Hello Everyone and welcome to Spoiler Sport. Cotton McKnight has taken time off to watch over Pepper's dire condition in the hospital, so I'm going to fill in for Week 7. Hopefully, I, Ocho Producer #17 can live up to the gold standard that Cotton has set!
The Empire beats The Rabble Rousers!
Team SP destroys the Kitties!
The Midgets triumph over The Grindhouse!
The Decisions smoke The Highness!
The Slaves dominate The Commandos!
TEAM busts up The Nut-Busters!
The Luminous Tentacles squeeze The Murderflies!
And, finally, The Horsemen avenge their previous loss by winning a tight battle against B-3!
Next week, we go to "Where the Wild Things Are." I think I've been to that strip club! I'm Ocho Producer #17 for The Ocho! Thanks a bunch and see you later!
Friday, May 9, 2014
Season 7, Week 8 Match: Team Sleeping Pussy vs. The Royal Highness
“You hold me up,
You hold me down;
and up and down,
and up and,
up and down.”
-Karen O and the Kids [Heads Up – “Where the Wild Things Are” Soundtrack]
John ny Blaze: Time to ignite the fire under our butts and
win this match!
You hold me down;
and up and down,
and up and,
up and down.”
-Karen O and the Kids [Heads Up – “Where the Wild Things Are” Soundtrack]
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 7, Week 8
Match located Where the Wild Things Are. They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy: Bizzaro Superman, Korvac,
Johnny Blaze, Western Ghost Rider, Miracle Dog, Zombie Nightmare and The
Vanisher.
The Royal
Highness: The Gardener (Elder of the Universe), Apocalypse, Gorilla Grodd,
Bonk, Wookie Soldiers #1-3, Dilophosaurus #21, Allosaurus #21, Good Luck Bear,
Ewok #50.
Team
Sleeping Pussy locker room. . .
Bizarro Superman: Me no like fire!
Royal
Highness locker room. . .
Ewok #50:
Rotini Selebrayto! [Translation:
Let’s get this party started!]
Good Luck Bear: All right. All right.
All right.
THE POUNDING
OF A DRUM IS HEARD THROUGHOUT THE FOREST OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE.
Let the
match begin. . .
The lush forest floor of “Where
the Wild Things Are” is littered with green foliage. A trampling of twigs is heard and the Western
Ghost Rider (hereinafter “WGR”) is noticed riding through the woods on horseback.
Ewok: Owooga Maspucha!!! [Translation: Take that
you piece of s#%t]
Ewok #50 is perched on a high
branch in a tree far above the ground.
He throws a medium-sized, jagged rock at horse’s head, startling the
beast. The stallion violently reacts and
throws WGR off his back. WGR expertly
rolls his body and manages to stand upright; both guns are drawn. WGR sees Good Luck Bear standing in front of
him, rubbing his unsheathed green member in a taunting fashion.
Good Luck Bear: Suck on my shamrock, a$$hole!
WGR fires his guns and grazes
Good Luck Bear. As WGR reloads his weapons, Dilophosaurus #21
spits venom at WGR. WGR attempts to wipe
off the poisonous spit and turns around too late, only to be eaten by Allosaurus
#21. Miracle Dog pounces upon
Dilophosaurus #21 before it can react and rips the small dinosaur apart. The canine rushes away while Allosaurus #21 swallows
the devastated body of WGR.
Ewok: Reeoboh Semnigbor
Maspucha!!! [Translation: That be some f#Cked up s#%t I just saw].
The Vanisher teleports next to
the pack of Wookie Soldiers #1-3. As
each alien carpet reacts to the enemy, the Vanisher simply teleports away. By the end of the skirmish, all Wookie
Soldiers #1-3 are dead. The Vanisher’s
victory is short lived as he is unable to escape from the clutches of Gorilla
Grodd, who jumps from the bushes and telepathically holds the Vanisher in
place. Grodd hoots as he rips off the
head of the mutant.
Bonk notices Miracle Dog running
through the brush and crashes his head into the massive canine’s skull. Miracle Dog is startled and Bonk uses this to
his advantage by striking the dog again.
As Miracle Dog rises, Allosaurus #21 rushes from the bushes and grabs
the dog in its maw. The immense dog is shaken to death by the vicious
dinosaur. Bonk smiles at his victory and struts through
the forest. His body’s midsection is
then ripped apart by John ny Blaze’s
shotgun. Bonk falls to the ground, dead. Apocalypse teleports behind Blaze and smacks
his head with both hands. Blaze falls to
the ground and Apocalypse easily dispatches him.
Good Luck Bear and Ewok #50 begin
holding onto their heads, screeching.
Zombie Nightmare walks toward his enemy.
Ewok #50: Depogs Frijkol!!! [Translation: Get out of my
head you Zombie Nightmare f#ck!]
Zombie Nightmare walks up to Ewok
#50, who is still screaming, and rips out the Endorian’s throat. Ewok #50’s spirit floats to the
graveyard. Zombie Nightmare then focuses
on Good Luck Bear. As the villain
approaches the Shamrock-emblemed Care Bear, he is stopped by Grodd, who freezes
ZN in place with his psionic powers.
Grodd shoots the zombie’s head with telekinetic force beams and ZN’s
head explodes. Zombie Nightmare’s
headless body falls to the ground.
Bizarro Superman flies to the
scene and immediately picks up Allosaurus #21 by the tail. He uses the tail as a lever and smashes the
dinosaur back and forth on the ground, killing the beast. Bizarro
then sees Gorilla Grodd and the two begin to battle. Bizarro manages to gain the upper hand on the
Gorilla City
Korvac arrives to the scene and
decides to finish the battle between the two behemoths. As Korvac is about to use the power cosmic to
destroy Apocalypse, the Gardener, in a sacrifice seen in many matches before,
unleashes a centered cosmic fury that engulfs Bizarro Superman, Korvac,
Apocalypse and himself. In a cataclysmic
blast, all perish.
Good Luck Bear peeks his head from
a tree stump and acknowledges his moniker.
The Care Bear walks through the forest to his locker room.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Super Important Post
The other night, Nick, Adam, and I spent quite a bit of time on the super important issue of: If The FFL were Big Ten College Football, who would everybody be?? I felt that this important revelation needed to be posted here, for all to see. We also discussed who everybody would be in Major League Baseball, but Nick recorded that one, so I'll let him post that one later. Here are the perfect, argue proof results that we came up with:
The Horsemen=Ohio State
The Midgets=Minnesota
B-3=Penn State
Grindhouse=Illinois
The Empire=Nebraska
Slaves=Notre Dame
Commandos=Wisconsin
Real Men=Indiana
TEAM=Michigan
Mitchy's=Rutgers
The Murderflies=Northwestern
Nut-busters=Maryland
Sleeping Pussies=MSU
Barkley's=USC
Super Kitties=Iowa
Highness=Purdue
I hope you all retain even a fraction of the enjoyment out of this that we did. Feel free to comment on the awesomeness of this post in the regular comment section.
The Horsemen=Ohio State
The Midgets=Minnesota
B-3=Penn State
Grindhouse=Illinois
The Empire=Nebraska
Slaves=Notre Dame
Commandos=Wisconsin
Real Men=Indiana
TEAM=Michigan
Mitchy's=Rutgers
The Murderflies=Northwestern
Nut-busters=Maryland
Sleeping Pussies=MSU
Barkley's=USC
Super Kitties=Iowa
Highness=Purdue
I hope you all retain even a fraction of the enjoyment out of this that we did. Feel free to comment on the awesomeness of this post in the regular comment section.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Standings Updated
Greetings All. Standings through week 7 have been updated. CLICK HERE or use the link on the right.
I'm asking that someone else update the standings after week 8. I am writing a match in the Spielberg Division in week 9 that will likely have playoff implications so I won't be reading the week 8 matches from those teams until after I write my week 9 match.
Good Luck down the stretch folks. I think the Highness are the only team officially added to the elimination list. Not sure if the Nut busters or Rabble Rousers have a shot at a wild card or not. I didn't do the math.
I'm asking that someone else update the standings after week 8. I am writing a match in the Spielberg Division in week 9 that will likely have playoff implications so I won't be reading the week 8 matches from those teams until after I write my week 9 match.
Good Luck down the stretch folks. I think the Highness are the only team officially added to the elimination list. Not sure if the Nut busters or Rabble Rousers have a shot at a wild card or not. I didn't do the math.
Season 7 Week 7: The Empire vs. Real Man's Rabble Rousers
The Empire is: Prometheus, Eros, Ewok #76 (w/ Zapper and Proton Pack), Paddle (Immell #4) (w/ Green Lightsaber), Bill Kelley Dark Jedi Master (w/ Blue Lightsaber, Energy Bow and Arrow, and Plumb Hammer), Eugene "Butch" Aaron Griswold (w/ Trusty Estwing Hammer), Silver Sentry (w/ Green Lantern Ring), Ryan (Shining Force, w/ Halberd) Thor (Shining Force, w/ Atlas), Carli!! (Shining Force, w/ Heat Axe), Game Boy, Elroy Jetson, Rosey, Bran, Watchdog #3, Cordella Chase, War Bird, Kid Gladiator, Faker, Black Lantern Trinity, Teddy Tear, and Doozer #5.
