The two teams ready themselves for battle inside a reststop somewhere in the Las Vegas city limits.
Unfortunately, that's all I can tell you, since whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Shemalabama's Shit Kickers
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are John McCain and Jenna Jameson.
Shemalabama’s Shit-Kickers are The Rock (w/ a blue lightsaber)
WHAT A CRAZY COINCIDENCE!! John McCain, Jenna Jameson, and The Rock were all driving down the same interstate and all had to take an enormous crap all at the same time. They see a sign for a rest stop with a big closed sign over it; but they all have similar thoughts about how they don’t care if the damn toilets flush or not, they would just rather not crap their pants. Plus as we all know, one tends to not think straight when you got a wicked case of the poop sweats. They all blow the place up with hellacious dumps. Ya know the kind that makes you wonder when it was that you ate a piece of 4 inch PVC Pipe. The three all come out of the stalls refreshed when they all notice each other. Naturally after noticing that they are not alone in the abandoned rest area they come to the conclusion that they should probably all fight to the death. The Rock begins the smack talk with this brand new one: “Do you smell what The Rock is cooking”?? McCain says: “I’m pretty sure that is just the smell of Jenna’s blown-out, disgusting vagina. I can’t believe it is actually over-powering the smell of the triple threat monster turds we all just threw down. So; no, to answer your question. If you are cooking something right now I definitely can’t smell it over those two things”. Jameson then offers to bang both of the men before the battle starts; but McCain tells her that he “wouldn’t touch that crusty, dry-sperm covered slice with The Rock’s steroid shrunken member”. The Rock then reminds her that he is a pro-wrestler and that he has done a bunch of gross stuff, most of it involving a rest stop; but that he still wasn’t interested. Jenna then grabs The Rock’s lightsaber and starts to deep throat it because she thinks that they will think it is hot; but she accidentally turns it on and kills herself. McCain looks at The Rock and says: “Please tell me that that lightsaber was the only thing turned on by that display of grossness? What a Skank”. The Rock says: “You ain’t kidding. That chick was nasty as hell and that is coming from a guy who gets butt-rammed by Vince McMahon and his entire family on a regular basis. Hell, I even had sex with The Ultimate Warrior’s dad at a party once, and I still wouldn’t nail that broad”. The Rock continues: “Well, that was fun chatting, too bad I have to beat you to death now”. McCain responds: “Oh, the match. I almost forgot, I dropped a vial of the new government strain of Super-Duper Aids in your toilet before you dropped that bomb. You have about 45 more seconds to live. It is airborne; but I am safe because of the secret government antidote and Jenna wasn’t affected because her super-power is that STDs have no affect on her. So, say hello to Owen Hart and Miss Elizabeth for me… Peace”. The Rock then falls over dead as McCain mutters to himself: “If only presidential elections were as easy as nonsensical, piece of crap consolation matches… I’d be rockin it F.D.R. style by now.
Shemalabama’s Shit-Kickers are The Rock (w/ a blue lightsaber)
WHAT A CRAZY COINCIDENCE!! John McCain, Jenna Jameson, and The Rock were all driving down the same interstate and all had to take an enormous crap all at the same time. They see a sign for a rest stop with a big closed sign over it; but they all have similar thoughts about how they don’t care if the damn toilets flush or not, they would just rather not crap their pants. Plus as we all know, one tends to not think straight when you got a wicked case of the poop sweats. They all blow the place up with hellacious dumps. Ya know the kind that makes you wonder when it was that you ate a piece of 4 inch PVC Pipe. The three all come out of the stalls refreshed when they all notice each other. Naturally after noticing that they are not alone in the abandoned rest area they come to the conclusion that they should probably all fight to the death. The Rock begins the smack talk with this brand new one: “Do you smell what The Rock is cooking”?? McCain says: “I’m pretty sure that is just the smell of Jenna’s blown-out, disgusting vagina. I can’t believe it is actually over-powering the smell of the triple threat monster turds we all just threw down. So; no, to answer your question. If you are cooking something right now I definitely can’t smell it over those two things”. Jameson then offers to bang both of the men before the battle starts; but McCain tells her that he “wouldn’t touch that crusty, dry-sperm covered slice with The Rock’s steroid shrunken member”. The Rock then reminds her that he is a pro-wrestler and that he has done a bunch of gross stuff, most of it involving a rest stop; but that he still wasn’t interested. Jenna then grabs The Rock’s lightsaber and starts to deep throat it because she thinks that they will think it is hot; but she accidentally turns it on and kills herself. McCain looks at The Rock and says: “Please tell me that that lightsaber was the only thing turned on by that display of grossness? What a Skank”. The Rock says: “You ain’t kidding. That chick was nasty as hell and that is coming from a guy who gets butt-rammed by Vince McMahon and his entire family on a regular basis. Hell, I even had sex with The Ultimate Warrior’s dad at a party once, and I still wouldn’t nail that broad”. The Rock continues: “Well, that was fun chatting, too bad I have to beat you to death now”. McCain responds: “Oh, the match. I almost forgot, I dropped a vial of the new government strain of Super-Duper Aids in your toilet before you dropped that bomb. You have about 45 more seconds to live. It is airborne; but I am safe because of the secret government antidote and Jenna wasn’t affected because her super-power is that STDs have no affect on her. So, say hello to Owen Hart and Miss Elizabeth for me… Peace”. The Rock then falls over dead as McCain mutters to himself: “If only presidential elections were as easy as nonsensical, piece of crap consolation matches… I’d be rockin it F.D.R. style by now.
Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. George Washington's Slaves
Team Sleeping Pussy is Francis “Franco” Begbie (w/ throwing knives)
George Washington’s Slaves are Sheriff Andy Taylor, Deputy Barney Fife, and Maggie Simpson.
Title: “When Mayberry’s S**t Got Real”
Opie is missing…
So are several other children… Marge Simpson won’t stop calling the office, looking for her baby daughter Maggie. Andy and his good buddy Barn have looked everywhere in Mayberry. Everywhere except the abandoned rest stop on the outskirts of town. Years ago they used to stop in there on occasion to arrest some homos for breaking some archaic sodomy laws just for s**ts and gigs and to keep those hell-bound bastards away from the kids; but now they fear that this area has become overrun with something much worse than the occasional confused dude looking for some fun with the ol’ anus… “They think summ yankee’s been in thar sellin horse and taintin the minds of the youth of their fair town”.
“C’mon Andy, hurry up. Aren’t ya worried about poor Opie? I’d hate to think he is actually somewhere in this horrible place”. Says Barney to his boss and bestfriend. Andy retorts: “Of course I am Barn, but we still have to do this right. We have a job to do to protect all of Mayberry; so we need to not only find Opie and little Maggie; but find out if something is amiss in this horrible place”. At that moment Andy gets hit in the eye with a throwing knife, and he falls dead. Barney ducks out of the way of another knife and hides in an old stall filled with human excrement and doubly used toilet paper and condoms. Barney loads his one bullet into his six shooter and jumps into action. He leaps out of the stall and has another knife whiz by his face as he pulls the trigger but just barely hits Franco in the arm. Fife walks into an old vending area and is shocked at what he sees. He sees the bodies of several dead young men and women, and on top of the heap is his deceased partner’s son Opie. Strung out on horse and overdosed. Fife thinks that he is happy that Andy isn’t here to see this. Next to him is the dead body of Maggie Simpson, it appears that Franco may have been trying to use the baby’s body to smuggle heroin but he killed her in the process… “Now this sick bastard is really going to pay”. The deputy mutters under his breath right as the sociopathic dealer rushes at him with a rusty old steel pipe. Barney sees the madman out of the corner of his eye and the deputy is a bit quicker than Begbie was giving him credit for. Barney moves out of the way and then trips Begbie sending him falling to the ground. Begbie drops the steel pipe and Fife quickly picks it up and whacks him over the head with it…
Thirty minutes later…
Begbie wakes up to find that he is handcuffed to an old bathroom stall. His vision is blurred; but he sees the deputy standing over him. Fife says: “Ya know ya piece of filth, my buddy Andy was the best man I ever knew. I bet even after he found his own son in this place, not to mention all those other kids he would of still handcuffed and brought you in to stand trial for your crimes. He would have wanted justice to prevail. He was the best friend a man could ever have, and his son Opie, well he was the closest thing I ever had to a son. But I think it was that Simpson Baby that put me over the top. Cause ya see, now that I’m here; you ain’t the craziest guy in the room anymore. You are about to face the only kind of justice you deserve”. Begbie acts tough at first, but Fife promises him he will cry before it is all over, and the deputy is right. Fife uses nothing but one of Franco’s own throwing knives, a rock, and the butt end of his six shooter to have his fun; but when he is done he knows that nobody in Mayberry is ever going to find the strewn body parts of Franco throughout the old rest stop. Not that anybody will even look. As the blood covered Fife gets ready to leave he goes into the back room and kicks over some cans of gasoline and kerosene before dropping a lit book of matches and sending this place to the rest of hell. Burning his dirty little secret with it.
George Washington’s Slaves are Sheriff Andy Taylor, Deputy Barney Fife, and Maggie Simpson.
Title: “When Mayberry’s S**t Got Real”
Opie is missing…
So are several other children… Marge Simpson won’t stop calling the office, looking for her baby daughter Maggie. Andy and his good buddy Barn have looked everywhere in Mayberry. Everywhere except the abandoned rest stop on the outskirts of town. Years ago they used to stop in there on occasion to arrest some homos for breaking some archaic sodomy laws just for s**ts and gigs and to keep those hell-bound bastards away from the kids; but now they fear that this area has become overrun with something much worse than the occasional confused dude looking for some fun with the ol’ anus… “They think summ yankee’s been in thar sellin horse and taintin the minds of the youth of their fair town”.
