Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are: Captain Universe, Phoenix Force Magik, The Serpent, Captain Atom, Kingdom Come Jade, Big Barda, Pre-Suit Vader, Clone Darth Maul, Nul merged with Beast Wars Megatron, Zombie Absorbing Man with Vampire cat powers, Iron Jedi(Immel clone Stark/Jedi #17), and Kister.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Taskmaster w/Indy's whip, Deathstroke w/Luke's Lightsaber, Exodus, High Evolutionary, Firestorm(Jason Rousch), White Lantern Sinestro, White Suit Anakin, Ce Ce Denowai w/Indigo Lantern ring, Springer w/Green Lantern ring, Slag w/Red Lantern ring, Black Hand, Smaug the Dragon, and Fry Guy #3.
"ADE!!! ... LADE!!! ... SLADE!!! C'mon man, get up! Even Logan's kid regenerates faster than this!" yells Taskmaster. "Oh no... Not again. I'm beginning to hate this stupid Gobot planet." lamments Deathstroke. "Please, just tell me that there's more left of our team alive than just you and me." pleads Deathstroke. "No such luck, pal. Just the two of us! What a team!" laughs Taskmaster. "F*ck... Why do I keep getting stuck with you?" questions Slade. "Whatever dude, you know I'm awesome. Admit it!" brags Taskmaster. "Dammit, just tell me what happened so I can win the match while you retreat again." demands Deathstroke. "Fine... So things started off great. Black Hand used the power of his Black Lantern Ring to possess Clone Maul, Iron Jedi, and Zombie Absorbing Man right off the rip!" explains Taskmaster. "Ok, the zombie I get, but the clones too? That's just stupid talk." counters Slade. "That's what I thought, but I figure since the clones are of people who died, it worked." theorises Taskmaster. "That's bullsh!t. Have you ever considered how stupid your theories are? I mean, do you even think about this stuff, or do you just make it up as you go?" asks Deathstroke. "Um, both? Anyway, live with it, bro. It happened. So the clones and the zombie take out Big Barda and KFC Jade before Phoenix Magik roasts 'em!" adds Taskmaster. "Ouch, down five people instantly? That's gotta hurt. But don't you mean KC Jade?" asks Slade. "I know what I says." Laughs Taskmaster. "So we know we have the advantage, and White Suit Anakin is all like "CHARGE!!!" and we send the house!" tells Taskmaster. "Except for you, I'm sure." chides Deathstroke. "Wrong again, Slade! I was all up in it! But with everyone running in like that, it kicked up a ton of dust, and this mask is kind of hard to breathe through to begin with.... so, I MIGHT have stopped to catch my wind for a minute." explains Taskmaster. "You suck." declares Slade. "At least I didn't get pimp slapped by a girl! That Magik chick knocked you the f*ck out almost immediately! Ha! But guess who happened to catch his breath just in time to drag you to safety?" asks Taskmaster. "Probably WL Sinestro." answers Slade. "... Lucky guess. But I was the one that hid with you to protect your unconcious @ss. Eventhough nobody found us, I'd still say you owe me one!" claims Taskmaster. "Oh, you'll get yours..." counters Deathstroke. "Sweet, we'll work out a payment plan later! But first, let me finish. So that's when things really ramped up! You got Captain Universe against WL Sinestro and Exodus! Phoenix Force Magik versus High Evolutionary and Black Hand! The Serpent and Smaug the Dragon are going at it, while Nul/BW Megatron takes on GL Springer and RL Slag! Both mascots are throwin down too! Even got a little Jedi action when Pre-Op Vader faced off with White Suit Anakin and Indigo Ce Ce Denowai!" adds Taskmaster. "Suit." interupts Deathstroke. "Huh?" asks Taskmaster. "Suit... It's Pre-SUIT Vader. Get it right, dumb@ss." advises Slade. "Whatever man, who's telling this story again? Oh yeah... me. So as I was saying, Pre-OP Vader fought our Force users" says Taskmaster. "Sounds like it was some pretty exciting stuff" comments Deathstroke. "Well, it would've been, but then BOOM!" says Taskmaster. "Boom?' asks Slade. "Big bada boom! You remember what I said about that Firestorm kid? About how he's basically a nuke? Well, those geniuses at the Barkley's decide to unleash their own unstable reactor, Captain Atom himself!" continues Taskmaster "Oooo... bad move." responds Slade. "Right? So naturally, the battle to see who accidentally explodes first is on! I'm not sure who went first, but it doesn't matter. One goes up and it's chain reaction time! Next thing you know, everyone's dusted except you and your loyal and soon to be well paid protector, namely me." concludes Taskmaster. "So... wait a minute... It's already over? I don't have to single-handedly win the match again?" questions a confused Deathstroke. "Done like dinner, homie!" laughs Taskmaster. "No kiddin... wow, that's pretty anti climactic..." states a disappointed Slade. "Not to mention uninspired... but, hey, at least we got to hang out some more, so that's pretty cool, right?" Adds Taskmaster. Slade Wilson tightens his grip on his handgun...