Real Man's Rabble Rousers are: Duke, Snake Eyes, Scarlett, and Roadblock in Transformers Mech Units, Darth Rage (w/ Yellow Lantern Ring), Ross, Christmas, Yang, Johnson (w/ Red Lightsaber), Toll Road (w/ Black Lightsaber), Caesar, Tool, Nom Anor (w/ Red Lantern Ring), Nyssa, Asad, Reinhardt, Chupa, Snowman, Priest, Verlaine, and Lighthammer.
Hello, Fantasy Fantasy fans, and welcome to the 2014 FFL Colosseum Clash! As always (twice, specifically) I'm your host from the News Network for Fantasy Gaming, Daveatu! Though our previous sponsors ran for the hills after last week's debacle on Dune, we were picked up for a gladiatorial battle by Trojan Condoms! Pleasure you want and protection you trust, now available in kumquat flavor! Unfortunately, when we arrived in Troy earlier this week, we realized it wasn't Rome and there was no Colosseum. Luckily, Troy was super old and falling apart as it was, so Trojan plowed through it and built a brand new Troy in its place! We're coming to you live from the center of the vastly improved city and today's arena, The Trojan Con-Dome! The rest of the city is your typical urban paradise, nothing but brothels and hot dog stands as far as the eye can see. Today's competitors will have to overcome not only their opponents, but the many hazards of the Con-Dome itself as well.
[A distant trumpet blares the "Trojan Man" sting]
That sound can only mean one thing, the games are about to commence! In the arena below, the portcullises have opened and our competitors have emerged. Their exits close behind them, and the crowd is in an uproar! A big thanks to all four of them for attending. The match begins and both teams rush to the center of the enormous arena, save for Eros, Carli, Bill Kelley and The Expendables, who seem to be hanging back in ranged positions. Silver Sentry starts out strong by grabbing Roadblock's mech and swinging him into The Expendables, smashing Caesar and Toll Road. Their allies attempt to retaliate against Silver Sentry are having little to no effect, and he's looking pissed! He turns around to grab another mech, but the Blood Pack piles on to restrain him. Meanwhile, Darth Rage and Nom Anor are gleefully picking off the lesser of The Empire's squad. Ewok #76, Elroy Jetson, Teddy Tear, and Game Boy lay dead by their hands, and it looks like the Shining Force is finally stepping up against their tyranny! The remaining G.I. Joe transformers took over for Nom and Rage, chasing down Paddle, Rosey, and Bran.
A multicolored wheel is spun by Trojan Man in the balcony above the arena, and it lands on a white space. Several large hoses are being brought into the Con-Dome, and they've begun pumping out a thick white substance. Is that what I think it is... Oh god, it is! Elmer's Glue! Many competitors are struggling to get around now, giving ranged attacks a huge advantage! Eros and Bill Kelley fire a rain of arrows into the Blood Pack, now drinking that sweet red Kool-Aid from Silver Sentry's body, and take out Priest, Asad, and Snowman. As Eros loads another arrow, a knife flies through the air and sinks into his heart. Bill looks to The Expendables in time to see them aiming their firearms in his direction, and as they let loose with gunfire he begins cutting the bullets down in trajectory with his lightsaber. With one hand he continues this technique, with the other he draws his hammer and chucks it into Ross's forehead. Halfway through Bill's trudge toward them, Yin Yang jumped out of his glued-down shoes, flipped through the air, landed behind Bill and broke his neck. The Shining Force, having disposed of Rage and Nom Anor, has moved on to The Blood Pack. The Joe Mechs are falling quickly as Kid Gladiator slices through them with his heat vision, while War Bird and Faker are fighting back Yin Yang and Johnson on the ground below them. As Kid Gladiator cuts the legs off of the final mech, it falls over onto Faker and Doozer #5, killing them both. The glue is drying and both teams are picking up their pace as War Bird and KG take out the last four Expendables. The Blood Pack, though pursued by the Shining Force, managed to drain E."B".A. Griswold and Cordella Chase. They realized too late that in their feeding frenzy, they allowed themselves to be surrounded. Carli snaps her fingers and a rain of fireballs comes down the vampires, burning them into the ground and ending our first and probably final Colosseum Clash! To the two spectators who didn't leave the arena for a trip to the local brothels, joke's on you! Good night folks!
Season Seven: Week Seven: Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
Layanderlet
and Team Sleeping Pussy Put on a Show in Battle for Division Lead.
Associated
Press
TROY
-- Team Sleeping Pussy and Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living
Together to Make a New Family are tied with Turruble Decisions in the Frank
Herbert Division. Playing each other is one way to change that up.
The
Green Goblin got things going early with a fireworks display (via his pumpkin
bombs) that is usually reserved for a post match celebration. The colorful
display knocked off Toro and Helen of Troy, much to the delight of Menalaus.
"I
should have been upset," Menalaus said. "I mean, everyone knows what
our history is with this place but I think instead of it throwing us into
chaos, it actually helped us concentrate. God knows what that woman can do to a
man."
Given
a jolt of inspiration, Team Sleeping Pussy went on the offensive early, killing
Teddy Boy, Wario and Peeta Mellark, Peacemaker alone doing the dirty work.
Heavy forced his way into a skirmish that evened the playing field when he lit
up Speed Buggy, Tinker, Mark and Debbie with two strategically placed missile
shots into their general direction. Jacob Black and Jared Cameron followed suit
as they attacked and easily killed Motaro.
Wildcat
and Catman added a much needed bite as they mutilated Feral, Manic and Sonja
the Hedgehog, The Lone Wolf showed Judge Dredd who the law truly was with a
well place shot directly through his helmet, proving that the Wolf's armor
piercing bullets are the only thing more dangerous then the man himself. The
ensuing battle also saw the demise of Jacob Black and Jared Cameron due to the
stubborn grace of the two felines.
The
Weaponers of Qward managed to take out Batgirl, but only WOQ #5 survived.
Given, she had the help of Sith Lord #2 and Man-Bat by her side. A valiant
effort indeed, though losing their lives in the process did not make the battle
any easier for the Layanderlett's. Helping that out was the Green Goblin once
again, who still managed to pull a couple more tricks out, finishing off Wildcat
and Catman from up above. Halloween doesn't always favor the cats I suppose, as
they were blown to smithereens by the Goblins blasts.
Peacemaker
finally took out the Goblin, but soon enough he met his maker with one more
beautifully placed missile blast that took the vigilante out for good. The Lone
Wolf also impressed one more time with what seemed like a dumb luck shot,
knocking off Kid Flash. The Wolf then proceeded to get run over by Thomas Wayne
and Catgirl in the land speeder, proving that even the wolf can't outrun them
all.
With
only their manager left all seemed to be lost for Team Sleeping Pussy, but then
again, never count a good Pussy out.
"A
win is a win," Sleeping Pussy manager Alexander Luthor said. "People
say you win ugly. I don't buy that. A win is a win. I told my team, playing
great and losing, that doesn't get you to the playoffs. We got one step closer
tonight. That's all that counts."
Luthor,
the lone survivor in the match had to take on Thomas Wayne, Catgirl, Harlequin
and Heavy all by himself. Wayne went to the center of the fight and personally
killed Agamemnon and Menalaus, and when he began walking back to Luthor, the
Sleeping Pussy manager had had enough of that.
"I
told him that I may only be a manager, but that doesn't mean I can't handle
myself on the field," Luthor said. "I said he had gotten lucky with
Aggy and Menalaus and though they were strong, he was only a man."
Luthor
then made his bid for number one star of the week after single handedly taking
on all four of them simultaneously. He allowed only one blast to get through to
him, burning him badly on the left shoulder, the shot coming from Heavy's
blaster. The burn did not slow him enough though, as he scorched the remaining
members of Layanderlett's with a manipulated energy blast that ended the match
in a blaze of glory.
"Overall,
today's match was one for us to learn from," Wayne said after the fight.
"I was able to command both sides of the battle field, which worked out
great until the very end."
Alexander
Luthor escaped a four on one and elevated his team to the position of possibly
holding first place all by themselves.
"Out
of the gate, it was a tough match but we stuck together and coach got us
through it. A lot to take from this one." said Peacemaker.
A lot
to take indeed, perhaps one more step leading them back into the playoffs.
Copyright by STATS LLC and
The Associated Press
S7W7: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyotches
The Horsemen are: Achillies; Darkseid; Optimus Prime; Roller; Batman; Wonder Woman; The Destroyer (7 DEATHS); Legolas w/Sinestro's Green Lantern Ring (7 DEATHS); Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki; Black Lantern Julie Artrip (9 DEATHS); Ella Artrip wearing Supergirl's cape, w/Blue Lightsaber; Jack Artrip w/Green Lightsaber; Snowflame; Lois Lane (7 DEATHS); Jimmy Olsen w/Flamethrower (7 DEATHS)
The Backyardigans are: General Zod; Darth Vader; Thane and Thanos; Black Order- Proxima Midnight, Black Dwarf, Ebony Maw, Supergiant, Corvus Glave; & The Wyvern.
Peace At Last
Batman sitting next to Wonder Woman raises his glass to his two guests of honor and asks them to rise. Darth Vader and Thane stand and raise their glasses as well.
Batman Begins, “For 6 long years we have battled. After dozens of matches, and countless lives lost, I am happy to say that there is finally peace between The Horsemen and Backyardigans.”
