submarine. But the Cymek is too powerful for them and they all die in their yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine. They all die in their yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine. But before they do, Ringo is able to fire one last torpedo with damages Brain Damaged Beowulf even further. Grapple swims down and finishes off the Cymek. Severus and Sirius double team Dobby and blast him away with some magic. Kyle Rayner then flies in and makes a much-needed impact for his team. He violently blasts through the entire Deadly Vipers Assassin Squad. Kyle then dives deep under water and blows a hole through Grapple’s chest. Once he shoots back out of the water, Kyle is attacked by Star Sapphire. She hits him with a powerful blast of pink energy, which sends him sailing backwards. They continue to battle high above the water as the rest of their teammates fight in the water. Speedy Gonzalez races across the ocean’s surface, but is caught and eaten by Chewbacca, who then goes after Hellboy. The Wookie claws and slashes at Hellboy, but the demon is able to pull out the Good Samaritan and blow a hole into Chewbacca. Indiana Jones then wraps his whip around Hellboy’s neck, but Hellboy grabs a hold of it and yanks Indy towards him. He then crushes Indy’s face in with his giant rock fist. Mr. T finds himself surrounded by Brock Samson, Agent X and Bob: Agent of H.Y.D.R.A. He tries his best, and even manages to kill Bob, but in the end, Brock and Agent X show him no pity and they kill him. The Powerpuff Girls are quickly flying around the skies, but the combined efforts of Han Solo’s blaster, and Severus and Sirius’s magic are enough to blast away the three small girls. Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin, Hellboy and Brock Samson then find themselves being attacked by Han Solo, Harrison Ford, Iron Fist, Power Man, USAgent, Strong Guy, Sirius Black, Severus Snape and Beta Ray Bill. Brock instantly swims up to Strong Guy and hits him so hard that it overloads the mutant causing him to explode, which takes Ted Nugent out in the process. Sarah Palin dives deep underwater (which did I mention she’s only wearing a bikini and a white t-shirt…so needless to say, she looks hot) and then comes up behind Harrison Ford and slits his throat with her Limited Edition Charlton Heston NRA Knife. USAgent then launches his shield and takes her head clean off, which also sends her “Tina Fey glasses” flying in the air. Agent X is able to gun down Han Solo, but not before take a couple blaster shots himself. Though he has a healing factor, Agent X isn’t given the time to heal, as Iron Fist and Power Man together finish him off. Hellboy then fires two shots from the Good Samaritan and take out the lovely couple (Deal with it Luke. You’re in love with Iron Fist.) “Guess you weren’t bulletproof after all,” quips Hellboy. USAgent flings his shield at Hellboy, but he catches it with his oversized hand. This does however; give Severus and Sirius the opportunity to blast Hellboy away with several different incantations. Brock Samson is actually able to go punch for punch with Beta Ray Bill, but the horse-faced Thor brings Stormbreaker down on his curly blonde mullet and crushes his skull. A loud scream is then heard up from the skies as Star Sapphire’s body falls into the ocean. Kyle Rayner then flies down as fast as he can and targets the remaining members of Built Ford Tough. USAgent is able to get his shield up in time to protect himself from the green energy blast, but it ricochets off and hits Sirius Black and kills him. Beta Ray Bill flies out of the water and summonds several lightning bolts that hit Kyle Rayner in the back. This knocks him off his course, and allows Beta Ray Bill to finish him off with a home run swing of Stormbreaker.

BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!

The Actual Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. George Washington's Slaves

Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Agamemnon, Juno, Bizarro, Xerxes, Tlaloc, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Ben Kenobi, Mary Marvel, Dr. Doom & Darth Binks in a Swiff Boat, Gungan #1-14, The Cloverfield Monster, & Parallax.

George Washington’s Slaves are Arisia, Ben Skywalker, Capt. Bicard in an F-22, Colossus, Cthulu, Dare the Terminator, Inspector Gadget, Jason Bourne, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Neo, Optimus Prime, Red Dragon #10, Sonny, Spongebob Squarepants, Super Soldier, T-1000, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Wedge & Capt. Kirk in the Shuttle Tyderium, Windcharger, & Yoda.