“C’mon Andy, hurry up. Aren’t ya worried about poor Opie? I’d hate to think he is actually somewhere in this horrible place”. Says Barney to his boss and bestfriend. Andy retorts: “Of course I am Barn, but we still have to do this right. We have a job to do to protect all of Mayberry; so we need to not only find Opie and little Maggie; but find out if something is amiss in this horrible place”. At that moment Andy gets hit in the eye with a throwing knife, and he falls dead. Barney ducks out of the way of another knife and hides in an old stall filled with human excrement and doubly used toilet paper and condoms. Barney loads his one bullet into his six shooter and jumps into action. He leaps out of the stall and has another knife whiz by his face as he pulls the trigger but just barely hits Franco in the arm. Fife walks into an old vending area and is shocked at what he sees. He sees the bodies of several dead young men and women, and on top of the heap is his deceased partner’s son Opie. Strung out on horse and overdosed. Fife thinks that he is happy that Andy isn’t here to see this. Next to him is the dead body of Maggie Simpson, it appears that Franco may have been trying to use the baby’s body to smuggle heroin but he killed her in the process… “Now this sick bastard is really going to pay”. The deputy mutters under his breath right as the sociopathic dealer rushes at him with a rusty old steel pipe. Barney sees the madman out of the corner of his eye and the deputy is a bit quicker than Begbie was giving him credit for. Barney moves out of the way and then trips Begbie sending him falling to the ground. Begbie drops the steel pipe and Fife quickly picks it up and whacks him over the head with it…
Thirty minutes later…
Begbie wakes up to find that he is handcuffed to an old bathroom stall. His vision is blurred; but he sees the deputy standing over him. Fife says: “Ya know ya piece of filth, my buddy Andy was the best man I ever knew. I bet even after he found his own son in this place, not to mention all those other kids he would of still handcuffed and brought you in to stand trial for your crimes. He would have wanted justice to prevail. He was the best friend a man could ever have, and his son Opie, well he was the closest thing I ever had to a son. But I think it was that Simpson Baby that put me over the top. Cause ya see, now that I’m here; you ain’t the craziest guy in the room anymore. You are about to face the only kind of justice you deserve”. Begbie acts tough at first, but Fife promises him he will cry before it is all over, and the deputy is right. Fife uses nothing but one of Franco’s own throwing knives, a rock, and the butt end of his six shooter to have his fun; but when he is done he knows that nobody in Mayberry is ever going to find the strewn body parts of Franco throughout the old rest stop. Not that anybody will even look. As the blood covered Fife gets ready to leave he goes into the back room and kicks over some cans of gasoline and kerosene before dropping a lit book of matches and sending this place to the rest of hell. Burning his dirty little secret with it.
TEAM Vs. Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse
The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse is: Coby Jones, Zack Ryder
TEAM is: Angus Macgyver (with Red Lightsaber)
Setting One: O’Hare International Airport (en route to the I-275 rest stop)
After once again being overlooked at another PPV Zack Ryder boards the “Air Seney” charter en route to Metro Airport in Detroit to catch the Grindhouse consolation match taking place at the I-275 rest stop in Canton, MI.
“Hey Zack you’re late, we’re about ready to take off” said an anxiously waiting Cody Jones of the Grindhouse.
Ryder: WOOO WOOOO WOOO YOU KNOW IT! (for no particular reason)
Jones: Underutilized again I see at the Payback PPV
Ryder: WOOO WOOOO WOOO YOU KNOW IT!
Jones: Wow it’s amazing the WWE has nothing for you. There’s just so much to your character has to offer… (as the two board the plane)
But before the Air Seney attendants could close the doors to the plane, Macguyver comes running through the gate yelling for the plane to stop.
Macguyver: Hey guys, can I get a lift to the next match? The TEAM plane broke down and I don’t want to be LATE.
Jones: The TEAM plane broke down and YOU can’t fix it? It must really be broken…
Macgyver: Whatever, I just don’t want to be LATE. Especially after all the shit some teams have gotten this past season… So can I get a lift?
Jones: Sure why not? May as well show some solidarity before we beat your ass at the rest stop!
Macgyver then enters the plane, the doors are shut behind them and the plane departs for Detroit.
20 minutes into the flight, everything seems to be going smooth until the captain makes an announcement…
Captain: Ladies and gentlemen, please brace yourself for impact as we have run out of fuel are will have to make an emergency crash landing into Lake Michigan…
Apparently the Air Seney fuel trucks were LATE in getting the plane fuel prior to take off… In fact they were so LATE the plane departed with a fuel supply that despite the short trip would’ve never of made it to Detroit.
Regardless too of this match being late… the guest watcher here usually wouldn’t care but his team was screwed over earlier on in the season from a rule that wasn’t yet put into effect.
Meanwhile back on the doomed plane…
Jones: Who the hell is that talking?! We’re going down!!!
Ryder: WOOO WOOOO WOOO YOU KNOW IT!
Macgyver though, looking cool, calm and collected gets up from his seat, grabs a life raft, a blanket, Zack Ryder’s douchey bandana and quickly constructs a parachute. Macgyver then takes out his red lightsaber, cuts a hole into the side of the passengers cabin and yells out “I’ll see you in hell bitches!” as he jumps from the plane and floats safely back to earth.
However, the plane carrying Ryder and Jones plummets into Lake Michigan killing everyone on board.
Damn… if only that fuel made it on time…
Macgyver survives, Ryder and Jones both dead.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Season Six Consolation Match Round 3: Taylor Swift and President Barack Obama’s Red Army vs Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies
Taylor Swift and President Barack Obama’s Red Army is The Shake it Up crew: Cecelia "CeCe" Jones, Raquel "Rocky" Oprah Blue, Tinka Hessenheffer, Flynn Jones, Ty Blue, Deuce Martinez, and Gunther Hessenheffer.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are Quintus Lentulus Batiatus and Rolf the Dog.
“Jupiter’s cock!” shouts Quintus Lentulus Batiatus as he storms around the abandoned highway pit stop. “Why in bloody f#%k am I forced to partake in such a crude lowly Consolation Match in the filthy outhouse?!”
The Muppet dog, Rolf, stops licking his balls for a brief moment to answer his teammate, “Oh stop complaining Quintus, just take your aggression out on those teenagers over there.”