The room, full of combatants from both teams, begin to cheer loudly. Batman and Vader hold each other in a long man hug that Josh would be jealous of. Thane looks over at Wonder Woman; they had been stealing glances all evening. But as the party goes on into the night, Diana retires quietly to her bedroom unbeknownst to anyone but Thane who has not taken his eyes off of her. Thane thinks his casual move to follow the Amazonian Goddess goes unseen, but Vader watches as his Backyardigan brother goes behind closed doors with Wonder Woman, threatening the efforts of peace his father Thanos has worked so hard to bring to these two teams.
The Sea of Betrayal
The Backyardigans are sailing to Troy. This is the setting for week 7. Clutched in his black fist, Vader grasps the peace treaty signed the night before between himself and Batman. He is ready to present it to Fizzatu and demand that he rules this match a tie with no deaths. Thane walks up to Vader and doesn’t need to say a word. The Dark Lord can feel the guilt and see it in his eyes.
“What is it?” Vader asks
“Do you love me, brother? Would you protect me against any enemy?” Thane asks with shame in his voice.
Puzzled, Vader asks again, “What did you do?”
Thane leads Vader below deck to his private quarters. There sitting on the edge of his bed is none other than Wonder Woman, Diana of Apokolips.
Peace No More
Batman storms into the Horsemen’s locker room, fueled with rage. Darkseid steps in front of him and calms him down. Batman explains how the Backyardigans drank his wine in the evening and stole their teammate in the morning.
“I want her back so I can kill her myself!” Batman screams. He looks at Darkseid and asks, “Where’s Supes? I want to destroy the Backyardigans!”
Annoyed, Darkseid reassures Batman, “We will get her back. And we will win this matchup. But we don’t need the big man. I’ll take care of this with you.”
“We will need Achilles though. And Achilles doesn’t like you, Darkseid. Good luck recruiting him.” Says Prime joining the conversation. “Perhaps I can convince him. In exchange for a spot on the roster this week, perhaps?”
“I dont know. He’s been unpredictable lately. I can’t control him.” Says Darkseid.
“You don’t need to control him. You need to UNLEASH him.” Prime replies
“So be it.” Says Darkseid. “Just don’t mention it to that coke head he’s been hanging out with lately. That guy is more annoying than Anonymous.”
Just as Darkseid feared, Optimus Prime finds Achilles training with Snowflame. Achilles is teaching Snowflame how to move and kill with a sword. Snowflame is showing Achilles how to snort cocaine off the blade.
“YOU EVER TRY THIS S**T, PRIME?!?!” Yells Achilles.
Prime is able to convince Achilles, with little effort, to go back to the land that made him famous. Afraid of not being able to find a hookup in Troy, Achilles insists that Snowflame must come along as well.
Darkseid assembles the team above and are transported into ships sailing across the Aegean Sea. Just 2 ships though, not a thousand. Wonder Woman will now forever be known as the “Whore that launched a couple ships”.
Backyardigans Arrival
Vader arrives at the Gates of Troy and informs the others of Thane’s betrayal.
“I’m so mad that I could kill you” Thanos says to his son.
Thanos orders the Black Order to take the defensive behind the walls and wait for the Horsemen. Zod commands the Wyvern to attack first on the beach.
Horsemen Land Ashore
The boats rock violently on the rough waters. The young Ella (who can barely make it through a car ride across town without throwing up) is puking heavily over the side railing. Her mother is holding back her hair while trying to keep her youngest from putting the wrong end of his lightsaber in his mouth. As the first boat stops suddenly into the shore, the mother’s worst fear is realized as the jerking motion causes the toddlers hands to ignite the lightsaber through the back of his tiny skull. Darkseid and Prime step onto the beach first followed by Batman, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olsen. The loud screeching of the Wyvern is heard overhead and flames shoot from his mouth as he blankets the beach with fire. The bow of the ship is ablaze and GL Ryan is able to jump to shore. BL Julie could make the jump as well but after already watching one child fall, does not want to leave the side of her daughter. The two Artrip girls are helpless as the Wyvern comes by for a second attack. Jimmy Olsen returns the favor on the giant dragon with his flame thrower and singes his wings. The Wyvern turns now to face Jimmy and the two exchange blasts of flames that send the other Horsemen running further into shore to escape the intense heat. Jimmy’s body is finally consumed and the Wyvern is hurt badly and has lost his bearings temporarily. It flies toward the screams on the ship as the flames have now forced the two to the railing at the stern of the ship. The boat lists quickly as the Wyvern lands on the deck. Julie, who has recovered her son’s lightsaber, climbs on the back of the giant beast. The Wyvern takes to the sky with the young Ella in its claw. Ella ignites her lightsaber and cuts a talon off the foot of the giant beast. This causes him to release the child who falls to her watery grave. Enraged, Julie climbs his neck, and as the Wyvern is screaming in pain, Julie leaps into the mouth of the dragon and runs the lightsaber into his skull through the roof of his mouth. The two fall back to the earth and the mast of the ship skewers the creature and Julie’s body falls dead into the burning remains of the ship.
The second Horsemen ship arrives with Achilles and Snowflame, both with freshly powdered noses. The rest the ship empties and the remaining members of the defending champions pour onto the beach and setup camp. In their tent, Snowflame tells Achilles how excited he is for tomorrow’s battle.
“Yeah… About that,” Achilles says, “Darkseid thinks he’s Billy Badass so why don’t we just let him fight it out tomorrow and we just stay in the tent and do blow all day.”
“But I want to fight! Some of us don’t get the start every week so we need to make the most of it.” Snowflame says back. “And on top of that, I think you need to cut back on the drugs. You are getting a little bit out of hand”
“Nonsense. I got a handle on it”
The First Attack
The sun has risen and the Horsemen are no longer protected by the cover of darkness. Vader, Thanos and The Black Order stand in front of the walls watching the approaching army. The Horsemen charge forward and Darkseid gets the party started by shooting an energy blast toward the group sending them all scattering out of formation. Quickly they break off into smaller groups to fight. Legolas and GL Ryan use their rings to grab a hold of Ebony Maw while Achilles moves in and relieves him of his head. Supergiant then uses her mind control to take over Legolas, before he knows what is happening, Legolas has speared GL Ryan in the heart and now begins to target Batman who is locked in a tight battle with Black Dwarf.
“What’s your problem?” Batman screams at Legolas.
Seeing that Legolas is not himself, he grabs ahold of Black Dwarf and uses him as a human shield as he rushes the elf. Legolas has filled the back of Black Dwarf’s head with arrows and green energy blasts while trying to target his own teammate. Batman throws the dead body of Black Dwarf onto Legolas who is crushed under his enemy’s massive weight.
Supergiant turns her attention to Batman who tries desperately to resist her mind control. Optimus Prime sees what is happening and moves in to eliminate her. The husband and wife duo of Proxima Midnight and Corvus Glaive know that defending their telepath is key to victory so they place themselves in the way of Prime. Glaive attacks the Autobot leader as his blade cuts into his metal skin. Proxima beats into his chest sending him reeling backward. In an act of giant robot love, The Destroyer moves in to help his comrade and beeyotch smacks Proxima over the giant wall of troy and into a kitchen where she belongs. Dazed by the blow, she hurries to get back to the side of her husband. Glaive tries desperately to ward off the double robot attack. It looks like all is almost lost when suddenly, Prime falls to the ground, his feet bound by Batman’s grappling hook. Prime looks over to see Supergiant who has finally gained control of the defender of Gotham. This is his last image as Glaive uses all his might to thrust his sword into his skull (or engine) of the mighty Optimus. The Destroyer is slap happy and is able to smack Glaive on his back. With his sword still stuck in the neck of Prime, Glaive is vulnerable and The Destroyer uses the opportunity to crush the skull of Glaive with his giant foot.
Proxima has arrived back on the field of battle just in time to watch her husband fall. Fueled with rage she rushes the metal giant and scales his back. Roller tries to stop her but without the help of Prime he is of little resistance and she tears the tiny autobot in two. She begins to bash in his skull briefly before he snatches her from his back and slams her to the ground. He then power punches her torso into the ground crushing her chest. Thanos takes a break from dueling with Darkseid and uses this chance to finally end the Destroyer’s reign of terror by concentrating an energy blast that takes his head off.
“Say Cheese” Lois Lane says as she snaps a picture of Supergiant. This simple act breaks her concentration and Batman is finally freed from the mental hold he was under. Batman joins Achilles and Darkseid as they are moving in to take on Thanos who has regrouped with Supergiant (who are now standing in a puddle of Lois Lane blood.) Darkseid uses a blast of energy to stun Thanos and Batman restrains Supergiant as Achilles removes her head. Suddenly, a lightsaber goes through the chest of Achilles and as he falls, Batman and Darkseid see Vader standing behind him. As his body falls, his helmet falls off and they all see that the man in Achilles’s armor is not Achilles, but Snowflame who was eager for glory.
“Who the eff is that?” asks Vader annoyed.
“It was his hookup.” says Batman.
The two sides agree to regroup and fight again in the morning. Collecting their dead, they return to camp.
The Horsemen Camp
Achilles is roused from his drug induced slumber as he hears his team returning from battle. He exits his tent and sees a bloodied Darkseid and Batman returning from battle.
“Did I miss the fight?” Achilles asks. “Where is everyone else? Where is Snowflame?!?”