O.K., lets do this. Remember how the other version started out when Dave Bowman & Cthulu killed each other, or ate each other, or sent each other to an alternate dimension or whateves. Well, that happened in this one too (shout out to my boy Becks, Get well soon). Basically, I liked that beginning, and we’re gonna keep it. As the battle begins, the Slaves use their vehicles to take control of the air while the Commandos hang low by the water. Agamemnon & Tlaloc lead the rest of the Titans, who have all out-fitted themselves with submersible Cymek bodies down deep below the water’s surface. The Titans are joined by Bizarro, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, & Parallax. Dumbledore has joined Dr. Doom & his personal body guard Darth Binks in their swiff boat which is buzzing around the waters in a clumsy fashion with Lord Binks behind the controls. Capt. Tarpals is leading the other 14 Gungans thru the water as they easily swim thru the rough waves just like they all have done many times on their home planet of Naboo. High in the air, Wedge leads the Slaves in The Shuttle Tyderium while he is being flanked by Capt. Bicard in an F-22 to his right and Trinity in the Bat-Copter to his left. Wedge is joined by Capt. Kirk in his co-pilots seat, but Yoda, Ben Skywalker, Colossus, & Dare the Terminator are on board as well. Arisia, Martian Manhunter, & Super Soldier are flying behind the 3 aircrafts as well. The rest of the Slaves have stealthily dispersed themselves throughout the water down below. Optimus Prime & Rodimus Prime are floating barely above the water when they begin battling one another. The fight is not going on very long before Optimus busts open Rodimus’ chest and destroys his spark (WHAT!!!! I’m posting this crap on the internet, if some Transformers geek finds this and I don’t have Optimus win in like 4 seconds flat, they will probably show up at my house and murder me). Darth Binks swiftly drives their Swiff boat thru the waters John Kerry style, not even noticing that Jason Bourne has hooked himself onto the side of the boat and is slowly sneaking up the side. Before the boat’s threesome even notices that Bourne has made his way onto the boat, Bourne sneaks up behind Dr. Doom and breaks his neck. Darth Binks ignites his crimson lightsaber and says to Jason Bourne “Yusa gonna die now Okkee-day” Bourne just glares at him with that cool look on his face and does not say a word. The evil Binks swings at him, but Bourne ducks out of the way and drop-kicks the Gungan Sith in the back of the head. Bourne then comes up from behind the dizzied Binks and grabs the lightsaber right out of his hand. Bourne then kills Darth Binks with his own lightsaber. Bourne stands ready to do battle with Darth Binks’ lightsaber still ignited and in his hands with Dumbledore. Bourne moves at the powerful wizard, but Dumbledore blasts him with his wand and kills him. Dumbledore then runs to the front of the boat to try and take control of it, but before he can he is targeted by one of Shuttle Tyderium’s proton torpedoes and blown out of the water. Harry Potter takes the lead atop his broomstick and travels high above the water with Mary Marvel & Black Adam behind him. The 3 flying Commandos have a plan to attack The Slaves aircraft, but they are met by Martian Manhunter, Arisia, & Super Soldier. Black Adam punches thru Super Soldier’s Shield with his left hand and then uses his right to punch thru the hero’s head, but Martian Manhunter uses his optic blast to put down Mary Marvel. Arisia & Harry Potter continue to battle fiercely, even after the first 2 battles conclude and Martian Manhunter starts to fight with Black Adam. Black Adam, is about to scream “Shazam” when John Jonzz uses his telepathic abilities to enter into Black Adam’s mind and shut down his speech. Black Adam continues to use his immense strength against The Manhunter, but the green Martian outsmarts him. Martian Manhunter uses his shape-shifting abilities to make himself look like Mary Marvel. This throws Black Adam into a state of confusion which gives John enough time to attack his opponent and finish off Black Adam with a series of fierce melee attacks. Harry Potter manages to out fly Arisia on his broom and dodge all of her green energy attacks. The young wizard allows the young green lantern to tire out before he hits her with a quite powerful spell to finish her off. Potter smiles after his victory, but his happiness is short-lived as Martian Manhunter blasts the teenager with a deadly right hook to the face, that no spell could have stopped. Cloverfield seems to be not quite as spooked in a water setting but the monster is still shedding it’s parasites that kill Spongebob despite the water dwellers use of Ka-Ra-Tay on the dog-sized creatures. T-1000 is attempting to form it’s liquid metal body into a flotilla of some sort, but Parallax pops out of the water and breaks the terminator apart separating it’s molecules into thousands of tiny yellow pieces. Neo dives below the water’s surface and begins battling with Bizarro. Though neither of the combatants are necessarily at home in the water, their powers provide them with the means to be hardly affected by the water around them. Bizarro swings wildly at the “One”, but Neo continually blocks his attacks. The 2 of them are equally matched power wise, but Neo has the definite edge when it comes to intelligence. Bizarro uses brute force against Neo, while Neo tries to outsmart the Bizarro world version of his former teammate; but then thinks that if you can’t beat em join em. Neo then conjures up every bit of strength he has, and strains despite the fact that he knows he can do anything if he simply believes it to be possible and rips off Bizarro’s head. Cloverfield rips apart Windcharger and Red Dragon #10, while The Creature from the Black Lagoon finds himself in a state of serious depression after he realizes that the 2 hard fought battles he just won against Sonny and Inspector Gadget provide no meat for him to consume. Loki then uses his powers of mischief to make Cloverfield and The Creature believe that they must do battle with each other for sea dominance. Once these 2 teammates turn on one another, it is not long before Cloverfield rips the Creature apart. Cloverfield is then about to go on a complete rampage when Capt. Bicard saves both teams by firing all 4 of his missiles at Cloverfield to destroy him completely. Trinity breaks away from the air convoy and brings the Bat-Copter down low toward the water. She is instantly swarmed by Gungans which causes her to panic until she realizes that Batman has already stocked The Bat-Copter with what she needs. Trinity reaches into the compartment to her left and pulls out a can of Gungan repellant which she uses to kill Gungans #1, 4, 8, & 14. Ben Kenobi swims up behind Optimus Prime and attaches himself to the underwater hull of the very aware Autobot, in a way that only a Jedi Master can. In true Jedi fashion, Kenobi waits patiently until Optimus moves to lift his large body out of the water. Once he does, Kenobi ignites his lightsaber and then moves quickly to slice the head of the Transformer off before he even knew that he was being attacked. Parallax tries to telepathically enter into the mind of Loki, but the god of mischief does not fear the being. Parallax finds himself trapped in a world that he can not understand, and is destroyed by his inability to induce fear or control the mind of the son of Odin. Trinity runs out of Gungan repellant, but she still continues to fight on with the Capt. Tarpals led Gungans. She kills Gungan #2, 5, 6, 9, & 11 with her plethora of fighting skills but she is not quite fast enough to stop Capt. Tarpals, who sneaks up behind her with his Otah Gunga pistol and says “Dodgem this” as he blows her head off. Ben Kenobi is using Optimus Prime’s body as a raft, but he knows that the huge hunk of metal will not float forever. He is all alone on the back of his defeated opponent when Loki, Martian Manhunter, & Neo all fly down to meet him. Kenobi appears old and tired, which may be why he is slightly underestimated by Loki. Martian Manhunter tried to warn the Asgardian about the skills of Jedi no matter how old and worn out they appear, but he learns quickly that Loki does not heed good advice like his old friend Thor used to despite their kinship. Obi Wan ignites his lightsaber once again and quickly removes the head of Loki, but after this surprise attack The Manhunter and the Chosen One quickly dispatch him. Although Yoda has no desire to engage the Cymeks in the water he knows that it is the only course of action, so he orders Wedge to fly in low and begin strafing the water. Capt. Bicard takes the lead, but the Cymeks come partially out of the water to meet them. Xerxes fires a powerful rocket at Bicard’s F-22 which he is unable to avoid. Yoda takes Ben Skywalker with him in an escape pod and sends Dare the Terminator and Colossus off in a separate escape pod while Wedge and Capt. Kirk attack from the Shuttle. As the escape pods hit the water, Yoda takes charge of the water forces, much like he did in the air. The Slaves use the escape pods as rafts to work their way to the enemy. Yoda leads Ben Skywalker and Death Devil (oops I mean Dare the Terminator, Death Devil would be her name if the people at Amalgam Comics new what cool was) against Juno while Martian Manhunter attacks Xerxes and Neo attacks Tlaloc. The Titans have an amazing size advantage over any member of The Slaves, but they are up against a significant amount of power. Xerxes and The original Titan leader Tlaloc go down fairly easy as Martian Manhunter phases thru the metal hull of Xerxes and then pulls out his human brain, but this does disrupt him telepathically as he holds a brain that is rich with centuries worth of information. Neo simply raises his hand toward Tlaloc to totally disrupt his electrical field and short out all of his systems, including his brain’s life support but, he is only able to do it once as he is put into some sort of trance after he does it. Juno uses a small, barely visible laser cannon to disintegrate Dare the Terminator’s head, but Ben Skywalker keeps the Titan busy with his lightsaber while Yoda concentrates hard to slowly pull the metal plating off of Juno with the force. Yoda is able to pull away the numerous protective barriers that cover up Juno’s human brain, but Juno still has several weapons, such as her retractable arms which she uses to grab a hold of Ben Skywalker and then rip the young Jedi in half. Yoda is saddened by the loss of such a young Jedi with so much potential, but the Jedi Master honors what young Skywalker fought for and he goes in for the kill as he ignites his own lightsaber and drives it in to the brain of Juno. Colossus manages to get Gungan #13 in a bear hug, but shortly after this the powerful mutant in his organic metal form floats down to the bottom of the ocean, as he is unable to sustain his massive weight above the water. Yoda regroups with Neo & Martian Manhunter and the 3 of them are surrounded by Gungans. The Gungans feel significantly more comfortable in the water setting than there opponents, but in the end superior fighting style wins out as neo kills Capt. Tarpals with a karate chop to the head, as well as Gungan #3 & 12. Yoda takes out Gungan #10, and Martian Manhunter takes out Gungans #7 & 13. Agamemnon targets Shuttle Tyderium with a series of heat seeking missiles, but Wedge takes evasive action. Despite the lack of maneuverability of the Imperial Ship Wedge does an amazing job of avoiding the projectiles, but one missile does clip their left wing. Capt. Kirk looks over at Wedge with a look of dread on his face, knowing what is about to happen. From the back of The Shuttle Tyderium Nofee pops up along with the music and lyrics that say “Priceline Negotiator”. I’m just kidding, that is so stupid; I don’t know why I wrote that. The 2 veteran pilots know that there is no recovering from such a hit which is why without saying a word they agree on what to do as Wedge crashes The Shuttle Tyderium nose first into the top of Agamemnon; killing them, but destroying the Titan Cymek leader as well.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!