Batiatus pulls a knife out from within his toga and savagely eviscerates Flynn, Ty, Deuce, and Gunther before any of those douchebags could react. Tinka lets out a blood-curdling scream at the sight of this horrific act of brutality. The three girls then all tackle Batiatus into the men’s bathroom. Rocky Blue swiftly kicks him in the stomach as CeCe and Tinka drag Quintus into a stall by his toga. The three Shake It Up girls then proceed to drown the Dominus in the dirty, un-flushed toilet.
“Well that was eas…..” Rocky begins to say to her friends, but she is cut off by Rolf leaping on top of her immediately sticking his nose right in the crotch of her tap pants.
The other two girls are frozen in shock, hoping that the dog would just go away. No such luck. He kept nosing around and licking, and they realized to themselves that it was looking like Rocky thought his tongue was feeling really good. But this was something that a nice girl wouldn't do, so Rocky reached around to push his head away. Just before she reached Rolf, he got his nose inside her tap pants, and his tongue went straight inside her.
They froze again, but this time not in shock, but in voyeuristic pleasure. They didn't want to do a single thing that might scare him into stopping tongue bathing of Rocky’s crotch. She squealed with delight.
“OMG CeCe, are you seeing this?” a surprised Tinka says to her friend.
“Uhhhhh…… I don’t even know what to say,” she replies.
Then their teammate and friend did something that even shocked them. She rolled over on her back and ripped off her panties and practically shoved her moist crotch in Rolf’s face. Rocky let out an orgasmic scream that echoed through the rest stop.
Rolf then began humping Rocky. His heat rod was bright pink, and pointed, and poking her right in the stomach. They watched his movements for a minute, fascinated, watching his dick move back and forth, and then realized what he was doing.
"Rolf! She’s a GIRL! You want a girl dog!! Go away!" the two of them yelled.
The Muppet then turned his attention to CeCe. He leapt up and knocked her to the ground and immediately mounted her, grabbing her hips with his forepaws, pulling CeCe back towards him. He stayed on top of her for a while, licking her back and then jumped off to go after Tinka. Rolf didn't take long before he was on her back, pumping away. One thing Tinka had not counted upon was that the angle between them was different than usual, and his love gun was pointed right at her apple bottom. She could feel the point stabbing around the 'rosebud of her anus', and before she could squirm away…BOOM he slipped right inside.
Tinka was experiencing something that was really hard to describe. It's kind of like the relief of taking a good dump over and over again. But just as the Muppet finishes all up in Tinka, Rocky recovered from her orgasmic coma and kicked Rolf as hard as she could in the back of the head and then pushed a vending machine over crushing him.
"Hasta la Beasta," she quips as her two friends are lying on the ground covered in goo, both with strange smiles on their faces.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are Quintus Lentulus Batiatus and Rolf the Dog.
“Jupiter’s cock!” shouts Quintus Lentulus Batiatus as he storms around the abandoned highway pit stop. “Why in bloody f#%k am I forced to partake in such a crude lowly Consolation Match in the filthy outhouse?!”
The Muppet dog, Rolf, stops licking his balls for a brief moment to answer his teammate, “Oh stop complaining Quintus, just take your aggression out on those teenagers over there.”
Batiatus pulls a knife out from within his toga and savagely eviscerates Flynn, Ty, Deuce, and Gunther before any of those douchebags could react. Tinka lets out a blood-curdling scream at the sight of this horrific act of brutality. The three girls then all tackle Batiatus into the men’s bathroom. Rocky Blue swiftly kicks him in the stomach as CeCe and Tinka drag Quintus into a stall by his toga. The three Shake It Up girls then proceed to drown the Dominus in the dirty, un-flushed toilet.
“Well that was eas…..” Rocky begins to say to her friends, but she is cut off by Rolf leaping on top of her immediately sticking his nose right in the crotch of her tap pants.
The other two girls are frozen in shock, hoping that the dog would just go away. No such luck. He kept nosing around and licking, and they realized to themselves that it was looking like Rocky thought his tongue was feeling really good. But this was something that a nice girl wouldn't do, so Rocky reached around to push his head away. Just before she reached Rolf, he got his nose inside her tap pants, and his tongue went straight inside her.
They froze again, but this time not in shock, but in voyeuristic pleasure. They didn't want to do a single thing that might scare him into stopping tongue bathing of Rocky’s crotch. She squealed with delight.
“OMG CeCe, are you seeing this?” a surprised Tinka says to her friend.
“Uhhhhh…… I don’t even know what to say,” she replies.
Then their teammate and friend did something that even shocked them. She rolled over on her back and ripped off her panties and practically shoved her moist crotch in Rolf’s face. Rocky let out an orgasmic scream that echoed through the rest stop.
Rolf then began humping Rocky. His heat rod was bright pink, and pointed, and poking her right in the stomach. They watched his movements for a minute, fascinated, watching his dick move back and forth, and then realized what he was doing.
"Rolf! She’s a GIRL! You want a girl dog!! Go away!" the two of them yelled.
The Muppet then turned his attention to CeCe. He leapt up and knocked her to the ground and immediately mounted her, grabbing her hips with his forepaws, pulling CeCe back towards him. He stayed on top of her for a while, licking her back and then jumped off to go after Tinka. Rolf didn't take long before he was on her back, pumping away. One thing Tinka had not counted upon was that the angle between them was different than usual, and his love gun was pointed right at her apple bottom. She could feel the point stabbing around the 'rosebud of her anus', and before she could squirm away…BOOM he slipped right inside.