“Killed Achilles. Vader took his life” Says Batman.
Furious, Achilles goes into his tent and buries his face in a huge pile of cocaine that Tony Montana would be proud of.
Behind the Walls
Zod, Vader and Thanos discuss strategy back in Troy. The trio no longer trusts Thane as he is not invited to the meeting. He doesn’t seem to mind as he and Wonder Woman have yet to leave the bedroom since they arrived in Troy. Dawn is breaking and a voice can be heard screaming from outside the walls.
“VA-DERRRRR!”
“VA-DERRRRR!”
The three Backyardigan leaders look at each other. Vader turns and leads the trio out of the room.
Final Battle
Vader, Zod and Thanos open the doors of Troy and walk out to face Achilles, Batman and Darkseid. Wonder Woman and Thane have gone to the top of the wall to watch the final battle. The air is silent for a few moments before Achilles charges at Vader. Achilles moves too quick for even the Jedi Master. Batman uses his grapple gun to hold back the arm of Vader and Achilles cuts his arm clean off with a single swipe of his blade. Preoccupied and exposed, Batman is scorched with heat vision from General Zod. Achilles scoops up Vaders lightsaber and in one acrobatic thrust, runs the sword into the chest of Dru-Zod. As Zod falls in his final act he is able to grab the ankle of the greek half god and throw him into the awaiting fist of Thanos who blasts him into the heavens.
Darkseid immediately goes on the offensive and attacks Thanos. The two supervillains are locked in an intense battle, each testing the strength and will of the other with attacks increasing in power and duration. Power punches, heat and energy blasts, electric shocks. In the end it is finally Thanos who falls. Thane moves to the edge of the wall and looks over at his fallen father. They have never been the best of friends before but he suddenly feels the urge to attack. Darkseid hears gasping for breath behind him. Vader is laying on the ground bleeding out. Darkseid kneels over the sith lord.
“Why did you underestimate the Horsemen? Why did you underestimate Darkseid!?” Darkseid says
Vader coughs and gasps for air. “I think it’s you who underestimated the power of the dark side!” Vader uses the force to pull his saber back from the body of Achilles and sink it into the body of Darkseid. Without a moment's hesitation, Darkseid teleports them both himself and Vader into the sun, killing them both.
Thane looks out at the battle field and says to his new love. “I guess we finally got peace between the Horsemen and the Backyardigans.”
Wonder Woman stands behind Thane and massages his shoulders. “You think our owners will ever learn the lesson that this battle brought us today?”
“What lesson is that my dear?” Thane asks.
Wonder woman leans in close and whispers in his ear. “Never trust a Horseman.” With her final syllable she loops her lasso around his neck and throws him over the wall. Thane fights for his life as he dangles from the wall. He shoots an energy blast from his left hand that Wonder Woman deflects back at Thane with her bracelets and his body finally goes limp.
Monday, May 5, 2014
s7w7- Tentacles vs Murderflies
Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors are: The predator merged with Aphrodite, Gaia, Adara merged with Tinkerbell, Atlas, Doc Samson, Frost giant #1-3, Fred and George Weasley
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are: Scorpion, Kingpin, The Maxx and Julie, The Shadow, Denver: The Last Dinosaur, Brak (w/ Atlas Axe), Ace Duck (w/ blue lightsaber), Hondo McLean, Sly Rax, Nazgul #6 w/ his Mordor Horse, Grima Wormtongue, Draco Malfoy, Nadar Vebb, Joreth: The Goblin King, Jennifer Check, Capt. Mifune (w/ John Stewart's green lantern ring), Al-Qaeda Terrorist #15, Marine #65
Gaia looks around the city of Troy, MI and weeps inside. Seeing what has been done to her child by those who inhabit it fills her with a depressing anger, and the prospect of a fierce battle only further increases these feelings inside. The Predator:Aphrodite is drawn to Gaia by the immense love being shown for the earth.
"I feel your pain, sister. Do not fret. We shall do our best to help stave off some of the destruction these parasite inflict upon your child"
Gaia smiles and hope begins to fill her heart as the ground beneath her begins to rumble. Hope begins to fill her heart, but that may be due to her teammate Adarabell arriving.
The temperature begins to rapidly drop as the mighty Atlas struggles with all his might to continue to turn the earth away from the sun, which will throw the city into a deep freeze.
Days, turn to weeks and the hellish winter continues-killing not only members of the Murderflies, but a few of the non-Godlike Tentacles as well. Those who don't fall to the hellish conditions are hunted down by the mighty Frost Giants, though Draco Malfoy was able to fell the second Frost Giant before his brethren avenged his death.
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are: Scorpion, Kingpin, The Maxx and Julie, The Shadow, Denver: The Last Dinosaur, Brak (w/ Atlas Axe), Ace Duck (w/ blue lightsaber), Hondo McLean, Sly Rax, Nazgul #6 w/ his Mordor Horse, Grima Wormtongue, Draco Malfoy, Nadar Vebb, Joreth: The Goblin King, Jennifer Check, Capt. Mifune (w/ John Stewart's green lantern ring), Al-Qaeda Terrorist #15, Marine #65
Gaia looks around the city of Troy, MI and weeps inside. Seeing what has been done to her child by those who inhabit it fills her with a depressing anger, and the prospect of a fierce battle only further increases these feelings inside. The Predator:Aphrodite is drawn to Gaia by the immense love being shown for the earth.
"I feel your pain, sister. Do not fret. We shall do our best to help stave off some of the destruction these parasite inflict upon your child"
Gaia smiles and hope begins to fill her heart as the ground beneath her begins to rumble. Hope begins to fill her heart, but that may be due to her teammate Adarabell arriving.
The temperature begins to rapidly drop as the mighty Atlas struggles with all his might to continue to turn the earth away from the sun, which will throw the city into a deep freeze.
Days, turn to weeks and the hellish winter continues-killing not only members of the Murderflies, but a few of the non-Godlike Tentacles as well. Those who don't fall to the hellish conditions are hunted down by the mighty Frost Giants, though Draco Malfoy was able to fell the second Frost Giant before his brethren avenged his death.
The Royal Highness Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions
The Royal Highness is Dr. Doom, Peraxxus and The Signalmen #1-4, Nemesis Enforcer, Darth Ocron, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive, and Fireflight, and Zombie Cyborg.
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are Apollo, Uranus, Helios, Themis, Kratos, The Inhumans: Medusa, Goron, Crystal, and Lockjaw, (Golden Age) Wonder Woman, and Big Barda.
Troy… The Final Frontier. Sup, Yo. This is your Neon Master Pogo speaking and I haven’t slept in about 4 days so I am just going to rock this match for you from a state of mind that is about 15% dumber than I even usually am.
You shall be witnesses….
These two teams prepare to square off, but unlike The Trojan War of old, this time the gods actually show up to fight (For Barkley’s) instead of just offering veiled allegiance to one side or the other. But Dr. Doom has some grandiose plans of his own. The Doomster has taken the three remaining Aerialbots, and for their last hurrah has had them form together to create and armless Superion. He then created some tech and a program to bind them to Zombie Cyborg, tapping into his zombified tech to merge him with The Autobots and create a pair of thin (yet powerful) tentacle like arms out of a liquid metal based (zombie (of course)) mesh. With this, “Superior Superion” is born and trudges out onto the field. Themis may have seen this coming and may have known that Superior Superion was going to exist before the thought was even had, but that didn’t stop the massive Autobot/Cyborg/Zombie conglomeration from stomping the Greek god into the ground. Kratos and Peraxxus both clash axes whilst making really loud “GRRRR” sounds but once Nemesis Enforcer and Uranus join the fray the battle switches to Peraxxus fighting the original king of the gods Uranus while Nemesis Enforcer fights Kratos. Peraxxus knocks Uranus to the ground and comes down hard with his cosmic enforced alien weaponry; but The Sky god manages to get out of the way and shoot some lightning up Perzxxus’ cornhole (come on, it’s Uranus. You know I couldn’t help make a butt reference. Totes not my fault guys). Nemesis Enforcer then takes flight to dodge the oncoming attack from Kratos and then comes down hard on the god of war, pounding him into the ground and ripping off his head even easier then he rips the tops of G.I. Joe Tanks *(Ode to Season 1 Griffin (you guys are gonna really have to do your FFL research to find that reference)).
Meanwhile, The Four Inhumans may not be what they once were without their leader Black Bolt around, but it doesn’t mean that they aren’t some pretty powerful Mo-Fos in their own right. And they better be, considering that they are taking on the 4 enormous Signalmen. Medusa leaps on to the back of Signalman #2 and uses her hair to wrap around the neck of the ancient robot to destroy it by inch by inch removing its head. Signalman #1 and 4 manage to crush Lockjaw and Gorgon into the ground, while Medusa’s little sister Crystal works her elemental powers to bury Signalman #3 into the earth. Crystal then uses her water powers to bombard Signalman #1 until the water corrodes and batters the metal into nothing, while Medusa takes out #4 in a fashion similar to her first Signalman kill.
Dr. Doom projects a mystical force field around himself, but it is not strong enough to repel the physical strength of Wonder Woman and Big Barda as they, and their big floppy natural boobs break through Doom’s force field, then break through Doom’s armor, and then break through Doom’s face.