Bryatu's Fever-Induced Hallucinatory Match

To both Chris (Slaves) and Nick (Commandos):

I am truly sorry for posting the fever-induced hallucinatory match cited below. I am shamed, humiliated and humbled by my transgressions. . . I have no excuse for posting a match that never occurred - I feel like Mitch Albom. I am lucky that Joshatu is going to pick up my slack and properly write the match, as well as posting my final match for the week.

I expect the antibiotics to rid me of this vile pestilence which courses through my veins in the near future and I hope you will continue with me on my journey as a distinguished Watcher. If I do not survive this disease, I ask that you remember me for Al Dawg's final match and not the drivel below.

Notwithstanding the above, feel free to comment as you believe necessary. If you wish for me to step down from my Watcher mantle, I will do so willingly in honor of those that I write for and those that I call my friends -there are so few of you remaining. I promise that if you keep me, I will make you all proud that not only have you allowed me to retain my lofty position, but allowed me to fulfill my dream of continuing to be a Watcher in the FFL.

With humble servitude to you all,

Bryatu

Back to our Dimension.

My fellow Watchers and I apologize for the delay, as we have been exploring numerous multiverses and various dimensions over the last week. We hope to not delay the league for a full week, but feel free to wait until Wednesday or even Thursday to send in your Week 9 team. I especially do not expect anyone to send in a team if your match has not yet been posted. In the meantime, please enjoy the match located directly below this post, which was witnessed by all of us during our tiresome interdimensional travels. It does not count toward Season 2 and is entitled "What If The Commandos Had the First Overall Pick in Season 1". Enjoy.

-Josh.

George Washington's Slaves vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos

I am now suffering from a secondary infection which races through my body. Notwithstanding, I will honor my duties since I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 8 Match: George Washington's Slaves vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos.

The locker room of the Slaves contains Arisia, Ben Skywalker, Captain Jean Luc Picard in an F-22, Captain Kirk, Colossus, Cthulu, Dare the Terminator, Inspector Gadget, Jason Bourne, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Neo, Optimus Prime, Red Dragon #10, Sonny (I-Robot), Spongebob Sqarepants, Super Soldier, T-1000, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Wedge Antilles in the Shuttle Tyderium, Windcharger and Yoda.

Captain Kirk: We shall be the only one loss team after this battle! My ego will not allow anything less!

Jason Bourne: Just do your job Kirk and we’ll see to it!

Dare the Terminator: Hey! No sight jokes!!!

The locker room of the Commandos contains Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Agamemnon, Juno, Bizarro Superman, Xerxes, Captain Tarpals, Tlaloc, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Ben Kenobi, Darth Binks and Dr. Doom in a Swift Boat, Mary Marvel, Gungans #1-14, The Cloverfield Monster and Parallax.

Darth Binks: Meesa loves to cut Slaves!!!

Dumbledore: Cut them you shall young Binks. Cut them you shall.

Dave Bowman: Not if I have anything to say about it. Our team is tired so I plan on making this match a quick one!

I transport the teams to the Pacific battleground. . . .

Dave Bowman: The Starchild takes the lead. As said in the locker room, he wants the match to finish in record time. He walks on the water with his arms spread in a deity-like pose. The Slaves are ready to suffer extreme consequences at the hands of the Starchild. As an aura spreads across Bowman and he is ready to unleash his powers upon the Slaves, Cthulu rises from the watery depths and swallows Bowman whole. As one of the Great Old Ones (and a cosmic entity itself), Cthulu manages to absorb Bowman’s powers. Bowman attempts to escape, an energy surging through his veins as he becomes cosmically nuclear. The explosion is blinding and takes out both Bowman and Cthulu. The cosmic ones perish together. Seeing that a major threat on each team has been taken out, the remaining team members charge at one another.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon swims at the Slaves. He sees Spongebob Squarepants walking on the bottom of the ocean. With one swipe of its claw, Spongebob is shredded to gelatinous pieces. The Gungans #1-14 join the Creature from the Black Lagoon and swim further into the Slaves’ territory. They are met by Captain Jean Luc Picard in an F-22. Picard uses his plane’s equipment to get the heat signatures of the Gungans and Creature. The Captain uses the Joint Direct Attack Munition guidance system and small-diameter bombs to ferret out his enemy in the water. The bombs kill Gungans #2, 5-7, 12-14. As the remaining Gungans and Creature surface in an attempt to avoid the bombing, they are met by the MBDA Meteor and rotary cannons. The Creature and the remaining Gungans are killed by Picard. As Picard circles the area, he is suddenly met by the Cloverfield Monster. The Monster smashes the F-22 and both the aircraft and Picard meet their fates in a brilliant explosion. Wedge Antilles in the Shuttle Tyderium flies at the Cloverfield Monster. The Monster faces a repeatedly barrage of laser fire. Knowing that Antilles may be able to defeat it, the Monster dives into the waters again. Antilles decides that he will search for and ultimately destroy the Monster. Instead of finding the Cloverfield beast, he is met by Bizzaro and Superman (actually working together to defeat a common enemy). They rip off the wings of the Tyderium. The craft spins out of control and into the waters below. Antilles manages to eject from the aircraft.

Antilles: Whew. Barely escaped that time. . .

Antilles looks around and sees his body falling into the gaping maw of the Cloverfield Monster.

Antilles: Oh well. At least this isn’t my ninth. . .

While its mouth is opened and Antilles is falling to his digestive doom, Trinity in the Bat Copter releases all of her explosive weapons into the giant beast’s maw. The explosions shred the internal organs, as well as Antilles, apart. Both Antilles and the Cloverfield Monster perish.

On Inspector Gadget, once again using his body as a raft-like flotilla are Dare the Terminator and Jason Bourne. The cymeks, being Agamemnon, Juno, Xerxes and Tlaloc, swim to the trio. Using their strengths and abilities in unison, the cymeks manage to rip apart and eventually dismantle Inspector Gadget. Gadget and a majority of his body parts go to their watery graves. Bourne floats on a large Gadget piece and is met by Xerxes. Bourne uses his special training skills to defeat Xerxes, who is destroyed. Bourne is a little surprised at actually having killed a cymek; he is ready for another. Bourne is not ready for Agamemnon though as Agamemnon dismantles and kills Bourne (as Bourne did to Xerxes previously. Juno and Tlaloc together fight Dare the Terminator. Dare uses her enhanced abilities and her billy club to dent various pieces of Juno’s and Tlaloc’s encasements. Dare then uses a piece of “Gadget” flotilla to destroy Juno. Agamemnon comes to the fray and with Tlaloc, eventually catches and kills the blind mercenary. The cymeks turn to see Colossus (in human form) and the Super Soldier swim to the scene. As the duo comes to the various Gadget pieces (enough for them to stand on), Colossus armors up and destroys Agamemnon is a vicious battle. Super Solider, with the help of Colossus, takes out Tlaloc.