Tinka was experiencing something that was really hard to describe. It's kind of like the relief of taking a good dump over and over again. But just as the Muppet finishes all up in Tinka, Rocky recovered from her orgasmic coma and kicked Rolf as hard as she could in the back of the head and then pushed a vending machine over crushing him.
"Hasta la Beasta," she quips as her two friends are lying on the ground covered in goo, both with strange smiles on their faces.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
King of Consolation 2013! Griswold's Nut-Buster's Vs. Real Man's Rabblerousers
Griswold's Nut-Busters are: Dexter Morgan
Real Man's Rabblerousers are: Veronica Mars and Weevil.
Veronica Mars has tracked the whereabouts of her missing friend Weevil to an abandoned rest stop just outside of Gotham City. She looks around for a moment, and thinks for a second. "Hmmm... Lack of detail in the settings, teams split up, and a begining that almost guarantees that rules are about to be broken soon... Yup, this is a NuFaGtu match if I've ever seen it." she comments to herself. She opens the door to the rest stop and her suspicions are confirmed. Rabblerouser's owner Real Man and I are arguing in front of a vending machine. "REAL MAN IS HUNGRY!!!" shouts Real Man. "Really Eric? Again? Doesn't Real Mom ever feed you? And how come I always have to babysit you when I watch the Rabblerousers? I'm going to have to talk to Josh about next year's schedule..." I say. "REAL MOM SAYS THAT REAL MAN NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE MORE!!! REAL BITCH TRUSTS REAL @SSHOLE'S WATCHING ABILITY!!!" explains Real Man. "I guess that next time I'll have to remind Real Mom that I'm supposed to be watching the matches, not her misbegotten spawn." I lament. "REAL MAN IS STILL HUNGRY!!!" repeats Real Man. "I heard you the first time Eric, but this rest stop has been closed for years. Do you really want an old tuna salad sandwich from an unrefridgerated vending machine? It's definitely spoiled and might give you... Y'know what, Real Man? You're right. I doubt that there's anything to worry about." I say as I smash the glass of the vending machine and grab the sandwich. "NuFaGtu IS A CRIMINAL! POLICE!!! HELP!!! MOOOOM!" yells Real Man. "Sit down and eat your damn lunch, Eric. Our semi-entertaining bit doesn't really have much to do with the story, and I'd like to get it going now." I say. Real Man eats the rancid sandwich as Veronica Mars waits impatiently. "Soooo... It's fun watching you two idiots fumble with the plot and all, but I have places to be this decade. Can we start now? Is Dexter even going to show up?" Veronica asks sarcastically. "Seeing as how you just broke the fourth wall, I'm sure you're clever enough to figure out where Dexter is right now. Frankly, I'm surprised that you haven't already left due to Real Man's creepy leering." I tell her. (Eric, put your eyes down and eat, or so help me...) "C'mon, Veronica, of all the rest stops in the world, we end up in Gotham? You'll get it, you're a smart kid. Hey, Real Man, any last words of encouragement for your player?" I ask. "DESTROY THEM ALL!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!"
Veronica shakes her head and checks the ladies restroom, but there is nothing of note that she can see. She begins to head to the men's room, but naturally hesitates. She glances at Real Man and me before walking in confidently. "I have more of a right to be in here than either of those eunichs." she jokes. "REAL MAN IS NOT... FEELING... WELL..." says Eric as he doubles over due to the parasites that now reside in his stomach. I might normally have some kind of retort to her, but I'm far too busy laughing at Real Man's pain. She checks for any kind of clue in the men's room, and finds missing tiles from a wall inside a stall. She finds that the cinder blocks can be removed, and the hole leads to a tunnel. Veronica enters, and the tunnel strangely leads to a janitor's closet. As she opens the door, she is astonished to find herself in Arkham Asylum, one of the stops in the 2012 Consolation Round. It is as abandoned as the rest stop. "Maybe they're fumigating or something" reasons Veronica Mars. "OK, focus... Now where would a freak like Dexter take Weevil? He must have been drawn to the cell of one of these psychopaths. The "Dark Passenger" may have guided him to Two-Face... Or maybe Black Mask. It would be naive to think that Black Mask wouldn't have smuggled in some of his trademark bladed tools." she ponders. The answer is almost upon her, but it is a second too late. "Huuuuusssshhhh..." says a sinister voice as she feels a sting in her leg. She has just enough time to see a needle sticking out of her thigh before she passes out.
Veronica Mars awakens, and is stuck to a table in the Arkham infirmary by shrink wrap. She looks to her left, and sees Weevil trapped as well, although a knife still stuck in his heart reveals his fate, "I'm too late..." she weeps to herself. "I'm sorry, my dear, but you were too late from day one with that particular fellow. But I fixed that mistake myself." says Dexter. Veronica looks to her right, and is shocked to see Dexter Morgan also restrained to a table. "It's a shame to see a bright girl like you with a criminal like that. However, we'll have to address that later, as for now it appears we have a common enemy." explains Dexter. "Enemy?!? Dexter... I'm hurt... really... If I was your enemy, I wouldn't be trying to help you both!!" says XAS Mike as he enters the room. "Luckily, NuFaGtu was stupid enough to come back to Arkham. The evil and madness that flows through this place was a perfect focal point to finally become a force on the physical plane. And I can't very well teach anybody anything when I'm just a voice in someone's head, now can I?" says XAS. "Too bad Dexter killed Weevil AND STARTED THE MATCH WITHOUT ME!!! ... Ahem... You'll have to excuse me... I'm a little sensitive when it comes to the Consolation Rounds. Now let's see what we have here..." says XAS as he looks Dexter over. "Yes... I like it... Good play by your owner. You got style kid, I'll give you that. Maybe get a few more legit powerhouses on that squad and we'll talk." rambles XAS to Dexter insanely. "As for you..." XAS continues as he looks at Veronica Mars, "I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed. I've noticed the new you. I didn't think that you could be so easily broken!" says XAS with a grin. "The one time scourge of the message board reduced to a lap dog! Ha!" laughs XAS MIke. "Wow, tough call... Frankly, I'm begining to think that I should just kill you both and keep the crown until next time! Hmmmm... Yup! Sounds like a plan! Better luck next year, kids!" shouts XAS as he raises a knife to Dexter's throat.