Darth Ocron has been loving reading all the magnificent stories of his contemporary Darth Shemalya; but has also grown jealous that his own master Darth Voltress could not teach him all of the amazing Sith traits that Lord Shemalya has demonstrated. This jealousy has made him powerful though, as he leaps onto the chariot of Helios that is carrying both him and his boss Apollo to usher in the skies around Troy. Lord Ocron uses his rage and red lightsaber to remove the head of the minor god Helios, but Apollo grabs a hold of the TOTALLY REAL, but kind of made up Sith Lord and rips his body apart.
The 2 remaining Inhumans and Uranus square off against Superior Superion, while Apollo jumps off of Helios’ Sky chariot a little too late to keep Nemesis Enforcer from using the dead body of Wonder Woman to beat Big Barda to death. Apollo does manage to come down hard on The Cobra LAW Guardian and drive him deep into the ground as he lands directly on Nemesis Enforcer’s head breaking his neck, along with most of his other bones as well.
Superior Superion uses his wicked weird tentacle arms to castrate Uranus before blasting him to pieces (Come on kids, you know you gotta castrate Uranus to remove him from power (read your Mythology son)). They then use their Dr. Doom provided weaponry to blast Medusa into oblivion and grab a hold of crystal to rip her in half; but as they are deciding which direction to throw the two halves of the Graveyard Bound Inhuman, they are caught in the chest by an explosive arrow from Apollo, which busts the Gestalt apart and kills Silverbolt and what is left of the brain of Zombie Cyborg. As Skydive and Firefight attempt to regain their composure and transform into their plane modes to formulate the next attack , The Greatest of Zeus’ sons conjures up the power of Mt. Olympus and lights the two remaining Autobots up to finish up his 9 death clinic and finish off The Royal Highness…
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are Apollo, Uranus, Helios, Themis, Kratos, The Inhumans: Medusa, Goron, Crystal, and Lockjaw, (Golden Age) Wonder Woman, and Big Barda.
Troy… The Final Frontier. Sup, Yo. This is your Neon Master Pogo speaking and I haven’t slept in about 4 days so I am just going to rock this match for you from a state of mind that is about 15% dumber than I even usually am.
You shall be witnesses….
These two teams prepare to square off, but unlike The Trojan War of old, this time the gods actually show up to fight (For Barkley’s) instead of just offering veiled allegiance to one side or the other. But Dr. Doom has some grandiose plans of his own. The Doomster has taken the three remaining Aerialbots, and for their last hurrah has had them form together to create and armless Superion. He then created some tech and a program to bind them to Zombie Cyborg, tapping into his zombified tech to merge him with The Autobots and create a pair of thin (yet powerful) tentacle like arms out of a liquid metal based (zombie (of course)) mesh. With this, “Superior Superion” is born and trudges out onto the field. Themis may have seen this coming and may have known that Superior Superion was going to exist before the thought was even had, but that didn’t stop the massive Autobot/Cyborg/Zombie conglomeration from stomping the Greek god into the ground. Kratos and Peraxxus both clash axes whilst making really loud “GRRRR” sounds but once Nemesis Enforcer and Uranus join the fray the battle switches to Peraxxus fighting the original king of the gods Uranus while Nemesis Enforcer fights Kratos. Peraxxus knocks Uranus to the ground and comes down hard with his cosmic enforced alien weaponry; but The Sky god manages to get out of the way and shoot some lightning up Perzxxus’ cornhole (come on, it’s Uranus. You know I couldn’t help make a butt reference. Totes not my fault guys). Nemesis Enforcer then takes flight to dodge the oncoming attack from Kratos and then comes down hard on the god of war, pounding him into the ground and ripping off his head even easier then he rips the tops of G.I. Joe Tanks *(Ode to Season 1 Griffin (you guys are gonna really have to do your FFL research to find that reference)).
Meanwhile, The Four Inhumans may not be what they once were without their leader Black Bolt around, but it doesn’t mean that they aren’t some pretty powerful Mo-Fos in their own right. And they better be, considering that they are taking on the 4 enormous Signalmen. Medusa leaps on to the back of Signalman #2 and uses her hair to wrap around the neck of the ancient robot to destroy it by inch by inch removing its head. Signalman #1 and 4 manage to crush Lockjaw and Gorgon into the ground, while Medusa’s little sister Crystal works her elemental powers to bury Signalman #3 into the earth. Crystal then uses her water powers to bombard Signalman #1 until the water corrodes and batters the metal into nothing, while Medusa takes out #4 in a fashion similar to her first Signalman kill.
Dr. Doom projects a mystical force field around himself, but it is not strong enough to repel the physical strength of Wonder Woman and Big Barda as they, and their big floppy natural boobs break through Doom’s force field, then break through Doom’s armor, and then break through Doom’s face.
Darth Ocron has been loving reading all the magnificent stories of his contemporary Darth Shemalya; but has also grown jealous that his own master Darth Voltress could not teach him all of the amazing Sith traits that Lord Shemalya has demonstrated. This jealousy has made him powerful though, as he leaps onto the chariot of Helios that is carrying both him and his boss Apollo to usher in the skies around Troy. Lord Ocron uses his rage and red lightsaber to remove the head of the minor god Helios, but Apollo grabs a hold of the TOTALLY REAL, but kind of made up Sith Lord and rips his body apart.
The 2 remaining Inhumans and Uranus square off against Superior Superion, while Apollo jumps off of Helios’ Sky chariot a little too late to keep Nemesis Enforcer from using the dead body of Wonder Woman to beat Big Barda to death. Apollo does manage to come down hard on The Cobra LAW Guardian and drive him deep into the ground as he lands directly on Nemesis Enforcer’s head breaking his neck, along with most of his other bones as well.
Superior Superion uses his wicked weird tentacle arms to castrate Uranus before blasting him to pieces (Come on kids, you know you gotta castrate Uranus to remove him from power (read your Mythology son)). They then use their Dr. Doom provided weaponry to blast Medusa into oblivion and grab a hold of crystal to rip her in half; but as they are deciding which direction to throw the two halves of the Graveyard Bound Inhuman, they are caught in the chest by an explosive arrow from Apollo, which busts the Gestalt apart and kills Silverbolt and what is left of the brain of Zombie Cyborg. As Skydive and Firefight attempt to regain their composure and transform into their plane modes to formulate the next attack , The Greatest of Zeus’ sons conjures up the power of Mt. Olympus and lights the two remaining Autobots up to finish up his 9 death clinic and finish off The Royal Highness…
TEAM Vs. Griswold's Nut-Busters
TEAM is Hector (w/ The Chaos Breaker), Commander Cody, Capt Rex, Conan the Barbarian, Splinter, Shredder (w/ Mithril Vest), Black Dragon #8, Crasher, Trioculous, Nightmare, Hishiro Mitsurugi, Solid Snake (w/ a Sniper Rifle), Miri, Rain, and Vega.
Griswold’s Nut-Busters are Jarvis, Fantomex, Cluster, Weapon XIII, Widget (w/ body), G.W. Bridge, Left Winger and Rigt Winger, Ecthelion of the Fountain, King Tut, Duncan Idaho Ghola #9, Major “Hawk” Masterson in a Fiat C.R. 42 Fighter Plane, Star Sapphire #4 and 5, Storm Trooper #2, The Shining Force: Mini Pipes, Livewire, The Goddess of the Moon, Super Hero, Heat Man, Cowboy Man, Bear, Stephanie, Dos, and PC, Zimm (w/ green lightsaber), and Capt. Wacky, Treasure Troll #19, and Ewok #100.
Chicks don’t like short guys. They may say that it doesn’t matter to them, but that really means that they are just tolerating their shortness because the other traits are decent enough to keep the guy around. But when confronted with a tall guy of “equal of greater value” they will always go with him no questions asked. That is the moral of this story. That is if this story had morals, or a moral to speak of.
1 Week ago…
Head Coach Dexter Morgan of The Nut-busters has invited TEAM over for a glorious feast. They get together and decide that instead of partaking in this monstrous triple death battle that they shall ally themselves indefinitely and never fight one another. The party seems to be a great success. The eat rich foods, consume mass quantities of wine, and indulge in one another’s company via dancing and conversating about their great exploits of old. At the party, in one of the back rooms of “The Great Hall of Nut-Busting” an over-served Conan the Barbarian and The Goddess of the Moon are deep in conversation and are getting a bit flirty.
“Yeah, short guys just don’t get the job done, if you know what I mean”. Says The Goddess of her man Mini-Pipes. She continues: “I yearn for a strong “Muscular” man to take me away from this losing team to a greater life”.
Conan retorts: “Aye, for I am the man who can provide that life. Join me, as my lover and partner and we shall sail back to TEAM Headquarters together and begin our life”.
“Oh, how I would love to; but I can’t. Imagine what it would do to our two team’s freshly made alliance”. Says Moon.
“AYE. ALLIANCE BE DAMNED. Our love is more powerful than either of our teams, or said alliance”. Says Conan.
And so it is decided. The next morning when the two teams are saying their peaceful farewells, The Goddess of the Moon sneaks aboard TEAM’s ship with Conan and sails with them back to TEAM Headquarters.
4 Hours later…
“HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY WIFE” Yells an irritated and hungover Mini-Pipes.