Dr. Doom and Darth Binks pull up near the Gadget pieces in their Swift Boat. Doom uses the boat’s weaponry and fires upon the Super Solider. Darth Binks springs from the boat and uses his lightsaber to sever Colossus’ left arm. The right arm is all he needs though, as Binks slips due to the wet surface, and Colossus catches Binks by his throat with his right hand. Colossus crushes Binks’ windpipe and the Sith slips to his watery grave. Dr. Doom, meanwhile, has already killed Super Soldier. Colossus focuses on Dr. Doom. The two are in a power struggle when Black Adam flies to the scene. With both Black Adam and Doom, joining together, Colossus is eventually subdued and defeated - killed.

Captain Tarpals swims to the scene. He is met by Sonny. The two warriors fight one another and Tarpals uses his weapon to slice across Sonny’s prosthetic body. Sonny’s fight with Tarpals is vicious, but the robot eventually gets the upper hand and kills Tarpals. Sonny swims on and is met by Mary Marvel. Damaged already from Tarpal’s actions, Marvel easily dispatches with Sonny. Mary Marvel flies from the waters and into the sky.

Mary Marvel joins her teammates Bizarro Superman, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam and Parallax, currently in the air. They are met by Arisia, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime, Red Dragon #10 and Trinity in the Bat-Copter. Parallax uses its powers to overpower and take control of Arisia’s body. With their combined powers, Parallax-Arisia is able to smash the Bat-Copter to pieces. Trinity escapes from the helicopter and is met by Red Dragon #10, who carries the Matrix legend on its back. Parallax-Arisia focuses on Red Dragon #10 and Trinity. Before Parallax-Arisia can destroy the two, Optimus Prime skewers Arisia and kills both to save his teammate from further degradation at the hands of Parallax. Loki, used to dragons in his Asgardian realm, uses his powers to slay and destroy Red Dragon #10, who plummets from the sky. Trinity uses her Matrix abilities to soften the blow as she hits the water. Rodimus Prime and Optimus Prime begin their fight against one another. The two Transformers are equally matched. They bash one another and it is not until Bizarro and Superman come to the scene that the match tips to one side. The trio manages to destroy Optimus Prime. Mary Marvel sees Loki, having just killed the dragon, and smashes his skull, killing the mischief maestro. Black Adam then takes on Martian Manhunter. The two are evenly matched. Nonetheless, Manhunter eventually bests and kills Black Adam. Bizarro, Superman, Rodimus Prime and Mary Marvel then take on the Martian Manhunter. Although Manhunter kills Marvel, the other three easily defeat and kill him.

Dr. Doom uses the swift boat to pick up his other teammates: Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, and Ben Kenobi. They look for the other team and fail to realize that they are already being boarded by Ben Skywalker, Captain Kirk, Neo, T-1000, Windcharger and Yoda. Dumbledore takes on the T-1000. Although the T-1000 is highly formidable, Dumbledore manages to use his magic to dismantle and disintegrate the terminator model. Captain Kirk, always looking to battle the most formidable opponent, charges at Harry Potter. The boy wizard uses his wand to send flames at the Starfleet captain. Kirk gives a scream (as heard when he was penetrated by Spock) and falls into the water, a sizzling mass of charred meat. Windcharger, in robot mode, fights the wizards, Dumbledore and Potter. Windcharger is eventually destroyed by the duo, but Dumbledore sacrifices himself to save Potter as Windcharger releases a final blast in his death throw. Ben Skywalker and Yoda deflect the magic propelled by Potter at the Jedi. Yoda then flips three times and slices Potter in half with his lightsaber. Ben Skywalker dies at the hands of his namesake Ben Kenobi. Yoda, the superior warrior, then kills Ben Kenobi. Trinity, Yoda and Neo together take out Dr. Doom. The three then focus on their next prey when Bizarro, Superman and Rodimus Prime come to the boat. The boat is in near shambles and is sinking due to the damage it has sustained in the battle. The final skirmish is over in ten minutes. Rodimus Prime kills Trinity. Neo is killed by Superman. Bizzaro is joined by Rodimus Prime and Superman in a fight against Yoda. The wizened warrior slices Bizzaro, but meets his fate as administered by Prime and Superman.

Slaves: All dead.

Commandos: Superman and Rodimus Prime alive.

POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

TEAM Vs. Alice's Wonder Team

TEAM is Superman, Comet, Streaks, Thunderstrike, Ragnarok, Depa, Billaba & Jedi Padawan #16 in a Stealth Bomber, Yarael Poof, Max Ray, Jack Lalane, Godzilla, Zilla, Emerald Weapon, Phibian #1-10, Sharkticon #47-50, & Seaspray.

Alice’s Wonder Team is General Zod, Non, Apocalypse Alice, Alice, Alice Clones #1-3, Leeloo, Jill Valentine, Brawn, Joruus C’baoth, Joruus C’baoth, Surtur, (Silver Age) Blue Beetle, Sharkticon #11-22, & Treasure Troll #3.