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
League Wide Vote
Hello my fellow team owners, a few members of the league have expressed concern that the current draft system could become problematic for league equality and fairness. As of right now, we will have a draft lottery like we have in the past, and this alone will decide the draft order, but considering that the teams that did best last year have more resurrection points than those that did not, I see where some may think that this tips the scales. In the spirit of full-disclosure and in consideration that my team would benefit from this proposal passing, I will acknowledge, that I have no problem with the current format and will be voting no on this proposal.
What is being proposed is that there will for this year only (if it passes, we will vote again in the future to see if this change shall remain) two separate draft lotteries. One for the teams that did make the play-offs, and one for the teams that did not. Then, the first pick through the eighth pick will be the eight teams that did not make the play-offs, and pick number nine through sixteen will be the teams that did make the play-offs. The lotteries will still decide what order the picks are made in.
Should this pass, we will hold another vote which will decide whether or not the draft will remain serpentine; but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, we just need one vote from each owner to decide this. Majority rules, a tie will result in no change from the current system.
As always, please feel free to vote right here on the message board or via text or email to myself or one of the other Vice-Commissioners. Also, if you so desire, please feel free to use this message board to make whatever comments you wish for or against this proposal.
What is being proposed is that there will for this year only (if it passes, we will vote again in the future to see if this change shall remain) two separate draft lotteries. One for the teams that did make the play-offs, and one for the teams that did not. Then, the first pick through the eighth pick will be the eight teams that did not make the play-offs, and pick number nine through sixteen will be the teams that did make the play-offs. The lotteries will still decide what order the picks are made in.
Should this pass, we will hold another vote which will decide whether or not the draft will remain serpentine; but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, we just need one vote from each owner to decide this. Majority rules, a tie will result in no change from the current system.
As always, please feel free to vote right here on the message board or via text or email to myself or one of the other Vice-Commissioners. Also, if you so desire, please feel free to use this message board to make whatever comments you wish for or against this proposal.
Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters
Laya's Squad is Ant Man, Nocturne, Armor, (Kingdom Come) Hawkman, (Kingdom Come) Green Lantern (Alan Scott), Monarch, Warmaster Tsavong Lah, Feral, Nightbird, Decepticon #4, The Lorax, Bendonner, and Reepicheep.
The Nut-busters Squad #1 are Capt. Wacky, Brood Alien #8, Ali Rayner-West, Dark Side Marauder #8, Droid Fighter Ship #20, Sharkticon #32, Sentinel #14, Green Dragon #10, and Smurf #3.
Well, it looks like Joshatu is like still on leave, so he has decided to put me in charge of writing his other round 2 match between The Super Kitties and Nut-busters. Evidently he was like totally wanting an old school MTV VJ; but since Kennedy's got her own show on Fox Business, Kurt Loader is everybody's favorite radio movie critic, Daisy Fuentes is on her way to being the next Kirstie Allie, and Jenny Mcarthy is busy not getting vaccinated he must have thought that I was totally the best girl for the job: JULIE BROWN!! NO NO NO SILLIES.... Not Downtown Julie Brown, the white Julie Brown, from Just Say Julie!!