After he asks this of several teammates and gets nothing but no from all, he is confronted by Treasure Troll #19. “I saw them hanging out this morning kind of secret like, and I noticed that they were pretty chummy last night at the party too”. Says the green haired Troll.
“Who the HELL is They” asks Mini Pipes.
The Troll responds: “Your wife and that shirtless dude, Conan”.
“WHAT”!! Mini-Pipes exclaims. He continues: “This is the last straw. The treaty has been broken. Me and The Shining Force are going to take off for TEAM Headquarters at once. Who is with me?!!?”
Mini-Pipes is met by cheers and jeers and is then joined by a fairly large group of great warriors prepared to join him on his quest (and by great warriors, I of course mean that large squad of tool boxes that I mentioned at the beginning of the match).
Major Hawk Masterson pledges himself to the cause of Mini-Pipes and uses his vast military knowledge to formulate a plan of attack. The squad shows up at TEAM’s vacation headquarters at the family home of Season 1 TEAM Veteran Hector in Troy and the plan is executed as Major Masterson screams: “ATTACK” over the intercom of his Fiat CR.42
And it is on…
The treaty is broken as The Nut-busters start busting down the walls of Troy. With small skirmishes breaking out all over the landscape. Cluster and Fantomex join forces to riddle Trioculous with bullets but not before Trioculous manages to waste King Tut’s fat a**. Black Dragon #8 swoops in as one of the first lines of defense for TEAM and bites the head off of G.W. Bridge before coating The Left and Right Wingers, as well as Jarvis in a thick mix of acid.
“What manner of treachery is this”. Asks Hector as he sees his city under siege.
But he is approached by Splinter, who is accompanied by both Commander Cody and Capt. Rex. Splinter enlightens their leader by saying: “I believe that the rumors that I hoped to be false are true after all. I think Conan the Romantic has taken a new bride with him from our treaty session with The Nut-busters, and it would appear that The Nut-busters have come here to get her back and gain some retribution in the meantime”.
Hector nods in understanding and grabs his Chaos Breaker, knowing that although they may not be on the right side of this fight that he must defend his homeland. He orders the rest of his squad to defend the land to the last man. And the melee truly begins.
As most of both of the teams are battling in the city streets proper of Troy, The Shining Force band together and bust into the private chambers of Conan the Barbarian, where he is sure enough hold up with the estranged wife of Mini-Pipes, The Goddess of the Moon. Mini-Pipes begins to yell about his woman and such but before he can say anything too memorable, Conan pulls out his mighty broad sword and slices the little cosmic harborer of jealousy is twine. This truly ignites the battle as the private quarters erupt with the powers of The Shining Force. Conan goes on a bezerker rage, slicing up Cowboy Man and Bear as well, while the rest of the team regroups. Stepahnie simply means to stun The Goddess to take her back home for her crimes; but an evil streak gets comes over her once again and she pumps too much power into The Goddess killing her. This enrages Conan further as he sends a boot into the now broken neck of Stepahanie and breaks the face of PC. It is not until Dos takes to the air in his flying contraption and fires a series of concussion missiles into the Barbarian does Conan finally fall.
The remaining members of The Shining Force, exit Conan’s room and join the battle which is already in full swing. Some had hoped that once the issue between Conan and Mini-Pipes was resolved that this conflict would resolve with it; but at this point the battle is too far gone and there is simply no stopping the fighting.
Ecthelion of the Fountain bests Nightmare with his steel, as does Duncan Idaho defeat Hishiro Mitsurugi in one on one combat; but Solid Snake then hits them both with his sniper rifle from atop Troy’s highest tower. Snake then blasts apart Ewok #100 and the robot Widget and takes Major Hawk’s fighter jet out of the sky; but Hawk ejects out and flies in with his winged suit to target Solid Snake and take him out from his high vantage point. Livewire manages to take out Miri by wrapping her in his pulse powered tentacle; but The Shining Force version of Ryan is then stabbed in the gut by the claws of his favorite Street Fighter Character Vega. Vega then dodges a heat vision attack from Super Hero and catches him in the eye with a claw, before he is covered in a mess of lava from Heat Man. Rain then puts out Heat Man’s fire and uses some lightning to bring down Dos’s ship before Zimm catches him with a green lightsaber to the gut. The two Star Sapphires meet up with the black dragon in mid-air and #5 is coated with acid and killed before #4 can take out the dragon for good with a wicked blast of not-so-straight pink energy.
Hector can see that many of the TEAM secrets could be potentially lost should Troy fall, so he sends some correspondence back to the official TEAM Headquarters so they will know that Troy as it seems will inevitably be “Nut-busted”. He entrusts this job with old friend Splinter and his trusty partners Capt. Rex and Commander Cody. The trio rushes off to inform the powers that be within the TEAM Organization as Hector suits up to go into glorious battle in defense of what is left of his once beautiful home.
Crasher transforms into her robot form and punches Star Sapphire #4 into the ground, then quickly transforms back into her race car mode and runs over Capt. Wacky. Major Hawk Masterson then hits Crasher with a powered up blast from his futuristic suit to send the evil chick Go-bot to the graveyard. Shredder catches a couple of bullets in the chest from Cluster and Fantomex but his mithril vest manages to protect him from the bullets. He then begins a melee battle with the two clone lovers that ends with his katana removing the head of Fantomex, while his razor sharp hand guards slice the throat of Cluster. Weapon XIII is able to avenge his clone enemies of himself with a head shot through the eye of Shredder.
As Troy has fallen around him, Hector, as the last TEAMmember standing pulls out his Chaos Breaker and stands alone against Zimm, Treasure Troll #19, Weapon XIII, and Major Masterson. Hector rushes at the 4 combatants; but before the melee portion of the skirmish begins, he uses The Chaos Breaker to cast Freeze 3 and takes out both the treasure troll and takes Hawk right out of the sky. The Chaos Breaker clashes with Zimm’s green lightsaber, but Hector quickly breaks away from that battle to quickly dispatch Weapon XIII by stabbing him in the neck. Hector then in one swift motion moves against Zimm once again, but notices the green lightsaber enter his chest, right as he is removing Zimm’s head with his own sword. Hector lies on the ground to see his city burning around him as he joins his enemies in death.
Griswold’s Nut-Busters are Jarvis, Fantomex, Cluster, Weapon XIII, Widget (w/ body), G.W. Bridge, Left Winger and Rigt Winger, Ecthelion of the Fountain, King Tut, Duncan Idaho Ghola #9, Major “Hawk” Masterson in a Fiat C.R. 42 Fighter Plane, Star Sapphire #4 and 5, Storm Trooper #2, The Shining Force: Mini Pipes, Livewire, The Goddess of the Moon, Super Hero, Heat Man, Cowboy Man, Bear, Stephanie, Dos, and PC, Zimm (w/ green lightsaber), and Capt. Wacky, Treasure Troll #19, and Ewok #100.
Chicks don’t like short guys. They may say that it doesn’t matter to them, but that really means that they are just tolerating their shortness because the other traits are decent enough to keep the guy around. But when confronted with a tall guy of “equal of greater value” they will always go with him no questions asked. That is the moral of this story. That is if this story had morals, or a moral to speak of.
1 Week ago…
Head Coach Dexter Morgan of The Nut-busters has invited TEAM over for a glorious feast. They get together and decide that instead of partaking in this monstrous triple death battle that they shall ally themselves indefinitely and never fight one another. The party seems to be a great success. The eat rich foods, consume mass quantities of wine, and indulge in one another’s company via dancing and conversating about their great exploits of old. At the party, in one of the back rooms of “The Great Hall of Nut-Busting” an over-served Conan the Barbarian and The Goddess of the Moon are deep in conversation and are getting a bit flirty.
“Yeah, short guys just don’t get the job done, if you know what I mean”. Says The Goddess of her man Mini-Pipes. She continues: “I yearn for a strong “Muscular” man to take me away from this losing team to a greater life”.
Conan retorts: “Aye, for I am the man who can provide that life. Join me, as my lover and partner and we shall sail back to TEAM Headquarters together and begin our life”.
“Oh, how I would love to; but I can’t. Imagine what it would do to our two team’s freshly made alliance”. Says Moon.
“AYE. ALLIANCE BE DAMNED. Our love is more powerful than either of our teams, or said alliance”. Says Conan.
And so it is decided. The next morning when the two teams are saying their peaceful farewells, The Goddess of the Moon sneaks aboard TEAM’s ship with Conan and sails with them back to TEAM Headquarters.
4 Hours later…
“HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY WIFE” Yells an irritated and hungover Mini-Pipes.
After he asks this of several teammates and gets nothing but no from all, he is confronted by Treasure Troll #19. “I saw them hanging out this morning kind of secret like, and I noticed that they were pretty chummy last night at the party too”. Says the green haired Troll.
“Who the HELL is They” asks Mini Pipes.
The Troll responds: “Your wife and that shirtless dude, Conan”.
“WHAT”!! Mini-Pipes exclaims. He continues: “This is the last straw. The treaty has been broken. Me and The Shining Force are going to take off for TEAM Headquarters at once. Who is with me?!!?”
Mini-Pipes is met by cheers and jeers and is then joined by a fairly large group of great warriors prepared to join him on his quest (and by great warriors, I of course mean that large squad of tool boxes that I mentioned at the beginning of the match).