As the battle begins, Apocalypse Alice telepathically blows the spark of the transformed Seaspray, which in essence turns him into nothing more than a free-floating vessel. With Seaspray’s lifeless hull floating in the water, Apocalypse Alice leads her fellow Alices, Leeloo, Jill Valentine, & both C’ baoths, on top of him where they fortify their position. Superman takes flight and travels high above the water with his pets where he is followed by Zod & Non in what is sure to be a long lasting battle in and of itself. Depa Billaba along with her apprentice/co-pilot Niw-de (that’s Jedi Padawan #16) fly in below radar (not that anyone on either team has a radar) inside their Stealth Bomber. Blue Beetle with the power of his scarab at full capacity hovers above the water with Brawn next to him. Blue Beetle is consulting the magical scarab for the best course of action against his opponents but before the scarab can lend any help to the situation, Dr. Daniel Garrett and his Autobot friend are blow away by a double dose of missiles from the Jedi duo in their American plane. Surtur tries to fight back the cooling sensation of the water but with his large body of fire has no where to go. The water dissipates his body make-up and he dies without even facing an enemy……… Am I missing something here? He’s a fire god in the water week, if I am, feel free to rip me a new butt hole on the comment board, I just don’t see how he is supposed to accomplish anything (maybe it’s me)?????? Thunderstrike and Ragnarok meet up with Yarael Poof and climb aboard what was once Seaspray. Yarael Poof pulls out his lightsaber and begins dueling with Jorus. The 4 armed Quermian switches his lightsaber amongst his various arms to throw off the Jedi, and eventually overpowers him; but when Joruus attacks the Jedi Council Member, things play out differently. The twisted clone shoots force lightning at Master Poof which he manages to block with his lightsaber, but once Joruus attacks with his lightsaber, he is just to fast for the aging Jedi Master, who is finished off by a head shot from Joruus. The 4 Sharkticons from TEAM attempt to attack the 12 from Alice’s Wonder Team, but they are in no way successful. The Sharkticons work best due to their strength in numbers, which is quickly proven when Sharkticons #47-50 only succeed in killing Sharkticon # 13 before they are all destroyed. Treasure Troll #3, in what will certainly be remembered as the most impressive kill in his career grabs a hold of a sharp piece of dead Sharkticon shrapnel and stabs it into the unsuspecting jugular vein of Phibian #3. Jack Lalane then grabs a hold of the troll and with his bear hands makes Treasure Troll #3 juice which is great with a hearty meal or for right after you work out (you can find this one and many other great juice recipes in The Juice Tiger booklet that comes free with every order). Thunderstrike and Ragnarok mow thru the 3 Alice Clones, as well as Jill Valentine. Alice and Leeloo attempt to attack the 2 Thors next but Thunderstrike manages to destroy Leeloo with a hammer to the head despite her being the perfect human and Ragnarok finishes off Alice with a similar kill. Ragnarok figures on more of the same as he moves against Apocalypse Alice but she is simply to quick for him to hit. She begins slicing him up with her Kukris to no avail and then finds that her pistols can’t seem to finish him off either. Apocalypse Alice decides to go for a different course of action as she works her way into his synthetic mind, causing him to freeze temporarily. With this second of advantage she puts her genetically enhanced strength into one final blow from her kukri knife that severs Ragnarok’s head clean off. Thunderstrike sees this happen and is in absolute shock, but it does not stop him from drilling the Odin empowered Thunderstrike hammer into her skull to finish her off for good. Thunderstrike flies high into the air while Emerald Weapon targets the shell that was once Seaspray and blows it to pieces killing Joruus C’baoth in the process, and destroying the ability of water reprieve for anyone. Thunderstrike flies up to aid Superman and his pets in their all Kryptonian fight which makes Zod decide that he and Non should fly back down closer to the water in hopes that they have remaining teammates to aid them. Zod is displeased to see that the only characters left alive on his team are the 11 Sharkticons but he still feels that that is plenty to defeat their opponents. Emerald Weapon destroys Sharkticon #16, but then finds himself completely destroyed by Non who launches himself into the water like a torpedo right thru him. Non flies back out of the water and resumes his battle with Comet the Super horse and Streaks the Super cat. Non, with his incredible strength (even by Kryptonian standards) seems to be able to keep both of the super powered animals at bay, but he encounters more trouble as Max Ray and The Phibians swim up to give them a hand. Non is by far the most powerful of the people involved in the fight, but he is severely outnumbered. Non is pushed into the water by Comet and Streaks, but he breaks Comet’s neck in the process. Non kills Phibians #1, 2, 4, & 8, but is pushed back by Max Ray’s plethora of weaponry. Streaks bites down hard on Non’s chest which causes him to give out an extra loud grunt before he squashes the cat between his fingers, but Max Ray uses this to his advantage. The Centurion targets the spot of the bite with all of his lasers and missiles while the daring Phibians race in with their knives and spears all driving them into the weakened spot on Non. Phibian #9 is collateral damage in this attack, but Non is eventually killed by Max Ray’s unrelentless and perfectly pinpointed laser blasts. The 10 remaining Sharkticons swim wildly toward the 2 looming threats of Godzilla and Zilla, who are slowly moving toward the battle. The Sharkticons swarm Zilla, who uses his fire breath and powerful body to kill Sharkticons #11, 12, 17, 18, 19, & 21 before he is finally killed as the powerful metal jaws of Sharkticon #14 dig deep into Zilla’s neck (not to mention his dozens of other Sharkticon inflicted wounds). Godzilla pulls Sharkticon #14 off of the neck of Zilla and crushes him in his grip; he then blasts a huge dose of his cosmic fire breath to destroy the 3 remaining Sharkticons. Thunderstrike flies up to try and help Superman in his fight with Zod but the Thor incarnation does not even know where he could jump in so he hangs back instead to let Superman fight Zod on his own. The 2 Kryptonians pound on each other with such ferocity because at this point they have actually given up on trying to damage each other with their identical heat vision and super breath powers. The 2 separate from each other briefly so Depa Billaba flies in, in her Stealth to try and help out. She targets Zod with a missile, but before she can fire it Zod punches the wing of the plane off. The Stealth is destroyed but Master Billaba and Niw-De eject safely into the water before the crash. Superman and Zod then reengage each other and the fight ensues. Zod gets Superman in a bear hug and begins squeezing with all of the strength he can muster. Superman feels the intense pain of this move but manages to break free of the hold and catch Zod with a fierce upper cut to the chin. Zod backs up and flies in fast toward his arch-enemy’s son but Superman times his next move perfectly. Superman uses the velocity that Zod has conjured with his attack and catches Zod in the neck with a close line like blow to the neck, cracking it and causing a sound similar to a sonic boom which ends Zod’s life.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!

Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches are Pablo, Trident, Mer-Man, Lizard, Abe Sapien, Killer Croc, Sharkticons #1-10, Skullcruncher & Grax, Sentinel #1-12, & White Dragon #1 & 2.

Team Sleeping Pussy is Namor & his Griffin, Mimic, Black Manta, Aspen, Vision, Ultron, Kilowag, Female Sentinel #1-10, War Skrull #1-5, Skrull #23, Brainiac, Navy Sailor #1-9, & Biff Tannon.