What do you mean you don't remember that show!??! It was like totally righteous in the 80's and it is like totally relevant now!! Anyways... Let's do this like we did it back in the day on MTV!! And by that, I mean I am going to like totally contrive this match however I see fit, for the simple purpose of making a few music video and pre-grunge music references!! It's gonna be WAY BODACIOUS!!
Oh, here we go. That's Slash from Guns N' Roses playing the guitar riff on this Michael Jackson hit “Beat It”, so I am going to make Ant Man and Smurf #3 tie their wrists together and do a dance/knife fight. This is like soooooooo interesting. Oh, here comes my favorite part , where the King of Pop comes and breaks up the fight. …... ??What?? The King of Pop is dead?? Oh, that's probably why he didn't stop Ant Man from stabbing that poor smurf to death..... Gaaaa-ross. Next I'm going to play that Cher video from “Mermaids” It's like totally in his kiss is what Nightbird the female assassin robot from one episode of Transformers is thinking when she falls madly in love with the mutant hunting robot Sentinel #14. The two massive robots start sucking face and then they decide to NOT get married; but still move in together and live in sin... What?? People don't use that term anymore?? Hmmm, the 21st century is like soooooo weird. Well, anyways; Nightbird and the sentinel fall madly in love thanks to Cher and invite over like a bunch of their friends to their new crib. I mean like Monarch, Tsavong Lah, Armor, Green Dragon #10, Brood Alien #8, and even Nightbird's totally sloppy ex-boyfriend Sharkticon #32 decides to stop by; but then the Cher song ends and I play my favorite punk song, that is totally not punk; but not yet considered alternative, “Burning Down the House” by The Talking Heads (I totally know David Byrne will be friends with them 4-ever). Soooooo, like the whole band shows up and there are a bunch of crappy special effects, and everybody in the house like totally dies in the fire, and I'm like OMIGOD, that is sooooooo sad. That is probably what is going to happen to Madonna once God finds out how much of a whore she is. Which reminds me, I should totally play “Papa Don't Preach”. As the video starts, Alan Scott is so depressed to find out that his son, the mythical giant Bendonner has fallen in love with Dark Side Marauder #8 and that the two of them are going to come out of the closet together and raise their baby The Lorax. Alan Scott is bummed about the social embarrassment of having a gay son; but the two homosexuals decide that they don't care what society says and they do it anyway. Unfortunately, right when dear ol' dad, Alan Scott starts to come around to the idea, the gay couple and their baby in true 80's fashion all die of Aids. Next on the playlist is Aerosmith. And I gotta tell you people, this time around Ali's got a gun. Tell me now it's untrue, it's Ali's last I.O.U.uuuuuuuuu Who. SHE HAD TO TAKE HIM DOWN EASY AND PUT a green energy bullet IN Hawkman's HEADDDDDDDD. But what is unfortunate for Ali, is that she got a really crappy public defender after she killed Hawkman which ended up getting her the gas chamber (remember the gas chamber everybody, cuz we still do that in the 80's). Aerosmith is done, but before I can even press play on the Peter Gabriel tape, Feral picks up a Nightbrother “SLEDGEHAMMER”!!!! And totally wrecks The Droid Fighter Ship. We will then wrap up the 80s, and this total nonsense with the Guns N' Roses Illusions trilogy of November Rain, Estranged, and Don't Cry. Which in essence will just be a naked Capt. Wacky (Jared Pilkinton) sad and brooding in creepy and somewhat grotesque ways after his untimely death at the hands of Nocturne. So long to the one person that actually read this Challenger Explosion size piece of horse vomit, and see ya all in another twenty years!!
The Nut-busters Squad #1 are Capt. Wacky, Brood Alien #8, Ali Rayner-West, Dark Side Marauder #8, Droid Fighter Ship #20, Sharkticon #32, Sentinel #14, Green Dragon #10, and Smurf #3.