Major Hawk Masterson pledges himself to the cause of Mini-Pipes and uses his vast military knowledge to formulate a plan of attack. The squad shows up at TEAM’s vacation headquarters at the family home of Season 1 TEAM Veteran Hector in Troy and the plan is executed as Major Masterson screams: “ATTACK” over the intercom of his Fiat CR.42
And it is on…
The treaty is broken as The Nut-busters start busting down the walls of Troy. With small skirmishes breaking out all over the landscape. Cluster and Fantomex join forces to riddle Trioculous with bullets but not before Trioculous manages to waste King Tut’s fat a**. Black Dragon #8 swoops in as one of the first lines of defense for TEAM and bites the head off of G.W. Bridge before coating The Left and Right Wingers, as well as Jarvis in a thick mix of acid.
“What manner of treachery is this”. Asks Hector as he sees his city under siege.
But he is approached by Splinter, who is accompanied by both Commander Cody and Capt. Rex. Splinter enlightens their leader by saying: “I believe that the rumors that I hoped to be false are true after all. I think Conan the Romantic has taken a new bride with him from our treaty session with The Nut-busters, and it would appear that The Nut-busters have come here to get her back and gain some retribution in the meantime”.
Hector nods in understanding and grabs his Chaos Breaker, knowing that although they may not be on the right side of this fight that he must defend his homeland. He orders the rest of his squad to defend the land to the last man. And the melee truly begins.
As most of both of the teams are battling in the city streets proper of Troy, The Shining Force band together and bust into the private chambers of Conan the Barbarian, where he is sure enough hold up with the estranged wife of Mini-Pipes, The Goddess of the Moon. Mini-Pipes begins to yell about his woman and such but before he can say anything too memorable, Conan pulls out his mighty broad sword and slices the little cosmic harborer of jealousy is twine. This truly ignites the battle as the private quarters erupt with the powers of The Shining Force. Conan goes on a bezerker rage, slicing up Cowboy Man and Bear as well, while the rest of the team regroups. Stepahnie simply means to stun The Goddess to take her back home for her crimes; but an evil streak gets comes over her once again and she pumps too much power into The Goddess killing her. This enrages Conan further as he sends a boot into the now broken neck of Stepahanie and breaks the face of PC. It is not until Dos takes to the air in his flying contraption and fires a series of concussion missiles into the Barbarian does Conan finally fall.
The remaining members of The Shining Force, exit Conan’s room and join the battle which is already in full swing. Some had hoped that once the issue between Conan and Mini-Pipes was resolved that this conflict would resolve with it; but at this point the battle is too far gone and there is simply no stopping the fighting.
Ecthelion of the Fountain bests Nightmare with his steel, as does Duncan Idaho defeat Hishiro Mitsurugi in one on one combat; but Solid Snake then hits them both with his sniper rifle from atop Troy’s highest tower. Snake then blasts apart Ewok #100 and the robot Widget and takes Major Hawk’s fighter jet out of the sky; but Hawk ejects out and flies in with his winged suit to target Solid Snake and take him out from his high vantage point. Livewire manages to take out Miri by wrapping her in his pulse powered tentacle; but The Shining Force version of Ryan is then stabbed in the gut by the claws of his favorite Street Fighter Character Vega. Vega then dodges a heat vision attack from Super Hero and catches him in the eye with a claw, before he is covered in a mess of lava from Heat Man. Rain then puts out Heat Man’s fire and uses some lightning to bring down Dos’s ship before Zimm catches him with a green lightsaber to the gut. The two Star Sapphires meet up with the black dragon in mid-air and #5 is coated with acid and killed before #4 can take out the dragon for good with a wicked blast of not-so-straight pink energy.
Hector can see that many of the TEAM secrets could be potentially lost should Troy fall, so he sends some correspondence back to the official TEAM Headquarters so they will know that Troy as it seems will inevitably be “Nut-busted”. He entrusts this job with old friend Splinter and his trusty partners Capt. Rex and Commander Cody. The trio rushes off to inform the powers that be within the TEAM Organization as Hector suits up to go into glorious battle in defense of what is left of his once beautiful home.
Crasher transforms into her robot form and punches Star Sapphire #4 into the ground, then quickly transforms back into her race car mode and runs over Capt. Wacky. Major Hawk Masterson then hits Crasher with a powered up blast from his futuristic suit to send the evil chick Go-bot to the graveyard. Shredder catches a couple of bullets in the chest from Cluster and Fantomex but his mithril vest manages to protect him from the bullets. He then begins a melee battle with the two clone lovers that ends with his katana removing the head of Fantomex, while his razor sharp hand guards slice the throat of Cluster. Weapon XIII is able to avenge his clone enemies of himself with a head shot through the eye of Shredder.
As Troy has fallen around him, Hector, as the last TEAMmember standing pulls out his Chaos Breaker and stands alone against Zimm, Treasure Troll #19, Weapon XIII, and Major Masterson. Hector rushes at the 4 combatants; but before the melee portion of the skirmish begins, he uses The Chaos Breaker to cast Freeze 3 and takes out both the treasure troll and takes Hawk right out of the sky. The Chaos Breaker clashes with Zimm’s green lightsaber, but Hector quickly breaks away from that battle to quickly dispatch Weapon XIII by stabbing him in the neck. Hector then in one swift motion moves against Zimm once again, but notices the green lightsaber enter his chest, right as he is removing Zimm’s head with his own sword. Hector lies on the ground to see his city burning around him as he joins his enemies in death.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
S7W7: Grindhouse vs. Midgets
Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse featuring: David Koresh, Chris Redfield, Golden Army #13-17, #21-25, and #41-45.
The Travelling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets are: Hermes, Gk'd, Blue Lantern Hal Jordan, Deadshot, Arsenal, Eclipso, Wasp, Kylun, Nick Nack w/ Yoshi Egg, and Deadpool, Treasure Troll #1, X-23, and Age of Apocalypse Wolverine in The WHIZ Wagon.
The Grindhouse's David Koresh and Chris Redfield are hiding amongst the ruins of Troy. "Finally, the day of my acsendence is at hand! Though my enemies have fought against the truth that I bring, I shall nonetheless allow them passage to heaven after I rain death upon them!" yells Koresh. "Ugh, not another cult assignment... why do I always get stuck with the crazies?" asks Resident Evil's Chris Redfield. "Silence! The Day of Reckoning is at hand!" shouts the cult leader as he dons The Crown of Bethmora. The Golden Army rises as one to defend their current leader.
"This is field reporter Deadpool coming to you LIVE from high above the scenic battleground in The... no... really?!? The WHIZ Wagon?!? You have a vehicle named that, but all it can do is film video with it's cameras? I, for one, call this false advertising!!! But at least I can report on the match. I'd better sharpen up my skills. I heard The Ocho may have had an opening recently! With me today is my old pal Treasure Troll #1. Say hi to everyone Mr. Troll! People, look into it's cold, soulless eyes and feel your sanity leave you! FEEL IT!!! Hmmm, on second thought, this thing is creepy... Overboard you go, lil fella! Fear not, I still have my two best pals from X-Force doing the sports and weather segments. Speak to the people, dearest friends!" monologues Deadpool.
"Wade, stop preening for the cameras and keep your hands on the wheel!" growls X-23. "X-Force? What the hell is an X-Force? Who are you people?' asks a confused Age of Apocalypse Wolverine.
"That's enough out of you killjoys! If we're going to get the inside scoop, we need to hit up our snipers. They pretty much see everything!" reasons Wade as The WHIZ Wagon flies to some ancient ruins in the distance. "Hopefully, our Midget teammates are feeling talkative. Howdy boys, how's the hunting? Inquiring minds want to know!!!" interviews Deadpool. "What are you doing? You're going to give away our position, you idiot! GO!" screams Arsenal. "Yeah Wilson, get your dumbass out of the way." adds Deadshot. "Geeeeeezzzz. You guys worry too much. I mean, c'mon, The Golden Army doesn't even have any weapons that can reach you out here!" In fact..." Wade Wilson is cut off by the sound of gunfire, and Arsenal and Deadshot are sniped by Chis Redfield, who remains with Koresh. "Well, technically, it wasn't the Golden Army that got you..." states Deadpool. "Get out us of here! We're sitting ducks you lunatic!!!" exclaims AoA Wolverine. "Chill out Stumpy, we're goin..." replies Deadpool as they make their way above the main battlefront.
The quicker and more agile Midgets, Hermes, Wasp, Kylun, and Nick Nack riding a green Yoshi, all bob and weave though the crowd of The Golden Army to distract them. Eclipso, Green Lantern Gk'd, and Blue Lantern Hal Jordan pour on the considerable energy at their disposal into the nigh-invincible robots.
"AWWW YEEEEAAAAH! Look at that sweet lightshow!" observes Deadpool. "I got just the thing to kick this up a notch! Time to broadcast Pink Floyd over the loudspeakers! Yeeeeaah, that's the stuff... the colors, man... Wait, what's this?!? I don't believe this. Shennanigans, I say! Despite my best efforts to give them a soundtrack worth fighting for, my loser teammates are getting destroyed by The Golden Army! I tell ya, the nerve of some people! Down goes Eclipso and Gk'd!!! Ouch, now we're gonna have some problems... and our main force is dead! LOSERS!!!" Wade shouts from above in The WHIZ Wagon.