All members of the 2 teams are dropped into the water, except for the 2 White Dragons, Namor’s Griffin, and both teams Sentinels who remain airborne. As a Watcher with as much noted experience as I have, I must admit that it is nice to see 2 teams who are so loaded with characters that are actually comfortable in this setting. As these 2 division rivals move closer to each other, several one on one battles ensue. Trident begins battling with Namor, while Black Manta fights Mer-Man and Aspen battles Abe Sapien. In the air the 12 traditional Sentinels clash with the 10 Female Sentinels resulting in the ocean being littered with metal chunks, nuts, and bolts. There is not much play by play to give as the Sentinels use both their metal bodies and their various lasers to attack each other, but the smaller, sleeker, quicker, and more advanced Female Sentinels seem to have somewhat of an upper hand, despite being out-numbered. In the end the original Sentinels prove that their future upgrades are just big tin cans like they are. The original Sentinels lose the battle, but the damage to the female Sentinel ranks are very high considering that only Female Sentinel #4 is left functioning at the end of the battle. Brainiac easily takes possession of the primitive brains of the 2 White Dragons, and makes them attack each other. The 2 dragons battle fiercely and animalistically with none of the intelligence they may have had being utilized at all (by Brainiac’s design). The 2 dragons fight until White Dragon #2 is dead, but by the end of it all White Dragon #1 is so badly injured that Ultron is able to easily blast him out of the sky, despite the fact that he is struggling to stay afloat. Biff Tannon and Pablo begin fighting each other in what I am sure was an amazing fight, but unfortunately I seemed to have dozed off in the middle of it. So to be honest I’m not really sure what happened exactly, I think they both drowned or something. Trident goes in for the kill against Namor with his trident, but Namor quickly evades the attack. The Sub-Mariner then grabs a hold of Trident’s weapon and cracks it in half. After this move, Namor in a similar fashion breaks Trident’s defenseless neck to end the life of the self-proclaimed perfect warrior. Namor’s Griffin swoops down to do battle with Lizard, but Lizard thwacks him with his powerful tail. The Griffin is thrown off course, but he recuperates and then attacks once again driving his razor sharp claws into the back and chest of Lizard to rip him apart. Killer Croc sees this battle transpire and uses it to his advantage. As the blood-thirsty Griffin finishes off Lizard, Killer Croc grabs a hold of the winged fighter and drags him below the water’s surface. Once below the water Croc takes full advantage of his surroundings and bites the jugular of Namor’s servant to kill him off. Mer-Man seems to be even better suited to the water than his opponent Black Manta, even with Black Manta’s enhanced water body, artificial gills, and extensive water training. Mer-Man’s powerful muscles help him swim circles around the equipment heavy Black Manta, but when Mer-Man draws his crustacean sword to go in for the kill he simply cannot compete with the advanced weaponry of Black Manta’s lasers which completely fry the Eternian Sea Creature. Skullcruncher, in his huge crocodile form leads Grax and the 10 Sharkticons to go help out their team’s top characters against Namor, Black Manta, and Aspen; but instead they are met by 3 more Namors, & 2 more Aspens. The 9 Navy Sailors and another Aspen manage to salvage a large chunk of Sentinel into a flotation platform which they climb on top of and prepare to defend, all while Abe Sapien is locked in an intense battle with Aspen. There are very few characters in all of Fantasy Fantasy that Abe Sapien would have trouble taking in a one on one water duel, but in the case of Aspen Matthews he may have found one. Abe does his best to attack Aspen, but her ability to move gracefully in the water surpasses even his besides the fact that she continually shifts her form from solid into water, making it near impossible for her to be harmed at all. Even the super intelligent analytical mind of Abe Sapien becomes frustrated as every attempt at victory seems to scream of defeat. Finally Aspen simply takes control of the water and sends wave after wave into the body of Abe Sapien until he can no longer control where his body is taken by the water. Aspen sends the water at Abe so violently that even a Mer-Man as adept to the water as he, is crushed by the sheer force of the water’s motion. Killer Croc resurfaces after his victory over Namor’s Griffin but he then finds himself ensnared in a net of green energy. Kilowag pulls Croc out of the water with his net and then begins to shrink it to crush the Batman villain in what eventually becomes nothing more than a ball of green energy. The Navy Sailors valiantly attempt to draw some of the water bound Transformers out of the water, which almost instantly works. Several of The Sharkticons attack the 9 Navy Men and the Aspen look-alike. The Navy Sailors thru much team work manage to take out Sharkticon #7, but in the end they are all defeated along with Aspen (actually Skrull #23). Mimic and Vision manage to lure Skullcruncher and Grax away from the Sharkticons, leaving them leaderless (not that they listen anyway) against the 3 Namors and 2 Aspens. The 3 Namors use their strength to destroy Sharkticons #2, 4, 8, & 9 before they are all killed in the battle (In their death they are revealed to be War Skrull #1, 3, & 5). The 2 Aspens (actually War Skrulls #2 & 4) are eventually overtaken by the rampaging Sharkticons as well, but not before they use their water manipulation abilities to destroy Sharkticons #3, 6, & 10. Brainiac, Kilowag, and Aspen then combine their skills to destroy Sharkticon #1 while Namor, Black Manta, & Ultron do the same to Sharkticon #5. Vision phases into the small robot body of Grax, who is not nearly as comfortable in the water as his counterpart/body Skullcruncher. Once inside the Decepticon Vision reestablishes the solidity of his right hand to disrupt the spark of Grax and kill him. Mimic takes to the air with the aid of his wings and then blasts Skullcruncher with an Optic blast/Ice shot combo to stun the bottom half of the Decepticon Head Master. Mimic then dives below the surface to continue the battle. Once below the surface, it is difficult to tell whether Mimic uses the borrowed powers of Aspen or Namor to finish off Skullcruncher, but either way the battle does not take very long.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!

The Right Wing Vs. The Syracuse Valley

The Right Wing is Poseidon, Silver Surfer, Kit Fisto, Phibian #11-17, Mikhail Bakunin, Ariel, Opee Sea Killer #1-6, Pirate #1-10, Droid Fighter Ship #1 & 2, Helen of Troy, Mr. Freeze, Quinlon Vos, Baby Storm, Red Tornado, Scrappy-Doo, & Martin Blank.

The Syracuse Valley is Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, Zit, Bossk, (movie) Jazz, Xenomorph #91-96, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, Sub-Zero, Scooter, U.S. Navy #60-71, Crasher, Darth Rave, Darth Techno, Rob Bartlett, Wingnut & Screwloose, Guille, Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Wald, Shang Tsung, Knuckles, Rayne, Little Goomba #3, & Treasure Troll #4.