"WHOA!!! Dude? What the f*ck are you doing?!?" I ask. "You... You're NuFaGtu, right? Yes I remember seeing you... You're the appeasing bumbler, always talking about league unity, eventhough you're the most expendable of them all!!! It's kind of sad, really... why would you hold such loyalty to those that would so quickly abandon you?" questions XAS with a smirk. "Maybe once, when I was a jerk like you. But not anymore..." I counter. "How precious... It doesn't matter anyways, I've waited for this opportunity. After I kill you and steal your Watcher abilities, I am the one that will truly bring unity to The FFL! And I'll do that by destroying every team brought before me!!! Soon, The FFL will be reduced to cinders! Finally, we'll all be the same... The FFL will be unified in death!!!" states XAS maniacally. "No, this isn't happening... You're NOT real... It was Professor X messing with my head..." I explain to myself. "Maybe once, but it looks like he didn't know how screwed up you really are. He was just the spark, but believe me friend, I've ALWAYS been here! HAHAHA!!!" says XAS. "No.. I'll find a way to stop you..." I declare, although I am weakened and kneel on one knee shakily. "Awww... loyal to the end. What a guy. You shouldn't be so melodramatic, NuFaGtu. I'll be twice the Watcher that you ever were! XASatu... I like the sound of that!!! Now, say goodnight 'FaGs!!!" yells XAS as he goes for the killing blow with his knife. XAS is disarmed mid-slice by a pretty sweet looking knife defense by Josh the Commish, who appears from nowhere. "He may not be our best, but we still need him. At least until he's dead or we find someone better." says Josh. Krisatu also appears and restrains XAS in an Anacoda Vice choke hold. "Seriously dude? I let you have the King of the Consolation, and this lunatic almost takes over? If you needed help, you should have said something sooner. If it's all the same to you, I'll handle it next time, we all had our fill of this @sshole last year." says Krisatu. "NOOOOO!!!!!! YOU NEED ME!!!! THE FFL NEEDS ME!!!!" rants the insane XAS. "Yeah, we'll take our chances." says the Commish as XAS is bannished to FFL jail. "And as for you, NuFaGtu, get up, finish this piece of sh*t, then report to my office for Watcher reeducation." orders Josh. "Yeah man, don't blow it." adds Krisatu as the two leave as quickly as they arrived. "Um... Yeah... Thanks...I sure hope that reeducation means pizza party. Oh Sh*t!!! Sorry guys, I almost forgot about you! Sorry about all the bad stuff XAS did to you both.... er... we're good right? Yeah... we're good... Oh sh*t!!! I forgot about Eric too!!! Man, he was in bad shape when I left him, let's all hope for the best! Anywho, I sure you two can figure it out from here... Eric!!! Eric?" I shout as I also leave.
A still trapped Veronica finally speaks. "So, what do we do now?" she asks Dexter. "I truly am sorry, but I'm afraid that this is where I kill you." explains Dexter coldly. He is free from the table, and is holding the razor that liberated him. "Oh, don't look so shocked, of course I would be prepared for my own M.O. Thankfully all that nonsense from earlier gave me enough of a distraction to get out undetected" says Dexter. Veronica tries to recall everything she can about Dexter, searching for anything that could save her. "You know you can't kill me, I'm innocent, Dexter. That's against the code." she states. "Nice try, but as I said earlier, your association with Weevil kind of negates that arguement, don't you think?" replies Dexter, eyeing the blade. "Maybe your right Dexter, but the fact remains. You're about to break the only rule that matters: DON'T GET CAUGHT. Can't you hear the sirens? Did you think that I wouldn't call the cops before I got here? I knew who I was dealing with. It's over, Dex." taunts Veronica. As Dexter hears the sirens, he realises that she is right. He broke the Code of Harry, and it happened on Fathers Day. "I've failed you... I'm sorry..." weeps Dexter Morgan, who plunges a syringe full of animal tranquillizer straight into his heart. He drops dead, and Veronica is left alone, still trapped on the table. "Yaaaaay... I woooon... Too bad I'm still stuck here. I hope that idiot NuFaGtu didn't forget about me down here...." says Veronica as she looks to the door for an immenent rescue. "Yup... Any minute now..."
Real Man and I are walking along the interstate, getting as much room betwwen us and the rest station as possible. We're making ok time, although he is stopping every minute or so to puke on the roadside. "This is your own fault Eric! I can't believe that you actually called the cops on me for breaking that the vending machine! And I only did it to feed you! Man, that's weak, dude." I say. "But I gotta give you credit Real Man, you did it. And if you play your cards right, you'll be a REAL contender guaranteed! (This guarantee is not a guarantee.) So champ, any words for your fans?" I ask. "REAL MAN IS HUUURRRGGGHHHH..." vomits Real Man, getting the majority of the puke on his own shoes. "For once, I couldn't have said it better myself..."