"Maybe thing would've been different if we actually helped instead of sitting up here, Wade!" accuses X-23. "I still don't know why I'm with you people." says a bewildered AoA Wolverine.
"What? This is mutiny! I'm the leader of this here X-Force, and I'm the Captain of the U.S.S WHIZ Wagon! Avast me mateys! Sounds like you should walk the plank!" threatens Deadpool. "Are you serious?" asks X-23. "Hell, I've had about enough of this nonsense anyways. I welcome death at this point." explains AoA Wolverine as he jumps out of the vehicle. X-23 looks to the ground, then looks back at Wade. She also takes the plunge. "NOOOOO! Guys, wait! I was wrong! Come back! I need validation! VALIDATION, DAMMIT!!!" yells Deadpool to the long gone duo.
"Wow, now I'm really bummed. Wait, what's that? Chris Redfield's aiming a RPG at me from that fancy bunker Koresh has. That's... that's my brand of RPG too!!! Maybe we can be friends! Wait, that douche canoe fired on me?!? Hrumpf! Some friend! I never!" says an incredulous Deadpool as a hit WHIZ Wagon is going down. "My dope piloting skills are having little effect! Mayday! Mayday! The U.S.S WHIZ Wagon is... Heh... WHIZ Wagon.... BWAHAHAHA!!!" laughs Wade as the aircraft falls out of the sky in flames.
X-23 and AoA Wolverine are healed up enough from their fall to give it a go against a still fully stocked Golden Army. They attack ferociously despite their distinct disadvantage, and are paying the price. The beaten pair looks up to see the deadly robots around them begin to strike. Suddenly, the robots stop when Deadpool is barely able to direct the wreckage of his vehicle into the Koresh coumpound, killing Koresh and Redfield inside.
The Golden Army remains motionless as the pair of Midgets take a deep breath. "I can't believe that maniac pulled it off..." says AoA Wolverine in disbelief. "Not bad, Wade. Not bad." says X-23 with a rare grin.
"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! FIRE BAAAAAAAD!" yells a frantic Deadpool as he eventually emeges from The Grindhouse's blazing compound. "Dude, Duck and cover!!!" "No! Stop, drop and roll!" Deadpool tells himself as he rolls on the ground to extinguish the flames. He finally stands and admires his newly gained prize: The Crown of Bethmora. "Oh man, this bad boy is going to get us some real loot on Ebay!" "Yeah, then we'll spend all the money on tacos!" "Guys, wait. You know what we gotta do first..." says Deadpool as he interrupts himself. He dons the crown, and The Golden Army is at his command. "Oh snap! He's gonna show off our moves!" "It just got real up in this b*tch!" "Cause this is thriller! THRILLER NIGHT!!!" sings Deadpool as he and The Golden Army recreate the iconic zombie dancing in the Michael Jackson video of the same name.
The Travelling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets are: Hermes, Gk'd, Blue Lantern Hal Jordan, Deadshot, Arsenal, Eclipso, Wasp, Kylun, Nick Nack w/ Yoshi Egg, and Deadpool, Treasure Troll #1, X-23, and Age of Apocalypse Wolverine in The WHIZ Wagon.
The Grindhouse's David Koresh and Chris Redfield are hiding amongst the ruins of Troy. "Finally, the day of my acsendence is at hand! Though my enemies have fought against the truth that I bring, I shall nonetheless allow them passage to heaven after I rain death upon them!" yells Koresh. "Ugh, not another cult assignment... why do I always get stuck with the crazies?" asks Resident Evil's Chris Redfield. "Silence! The Day of Reckoning is at hand!" shouts the cult leader as he dons The Crown of Bethmora. The Golden Army rises as one to defend their current leader.
"This is field reporter Deadpool coming to you LIVE from high above the scenic battleground in The... no... really?!? The WHIZ Wagon?!? You have a vehicle named that, but all it can do is film video with it's cameras? I, for one, call this false advertising!!! But at least I can report on the match. I'd better sharpen up my skills. I heard The Ocho may have had an opening recently! With me today is my old pal Treasure Troll #1. Say hi to everyone Mr. Troll! People, look into it's cold, soulless eyes and feel your sanity leave you! FEEL IT!!! Hmmm, on second thought, this thing is creepy... Overboard you go, lil fella! Fear not, I still have my two best pals from X-Force doing the sports and weather segments. Speak to the people, dearest friends!" monologues Deadpool.
"Wade, stop preening for the cameras and keep your hands on the wheel!" growls X-23. "X-Force? What the hell is an X-Force? Who are you people?' asks a confused Age of Apocalypse Wolverine.
"That's enough out of you killjoys! If we're going to get the inside scoop, we need to hit up our snipers. They pretty much see everything!" reasons Wade as The WHIZ Wagon flies to some ancient ruins in the distance. "Hopefully, our Midget teammates are feeling talkative. Howdy boys, how's the hunting? Inquiring minds want to know!!!" interviews Deadpool. "What are you doing? You're going to give away our position, you idiot! GO!" screams Arsenal. "Yeah Wilson, get your dumbass out of the way." adds Deadshot. "Geeeeeezzzz. You guys worry too much. I mean, c'mon, The Golden Army doesn't even have any weapons that can reach you out here!" In fact..." Wade Wilson is cut off by the sound of gunfire, and Arsenal and Deadshot are sniped by Chis Redfield, who remains with Koresh. "Well, technically, it wasn't the Golden Army that got you..." states Deadpool. "Get out us of here! We're sitting ducks you lunatic!!!" exclaims AoA Wolverine. "Chill out Stumpy, we're goin..." replies Deadpool as they make their way above the main battlefront.
The quicker and more agile Midgets, Hermes, Wasp, Kylun, and Nick Nack riding a green Yoshi, all bob and weave though the crowd of The Golden Army to distract them. Eclipso, Green Lantern Gk'd, and Blue Lantern Hal Jordan pour on the considerable energy at their disposal into the nigh-invincible robots.
"AWWW YEEEEAAAAH! Look at that sweet lightshow!" observes Deadpool. "I got just the thing to kick this up a notch! Time to broadcast Pink Floyd over the loudspeakers! Yeeeeaah, that's the stuff... the colors, man... Wait, what's this?!? I don't believe this. Shennanigans, I say! Despite my best efforts to give them a soundtrack worth fighting for, my loser teammates are getting destroyed by The Golden Army! I tell ya, the nerve of some people! Down goes Eclipso and Gk'd!!! Ouch, now we're gonna have some problems... and our main force is dead! LOSERS!!!" Wade shouts from above in The WHIZ Wagon.
"Maybe thing would've been different if we actually helped instead of sitting up here, Wade!" accuses X-23. "I still don't know why I'm with you people." says a bewildered AoA Wolverine.
"What? This is mutiny! I'm the leader of this here X-Force, and I'm the Captain of the U.S.S WHIZ Wagon! Avast me mateys! Sounds like you should walk the plank!" threatens Deadpool. "Are you serious?" asks X-23. "Hell, I've had about enough of this nonsense anyways. I welcome death at this point." explains AoA Wolverine as he jumps out of the vehicle. X-23 looks to the ground, then looks back at Wade. She also takes the plunge. "NOOOOO! Guys, wait! I was wrong! Come back! I need validation! VALIDATION, DAMMIT!!!" yells Deadpool to the long gone duo.
"Wow, now I'm really bummed. Wait, what's that? Chris Redfield's aiming a RPG at me from that fancy bunker Koresh has. That's... that's my brand of RPG too!!! Maybe we can be friends! Wait, that douche canoe fired on me?!? Hrumpf! Some friend! I never!" says an incredulous Deadpool as a hit WHIZ Wagon is going down. "My dope piloting skills are having little effect! Mayday! Mayday! The U.S.S WHIZ Wagon is... Heh... WHIZ Wagon.... BWAHAHAHA!!!" laughs Wade as the aircraft falls out of the sky in flames.
X-23 and AoA Wolverine are healed up enough from their fall to give it a go against a still fully stocked Golden Army. They attack ferociously despite their distinct disadvantage, and are paying the price. The beaten pair looks up to see the deadly robots around them begin to strike. Suddenly, the robots stop when Deadpool is barely able to direct the wreckage of his vehicle into the Koresh coumpound, killing Koresh and Redfield inside.
The Golden Army remains motionless as the pair of Midgets take a deep breath. "I can't believe that maniac pulled it off..." says AoA Wolverine in disbelief. "Not bad, Wade. Not bad." says X-23 with a rare grin.
"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! FIRE BAAAAAAAD!" yells a frantic Deadpool as he eventually emeges from The Grindhouse's blazing compound. "Dude, Duck and cover!!!" "No! Stop, drop and roll!" Deadpool tells himself as he rolls on the ground to extinguish the flames. He finally stands and admires his newly gained prize: The Crown of Bethmora. "Oh man, this bad boy is going to get us some real loot on Ebay!" "Yeah, then we'll spend all the money on tacos!" "Guys, wait. You know what we gotta do first..." says Deadpool as he interrupts himself. He dons the crown, and The Golden Army is at his command. "Oh snap! He's gonna show off our moves!" "It just got real up in this b*tch!" "Cause this is thriller! THRILLER NIGHT!!!" sings Deadpool as he and The Golden Army recreate the iconic zombie dancing in the Michael Jackson video of the same name.
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