Right Wing Head Coach Mike Huckabee has instructed all members of his team that no matter how powerful they may be, that when in the water Poseidon is to be considered the battlefield general. When Jedi General Quinlon Vos replied that Coach Huckabee need not worry about the match because they were all confident in their victory, the former Arkansas Governor let Master Vos and the rest of the team know that winning is not enough this week. The Right Wing plan that was laid out for them was to prove that they are the premier water squad in all of FFL and that they were going to make an example of The Syracuse Valley. The Valley, who has in recent weeks been decimated by Graveyard entries wishes to do their best against this obvious water powerhouse, but without Master Chief to lead them or any true water characters on the roster (other than Bartlett do to all his experience from Mike & Laura’s pool) the team has few delusions of grandeur. As the 2 teams are dropped from the sky above the ocean; it is revealed that both teams have similar plans. While much of The Right Wing aims themselves for the water both Mr. Freeze and Sub-Zero freeze much of the water below them to create a platform for their teams to work from. Under orders from Poseidon, The Right Wing’s 10 pirates go to the edge of their own iceberg and begin using their flint lock pistols and cutlasses to bust up the ice around the edge of The Valley’s berg. With some of the ice busted up Poseidon sends his 6 Opee Sea Killers in to break thru the surface and break apart the ice even further, sending much of The Syracuse Valley Team into the water. Once they no longer have an ice berg to stand on Ariel swims in fast with the Huge Goober Fish behind her and then hangs back as they quickly and easily devour Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Wald, Shang Tsung, Knuckles, Little Goomba #3, Screwloose, & Guille. Treasure Troll #4 tries to swim away, but Ariel catches the orange haired little Troll and twists his neck until it is broken. Mr. Freeze squares off against Sub-Zero and has an awful tough time trying to shoot the ninja with his Freeze gun. Sub Zero lands in front of him and shoots Mr. Freeze with his down toward low punch move but when the ice hits the already frozen Mr. Freeze it comes back at the ninja and freezes him instead. Mr. Freeze than overloads Sub-Zero with frozenness until the blue suited ninja cracks into pieces. Wingnut manages to make it out of the water and back onto the Valley’s iceberg, but once he is up there, he is hit by a strafing run from the 2 Droid Fighter Ships and is killed. The blasts from the 2 ships cause several more people from both teams into the water. Martin Blank was doing his best just to stay away from Darth Techno but once they are both sent into the water Darth Techno’s crimson lightsaber instantly malfunctions, as opposed to Martin Blank’s Glocks which work perfectly under water, which is how he puts 2 bullets into the chest of the Sith Lord before either one of them reach the surface. Poseidon, the god of the sea swims thru the ocean as easy as a mere mortal takes a step. The 6 Syracuse Valley Xenomorphs do a pretty good job moving thru the water as well but the brother of Zeus takes all 6 of them on single-handedly. Poseidon faces little difficulty as he uses his Trident to kill all 6 Aliens. Without their acidic blood being able to spray under the water the Right Wing’s 1st year 1st rounder leaves the battle unscathed. Rayne and Quinlon Vos engage in a fierce battle atop the now combined ice bergs, but Rayne, despite her skill can not keep up with the speed of the Jedi Master and loses the fight with a lightsaber thru her neck. Martin Blank begins to climb back on to the ice berg when he hears Helen of Troy begin to scream. Martin hurries because he is naturally in love with the beautiful former Spartan, but he gets back on the iceberg just in time to see Helen crushed to death by Scooter. Helen then becomes known as the woman who launched a thousand bullets (approximately of course) as an enraged Blank unloads both of his twin Glock .40’s into the small Go-Bot to destroy him. A vicious air battle begins with Silver Surfer taking on Megatron and Red Tornado fighting Starscream. Red Tornado spins up into the sky, but before he can prepare an attack Starscream comes in at Mach 1 and perfectly targets the android out of the sky with one of his missiles. Megatron sees the ease in which Starscream destroys his opponent and he attacks Silver Surfer with just a touch of arrogance. Megatron, in his Cybertronian jet form targets the surfer, but he evades every attack Megatron throws at him. Silver Surfer then quickly flies in and sends a blast of cosmic energy out in front of him as he blasts right thru the chest of the Mighty Megatron to destroy his spark. Silver Surfer and Starscream square off in a sort of mid-air winners circle, but The Surfer manages to destroy Starscream in much the same way he did Megatron. Rob Bartlett falls into the water with Scrappy-Doo and a fierce battle ensues. Bartlett matches Scrappy’s puppy power as the 2 of them scratch and claw at each other in the rough ocean waves. The 2 of them continue in what amounts to be a true battle for the ages until Baby Storm flies by and grabs Scrappy by the collar and then, despite much protest from the puppy she throws him back onto the iceberg. Baby Storm then sends a baby lightning bolt into the water striking Rob in the head. With the mini bolt hitting its mark in the water, it is plenty strong enough to finish off the Bartster. The 12 well trained Navy sailors prepare themselves for battle as the 7 Phibians approach. The sailors fight back fiercely but they are simply no match for the genetically enhanced Tleilaxlu creations. Phibian #11, 13, 15, & 17 die in the attack but every Navy Sailor perishes as well. Kit Fisto pops out of the water and onto the iceberg with such ease that one would think he has the power of flight. Crasher moves to attack him, but Master Fisto force pushes the Go-Bot female to the ground and then jumps on top of her with his lightsaber drawn to finish her off. Bossk squares off against the 10 pirates and immediately shows his superior fighting skills by blasting Pirates #1, 3, & 7 with his blaster. The pirates draw their cutlasses to bring the battle into close quarters but Bossk still manages to overpower Pirates #4 & 6, before the remainder of the pirates rally around the “Aaaarggh” yelling Pirate #1 to finish him off. Bossk dies with a cutlass to the chest from Pirate #8. While the Ninja Turtles and Zit, the last remaining Battletoad form up to make their stand; Darth Rave begins using the force to pull Opee Sea Killers out of the water and then throw them onto the iceberg. Once out of the water Darth Rave pumps them full of Sith Lightning which easily kills the huge fish. Darth Rave is successful in doing this to Opee Sea Killer #4 & 6 before Poseidon jumps out of the water and sticks his trident into the Sith Lord’s chest. Mikhail Bakunin swims up behind Jazz in hopes to, ….. Well I’m not sure what exactly he was trying to do, but it was definitely brave. Whatever it was Jazz notices the attacker and then turns around to crush the human in his hands. Silver Surfer then quickly avenges his buddy Bakunin (actually, who am I kidding. I don’t think Silver Surfer has ever spoken to him) by blasting Jazz into pieces with a fierce burst of cosmic energy. As the 5 large Amphibians wait for The Right Wing to converge on their position of what is left of the iceberg Zit stands back to follow what the Ninja Turtles do next, because he admires how well the 4 turtles work together, reminding him of how it once was with his 2, now deceased fellow Battletoads. He watches on as “Leonardo leads” the Turtles into the battle he then sees that “Donatello does machines” (that’s a fact Jack) as he pieces together a water proof laser rifle that he made especially for this mission. Raphael, despite the pressure is “Cool, but rude” (Gimme a break), Michelangelo on the other hand, “he’s a party dude” (Cowabunga). Together Zit says: “You guys are some Heroes in half Shell”. “Turtle Power” Michelangelo replies. The 4 turtles and the toad mow thru the last remaining Pirates when they are attacked Mr. Freeze Kit Fisto, and Quinlon Vos. Quinlon Vos and Kit Fisto break thru the turtle’s front line and take out Leonardo and Raphael with their lightsabers. Michelangelo jumps into action and kills Quinlon Vos with a perfectly placed nunchuk thwack to the top of his dome. Poseidon sees this attack and tackles Michelangelo into the water where there battle continues. Michelangelo fights valiantly but in the end cannot compete with the god of the sea while floating in the water. He is killed when Poseidon’s Trident impales him in the chest, penetrating right thru his shell. Donatello uses his hand made laser gun to shoot the Freeze gun out of Mr. Freeze’s hand. The last remaining turtle then breaks his staff over the top of Mr. Freeze’s head, busting open his helmet and killing the villain once he is exposed to the warm air. Silver Surfer sees this great use of skill and flies down hard toward the battle. The Surfer uses his indestructible board as a battering ram to smack Donatello’s whole body and kill him. Zit jumps onto the side of Droid Fighter Ship #1 and then punches a hole in the top destroying its circuitry. He then uses his big foot to kick the ship into Droid Fighter Ship #2, destroying that one as well. Zit falls back into the water and begins to swim back toward the iceberg but Master Fisto jumps in the water to meet him halfway. Kit Fisto ignites his water proof lightsaber and then uses it to run Zit thru.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!

The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. The Abomitrons

Although I am in a haze by overdosing on an OTC medication, I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 8 Match: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. The Abomitrons.

As I try to figure out who is in the locker room for The Horsemen, I believe I see The Sentry, Calypso, The Seacons: Nautilator, Overbite, Seawing, Skalor, Snaptrap, & Tentakill, Sea Worms #1-8, The Tigersharks: Mako, Walro, Dolph, Octavia, Lorca, Bronc and Angel, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #1-6, Navy Seals #1-18 and Larry Reamer in a Swift Boat.