Real Man's Rabblerousers are: Veronica Mars and Weevil.
Veronica Mars has tracked the whereabouts of her missing friend Weevil to an abandoned rest stop just outside of Gotham City. She looks around for a moment, and thinks for a second. "Hmmm... Lack of detail in the settings, teams split up, and a begining that almost guarantees that rules are about to be broken soon... Yup, this is a NuFaGtu match if I've ever seen it." she comments to herself. She opens the door to the rest stop and her suspicions are confirmed. Rabblerouser's owner Real Man and I are arguing in front of a vending machine. "REAL MAN IS HUNGRY!!!" shouts Real Man. "Really Eric? Again? Doesn't Real Mom ever feed you? And how come I always have to babysit you when I watch the Rabblerousers? I'm going to have to talk to Josh about next year's schedule..." I say. "REAL MOM SAYS THAT REAL MAN NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE MORE!!! REAL BITCH TRUSTS REAL @SSHOLE'S WATCHING ABILITY!!!" explains Real Man. "I guess that next time I'll have to remind Real Mom that I'm supposed to be watching the matches, not her misbegotten spawn." I lament. "REAL MAN IS STILL HUNGRY!!!" repeats Real Man. "I heard you the first time Eric, but this rest stop has been closed for years. Do you really want an old tuna salad sandwich from an unrefridgerated vending machine? It's definitely spoiled and might give you... Y'know what, Real Man? You're right. I doubt that there's anything to worry about." I say as I smash the glass of the vending machine and grab the sandwich. "NuFaGtu IS A CRIMINAL! POLICE!!! HELP!!! MOOOOM!" yells Real Man. "Sit down and eat your damn lunch, Eric. Our semi-entertaining bit doesn't really have much to do with the story, and I'd like to get it going now." I say. Real Man eats the rancid sandwich as Veronica Mars waits impatiently. "Soooo... It's fun watching you two idiots fumble with the plot and all, but I have places to be this decade. Can we start now? Is Dexter even going to show up?" Veronica asks sarcastically. "Seeing as how you just broke the fourth wall, I'm sure you're clever enough to figure out where Dexter is right now. Frankly, I'm surprised that you haven't already left due to Real Man's creepy leering." I tell her. (Eric, put your eyes down and eat, or so help me...) "C'mon, Veronica, of all the rest stops in the world, we end up in Gotham? You'll get it, you're a smart kid. Hey, Real Man, any last words of encouragement for your player?" I ask. "DESTROY THEM ALL!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!"
Veronica shakes her head and checks the ladies restroom, but there is nothing of note that she can see. She begins to head to the men's room, but naturally hesitates. She glances at Real Man and me before walking in confidently. "I have more of a right to be in here than either of those eunichs." she jokes. "REAL MAN IS NOT... FEELING... WELL..." says Eric as he doubles over due to the parasites that now reside in his stomach. I might normally have some kind of retort to her, but I'm far too busy laughing at Real Man's pain. She checks for any kind of clue in the men's room, and finds missing tiles from a wall inside a stall. She finds that the cinder blocks can be removed, and the hole leads to a tunnel. Veronica enters, and the tunnel strangely leads to a janitor's closet. As she opens the door, she is astonished to find herself in Arkham Asylum, one of the stops in the 2012 Consolation Round. It is as abandoned as the rest stop. "Maybe they're fumigating or something" reasons Veronica Mars. "OK, focus... Now where would a freak like Dexter take Weevil? He must have been drawn to the cell of one of these psychopaths. The "Dark Passenger" may have guided him to Two-Face... Or maybe Black Mask. It would be naive to think that Black Mask wouldn't have smuggled in some of his trademark bladed tools." she ponders. The answer is almost upon her, but it is a second too late. "Huuuuusssshhhh..." says a sinister voice as she feels a sting in her leg. She has just enough time to see a needle sticking out of her thigh before she passes out.
Veronica Mars awakens, and is stuck to a table in the Arkham infirmary by shrink wrap. She looks to her left, and sees Weevil trapped as well, although a knife still stuck in his heart reveals his fate, "I'm too late..." she weeps to herself. "I'm sorry, my dear, but you were too late from day one with that particular fellow. But I fixed that mistake myself." says Dexter. Veronica looks to her right, and is shocked to see Dexter Morgan also restrained to a table. "It's a shame to see a bright girl like you with a criminal like that. However, we'll have to address that later, as for now it appears we have a common enemy." explains Dexter. "Enemy?!? Dexter... I'm hurt... really... If I was your enemy, I wouldn't be trying to help you both!!" says XAS Mike as he enters the room. "Luckily, NuFaGtu was stupid enough to come back to Arkham. The evil and madness that flows through this place was a perfect focal point to finally become a force on the physical plane. And I can't very well teach anybody anything when I'm just a voice in someone's head, now can I?" says XAS. "Too bad Dexter killed Weevil AND STARTED THE MATCH WITHOUT ME!!! ... Ahem... You'll have to excuse me... I'm a little sensitive when it comes to the Consolation Rounds. Now let's see what we have here..." says XAS as he looks Dexter over. "Yes... I like it... Good play by your owner. You got style kid, I'll give you that. Maybe get a few more legit powerhouses on that squad and we'll talk." rambles XAS to Dexter insanely. "As for you..." XAS continues as he looks at Veronica Mars, "I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed. I've noticed the new you. I didn't think that you could be so easily broken!" says XAS with a grin. "The one time scourge of the message board reduced to a lap dog! Ha!" laughs XAS MIke. "Wow, tough call... Frankly, I'm begining to think that I should just kill you both and keep the crown until next time! Hmmmm... Yup! Sounds like a plan! Better luck next year, kids!" shouts XAS as he raises a knife to Dexter's throat.