Well, it looks like Joshatu is like still on leave, so he has decided to put me in charge of writing his other round 2 match between The Super Kitties and Nut-busters. Evidently he was like totally wanting an old school MTV VJ; but since Kennedy's got her own show on Fox Business, Kurt Loader is everybody's favorite radio movie critic, Daisy Fuentes is on her way to being the next Kirstie Allie, and Jenny Mcarthy is busy not getting vaccinated he must have thought that I was totally the best girl for the job: JULIE BROWN!! NO NO NO SILLIES.... Not Downtown Julie Brown, the white Julie Brown, from Just Say Julie!!
What do you mean you don't remember that show!??! It was like totally righteous in the 80's and it is like totally relevant now!! Anyways... Let's do this like we did it back in the day on MTV!! And by that, I mean I am going to like totally contrive this match however I see fit, for the simple purpose of making a few music video and pre-grunge music references!! It's gonna be WAY BODACIOUS!!
Oh, here we go. That's Slash from Guns N' Roses playing the guitar riff on this Michael Jackson hit “Beat It”, so I am going to make Ant Man and Smurf #3 tie their wrists together and do a dance/knife fight. This is like soooooooo interesting. Oh, here comes my favorite part , where the King of Pop comes and breaks up the fight. …... ??What?? The King of Pop is dead?? Oh, that's probably why he didn't stop Ant Man from stabbing that poor smurf to death..... Gaaaa-ross. Next I'm going to play that Cher video from “Mermaids” It's like totally in his kiss is what Nightbird the female assassin robot from one episode of Transformers is thinking when she falls madly in love with the mutant hunting robot Sentinel #14. The two massive robots start sucking face and then they decide to NOT get married; but still move in together and live in sin... What?? People don't use that term anymore?? Hmmm, the 21st century is like soooooo weird. Well, anyways; Nightbird and the sentinel fall madly in love thanks to Cher and invite over like a bunch of their friends to their new crib. I mean like Monarch, Tsavong Lah, Armor, Green Dragon #10, Brood Alien #8, and even Nightbird's totally sloppy ex-boyfriend Sharkticon #32 decides to stop by; but then the Cher song ends and I play my favorite punk song, that is totally not punk; but not yet considered alternative, “Burning Down the House” by The Talking Heads (I totally know David Byrne will be friends with them 4-ever). Soooooo, like the whole band shows up and there are a bunch of crappy special effects, and everybody in the house like totally dies in the fire, and I'm like OMIGOD, that is sooooooo sad. That is probably what is going to happen to Madonna once God finds out how much of a whore she is. Which reminds me, I should totally play “Papa Don't Preach”. As the video starts, Alan Scott is so depressed to find out that his son, the mythical giant Bendonner has fallen in love with Dark Side Marauder #8 and that the two of them are going to come out of the closet together and raise their baby The Lorax. Alan Scott is bummed about the social embarrassment of having a gay son; but the two homosexuals decide that they don't care what society says and they do it anyway. Unfortunately, right when dear ol' dad, Alan Scott starts to come around to the idea, the gay couple and their baby in true 80's fashion all die of Aids. Next on the playlist is Aerosmith. And I gotta tell you people, this time around Ali's got a gun. Tell me now it's untrue, it's Ali's last I.O.U.uuuuuuuuu Who. SHE HAD TO TAKE HIM DOWN EASY AND PUT a green energy bullet IN Hawkman's HEADDDDDDDD. But what is unfortunate for Ali, is that she got a really crappy public defender after she killed Hawkman which ended up getting her the gas chamber (remember the gas chamber everybody, cuz we still do that in the 80's). Aerosmith is done, but before I can even press play on the Peter Gabriel tape, Feral picks up a Nightbrother “SLEDGEHAMMER”!!!! And totally wrecks The Droid Fighter Ship. We will then wrap up the 80s, and this total nonsense with the Guns N' Roses Illusions trilogy of November Rain, Estranged, and Don't Cry. Which in essence will just be a naked Capt. Wacky (Jared Pilkinton) sad and brooding in creepy and somewhat grotesque ways after his untimely death at the hands of Nocturne. So long to the one person that actually read this Challenger Explosion size piece of horse vomit, and see ya all in another twenty years!!
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