Calypso: I have seen the dead litter the waters in the match and a small crab being the last to remain standing.

Mako: That little crab better be the last one standing on their team and not in the final battle! We don’t have a crab on our team!

Calypso: The future is not clear on that issue. . .

I then peak in The Abomitrons’ locker room and see Leviathan, Pamela Voorhees, Batman, Robin (Dick Grayson), Ace the Bat Hound, Smaug, Mega Man, Rush, Mario, Luigi, Sebastian the Crab, Kirby, Hancock, Phineas, Ferb, Perry, Ratta the Hutt, Naboo Soldiers #1-24, Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben Tennyson, Gwen, Kevin, Zombies #1 and 2, Horri-Bull & Kreb and Starship Troopers #51-62.

Sebastian the Crab: We’re doomed! Doomed! How can we go against the Horsemen?!?! They are so powerful!!! Their owner is so awesome!!

Hancock: They’re a team just like any other team in this league. Anyone can defeat anyone!

I transport the teams to the warm Pacific waters. I provide no form of flotilla or landmass for the combatants. . .

From the water rises the Leviathan. Pamela Voorhees, Batman, Robin (Grayson), Ace the Bat Hound, Mega Man, Rush, Mario, Luigi, Kirby, Phineas, Ferb, Perry, Ratta the Hutt, Naboo Soldiers #1-24, Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben Tennyson, Gwen, Kevin, Zombies #1 and 2 and Starship Troopers #51-62 crawl upon and ride the beast. Smaug and Hancock take to the air. Sebastian and Horri-Bull and Kreb take to the water.

Pamela Vorhees, standing on the Leviathan, sees Navy Seals #1-18 jump off the Swift Boat and swim toward the Leviathan. She flashes back to the dirty teenagers who were not paying attention to her son. She reaches for her knife and jumps at the Seals. In a frenzy, she manages to slice Navy Seals #1 and 5. No matter how much she is strengthened by the memory of her son, the remaining Seals are still too much for the woman. They surround her and return the favor by sending her to a watery grave. . . as did the teenagers did to her son – or did they? Starship Troopers #51-62 see the skirmish and fire their weapons at the Navy Seals. The firefight is furious as the Troopers fire their guns and the Seals use their water-proofed weapons and spear guns to fight the Troopers. Bullets and spears fly. Both sides suffer casualties. Falling from the Leviathan, either dead or mortally wounded are Starship Troopers #51, 55-59. Floating in the water face down are Navy Seals #2-4 and #13-18. Navy Seals #6-12 begin to board the Leviathan when Horri-Bull and Kreb meet them and destroy all of the fighting men.

Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #1-6 follow their Navy comrades and swim toward the Leviathan. While the Navy Seals were unable to board the beast, the Petty Officers are able to. They are met by Naboo Soldiers #1-24 and remaining Starship Troopers #52-54 and 60-62. Many men fall in battle. Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #1-6 are killed as well as Starship Troopers #52-54 and Naboo Soldiers #3-8.

Larry Reamer, still in the Swift Boat, rides along the borders of the Leviathan’s form. He manages to single handedly take out Starship Troopers #60-62, as well as Naboo Soldiers #12-16. Reamer becomes cocky at having killed so many of the Abomitrons himself. Reamer fails to notice Smaug in the air above the boat. The dragon unleashes his fire breath. The boat’s engine room explodes and the boat is going to its watery grave. As it is going under the water, Reamer backs into the cabin. He saw George Clooney do this in “The Perfect Storm.” [Rumor is that he thinks himself like Clooney – just not as good looking, talented, or rich].

The Sentry meets Smaug in the Sky. The air is filled with blasts from the superhuman and fire from the dragon. The Sentry manages to grab Smaug by his tail and throw him to the warm waters below. The water sizzles as Smaug meets his fate. The Sentry, while focused on the dying dragon, fails to notice Hancock coming at him full speed. Hancock focuses all of his strength and speed into a blow to Sentry’s head. Sentry’s skull is crushed and he falls to his death.

The Tiger Sharks have already exposed themselves to the Fish Tank before the match. They are transformed into their hybrids. Mako is a human/mako shark, Walro is a human/walrus, Dolph is a human/dolphin, Octavia is a human/octopus, Lorca is a human/orca, Bronc is a human/seahorse and Angel is a human/angelfish. Still having their skills as expert swimmers, they storm the Leviathan. Their hybrid forms are too powerful for a majority of the remaining Abomitrons on the Leviathan. They easily shred the remaining Naboo Soldiers. Zombies #1 and 2 shamble toward an unsuspecting Angel and rip her apart. Bronc exacts revenge for his sister’s death and kills both Zombies #1-2. What follows is a Tiger Shark massacre. Phineas, Pherb and Perry are killed by Dolph. Walro kills Ratta the Hutt, but meets his maker when the Ben 10 Alien Force comes together and using their weapons, takes Walro out. Seeing their comrade being taken out by a bunch of kids enrages both Octavia and Lorca who kill off the entire Ben 10 Alien Force. Mako is seen killing Mega Man. Notwithstanding the spree of killing caused by the Tiger Sharks, Batman, Robin and Ace the Bat use their combined skills and weapons to kill Bronc and Dolph.

Calypso has determined that the Leviathan has to go. Riding Sea Worm #2, and followed by the entire Sea Worm clan, #1, #3-8, the Dune creatures and sea nymph storm from the water’s depths in a direct collision course with the Leviathan. The Leviathan sits on the water’s surface and is crashed into by all Sea Worms, instantly killing the beast. As the Leviathan dies, its inhabitants “abandon ship.” The Seacons, who have been idly swimming around and waiting to act, spring on the scene. The Seacons, like their teammates the Tiger Sharks before them, destroy the Abomitrons in the water with ease. Snap Trap kills Batman. Nautilator kills Ace the Bat Hound and Kirby. Overbite kills Robin. Seawing kills Rush. Skalor kills Mario and Luigi.

Hancock, who is still flying above, uses the Seacon’s focus and frenzy to take out Octavia and Lorca, who are both unaware of the hero. Hancock then focuses on Mako. Hancock is hovering above the water and knows exactly how he will kill the remaining Tiger Shark. As he begins his course of action, he is met by Calypso riding Sea Worm #2, who swallows Hancock whole.
Horri-Bull and Kreb, still at the scene, manage to destroy Skalor and Nautilator. The other Seacons band together (not in their gestalt form) and destroy Horri-Bull and Kreb.

Sebastian the Crab runs away and figures that even though it is a “death match,” he will escape to live another day. He is wrong. . . .as he runs into Calypso.

Calypso: Hello, little one!

Sebastian: Oh Calypso! I served King Triton! I can serve you!

Calypso: No, I think you are the only one who is going to be served. . .

In the Horsemen’s locker room:

Mako (in human form): It’s true what they say. There is a lot of crab meat in its claws.

Calypso: Give me the left one, will you?

Abomitrons: All dead.

Horsemen of Apokolips: Calypso, Overbite, Seawing, Snaptrap, Tentakill, Sea Worms #1-8 and Mako survive.

THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!