"WHOA!!! Dude? What the f*ck are you doing?!?" I ask. "You... You're NuFaGtu, right? Yes I remember seeing you... You're the appeasing bumbler, always talking about league unity, eventhough you're the most expendable of them all!!! It's kind of sad, really... why would you hold such loyalty to those that would so quickly abandon you?" questions XAS with a smirk. "Maybe once, when I was a jerk like you. But not anymore..." I counter. "How precious... It doesn't matter anyways, I've waited for this opportunity. After I kill you and steal your Watcher abilities, I am the one that will truly bring unity to The FFL! And I'll do that by destroying every team brought before me!!! Soon, The FFL will be reduced to cinders! Finally, we'll all be the same... The FFL will be unified in death!!!" states XAS maniacally. "No, this isn't happening... You're NOT real... It was Professor X messing with my head..." I explain to myself. "Maybe once, but it looks like he didn't know how screwed up you really are. He was just the spark, but believe me friend, I've ALWAYS been here! HAHAHA!!!" says XAS. "No.. I'll find a way to stop you..." I declare, although I am weakened and kneel on one knee shakily. "Awww... loyal to the end. What a guy. You shouldn't be so melodramatic, NuFaGtu. I'll be twice the Watcher that you ever were! XASatu... I like the sound of that!!! Now, say goodnight 'FaGs!!!" yells XAS as he goes for the killing blow with his knife. XAS is disarmed mid-slice by a pretty sweet looking knife defense by Josh the Commish, who appears from nowhere. "He may not be our best, but we still need him. At least until he's dead or we find someone better." says Josh. Krisatu also appears and restrains XAS in an Anacoda Vice choke hold. "Seriously dude? I let you have the King of the Consolation, and this lunatic almost takes over? If you needed help, you should have said something sooner. If it's all the same to you, I'll handle it next time, we all had our fill of this @sshole last year." says Krisatu. "NOOOOO!!!!!! YOU NEED ME!!!! THE FFL NEEDS ME!!!!" rants the insane XAS. "Yeah, we'll take our chances." says the Commish as XAS is bannished to FFL jail. "And as for you, NuFaGtu, get up, finish this piece of sh*t, then report to my office for Watcher reeducation." orders Josh. "Yeah man, don't blow it." adds Krisatu as the two leave as quickly as they arrived. "Um... Yeah... Thanks...I sure hope that reeducation means pizza party. Oh Sh*t!!! Sorry guys, I almost forgot about you! Sorry about all the bad stuff XAS did to you both.... er... we're good right? Yeah... we're good... Oh sh*t!!! I forgot about Eric too!!! Man, he was in bad shape when I left him, let's all hope for the best! Anywho, I sure you two can figure it out from here... Eric!!! Eric?" I shout as I also leave.
A still trapped Veronica finally speaks. "So, what do we do now?" she asks Dexter. "I truly am sorry, but I'm afraid that this is where I kill you." explains Dexter coldly. He is free from the table, and is holding the razor that liberated him. "Oh, don't look so shocked, of course I would be prepared for my own M.O. Thankfully all that nonsense from earlier gave me enough of a distraction to get out undetected" says Dexter. Veronica tries to recall everything she can about Dexter, searching for anything that could save her. "You know you can't kill me, I'm innocent, Dexter. That's against the code." she states. "Nice try, but as I said earlier, your association with Weevil kind of negates that arguement, don't you think?" replies Dexter, eyeing the blade. "Maybe your right Dexter, but the fact remains. You're about to break the only rule that matters: DON'T GET CAUGHT. Can't you hear the sirens? Did you think that I wouldn't call the cops before I got here? I knew who I was dealing with. It's over, Dex." taunts Veronica. As Dexter hears the sirens, he realises that she is right. He broke the Code of Harry, and it happened on Fathers Day. "I've failed you... I'm sorry..." weeps Dexter Morgan, who plunges a syringe full of animal tranquillizer straight into his heart. He drops dead, and Veronica is left alone, still trapped on the table. "Yaaaaay... I woooon... Too bad I'm still stuck here. I hope that idiot NuFaGtu didn't forget about me down here...." says Veronica as she looks to the door for an immenent rescue. "Yup... Any minute now..."
Real Man and I are walking along the interstate, getting as much room betwwen us and the rest station as possible. We're making ok time, although he is stopping every minute or so to puke on the roadside. "This is your own fault Eric! I can't believe that you actually called the cops on me for breaking that the vending machine! And I only did it to feed you! Man, that's weak, dude." I say. "But I gotta give you credit Real Man, you did it. And if you play your cards right, you'll be a REAL contender guaranteed! (This guarantee is not a guarantee.) So champ, any words for your fans?" I ask. "REAL MAN IS HUUURRRGGGHHHH..." vomits Real Man, getting the majority of the puke on his own shoes. "For once, I couldn't have said it better myself..."
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